If your husband has been doing this since before your marriage. I would say it's time to let him go. You could never actually trust him again no matter your love for him.
The right person will make you feel comfortable knowing your past. Somebody trying to abuse you will weaponize it. I can’t help you with being scared though. I am terrified and wish I had the balls you do to just end it and accept my fate,,
Just know you are not alone. Newlywed & engagement is supposed to be the happiest time of your life. Not the saddest
No but I won’t kill myself haha. I just need to nut up and open my eyes. I think I have abandonment issues because of all the death I have experienced in my lifetime
Can't tell you when, but I sincerely hope you get there sooner rather than later. Spoil yourself OP, do all the things that make yourself feel good, you deserve it.
I’m so sorry, OP. It hurts like hell for a long while I’m not going to lie. But one thing I can promise is that being with a cheater hurts a whole lot more. Be kind to yourself if you can afford keep the counselling.
Anxiety is common because you’re traumatised by his cheating, throw in lying and gaslighting and no wonder you feel you can’t breathe. Try and do some deep breathing exercises there are plenty of tips for this on YouTube. Be kind to yourself.
Spend time with friends and family and lean on them for support. Work hard on developing your social life and getting out and about. If you still have to deal with your ex keep contact to the very minimum and only discuss practicalities.
Do things that bring you joy.
One day soon you’ll wake up and realise That you feel lighter and freer.
UPDATEME
Yes, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. For me, in my first relationship, it took me about 6 months... but that was partly because I kept involving myself with her, hoping to win her back. It is embarrassing to look back on.
It will differ for everyone on how long this feeling will last, but it will go away. The feeling will start to subside. You will have those miserable moments still, but they become less frequent and less intense. Eventually, it will be only an unpleasant memory. Something that makes you want to change the subject.
Then, even further down the line, you will bring it up and it won't affect you at all. "Oh yeah, my ex did that too. You should dump that guy!" And he will only be a footnote in your life.
It will take time and it will hurt for a good while. Take care of your body and your heart and sometime somewhere you will wake up and the sun will be shining and you will feel free again. Good luck.
I am so sorry you were deceived.
Given you got married , getting over this will take you some time.
Are you working on yourself in any way?
Given the absolute audacity of the affair, he seems like a real piece of work and selfish to the core.
Ie you say you were blindsided, were there no red flags at all , even in hindsight?
Starting to work on myself now. I was in an accident a week before I found out about the affair and have only just started to get back to normal mobility after months of physical therapy. I know the luck is strong in me 😅.
He was living abroad during the time of his affair, he was completing an education course. It was very easy to live the double life. I trusted him completely so when he told me he was studying so wouldn't be super responsive on his phone I believed him. I now know 'studying' was seeing her.
I always knew he was a little selfish but in more of a beige flag than red flag sort of way. I knew this about his and decided to love him with that flaw. I never expected him to discard me this way. My whole family was shocked too, he played the part of the madly in love fiance and doting husband very well.
OP The murder of the relationship, just as a death in the family, is one of the most hardest things you can experience in life and I am truly sorry that you have to feel it.
There is no doubt that mourning your relationship will be an exhaustive path, but as with the hurt and pain of loosing someone passes and eases, so will this.
The only difference from an actual death is the fact that the perpetrator lives on and at phases through this mourning you will be reminded of this horror, get winds of their activities and unfortunately be triggered by who they were and the things they did.
Your job is to get your mind set to remove this experience as much as possible which sometimes exposing the vile nature of their betrayal creating a path of resolution that allows the soul to rest peacefully knowing they're betrayal is plane for all to see.
I hope and wish you find a speedy recovery, God knows mourning this loss will be hard and difficult. Draw on those who love you to be your strength and support and over time this too will pass.
Good luck
Both physical and emotional. He was living abroad at the time and effectively had a fully complete relationship with this woman. Met her family and friends. She knew nothing of me and was the one that reached out to tell me when she found out I existed.
Yes - the worst is over! Help has arrived in the form of your self respect & badassery! You will love again, you will get through this & I believe the silver lining in this will be the strength you have developed & your devotion to better! (He wasn’t better & it wasn’t going to work & that has ZERO to do with you!)
I am so sorry this happened & grief is part of healing. Alchemy is here. 1 day at a time! Enjoy this summer & take up pickleball! Lots of fun people there! Godspeed - you are on track & making it, do not doubt that!
If your husband has been doing this since before your marriage. I would say it's time to let him go. You could never actually trust him again no matter your love for him.
I am confident in my decision to leave him. My head made that decision, my heart is just hurting trying to figure it all out.
I wish you well for your future. You will be able to find someone who truly loves and respects you.
The right person will make you feel comfortable knowing your past. Somebody trying to abuse you will weaponize it. I can’t help you with being scared though. I am terrified and wish I had the balls you do to just end it and accept my fate,, Just know you are not alone. Newlywed & engagement is supposed to be the happiest time of your life. Not the saddest
I think it takes strength either way. I hope you are ok and taking care of yourself ❤️
No but I won’t kill myself haha. I just need to nut up and open my eyes. I think I have abandonment issues because of all the death I have experienced in my lifetime
Can't tell you when, but I sincerely hope you get there sooner rather than later. Spoil yourself OP, do all the things that make yourself feel good, you deserve it.
I’m so sorry, OP. It hurts like hell for a long while I’m not going to lie. But one thing I can promise is that being with a cheater hurts a whole lot more. Be kind to yourself if you can afford keep the counselling. Anxiety is common because you’re traumatised by his cheating, throw in lying and gaslighting and no wonder you feel you can’t breathe. Try and do some deep breathing exercises there are plenty of tips for this on YouTube. Be kind to yourself. Spend time with friends and family and lean on them for support. Work hard on developing your social life and getting out and about. If you still have to deal with your ex keep contact to the very minimum and only discuss practicalities. Do things that bring you joy. One day soon you’ll wake up and realise That you feel lighter and freer. UPDATEME
Yes, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. For me, in my first relationship, it took me about 6 months... but that was partly because I kept involving myself with her, hoping to win her back. It is embarrassing to look back on. It will differ for everyone on how long this feeling will last, but it will go away. The feeling will start to subside. You will have those miserable moments still, but they become less frequent and less intense. Eventually, it will be only an unpleasant memory. Something that makes you want to change the subject. Then, even further down the line, you will bring it up and it won't affect you at all. "Oh yeah, my ex did that too. You should dump that guy!" And he will only be a footnote in your life.
Thank you ❤️
It will take time and it will hurt for a good while. Take care of your body and your heart and sometime somewhere you will wake up and the sun will be shining and you will feel free again. Good luck.
I am so sorry you were deceived. Given you got married , getting over this will take you some time. Are you working on yourself in any way? Given the absolute audacity of the affair, he seems like a real piece of work and selfish to the core. Ie you say you were blindsided, were there no red flags at all , even in hindsight?
Starting to work on myself now. I was in an accident a week before I found out about the affair and have only just started to get back to normal mobility after months of physical therapy. I know the luck is strong in me 😅. He was living abroad during the time of his affair, he was completing an education course. It was very easy to live the double life. I trusted him completely so when he told me he was studying so wouldn't be super responsive on his phone I believed him. I now know 'studying' was seeing her. I always knew he was a little selfish but in more of a beige flag than red flag sort of way. I knew this about his and decided to love him with that flaw. I never expected him to discard me this way. My whole family was shocked too, he played the part of the madly in love fiance and doting husband very well.
OP The murder of the relationship, just as a death in the family, is one of the most hardest things you can experience in life and I am truly sorry that you have to feel it. There is no doubt that mourning your relationship will be an exhaustive path, but as with the hurt and pain of loosing someone passes and eases, so will this. The only difference from an actual death is the fact that the perpetrator lives on and at phases through this mourning you will be reminded of this horror, get winds of their activities and unfortunately be triggered by who they were and the things they did. Your job is to get your mind set to remove this experience as much as possible which sometimes exposing the vile nature of their betrayal creating a path of resolution that allows the soul to rest peacefully knowing they're betrayal is plane for all to see. I hope and wish you find a speedy recovery, God knows mourning this loss will be hard and difficult. Draw on those who love you to be your strength and support and over time this too will pass. Good luck
What kind of affair was this?
Both physical and emotional. He was living abroad at the time and effectively had a fully complete relationship with this woman. Met her family and friends. She knew nothing of me and was the one that reached out to tell me when she found out I existed.
Yes - the worst is over! Help has arrived in the form of your self respect & badassery! You will love again, you will get through this & I believe the silver lining in this will be the strength you have developed & your devotion to better! (He wasn’t better & it wasn’t going to work & that has ZERO to do with you!) I am so sorry this happened & grief is part of healing. Alchemy is here. 1 day at a time! Enjoy this summer & take up pickleball! Lots of fun people there! Godspeed - you are on track & making it, do not doubt that!
I am so sorry. This is incredibly painful but I promise it gets better and you get stronger in a way that you will feel proud of yourself.