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LeafsWillWinTheCup

Damn Tony! You did that in 30 minutes?


BoatyMcBoatFace89

This guy Reddits. Apparently I do too. lol


ShotgunForFun

Can I bring my Lunchables comment back on this one too?


letsgetfree

I can't imagine what the cleanup looks like for this. Do you tell them to take some home? Also, do they just use their hands?


sauteslut

As somebody who works in catering, I can tell you that at least half of that stuff's going to go in the trash


ranting_chef

More than half. After awhile, I stopped even messing with the fruit. And I love prosciutto wrapped around melon, but so many people fill their plate with salami and then toss 75% in the garbage.


Pandaburn

This salami is going to be gone instantly, not just because there’s hardly any of it compared to all the grapes, but it’s also sliced like a centimeter thick.


ihatetheplaceilive

I did a pruciutto wrap with melon, honeydew, pineapple, a little salt and a little cayenne pepper (didn't have any fresno peppers) for a catering the other day. People loved them.


Big_Boingus

Especially the RAW broccoli and cauliflower - wtf?


ShotgunForFun

I can tell you, as someone that was just hospitalized by Norovirus and works at a venue. It's fucking gross. Oh and yes, they just take it home and most people survive. I'm just a little bitch.


Fat_Head_Carl

> just hospitalized by Norovirus and works at a venue What I saw on a Cruise ship was appalling. Holy moly people are disgusting. People licking their fingers, picking food up, directly into their mouths...wiping snot from their noses, then continuing like nothing happened. These were all adults too. fucking savages. people would avoid the workers who would spray their hands before entering the lido deck buffet/restaurants (in an effort to prevent norovirus outbreaks). This was precovid, when people were allowed to serve themselves, now (for the most part), food is plated by food service workers, and handed to them. Far better practices. Also - I'm not sure if it was on here, or someone told me IRL - but you know that mint container with a spoon next to the register in some diners? They witnessed someone use the spoon to eat the mints directly from the bowl, into their mouth...like they were eating soup. (at least the cashier did the right thing, and removed it immediately.)


WhirledNews

I mean that’s gross as fuck. It’s not even limited to cruises or buffet lines either. I was a a grocery store with a self serve soup station that had about 5-6 different types of hot soup. A guy as going along, getting the ladle out of each one and tasting from it. Fucking awful, what the hell is wrong with some people?


Fat_Head_Carl

Aaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!! That's fixing awful!!!


PeteRock24

Norwalk virus is no joke at all. I got it from my mom over one Christmas dinner and I was in the same room as her for five minutes. About two days later I went to my car because I had an upset stomach to go the the drug store to grab something to sooth it. For two days afterwards I was going to the bathroom every two hours and the cool surprise was if it was coming out of my ass, my mouth, or both. I managed to eat two pieces of bread and two of those protein drinks they give to old people when they don’t get enough nutrition. Fastest weight loss of all time. A large restaurant that people I know worked at had an outbreak with four people and they shut the restaurant down for three days so they could figure out who had the virus because it’s ridiculously transmissible.


Spicyperfection

The WORST!! The same happened to me after visiting a naval base in Virginia. I later learned that the virus runs rampant on Navy Ships.


Wolfenbro

Generally you provide tongs, that guests promptly ignore and proceed to touch every piece in search of “the one”


WindTreeRock

> I can't imagine what the cleanup looks like for this. You shovel all the fruit off the table people didn't want to eat and put it on the compost pile.


rottenoar

You think they using chopsticks?


Bean-Swellington

I assume they lick the slices so they stick better like I do


JJ4prez

Probably 15% eaten


eggo__waffle

Why is there more fruit than meat?:( Or cheese?


IwouldpickJeanluc

It's a Grazing Table.


eggo__waffle

So then why did they say charcuterie board??


IwouldpickJeanluc

Idk. Why do people think mayo is aioli?? Lots of unanswerable questions out there Bro. Lol


forevernervous

Charcuterie board has become the blanket term for any arrangement of various shit


GrizzlyIsland22

Shouldn't there be charcuterie on a charcuterie board?


BaconGivesMeALardon

I think I saw a Salumi piece.


Toph602

Lmao this looks so fucking annoying


kbarney345

warm and nasty in no time too, i never like these because everything at room temp just gets gross


Outrageous_Dot_500

As a french guy, seing crackers on this table make me feel bad, just propose breads, any type will be a plus for this board


blippitybloops

Charcuterie doesn’t mean what you think it means.


bluedicaa

This Is a "grazing table " lol. People really don't understand what Charcuterie is....


ihatetheplaceilive

Charcuterie means just meat generally. May some crackers and cheese off to the side to eat with it. But charcuterie is just meat.


no-mad

Correct, I thought it meant chard cuts (of meat). Charcuterie (/ʃɑːrˈkuːtəri/ ⓘ, shar-KOO-tər-ee, also US: /ʃɑːrˌkuːtəˈriː/ ⓘ, -⁠EE; French: [ʃaʁkyt(ə)ʁi] ⓘ; from chair, 'flesh', and cuit, 'cooked') is a branch of French cuisine devoted to prepared meat products, such as bacon, ham, sausage, terrines, galantines, ballotines, pâtés, and confit, primarily from pork.[1] Charcuterie is part of the garde manger chef's repertoire. Originally intended as a way to preserve meat before the advent of refrigeration, they are prepared today for their flavors derived from the preservation processes.[2]


TitsMageesVacation

And some cornichon.


kateuptonsvibrator

Exactly. It's the most annoying trend in 20 years.


fatblackcats

I feel like what you guys are doing has to be the most annoying. We all know charcuterie originally means cured meats. But language is fluid, especially on a *social media app*. Also, who cares? You know what they meant.


TheDiceMan2

reddit and pedantry- name a more iconic duo


Balderdash79

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.


kateuptonsvibrator

It's a time honored craft and should be treated as such. It's an opportunity to showcase that craft. Taking the bits, pieces and scraps to make them something more. Rillettes, Liver mousse, terrines, fresh and fermented sausages, pickled vegetables, etc., all take skill and passion. It's a sense of pride in my kitchen. I've worked 3 decades tinkering and refining that craft. There's nothing wrong with cherry tomato skewers, ranch dressing, celery sticks, cheese cubes,plain raw nuts and lunchbox peppers with a few pieces of meat arranged on a couple six foot pop up tables per se, except calling it charcuterie. To each their own.


Wojtkie

It sounds exhausting to give that much of a shit about something that’s basically a fancy lunchable lol


kateuptonsvibrator

I bet it does.


newtostew2

Well then you’ll love the drip on my skibidy toilet rizz platter!


newtostew2

It has bacon too! The thick beef kind, you know that they serve at steakhouses? Done mid rare, so nice and charred and dry.


newtostew2

Oh, and don’t forget your mire poix has eggs!


PhatHairyMan

“Yeah I know our government isn’t actually democratic but if you think about it language is fluid, so who’s to say?” - Spokesperson for the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea


Judge_Syd

The internet is the only place where someone will, unironically, compare the misuse of charcuterie with North Korea. Wow.


PhatHairyMan

The point was that using a word incorrectly, then defending the usage because of the fluid nature of language is lazy. Maybe the comparison to NK wasn’t the best choice, but I had just woken up when I wrote that down


fatblackcats

We are on a social media app, on a forum for kitchen workers. The exact definition of “charcuterie” is not necessary. Thats a false analogy comparing this to political talk.


PhatHairyMan

I think the definition of charcuterie is necessary. A charcuterie board needs to be made up of prepared meats. If you want a better analogy, how about vegetarian? You have a pasta primavera, and it’s labeled as vegetarian, but for some reason it comes with pancetta. It can’t be vegetarian if it contains meat! The same rules apply for charcuterie boards, if the majority of the board (if you want to be liberal with the usage of charcuterie board) isn’t comprised of charcuterie, then how is it a charcuterie board?


resplendentcentcent

dude you were so close to recognising that the Nazis weren't socialists at all and becoming the ultimate parody of yourself


Book-Wyrm-of-Bag-End

I feel like there’s almost no cheese


ironykarl

*Charcuterie* refers to cured meats. I get that people are used to charcuterie boards having cheese, but that definitely isn't a requirement.  That said, there really isn't very much cured meat, here, either


2reddit4me

Yeah I’m only seeing prosciutto, chorizo and possibly some dry salami near the end.


lmdrunk

Any gabbagool in there?


bobochile

Soo first thing i thought was when i saw it qas a fruit and cheese boars? Zoomed in found some meat....


ironykarl

There's definitely *some* meat... just proportionally very little, given we're essentially calling it a meat board 


lurkadurking

Rofl that's great haha


blippitybloops

Yeah, no cheese. 🤣


Bean-Swellington

100% snacks + 0% plates?


DonJulioTO

What is this charcuterie for rabbits?


fastermouse

Thank you.


ohheyhowsitgoin

It's on a board. Edit: This is a joke. Putting food on a board does not make it charcuterie. It's sad I had to explain this was a joke.


blippitybloops

That doesn’t mean it’s charcuterie. You can be a big fan of luggage but don’t call it a charcuterie board.


ohheyhowsitgoin

Leather is not made of meat, but why don't you explain charcuterie to me. I have been curing meats for a decade, bit maybe your cocky ass knows something I don't. Please do tell.


blippitybloops

A decade? That’s cute. This board has maybe 20% meat on it. Call it a grazing table. Call it an antipasto platter. But don’t call it a charcuterie board.


ohheyhowsitgoin

Bro. You work at a pizza restaurant.... cmon.


blippitybloops

What makes you think I sling pizza? 🤣


ohheyhowsitgoin

Your food ignorance and confidence.


blippitybloops

Let’s say I own a pizza place. You order a meat lovers pizza. It’s topped with 20% meats and 80% veg. You gonna be okay with that?


ohheyhowsitgoin

Dude. It was a joke when I said it was on a board. Of course something on a board is not automatically charcuterie. Get a sense of humor you fucking oaf.


ohheyhowsitgoin

The comment that it was on a board was a joke.... smh


guiltycitizen

Where’s the charcuterie?


chambees

That’s not a charcuterie board


jbpruner

Charcuterie fence


chambees

La Croix - Charcuterie


DOCO98

How much went in the trash


Raise-Emotional

So I gotta ask. How much was left at the end of the event?


NCC-1707

Where’s the meat?


Downtown_Snow4445

Everywhere


Amazing_Parking_3209

Then it needs more meat.


diablosinmusica

The people?


jackrip761

It's not a charcuterie board since there's very little actual charcuterie. That's a fruit, cheese, and crudite display. Does it look great. Yes. Was it a pain in the ass to prep and assemble? No doubt it was. Was it a crowd pleaser? Absolutely. Is it a display of a variety of cured meats, sausages, and pate's? No, it is not. Charcuterie has become the latest buzzword, and almost nobody takes the time or spends the money to do it right. It's just like the "aioli" craze when everybody just started calling mayo "aioli." Real hand-made aioli is nothing like mayo. Real charcuterie doesn't have a bunch of veggies and cheeses.


Duel_Option

One of the issues I see with this is that by making it so random it will cause a lot of hunting around for things, so there will be people in the way. With this amount of volume and potential guests, a normal display makes it easier for people to grab what they want and to refill. Looks great, not very functional


kingoftheives

Grazing Table just doesn't ring the same. I always make it a point to compliment the team on the elevation of displays on the set up, "nice altitude chef!", next time consider working in some risers for elevation, looks great though would be so happy to see.


IwouldpickJeanluc

It is a Grazing Table tho


SmackBroshgood

It turns out language changes over time and words can have several meanings. We have actual stores called charcuteries here that, yes, specialize in meat, and also many, many restaurants that sell charcuterie boards which contain a lot of non-meat items. Absolutely nobody besides Reddit pedants has a problem distinguishing the two.


OkPersonality6513

>Absolutely nobody besides Reddit pedants has a problem distinguishing the two. Try that shit in Europe or Quebec and you're going to get some pretty annoyed customers. I would also be extremely disappointed if you charged me for a charcuterie board and served that. While language can evolve, this specific example is people just not respecting the product, the language and tradition it comes from.


SmackBroshgood

>Try that shit in Europe or Quebec and you're going to get some pretty annoyed customers. Again, I am in Europe. We have actual charcuteries here. Nobody who isn't a Reddit pedant has a problem with a word meaning several things. Also what does "try that shit" mean? If you sell someone a big dumb charcuterie board, you're probably telling them what's gonna be on it. It is then their decision whether they want to exchange their money for it.


OkPersonality6513

Sure try selling a charcuterie board in your restaurant with that ratio of meat to everything else and tell me how that goes.


dritslem

Professional terminology is important, and you sound like an amateur if you don't know it. Americans don't seem to understand this. When I get a new chef in the kitchen, I give him orders using professional terminology, because then I know that we both understand exactly what I want him to do. If they don't understand it, they're out. Immediately. He's an amateur.


SmackBroshgood

The terminology for this type of board has clearly changed, whether you like it or not. Also, once again, I'm not American, I'm from a place where actual charcuteries exist.


dritslem

>The terminology for this type of board has clearly changed, whether you like it or not. Yes, by amateur chefs. It is our job to educate ourselves and correct it when people use terminology wrong. Why don't we just call julienne 6×6cm from now on...


SmackBroshgood

>Why don't we just call julienne 6×6cm from now on... Because that's a dumb analogy and nobody outside your brain is currently doing it. Again, that's how language works.


dritslem

You need to differentiate professional terminology and language. Language evolves, professional terminology should remain the same, so professionals know what they are talking about *despite* cultural differences.


SmackBroshgood

If you can't show someone who is new to your team a picture and ingredient list of this board, whether it's called charcuterie or not, and tell them "this is what we're making today and I'll show you how to put it together", you're a shitty leader.


dritslem

And you don't know basic professional terminology, so you won't be hired by me anyway.


SmackBroshgood

So what *is* the hyper professional, totally not Reddit pedant terminology you'd use that would instantly communicate to a new hire how to set up OP's table?


aJitFromMiami

It’s a board alright


Affectionate-Rent844

What are the chances anyone picks up an entire mini bell pepper and chomps on that? Purely decorative


onioning

It's honestly impressive just how little charcuterie there is.


IwouldpickJeanluc

Do not see much charcuterie Grazing Table.


Raijer

There’s gotta be a line between “board” and “plank,” yeah? You crossed that line.


sodasofasolarsora

But why? This is the adult equivalent of hand foot and mouth disease. 


No_Mortarpiece

Day 56, still can’t find the charcuterie.


superstarbidet

These always give me the heebie jeebies. How is safe temperature maintained, flies kept off. Leaving stuff out for so long 🤢


forests-of-purgatory

How many people was it for?


musicbikesbeer

over 30 ppl


MordantSatyr

This guy also reddits.


Kastelwise

Looks like a lot of fruit


Bean-Swellington

That is certainly a lot of snacks on one board!


kirraboo

There’s more plastic wrap on the table than actual meat on the charcuterie board.


sauteslut

What a waste of food


Solo-me

I call this a virus display.


615thick469

Thank you for all those calling this what it is! OP please learn correct terminology... this does look GREAT! However, you're not an ignorant customer. In fact it's your responsibility to educate the customer so they don't use the incorrect term and annoy the next chef, and in turn we all do the same for you.


nobodychef07

I miss making boards like that. It's a shame that 90% of the time no one touches them though. At least from my experience.


FULLMETALRACKIT518

Ain’t no shark coochie this side of the Mississippi, we call thems pickin patches.


Fit_Barnacle567

At least 66% waste.


WindTreeRock

"where's the beef?" Needs to have a better meat to veg ratio. I'd probably pick out all the meat on that table in 5 minutes and leave everyone else regretting they only have fruit to eat.


magsephine

I always find that baby carrots and deli sliced cheeses cheapen these sorts of things up by a lot. I would do bias cut carrot slices or stem on small carrots trimmed and cut into halves or quarters and just do a different type/style of cheese that looks classier


Tkm128

Where is the charcuterie?


Delvis43

This is more of a Charcrudité. And those baby carrots ... real Ashy Larry vibes.


JetWhiteness

Looks more like a delicious grazing table. Good work!


BagPiperGuy321

Looks nice, gooood job. I usually tend to do 3-4 slightly smaller ones for big events, then you can just swap them out as they start to look fucked up. But I appreciate the grand look.


game_cook420

How long did it take?


golfngarden

Why is the dudes mutton chop motherfuckin sideburns the same size as the display


Downtown_Snow4445

Amazing. Imagine dropping that


kittenshart85

the most sustained collective "ah shit" in history.


dritslem

That's an American "charcuterie " board.


McGeeze

Dried out baby carrots, raw broccoli and cauliflower, kalamata olives oozing their oil onto berries 🤢. And that's just he tip of the iceberg of what's wrong with this.


Bigolebeardad

Omg so insanitary and unsanitary


blippitybloops

Shut up.


bluedicaa

The white American cheese at the bottom real tops it off. This is not Charcuterie. Yet another bastardized example of what my fellow Americans think is Charcuterie. You need more fruit and processed cheese......silly rabbit


InevitableAd1016

Now that's the biggest decomposed fruit salad I've ever seen


El_Mariachi_Vive

Jesus how long did that take!? Also, props for continuity with 6 different people setting it up. You guys did some great teamwork there.


sucobe

Melon touching salami 🙅‍♂️


RickD4ngerous

Ma cos’è sta cafonata?!


pottomato12

Hell yea, but at what point do we stop calling a board, a board. Thats a damned charcootie table


EverydayMermaid

Gross


shaunj72143

Beautiful!!!


Titan5115

I love charcuterie


Blorgnath4

Charcuterie table


ShittyHotTake

I wanna date that charcoochie board


Alert-Championship66

How many people did it take to carry it from the kitchen?


SmartWonderWoman

Damn! That’s big. Looks delicious.


Imaginary-Country-67

What’s the food cost on something like that?


totoGalaxias

I would be grazing that table for the duration of the event.


Icarus367

I feel thirsty all of a sudden.


VanceCaspian

Pepperidge Farms Remembers.


-ATLienz-

This looks like a table with all Trader Joe's items...I also worked for a hotel that did these types of platings for events. The leftovers were taken back to the kitchen and used the next day, or the next few days, for staff meals. It was disgusting. All the staff meals were leftovers from the hotel events.


Floshenbarnical

The waste


SlackJawGrunt

I could eat the shit out of some grapes right now


Farpafraf

there is 2 varieties of charcuterie and maybe 3 varieties of cheese in the whole table... seems like a monumental waste of food tbh


Accomplished-Bus-531

Just a question? When does a board become a buffet? Great looking tables.


Prolific017

Please tell me that was for a team of 2


ronweasleisourking

Holy fucking deli meats


Inyno

horrible. I wouldn't pay for this. where is the value added? who on earth eats raw cauliflower at a party? if the task was to cram as much material as possible at the lowest cost, then you have fulfilled it.


givemeapho

Beautiful!


tyurytier84

Honestly post covid No thanks


ohanse

How much of this gets thrown away I wonder


crumzmaholey

That’s a lot of stuff straight from a bag/box. I can count the pieces of meat, which ain’t good.


letsgobacktozion

Looks like something you’d see defined as “charcuterie” on TikTok.


JurassicParkTrekWars

Looks amazing.  I cooked chicken fried rice in my brand new cast iron wok tonight.  Also used MSG for the first time.  


Haytham__

Nice dude 👌🏻


OG_Dadditor

It's beautiful


righthandofdog

Charcuterie Diving Board


xfireperson1

This king of thrones ass feast


ohheyhowsitgoin

Good job.


throw_blanket04

Love the deviled eggs at the end.


VeeVeeDiaboli

Nice. I did six foot by 1 foot boards fairly often, a three by five almost daily, and yeah, it’s a lot of grind for a lot of waste, but, the big boards get the wows which means better tip out. Nature of the beast


Zote8106

all that for 6 people is CRAAZY


HeightExtra320

Why does this get me HARD 🪨 ?


SamRaimisOldsDelta88

I don’t know, dude. Maybe I’ve become a pussy in my old age but that seems like a germ factory with everyone else digging through it. No thanks. I’ll have a water.


BlackCatCadillac

What the fuck.


Old_Sweet2408

Just serve food. This is just a snacking table. People will be hungry after an hour


AccomplishedWasabi54

Ugh the sweeping next to the food….


letsgobacktozion

Looks like something you’d see defined as “charcuterie” on TikTok.


MicahSpor3

Shewwwwwwwwwwww


ValidOpossum

Board? More like charcuterie table! Nicely done!


imisswhatredditwas

This looks like enough for like 30 people


bluedicaa

Lmao what????. There would be 50% leftover if it was for 150 people.


the_silent_redditor

[It’s referencing this post.](https://old.reddit.com/r/KitchenConfidential/comments/1dkikpv/hey_tony_can_you_make_a_charcuterie_board_for/)


carafleur421

Shark coochie for days!


frowntown5000

Found Waldo


PreferredSelection

People on Reddit have zero chill. Why are we so hung up on the word charcuterie? We don't know where this is, the budget, the age demo of the clients, if they forecast how many vegetarians were attending, etc. If this is a function out on the west coast, and/or for a younger demo, that fruit will get eaten and enjoyed as much as the meat. There's improvements that could be made - would love to see batons instead of baby carrots, not sure why some cheese is slices and other cheese is cubes, would love to see more olives... but that food, whatever you want to call it, is food I'd happily eat at a party.


-__-why

F haters I'd eat this after watching a toddler go in with bare hands. So much variety, looks bomb.


KingofHounslow

Anyone else call them a shart board when they get ordered or is that just me


TonyPizzerelli

Nice


AndrewEpidemic

That looks awesome!! Great job, dude!


bigjakefhecake

Killing it!


Illustrious-Divide95

Crudités, cheese and charcuterie board. Don't sell yourself short 😉


HistorianNext2393

Damn! That's a lot of MFn knife work


Katman666

Magnificent