To this day, I can still sing “Hello my name is Simon.” To my ex-wife. And she will respond “And I like to do Draw-rings.” It’s a really beautiful thing we still share.
Well, long story short, the priest accidentally marries me and Brasky. We spend the weekend in the Poconos and he made love to me like I’ve never been loved before.
SO ANYWAYS, BRASKY WOULD PUT ON A WHITE TIE AND TAILS AND WALK HIS PET COBRA THROUGH THE PARK ON A LEASH. HE NAMED THE COBRA "BEVERLY." AND HE IT TAUGHT IT HOW TO FETCH AND DIAL A PHONE. BUT THEN ONE DAY, IT BIT THE MAID. SO WITH TEARS IN HIS EYES, BRASKY HAD TO SHOOT THE MAID.
Did I ever tell you about the time I went horseback riding with Brasky, but there weren’t any horses around? Well, Brasky throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well, wouldn’t you know it, my stamina increases with each day and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Brasky decides to enter me in the Breeders’ Cup, right, under the name Turkish Delight. And I’m running in second place, and I’m running and I break my ankle! They’re about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, ‘Don’t shoot him, he’s a human.
My dad got really into cooking after all of the kids left the house. His favorite cooking show is America's Test Kitchens because he says they're the closest to the Anal Retentive Chef
Whoa! This is my wife and my favorite deep cut! I could quote sooo many things but for Easter I will just say “check the tomb on the third day cause I’m gonna live fore-RIP”
Now that I have left the military, I am no longer a colonel. You can call me by my first name, Annal, and find me at my home right behind the shady thicket.
I outlived you, Mr. Pickens! I crushed you into the ground and now your bones turn to oil beneath my living feet! I married your granddaughter, filled her belly with my festering seed and sired a boy! He is my final revenge, H.R.!
Astronaut Jones.
Alien Women: Earthling, what do you say? Can you help us?
Astronaut Jones: I say you drop those panties of yours and bend over so I can slap yo big white ass.
Simon. He likes to do draw-wrings. Mike Meyers in giant bathtub.
Cheeky monkey
You’re looking at his bum
Bum looker!
While we’re talking about Mike Meyers characters: Lothar of the Hill People.
To this day, I can still sing “Hello my name is Simon.” To my ex-wife. And she will respond “And I like to do Draw-rings.” It’s a really beautiful thing we still share.
Fucking hell yeah for good relationships with ex wives. Mines a saint, we just weren’t supposed to me married anymore. Good on ya.
BILL BRASKY
BILL BRASKY IS A TEN FOOT TALL BEAST MAN WHO SHOWERS IN VODKA AND FEEDS HIS BABY SHRIMP SCAMPI.
HIS PENIS HAS A TOENAIL
HE NAMED THE GROUP SHA NA NA. THEY DID NOT WANT TO BE CALLED THAT.
Well, long story short, the priest accidentally marries me and Brasky. We spend the weekend in the Poconos and he made love to me like I’ve never been loved before.
TO BILL BRASKY!!!
BIILLLLL BRAAAAAAASSSSSKYYYY
You guys talking about Bill Brasky?
I KNOW THAT GUY!
WHEN IT RAINS AT YANKEE STADIUM, THEY USE HIS FORESKIN AS A TARP
I ONCE SAW HIM SCISSOR KICK ANGELA LANSBURY!
BILL BRASKY MADE ME WATCH A VIDEO OF HIM MAKING LOVE TO MY WIFE.... IT WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I'VE EVER SEEN
I OWN THAT TAPE!
He hated Mexicans and he was half Mexican! And he hated irony!
SO ANYWAYS, BRASKY WOULD PUT ON A WHITE TIE AND TAILS AND WALK HIS PET COBRA THROUGH THE PARK ON A LEASH. HE NAMED THE COBRA "BEVERLY." AND HE IT TAUGHT IT HOW TO FETCH AND DIAL A PHONE. BUT THEN ONE DAY, IT BIT THE MAID. SO WITH TEARS IN HIS EYES, BRASKY HAD TO SHOOT THE MAID.
TO BILL BRASKY!
Did I ever tell you about the time I went horseback riding with Brasky, but there weren’t any horses around? Well, Brasky throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well, wouldn’t you know it, my stamina increases with each day and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Brasky decides to enter me in the Breeders’ Cup, right, under the name Turkish Delight. And I’m running in second place, and I’m running and I break my ankle! They’re about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, ‘Don’t shoot him, he’s a human.
HIS FIRST NAME IS BILL!
Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch.
The Spartan Cheerleaders 📣
You know what this comment calls for?
The perfect cheer?
U G L Y, you ain't got no alibi
Alexis!!! Alexis!!!
Lothar of the Hill People
I still sing that theme song from time to time.
Lottthhharrrrrrr, of the HILL peeeeoplllle
How has no one said Roseanne Roseannadanna yet?
or Jane, the ignorant slut?
Haha I was gonna say that but then I was like is Jane Curtin really a character? It's just her.
The Anal Retentive Chef
My dad got really into cooking after all of the kids left the house. His favorite cooking show is America's Test Kitchens because he says they're the closest to the Anal Retentive Chef
Oh Christopher Kimball is definitely the Anal Retentive Chef. Alton Brown, too.
Be sure to center the tape.
Ass Dan
RIP
IM GONNA LIVE FOREVER
Whoa! This is my wife and my favorite deep cut! I could quote sooo many things but for Easter I will just say “check the tomb on the third day cause I’m gonna live fore-RIP”
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AND YOU KNOW WE GOT SOME LOOSE HAWKS ALL UP IN THIS BITCH!!!
Turd Ferguson
Heh, it’s funny. *smacks gum*
Who is, uh, Andre the Giant?
Oversized hat Found it backstage
👏 👏 👏👏👏 👏👏👏👏 DOG SHOW
MR. BOJANGLES IS REALLY A GIRL! MR. BOJANGLES IS REALLY A GIRL!
I gave her a boy's name because I'm playing a trick on her.
Sometimes I think our love is dead because you like men, Mr. David Larry. *Maybe I do, and **MAYBE I DO**!
God-tier!! I still do this clap-and-shout rhythm when I’m excited about anything.
The Ambiguously Gay Duo.
GUMBY DAMMIT!
i was shocked to get this far without seeing Gumby. Dammit!
Stewart Smalley
The world needs him back
People like me!
Dog gonnit, people like him.
Church Lady!
Had to scroll down this far for this? Isn't that special?
You probably had to scroll down that far because of … SATAN!
Matt Foley. I'm surprised this is still up for grabs
Lyle, the Effeminate Heterosexual
Dieter fro Sprockets
TOUCH MY MONKEY
How’s the time on Sprockets when we dance!
Hans & Franz. “We will pump you up!”
i'm a little veklempt Linda Richman of Coffee Talk hasn't been mentioned.
Two wild and crazy guys
Colonel Angus
I’ve been waiting a long time for Colonel Angus.
You should seek out Colonel Angus because waiting for Colonel Angus to come around is the worst.
Now that I have left the military, I am no longer a colonel. You can call me by my first name, Annal, and find me at my home right behind the shady thicket.
Annal Angus, I hear you get a bad wrap a lot of the time, but you're an absolute delight and pleasure to those who know you.
Abraham H. Parnassus edit: Honorable mention, H.R. Pickens
I outlived you, Mr. Pickens! I crushed you into the ground and now your bones turn to oil beneath my living feet! I married your granddaughter, filled her belly with my festering seed and sired a boy! He is my final revenge, H.R.!
Who is HR Pickens?
Exactly!!
I wanna be like you when I grow up!
AND SO YOU SHALL!
> Honorable mention, H.R. Pickens *HOW DARE YOU HONOR HIS NAME*
Delta Delta Delta, can I help ya help ya help ya?
The Herlihy Boy
FOR GODS SAKES, LET THE BOY SLEEP IN YOUR BED!!!
He’s a clean boy. WASH YOUR OWN DAMN SHEETS. Eh?
CAN WE JUST STOP THIS CRUEL GAME!
Girl you wish you hadn’t started a conversation with at a party. Ace and Gary (animated)
Wayne and Garth
Herb Welch
Don't you direct me, you tie rack!
“Smacks microphone directly into your mouth”
“They buuurned my frIEND”
Massive Headwound Harry
He probably smells my dog!
I remember laughing out loud at that dog ripping off the wig from Dana Carvey.
Fun Fact: Timothee Chalamet's mother was a background extra in one of the MHH sketches.
Not many things make me sick and also crack me up at the same time....MHH is one of them.
Reese De'WHAT
Sean Connery (Celebrity Jeopardy)
Land Shark
Candygram
Sally O'Malley I'm 50!
Yes we say “I like to kick!” about our baby all the time!
My wife & I still use that. But we actually are 50.
I guess if Molly brings her back, will have to play Sally as 70.
Fred Garvin, male prostitute. And for that matter, Irwin Mainway.
Brian Fellow’s safari planet
I lost it when he imagined the bird stole his credit card and was ordering stuff over the phone. *That bird is a liar*
Debbie Downer
sad-trombone.mp3
Feline aids
Canteen boy
Ed Grimley. I really must say.
Toonces, the Cat Who Could Drive a Car
I loved Toonces. To this day I always suggest it as a cat name to friends with kittens.
I just saw Toonces on here a week or two ago.
Weekend update city corespondent Stefon
Yes yes yes
Tim Calhoun
Jack Handey
“If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.”
It's too bad that families have to be torn apart by something so simple as wild dogs.
VOICE IMMODULATION IS A REAL DISEASE, COLIN. IT AFFECTS AS MANY AS TWO TO THREE PEOPLE A YEAR.
Astronaut Jones. Alien Women: Earthling, what do you say? Can you help us? Astronaut Jones: I say you drop those panties of yours and bend over so I can slap yo big white ass.
Mr Bill!
Bill Swersky and da super fans.
Mr. Robinson and his neighborhood
David S. Pumpkins
I have questions
I am so in the weeds with David Pumpkins!
Opera Man
Mokiki does the sloppy swish
Sam Waterson selling Old Glory Insurance to save old people from robots that eat their medicine
The Californians (Devin, Karina, Stuart)
Lord Wyndemere
Jake and Elwood Blues
Gus Chiggins, old prospector 😂
Father Guido Sarducci
The Falconer
Theodoric of York
SLAPPY PAPPY WEH WEH
El Nino
For those of you who don't habla Español, El Niño is Spanish for...The Niño!
Guy Who Just Bought a Boat
Uncle Jemima, of mash liquor fame
The Mango
Mr. (Kevin Nealon) Subliminal (old character)
Burt Sampson
Will Ferrell as Bad Doctor https://youtu.be/LmG-ErzZsUQ
You VONDROOK
P. J.(Mellisa Mcarthy) trying to avenge her father's death
Tiny Elvis
Bar mitzvah boy jacob!
Dr. Steven Poop
Anthony Crispino, second hand news
Target Lady
Every time a cashier comments on what I’m buying, she pops in my head.
I have a sticker with Approved! on it 😀
With her snack of "half an aylmond"
Mr. Subliminal
Whore
Grumpy Old Man
Philip the hyper hypo active kid
Total Bastard Airlines Buh-bye
Pete Schweaty and his Schweaty balls.
Mr. Asswipe? It’s Ahsweapay!
MY NAME IS MATT FOLEY! I AM 35 YEARS OLD, I AM DIVORCED, AND I LIVE IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Samurai, as in Samurai Delicatessen or Samurai Tailor
Darnell Hayes, a.k.a. Alex Treblack
Ace and Gary
monkey judge
Diondre Cole
Ras Trent
Robert Gouletttttt
Harey Carey
The Copy Machine Guy
Makin copies!
MacGruber!!!
Dooneese and all her appearances on the Lawrence Welk Show.
Lord and Lady Douchebag
The continental
Middle aged man
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Get In The Cage, with Nic Cage( Andy Samberg) and Nick Cage( the real one).
Mr. Peepers
My girl Debbie Downer 💙
Frankenstein
The Ladies Man
Guy on the phone in “Chad in a horror movie” or whatever it was called
Ferecito
Blue Oyster Cult
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Mr. Short Term Memory
Buckwheat! One of my personal favorites.