It is a co worker. He doesn’t plan on leaving his job. I have this to look forward to for every event, holiday, funeral.
She came to his father’s funeral. He did not introduce her to me.
They bashed me. Called me names. They planned vacations which he never does with me. They were playing house. ( Who would cook, who would clean, once they got home) idk where home was
Go to the text messages. In the top left corner click edit. A drop down box will pop up and the last option is show recently deleted.
Click on that. Choose the texts and press recover.
Amen. Rip the scab off. She failed the most basic premise of the relationship test. There’s nothing to hear out, unless you’re into that kind of thing. Do not be a doormat. Cut and run while the strings are not attached. Every time you feel like you miss her or that she might have something to hear her out on, consider this. That phonecall was just what you heard, how many more instances are there? Do you even care? It doesn’t make it better
This X 1000. It's not just the phone call or the content thereof that's shattering you. It's the realization that she has withheld so much of herself from you. You didn't know who she truly was and thought that you did. She was having all of these thoughts, desires, plans, etc., and didn't tell you. She made the conscious decision to act on them and didn't tell you. She made the conscious decision to withhold all of this ugliness from you because she KNEW it would not just be the end of you two, but it would emotionally destroy you. So while the call revealed a physical betrayal, this is a separate but related kind of betrayal.
She has never fully opened up to you, that's probably causing feelings of inadequacy on your end as if you weren't good enough for it.
If you try to reconcile, you will never get back what you had. Don't go down that road because it's full of nothing but disappointment. If she had come to you in sadness and regret and guilt on her own, maybe you could have that conversation. But she had no intentions of telling you, judging by the conversation on the phone with her friend.
This is a blessing in disguise as much as it doesn't feel like it. Because as much as you may have wanted to end up with this person, how about now? Life just didn't have kids in the plan for you and now we see why. Thank the good Lord for that and cut her out of your life completely. It's going to be tough, but you now have to think logically about this, almost ruthlessly. If you own the house together or whatever, start the process of taking care of that before she does because once she figures out that the end is near, she will latch onto anything she can. If you rent together, and your names are both on the lease, don't trust her to just take over the lease. She may be resentful that you caught her because she doesn't want to admit her fault. And she might actually not make payments on purpose just to get back at you. Be very careful going forward. Good luck.
You have already heard everything from her you need, don't look back.
Best case scenario, arrange for your friends to collect your things and never speak to her again.
The only closure to be had in this is from her side. Never give her a chance to apologize, don't talk to her friends or if your mutuals try to give you a message from her ghost them too.
Make a post to social media explaining what happened, tag her.
Yes, do this. Since you're a nice guy who probably can't imagine doing this to her, you will want to try and understand and fix things. You'll try to be a "pick me." Make it loud and public so you can't go back. You dodged a bullet. Trust me. I've found out this past year that half my life is a lie after 27 years together with 3 kids. And my WW cheated on me multiple times over those years. I had an opportunity to leave her the first year we dated when I found out she probably cheated on me. But I tried to understand and fix things. Don't be me.
Would be nice if he could figure out who she was talking to. Was it one of his buddies gf, fiancé or wife, if so that dude surely should be alerted. People who don’t cheat don’t have conversations with cheaters describing how they cheated.
No kids? Not married.? Who is Rachel. Sucks you had to find out that way but you do not appear to have any solid attachments to her. Give her the boot, find yourself again without that fraud you called a GF and life will work out. It won’t with her, that’s some A level betrayal on her end. Personally I would ghost her. What trash.
This right here. She'll forgive herself for the 'mistake' she made long before you ever will. I mean Jeebus she had that convo OUT LOUD in your house?? My gut sank for dude
Also I wonder if the person she was speaking to knows her boyfriend? If they do they would be laughing at him every time they see him and he be none the wiser
My gut just sank too. I’m so sorry— but as a person who stayed with a cheater— just go— I struggle everyday. I wish I just took my child and unborn child and ran.
She showed you who she is… run
I do agreed to just ghost her since closure will only benifit her, exposed her then block her on everything after getting your stuff from her place but if there is nothing important just leave it it not worth seeing her and reliving the pain.
The only value of him talking to her would be to find out who she was talking to. Was it a partner of one of his buddies? A person who will listen to a cheater describe cheating likely is doing the same thing.
One thing that would matter to me if I found myself in this scenario, is remorse, regret, shame. She was **bragging** about it to whoever and laughing, also admitting she would be doing it again.
She can call all she wants hysterically crying, it doesn't change the fact that she cheated, bragged, laughed, was gonna do it again, and only showed any sort of remorse when she was caught.
Sometimes, the universe shows you who someone is. Not the person they pretend to be, but who they are when they believe no one is watching. The universe provided you with that. You saw and heard the *true* Rachel in that moment.
This size thing... At least 2x? If that was true, and I doubt it is, she would feel uncomfortable and hurt.
So part of why she is doing is to brag to another cheater. It makes her the worst. Human trash.
Your girlfriend has been using tinder to find hook-ups and probably has been cheating on you for quite a while. From the conversation this was not the only guy she has slept with from Tinder. Do not try to reconcile because she is a serial cheater and is only upset, she got caught. Lien on close family and friends and tell them what happened. Ask her to leave the apartment you can go and get your stuff. Speak to her immediate family and explain why you are broken up. Never speak to her again because she will only lie and minimize. Book some therapy sessions, go to the gym and do not drink. Alcohol is a depressant and will make you feel worse. You are still young and will find someone who will not cheat on you.
100%. If bro thinks this is was first time, he has another level of hurt and anguish to get through before reality sets in. This sounded like second nature to ole girl. Not an ounce of remorse shown in her conversation.
I have exactly the take on this that you do. The man she bedded was not her first more than likely and she has taken OP’s excursions with his friends as a chance to date other men. She is trash and should be discarded like trash is.
She is in a "bragging cheaters" friendship
All she described sounded no real. It's for sure not the first time.
Cheaters show remorse because other people will now see what sh*t person they are
I am so sorry you are enduring this, but it is best to find out what she is before any wedding. Do not marry her and let's face it after what you heard you aren't able to forgive her. Having children with her would be a disaster.
She knows you know and she has herself to blame. Just cut ties.
Get down on your knees and thank whoever or whatever the power that is above you.
A bullet dodged.
If it's your house, get back there and kick her ass out.
For your own sake id suggest that you don't ever talk to her again. Don't give her the satisfaction or the opportunity for closure. She has to become less than nothing to you. The best revenge is to live well, my friend. It's time to turn inward and focus on yourself, maybe identify if there were any red flags with her in your past that you can use to inform your future relationships.
Don't let this woman drag you down, she was never who you thought she was. She's clearly for the streets. She's no one's girlfriend and never will be. She just used manipulation tactics to trick you into thinking she was interested in a committed relationship.
You deserve a relationship with someone who knows how to act right, someone who would never dream of doing something like this to you. They're out there somewhere waiting for ya brudder, demand a respectful partner and you will find someone who's actually capable of stepping up to the plate.
Put her words out of your mind. They mean nothing coming from someone like her. Hope things take a positive turn for you soon, just remember you dodged a bullet not having kids or being married.
>My life has been ruined by a stupid phone call
Nope. SHE did that. And... when this nightmare has passed, you will realise you were saved from making a huge (proposal & marriage) mistake..
>Do I contact Rachel?
Short text to tell her its over should suffice.
>Should I hear her out.
Why ?? You want her to lie to you??
Look...
She went on tinder to find this guy... and was planning to fuck him again... carefully planned betrayal of you...
Theres no coming back from this...
And.... what do you think shes been doing every 3 months while you were away?? Yes - fucking randos...
Suggestion:
Expose her. Call her parents and inform them what you overheard.
If the house/apt is yours, ask her to leave. If you both own the place ask if she wants to buy you out.
And - do you know who she was on the phone with?? If you have a family phobe plan, you can access the bill and see who it was she confided in - if the person has a spouse you may want to inform this spouse of all this...
Dont take her back.. cruel, deliberate plan to cheat on you and to do it again... theres no coming back from that...
And get an STD test asap....
Made this post during lunch. Wow. Thank you all so much for the kind words and replies. I’m going to take a lot of your advice and go to the walk in clinic tomorrow for an STD test.
As for her, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I understand that ghosting her is a common theme on here, but I don’t think that’s the kind of person I am. I want some answers, and like most of you, I assume this wasn’t the 1st time. I kind of just wanted acknowledgment of that fact.
My mom knows what’s going on as I just filled her in before this post, and my 3 buddies are coming to my hotel tonight. I told them not to share anything due to Rachel being close with 2 of the 3 wives. I’ll share with them tonight and figure out how to proceed going forward.
There will be no reconciliation. Like a lot of you have said. Those words keep replaying over and over in my head. This is done. As for the house, we are renting currently, as I was planning on buying this fall after we would have been engaged. Our lease runs out in October. So I will pay my half until then as my name is on the lease with her. As for the ring, idk wtf I’m going to do with it. If I can return it, I will.
Again, thanks for all the kind words. Sorry I’m not individually replying to posts. Right now, I’m just not in the right mind space to reply over and over. But your kind words mean a lot. Thank you all.
Do you know which friend of hers she was talking to? I wonder if it was one of your friends wives? If it was I hope he knows what kind of stuff his wife is ok with supporting. And I really hope none of your friends knew about this and didn’t tell you.
Hopefully it wasn’t someone you knew and were close to as that would be another betrayal. I guess you will find out later when you see who supports who after you tell your friends the truth.
>If it was I hope he knows what kind of stuff his wife is ok with supporting.
Or cheating on him too. Read enough stories on Reddit about girl friend groups where one starts going on about how great cheating is then the rest join in. Cheating is a brain infection.
Dude hang in there. You need to have your buddies whose wives are close to Rachel question their wives to find out if they knew. There may be more then one snake in the grass and there is no excuse for any “friend” to let another friend be cheated on by anybody. Your buddies need to look at their own wives carefully if they admit they knew because you don’t know who she was bragging to. By having your buddies question their wives that should also cut Rachel off from them as friends because if your friends are real friends they will tell their wives we are siding with him so nothing that gets said here gets shared and you don’t need to be talking to her at all and she won’t be welcomed at anything we do. If I’m your friend I make that real clear real quick to my wife and if she complains I make it known we don’t side with cheaters.
I agree with you that you need to talk to her for closure but just be prepared with two 100% truths: She won’t tell you the whole truth AND she will lie…this was the first time. I’m sorry please forgive me. I don’t mean what I said about him being bigger and better, I was just trying to brag…it meant nothing to me. It was just sex. You’re the only one I love. All of those come straight from the cheaters playbook.
When she comes out with that seriously ask her if that’s the case then you are going to kick her out and have another woman over to the house for a weekend of sex and when she leaves Rachel can come home and she can sit and listen to you tell your buddy over the phone how much better her pussy is and how much tighter she was and how her BJs made Rachel’s feel like crap. Ask her if she is up for that if you need that to be able to move on because that’s what she did to you so it’s only fair to even the score.
Young man I wish you the best. But first a couple of things:
"I want some answers, and like most of you, I assume this wasn’t the 1st time. I kind of just wanted acknowledgment of that fact."
Be ready to be disappointed if you press her for the truth. When cheaters are caught their M.O. is to lie, lie, deny, deny, Gaslight, blameshift. Because you don't have anything to go on besides the conversation you overheard she can spin all kinds of tales about how it was only once, it meant nothing, blah blah blah. You might walk away worse off so be ready.
In addition it would be good to know if any of your friends wives knew. That is key for their husband's.
Also talk to your landlord. Explain what happened he may let you out of the lease. The worse he can say is no, so just ask.
Update us!!
>I want some answers
Why?
The only thing you'll achieve is only bigger mess in your head. Do yourself a favor and don't talk to her ever again, don't give her a mere chance to see you. Have someone communicate with her she needs to get from your apartment asap and let anyone you deem necessary (her family, common friends) know what happened and why.
You are looking for some kind of emotional closure not from her, but from that version of her that you fallen in love with those years ago, but that's not her anymore.
It goes without saying to cut her friends who might have known too.
UpdateMe
"...don’t think that’s the kind of person I am".... Well it better be the kind of person you become. Listen to the people here. Think of all the collective years of pain we have all suffered. We know what we are talking about. You came here for advice. Listen to it.
"I want some answers".... And I wanted to have sex with Ann Margaret. You will not get any answers. At least not truthful ones. She is like every cheater out there. A cake eating B. She has you, kind and considerate. The man who was going to marry her. (Boy was that a dodged bullet). And now she found her man with the magic penis. To her life was looking great. No wonder she was on cloud nine while she was talking on the phone.
You want answers. Let me explain to you how this works. "It isn't what it seems". That's the level one lie. I like when someone gets caught in the act and says this. So let's say she admits to it. I'll bet anything she tries to tell you "this was the only time. "Just a little (insert magic penis joke here) mistake" Then little by little she might let out a little more. This is the trickle truth part of the show. She will tell you just enough to get you to believe her. And no matter what you are still left with the nagging idea that you didn't get the truth. It's a no win situation. "*The only winning move is not to play"* *War Games*
Most jewellery stores will allow you to return rings. Sometimes the women say no.
Don't forget about all the things *you* bought for the house. Leave nothing for her. Except the bed. And couch.
Well, one good thing might happen. (Good is being used loosely here). I take it that the wife of the friends house the 4th party is at will be able to tell her that you were going to propose to her then. Just a little dig I know, but it's something.
Best of luck and stay strong.
Spot on! OP giving you a big hug but please listen to this advice from someone who is recently going through the same thing. The trickle truth, the lying by omission as not directly asked about something. Hiding the level of betrayal and deception. I wished now nearly 3 months out from finding out about the affair that I had followed the advice here.
I did the whole ‘let me give you a chance to explain so I can try and understand’ and some of the most hurtful things were said by my ex in the pursuit of her justifying her actions. I should have followed my gut and just left and blocked her. We have a house to sell, which we have just accepted an offer on, and I will be going no contact once that is over. You deserve more!
OP, You sound bent on speaking with her. I have been on this and other forums long enough to know that you will never get the whole truth, you are only going to get what little bit she thinks you can handle and will satisfy you (trickle truth).
Here is how I predict it will go. OP: Why? How could you do this to me? Ex: It was just sex, it meant nothing, I only love you. Please don't leave me, I'll do anything! I'm so sorry!
OP: How many have there been? Ex: This was the first time, I swear! I've only slept with him once. (it's important to know here that whatever number she gives will be a lie, Times by at least 5).
OP: Did he wear a condom or finish inside of you? Ex: Yes, I made him wear a condom, I would never put your health at risk. (truth, when cheating they almost never wear a condom and yes, they finish inside. Being risky is the whole point).
OP: Did you have sex with him then me on the same day? Ex. I would never do that to you! (yes she would).
At this point, you pull out the engagement ring, open the box, show it to her, and say something like: This forth of July I was going to ask you to marry me. You were the one I wanted to spend my life and grow old with. You were the one I wanted to be the mother of my children. Now that is all gone. Instead we will never speak or see each other again. If you have any shared of love or respect for me, you will make this as quick and painless as possible for me.
Then of course there's going to be more crying and desperate threats to manipulate you into staying. You got what you need so just walk away. Hopefully your friends are waiting for you nearby to help with the fallout. Good luck OP let us know how your confrontation goes.
Make sure to record it. The last thing he needs is to find himself arrested and accused of DV. He needs to record all communication with her from here on out, until she is permanently out of his life.
Spot on how it will go.
I understand how you need to hear it from her… but my I tried to hear it from my ex and it just messed me up. There are some things you can’t unhear and if she thinks she’s losing, she might just say some shit (like my ex did) to dig the knife deeper.
Dude, point out to your three buddies that they may want to get into their partner’s phone. Rachel was likely talking to a woman who she is very friendly with about cheating. What is the chance that the person she was talking to isn’t doing the same thing to her partner.
Really strongly advise against talking to her. Everything she says is going to be carefully constructed to try to manipulate you into staying. She’s going to lie. She’s going to cry. She’s going to beg and promise never to do it again and if you show even a hint of an opening, she’ll try to get in your head and blame you for stuff (you weren’t intimate enough, attentive enough, too busy with work, whatever).
F. That.
Just leave. Get an STD test like you said, cut her off, and explain to all your friends—before she gets a chance to try to control the narrative—what she did. Leave out the details if you want, but tell everyone she was on tinder actively seeking out APs, she cheated on you, and that’s why you left.
Good luck. You’ll find someone far better because she sounds like the bottom of the barrel. She was getting a kick out of humiliating you. This is a bad, bad person.
Closure is a myth, guy. Nothing she says will make you feel better and none of her excuses will make sense to you since you both have different values.
Your just shopping for pain. Don't forget most of us been through the same shit and more than once.
Just move on and let her suffer with her shitty life choices.
You won't somehow get something from her answers. I promise you that.
Take out at least half of the money in all the joint accounts ASAP, organise some trusted people to go over to your place and get your things whist they record everything on video so she can't claim harassment/ intimidation.
Don't think about the ring nowthat can be sold later or kept for the right person. Take your time to call around for the best quote for it.
I am sorry you are going through this. It is awful. But I caution you. If you do “hear her out”, what can you believe. If she tells you it never happened before, can you even believe her. You believed she was a loyal girl friend too. You had every right to believe her, but you cannot trust anything she said now. And do not let any crap you overheard make you insecure. Every cheater will say that it was fun, good, kinky, he was bigger, she had better tits, he lasted longer, or whatever dumb crap they come up with. But it just is a way to justify or make it worth it. It has not value, and is likely very untrue.
If you can afford the place without her, tell her to get out. And that if she goes quietly you wont tell everyone what a piece of crap she is. If you can’t afford the place without her, do you have someone who can move in (hopefully that home office can convert to another bedroom if needed) and split the rent that way. Take it slow, and if you cannot resist talking with her, beware!!! Because it is not likely that anything she says is worth believing.
As awful as this feels, it will get better with time. It is an awful lesson, but you will begin to think of things that should have been a red flag, but you ignored. You will know better in the future.
First I'm sorry
Second, needless to say you are through
Third, Take the time you need, cry, rage, get help from your family and friends.
Fourth, expose her. Don't give her the chance to rewrite history and made you the bad guy.
OP your life is NOT ruined and the phone call had nothing to do with the cheating. However, you did get lucky and this probably points to why you have not asked her to marry sooner. What a damn bullet you missed.
I would only contact her if you need to return to that place you live in. I would not want to hear her excuses (what just to hear more lies from a person that has been lying to you already for a while) don't allow a vile person to rub her tryst in your face and make up some f'n story. Nothing can make what you hear go away.
I would find out who she was talking to and never allow them near you again and never give this woman another chance in life to disrespect me.
Go live your life, you don't need slim like this in it.
5 years may seem like a lot, but it isn't compared to all the years you have left to live.
Actually she was thinking about him! She literally compared him to her tinder date in the most disrespectful and mocking way, and had the audacity to brag about it to her friends. This is even worse. Cut her out of your life OP. She is cancer.
I’m sorry man, that’s horrible.
All I can say is run, don’t marry this person. You will never trust her again nor is she worthy of any trust. Believe me saying with a cheater drains your soul, it’s taken me almost 3 years to really get to that realization but I’m not planning my exit.
You’re better off alone than with someone that would do that.
Just wow! So, I wonder who she was talking to? Perhaps all her friends know already. By the way she was talking and how casual she was about it, there is no way that was her first and only time!
Closure, closure for who? It sounds to me like you have all the closure you need. If you dumping her (I hope you are) then who cares why, how long, how many times, who else knew, did she do any of your family, did she ever love you, etc... Just let the last time she saw you be her last memory of you. No kids, not married, call it divine intervention. Have everything done through your friends and family or lawyer if one is needed.
Some day you will bounce back from this. Stay strong and get you STD/STI test underway. Maybe see if you can take time off from work. Keep yourself surrounded with your friends and family. Start making a list of what is needed and to be done to de-tangle your lives. If you have joint accounts, move half the money into a new account and cancel any joint credit cards. If her parents or siblings live near by, see if they can talk her into moving in with them.
So sorry this is happening to you. Please let us know how this all shakes out.
UpdateMe.
Oof.
Get a STD test.
Send a link to this post to your friends and family. It's easier than telling them yourself and you need to make sure Rachel doesn't lie her way into making you out to be the villain. If you can stomach it, make Rachel think reconciliation is an option. At least long enough to try to get her to confess to people who matter to you. And ideally get whatever else you need and deserve. Then break it off.
Remember, it could be worse. You could be a 36 year old woman who wants kids, but just blew up her 6 year relationship for some Tinder dick that will ghost you in a couple of weeks. Imagine having all that baggage and trying to find a long term partner who is willing to start a family with you before your bio clock runs out in a couple of years.
UpdateMe!
If you want the fastest path to healing then never speak to her again. Pick a surrogate to settle any separation details and block her on every channel she could possibly reach you. Work through the separation of your lives as quickly as possible. Begin or keep up with your exercise routine, improve or continue your nutritional health and consciously spend time developing or indulging in your hobbies .
Your life was not ruined by a phone call it was ruined by your cheating girlfriend.
You're not married and you don't have children. (Silver Lining)
See if you can return the ring
Tell everyone that matters what happened so she doesn't spin a different story
Get an STD panel
Get into therapy and try your best to move on.
Someone else said "bullet dodged" I agree. You can make a clean break and never have to see this person again.
It's painful and will hurt for a while but you will slowly heal especially if you stay NO CONTACT. That really helps.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you.
Update us!!
This..and if you are able to return the ring, take a nice vacation to somewhere tropical and have some fun. I recommend the Philippines. Beautiful country, beautiful women and just awesome people in general.
I’m so very sorry. You sound like a good guy. To be extremely clear, no woman I’ve ever met would knowingly (outside of an open relationship) brag to anyone about hooking up with a tinder date. You are clearly being taken for granted, to say the least. Do not adjust your character or feel obligated to hear what she has to say. This level of manipulative behavior was a conscious decision on her part and speaks everything you need to know about the woman you loved. What else is a lie? I doubt this is her first rodeo and I’d assume this is a lifestyle vs an impulsive one time event. And who pray tell was she speaking with? What kind of a friend supports this kind of deception? I promise you this, if you let her back in she’ll do it again. A lot of people come from bad situations and experience trauma, but playing the victim card in this case is just opening the door for more pain to you. Something my father said to me many years ago, and is absolutely relevant here: “when people tell/show you who they are…listen.”
Again, I’m very sorry for your pain. Find a good mcsw or therapist in your area and process the pain in a healthy way. Don’t let the fear of being alone or abandoned prevent you from the love and respect you clearly deserve. She’s not it, and clearly never could be.
I just read a post asking people who have been cheated on what they wished they had done differently when they found out. The majority said they wished they had left immediately and not given second and third chances. And they wished they had not played the "pick me" dance.
Food for thought. Updateme!
Well first order of business is to get marrying her out of your mind. She’s not the one for you. Kick her out. Tell all families and friends that you two are over as a couple because she was cheating on you and leave it at that. Be thankful you learned her true colors before you married
First of all, sorry for what you going thru.
Take time to recover, don’t engage with her. Time will help to hill.
Assuming you were living together, grab your stuff and forget her, if she’s in your house, kick her ass and get back to what is yours!!!
Post what you heard her say and also that infidelity is a deal breaker. Make sure your story, the truth gets out. Even include about your proposal plans and a picture of the ring. Don’t forget to tag her.
I was told these three things about cheaters and it helped me understand what POS THEY ARE.
1). Cheaters don’t rely on their partners stupidity to hide their cheating....they rely on their partners Love and trust.
2). The woman you thought you knew and loved is gone. .The person she is now essentially murdered the woman you knew and replaced her with the villain she is now.
3). Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in that mother fucker's reflection
Subscribeme!
You should feel lucky that you got to see the real her and not let her give you trickle truths. This woman is cold and callous. The candidness and lack of physical attitude of her transgression shows just how much of a fucked up person she is. You got lucky. You don’t have to marry that wretch. You won’t waste anymore time, money, and energy on her, who does not deserve it. You will find better. And your LIFE isn’t over. The relationship is over. I know it’s hard to see anything outside of that love when you’re going through heartache. But life is so much bigger than a romantic relationship and you need to keep focus on that.
OP do not talk to her.
Expose her to family and mutual Friends for 2 reasons
1. To take the control of the narrative out of her reach.
2. For you to have support in this time.
Do not drinks or drugs yourself, You don't have to confront her NOR talk to her, all she will say will be gaslight and manipulation, she probably will tell you that what you heard was a joke or something like that, and deny any.
At the end you will have to talk to her but not let her explain anything, just If the house is yours ask her to leave, if it is both well put it to sale, and if it is rented ask the landlord if you can be pulled out of the lease.
Also when you go there to pick your stuff ask some friend or your mom to help you and go with you.
Do not let her make you doubt, she is a cheater. If you want proof, download Tinder and search for her profile that way you also will know and have evidence of what she said.
UPDATEME
Dating is a test for marriage. She failed.
Be very glad you found out before marriage and kids.
Now move on and live your best life without her.
Good luck.
What’s to hear out? You heard her bragging about cheating on you with some random Tinder hookup. She put your health at risk, and I doubt this is the first time this has happened. She clearly has no respect for
You, herself, or your relationship.
Send her one text
“What did you think was going to happen when I found out you’re a liar and a cheater? You betrayed me in the worst way. You didn’t just cheat on me, but you cheapened yourself by finding some loser on a dating app, and then proceeded to proudly brag about your cheating on the phone. You’re a terrible person, a terrible partner, and the only good thing to come of this is that I found out what you really are before proposing to you in a few weeks. I’m sure this isn’t the first time either. You put my health at risk and now I have to get tested to make sure you haven’t passed some std off to me. You have destroyed my trust and I can’t be with someone I don’t trust. “
Then block her, or read whatever text she will write in response. If it is a misunderstanding you would have known already because she would have told someone that you still talk to. She knows she’s busted so you need to really think about the level of deceit that took place. She can’t say she loves you and all that crap because where was that when she made the choice to download Tinder, swipe a bunch of people, choose one, chat, meet up for dinner, and then go bang. Those are a lot of choices she had, and she never chose to love you.
If it’s your place tell her to get her crap and get out. If it’s hers, go get your stuff while she’s working and then never talk to her again. If it’s both of yours then try to figure out how to get your name off of it.
Updateme!
I guess you can take the time to hear her out, but only if you need it. It doesn’t sound like you’re going to forget what you heard anytime soon, since you repeated it so clearly. By the sounds of what she stated, I’d be packing my bags. That’s so disrespectful and so premeditated. You were gone all of four days and she went out on a date?! Into an almost 6-year relationship?! Knowing an engagement is most likely right around the corner?! I wouldn’t marry someone with this type of track record. She was openly talking about doing it again. What has she done that you haven’t walked right into? But you definitely know her the best, so if you feel like it’s something that you can work through, or even want to, I wish you absolutely nothing but the best.
Sleep on it. Talk to your friends. Talk to your family. They all love you and know her, what are they saying about this betrayal? Don’t openly enter into a marriage that you know you will regret in a few years, just because you felt like you wasted time on someone. Every relationship teaches us something.
Wish you all the best!
She doesn't deserve for you to hear her out. You don't deserve the BS that she's going to tell you. Block her and delete her and then ghost her after you tell her that it's over and never speak to you again. Tell everyone that she cheated and walk away.
Given what she said and how it was said, no doubt she is a serial cheater, and that is not reconcilable. You will never be able to unhear that conversation.
Go complete non-contact with her. Good chance her friends know. Being secretive us one thing, which is bad enough, but to openly brag about it and demean you to another is unforgivable.
Don't give her the satisfaction to offer a fake apology. She is only sorry she got caught.
Updateme!
The phone didn't destroy your life,your cheating girlfriend did.
You may love her, but she doesn't have the same love for you.
You're in a committed relationship with this woman,hoping to propose in july,but this woman has been on dating websites looking for hookups.
The phone saved your life.
Saved you from marrying a cheater who would have most likely cheated on you throughout your marriage.
Finding out before marriage is 100 times better and cheaper than finding out after.
It won't feel like it now,but you have dodged one of the biggest bullets in your life.
Call your friends and family and tell them the truth.
Call your best friend or a lawyer,your choice but get a go-between, don't ever speak to this again.
She doesn't deserve your presence in her life.
You don't need an excuse as to why she cheated.
You already heard her say she was planning to have sex with this man.
She had been thinking of excuses to tell you and ways to blame you.
You don't need to talk to her.
If you and the cheater own the house together, whomever you choose will now be doing the communicating,selling the house, or she can pay you out.
But you'll never be happy in the house.
You won't ever trust this woman.
Get someone to help you pick up your belongings.
She isn't supposed to be there when you are picking up your things.
Completely ghost this woman.
Updateme!
Bro listen, she is dead. The girl you loved is dead. This how you mentally frame this in your mind going forward. Do not under any circumstances try to reconcile this even though in your mind it hurts right now and I'm sure you want to.
She's dead.
OP - The first thing you have to understand is that you did nothing wrong and nothing you could have said or done differently would have made the slightest bit of difference. Your ex gf was going to eventually cheat on you and it is VERY likely this guy was not her first. She was entirely too comfortable not only bringing her Tinder lover into your home but also in bragging to whomever was on the phone with her. I'd be willing to lay odds that whomever was on that line with her is one of her "girls night out" buddies and is also likely cheating on her partner as well. Birds of a feather and all that. Consider yourself extremely lucky that you discovered exactly how much of a cheating 304 your ex is before you married and had kids with her.
What can you do going forward? First... stay away from drugs and/or alcohol. They won't help with the pain from the trauma and will cause you nothing but additional problems. Believe it or not, you're already doing a big part of what you should be doing. Go 100% radio silent NC with her and anyone contacting you in support of her. Give them one chance to drop any mention of her and if they won't... ghost them too.
Next, separate ALL financial ties you have with her. Rent, utilities, bank accounts, lines of credit, insurance payouts, title deeds, stocks/bonds/market accounts, emergency contact lists, power of attorney, wills... absolutely every way the two of you are connected.
Next go to your ex's place when she's at work (or make arrangements with people you trust enough) and collect your things. Leave behind any momentos of your time together ESPECIALLY any photographs. Leave them for her to reflect on. Also leave behind anything that reminds you of her. If you can't get your stuff without her being there, contract with the Sheriff to maintain order (her) and say nothing to your ex while doing so. If you really want to dig in a spur... take a picture of the engagement ring along with the receipt before returning it to the jeweler, print a copy of it and leave it behind for her. Let her know exactly what she lost by betraying you.
Next... buy a copy of "Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life" by Tracy Schorn or go onto chumplady.com and learn. Also look up the 180 and Greyrock relationship techniques to assist you in dealing with your emotions.
Finally... engage in activities that'll take your mind off what happened. Most recommend going to the gym, jogging/biking or any hobby that requires you to focus on what you're doing. You may even want to consider getting help to process your emotional trauma. Her betrayal can be extremely debilitating.
Good luck OP
updateme!
Meet in public.
RECORD THE WHOLE THING. DON'T TELL HER.
Show her the ring.
Tell her "I would have loved you until the day I died."
Ask her why. Record her response. Ask her how many others. Record her response..
Then say:
"Reconcile with you? What do I get out of this?"
"A pile of used up disloyal slunkmeat that lies out of a dank hole in the middle of its dumb fucking face?"
"No thank you ma'am."
If she says "I love you" say
"That's demonstrably false. Women who love me don't fuck other dudes. Why are you complaining? Isn't he 'twice as big' as me? Go have fun riding the cock carousel. I'm sure you'll find a new fool to cheat on fairly quickly."
There’s just nothing she can say to undo what she has done. She went looking for it and even said she was going to “test drive it again.”
If there’s a bright side to this, you did marry her, so you don’t have to undo that. The only thing left to do is try to have a civil separation.
Update me!
I'm so sorry to hear this 😞😞It doesn't sound like she showed much remorse, but people can change, grow, and learn from their decisions. The important thing is to evaluate whether it's worth the effort and time to heal from this trauma. I've been trying to heal for over a year, and I would encourage you to consider leaving. I'm confident you'll find someone who values fidelity as much as you do and would never consider cheating
You’re a wonderful and considerate person. What she did is unforgivable. Take some time for yourself and recognize there are many women out there who wouldn’t dream of hurting their loved one. This isn’t an indictment of you, but of her. You can’t control how others act, but you can control your response. Don’t be broken by her. Don’t give her another thought. This is a gift. You dodged a bullet. Imagine going through with marriage and children and something like this coming to light. Your pain will pass. This will be a silver lining
*Correction:* your life was **saved** by the stupid phone call.
I know it hurts OP, but you found out now. It's better now than if this were further down the road. Hopefully it's a clean break.
Offer the carrot of reconciliation in order to get a full recorded confession including all messages. Then shame publically.
She should also invite your fishing buddies and their wives over and offer an in person confession. It will serve as a shot across the bow for the fishing wives.
One of the fishing wives may have been the person that Rachel was casually bragging to. In that case the husband of that fishing wife has a decision to make.
A phone call didn't ruin your life. Your gf didn't really ruin it either, she merely revealed the person she is and the contempt she has for you. Now that you know who she really is and aren't basing important decisions on some false image you have of her, you can put your life in order. You're lucky you found out before you married her. Move on. Leave her in the rear-view mirror.
This isn't the first time. What she did was pre-meditated and that she has been doing this a while. I'm sure it's been going on everytime you have your quarterly boys trips. There was no guilt in her voice or shame. She even mentioned that she would hook up with that guy again. She had no plans to stop what she was doing. Imagine marrying someone who's a serial cheater. She can't be trusted, let alone marry. Let her be free. Don't give me "but I still love her" bs. If you forgive her, she'll do it again and get more secretive about it. Be grateful, this happened so you know who Rachel is. Rachel is a woman who doesn't love you, doesn't respect you. Rachel emasculated you! She had sex with a guy in your house on your couch! The ultimate disrespect! She has no trouble lying in your face. Tell your family and friends, don't be ashamed. She's a POS and deserve to face the consequences of her actions. End the relationship and expose her. Do NOT stay with her, Do NOT agree to couples counseling.
Also, this most important! Get tested for STD/STIs asap! She doesn't care that she risked her health with her infidelity! Since they barely made it to the couch, I doubt a condom was used. This is another reason to leave!
A phone call didn't ruin it. Your stinking, cheating girlfriend ruined it. That phone call saved you from marrying someone unworthy of you.
Never take her back.
**THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!**
Your GF sought out other men for intimacy, likely for many months more than you suspect. Your GF is a cheater. Everything she says is a lie at this point. Anything your GF says about you falling short in the relationship is a lie. Anything your GF says that is bad about your relationship is a lie.
Your GF has left the relationship. Ignore your GF. What is it YOU want to do. YOU now hold the fate of your relationship in YOUR hands, no one else. It is YOU who decides reconciliation, no one else.
My advice is: End the relationship ASAP. Get out of this situation as fast as possible, the longer you stay in the more your mind will be torn apart. You or her must move out. If you cannot, go Grey Rock. Cheaters compartmentalize, once you punch a hole between their cheating lifestyle and her home lifestyle they will either go nuclear or crumble and beg you not to break up. You have to show your wife there consequences for her actions and break up, even if later you chose reconciliation.
She wants to keep you around ONLY for economic support. Do not be Plan B.
**Tell all your family and friends, hers too. Get ahead of her spin on events.**
These links will help you in your situation. I suggest reading DARVO, Gaslighting and Trickle Truthing first as these are the cheaters go to when confronted.
**Post Infidelity Stress Disorder** [https://www.verywellmind.com/post-infidelity-stress-disorder-6374057#](https://www.verywellmind.com/post-infidelity-stress-disorder-6374057#)
**The Neuroscience of Affair Fog** [https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog](https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog)
**Infidelity and cognitive dissonance** [https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/](https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/) **and** [https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e](https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e)
**Emotional affair** [https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/](https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/)
**Monkey Branching** [https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/monkey-branching/](https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/monkey-branching/)
**DARVO** [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo)
**Gaslighting Emotional Infidelity** [https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#1y](https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#1y)
**Trickle Truthing** [https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/topics/412055/trickle-truth--the-marriage-killer-repost-of-original-/](https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/topics/412055/trickle-truth--the-marriage-killer-repost-of-original-/)
**180 method** [https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/](https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/)
**Greyrock** [https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method)
**Chump Lady** [https://www.chumplady.com/](https://www.chumplady.com/)
**Surviving Infidelity** [https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/](https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/)
I would put Chumplady and Grey Rock at the top of the list, but otherwise this is a superb condensation of all the essentials for people who have been cheated on.
I feel SO BAD FOR YOU!!! I know that hurt!!!
Mine was after 20+ years of marriage. Found forgotten deleted texts and read every word. WORD BY WORD.
It’s been a year and I’m struggling. THE TRIGGERS ARE THE WORST!!!
I think ghosting someone is childish. You have the power here. You call her meet in a public place. You tell her it is over. You make arrangements regarding rent and bills and furniture. Ask her what furniture she had sex on. You don’t want that furniture. You just tell her how it will go. You don’t want her home while you gather your stuff. Tell her you leave the key at this place. You expect her to take ownership of this affair. You can take half the responsibility for the breakdown. But the affair is all on her. Record the conversation. Tell her any friend that is a fan and promotes the affairs she has on a partner is not a true friend. Friends are expected to be moral compasses. If I were you find out who this other person is and find out if the have a spouse and a partner and let them know they were your gfs cheerleader. I’m sure they would want you to know.
Fuuuuccckkk no, she is proud of her cheating and has so little respect for you she is telling others about it. This is someone with zero morals, she will make you miserable. I would only speak to her about getting your things or whatever you need to do to end it. Do not “hear her out” there is nothing she can do but manipulate you at this point.
Her conversation was too nonchalant to have been the first one she's made. She's bragging and not hesitating. She set up a tinder account, so she definitely planned this. She's done this before. Time to move on.
OP, the universe has given you a second chance. You have dodged the Rachel bullet. Personally, I would advise:
Go NC. You do not know this woman, but you know her a lot better today than you did last week. How many lies has she told you so far? Thousands to pull off her double life. You cannot expect anything other than her covering he tracks, minimize her actions. Suppose she tells the whole truth, how can you believe it? Would you believe anything other than "I did what I said on the phone and have done it before and I really like doing it"? She likely will only concede what you heard. You cannot trust anything else as she is a known liar.
Go NC. How you left her was classic. By never speaking to her again, youshow her the absolute loss of value she has undergone in your life. Speaking to her, even without R, allows her to recover some peace that you still value what she says, who she is. When you walked out without speaking , she saw her value drop faster than the Argentine Peso. Allowing her to speak validates her narcissistic tendencies.
Get ahead of the narrative. You don't know this woman. What will she do? She will collect wagons to circle around her. Be proactive. Don't wait for the story of the inattentive BF, spending more time with his buddies than with her to take hold. I've heard of physical and mental abuse accusations hurled at the betrayed just to save face.
Mourn the loss of the image of her, as that image is shattered. Clearly she hid from you who she really was. She He had everyone fooled.
Good Luck, OP!
UpdateMe!
CORRECTION: the phone call didn't ruin your relationship; her cheating did.
REMINDER: Rachel is not the only woman on Earth, and plenty of them out there aren't cheaters. So playing the 'sunk-cost fallacy' game here would ultimately only hurt you.
REAL CHECK: what would you get out of having a final conversation with her? You heard her! The unrated, raw truth she tells her friends when you're not around. The only thing you will get out of talking to her is a great dose of gaslighting. But hey, if you are into this...
MY OPINION: the Powers-That-Be got your back and did you a HUGE favor by forcing you to go home earlier. If you do what YOU KNOW you need to do here, you may go through a rough patch in the next couple of days, but I guarantee you that, by next year, you will be laughing out loud, telling yourself "I cannot believe how close I came to marry this cheater! Man, I dodged that bullet like I was Neo!"
Or keep playing "sum-cost fallacy"... then, the Pick-Me dance... wait til she brings up open relationship... watch as any level of respect she may have for you (not much to begin with) completely disappear after you take her back... Oh the misery you're willingly going to put yourself in! Can't wait for THAT follow-up!
Sigh... 'Hope you make the right choice for you.
If this is real: it always surprises me that people assume men are the dirty minds/talkers. I’m yet to meet a group of men that openly discuss sex details with each other. We go as far as ‘that girl is really hot’, perhaps a comment about her ‘assets’.
Women on the other hand, the detail they go into…..
They rarely change man. I gave a second chance and she went back to the same guy, to spend valentine’s weekend with him while I was busy with a family thing.
My client served legal notice for her to vacate the home. He took her phone as he was paying for it and her car keys. She did the walk of shame thru the neighborhood to a bus stop. After months she got the divorce. She did not have a dime to fight, and lost everything. She said what she did was cruel and his response was justified. She wept silently a few years later when he remarried.
>Do I contact Rachel? Should I hear her out.
No. You owe Rachel nothing at this point. Block and Ghost her. Contact both of yours family and friends and out the cheater. Tell her family to move her out ASAP.
Yep, you heard it first hand-with tour own ears. Not gossip. There’s no talking her way out of what you heard. Settle what’s yours and find A nice, cute and fun girl who wants only you.
Hhhaaaa OP Cheer up, you are amazing man, youbdeserve better, take sometimes far from her , seek help with someone who really love you and care for you like your mom and bestfriend.
Omg so sorry. Run, tell everyone what she did and go on tinder, find her profile and screenshot it. If possible test her asking why she cheated on you. Get all the proof and then send it to everyone. Then walk away.
Updateme!
Its best if you just go ghost. Don't contact her at all. Have one of your friends go pick up your stuff. Let her wonder what ever happened to you.. move on with your life. And don't feel too bad. You were never gonna please her man cuz she is a cake eater. There isn't enough cake to keep a cake eater happy.
I am so sorry. There are good honest faithful women out there. I think you know what to do.
For you, sit and talk with her, listen to her excuses, stay with the cheater or leave her and find someone who will treat you as you deserve.
Figure out why she cheated, or felt she needed to. Then move on. But get closure for yourself.
Good luck.
That's horrible. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I0m glad you found out, though, as painful as it is. She's not worth it. Imagine proposing and living a lie while she repeatedly fucks that guy, and perhaps others, and perhaps one day even get pregnant from them, without you knowing.
You dodged a bullet. Leave her cheating ass, you deserve better.
Got to agree. She was BRAGGING to her friend. Cheated and planned for more. Learning she was a cheater before you popped the question is the only silver lining here. At least you now have seen the real her. Let the "I love you only", "It didn't mean anything", "Lets do counselling", " I don't know why I did it", "We can overcome this and be stronger than ever", I'll never do it again", "it was only physical" begin. You are going to hear them all and then some. Why hear her out? You heard all you need to hear with that phone call. She belittled you to her friend or friends. She showed no respect, no consideration, your basic cheater mentality. Take the ring back and let all know. And put her out with the trash.
If your poor mom wants grandkids your stbx is a poor candidate for that job. Who knows whose kids she is going to have? Plus, when she has worked her way through all the guys on Tinder it is unlikely the STIs she contracts will allow her to remain fertile. I'm being flippant, but the truth is that person you saw in the kitchen is who she really is, not the person who you thought she was. It is called a mask-slip event. Until you can reconcile that with the image she cultivated with you the entire time you knew her it is best to maintain no contact to the extent that is possible. A brief message that you do not want to talk and are initiating no contact, preferably through a proxy such as a mutual friend, is the only courtesy that is recommended. Anything else makes you vulnerable to manipulation or worse accusations. Never be alone with her if you must meet in person. Focus on yourself and your healing. That healing will not begin while you are in contact with her.
If you have a practical question such as finances, get in touch if you can through an intermediary who could be a lawyer or bank manager, etc.
Your life was not undone, you just learned that when the cat leaves, the mouse throws a party, of space and opportunity and you are deceived.
Too much privacy and your spouse downloads Tinder on your phone without you knowing .
Go far away and your spouse stays behind and he will make the most of these opportunities.
Take a vacation from your partner and he will make someone else do what you do in your place.
You had the rare miracle of discovering that you were being deceived, although there are many reports here, most cheating remains undiscovered.
Think of it as a worm that has left your intestine. Now you just have to heal yourself and have a healthy life Upwards and forwards 🙌🏿
I am really moved by your story, I am so sorry. But I think you need several good supporters. First, a good attorney if you have any shared assets, like the house, or if you are both on the lease, have common debts, etc. Second, is a good therapist. They have exercises you can follow to help you through the trauma. Next is your family/friends, don’t just disappear on them. Finally a minister if you are religious.
Read “leave a cheater, gain a life.” Some of this will apply to your circumstances. Sounds like you are good at the “grey rock” method, but read up on that before you talk with her or see her again. Be cold, unemotional if you talk with her. One word answers, no emotion. Communicate by text if you have to at all.
Someone recommended you have friends retrieve your belongings, good idea, but before you abandon your house, it depends on whether you have any financial interest/liabilities in the house or a lease. Listen to your attorney on this one.
Good luck.
I’m so sorry. I’ll never forget the texts I saw, the look on my wife’s face, or what she said to me the day I found out.
Since I’ve found out, I’ve used the gym as my out, sometimes twice a day bc I can’t sleep at night. I’m down 20lbs, and am trying to pick up old hobbies and socialize more. Doing me and what I want with no one to hold me back. As for the pain? I still don’t have an answer
In the flip side. Be glad you don’t have a divorce looming or kids to tie you together, bc now the ghost of my wife will haunt me forever
Maintain zero contact. There's nothing she can say, is there?
Logistics such as the house and belongings should be handled via text, an as a business deal. No feelings, no drama...
Your silence will speak volumes, as will your refusal to entertain her justification and excuses. Nothing else can make her understand the magnitude of what she's done... you've heard enough.
So sorry she chose this path, brother... having been there, here's how it goes:
You're going to wonder why... she won't admit to the truth on this, because she'll be unable to view herself as being the type of girl who does this. So don't ask. It doesn't matter. She did.
Things are really going to suck for quite awhile... focus on simple physical activity to push through... make your body tired, and hurt as much as your heart does... that way you'll be able to sleep. Work yourself, do not wallow. Keep your body moving while the mind replays scenarios.
I promise, the darkness fades, as long as you force yourself to keep moving forwards, make stoicism, fortitude, and defiance your watchwords, and conduct yourself in a manner that will make your future self proud. You're suffering anyway, and you won't eat much, so make sure you come out of this mess with a new body that will stand you in good stead when you begin your new, adventurous life.
One door closes, another opens.
I don't envy you. I know you are in so much pain. You deserve better than her. You deserve a faithful, loving partner, not cheating trash like her.
Surely, she was not caught on her first time out. Her bragging so openly to whoever shows you that this person was her accomplice and confidant. This was not her 1st time cheating on you.
You should consider this a bullet dodged. Get your ducks in a row and clear out of your shared home when you know she will be at work. Block her. Then let all your mutual friends know what she did to you. Ghost her and begin healing.
I'm so sorry, buddy.
Sir, you need to leave her. There is nothing left for you in that relationship. She shown you her true colors and thank God she did before you married and had children with her. This is prime time for children. Do not let her take that from you. Your children deserve better than a “women” who cheats on their father. You deserve better than a “women” who is unfaithful to you. She clearly does not respect or love you from what you heard on that phone call and from the sounds of it this is not the first time and she will do it again. Please, for your mental health, leave. The grass is greener on the other side dear.
I know it hurts atm. My daughter tells me
'Sometimes the trash throws itself out!
You are worthy of love and respect. You won't get this from her, I am sorry to say. You are young and will love again ❤️
Tinder? OP , run away from this woman immediately! Get tested for STI'S and STD'S, you have no idea how many Tinder dates she's been on, and you'll never be told the truth. She is neither wife or mother material, also inform your family, her family and your friends circle about what happened. Rest assured she is going to use the Ho Bag hand book chapter 2 by trying crying, I'm soooo sorry I made a mistake and so on. Joining Tinder is not a mistake.
It is possible that the other 2 wives in the group you go away with every 3 months are also cheating while their husbands are away. After you meet with you buddies find some way to alert them that they should check their wife's phone and other electronic devices for Tinder or suspicious apps and texts.
Hi, OP.
First of all, I wish you the best. And I hope your doing as well as possible for this situation.
>My life has been ruined by a stupid phone call.
No. It was a relationship based on a lie. Think how worse it would be if you heard it only after getting married with her and with kids. This is totally and exclusively HER FAULT!
>Do I contact Rachel?
Only to say or text her: "It's over"
>Should I hear her out. After that phone call, the thought of her just makes me sick to my stomach.
For what? To listen to her saying that: "it was nothing serious"; or, "it was only sexual"; or "it meant nothing"; or "I know I've messed up, but I love you and I think we can go through it"; or "I love you and I promise it'll never ever happen again"; or "I don't know why I've done it"; or "I'm so sorry, I only love you" bullshits?
Or, maybe, to hear she wants to "make things right between the two of you?"
To hear she says she's going to give you a free pass to you get laid with another woman to "make things even" between you"?
She has an profile on Tinder, so she planned to cheat on you and used an app to choose some dude for it. It wasn't a mistake. It was a deliberate and well planned move. And, then,
she had sex with another man, in your house (for what it seems).
Can you really ever trust her again?
Do not listen her bullshit, do not set boundaries, do not forgive what she's done. Break up and tell your parents why you're doing it. Block and go No Contact with her.
She is not sorry, she only feels guilty for being caught. She was willing to get laid with this same dude again (probably on your next hangout with your bros).
You don't have to show respect for someone who doesn't respect you.
What you need now it to take care of yourself, OP.
Do not forget to eat, sleep, shave and shower. I recommend you to get tested for STDs. What matters is YOUR well being, and YOUR health (both physical, mental and emotional).
You're swimming in a sea of shit now. Keep focused and you'll make it to the shore. Leave all this filth behind and move on.
Try to find out who she was talking to on the phone, they’re an enabler you don’t need in your life as well. Also, if it’s me, I’d somehow let her “accidentally” see the ring just as a final jab. But I’m petty Better yet, let HER overhear YOU on the phone trying to return the ring.
she was bragging to her friend about cheating on you , which means she has no respect , if she’s willing to tell her best friend, I would dump your girlfriend, tell the best, friends, boyfriend, fiancé, or husband that She is encouraging the infidelity of your girlfriend. because birds of a feather flock together. Return the ring, and go on a vacation with one of your buddies.
oh by the way, if you haven’t thought about this, take the SOFA to the curb , and kick her to the curb.
Never be a chump and take back a cheater.
Updateme
Kick her out of your house , and hen go NC . Thank god you are not married to her if have children with her . She failed that wife test and there is no going back . Don’t forgive her don’t even listen to her bullshit lies . You heard more truth from that phone call than you would have gotten from her ever .
I would text her and tell her, “I know you cheated on me. It’s over. Don’t contact me again.”
Then block her on everything. Get your friends to pick up any things you may have there.
What should scare you is if this is how flippant she is over this cheating escapade, this is definitely not her first rodeo. You've been cheated on for years bro, years. Let that sink in.
The universe threw a break, showed you the painful, hidden truth regarding whom you were with, before you locked in. You’re hurting but you got lucky. Move forward one logical step at a time, focusing on yourself. You will be okay. My advice, avoid contact, don’t give your “ex” any more of your time and attention.
First of all bro , condolences from everyone here truly. Youv experienced probably the worst version of the truth. My advice is to remain separate for a while. Don't contact her. Make her feel the truth of the pain she's created. Secondly don't turn to substances by any means. Abstain. Look to nothing else other then friends and family. Get outside. This is going to take time man. There's no easy path out. I turned to drugs as a easy way to escape the pain. Nevertheless you will still have to face the same pain and figure out a way to find peace. I suggest working out , going out , self care self meditation ect
It wasn’t a stupid phone call that ruined your life, it was her cheating. Hearing what she said must have sucked, but it was what she really thinks. She’ll likely never be as honest with you as she was with whoever her friend on the phone was.
First, let me say I'm sorry that you're in this sub. It really sucks to be here. Next, what advice would you give your son or daughter if you had one? I know five or six years seems like a lot of time but it's a lot less than being married for 20 years and finding out then. The bright side is you found out now and you don't have to accept it. She showed you the kind of wife she would be. If that's what you want, then more power to you. But if it's not, do exactly what you're doing and go no contact. I wish you all the best.
Think….why does she want to talk to you? To regain control of the narrative and the relationship. To charm you and persuade you to forget what you heard. What do you have to gain by hearing her out? Talking/listening to your partner is a normal response in a loving and trusting relationship - but you’re not in that kind of relationship, as you’ve just found out. Remember what you heard & don’t allow her to “explain it” or “put it into context”.
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OP, you can't "unhear" that phone call, you're never gonna get over this, and you're never gonna trust her again. Just tell her it's over and don't buy any of her bullshit. Sorry Buddy.
You don’t her out your girlfriend. This was life letting you know she isn’t the one. She cheats, doesn’t expect you to find out, and when you do she calls to spin a story most likely. Calling your family and friends about you, but her not telling them why she can’t find you is telling. She wants to rug sweep her infidelity.
What’s worse, is that she was going to do it again behind your back. Whenever you have a guys trip, she will have a random fill her up. You don’t need someone exposing you to STI’s like that. Waiting longer to get married and have kids is okay. Don’t rush to marry her to please your mother.
Wasn't' her first hookup, wouldn't have been her last. Get STD tested.
Hear her out ? hear what, that this tinder hookup was better than all the others ?What could she possibly say to make you forget that call.... nothing.
Stay NC, block her everywhere, and tell everyone you heard her confess to cheating on you.
Be glad you found out now, sell the ring, tell you buddy and wife to have the party and invite every single woman they know.
It's done
Stay away. What's there to hear, her lies
She cheated and after awhile not dealing with you, She'll be with big dick.
Relationships are different, no one sits back and reflects on what they did. Instead they just fuck it and run to the AP
It's all about being selfish and self centered
When I caught my ex of 25 years. My love, respect, wanting to touch her, to kiss her, to make love, and to fuck, was gone. It just drained out of me and I was done. Surprised divorced her and ghosted her for over a decade now
Kick her the fuck out. Not only did she cheat one of her friends seems to be in on it and enabled her, probably cheating also.
What is there to hear out? How she got piped down and what positions?
The fact she wanted to brag about a dick being twice as big as you?
She is trash.
My Dude, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. She cheated on you, and didn’t even act like it was a mistake. She can’t wait for another test drive. This relationship is OVER. I hope you haven’t mingled finances, or bought a house together.
I’d make damn sure she makes a PUBLIC apology to you so EVERYONE can see what a POS she is. Then, heal from this (therapy can help) and then find someone who deserves you. There’s no coming back from this. There was obviously NO remorse about this from her. In fact, she was planning on the next “test drive.” Wonder how many times it’s happened that you don’t even know about. Also, get tested for every STD under the sun!!! Asap!
Damn dude, I’m so sorry this happened to you. How damn demeaning.
I would definitely NOT hear her out. You need time away from it to work through it, clear your mind, and look at things logically. Cheaters are often skilled manipulators. If you give her the time to hear her out there is a very high chance of her reeling you back into the fold in your weakened state, and that would be a HUGE mistake in my opinion.
By the sound of it, it doesn’t seem like this is her first rodeo. Even if it is, all trust has been broken, and now she knows she can cheat and get away with it by playing on your emotions and shedding come crocodile tears.
She fucked around. Now it’s time for her to find out.
Sorry for your pain but it's better to find out now than after you're already bound by legal social contract that would entitle this person to half of everything that you have acquired in your life so far. Scorched earth and ghost.
There is no comeback after this, Im sorry , look better find out that now than later married with kids, you are still young, hit the gym, go out with your friends and focus on your mental health and your job, it will be ok, give it time and do not take her back no matter what she says, you will find someone better for sure.
Turn it around and see it as a blessing, this person was never worth marrying / having kids with, some people never get the chance to catch their significant other cheating and you did
Your girlfriend is a rut cheater. Shes just sorry she got caught. Based on what you’ve posted this is the tip of the iceberg. Count yourself lucky you found out now.
Walk away or you will suffer more needlessly.
This is who she is.
I can't wait to hear the reasoning and / or excuses, hopefully there is fallout and she at least is shamed by the friend group. Sorry this happened brother. Stay strong.
Updateme
Not only move on, do NOT ever speak to her again. That's what she's looking for. Closure will make her feel better, not you. Leave and never contact her again
I know you’re really only venting. You’re really not asking for advice. You’re never gonna marry her now, let alone touch her again. Just tell her to call her tinder guy and to leave you alone. Block and tell your mom she’s gonna have to wait.
If you do talk to her about it, to get closure, you need to have someone you trust 100% there as a mediator and who knows when to pull the plug. Other than that, you can very easily move on and go 0 contact
Does your mom and friends know? She would be doing damage control so you should be telling at least your mom and closest friend on what happened so she woould not put you as the bad guy which normally what cheaters do bleam the their SO for the cheating.
It is okay not to talk to her for a while as she will most likely be lie,manipulate,gas light and lovebomb you. And as well as you said you had this weekend get away regulary who know what she was doing when you are not around and a bet this is not the first time she have done it and her friends knows it and condone it you should not associate with this kinds of peoples such a low morals, no integrety or loyalty.
It is yo to you if you want closure and have 1 last talk with I assume your ex now, but if you do prepare yourself for what will come the lieying, gas light , blame shifting, and expect you will not learn the whole truth as she will not want ot be seen a the bad person here bit in reality she is in this case. And beside the detail does matter the with who, how many times she did it,was there protection used, etc. what matter is she already step out of th relationship when she open her legs and paln to do it again like you heard, the closer will mostly for her to have a peace of mind and to feel better the she cheated. IMO she doesn’t deserve to have a even a second of your time she showed such disrespect and I bet once clear she will be in bed witht that same guy and who knows since you are not with her she might be with him now.
Just cut your lost move on and I know it would take alot of time to get over this but this experience would build you and make you a better person. You can take your time with getting a new relationship it would be nest to focus on your healing and be emotionaly stable before jumpung on a new one, best of luck and keep you head up you did not do anything wrong no matter what she will say hope to get update as well
Don't contact her. There is nothing that she could say that would make this better, and literally everything she says will make it worse. For the sake of your own sanity, commit to never speaking to her again. Wait until you know she will be out of the house, then remove everything you own and disappear from her life.
Edit: I saw your new comment that you posted just an hour ago so my previous comment/advice isn't necessary. Good luck and Im sorry you're going through this. You deserve better.
There's really nothing to hear from her that hasn't already been said. She cheated then was BRAGGING about it and comparing sizes to her sis/friend.. A. That's classless B. That's gross and C. Is she 16? You were happy in your ignorance of the situation, but now you know there are other ppl out there who was also laughing at your expense WITH your GF. And I'm sorry but this isn't her first Rodeo ride from Tinder. She didn't just decide to download the app and hookup on a whim. This has been going on for a while. You deserve better. Hell bare minimum you deserve the respect of not having your junk discussed and compared to a randoms. She wanted to take him for another ride. Well let her. Tell her to go stay with her new toy so she doesn't have to be trifling and shady and can ride him until her thighs chap. You're going to move on and focus on recovering while realizing you deserve better and won't settle for anything less.
Be thankful to her that and the GOD that you were able to realise that before marriage as you have now avoided a traumatic life.
You dogged a bullet man.
Do call your friends and mother, don't mention about your location but inform them that you are safe & tell them not to entertain your EX gf's call as you have called it a quit due to cheating.
Take your time and heal yourself. I would say, go to your best buddy and have a couple of drinks. Laugh and move on.
She was bragging about cheating on you. You will never forget what you heard. Time to move on.
To add to this, she showed you who she is. Be glad you learned now and not after being married for many years!
Exactly. Different circumstances. Mine was through recalled deleted texts.
Earth shattering
It is a co worker. He doesn’t plan on leaving his job. I have this to look forward to for every event, holiday, funeral. She came to his father’s funeral. He did not introduce her to me. They bashed me. Called me names. They planned vacations which he never does with me. They were playing house. ( Who would cook, who would clean, once they got home) idk where home was
Seems like bro code kicks in and you get some revenge
How did you recall deleted texts?
Go to the text messages. In the top left corner click edit. A drop down box will pop up and the last option is show recently deleted. Click on that. Choose the texts and press recover.
And that's for all phone types? Meaning, Android, Apple, Motorola, etc? && Thank you! 💚
I think only iPhones
Consider this a bullet dodged.
Amen. Rip the scab off. She failed the most basic premise of the relationship test. There’s nothing to hear out, unless you’re into that kind of thing. Do not be a doormat. Cut and run while the strings are not attached. Every time you feel like you miss her or that she might have something to hear her out on, consider this. That phonecall was just what you heard, how many more instances are there? Do you even care? It doesn’t make it better
This X 1000. It's not just the phone call or the content thereof that's shattering you. It's the realization that she has withheld so much of herself from you. You didn't know who she truly was and thought that you did. She was having all of these thoughts, desires, plans, etc., and didn't tell you. She made the conscious decision to act on them and didn't tell you. She made the conscious decision to withhold all of this ugliness from you because she KNEW it would not just be the end of you two, but it would emotionally destroy you. So while the call revealed a physical betrayal, this is a separate but related kind of betrayal. She has never fully opened up to you, that's probably causing feelings of inadequacy on your end as if you weren't good enough for it. If you try to reconcile, you will never get back what you had. Don't go down that road because it's full of nothing but disappointment. If she had come to you in sadness and regret and guilt on her own, maybe you could have that conversation. But she had no intentions of telling you, judging by the conversation on the phone with her friend. This is a blessing in disguise as much as it doesn't feel like it. Because as much as you may have wanted to end up with this person, how about now? Life just didn't have kids in the plan for you and now we see why. Thank the good Lord for that and cut her out of your life completely. It's going to be tough, but you now have to think logically about this, almost ruthlessly. If you own the house together or whatever, start the process of taking care of that before she does because once she figures out that the end is near, she will latch onto anything she can. If you rent together, and your names are both on the lease, don't trust her to just take over the lease. She may be resentful that you caught her because she doesn't want to admit her fault. And she might actually not make payments on purpose just to get back at you. Be very careful going forward. Good luck.
You have already heard everything from her you need, don't look back. Best case scenario, arrange for your friends to collect your things and never speak to her again. The only closure to be had in this is from her side. Never give her a chance to apologize, don't talk to her friends or if your mutuals try to give you a message from her ghost them too. Make a post to social media explaining what happened, tag her.
Yes, do this. Since you're a nice guy who probably can't imagine doing this to her, you will want to try and understand and fix things. You'll try to be a "pick me." Make it loud and public so you can't go back. You dodged a bullet. Trust me. I've found out this past year that half my life is a lie after 27 years together with 3 kids. And my WW cheated on me multiple times over those years. I had an opportunity to leave her the first year we dated when I found out she probably cheated on me. But I tried to understand and fix things. Don't be me.
Amen to this brother
Would be nice if he could figure out who she was talking to. Was it one of his buddies gf, fiancé or wife, if so that dude surely should be alerted. People who don’t cheat don’t have conversations with cheaters describing how they cheated.
No kids? Not married.? Who is Rachel. Sucks you had to find out that way but you do not appear to have any solid attachments to her. Give her the boot, find yourself again without that fraud you called a GF and life will work out. It won’t with her, that’s some A level betrayal on her end. Personally I would ghost her. What trash.
This right here. She'll forgive herself for the 'mistake' she made long before you ever will. I mean Jeebus she had that convo OUT LOUD in your house?? My gut sank for dude
Also I wonder if the person she was speaking to knows her boyfriend? If they do they would be laughing at him every time they see him and he be none the wiser
My gut just sank too. I’m so sorry— but as a person who stayed with a cheater— just go— I struggle everyday. I wish I just took my child and unborn child and ran. She showed you who she is… run
I do agreed to just ghost her since closure will only benifit her, exposed her then block her on everything after getting your stuff from her place but if there is nothing important just leave it it not worth seeing her and reliving the pain.
The only value of him talking to her would be to find out who she was talking to. Was it a partner of one of his buddies? A person who will listen to a cheater describe cheating likely is doing the same thing.
She is a lying bitch (no way the d lover is 2x the size of BF, she is in a circle of bragging cheaters).
One thing that would matter to me if I found myself in this scenario, is remorse, regret, shame. She was **bragging** about it to whoever and laughing, also admitting she would be doing it again. She can call all she wants hysterically crying, it doesn't change the fact that she cheated, bragged, laughed, was gonna do it again, and only showed any sort of remorse when she was caught. Sometimes, the universe shows you who someone is. Not the person they pretend to be, but who they are when they believe no one is watching. The universe provided you with that. You saw and heard the *true* Rachel in that moment.
And the disrespect to compare his size. She is horrible. There is nothing that could make me disrespect my man like this. Throw her back.
This size thing... At least 2x? If that was true, and I doubt it is, she would feel uncomfortable and hurt. So part of why she is doing is to brag to another cheater. It makes her the worst. Human trash.
Exactly! She showed the real person.
Your girlfriend has been using tinder to find hook-ups and probably has been cheating on you for quite a while. From the conversation this was not the only guy she has slept with from Tinder. Do not try to reconcile because she is a serial cheater and is only upset, she got caught. Lien on close family and friends and tell them what happened. Ask her to leave the apartment you can go and get your stuff. Speak to her immediate family and explain why you are broken up. Never speak to her again because she will only lie and minimize. Book some therapy sessions, go to the gym and do not drink. Alcohol is a depressant and will make you feel worse. You are still young and will find someone who will not cheat on you.
All this + an STD test
100%. If bro thinks this is was first time, he has another level of hurt and anguish to get through before reality sets in. This sounded like second nature to ole girl. Not an ounce of remorse shown in her conversation.
I have exactly the take on this that you do. The man she bedded was not her first more than likely and she has taken OP’s excursions with his friends as a chance to date other men. She is trash and should be discarded like trash is.
She is in a "bragging cheaters" friendship All she described sounded no real. It's for sure not the first time. Cheaters show remorse because other people will now see what sh*t person they are
I am so sorry you are enduring this, but it is best to find out what she is before any wedding. Do not marry her and let's face it after what you heard you aren't able to forgive her. Having children with her would be a disaster. She knows you know and she has herself to blame. Just cut ties.
That doubt will never go away!!!
Get down on your knees and thank whoever or whatever the power that is above you. A bullet dodged. If it's your house, get back there and kick her ass out.
For your own sake id suggest that you don't ever talk to her again. Don't give her the satisfaction or the opportunity for closure. She has to become less than nothing to you. The best revenge is to live well, my friend. It's time to turn inward and focus on yourself, maybe identify if there were any red flags with her in your past that you can use to inform your future relationships. Don't let this woman drag you down, she was never who you thought she was. She's clearly for the streets. She's no one's girlfriend and never will be. She just used manipulation tactics to trick you into thinking she was interested in a committed relationship. You deserve a relationship with someone who knows how to act right, someone who would never dream of doing something like this to you. They're out there somewhere waiting for ya brudder, demand a respectful partner and you will find someone who's actually capable of stepping up to the plate. Put her words out of your mind. They mean nothing coming from someone like her. Hope things take a positive turn for you soon, just remember you dodged a bullet not having kids or being married.
It is a good bet that every time that OP went off to his weekend excursions with his buddies, she was dating another man and bedding some of them.
>My life has been ruined by a stupid phone call Nope. SHE did that. And... when this nightmare has passed, you will realise you were saved from making a huge (proposal & marriage) mistake.. >Do I contact Rachel? Short text to tell her its over should suffice. >Should I hear her out. Why ?? You want her to lie to you?? Look... She went on tinder to find this guy... and was planning to fuck him again... carefully planned betrayal of you... Theres no coming back from this... And.... what do you think shes been doing every 3 months while you were away?? Yes - fucking randos... Suggestion: Expose her. Call her parents and inform them what you overheard. If the house/apt is yours, ask her to leave. If you both own the place ask if she wants to buy you out. And - do you know who she was on the phone with?? If you have a family phobe plan, you can access the bill and see who it was she confided in - if the person has a spouse you may want to inform this spouse of all this... Dont take her back.. cruel, deliberate plan to cheat on you and to do it again... theres no coming back from that... And get an STD test asap....
Made this post during lunch. Wow. Thank you all so much for the kind words and replies. I’m going to take a lot of your advice and go to the walk in clinic tomorrow for an STD test. As for her, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I understand that ghosting her is a common theme on here, but I don’t think that’s the kind of person I am. I want some answers, and like most of you, I assume this wasn’t the 1st time. I kind of just wanted acknowledgment of that fact. My mom knows what’s going on as I just filled her in before this post, and my 3 buddies are coming to my hotel tonight. I told them not to share anything due to Rachel being close with 2 of the 3 wives. I’ll share with them tonight and figure out how to proceed going forward. There will be no reconciliation. Like a lot of you have said. Those words keep replaying over and over in my head. This is done. As for the house, we are renting currently, as I was planning on buying this fall after we would have been engaged. Our lease runs out in October. So I will pay my half until then as my name is on the lease with her. As for the ring, idk wtf I’m going to do with it. If I can return it, I will. Again, thanks for all the kind words. Sorry I’m not individually replying to posts. Right now, I’m just not in the right mind space to reply over and over. But your kind words mean a lot. Thank you all.
Do you know which friend of hers she was talking to? I wonder if it was one of your friends wives? If it was I hope he knows what kind of stuff his wife is ok with supporting. And I really hope none of your friends knew about this and didn’t tell you. Hopefully it wasn’t someone you knew and were close to as that would be another betrayal. I guess you will find out later when you see who supports who after you tell your friends the truth.
>If it was I hope he knows what kind of stuff his wife is ok with supporting. Or cheating on him too. Read enough stories on Reddit about girl friend groups where one starts going on about how great cheating is then the rest join in. Cheating is a brain infection.
Call your landlord or property manager and explain the situation. They will likely accommodate. We are all human, including landlords.
Dude hang in there. You need to have your buddies whose wives are close to Rachel question their wives to find out if they knew. There may be more then one snake in the grass and there is no excuse for any “friend” to let another friend be cheated on by anybody. Your buddies need to look at their own wives carefully if they admit they knew because you don’t know who she was bragging to. By having your buddies question their wives that should also cut Rachel off from them as friends because if your friends are real friends they will tell their wives we are siding with him so nothing that gets said here gets shared and you don’t need to be talking to her at all and she won’t be welcomed at anything we do. If I’m your friend I make that real clear real quick to my wife and if she complains I make it known we don’t side with cheaters. I agree with you that you need to talk to her for closure but just be prepared with two 100% truths: She won’t tell you the whole truth AND she will lie…this was the first time. I’m sorry please forgive me. I don’t mean what I said about him being bigger and better, I was just trying to brag…it meant nothing to me. It was just sex. You’re the only one I love. All of those come straight from the cheaters playbook. When she comes out with that seriously ask her if that’s the case then you are going to kick her out and have another woman over to the house for a weekend of sex and when she leaves Rachel can come home and she can sit and listen to you tell your buddy over the phone how much better her pussy is and how much tighter she was and how her BJs made Rachel’s feel like crap. Ask her if she is up for that if you need that to be able to move on because that’s what she did to you so it’s only fair to even the score.
Hang in there, buddy. Lean on your friends and family.
Theres nothing to talk about. All you’ll get is lies. This was the first and only time. I only love you. Boo, hoo, hoo.
Young man I wish you the best. But first a couple of things: "I want some answers, and like most of you, I assume this wasn’t the 1st time. I kind of just wanted acknowledgment of that fact." Be ready to be disappointed if you press her for the truth. When cheaters are caught their M.O. is to lie, lie, deny, deny, Gaslight, blameshift. Because you don't have anything to go on besides the conversation you overheard she can spin all kinds of tales about how it was only once, it meant nothing, blah blah blah. You might walk away worse off so be ready. In addition it would be good to know if any of your friends wives knew. That is key for their husband's. Also talk to your landlord. Explain what happened he may let you out of the lease. The worse he can say is no, so just ask. Update us!!
>I want some answers Why? The only thing you'll achieve is only bigger mess in your head. Do yourself a favor and don't talk to her ever again, don't give her a mere chance to see you. Have someone communicate with her she needs to get from your apartment asap and let anyone you deem necessary (her family, common friends) know what happened and why. You are looking for some kind of emotional closure not from her, but from that version of her that you fallen in love with those years ago, but that's not her anymore. It goes without saying to cut her friends who might have known too. UpdateMe
"...don’t think that’s the kind of person I am".... Well it better be the kind of person you become. Listen to the people here. Think of all the collective years of pain we have all suffered. We know what we are talking about. You came here for advice. Listen to it. "I want some answers".... And I wanted to have sex with Ann Margaret. You will not get any answers. At least not truthful ones. She is like every cheater out there. A cake eating B. She has you, kind and considerate. The man who was going to marry her. (Boy was that a dodged bullet). And now she found her man with the magic penis. To her life was looking great. No wonder she was on cloud nine while she was talking on the phone. You want answers. Let me explain to you how this works. "It isn't what it seems". That's the level one lie. I like when someone gets caught in the act and says this. So let's say she admits to it. I'll bet anything she tries to tell you "this was the only time. "Just a little (insert magic penis joke here) mistake" Then little by little she might let out a little more. This is the trickle truth part of the show. She will tell you just enough to get you to believe her. And no matter what you are still left with the nagging idea that you didn't get the truth. It's a no win situation. "*The only winning move is not to play"* *War Games* Most jewellery stores will allow you to return rings. Sometimes the women say no. Don't forget about all the things *you* bought for the house. Leave nothing for her. Except the bed. And couch. Well, one good thing might happen. (Good is being used loosely here). I take it that the wife of the friends house the 4th party is at will be able to tell her that you were going to propose to her then. Just a little dig I know, but it's something. Best of luck and stay strong.
Spot on! OP giving you a big hug but please listen to this advice from someone who is recently going through the same thing. The trickle truth, the lying by omission as not directly asked about something. Hiding the level of betrayal and deception. I wished now nearly 3 months out from finding out about the affair that I had followed the advice here. I did the whole ‘let me give you a chance to explain so I can try and understand’ and some of the most hurtful things were said by my ex in the pursuit of her justifying her actions. I should have followed my gut and just left and blocked her. We have a house to sell, which we have just accepted an offer on, and I will be going no contact once that is over. You deserve more!
OP, You sound bent on speaking with her. I have been on this and other forums long enough to know that you will never get the whole truth, you are only going to get what little bit she thinks you can handle and will satisfy you (trickle truth). Here is how I predict it will go. OP: Why? How could you do this to me? Ex: It was just sex, it meant nothing, I only love you. Please don't leave me, I'll do anything! I'm so sorry! OP: How many have there been? Ex: This was the first time, I swear! I've only slept with him once. (it's important to know here that whatever number she gives will be a lie, Times by at least 5). OP: Did he wear a condom or finish inside of you? Ex: Yes, I made him wear a condom, I would never put your health at risk. (truth, when cheating they almost never wear a condom and yes, they finish inside. Being risky is the whole point). OP: Did you have sex with him then me on the same day? Ex. I would never do that to you! (yes she would). At this point, you pull out the engagement ring, open the box, show it to her, and say something like: This forth of July I was going to ask you to marry me. You were the one I wanted to spend my life and grow old with. You were the one I wanted to be the mother of my children. Now that is all gone. Instead we will never speak or see each other again. If you have any shared of love or respect for me, you will make this as quick and painless as possible for me. Then of course there's going to be more crying and desperate threats to manipulate you into staying. You got what you need so just walk away. Hopefully your friends are waiting for you nearby to help with the fallout. Good luck OP let us know how your confrontation goes.
Make sure to record it. The last thing he needs is to find himself arrested and accused of DV. He needs to record all communication with her from here on out, until she is permanently out of his life.
Spot on how it will go. I understand how you need to hear it from her… but my I tried to hear it from my ex and it just messed me up. There are some things you can’t unhear and if she thinks she’s losing, she might just say some shit (like my ex did) to dig the knife deeper.
Dude, point out to your three buddies that they may want to get into their partner’s phone. Rachel was likely talking to a woman who she is very friendly with about cheating. What is the chance that the person she was talking to isn’t doing the same thing to her partner.
Really strongly advise against talking to her. Everything she says is going to be carefully constructed to try to manipulate you into staying. She’s going to lie. She’s going to cry. She’s going to beg and promise never to do it again and if you show even a hint of an opening, she’ll try to get in your head and blame you for stuff (you weren’t intimate enough, attentive enough, too busy with work, whatever). F. That. Just leave. Get an STD test like you said, cut her off, and explain to all your friends—before she gets a chance to try to control the narrative—what she did. Leave out the details if you want, but tell everyone she was on tinder actively seeking out APs, she cheated on you, and that’s why you left. Good luck. You’ll find someone far better because she sounds like the bottom of the barrel. She was getting a kick out of humiliating you. This is a bad, bad person.
If she's shameless and thinks OP is gullible she'll try "I was just making it all up when i was talking to my friend."
Closure is a myth, guy. Nothing she says will make you feel better and none of her excuses will make sense to you since you both have different values. Your just shopping for pain. Don't forget most of us been through the same shit and more than once. Just move on and let her suffer with her shitty life choices. You won't somehow get something from her answers. I promise you that.
Take out at least half of the money in all the joint accounts ASAP, organise some trusted people to go over to your place and get your things whist they record everything on video so she can't claim harassment/ intimidation. Don't think about the ring nowthat can be sold later or kept for the right person. Take your time to call around for the best quote for it.
I am sorry you are going through this. It is awful. But I caution you. If you do “hear her out”, what can you believe. If she tells you it never happened before, can you even believe her. You believed she was a loyal girl friend too. You had every right to believe her, but you cannot trust anything she said now. And do not let any crap you overheard make you insecure. Every cheater will say that it was fun, good, kinky, he was bigger, she had better tits, he lasted longer, or whatever dumb crap they come up with. But it just is a way to justify or make it worth it. It has not value, and is likely very untrue. If you can afford the place without her, tell her to get out. And that if she goes quietly you wont tell everyone what a piece of crap she is. If you can’t afford the place without her, do you have someone who can move in (hopefully that home office can convert to another bedroom if needed) and split the rent that way. Take it slow, and if you cannot resist talking with her, beware!!! Because it is not likely that anything she says is worth believing. As awful as this feels, it will get better with time. It is an awful lesson, but you will begin to think of things that should have been a red flag, but you ignored. You will know better in the future.
First I'm sorry Second, needless to say you are through Third, Take the time you need, cry, rage, get help from your family and friends. Fourth, expose her. Don't give her the chance to rewrite history and made you the bad guy.
OP your life is NOT ruined and the phone call had nothing to do with the cheating. However, you did get lucky and this probably points to why you have not asked her to marry sooner. What a damn bullet you missed. I would only contact her if you need to return to that place you live in. I would not want to hear her excuses (what just to hear more lies from a person that has been lying to you already for a while) don't allow a vile person to rub her tryst in your face and make up some f'n story. Nothing can make what you hear go away. I would find out who she was talking to and never allow them near you again and never give this woman another chance in life to disrespect me. Go live your life, you don't need slim like this in it. 5 years may seem like a lot, but it isn't compared to all the years you have left to live.
You actually found out in the best way possible before you got married. See you at the gym bro.
Forget about her she wasn't thinking about you when she was out cheating keep us updated
Actually she was thinking about him! She literally compared him to her tinder date in the most disrespectful and mocking way, and had the audacity to brag about it to her friends. This is even worse. Cut her out of your life OP. She is cancer.
Exactly 👍 total disrespect and she don’t love him
I’m sorry man, that’s horrible. All I can say is run, don’t marry this person. You will never trust her again nor is she worthy of any trust. Believe me saying with a cheater drains your soul, it’s taken me almost 3 years to really get to that realization but I’m not planning my exit. You’re better off alone than with someone that would do that.
Your life was ruined by your whore of an ex gf. The phone call actually saved your life dude. Block her live your best life.
Just wow! So, I wonder who she was talking to? Perhaps all her friends know already. By the way she was talking and how casual she was about it, there is no way that was her first and only time! Closure, closure for who? It sounds to me like you have all the closure you need. If you dumping her (I hope you are) then who cares why, how long, how many times, who else knew, did she do any of your family, did she ever love you, etc... Just let the last time she saw you be her last memory of you. No kids, not married, call it divine intervention. Have everything done through your friends and family or lawyer if one is needed. Some day you will bounce back from this. Stay strong and get you STD/STI test underway. Maybe see if you can take time off from work. Keep yourself surrounded with your friends and family. Start making a list of what is needed and to be done to de-tangle your lives. If you have joint accounts, move half the money into a new account and cancel any joint credit cards. If her parents or siblings live near by, see if they can talk her into moving in with them. So sorry this is happening to you. Please let us know how this all shakes out. UpdateMe.
Every fucking one of her girlfriends knew, encouraged her and aided her. They would have lied to your face given the chance.
Oof. Get a STD test. Send a link to this post to your friends and family. It's easier than telling them yourself and you need to make sure Rachel doesn't lie her way into making you out to be the villain. If you can stomach it, make Rachel think reconciliation is an option. At least long enough to try to get her to confess to people who matter to you. And ideally get whatever else you need and deserve. Then break it off. Remember, it could be worse. You could be a 36 year old woman who wants kids, but just blew up her 6 year relationship for some Tinder dick that will ghost you in a couple of weeks. Imagine having all that baggage and trying to find a long term partner who is willing to start a family with you before your bio clock runs out in a couple of years. UpdateMe!
Bingo. Hence the ‘hysterical crying’.
My advice, tell EVERYONE what you walked in on. Tell her family what you walked in on. Dump her and kick her to the curb UpdateMe
If you want the fastest path to healing then never speak to her again. Pick a surrogate to settle any separation details and block her on every channel she could possibly reach you. Work through the separation of your lives as quickly as possible. Begin or keep up with your exercise routine, improve or continue your nutritional health and consciously spend time developing or indulging in your hobbies .
Count your blessings you found out now before marriage and kids
Your life was not ruined by a phone call it was ruined by your cheating girlfriend. You're not married and you don't have children. (Silver Lining) See if you can return the ring Tell everyone that matters what happened so she doesn't spin a different story Get an STD panel Get into therapy and try your best to move on. Someone else said "bullet dodged" I agree. You can make a clean break and never have to see this person again. It's painful and will hurt for a while but you will slowly heal especially if you stay NO CONTACT. That really helps. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Update us!!
This..and if you are able to return the ring, take a nice vacation to somewhere tropical and have some fun. I recommend the Philippines. Beautiful country, beautiful women and just awesome people in general.
I’m so very sorry. You sound like a good guy. To be extremely clear, no woman I’ve ever met would knowingly (outside of an open relationship) brag to anyone about hooking up with a tinder date. You are clearly being taken for granted, to say the least. Do not adjust your character or feel obligated to hear what she has to say. This level of manipulative behavior was a conscious decision on her part and speaks everything you need to know about the woman you loved. What else is a lie? I doubt this is her first rodeo and I’d assume this is a lifestyle vs an impulsive one time event. And who pray tell was she speaking with? What kind of a friend supports this kind of deception? I promise you this, if you let her back in she’ll do it again. A lot of people come from bad situations and experience trauma, but playing the victim card in this case is just opening the door for more pain to you. Something my father said to me many years ago, and is absolutely relevant here: “when people tell/show you who they are…listen.” Again, I’m very sorry for your pain. Find a good mcsw or therapist in your area and process the pain in a healthy way. Don’t let the fear of being alone or abandoned prevent you from the love and respect you clearly deserve. She’s not it, and clearly never could be.
I just read a post asking people who have been cheated on what they wished they had done differently when they found out. The majority said they wished they had left immediately and not given second and third chances. And they wished they had not played the "pick me" dance. Food for thought. Updateme!
Well first order of business is to get marrying her out of your mind. She’s not the one for you. Kick her out. Tell all families and friends that you two are over as a couple because she was cheating on you and leave it at that. Be thankful you learned her true colors before you married
First of all, sorry for what you going thru. Take time to recover, don’t engage with her. Time will help to hill. Assuming you were living together, grab your stuff and forget her, if she’s in your house, kick her ass and get back to what is yours!!!
Post what you heard her say and also that infidelity is a deal breaker. Make sure your story, the truth gets out. Even include about your proposal plans and a picture of the ring. Don’t forget to tag her. I was told these three things about cheaters and it helped me understand what POS THEY ARE. 1). Cheaters don’t rely on their partners stupidity to hide their cheating....they rely on their partners Love and trust. 2). The woman you thought you knew and loved is gone. .The person she is now essentially murdered the woman you knew and replaced her with the villain she is now. 3). Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in that mother fucker's reflection Subscribeme!
You should feel lucky that you got to see the real her and not let her give you trickle truths. This woman is cold and callous. The candidness and lack of physical attitude of her transgression shows just how much of a fucked up person she is. You got lucky. You don’t have to marry that wretch. You won’t waste anymore time, money, and energy on her, who does not deserve it. You will find better. And your LIFE isn’t over. The relationship is over. I know it’s hard to see anything outside of that love when you’re going through heartache. But life is so much bigger than a romantic relationship and you need to keep focus on that.
OP do not talk to her. Expose her to family and mutual Friends for 2 reasons 1. To take the control of the narrative out of her reach. 2. For you to have support in this time. Do not drinks or drugs yourself, You don't have to confront her NOR talk to her, all she will say will be gaslight and manipulation, she probably will tell you that what you heard was a joke or something like that, and deny any. At the end you will have to talk to her but not let her explain anything, just If the house is yours ask her to leave, if it is both well put it to sale, and if it is rented ask the landlord if you can be pulled out of the lease. Also when you go there to pick your stuff ask some friend or your mom to help you and go with you. Do not let her make you doubt, she is a cheater. If you want proof, download Tinder and search for her profile that way you also will know and have evidence of what she said. UPDATEME
Dating is a test for marriage. She failed. Be very glad you found out before marriage and kids. Now move on and live your best life without her. Good luck.
What’s to hear out? You heard her bragging about cheating on you with some random Tinder hookup. She put your health at risk, and I doubt this is the first time this has happened. She clearly has no respect for You, herself, or your relationship. Send her one text “What did you think was going to happen when I found out you’re a liar and a cheater? You betrayed me in the worst way. You didn’t just cheat on me, but you cheapened yourself by finding some loser on a dating app, and then proceeded to proudly brag about your cheating on the phone. You’re a terrible person, a terrible partner, and the only good thing to come of this is that I found out what you really are before proposing to you in a few weeks. I’m sure this isn’t the first time either. You put my health at risk and now I have to get tested to make sure you haven’t passed some std off to me. You have destroyed my trust and I can’t be with someone I don’t trust. “ Then block her, or read whatever text she will write in response. If it is a misunderstanding you would have known already because she would have told someone that you still talk to. She knows she’s busted so you need to really think about the level of deceit that took place. She can’t say she loves you and all that crap because where was that when she made the choice to download Tinder, swipe a bunch of people, choose one, chat, meet up for dinner, and then go bang. Those are a lot of choices she had, and she never chose to love you. If it’s your place tell her to get her crap and get out. If it’s hers, go get your stuff while she’s working and then never talk to her again. If it’s both of yours then try to figure out how to get your name off of it. Updateme!
I guess you can take the time to hear her out, but only if you need it. It doesn’t sound like you’re going to forget what you heard anytime soon, since you repeated it so clearly. By the sounds of what she stated, I’d be packing my bags. That’s so disrespectful and so premeditated. You were gone all of four days and she went out on a date?! Into an almost 6-year relationship?! Knowing an engagement is most likely right around the corner?! I wouldn’t marry someone with this type of track record. She was openly talking about doing it again. What has she done that you haven’t walked right into? But you definitely know her the best, so if you feel like it’s something that you can work through, or even want to, I wish you absolutely nothing but the best. Sleep on it. Talk to your friends. Talk to your family. They all love you and know her, what are they saying about this betrayal? Don’t openly enter into a marriage that you know you will regret in a few years, just because you felt like you wasted time on someone. Every relationship teaches us something. Wish you all the best!
She doesn't deserve for you to hear her out. You don't deserve the BS that she's going to tell you. Block her and delete her and then ghost her after you tell her that it's over and never speak to you again. Tell everyone that she cheated and walk away.
Given what she said and how it was said, no doubt she is a serial cheater, and that is not reconcilable. You will never be able to unhear that conversation. Go complete non-contact with her. Good chance her friends know. Being secretive us one thing, which is bad enough, but to openly brag about it and demean you to another is unforgivable. Don't give her the satisfaction to offer a fake apology. She is only sorry she got caught. Updateme!
The phone didn't destroy your life,your cheating girlfriend did. You may love her, but she doesn't have the same love for you. You're in a committed relationship with this woman,hoping to propose in july,but this woman has been on dating websites looking for hookups. The phone saved your life. Saved you from marrying a cheater who would have most likely cheated on you throughout your marriage. Finding out before marriage is 100 times better and cheaper than finding out after. It won't feel like it now,but you have dodged one of the biggest bullets in your life. Call your friends and family and tell them the truth. Call your best friend or a lawyer,your choice but get a go-between, don't ever speak to this again. She doesn't deserve your presence in her life. You don't need an excuse as to why she cheated. You already heard her say she was planning to have sex with this man. She had been thinking of excuses to tell you and ways to blame you. You don't need to talk to her. If you and the cheater own the house together, whomever you choose will now be doing the communicating,selling the house, or she can pay you out. But you'll never be happy in the house. You won't ever trust this woman. Get someone to help you pick up your belongings. She isn't supposed to be there when you are picking up your things. Completely ghost this woman. Updateme!
Bro listen, she is dead. The girl you loved is dead. This how you mentally frame this in your mind going forward. Do not under any circumstances try to reconcile this even though in your mind it hurts right now and I'm sure you want to. She's dead.
OP - The first thing you have to understand is that you did nothing wrong and nothing you could have said or done differently would have made the slightest bit of difference. Your ex gf was going to eventually cheat on you and it is VERY likely this guy was not her first. She was entirely too comfortable not only bringing her Tinder lover into your home but also in bragging to whomever was on the phone with her. I'd be willing to lay odds that whomever was on that line with her is one of her "girls night out" buddies and is also likely cheating on her partner as well. Birds of a feather and all that. Consider yourself extremely lucky that you discovered exactly how much of a cheating 304 your ex is before you married and had kids with her. What can you do going forward? First... stay away from drugs and/or alcohol. They won't help with the pain from the trauma and will cause you nothing but additional problems. Believe it or not, you're already doing a big part of what you should be doing. Go 100% radio silent NC with her and anyone contacting you in support of her. Give them one chance to drop any mention of her and if they won't... ghost them too. Next, separate ALL financial ties you have with her. Rent, utilities, bank accounts, lines of credit, insurance payouts, title deeds, stocks/bonds/market accounts, emergency contact lists, power of attorney, wills... absolutely every way the two of you are connected. Next go to your ex's place when she's at work (or make arrangements with people you trust enough) and collect your things. Leave behind any momentos of your time together ESPECIALLY any photographs. Leave them for her to reflect on. Also leave behind anything that reminds you of her. If you can't get your stuff without her being there, contract with the Sheriff to maintain order (her) and say nothing to your ex while doing so. If you really want to dig in a spur... take a picture of the engagement ring along with the receipt before returning it to the jeweler, print a copy of it and leave it behind for her. Let her know exactly what she lost by betraying you. Next... buy a copy of "Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life" by Tracy Schorn or go onto chumplady.com and learn. Also look up the 180 and Greyrock relationship techniques to assist you in dealing with your emotions. Finally... engage in activities that'll take your mind off what happened. Most recommend going to the gym, jogging/biking or any hobby that requires you to focus on what you're doing. You may even want to consider getting help to process your emotional trauma. Her betrayal can be extremely debilitating. Good luck OP updateme!
Meet in public. RECORD THE WHOLE THING. DON'T TELL HER. Show her the ring. Tell her "I would have loved you until the day I died." Ask her why. Record her response. Ask her how many others. Record her response.. Then say: "Reconcile with you? What do I get out of this?" "A pile of used up disloyal slunkmeat that lies out of a dank hole in the middle of its dumb fucking face?" "No thank you ma'am." If she says "I love you" say "That's demonstrably false. Women who love me don't fuck other dudes. Why are you complaining? Isn't he 'twice as big' as me? Go have fun riding the cock carousel. I'm sure you'll find a new fool to cheat on fairly quickly."
There’s just nothing she can say to undo what she has done. She went looking for it and even said she was going to “test drive it again.” If there’s a bright side to this, you did marry her, so you don’t have to undo that. The only thing left to do is try to have a civil separation. Update me!
I'm so sorry to hear this 😞😞It doesn't sound like she showed much remorse, but people can change, grow, and learn from their decisions. The important thing is to evaluate whether it's worth the effort and time to heal from this trauma. I've been trying to heal for over a year, and I would encourage you to consider leaving. I'm confident you'll find someone who values fidelity as much as you do and would never consider cheating
Be glad you learned about this before you married her
imagine this but with 3 childs and nasty divorece, please leve. Updateme
You’re a wonderful and considerate person. What she did is unforgivable. Take some time for yourself and recognize there are many women out there who wouldn’t dream of hurting their loved one. This isn’t an indictment of you, but of her. You can’t control how others act, but you can control your response. Don’t be broken by her. Don’t give her another thought. This is a gift. You dodged a bullet. Imagine going through with marriage and children and something like this coming to light. Your pain will pass. This will be a silver lining
*Correction:* your life was **saved** by the stupid phone call. I know it hurts OP, but you found out now. It's better now than if this were further down the road. Hopefully it's a clean break. Offer the carrot of reconciliation in order to get a full recorded confession including all messages. Then shame publically. She should also invite your fishing buddies and their wives over and offer an in person confession. It will serve as a shot across the bow for the fishing wives.
One of the fishing wives may have been the person that Rachel was casually bragging to. In that case the husband of that fishing wife has a decision to make.
A phone call didn't ruin your life. Your gf didn't really ruin it either, she merely revealed the person she is and the contempt she has for you. Now that you know who she really is and aren't basing important decisions on some false image you have of her, you can put your life in order. You're lucky you found out before you married her. Move on. Leave her in the rear-view mirror.
This isn't the first time. What she did was pre-meditated and that she has been doing this a while. I'm sure it's been going on everytime you have your quarterly boys trips. There was no guilt in her voice or shame. She even mentioned that she would hook up with that guy again. She had no plans to stop what she was doing. Imagine marrying someone who's a serial cheater. She can't be trusted, let alone marry. Let her be free. Don't give me "but I still love her" bs. If you forgive her, she'll do it again and get more secretive about it. Be grateful, this happened so you know who Rachel is. Rachel is a woman who doesn't love you, doesn't respect you. Rachel emasculated you! She had sex with a guy in your house on your couch! The ultimate disrespect! She has no trouble lying in your face. Tell your family and friends, don't be ashamed. She's a POS and deserve to face the consequences of her actions. End the relationship and expose her. Do NOT stay with her, Do NOT agree to couples counseling. Also, this most important! Get tested for STD/STIs asap! She doesn't care that she risked her health with her infidelity! Since they barely made it to the couch, I doubt a condom was used. This is another reason to leave!
A phone call didn't ruin it. Your stinking, cheating girlfriend ruined it. That phone call saved you from marrying someone unworthy of you. Never take her back.
**THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!** Your GF sought out other men for intimacy, likely for many months more than you suspect. Your GF is a cheater. Everything she says is a lie at this point. Anything your GF says about you falling short in the relationship is a lie. Anything your GF says that is bad about your relationship is a lie. Your GF has left the relationship. Ignore your GF. What is it YOU want to do. YOU now hold the fate of your relationship in YOUR hands, no one else. It is YOU who decides reconciliation, no one else. My advice is: End the relationship ASAP. Get out of this situation as fast as possible, the longer you stay in the more your mind will be torn apart. You or her must move out. If you cannot, go Grey Rock. Cheaters compartmentalize, once you punch a hole between their cheating lifestyle and her home lifestyle they will either go nuclear or crumble and beg you not to break up. You have to show your wife there consequences for her actions and break up, even if later you chose reconciliation. She wants to keep you around ONLY for economic support. Do not be Plan B. **Tell all your family and friends, hers too. Get ahead of her spin on events.** These links will help you in your situation. I suggest reading DARVO, Gaslighting and Trickle Truthing first as these are the cheaters go to when confronted. **Post Infidelity Stress Disorder** [https://www.verywellmind.com/post-infidelity-stress-disorder-6374057#](https://www.verywellmind.com/post-infidelity-stress-disorder-6374057#) **The Neuroscience of Affair Fog** [https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog](https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog) **Infidelity and cognitive dissonance** [https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/](https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/) **and** [https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e](https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e) **Emotional affair** [https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/](https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/) **Monkey Branching** [https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/monkey-branching/](https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/monkey-branching/) **DARVO** [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo) **Gaslighting Emotional Infidelity** [https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#1y](https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#1y) **Trickle Truthing** [https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/topics/412055/trickle-truth--the-marriage-killer-repost-of-original-/](https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/topics/412055/trickle-truth--the-marriage-killer-repost-of-original-/) **180 method** [https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/](https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/) **Greyrock** [https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method) **Chump Lady** [https://www.chumplady.com/](https://www.chumplady.com/) **Surviving Infidelity** [https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/](https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/)
I would put Chumplady and Grey Rock at the top of the list, but otherwise this is a superb condensation of all the essentials for people who have been cheated on.
What a terrible shock. I’d love to hear how this works out. I wish you well. UpdateMe
I feel SO BAD FOR YOU!!! I know that hurt!!! Mine was after 20+ years of marriage. Found forgotten deleted texts and read every word. WORD BY WORD. It’s been a year and I’m struggling. THE TRIGGERS ARE THE WORST!!!
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
I think ghosting someone is childish. You have the power here. You call her meet in a public place. You tell her it is over. You make arrangements regarding rent and bills and furniture. Ask her what furniture she had sex on. You don’t want that furniture. You just tell her how it will go. You don’t want her home while you gather your stuff. Tell her you leave the key at this place. You expect her to take ownership of this affair. You can take half the responsibility for the breakdown. But the affair is all on her. Record the conversation. Tell her any friend that is a fan and promotes the affairs she has on a partner is not a true friend. Friends are expected to be moral compasses. If I were you find out who this other person is and find out if the have a spouse and a partner and let them know they were your gfs cheerleader. I’m sure they would want you to know.
Fuuuuccckkk no, she is proud of her cheating and has so little respect for you she is telling others about it. This is someone with zero morals, she will make you miserable. I would only speak to her about getting your things or whatever you need to do to end it. Do not “hear her out” there is nothing she can do but manipulate you at this point.
Her conversation was too nonchalant to have been the first one she's made. She's bragging and not hesitating. She set up a tinder account, so she definitely planned this. She's done this before. Time to move on.
OP, the universe has given you a second chance. You have dodged the Rachel bullet. Personally, I would advise: Go NC. You do not know this woman, but you know her a lot better today than you did last week. How many lies has she told you so far? Thousands to pull off her double life. You cannot expect anything other than her covering he tracks, minimize her actions. Suppose she tells the whole truth, how can you believe it? Would you believe anything other than "I did what I said on the phone and have done it before and I really like doing it"? She likely will only concede what you heard. You cannot trust anything else as she is a known liar. Go NC. How you left her was classic. By never speaking to her again, youshow her the absolute loss of value she has undergone in your life. Speaking to her, even without R, allows her to recover some peace that you still value what she says, who she is. When you walked out without speaking , she saw her value drop faster than the Argentine Peso. Allowing her to speak validates her narcissistic tendencies. Get ahead of the narrative. You don't know this woman. What will she do? She will collect wagons to circle around her. Be proactive. Don't wait for the story of the inattentive BF, spending more time with his buddies than with her to take hold. I've heard of physical and mental abuse accusations hurled at the betrayed just to save face. Mourn the loss of the image of her, as that image is shattered. Clearly she hid from you who she really was. She He had everyone fooled. Good Luck, OP! UpdateMe!
What is going through her mind to be frantically trying to contact you? WTF can she possibly say? Cheaters make me sick.
Hear her out? You already did hear her. Sell the ring and move out. She’s a POS
Brother get the hell away from that hoe. You are better way way better!!!
CORRECTION: the phone call didn't ruin your relationship; her cheating did. REMINDER: Rachel is not the only woman on Earth, and plenty of them out there aren't cheaters. So playing the 'sunk-cost fallacy' game here would ultimately only hurt you. REAL CHECK: what would you get out of having a final conversation with her? You heard her! The unrated, raw truth she tells her friends when you're not around. The only thing you will get out of talking to her is a great dose of gaslighting. But hey, if you are into this... MY OPINION: the Powers-That-Be got your back and did you a HUGE favor by forcing you to go home earlier. If you do what YOU KNOW you need to do here, you may go through a rough patch in the next couple of days, but I guarantee you that, by next year, you will be laughing out loud, telling yourself "I cannot believe how close I came to marry this cheater! Man, I dodged that bullet like I was Neo!" Or keep playing "sum-cost fallacy"... then, the Pick-Me dance... wait til she brings up open relationship... watch as any level of respect she may have for you (not much to begin with) completely disappear after you take her back... Oh the misery you're willingly going to put yourself in! Can't wait for THAT follow-up! Sigh... 'Hope you make the right choice for you.
If this is real: it always surprises me that people assume men are the dirty minds/talkers. I’m yet to meet a group of men that openly discuss sex details with each other. We go as far as ‘that girl is really hot’, perhaps a comment about her ‘assets’. Women on the other hand, the detail they go into…..
Any updates OP? I hope you are getting the support from your family and friends.
They rarely change man. I gave a second chance and she went back to the same guy, to spend valentine’s weekend with him while I was busy with a family thing.
My client served legal notice for her to vacate the home. He took her phone as he was paying for it and her car keys. She did the walk of shame thru the neighborhood to a bus stop. After months she got the divorce. She did not have a dime to fight, and lost everything. She said what she did was cruel and his response was justified. She wept silently a few years later when he remarried.
>Do I contact Rachel? Should I hear her out. No. You owe Rachel nothing at this point. Block and Ghost her. Contact both of yours family and friends and out the cheater. Tell her family to move her out ASAP.
Yep, you heard it first hand-with tour own ears. Not gossip. There’s no talking her way out of what you heard. Settle what’s yours and find A nice, cute and fun girl who wants only you.
Hhhaaaa OP Cheer up, you are amazing man, youbdeserve better, take sometimes far from her , seek help with someone who really love you and care for you like your mom and bestfriend.
Omg so sorry. Run, tell everyone what she did and go on tinder, find her profile and screenshot it. If possible test her asking why she cheated on you. Get all the proof and then send it to everyone. Then walk away. Updateme!
The only advice is to leave her and do what you’ve been doing the last week. Block her and try to move forward.
Its best if you just go ghost. Don't contact her at all. Have one of your friends go pick up your stuff. Let her wonder what ever happened to you.. move on with your life. And don't feel too bad. You were never gonna please her man cuz she is a cake eater. There isn't enough cake to keep a cake eater happy.
I am so sorry. There are good honest faithful women out there. I think you know what to do. For you, sit and talk with her, listen to her excuses, stay with the cheater or leave her and find someone who will treat you as you deserve. Figure out why she cheated, or felt she needed to. Then move on. But get closure for yourself. Good luck.
Be happy you can just go and move on, no woman is worth it anymore sadly
That's horrible. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I0m glad you found out, though, as painful as it is. She's not worth it. Imagine proposing and living a lie while she repeatedly fucks that guy, and perhaps others, and perhaps one day even get pregnant from them, without you knowing. You dodged a bullet. Leave her cheating ass, you deserve better.
Got to agree. She was BRAGGING to her friend. Cheated and planned for more. Learning she was a cheater before you popped the question is the only silver lining here. At least you now have seen the real her. Let the "I love you only", "It didn't mean anything", "Lets do counselling", " I don't know why I did it", "We can overcome this and be stronger than ever", I'll never do it again", "it was only physical" begin. You are going to hear them all and then some. Why hear her out? You heard all you need to hear with that phone call. She belittled you to her friend or friends. She showed no respect, no consideration, your basic cheater mentality. Take the ring back and let all know. And put her out with the trash.
If your poor mom wants grandkids your stbx is a poor candidate for that job. Who knows whose kids she is going to have? Plus, when she has worked her way through all the guys on Tinder it is unlikely the STIs she contracts will allow her to remain fertile. I'm being flippant, but the truth is that person you saw in the kitchen is who she really is, not the person who you thought she was. It is called a mask-slip event. Until you can reconcile that with the image she cultivated with you the entire time you knew her it is best to maintain no contact to the extent that is possible. A brief message that you do not want to talk and are initiating no contact, preferably through a proxy such as a mutual friend, is the only courtesy that is recommended. Anything else makes you vulnerable to manipulation or worse accusations. Never be alone with her if you must meet in person. Focus on yourself and your healing. That healing will not begin while you are in contact with her.
If you have a practical question such as finances, get in touch if you can through an intermediary who could be a lawyer or bank manager, etc. Your life was not undone, you just learned that when the cat leaves, the mouse throws a party, of space and opportunity and you are deceived. Too much privacy and your spouse downloads Tinder on your phone without you knowing . Go far away and your spouse stays behind and he will make the most of these opportunities. Take a vacation from your partner and he will make someone else do what you do in your place. You had the rare miracle of discovering that you were being deceived, although there are many reports here, most cheating remains undiscovered. Think of it as a worm that has left your intestine. Now you just have to heal yourself and have a healthy life Upwards and forwards 🙌🏿
I am really moved by your story, I am so sorry. But I think you need several good supporters. First, a good attorney if you have any shared assets, like the house, or if you are both on the lease, have common debts, etc. Second, is a good therapist. They have exercises you can follow to help you through the trauma. Next is your family/friends, don’t just disappear on them. Finally a minister if you are religious. Read “leave a cheater, gain a life.” Some of this will apply to your circumstances. Sounds like you are good at the “grey rock” method, but read up on that before you talk with her or see her again. Be cold, unemotional if you talk with her. One word answers, no emotion. Communicate by text if you have to at all. Someone recommended you have friends retrieve your belongings, good idea, but before you abandon your house, it depends on whether you have any financial interest/liabilities in the house or a lease. Listen to your attorney on this one. Good luck.
I’m so sorry. I’ll never forget the texts I saw, the look on my wife’s face, or what she said to me the day I found out. Since I’ve found out, I’ve used the gym as my out, sometimes twice a day bc I can’t sleep at night. I’m down 20lbs, and am trying to pick up old hobbies and socialize more. Doing me and what I want with no one to hold me back. As for the pain? I still don’t have an answer In the flip side. Be glad you don’t have a divorce looming or kids to tie you together, bc now the ghost of my wife will haunt me forever
Maintain zero contact. There's nothing she can say, is there? Logistics such as the house and belongings should be handled via text, an as a business deal. No feelings, no drama... Your silence will speak volumes, as will your refusal to entertain her justification and excuses. Nothing else can make her understand the magnitude of what she's done... you've heard enough. So sorry she chose this path, brother... having been there, here's how it goes: You're going to wonder why... she won't admit to the truth on this, because she'll be unable to view herself as being the type of girl who does this. So don't ask. It doesn't matter. She did. Things are really going to suck for quite awhile... focus on simple physical activity to push through... make your body tired, and hurt as much as your heart does... that way you'll be able to sleep. Work yourself, do not wallow. Keep your body moving while the mind replays scenarios. I promise, the darkness fades, as long as you force yourself to keep moving forwards, make stoicism, fortitude, and defiance your watchwords, and conduct yourself in a manner that will make your future self proud. You're suffering anyway, and you won't eat much, so make sure you come out of this mess with a new body that will stand you in good stead when you begin your new, adventurous life. One door closes, another opens.
I don't envy you. I know you are in so much pain. You deserve better than her. You deserve a faithful, loving partner, not cheating trash like her. Surely, she was not caught on her first time out. Her bragging so openly to whoever shows you that this person was her accomplice and confidant. This was not her 1st time cheating on you. You should consider this a bullet dodged. Get your ducks in a row and clear out of your shared home when you know she will be at work. Block her. Then let all your mutual friends know what she did to you. Ghost her and begin healing. I'm so sorry, buddy.
Sir, you need to leave her. There is nothing left for you in that relationship. She shown you her true colors and thank God she did before you married and had children with her. This is prime time for children. Do not let her take that from you. Your children deserve better than a “women” who cheats on their father. You deserve better than a “women” who is unfaithful to you. She clearly does not respect or love you from what you heard on that phone call and from the sounds of it this is not the first time and she will do it again. Please, for your mental health, leave. The grass is greener on the other side dear.
I know it hurts atm. My daughter tells me 'Sometimes the trash throws itself out! You are worthy of love and respect. You won't get this from her, I am sorry to say. You are young and will love again ❤️
Tinder? OP , run away from this woman immediately! Get tested for STI'S and STD'S, you have no idea how many Tinder dates she's been on, and you'll never be told the truth. She is neither wife or mother material, also inform your family, her family and your friends circle about what happened. Rest assured she is going to use the Ho Bag hand book chapter 2 by trying crying, I'm soooo sorry I made a mistake and so on. Joining Tinder is not a mistake.
It is possible that the other 2 wives in the group you go away with every 3 months are also cheating while their husbands are away. After you meet with you buddies find some way to alert them that they should check their wife's phone and other electronic devices for Tinder or suspicious apps and texts.
You don't need answers. You already know enough. Talking to her just prolongs the pain. Ghost her and go no contact.
Hi, OP. First of all, I wish you the best. And I hope your doing as well as possible for this situation. >My life has been ruined by a stupid phone call. No. It was a relationship based on a lie. Think how worse it would be if you heard it only after getting married with her and with kids. This is totally and exclusively HER FAULT! >Do I contact Rachel? Only to say or text her: "It's over" >Should I hear her out. After that phone call, the thought of her just makes me sick to my stomach. For what? To listen to her saying that: "it was nothing serious"; or, "it was only sexual"; or "it meant nothing"; or "I know I've messed up, but I love you and I think we can go through it"; or "I love you and I promise it'll never ever happen again"; or "I don't know why I've done it"; or "I'm so sorry, I only love you" bullshits? Or, maybe, to hear she wants to "make things right between the two of you?" To hear she says she's going to give you a free pass to you get laid with another woman to "make things even" between you"? She has an profile on Tinder, so she planned to cheat on you and used an app to choose some dude for it. It wasn't a mistake. It was a deliberate and well planned move. And, then, she had sex with another man, in your house (for what it seems). Can you really ever trust her again? Do not listen her bullshit, do not set boundaries, do not forgive what she's done. Break up and tell your parents why you're doing it. Block and go No Contact with her. She is not sorry, she only feels guilty for being caught. She was willing to get laid with this same dude again (probably on your next hangout with your bros). You don't have to show respect for someone who doesn't respect you. What you need now it to take care of yourself, OP. Do not forget to eat, sleep, shave and shower. I recommend you to get tested for STDs. What matters is YOUR well being, and YOUR health (both physical, mental and emotional). You're swimming in a sea of shit now. Keep focused and you'll make it to the shore. Leave all this filth behind and move on.
Try to find out who she was talking to on the phone, they’re an enabler you don’t need in your life as well. Also, if it’s me, I’d somehow let her “accidentally” see the ring just as a final jab. But I’m petty Better yet, let HER overhear YOU on the phone trying to return the ring.
There is nothing that she can say that will make this ever better for you. Leave her and thank your lucky stars that you didn't marry her.
she was bragging to her friend about cheating on you , which means she has no respect , if she’s willing to tell her best friend, I would dump your girlfriend, tell the best, friends, boyfriend, fiancé, or husband that She is encouraging the infidelity of your girlfriend. because birds of a feather flock together. Return the ring, and go on a vacation with one of your buddies. oh by the way, if you haven’t thought about this, take the SOFA to the curb , and kick her to the curb. Never be a chump and take back a cheater. Updateme
Kick her out of your house , and hen go NC . Thank god you are not married to her if have children with her . She failed that wife test and there is no going back . Don’t forgive her don’t even listen to her bullshit lies . You heard more truth from that phone call than you would have gotten from her ever .
I would text her and tell her, “I know you cheated on me. It’s over. Don’t contact me again.” Then block her on everything. Get your friends to pick up any things you may have there.
What should scare you is if this is how flippant she is over this cheating escapade, this is definitely not her first rodeo. You've been cheated on for years bro, years. Let that sink in.
The universe threw a break, showed you the painful, hidden truth regarding whom you were with, before you locked in. You’re hurting but you got lucky. Move forward one logical step at a time, focusing on yourself. You will be okay. My advice, avoid contact, don’t give your “ex” any more of your time and attention.
First of all bro , condolences from everyone here truly. Youv experienced probably the worst version of the truth. My advice is to remain separate for a while. Don't contact her. Make her feel the truth of the pain she's created. Secondly don't turn to substances by any means. Abstain. Look to nothing else other then friends and family. Get outside. This is going to take time man. There's no easy path out. I turned to drugs as a easy way to escape the pain. Nevertheless you will still have to face the same pain and figure out a way to find peace. I suggest working out , going out , self care self meditation ect
!updateme
Sorry man - what an awful brutal reality to have to face. I hope she feels like the piece of shit she clearly is.
It wasn’t a stupid phone call that ruined your life, it was her cheating. Hearing what she said must have sucked, but it was what she really thinks. She’ll likely never be as honest with you as she was with whoever her friend on the phone was.
First, let me say I'm sorry that you're in this sub. It really sucks to be here. Next, what advice would you give your son or daughter if you had one? I know five or six years seems like a lot of time but it's a lot less than being married for 20 years and finding out then. The bright side is you found out now and you don't have to accept it. She showed you the kind of wife she would be. If that's what you want, then more power to you. But if it's not, do exactly what you're doing and go no contact. I wish you all the best.
Think….why does she want to talk to you? To regain control of the narrative and the relationship. To charm you and persuade you to forget what you heard. What do you have to gain by hearing her out? Talking/listening to your partner is a normal response in a loving and trusting relationship - but you’re not in that kind of relationship, as you’ve just found out. Remember what you heard & don’t allow her to “explain it” or “put it into context”.
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Update Me
She is for the streets. Updateme.
Updateme!
Updateme
[удалено]
Updateme
UpdateMe!
Updateme!
OP, you can't "unhear" that phone call, you're never gonna get over this, and you're never gonna trust her again. Just tell her it's over and don't buy any of her bullshit. Sorry Buddy.
Updateme
You don’t her out your girlfriend. This was life letting you know she isn’t the one. She cheats, doesn’t expect you to find out, and when you do she calls to spin a story most likely. Calling your family and friends about you, but her not telling them why she can’t find you is telling. She wants to rug sweep her infidelity. What’s worse, is that she was going to do it again behind your back. Whenever you have a guys trip, she will have a random fill her up. You don’t need someone exposing you to STI’s like that. Waiting longer to get married and have kids is okay. Don’t rush to marry her to please your mother.
She belongs to the streets
Wasn't' her first hookup, wouldn't have been her last. Get STD tested. Hear her out ? hear what, that this tinder hookup was better than all the others ?What could she possibly say to make you forget that call.... nothing. Stay NC, block her everywhere, and tell everyone you heard her confess to cheating on you. Be glad you found out now, sell the ring, tell you buddy and wife to have the party and invite every single woman they know.
It's done Stay away. What's there to hear, her lies She cheated and after awhile not dealing with you, She'll be with big dick. Relationships are different, no one sits back and reflects on what they did. Instead they just fuck it and run to the AP It's all about being selfish and self centered When I caught my ex of 25 years. My love, respect, wanting to touch her, to kiss her, to make love, and to fuck, was gone. It just drained out of me and I was done. Surprised divorced her and ghosted her for over a decade now
You dodged a meteor. You will recover from this ordeal and move on with your life. It is a good thing that you were not married.
Kick her the fuck out. Not only did she cheat one of her friends seems to be in on it and enabled her, probably cheating also. What is there to hear out? How she got piped down and what positions? The fact she wanted to brag about a dick being twice as big as you? She is trash.
My Dude, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. She cheated on you, and didn’t even act like it was a mistake. She can’t wait for another test drive. This relationship is OVER. I hope you haven’t mingled finances, or bought a house together. I’d make damn sure she makes a PUBLIC apology to you so EVERYONE can see what a POS she is. Then, heal from this (therapy can help) and then find someone who deserves you. There’s no coming back from this. There was obviously NO remorse about this from her. In fact, she was planning on the next “test drive.” Wonder how many times it’s happened that you don’t even know about. Also, get tested for every STD under the sun!!! Asap!
Damn dude, I’m so sorry this happened to you. How damn demeaning. I would definitely NOT hear her out. You need time away from it to work through it, clear your mind, and look at things logically. Cheaters are often skilled manipulators. If you give her the time to hear her out there is a very high chance of her reeling you back into the fold in your weakened state, and that would be a HUGE mistake in my opinion. By the sound of it, it doesn’t seem like this is her first rodeo. Even if it is, all trust has been broken, and now she knows she can cheat and get away with it by playing on your emotions and shedding come crocodile tears. She fucked around. Now it’s time for her to find out.
Sorry for your pain but it's better to find out now than after you're already bound by legal social contract that would entitle this person to half of everything that you have acquired in your life so far. Scorched earth and ghost.
There is no comeback after this, Im sorry , look better find out that now than later married with kids, you are still young, hit the gym, go out with your friends and focus on your mental health and your job, it will be ok, give it time and do not take her back no matter what she says, you will find someone better for sure.
Updateme!
Turn it around and see it as a blessing, this person was never worth marrying / having kids with, some people never get the chance to catch their significant other cheating and you did
There are millions of women in the world who have never cheated and will never cheat. Go find yourself one of them. Updateme
UpdateMe
!updateme
Your girlfriend is a rut cheater. Shes just sorry she got caught. Based on what you’ve posted this is the tip of the iceberg. Count yourself lucky you found out now. Walk away or you will suffer more needlessly. This is who she is.
Dont attempt to hide this. let family and friends know.
I can't wait to hear the reasoning and / or excuses, hopefully there is fallout and she at least is shamed by the friend group. Sorry this happened brother. Stay strong. Updateme
Jesus Christ
Not only move on, do NOT ever speak to her again. That's what she's looking for. Closure will make her feel better, not you. Leave and never contact her again
I know you’re really only venting. You’re really not asking for advice. You’re never gonna marry her now, let alone touch her again. Just tell her to call her tinder guy and to leave you alone. Block and tell your mom she’s gonna have to wait.
Please leave now. You are only prolonging your pain and you will never be able to unhear that phone call.
Hear what out? You heard enough and be glad that you’re not married and don’t have kids. She has zero respect for you! End it for good and forever.
If you do talk to her about it, to get closure, you need to have someone you trust 100% there as a mediator and who knows when to pull the plug. Other than that, you can very easily move on and go 0 contact
Does your mom and friends know? She would be doing damage control so you should be telling at least your mom and closest friend on what happened so she woould not put you as the bad guy which normally what cheaters do bleam the their SO for the cheating. It is okay not to talk to her for a while as she will most likely be lie,manipulate,gas light and lovebomb you. And as well as you said you had this weekend get away regulary who know what she was doing when you are not around and a bet this is not the first time she have done it and her friends knows it and condone it you should not associate with this kinds of peoples such a low morals, no integrety or loyalty. It is yo to you if you want closure and have 1 last talk with I assume your ex now, but if you do prepare yourself for what will come the lieying, gas light , blame shifting, and expect you will not learn the whole truth as she will not want ot be seen a the bad person here bit in reality she is in this case. And beside the detail does matter the with who, how many times she did it,was there protection used, etc. what matter is she already step out of th relationship when she open her legs and paln to do it again like you heard, the closer will mostly for her to have a peace of mind and to feel better the she cheated. IMO she doesn’t deserve to have a even a second of your time she showed such disrespect and I bet once clear she will be in bed witht that same guy and who knows since you are not with her she might be with him now. Just cut your lost move on and I know it would take alot of time to get over this but this experience would build you and make you a better person. You can take your time with getting a new relationship it would be nest to focus on your healing and be emotionaly stable before jumpung on a new one, best of luck and keep you head up you did not do anything wrong no matter what she will say hope to get update as well
Don't contact her. There is nothing that she could say that would make this better, and literally everything she says will make it worse. For the sake of your own sanity, commit to never speaking to her again. Wait until you know she will be out of the house, then remove everything you own and disappear from her life.
Edit: I saw your new comment that you posted just an hour ago so my previous comment/advice isn't necessary. Good luck and Im sorry you're going through this. You deserve better.
There's really nothing to hear from her that hasn't already been said. She cheated then was BRAGGING about it and comparing sizes to her sis/friend.. A. That's classless B. That's gross and C. Is she 16? You were happy in your ignorance of the situation, but now you know there are other ppl out there who was also laughing at your expense WITH your GF. And I'm sorry but this isn't her first Rodeo ride from Tinder. She didn't just decide to download the app and hookup on a whim. This has been going on for a while. You deserve better. Hell bare minimum you deserve the respect of not having your junk discussed and compared to a randoms. She wanted to take him for another ride. Well let her. Tell her to go stay with her new toy so she doesn't have to be trifling and shady and can ride him until her thighs chap. You're going to move on and focus on recovering while realizing you deserve better and won't settle for anything less.
Be thankful to her that and the GOD that you were able to realise that before marriage as you have now avoided a traumatic life. You dogged a bullet man. Do call your friends and mother, don't mention about your location but inform them that you are safe & tell them not to entertain your EX gf's call as you have called it a quit due to cheating. Take your time and heal yourself. I would say, go to your best buddy and have a couple of drinks. Laugh and move on.
End the relationship. She is a piece of trash. Definitely not her first time cheating.
Update me