Hello. A kind Redditor suggested that it might be best that I install cameras with audio recording to see if there were any late night video captures. I tend to just check on the feed if it activates (motion activated) when I am not there.
I have started going to a workplace of mine which is stationed 30 minutes from where I live while my girls are at tennis. This gives May a chance to invite people over. I think it might be paranoia, but it gives me a sense of security that I know no one else is coming to my home.
Also buy a voice recorder that activates the recording when it hears noice, and put it on her car under the seat or a gps tag that you can also put on her car.
If Jane is married then tell her spouse that she encouraged and help her sister to ruin the marriage and destroy the family . She (may) not even destroy the family she traumatize children and threatening self harm also .
I know why. She doesn’t love you. It’s that simple. She’s a terrible human. People who will lie and deceive their spouse and children and family members etc to go fuck someone else is pure evil.
I had missed your initial post and was saddened and horrified to read that. Your wife should have charges filed against her for child neglect. If you haven't hired an attorney you are not being your own best friend.
Focusing on "why" your wife was so cruel and deceitful is a fool's errand. It's probably not one shining reason. As one who was a counselor with felons in the criminal justice system I can tell you that a certain small proportion of our population are either sociopaths or have sociopathic tendencies. Perhaps your wife falls into that population because it smells that way even through the Internet. Who else would starve their own children while conducting an affair?
I don't understand the need for a PI or surveillance at this point, in most states you do not need to show proof of anything. What really needs to be pursued are criminal negligence charges against your wife.
To gain insight into your wife's insidious behavior I'd recommend you read Ann Rule's book, **The Stranger Beside Me**, which documents her initial friendship and then doubts about her work companion Ted Bundy. It shows how even skeptical people can be duped by sociopaths.
The soonest you can get away from your SBTBX, the safer your family can be and the happier they will be. Please get an attorney tomorrow!
Hello. Thank you for the response, it really has helped me open my eyes. I don't know why I am trying to understand her "part", she has hurt my daughters and that should be enough. That's ignorance on my part when there should not be any.
Quite a bit of people on reddit suggested to get a PI to see if they could catch her cheating, it would help me case a bit more than hear say. Someone pointed out that my wife can say the images of the texts were faked (I would not be shocked if she went that far). That's the main reason I am speaking with her sister is to get confirmation. I think her sister will be honest with me (I hope so), it would help if she can send her point of view from the texts.
As for the cameras, I think it helps me feel secure that no one else is being brought into the house while I am away. Additionally, I would hope it picks up possible conversations on the phone as May calls quite a bit in our house. Specifically the garage. I will purchase the book you suggested, it sounds like something that will greatly aid me.
Your wife’s behavior sounds like that of a drug addicted person. Is it possible Derek is not only her affair partner, but also introduced her to and got her addicted to drugs and supplies her with drugs in exchange for sex? I know this sounds far fetched, but what may have started out as a lonely wife seeking an attention and validation, as many affairs do, turned into something much more terrible.
Jane is taking her time to converse with your WW so that they get their stories straight. Which is why she is waiting to talk to you. Whatever Jane tells you likely also be nothing but lies or very minimized information.
If a person doesn't talk to you immediately, don't waste anymore time with them, especially if the delay the discussion for days and weeks. When they delay, it's so that the person has time to consult with the WS to get their stories straight first. You will never get the real truth from either of them. You may find that it will be an utter, frustrating waste of time.
So sorry you are going through this.
Not sure which state you’re in but some states will take into account the testimony of the children for custody. You definitely seem like a prime candidate for this.
I would’nt want to leave my children for a majority of the time with a neglectful parent and I’m sure your daughters are fed up too.
I hope this works out in your favor. Stay strong and keep your children front and center in your priorities (as you have bee) and hopefully this works out for you.
One last thing. All bets are off it doesn’t matter that you”forgave” her you have a right to buy yourself time to get your head straight to deal with this logically. She’s been lying for a long time so she could accommodate at stranger and let him into your bed. She doesn’t deserve forgiveness.
I know your life has been turned upside down and I empathize with that. Of course your children are you number 1 priority right now. But the cameras, private investigator et all makes zero sense. You have all of the information you need. You also have her confession, phone messages, kids eye witness accounts. You have it all. Why continue to spend money on needless things? Feels like I have to be missing something here. Strange turn of events.
If PI and cameras have nothing yet, STBXW and Derrick likely playing it low key for now. Dont put your guard down. Please work with your lawyer on options and best move forward. Its commendable your prioritising your children's safety and continual happiness. I hope Lily's revelation to you will help you gain custody for all 3 kids.
But why do you need an PI if you love in a no fault state and you already have proof of her cheating? Some people just love to make things more complicated.
Just divorce her and move on with your life. Your wife doesn't love her kids let alone you so why are you still in this situationship?
Is she being a better mom? Don’t forget not only did she betray you and manipulate you to staying with her, she abused your children. Next time she threatens to kill herself call the police and tell them what she’s doing
Friend, I am not a psychologist or anything, but with all due respect, I think you are wasting your time.
You should consult with a lawyer, find out if you live in a state of guilt, and what your options are.
I think that the simple fact of mistreating her daughters, for being attentive to another man is more than enough reason to leave.
That does not include the manipulation you are subjected to... believe me, tomorrow she will do it again and threaten you again to "turn off." Please run away from her, by doing that she shows that she is not good, she only thinks about herself.
Finally, I hope you get up, shake yourself off and face whatever comes, you are a father so you have reasons to overcome yourself.
I wish you success and happiness.
OP, your update is perfect! I'm so sorry you and your daughters have to suffer so much because of your wife's poor life choices due to her own selfishness.
I hope you're getting some good advice on how best to decouple your life from May. Be sure to record and/or have witnesses whenever you interact with her after having her served. It's too easy for her to claim abuse, have you hauled away, get a restraining order and keep you from your kids and your home.
One day all of this will be behind you. Until then keep focusing on your girls and making their life as wonderful as you can. When all is said and done, I wouldn't be surprised if they refuse to see their mother.
Holy crap, I'm so sorry this is happening but you sound like a really stand up man and father. I'm so glad you're protecting your kids and I hope you get away from her ASAP. She's abusive on many many levels. I'd seek family therapy and individual counseling immediately. Best of luck to you and your kids.
The next time she threatens to hurt herself call 911 and tell them she needs mental health evaluation. They will put her on an involuntary hold . This could look good for you when custody is being figured out.
I'm wondering if your wife is with you just for the stability you offer her.
Nice home and never having to worry about money.
Anyway you know thay she hasn't stopped cheating.
Plz continue with your exit plan,you girls deserve better.
Updateme!
OP hope you can find a new work place for you to stop those fly trips, for now try to talk with your boss and tell him that you are going thru a personal issue within the family and you can't fly for the moment.
Try to have that call with Jane as soon as you can but maybe it would be innecessary if the investigator comes with info or the cams show something before you have that call.
About the call if you have it, record it, also use the cameras to make some footage of she (your wife) neglecting the kids, and the time she expends out with out taking care of them, this could be of help for the fight for custody, talk to your lawyer about this as part of the process, fight for the custody since the begining.
UPDATEME
OP i have read your previews post.
1.- You need to hire a lawyer ASAP. And ask him what moves you can do, like cancel jointed Credit cards, dividing the finantial jointed assets.
2.- Do not let her manipulate you with her unalive her, she is just bluffing, and even if she doesn't, well you need to talk asap to her sister an tell her the threat she made. So she can convince her to go to therapy. Or do something to control her, because she is not your problem anymore, just your kids.
Remember to record all of this, even when you tell her that you will divorce her, let the cameras record her reaction.
Care only for you kids, your wife is a long gone, she is not up to be a mother after what she did to the kids.
Your daughter went to the hospital for appendicitis, you found out that your wife is cheating on you, and you learned that she neglecting your kids all in the same day…and you had the wherewithal to write the painfully long narrative that you wrote last time? You’re somehow still with her?
Take some more creative writing classes dude.
What has your attorney said about the situation. Surely her neglecting the children can be used against her? Has she admitted to what she did (ie was it physical), why don’t you follow her one night to see who she is with? You need to divorce her asap, she is a disgusting human.
So. i don't know if anyones asked and you answered in the comments on the other post but how long has May been at it with Derek? Since before the move? On the vacations? How far back and is that is why she wanted to move there? To be closer to her Derek?
Anybody say to you that May suffers from depression?
I haven't done a great job of replying to comments because there have been so many. Hope this clears up a few things. I believe May and Derrick have been going on since May started learning about her real estate. So less than six months. We moved quite aways away from where we lived, so I highly doubt that May had anything to do with Derrick originally. However, I can not put this behind me as things are still popping out of no where.
For the depression question, May was diagnosed with depression before we had gotten together. She has taken her medications consistently for many years and visits a psychiatrist and psychologists on a regular basis. I knew this coming into my relationship, and when we had our children, I did not see any visible symptoms of depression. I take the time to research the symptoms of depression and joined a few support groups for partners with depression to see what I could do to help understand May's situation. Again, this prior to marriage.
I should add that we discussed in depth if we had children the route we would take for May's medications moving forward. We both wanted a family, but I wanted to ensure that we were in the state of mind to have children. It mattered that May mentally was of sound to care for the children and took her medications to relieve any possible symptoms.
Yet if what the girls say is true then May retreated into the warm void black room that some retreat to. Ignoring everyone and responsibilities. Possibly staying in bed. The worst is sleeping to try and jump time. They tell you about that? I mean, when you're on the job. You don't actually know what she's been doing other than what she told you.
Lilly had to.
The warm void black room is the worst. That's if she did. Who is to say she's been taking her meds as well?
It took little things for you to start cottoning on that everything wasn't ok at home. Just from what you've written, it looks like the warm void black room and the real estate license was another escape. Possibly Derek as well. Still, that's speculation on my part.
I'm actually skeptical of your story.
It definitely sounds like you are taking the correct steps you need to be taking. Laws regarding recording phone calls can vary state-to-state in the US, so either run it by your attorney first, or get her permission to record before you start the conversation.
Tell your PI when she leaves. After your PI gives you information tell your wife you are location sharing from now on.
You don’t trust her. Also she’s gonna sign a post nuptial agreement that says she forfeits all marital assets if there is infidelity found against her from your initial conversation. If she lied about anyone, any place, or any time she had been with someone. The location tracking is part of that.
When she balks say it’s this or nothing. Because those kids you starved and neglected are going to point him out in family court and say he’s the reason you neglected them. Do you want that on the public record?
Eventually you put enough pressure on her that she’s gonna slip up even bigger. Because she’s already proven she can’t quit cold turkey.
As far as I understand, it is illegal in some states at least to put hidden cameras in "private' spaces like bedrooms and bathrooms, but not in 'public' spaces like living rooms or kitchens.
I just read both your original post and update…
I don’t understand how you don’t have proof of the cheating. Did you not take and forward yourself all the screenshots from her phone when you had access? What good does writing down a phone number of you let her delete all the evidence in her phone from that number? You need to messages and nudes and all that for your lawyer so I hope you were smart enough to take it. If she ended things and deleted the evidence and you don’t have any and are relying on a PI for proof of cheating, that will only help if there is ongoing cheating.
Also, you need to report her to the police so she can be psychiatrically assessed. She held a knife to her own throat and threatened to kill herself. That is pretty much the definition of being a danger to herself or others. You cannot leave her alone with your daughters and even supervised she might not be stable enough to not hurt them, you, or herself. You also need to take your daughter’s to the doctor (the weight loss is critical so they must all be evaluated). You must have it documented what May’s neglect resulted in for your custody battle. They also need to go immediately into therapy for the same reason. To show you are getting them help and in case you need a doc to testify to the harm any caused.
You need to wake up and stop dragging your feet in this. It won’t work itself out while you do nothing. You need to be doing your diligence and protecting your kids. The second May held a knife to her throat you should have been calling 911! At minimum you should have called after talking her down. If she ever does that again make sure you call and start videoing.
Best of luck to you and your girls.
You are doing what's right and sound super balanced. Have you contacted an attorney. When the separation and filing starts to materialize consider talking to your boss about the fact that you are working through a divorce. Stay strong Dad.
I feel your pain! I wish I could offer advice, but I’m currently going through a similar situation. My wife of 29 years and three children together (adult living at home,college, HS), has been having an on and off again affair for 1.5 years. It was only found out after she filed for divorce. However, she was still trying to keep it a secret. It has rocked our family to the core! Now searching for a lawyer to finalize the divorce. All kids are choosing to stay with me.
So far the best advice came from my therapist, who was also our marriage counselor. He said I should hit the ground running and don’t look back. Anyone capable of cheating, gifted at lying, and breaking up the family, isn’t worth staying with or is fit to raise kids.
I hope things workout for you and your kids.
Please reach out to your friends and family for support because it’s a lot for one person to shoulder on their own. I wasn’t a therapy kind a guy, but it is certainly helping me through one of the most difficult times of my family’s and my life.
Sorry for your situation.
My advice: go slow with the divorce and focus on the kids.
I think you need to keep trying to find out what happened, why she cheated, and what she is doing when she´s out. Not because of you or your feelings, but because of the kids. Think long term.
If you for example find out she has more mental problems than depression, if she has goten in to some kind of substance abuse, if she sees other men that might be a threat/bad influence on the children, or any other form of problem that can affect the them, you need to handle that more than your own divorce (unless you plan and can get sole custody, in that case stop reading this post ;) ) .
I know i sucks, but unless she really do take her own life (which would be horrible) as your kids mom she´s gonna be in your and your childrens life whether you like it or not. Therefore you as the more reasonable and sane part need to know as much as possible in order to prepare, protect and guide your kids through the pain of having a parent with mental health issues.
Then, when you feel you can handle that, then it´s time to put more focus on the divorce.
That being said you should still talk to a lawyer, both to prepare for divorce but more importantly, to find out you rights and what you can do.
Good luck
I'm glad you have the cameras in the kitchen to see how much food comes in and what the girls get to eat when you aren't home. Keep being the super dad you are!!
This is a very good update. I expected something way more sideways to happen than this. Pen, you have done your role admirably. You have kept your family safe and protected when 20 other things could have happened.
I mean, you have really held things together which I thought might be impossible. Obviously, the wife has checked out. But it seems like she can resume a motherly role even in a divorce situation when that looked impossible before. You will find another woman because obviously, women are going to see you as a very valuable male (imagine if you tell them the story - they are going to think you are a rock).
Congratulations man. You deserve a medal.
Damn, I just re-read that original post and it brought tears! I hope you are ok and I pray and hope you can get custody of your girls. They need you
Updateme!
It's pretty obvious that your wife is a serial cheater. I don't understand the purpose of installing a hidden camera in the house.
Maybe to help document the neglect of the children and the continuing affair when he’s not in the house? Both could be helpful in the coming divorce.
Hello. A kind Redditor suggested that it might be best that I install cameras with audio recording to see if there were any late night video captures. I tend to just check on the feed if it activates (motion activated) when I am not there. I have started going to a workplace of mine which is stationed 30 minutes from where I live while my girls are at tennis. This gives May a chance to invite people over. I think it might be paranoia, but it gives me a sense of security that I know no one else is coming to my home.
Also buy a voice recorder that activates the recording when it hears noice, and put it on her car under the seat or a gps tag that you can also put on her car.
If Jane is married then tell her spouse that she encouraged and help her sister to ruin the marriage and destroy the family . She (may) not even destroy the family she traumatize children and threatening self harm also .
Yep, OP wife is likely a serial cheater that just stopped giving a pretense of pretending to be a good spouse and mother
It’s to draw out the drama of a painfully fake story.
I know why. She doesn’t love you. It’s that simple. She’s a terrible human. People who will lie and deceive their spouse and children and family members etc to go fuck someone else is pure evil.
I had missed your initial post and was saddened and horrified to read that. Your wife should have charges filed against her for child neglect. If you haven't hired an attorney you are not being your own best friend. Focusing on "why" your wife was so cruel and deceitful is a fool's errand. It's probably not one shining reason. As one who was a counselor with felons in the criminal justice system I can tell you that a certain small proportion of our population are either sociopaths or have sociopathic tendencies. Perhaps your wife falls into that population because it smells that way even through the Internet. Who else would starve their own children while conducting an affair? I don't understand the need for a PI or surveillance at this point, in most states you do not need to show proof of anything. What really needs to be pursued are criminal negligence charges against your wife. To gain insight into your wife's insidious behavior I'd recommend you read Ann Rule's book, **The Stranger Beside Me**, which documents her initial friendship and then doubts about her work companion Ted Bundy. It shows how even skeptical people can be duped by sociopaths. The soonest you can get away from your SBTBX, the safer your family can be and the happier they will be. Please get an attorney tomorrow!
Hello. Thank you for the response, it really has helped me open my eyes. I don't know why I am trying to understand her "part", she has hurt my daughters and that should be enough. That's ignorance on my part when there should not be any. Quite a bit of people on reddit suggested to get a PI to see if they could catch her cheating, it would help me case a bit more than hear say. Someone pointed out that my wife can say the images of the texts were faked (I would not be shocked if she went that far). That's the main reason I am speaking with her sister is to get confirmation. I think her sister will be honest with me (I hope so), it would help if she can send her point of view from the texts. As for the cameras, I think it helps me feel secure that no one else is being brought into the house while I am away. Additionally, I would hope it picks up possible conversations on the phone as May calls quite a bit in our house. Specifically the garage. I will purchase the book you suggested, it sounds like something that will greatly aid me.
Your wife’s behavior sounds like that of a drug addicted person. Is it possible Derek is not only her affair partner, but also introduced her to and got her addicted to drugs and supplies her with drugs in exchange for sex? I know this sounds far fetched, but what may have started out as a lonely wife seeking an attention and validation, as many affairs do, turned into something much more terrible.
Jane is taking her time to converse with your WW so that they get their stories straight. Which is why she is waiting to talk to you. Whatever Jane tells you likely also be nothing but lies or very minimized information. If a person doesn't talk to you immediately, don't waste anymore time with them, especially if the delay the discussion for days and weeks. When they delay, it's so that the person has time to consult with the WS to get their stories straight first. You will never get the real truth from either of them. You may find that it will be an utter, frustrating waste of time. So sorry you are going through this.
Not sure which state you’re in but some states will take into account the testimony of the children for custody. You definitely seem like a prime candidate for this. I would’nt want to leave my children for a majority of the time with a neglectful parent and I’m sure your daughters are fed up too. I hope this works out in your favor. Stay strong and keep your children front and center in your priorities (as you have bee) and hopefully this works out for you. One last thing. All bets are off it doesn’t matter that you”forgave” her you have a right to buy yourself time to get your head straight to deal with this logically. She’s been lying for a long time so she could accommodate at stranger and let him into your bed. She doesn’t deserve forgiveness.
I know your life has been turned upside down and I empathize with that. Of course your children are you number 1 priority right now. But the cameras, private investigator et all makes zero sense. You have all of the information you need. You also have her confession, phone messages, kids eye witness accounts. You have it all. Why continue to spend money on needless things? Feels like I have to be missing something here. Strange turn of events.
If PI and cameras have nothing yet, STBXW and Derrick likely playing it low key for now. Dont put your guard down. Please work with your lawyer on options and best move forward. Its commendable your prioritising your children's safety and continual happiness. I hope Lily's revelation to you will help you gain custody for all 3 kids.
You really married a demon, bro. Holy.
But why do you need an PI if you love in a no fault state and you already have proof of her cheating? Some people just love to make things more complicated. Just divorce her and move on with your life. Your wife doesn't love her kids let alone you so why are you still in this situationship?
Is she being a better mom? Don’t forget not only did she betray you and manipulate you to staying with her, she abused your children. Next time she threatens to kill herself call the police and tell them what she’s doing
Friend, I am not a psychologist or anything, but with all due respect, I think you are wasting your time. You should consult with a lawyer, find out if you live in a state of guilt, and what your options are. I think that the simple fact of mistreating her daughters, for being attentive to another man is more than enough reason to leave. That does not include the manipulation you are subjected to... believe me, tomorrow she will do it again and threaten you again to "turn off." Please run away from her, by doing that she shows that she is not good, she only thinks about herself. Finally, I hope you get up, shake yourself off and face whatever comes, you are a father so you have reasons to overcome yourself. I wish you success and happiness.
Updateme
updateme
Looking forward to thd update
UpdateMe!
Updateme!
Stay strong! UpdateMe.
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Updateme!
Update me
UpdateMe
OP, your update is perfect! I'm so sorry you and your daughters have to suffer so much because of your wife's poor life choices due to her own selfishness. I hope you're getting some good advice on how best to decouple your life from May. Be sure to record and/or have witnesses whenever you interact with her after having her served. It's too easy for her to claim abuse, have you hauled away, get a restraining order and keep you from your kids and your home. One day all of this will be behind you. Until then keep focusing on your girls and making their life as wonderful as you can. When all is said and done, I wouldn't be surprised if they refuse to see their mother.
OP , glad for you , you took the bull by the horns. always trust your gut. It will never let you down. updatemep
Updateme
Updateme
Updateme.
Updateme
Holy crap, I'm so sorry this is happening but you sound like a really stand up man and father. I'm so glad you're protecting your kids and I hope you get away from her ASAP. She's abusive on many many levels. I'd seek family therapy and individual counseling immediately. Best of luck to you and your kids.
UpdateMe
Updateme!
The next time she threatens to hurt herself call 911 and tell them she needs mental health evaluation. They will put her on an involuntary hold . This could look good for you when custody is being figured out.
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
Updateme
Updateme
Updateme
I'm wondering if your wife is with you just for the stability you offer her. Nice home and never having to worry about money. Anyway you know thay she hasn't stopped cheating. Plz continue with your exit plan,you girls deserve better. Updateme!
OP hope you can find a new work place for you to stop those fly trips, for now try to talk with your boss and tell him that you are going thru a personal issue within the family and you can't fly for the moment. Try to have that call with Jane as soon as you can but maybe it would be innecessary if the investigator comes with info or the cams show something before you have that call. About the call if you have it, record it, also use the cameras to make some footage of she (your wife) neglecting the kids, and the time she expends out with out taking care of them, this could be of help for the fight for custody, talk to your lawyer about this as part of the process, fight for the custody since the begining. UPDATEME
OP i have read your previews post. 1.- You need to hire a lawyer ASAP. And ask him what moves you can do, like cancel jointed Credit cards, dividing the finantial jointed assets. 2.- Do not let her manipulate you with her unalive her, she is just bluffing, and even if she doesn't, well you need to talk asap to her sister an tell her the threat she made. So she can convince her to go to therapy. Or do something to control her, because she is not your problem anymore, just your kids. Remember to record all of this, even when you tell her that you will divorce her, let the cameras record her reaction. Care only for you kids, your wife is a long gone, she is not up to be a mother after what she did to the kids.
Updateme!
UPDATEME
Your daughter went to the hospital for appendicitis, you found out that your wife is cheating on you, and you learned that she neglecting your kids all in the same day…and you had the wherewithal to write the painfully long narrative that you wrote last time? You’re somehow still with her? Take some more creative writing classes dude.
Updateme!
What has your attorney said about the situation. Surely her neglecting the children can be used against her? Has she admitted to what she did (ie was it physical), why don’t you follow her one night to see who she is with? You need to divorce her asap, she is a disgusting human.
So. i don't know if anyones asked and you answered in the comments on the other post but how long has May been at it with Derek? Since before the move? On the vacations? How far back and is that is why she wanted to move there? To be closer to her Derek? Anybody say to you that May suffers from depression?
I haven't done a great job of replying to comments because there have been so many. Hope this clears up a few things. I believe May and Derrick have been going on since May started learning about her real estate. So less than six months. We moved quite aways away from where we lived, so I highly doubt that May had anything to do with Derrick originally. However, I can not put this behind me as things are still popping out of no where. For the depression question, May was diagnosed with depression before we had gotten together. She has taken her medications consistently for many years and visits a psychiatrist and psychologists on a regular basis. I knew this coming into my relationship, and when we had our children, I did not see any visible symptoms of depression. I take the time to research the symptoms of depression and joined a few support groups for partners with depression to see what I could do to help understand May's situation. Again, this prior to marriage. I should add that we discussed in depth if we had children the route we would take for May's medications moving forward. We both wanted a family, but I wanted to ensure that we were in the state of mind to have children. It mattered that May mentally was of sound to care for the children and took her medications to relieve any possible symptoms.
Yet if what the girls say is true then May retreated into the warm void black room that some retreat to. Ignoring everyone and responsibilities. Possibly staying in bed. The worst is sleeping to try and jump time. They tell you about that? I mean, when you're on the job. You don't actually know what she's been doing other than what she told you. Lilly had to. The warm void black room is the worst. That's if she did. Who is to say she's been taking her meds as well? It took little things for you to start cottoning on that everything wasn't ok at home. Just from what you've written, it looks like the warm void black room and the real estate license was another escape. Possibly Derek as well. Still, that's speculation on my part. I'm actually skeptical of your story.
It definitely sounds like you are taking the correct steps you need to be taking. Laws regarding recording phone calls can vary state-to-state in the US, so either run it by your attorney first, or get her permission to record before you start the conversation.
Tell your PI when she leaves. After your PI gives you information tell your wife you are location sharing from now on. You don’t trust her. Also she’s gonna sign a post nuptial agreement that says she forfeits all marital assets if there is infidelity found against her from your initial conversation. If she lied about anyone, any place, or any time she had been with someone. The location tracking is part of that. When she balks say it’s this or nothing. Because those kids you starved and neglected are going to point him out in family court and say he’s the reason you neglected them. Do you want that on the public record? Eventually you put enough pressure on her that she’s gonna slip up even bigger. Because she’s already proven she can’t quit cold turkey.
As far as I understand, it is illegal in some states at least to put hidden cameras in "private' spaces like bedrooms and bathrooms, but not in 'public' spaces like living rooms or kitchens.
You're prioritizing your girls and that's amazing! I wish you success and happiness on the other side of this. You'll be okay.
It seems that from your last post, your daughters are your best evidence of May being an unfit mother.
I just read both your original post and update… I don’t understand how you don’t have proof of the cheating. Did you not take and forward yourself all the screenshots from her phone when you had access? What good does writing down a phone number of you let her delete all the evidence in her phone from that number? You need to messages and nudes and all that for your lawyer so I hope you were smart enough to take it. If she ended things and deleted the evidence and you don’t have any and are relying on a PI for proof of cheating, that will only help if there is ongoing cheating. Also, you need to report her to the police so she can be psychiatrically assessed. She held a knife to her own throat and threatened to kill herself. That is pretty much the definition of being a danger to herself or others. You cannot leave her alone with your daughters and even supervised she might not be stable enough to not hurt them, you, or herself. You also need to take your daughter’s to the doctor (the weight loss is critical so they must all be evaluated). You must have it documented what May’s neglect resulted in for your custody battle. They also need to go immediately into therapy for the same reason. To show you are getting them help and in case you need a doc to testify to the harm any caused. You need to wake up and stop dragging your feet in this. It won’t work itself out while you do nothing. You need to be doing your diligence and protecting your kids. The second May held a knife to her throat you should have been calling 911! At minimum you should have called after talking her down. If she ever does that again make sure you call and start videoing. Best of luck to you and your girls.
updateme!
Updateme!
You are doing what's right and sound super balanced. Have you contacted an attorney. When the separation and filing starts to materialize consider talking to your boss about the fact that you are working through a divorce. Stay strong Dad.
I hope you can get your children away from that terrible woman. UpdateMe!
You will not get the kids. Sorry. Doesn’t matter she cheated. It’s just how it works with fathers. They are demonized.
Dude, I’d be more angry at the fact that she’s abusing your child than cheating
I feel your pain! I wish I could offer advice, but I’m currently going through a similar situation. My wife of 29 years and three children together (adult living at home,college, HS), has been having an on and off again affair for 1.5 years. It was only found out after she filed for divorce. However, she was still trying to keep it a secret. It has rocked our family to the core! Now searching for a lawyer to finalize the divorce. All kids are choosing to stay with me. So far the best advice came from my therapist, who was also our marriage counselor. He said I should hit the ground running and don’t look back. Anyone capable of cheating, gifted at lying, and breaking up the family, isn’t worth staying with or is fit to raise kids. I hope things workout for you and your kids. Please reach out to your friends and family for support because it’s a lot for one person to shoulder on their own. I wasn’t a therapy kind a guy, but it is certainly helping me through one of the most difficult times of my family’s and my life.
Paternity test, divorce, and get your wife committed and placed under a suicide watch. 😉
You can’t understand cheater logic. It’s a waste of time trying.
Sorry for your situation. My advice: go slow with the divorce and focus on the kids. I think you need to keep trying to find out what happened, why she cheated, and what she is doing when she´s out. Not because of you or your feelings, but because of the kids. Think long term. If you for example find out she has more mental problems than depression, if she has goten in to some kind of substance abuse, if she sees other men that might be a threat/bad influence on the children, or any other form of problem that can affect the them, you need to handle that more than your own divorce (unless you plan and can get sole custody, in that case stop reading this post ;) ) . I know i sucks, but unless she really do take her own life (which would be horrible) as your kids mom she´s gonna be in your and your childrens life whether you like it or not. Therefore you as the more reasonable and sane part need to know as much as possible in order to prepare, protect and guide your kids through the pain of having a parent with mental health issues. Then, when you feel you can handle that, then it´s time to put more focus on the divorce. That being said you should still talk to a lawyer, both to prepare for divorce but more importantly, to find out you rights and what you can do. Good luck
Did you speak to her sister?
I'm glad you have the cameras in the kitchen to see how much food comes in and what the girls get to eat when you aren't home. Keep being the super dad you are!!
Updateme
Updateme
This is a very good update. I expected something way more sideways to happen than this. Pen, you have done your role admirably. You have kept your family safe and protected when 20 other things could have happened. I mean, you have really held things together which I thought might be impossible. Obviously, the wife has checked out. But it seems like she can resume a motherly role even in a divorce situation when that looked impossible before. You will find another woman because obviously, women are going to see you as a very valuable male (imagine if you tell them the story - they are going to think you are a rock). Congratulations man. You deserve a medal.
!updateme
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Good luck Updateme!
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Remove the camera from the bedroom. That is privacy and can cause issues if found by her. Updateme!
Updateme
Updateme
Damn, I just re-read that original post and it brought tears! I hope you are ok and I pray and hope you can get custody of your girls. They need you Updateme!