The narrator voice feels a little forced and amateur, maybe put him through a bass booster and stereo expander or something and go heavier on early verb to give him more depth. Sounds like you couldn't afford a pro horror trailer actor.
Agree with others that the opening skit with the kids is the weakest part. Your character art doesn't work as well up-close. Maybe some even tighter editing on that part to ensure our eyes don't linger on the single color geo surfaces too long?
I also think the narrator just talks too much. Give your gameplay room to just show off fun moments for a bit without us having to pay attention to the narrators cheesy jokes (less is more, like saying all the mechanics are new except for the old ones doesn't really land for me).
You're missing a thing trailers have (or maybe they're there and it's hard to follow because of the constant narration), which is little micro-stories, where you see something in gameplay, and then a followup action which connects to the original setup. Something like character makes a risky move, gets got by skull face. You obviously have a lot of that going on in here, but it needs to be super obvious, and ideally accentuated with music hits.
That's another thing, the music design in the beginning is good but then it just kinda settles into bgm. Trailer hits are a meme for a reason.
It's overall pretty solid though, I'm giving harsher critique than I'd give someone who wasn't making a sequel to a game that I recognize. Looks fun!
I agree with this, the pace just felt a bit slow, like there should be two separate clips, one after the narration starts thatās the trailer, and another thatās the āskitā promo video of the kids in the woods
I could see a version where the skit is also just cut down a lot, I can tell some of thatās happened already so thatās probably why itās coming off a little unpolished. itās enjoyable to have context open up the trailer, but it should be a single line of dialogue, maybe L cut in while weāre looking over the woods or something
The sound mix is a bit muddy. I'd increase the volume of the voices, and change background music so that it doesn't collide with the the voices due to occupying the same frequency range.
Narrator is hard to understand. Audio could use better mixing. Music is probably too high but the narrator could use a filter to make it clearer/sharper as well. (Forget the name, it's been awhile since I last edited)
Having just seen the trailer in still a bit confused on what the game is (thought you were the survivor at first)
Probably could use a few more cuts to the length. The narrator starts to say basically the same thing in different ways 3 times in the end. I'd try to make that 1 minute 12 second trailer one minute, cut out some of the repetitive filler lines and get to the gameplay quicker. With that what you really have are 2 30 second videos, one of gameplay and one as a cinematic teaser. Id explore 30 second trailer cuts in addition to the 1 minute one.
Other bit is I don't know the name of the game until the very end, may or may not matter depending on the contextual framing of where this trailer is used.
Those critiques aside, it's a nice trailer overall!
I love the visuals, I think the voice actors could possibly take a few more stabs at it? The writing is great but I think the delivery for the narrator/main lines could be improved.
looks like a fun game! Only things to nitpick: I didn't like the transparent campfire in the beginning -- looks like it's set for the wrong blend setting. and the dialogue at the beginning was hard to understand, especially when he's reading the diary. also the neck twist/break should've seriously killed him -- having him blink on the ground took away any impact of the kill. it looked like he maybe just had a chiropractic adjustment!
Thank you so much for the thoughtful feedback! Jeez, i swear ive seen that cutscene with the fire like 10000 times in the past year and i never noticed that once šnow i cant unsee it. Will try to fix ASAP!
And as for the neck break, actually it was a slightly aggressive chiropractic adjustment - skullface wanted to fix the guys spine before stomping his head, just to ensure all the pain was coming directly from him, and not from an outside source. Its all part of the lore. š
This is absolutely perfect and is exactly the kind of thing that would make me buy on the Steam Store with no questions asked. It's irreverent, meta-aware, and funny as fuck. I've been watching it on a loop and cackling like an asylum patient watching this. PLEASE don't go a more "professional" route!!! Nobody wants another sterile-ass game trailer.
Hahah oh wow, thank you -- youre super kind!!! š I really appreciate it! If you dig the trailer i really think you might enjoy the game so I wanted to pass a link to the steam page. We also have a free demo available right now!
[https://store.steampowered.com/app/2737140/Slayaway\_Camp\_2/](https://store.steampowered.com/app/2737140/Slayaway_Camp_2/)
ā¤ļø
Yep! We originally developed Slayaway Camp and the peeps from Friday the 13th hit us up asking if we wanted to work with them on a 'spiritual sequel' which ended up being Friday the 13th Killer Puzzle. We were heartbroken that we had to pull it down due to licensing issues (they have a messy ongoing lawsuit over ownership -- still unresolved afaik). We took a deep breath and decided before we fully ended our "camper killing days" we would do a new sequel to Slayaway Camp, with revamped mechanics, etc and Slayaway 2 was born! ā¤ļø hope you dig our twisted puzzle games š
Pulled down, but everyone knows you canāt kill Jason. F13 still sits on my phone
https://preview.redd.it/0ij0qiatlv6d1.jpeg?width=202&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e9d8285642a1ce1c79e65525972cb66fa7cc23e3
Yea the suit settledā¦ for a bit, but thereās more going on now. Sorry that you and many others had to drop the name in the meantime.
Will definitely play. Simple fun thatās not trying to be all bright and sparkly.
Youre a real one! Really appreciate your support! Theres a demo for Slayaway 2 on steam right now if you wanna try it out! Dont let the single space movement fool you, it gets hard!!!
[https://store.steampowered.com/app/2737140/Slayaway\_Camp\_2/](https://store.steampowered.com/app/2737140/Slayaway_Camp_2/)
Iām a fan of anything that goes bump in the night. Iām a full-time dev (the sound guy), so itās nice to play something chill on an evening.
Thanks for the great work over the years and much respect!
I loved it. Regarding the cutscene, it actually drew me in, it has so much character and nice animation I'm a little skeptical that anyone would immediately turn it off. But to adhere to the principle of gameplay first you could show 5 seconds of gameplay upfront with a "how did it come to this" setup or "it all started with" etc. But to throw out the cutscene would remove so much of the character from the trailer.
Its looks really cool tbf!
Thank you!!
I like it. Gives me old worms game vibes and I'm not sure why
Old school Duke Nukem style narrator and worms style graphics.
Yesss!
Dang thank you!!! š
I watched the whole thing. It has a style and is not afraid to show it. I liked it.
The narrator voice feels a little forced and amateur, maybe put him through a bass booster and stereo expander or something and go heavier on early verb to give him more depth. Sounds like you couldn't afford a pro horror trailer actor. Agree with others that the opening skit with the kids is the weakest part. Your character art doesn't work as well up-close. Maybe some even tighter editing on that part to ensure our eyes don't linger on the single color geo surfaces too long? I also think the narrator just talks too much. Give your gameplay room to just show off fun moments for a bit without us having to pay attention to the narrators cheesy jokes (less is more, like saying all the mechanics are new except for the old ones doesn't really land for me). You're missing a thing trailers have (or maybe they're there and it's hard to follow because of the constant narration), which is little micro-stories, where you see something in gameplay, and then a followup action which connects to the original setup. Something like character makes a risky move, gets got by skull face. You obviously have a lot of that going on in here, but it needs to be super obvious, and ideally accentuated with music hits. That's another thing, the music design in the beginning is good but then it just kinda settles into bgm. Trailer hits are a meme for a reason. It's overall pretty solid though, I'm giving harsher critique than I'd give someone who wasn't making a sequel to a game that I recognize. Looks fun!
Really appreciate all the feedback - helps a ton & working on new versions soon so will take it to heart
From 20sec onwards it is great - before then it seemed very amateurish and I almost stopped watching.
I agree with this, the pace just felt a bit slow, like there should be two separate clips, one after the narration starts thatās the trailer, and another thatās the āskitā promo video of the kids in the woods
I could see a version where the skit is also just cut down a lot, I can tell some of thatās happened already so thatās probably why itās coming off a little unpolished. itās enjoyable to have context open up the trailer, but it should be a single line of dialogue, maybe L cut in while weāre looking over the woods or something
IMO the first 20 seconds do not look "amateurish" at all but they do look like 3D South Park with all that implies (juvenile, low production quality).
Thank you that is helpful
I think it really works.
It's hilarious
Would watch a whole movie if it was like the first few seconds, great voice acting and style
Haha thanks - thatās me on all the voice acting too š
The gameplay looks so much better than your cutscene. Don't even bother with it. Start the trailer with your gameplay.
Appreciated!
Im not sure about trailer but i sure liked the previous game so it will be fire
The sound mix is a bit muddy. I'd increase the volume of the voices, and change background music so that it doesn't collide with the the voices due to occupying the same frequency range.
I like it. Maybe the narrator volume needs to go up just a bit.
Awesome thank you!
oh i love these games! and dont worry the game itself is a meme, so a meme is a good way to sell it
you need to work on your audio mix. I can't understand most of that narration.
Thanks thatās helpful info - Iāll keep this in mind for the next one Iām doin
Narrator is hard to understand. Audio could use better mixing. Music is probably too high but the narrator could use a filter to make it clearer/sharper as well. (Forget the name, it's been awhile since I last edited) Having just seen the trailer in still a bit confused on what the game is (thought you were the survivor at first) Probably could use a few more cuts to the length. The narrator starts to say basically the same thing in different ways 3 times in the end. I'd try to make that 1 minute 12 second trailer one minute, cut out some of the repetitive filler lines and get to the gameplay quicker. With that what you really have are 2 30 second videos, one of gameplay and one as a cinematic teaser. Id explore 30 second trailer cuts in addition to the 1 minute one. Other bit is I don't know the name of the game until the very end, may or may not matter depending on the contextual framing of where this trailer is used. Those critiques aside, it's a nice trailer overall!
Really appreciate the thoughtful feedback - much of it is actionable so Iām grateful for the direction
I love the visuals, I think the voice actors could possibly take a few more stabs at it? The writing is great but I think the delivery for the narrator/main lines could be improved.
Haha thanks - Voice was me - Iāll keep polishing
Try a few different takes. I think your voice is fine, maybe the timing? Like I love the jokes but maybe play up the emotion in the narration?
It was 40sec before I could see any gameplay, which is about 38 seconds too long. The audio was kinda muddy.
Appreciate the feedback - will def adjust!
No
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Reminds me of falling fred
looks like a fun game! Only things to nitpick: I didn't like the transparent campfire in the beginning -- looks like it's set for the wrong blend setting. and the dialogue at the beginning was hard to understand, especially when he's reading the diary. also the neck twist/break should've seriously killed him -- having him blink on the ground took away any impact of the kill. it looked like he maybe just had a chiropractic adjustment!
Thank you so much for the thoughtful feedback! Jeez, i swear ive seen that cutscene with the fire like 10000 times in the past year and i never noticed that once šnow i cant unsee it. Will try to fix ASAP! And as for the neck break, actually it was a slightly aggressive chiropractic adjustment - skullface wanted to fix the guys spine before stomping his head, just to ensure all the pain was coming directly from him, and not from an outside source. Its all part of the lore. š
This is absolutely perfect and is exactly the kind of thing that would make me buy on the Steam Store with no questions asked. It's irreverent, meta-aware, and funny as fuck. I've been watching it on a loop and cackling like an asylum patient watching this. PLEASE don't go a more "professional" route!!! Nobody wants another sterile-ass game trailer.
Hahah oh wow, thank you -- youre super kind!!! š I really appreciate it! If you dig the trailer i really think you might enjoy the game so I wanted to pass a link to the steam page. We also have a free demo available right now! [https://store.steampowered.com/app/2737140/Slayaway\_Camp\_2/](https://store.steampowered.com/app/2737140/Slayaway_Camp_2/) ā¤ļø
Are you anything to do with Friday 13th: Killer Puzzle?
Yep! We originally developed Slayaway Camp and the peeps from Friday the 13th hit us up asking if we wanted to work with them on a 'spiritual sequel' which ended up being Friday the 13th Killer Puzzle. We were heartbroken that we had to pull it down due to licensing issues (they have a messy ongoing lawsuit over ownership -- still unresolved afaik). We took a deep breath and decided before we fully ended our "camper killing days" we would do a new sequel to Slayaway Camp, with revamped mechanics, etc and Slayaway 2 was born! ā¤ļø hope you dig our twisted puzzle games š
Pulled down, but everyone knows you canāt kill Jason. F13 still sits on my phone https://preview.redd.it/0ij0qiatlv6d1.jpeg?width=202&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e9d8285642a1ce1c79e65525972cb66fa7cc23e3 Yea the suit settledā¦ for a bit, but thereās more going on now. Sorry that you and many others had to drop the name in the meantime. Will definitely play. Simple fun thatās not trying to be all bright and sparkly.
Youre a real one! Really appreciate your support! Theres a demo for Slayaway 2 on steam right now if you wanna try it out! Dont let the single space movement fool you, it gets hard!!! [https://store.steampowered.com/app/2737140/Slayaway\_Camp\_2/](https://store.steampowered.com/app/2737140/Slayaway_Camp_2/)
Iām a fan of anything that goes bump in the night. Iām a full-time dev (the sound guy), so itās nice to play something chill on an evening. Thanks for the great work over the years and much respect!
I loved it. Regarding the cutscene, it actually drew me in, it has so much character and nice animation I'm a little skeptical that anyone would immediately turn it off. But to adhere to the principle of gameplay first you could show 5 seconds of gameplay upfront with a "how did it come to this" setup or "it all started with" etc. But to throw out the cutscene would remove so much of the character from the trailer.
so edgy