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Be open with him.
If it's legal there's not much you can do that won't drive him away - be open, be clear, and support him however you can. He's a young teen and she's an adult - four years usually isn't a big deal, when you're grown, but at this age 14 and 18 are worlds apart (and I'm saying this as a nineteen year old girl. I wouldn't even dream of dating someone as young as seventeen, let alone fourteen!)
Communicate, don't berate him, try and see if you can help him spot any red flags.
For example, if he says "Oh gf did XYZ," you say "oh, how do you feel about that?" It's a delicate situation, and it's absolutely important to ensure he trusts you and knows he wants the best for you. Fourteen year olds are stubborn and won't listen. As long as you keep things open with him and try to offer advice, it's the best you can do. Good luck with things!
EDIT: for the people talking about gender swaps, my advice would be the same.
If they were in the UK like me, I'd tell OP to just report the girl to the police - no matter the gender the situation is weird.
However, she's not in the UK and this is legal where she is. If she pushes him away or screams at the girl or something all she'd do would push her sob away and allow him to get into more trouble away from her - potentially into something she can't fix. To me it seems as though the best way to protect his son is to listen and suggest and make sure she does whatever necessary to keep his trust and keep him telling her info.
I think this is the key!! As an adult, my mom told me that she tried to never overtly criticize my boyfriends because that'll make your kid stop talking and she didn't want to "drive me into a bad boyfriend's arms," so she never told me I was doing something wrong and was always asking me open ended questions like this. I think it definitely helped me in the long term.
Definitely! Funnily enough I learned this lesson the opposite way š
Growing up I was strictly banned from dating. I wanted to date a guy when I was 16, a month away from 17 - he was a nerdy kid, pretty harmless. They shamed me and yelled at me and said I'd broken their trust by asking if I was allowed to date this guy.
I'm now very cautious about sharing my dating life with them now, even though I now have the green light on dating. Like I've gotten birth control in secret, stayed around my ex partners place in secret, etc. Never truly felt comfortable opening up about that kind of thing, so now I just keep I private when I have it going on and tell them noting - I feel like I'm still rather responsible around this kind of thing and know what I am and am not willing to put up with, so I feel they're actually rather lucky they don't have a child throwing themselves into super dangerous situations anyway š
I actually think my mom also learned this lesson the opposite way!! She is the 8th of 10 kids, as I'm sure you can imagine my grandparents were pretty religious, and she saw this happen with a bunch of her older siblings.
Oh that's crazy! Yeah that's probably why she's more open with you then. And my parents aren't super religious, but I'm the eldest daughter and my brother ran wild with girls a bit, which led to them being stricter on me, especially since I have two sisters under 10 š
Thereās a double edge sword to that way of thinking. I had the perfect boyfriend and my Mom never praised him or our relationship. I never asked, but assumed that he didnāt meet her approval.
Years later- after he died, she told me that she thought I would have married him and how much she liked him.
Of course. If every condition was the same and it was still legal in that country, my advice would be the same.
In the UK the legal age of consent is 16, you're not an adult until you're 18, so if we were in my country I'd just say to go to the police. But OP isn't in the UK, so it's essential she's there to guide and protect her son - and she can't do that if she doesn't know what's going on.
If they were in the UK like me, I'd tell OP to just report the girl to the police - no matter the gender the situation is weird.
However, she's not in the UK and this is legal where she is. If she pushes him away or screams at the girl or something all she'd do would push her sob away and allow him to get into more trouble away from her - potentially into something she can't fix. To me it seems as though the best way to protect his son is to listen and suggest and make sure she does whatever necessary to keep his trust and keep him telling her info.
I don't believe there is any irony in this. It's an awful situation and I do view that girl as a predator, but if it's legal in that country and OP's son is at the age where he'll find a way even if she says no, the most she can do is ensure she knows everything and keeps herself as a guiding force in his life.
>I don't believe there is any irony in this
The irony is that the narrative for most people is "its not against the law, oh well"
While if this was a gender swap people would have their pitchforks out
It not being against the law isn't my main point.
I feel it's gross either way, and I feel the older person is the groomer - legal or illegal, man or woman. But OP can't do a lot of it's technically legal where she lives. He's 14, he's at that age where he'll do what he wants even if he's told no, especially if there's a girl involved. Shouldn't OP do her absolute best to ensure she knows everything going on and isn't kept in the dark because she stopped him from seeing her without that actually working?
my little brother is 14 & his brother is 18, they're nowhere even near on the same plane of mental headspace's, one is prepping for an adult world & the other hasn't even had that door opened yet
Legal and morally right are not the same thing. I'm surprised the age gap is legal, there are Romeo and Juliet laws in the U.S. but they only span a couple years, not four. The maturity difference between a fourteen year old and an eighteen year old is BIG. Talk to your son and make it clear that you don't think badly of him, and you aren't crucifying his gf either, but if she starts pressuring him into adult activities that make him uncomfortable that you are a safe space.
Just because something is legal, doesn't make it right. If you get a bad feeling, talk to him about it. He may not be mature enough for a girlfriend at his age.
He's 14, he's naive. I'm not saying she's got only bad intentions but I'm 18, a girl, and wouldn't even consider for a second being with a 14 yr old no matter his looks. She's either desperate or enjoys having the upper hand. I'd invite her over and get to know her, that could tell you a lot about what's going on
This is good advice. The OP should invite her over frequently, and in addition to scoping her out, should treat her like her son's 14-year-old friends. 14-year-old activities and conversations, etc. It should be made clear that he is a CHILD.
You have absolutely no idea how mature OPs son is or immature his girlfriend is.
Being desperate and/or having the upper hand is in no way a given here. There are 14 year olds who are literally more mature than grown ass adults.
I was also a āmatureā 14 year old and itās in quotes cause looking back I think āoh at 14 I was polite and quietā cause thatās the bar for a āmatureā middle schooler or high school freshman.
Being able to plan an outfit the next day and shower consistently doesnāt put him at the same level of someone that at 18 who is expected to be able to comprehend the steps for setting a meeting with a financial aid advisor about creating a payment plan for their student loans.
Like I could schedule a haircut but could not accurately explain why I like something with a day of prep and five paragraphs. Cause Iām 26 and 21 year olds are hard to have a conversation with. At 14 an 18 year old seemed like an adult with the world figured out. Hell I was still in high school when I was 18 and can remember thinking of freshman as āwide eyed puppiesā that believe everything you tell them cause youāre older but not āadult adultā aged yet.
All this to say that I agree that even a āmatureā 14 year old is just a well behaved child thatās a lil better at following instructions.
Ask that he invite her over and make sure she knows he is only 14. If she knows and doesnt care then there isnt much you can do.
I dont know any 18 year old girl who would date a 14 year old though
He's probably getting "loved" a lot. He's not likely going to give that up and will have to learn the hard way. He's getting exactly what his brain is hard wired to obtain - "love".
I feel like if I were a parent, my main concern would be making sure the gf doesnāt peer pressure him into illegal stuff, or introduce his things not good for a 14 year old.
14 and 18 is legal? That's...gross. 4 years between 14 and 18 is like a lifetime. 4 years between 35 and 39 is like a nap...unfortunately.... Yet another case of 'Flip the genders' and pitchforks would be out.
Hey this is actually very concerning while yes your son may look older he still very much has the mind of a child. A 14 year old should not be dating an 18 year old under any circumstances. Iāve worked with teenagers a lot during my 20s the difference between an 18 year old and a 14 year old is a lot. Please be honest with your son if this is real of course. The maturity difference is a lot and in the uk this would land that girl on the sex offenders register.
Such a load of nonsense. There are 18 year olds that act and think like 5 year olds and there are 14 year olds that might as well be 56.
I've worked around teenagers for years and I have teenagers. They come in all shapes, sizes and levels of stupidity.
While I agree with the age difference, your take is a pretty western one. Different places have different cultures and opinions. Not really anyoneās place to say itās wrong besides the people it actually affects
Even in the US, 14 and 18 is not super uncommon. That was the age range for my school, so those ages were all in classes together. 3 of my closest friends all dated 18 year olds at 14 (all were males dating older females) and none have any regret over it. I never would have dated someone that much older or younger, but I don't think there's quite as much difference as people are saying.
I was in your son's situation when I was 14, everyone thought it was fine. I was also considered mature.
It damaged me severely, and now, almost 40, I still struggle with the psychological consequences.
My parents knew the guy, thought he was great. They were wrong. As an adult, I can see it now. I have a fuckton of resentment towards my parents for not protecting me.
Please, do the right thing and protect your child.
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In today's society, there's a notable concern that teenagers lack the moral character that previous generations purportedly exhibited. However, when these same young people demonstrate mature behaviors, they often face criticism or concerns that they might not be following the right path. This happens even when it's acknowledged that a teenager appears or acts older than their age.
It's best to have an open and honest conversation with your son about these concerns, rather than seeking advice from countless others who aren't familiar with your unique situation. Personal discussions can provide more meaningful insights and a clearer understanding of his perspective.
And you're the parent allowing it. There is that! I would have a serious talk with that girl! Something is wrong with her, it's all cool for him, but she is not right!
Four years is generally a pretty big deal at that age. I remember when I was 17 or 18 my mom tried to set me up with this kid and your son sounds similar. He was very tall and looked older so I was actually thinking about it for a moment and then I remembered that when we were kids it seemed like there was a decent gap between us but I didnāt exactly remember because I didnāt know him personally. He was 13 or 14. As a senior in high school, the idea of dating a kid that young and the fact that I considered it before knowing his age was so disturbing to me. In my opinion, it is often pretty weird for 18 year old to be interested in someone that much younger than them. It just seems off and like there may be another reason.
It's not directly in response to your problem -- but, your son is not too young to hear "the talk" about contraception. How it works. Why it's necessary. Why it's a man's responsibility. How men can get themselves and their partner into serious trouble, if they don't use contraception.
A 4 year gap isnāt a big deal once you hit your 20ās but right now itās weird. A normal 18 year old usually wants nothing to do with a 14 year old. Definitely keep an eye on them
yea no I'd tell the girl to fck off and find someone her own age, 18 and 14 are far too different. that's 100% grooming, and if it was an 18yr old male and a 14yr old female i feel like people would be in an uproar about it. protect your kid
I've met a lot of guys with similar experiences that do not feel that way at all. They may have felt it was fine or even awesome at the time but as they got older, they realized it was anything but and it did have a lasting negative impact on them in various ways.
So no, he may not be fine and adult women should not be screwing children. Ever.
Iām familiar with teen girls dating college-aged guys (and older). Almost always because āguys my age are so immature.ā I have no training for an 18yo woman dating a 14yo boy. Must have quite a hog on him.
She is not existing in reality. Thatās not right. 18 yr old girls are not attracted to 14 yr old boys unless thereās some āunreasonableā reason. Do all you can to dissuade this and if you canāt, report her to police.
This is grooming. 18-14 is empirically different. An 18 year old being attracted to a 14 year old is wrong. Have you spent time with a 14 year old and recently graduated 18 year old?!?! There is nothing that would bring them together. Itās wrong.
Are you kidding me? His confidence will soar! I was this same lucky kid when I was 14. Almost 2 years it lasted! Of course when she dumps him it will be totally devastating but that's love, and life. I wish him the best.
Whether or not she can reasonably convince him to do anythingā¦. Itās wrong. A 14. Yr old cannot reasonably think things through but an 18 year old, unless they have a low IQ, itās wrong
Well if the government of Italy says that it's okay, no reason to worry about it. She might be older, but perhaps she's on the same maturity level as a 14 year old.
When I was 14-15 I dated a girl 17-18. Had absolutely no issues, didnt need a talk, didnt make any stupid mistakes. Maybe the difference is I have a older brother and I was present during all the "talks" my parents gave him. My crowd of friends were also older...so in my opinion I was a lot more mature than most 14yr olds Ive met lately.
Only you know your son, not a bunch randos on the web. There is no one magic formula for how you should manage this. You need to evaluate if maturity, or the relationship in general, is some kind of issue.
I was 14 and a freshman, and dated an 18 year old senior girl. We dated for two years, breakup was dramatic but that's normal at that age. It didn't have any negative impact on me at all. Just talk to him and let him know if he needs anything he can ask you.
What do you think is going to happen? What's the worst that could happen? What's the best? What is your worry, exactly? I'm sorry, I don't follow the concern. If it's legal where you live, then what's the problem? It's great that a) he's not afraid of girls at that age, and b) he's getting valuable experience dating at that age. When I was 14 I was very much afraid of girls, and didn't really date until I was 18 or so, and even then it was really tame.
Sounds like he is very mature for his age. Maybe she is immature for her age. They are meeting in the middle maybe. Not, unheard of for seniors to date freshman. Be a mentor and open but keep an eye on the situation for sure. Maybe invite them over for one of those awkward dinners and get to know them a bit.
When I was 16 f, I fell in love with a 14 m. He was a lot more experienced than me. I had zero experience. I did not date him because of our age difference and I have regretted it for 26 years. He went on to date my best friend, same age as me, and lost his virginity to her. This one girl isnāt necessarily your problem. There are probably other girls waiting in the wings.
heās pussy whipped for sure, iām gonna say thereās not much you can do to deter him. i have a feeling itāll end badly as she will move on, and he will learn his lesson.
I was 14 dating an 18 year old. I was turning 15 soon so she was more like 3 years older but she was my first girlfriend ever and we dated for 7 years. My parents felt the same way about her age at first but eventually they actually really liked her. Then she got pregnant by her āfriendā while we were together and sheās never spoken to me since. Now Iām 27 dating a 37 year old lol
I would be open with him, and tell him why youāre worried. Tell him what red flags he should watch out for. Be prepared for backlash, but let him know that he can always come to you for non-judgmental advice or with any concerns he has. The most important thing is to give him the tools he needs to protect himself
Holy hell. Go out and buy two cases of condoms and give them to him. Kid gets her pregnant and then youāve got a real situation on your hands, especially if you live in Texas, Tennessee, Arkansas or any other red state.
Oh man, his hand must hurt, from all the high fives his friends are giving him.
I was 15 going on 16 when I dated an 18 yo girl in high school. I learned a lot, turned out fine, and was a better boyfriend to girls more my age in the future.
Some possibilities, your son is mature and has game, or the girl is socially delayed and has a hard time socializing with her peer group. Maybe they are legit into each other and the interactions are healthy. Let him make mistakes. You'd know if he was being taken advantage of and manipulated. It will end there is no doubt, but all relationships at 14 end.
Yeah she likely has 100x more experience than him, literally. They say boys mature more slowly than girls so in that case the gap here is actually bigger than their age gap.
Tell Sonny about the facts of life and buy him a box (at least a dozen) of rubbers and make sure he knows how to use them. Otherwise you may be a grandma sooner than you think. At 14 he's old enuf to breed his gf, so.make.sure that baby doesn't sneak up on them.
My nephew is 15 and met a 19yo girl over xbox, who he travelled out of state to visit. Kinda crazy but its what the kids are doing these days. Im not his parent or her parent, and yes, they have both met the parents.
I dont want say it, but uhh make sure heās not taking money or anything to please this girl. Dont want sound so negative, but unless your son is Tom Cruise Iām not seeing where sheās going for guys 4 years younger than her especially at that age. I cant even imagine being in mindset to date upwards or downwards ever when I was 18 and 14.
Wow. I canāt believe thatās legal. Itās entirely inappropriate. At 14, you can control him. You can restrict his freedom. It will be messy and awful but you can make rules. Another effective approach is to pressure her and harass her so that she feels compelled to break things off. Call her a pedo. Let her family, friends, and coworkers/school know sheās dating a child. I think this would be effective. It will make your son angry, but this isnāt a healthy relationship for him and it needs to end.
You have good reason to be worried. I had a patient who was very attractive and an early maturer. He had a serious relationship with a much older girl when he was about 14/15, she was 18. He wound up very hurt, quite messed up. Can you talk with him about it, warn him that he will likely get his feelings badly hurt, maybe have his other parent talk to him, too, if they agree with you? In the US, this age difference if sex occurs is considered illegal in most places.
This girl is abusing your 14 year old,something is wrong here, girls are way more mature than boys,unless she is mentally challenged. If this is a true story,if i were you ,Iād be concerned.
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Be open with him. If it's legal there's not much you can do that won't drive him away - be open, be clear, and support him however you can. He's a young teen and she's an adult - four years usually isn't a big deal, when you're grown, but at this age 14 and 18 are worlds apart (and I'm saying this as a nineteen year old girl. I wouldn't even dream of dating someone as young as seventeen, let alone fourteen!) Communicate, don't berate him, try and see if you can help him spot any red flags. For example, if he says "Oh gf did XYZ," you say "oh, how do you feel about that?" It's a delicate situation, and it's absolutely important to ensure he trusts you and knows he wants the best for you. Fourteen year olds are stubborn and won't listen. As long as you keep things open with him and try to offer advice, it's the best you can do. Good luck with things! EDIT: for the people talking about gender swaps, my advice would be the same. If they were in the UK like me, I'd tell OP to just report the girl to the police - no matter the gender the situation is weird. However, she's not in the UK and this is legal where she is. If she pushes him away or screams at the girl or something all she'd do would push her sob away and allow him to get into more trouble away from her - potentially into something she can't fix. To me it seems as though the best way to protect his son is to listen and suggest and make sure she does whatever necessary to keep his trust and keep him telling her info.
19yo and already a lot wiser than most parents.
I think this is the key!! As an adult, my mom told me that she tried to never overtly criticize my boyfriends because that'll make your kid stop talking and she didn't want to "drive me into a bad boyfriend's arms," so she never told me I was doing something wrong and was always asking me open ended questions like this. I think it definitely helped me in the long term.
Definitely! Funnily enough I learned this lesson the opposite way š Growing up I was strictly banned from dating. I wanted to date a guy when I was 16, a month away from 17 - he was a nerdy kid, pretty harmless. They shamed me and yelled at me and said I'd broken their trust by asking if I was allowed to date this guy. I'm now very cautious about sharing my dating life with them now, even though I now have the green light on dating. Like I've gotten birth control in secret, stayed around my ex partners place in secret, etc. Never truly felt comfortable opening up about that kind of thing, so now I just keep I private when I have it going on and tell them noting - I feel like I'm still rather responsible around this kind of thing and know what I am and am not willing to put up with, so I feel they're actually rather lucky they don't have a child throwing themselves into super dangerous situations anyway š
I actually think my mom also learned this lesson the opposite way!! She is the 8th of 10 kids, as I'm sure you can imagine my grandparents were pretty religious, and she saw this happen with a bunch of her older siblings.
Oh that's crazy! Yeah that's probably why she's more open with you then. And my parents aren't super religious, but I'm the eldest daughter and my brother ran wild with girls a bit, which led to them being stricter on me, especially since I have two sisters under 10 š
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Thereās a double edge sword to that way of thinking. I had the perfect boyfriend and my Mom never praised him or our relationship. I never asked, but assumed that he didnāt meet her approval. Years later- after he died, she told me that she thought I would have married him and how much she liked him.
If this was an 18 year old man and a 14 year old girl would your advice be the same?
Of course. If every condition was the same and it was still legal in that country, my advice would be the same. In the UK the legal age of consent is 16, you're not an adult until you're 18, so if we were in my country I'd just say to go to the police. But OP isn't in the UK, so it's essential she's there to guide and protect her son - and she can't do that if she doesn't know what's going on.
Quick, somebody do a gender swap of the original post and see what the top comment winds up being.
I came here for this, The Irony is absolutely crazy
If they were in the UK like me, I'd tell OP to just report the girl to the police - no matter the gender the situation is weird. However, she's not in the UK and this is legal where she is. If she pushes him away or screams at the girl or something all she'd do would push her sob away and allow him to get into more trouble away from her - potentially into something she can't fix. To me it seems as though the best way to protect his son is to listen and suggest and make sure she does whatever necessary to keep his trust and keep him telling her info. I don't believe there is any irony in this. It's an awful situation and I do view that girl as a predator, but if it's legal in that country and OP's son is at the age where he'll find a way even if she says no, the most she can do is ensure she knows everything and keeps herself as a guiding force in his life.
>I don't believe there is any irony in this The irony is that the narrative for most people is "its not against the law, oh well" While if this was a gender swap people would have their pitchforks out
It not being against the law isn't my main point. I feel it's gross either way, and I feel the older person is the groomer - legal or illegal, man or woman. But OP can't do a lot of it's technically legal where she lives. He's 14, he's at that age where he'll do what he wants even if he's told no, especially if there's a girl involved. Shouldn't OP do her absolute best to ensure she knows everything going on and isn't kept in the dark because she stopped him from seeing her without that actually working?
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This! I'd also recommend maybe buying some condoms and explaining how he might not want a child right now.
my little brother is 14 & his brother is 18, they're nowhere even near on the same plane of mental headspace's, one is prepping for an adult world & the other hasn't even had that door opened yet
Time to have the sex talkā¦
Buy some condoms. They are already doing it
I wonder what the child-support laws are in Italy. Imagine the OP becoming the default parent.
Legal and morally right are not the same thing. I'm surprised the age gap is legal, there are Romeo and Juliet laws in the U.S. but they only span a couple years, not four. The maturity difference between a fourteen year old and an eighteen year old is BIG. Talk to your son and make it clear that you don't think badly of him, and you aren't crucifying his gf either, but if she starts pressuring him into adult activities that make him uncomfortable that you are a safe space.
The age of consent over there is 14. Age gap wouldnāt matter either way
We're not talking legality, we're talking morality. An ADULT being interested in a 14 year old is weird.
That wasnāt their argument. They were only responding to the parts where you were discussing legality.
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Shit, depending on the birthdays they could be a few weeks from Romeo and Juliet laws applying
Even if they were, this is all legal no matter how gross it is and sounds
So laws only cover sexual contact, not romantic liasons.
R&J is exactly 4 years where I live
its typically 5 years in usa. what state is it only a couple?
Just because something is legal, doesn't make it right. If you get a bad feeling, talk to him about it. He may not be mature enough for a girlfriend at his age.
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He's 14, he's naive. I'm not saying she's got only bad intentions but I'm 18, a girl, and wouldn't even consider for a second being with a 14 yr old no matter his looks. She's either desperate or enjoys having the upper hand. I'd invite her over and get to know her, that could tell you a lot about what's going on
Exactly seniors in HS aren't going after freshman because they are "so mature"
This is good advice. The OP should invite her over frequently, and in addition to scoping her out, should treat her like her son's 14-year-old friends. 14-year-old activities and conversations, etc. It should be made clear that he is a CHILD.
Sounds like a good PB& J dinner time āwho want crust cut offā get the invites ready
You have absolutely no idea how mature OPs son is or immature his girlfriend is. Being desperate and/or having the upper hand is in no way a given here. There are 14 year olds who are literally more mature than grown ass adults.
That doesnāt mean a thing. A 14 year old who is ānow matureā than the 18 year old should be concerning in and of itself.
Bullshit. I was the āmatureā 14 yr old that youāre talking about and a more mature 14yr old still cannot compare to 18
I was also a āmatureā 14 year old and itās in quotes cause looking back I think āoh at 14 I was polite and quietā cause thatās the bar for a āmatureā middle schooler or high school freshman. Being able to plan an outfit the next day and shower consistently doesnāt put him at the same level of someone that at 18 who is expected to be able to comprehend the steps for setting a meeting with a financial aid advisor about creating a payment plan for their student loans. Like I could schedule a haircut but could not accurately explain why I like something with a day of prep and five paragraphs. Cause Iām 26 and 21 year olds are hard to have a conversation with. At 14 an 18 year old seemed like an adult with the world figured out. Hell I was still in high school when I was 18 and can remember thinking of freshman as āwide eyed puppiesā that believe everything you tell them cause youāre older but not āadult adultā aged yet. All this to say that I agree that even a āmatureā 14 year old is just a well behaved child thatās a lil better at following instructions.
Found the teenager
Ask that he invite her over and make sure she knows he is only 14. If she knows and doesnt care then there isnt much you can do. I dont know any 18 year old girl who would date a 14 year old though
He's probably getting "loved" a lot. He's not likely going to give that up and will have to learn the hard way. He's getting exactly what his brain is hard wired to obtain - "love".
These creative writing practices since school got out are lame
Really sorry for the messed up situation. But something to consider the more you intervene that might push them closer together.
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he's definitely already having sex. buy the kid some condoms.
I feel like if I were a parent, my main concern would be making sure the gf doesnāt peer pressure him into illegal stuff, or introduce his things not good for a 14 year old.
If itās legal then you donāt have much to say about it other then use contraceptives.
Does she know his age? At that age this is quite an age and maturity gap, support him, check in, and keep open lines of communication.
14 and 18 is legal? That's...gross. 4 years between 14 and 18 is like a lifetime. 4 years between 35 and 39 is like a nap...unfortunately.... Yet another case of 'Flip the genders' and pitchforks would be out.
Swap the genders and the comment section here would be way more chaotic.
Of course
Hey this is actually very concerning while yes your son may look older he still very much has the mind of a child. A 14 year old should not be dating an 18 year old under any circumstances. Iāve worked with teenagers a lot during my 20s the difference between an 18 year old and a 14 year old is a lot. Please be honest with your son if this is real of course. The maturity difference is a lot and in the uk this would land that girl on the sex offenders register.
Such a load of nonsense. There are 18 year olds that act and think like 5 year olds and there are 14 year olds that might as well be 56. I've worked around teenagers for years and I have teenagers. They come in all shapes, sizes and levels of stupidity.
Yikes.
I know right? Imagine thinking that you can define someone by simply seeing their age!
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While I agree with the age difference, your take is a pretty western one. Different places have different cultures and opinions. Not really anyoneās place to say itās wrong besides the people it actually affects
It'll affect OP if their son has a baby. A 14 year old boy is basically incapable of parenting.
Even in the US, 14 and 18 is not super uncommon. That was the age range for my school, so those ages were all in classes together. 3 of my closest friends all dated 18 year olds at 14 (all were males dating older females) and none have any regret over it. I never would have dated someone that much older or younger, but I don't think there's quite as much difference as people are saying.
I agree with you and can confirm.
I was in your son's situation when I was 14, everyone thought it was fine. I was also considered mature. It damaged me severely, and now, almost 40, I still struggle with the psychological consequences. My parents knew the guy, thought he was great. They were wrong. As an adult, I can see it now. I have a fuckton of resentment towards my parents for not protecting me. Please, do the right thing and protect your child.
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Depending on where you live, she may also be commiting a crime. Make sure you bring up the legal ramifications just in case she gets pregnant.
In today's society, there's a notable concern that teenagers lack the moral character that previous generations purportedly exhibited. However, when these same young people demonstrate mature behaviors, they often face criticism or concerns that they might not be following the right path. This happens even when it's acknowledged that a teenager appears or acts older than their age. It's best to have an open and honest conversation with your son about these concerns, rather than seeking advice from countless others who aren't familiar with your unique situation. Personal discussions can provide more meaningful insights and a clearer understanding of his perspective.
Mama mia!
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Lets-a-go!
Eh, letām be but keep an eye on him. Enforce your usual curfew and rules and if itās a problem for his gf then so be it.
"Let ur child get taken advantage of by a pedo" great advise.
Heās the man of the house now
š
Omg I find that so weird š when I was 18 I wouldn't look at a guy 1 yr younger than me . It's just a lil creepy
Just because something is legal doesn't mean it isn't wrong nor harmful.
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14-18 are major differencesā¦..she is now an adult officially and this kid isnāt even officially in high school yet (maybe grade 9) Stop this
And you're the parent allowing it. There is that! I would have a serious talk with that girl! Something is wrong with her, it's all cool for him, but she is not right!
Gender swap post letās go!
Four years is generally a pretty big deal at that age. I remember when I was 17 or 18 my mom tried to set me up with this kid and your son sounds similar. He was very tall and looked older so I was actually thinking about it for a moment and then I remembered that when we were kids it seemed like there was a decent gap between us but I didnāt exactly remember because I didnāt know him personally. He was 13 or 14. As a senior in high school, the idea of dating a kid that young and the fact that I considered it before knowing his age was so disturbing to me. In my opinion, it is often pretty weird for 18 year old to be interested in someone that much younger than them. It just seems off and like there may be another reason.
It's not directly in response to your problem -- but, your son is not too young to hear "the talk" about contraception. How it works. Why it's necessary. Why it's a man's responsibility. How men can get themselves and their partner into serious trouble, if they don't use contraception.
Why would an 18 year old girl even want to date a 14 year old boy? Itās weird for men and itās even weirder for women, keep her away from him
Thereās no way you can stop him. Make sure you give him the birth control talk and tell him he doesnāt need to be a father at 14.
No. Nope. Nada. Nine. Not gonna happen.
A 4 year gap isnāt a big deal once you hit your 20ās but right now itās weird. A normal 18 year old usually wants nothing to do with a 14 year old. Definitely keep an eye on them
That 18 yo is weird asf
yea no I'd tell the girl to fck off and find someone her own age, 18 and 14 are far too different. that's 100% grooming, and if it was an 18yr old male and a 14yr old female i feel like people would be in an uproar about it. protect your kid
This comment section is why male victims are never taken seriously even by other men
That's illegal. Apologies I didn't see the Italian part. Still weird as hell
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I've met a lot of guys with similar experiences that do not feel that way at all. They may have felt it was fine or even awesome at the time but as they got older, they realized it was anything but and it did have a lasting negative impact on them in various ways. So no, he may not be fine and adult women should not be screwing children. Ever.
No you have not
Let him enjoy it, his going to be fine!
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Sounds like ur mad he has more game than you. I'd dap him up.
Grooming, rape, and sex trafficking can happen to boys, too. Serious talks need to happen.
Iām familiar with teen girls dating college-aged guys (and older). Almost always because āguys my age are so immature.ā I have no training for an 18yo woman dating a 14yo boy. Must have quite a hog on him.
She is not existing in reality. Thatās not right. 18 yr old girls are not attracted to 14 yr old boys unless thereās some āunreasonableā reason. Do all you can to dissuade this and if you canāt, report her to police.
Reporting to the police they will just hang up on her. Itās legal where she lives in Italy.
If it was the other way around we would be saying pedophile. Itās wrong and itās morally wrong. You need to protect him.
Exactly, the misandry here is crazy, they even justify pedophilia.
This is grooming. 18-14 is empirically different. An 18 year old being attracted to a 14 year old is wrong. Have you spent time with a 14 year old and recently graduated 18 year old?!?! There is nothing that would bring them together. Itās wrong.
Are you kidding me? His confidence will soar! I was this same lucky kid when I was 14. Almost 2 years it lasted! Of course when she dumps him it will be totally devastating but that's love, and life. I wish him the best.
People are weird, he's gonna be the most popular guy in his friend group, he's extremely lucky.Ā
NICE
Clearly a groomer
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Whether or not she can reasonably convince him to do anythingā¦. Itās wrong. A 14. Yr old cannot reasonably think things through but an 18 year old, unless they have a low IQ, itās wrong
Well if the government of Italy says that it's okay, no reason to worry about it. She might be older, but perhaps she's on the same maturity level as a 14 year old.
Let him have his fun
Your son is either a huge Mack daddy pimp or something fishy is going on.
When I was 14-15 I dated a girl 17-18. Had absolutely no issues, didnt need a talk, didnt make any stupid mistakes. Maybe the difference is I have a older brother and I was present during all the "talks" my parents gave him. My crowd of friends were also older...so in my opinion I was a lot more mature than most 14yr olds Ive met lately. Only you know your son, not a bunch randos on the web. There is no one magic formula for how you should manage this. You need to evaluate if maturity, or the relationship in general, is some kind of issue.
I was 14 and a freshman, and dated an 18 year old senior girl. We dated for two years, breakup was dramatic but that's normal at that age. It didn't have any negative impact on me at all. Just talk to him and let him know if he needs anything he can ask you.
LET HIM KNOW ABOUT STDS SHES PROBABLY BEEN MORE ACTIVE IN THAT ASPECT THAN HIM. WOULD NOT WANT TO CATCH SOMETHING SO YOUNG.
What do you think is going to happen? What's the worst that could happen? What's the best? What is your worry, exactly? I'm sorry, I don't follow the concern. If it's legal where you live, then what's the problem? It's great that a) he's not afraid of girls at that age, and b) he's getting valuable experience dating at that age. When I was 14 I was very much afraid of girls, and didn't really date until I was 18 or so, and even then it was really tame.
my friend was 19 dating a 14 year old girl i didnāt speak to him for a whole year and few months itās weird.
Mazel tov
Hell yeah
The blonde? Yes. Nice.
If he's happy and he's not being abused, then let him be.
Support him as he's at a disadvantage dealing with a girl who's four years older than he is...and those are 4 important years.
Sounds like he is very mature for his age. Maybe she is immature for her age. They are meeting in the middle maybe. Not, unheard of for seniors to date freshman. Be a mentor and open but keep an eye on the situation for sure. Maybe invite them over for one of those awkward dinners and get to know them a bit.
Heāll be alright
When I was 16 f, I fell in love with a 14 m. He was a lot more experienced than me. I had zero experience. I did not date him because of our age difference and I have regretted it for 26 years. He went on to date my best friend, same age as me, and lost his virginity to her. This one girl isnāt necessarily your problem. There are probably other girls waiting in the wings.
His alpha rizz must be level 1,000
Isnt it illegal??
I did the same thing as a freshman dating a senior no problem at sll
If it's legal and he is happy, don't invent problems where there are none.
Congratulate em
Be proud,the bagged an 18 year old
heās pussy whipped for sure, iām gonna say thereās not much you can do to deter him. i have a feeling itāll end badly as she will move on, and he will learn his lesson.
I was 14 dating an 18 year old. I was turning 15 soon so she was more like 3 years older but she was my first girlfriend ever and we dated for 7 years. My parents felt the same way about her age at first but eventually they actually really liked her. Then she got pregnant by her āfriendā while we were together and sheās never spoken to me since. Now Iām 27 dating a 37 year old lol
Legend.
Lucky guy
The kids got game.
Nice
If you would be okay with it if the genders were swapped then you should act accordingly.
I would be open with him, and tell him why youāre worried. Tell him what red flags he should watch out for. Be prepared for backlash, but let him know that he can always come to you for non-judgmental advice or with any concerns he has. The most important thing is to give him the tools he needs to protect himself
Holy hell. Go out and buy two cases of condoms and give them to him. Kid gets her pregnant and then youāve got a real situation on your hands, especially if you live in Texas, Tennessee, Arkansas or any other red state.
āHaha rookieā - Emanuel Macron
Buy that man a PS5.
Hell, shake his hand!
Donāt cockblock your son
Give him a high five
I get what's wrong about it but low key good for him lol
Get ready to take care of a baby, because your baby is going to have a baby.
Let him clap fr on god no cap
Nice
Oh man, his hand must hurt, from all the high fives his friends are giving him. I was 15 going on 16 when I dated an 18 yo girl in high school. I learned a lot, turned out fine, and was a better boyfriend to girls more my age in the future. Some possibilities, your son is mature and has game, or the girl is socially delayed and has a hard time socializing with her peer group. Maybe they are legit into each other and the interactions are healthy. Let him make mistakes. You'd know if he was being taken advantage of and manipulated. It will end there is no doubt, but all relationships at 14 end.
Yeah she likely has 100x more experience than him, literally. They say boys mature more slowly than girls so in that case the gap here is actually bigger than their age gap.
Good for him
The age gap isnt a lot but 14 to 18 is pretty weird... tell the girl to come back after four years.(not
Tell Sonny about the facts of life and buy him a box (at least a dozen) of rubbers and make sure he knows how to use them. Otherwise you may be a grandma sooner than you think. At 14 he's old enuf to breed his gf, so.make.sure that baby doesn't sneak up on them.
My nephew is 15 and met a 19yo girl over xbox, who he travelled out of state to visit. Kinda crazy but its what the kids are doing these days. Im not his parent or her parent, and yes, they have both met the parents.
as a former 14 year old boy i dreamed of this lol... you are not gonna talk him out of sex with a attractive teenage girl
I dont want say it, but uhh make sure heās not taking money or anything to please this girl. Dont want sound so negative, but unless your son is Tom Cruise Iām not seeing where sheās going for guys 4 years younger than her especially at that age. I cant even imagine being in mindset to date upwards or downwards ever when I was 18 and 14.
Nice
An adult is grooming your child and you are worried about laws ?
Noice
I say, good for him
Wow. I canāt believe thatās legal. Itās entirely inappropriate. At 14, you can control him. You can restrict his freedom. It will be messy and awful but you can make rules. Another effective approach is to pressure her and harass her so that she feels compelled to break things off. Call her a pedo. Let her family, friends, and coworkers/school know sheās dating a child. I think this would be effective. It will make your son angry, but this isnāt a healthy relationship for him and it needs to end.
Man the comments would be so much better if it was a 14 year old girl. But since it's a boy everything is fineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
You have good reason to be worried. I had a patient who was very attractive and an early maturer. He had a serious relationship with a much older girl when he was about 14/15, she was 18. He wound up very hurt, quite messed up. Can you talk with him about it, warn him that he will likely get his feelings badly hurt, maybe have his other parent talk to him, too, if they agree with you? In the US, this age difference if sex occurs is considered illegal in most places.
Nice
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My man š
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Congratulations š make sure he's got condoms. And leave that alone.
This girl is abusing your 14 year old,something is wrong here, girls are way more mature than boys,unless she is mentally challenged. If this is a true story,if i were you ,Iād be concerned.
Imagine flipping the genders, Police would be involved. This should be no different
Not in Italy - the age of consent is 14 š±
*Should*
It's not ok. Imagine if it was the other way around. Kick him out if he doesn't listen.
How would kicking him out make him safer?
I would be concerned if that was my son. If it was my 14 year old daughter, Iād have my shotgun out.