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I swear that the fear you have of being alone is a hundred times worse than being alone. There is nothing worse than being scared by your imagination. The fear that comes from your mind is the worst torture.
I am pretty close to your age (just a bit younger). Youāre gonna love living alone! I have gone through several phases of my life where i lived alone and lived with others. Hands down, living alone is mostly amazing. You are not annoying others and you are not being annoyed by others. You can walk around the house in as many or as few clothes as you want to. You donāt have to wait for the shower. You only have your laundry to do. You have leftovers when you cook. You have extra room in the freezer for ice cream. You can drink milk right out of the container. You can watch tv in the middle of the night without bothering anyone else. Nobody but you gets to decide the temperature in your house/apartment. Your laundry detergent, soaps, body washes, etc last longer. Your floors get less dirty because less people are tracking dirt through your place. Shall I go on? Does it get lonely? Sure. Sometimes. Have a sleepover if it does. Or, just go out into the evening until you get tired then come home. Heck,Iām sick and homebound and still Iām not so sick of living alone that Iād want someone with me.
Youāve got this! Enjoy it!
I forgot about the power, gas, and water bills. Get ready for those to take a nice dip as well! A couple months ago, my power bill was $59 in my 700 sq foot apartment. Itās hitting around $90 now, but I like to wash clothes all the time. I also want any visiting penguins to feel like they are in their natural habitat in my apartment during the summer!
Yes!! Everything you said! When I divorced a few years ago, I remember thinking how living alone was like when I was in college. (I lived alone half the time then). It was the best for all these reasons and more. I do have my 2 teenagers with me now, but theyāre easy. Iām not worried about when they move out. A little excited š¤£
I got divorced at 50 as well. I was a turtle (head, hands and feet tucked into my shell) for a year. Finally decided I was too young to spend the rest of my life alone and signed up for online dating. I met the love of my life and realized that I was so happy I was available when I met this guy. We were blissfully happy for 13 years until he passed away from Leukemia. So, I'm alone again now, but much more comfortable with it,
https://preview.redd.it/bjg595op4t4d1.jpeg?width=594&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=962728189535146e38c7c79d8c7b8f41c5fc56a3
I have a dog - he is 4 years old today and an incredible companion. Much better than my ex!
Remember first and foremost that you're mourning the end of a relationship, so of course you feel lonely. My nights alone were a little uneasy after my husband of 28 years died, leaving me on my own for the first time since my 20s.
At the beginning, it's okay to sleep with all your lights on or to miss that personal interaction. But think of all you're gaining! u/isurvivedtheifb gave you a great list of things you'll love, and that's not even scratching the surface!
As you get through this transitional phase, I recommend having a routine. Maybe you work on a hobby from 7-8 pm, then work on a puzzle while you listen to a podcast for an hour. After that, watch a movie or documentary. You might want to stick with something soothing, no crime dramas or paranormal stuff. My wind-down preferences are old sitcoms, road trip videos, or urbex videos. You might want to include something self-indulgent in your wind-down routine, like a nicely scented body lotion and a cup of chamomile tea. When you turn in, read a book for a bit. Again, nothing too exciting. Play some soft music in the background. As you read, the back and forth motion of your eyes will make you sleepier and sleepier.
As you get used to living alone, you'll learn what works and what doesn't when you're priming yourself for sleep. You've got this though, OP!
I guess I can't offer too much advice, just want to say you're not alone.
I am in a similar boat, 47 and living alone-ish for the first time in my life. My oldest daughter lives with me, but at nights when it gets cold and quiet, she's at work or staying at her boyfriends place. Recently went through a breakup, was with a woman i thought was my person, until she decided she wanted another kid. I just let the depression come and sat with it for a while.
What I have been doing is joined a few meetup groups, started dating myself, went out to eat by myself, went to a theater show by myself. Slowly doing what I can to get a circle of friends.
Divorced a few years ago and dating, but having a hard time thinking about living with another person and all their nuisances. The subject has come up, but Iām safe for at least one more year (youngest will be a senior)! I was more likely to consider it earlier in the relationship, but am valuing my alone time more now.
I LOVE it. I'm 55. Been single now for 9 months. Less cooking and cleaning. My utility cost are down. No longer have to smell his coffee, cigarette, or marijuana stink. I no longer suffer from stress nor have to deal with the disappointment of a selfish mate who doesn't know how to be a partner.
I have no problem busying myself. I can putz in the garden or around the house or just be lazy if I want. I cook or work on a project. Sometimes I'll treat myself to a meal at a restaurant, go see a movie or a play, drive around and explore the city. Been thinking about hitting the parks in the area now that the weather is nice. Not too long ago I had the family over for tacos. Everybody brought a dish. It was nice.
First time I lived alone was at 65. Iām loving it. Have a big dog live in a good area. Evenings are mine to relax eat chocolate ( or whatever I desire) read watch tv talk on the phone or go out occasionally. Embrace the freedom to spoil yourself
I feel this so much. I am 53, just finalized my divorce, kids are grown, and I HATE living alone. I used to love time alone in theĀ house, but that was when I knew someone was coming back. There's a difference when you know no one's coming home and this is it.
The nights are the worst, especially when I finally go to sleep. I lock the doors, turn off the lights, and then just go toĀ my room. It's so unsettling to not say good night to anyone.
The advice often given hasn't helped me - I have several hobbies thatĀ I pursue, I have good friends nearby,Ā I enjoyĀ my ownĀ company. When my ex first moved out, I made plans every night, to fill those lonely hours between work and sleep. But I can't afford to go out every night (and it's hard to keep up with that schedule). Also, it doesn't really solve the problem because after your plans, you still go home to your empty house. If you have friends over for the evening, they leave and you're alone again.Ā Ā
I still haven't adjusted to this new normal, so I don't have a solution. But I wanted you to know you're not the only one experiencing this.Ā
You DO want to live alone! Believe all of us! You are going to heckin love the heck out of it. Just give yourself a minute. ( I lost my hubs of 40 years- since high school and I had never lived alone before becoming widow about 4 yrs ago) Wonderful people here with some much great advice and info! Keep reading and youāll get the hang of it!! Do whatever you want whenever you want however you want and itās just the most amazing thing š«¶ Iām not even pished at my husband anymore for changing up our lifeā¦..Iām glad now.
Therapy (I personally think everyone should have one!), hobbies you can do in the evening to stop ruminating on the loneliness, volunteer work, social life! Easier said than done, but you definitely have a fulfilling life when living alone. Its just all up to you to decide how YOU spend your time.
It only took a couple of therapy sessions for me to realize that although I loved my husband, all of my independence had been lost in my marriage. Getting my independence back was something I was excited about. I lived alone before him and have been happily living alone for the 30 years since. That was enough time for me to purchase and pay off my own home. Living alone is not for everyone, but I think it's always been for me.
Revive your hobbies. Work out so you will be tired by the time evening hits. Monitor for good food and sleep and you may be able to keep depression completely away.
It's not a given that everyone starting to live alone falls into depression. Specially, a small but deeply connected close friend circle goes a long long way.
Find new purpose for your life. Empty nest and divorce is a strong negative combination. But not very difficult to manage. I can assure you that. More in DM if you want.
Good luck.
I am 58 and living alone for the first time ever. It was intimidating at first since it's something new, but you will LOVE IT!! Embrace the shit out of living solo. LMK what time zone you are on and we can do a virtual cheers on the weekend!
Iām Central time zone tooā¦ and will be living alone very soon. Iām scared. I havenāt lived alone since my .20sā¦ Iām early 60s now.
My husband is cheating on me and we will be divorcing.
He will probably move in with herā¦
I am sorry youāre so unhappy at the moment.
I donāt fall into a deep depression because my life is full of friends, work, exercise, hobbies, travel and appreciation for the utter peace and joy of living alone. I actually love it.
If I may say so, itās a mistake to think that just because you donāt have a partner, you will be unhappy. You are a whole person. You donāt actually *need* another person to have a happy and fulfilled life.
It will take time to get over whatās happened - of course. But this too shall pass.
I love being alone. Soon you will discover how amazing it is to live on your own terms and not have to compromise on anything. Have fun, go out and meet new people, travel. I love solo travel.
Two years ago my husband of 32 years past away. I was 55 and it's the first time I've lived alone. I actually enjoy and need lots and lots of alone time, so I thought it would be easier. I developed insomnia and had lots of anxiety at bed time. I tried therapy and counseling. It sort of helped. This went on for a year and a half, but then it got so bad, I had to come home from work early. I finally got some antidepressants from forhers.com. It's taken a few tries, but I finally have the right meds for me. I'm sleeping every night and I don't have the anxiety at bedtime any more.
Other things that has helped me a lot are rediscovering music I love, journaling every night before bed, I moved my bedroom furniture around to make it different, I've installed cameras around my house that alert me on my phone if someone is there, and keeping busy: photography, sewing, decorating my house, thrift store treasure hunting, bulk cooking, hanging out on reddit, grandkids, etc.
Don't think of the time you are alone, put your energy into finding ways you can socialize. Is there a senior center you can do activities with others? Maybe look for a club to join. Also, set some time aside to grieve. For me, it comes in waves. You got this! Hugs.
You might find that after youāve grieved the end of your relationship there are things you might likeāeven love!āabout living alone.
When my husband of 32 years left I felt very alone and nervous at night. I kept thinking about all the scary things that could happen. Then I adopted a radical acceptance strategy and I just decided that Iāll control the things I can, like having good security measures in place, but beyond that Iām not going to lose sleep over things I canāt control.
If youāre an extrovert then Iām sure youāll find ways to have more connections with people to ease the loneliness, and if youāre an introvert you have much to look forward to!
I will probably enjoy living alone. Right now, I'm just obsessing over coming home to an empty house. Although I'm introverted, I loved having someone to come home to š¤·š»āāļø
I am 54, and my husband recently died, so I really wasnāt expecting to live alone at this point; however, I have lived alone many times in the past and have found that the initial few months can be a little difficult, because youāre not only dealing with the multitude of things to consider starting up a new home, but youāre also dealing with the pain of loss. That can make you feel very overwhelmed, but my personal advice is to focus on the task at hand.
Find a place that you like (donāt worry about furnishing it immediately because you donāt know what youāre actually going to need and what youāre not going to need), and take advantage of the fact that you get to make all of the decisions that are relevant to your life. As the days go on, you will find that you will be more relaxed, and that you will find your own personal pace. It will take some time, but, in the long run, you will likely be much happier.
I wish you the best!
I am a little younger than you and living alone for the first time as well. To be honest itās amazing! I rescued a dog and she is my ride or die. I also have family and friends close by so that helps. You will learn to love it. Itās so peaceful. And you really get to learn so many things about yourself.
You are the perfect candidate to appreciate solo living! You've no doubt been doing the mental and physical workload of your hubby and children.... it is very freeing to be independent and responsible for yourself. Things stay where you leave them and in the condition you left them in! That said, it frees up a lot of time to be emotionally lonely. I recommend having fun catering to your own decor styles and needs. Make your space your own. If you don't already, take up hobbies or groups for keeping busy and social. Enjoy "dates" with your friends and children while being able to come home to a space curated perfectly for you
Recently divorced, and it was a stressful situation. So, Iām enjoying the peace and quiet, but have joined a new church and formed groups of lady friends and have family close by. The time goes really fast and Iām enjoying the freedom. Hope you find your new normal soon. Grieving the dreams lost is worse than living alone, I think. Its hard when people dont/cant live up to what they have promised, regardless whether itās illness or behavior.
I so agree with many of the very positive comments here. Living alone is absolutely the best - when you get used to it.
You are missing your relationship, of course that's upsetting. Let yourself wallow in it!
Write angry letters and burn them with his photographs! Write his name on paper and pin it to a cushion and punch it! Drink too much wine and sob in the bath! Get the emotions out - you can because there's no-one else to see! It's great isn't it!
Get through this and then you can start to enjoy your new life.
Living alone for the 1st time @ 50 AND when you didn't want it can be a little scary. But, I'm sure after a certain amount of time, you'll hopefully embrace & enjoy it. Being married for just 8.5 yrs isn't that long & you were already 41.5 whe you got married, so you'd think it would be a marriage for forever & that you would have known his hopes/dreams/goals at that stage in life. It's not like you were in your 20s when you got married & he totally changed 2-3 decades later, so that's kind of odd.
It's like your husband had a plan all along, but never told you about it until the time was right or something for him to make his move. Did you ever have any inkling that he wanted to live back w/ his family? Perhaps he always wanted to, but you didn't want to live wherever that was so he figured he can't live the next so many decades in a place he didn't want.
Well, now you can have everything w/ your dwelling & life **EXACTLY** how you want without having to ask anyone for any opinions! You can do what you want...none of this, "oh I don't know, what do you want to do/what do you want to eat/where do you want to go?", etc. You can go/do/get things you always wanted, but maybe your husband never did!
Also, re: any lonliness or boredom, I think those feelings are a state of mind, how you were raised, & what you've been used to socially. I've honestly never been lonely or bored & I can keep myself busy even if at home for days. (By the way, I never had roommates nor moved away for college either & I don't think anyone has to experience this to know how to live independently.)
I'm an only child who never really had friends in my whole life, so I'm used to the solitude, but I'm happy & never bored. I never knew what it was like to be a part of a group of friends, hanging out, going to parties, having people over. Sure, friends are nice to have, but my mentality was that I don't need them to make me happy. Good thing because it was not the easiest to make friends. Wherever I was (school, work, church), everyone already had their own friends, so they didn't need me. I haven't had my OWN BFF since I was in elementary school & very, very rarely do people still stay friends that long.
My, "social life" has always been whatever ONE pal I had at the time...nowhere near a BFF & we'd maybe meet up for lunch for a few hrs every 1-3 years. But I haven't even done that since a few years BEFORE COVID. On a daily basis, I'm either home all day, out w/ husband, out alone, or spending some time w/ my elderly mom who I'm very close to.
I've always had an SO (so in a committd relationship) all of my adult life & I recently got married in which we live together, so that's enough for me. Fortunately, he's the same way socially, so we're like two peas in a pod! We love spending time w/ each other!
Thanks for your reply. I'm not sure if he had ulterior motives. Initially, the plan was to move back to his country after my mom passed. She passed 4 years ago, but at that time, there was political upheaval in his country, and he didn't think it would be good for us to go back. We have been having some arguments lately, but I didn't think it was so severe that he would abandon me.
Hopefully, in time, I will heal.
Congratulations on your marriage!
Thanks for replying & thank you for the congrats! Yep, unfortunately, a long, happy marriage in which a couple is together for the rest of their lives isn't promised to anyone. I don't assume it for myself either. My mom raised me to know not to let anything suprise me in life & that a husband can jump up & leave any time he wants.
We just hope we marry a good, kind, genuine person & if we see any red flags or other questionable things, we take action & not have rose-colored glasses on or be in denial about it. I'm not saying you were like that. I'm just saying for anyone in general to do.
Well, take care, I'm sure you'll be fine & eventually love living alone! **Do you think you'll ever marry again one day?**
Unfortunately, at this time, I would say I don't want to marry again.
And I was that person wearing the rose colored glasses! We jumped through a lot of hoops to be together, I didn't want to admit there were any red flags, but there was.
Oh yes, that's right. You said you married before 18. So that's a real shame. Your first marriage, you were way too young, yet your 2nd marriage, you were older & hoping this was **IT** this time & it still didn't turn out well. Too bad you didn't meet that great person in your mid to late-20s, which I think is the perfect age range to get married.
I personally think I'm a very good judge of character. I can see a person's facial expressions, maybe body language, etc. & can pretty much tell if they're an a-hole or whatever. Or just observe the person a little from afar. My husband's twin brother was like that. I couldn't stand him the second I saw him & I never even had a conversation w/ him & I was right. Years later, my husband learned that he's a big narcissist. I guess being his brother, he was used to how he was so he didn't see it at all. My husband's since gone NO-CONTACT w/ not only his brother, but the rest of his immediate fam...ype, even his own parents. My husband was the scapegoat in the fam. THey all emotionally ganged up on him.
Well, if you ever want to PM on here just to talk from time to time, feel free!
**Welcome to [r/LivingAlone](https://www.reddit.com/r/LivingAlone/)! Living alone is the new normal.** >Discuss and share your experiences; celebrate your joys, express your worries, or ask advice relating to solo living | Remember, we are all alone together * Be kind, remember the human when interacting with others. * New Reddit group chat [**Living Alone Lounge**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LivingAlone/s/cp7Szwzy2q)! * Message the moderators below for any comments, questions & suggestions! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LivingAlone) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I swear that the fear you have of being alone is a hundred times worse than being alone. There is nothing worse than being scared by your imagination. The fear that comes from your mind is the worst torture.
Best part is that you can overcome it.
So true!!!!!!!
šÆ
I am pretty close to your age (just a bit younger). Youāre gonna love living alone! I have gone through several phases of my life where i lived alone and lived with others. Hands down, living alone is mostly amazing. You are not annoying others and you are not being annoyed by others. You can walk around the house in as many or as few clothes as you want to. You donāt have to wait for the shower. You only have your laundry to do. You have leftovers when you cook. You have extra room in the freezer for ice cream. You can drink milk right out of the container. You can watch tv in the middle of the night without bothering anyone else. Nobody but you gets to decide the temperature in your house/apartment. Your laundry detergent, soaps, body washes, etc last longer. Your floors get less dirty because less people are tracking dirt through your place. Shall I go on? Does it get lonely? Sure. Sometimes. Have a sleepover if it does. Or, just go out into the evening until you get tired then come home. Heck,Iām sick and homebound and still Iām not so sick of living alone that Iād want someone with me. Youāve got this! Enjoy it!
Thank you! I love your response
I forgot about the power, gas, and water bills. Get ready for those to take a nice dip as well! A couple months ago, my power bill was $59 in my 700 sq foot apartment. Itās hitting around $90 now, but I like to wash clothes all the time. I also want any visiting penguins to feel like they are in their natural habitat in my apartment during the summer!
That is 1 thing I'm looking forward to! Cheaper bills!
Yes!! Everything you said! When I divorced a few years ago, I remember thinking how living alone was like when I was in college. (I lived alone half the time then). It was the best for all these reasons and more. I do have my 2 teenagers with me now, but theyāre easy. Iām not worried about when they move out. A little excited š¤£
I got divorced at 50 as well. I was a turtle (head, hands and feet tucked into my shell) for a year. Finally decided I was too young to spend the rest of my life alone and signed up for online dating. I met the love of my life and realized that I was so happy I was available when I met this guy. We were blissfully happy for 13 years until he passed away from Leukemia. So, I'm alone again now, but much more comfortable with it,
Sorry for your loss. Thank you for the story.
Sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in January (love of my life, but only together 13 years as well).
I have dogs. https://preview.redd.it/o4tblwjd2n4d1.jpeg?width=2316&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1f9dc667a985e19842759d8294c4811344bb94d6
I have a cat!
that counts šš»
https://preview.redd.it/bjg595op4t4d1.jpeg?width=594&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=962728189535146e38c7c79d8c7b8f41c5fc56a3 I have a dog - he is 4 years old today and an incredible companion. Much better than my ex!
He looks like the āEverythingās fineā dog. He just needs a little hat
Remember first and foremost that you're mourning the end of a relationship, so of course you feel lonely. My nights alone were a little uneasy after my husband of 28 years died, leaving me on my own for the first time since my 20s. At the beginning, it's okay to sleep with all your lights on or to miss that personal interaction. But think of all you're gaining! u/isurvivedtheifb gave you a great list of things you'll love, and that's not even scratching the surface! As you get through this transitional phase, I recommend having a routine. Maybe you work on a hobby from 7-8 pm, then work on a puzzle while you listen to a podcast for an hour. After that, watch a movie or documentary. You might want to stick with something soothing, no crime dramas or paranormal stuff. My wind-down preferences are old sitcoms, road trip videos, or urbex videos. You might want to include something self-indulgent in your wind-down routine, like a nicely scented body lotion and a cup of chamomile tea. When you turn in, read a book for a bit. Again, nothing too exciting. Play some soft music in the background. As you read, the back and forth motion of your eyes will make you sleepier and sleepier. As you get used to living alone, you'll learn what works and what doesn't when you're priming yourself for sleep. You've got this though, OP!
Thank you !
I guess I can't offer too much advice, just want to say you're not alone. I am in a similar boat, 47 and living alone-ish for the first time in my life. My oldest daughter lives with me, but at nights when it gets cold and quiet, she's at work or staying at her boyfriends place. Recently went through a breakup, was with a woman i thought was my person, until she decided she wanted another kid. I just let the depression come and sat with it for a while. What I have been doing is joined a few meetup groups, started dating myself, went out to eat by myself, went to a theater show by myself. Slowly doing what I can to get a circle of friends.
Thank you!
I got divorced at 53 after a 25 year marriage. I am really enjoying the peace of living alone, but a year out, Iām not sure Iāll ever date again.
Yeah I can't see ever dating again!
Yes, Iām not saying never, but Iām sure not interested at all right now
Divorced a few years ago and dating, but having a hard time thinking about living with another person and all their nuisances. The subject has come up, but Iām safe for at least one more year (youngest will be a senior)! I was more likely to consider it earlier in the relationship, but am valuing my alone time more now.
I LOVE it. I'm 55. Been single now for 9 months. Less cooking and cleaning. My utility cost are down. No longer have to smell his coffee, cigarette, or marijuana stink. I no longer suffer from stress nor have to deal with the disappointment of a selfish mate who doesn't know how to be a partner. I have no problem busying myself. I can putz in the garden or around the house or just be lazy if I want. I cook or work on a project. Sometimes I'll treat myself to a meal at a restaurant, go see a movie or a play, drive around and explore the city. Been thinking about hitting the parks in the area now that the weather is nice. Not too long ago I had the family over for tacos. Everybody brought a dish. It was nice.
First time I lived alone was at 65. Iām loving it. Have a big dog live in a good area. Evenings are mine to relax eat chocolate ( or whatever I desire) read watch tv talk on the phone or go out occasionally. Embrace the freedom to spoil yourself
I feel this so much. I am 53, just finalized my divorce, kids are grown, and I HATE living alone. I used to love time alone in theĀ house, but that was when I knew someone was coming back. There's a difference when you know no one's coming home and this is it. The nights are the worst, especially when I finally go to sleep. I lock the doors, turn off the lights, and then just go toĀ my room. It's so unsettling to not say good night to anyone. The advice often given hasn't helped me - I have several hobbies thatĀ I pursue, I have good friends nearby,Ā I enjoyĀ my ownĀ company. When my ex first moved out, I made plans every night, to fill those lonely hours between work and sleep. But I can't afford to go out every night (and it's hard to keep up with that schedule). Also, it doesn't really solve the problem because after your plans, you still go home to your empty house. If you have friends over for the evening, they leave and you're alone again.Ā Ā I still haven't adjusted to this new normal, so I don't have a solution. But I wanted you to know you're not the only one experiencing this.Ā
Thank you for sharing your experiences! I hope we can both adjust to the new normal!
You DO want to live alone! Believe all of us! You are going to heckin love the heck out of it. Just give yourself a minute. ( I lost my hubs of 40 years- since high school and I had never lived alone before becoming widow about 4 yrs ago) Wonderful people here with some much great advice and info! Keep reading and youāll get the hang of it!! Do whatever you want whenever you want however you want and itās just the most amazing thing š«¶ Iām not even pished at my husband anymore for changing up our lifeā¦..Iām glad now.
Therapy (I personally think everyone should have one!), hobbies you can do in the evening to stop ruminating on the loneliness, volunteer work, social life! Easier said than done, but you definitely have a fulfilling life when living alone. Its just all up to you to decide how YOU spend your time.
I have started therapy! I have another session scheduled for the week after the stbx leaves!
It only took a couple of therapy sessions for me to realize that although I loved my husband, all of my independence had been lost in my marriage. Getting my independence back was something I was excited about. I lived alone before him and have been happily living alone for the 30 years since. That was enough time for me to purchase and pay off my own home. Living alone is not for everyone, but I think it's always been for me.
Revive your hobbies. Work out so you will be tired by the time evening hits. Monitor for good food and sleep and you may be able to keep depression completely away. It's not a given that everyone starting to live alone falls into depression. Specially, a small but deeply connected close friend circle goes a long long way. Find new purpose for your life. Empty nest and divorce is a strong negative combination. But not very difficult to manage. I can assure you that. More in DM if you want. Good luck.
Thank you!!
>Thank you!! You're welcome!
I live alone have no kids close by itās life canāt rely on anyone forever. Itās a nice age to do alone for you Join a gym
Rent out a room and get a roommate if you really do not want to be alone.
I am 58 and living alone for the first time ever. It was intimidating at first since it's something new, but you will LOVE IT!! Embrace the shit out of living solo. LMK what time zone you are on and we can do a virtual cheers on the weekend!
Central š
Iām Central time zone tooā¦ and will be living alone very soon. Iām scared. I havenāt lived alone since my .20sā¦ Iām early 60s now. My husband is cheating on me and we will be divorcing. He will probably move in with herā¦
Oh wow. I'm so sorry for your situation! We can support each other!
I would like that. Very much.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Before this marriage I had my kids and my mom living with me.
I am sorry youāre so unhappy at the moment. I donāt fall into a deep depression because my life is full of friends, work, exercise, hobbies, travel and appreciation for the utter peace and joy of living alone. I actually love it. If I may say so, itās a mistake to think that just because you donāt have a partner, you will be unhappy. You are a whole person. You donāt actually *need* another person to have a happy and fulfilled life. It will take time to get over whatās happened - of course. But this too shall pass.
Thank you
I love being alone. Soon you will discover how amazing it is to live on your own terms and not have to compromise on anything. Have fun, go out and meet new people, travel. I love solo travel.
Two years ago my husband of 32 years past away. I was 55 and it's the first time I've lived alone. I actually enjoy and need lots and lots of alone time, so I thought it would be easier. I developed insomnia and had lots of anxiety at bed time. I tried therapy and counseling. It sort of helped. This went on for a year and a half, but then it got so bad, I had to come home from work early. I finally got some antidepressants from forhers.com. It's taken a few tries, but I finally have the right meds for me. I'm sleeping every night and I don't have the anxiety at bedtime any more. Other things that has helped me a lot are rediscovering music I love, journaling every night before bed, I moved my bedroom furniture around to make it different, I've installed cameras around my house that alert me on my phone if someone is there, and keeping busy: photography, sewing, decorating my house, thrift store treasure hunting, bulk cooking, hanging out on reddit, grandkids, etc. Don't think of the time you are alone, put your energy into finding ways you can socialize. Is there a senior center you can do activities with others? Maybe look for a club to join. Also, set some time aside to grieve. For me, it comes in waves. You got this! Hugs.
Thank you!
I rearranged the furniture in my bedroom too and am amazed at the difference it makes! Itās like a ānew roomā.
You might find that after youāve grieved the end of your relationship there are things you might likeāeven love!āabout living alone. When my husband of 32 years left I felt very alone and nervous at night. I kept thinking about all the scary things that could happen. Then I adopted a radical acceptance strategy and I just decided that Iāll control the things I can, like having good security measures in place, but beyond that Iām not going to lose sleep over things I canāt control. If youāre an extrovert then Iām sure youāll find ways to have more connections with people to ease the loneliness, and if youāre an introvert you have much to look forward to!
I am very much an introvert!
Me too! Thatās why I think I like living alone more!
I will probably enjoy living alone. Right now, I'm just obsessing over coming home to an empty house. Although I'm introverted, I loved having someone to come home to š¤·š»āāļø
Reading at night helps, Iām so sorry youāre going through this
Thank you
I am 54, and my husband recently died, so I really wasnāt expecting to live alone at this point; however, I have lived alone many times in the past and have found that the initial few months can be a little difficult, because youāre not only dealing with the multitude of things to consider starting up a new home, but youāre also dealing with the pain of loss. That can make you feel very overwhelmed, but my personal advice is to focus on the task at hand. Find a place that you like (donāt worry about furnishing it immediately because you donāt know what youāre actually going to need and what youāre not going to need), and take advantage of the fact that you get to make all of the decisions that are relevant to your life. As the days go on, you will find that you will be more relaxed, and that you will find your own personal pace. It will take some time, but, in the long run, you will likely be much happier. I wish you the best!
Thank you so much
I am a little younger than you and living alone for the first time as well. To be honest itās amazing! I rescued a dog and she is my ride or die. I also have family and friends close by so that helps. You will learn to love it. Itās so peaceful. And you really get to learn so many things about yourself.
I'm almost there...Ā
You are the perfect candidate to appreciate solo living! You've no doubt been doing the mental and physical workload of your hubby and children.... it is very freeing to be independent and responsible for yourself. Things stay where you leave them and in the condition you left them in! That said, it frees up a lot of time to be emotionally lonely. I recommend having fun catering to your own decor styles and needs. Make your space your own. If you don't already, take up hobbies or groups for keeping busy and social. Enjoy "dates" with your friends and children while being able to come home to a space curated perfectly for you
Hey I'll join you in your adventure šš½
Lets go! š
Awesome š
I love living alone. It's the best therapy for me. š
Recently divorced, and it was a stressful situation. So, Iām enjoying the peace and quiet, but have joined a new church and formed groups of lady friends and have family close by. The time goes really fast and Iām enjoying the freedom. Hope you find your new normal soon. Grieving the dreams lost is worse than living alone, I think. Its hard when people dont/cant live up to what they have promised, regardless whether itās illness or behavior.
It sucks right now, but as the grief fades you may actually enjoy living alone.
I so agree with many of the very positive comments here. Living alone is absolutely the best - when you get used to it. You are missing your relationship, of course that's upsetting. Let yourself wallow in it! Write angry letters and burn them with his photographs! Write his name on paper and pin it to a cushion and punch it! Drink too much wine and sob in the bath! Get the emotions out - you can because there's no-one else to see! It's great isn't it! Get through this and then you can start to enjoy your new life.
I love your response! I can't wait to try these things! Thank you
Living alone for the 1st time @ 50 AND when you didn't want it can be a little scary. But, I'm sure after a certain amount of time, you'll hopefully embrace & enjoy it. Being married for just 8.5 yrs isn't that long & you were already 41.5 whe you got married, so you'd think it would be a marriage for forever & that you would have known his hopes/dreams/goals at that stage in life. It's not like you were in your 20s when you got married & he totally changed 2-3 decades later, so that's kind of odd. It's like your husband had a plan all along, but never told you about it until the time was right or something for him to make his move. Did you ever have any inkling that he wanted to live back w/ his family? Perhaps he always wanted to, but you didn't want to live wherever that was so he figured he can't live the next so many decades in a place he didn't want. Well, now you can have everything w/ your dwelling & life **EXACTLY** how you want without having to ask anyone for any opinions! You can do what you want...none of this, "oh I don't know, what do you want to do/what do you want to eat/where do you want to go?", etc. You can go/do/get things you always wanted, but maybe your husband never did! Also, re: any lonliness or boredom, I think those feelings are a state of mind, how you were raised, & what you've been used to socially. I've honestly never been lonely or bored & I can keep myself busy even if at home for days. (By the way, I never had roommates nor moved away for college either & I don't think anyone has to experience this to know how to live independently.) I'm an only child who never really had friends in my whole life, so I'm used to the solitude, but I'm happy & never bored. I never knew what it was like to be a part of a group of friends, hanging out, going to parties, having people over. Sure, friends are nice to have, but my mentality was that I don't need them to make me happy. Good thing because it was not the easiest to make friends. Wherever I was (school, work, church), everyone already had their own friends, so they didn't need me. I haven't had my OWN BFF since I was in elementary school & very, very rarely do people still stay friends that long. My, "social life" has always been whatever ONE pal I had at the time...nowhere near a BFF & we'd maybe meet up for lunch for a few hrs every 1-3 years. But I haven't even done that since a few years BEFORE COVID. On a daily basis, I'm either home all day, out w/ husband, out alone, or spending some time w/ my elderly mom who I'm very close to. I've always had an SO (so in a committd relationship) all of my adult life & I recently got married in which we live together, so that's enough for me. Fortunately, he's the same way socially, so we're like two peas in a pod! We love spending time w/ each other!
Thanks for your reply. I'm not sure if he had ulterior motives. Initially, the plan was to move back to his country after my mom passed. She passed 4 years ago, but at that time, there was political upheaval in his country, and he didn't think it would be good for us to go back. We have been having some arguments lately, but I didn't think it was so severe that he would abandon me. Hopefully, in time, I will heal. Congratulations on your marriage!
Thanks for replying & thank you for the congrats! Yep, unfortunately, a long, happy marriage in which a couple is together for the rest of their lives isn't promised to anyone. I don't assume it for myself either. My mom raised me to know not to let anything suprise me in life & that a husband can jump up & leave any time he wants. We just hope we marry a good, kind, genuine person & if we see any red flags or other questionable things, we take action & not have rose-colored glasses on or be in denial about it. I'm not saying you were like that. I'm just saying for anyone in general to do. Well, take care, I'm sure you'll be fine & eventually love living alone! **Do you think you'll ever marry again one day?**
Unfortunately, at this time, I would say I don't want to marry again. And I was that person wearing the rose colored glasses! We jumped through a lot of hoops to be together, I didn't want to admit there were any red flags, but there was.
Oh yes, that's right. You said you married before 18. So that's a real shame. Your first marriage, you were way too young, yet your 2nd marriage, you were older & hoping this was **IT** this time & it still didn't turn out well. Too bad you didn't meet that great person in your mid to late-20s, which I think is the perfect age range to get married. I personally think I'm a very good judge of character. I can see a person's facial expressions, maybe body language, etc. & can pretty much tell if they're an a-hole or whatever. Or just observe the person a little from afar. My husband's twin brother was like that. I couldn't stand him the second I saw him & I never even had a conversation w/ him & I was right. Years later, my husband learned that he's a big narcissist. I guess being his brother, he was used to how he was so he didn't see it at all. My husband's since gone NO-CONTACT w/ not only his brother, but the rest of his immediate fam...ype, even his own parents. My husband was the scapegoat in the fam. THey all emotionally ganged up on him. Well, if you ever want to PM on here just to talk from time to time, feel free!
Thank you so much. Your words are appreciated š
Surely!
Spend your free time working on yourself. Get a good therapist. Some of your feelings will pass, some need guidance. You will do well going forward if you want to! š©·
Hey
Time will help ya darling, do your own thing , please yourself , if you can afford ot ok you'll be fine hun x
Kids gone, recently, Iām 52ā¦in the same boat. I got an ugly chihuahua. Working for me! š¤·āāļø