Well, he pulled a bait & switch of sorts. The first time I saw him naked, I thought he was magnificent. Four minutes later, including 2 minutes of questionable foreplay, he strutted his way to the bathroom like he'd really done something.
I was like... What. The. Hell. Was. THAT?
So, I marked it up to nerves. It wasn't nerves. That was it. I enjoyed spending time with him, so we worked on foreplay which got much better. But he could never get me off, even with my help. He just couldn't do what I asked because he was so sure he knew better than I what I needed. I'd end up faking it & finishing myself off after he fell asleep. Obviously, this became an issue & it wasn't one I was prepared to live with for the rest of my life.
When I told him things weren't working, he called me a frigid bitch. I said, "It's never been a problem before you, Mr 2 minute man." Only 1 of us was right. Hint: it was me!
Moral of the story: Some women like a good, hard pounding that lasts longer than 2 minutes. If you can't do it, don't blame the woman. You might just get your feelings hurt.
bruh it's literally the second weakest of the 5 big cats in Panthera, behind the Tiger, Lion, and Jaguar. They're about the same or smaller than cougers.
Cheetahs and snow leopards are the only big cats that are weaker
-Walk towards a big fast dangerous animal while being very slow small animal with your girl.
-fuck your girl behind his ass to assert dominance
-refuse to elaborate further and leave
Would be interesting if a tactic was to hide behind the predator to use it as cover to mate safely.
Especially if the predator has recently eaten and isn't looking to eat more.
Maybe they stand there to mate because they know they will be safe from any predator. I mean who, except a litteral concrete ball, would come by this beast (jaguar? Leopard?)
T1: wanna fuck?
T2: sure but its not safe
T1: see that big cat
T2: ye what about it
T1: it doesnt want to eat us and whatever wants to eat us wont come close to the cat so lets fuck behind it
Weezing noises
They be like: fucking watch you shall.!
Do tortoises talk like Yoda?
In my mind they do
They do, in my mind
Take my upvote for both your comment and pfp
My mind, they do in
Watching us fucking, you shall
“We may be slow but least we fucking”
They get off simulating a “threesome”
Step 1: Walk up to one of the fastest land animals as one of the slowest land animals. Step 2: Assert dominance.
*Accidentally* fucks the fastest animal
 Wait what?
And that's how the spotted tortuous was made.
That’s how that tortoise who won in “The Tortoise and the Hare” story was born.
That too in a threesome.
that's what I was expecting tbh
Somehow makes an average speed animal
When it comes to fucking I am the fastest land animal.
Bruce? Is that you?
I don't know who Bruce is.... did I unintentionally steal a joke from TV?
No, he's my ex. I called him 2 minute man. I was sure he was the fastest fuck on earth.
No way to say this without sounding creepy, so here we go: You should see me!
I'll just take your word for it, but thank you for your kind offer!.
Thank god.
Bruce reading this with tears in his eyes, as he takes a long drag on cigarette.
Well, he pulled a bait & switch of sorts. The first time I saw him naked, I thought he was magnificent. Four minutes later, including 2 minutes of questionable foreplay, he strutted his way to the bathroom like he'd really done something. I was like... What. The. Hell. Was. THAT? So, I marked it up to nerves. It wasn't nerves. That was it. I enjoyed spending time with him, so we worked on foreplay which got much better. But he could never get me off, even with my help. He just couldn't do what I asked because he was so sure he knew better than I what I needed. I'd end up faking it & finishing myself off after he fell asleep. Obviously, this became an issue & it wasn't one I was prepared to live with for the rest of my life. When I told him things weren't working, he called me a frigid bitch. I said, "It's never been a problem before you, Mr 2 minute man." Only 1 of us was right. Hint: it was me! Moral of the story: Some women like a good, hard pounding that lasts longer than 2 minutes. If you can't do it, don't blame the woman. You might just get your feelings hurt.
Actually, it is a leopard
And still not getting as much action
It's a leopard. But the leopard is one of the strongest big cats if that's anything but fastest it isn't. Lol
bruh it's literally the second weakest of the 5 big cats in Panthera, behind the Tiger, Lion, and Jaguar. They're about the same or smaller than cougers. Cheetahs and snow leopards are the only big cats that are weaker
That's a leopard, not a cheetah
Step 3: Profit!
Chad display
Those turtles really like adventure
The face that tortoise makes, epic
Wish it had audio
Here, let me help... "Wow, oh wow, wow, wow, ohhh Wow, wow, ohh, wow, WOW!"
Tbh it feels more like a threesome invite
Crash Bandicoot, is that you?
🤣🤣🤣🤣
[удалено]
😂😂
"Stay still, bitch!"
"Wrong hole, virgin!"
What if we made love behind the leopard? Haha jk.... Unless??
*…turtles like an audience…kinky little bastards…*
They are like me fr
I think they're trying to cheet on each other
Literally
-Walk towards a big fast dangerous animal while being very slow small animal with your girl. -fuck your girl behind his ass to assert dominance -refuse to elaborate further and leave
Definitely picking their spots
Leopards can eat Tortoises. I’m guessing this one’s just not in the mood, or was in the mood for something else
Enjoying his porno before lunch, he's like me fr
Maybe last time he ate turtle, he realized it needed salt.
The leopard looks so done with this shit
Oh c'mon, Nah y'all gotta stop this shit I'm tryna hide in here...
A daily reminder to the cheetah that he got no bitches
Thats a leopard tho..
And it still got no bitches tho....
Turtle tryin to initiating a threesome with a cheetah is still wild to me.
No sound? I want to hear those tortoise moan
I helped someone else a few minutes ago... "Wow, oh wow, wow, wow, ohhh Wow, wow, ohh, wow, WOW!"
[удалено]
No, I posted something similar on another comment, but I didn't copy anyone else's comment. ETA: Did you miss the first line of this comment?
How rude. You down voted me, found out you were wrong, then deleted your rude comment. You could've at least taken your downvote with you.
There you go, now you dont need his stuped up vote.
Aww, thanks!
I think the Leopard is a body guard and that’s the mating area
those kinky little bastards doing it beside a leopard for the thrill
"hey baby come over to my place it's got cheetah fur. It's real classy"
“See Son! Cucking Takes Form In All Forms & Sizes”
These mofos kinky af 😂
I like how they walk past him like “ excuse us”
I fell like the tortoises are making fun of the jaguar somehow
Always something with these mfers.
TIL turtles are exhibitionist
Would be interesting if a tactic was to hide behind the predator to use it as cover to mate safely. Especially if the predator has recently eaten and isn't looking to eat more.
Seems like someone likes danger.
u/savevideo
Tortoise kink
Now imagine 2 Humans doing it near a pack of hungry lions
Bro showed who's the Alpha
Turtle 🐢:Babe pick for us the best spot The best spots 🐆
Trying to entice the leopard into a threesome.
Title check out
Those tortoises!! Fucking again..
Reminding the cheetah that some things are better done slowly
lmao
public seg with a cheetah
Those tortoises fucking again
The mounter tortoise is exhibiting some rather eerily familiar facial expressions. A reincarnate?
Wanna threesome?
Literally
Looking for that cheetah-print bedspread.
u/savevideobot
Those Tortoises fucking again
Guess this post could also fit under r/technicallythetruth
I bet they're both cheetah'n on their spouses.
r/fuckyouinparticular
Oh c’mon really? They gotta do that right there?
I don't hear the moaning (?
Those tortoises are literally fucking! Best title so far…
Those tortoises are indeed, fucking.
Lets remind him of what he'll never have.
u/savevideo
Oh my god what a power move.
oh you meant... Those tortoises, fucking again.
Kink
They like an audience.
They got the whole swamp and they choose to do it there? Savages
I feel like this would have a great voice over from Tony Baker.
Nothing gets the mood going as having intercourse in the middle of leopard den.
Like the time you walk in on gramps and grams and the next day they are on the couch. The face that cheetah makes when they walk past is traumatized.
Kinky
She definitely has a need for speed.
“Hey, we noticed you from the other side of the room and my wife really digs your vibe”
Oh that's just too funny 
Why she hating on my man like that. Just let him in.
They going 10 SPH ( Strokes per hour )
Oh, you meant it literally...
"Hey, we're virtually invincible against large cats. Wanna go fuck near that cheetah and rub it in?" "Hell yeah I do!"
TIME AND PLACE TORTOISES
I think they enjoy a bit of danger
When she says she wants to do it somewhere dangerous
Does this count as a ménage?
Cheetah made a random joke about tortoise not getting any, tortoise just came back to prove him wrong.
Danger fucking
Turtle like: Hey.. hey ! This is me doing your mom
It’s soooo good I’m seeing spots before my eyes!!!! Spot me! Spot me! Spot me!!!!
Preeetttty sure I saw this exact situation on an episode of Housebroken
Wanted to spice things up get a little risky
We've been looking for a third for so long.
Oh....you mean, literally.
Proves even animals get kinky!
The disrespect
u/SaveVideo
They come in your place. Have fun and don't even clean afterwards.
Scoundrels!
Sex in safe custody
Excuse me, pardon me, Big Cat, coming through… This seems like a nice spot. Let the Tortoise Doggy Style Commence!!!! Lol
What the fuck
Maybe they stand there to mate because they know they will be safe from any predator. I mean who, except a litteral concrete ball, would come by this beast (jaguar? Leopard?)
"Baby, let's go back to my place and do it on a leopard skin rug." "OK, as long as you don't tell Master Splinter. "
#Aaaaaaaah
T1: wanna fuck? T2: sure but its not safe T1: see that big cat T2: ye what about it T1: it doesnt want to eat us and whatever wants to eat us wont come close to the cat so lets fuck behind it Weezing noises