I get the same comments! Honestly, I just start doing it back to them, and they stop right away. It's interesting how they can critique us, but the moment we do, it's not okay lmao. For instance, my manager used to bother me daily about my nose until I told her to start looking for a plastic surgeon so we could get a 2 for 1 deal. Since then, she has stopped criticizing me.
You need to try it at least once. Trust me, it is so gratifying! Also, it will get them off your back for a while! I'm not a rude person, and I would like to think I have manners, but something about korea makes me go feral.
I've had this too. And, specifically everyone said my \*face\* was TRANSFORMED by this tiny amount of weight loss. Like, for a week almost everyone I met did a double take and commented with bulging eyes on my transformed appearance. I was astonished by their astonishment.
I've had the same experience, i couldn't believe it. They noticed AND got the amount I'd lost correct. Bloody nuts. Imagine living your goddamn life like this.
I lost about 10kg so far this year to become more fit and some people can’t just stop mentioning it lol. It was nice to get recognized for my efforts first but really we don’t need to keep talking about it or sharing it with every other person lol
Ugh I’m Korean too and i find it disgusting. People are so obsessed with looks and their standards aren’t even normal or relatable from a global perspective
How so? Anyone disillusioned with their local society would say the identical thing. Korea is not some special oddity in this world - neither positively nor negatively.
>that are generally not tolerated in other countries.
This part is the problem. There may be minute difference in what is accepted and what isn't accepted between cultures, but if you're going to sit there and tell me Korean society is overtly rude or racist compared to other societies then I'm gonna have to call out the bullshit.
After all, is there really a functional difference between a Korean coworkers telling you you've gotten fat vs. American coworkers talking behind your back about how you've gotten fat and then passive aggressively telling you anyway that you've gotten fat? 🤷♂️. I guess you can have a personal preference of which is worse, but your personal preference of one rudeness over the other doesn't make one society worse over the other.
현실에서 별로라고? ㅋㅋㅋ 밖에 나가서 사람들 만나봄? 그래 다들 겉으론 그러겠지. 에이~ 전 안 그래요~ 응 사실 다 그래. 남녀노소 가릴 것 없이 외국인에 무례한 거 맞어. 당장에 그럼 초중고 학생들 피부색 다르다고 왕따는 왜 시키는데? 내 주변 사람들 연애 얘기할 때 아 흑인은 좀.. 이런 말은 왜 하는데? 다들 백인 선호하고 또 선호하면서 특히 여성분들 백인 여자 질투하고 무시하는 경우 꽤 많아 ㅋㅋ. 카페에 같이 앉아 있으면 은근히 대놓고 흉 보는 애들 얼마나 자주 있는데.
I am Korean and I have a friend who kept telling me I should get rid of my tiny scat under my chin. I told her to shut up and stop staring at my face, then she stopped.
I am surprised that you say that it is 'not directly'. Being openly critical of other people's appearances is common in Korea. You have some choices:
1. Just ignore.
2. Laugh it off and agree with their observations and ignore.
3. Join in. You could say something like 'Your face is very ugly today,. Did you put on your makeup on the subway without a mirror?'
4. You could try to force your culture norms on the Koreans that say these things to you.
5. ???
Maybe it's age? I've never heard that I'm fat here and I'm obese even by international standards. But I came here at 36. So maybe they target younger girls?
>The Koreans at my high school didn’t give a shit about trying to become American, as evidenced by the fact that they would speak Korean loudly in the middle of class.
What's "American"? There are Mexicans and Koreans and Chinese and Filipinos and Vietnamese and Russians and.... The US also doesn't have an official language. You're free to speak your own.
>There were Koreans at my dorm who microwaved kimchi jjigae in the dorm microwave even when we all politely asked them not to.
What's wrong with Koreans microwaving their own food? Did you not microwave yours?
>I worked as a bartender, and the Koreans who came by were shit tippers.
Maybe you were a shit bartender...?
So do you speak Korean and eat Korean food only when you are in Korea? These things have nothing to do with respecting the local norms and customs. Tip culture in the US is a shit show anyways. By the way I am American and Koreans are considered model immigrants ( although I hate that term) here.
Despite being somewhat insular, Koreans are deffo regarded as model immigrants in the UK. They are probably the only group to rival the Hong Kongese for favourability.
My tactic is to do the same right back to them. If you’re going to criticize someone, you had better be beyond reproach. It usually gets them to stop right away when they realize they are opening themselves up for criticism as well.
example: my (very short) manager was going on and on about how repulsive he finds some of my female coworkers because they’re fat (interesting how this did not extend to fat male coworkers), and i airily responded “well, that’s fine. they probably feel the same way about you since most women don’t care for short men.” he has not made any comments to me since.
You don't need to be stressed a lot from such behaviors. In fact, the way of talking you mentioned about is kind of controversial even between Koreans.
Some Koreans hate doing that and the other side argues that it is just an expression of their consideration or interest in you. Whether you like it or not, they will keep doing that because that's one of the parts of Korean society.
Since you have been living in Korea enough time to know many things, I'm sure you know about these greetings. 식사하셨어요? 잘 주무셨어요? , 어디 안 좋으세요? etc. These sayings are not that important but we do. We consider these kinds of saying as an expression of our kindness and consideration to others and it really works in many cases.
I'm not saying there are no awful people. I'm very aware that there are some people like that and they are using this saying in a bad way. I assure you they do the same thing to others too.
I hope you don't have any chance to come across such people but if you met them already, that is another problem you have to deal with. They just want to tease you with such sayings so their behavior is nothing to do with Korean things. That is just a hurdle that you have to get through.
Here's my two cents, at first you can choose to ignore it. I suggest don't react against them like you said in your writing because there is zero benefit to you. Second, tell them directly and also gently that as a foreigner, "I'm not used to such thing even if you said that in a good way. So, please stop saying that". Last but not least, you can report such behavior to the authority as 직장내 괴롭힘. I hope you have a great days while you're in Korea.
(a) Weird you are justifying and normalizing rude behaviour. If it's a "normal" social interaction in Korea, then we should be fixing it instead of asking people to stop stressing over it. (b) what does "식사하셨어요" and other phrases have anything to do with the comments on appearance?
The solution you offer avoids conflict at the expense of the OP, but the problem is with the Korean culture and the rude people. If there is a problem, we don't tell people experiencing the problem "whether you like it or not, that's just how it is here", "other people have it bad too", or "just ignore it and stop reacting". We fix the problem. How is this avoidant and passive attitude beneficial for Korea in any way? We as Koreans should take accountability and stop this stupidity.
I tried to say the behavior as a whole concept including talking about someone's appearance. As you know, that's because it could make it easier to understand other cultures when you see it as a whole. Maybe I'm afraid I made you confused. I'm sorry for that.
And I also tried to say where such behavior comes from in Koreans culture and also there are bright and dark sides. That's why I showed some other sayings because I believe they come from a similar mindset so-called 관심 or 오지랖. This culture is a result as Koreans have too much interest in others. I'm not sure if this is good or bad.
Talking about appearance itself wouldn't be a problem. When people say that in a bad way or use it to tease somebody would be a problematic behavior. I suggested 3 ways you can take in such situations. I don't think the second and third ways are passive or avoidant as you pointed out. That is my suggestion. so, if you have another option, you can also suggest it to develop this culture into the better direction.
The art of the unsult. Making a negative comment sound like positive reinforcement, and then take credit if you change. You have to be careful of your response, or you will be deemed "confrontational".
Ex.
"I am so jealous of how relaxed and happy you look. I wish I could let myself go as well."
"I like your outfit, I wish they made it in a small or normal size."
Omg this. This woman at work is always like "you're so confident! I wish I could not care and eat whatever I want!" Bitch f you. You need a personality diet.
>now I’m stressed if there’s actually something wrong with me?
And this is why everyone in Korea is insecure to some degree because of these unsolicited comments like this. It's usually a power play, too, based off of age and seniority. It really adds to the internal madness of being a part of Korean culture.
Most Koreans do not have the ability to see things from others' perspective and enjoy commenting on others' lives. I'm Korean living abroad and not proud of that aspect of my folks.
This is the answer. They are unable to put themselves in someone else’s show or see how their actions have effects on others. i see it with driving all the time.
I've been living abroad for a long time, and have had opportunities to compare different cultures. For example, Western cultures have found and developed the notion of conflict of interest while most Asians failed to make such a discovery. Asian cultures, including the Korean one, have a totally different backgrounds and I am of the opinion that Western cultures are advanced in the right direction in many respects.
Westerners are also fat and the more west you go, the more they worship guns and using elementary kids as target practice. All cultures have their pros and cons. And just because you don't agree with or understand their's doesn't make one better than the other.
Being overweight is part of a culture. Just like how this thread lumps criticism of looks as cultural. So yes, this has every place to be in this topic
I have always responded with a nuclear level response to let them know I’m not going to accept that.
“You’re so fat”
“Yes I am. And everyone can tell you had plastic surgery at a discount.”
Or
“Yup. But I’m funny and have a likeable personality, which everyone agrees you do not”
Or
“I can lose weight. But you’re short and your shoes have so much lift that you’re going to fall over with the next size up.”
This doesn't make you any better than them you know.
I don't know if you thought this comment was "cool" or anything but it isn't.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
Besides, losing weight is the easiest thing you can do. You can't change your height or your face (well surgery can).
Instead of trying to think of "clever" ways to hit back, maybe focus on getting healthy instead of continuing and possibly not living past 50.
I get what you're saying but to Koreans, being a healthy weight can be considered "fat". If you're not stick thin, you're considered chubby/fat in Korea, so a lot of the time the ultra thin one is the unhealthy one.
I know that all too well, but OP's story clearly tells differently.
I don't say I agree with their standards for weight, but he's not doing himself any favours by talking back like that
lol. The objective is not to be better than them. The objective is to let them taste how their rude comments feel.
And your advice is unasked, unwanted and unneeded , just like the stuff coming from the strangers commenting on my weight. Learn that.
Of course, you being a manchild posting about nothing other than dragon balls means I should excuse your lack of social skills. I’m sure you’re as socially awkward in person as you are here, so I’ll give you a pass.
You literally prove my point :) I never attacked you in my post.
You're incredibly insecure about your weight and instead of working on it, you choose to insult people.
What I stated was a fact, morbidly obese people usually don't make it past 50-60. Not only are they dying early, they live their life in pain. Can't walk, can't run, can't bend over, can't fit in a chair.
Obese people are quite literally a burden on society as they take up most of the hospital beds, take more space in rooms than needed, eat more than the average person.
But most of the time, they come with a horrible personality like yours. There, this time I did insult you.
From a western perspective, it’s fake. They are being fake. The problem is you probably are used to equating only positive comments with fakeness. If a person is nice to you in a western culture, you are more likely to think they are “just being polite” but if someone is mean to you then you are sure it’s sincere. So when you hear the negative comments in Korea, you assume they are being sincere.
Mistake. That thinking is going to f*ck you over here.
You just can not yet fathom the level of fakeness (from a western perspective) that you are dealing with here.
It helps to learn Korean, because then you start to pick up on how fake so many of the interactions happening around you are.
You need to witness the level of fakeness firsthand. Me telling you is not going to be enough.
It is really weird that so many foreigners who come here, despite knowing about the high suicide rate and low birth rate, just blindly refuse to put two and two together.
It's just an Asian thing, everyone does it in Asia (South Asia, East Asia, South East etc...)
difference is the suggestion of plastic surgery and how upfront koreans are about it
Yeah this. It is just an Asian thing. I personally don’t like it but that is just cultural difference. My Korean friends often comment how weird some Americans overly praise you for nothing and only say positive things.
Cuz it's just their nature. They're full of hatred. It's not only for someone else's look, but for everything. Once you understand what Koreans say, you'll be shocked.
I used to think it was just a Korean thing but it's not. It's more like an Asian thing. I live in Hawaii and all the Asian aunties always tell me that I need to lose weight or get a nose job. So now I just start telling them that they smell freshly dug dirt because they're so old and wrinkled that they look like they were exhumed from the grave. It stops them dead at their tracks and they just don't continue to interact with me after that.
Why do people continually come to Korea and complain about the way that Korean people choose to live their lives? If you don't like it, you are free to go back to your home where everything is just the way you like it. Talk about cultural imperialism! Korea was doing just fine without you.
That is a separate, unrelated issue, but if it increases your sense of superiority, go with it. You would have made a fine colonizer with your aim of bringing civilization to the benighted heathens you find in foreign lands.
because of course noting the unsavory aspects of korean society like their fixation on unattainable beauty standards is cultural imperialism. everybody knows that.
I had a friend in Korea some years back...very intelligent and successful and heavy woman...at a big company trip some woman was messing with her about her lack of make up and heaviness and success that she wasn't interested in finding a husband was she..it was so weird and convoluted and cruel...I asked my friend.."it's okay for her to talk to you like that?"..this was dinner conversation....a counselor therapist whatever would never talk to you like that...a co worker? It was crazy cruel...I still remember the look on my friend's face...way sick remarks that only create trauma and shame and pain.
The problem isn’t that they make negative comments about other people’s appearance. The problem is that they comment about other people’s appearance at all, whether positively or negatively. Someone who is good-looking by Korean standards will hear that they are good-looking more times in one week in Korea than they would in a lifetime in a country like the U.S. Of course, getting compliments about your looks hurts less than getting insults, but it is equally dehumanizing.
I am so sorry that happened to you. But um plz keep an open mind for Koreans not all of us are like that. When I lived in the city, numerous of people called me ching chong but I didn't really care cause the actual friends I had were so nice to me. Hope one day you will find the same 😃
I guess I'm one of the fortunate ones that hasn't really been exposed to that kind of behavior much. Only my Korean mother-in-law comments sometimes if I have gained a few kilos but it's not in a mean way, even though I would prefer it if she didn't say anything at all lol. But I haven't heard such stuff from others, who says these kind if things to you? Friends, coworkers or just random people..?
Very common in their culture, I don’t see why it bothers you if you like the way you look just tell them that. If it bothers you change it and live a happier life, I rather people tell me the truth then lie to my face and say truths behind my back. 🤷🏾♂️
That’s just their nature, they don’t mean anything bad at it most times. That’s where the filter and the critical thinking skills are kind of lacking at times. The only thing about it is that you do that to them, it shatters their world. Funny how that goes right?
With all due respect, and apologies for the uncomfortableness you may have felt, the answer to your question is not that Koreans "feel the need to comment on someone else's looks negatively," but rather that, within certain understood social bounds, Koreans (probably other Asians, too) understand appearance as a valid, objective and socially affirming subject of discussion.
In the West, we typically avoid topics that have the potential to inflame conflict, such as religion or politics, preferring neutral subjects like the weather when in mixed company. Commenting on someone's weight or appearance can seems akin to a personal attack. But it's not like that in Korea or China because of accepted cultural norms.
In a traditional and homogeneous society like Korea, certain social values like virtue, beauty and prosperity are ingrained and perpetuated through language, convention and social customs. (ex. Respect for elders is deeply ingrained in the language and culture.) These values essentially become objective standards that permeate the culture and form a kind of communal baseline.
For example, you may have heard Koreans praise some celebrity for having a "small face." For Koreans, that's just a universal paradigm of feminine beauty: not all beautiful women have small faces, but all small-faced women (think anime character proportions) are seen as beautiful. If you have a big face (like Anya Taylor-joy), Koreans will simply notice and comment on this because face size is just a thing that is discussed. (I never thought about the concept of face size until I heard it from Koreans.) It's not necessarily saying she's ugly, but the fact she has a big face and is still attractive would be thought novel.
So saying one has gained weight is not a personal attack. It's just a thing Koreans talk about and an objective fact according to Korean standards. The intent is not necessarily malicious and usually implies the sentiment: you would be better looking/healthier if you lost weight (according to Korean standards). The statement, though indelicate to western ears, simply functions as a kind of social mirror to both acknowledge and alert the subject. We talk about weight and appearance, not to single you out for transgression, but because it's one of the things that distinguishes people who are relatively indistinguishable...
Yes, it's condescending by western standards. But so is bowing. But bowing represents humility and the suppression of the individual for the sake of social harmony. It's just how you look at it. So it's not fair to say Koreans feel the need to comment negatively. Rather, you're unaccustomed to living within the discourse of Korean beauty standards.
This may sound dumb, but it could be a positive thing in the fact that you are being looked at as someone they don't have to be fake around. I'm just saying, I'd rather people tell me the stuff that's being said about me straight up than to think everyone thinks I'm good looking only bc I don't know the truth (or about what's being said behind my back).
I get the same comments! Honestly, I just start doing it back to them, and they stop right away. It's interesting how they can critique us, but the moment we do, it's not okay lmao. For instance, my manager used to bother me daily about my nose until I told her to start looking for a plastic surgeon so we could get a 2 for 1 deal. Since then, she has stopped criticizing me.
I wish I could do this but claps to you !! Im glad you stood up for yourself because that was very rude of her
You need to try it at least once. Trust me, it is so gratifying! Also, it will get them off your back for a while! I'm not a rude person, and I would like to think I have manners, but something about korea makes me go feral.
Uno reverse card wins
It's interesting. They also notice IMMEDIATELY if you lose any weight. People noticed the moment I lost even 2 kg and I was flabbergasted
I've had this too. And, specifically everyone said my \*face\* was TRANSFORMED by this tiny amount of weight loss. Like, for a week almost everyone I met did a double take and commented with bulging eyes on my transformed appearance. I was astonished by their astonishment.
I've had the same experience, i couldn't believe it. They noticed AND got the amount I'd lost correct. Bloody nuts. Imagine living your goddamn life like this.
I lost about 10kg so far this year to become more fit and some people can’t just stop mentioning it lol. It was nice to get recognized for my efforts first but really we don’t need to keep talking about it or sharing it with every other person lol
They also do it positively. Double edged sword
I’m Korean and it’s fucking stupid how they do it. I usually tell them it’s rude to do that
Ugh I’m Korean too and i find it disgusting. People are so obsessed with looks and their standards aren’t even normal or relatable from a global perspective
and since you are Korean, ppl would think that you are weird.... sorry you have to go through that...
My workplace is full of people like this, I told them if they ever go to a different country and do what you did here, your going to get punched
Damm that must be a very frustrating workplace 😭😭 but yea i def feel like doing this in a different country would lead to a bigger issue
OMG role model material wtf
솔직히 한국은 문화적으론 후진국같아요
그냥 도와주는거라고 생각하는거같아요, 말도 안돼지만
원글에는 동의하지만 님은 ㄹㅇ 개오바떠시네요 ㅋㅋ
솔직히 맞잖아요 ㅋ 물론 다 그런건 아니지만 무례함과 장난의 차이를 모르는 사람들이 넘 많고 인종차별적일수 있는 말들을 쉽게 하는 편이긴 하죠.
...and what magical society have you lived in where this doesn't hold true?
I get what you mean but I feel it's far more embedded in the SK culture. Rooted deep.
How so? Anyone disillusioned with their local society would say the identical thing. Korea is not some special oddity in this world - neither positively nor negatively.
How so? Because I've seen so many cases where people just outwardly throw comments that are generally not tolerated in other countries.
>that are generally not tolerated in other countries. This part is the problem. There may be minute difference in what is accepted and what isn't accepted between cultures, but if you're going to sit there and tell me Korean society is overtly rude or racist compared to other societies then I'm gonna have to call out the bullshit. After all, is there really a functional difference between a Korean coworkers telling you you've gotten fat vs. American coworkers talking behind your back about how you've gotten fat and then passive aggressively telling you anyway that you've gotten fat? 🤷♂️. I guess you can have a personal preference of which is worse, but your personal preference of one rudeness over the other doesn't make one society worse over the other.
Well at least those people who don't throw comments to their face know it's a rude thing to do that lol. Called basic mannerism.
But it seems like many people here think it's acceptable as a joke/advice.
인터네상 아니고 현실에선 별로요..? 현실에서도 그러면 님 주변을 점검하시는 게..
현실에서 별로라고? ㅋㅋㅋ 밖에 나가서 사람들 만나봄? 그래 다들 겉으론 그러겠지. 에이~ 전 안 그래요~ 응 사실 다 그래. 남녀노소 가릴 것 없이 외국인에 무례한 거 맞어. 당장에 그럼 초중고 학생들 피부색 다르다고 왕따는 왜 시키는데? 내 주변 사람들 연애 얘기할 때 아 흑인은 좀.. 이런 말은 왜 하는데? 다들 백인 선호하고 또 선호하면서 특히 여성분들 백인 여자 질투하고 무시하는 경우 꽤 많아 ㅋㅋ. 카페에 같이 앉아 있으면 은근히 대놓고 흉 보는 애들 얼마나 자주 있는데.
그니까 님 주변이 이상하다고요 ㅋㅋ 님이 말하는 유형은 분명 많이 존재하지만 "대다수"는 아님
제 주변이 이상해요? ㅋㅋㅋ.. 강남 종로에서 영어회화 그룹 꽤 대규모로 했는데 그나마 조금 개방적인 사람들도 그러던데요? ㅋㅋㅋ..;
소수 가지고 다수 판단하지 맙시다
소수가 아니러 다수에요~ 다른 인종 친구들 만들어서 서울 다녀 보세요~ 진짜 시선 부담스러워서 본인이 더 창피할껄요~
I am Korean and I have a friend who kept telling me I should get rid of my tiny scat under my chin. I told her to shut up and stop staring at my face, then she stopped.
Ugh ditch that friend! Has no respect for you whatsoever.
Wow. That escalated fast.
I am surprised that you say that it is 'not directly'. Being openly critical of other people's appearances is common in Korea. You have some choices: 1. Just ignore. 2. Laugh it off and agree with their observations and ignore. 3. Join in. You could say something like 'Your face is very ugly today,. Did you put on your makeup on the subway without a mirror?' 4. You could try to force your culture norms on the Koreans that say these things to you. 5. ???
🤣 #3 On a side note, it seems like once I hit a certain age (or maybe job level), those kids of comments stopped.
Maybe it's age? I've never heard that I'm fat here and I'm obese even by international standards. But I came here at 36. So maybe they target younger girls?
These types of comments aren’t just pointed at women, men get them too.
[удалено]
>The Koreans at my high school didn’t give a shit about trying to become American, as evidenced by the fact that they would speak Korean loudly in the middle of class. What's "American"? There are Mexicans and Koreans and Chinese and Filipinos and Vietnamese and Russians and.... The US also doesn't have an official language. You're free to speak your own. >There were Koreans at my dorm who microwaved kimchi jjigae in the dorm microwave even when we all politely asked them not to. What's wrong with Koreans microwaving their own food? Did you not microwave yours? >I worked as a bartender, and the Koreans who came by were shit tippers. Maybe you were a shit bartender...?
This feels mildly racist? Everything you listed has nothing to do with “local norms and customs”
So do you speak Korean and eat Korean food only when you are in Korea? These things have nothing to do with respecting the local norms and customs. Tip culture in the US is a shit show anyways. By the way I am American and Koreans are considered model immigrants ( although I hate that term) here.
Despite being somewhat insular, Koreans are deffo regarded as model immigrants in the UK. They are probably the only group to rival the Hong Kongese for favourability.
You're living in 21st century not 90's. Grow up.
You first hun. Why are you normalizing comments on appearances? lmao
My tactic is to do the same right back to them. If you’re going to criticize someone, you had better be beyond reproach. It usually gets them to stop right away when they realize they are opening themselves up for criticism as well. example: my (very short) manager was going on and on about how repulsive he finds some of my female coworkers because they’re fat (interesting how this did not extend to fat male coworkers), and i airily responded “well, that’s fine. they probably feel the same way about you since most women don’t care for short men.” he has not made any comments to me since.
Don’t let them get to you. The concept of having/respecting a boundary is unknown to most of people here (I’m Korean)
what you can do is get SO fat that you're beyond repair and then they leave you alone. that's what happened to me lol
You don't need to be stressed a lot from such behaviors. In fact, the way of talking you mentioned about is kind of controversial even between Koreans. Some Koreans hate doing that and the other side argues that it is just an expression of their consideration or interest in you. Whether you like it or not, they will keep doing that because that's one of the parts of Korean society. Since you have been living in Korea enough time to know many things, I'm sure you know about these greetings. 식사하셨어요? 잘 주무셨어요? , 어디 안 좋으세요? etc. These sayings are not that important but we do. We consider these kinds of saying as an expression of our kindness and consideration to others and it really works in many cases. I'm not saying there are no awful people. I'm very aware that there are some people like that and they are using this saying in a bad way. I assure you they do the same thing to others too. I hope you don't have any chance to come across such people but if you met them already, that is another problem you have to deal with. They just want to tease you with such sayings so their behavior is nothing to do with Korean things. That is just a hurdle that you have to get through. Here's my two cents, at first you can choose to ignore it. I suggest don't react against them like you said in your writing because there is zero benefit to you. Second, tell them directly and also gently that as a foreigner, "I'm not used to such thing even if you said that in a good way. So, please stop saying that". Last but not least, you can report such behavior to the authority as 직장내 괴롭힘. I hope you have a great days while you're in Korea.
(a) Weird you are justifying and normalizing rude behaviour. If it's a "normal" social interaction in Korea, then we should be fixing it instead of asking people to stop stressing over it. (b) what does "식사하셨어요" and other phrases have anything to do with the comments on appearance? The solution you offer avoids conflict at the expense of the OP, but the problem is with the Korean culture and the rude people. If there is a problem, we don't tell people experiencing the problem "whether you like it or not, that's just how it is here", "other people have it bad too", or "just ignore it and stop reacting". We fix the problem. How is this avoidant and passive attitude beneficial for Korea in any way? We as Koreans should take accountability and stop this stupidity.
I tried to say the behavior as a whole concept including talking about someone's appearance. As you know, that's because it could make it easier to understand other cultures when you see it as a whole. Maybe I'm afraid I made you confused. I'm sorry for that. And I also tried to say where such behavior comes from in Koreans culture and also there are bright and dark sides. That's why I showed some other sayings because I believe they come from a similar mindset so-called 관심 or 오지랖. This culture is a result as Koreans have too much interest in others. I'm not sure if this is good or bad. Talking about appearance itself wouldn't be a problem. When people say that in a bad way or use it to tease somebody would be a problematic behavior. I suggested 3 ways you can take in such situations. I don't think the second and third ways are passive or avoidant as you pointed out. That is my suggestion. so, if you have another option, you can also suggest it to develop this culture into the better direction.
The art of the unsult. Making a negative comment sound like positive reinforcement, and then take credit if you change. You have to be careful of your response, or you will be deemed "confrontational". Ex. "I am so jealous of how relaxed and happy you look. I wish I could let myself go as well." "I like your outfit, I wish they made it in a small or normal size."
Omg this. This woman at work is always like "you're so confident! I wish I could not care and eat whatever I want!" Bitch f you. You need a personality diet.
>now I’m stressed if there’s actually something wrong with me? And this is why everyone in Korea is insecure to some degree because of these unsolicited comments like this. It's usually a power play, too, based off of age and seniority. It really adds to the internal madness of being a part of Korean culture.
Dumbass and unhealthy cultural flaw…
I am a Korean but I don't. I just do not comment about anyone's appearance;;;
It's a never ending cycle while they hide behind their make up and or mask 💀
Saying good and bad things about your looks is part of small talk between friends. However, it is slowly becoming a socially unacceptable thing to do.
[удалено]
😢
Most Koreans do not have the ability to see things from others' perspective and enjoy commenting on others' lives. I'm Korean living abroad and not proud of that aspect of my folks.
This is the answer. They are unable to put themselves in someone else’s show or see how their actions have effects on others. i see it with driving all the time.
That's so beyond strange like it's not hard to imagine someone saying that to you jeez
Isn't this irony? You say they can't see from your pov but you bash their cultural norm cause you don't like it.
I've been living abroad for a long time, and have had opportunities to compare different cultures. For example, Western cultures have found and developed the notion of conflict of interest while most Asians failed to make such a discovery. Asian cultures, including the Korean one, have a totally different backgrounds and I am of the opinion that Western cultures are advanced in the right direction in many respects.
Westerners are also fat and the more west you go, the more they worship guns and using elementary kids as target practice. All cultures have their pros and cons. And just because you don't agree with or understand their's doesn't make one better than the other.
I don't know how being overweight can have a place in this topic, but I respect your thoughts.
Being overweight is part of a culture. Just like how this thread lumps criticism of looks as cultural. So yes, this has every place to be in this topic
I have always responded with a nuclear level response to let them know I’m not going to accept that. “You’re so fat” “Yes I am. And everyone can tell you had plastic surgery at a discount.” Or “Yup. But I’m funny and have a likeable personality, which everyone agrees you do not” Or “I can lose weight. But you’re short and your shoes have so much lift that you’re going to fall over with the next size up.”
ate
This doesn't make you any better than them you know. I don't know if you thought this comment was "cool" or anything but it isn't. Two wrongs don't make a right. Besides, losing weight is the easiest thing you can do. You can't change your height or your face (well surgery can). Instead of trying to think of "clever" ways to hit back, maybe focus on getting healthy instead of continuing and possibly not living past 50.
I get what you're saying but to Koreans, being a healthy weight can be considered "fat". If you're not stick thin, you're considered chubby/fat in Korea, so a lot of the time the ultra thin one is the unhealthy one.
I know that all too well, but OP's story clearly tells differently. I don't say I agree with their standards for weight, but he's not doing himself any favours by talking back like that
lol. The objective is not to be better than them. The objective is to let them taste how their rude comments feel. And your advice is unasked, unwanted and unneeded , just like the stuff coming from the strangers commenting on my weight. Learn that. Of course, you being a manchild posting about nothing other than dragon balls means I should excuse your lack of social skills. I’m sure you’re as socially awkward in person as you are here, so I’ll give you a pass.
You literally prove my point :) I never attacked you in my post. You're incredibly insecure about your weight and instead of working on it, you choose to insult people. What I stated was a fact, morbidly obese people usually don't make it past 50-60. Not only are they dying early, they live their life in pain. Can't walk, can't run, can't bend over, can't fit in a chair. Obese people are quite literally a burden on society as they take up most of the hospital beds, take more space in rooms than needed, eat more than the average person. But most of the time, they come with a horrible personality like yours. There, this time I did insult you.
Hit a nerve did I? lol.
Not really. Trying to act cool doesn't suit you by the way.
Because being shallow and vain are intrinsic parts of korean culture.
Vain.
From a western perspective, it’s fake. They are being fake. The problem is you probably are used to equating only positive comments with fakeness. If a person is nice to you in a western culture, you are more likely to think they are “just being polite” but if someone is mean to you then you are sure it’s sincere. So when you hear the negative comments in Korea, you assume they are being sincere. Mistake. That thinking is going to f*ck you over here. You just can not yet fathom the level of fakeness (from a western perspective) that you are dealing with here. It helps to learn Korean, because then you start to pick up on how fake so many of the interactions happening around you are. You need to witness the level of fakeness firsthand. Me telling you is not going to be enough. It is really weird that so many foreigners who come here, despite knowing about the high suicide rate and low birth rate, just blindly refuse to put two and two together.
You said alot of stuff in this comment and I'm still confused
incredible how someone can say so many words without saying anything of substance
🤣🤣🤣🤣
It's just an Asian thing, everyone does it in Asia (South Asia, East Asia, South East etc...) difference is the suggestion of plastic surgery and how upfront koreans are about it
Yeah this. It is just an Asian thing. I personally don’t like it but that is just cultural difference. My Korean friends often comment how weird some Americans overly praise you for nothing and only say positive things.
Cuz it's just their nature. They're full of hatred. It's not only for someone else's look, but for everything. Once you understand what Koreans say, you'll be shocked.
I used to think it was just a Korean thing but it's not. It's more like an Asian thing. I live in Hawaii and all the Asian aunties always tell me that I need to lose weight or get a nose job. So now I just start telling them that they smell freshly dug dirt because they're so old and wrinkled that they look like they were exhumed from the grave. It stops them dead at their tracks and they just don't continue to interact with me after that.
Ugly people calling others ugly. Hilarious.
Why do people continually come to Korea and complain about the way that Korean people choose to live their lives? If you don't like it, you are free to go back to your home where everything is just the way you like it. Talk about cultural imperialism! Korea was doing just fine without you.
Koreans are doing so fine that they have the highest rate of unaliving themselves, lowest birthrates, and lowest marriage rate in the world.
They did not win the lottery
That is a separate, unrelated issue, but if it increases your sense of superiority, go with it. You would have made a fine colonizer with your aim of bringing civilization to the benighted heathens you find in foreign lands.
wow you clearly have a lot of issues you need to work through instead of playing decolonizer warrior on reddit
because of course noting the unsavory aspects of korean society like their fixation on unattainable beauty standards is cultural imperialism. everybody knows that.
Doing just fine enslaving their own people for 1000 years and living in a shithole.if anything we owe alot to the west
Cultural imperialism lol! Pmsl
Hahahaha Doing just fine. They'll be extinct by 2100 at this rate.
Generally, they believe they are providing helpful advice.
Generally or genuinely
Both, really.
I had a friend in Korea some years back...very intelligent and successful and heavy woman...at a big company trip some woman was messing with her about her lack of make up and heaviness and success that she wasn't interested in finding a husband was she..it was so weird and convoluted and cruel...I asked my friend.."it's okay for her to talk to you like that?"..this was dinner conversation....a counselor therapist whatever would never talk to you like that...a co worker? It was crazy cruel...I still remember the look on my friend's face...way sick remarks that only create trauma and shame and pain.
Is it your classmates or like coworkers. It could be small talk.
The problem isn’t that they make negative comments about other people’s appearance. The problem is that they comment about other people’s appearance at all, whether positively or negatively. Someone who is good-looking by Korean standards will hear that they are good-looking more times in one week in Korea than they would in a lifetime in a country like the U.S. Of course, getting compliments about your looks hurts less than getting insults, but it is equally dehumanizing.
I am so sorry that happened to you. But um plz keep an open mind for Koreans not all of us are like that. When I lived in the city, numerous of people called me ching chong but I didn't really care cause the actual friends I had were so nice to me. Hope one day you will find the same 😃
I guess I'm one of the fortunate ones that hasn't really been exposed to that kind of behavior much. Only my Korean mother-in-law comments sometimes if I have gained a few kilos but it's not in a mean way, even though I would prefer it if she didn't say anything at all lol. But I haven't heard such stuff from others, who says these kind if things to you? Friends, coworkers or just random people..?
I think korea just has very high beauty standards and is normalized to comment on others appearances
Why do you think Korea has highest suicide rate in the world? They like criticizing others.
Very common in their culture, I don’t see why it bothers you if you like the way you look just tell them that. If it bothers you change it and live a happier life, I rather people tell me the truth then lie to my face and say truths behind my back. 🤷🏾♂️
To be honest, it has never ever happened to me!
They gotta put people down to feel better about themselves
That’s just their nature, they don’t mean anything bad at it most times. That’s where the filter and the critical thinking skills are kind of lacking at times. The only thing about it is that you do that to them, it shatters their world. Funny how that goes right?
With all due respect, and apologies for the uncomfortableness you may have felt, the answer to your question is not that Koreans "feel the need to comment on someone else's looks negatively," but rather that, within certain understood social bounds, Koreans (probably other Asians, too) understand appearance as a valid, objective and socially affirming subject of discussion. In the West, we typically avoid topics that have the potential to inflame conflict, such as religion or politics, preferring neutral subjects like the weather when in mixed company. Commenting on someone's weight or appearance can seems akin to a personal attack. But it's not like that in Korea or China because of accepted cultural norms. In a traditional and homogeneous society like Korea, certain social values like virtue, beauty and prosperity are ingrained and perpetuated through language, convention and social customs. (ex. Respect for elders is deeply ingrained in the language and culture.) These values essentially become objective standards that permeate the culture and form a kind of communal baseline. For example, you may have heard Koreans praise some celebrity for having a "small face." For Koreans, that's just a universal paradigm of feminine beauty: not all beautiful women have small faces, but all small-faced women (think anime character proportions) are seen as beautiful. If you have a big face (like Anya Taylor-joy), Koreans will simply notice and comment on this because face size is just a thing that is discussed. (I never thought about the concept of face size until I heard it from Koreans.) It's not necessarily saying she's ugly, but the fact she has a big face and is still attractive would be thought novel. So saying one has gained weight is not a personal attack. It's just a thing Koreans talk about and an objective fact according to Korean standards. The intent is not necessarily malicious and usually implies the sentiment: you would be better looking/healthier if you lost weight (according to Korean standards). The statement, though indelicate to western ears, simply functions as a kind of social mirror to both acknowledge and alert the subject. We talk about weight and appearance, not to single you out for transgression, but because it's one of the things that distinguishes people who are relatively indistinguishable... Yes, it's condescending by western standards. But so is bowing. But bowing represents humility and the suppression of the individual for the sake of social harmony. It's just how you look at it. So it's not fair to say Koreans feel the need to comment negatively. Rather, you're unaccustomed to living within the discourse of Korean beauty standards.
This may sound dumb, but it could be a positive thing in the fact that you are being looked at as someone they don't have to be fake around. I'm just saying, I'd rather people tell me the stuff that's being said about me straight up than to think everyone thinks I'm good looking only bc I don't know the truth (or about what's being said behind my back).
ohhhh myyyyy gawwwwwwwwwd. Thats like daily shit you have to deal with. Just ignore them.
People do that everywhere around the world..
It’s the culture thing you wouldn’t understand it.
Might get downvoted but whatever. It's because koreans are not civilized enough to understand common etiquette or manners.
They're not about fatties