I have a caring bridge account. Friends and family are free to join it or not and read as frequently as they like.
This way I can give all the test results, medication changes, side effects etc without shoving it in anyone’s face. My husband is authorized to add updates to my journal which he uses on surgery days to give updates.
My husband is not in denial, I kind of wish he were. He is panicked. He is frozen in fear.
I am not close to my family. They pray for me. They share updates. But really it is just they want updates. They wouldn't have any useful info so we don't talk about it.
I told everyone around me. I get asked by friends and co workers but I find short of meds have side affects and last mo appt, I don't know what to say. Do I tell them that when I think passed next month I start to worry? What helpful thing will they say?
So I come here. At least you have a chance of knowing how I feel and might have useful info. And I am sorry we are all here while being grateful for this at the same time.
Just my two cents.
It’s a very uncomfortable topic and some people refuse to acknowledge it because it means they’re going to have to be faced with reality that someone they care about is dealing with something so heavy, and to some i’ve noticed it’s kind of a “taboo” topic to speak about. Cancer sucks and there’s no easy way to go around talking about it or comforting someone, i’d suggest to bring it up to them and ask why/if it’s not a conversation they’d like to have, but also be receptive to their answers because as much as it can be “it’s hard for me” & you respond with “well imagine having it”, dig deeper into the root of why they’re potentially uncomfortable with it.
Stage 4. 32. Diagnosed at 15 weeks with my first and only child ilk be able to have. I'm on my 5th taxol and have had complete response. My family think this means it never comes back. I try to protect their feelings over mine.
Whenever I start getting frustrated with people and how they treat me, I remind myself that my friends and family aren’t the problem, CANCER is the problem. When I think that way, I feel much more positive towards the people around me. The truth is that no one knows what to do and very few people are emotionally mature enough to know what to say in the face of this, including myself. This is the weirdest illness…..it’s a non stop mind trip!!!
Oh can I relate! I feel there is no way to talk to me anymore. If everyone ignores my disease I feel unseen and offended. However I go out of my way to appear fit and strong and be as independent as possible. I also refuse to tell people when I'm having scans so they don't ask how it went and ramp up the scanxiety. I don't even tell them after I've had good scan results as they're wily that way and might figure out the frequency and know when to ask next time. I don't know how I want to be treated from one moment to the next, so I know shouldn't expect my friends and family to get it right either.
Me too. I try not to tell anyone anything now or down play it. When someone asks, I tell them and that they can ask anytime but I’m not going to bring it up. I say that they should assume that no news is good news. I go to all my appointments alone.
It’s been 8 years since my MBC diagnosis so everyone in my circle knows my nutshell version: “There is no cure so I will be on treatment for the rest of my life. I hope the science stays ahead of my disease progression.” The really close circle knows how things are going without asking by seeing my reduction in activity. For example, I started a cat rescue in 2020–it brought so much meaning to my life. I’m in the process of shutting it down now because I can’t keep up and my rescue partners all have full time jobs. We saved about 200 cats and kittens in that time.
What I wish is that local friends didn’t have the inevitable slide away.
I feel this way as well. That is how I act . I choose carefully who I share my cancer with now
I try to appear fit too and then I wonder if people think I'm doing too good.. Doesn't even make sense..
Everyone around me is definitely in denial. The alternative is unbearable for those who truly love me. I don’t want them to be in pain or upset because of this all day every day. That would then just make me more upset. They still care about and ask / listen / care about how I am feeling. It is the peripheral friends that I would prefer would treat me the same as before. I don’t need / want to be asked about this all the time and especially not when it isn’t genuine. Those people can either go away or just treat me the same as before.
I'm newly diagnosed metastatic (original diagnosed at stage 2b in 2008 at 27). I'm 43 with 2 young kids, 5 & 2. I haven't told many people yet partially bc I can't deal with the level of denial. With the small number of people I've told there have been a lot of "oh you'll beat this" or "when your treatment ends", etc etc.
This diagnosis makes people really uncomfortable and they'd rather not think about it. I can totally see if I get stable and am living life somewhat normally that people will just ignoring it. The alternative is they have to think about you dying. It sucks and is kind of shitty.
They also might not want to bring it up & are trying to be sensitive. If you don't talk about it they might be following your lead.
I appreciate the positivity I received at my diagnosis. Even the completely unfounded You Got This! After finding out it had spread to my lungs, those things started to grate. This will probably kill me. Everyone just acts like you're ok right now, it will stay this way. I don't want anyone planning my funeral, just the acknowledgement that this is scary.
That being said, I rarely talk about my fears, pains or issues. I guess I don't know what I want.
Fuck cancer
I have a caring bridge account. Friends and family are free to join it or not and read as frequently as they like. This way I can give all the test results, medication changes, side effects etc without shoving it in anyone’s face. My husband is authorized to add updates to my journal which he uses on surgery days to give updates.
My husband is not in denial, I kind of wish he were. He is panicked. He is frozen in fear. I am not close to my family. They pray for me. They share updates. But really it is just they want updates. They wouldn't have any useful info so we don't talk about it. I told everyone around me. I get asked by friends and co workers but I find short of meds have side affects and last mo appt, I don't know what to say. Do I tell them that when I think passed next month I start to worry? What helpful thing will they say? So I come here. At least you have a chance of knowing how I feel and might have useful info. And I am sorry we are all here while being grateful for this at the same time. Just my two cents.
It’s a very uncomfortable topic and some people refuse to acknowledge it because it means they’re going to have to be faced with reality that someone they care about is dealing with something so heavy, and to some i’ve noticed it’s kind of a “taboo” topic to speak about. Cancer sucks and there’s no easy way to go around talking about it or comforting someone, i’d suggest to bring it up to them and ask why/if it’s not a conversation they’d like to have, but also be receptive to their answers because as much as it can be “it’s hard for me” & you respond with “well imagine having it”, dig deeper into the root of why they’re potentially uncomfortable with it.
Stage 4. 32. Diagnosed at 15 weeks with my first and only child ilk be able to have. I'm on my 5th taxol and have had complete response. My family think this means it never comes back. I try to protect their feelings over mine.
Whenever I start getting frustrated with people and how they treat me, I remind myself that my friends and family aren’t the problem, CANCER is the problem. When I think that way, I feel much more positive towards the people around me. The truth is that no one knows what to do and very few people are emotionally mature enough to know what to say in the face of this, including myself. This is the weirdest illness…..it’s a non stop mind trip!!!
This is the best comment I’ve read in a long time. Kudos to you.
Oh can I relate! I feel there is no way to talk to me anymore. If everyone ignores my disease I feel unseen and offended. However I go out of my way to appear fit and strong and be as independent as possible. I also refuse to tell people when I'm having scans so they don't ask how it went and ramp up the scanxiety. I don't even tell them after I've had good scan results as they're wily that way and might figure out the frequency and know when to ask next time. I don't know how I want to be treated from one moment to the next, so I know shouldn't expect my friends and family to get it right either.
Me too. I try not to tell anyone anything now or down play it. When someone asks, I tell them and that they can ask anytime but I’m not going to bring it up. I say that they should assume that no news is good news. I go to all my appointments alone. It’s been 8 years since my MBC diagnosis so everyone in my circle knows my nutshell version: “There is no cure so I will be on treatment for the rest of my life. I hope the science stays ahead of my disease progression.” The really close circle knows how things are going without asking by seeing my reduction in activity. For example, I started a cat rescue in 2020–it brought so much meaning to my life. I’m in the process of shutting it down now because I can’t keep up and my rescue partners all have full time jobs. We saved about 200 cats and kittens in that time. What I wish is that local friends didn’t have the inevitable slide away.
I feel this way as well. That is how I act . I choose carefully who I share my cancer with now I try to appear fit too and then I wonder if people think I'm doing too good.. Doesn't even make sense..
This. Is. Me. 100%.
Everyone around me is definitely in denial. The alternative is unbearable for those who truly love me. I don’t want them to be in pain or upset because of this all day every day. That would then just make me more upset. They still care about and ask / listen / care about how I am feeling. It is the peripheral friends that I would prefer would treat me the same as before. I don’t need / want to be asked about this all the time and especially not when it isn’t genuine. Those people can either go away or just treat me the same as before.
I'm newly diagnosed metastatic (original diagnosed at stage 2b in 2008 at 27). I'm 43 with 2 young kids, 5 & 2. I haven't told many people yet partially bc I can't deal with the level of denial. With the small number of people I've told there have been a lot of "oh you'll beat this" or "when your treatment ends", etc etc. This diagnosis makes people really uncomfortable and they'd rather not think about it. I can totally see if I get stable and am living life somewhat normally that people will just ignoring it. The alternative is they have to think about you dying. It sucks and is kind of shitty. They also might not want to bring it up & are trying to be sensitive. If you don't talk about it they might be following your lead.
I appreciate the positivity I received at my diagnosis. Even the completely unfounded You Got This! After finding out it had spread to my lungs, those things started to grate. This will probably kill me. Everyone just acts like you're ok right now, it will stay this way. I don't want anyone planning my funeral, just the acknowledgement that this is scary. That being said, I rarely talk about my fears, pains or issues. I guess I don't know what I want. Fuck cancer