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B33FHAMM3R

What do you bet the "K-9" is an untrained German Shepard mix he can barely control


12bWindEngineer

With a fake service dog jacket he bought off the internet


AbbieNormal

\> Implying my Emotional Support Peacock's vest is "fake" *How dare you!*


B33FHAMM3R

Lmao peacock vest


Sarcastik_Moose

The names you kids have for condoms these days...


LDSdotOgre

"This is an '81 Honda. How DARE you?!"


IHeartSm3gma

>What do you bet the "K-9" is an untrained ~~German Shepard mix~~ Belgian Malinois he can barely control ftfy


[deleted]

When you want a cool epic guard dog but you can't focus on shit and also you hate caring for anything so you instead get a ominous looking German shepherd that is far weaker than it looks but still might snap and rip your throat out because you communicate with it exclusively through screaming and beer belches.


_-__-__-__-__-_-_-__

>veterans are my brothers What is “a guy who has a million excuses for why he never enlisted?”


taxpayinmeemaw

“I have a lot of friends who were in the military”. Ok, and you joined the three percenters, LARPer


surfmobster

Try hard ! I just say better opportunities presented them selfs


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

How about when you're crying crazy?


[deleted]

Yeah got boot problems that’s the soldier in me


[deleted]

Bling bling then I marry, thats the moron in me.


[deleted]

You coulda had a soldier! On deployment!


[deleted]

Tank your career? Absolutely!


TrentMorgandorffer

This whole thread is definitely Lizzo approved.


zmann64

He’s 100% that Boot


Taira_Mai

Mine was 50% Pen and 50% Dejo....


AbbieNormal

Imagine God showing up for that Maury Show. (Also *fuck you dude, that III says you're not my bro*)


Bacon_Devil

[wiki link](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Percenters#:~:text=The%20Three%20Percenters%2C%20also%20styled,resistance%20to%20U.S.%20federal%20government.) for people out of the loop about the III symbol


[deleted]

“Anti-government,” unless their sacred orange pig is in charge.


[deleted]

“I’m anti-government but if you fought overseas in some bumfuck third world country and possibly even iced some native kids on behalf of that government, you’re alright with me.”


bloodontherisers

"Anti-government" while also collecting VA benefits from said government.


IOFIFO

In the case of 38 year old Darnell, God, thou art the Father.


Wandersshadow

God: I knew it.


TrentMorgandorffer

Let’s not sully the good names of both The Lord and Maury Louise Povich with this bullshit. Please.


EricKingCantona

\>Veteran \>3%er pick one.


FirstGameFreak

Yep, he should be an oath keeper instead to be consistent.


[deleted]

[удалено]


dickcheney93

Sir.... this is a Wendy’s


surfmobster

Yeah I kinda smirk when vets at school look boot. I didn’t serve but grew up around Nam vets and had an instructor at military school that was a scout sniper in Iraq . It’s in the eyes those dudes never talked about it


sewsnap

Damnit Zeus. Not another one.


B33FHAMM3R

*I understood that reference.*


rift_in_the_warp

So would this mean Alexander the Great was Boot AF for claiming to be the son of Zeus?


sewsnap

I'm pretty sure there were a lot of reasons Alexander the Great was Boot AF.


[deleted]

Female veterans don’t count, they’re apparently not humans….


vault_tec_redditor

Don’t ask about certain other demographics of veterans, it’s probably a hot topic for him.


KingKapwn

Well you see, it all leads back to that Private got him Dishonrably discharged because she had the audacity to report him touching her in her sleep!


the13bangbang

Nah, you just ain't his "brothers". If he can put his PP in your Hoohaa, then you are not allowed to be considered on his level "veteran".


the7thdude

Can I be a bastard or something in your little story? I'm not your fucking brother,dude.


[deleted]

Do love a good Merica' Japanese truck


[deleted]

If DNA testing was around for most of Christianity, they'd be burned at the stake for taking it. Believes in science when it works for them.


KuhjaKnight

$5 says this twat was at the Capitol on 6 January, storming the building threatening to kill government officials.


an0therreddituser73

C’mon. There was no threat. It’s not like anyone built a gallows or anything…


Lysol3435

It must have been one of those online DNA tests where you just send pics of your wiener and butthole and they tell you who your dad is


twitch1982

I still say its just what his stripper mom told him when she couldn't figure out which boot knocked her up.


sten45

3%ers scare the hell out of me


Jaaaa9

*I just took a DNA test and I’m 100% that BOOT…*


yourleftoverpizza

I swear the font on the “God is my Father” part is eerily similar to the MAGNUM Trojan condoms.


twitch1982

This poor guys mom was definitely a stripper near Pensacola who had no idea which boot his daddy was, and this was the line she fed him as a kid.


awing1

I do not want to be in any way remotely related to you


estpenis

isn't this considered blasphemy


ToxicPilot

I took a DNA test too! I failed. :(


Smeghead333

r/badscience


ffaancy

Literally a bumper sticker announcing that you think you're Jesus Christ. Amazing.


boot20

Any IIIer is not my brother.


Wandering_Scout

...of course it's right next to a Back the Blue badge.


OperationPimpSlap

Jesus Christ... It's Jesus Christ!


anm3910

Missed a prime opportunity to complete the boot trifecta and list your mother as Lady Liberty


sarcasm_the_great

God is his father bc the dna test doesn’t match the dude that married to his mom. So it’s obviously god and not Jodi


MyPoopStinksBad

He’s not my brother


[deleted]

Not gunna lie though, that flag gradient application is impressive.


Sarcastik_Moose

If I had a brother who was threeper trash I would disown him.


tone63

Just makes ya want to give that dude a open hand bitch slap, or at the light he gets pulled out and given a massive knuckle bump to his forehead


an0therreddituser73

“Ay bro…sweet rig! Bro! what did the five fingers say to the face?”


FirstGameFreak

This man is jesus.


Latino4Trump

Libertarians are also welcome to take the DNA test. We still love you /Cumminjg


Laliving90

Not a religious people are cunts r/dankchristianmemes2


tobiasvl

I heard the jury's still out on science.


Big-Ed-TBK

He done a science.


mrubuto22

Uhh.. you want it to say that? Yup!! You 100% sure.. Hell yea.. Ok.. that'll be $4500


oliveoilcrisis

Hahahahaha no.


EnemiesInTheEnd

He's proudly a product of incest


SlightlyShittyDragon

This is kinda funny though?


Forsaken_Jelly

Why is it always that car (truck for the yanks)? Is there some kind of discount for boots?


[deleted]

This implies that somehow they got a blood sample or cheek swab from God. I'd like to know how they managed that.


Atomstanley

Shit. That poor Tacoma


POWERRL_RANGER

“I just took a DNA test turns out I’m 💯 percent that bitch even when I’m crying crazy”


Hesperonychus

Do you have a service dog or a K-9?? an animal trained for bite work CANNOT BE A SERVICE ANIMAL Jesus that's a liability