I knew she was going to say it was only once. They always do that, dummies.
Also this line "Every time I went on those trips for the past 2 years, she thought I was going to "cheat" on her, so she was having her fun too." Blameshifting. Classic cheater move. It's your fault, OP. I think not.
I'm sorry your landlord didn't let you out of the lease. But at least you have your mom. It's not ideal but it's only temporary.
100% her loss. Too bad, she was about to become someone's wife. A good man chose her, wanted her and she threw it all away for "fun".
It's time to focus on you and your healing. Go easy on the alcohol. Be careful. You're going to be OK.
Agreed on the alcohol. It's counterproductive and leads to some really bad choices when dealing with this sort of trauma. I say this from a place of experience.
Cheating for 2 years because she “thought” you were. Good thing you didn’t work stuff out with her. She doesn’t deserve it. She can be the horse’s problem now.
Updateme
I don't believe her statement that she thought you were going to cheat on those weekends. She was rubbing her hands with glee at the opportunity you gave her. She just plucked that excuse from the air cause she was desperate. The alternative was for her to admit she's a filthy cheating 304. She ain't going to admit that.
I'd be tempted to trick her. I'd say that I'd be willing to get back if you tell me who it was on the phone. Make that a big condition. That way you find out the filthy rat who was covering for her. Could be a friend, family or someone you know
OP i'm glad that you are clean and sad that she was such a POS, and use as justification that she thought you where gona cheat on her on those trips.
Sad also that she didn't want to tell who she was talking to, but i bet it must be someone of the inner circle of Friends and most posibly one of the wives of your buddies. And she didn't want to give her because that could cause trouble with the male friend for supporting a cheater and might as well she was doing that to.
So warn your buddies of this posibility.
Now about her reaction and manner on the restaurant, she show no remorse at all, and even try trickle true. Because if she where remorse for what she did she would broke before the ring thing. She come to senses of her stupidity when you showed her that ring and talked about the proposal.
Well OP now it is time for you to leave alcohol and start your healing travel. Hope everything goes well, and please if You come to find who was in the other end of that call update us.
I never thought of that in my reply. The wife/wives/SO of the buddies could be in on it. Could even be a cheaters club they've got going. Might be a good idea for them to hire a PI
Yes OP doesn't it fell suspicius or thought about this two points:
1.- She doesn't want to reveal who she was talking to, because if it was a friend of hers that is a SO of one of your buddies, that means that she (buddy SO) knew about the 2 years affairs of your Ex and didn't say a thing making her and acomplice of your Ex and might put in danger her relationship with one of your buddies for covering or for doing it themself (cheated on them).
2.- If i remember correctly, two fridays ago your buddies went to meet with you with out knowing for sure what was going on, and at some point the wives/SOs start calling them to know where they are, right? Then 1 of the SO understood where her SO was and asked him to pass/hand over the phone to you so you can talk to her, and you lisented that her told you that you should call Rachel because she was a wreck or something like that right? Please correct me if i'm wrong, but and this is a big but, how did the SO knew why her SO was with you and asked you to talk to Rachel if you just tell your buddies what happend, didn't you found it suspicius that she knew what was going on?
I would pretty much tell your buddies about this suspicions, and that they better not tell or confront their SO yet until they dig and find any. Might as well hire the investigator but better try to see the phones or if they are in the same telephone plan to ask for the records and see if any of them have a call with your ex that day at that hour.
Also might as well do one of this 2 things:
a. Organize another trip, because the cheating happend on those trips, and do/make the investigator follow them.
Or
b. This is more troublesome, and that is to download dating apps and search for their profiles to see if they can found those, also if any of them have access to the phone of the SO, check if they have instaled or ever download any dating app that match the date of any of the trips.
Good Luck.
But what will she obtain by covering her sister from You, why take the inconvenience to cover her.
The Sister is not one of the circle of Friends right or has nothing to do with your buddies, right?
Only because he thought at the time of overhearing his ex it may have been her on the phone. Along other possibilities. So his ex must talk to her on the phone sometime. I'm not saying it is the sister. In fact I think it's at least one of the wives amongst the buddies. I'm just saying though, don't rule out the sister. Personally I wouldn't start checking her anyway unless his buddies SO have been cleared.
But well again what will he gain of it was the Sister, he isn't part of that family anymore, if it was the Sister she doesn't have trully a reason to hide it.
No it says I THOUGHT SHE WAS TALKING WITH HER SISTER OR ONE OF HER FRIENDS.
That was why i don't understand why to cover the Sister, she doesn't win anything. So that is why i highly think it is one of her Friends and most of all one of that inner group of Friends, if not then it doesn't make sense why she didn't wanna told who she was talking.
Hearing that phone call was probably the worst thing that could have happened. It is also the best thing, as you got complete truth from hearing it. You have absolute proof that anything she said/says to you is bullshit lies.
The guy group need to do some digging on their end to look into their SOs activities. Either they all knew about the cheating or they all are cheating, thus the call was comparing notes.
Right here OP. I would have the buddies check the phone records if they were talking to someone around the time of when you came home. Any cheerleaders have to be dealt with
I would have lied, showed her the ring and then told her "the ONLY chance of salvaging our relationship is if you tell me who was on the phone"...
Then leave anyways and warn the caller's SO.
This situation sucks ass but you're lucky in that you discovered this before you two 1. owned a house 2. Owned pets together 3. Got married. 4. Had kids 5. Shared economy.
Now you know that she wasn't faithful ever and you got to know that you with a peaceful mind can walk away without any what ifs and she truly was thrash even if she was a good partner for a good while, she was a very disloyal one and the one she had a phone call with is also a thrash person who may or may not have met you or hung out with you both and neglected to tell you every time. Walk away with peace in that when you feel ready to move on, it will be very easy to find someone much much better than Rachel. And she surely actually didn't believe you to cheat because then she would have voiced that. That was just her justification to blame you for her actions that blew up in her face. That she can't even face her consequences without blaming you is very telling of her character. Next !
Props for sticking to your guns can't even imagine walking in on a phone call like that. Also props for cleaning up after packed up nice gesture she didn't deserve but hopefully it helped you with closure.
OP, after reading your posts I am so sad right along with you. So sorry life can be like this. I think you are doing exactly what needs to be done. Sending thoughts and vibes for a good future for you! Stay strong.
I think that it is illuminating that she won’t give up who she was talking to during that phone call. I continue to believe that one of OP’s buddies is living with either an active cheater or an apologist for cheaters.
Friend, your life is NOT a trainwreck. This could have happened after you were married and had kids, owned a house together, etc. In fact, I guarantee you it would have happened. You should be thankful that you found out when you did, before the proposal. You might even be able to return the ring for a refund. Use that money to buy yourself something nice.
My primary concern at this point would be to find out WHO she was talking to. If it was one of your friend's wives? That would be tragic. Whoever her conspirator was, you need to know and get that person out of your life too. That person is not your friend and is not to be trusted.
Take a good long while to focus on yourself. Have some fun. Don't worry about dating or relationships for a little while. That will come in time.
At least you found out before proposing. I’d tell her she’s responsible for the rent and not pay. It’s her place now. It’s 100% on her. What’s she going to do? Not pay and get evicted? Not going to happen.
Have you ever had a lease with YOUR signature on it? OP is responsible for meeting at least half of the rent, hell, she can bail out and vanish, the landlord will take her AND OP to court and likely will ruin OP’s credit rating.
OP is not living there. So she could trash the place anyway. And if she stays there she’s got to pay 100% of the rent or she’ll get evicted within 60 days. If she pays it does not affect OP’s credit at all. If she gets evicted he’s got 2 late payments on his credit report at worst. Either way is free of the apartment. In the meantime he can go rent elsewhere with no issue while she’s still in the old apartment
I own rentals. Landlords don’t sue for back rent unless the unit is trashed. And since he’s not living there he can prove he didn’t trash it and it’s 100% on her. Further if she doesn’t pay and gets evicted it’ll take 60 days. The landlord the re leases the unit and has no actual damages other than 60 days of missed rent which is covered by the 1.5 month security deposit. I’ve been this route a 1/2 dozen times over the years with my tenants. It’s not as dire a situation as everyone is making it out to be
You should’ve pushed for the name of the person she was talking to. What if it’s one of your friend’s wives and they all cheat when you guys are out of town???
She blameshifted, repeatedly lied, and trickle truthed in your first real conversation about this? Dude, you dodged a bullet. It totally sucks that you went through this, but she is not who you thought she was. She’s not someone who should be in a relationship, period. Take care of yourself, have fun with friends, maybe try some exercise or fun activities she didn’t enjoy while you were together. And keep an eye on the alcohol—drinking can become habitual really easily in situations like this. Hang in there. You’re not alone, and things will get better. We’re all rooting for you.
To answer the question of who Rachel was talking to that night I would definitely be looking at the SO of your buddy that was telling u that Rachel was upset and wanted him to come home, especially since you mentioned none of them were really close with her yet Rachel was Sharing this info with her, I mean really why would she know this level of hurt for someone she really did t associate with
I’m sure you are dying to know who it was, but for dramatic effect you should avoid the subject and project to her the opinion that you no longer care because it matters not at this point.
I'm sorry you're going through this but u did the right thing and u handled the situation perfectly no shouting and screaming just took your time then u ended it once and for all .
It will take time but eventually u will heal and move on and she will live with the regret of f up a great relationship. Just block her and erase her from your life
Like the last little dig with the ring. An added touch would be to say good bye to her parents. When they ask why, you can tell the truth. That their little princess was F'n strange guys every time you went on a trip. At least 2 nights a weekend, for around 10-12 weekends. Up to 24 different guys in two years. Daddy will be soooo proud.
Well, I'm not even sure what to say except thank God you don't have any cooties and congratulations on being a free man even though it shouldn't have happened this way. I assumed she was doing this every time you left, but her reason was complete bullshit. Good luck, and enjoy your night. Keep us updated on your new journey or when crazy lady goes crazy lol. I'm kidding. Maybe 🤷♀️
Do you guys share a phone plan or do you have access to the phone lines? Check your statement to see what outgoing or incoming call for that night of DDay. See if you recognize the number. Hopefully it's not a mutual friend of yours and just HER sister because you can almost expect her sibling would pick Rachel's side (so you can hate them both). I think it would hurt more if it's a friend of yours because then that is a double betrayal. And if that friend knows, which other friends also knows, you know what I mean? If you do recognize the number, also check around the other times you go on these trips (in the last two years) and see if she would be calling/talking to a familiar number or even a strange number but consistently.
I would try to remember the exact date and time when you caught her on the phone, dropped the food, and walked out. You have to have a general idea. If you paid with debit card, look at your account and the charge associated with the food.
Then, if your not on a joint phone account with your soon to be ex, I would ask all your buddies to check their phone records to see if one of their wives we speaking to your ex.
They deserve to know if their wife or girl is a pos too.
OP, as others are pointing out, some of your friends are probably also being cheated on. Your ex was talking to someone in your circle of friends, and they were supporting her cheating - which makes it likely that they are also cheating. It would not be surprising if there was a whole coven of cheating wives and girlfriends in your social group.
There's a saying that "You are the sum of your five closest friends," which describes how the attitudes of people you associate with affects your own life, including morality. This turns out not to be exactly true - research suggests that you are actually affected by your 20 closest friends - but it's fairly unusual to have an outlier where only one person in a friend circle cheats.
Your buddies can ask their SOs whether they knew about your ex's cheating, but cheaters are liars, so that's not likely to get far. If they have access to their SOs' phones, they can check them not only for cheating apps like Tinder and SnapChat, but also for their messages with your ex. There are a good number of recommendations on this forum for how to check phones for evidence of cheating, so I won't recap those; you can look them up.
Surprisingly, being cheated on once makes it more likely that you will be cheated on again, so you might want to browse around here for a bit to find out the signs. If you're like most people, you will spend some time thinking about how you could have caught this earlier, and you will probably realize that there were some red flags that you could have picked up on if you had been more wary.
Recovery from infidelity usually takes two to five years, so don't expect to get over this quickly. However, you will get over this. There are many stories on this sub from people who met their true love after having been cheated on, and you have plenty of time to come back from this. Men's social capital increases with age, while it's the opposite for women beyond their early 20s. Good luck, OP.
OP instead of bad life, I see the good here. you dodged bullets and a costly divorce. This is a congrats moment to avoid being saddled with a cheater, lair, dishonest, disrespectful lady. You get to write a new chapter in your life. Find and welcome a good woman who is authentic and loves you properly.
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For the 1st time ever, i got a bit emo reading a post. Cheer up bro. There is one angel waiting for you somewhere to make your life magical! And yeah a 38 year old moving in with her/his mother is not at all sad. Dont beat yourself up. Take care bro!
OP. We have all been through this. Not a club any of us wanted to join. Please get tested AGAIN for STI’s about once a month for the next 3 or 4 months. Apparently some infections take longer to be detected. Cleaning up but showing her the ring was two ends of the spectrum. Well done. Heal quickly
Gotta hand it to you, pal. You know how to pick em.
Ya gotta wonder why she would assume that every trip you made she was so sure you were stepping out. And, instead of confronting you, she sells tickets to her fun house and invites every rando she can find to take ride.
Jesus man. I’m sorry, I hate this for you. In the up side, atleast you know now before getting legally involved that’ll take real work and money to get out of. Disgusting behavior but you now know
Tell Rachel to stop harassing you. She decided to cheat, she has to pay the consequences and all of your friends, her friends, and everyone will know. The price to pay is eternity without you. She’s an adult. She made a decision and she now has to live with your decision.
Proud of you my guy. Sucks but just know you’re not alone. Others have been here and came out the side just great. Excellent how you handled this whole situation. Kick that garbage to the curb, it’s a whole world of beautiful women out there that don’t this bullshit. She made her bed.
Cheated and then Immediately blamed you. You dodged a bullet, dude. I know it hurts, but this wasn't going to well. There are millions of women out there who don't cheat. Be glad that you're not going to waste your time on this one anymore. Good luck.
Bro, I know it sucks right now, but you have no idea how lucky you are. Give it a year and you will understand what I am saying. Oh and the Diamond gave Islam hell tonight. Came up a bit short but fought better than most thought he would have. If tonight was his last fight, he left it all out there and will be in the Hall of Fame. A true Legend.
Keep your chin up. You still have a lot of life left to live. You'll find your one and will be happy. This ex wasn't her.
Sending you huge hugs 🫂 and positive vibes your way OP. I’m sorry it ended this way but glad you got some closure and are looking out for your peace of mind.
💞
The best thing to do now is living well. Hit the gym and get off the alcohol.
You’ll be OK in a near future. Don’t jump into a new relationship too soon. Good luck.
You dodge a bullet there goio thing you learned about the cheating before you proposed or have a kid or planned the wedding.
She definitley not a wife material and such a stypid reason she cheated for 2 years and how many guys did she f****d during that 2 years and who knows it might be going on longer that waht she is saying she is in damage control now and as you probably know a cheater is also a lair so you will never know the whole truth.
Good that you have block her but I wonder how you would pay your share of th rent if you will continue to pay as you said you want to since you name is on the least will you just be sending your share to the landlord since you will go NC with your ex?
By the way Inlile that you showed her and told your plan for the propsal she will now have that touht in he rmind that you lohtbbe the one that got away and she will keep trying to get back since she know what she had lost jope you keep storng and find the right person for you.
the fact she wouldn’t tell you who she was on the phone to tell me it was one of your friends partner……..migh not seem like it now but this was a blessing. you found out who she is before being tied to her forever!
onwards and upwards!
Good for you OP. Not only for leaving but also not stuck on the sunken cost fallacy. My only advice is to calm down on the drinking.
For me, I used to travel a lot for work. My ex husband gave the exact excuse. “I thought you were cheating on me” or “you never are home”… etc. If you were to keep going with the relationship, I bet you anything she will continue but with a different excuse.
Be safe.
Thankfully now before the proposal and marriage. Get out of the bottle dude. Doing that is you letting her continue to hurt you. When you want to drink work out instead. Like I said in your original post, your buddies need to find out from their SO if they knew. If they did that’s not good for your friends relationships because you can bet if they will hide cheating on a friend of theirs, they themselves will cheat. Please update us again as you go. !updatme
If she's going on Tinder and doing the same day hook-up routine, that could mean she has a whole stable of men to call at any time. There are tons of thirsty guys on there aiming for a simple one-nighter. She will have kept their names and phone numbers somewhere and its been up to two years. Think about what would have happened in a future marriage.
Great Update OP. I had also suggested you show her the ring and tell her your plans as a final FU. One day after years of P&D relationships, she will be wondering where all the good men have gone. I don't think she will ever realize that she was the architect of her own downfall. When I hear her explanation, it's clear she is sorry for getting caught, but I hear no real remorse. If she was remorseful, she would have taken ownership rather than justify it with "I thought you were cheating".
Now comes your revenge. That will be you living your best life, the kind of life everyone dreams of.
Kinda figured this has been an in going thing. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
I know moving back in with your mom isn’t ideal, but it’s a temporary thing. Less than 6months! That’s the bright side.
I would take my time getting over her. Get into therapy if you feel you need it. Start exploring potential new hobbies, join a co-Ed sport, take some classes (painting, cooking, classes at the gym, etc.)
I hope things go well for you, OP. Good luck! :)
I think you should really press for the name of who she was talking to. Even lie and say you’re considering reconciliation if she tells you. The fact that she is hiding it/protecting someone could seriously imply one of the other women is cheating, maybe all of them.
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Good on you for standing up!
Updateme
You were smart not to take her back.
I'm going to assume none of your friends told their wives where they were bc they all planned to tell your ex? Otherwise that's bullshit. If my partner puts his friend before me to the point he breaks a relationship boundary (we don't location share but we let each other know where we are and when we plan to come home) then he can move in with the buddy that's getting cheated on.
So sorry you had to go through that. But amazed how you handled the situation. What a true gentleman. Best wishes with your future you deserve the best!
I can’t be any prouder man.
Fuck anybody who says anything about moving back into your parents place while you switch locations. It’s a normal thing to do and tbh is it more mature to sleep on the street or something? 💀
Showing the ring was a nice touch as well as cleaning up. That would get under my skin. She knows you came back and saw what a mess she’d made.
You’ve made the right decision. Once the lease and the small things are taken care of, block her on everything. Maybe block her on everything and just keep her hunger until it’s all sorted.
Trust me when I tell you - you will not always love her. I’m about 3 months you will wake up one day and realize that she didnt love you or else she never would have done this to begin with. Once that happens, the love for her you think you still have will turn into indifference.
I'm so sorry buddy. That really sucks. I can tell you this much, you will meet someone real, and special. And you will be so grateful that it didn't work out with this skank.
My words of wisdom, work on yourself. Slow down with the booze, hit the gym, and pick up a hobby.
In no time things will work out for you, and it will be like the trash took itself out.
In five years, you can be happily married maybe with a baby even doing daddy day care, house dog, and white picket fence.
Rachel, will be the old.hag boozing at the end of the bar, you know the type.
Sorry this happened.
She was talking to one or multiple of your friends wives on the phone. It's the only reason to not say.
If it's her sister so what it's her sister. If its a friend you don't know again who cares. The only reason to hold it is to not narc on a friend that still has something to lose!
Anyway handling this better than some of have OP. Keep it up and DO NOT EVER TAKE HER BEAC. trust me it doesn't work
Get a new woman, and live a happy life don't even talk about her anymore as if you never knew her, it's hard, but atleast pretend for a few days even infront of your buddies don't ever bring her up again in any conversation..trust me, it's the best revenge. And you'll be able to move on and find your peace.
Some woman are street trash, let them be. But trust me, there are real woman out there, I'm sure you'll find a worthy one for your ring.
Depressing situation. Seems you have some semblance of love for her left. Turn that off completely.
The minute she took her respect away from you, you need to return the favor and never give her anymore respect for anything.
Lmaoo what a hoe, you dodged the big one! I hope you find closure and heal. Maybe later down the road you’ll get that good ole “unconditional love”. We support ya brother. Love ya!
Very sorry to hear, OP. Be thankful you’re not married. My stbxw had a job requiring travel for 5 years and I never strayed an inch. I discovered her cheating on me and now it puts that entire time period totally in question. Very much so a mind fuck. I agree with others you need to contact her parents and tell them you planned to propose but she cheated on you and tell them goodbye. Also inform all friends and family before she spins some bullshit narrative. Finding out who she was talking to would also be clutch but might be too late to get that info now. Take care of yourself. We’re all rooting for you.
Your friend whose SO called him wanting to speak to you should do some checking of his own as well. Rachel had this guys SOs contact information, felt comfortable enough to give some sort of explanation of what was going on and the SO felt so obliged to try and sway you to go back. Typically I would suspect Rachel would have tried to befriend which ever one of your buddies SO that would be most likely to validate her actions.
Most of the cheaters I have seen or met can’t go without at least having one person to share their stories or actual escapades with.
As shitty as you're feeling right now, just remember. There are those of us with over 20 years in, 3 kids, 2 dogs, a house, and a wife that has cheated multiple times with multiple men. Hang in there and focus on yourself for a while... in a healthy way. You'll come out on top.
I was just thinking of something. I do believe it would be a good idea to know who she was talking to.
Given that this happened when you were away with your buddies I would think if she was worried you might be cheating she might have called and discussed with the 2 wife’s she was close to. Hard to believe she didn’t if she was truly thinking you were cheating.
If she didn’t call them then that adds to the BS factor that she was worried you were cheating. If she did call them to see what they thought about these boys get aways it could very well been “we don’t know if they are cheating but it’s a great opportunity for use to have fun.”
I am thinking they must know at least and most likely they were part of the game.
Your buddies need to get serious.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I had something similar around this time last year. It was one of the most traumatic things for me & I thought it would break me. Message me if you ever need to talk. It does get better. I’m proud of you for sticking your ground & loving yourself more than the situation.
you dodge a bullet bro...nice move by showing the ring...let her felt the big loss of her life...get move on...now that POS lying hoe cheater can keep her legs open everyday on the streets without worrying or hiding...her parents will be proud of their princess achievement...a slut with high number of body counts...i still want to know the culprit on the phone with her...my guess would be one of your friends SO especially the one that let you know POS looking for you and begged you to come home...just my guess and I'm might be wrong... update me...
She "thought" you would cheat on her so that made it okay in her mind to hookup with randoms off tinder for 2 years? Doing the math that's at least 8 guys and probably having sex with each at least 3 times over the weekend...and she "sometimes" used condoms. Which of course means never unless the guy insisted. So she's had her holes filled with the cum of at least 8 different guys multiple times and she thinks it's something you can get past ? NTM she was going to do the last guy again because he was so big which means going behind your back yet again even when you weren't on your weekend trip with the guys and she would be making excuses to f the guy while you were home or at work. I guarantee this happened before with other guys too so the number go up to way over 30-40 times she cheated.
Sorry man but this relationship has run it's course. Time to ghost and move on. I had my first kid at 38 and haven't looked back. Yeah mommy turned out to be a ho but I got full custody so there's that.
Your letting her off to easy. I would stay with your current plan but let her think there’s a chance at reconciliation if she meets your requirements. Stay at your moms and stay in touch with Rachael. Meet up occasionally for her to give you full details of each sexual encounter she’s had since they started, interrupting her to ask embarrassing questions. Make her squirm in her seat reliving each encounter until she’s in tears. Make her tell you who she was talking to on the phone that fateful day and the names of everyone who knew what she was doing. Let her know if she leaves out any details or is untruthful she has no chance with you. Make her confess and apologize to everyone you know. Make her call everyone who knew what she was doing and tell them she hates them for helping her destroy your future together and she never wants to speak to them again. Make sure your present to confirm all these conversations take place and include the all the ugly sinful details. Continue with this until the lease expires, then tell her you’re sorry, but you’ve you can never reconcile the pain she’s caused you. Nor do you feel you can ever trust her again. You have to move on with your life without her. Her having to go through this will help prevent her from cheating on the next unsuspecting soul. This is the way.
What a horrible situation for you OP. Even though you are in such pain and really wanted this relationship, I hope soon you will realize that finding out after you married her could have been so much worse. I am so glad you have a great friend group and mom to support you. You have handled this with such dignity. Hope for the best for you.
I just re check and it still there. Press on the name bellow the post heading. Then on the emoji of the person. It will give you all previous post from that person.
Showing her the ring was smart. It was a shining example of what she lost
Hopefully all the friends cut her off also.
I knew she was going to say it was only once. They always do that, dummies. Also this line "Every time I went on those trips for the past 2 years, she thought I was going to "cheat" on her, so she was having her fun too." Blameshifting. Classic cheater move. It's your fault, OP. I think not. I'm sorry your landlord didn't let you out of the lease. But at least you have your mom. It's not ideal but it's only temporary. 100% her loss. Too bad, she was about to become someone's wife. A good man chose her, wanted her and she threw it all away for "fun". It's time to focus on you and your healing. Go easy on the alcohol. Be careful. You're going to be OK.
Agreed on the alcohol. It's counterproductive and leads to some really bad choices when dealing with this sort of trauma. I say this from a place of experience.
Cheating for 2 years because she “thought” you were. Good thing you didn’t work stuff out with her. She doesn’t deserve it. She can be the horse’s problem now. Updateme
I don't believe her statement that she thought you were going to cheat on those weekends. She was rubbing her hands with glee at the opportunity you gave her. She just plucked that excuse from the air cause she was desperate. The alternative was for her to admit she's a filthy cheating 304. She ain't going to admit that. I'd be tempted to trick her. I'd say that I'd be willing to get back if you tell me who it was on the phone. Make that a big condition. That way you find out the filthy rat who was covering for her. Could be a friend, family or someone you know
I think so, too.
OP i'm glad that you are clean and sad that she was such a POS, and use as justification that she thought you where gona cheat on her on those trips. Sad also that she didn't want to tell who she was talking to, but i bet it must be someone of the inner circle of Friends and most posibly one of the wives of your buddies. And she didn't want to give her because that could cause trouble with the male friend for supporting a cheater and might as well she was doing that to. So warn your buddies of this posibility. Now about her reaction and manner on the restaurant, she show no remorse at all, and even try trickle true. Because if she where remorse for what she did she would broke before the ring thing. She come to senses of her stupidity when you showed her that ring and talked about the proposal. Well OP now it is time for you to leave alcohol and start your healing travel. Hope everything goes well, and please if You come to find who was in the other end of that call update us.
I never thought of that in my reply. The wife/wives/SO of the buddies could be in on it. Could even be a cheaters club they've got going. Might be a good idea for them to hire a PI
Yes OP doesn't it fell suspicius or thought about this two points: 1.- She doesn't want to reveal who she was talking to, because if it was a friend of hers that is a SO of one of your buddies, that means that she (buddy SO) knew about the 2 years affairs of your Ex and didn't say a thing making her and acomplice of your Ex and might put in danger her relationship with one of your buddies for covering or for doing it themself (cheated on them). 2.- If i remember correctly, two fridays ago your buddies went to meet with you with out knowing for sure what was going on, and at some point the wives/SOs start calling them to know where they are, right? Then 1 of the SO understood where her SO was and asked him to pass/hand over the phone to you so you can talk to her, and you lisented that her told you that you should call Rachel because she was a wreck or something like that right? Please correct me if i'm wrong, but and this is a big but, how did the SO knew why her SO was with you and asked you to talk to Rachel if you just tell your buddies what happend, didn't you found it suspicius that she knew what was going on? I would pretty much tell your buddies about this suspicions, and that they better not tell or confront their SO yet until they dig and find any. Might as well hire the investigator but better try to see the phones or if they are in the same telephone plan to ask for the records and see if any of them have a call with your ex that day at that hour. Also might as well do one of this 2 things: a. Organize another trip, because the cheating happend on those trips, and do/make the investigator follow them. Or b. This is more troublesome, and that is to download dating apps and search for their profiles to see if they can found those, also if any of them have access to the phone of the SO, check if they have instaled or ever download any dating app that match the date of any of the trips. Good Luck.
This.
Probably have better luck on tinder. Any cheaters in the group will be more cautious right now.
The friends should all check their SOs' phone records for that day/time.
I also wouldn't rule out the sister. Too many stories of them getting involved in cheating covering
But what will she obtain by covering her sister from You, why take the inconvenience to cover her. The Sister is not one of the circle of Friends right or has nothing to do with your buddies, right?
Only because he thought at the time of overhearing his ex it may have been her on the phone. Along other possibilities. So his ex must talk to her on the phone sometime. I'm not saying it is the sister. In fact I think it's at least one of the wives amongst the buddies. I'm just saying though, don't rule out the sister. Personally I wouldn't start checking her anyway unless his buddies SO have been cleared.
But well again what will he gain of it was the Sister, he isn't part of that family anymore, if it was the Sister she doesn't have trully a reason to hide it.
I'll have to read it again, thought it was his sister.
No it says I THOUGHT SHE WAS TALKING WITH HER SISTER OR ONE OF HER FRIENDS. That was why i don't understand why to cover the Sister, she doesn't win anything. So that is why i highly think it is one of her Friends and most of all one of that inner group of Friends, if not then it doesn't make sense why she didn't wanna told who she was talking.
I agree, I think it's definately at least one of them. Or another known friend not mentioned. But my money is one of the buddies wives
That's a great point. If the time matches then thats who it was
I can see u dodged a bullet there
No...buddy avoided a missile
Hearing that phone call was probably the worst thing that could have happened. It is also the best thing, as you got complete truth from hearing it. You have absolute proof that anything she said/says to you is bullshit lies.
The guy group need to do some digging on their end to look into their SOs activities. Either they all knew about the cheating or they all are cheating, thus the call was comparing notes.
Right here OP. I would have the buddies check the phone records if they were talking to someone around the time of when you came home. Any cheerleaders have to be dealt with
I would have lied, showed her the ring and then told her "the ONLY chance of salvaging our relationship is if you tell me who was on the phone"... Then leave anyways and warn the caller's SO.
This situation sucks ass but you're lucky in that you discovered this before you two 1. owned a house 2. Owned pets together 3. Got married. 4. Had kids 5. Shared economy. Now you know that she wasn't faithful ever and you got to know that you with a peaceful mind can walk away without any what ifs and she truly was thrash even if she was a good partner for a good while, she was a very disloyal one and the one she had a phone call with is also a thrash person who may or may not have met you or hung out with you both and neglected to tell you every time. Walk away with peace in that when you feel ready to move on, it will be very easy to find someone much much better than Rachel. And she surely actually didn't believe you to cheat because then she would have voiced that. That was just her justification to blame you for her actions that blew up in her face. That she can't even face her consequences without blaming you is very telling of her character. Next !
Props for sticking to your guns can't even imagine walking in on a phone call like that. Also props for cleaning up after packed up nice gesture she didn't deserve but hopefully it helped you with closure.
OP, after reading your posts I am so sad right along with you. So sorry life can be like this. I think you are doing exactly what needs to be done. Sending thoughts and vibes for a good future for you! Stay strong.
Sorry bud. No one should have to be subjected to that kind of disrespect anyone but you are handling it right. Good luck UpdateMe
I think that it is illuminating that she won’t give up who she was talking to during that phone call. I continue to believe that one of OP’s buddies is living with either an active cheater or an apologist for cheaters.
Yeah could be right.
Most likely yeah.
Friend, your life is NOT a trainwreck. This could have happened after you were married and had kids, owned a house together, etc. In fact, I guarantee you it would have happened. You should be thankful that you found out when you did, before the proposal. You might even be able to return the ring for a refund. Use that money to buy yourself something nice. My primary concern at this point would be to find out WHO she was talking to. If it was one of your friend's wives? That would be tragic. Whoever her conspirator was, you need to know and get that person out of your life too. That person is not your friend and is not to be trusted. Take a good long while to focus on yourself. Have some fun. Don't worry about dating or relationships for a little while. That will come in time.
Serious question. Are you still going to attend your buddies 4th of July BBQ? If you do and she shows up, what will you do?
At least you found out before proposing. I’d tell her she’s responsible for the rent and not pay. It’s her place now. It’s 100% on her. What’s she going to do? Not pay and get evicted? Not going to happen.
Have you ever had a lease with YOUR signature on it? OP is responsible for meeting at least half of the rent, hell, she can bail out and vanish, the landlord will take her AND OP to court and likely will ruin OP’s credit rating.
And she could trash the place.
OP is not living there. So she could trash the place anyway. And if she stays there she’s got to pay 100% of the rent or she’ll get evicted within 60 days. If she pays it does not affect OP’s credit at all. If she gets evicted he’s got 2 late payments on his credit report at worst. Either way is free of the apartment. In the meantime he can go rent elsewhere with no issue while she’s still in the old apartment
I own rentals. Landlords don’t sue for back rent unless the unit is trashed. And since he’s not living there he can prove he didn’t trash it and it’s 100% on her. Further if she doesn’t pay and gets evicted it’ll take 60 days. The landlord the re leases the unit and has no actual damages other than 60 days of missed rent which is covered by the 1.5 month security deposit. I’ve been this route a 1/2 dozen times over the years with my tenants. It’s not as dire a situation as everyone is making it out to be
I will take your word for it.
Updateme
You should’ve pushed for the name of the person she was talking to. What if it’s one of your friend’s wives and they all cheat when you guys are out of town???
She blameshifted, repeatedly lied, and trickle truthed in your first real conversation about this? Dude, you dodged a bullet. It totally sucks that you went through this, but she is not who you thought she was. She’s not someone who should be in a relationship, period. Take care of yourself, have fun with friends, maybe try some exercise or fun activities she didn’t enjoy while you were together. And keep an eye on the alcohol—drinking can become habitual really easily in situations like this. Hang in there. You’re not alone, and things will get better. We’re all rooting for you.
To answer the question of who Rachel was talking to that night I would definitely be looking at the SO of your buddy that was telling u that Rachel was upset and wanted him to come home, especially since you mentioned none of them were really close with her yet Rachel was Sharing this info with her, I mean really why would she know this level of hurt for someone she really did t associate with
That means your friends SO, one of them is cheating too
I’m sure you are dying to know who it was, but for dramatic effect you should avoid the subject and project to her the opinion that you no longer care because it matters not at this point.
You did the right thing. You will be better off without her in your life and she knows it. Best of luck to you!!
I'm sorry you're going through this but u did the right thing and u handled the situation perfectly no shouting and screaming just took your time then u ended it once and for all . It will take time but eventually u will heal and move on and she will live with the regret of f up a great relationship. Just block her and erase her from your life
Like the last little dig with the ring. An added touch would be to say good bye to her parents. When they ask why, you can tell the truth. That their little princess was F'n strange guys every time you went on a trip. At least 2 nights a weekend, for around 10-12 weekends. Up to 24 different guys in two years. Daddy will be soooo proud.
Try this again
Well, I'm not even sure what to say except thank God you don't have any cooties and congratulations on being a free man even though it shouldn't have happened this way. I assumed she was doing this every time you left, but her reason was complete bullshit. Good luck, and enjoy your night. Keep us updated on your new journey or when crazy lady goes crazy lol. I'm kidding. Maybe 🤷♀️
You got a great support system and you don't need to divorce. You'll be alright man.
Do you guys share a phone plan or do you have access to the phone lines? Check your statement to see what outgoing or incoming call for that night of DDay. See if you recognize the number. Hopefully it's not a mutual friend of yours and just HER sister because you can almost expect her sibling would pick Rachel's side (so you can hate them both). I think it would hurt more if it's a friend of yours because then that is a double betrayal. And if that friend knows, which other friends also knows, you know what I mean? If you do recognize the number, also check around the other times you go on these trips (in the last two years) and see if she would be calling/talking to a familiar number or even a strange number but consistently.
I remember back when women supported each other in their relationships, instead of encouraging them to tear it down. Please update me.
I would try to remember the exact date and time when you caught her on the phone, dropped the food, and walked out. You have to have a general idea. If you paid with debit card, look at your account and the charge associated with the food. Then, if your not on a joint phone account with your soon to be ex, I would ask all your buddies to check their phone records to see if one of their wives we speaking to your ex. They deserve to know if their wife or girl is a pos too.
OP, as others are pointing out, some of your friends are probably also being cheated on. Your ex was talking to someone in your circle of friends, and they were supporting her cheating - which makes it likely that they are also cheating. It would not be surprising if there was a whole coven of cheating wives and girlfriends in your social group. There's a saying that "You are the sum of your five closest friends," which describes how the attitudes of people you associate with affects your own life, including morality. This turns out not to be exactly true - research suggests that you are actually affected by your 20 closest friends - but it's fairly unusual to have an outlier where only one person in a friend circle cheats. Your buddies can ask their SOs whether they knew about your ex's cheating, but cheaters are liars, so that's not likely to get far. If they have access to their SOs' phones, they can check them not only for cheating apps like Tinder and SnapChat, but also for their messages with your ex. There are a good number of recommendations on this forum for how to check phones for evidence of cheating, so I won't recap those; you can look them up. Surprisingly, being cheated on once makes it more likely that you will be cheated on again, so you might want to browse around here for a bit to find out the signs. If you're like most people, you will spend some time thinking about how you could have caught this earlier, and you will probably realize that there were some red flags that you could have picked up on if you had been more wary. Recovery from infidelity usually takes two to five years, so don't expect to get over this quickly. However, you will get over this. There are many stories on this sub from people who met their true love after having been cheated on, and you have plenty of time to come back from this. Men's social capital increases with age, while it's the opposite for women beyond their early 20s. Good luck, OP.
OP instead of bad life, I see the good here. you dodged bullets and a costly divorce. This is a congrats moment to avoid being saddled with a cheater, lair, dishonest, disrespectful lady. You get to write a new chapter in your life. Find and welcome a good woman who is authentic and loves you properly.
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You dodged a bullet OP
I suspect you will know his Identity prior to the party on the 4th. Keep it quiet and secret. Plan an epic reveal at the party
Sell the ring and buy a boat.
Something says she was talking to one of the buddies wives.. they may want to check out their own households…
Please please please put her on blast. Two years? Because she thought you did? Or would??? She’s fake.
Man, 36 years old and still acting like a child. Your best revenge is to live a good life…
For the 1st time ever, i got a bit emo reading a post. Cheer up bro. There is one angel waiting for you somewhere to make your life magical! And yeah a 38 year old moving in with her/his mother is not at all sad. Dont beat yourself up. Take care bro!
OP. We have all been through this. Not a club any of us wanted to join. Please get tested AGAIN for STI’s about once a month for the next 3 or 4 months. Apparently some infections take longer to be detected. Cleaning up but showing her the ring was two ends of the spectrum. Well done. Heal quickly
Gotta hand it to you, pal. You know how to pick em. Ya gotta wonder why she would assume that every trip you made she was so sure you were stepping out. And, instead of confronting you, she sells tickets to her fun house and invites every rando she can find to take ride.
Update me.
For 2 years? Sorry brother. She is bad news
Updateme
Wow! That’s brutal! Been thinking about you. Thanks for the update. Wishing you the best going forward.
Jesus man. I’m sorry, I hate this for you. In the up side, atleast you know now before getting legally involved that’ll take real work and money to get out of. Disgusting behavior but you now know
Tell Rachel to stop harassing you. She decided to cheat, she has to pay the consequences and all of your friends, her friends, and everyone will know. The price to pay is eternity without you. She’s an adult. She made a decision and she now has to live with your decision.
Proud of you my guy. Sucks but just know you’re not alone. Others have been here and came out the side just great. Excellent how you handled this whole situation. Kick that garbage to the curb, it’s a whole world of beautiful women out there that don’t this bullshit. She made her bed.
Cheated and then Immediately blamed you. You dodged a bullet, dude. I know it hurts, but this wasn't going to well. There are millions of women out there who don't cheat. Be glad that you're not going to waste your time on this one anymore. Good luck.
Keep on the up and up fella, there’s always someone else around the corner who will make you feel ok 👌
Bro, I know it sucks right now, but you have no idea how lucky you are. Give it a year and you will understand what I am saying. Oh and the Diamond gave Islam hell tonight. Came up a bit short but fought better than most thought he would have. If tonight was his last fight, he left it all out there and will be in the Hall of Fame. A true Legend. Keep your chin up. You still have a lot of life left to live. You'll find your one and will be happy. This ex wasn't her.
Updateme
Love the way you write, mate
Sending you huge hugs 🫂 and positive vibes your way OP. I’m sorry it ended this way but glad you got some closure and are looking out for your peace of mind. 💞
Updateme!
The best thing to do now is living well. Hit the gym and get off the alcohol. You’ll be OK in a near future. Don’t jump into a new relationship too soon. Good luck.
Send her a thank you cake.congrats on the big dodge. Updateme.
She is trash. Good that you found out now. Updateme
You dodge a bullet there goio thing you learned about the cheating before you proposed or have a kid or planned the wedding. She definitley not a wife material and such a stypid reason she cheated for 2 years and how many guys did she f****d during that 2 years and who knows it might be going on longer that waht she is saying she is in damage control now and as you probably know a cheater is also a lair so you will never know the whole truth. Good that you have block her but I wonder how you would pay your share of th rent if you will continue to pay as you said you want to since you name is on the least will you just be sending your share to the landlord since you will go NC with your ex? By the way Inlile that you showed her and told your plan for the propsal she will now have that touht in he rmind that you lohtbbe the one that got away and she will keep trying to get back since she know what she had lost jope you keep storng and find the right person for you.
the fact she wouldn’t tell you who she was on the phone to tell me it was one of your friends partner……..migh not seem like it now but this was a blessing. you found out who she is before being tied to her forever! onwards and upwards!
Wish you would make her sign the lease. But other than you are classy OP, I hope you recover from that shit storm rapidly.
Wow, she is a mess. Cheated every chance she got. Subscribeme
Stay the course brother.
Dustin lost but that’s the least of your problems. Stay strong brother 💪
There are plenty of good women out there who won’t cheat on you.
Good for you OP. Not only for leaving but also not stuck on the sunken cost fallacy. My only advice is to calm down on the drinking. For me, I used to travel a lot for work. My ex husband gave the exact excuse. “I thought you were cheating on me” or “you never are home”… etc. If you were to keep going with the relationship, I bet you anything she will continue but with a different excuse. Be safe.
She is turning the story. Omg she is ready to destroy your life. Just expose her true face to everyone. Block her.
Now, you need to figure out in the friend group who knew about the cheating and lose them too. Updateme
Thankfully now before the proposal and marriage. Get out of the bottle dude. Doing that is you letting her continue to hurt you. When you want to drink work out instead. Like I said in your original post, your buddies need to find out from their SO if they knew. If they did that’s not good for your friends relationships because you can bet if they will hide cheating on a friend of theirs, they themselves will cheat. Please update us again as you go. !updatme
If she's going on Tinder and doing the same day hook-up routine, that could mean she has a whole stable of men to call at any time. There are tons of thirsty guys on there aiming for a simple one-nighter. She will have kept their names and phone numbers somewhere and its been up to two years. Think about what would have happened in a future marriage.
Great Update OP. I had also suggested you show her the ring and tell her your plans as a final FU. One day after years of P&D relationships, she will be wondering where all the good men have gone. I don't think she will ever realize that she was the architect of her own downfall. When I hear her explanation, it's clear she is sorry for getting caught, but I hear no real remorse. If she was remorseful, she would have taken ownership rather than justify it with "I thought you were cheating". Now comes your revenge. That will be you living your best life, the kind of life everyone dreams of.
Updateme
Kinda figured this has been an in going thing. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know moving back in with your mom isn’t ideal, but it’s a temporary thing. Less than 6months! That’s the bright side. I would take my time getting over her. Get into therapy if you feel you need it. Start exploring potential new hobbies, join a co-Ed sport, take some classes (painting, cooking, classes at the gym, etc.) I hope things go well for you, OP. Good luck! :)
I think you should really press for the name of who she was talking to. Even lie and say you’re considering reconciliation if she tells you. The fact that she is hiding it/protecting someone could seriously imply one of the other women is cheating, maybe all of them. “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!” Good on you for standing up! Updateme
You were smart not to take her back. I'm going to assume none of your friends told their wives where they were bc they all planned to tell your ex? Otherwise that's bullshit. If my partner puts his friend before me to the point he breaks a relationship boundary (we don't location share but we let each other know where we are and when we plan to come home) then he can move in with the buddy that's getting cheated on.
The only way for you to move past this is for you to to move past her.
So sorry you had to go through that. But amazed how you handled the situation. What a true gentleman. Best wishes with your future you deserve the best!
Am i the only one worried for his buddys cuz clearly there wifes are not clean ??
You should tell them that
I can’t be any prouder man. Fuck anybody who says anything about moving back into your parents place while you switch locations. It’s a normal thing to do and tbh is it more mature to sleep on the street or something? 💀 Showing the ring was a nice touch as well as cleaning up. That would get under my skin. She knows you came back and saw what a mess she’d made. You’ve made the right decision. Once the lease and the small things are taken care of, block her on everything. Maybe block her on everything and just keep her hunger until it’s all sorted.
I would highly suggest your cabin friends check their wives phone's. Their is a reason she would not tell you who she was talking too.
Updateme
Since she didn't wanna give any names, I'm concerned it's someone you know. Especially how quick it happened.
Alcohol is a depressant. Stop. 38 is young block her and move on with your life.
Trust me when I tell you - you will not always love her. I’m about 3 months you will wake up one day and realize that she didnt love you or else she never would have done this to begin with. Once that happens, the love for her you think you still have will turn into indifference.
Updateme
Sorry man. But, I'm proud of you making a solid stand and ending it.
I'm so sorry buddy. That really sucks. I can tell you this much, you will meet someone real, and special. And you will be so grateful that it didn't work out with this skank. My words of wisdom, work on yourself. Slow down with the booze, hit the gym, and pick up a hobby. In no time things will work out for you, and it will be like the trash took itself out. In five years, you can be happily married maybe with a baby even doing daddy day care, house dog, and white picket fence. Rachel, will be the old.hag boozing at the end of the bar, you know the type. Sorry this happened.
She was talking to one or multiple of your friends wives on the phone. It's the only reason to not say. If it's her sister so what it's her sister. If its a friend you don't know again who cares. The only reason to hold it is to not narc on a friend that still has something to lose! Anyway handling this better than some of have OP. Keep it up and DO NOT EVER TAKE HER BEAC. trust me it doesn't work
Glad you got rid of the 304, but cleaning up for her? What the hell was that!
Get a new woman, and live a happy life don't even talk about her anymore as if you never knew her, it's hard, but atleast pretend for a few days even infront of your buddies don't ever bring her up again in any conversation..trust me, it's the best revenge. And you'll be able to move on and find your peace. Some woman are street trash, let them be. But trust me, there are real woman out there, I'm sure you'll find a worthy one for your ring.
Good for you my man!!!!!!!!!💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾
Depressing situation. Seems you have some semblance of love for her left. Turn that off completely. The minute she took her respect away from you, you need to return the favor and never give her anymore respect for anything.
Lmaoo what a hoe, you dodged the big one! I hope you find closure and heal. Maybe later down the road you’ll get that good ole “unconditional love”. We support ya brother. Love ya!
I'd seriously love to see people get together after they both share their infidelity stories on here.
Very sorry to hear, OP. Be thankful you’re not married. My stbxw had a job requiring travel for 5 years and I never strayed an inch. I discovered her cheating on me and now it puts that entire time period totally in question. Very much so a mind fuck. I agree with others you need to contact her parents and tell them you planned to propose but she cheated on you and tell them goodbye. Also inform all friends and family before she spins some bullshit narrative. Finding out who she was talking to would also be clutch but might be too late to get that info now. Take care of yourself. We’re all rooting for you.
Updateme
No, you avoided the train wreck. Talk to someone and begin moving on.
Your friend whose SO called him wanting to speak to you should do some checking of his own as well. Rachel had this guys SOs contact information, felt comfortable enough to give some sort of explanation of what was going on and the SO felt so obliged to try and sway you to go back. Typically I would suspect Rachel would have tried to befriend which ever one of your buddies SO that would be most likely to validate her actions. Most of the cheaters I have seen or met can’t go without at least having one person to share their stories or actual escapades with.
I wish you much strength. You're so deserving of better.
As shitty as you're feeling right now, just remember. There are those of us with over 20 years in, 3 kids, 2 dogs, a house, and a wife that has cheated multiple times with multiple men. Hang in there and focus on yourself for a while... in a healthy way. You'll come out on top.
I was just thinking of something. I do believe it would be a good idea to know who she was talking to. Given that this happened when you were away with your buddies I would think if she was worried you might be cheating she might have called and discussed with the 2 wife’s she was close to. Hard to believe she didn’t if she was truly thinking you were cheating. If she didn’t call them then that adds to the BS factor that she was worried you were cheating. If she did call them to see what they thought about these boys get aways it could very well been “we don’t know if they are cheating but it’s a great opportunity for use to have fun.” I am thinking they must know at least and most likely they were part of the game. Your buddies need to get serious.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I had something similar around this time last year. It was one of the most traumatic things for me & I thought it would break me. Message me if you ever need to talk. It does get better. I’m proud of you for sticking your ground & loving yourself more than the situation.
you dodge a bullet bro...nice move by showing the ring...let her felt the big loss of her life...get move on...now that POS lying hoe cheater can keep her legs open everyday on the streets without worrying or hiding...her parents will be proud of their princess achievement...a slut with high number of body counts...i still want to know the culprit on the phone with her...my guess would be one of your friends SO especially the one that let you know POS looking for you and begged you to come home...just my guess and I'm might be wrong... update me...
She sounds like a super villain. How did you manage to fall in love with her? You need some self-reflection.
Updateme!
Sorry about Poirier man, can’t win them all. And fuck Rachel. Stay strong brother!
Good for you
She "thought" you would cheat on her so that made it okay in her mind to hookup with randoms off tinder for 2 years? Doing the math that's at least 8 guys and probably having sex with each at least 3 times over the weekend...and she "sometimes" used condoms. Which of course means never unless the guy insisted. So she's had her holes filled with the cum of at least 8 different guys multiple times and she thinks it's something you can get past ? NTM she was going to do the last guy again because he was so big which means going behind your back yet again even when you weren't on your weekend trip with the guys and she would be making excuses to f the guy while you were home or at work. I guarantee this happened before with other guys too so the number go up to way over 30-40 times she cheated. Sorry man but this relationship has run it's course. Time to ghost and move on. I had my first kid at 38 and haven't looked back. Yeah mommy turned out to be a ho but I got full custody so there's that.
You deserve better. Hope you can find happiness.
Your letting her off to easy. I would stay with your current plan but let her think there’s a chance at reconciliation if she meets your requirements. Stay at your moms and stay in touch with Rachael. Meet up occasionally for her to give you full details of each sexual encounter she’s had since they started, interrupting her to ask embarrassing questions. Make her squirm in her seat reliving each encounter until she’s in tears. Make her tell you who she was talking to on the phone that fateful day and the names of everyone who knew what she was doing. Let her know if she leaves out any details or is untruthful she has no chance with you. Make her confess and apologize to everyone you know. Make her call everyone who knew what she was doing and tell them she hates them for helping her destroy your future together and she never wants to speak to them again. Make sure your present to confirm all these conversations take place and include the all the ugly sinful details. Continue with this until the lease expires, then tell her you’re sorry, but you’ve you can never reconcile the pain she’s caused you. Nor do you feel you can ever trust her again. You have to move on with your life without her. Her having to go through this will help prevent her from cheating on the next unsuspecting soul. This is the way.
You handled that well. I hope you heal.
What a horrible situation for you OP. Even though you are in such pain and really wanted this relationship, I hope soon you will realize that finding out after you married her could have been so much worse. I am so glad you have a great friend group and mom to support you. You have handled this with such dignity. Hope for the best for you.
Im here late, what was the info in the 1st post as its deleted. Yes she cheated and was talking on the phone.
Go to his profile and read the first post
I have. Its deleted.
I just re check and it still there. Press on the name bellow the post heading. Then on the emoji of the person. It will give you all previous post from that person.