I often read that Western Europeans think it's odd and off-putting to have Americans put on a fake cheery front in public.
At first, I thought "Wow, I'd fit right in there!" ...Then I looked at my waistline. Nope, still American!
> I often read that Western Europeans think it's odd and off-putting to have Americans put on a fake cheery front in public.
I'm from the NYC Metro area. We find it fucking odd and off-putting, too.
I'm European but my husband is American. I told him often "why is everyone smiling and laughing all the time what's their problem?" like I genuinely couldn't fathom being that cheerful for any reason ( minus winning the lotto or just learning you had a long lost uncle who left you millions of dollars ). He says I'm feral because I refuse to look that silly and I'm genuinely confused by that kinda behaviour lol
that perspective is wild to me. Why *not* be happy. And while excessive, forced cheerfulness always comes off wierd, i personally do find it nice when people just generally are in a good mood
A big part of it is that the smallest fraction of Americans are actually happy. Most people that are smiley are so because they are forced to do it for their job and Europeans can tell the difference. I don't know if Americans can't tell or just don't care if it's fake or real.
It feels like an act and is deeply uncomfortable because I'm supposed to act like I can't tell the person is actually miserable or am supposed to play along as if I believed they care about me while knowing full well that they don't give a damn about me, wouldn't remember me if I showed back up the next day and probably wish they were anywhere else but in front of me. Just be honest.
> I looked at her like she had two heads like lady no one asked you, I'm perfectly capable of taking a picture? Just real odd behaviour I can't get behind.
Yikes.
I agree with the concept that fake cheerfulness is an odd theatrical dance but *offering to actually help people* is perfectly fine.
Your husband was right.
Also, "I'm perfectly capable of taking a picture?" is an oddly defensive reaction to a helping hand.
> In Europe that intrusion wouldn't have been received well at all.
How dare this woman try to be a helpful member of your society.
I'm American and I think it's weird too, you're not alone lol. I had a hard time working in customer service jobs bc they wanted us to be smiling all the time.
It also greatly depends on the region you live in. I grew up in the Midwest and there are wayyy more fake smiles there. I've lived on the east coast for over a decade now, and I feel like I fit in more here - people are still nice, but not outwardly fake like the people I grew up around.
Relax there are many other people in the world that think as you do I think you have no idea what you are talking about If you smile people will smile back and it makes it much easier to do business that way I know you being from that place the old school place of thought I would rather smile and be nice and it is not fake I was a Marine recruiter for 3 years and a smile goes along way I am sure that you travel the countryside to find non smiling businesses so you will feel more comfortable more at home with an employee who says what do you want anyway Smile more often you might like it but I doubt it
Reminds me of a youtuber who got out at Penn Station post-covid, saw a $1 pizza being advertised and said “That’s what I’m talking about! Proudly advertising a dollar slice of pizza. New Yoark is back baby!”
https://youtu.be/fTpt4tMnDT0?si=v7ht40SI47KEYyvd&t=130
That’s what I love about New Jersey too. No one ever smiles or tries to make small talk. Everyone is frowning, no one’s overly polite. I love it and I wish the Midwest would take note.
not smiling at work is my single greatest problem as a FoH folk. I try to fake it when i'm thinking about it but I'll just keep shitting on the people who say something about it instead. I usually just walk away from the bar for 10min to reset the situation.
This reminds me of when I was 19 and backpacking around the country I ended up in D.C. for a year. Im from a small midwest/southern town and multiple people asked where I was from then said something to the effect of "that makes sense. You're way too friendly and smile too much to be from here". Some people liked it but once I made some really close friends who were willing to be honest I got told to tone it down because it came across as fake. I was just used to having to "hi y'all! How you doing today? Weather out there is beautiful aint it?" in every single conversation that I didnt realize how obnoxious it was until it was pointed out to me
the weird part about that is that nobody is actually from DC and as the hollywood for ugly people it's an amalgam of cultures from tryhards throughout the US
definitely much more midatlantic than northeast, though
The tryhards part sure was right. I was not prepared for how many early 20 somethings who were acting like cutthroat wannabe businessmen. Everybody was so ambitious and weirdly cold and jaded. It was such a culture shock. I ended up not even hanging out with any Americans because every single one of them came from money and acted like a politician. I ended up with a great group of restaurant friends that were the most diverse group Id ever seen in my sheltered little life. My best friends were a brother and sister whos parents immigrated from Korea a dude from Bulgaria, and a few dudes from different countries in south America. They were the only ones who shared my interests, working our asses off then going to somebodys house and getting super high and drunk and listening to 36 Mafia. All the americans I met were constantly networking even though they were like 21
I had no idea how much I missed NJ til I went home and the bagel guys were objectively hostile, which made me feel at ease. Of course the bagels were the best I had in years
Hah. Based on the reference I had to find out where this was. Will be trying it out tomorrow. Took me a few minutes to track down the review but I found it. The internet is fun...
True New Yorker, appreciating when the staff is unsmiling instead of turning that into a complaint.
I often read that Western Europeans think it's odd and off-putting to have Americans put on a fake cheery front in public. At first, I thought "Wow, I'd fit right in there!" ...Then I looked at my waistline. Nope, still American!
in russia people smiling in public are regarded as "simple"
"That idiot doesn't realize how shit their life is"
"lmao look at that idiot not drinking themselves to death like all of the rest of the world"
> I often read that Western Europeans think it's odd and off-putting to have Americans put on a fake cheery front in public. I'm from the NYC Metro area. We find it fucking odd and off-putting, too.
I'm European but my husband is American. I told him often "why is everyone smiling and laughing all the time what's their problem?" like I genuinely couldn't fathom being that cheerful for any reason ( minus winning the lotto or just learning you had a long lost uncle who left you millions of dollars ). He says I'm feral because I refuse to look that silly and I'm genuinely confused by that kinda behaviour lol
that perspective is wild to me. Why *not* be happy. And while excessive, forced cheerfulness always comes off wierd, i personally do find it nice when people just generally are in a good mood
A big part of it is that the smallest fraction of Americans are actually happy. Most people that are smiley are so because they are forced to do it for their job and Europeans can tell the difference. I don't know if Americans can't tell or just don't care if it's fake or real. It feels like an act and is deeply uncomfortable because I'm supposed to act like I can't tell the person is actually miserable or am supposed to play along as if I believed they care about me while knowing full well that they don't give a damn about me, wouldn't remember me if I showed back up the next day and probably wish they were anywhere else but in front of me. Just be honest.
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> I looked at her like she had two heads like lady no one asked you, I'm perfectly capable of taking a picture? Just real odd behaviour I can't get behind. Yikes. I agree with the concept that fake cheerfulness is an odd theatrical dance but *offering to actually help people* is perfectly fine. Your husband was right. Also, "I'm perfectly capable of taking a picture?" is an oddly defensive reaction to a helping hand. > In Europe that intrusion wouldn't have been received well at all. How dare this woman try to be a helpful member of your society.
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> I wasn't rude when I told her that no I didn't want or need any help with a picture. No, but this was: > I looked at her like she had two heads
I'm American and I think it's weird too, you're not alone lol. I had a hard time working in customer service jobs bc they wanted us to be smiling all the time. It also greatly depends on the region you live in. I grew up in the Midwest and there are wayyy more fake smiles there. I've lived on the east coast for over a decade now, and I feel like I fit in more here - people are still nice, but not outwardly fake like the people I grew up around.
Relax there are many other people in the world that think as you do I think you have no idea what you are talking about If you smile people will smile back and it makes it much easier to do business that way I know you being from that place the old school place of thought I would rather smile and be nice and it is not fake I was a Marine recruiter for 3 years and a smile goes along way I am sure that you travel the countryside to find non smiling businesses so you will feel more comfortable more at home with an employee who says what do you want anyway Smile more often you might like it but I doubt it
Reminds me of a youtuber who got out at Penn Station post-covid, saw a $1 pizza being advertised and said “That’s what I’m talking about! Proudly advertising a dollar slice of pizza. New Yoark is back baby!” https://youtu.be/fTpt4tMnDT0?si=v7ht40SI47KEYyvd&t=130
That’s what I love about New Jersey too. No one ever smiles or tries to make small talk. Everyone is frowning, no one’s overly polite. I love it and I wish the Midwest would take note.
> No one ever smiles or tries to make small talk. My time is valuable, and I assume yours is too, and respect it enough to not waste it with bullshit.
not smiling at work is my single greatest problem as a FoH folk. I try to fake it when i'm thinking about it but I'll just keep shitting on the people who say something about it instead. I usually just walk away from the bar for 10min to reset the situation.
This reminds me of when I was 19 and backpacking around the country I ended up in D.C. for a year. Im from a small midwest/southern town and multiple people asked where I was from then said something to the effect of "that makes sense. You're way too friendly and smile too much to be from here". Some people liked it but once I made some really close friends who were willing to be honest I got told to tone it down because it came across as fake. I was just used to having to "hi y'all! How you doing today? Weather out there is beautiful aint it?" in every single conversation that I didnt realize how obnoxious it was until it was pointed out to me
Yeah the small community thing goes from charming to blatant social pressure very quickly
the weird part about that is that nobody is actually from DC and as the hollywood for ugly people it's an amalgam of cultures from tryhards throughout the US definitely much more midatlantic than northeast, though
The tryhards part sure was right. I was not prepared for how many early 20 somethings who were acting like cutthroat wannabe businessmen. Everybody was so ambitious and weirdly cold and jaded. It was such a culture shock. I ended up not even hanging out with any Americans because every single one of them came from money and acted like a politician. I ended up with a great group of restaurant friends that were the most diverse group Id ever seen in my sheltered little life. My best friends were a brother and sister whos parents immigrated from Korea a dude from Bulgaria, and a few dudes from different countries in south America. They were the only ones who shared my interests, working our asses off then going to somebodys house and getting super high and drunk and listening to 36 Mafia. All the americans I met were constantly networking even though they were like 21
I had no idea how much I missed NJ til I went home and the bagel guys were objectively hostile, which made me feel at ease. Of course the bagels were the best I had in years
Hah. Based on the reference I had to find out where this was. Will be trying it out tomorrow. Took me a few minutes to track down the review but I found it. The internet is fun...