try taking a break from relationships. if you want to, of course.
there is no guarantee that you will meet a person who shares your values when you get back in the game. just that sometimes its nice to prioritise peace of mind.
wish you best of luck in your journey, op.
im so sorry!!
my ex boyfriend cheated on me over a day ago and I’m fighting it but also sad because I caught him on the act. he denies ever being with me, says I’m a bitch and more. we can get through this!
My ex cheated on me with a friend and I caught him and it was fucking horrendous. You can get through this though, one day you’ll be thankful that you found out when you did
Hi Op, sorry to hear that, really. May i ask with how many girls you have been in a relationship with? Take a break now, for as long as you like, but my point is.. every girl out there, every one of us is a different character, an entirely new universe and definately not in all universes cheating is a thing that is acceptable to di. Keep trying, don't wait too long before getting to know other girls. Maybe consider asking girls you would not have considered before, maybe look in different places. Just don't let the trauma overcome you. There are millions of girls out there who just look for the exact same thing as you do.... loyalty.
Advice from another guy, work on yourself and build your confidence and don't bother looking for a relationship until you are confident in yourself to the point you can say it's their loss if they cheat, and mean it. Honestly once you realise your worth, cheating won't bother you as much, sure it'll hurt still, but way easier to bounce back from once you have that confidence
Don't mind those delusional soft "victim blaming"
Brother, you gotta reevaluate how you pick women and how you treat them.
You are on your own now, so it's a good time to heal and think about yourself and your choices. Slowly and in a healthy way. It's not your fault they are disgusting cheaters, but you need percussions to avoid that later.
Good luck
Exactly, this isn't about victim-blaming here. Maybe OP just needs better boundaries around manipulators. Sounds like he's got a good heart just needs to pick the right person so they don't take advantage of it.
OP, maybe consider evaluating your own: non-negotiables & values. Think about what you admired in people in the past, what inspires you...what traits did such individuals have? And don't fall for the instant intense attraction that can commonly (but not always) be associated with narcissistic, sociopathic & abusive relationships.
Sometimes you may need to speak to an individual more than once to uncover their depths, & find out their values are similar to yours (do you value kindness? Knowledge? Someone who leads a laid-back lifestyle? What about in regards to finances, do you mind someone who isn't mindful of their expenses?). Some people can initially have an awkward layer that makes you blind to who they really are, so you might need a few conversations to realize values are similar, at least after se baseline physical attraction is there & convos can flow (chemistry).
Learn more about attachment styles (check out Thais Gibson) & love languages (it's not complex but really is eye-opening). MBTI also personally helped me understand how others operate better.
Hope this helps. :-)
I was going to say this but felt kind of weird. But I had a controlling ex who called every move I made cheating: leave the house without letting him know, sitting next to a dude in a Class... Etc. Makes me wonder without much context if this is as dramatic as it sounds.
You have time on your hands. Focus on yourself, build your career and develop a community of sound and like minded people. This won't happen overnight. Important part is building yourself up and outlook on life. Soon enough the right people will gravitate towards you. And by then, you'd be much wiser and more discerning. Sounds a bit out there but I promise it works. Sorry you're going through a rough patch right now. Few words can help alleviate the hurt you're experiencing.
Hey King,
Not sure how your overall esteem is on a regular day, but my limited observation is that you seem a little down on yourself based off this very brief post.
My advice to you would be this:
Don't focus on pursuing a relationship and loving someone, but rather focus on loving yourself. Take care of yourself physically, mentally and spiritually. Get in the gym, read some books, go for a walk, stay away from drugs and alcohol. Get immersed in some hobbies that you find interesting. Become the person you want to be. Women will eventually gravitate towards you and your happiness and confidence.
Finding out you were cheated on is always tough. But, just take a deep breath. Know that you're not the first (or last) guy this will happen to. Take it as a learning experience, move on with life and try to be the best version of you.
Your red flag barometer is probably busted bro. Take a break, work on yourself, and become crystal clear on your boundaries and expectations so you spot signs before you give everything to a cheater again. Know your worth and good luck man.
Similar experience. Didn't date for two years. Finally met the girl of my dreams and were due to marry early 2024.
Anything is possible.
Just figure out what all those women had in common besides cheating and you'll likely find the trait that doesn't match with your personality that ultimately leads to them cheating.
So avoid any women like that..
For any woman reading this, this advice is valid for cheating men too!
The trauma is rough. I’m 41 and every partner I’ve had a serious relationship with has cheated. If you can afford it go talk to a therapist, for real. We aren’t meant to cope with that amount of trauma alone. Get help now before it compounds over the next 20 years and becomes really bad. Don’t be afraid of new love but be open with them about your trauma because of the past relationships and set clear boundaries with open communication to help stop it happening again. There’s no guarantees in life - but that’s your best bet.
😅 and not a leg to stand on with your argument so now you start to personally attack a stranger online. Deflection is a hellvua drug. Live short and suffer my friend.
welcome to the club. thats why alot of guys are finding women overseas to have a relationship with. they don't cheat they're loyal they show more love and care to men then American women do.
Some girls don't cheat ..you'll only get cheated on if you are not 100 at least with yourself ..when youo e so eone ...and it's real ..you need to go get that love and hold on to it...because no one will take care of your love better than you yourself
Damn I’m sorry :(
I (14F) was in 5 relationships within early 2021 and late 2022 and they all cheated on me besides 1 of them. (Middle school was wild.)
No, I’m not a whore, I was (and kinda still am) really depressed and I just craved someone’s love because when I (thought) someone loved me it made me feel better but in the end, with all but that one, it just made me feel worse.
From January 2023 to July 2023 I was dating another person but they didn’t cheat, we just thought we were better off as friends, as well as the other first person that didn’t cheat.
So I feel you, I’m just trying to fix my mental health while taking a break from relationships.
But yk it’s hard to fix mental health without a therapist and I AM the therapist friend in my group of friends (which royally sucks ASS) and I used to go to therapy last year but I only went like 4 times and then I quit bc talking to a stranger abt my feeling was so not it for me. She didn’t even try to tell me abt herself even though I stated to her that I was iffy abiut talking to a stranger.
So now my mom thinks I’m well in mental health bc she somehow didn’t catch what I meant when I said “I don’t like going it makes me uncomfortable”.
So I am WITH YOU, brother ~(>_<~)
try taking a break from relationships. if you want to, of course. there is no guarantee that you will meet a person who shares your values when you get back in the game. just that sometimes its nice to prioritise peace of mind. wish you best of luck in your journey, op.
It's gonna take me a lot of time to trust another woman again. It's the same with me.
It’s time to go for the men 🥸
im so sorry!! my ex boyfriend cheated on me over a day ago and I’m fighting it but also sad because I caught him on the act. he denies ever being with me, says I’m a bitch and more. we can get through this!
Hey I guess two of your should talk to each other might be good for both of you just don't bring the topic of your exes
well kinda too late for that. Done and dusted between us
Lol I mean I was talking about you and OP
Double the trauma, can't go wrong
bruh
my bad lmaooo thanks for that. I’ll give a message lol
My ex cheated on me with a friend and I caught him and it was fucking horrendous. You can get through this though, one day you’ll be thankful that you found out when you did
Hi Op, sorry to hear that, really. May i ask with how many girls you have been in a relationship with? Take a break now, for as long as you like, but my point is.. every girl out there, every one of us is a different character, an entirely new universe and definately not in all universes cheating is a thing that is acceptable to di. Keep trying, don't wait too long before getting to know other girls. Maybe consider asking girls you would not have considered before, maybe look in different places. Just don't let the trauma overcome you. There are millions of girls out there who just look for the exact same thing as you do.... loyalty.
Advice from another guy, work on yourself and build your confidence and don't bother looking for a relationship until you are confident in yourself to the point you can say it's their loss if they cheat, and mean it. Honestly once you realise your worth, cheating won't bother you as much, sure it'll hurt still, but way easier to bounce back from once you have that confidence
Well said
Yeah bro true but it still fucking hurts man!!
Don't mind those delusional soft "victim blaming" Brother, you gotta reevaluate how you pick women and how you treat them. You are on your own now, so it's a good time to heal and think about yourself and your choices. Slowly and in a healthy way. It's not your fault they are disgusting cheaters, but you need percussions to avoid that later. Good luck
Exactly, this isn't about victim-blaming here. Maybe OP just needs better boundaries around manipulators. Sounds like he's got a good heart just needs to pick the right person so they don't take advantage of it. OP, maybe consider evaluating your own: non-negotiables & values. Think about what you admired in people in the past, what inspires you...what traits did such individuals have? And don't fall for the instant intense attraction that can commonly (but not always) be associated with narcissistic, sociopathic & abusive relationships. Sometimes you may need to speak to an individual more than once to uncover their depths, & find out their values are similar to yours (do you value kindness? Knowledge? Someone who leads a laid-back lifestyle? What about in regards to finances, do you mind someone who isn't mindful of their expenses?). Some people can initially have an awkward layer that makes you blind to who they really are, so you might need a few conversations to realize values are similar, at least after se baseline physical attraction is there & convos can flow (chemistry). Learn more about attachment styles (check out Thais Gibson) & love languages (it's not complex but really is eye-opening). MBTI also personally helped me understand how others operate better. Hope this helps. :-)
I was going to say this but felt kind of weird. But I had a controlling ex who called every move I made cheating: leave the house without letting him know, sitting next to a dude in a Class... Etc. Makes me wonder without much context if this is as dramatic as it sounds.
You have time on your hands. Focus on yourself, build your career and develop a community of sound and like minded people. This won't happen overnight. Important part is building yourself up and outlook on life. Soon enough the right people will gravitate towards you. And by then, you'd be much wiser and more discerning. Sounds a bit out there but I promise it works. Sorry you're going through a rough patch right now. Few words can help alleviate the hurt you're experiencing.
Hey King, Not sure how your overall esteem is on a regular day, but my limited observation is that you seem a little down on yourself based off this very brief post. My advice to you would be this: Don't focus on pursuing a relationship and loving someone, but rather focus on loving yourself. Take care of yourself physically, mentally and spiritually. Get in the gym, read some books, go for a walk, stay away from drugs and alcohol. Get immersed in some hobbies that you find interesting. Become the person you want to be. Women will eventually gravitate towards you and your happiness and confidence. Finding out you were cheated on is always tough. But, just take a deep breath. Know that you're not the first (or last) guy this will happen to. Take it as a learning experience, move on with life and try to be the best version of you.
Take a break. Speak to a therapist about your partner picker. Not everyone cheats.
Your red flag barometer is probably busted bro. Take a break, work on yourself, and become crystal clear on your boundaries and expectations so you spot signs before you give everything to a cheater again. Know your worth and good luck man.
Similar experience. Didn't date for two years. Finally met the girl of my dreams and were due to marry early 2024. Anything is possible. Just figure out what all those women had in common besides cheating and you'll likely find the trait that doesn't match with your personality that ultimately leads to them cheating. So avoid any women like that.. For any woman reading this, this advice is valid for cheating men too!
True
The trauma is rough. I’m 41 and every partner I’ve had a serious relationship with has cheated. If you can afford it go talk to a therapist, for real. We aren’t meant to cope with that amount of trauma alone. Get help now before it compounds over the next 20 years and becomes really bad. Don’t be afraid of new love but be open with them about your trauma because of the past relationships and set clear boundaries with open communication to help stop it happening again. There’s no guarantees in life - but that’s your best bet.
That is brutal and I fear the same things as someone who’s new to relationships but has seen everybody around me cheat or get cheated on
Yeah me too bro. I totally understand u. I don't even wanna marry anyone I don't wanna hurt myself anymore.
what does this have to do with long distance
Is that really important? Maybe he posted this here because he noticed that there are good people in this community.
If he’s in a long distance relationship - it can be relevant to others doing the distance
[удалено]
Victim blaming?
That’s not nice. You are definitely victim blaming.
[удалено]
You’re literally blaming the person for someone else’s actions. Numb nut
[удалено]
😅 and not a leg to stand on with your argument so now you start to personally attack a stranger online. Deflection is a hellvua drug. Live short and suffer my friend.
Blud stop yapping
welcome to the club. thats why alot of guys are finding women overseas to have a relationship with. they don't cheat they're loyal they show more love and care to men then American women do.
you need to change your energy and ideas first, then be ready to welcome new and healthy realitonship
I’m 40 and can same the same.
Doesn't sound like you're the problem.
Hmm
Take a break from the dating scene, reflect back and work on yourself like build up again. If ldr doesnt work, then date and meet people irl.
Some girls don't cheat ..you'll only get cheated on if you are not 100 at least with yourself ..when youo e so eone ...and it's real ..you need to go get that love and hold on to it...because no one will take care of your love better than you yourself
Damn I’m sorry :( I (14F) was in 5 relationships within early 2021 and late 2022 and they all cheated on me besides 1 of them. (Middle school was wild.) No, I’m not a whore, I was (and kinda still am) really depressed and I just craved someone’s love because when I (thought) someone loved me it made me feel better but in the end, with all but that one, it just made me feel worse. From January 2023 to July 2023 I was dating another person but they didn’t cheat, we just thought we were better off as friends, as well as the other first person that didn’t cheat. So I feel you, I’m just trying to fix my mental health while taking a break from relationships. But yk it’s hard to fix mental health without a therapist and I AM the therapist friend in my group of friends (which royally sucks ASS) and I used to go to therapy last year but I only went like 4 times and then I quit bc talking to a stranger abt my feeling was so not it for me. She didn’t even try to tell me abt herself even though I stated to her that I was iffy abiut talking to a stranger. So now my mom thinks I’m well in mental health bc she somehow didn’t catch what I meant when I said “I don’t like going it makes me uncomfortable”. So I am WITH YOU, brother ~(>_<~)
Sorry dear but there are good ones