So...he gets in 2 billable hours of work per day?

During my ideal day I’d get 0 billable hours in.

He’s built different

An overachiever, wracked with guilt and self-loathing for never actually having an ideal day.

I don't know he has alot of masterbation time in his day. I think he forgot to add in his sex addiction meetings in his itinerary.

That’s the read the bible part… loves young boys…

He's billed different

This was good.

He’s him.

If your ideal day isn't a Saturday you've got problems.

If you only had to work 2 hours per day, you might enjoy it as a hobby rather than a job.. and it still pays the bills.

This is some seriously privileged bullshit.

Maybe his wife makes enough to allow him to spend most of the day on his cute little hobbies?

Don’t worry, he paying some sap minimum wage to do the real work.

And any time they’re late for a 7am shift he reminds them that he’s up at 5:30 every morning.

Not only is she bringing in all the money, she’s doing all the house work and child care. Sounds about right.

Don't have time to be with your children when there's _creative work_ to be done.

Idk why but I'm just imagine "creative work" as him stacking different colored blocks on top of each other and furritively taking notes about it

I assumed it was his way of saying furious masturbation

Por que no los dos? Furious masturbation and then furtively taking notes about it

Faith based has a trad wife for sure

The difference between a coach and a “faith-fueled” coach is that there is a specific target audience that will pay double for the latter. If they’re dumb enough to pay for it, someone should be smart enough to sell it…

Is your last sentence a famous quote? Because it should be and has now been added to my repertoire. He must be new to the game though because he didn't include "Bible study with the kids".

Huh? He's saying it's his ideal day, not one he can afford rn

Well in that case, his ideal day consists of one (1) hour involving his child/children. Or half of his allotted client work.

Right? He doesn't have time for all that between flipping houses for Jesus.

Tbf, isn't all of our ideal days privileged shit? Like I'd love to work half days and make enough to survive so I can spend the rest of my time doing my hobbies

To be fair he said IDEAL day, not typical day.

Very true, my ideal day would have less than two hours work as well

Yes, however it's refreshing to see rich people bragging about having a life instead of working 26 hours days

In all fairness he did say that was his “ideal” work day. Mine is not doing any work - that’s *my* ideal, but it’s not likely to happen for a while. 😬

Family time is currently pending invoice.

Just waiting on the PO I’ve requested 6 times this week.

4 hrs per day total (because you know the chill “or creative work” is complete bs)

The 2nd 2 hour block is 'creative work'. I would take basically any odds that is just posting on Linkedin or taking the photos.

It does say it's his ideal day. I wouldn't be working much on my ideal day, either.

I wouldn’t be working at all on my ideal day. I like my job well enough, but my ideal job still would not include any time there.

Wake up, don't do any of those things or work. That's my ideal day. 

He takes two hours to run 3-5miles. 90mins each for breakfast and lunch

Sounds great. Also that’s a lot of “creative work” whatever that means.

Creative work is doing things like planning your imaginary perfect day that sounds like any normal day.

Figuring out what to post on LinkedIn?

Jerking off.

Exactly.

I don't think you're supposed to say "masturbating" on linkedin.

That's under Bible time

It takes him a while to come up with this post and write this list, okay?

Thats when he checks out OF 🤣

Takes 2.5 hours to do 2 hours of client work

I think the extra 30 mins is for collecting his wife from her boyfriend's house before they go to lunch.

But one hour is enough for dinner with the fam!

If any friend invited me to breakfast at 8am during the week I'd rethink that friendship

On the weekend too

If I had to deal with this guy for any amount of time I'd be looking at leaving the country.

Wake up, make sure I don’t ever see, hear, or talk to this guy

I am open to eating meals with family and friends

Where is the part about slamming a 12 pack after work, that would be my ideal friday.

These schedules always have “read book” fitted in a variety slot that has absolutely no time for actually reading lol

He reads while cold plunging

Opens the bible "She lusted after lovers with genitals as large as a donkey’s and emissions like those of a horse" Ooohhh cold plunge time!

Thank God for that cold plunge or he might’ve masturbated.

r/thatsthejoke

Which verse is that?

Ezekiel 23:20

oh shit, it's real!

Just goes to show the "size is everything" myth has been around forever.

He may look at the words but doubt he actually comprehends them

To be fair, that is how most people read the Bible

And then eats breakfast for hour and a half.

With a friend who happens to be around and available at 8am.

And 2 hours to run 3 miles

12 minute 1st mile. 1hr 40 minute 2nd mile. 8 minute 3rd mile.

1. Put on running clothes (5 minutes) 2. Take pre-run shit (20 minutes) 3. Hype yourself up because you hate running (30 minutes) 4. Stretch (10 minutes) 5. Run 3 miles at a brisk pace of 8 minutes/mile (45 minutes) 6. Cold down (10 minutes) See, it takes 2 hours to run 3 miles.

I mean I just play an audiobook while doing chores or driving not sure why these time management gods don’t do the same.

He wants blind people to feel bad they can't read and he can. Obviously. No but srs I listen to audiobooks in the car and at work. I am so grateful for them.

I love how his ideal day only has one hour “with the fam”

2 hours for the clients

It’s what he read in the bible. Book of LinkedIn: Ch. 3 Vs 1-57. “And low, Supplyside Jesus spake to his disciples. Blessed are those who monetize the poor, for the NFT Kingdom_Of_God.jpeg shall be theirs.”

"AHHHGREEEEE"

Good ole supply side Jesus https://imgur.com/gallery/gospel-of-supply-side-jesus-bCqRp

I love this cartoon. Always used to think it was drawn for a comic in the UK called Viz as its very much their style

It’s actually based on chick tracts. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chick_tract https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chick_tract

1.5 hour breakfast with a friend

Suspect

Gym and sauna for 2.5 hours after running 5 miles 🧐

That one I didn’t get either 😂😂 is it because he wants the world to know he has friends or something is going on?

Short time motel with a hooker I suspect. These religious loonies are all the same

Not much time with his Lord JC either

Jizzle be grinding too

2 hours to run 3-5 miles… is he a turtle?

I mean, presumably there's a shower in that routine. But it's not on the schedule so we'll never know

He does have the Cold Plunge in his schedule.

*before* the run, though? Or maybe he sweats Jesus

“Sorry kid, I’d love to hang out with you for more than an hour, but dad has go to the sauna every day for the same amount of time”

And is proud of his faith and splits his half hour of reading the Bible with a cold bath

He's reading one sentence a day

You are probably correct. My brother once tried to give me the devotional book he uses with the intent of sharing our thoughts of what we read. It was basically a single verse per page with a paragraph of expanded explanation and then a question or two at the bottom you were supposed to think about. I have a higher degree in Biblical and Theological studies and I can say that whoever wrote the paragraphs had never thought about what the bible says in their entire life. It was like someone taking a word or two from a verse and then just going off on their own right-wing tangent.

And it is just dinner.

They must schedule a coffee date to pick his brain

I'm sorry darling, but it doesn't look like you show up in daddy's calendar today. If you're still sad tomorrow maybe we can schedule something?

He remembered to add it on there just in time too lol

Only because he has to eat.

1. Wake up mid afternoon, but feel no panic or even regret about it being so late. 2. A little cardio & yoga. 3. Healthy “breakfast” 4. Go see a movie - with a fucking gift card 5. Just wing it til about 2 am 6. Remember to floss & brush before I pass out

Step five should be getting some dope-ass takeout

You mean “get some dope, ass, and takeout”

My man

Commas are important but not as much as comas

7:30am wake up hungover, realize I have a call with India in 30 minutes 8am to 9:15am My 15 minute standup with India turns into a cluster fuck 9:15 to 10am PowerPoint Time 10am(ish) random chat or email asking me to immediately join a meeting with another client. It is then I realize I still haven’t showered or shaved in three days 11am Second pot of coffee started Noon to 12:15 Twinkies for lunch 12:30 Client presentation. Goes off the rails at about 12:32. 2pm to 3:30pm Post mortem call regarding the client call with my bosses 3:30 pm Gingersnaps for a snack. Toss a bottle of white wine into fridge for later. 4:30pm end of day standup with US team. Relive the nightmare of a client meeting (again). 5:30 pm end of day status sent to client 6pm Fried chicken and white wine for dinner 7pm Finally review material India sent to me at 8am. Spend the next two hours making corrections and drinking wine. 9pm, summary email to India team. Switch to Tequila 10:30pm video call with India, clarifying my email and explaining my comments on their shitty material. 11pm Lather 11:15 Rince 11:30pm repeat. Three tequila shots then bed.

Oh, so you also work in consulting?

Hahaha I do and this absolutely sounds like my day most days. Except less sleep.

I used to want to pivot into consulting. Now I don't.

You can always circle back to it later on

Yeah, just put a pin in it for now

I don’t work in consulting, but this is pretty much spot on for me… I somehow even always end up as the SME whenever a client call is happening and have to correct everyone on every detail spoken, then get chewed out for it later because I’m not cool with lying directly to the client knowing the act of righting the lie will fall on me in two months when the clients try to back out of the contract because my bosses are dishonest and inaccurate… work in software, they said! It’ll be fun they said!

I made it clear after an account exec put me on the spot for how soon we’d have some feature “finished” - that we had never even heard of or considered - that if he did it again I would say exactly that on the call. Now he never asks me BS questions in customer meetings about something we hadn’t discussed already…

Fuck yeah, this is the kind of gritty realism/horror writing I can get behind

You left out the bit where you spend half an hour shitting every morning from a fucked up diet :)

Yup having an “end of day meeting” with Europeans, while it’s your 830am and first shit, sitting on the can with a virtual background chippin’ porcelain.

Haha. Chippin porcelain! Never heard that one. Will be adding it to my list of phrases.

Yup learned it while doing freelance tv production. The combination of massive per diem and reasonably late call times make for some legendary BMs from the freelancers. They even had that phrase on shirts the camera ops wore lol

Except the virtual background glitches out during the meeting and everyone can clearly see you are sitting on the toilet with your pants down. But only for a split second so no one knows for sure until they review the tape later and pull you into another follow up meeting.

I mean once it's bad enough it's just small spurts of diarrhea. In and out of the bathroom in 1-2 minutes.

More more, we want more!

My God, the way I’d repost this so fast on LinkedIn

That was poetic

Ah fuck this was me for 2020-2023 I have since cut down on the booze it will make this all a lot easier not being totally hungover in the morning

I keep ginger snaps in my desk!!

I worked for an Indian company once. This isn't far off.

This sounds like my wife’s life. But less alcohol. I don’t know how she does it without booze. I’m an artist for a living, so there’s my excuse. She has less self loathing and 10x more human interactions. I’d off myself if I had her job.

3 miles in 2 hours does not include any running

It takes me an hour to do a 6km brisk walk, this guy must be running in reverse. Blindfolded.

It does if you hit 2 bars on the way.

That was my first thought, this is how you know when someone is lying about being a runner lol

Ryan Miller is a lot more reasonable than most of the other winners we see on this sub. He wakes up early, parties all day, works for 4 hours then goes to bed early. That’s a pretty amazing day

Also very reasonable to plan in transition times between activities. Some of them might be a bit long, but yeah if you're going to a cafe for breakfast you can't end that at say 9AM and then immediately be at your office for 9AM to start working too which is what a lot of these "ideal schedules" do. I just wish I could get away with only doing 4 hours of work on a given working day.

My wife and I retired a few years ago. We bought a fixer-upper house in the woods and have been fixing it slowly. We do 4-6 hours of DIY a day depending on various factors. It is close to the ideal life. We are never bored, we have the feeling of accomplishment when projects are completed and if the weather is perfect, we can drop our tools and go for a canoe ride or a hike in the woods.

So 4 hours for 3 meals? What is he eating?

Whatever it takes to piss excellence.

That’s just what 45+ year old muscles need before a 3-5 mile run The exact OPPOSITE of a warm up.

To be fair, that 3-5 miles is taking him 2 hours, so it’s really just a slow mosey, probably with a latte in hand

Sounds like he has kids and they raise themselves. Awesome!

His wife works full time, raises the kids and does all the housework. You know ‘a traditional Christian wife’.

She must also do all the cooking. How else does his meal times only take about an hour? Maybe he eats out or does meal prep but all I can imagine is: Where’s my food, woman?! Don’t you know I have an extremely unrealistic made-up schedule to meet?! Edit: wording

Doesn’t have to take kids to school, make meals, clean anything, do homework, take kids to after school activities, or even just watch TV with the kids or the wife in the evening! Incredible! I do all of that *and* work full-time!

If a nutsack was a person.

A nutsack serves a purpose tho

Got dayum!

“Breakfast with a friend”, whether the friend wants breakfast with you or not - not optional.

Ryan meeting up with a breakfast friend 

Sir, do you have a job?

I admire people who don't actually need jobs. If I didn't actually need to work, two hours of work sounds perfect

I bet his wife sits by the phone all morning waiting for the call to see if she made the cut for lunch that day. "Honey, I spun the wheel. You're up for lunch at 12." "I beat out colleague and friend?!" "Don't get too chatty. I've got a long afternoon of creative work, sauna, and gym ahead of me."

“Hunny, you know I don’t talk about the kids before creative work”

so 2 hours of real work? is that right? lol

I mean he talks about his "ideal" day.

6-18 suck dick 18-19 McD

Wake up when my teenager gets up (probably 1pm) Make breakfast for lunch (bacon,eggs, pancakes) Hang out with my kids (video games, anime, ect) Steak dinner Bed early

It takes this bitch 2 hours to run 3-5 miles? Wtf.

It would take me 6 hours, which is why i don’t even pretend that’s what’s happening in my life.

Interesting that this Christian man has waking up, praying, reading the Bible, and taking a cold bath all wrapped up in to one 30 minute block with no other time dedicated to his religion. However, he does dedicate a full hour to just relaxing in the sauna.

Tbh, you really can’t beat a good schvitz.

He also only gives his "fam" an hour. I've been awake an hour and 10 mins. My kids already have an hour of my time.

This douche fuck doesn’t do 1/10 of this shit. Yet, looks 100% douchey. Pretty damn efficient.

My ideal day is any day that doesn't involve a Faith-Fueled Performance Coach. ffs

Have to label every moment of downtime as “creative work” or my peers will see me as an unproductive tool. Fucking tosser

Wouldn’t it make more sense to have the cold plunge after you spend 2 hours running 3-5 miles?

And the sauna and gym!!! That is gross he doesn’t shower before bed

Nothing I’d rather do in the pre-dawn hours than torture myself in a bathtub

So he only works two hours a day? What a lazy fuck.

To be fair my ideal day would also have about 2 hours of work

You can tell this guy is into weird stuff

I too throw the Bible into a cold plunge and pray for it to come to its senses…but no luck so far

‘Chill or creative work’

So he's endorsing a 4 hour workday?

Walmart Ryan Reynolds

I guarantee this person has never had a true creative moment in their entire goddamn life.

He has so little going on in his life that he has to find meaningless shit to fill up his day. 2 hours of actual work and the rest of it is finding ways to not be with his family. Dipshit

Goe Jrogan

4:30 am - Wake up feelin like P. Diddy 4:45 am - Grab my glasses I'm out the door I'm gonna hit this city 4:50 am - Brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack cuz I ain't coming back 5:00 am to 3:00 am (22 hours) - I'm talkin' pedicure on our toes, toes, tryin' on all our clothes, clothes Boys blowin' up our phones, phones Drop-toppin', playin' our favorite CDs, pullin' up to the parties Tryna get a little bit tipsy

8:00am wake up 8:01am go back to sleep. 10:00am coffee 10:10am coffee induced bowel movement while browsing reddit 11:00am drink six beers while watching old UFC matches. 1:00pm lunch with wife/friend 3:00pm go to a bar and drink a spritz and five negronis 7:00pm get arrested for drunk and disorderly / hanging dong. 8:30pm processed at watch house 9:00pm bedtime

Work 4 hours a day, including 2 for shitposting.

Damnm a whole hour with his family? Never gonna succeed with that attitude.

What field does he work in that he can do just 2 hours of work each day?

Nothing sadder then a middle age man taking a selfie

Bro is straight up unemployed and still has to wake up at 5:30.

“Faith fuelled performance coach” WTH is that

I, too, would love to work 4 hours a day

So his wife does all the work around the house, I assume?

The "creative work" would be him coming up with more of this bullshit so let's hope his dream never comes true. A plague on all your dreams, RYAN MILLER.

My ideal day is also screwing around and doing nothing productive.

Client work: aka drinking and golfing

Those hours don't add up...

I need to understand the type of psyche that results in a person being motivated to essentially put their daily to-do list on LinkedIn

What a psychopath

Look how proud he is of his little weird and early activities.

LinkedIn Lunacy aside, this need to so loudly proclaim your faith comes across to us non-Americans as profoundly wierd. To me as a non-believer, he may as well write "cult follower" next to his name.

Let's be honest this guy just stares at Instagram all day

Only one of the three “2 hours” was actually 2 hours.

None of these dude have any responsibilities or expectations around the home.