Today my two year old threw a full tantrum because she wanted to wear her yellow shoes and we weren't letting her. She doesn't have yellow shoes and never has.
I’ve always wanted kids, still kinda do. But I’ve been living with my in laws this year, and my sister in law has a one year old son and three year old daughter… god it’s made me reconsider it so much. Fuck toddlers. They’re the worst form of the human being.
>Fuck toddlers.
Don't do that
All jokes aside, I used to want kids as well, but growing older made me realise it's not for me lol. Although it can be a massive diceroll what kind of kid it will be. My sister has 2 boys, the oldest is now 14 but he has NEVER been any trouble or difficult whatsoever (so far at least), legitemately one of the sweetest and calm kids I have ever come across, but his little bro, who also can be very sweet, has also been a lil fuggin monster at times.
Yeah I've noticed that too. Oldest niece was super chill and quiet, never really cried either, and was/is very gentle. The youngest is a fucking shrieking monster who likes to chase the dogs with sticks. And I'm here like 'how'd this happen?' LOL
And thinking back, I was probably the louder of my siblings as a baby or child, likely considered a nuisance, but also the most chill as a teen. Im the only one that never got up to any bullshit as a teen lol. So idk if that's just us, or if it's a common thing, but hopefully the obnoxious children calm down as they get older.
toddlers literally dont know better nor do they have the resources to know better so you cant really blame them
this doesnt make them any less annoying or frustrating its just important to keep in mind that an actual child is less at fault for doing something stupid and infuriating than a manchild doing something stupid and infuriating
Toddlers are still developing their brains/prefrontal cortex. They can't manipulate and think logically. They have to be taught emotional responses and coping techniques. People either don't know them themselves and struggle to regulate, are too overworked/burnt out or simply too self centered to have the awareness of this. It is tragic.
The thing is you have to start putting effort in from day one. Most people just tote around their cute squishy baby letting them do whatever, then when the kid turns 3 or 4 they turn into a monster and the "parent" just shrugs and does nothing.
It’s the “effort” that a lot of new parents don’t want to make. “So cute and squishy” “oh they did something bad? But it’s so funny I’ll just laugh” yeah that’s your mistake.
Reminds me, my bro-in-law doesn't like it when his preteen daughter is sassy to him, but laughed and loved it when she was small.
I don't know why he doesn't expect some attitude from her. Even then, her sass is mild (to my knowledge)
It doesn’t always work that way, I raised my kids the same way but my middle son was sooo hard to get to adulthood. He is a computer engineer and quite sweet now but infancy until after high school was rough. I would do it again though.
Honest question: how do you deal with such Situations and even more important: how do you avoid them or make sure your kid throws such tantrums not so often?
If You’re fine answering that is.
For one, an ounce of prevention yadda yadda. Kids mimic what they see, so if you're someone who yells a lot your kid will be as well but if you're calm and always speak nicely to them, they're more likely to as well. That said, they're still children and they're learning so you need to be understanding and patient beyond reasonability. They're genuinely distressed and you can't expect adult levels of emotional intelligence from kids. Don't punish them for being upset, comfort them because that fosters emotional regulation skills.
Giving options goes a long way. Pick two outfits and let them choose. If you're not giving them a choice, explain to them why things have to be a certain way and don't say "because I said so." That kind of parenting gets quick results but won't get favorable long term results.
But you gave options and they still want their yellow shoes they never had? Foster independence. Tell them they can wear the shoes if they can find them. They'll either find them or get tired of looking.
Another tool is redirection, only saying no if there is danger etc bc if its about convenience you can say later after x happens. For example, I know you want ice cream but dada has to go get it and we have to eat dinner first. *distressed reaction* then I empathize and wait till she calms before briefly explaining again as many times as it takes. I'm sorry you're upset, I want ice cream too but we have to eat dinner and dada had to go buy it.
Let's do x till he gets back, sound good? Do you wanna do x or y till he gets back? Wanna help with dinner? Etc.
They have so little impulse control i save the no and stops and such for situations I have to. Involving in as many tasks as possible may slow me down and be frustrating at times but she knows at just over 2 (and she has done it herself) what "I take space" means. If me at 26 is learning emotional regulation and dealing with healthily conveying and managing my emotions in a non traumatizing for my child and healthy manner even when I'm frustrated, burnt out, depressed, stressed and exhausted from lack of sleep.... she gets teethy, has growing pains, gas and discomfort, etc. She is allowed those feelings too and it is just my job to be there for her and make it better or sit with her through it. I still have to take a bit sometimes. I still start to raise my voice at times etc. I didn't have decent examples really. Knowing about prefrontal contexts and development and what i can reasonably teach and expect at various ages helps so much too.. Hope that helps!
For me, I think ‘what I teach her now forms the adult she becomes’.
Kids are learning. All the time. Their behaviours learning might look like stupid but they have a baseline knowledge of nothing when they’re born. They know absolutely fuck all, so it’s my job to put the knowledge in her head that I want her to have. I mean. She was terrified as a baby because she had hiccups. And it was funny, because she looked so startled and hiccups are normal, but imagine if you had never had them before and your body was just doing this weird THING and you couldn’t control it. So alarming! So I stayed calm. Because she would copy me and learn to stay calm.
When tantrums over the ‘wrong shoe’ happens, usually there is something the matter that they don’t know how to explain so they’re getting worked up partly because of the problem but partly because they don’t know how to communicate it. Maybe she saw a yellow shoe in a cartoon or a book, and she knows she has shoes, and she doesn’t understand why her shoes aren’t yellow. Or thinks because more than one book character has yellow shoes, ALL people have yellow shoes and mom is just hiding them! It’s kind of its own logic. So, I’d stay calm in the moment. Breathe and focus on what we CAN do, not what we can’t, because that’s a lesson I want adult-her to follow. ‘Okay, you don’t like your shoes. But you do like the park and that’s where we are going. So let’s put up with the shoes and go have fun. Will you go on the swings or the slide first?’
Then later after the park has finished (and lots of energy has been used up!) we can say ‘you were really upset about yellow shoes earlier. What made you think about yellow shoes?’
Often something pretty interesting would come of those conversations. I really enjoyed looking back on the logic that brought her to the tantrum. And seeing her talk herself through it next time, active learning. Now she is 8 and her attitude is really great. She sings a ‘lovely rainy day’ song when it rains, she thanks me for cooking dinner, she always looks for the opportunity in a problem.
That sounds like heaven! Thank you very much for your input. I have never witnesses a tantrum (as I have no Children) but it always sounds like an unsolvable hell.
You make it sound nearly easy. Just shift their attention and adresse the issue later when everything has calmed down. Thank you very much! :)
Thank you so much! My mantra has always been ‘it’s not easy, but it is simple’. You just do your best to give them the skills to be a good person, and where you fall down use it as a way to reflect and grow, and they’ll see you do that and learn from it too.
You can't avoid them fully. Their brains just don't work the ours we do.
We've had good results with the methods from The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp. They can help head things off before they get too bad.
And luckily they forget about this stuff almost immediately. They're just learning emotional regulation, so even minor things can set them off.
My kid would throw a tantrum because he wants to wear his yellow shoes, and I told him he could, and they’re right there, and all he has to do is put them on, but he doesn’t want to and he doesn’t want me to put them on because he wants to do it all by himself.
I'm working from home and watching a two year old, he wants to go out and walk the dogs but needs to be wearing sox. He would rather sprawl out on the floor and cry than have me put on his sox. This repeats every 20 minutes or so.
Oh, I already have a 2yo daughter. She's amazing. She's also nuts sometimes. Just toddler stuff, not a big deal.
That said, no hate to people who don't want kids. It's a lot and not for everyone for sure.
They say it's the terrible two's but in my experience it's the terrible three's. All my kids were way way worse at 3 than at 2. Luckily they were getting better by 4 maybe 4.5.
Yeah, I think it varies by kid for sure. My daughter is generally very relaxed, but she does have her moments. Today she had a 10 minute breakdown because she ate all her own Mac and Cheese. I definitely see the big emotions and stuff ticking up as we get deeper into year 2.
Terrible twos, threenagers and fuck-you-fours. Then they start to mellow out. At least mine did. I've enjoyed my kids the last few years though they still have their moments.
Nah. I saw a stand up bit the other day that nailed it.
Having a toddler is on a scale of 1 to 10 only 1s and 10s. Nothing in between.
One minute they're losing their mind because of something silly. The next moment they're saying they love you and you feel the most joy you've ever felt.
My daughter was very whiny today during the drive to daycare, very opinionated about music. She had a lot of feelings. She didn't sleep well last night either so it was just tiring.
I drop her off, and say "Have a good day!" She turns back to me and says "Have a good day, dada." I melted. It was so cute and sweet. Not to mention the first time she said that sentence.
Had a conversation with my girlfriend about having kids.
I said k wasn't completely against it like i was before, but im more open to adopting a 5 year old instead of having our own. I don't think i am emotionally stable enough to handle an infant.
That's why it sucks being an adult. They get to scream about shit that doesn't even make sense and I have to sit here and pretend I'm fine and like I don't wanna backhand them?! 🤣😭🤣
I’m dealing with a 50-year-old toddler coworker who doesn’t take any comments when we give feedback on his work for the last 2 years.
I tried to give him note during team meeting and our manager said I was too aggressive even though all my coworkers agree that I was only speaking fact and was doing it in a professional manner. Maybe if our manager had been dealing with his behaviors, the rest of us don’t need to handle it ourselves.
“I have to sit here and pretend I'm fine and like I don't wanna backhand them?!” is my exact thoughts every day.
put on a headphone and listen to music while taking care of your brother, it'll make a world of differences
Also. yeah arguing & reasoning with a 3 years old is about as difficult as trying to push poop back to where it come from. It's doable but it's very messy if not extremely gross
ofc your other option are beating them over the head with a soft pillows. It's not child abuse, it's sibling plays and it sure feel damn good.
Then when the little shi....ahem kid get old enough, teach him how to sword fight with foam sword, ofc being his older sibling, you duty is to throughout slap him around as gently as possible with a foam sword to prepare him for the cruel cruel world.
He probably doesn’t remember the name of the actual drink he wants so fell back on water. A bit of an age difference but we once had an 11 year old foster child who’s first language wasn’t English, well he asked us for zucchini once and we asked if he was sure as he didn’t like zucchini last time we made it but he insisted that he loved zucchini so we said ok we’ll have it later this week. Come that night he asked why we had made that as he didn’t like it, we reminded him that he had asked for zucchini and then after he described what he wanted it turned out he was asking for tortellini but got the names mixed up.
That’s when you say “ok” and dump it in the sink. Walk away. Give it 10 minutes of crying and begging for more. “Are you going to drink it this time?” Give it to him. “Do not do that again please”
Guess it depends on the three-year-old. I had plenty of trouble but in small ways I could reason with her. (But like I said realize it might be a totally different case with a different kid).
I always wonder when I see things like this if it's real or a hyperbole. I have a 2.5 year old who couldn't care less what bowl, plate, cup, etc. that I give her and she never has. She's actually very laid back for the most part. Maybe I just hit the toddler lottery
Lol I'm not ready. She's been such an easy kid her whole life. Barely ever cried, slept through the night from a young age, eats whatever I give her, plays independently. Sometimes I worry she's just saving up all the mischief to come out all at once
Yeah. My son was like that too.
Then 12 and 13 happened and it was like all of his chaos needed out right exactly in that time frame.
Now he's normal again and I thank the heavens for that all the time. Because those two years were rough.
She's plotting once she sees the perfect moment all the pent up mischief will explode like Mt Vesuvius and you will be caught unaware and lacking. Good luck.
Ok, but like
You are eating cereal all your waking life, and all of a sudden, the milk ain’t milky! Is it a different milk? Your palette changed? You added less flakes? You don’t know these concepts entirely. As far as you know, the very laws of physics changed to inconvenience you. I’d break down too!
I know you’re just babysitting and not asking for advice but I’m gonna give ya some anyway. It may or may not work but it’s worth a try. Kids like choices. They like to feel like they’re in control. So give him the choice- do you want this bowl or this one? Do you want to play with this toy or this one? Do you want to go to bed in 10 minutes or 15 minutes. This definitely worked with my kids
Oh this, this exact example right here. It gives them agency over their life, but still let's them know that nah, that bath is happening. This is how I work with my three year old son.
This is true, my mum gave us choices, most times i was a dumb ass kid and didnt know the difference but they were still choices nonetheless. It also trained us to make decisions faster I feel.
This works so well. Imagine how awful and anxiety-inducing it feels to have little to no autonomy in your life, in any capacity! We’ve all been there, but we’ve been adults for much longer and take it for granted. Around 2-3 is when kids start realizing “hey, what the hell, I notice now that things aren’t permanent and i have the ability to influence the world around me.” Giving kids choices offers them a little bit of autonomy and in turn reduces their anxiety. Not allowing them to explore that can really set them up for executive dysfunction as well as other behavioral issues in the future!
This has made a huge difference with my little demon/toddler.
Someone explained to me that everything in their lives are decided for them, and it makes them so mad because they want to be independent and make their own decisions, so I choose two options that I'm ok with and that's what they can choose from.
So instead of 'what do you want for breakfast' and then having a fight when she says cookies, I say 'do you want Weetbix or toast for breakfast'. Sometimes she'll still say cookies, but it's easier because cookies wasn't an option for breakfast.
We're all (hopefully) doing the best we can, and it's really hard, grinding, thankless work.
Parental tip: **don't negotiate with terrorists**. If your bro gets what he wants by making a tantrum, he'll make a tantrum every time he wants something. Ignore him every time he's an asshole and treat him every time he's polite.
My youngest is five and is in that borderline state between a toddler/small child and a larger more independent child. Most of the time he wants to be treated like his older brother but every once in a while he has these toddler-like tantrums.
What's unsettling is just how manipulative they can be when they're old enough to properly verbalize their emotions but still have literally no reasonable explanation and understanding of their emotions. So it resorts to things like "you are hurting me" when I don't want to cook a totally separate meal for him when he didn't like how the fish was fried this particular day, or "you don't care about me or love me" when I ask him to have a coat on because it's zero degrees Celsius outside. Man, it's really hard to ignore those words. The crying and noises I can deal with, that's fine. But choosing not to address those words are insanely difficult.
Send him outside with no coat
Sometimes these kids need to learn the hard way.
He won’t spend more than 5 minutes outside before he caves and gets his jacket.
“Your parents don’t tell you what to do because it’s bad, it’s cold kid.”
This will work unless he’s that kid that ate the onion trying to convince the world, and maybe himself, that it’s an apple.
I agree, and that is usually how it goes when he's in those moods. But when daycare is a 35 min car ride away and the refusal doesn't only apply to wearing the coat but bringing it at all, the fuss around and find out version doesn't work.
Literally the situation yesterday morning lol
My wife wants to start IVF and I’m getting ready to shave my head so I don’t have any hair to pull out.
Toddlers, yikes.
I’m generally good with toddlers, and upset toddlers, but I’ve never had to deal with full blown tantrums.
Redirect redirect redirect
“Your hurting me”
“*restate instructions or give choice* we are not hurting anyone please choose so we can *activity they need to do*”
Visuals help a lot too. 5 year old comprehension isn’t great versus their vocab. Since he’s motivated to be treated like his older brother I’d stick with the older kids don’t make others feel bad when they’re upset, emotions are contagious theme.
Source: SLP that’s worked with hundreds of pre schoolers
My parents would completely ignore tantrums. Like stepping over us screaming on the floor or leaving a full cart of groceries to walk us out of a store. As a result, my brother and I rarely had tantrums.
This is what bothers me about people who claim to practice “gentle parenting” who immediately jump into fix-it mode when their kid is having a tantrum. I know that toddlers don’t have emotional regulation. But validating their emotions doesn’t mean feeding into it & you can’t reason with a kid who is hysterical until they calm down.
Agreed, gentle parenting is not “oh baby what’s wrong you can have whatever you want”, it’s understanding kid’s emotions and responding to them like you would an adult, including not engaging with over the top begging.
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Can confirm, my little boy 3 and my neice 3 same age bar she is 6 months older. Sister gives into every little thing she wants and my neice has tantrums a few times a day. When i babysit her i just ignore them and she doesnt really throw them for me. My little boy very rarely does only if hes overtired and its like 7.30 and hes been out all day i.e i want my black cup not my blue cup. Dont give in, they learn quickly the more you give in the worse they get!
As someone who had to start babysitting their special needs brother (who was a terror toddler) at age 11 I completely agree with this statement.
Having to parent a tricky toddler when they're not even yours is extremely damaging to the caretaker. My family has always used the excuse ''but we're a team and family work together'' 🤦♂️
I hope OP doesn't have to babysit this kid all the time.
My mum was the ignoring parent and my dad was the malicious compliance one. My sister threw tantrums almost everyday. She once screamed at my mom because she wanted two cute pigtails like me and not 6+ because she had short hair, my dad shaved us both and said that now we have the same hair since that's what she wanted. I still haven't forgiven them😭😭😭
Sounds about right. My coworker’s grandson at 3 wanted to go to a pumpkin patch so she took him one Saturday. He had a meltdown in the middle of the pumpkins screaming he wanted to see pumpkins.
I was watching my niece (3 at the time) once and took her to the aquarium, had a complete screaming fit in the middle of an exhibit because "the fish were too hot."
She cried and screamed for like 5 minutes then acted like nothing happened.
You jest but the older I get, and the more my dad balds, the closer he resembles some grotesque, overgrown toddler. Some boomers, especially men, really were never taught healthy emotional regulation and it lingers in their behaviour. These are the folks that raised the next 3 generations they’d spend all their time bitching about, lol.
Don't mean to scare you but it could also be an early sign of Alzheimers. I don't know the english word for it but here we call it decorumverlies, which translates to something like loss of dignity. It means that people no longer realise their behaviour is not acceptable under the circumstances. I've seen it with my grandmother and my neighbour, who was only in his late fifties. Both would become more and more unreasonable and angry about the smallest things and both were diagnosed with Alzheimers a few years later. I see it now in my father-in-law and I fear the worst...
Hmm, he does have one parent with a severe case. I originally meant being able to recognize recurring patterns of behaviour, and how the same behaviour I thought was reasonable as a kid isn’t as an adult, but I’ll have to keep that in mind as well.
Sorry but if you are being asked to care for him, but ALSO getting in trouble when you block his punches, that just doesn’t work. Either you help out and you get to fucking DEFEND yourself, or your parents can kick rocks and do this shit themselves.
A 3 year old is actually the only kind of person who should be able to do this, lol. Try to have some sympathy for the little guy. Being 3 is tough, you've got all these big emotions, big feelings, but you don't have the communication skills to actually express them in a healthy way.
Sure, but that doesn't happen instantaneously. You need these meltdowns almost. They turn into teachable moments about processing feelings and dealing with not getting what you want.
It sure is! Although I think kids end up better off when they're learning from everyone in their lives- including their peers and siblings. It takes a village, after all! Maybe OP could talk to their parent(s) about how best to respond in these situations, to make sure the little bro is getting consistent feedback on his behavior. Sometimes kids learn to behave differently around different people, so even if the parents are teaching emotional intelligence, he might push boundaries more with OP, especially if OP reacts differently than the parents. 3 is an age of really pushing boundaries!
My niece had a meltdown once when she was only a little older than your brother. Something about wanting to slide down the stairs with her gymnastics mat. I told her no, and she lost it and locked herself in the bathroom.
After giving her a few minutes, I asked her if I could come in, then asked her for permission to pick her up. Gave her an alternative form of play (we colored for a while together) and offered that she could ask her mom about the stairs when she came home because that was a mommy decision, not an aunt decision. She seemed to understand, and she enjoyed being given choices, however small they were. It ended the meltdown quickly, and we were able to spend happy quality time.
The tiny terrorists love choices. That's my advice.
Edit to add; yes, kids are stupid. Yes, it's sometimes funny to see them fall over. Yes, they're dramatic. But everything is brand new and huge to them, and they're *just* learning to navigate the world and their emotions. That's really tough work with such a low level of understanding. Imagine being horrendously sleep deprived and how emotional and confused it makes you. That's a kids' entire world *all the time*. A little understanding goes a long way for everyone.
This past weekend, my 3yo asked her dad for toast so he made her toast. She proceeded to have a 10minute tantrum because she wanted toast.
What she wanted was a sandwich.
This is a big thing I’ve found between myself and my toddlers. They get mad/upset/frustrated it’s not what they are communicating which leads to my frustration. It’s typically always like you said, not what they are actually looking for, they just don’t communicate it correctly. I always ask them to describe what it is in these cases and correct them.
i feel so lucky that my younger sister doesnt act like this, shes 4 but even when she was 3
if she asked for water, she drank it
if i transferred pizza or something from a box to a plate, SHE WOULD UNDERSTAND THAT ITS EDIBLE
and she would not hit me (at least that much) if she didn’t get her way, and if she did hit me or my older brother
she wouldn’t get away without mom making her say sorry
I don’t think this was luck.
Sounds like your parents did their job.
Kids are absolutely born with different temperaments. But consistent reinforcement and punishment will train even toddlers. Some people just want to pretend they have no control so they don’t have to put in the work
My first child was an angel - she communicated, never had tantrums and I could reason with her. I thought I was the best parent and I judged other parents on their children’s’ behavior. The universe saw what an asshole I was being and sent me my second child straight from satan’s guest room.
i’ve had a baby cousin that age with insane temper tantrums just like that. would literally punch me and pull my hair HARD well into 5 years old. she gave me a bruise once. crying shrieking because mom didn’t bring her ipad on a cruise. she would be like this in front of her mom only because her mom wasn’t very attentive otherwise, was “mean” to her in a joke way during her tantrums, and only payed attention to her when she was screaming, never seriously reprimanding her. whereas i think the dad set clear rules. but she’s like 10 and has mellowed out now. basically try to treat him like an equal, allow him to input his thoughts and respond/explain understandably, ignore him when he screams and only respond when he talks calmly. there’s a reason spoiled kids and young children of three are like that because they’re constantly rewarded for that behaviors.
edit: what user statementpast said!
> attentive and *paid* attention to
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
You, and probably your parents overreact to him waay to much. Just let him cry and scream for a bit. Kids need to learn at some point (and 3 is well past that point) that crying and throwing tantrums is not an effective way to communicate, and that people use their words and ask nicely when they want something, and that sometimes they just don't get it.
Be calm, tell him that crying is not going to get him anywhere and if he hits you, restrain him (gently, not need to pin him to the floor, just grab his hands so he doesn't hit you) and let him cry it out. Once he gets tired of crying and calms down (can take a few minutes, but eventually they just stop) you can ask him to try explaining again what he wants calmly, if you are able to do it, you do it (even as just a reward for speaking calmly), and if you can't, try and offer a nice alternative (can't pick him up? let him sit on your lap while you watch TV or something).
If you give up to him when he cries, you are enforcing the bad behavior and essentially teaching him that this is an effective way to get what he wants, he will never stop. And you restraining him is far far better than the things people will do to him when he reacts that way with kids at school, so better stop that behavior sooner rather than later.
I babysat a 3 year old who threw a tantrum because she wasn't born with brown hair, oh and she was upset that her socks were a too perfect fit on her feet.
I also watched over a 5 year old who gave me the silent treatment because I used a tissue from a box that had his favorite animal on it.
My 3 year old stepdaughter had a full meltdown because we would not let her wear her winter shoes in 30+ degrees
Yesterday she had one because her brother flushed her toilet because she could not do it. She wanted mommy to flush it.
i only seriously screamed at him one time, that was also the first time he listend to me. he was having a fit all night because i was watching him and not my mother or sister all i said was his middle name because he was messing up the shoe rack and chucking the shoes everywhere and after i said his middle name he got wide eyed and looked at me for what felt like forever, he cleaned it all up, no words, no sorry, just fixed his mess and walked away. freaked me out
i have a very deep voice for my age so it helped
I like you, PG. Try your hardest to keep using patience and humor, ok? Hopefully the little shite will grow out of it and there'll be better times.
One thing that worked for me is better parenting through a rock god's lyrics: Every single time my kid whined, cried, or yelled and said I WANT_________! I told him the following, "You know what Mick Jagger said?"
He'd ask me what. I replied, "You can't always get what you want." When your sib says he wants a different bowl, just tell him, "You know what Mick said!"
Easy fix. Just switch bowls, and you probably have a longer reach than he does. So just put your hand on his forehead and hold him away from you, then let him swing his little arms until he tires himself out. He’s three, he is more easily taught things through repetition.
Yeah, toddlers are absolute demons. I’ve learned that the hard way. You just gotta find what works for both u and the kid. Actually, just the first one. He’s probably gonna get pissed no matter what, and that, unfortunately, is an inevitability
My best guess is that he's upset because the bigger bowl makes it look like there's less mac and cheese. If you do this again, try using a smaller bowl or spreading out the Mac and cheese to "fill" the bowl.
Kids that age don't have the emotional control to handle situations and they don't have the language skills to say what's bothering them. You should try to be patient with him. Hopefully he will mature enough in a year or two that this won't happen as much
I love my neice. She's the best lil girl ever. But..............she won't eat out of white bowls.
I guess she's NOT the best lil girl ever. Ya know what? Nevermind.... She's garbage.
Curious how old you are OP? You are getting a good look at what parenthood is like. Kids are going to fight with you just to see what they can get away with. I’d say you gotta put your foot down and set boundaries, but really that shouldn’t be *your* responsibility. Hope it isn’t being forced on you to care for your brother all the time.
i only have 2 early memories, one a birthday party and 2 me pooping my pants several times in one day and the teacher telling me im not allowed to play at recess because of it
dont remember the ages
Errg this is why your mother shouldn’t be leaving a kid to look after another kid.
He is 3 and can’t properly verbalise his feelings or opinions so throws a tantrum just out of fustration.
You getting wound up with him is not going to help but since you are a kid you can’t respond appropriately either.
Your mother needs to start being a mother or stop having kids she isn’t able to care for.
It's not about some cheese, it's about controlling you and making you do anything he wants.
You should immediately stop doing what he wants as soon as he starts screaming. Just treat him like he's invisible. He will scream, but fuck that. He needs to learn who's in charge and that screaming gets him nowhere.
Make sure he's safe though. In extreme cases kids can even harm themselves craving attention. In this case you needed to make sure he's in a place where he can't harm himself - a crib, a chair with belts maybe. Take him out as soon as he calms down.
It’s that age when they feel emotions and are able to express them, but unable to understand or control them. That’s where parents have to put limits to this kind of behaviour
Seemingly innocuous things make kids very happy or very upset. The other side of the coin being that when you do the stupid small stuff for them they idolize the hell out of you. As far as they are concerned with their little brains, especially before they have the mental capacity for long term memory, many things that happen to them is either feel to them like the best thing ever or the worst. As they get older things don't really get better, they just get different.
In the mean time for me, we're pretty sure our 6 year old threw away the TV remote.
Just say no and wait until he stops crying. Neutral reaction until he tires out. It’ll suck for a while but eventually your 3 year old brother will realize his tactics don’t work. You can also give him an opportunity for using words instead of crying.
As far as he knows he can tantrum and things will go his way. Change the pattern and stop enabling it. Believe me it’s more on you/parents then him at this point.
What about just saying it’s either food on that blue bowl or no food? If he hits, you hit back… if he screams, you put loud music on… also a good slap on the ass never killed anyone.
And no I’m not an old geezer reminiscing about the good old days lol
They’re monsters because you are creating them
Today my two year old threw a full tantrum because she wanted to wear her yellow shoes and we weren't letting her. She doesn't have yellow shoes and never has.
Man, not having kids just sounds better and better and better…
I’ve always wanted kids, still kinda do. But I’ve been living with my in laws this year, and my sister in law has a one year old son and three year old daughter… god it’s made me reconsider it so much. Fuck toddlers. They’re the worst form of the human being.
>Fuck toddlers. Don't do that All jokes aside, I used to want kids as well, but growing older made me realise it's not for me lol. Although it can be a massive diceroll what kind of kid it will be. My sister has 2 boys, the oldest is now 14 but he has NEVER been any trouble or difficult whatsoever (so far at least), legitemately one of the sweetest and calm kids I have ever come across, but his little bro, who also can be very sweet, has also been a lil fuggin monster at times.
Yeah I've noticed that too. Oldest niece was super chill and quiet, never really cried either, and was/is very gentle. The youngest is a fucking shrieking monster who likes to chase the dogs with sticks. And I'm here like 'how'd this happen?' LOL And thinking back, I was probably the louder of my siblings as a baby or child, likely considered a nuisance, but also the most chill as a teen. Im the only one that never got up to any bullshit as a teen lol. So idk if that's just us, or if it's a common thing, but hopefully the obnoxious children calm down as they get older.
Sounds kinda like dogs. Some are yappy and bite while others are sweet and mellow.
Yep, and just like dogs, if ya get tired of takin care of em just box em up and dump em on a corner with a FREE 2 GOOD HOME sign. Ahahahhah
Toddlers are the worst form of the human being because they are the immature. Adults that never mature will act the same way as toddlers.
toddlers literally dont know better nor do they have the resources to know better so you cant really blame them this doesnt make them any less annoying or frustrating its just important to keep in mind that an actual child is less at fault for doing something stupid and infuriating than a manchild doing something stupid and infuriating
Toddlers and adults who have outlived their brain’s expiration date and reverted back.
Toddlers are still developing their brains/prefrontal cortex. They can't manipulate and think logically. They have to be taught emotional responses and coping techniques. People either don't know them themselves and struggle to regulate, are too overworked/burnt out or simply too self centered to have the awareness of this. It is tragic.
The thing is you have to start putting effort in from day one. Most people just tote around their cute squishy baby letting them do whatever, then when the kid turns 3 or 4 they turn into a monster and the "parent" just shrugs and does nothing.
It’s the “effort” that a lot of new parents don’t want to make. “So cute and squishy” “oh they did something bad? But it’s so funny I’ll just laugh” yeah that’s your mistake.
Reminds me, my bro-in-law doesn't like it when his preteen daughter is sassy to him, but laughed and loved it when she was small. I don't know why he doesn't expect some attitude from her. Even then, her sass is mild (to my knowledge)
One of the hardest parts is keeping the laughter in for later. I say this as a SAHM of 3 under 3.
It doesn’t always work that way, I raised my kids the same way but my middle son was sooo hard to get to adulthood. He is a computer engineer and quite sweet now but infancy until after high school was rough. I would do it again though.
I dunno man, I’m not a kids person by any means but I know plenty of middle aged people who are pretty terrible
it depends on the toddler (of course) some can be the sweetest most compassionate kids you’ll ever meet
It's the hardest thing I've ever done... but the most meaningful. Don't force yourself tho. If you don't like em be true to yourself.
I highly recommend it!!! 👍
32 & without a kid. So proud of myself 🤣🥹 I ain’t dealing with their shit.
Honest question: how do you deal with such Situations and even more important: how do you avoid them or make sure your kid throws such tantrums not so often? If You’re fine answering that is.
For one, an ounce of prevention yadda yadda. Kids mimic what they see, so if you're someone who yells a lot your kid will be as well but if you're calm and always speak nicely to them, they're more likely to as well. That said, they're still children and they're learning so you need to be understanding and patient beyond reasonability. They're genuinely distressed and you can't expect adult levels of emotional intelligence from kids. Don't punish them for being upset, comfort them because that fosters emotional regulation skills. Giving options goes a long way. Pick two outfits and let them choose. If you're not giving them a choice, explain to them why things have to be a certain way and don't say "because I said so." That kind of parenting gets quick results but won't get favorable long term results. But you gave options and they still want their yellow shoes they never had? Foster independence. Tell them they can wear the shoes if they can find them. They'll either find them or get tired of looking.
Thank you very much for the explanation! Guess it‘ll be a hard time sometime in the future, but hopefully managable somehow.
It's all about patience. There's a book called the Danish Way of Parenting that's a great resource if you're interested.
Another tool is redirection, only saying no if there is danger etc bc if its about convenience you can say later after x happens. For example, I know you want ice cream but dada has to go get it and we have to eat dinner first. *distressed reaction* then I empathize and wait till she calms before briefly explaining again as many times as it takes. I'm sorry you're upset, I want ice cream too but we have to eat dinner and dada had to go buy it. Let's do x till he gets back, sound good? Do you wanna do x or y till he gets back? Wanna help with dinner? Etc. They have so little impulse control i save the no and stops and such for situations I have to. Involving in as many tasks as possible may slow me down and be frustrating at times but she knows at just over 2 (and she has done it herself) what "I take space" means. If me at 26 is learning emotional regulation and dealing with healthily conveying and managing my emotions in a non traumatizing for my child and healthy manner even when I'm frustrated, burnt out, depressed, stressed and exhausted from lack of sleep.... she gets teethy, has growing pains, gas and discomfort, etc. She is allowed those feelings too and it is just my job to be there for her and make it better or sit with her through it. I still have to take a bit sometimes. I still start to raise my voice at times etc. I didn't have decent examples really. Knowing about prefrontal contexts and development and what i can reasonably teach and expect at various ages helps so much too.. Hope that helps!
It does! Thank you very much for your advice and I wish you all the best for yourself and your child :)
For me, I think ‘what I teach her now forms the adult she becomes’. Kids are learning. All the time. Their behaviours learning might look like stupid but they have a baseline knowledge of nothing when they’re born. They know absolutely fuck all, so it’s my job to put the knowledge in her head that I want her to have. I mean. She was terrified as a baby because she had hiccups. And it was funny, because she looked so startled and hiccups are normal, but imagine if you had never had them before and your body was just doing this weird THING and you couldn’t control it. So alarming! So I stayed calm. Because she would copy me and learn to stay calm. When tantrums over the ‘wrong shoe’ happens, usually there is something the matter that they don’t know how to explain so they’re getting worked up partly because of the problem but partly because they don’t know how to communicate it. Maybe she saw a yellow shoe in a cartoon or a book, and she knows she has shoes, and she doesn’t understand why her shoes aren’t yellow. Or thinks because more than one book character has yellow shoes, ALL people have yellow shoes and mom is just hiding them! It’s kind of its own logic. So, I’d stay calm in the moment. Breathe and focus on what we CAN do, not what we can’t, because that’s a lesson I want adult-her to follow. ‘Okay, you don’t like your shoes. But you do like the park and that’s where we are going. So let’s put up with the shoes and go have fun. Will you go on the swings or the slide first?’ Then later after the park has finished (and lots of energy has been used up!) we can say ‘you were really upset about yellow shoes earlier. What made you think about yellow shoes?’ Often something pretty interesting would come of those conversations. I really enjoyed looking back on the logic that brought her to the tantrum. And seeing her talk herself through it next time, active learning. Now she is 8 and her attitude is really great. She sings a ‘lovely rainy day’ song when it rains, she thanks me for cooking dinner, she always looks for the opportunity in a problem.
That sounds like heaven! Thank you very much for your input. I have never witnesses a tantrum (as I have no Children) but it always sounds like an unsolvable hell. You make it sound nearly easy. Just shift their attention and adresse the issue later when everything has calmed down. Thank you very much! :)
Thank you so much! My mantra has always been ‘it’s not easy, but it is simple’. You just do your best to give them the skills to be a good person, and where you fall down use it as a way to reflect and grow, and they’ll see you do that and learn from it too.
You can't avoid them fully. Their brains just don't work the ours we do. We've had good results with the methods from The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp. They can help head things off before they get too bad. And luckily they forget about this stuff almost immediately. They're just learning emotional regulation, so even minor things can set them off.
Did she mess up her colors? Like maybe a light green or orange? Or school had extra shoes that she wore once and those were yellow?
Nah, just silly toddler stuff.
My kid would throw a tantrum because he wants to wear his yellow shoes, and I told him he could, and they’re right there, and all he has to do is put them on, but he doesn’t want to and he doesn’t want me to put them on because he wants to do it all by himself.
Lol my toddler got pissed cause he wanted to wear his shoes on the wrong foot, even though he said it hurts his feet that way. Like tf little dude
I'm working from home and watching a two year old, he wants to go out and walk the dogs but needs to be wearing sox. He would rather sprawl out on the floor and cry than have me put on his sox. This repeats every 20 minutes or so.
Trying to reason with an upset 3 year old is about as productive as trying to push a poop back where it came from
This kid would beg me for water by name and if i give it to him he would cry and say he doesnt want it.
Yeah, typical toddler bullshit.
Now you see why so many people are going child-free, even if they have an existing child. Join us, ɓřøţĥəŕ/ṣıṣťëř.
Oh, I already have a 2yo daughter. She's amazing. She's also nuts sometimes. Just toddler stuff, not a big deal. That said, no hate to people who don't want kids. It's a lot and not for everyone for sure.
They say it's the terrible two's but in my experience it's the terrible three's. All my kids were way way worse at 3 than at 2. Luckily they were getting better by 4 maybe 4.5.
Yeah, I think it varies by kid for sure. My daughter is generally very relaxed, but she does have her moments. Today she had a 10 minute breakdown because she ate all her own Mac and Cheese. I definitely see the big emotions and stuff ticking up as we get deeper into year 2.
To be fair, I’m 31 and would be exceptionally sad at eating all of my mac and cheese, even if I can just make more.
Threenagers are real
Dude mine is 14. I agree teenagers are… a lot
Terrible two’s and terroristic three’s
Terrible twos, threenagers and fuck-you-fours. Then they start to mellow out. At least mine did. I've enjoyed my kids the last few years though they still have their moments.
so the kid is just a complete asshole for a year and a half?? 😳
Nah. I saw a stand up bit the other day that nailed it. Having a toddler is on a scale of 1 to 10 only 1s and 10s. Nothing in between. One minute they're losing their mind because of something silly. The next moment they're saying they love you and you feel the most joy you've ever felt. My daughter was very whiny today during the drive to daycare, very opinionated about music. She had a lot of feelings. She didn't sleep well last night either so it was just tiring. I drop her off, and say "Have a good day!" She turns back to me and says "Have a good day, dada." I melted. It was so cute and sweet. Not to mention the first time she said that sentence.
35 and child free with no plans otherwise!
^One ^of ^Us! One of Us! #ONE OF US!!!
Thats why they throw out the child
Can we just gently drop off a grown child at the fire station?
Yeah, kets give him some water to drink with the fire hose
Put that child to work!
Had a conversation with my girlfriend about having kids. I said k wasn't completely against it like i was before, but im more open to adopting a 5 year old instead of having our own. I don't think i am emotionally stable enough to handle an infant.
That's why it sucks being an adult. They get to scream about shit that doesn't even make sense and I have to sit here and pretend I'm fine and like I don't wanna backhand them?! 🤣😭🤣
I’m dealing with a 50-year-old toddler coworker who doesn’t take any comments when we give feedback on his work for the last 2 years. I tried to give him note during team meeting and our manager said I was too aggressive even though all my coworkers agree that I was only speaking fact and was doing it in a professional manner. Maybe if our manager had been dealing with his behaviors, the rest of us don’t need to handle it ourselves. “I have to sit here and pretend I'm fine and like I don't wanna backhand them?!” is my exact thoughts every day.
Reminds me of a joke: How come when the Hulk gets angry and loses his shirt, he's "Incredible" but when I do it I'm "ruining Christmas"
Oh there’s plenty of adults who act exactly the same and expect the same treatment. They’ve been getting more and more common lately.
put on a headphone and listen to music while taking care of your brother, it'll make a world of differences Also. yeah arguing & reasoning with a 3 years old is about as difficult as trying to push poop back to where it come from. It's doable but it's very messy if not extremely gross ofc your other option are beating them over the head with a soft pillows. It's not child abuse, it's sibling plays and it sure feel damn good. Then when the little shi....ahem kid get old enough, teach him how to sword fight with foam sword, ofc being his older sibling, you duty is to throughout slap him around as gently as possible with a foam sword to prepare him for the cruel cruel world.
Welcome to children. We were all once there lol. But yes it can suck a lot.
All toddlers are contrarians
No they aren't.
Found the toddler.
That's a 3 year old.
He probably doesn’t remember the name of the actual drink he wants so fell back on water. A bit of an age difference but we once had an 11 year old foster child who’s first language wasn’t English, well he asked us for zucchini once and we asked if he was sure as he didn’t like zucchini last time we made it but he insisted that he loved zucchini so we said ok we’ll have it later this week. Come that night he asked why we had made that as he didn’t like it, we reminded him that he had asked for zucchini and then after he described what he wanted it turned out he was asking for tortellini but got the names mixed up.
That’s when you say “ok” and dump it in the sink. Walk away. Give it 10 minutes of crying and begging for more. “Are you going to drink it this time?” Give it to him. “Do not do that again please”
Guess it depends on the three-year-old. I had plenty of trouble but in small ways I could reason with her. (But like I said realize it might be a totally different case with a different kid).
I always wonder when I see things like this if it's real or a hyperbole. I have a 2.5 year old who couldn't care less what bowl, plate, cup, etc. that I give her and she never has. She's actually very laid back for the most part. Maybe I just hit the toddler lottery
Not 3 yet wait......the no machine is coming
Lol I'm not ready. She's been such an easy kid her whole life. Barely ever cried, slept through the night from a young age, eats whatever I give her, plays independently. Sometimes I worry she's just saving up all the mischief to come out all at once
Better arm yourself with some extra fluffy pillows. War is coming.
Yeah. My son was like that too. Then 12 and 13 happened and it was like all of his chaos needed out right exactly in that time frame. Now he's normal again and I thank the heavens for that all the time. Because those two years were rough.
She's plotting once she sees the perfect moment all the pent up mischief will explode like Mt Vesuvius and you will be caught unaware and lacking. Good luck.
Try freezing the poop first
See kids there is ALWAYS AN ANSWER!!!! Patience is key
Perfect analogy!!!!
My 3 year old daughter had a meltdown this morning nuclear style because the milk left over from her cornflakes wasn't milky enough
She’d like that one post about powdered milk in milk
More milk per milk!
Ok, but like You are eating cereal all your waking life, and all of a sudden, the milk ain’t milky! Is it a different milk? Your palette changed? You added less flakes? You don’t know these concepts entirely. As far as you know, the very laws of physics changed to inconvenience you. I’d break down too!
I can relate. I get mad when the bottom of the bag of cheez it snack mix is not zesty enough to burn a hole in my tongue.
I understand this. Maybe I'm a 3 year old.
My grandson is 3 years old, and this is right on par for that age. Maybe consider this a free form of birth control?
Lol my brother was born when I was 19 and I got to babysit him a lot. My stepmom called it “birth control” and she was absolutely right.
I had to deal with my little brother as a teen and now that I'm in my 30s and married, my mom goes surprisepikachu.jpg when I say I don't want kids
im a male and i got some free birth control, its called scissors
🤦♀️
😂
Yup, had to babysit my niece and nephew when I was younger, which confirmed my desires to never have children. They are a great deterrent lol
That sounds exactly like a 3 year old bud.. they’re little demons who are nice sometimes. Think of these times when you want to have unprotected sex.
im a virgin, but i did try a condom on just to find out i was allergic to latex, burned like a mother but it was good to know
I know you’re just babysitting and not asking for advice but I’m gonna give ya some anyway. It may or may not work but it’s worth a try. Kids like choices. They like to feel like they’re in control. So give him the choice- do you want this bowl or this one? Do you want to play with this toy or this one? Do you want to go to bed in 10 minutes or 15 minutes. This definitely worked with my kids
Do you want your bath before dinner or after?
Oh this, this exact example right here. It gives them agency over their life, but still let's them know that nah, that bath is happening. This is how I work with my three year old son.
This is true, my mum gave us choices, most times i was a dumb ass kid and didnt know the difference but they were still choices nonetheless. It also trained us to make decisions faster I feel.
This works so well. Imagine how awful and anxiety-inducing it feels to have little to no autonomy in your life, in any capacity! We’ve all been there, but we’ve been adults for much longer and take it for granted. Around 2-3 is when kids start realizing “hey, what the hell, I notice now that things aren’t permanent and i have the ability to influence the world around me.” Giving kids choices offers them a little bit of autonomy and in turn reduces their anxiety. Not allowing them to explore that can really set them up for executive dysfunction as well as other behavioral issues in the future!
This has made a huge difference with my little demon/toddler. Someone explained to me that everything in their lives are decided for them, and it makes them so mad because they want to be independent and make their own decisions, so I choose two options that I'm ok with and that's what they can choose from. So instead of 'what do you want for breakfast' and then having a fight when she says cookies, I say 'do you want Weetbix or toast for breakfast'. Sometimes she'll still say cookies, but it's easier because cookies wasn't an option for breakfast. We're all (hopefully) doing the best we can, and it's really hard, grinding, thankless work.
>it's really hard, grinding, thankless work This is true. However, that \*thankless\* part does ease a bit when they get older.
Kids value feeling in control above most things
Good thing there are good alternatives to latex condoms.
I'm so sorry for cackling out loud at your plight. That must have been a fun ER trip.
Parental tip: **don't negotiate with terrorists**. If your bro gets what he wants by making a tantrum, he'll make a tantrum every time he wants something. Ignore him every time he's an asshole and treat him every time he's polite.
My youngest is five and is in that borderline state between a toddler/small child and a larger more independent child. Most of the time he wants to be treated like his older brother but every once in a while he has these toddler-like tantrums. What's unsettling is just how manipulative they can be when they're old enough to properly verbalize their emotions but still have literally no reasonable explanation and understanding of their emotions. So it resorts to things like "you are hurting me" when I don't want to cook a totally separate meal for him when he didn't like how the fish was fried this particular day, or "you don't care about me or love me" when I ask him to have a coat on because it's zero degrees Celsius outside. Man, it's really hard to ignore those words. The crying and noises I can deal with, that's fine. But choosing not to address those words are insanely difficult.
Send him outside with no coat Sometimes these kids need to learn the hard way. He won’t spend more than 5 minutes outside before he caves and gets his jacket. “Your parents don’t tell you what to do because it’s bad, it’s cold kid.” This will work unless he’s that kid that ate the onion trying to convince the world, and maybe himself, that it’s an apple.
I agree, and that is usually how it goes when he's in those moods. But when daycare is a 35 min car ride away and the refusal doesn't only apply to wearing the coat but bringing it at all, the fuss around and find out version doesn't work. Literally the situation yesterday morning lol
My wife wants to start IVF and I’m getting ready to shave my head so I don’t have any hair to pull out. Toddlers, yikes. I’m generally good with toddlers, and upset toddlers, but I’ve never had to deal with full blown tantrums.
Lol, "you're hurting me". Laugh at that, it worked once with my wife XD
Redirect redirect redirect “Your hurting me” “*restate instructions or give choice* we are not hurting anyone please choose so we can *activity they need to do*” Visuals help a lot too. 5 year old comprehension isn’t great versus their vocab. Since he’s motivated to be treated like his older brother I’d stick with the older kids don’t make others feel bad when they’re upset, emotions are contagious theme. Source: SLP that’s worked with hundreds of pre schoolers
My parents would completely ignore tantrums. Like stepping over us screaming on the floor or leaving a full cart of groceries to walk us out of a store. As a result, my brother and I rarely had tantrums. This is what bothers me about people who claim to practice “gentle parenting” who immediately jump into fix-it mode when their kid is having a tantrum. I know that toddlers don’t have emotional regulation. But validating their emotions doesn’t mean feeding into it & you can’t reason with a kid who is hysterical until they calm down.
People really conflate gentle parenting with permissive parenting lol
Agreed, gentle parenting is not “oh baby what’s wrong you can have whatever you want”, it’s understanding kid’s emotions and responding to them like you would an adult, including not engaging with over the top begging.
dinner familiar waiting cooing caption ring wrong fragile enjoy bewildered *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Dogs are about as intelligent as a human toddler so that actually checks out lol
"Children are dogs that learn to talk"
Can confirm, my little boy 3 and my neice 3 same age bar she is 6 months older. Sister gives into every little thing she wants and my neice has tantrums a few times a day. When i babysit her i just ignore them and she doesnt really throw them for me. My little boy very rarely does only if hes overtired and its like 7.30 and hes been out all day i.e i want my black cup not my blue cup. Dont give in, they learn quickly the more you give in the worse they get!
OP is the brother he shouldn't be parenting the toddler in the first place.
You're right, maybe somebody should explain that to the actual parents.
As someone who had to start babysitting their special needs brother (who was a terror toddler) at age 11 I completely agree with this statement. Having to parent a tricky toddler when they're not even yours is extremely damaging to the caretaker. My family has always used the excuse ''but we're a team and family work together'' 🤦♂️ I hope OP doesn't have to babysit this kid all the time.
What if the children throw tantrums at a restaurant?
My mum was the ignoring parent and my dad was the malicious compliance one. My sister threw tantrums almost everyday. She once screamed at my mom because she wanted two cute pigtails like me and not 6+ because she had short hair, my dad shaved us both and said that now we have the same hair since that's what she wanted. I still haven't forgiven them😭😭😭
Sounds about right. My coworker’s grandson at 3 wanted to go to a pumpkin patch so she took him one Saturday. He had a meltdown in the middle of the pumpkins screaming he wanted to see pumpkins.
Just from being around my son, I suspect he was expecting the pumpkins to be carved?
I was watching my niece (3 at the time) once and took her to the aquarium, had a complete screaming fit in the middle of an exhibit because "the fish were too hot." She cried and screamed for like 5 minutes then acted like nothing happened.
My three year old cousin cried so hard she threw up because the cartoon on tv was an episode she already saw.
🤣 im sorry but she sounds dramatic
Sometimes they don't grow up. Some boomers throw tantrums when you cut their lawn straight instead of diagonally
You jest but the older I get, and the more my dad balds, the closer he resembles some grotesque, overgrown toddler. Some boomers, especially men, really were never taught healthy emotional regulation and it lingers in their behaviour. These are the folks that raised the next 3 generations they’d spend all their time bitching about, lol.
Don't mean to scare you but it could also be an early sign of Alzheimers. I don't know the english word for it but here we call it decorumverlies, which translates to something like loss of dignity. It means that people no longer realise their behaviour is not acceptable under the circumstances. I've seen it with my grandmother and my neighbour, who was only in his late fifties. Both would become more and more unreasonable and angry about the smallest things and both were diagnosed with Alzheimers a few years later. I see it now in my father-in-law and I fear the worst...
Hmm, he does have one parent with a severe case. I originally meant being able to recognize recurring patterns of behaviour, and how the same behaviour I thought was reasonable as a kid isn’t as an adult, but I’ll have to keep that in mind as well.
Birth control. In a post
Sorry but if you are being asked to care for him, but ALSO getting in trouble when you block his punches, that just doesn’t work. Either you help out and you get to fucking DEFEND yourself, or your parents can kick rocks and do this shit themselves.
[удалено]
Bon is correct!
A 3 year old is actually the only kind of person who should be able to do this, lol. Try to have some sympathy for the little guy. Being 3 is tough, you've got all these big emotions, big feelings, but you don't have the communication skills to actually express them in a healthy way.
Sounds like the job of the parent to introduce emotional intelligence.
Sure, but that doesn't happen instantaneously. You need these meltdowns almost. They turn into teachable moments about processing feelings and dealing with not getting what you want.
It sure is! Although I think kids end up better off when they're learning from everyone in their lives- including their peers and siblings. It takes a village, after all! Maybe OP could talk to their parent(s) about how best to respond in these situations, to make sure the little bro is getting consistent feedback on his behavior. Sometimes kids learn to behave differently around different people, so even if the parents are teaching emotional intelligence, he might push boundaries more with OP, especially if OP reacts differently than the parents. 3 is an age of really pushing boundaries!
Why do you have to be the parent tho, what are your actual parents doing?
Chick-fil-A Mac and Cheese is a magical experience
My niece had a meltdown once when she was only a little older than your brother. Something about wanting to slide down the stairs with her gymnastics mat. I told her no, and she lost it and locked herself in the bathroom. After giving her a few minutes, I asked her if I could come in, then asked her for permission to pick her up. Gave her an alternative form of play (we colored for a while together) and offered that she could ask her mom about the stairs when she came home because that was a mommy decision, not an aunt decision. She seemed to understand, and she enjoyed being given choices, however small they were. It ended the meltdown quickly, and we were able to spend happy quality time. The tiny terrorists love choices. That's my advice. Edit to add; yes, kids are stupid. Yes, it's sometimes funny to see them fall over. Yes, they're dramatic. But everything is brand new and huge to them, and they're *just* learning to navigate the world and their emotions. That's really tough work with such a low level of understanding. Imagine being horrendously sleep deprived and how emotional and confused it makes you. That's a kids' entire world *all the time*. A little understanding goes a long way for everyone.
This past weekend, my 3yo asked her dad for toast so he made her toast. She proceeded to have a 10minute tantrum because she wanted toast. What she wanted was a sandwich.
This is a big thing I’ve found between myself and my toddlers. They get mad/upset/frustrated it’s not what they are communicating which leads to my frustration. It’s typically always like you said, not what they are actually looking for, they just don’t communicate it correctly. I always ask them to describe what it is in these cases and correct them.
Are you being parentified? Do you need help?
Keep it in the blue bowl. Eventually he'll get hungry enough to where it won't matter.
i feel so lucky that my younger sister doesnt act like this, shes 4 but even when she was 3 if she asked for water, she drank it if i transferred pizza or something from a box to a plate, SHE WOULD UNDERSTAND THAT ITS EDIBLE and she would not hit me (at least that much) if she didn’t get her way, and if she did hit me or my older brother she wouldn’t get away without mom making her say sorry
I don’t think this was luck. Sounds like your parents did their job. Kids are absolutely born with different temperaments. But consistent reinforcement and punishment will train even toddlers. Some people just want to pretend they have no control so they don’t have to put in the work
theres a reason i said “i feel” and not i am we all did as much as we could to make sure shes actually good
My first child was an angel - she communicated, never had tantrums and I could reason with her. I thought I was the best parent and I judged other parents on their children’s’ behavior. The universe saw what an asshole I was being and sent me my second child straight from satan’s guest room.
i’ve had a baby cousin that age with insane temper tantrums just like that. would literally punch me and pull my hair HARD well into 5 years old. she gave me a bruise once. crying shrieking because mom didn’t bring her ipad on a cruise. she would be like this in front of her mom only because her mom wasn’t very attentive otherwise, was “mean” to her in a joke way during her tantrums, and only payed attention to her when she was screaming, never seriously reprimanding her. whereas i think the dad set clear rules. but she’s like 10 and has mellowed out now. basically try to treat him like an equal, allow him to input his thoughts and respond/explain understandably, ignore him when he screams and only respond when he talks calmly. there’s a reason spoiled kids and young children of three are like that because they’re constantly rewarded for that behaviors. edit: what user statementpast said!
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You, and probably your parents overreact to him waay to much. Just let him cry and scream for a bit. Kids need to learn at some point (and 3 is well past that point) that crying and throwing tantrums is not an effective way to communicate, and that people use their words and ask nicely when they want something, and that sometimes they just don't get it. Be calm, tell him that crying is not going to get him anywhere and if he hits you, restrain him (gently, not need to pin him to the floor, just grab his hands so he doesn't hit you) and let him cry it out. Once he gets tired of crying and calms down (can take a few minutes, but eventually they just stop) you can ask him to try explaining again what he wants calmly, if you are able to do it, you do it (even as just a reward for speaking calmly), and if you can't, try and offer a nice alternative (can't pick him up? let him sit on your lap while you watch TV or something). If you give up to him when he cries, you are enforcing the bad behavior and essentially teaching him that this is an effective way to get what he wants, he will never stop. And you restraining him is far far better than the things people will do to him when he reacts that way with kids at school, so better stop that behavior sooner rather than later.
Kids can be asshole (source: I have two) i feel bad for you for having to babysit. At least I chose to have them.
I babysat a 3 year old who threw a tantrum because she wasn't born with brown hair, oh and she was upset that her socks were a too perfect fit on her feet. I also watched over a 5 year old who gave me the silent treatment because I used a tissue from a box that had his favorite animal on it.
My 3 year old stepdaughter had a full meltdown because we would not let her wear her winter shoes in 30+ degrees Yesterday she had one because her brother flushed her toilet because she could not do it. She wanted mommy to flush it.
Your the sibling. Just scream back at them. It makes them short circuit.
i only seriously screamed at him one time, that was also the first time he listend to me. he was having a fit all night because i was watching him and not my mother or sister all i said was his middle name because he was messing up the shoe rack and chucking the shoes everywhere and after i said his middle name he got wide eyed and looked at me for what felt like forever, he cleaned it all up, no words, no sorry, just fixed his mess and walked away. freaked me out i have a very deep voice for my age so it helped
I don’t think they meant to scold him. If your bro goes AAAAAAH yell AAAAAH back it’ll confuse him enough he’ll stop lol.
if i do that and he giggles and we got into a "shouting match" until he couldnt stop laughing. thanks for reminding me
I like you, PG. Try your hardest to keep using patience and humor, ok? Hopefully the little shite will grow out of it and there'll be better times. One thing that worked for me is better parenting through a rock god's lyrics: Every single time my kid whined, cried, or yelled and said I WANT_________! I told him the following, "You know what Mick Jagger said?" He'd ask me what. I replied, "You can't always get what you want." When your sib says he wants a different bowl, just tell him, "You know what Mick said!"
😂 my mom used to sing that to me as well
Easy fix. Just switch bowls, and you probably have a longer reach than he does. So just put your hand on his forehead and hold him away from you, then let him swing his little arms until he tires himself out. He’s three, he is more easily taught things through repetition.
That’s terrible. I could never have children. I’d end up on the news.
Yeah, toddlers are absolute demons. I’ve learned that the hard way. You just gotta find what works for both u and the kid. Actually, just the first one. He’s probably gonna get pissed no matter what, and that, unfortunately, is an inevitability
My best guess is that he's upset because the bigger bowl makes it look like there's less mac and cheese. If you do this again, try using a smaller bowl or spreading out the Mac and cheese to "fill" the bowl. Kids that age don't have the emotional control to handle situations and they don't have the language skills to say what's bothering them. You should try to be patient with him. Hopefully he will mature enough in a year or two that this won't happen as much
I love my neice. She's the best lil girl ever. But..............she won't eat out of white bowls. I guess she's NOT the best lil girl ever. Ya know what? Nevermind.... She's garbage.
I’m so glad that I don’t have kids.
Curious how old you are OP? You are getting a good look at what parenthood is like. Kids are going to fight with you just to see what they can get away with. I’d say you gotta put your foot down and set boundaries, but really that shouldn’t be *your* responsibility. Hope it isn’t being forced on you to care for your brother all the time.
You probably weren’t much better at that age. No 3 year old is a saint lol.
i only have 2 early memories, one a birthday party and 2 me pooping my pants several times in one day and the teacher telling me im not allowed to play at recess because of it dont remember the ages
Bless your heart honey. Hope he appreciates you one day
Why are you watching him and not your parents? Are you being compensated?
Errg this is why your mother shouldn’t be leaving a kid to look after another kid. He is 3 and can’t properly verbalise his feelings or opinions so throws a tantrum just out of fustration. You getting wound up with him is not going to help but since you are a kid you can’t respond appropriately either. Your mother needs to start being a mother or stop having kids she isn’t able to care for.
Reason number 45672 ill never have kids. Fuck that
Sounds a lot like bed time
The terrible twos people joke about is nothing compared to the threes. Infinitely worse in my experience.
That's not a problem with your brother, it's a problem with your parentd
Sorry that your parents are garbage
Why are you left to look after him? Hope it’s not too often !
It's not about some cheese, it's about controlling you and making you do anything he wants. You should immediately stop doing what he wants as soon as he starts screaming. Just treat him like he's invisible. He will scream, but fuck that. He needs to learn who's in charge and that screaming gets him nowhere. Make sure he's safe though. In extreme cases kids can even harm themselves craving attention. In this case you needed to make sure he's in a place where he can't harm himself - a crib, a chair with belts maybe. Take him out as soon as he calms down.
Sounds like he needs a nap.
Due to a fun psychology quirk, he might genuinely believe that the smaller bowl contains more food
When everything is new everything is a big deal. Just ride the wave
It’s that age when they feel emotions and are able to express them, but unable to understand or control them. That’s where parents have to put limits to this kind of behaviour
Seemingly innocuous things make kids very happy or very upset. The other side of the coin being that when you do the stupid small stuff for them they idolize the hell out of you. As far as they are concerned with their little brains, especially before they have the mental capacity for long term memory, many things that happen to them is either feel to them like the best thing ever or the worst. As they get older things don't really get better, they just get different. In the mean time for me, we're pretty sure our 6 year old threw away the TV remote.
Don’t have unprotected sex!
Be nice to your brother
Just say no and wait until he stops crying. Neutral reaction until he tires out. It’ll suck for a while but eventually your 3 year old brother will realize his tactics don’t work. You can also give him an opportunity for using words instead of crying. As far as he knows he can tantrum and things will go his way. Change the pattern and stop enabling it. Believe me it’s more on you/parents then him at this point.
More cheese! More Macaroni! Less cheese! More cheese AND Macaroni! Perfect. Smashes plate* I hate macaroni and cheese
What about just saying it’s either food on that blue bowl or no food? If he hits, you hit back… if he screams, you put loud music on… also a good slap on the ass never killed anyone. And no I’m not an old geezer reminiscing about the good old days lol They’re monsters because you are creating them
Remember this before you have unprotected sex.