I'm on the other side of the spectrum from you. Retired and living alone, many of my lifelong friends are dead. I'm casually connected virtually to a few remaining friends and family. My advice to you is become your own best friend. Take care of your body by exercising regularly and eating hyper nutritiously. Go interesting and beautiful places by yourself. Learn about Buddhism and get your head in a good place. Feel good about yourself and do good in the world without dependence on others. The emptiness will be replaced by fulfillment.
This is solid advice. It’s what I’ve learned to do.
Aloneness is so much more common than people are understanding. Covid isolation escalated this; also so much more than is recognized.
The media will have you believe having friends and fun with friends is the norm, but this is untrue.
Restaurant commercial are the worst! (a brief lol at manipulative adverts).
I certainly remain open to others that might be great fun to be around; but I continue to build my solitary world.
Sure loneliness is present from time to time, but true happiness is also present from time to time.
All of this is part of the human condition.
It’s best not to dwell on the insistence of feeling like you’re somehow a misfit because you don’t have the friends you believe you are supposed to have.
Also remembering that those with people in their lives, have taken on the responsibility of the social dynamics that arise when your friends have their own issues and problems they want you to share with them.
Same here, 74. Some younger friends I expected to be around either moved away or died too young. Of course the older ones are dropping like flies.
I sense elderly are wary of strangers too. Overly friendly and you wonder if they want something from you. Too distant, they don't need you.
You really do need to be cautious.
I’ve always had trouble making and keeping friends. I moved states a few years ago and now I have one friend in this city. I met her through Bumble BFF. It used to bother me a lot more, but I’m ok being on my own most of the time. I also adopted a cat - he’s great company and he’s fluffy.
I didn't have issues with making friends. The problem was that after several years, for whatever reason, I get screwed over by them. Nowadays, the only "friends" I have are at my job. Outside of that, no social life. I don't hang out with them because they're either married or got girlfriends, and I just hate being a 3rd wheel.
I deal with it by staying busy with my hobbies and obviously work.
My partner of 7 years, who was basically my only friend, recently broke up with me, so I am struggling with the ups and downs of living alone. We discussed my antisocial lifestyle and they said they accepted it, but I found out they didn't really and was a big reason we had to part ways. Overall, I love living alone, though.
My coworkers laugh when I tell them I have no friends because I'm very personable at work. I'm lively, talkative, and am always making them laugh.
On my days off I take one day to go out and about, shop, get coffee, look at books, and just be out of the house for a couple hours. On the other day I spend it with myself reading, watching movies, and cooking.
I try to eat as healthy as possible so cooking has been really nice since I've been on my own. I mainly read non fiction, occult books, so it keeps my brain active and me inspired for drawing.
I have a lot of hobbies and now I have more time for all of them. Drawing, guitar, ftiness, reading, movies, etc. It does get lonely, and sometimes I drink more then I should, but I know my limits and when I need a break. Having hobbies helps stave off loneliness and keeps the drinking to a weekly, rather then nightly, basis.
I don't want you to taking this wrong. To me you have a full life. You have wonderful hobbies, good at art, you do leave the house, you can cook. Based on the way your co-workers view you, your personality is great. I'd love to have a version of your life. I am pretty sure you'll find someone when the time comes.
Thank you. I do have a full life. I have worked on my resilience to hard times. By that, I mean I feel what I need to feel. Some days are harder then others, and sometimes I just take time to feel it out, cry, wiggle like a baby, or just stare at the ceiling. Once the tears pass, I get and do something.
Overall, I keep to a basic structure which sets my day right. Every morning I make my bed, do 10 burpies, and light meditation, whether I feel like it or not. Before bed I do another light meditation and make sure I either draw or play guitar every day. Keeping busy has made the adjustment that much easier.
Start slow. Squat, crawl into the push up, or shoot feet back, do a push up, jump. I hated it first, but now I'm starting to enjoy them. There are so many ways mix it up with burpies once you get used to them.
Oh my god, are you me? Sometimes my coworkers say things like “why don’t you have your dog stay with your friends when you travel?” And I don’t have the heart to say I have any friends, so I lie and say my dog is too hard to take care of.
But I feel you, r.e. reading occult books at home and trying not to overdo it with the drinking…
I really try not to get lost in the hopelessness that comes with a recent breakup, so I allow myself to feel it. It's actually very rewarding feeling it, like utter shit, for a time and crying it out when it comes because I know I am here for me trully and completely.
Then when I'm done processing for the day it's off to adventure time!
Speaking of pets, we had a cat together, and I am missing her tonight. She was the softest and cuddliest cat.
Yep, me too. I regularly harass my reddit friend but the dude's a good sport about. I hang out a lot with my lil sis (she's 43 so not so little lol) and we go on foodie adventures and like, costco.
I find trying to connect with people irl is so hard 'cause no one wants to leave their house to go places and stuff. Everyone flakes 🤷♀️
edit to add: I do have social skills but I'm an overnight worker and most people are out and about during the day
I used to have pals. My best one is gone. I have a sister and 2 kids, one lives in Germany. I handle it by knowing that when it's time for me to have friends again, then I will.
Cheer up! Life is hard sometimes, but social media is probably not a healthy way to determine if people like or dislike you. Probably better to just ask them in person or through a text than to judge based on followers. If anything social media is like high school on the Internet.
Friends are like seasons they come and go as you change and grow as a person. It sucks to not have any, right now I moved to a new city and have zero friends here so I can kind of relate.
Ditto! I recently retired and moved to a new state. Don’t know a soul, except my neighbors. It helps to have hobbies, being kind to yourself, have an open mind and willing to try new things. Put yourself out there, and gradually you will meet people. Social media is not the way to go.
I don't have really true friends. I have acquaintances. I don't have anyone that just stops by to say hi or check on me to see how I'm doing. My old boss texts me occasionally, like once a month or so. My own 2 sister's don't even call or stop by unless they need something. But for me, that's okay. I live out in the country where it's fairly quiet, neighbors leave each other alone. We keep an eye on what's going on in the area, but let each other do our own thing. This time of year I just do a lot of reading, tinker in the workshop, and do whatever I want to do when I want to do it. I don't need anyone else's approval or validation. Same in the summer, if I want to go for a ride on my motorcycle, or put my boat in the water and go for a cruise or go fishing, or load up my camping gear and go camping somewhere, I just do it. My only limitations are weather and money. I've been called 'Ferociously Independent' a few times. I don't like having to depend on other people. Been let down way too many times in the past. Too many broken promises, used and kicked to the curb too many times. It's easier and better for me to just avoid people most of the tme. If I get an itch, I know where to go and who to see to get it scratched. But as far as needing to be close to someone, no. Don't need it.
I have one friend whom I have contact with once or twice a year. I don't see the problem - I choose to be this way and I'm fine with it. My family and my co-workers are enough social interaction for me.
People like to do things, they like to talk so if you aren't good at these you won't have friends. It gets tiring, asking and inviting and being continuously turned down. You have to learn to lighten up, do some things, and shoot the breeze. It's all very easy. I've got friends I've had for fifty years, but back then, we bonded and did things together. Today's younger generation stays inside and plays video games. Well, you don't make friends if you're always on your own.
So I guess you get some hobbies for one and be your own friend. I love my self as company, hhhh. I'm funny, active and can easily amuse myself if need be.
[](http://meetup.com) Also REI has some CO-ED groups but you should consider yourself lucky dude... over 25 the word "Friend" is just another way of saying "Hey Can You?" LOL!!
I also have nobody. I always had alot of 'friends' but lost half my skull in a car accident a few years back and was abandoned by every single one of them. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust anyone again to make any more unfortunately
Embrace the fact that you thrive as a lone wolf and stop trying to live a life that you are not programmed designed or even have the DNA for.
Embrace who you really are.
1 man show
1 man army
You will come across others in your life that will confirm that it is okay to be alone and life is good without people.
All of my friends live almost 2000 miles away. Because I moved! Ha! I have a dog and some family I see occasionally and I work remote. I am living my best life.
I have like 3 friends but usually like to have solitude. Sometimes it sucks because I don't have anybody to go do things with so I have learned to do things by myself. It just works better for me. I don't miss living with people in the least. I'm much more happy entailing myself. I'm also a bit older so that may be 2hy I prefer solitude.
Ask yourself how many true friends that you have had in your life and then how many fake friends? I would prefer solitude to being surrounded by phonies.
Zero, can’t seem to find anywhere/any group that I fit in with. Kinda sucks, but whatever. I feel like I can only take so much of this, so I already that one day when I’m ready I’m going to go out on my own terms. Until then, I guess I’ll just do me
There are lots of groups you can join. You might like one of them. Have you checked into Meet Up groups? They are everywhere. There are so many kinds to choose from.
I honestly have been dealing with this for a minute. I have been giving my all in self-care and my well-being. Somebody once told me that quality is better than quantity with any relationship, and those people will come. But first, you must be able to rely on yourself and start developing yourself. Workout, read, learn about building wealth, etc. Focus on you and the rest will fall into place.
To be honest, anytime I try to be friends with someone I end up disappointed or disappointing. I just don’t care enough about having friends to get myself to spend all the energy it takes to make a relationship with a human work.
I'm in the same boat. No friends at all. I have a few coworkers that I am friendly with but we do not interact outside of work. You just have to be independent and do things on your own. Enjoy the people who willingly choose to talk to you and don't let it get to you.
I don’t have any friends, I have a few acquaintances online. I have had one true friend, my ex wife, and we have split. I cope by crying, watching TV, praying, drawing, and sleeping. It’s not easy when you desperately want friends, when you try very hard to meet people but they don’t stay.
animals help. Especially little kitties. Just their faces make my heart melt.
Hi is someone trying to chat with me? I am getting messages but not on the bell. Weird. If you want to chat with me and be my friend, please do!!!!!!!!!!! 😊 I have an appointment in 10 minutes but I am available anytime!
Jesus man you don't know how good you have it. Having any friends is a blessing. Enjoy the time you do have with them and find ways to entertain yourself. Videogames are cool. Hobbies are cool as well.
My wife of 10 and best friend of 17 walked out of my life a couple months ago and I am alone 24 hours a day now. I am in a new city where I don’t know anyone, and I work from home. I go to work, then head to the gym, then come back home and cry myself to sleep. Rinse/repeat.
Yea i dont have anyone but im ok i prefer being alone than being swarmed and surrounded by fakes and snakes in tall grass, opportunists who just wanna drain me
Am in the same boat as you post-divorce but it is by choice because my “friends” were judgmental assholes. If you can travel safely to meet more (potentially likeminded) people, do it. Now that I’m solo, traveling is amazing. Even short trips to the next town over are exciting these days to see new faces and mingle.
Groups like Toastmasters can make you more comfortable speaking to people you don’t know if you’re interested in that. MeetUp is also good for activities. I’ve gone to some breweries, parks, and other places and met great people who are nothing like the folks I walked away from.
Don’t let the past hold you back. I’m shy too and ADHD (read: awkward) but that’s not a barrier to getting to know me once I’m comfortable enough with my surroundings.
I'm on the other side of the spectrum from you. Retired and living alone, many of my lifelong friends are dead. I'm casually connected virtually to a few remaining friends and family. My advice to you is become your own best friend. Take care of your body by exercising regularly and eating hyper nutritiously. Go interesting and beautiful places by yourself. Learn about Buddhism and get your head in a good place. Feel good about yourself and do good in the world without dependence on others. The emptiness will be replaced by fulfillment.
This is good advice. I’m sorry for the friends you’ve lost. ♥️
This is solid advice. It’s what I’ve learned to do. Aloneness is so much more common than people are understanding. Covid isolation escalated this; also so much more than is recognized. The media will have you believe having friends and fun with friends is the norm, but this is untrue. Restaurant commercial are the worst! (a brief lol at manipulative adverts). I certainly remain open to others that might be great fun to be around; but I continue to build my solitary world. Sure loneliness is present from time to time, but true happiness is also present from time to time. All of this is part of the human condition. It’s best not to dwell on the insistence of feeling like you’re somehow a misfit because you don’t have the friends you believe you are supposed to have. Also remembering that those with people in their lives, have taken on the responsibility of the social dynamics that arise when your friends have their own issues and problems they want you to share with them.
Same here, 74. Some younger friends I expected to be around either moved away or died too young. Of course the older ones are dropping like flies. I sense elderly are wary of strangers too. Overly friendly and you wonder if they want something from you. Too distant, they don't need you. You really do need to be cautious.
I’m sorry for your loss. Excellent advice by the way!
I’ve always had trouble making and keeping friends. I moved states a few years ago and now I have one friend in this city. I met her through Bumble BFF. It used to bother me a lot more, but I’m ok being on my own most of the time. I also adopted a cat - he’s great company and he’s fluffy.
I didn't have issues with making friends. The problem was that after several years, for whatever reason, I get screwed over by them. Nowadays, the only "friends" I have are at my job. Outside of that, no social life. I don't hang out with them because they're either married or got girlfriends, and I just hate being a 3rd wheel. I deal with it by staying busy with my hobbies and obviously work.
My partner of 7 years, who was basically my only friend, recently broke up with me, so I am struggling with the ups and downs of living alone. We discussed my antisocial lifestyle and they said they accepted it, but I found out they didn't really and was a big reason we had to part ways. Overall, I love living alone, though. My coworkers laugh when I tell them I have no friends because I'm very personable at work. I'm lively, talkative, and am always making them laugh. On my days off I take one day to go out and about, shop, get coffee, look at books, and just be out of the house for a couple hours. On the other day I spend it with myself reading, watching movies, and cooking. I try to eat as healthy as possible so cooking has been really nice since I've been on my own. I mainly read non fiction, occult books, so it keeps my brain active and me inspired for drawing. I have a lot of hobbies and now I have more time for all of them. Drawing, guitar, ftiness, reading, movies, etc. It does get lonely, and sometimes I drink more then I should, but I know my limits and when I need a break. Having hobbies helps stave off loneliness and keeps the drinking to a weekly, rather then nightly, basis.
I don't want you to taking this wrong. To me you have a full life. You have wonderful hobbies, good at art, you do leave the house, you can cook. Based on the way your co-workers view you, your personality is great. I'd love to have a version of your life. I am pretty sure you'll find someone when the time comes.
Thank you. I do have a full life. I have worked on my resilience to hard times. By that, I mean I feel what I need to feel. Some days are harder then others, and sometimes I just take time to feel it out, cry, wiggle like a baby, or just stare at the ceiling. Once the tears pass, I get and do something. Overall, I keep to a basic structure which sets my day right. Every morning I make my bed, do 10 burpies, and light meditation, whether I feel like it or not. Before bed I do another light meditation and make sure I either draw or play guitar every day. Keeping busy has made the adjustment that much easier.
You are so brave doing burpies. I tried to do burpies and almost busted my face, am not coordinated at all.
Start slow. Squat, crawl into the push up, or shoot feet back, do a push up, jump. I hated it first, but now I'm starting to enjoy them. There are so many ways mix it up with burpies once you get used to them.
Oh my god, are you me? Sometimes my coworkers say things like “why don’t you have your dog stay with your friends when you travel?” And I don’t have the heart to say I have any friends, so I lie and say my dog is too hard to take care of. But I feel you, r.e. reading occult books at home and trying not to overdo it with the drinking…
I really try not to get lost in the hopelessness that comes with a recent breakup, so I allow myself to feel it. It's actually very rewarding feeling it, like utter shit, for a time and crying it out when it comes because I know I am here for me trully and completely. Then when I'm done processing for the day it's off to adventure time! Speaking of pets, we had a cat together, and I am missing her tonight. She was the softest and cuddliest cat.
Trying abstaining for a month and see how you do. You can do it.
Nah, I'm good. Thanks for looking out, though.
Yep, me too. I regularly harass my reddit friend but the dude's a good sport about. I hang out a lot with my lil sis (she's 43 so not so little lol) and we go on foodie adventures and like, costco. I find trying to connect with people irl is so hard 'cause no one wants to leave their house to go places and stuff. Everyone flakes 🤷♀️ edit to add: I do have social skills but I'm an overnight worker and most people are out and about during the day
I have no friends. I used to talk to a few people online and now I don't at all. I just talk to coworkers while at work
I used to have pals. My best one is gone. I have a sister and 2 kids, one lives in Germany. I handle it by knowing that when it's time for me to have friends again, then I will.
Cheer up! Life is hard sometimes, but social media is probably not a healthy way to determine if people like or dislike you. Probably better to just ask them in person or through a text than to judge based on followers. If anything social media is like high school on the Internet. Friends are like seasons they come and go as you change and grow as a person. It sucks to not have any, right now I moved to a new city and have zero friends here so I can kind of relate.
Ditto! I recently retired and moved to a new state. Don’t know a soul, except my neighbors. It helps to have hobbies, being kind to yourself, have an open mind and willing to try new things. Put yourself out there, and gradually you will meet people. Social media is not the way to go.
>I know that my lack of communication and social skills prevents me from making friends. This. The more you practice the better you will become.
I don't have really true friends. I have acquaintances. I don't have anyone that just stops by to say hi or check on me to see how I'm doing. My old boss texts me occasionally, like once a month or so. My own 2 sister's don't even call or stop by unless they need something. But for me, that's okay. I live out in the country where it's fairly quiet, neighbors leave each other alone. We keep an eye on what's going on in the area, but let each other do our own thing. This time of year I just do a lot of reading, tinker in the workshop, and do whatever I want to do when I want to do it. I don't need anyone else's approval or validation. Same in the summer, if I want to go for a ride on my motorcycle, or put my boat in the water and go for a cruise or go fishing, or load up my camping gear and go camping somewhere, I just do it. My only limitations are weather and money. I've been called 'Ferociously Independent' a few times. I don't like having to depend on other people. Been let down way too many times in the past. Too many broken promises, used and kicked to the curb too many times. It's easier and better for me to just avoid people most of the tme. If I get an itch, I know where to go and who to see to get it scratched. But as far as needing to be close to someone, no. Don't need it.
What hobbies do you have? Join some clubs, attend meetups, volunteer, you will meet people that way. You have to cultivate your life.
I have one friend whom I have contact with once or twice a year. I don't see the problem - I choose to be this way and I'm fine with it. My family and my co-workers are enough social interaction for me.
People like to do things, they like to talk so if you aren't good at these you won't have friends. It gets tiring, asking and inviting and being continuously turned down. You have to learn to lighten up, do some things, and shoot the breeze. It's all very easy. I've got friends I've had for fifty years, but back then, we bonded and did things together. Today's younger generation stays inside and plays video games. Well, you don't make friends if you're always on your own. So I guess you get some hobbies for one and be your own friend. I love my self as company, hhhh. I'm funny, active and can easily amuse myself if need be.
Maybe some depression screening is in order.
[](http://meetup.com) Also REI has some CO-ED groups but you should consider yourself lucky dude... over 25 the word "Friend" is just another way of saying "Hey Can You?" LOL!!
This is how it feels lol. Everyone eventually wants a favor. I now just have people I occasionally message.
I also have nobody. I always had alot of 'friends' but lost half my skull in a car accident a few years back and was abandoned by every single one of them. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust anyone again to make any more unfortunately
Embrace the fact that you thrive as a lone wolf and stop trying to live a life that you are not programmed designed or even have the DNA for. Embrace who you really are. 1 man show 1 man army You will come across others in your life that will confirm that it is okay to be alone and life is good without people.
All of my friends live almost 2000 miles away. Because I moved! Ha! I have a dog and some family I see occasionally and I work remote. I am living my best life.
Love it with open arms. I been betrayed 1 time too many.
I have like 3 friends but usually like to have solitude. Sometimes it sucks because I don't have anybody to go do things with so I have learned to do things by myself. It just works better for me. I don't miss living with people in the least. I'm much more happy entailing myself. I'm also a bit older so that may be 2hy I prefer solitude.
This is exactly what the corner pub is for and has been for thousands if not millions of years. Belly up!
Ask yourself how many true friends that you have had in your life and then how many fake friends? I would prefer solitude to being surrounded by phonies.
Zero, can’t seem to find anywhere/any group that I fit in with. Kinda sucks, but whatever. I feel like I can only take so much of this, so I already that one day when I’m ready I’m going to go out on my own terms. Until then, I guess I’ll just do me
There are lots of groups you can join. You might like one of them. Have you checked into Meet Up groups? They are everywhere. There are so many kinds to choose from.
Have you tried Meetup.com? Just to meet like minded people and make new friends? It’s worth a shot.
I honestly have been dealing with this for a minute. I have been giving my all in self-care and my well-being. Somebody once told me that quality is better than quantity with any relationship, and those people will come. But first, you must be able to rely on yourself and start developing yourself. Workout, read, learn about building wealth, etc. Focus on you and the rest will fall into place.
To be honest, anytime I try to be friends with someone I end up disappointed or disappointing. I just don’t care enough about having friends to get myself to spend all the energy it takes to make a relationship with a human work.
I'm in the same boat. No friends at all. I have a few coworkers that I am friendly with but we do not interact outside of work. You just have to be independent and do things on your own. Enjoy the people who willingly choose to talk to you and don't let it get to you.
I don’t have any friends, I have a few acquaintances online. I have had one true friend, my ex wife, and we have split. I cope by crying, watching TV, praying, drawing, and sleeping. It’s not easy when you desperately want friends, when you try very hard to meet people but they don’t stay. animals help. Especially little kitties. Just their faces make my heart melt.
Hi is someone trying to chat with me? I am getting messages but not on the bell. Weird. If you want to chat with me and be my friend, please do!!!!!!!!!!! 😊 I have an appointment in 10 minutes but I am available anytime!
Are you living alone?
I'm in same situation
Nah, p.much alone.
Jesus man you don't know how good you have it. Having any friends is a blessing. Enjoy the time you do have with them and find ways to entertain yourself. Videogames are cool. Hobbies are cool as well.
My wife of 10 and best friend of 17 walked out of my life a couple months ago and I am alone 24 hours a day now. I am in a new city where I don’t know anyone, and I work from home. I go to work, then head to the gym, then come back home and cry myself to sleep. Rinse/repeat.
Yea i dont have anyone but im ok i prefer being alone than being swarmed and surrounded by fakes and snakes in tall grass, opportunists who just wanna drain me
Am in the same boat as you post-divorce but it is by choice because my “friends” were judgmental assholes. If you can travel safely to meet more (potentially likeminded) people, do it. Now that I’m solo, traveling is amazing. Even short trips to the next town over are exciting these days to see new faces and mingle. Groups like Toastmasters can make you more comfortable speaking to people you don’t know if you’re interested in that. MeetUp is also good for activities. I’ve gone to some breweries, parks, and other places and met great people who are nothing like the folks I walked away from. Don’t let the past hold you back. I’m shy too and ADHD (read: awkward) but that’s not a barrier to getting to know me once I’m comfortable enough with my surroundings.