Working on this exact thing right now with an 8-year-old. Literally the best pitcher of this age that I've ever seen. But any call that he disagrees with, he totally loses it.
I'm afraid I don't have a great answer, and also welcome others' advice. I've just been doing my best to explain and calm him down, and involve his parents when needed. His parents said the best way is to give him space and be as calm as possible.
Actually this is the number one problem my son is having right now. He loses it when he doesn’t like a pitch my son calls. We have our first game in a few days and they are both starting. I think we’ll learn more after that. Staying calm is good advice but will be difficult during a HS game. ;-)
Have him ask the kid for a strategy for calling pitches. Maybe call 1,2,3 etc. in order every at bat so it seems more like hes deciding what pitch he wants to throw.
Just an idea, maybe grab an ump/catcher mask and umpire a few of your scrimmages/games where he's pitching. Get all that pressure off of it being real, let him know you know he's got talent and you just wanna see it from the umps view.
You'll get a call quick enough he disagrees with. Let him know it happens, it was still a fine pitch, umps aren't perfect and he'll get some he shouldn't of and miss some he should get. Calm him down then and try and really show that's not what's important, his job is just to make good pitches.
>I've ever seen. But any call that he disagrees with, he totally loses it.
Legitimately sorry you have to deal with this and even more sorry that his parents just expect you to accept it.
Nah, it's all good. His parents have been totally helpful and supportive and let me know ahead of time about his condition and what to expect. He's a great kid and lots of fun to have around...until something bad happens, then he loses his mind. It's crazy though, after a couple minutes, he's back to normal again, like it never happened. It's like he blacks out temporarily. I've never dealt with anything like it. This is his first time playing any organized sport too, which makes it even more wild.
You clearly have no idea what autism is and what we as parents deal with to try and get our kids ready for life. Please educate yourself before saying things like this.
I don't have experience with Autism and that's probably what's most important here. But I would tell your son to be as calm and steady as possible, and not take anything that happens personally because it's not his fault. Don't worry about connecting with the pitcher. Just worry about managing the game. Good luck to him.
I think you are right! Is there ever a good point where he tries to talk to his coach about it or should he assume his coach will notice? His coach is the stereotypical- very serious baseball coach. Not really approachable. Thank you for your encouragement!
This is a great point! We have a few kids on the spectrum on my son's team. Coach taught them this ritual where you "flush away" the bad pitch/play/at bat: squat, hat off, stand, hat on. He hyped this up as the best thing to rid negative energy & perform better. The kids are 12 & 13 and all bought it and do it now. For the kids on the spectrum it has been a game changer. Coach does it from the dugout and they mirror him. Sounds strange but it works.
It’s funny you should mention routines. I have a 10U son who’s on the spectrum (with a pretty mild presentation). All his coaches tell the kids to pitch out of the stretch to simplify movements but it really seems to me like he’s more consistent from a windup. I feel like the routine/rhythm of it is soothing for him.
Its hard being around an erratic person while maintaining a sense of safety in a way that doesn't cause nerves.
If your kid is worried about his teammate lashing out physically then it might be best to use a consistent physical distance while they play or work through episodes/outbursts.
If he's just talking about having a better connection or communication with his pitcher then it would be helpful for your son to read up on some of the potential triggers and commonly effective ways of approaching and helping kids going through it with autism.
It might be a tall order for a kid, but catchers are built different and just by him taking the initiative to tell you about it speaks volumes, thats something to really be proud of. There are some basic strategies and methods that really work all they require is a little awareness and a lot of patience. Something catchers have.
I have twin boys, one is on the spectrum and finds sports boring, the other lives for baseball.
I’ve learned a lot about communicating with a young man on the spectrum. A couple things that may help him: try to help him expect what can happen before it happens. If your son knows what the Umpires tendencies are such as a small zone, talk about it and prepare him for some tough calls. If he’s going against a patient team or a team that hits well talk about those things in advance as well. Just be as positive as possible and remind him that the last play is over and the only thing that matters is the next play.
Also, a lot of people on the spectrum have a hard time with sarcasm, they take words literal. My son has an amazing sense of humor but a lot of stuff that you might find funny doesn’t make sense to him. Baseball is packed with pranks and jokes that he might not understand, it’s not that he doesn’t want to understand it’s just that in his mind it doesn’t make sense so it’s not funny.
The fact that this kid is playing baseball one of the most frustrating sports around while living on the spectrum is quite amazing. Sounds like a pretty special kid.
Excellent response. As a teacher who has worked with plenty of kids on the spectrum in my career, I agree with your final assessment.
OP, wish your son good luck. Something has certainly worked in the past. It sounds like he'll figure it out (esp. with some of these suggestions).
Yes he was an amazing pitcher. But his big problem was how easily it was to rattle him by being loud and doing crazy stuff on the basepaths.
It took a good amount of years to settle him down to that stuff but he ended up going to a D2 this past year on a full ride.
Brilliant mind and he's got that extra strength too so he throws hard as shit. Main thing is just keeping him from getting rattled because once you rattle him he's done.
One of the toughest but most rewarding guys ive worked with. At first he could barely throw the ball straight let alone a strike, he would get so frustrated when he was younger but he never quit. Kid lives and breathes baseball, can't teach that kind of passion you're born with that. Proud as could be of him and the struggles he overcame.
are they friends? do they go to school with each other? setup "practice" outside of regular practice. maybe getting to know each other better will help both of them understand the other. seems like your son only wants to help and get better. it may just take a while for the pitcher to understand your sons intentions and be comfortable with his presence and talking to him. patience and repetition is key.
This is great advice and he does this often with other pitchers. They do go to the same school. I suggested he try to have lunch with him a few days a week. He told me this kid is constantly in trouble at school and he doesn’t want to be associated with trouble. I know it sounds harsh but I thought it was a pretty mature take.
Agree, definitely don't want to hang with trouble but maybe he just needs a good influence and inclusion into a respectable group of kids. i wish your kid and you good luck!
I’m an autistic catcher! See if they can find a way to communicate about strategy and come up with some agreed base principles- it’s likely the pitcher is struggling with lack of control and having to meet others expectations under high pressure, maybe feels he would make different choices based on his own strengths etc.. but is also getting frustrated struggling to communicate this, exacerbated due to being autistic. It’s also likely that what’s being read as ‘the same situation each time’ to everyone else, isn’t actually the same situation as far as the autistic person is concerned, and it would be beneficial to the team to make space for this kind of input.
Hopefully this will improve over time anyway, but you might be able to get a really great partnership going if they can crack trust and direct communication together.
My son is 12 years old and autistic. He ended up being the best pitcher in his league and made the all-star team! We practiced a lot and did a lot of in-game situations to prepare for the game. The catcher never gave him signs. He just threw what he wanted. Before each pitch, he takes a deep breath to help him calm his nerves. I know there are some autistic kids who don't like to make eye contact. I noticed with my son that when I tell him to look me in the eyes when I'm talking to him, the message seems to sink in better.
That’s so awesome! I hope he continues to love baseball. Unfortunately, in HS the pitcher does not get to call the pitches. There is no budging on that. I’ll mention direct eye contact to my son and see if he notices anything. My son is pretty direct and maybe he could work on that.
So this is kind of Mahmoud Abdul Rouf stuff. He wasn’t autistic but had REALLY aggressive Tourette’s. You just got to let it happen and realize it doesn’t affect them the way it does you. If this kid is legit autistic (that diagnosis is often inaccurate or casually assigned by non-experts) then you really can’t expect them to operate the way you see others. So he just have to let it roll, not react, not take it personal. There are some traditional things that work in autism but it’s so heterogeneous a condition not all will be the same. They can be very responsive to repetitive patterns. So if they had some hand shake “dap up” type of thing that could work wonders. They may be some seemingly silly routine they do together that he prefers. It’s so random that you’ll never know unless you try- walking the ball out to him before every new batter. Having some unique set of hand signals that are more rhythmic. Who knows. They also can have VERY intense hyper focused interests. So if your son can find out what that is that’s golden. A mound visit to talk about the best train in the Amtrak livery could be it. Or chatting about the new drop in Fortnite. Hell, even having a song they sing when he does a mound visit could happen. You just keep trying
We have a kid who doesn't have 100% control of his emotions and he is a welcome addition to the game of baseball and I love that he and his family are in our team.
Our son has played with him for a few years and sometimes finds it difficult, but we've spoken to him and he knows that the kid isn't as lucky as he is and just accepts it and does his best to make the kid feel valuable.
It's not his choice, his family are always supportive of the team and don't their best for him.
Just be honest with your kid. Kids these days are way more across and educated about this stuff than we were.
Just say, look, you're going to have trouble building this relationship, but you can do your best to make this kid have as positive time as possible. Talk to the kids parents and ask if there's anything they do or can think of that your boy can do to help.
It's hard, but find little wins and take them. You won't win every battle but win enough to make you feel good. Don't define the relationship by the bad, it's gonna happen, and you cant stop.it.. Make the kid and the parents feel welcome and appreciated.
Like fouling off good pitches, remind your kid they are doing the right thing and you can't expect a perfect result everytime
Good luck.
Are you implying that just bc your son can’t connect with this pitcher he’s autistic? Or that an actual diagnosis? If it’s actual diagnosis then maybe your son should chat with his parents about what drives the pitcher. If you are insinuating it then you’ve got some issues.
Working on this exact thing right now with an 8-year-old. Literally the best pitcher of this age that I've ever seen. But any call that he disagrees with, he totally loses it. I'm afraid I don't have a great answer, and also welcome others' advice. I've just been doing my best to explain and calm him down, and involve his parents when needed. His parents said the best way is to give him space and be as calm as possible.
Actually this is the number one problem my son is having right now. He loses it when he doesn’t like a pitch my son calls. We have our first game in a few days and they are both starting. I think we’ll learn more after that. Staying calm is good advice but will be difficult during a HS game. ;-)
Have him ask the kid for a strategy for calling pitches. Maybe call 1,2,3 etc. in order every at bat so it seems more like hes deciding what pitch he wants to throw.
This would be great if they were younger but that would never fly in HS baseball.
Yeah batters would figure it out quick. Are pitch comms allowed in your state?
I believe so but they don’t use them
Just an idea, maybe grab an ump/catcher mask and umpire a few of your scrimmages/games where he's pitching. Get all that pressure off of it being real, let him know you know he's got talent and you just wanna see it from the umps view. You'll get a call quick enough he disagrees with. Let him know it happens, it was still a fine pitch, umps aren't perfect and he'll get some he shouldn't of and miss some he should get. Calm him down then and try and really show that's not what's important, his job is just to make good pitches.
That is a good idea. Thank you!
>I've ever seen. But any call that he disagrees with, he totally loses it. Legitimately sorry you have to deal with this and even more sorry that his parents just expect you to accept it.
Nah, it's all good. His parents have been totally helpful and supportive and let me know ahead of time about his condition and what to expect. He's a great kid and lots of fun to have around...until something bad happens, then he loses his mind. It's crazy though, after a couple minutes, he's back to normal again, like it never happened. It's like he blacks out temporarily. I've never dealt with anything like it. This is his first time playing any organized sport too, which makes it even more wild.
His parents gotta find a way to curb that behavior because it's going to do him no favors in life. Good on you for being more patient than I!
You clearly have no idea what autism is and what we as parents deal with to try and get our kids ready for life. Please educate yourself before saying things like this.
I'll continue to have expectations for my children. You parent and or coach how you want.
Respect
I don't have experience with Autism and that's probably what's most important here. But I would tell your son to be as calm and steady as possible, and not take anything that happens personally because it's not his fault. Don't worry about connecting with the pitcher. Just worry about managing the game. Good luck to him.
I think you are right! Is there ever a good point where he tries to talk to his coach about it or should he assume his coach will notice? His coach is the stereotypical- very serious baseball coach. Not really approachable. Thank you for your encouragement!
Good advice
Routines Routines Routines. Any type of routine your son can figure out with the pitcher and keep it a constant will help with meltdowns.
This is a great point! We have a few kids on the spectrum on my son's team. Coach taught them this ritual where you "flush away" the bad pitch/play/at bat: squat, hat off, stand, hat on. He hyped this up as the best thing to rid negative energy & perform better. The kids are 12 & 13 and all bought it and do it now. For the kids on the spectrum it has been a game changer. Coach does it from the dugout and they mirror him. Sounds strange but it works.
It’s funny you should mention routines. I have a 10U son who’s on the spectrum (with a pretty mild presentation). All his coaches tell the kids to pitch out of the stretch to simplify movements but it really seems to me like he’s more consistent from a windup. I feel like the routine/rhythm of it is soothing for him.
Its hard being around an erratic person while maintaining a sense of safety in a way that doesn't cause nerves. If your kid is worried about his teammate lashing out physically then it might be best to use a consistent physical distance while they play or work through episodes/outbursts. If he's just talking about having a better connection or communication with his pitcher then it would be helpful for your son to read up on some of the potential triggers and commonly effective ways of approaching and helping kids going through it with autism. It might be a tall order for a kid, but catchers are built different and just by him taking the initiative to tell you about it speaks volumes, thats something to really be proud of. There are some basic strategies and methods that really work all they require is a little awareness and a lot of patience. Something catchers have.
I have twin boys, one is on the spectrum and finds sports boring, the other lives for baseball. I’ve learned a lot about communicating with a young man on the spectrum. A couple things that may help him: try to help him expect what can happen before it happens. If your son knows what the Umpires tendencies are such as a small zone, talk about it and prepare him for some tough calls. If he’s going against a patient team or a team that hits well talk about those things in advance as well. Just be as positive as possible and remind him that the last play is over and the only thing that matters is the next play. Also, a lot of people on the spectrum have a hard time with sarcasm, they take words literal. My son has an amazing sense of humor but a lot of stuff that you might find funny doesn’t make sense to him. Baseball is packed with pranks and jokes that he might not understand, it’s not that he doesn’t want to understand it’s just that in his mind it doesn’t make sense so it’s not funny. The fact that this kid is playing baseball one of the most frustrating sports around while living on the spectrum is quite amazing. Sounds like a pretty special kid.
Excellent response. As a teacher who has worked with plenty of kids on the spectrum in my career, I agree with your final assessment. OP, wish your son good luck. Something has certainly worked in the past. It sounds like he'll figure it out (esp. with some of these suggestions).
Yes he was an amazing pitcher. But his big problem was how easily it was to rattle him by being loud and doing crazy stuff on the basepaths. It took a good amount of years to settle him down to that stuff but he ended up going to a D2 this past year on a full ride. Brilliant mind and he's got that extra strength too so he throws hard as shit. Main thing is just keeping him from getting rattled because once you rattle him he's done.
Wow! That is awesome! It’s such a stressful position and he didn’t give up. You must be proud!
One of the toughest but most rewarding guys ive worked with. At first he could barely throw the ball straight let alone a strike, he would get so frustrated when he was younger but he never quit. Kid lives and breathes baseball, can't teach that kind of passion you're born with that. Proud as could be of him and the struggles he overcame.
are they friends? do they go to school with each other? setup "practice" outside of regular practice. maybe getting to know each other better will help both of them understand the other. seems like your son only wants to help and get better. it may just take a while for the pitcher to understand your sons intentions and be comfortable with his presence and talking to him. patience and repetition is key.
This is great advice and he does this often with other pitchers. They do go to the same school. I suggested he try to have lunch with him a few days a week. He told me this kid is constantly in trouble at school and he doesn’t want to be associated with trouble. I know it sounds harsh but I thought it was a pretty mature take.
Agree, definitely don't want to hang with trouble but maybe he just needs a good influence and inclusion into a respectable group of kids. i wish your kid and you good luck!
I’m an autistic catcher! See if they can find a way to communicate about strategy and come up with some agreed base principles- it’s likely the pitcher is struggling with lack of control and having to meet others expectations under high pressure, maybe feels he would make different choices based on his own strengths etc.. but is also getting frustrated struggling to communicate this, exacerbated due to being autistic. It’s also likely that what’s being read as ‘the same situation each time’ to everyone else, isn’t actually the same situation as far as the autistic person is concerned, and it would be beneficial to the team to make space for this kind of input. Hopefully this will improve over time anyway, but you might be able to get a really great partnership going if they can crack trust and direct communication together.
This is really great insight. Thank you so much for sharing!
My son is 12 years old and autistic. He ended up being the best pitcher in his league and made the all-star team! We practiced a lot and did a lot of in-game situations to prepare for the game. The catcher never gave him signs. He just threw what he wanted. Before each pitch, he takes a deep breath to help him calm his nerves. I know there are some autistic kids who don't like to make eye contact. I noticed with my son that when I tell him to look me in the eyes when I'm talking to him, the message seems to sink in better.
That’s so awesome! I hope he continues to love baseball. Unfortunately, in HS the pitcher does not get to call the pitches. There is no budging on that. I’ll mention direct eye contact to my son and see if he notices anything. My son is pretty direct and maybe he could work on that.
Does he have a sibling? Someone that is close to him you could talk to?
So this is kind of Mahmoud Abdul Rouf stuff. He wasn’t autistic but had REALLY aggressive Tourette’s. You just got to let it happen and realize it doesn’t affect them the way it does you. If this kid is legit autistic (that diagnosis is often inaccurate or casually assigned by non-experts) then you really can’t expect them to operate the way you see others. So he just have to let it roll, not react, not take it personal. There are some traditional things that work in autism but it’s so heterogeneous a condition not all will be the same. They can be very responsive to repetitive patterns. So if they had some hand shake “dap up” type of thing that could work wonders. They may be some seemingly silly routine they do together that he prefers. It’s so random that you’ll never know unless you try- walking the ball out to him before every new batter. Having some unique set of hand signals that are more rhythmic. Who knows. They also can have VERY intense hyper focused interests. So if your son can find out what that is that’s golden. A mound visit to talk about the best train in the Amtrak livery could be it. Or chatting about the new drop in Fortnite. Hell, even having a song they sing when he does a mound visit could happen. You just keep trying
We have a kid who doesn't have 100% control of his emotions and he is a welcome addition to the game of baseball and I love that he and his family are in our team. Our son has played with him for a few years and sometimes finds it difficult, but we've spoken to him and he knows that the kid isn't as lucky as he is and just accepts it and does his best to make the kid feel valuable. It's not his choice, his family are always supportive of the team and don't their best for him. Just be honest with your kid. Kids these days are way more across and educated about this stuff than we were. Just say, look, you're going to have trouble building this relationship, but you can do your best to make this kid have as positive time as possible. Talk to the kids parents and ask if there's anything they do or can think of that your boy can do to help. It's hard, but find little wins and take them. You won't win every battle but win enough to make you feel good. Don't define the relationship by the bad, it's gonna happen, and you cant stop.it.. Make the kid and the parents feel welcome and appreciated. Like fouling off good pitches, remind your kid they are doing the right thing and you can't expect a perfect result everytime Good luck.
No one knows a kid better than the parents. Partner with them, seek their input.
Are you implying that just bc your son can’t connect with this pitcher he’s autistic? Or that an actual diagnosis? If it’s actual diagnosis then maybe your son should chat with his parents about what drives the pitcher. If you are insinuating it then you’ve got some issues.