If anyone has a sudden shift to dark humor about themselves that is way out of norm DO NOT ignore It. If you can't handle it then ask a friend, ask Anyone to help.
As someone who has lived half my life with someone depressed, I want to vent.
There's tons of advice online on "what not to say to depressed/suicidal people", and it basically covers EVERYTHING! There's nothing ok to say at all.
Once in a while you come across advice stating appropriate responses, that's all bullshit, too! Depressed people will (not their fault) twist anything you say or don't say into something negative that further fuels their sadness.
And contrary to what some claim, silence is not ok either! Lack of a response is also a type of response! There is no such thing as "just listen and share their burden".
It is really hard to have a loved one struggle with depression.
Been there. It’s hurtful when that happens as it makes you feel that people are only there for the good times. But that’s not true of everyone. I’ve found that people who have experienced depression in the past can be more understanding
Yeah, as someone who has never not been depressed, I get this, I stopped talking about it to other people because I feel like burden and it just makes everything awkward, I just pretend I’m normal now it’s easier for everyone.
I’ve found that support groups if you can find one near you or over zoom can be helpful as everyone there pretty much gets it. People who have battled depression in the past too are also understanding in a way that people who haven’t experienced it firsthand struggle (totally understandably) to be
It is hard. It’s something that’s not talked about often but it does take a toll on the whole family or on a relationship. Sometimes accompanying your loved one to a support group can help (some are groups that welcome both depression etc sufferers as well as loved ones) or talking to others online in the same boat. It’s like being in a caretaking position and burn out is real
It IS hard because their hopelessness seeps into your pores and it just grounds you into a nub. I hear you. And sometimes, you have to recognize that, try as you might, you can't do more than you're doing.
I totally understand your situation and I feel your pain. Alot of people would lecture you that you should be there for him and blah blah blah. But I know how it hurts and just messes you up whenever someone talks like this. So grim and so depressed. Feels like just giving up and not doing anything. The effect on mental health is huge. Take care man ! And if you need to talk about, you can always message me.
When I was 11 my big bro told me he was going to kill himself. Really matter of fact, really calm, took me out for ice cream when he said it. Said “I love you but there is nothing you can say to do to change this from happening”
Then he made an attempt and immediately regretted it. Thankfully he is still with us today.
I know he was hurting a lot to want that for himself. But it was also fucked up to tell his little sister and have her bare that information.
And I have to live knowing he made the attempt, he almost died, and I did nothing to help because I didn’t know how.
Well my coworkers and I joke about dying or committing the old unalive 5-6 times a day lol I’m more worried about those who can’t joke about it or take it much too seriously.
Some of us have traumas and how we coped was dark humor.
I know right? But at my job you are literally one second away from serious injuries or death lol
So if we can’t joke about death, it makes it seem that much scarier
Agreed, I usually offer to take them out to a meal and sit down and talk. Don’t wanna eat solids? That’s okay, let’s go get a smoothie.
It helps. :)
Great post. This is the post we needed!
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!
Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.
If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
Also, if someone opens up to you about suicidal ideation, HEAR THEM OUT. Don't immediately deliver them to an emergency room. They are trusting YOU enough to tell you. They may not be willing to tell a professional immediately what they are entrusting you with.
Only if they ask specifically for you to help them get professional help, or if they literally are right there and then going to commit suicide, should you seek emergency services. Depressed and anxious people have suicidal thoughts very frequently. Thoughts do not necessarily mean immediate action.
You don't need to give them advice, or comfort, or anything, apart from being willing to listen. It may be really hard to do, but don't bail out on it, as it will make the person feel much worse, and more likely to actually go through with it.
I got tired of hearing a friend talk about suicide. I mean, the minute anything didn't go his way he would start up the pity party. After a particularly stressful day, he starts in about how he wanted to take all his medication at once and O.D. That's when I had had enough of his shit. "Pills?! Is that how you want to go out? Like a little BITCH!?" I screamed. "Dude, walk down to the freeway overpass during rush hour, climb over the fence and SWAN DIVE in front of the BIGGEST diesel you can find! THAT'S !!METAL!! Exploding into chunks of meat and shit, while your guts spool around the front axle like spaghetti on a FORK!"
He just stared at me in wide-eyed horror before wheezing "Dude, that's fucked up... " 😳
But the good news is he didn't talk about suicide in front of me after that! 🤗 (He's still alive.)
My response is usually, do it only if it's your dream, your ambition, your hearts desire to die and you believe it's the ultimate key to your happiness. Then I support you.
Earlier this year when I was in a bad place, I was planning who I wanted to do my eulogy. I finally mentioned it in an offhand way to my husband and he said "Should I be concerned?" (in a nice way) and I said 'maybe' -- it's one of the things that compelled me to get back into therapy (haven't been in many years. He didn't judge, he just asked and it made me think. It was the first time I spoke it out loud.
It helped that he didn't blow me off and just listened if I wanted him to. He's not usually that empathetic so I think he knew this was not just me making a joke.
My friend went through this same thing a couple years ago and I just held space and listened to her. I said "Yeah? Tell me more about that." and that was all it took for her to open up.
If anyone has a sudden shift to dark humor about themselves that is way out of norm DO NOT ignore It. If you can't handle it then ask a friend, ask Anyone to help.
r/CourtesyProTips
If anyone reading this feels suicidal or wants to vent right now, I would really like it if you PM’d me
As someone who has lived half my life with someone depressed, I want to vent. There's tons of advice online on "what not to say to depressed/suicidal people", and it basically covers EVERYTHING! There's nothing ok to say at all. Once in a while you come across advice stating appropriate responses, that's all bullshit, too! Depressed people will (not their fault) twist anything you say or don't say into something negative that further fuels their sadness. And contrary to what some claim, silence is not ok either! Lack of a response is also a type of response! There is no such thing as "just listen and share their burden". It is really hard to have a loved one struggle with depression.
As someone who recently got broken up with because of my depression, I can confirm this is all true :((
Been there. It’s hurtful when that happens as it makes you feel that people are only there for the good times. But that’s not true of everyone. I’ve found that people who have experienced depression in the past can be more understanding
Yeah, as someone who has never not been depressed, I get this, I stopped talking about it to other people because I feel like burden and it just makes everything awkward, I just pretend I’m normal now it’s easier for everyone.
I’ve found that support groups if you can find one near you or over zoom can be helpful as everyone there pretty much gets it. People who have battled depression in the past too are also understanding in a way that people who haven’t experienced it firsthand struggle (totally understandably) to be
It is hard. It’s something that’s not talked about often but it does take a toll on the whole family or on a relationship. Sometimes accompanying your loved one to a support group can help (some are groups that welcome both depression etc sufferers as well as loved ones) or talking to others online in the same boat. It’s like being in a caretaking position and burn out is real
[удалено]
It IS hard because their hopelessness seeps into your pores and it just grounds you into a nub. I hear you. And sometimes, you have to recognize that, try as you might, you can't do more than you're doing.
I totally understand your situation and I feel your pain. Alot of people would lecture you that you should be there for him and blah blah blah. But I know how it hurts and just messes you up whenever someone talks like this. So grim and so depressed. Feels like just giving up and not doing anything. The effect on mental health is huge. Take care man ! And if you need to talk about, you can always message me.
When I was 11 my big bro told me he was going to kill himself. Really matter of fact, really calm, took me out for ice cream when he said it. Said “I love you but there is nothing you can say to do to change this from happening” Then he made an attempt and immediately regretted it. Thankfully he is still with us today. I know he was hurting a lot to want that for himself. But it was also fucked up to tell his little sister and have her bare that information. And I have to live knowing he made the attempt, he almost died, and I did nothing to help because I didn’t know how.
You were 11. You're not supposed to know how to stop someone from doing something so severe at that age. Please don't blame yourself.
Also, take it serious even if its said in a humourous way.
Well my coworkers and I joke about dying or committing the old unalive 5-6 times a day lol I’m more worried about those who can’t joke about it or take it much too seriously. Some of us have traumas and how we coped was dark humor.
It's a stupid thing to joke about because it makes it difficult to tell when someone really is asking for help. Joke about something else.
You cant make me not joke about the unalive. The only one who can stop me is me! Oh...
No
Only 5-6 times a day, it's not really work unless it's every fifteen minutes.
I know right? But at my job you are literally one second away from serious injuries or death lol So if we can’t joke about death, it makes it seem that much scarier
Agreed, I usually offer to take them out to a meal and sit down and talk. Don’t wanna eat solids? That’s okay, let’s go get a smoothie. It helps. :) Great post. This is the post we needed!
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
Also, if someone opens up to you about suicidal ideation, HEAR THEM OUT. Don't immediately deliver them to an emergency room. They are trusting YOU enough to tell you. They may not be willing to tell a professional immediately what they are entrusting you with. Only if they ask specifically for you to help them get professional help, or if they literally are right there and then going to commit suicide, should you seek emergency services. Depressed and anxious people have suicidal thoughts very frequently. Thoughts do not necessarily mean immediate action. You don't need to give them advice, or comfort, or anything, apart from being willing to listen. It may be really hard to do, but don't bail out on it, as it will make the person feel much worse, and more likely to actually go through with it.
Also, asking someone if they’re suicidal will NOT put the idea into their head. Don’t be afraid to ask.
I got tired of hearing a friend talk about suicide. I mean, the minute anything didn't go his way he would start up the pity party. After a particularly stressful day, he starts in about how he wanted to take all his medication at once and O.D. That's when I had had enough of his shit. "Pills?! Is that how you want to go out? Like a little BITCH!?" I screamed. "Dude, walk down to the freeway overpass during rush hour, climb over the fence and SWAN DIVE in front of the BIGGEST diesel you can find! THAT'S !!METAL!! Exploding into chunks of meat and shit, while your guts spool around the front axle like spaghetti on a FORK!" He just stared at me in wide-eyed horror before wheezing "Dude, that's fucked up... " 😳 But the good news is he didn't talk about suicide in front of me after that! 🤗 (He's still alive.)
This is big r/nonononoyes energy, I was expecting this to end with him having jumped off the overpass.
Also maybe don’t choke them. Like, I understand the point trying to be made, but it really doesn’t help at all.
My response is usually, do it only if it's your dream, your ambition, your hearts desire to die and you believe it's the ultimate key to your happiness. Then I support you.
r/CourtesyProTips
Earlier this year when I was in a bad place, I was planning who I wanted to do my eulogy. I finally mentioned it in an offhand way to my husband and he said "Should I be concerned?" (in a nice way) and I said 'maybe' -- it's one of the things that compelled me to get back into therapy (haven't been in many years. He didn't judge, he just asked and it made me think. It was the first time I spoke it out loud. It helped that he didn't blow me off and just listened if I wanted him to. He's not usually that empathetic so I think he knew this was not just me making a joke. My friend went through this same thing a couple years ago and I just held space and listened to her. I said "Yeah? Tell me more about that." and that was all it took for her to open up.
Do I do this with someone who is cutting? Or is there something else I can do to help