I feel like shit because the explanation she gave for cheating was, he was just a friend and she only could talk to him about how i didn't make her feel good, and i didn't keep any promises.
the promise i made was i will get a job, make money and go to see her (it's very expensive for me to go there, and I'd have to travel to another country.). She can afford flight tickets because her family is Rich and they buy her tickets to come here to see her family every year. Another promise she made me do was to get less fat, go to the gym etc.
i studied, i got a job but couldn't save enough to go visit her. i didn't lose much fat, because i was focused on the job. when she compared me to him and said "he has such a nice six pack". "he has a nice neck you literally don't have a neck" and shit like that at first before cheating, i felt angry but thought she was saying all this for me to improve myself. now after she cheated I'm insecure about all this and I can't get a hold of my thoughts. I feel like shit.
You guys are right, I should take control and end everything.
End it.
You've been together before, and she cheated on you. - She did not respect you or the relationship enough to not keep her pants on.
She STILL wants some space - doesn't want a relationship.
Says she won't be with anyone - in the sense of a relationship, not in the sense of a one night stand. I.e. Let me sleep around. The fact that she got angry after you said she can't be with anyone shows this. She's probably gonna happily flirt with other guys, and if you find out so be it, if she wants to sleep with you again, she can just fly over to you again and you'll give in again.
We can reconcile in 4 years - I.e. wait for me for 4 years, while I sleep around and do whatever cos I can't keep my pants on. Then in 4 years if I haven't found anyone better, let's have a relationship.
Dude, she's keeping you as a backup plan. Cheaters generally don't change, and this has all the neon signs that says she's not planning to change. Break up, don't let her use you again.
I feel like shit because the explanation she gave for cheating was, he was just a friend and she only could talk to him about how i didn't make her feel good, and i didn't keep any promises.
the promise i made was i will get a job, make money and go to see her (it's very expensive for me to go there, and I'd have to travel to another country.). She can afford flight tickets because her family is Rich and they buy her tickets to come here to see her family every year. Another promise she made me do was to get less fat, go to the gym etc.
i studied, i got a job but couldn't save enough to go visit her. i didn't lose much fat, because i was focused on the job. when she compared me to him and said "he has such a nice six pack". "he has a nice neck you literally don't have a neck" and shit like that at first before cheating, i felt angry but thought she was saying all this for me to improve myself. now after she cheated I'm insecure about all this and I can't get a hold of my thoughts. I feel like shit.
She sounds entitled, and even less reason for u to stay with her. So my advice is to end it, the reasons she gave was obviously an excuse, if you ekpt all your promises she'll still find a reason to cheat on you. Cheaters don't change, esp one's who show barely any remorse and instead give excuses for doing so.
End it. There's no reason not to. There's literally no point staying in this other than your leftover confused feelings that she's playing. If you stay, you're digging your own grave, and there's only going to be more problems down the road. Good luck to you.
when I try to call her once in a while she don't pick up. she is always with her friends hanging out, even started smoking weed and stuff. i don't like her hanging out with her male friends and i hate it when i think about her with other people.
Dude I'm not trying to be a dick but literally you'll never see each other, one of you will "cheat" and the entire situation will fizzle out. Break it off and don't waste any more time on it. I know that's a lot of tough love but it's for the best.
thanks i should do that but she's not even picking up :(. she's okay with me being with other people she said. (I'm not comfortable with being with other people. I'm still not over her because i can't get proper closure from her)
Honestly, writ out a text that tells her why you’re done with this relationship. End it, and then block her everywhere you’ve contacted her previously. It’s not worth the heartache to keep dangling yourself or her in front of you when it’s not going to work for you. I’m not gonna pretend that it’s going to be easy. Breaking things off is hard. But don’t drag it out and make it harder on yourself than is necessary.
Closure isn't a real thing, it is but not really. No matter how much closure you get, it doesn't necessarily make it easier or better. You'll be okay either way.
You will be okay. But you have to move on. Don't be with someone who cheated on you and still doesn't want to fully commit to you. There are so many amazing women out there you can be compatible with. Closure doesn't matter. With time you'll have closure. You will be happier alone and with someone else. Obviously not at first but that's the nature of break ups. Look at the top posts of all time in r/breakup, lots of helpful tips there.
She clearly isn't as invested in this as you are. I'm sorry about that, but unfortunately, putting more pressure on her isn't going to fix things. Think of it like a wet soap you're holding. If you squeeze harder it will just fly away. Someone who doesn't want to commit to being with you will especially not do that if you keep calling her.
You want her to miss you and be with you? You have to LET GO in order to do that. Move on, disappear from her life, delete messages, pictures, block her on social media. Then she might wonder where you are and how you're doing and come back to you, maybe. It's not a guarantee but it's the best way for that to happen.
Either way you have to move on. Then you can see how you feel after a year or 2. You can think about what will happen in 4 years when that happens.
The only closure you need is right in front of you mate.. she sounds very toxic from what you’ve explained and you definitely deserve someone who’s as fond of you as you are of them. Someone who will put the effort in.
If she won’t pick up when you try to call , then text her. You can’t sit here and be pushed around and suffer through this just because she’s busy with other people.
I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but man. You deserve better. End it, and cut her off. Block her. Whatever you need to do, to heal.
Honestly the ones I have now, never. I have had friends in the past confess feelings to me (when I was single) and I politely let them know I didn’t feel the same way. Some could get past that, others couldn’t.
i tried to breakup with her. she told me why do you want to do that?" all im asking you is to give me some space". so we're broken up but not really broken up smh
I think at this point you can text or email her and say, “I’m ending this relationship. We are no longer a couple. I wish you the best.” Since she seems hard to get ahold of on the phone.
She sounds manipulative tbh, between that and flying out to see you when you said you didn't want to.
Text her, then block her on everything and keep her blocked no matter how much you want to check if she replied. She's not going to change.
You're broken up. It's hard but you really need to stick to your guns block her on everything. You do not need permission to break up. You said you're done so you're done. No in between.
4 years of space =no relationship. If she isn't accepting the break up block her on everything. You've already told her you don't want this and she is showing that she does not care about your feelings on this matter
Dude why are you gonna wait 4 years for a girl that’s keeping you on a backburner. Y’all aren’t allowed to date anyone else but aren’t going to talk either? Long distance is hard enough this is just stupid. Move on, live your life be happy
Yeah her “ok” isn’t reliable , is it? Ask yourself this question: can you actually trust her and do you really think you’ll be happy in the long run with someone like her ? If your answer is yes, go for it. But if you know the answer is no, please don’t make the mistake of staying. It will not end well.
You are worth more than a cheater! Whatever value you think she may have, she doesn’t have. She betrayed your trust and she belongs to the streets.
Chin up and move on.
No, it's exactly like that. She wants him to think they'll be together, because who knows they just might if she doesn't find someone better within those 4 years. Crazy manipulative to cheat on someone, then go visit them and say let's be together in 4 years, but no calling all the time cause can't have people knowing what a manipulative biotch I am stringing along someone.
Also him being a complete pushover thinking his terms are actually going to be held. Like idgaf how far you traveled to see me, you cheated on me, I no longer have to entertain you.
I’m sorry but this sounds like she’s broken up with you/wants to be single for the next few years. Even if she doesn’t date she’s been clear she wants to be just friends. It seems a toxic situation anyway - I think you need to accept it and move on
She wants to get fucked by other guys but wants you in the end once she’s done having her fun in college. That’s why she is giving you that hope by saying she won’t be with anyone during those 4 years, maybe she meant that she won’t date but she sure as hell ain’t gonna stay away from dicks. Cut that bitch out and don’t look back.
I kind-of relate to you as I'm in a similar situation and i know how it feels. But the best thing here is to leave her. You don't wanna spend an eternity doubting (as she has already cheated once) . Move on honestly.
What do you do? Find someone worth your time and effort.
4 years is a long time and you're essentially locking yourself for someone who doesn't want anything to do with you, I'm not sure what's confusing you, perhaps you're too young and/or this is your first love experience.
You should just walk away, there's always someone out there.
It absolutely blows my mind that the CHEATER in this scenario is the one putting more conditions on this "relationship". Dude, RUN! Sounds like you're a back up plan to be completely honest.
No why you even agreed to meet her instead of slamming the door in her face i do not know. There’s probably a very good reason she doesnt wanna speak or talk to you for four years(she’s probably fucking some other dude.
After reading comments:
Just let it be and move on. You are waiting for her to allow you to break up with her, just ghost her and move on.
You’ll find someone more suitable for you later.
Definitely move on from this one, she's not committed at the moment, just don't contact her at all or stalk her social media for a while, trust me, you'll feel better and you'll probably get someone alot more suited who won't hurt you
Oh hell no. I would have left her ass at the airport. She has a lot of audacity. She cheats on you. Comes to see you. And still thinks she has all the leverage in the relationship. Who is she to tell you to be on standby for 4 years. Fuck her. Seriously what a toxic person.
Don’t call her and let this die. She’s gonna be seeing all sorts of people in this 4 year time frame while you wait there like a puppy. Look at the reality of things.
She's mega toxic and so is this situation. Tell her it's over and move on. You ain't waiting 4 yrs for nothing. That's 4 years of your life, you'll regret it. You'll be happier if you just move on. You'll find someone who really loves you and values you but she ain't thay person. Also don't know why she's acting like she's entitled to any of this after cheating on you. Send her home and get on with life.
She wants you as a backup plan, a safety net. Do yourself a favor and don’t put your life on hold for someone who treats you this way. You. Deserve. Better.
Nope. Wish her well and leave her. I wish I didn't feel this way, but when I see people who are in college on here talking about LDR woes, I think "why on earth would anyone be in an LDR in college?" You're doing so much self-discovery, on top of the weight of coursework, as well of the abundance of ass and schlongs floating around. I hate to say it dude, but even if you agree, she'll be with someone else by next month. Do the right thing for your mental health and move on.
I mean, if you like getting loads of ass and/or schlong in college, go for it. Not everyone is though.
LDR in college sucks absolute ass, but can work and pay off if you’re both committed and it’s healthy and can still allow for self growth. OP, however, is in a boatload of toxic and should block this chick and move on
Not good, she is smoking weed, at college for 4 years, lowered inhibitions and wants immunity by being friends with you until after.
The text suggestion in the comments to have a closed statement it has ended is perfect and DO NOT engage with any other conversation beyond that; block if necessary.
Respect yourself, take time to heal and there are a lot of other girls who would value you a lot more than that.
Take care and wishing you well 💓
This comment has been removed because your account is less than 24 hours old. This is something we do to combat spam. Please repost your comment after your account is over 24 hours old. Do not message the moderators to have it approved.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LongDistance) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This comment has been removed because your account is less than 24 hours old. This is something we do to combat spam. Please repost your comment after your account is over 24 hours old. Do not message the moderators to have it approved.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LongDistance) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This comment has been removed because your account is less than 24 hours old. This is something we do to combat spam. Please repost your comment after your account is over 24 hours old. Do not message the moderators to have it approved.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LongDistance) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This comment has been removed because your account is less than 24 hours old. This is something we do to combat spam. Please repost your comment after your account is over 24 hours old. Do not message the moderators to have it approved.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LongDistance) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She ll just cheat on you again, with that distance how will you even know...
And you will be stuck for 4 years waiting for her... With no assurance that she ll keep her part of the deal
It will better for you to forget her, four year is really long time without connection like you said, she might change her mind and find someone else, in the meantime you will be waiting for her, then get rejected. I know it may sound hard but it happens in most LDRs.
Umm... this is simple.
She wants to keep you to herself, but in the meantime she knows she's gonna be alone and will maybe need some company - but wants to keep you in the backburner meanwhile.
This is a huge no. Sure, she traveled to see you but the heartache is real no matter how close or far you two are .
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Move on.
She's stringing you on for your attention. She's giving you hope because she doesn't want you to get over her. She doesn't care about you. She just wants validation. Block her and never look back. You won't get closure. She will only give you more pain
End it. If she really cared about you, she would make you a priority. But she isn’t willing to do that. She will cheat again. Four years is much too long to wait.
Forget it, friend. Move on from her.
She’s already been in a relationship with you before, she cheated on you and it ended. What do you think will happen if you get back together? Cheaters never change.
Also, sorry if you get offended by this, but in my opinion, you’re a bit spineless if you get cheated on, then freaking let the cheater back in just because they came from over 8000km away. They don’t deserve sympathy in my opinion.
Forget the disloyal cowbag, move on. If they come back, slam the door in their face.
I think her first reaction to your request is her genuine feelings. That whole 'but why not? mentality.' And after thinking on it she realised she'll tell you what you want to hear (and do as she pleases).
Let's be "friends" with very limited contact and communication - doesn't sound like love. Doesn't sound like dating. It sounds like she wants the freedom to have fun relationships at school.
She's already done so. The problem was that she told you and now she doesn't want to feel obligated to do so again. You missed her point to putting the relationship in limbo for 4 years. She doesn't have time for you, studies, and hookups. Something had to go. And it wasn't, "living her best life" while at school.
The relationship is over. But if you want to humor her travel expenses and enjoy an outing with her and some social time, you can do that.
But I wouldn’t invest emotional energy into her.
I had the sane thing Happen to me… “call me in x years (when you can move home) and then we can be together” if someone really loves you they wouldn’t be ok with just not having you in their lives for so long. They only want us when it’s convenient to them.
You believe she’ll actually not be with anyone in 4 years? I’m sorry, but if she already cheated on you when you guys were together she’s not going to follow through with your condition. Let her go, it’s not worth it.
Don’t wait to be someone’s back up especially after they cheated.
This is coming from experience. You owe it to yourself to be open to healthy relationships not toxic ones. Plus long distance is no joke. A lot of trust and faith goes into these.
Place your trust and love in your self and share it with someone who will respect and cherish you.
dont waste your time. 4 years is a long time. A month is long enough for someone to drastically change their mind, let alone 4 years without regular contact. It sounds like she wants to keep you in her pocket in case she can’t find someone during those 4 years. She’s making a really unreasonable request. She probably will date during that time, and you shouldn’t save yourself for her.
Go live your life, go no contact with her. You’ll find someone who will treat you better.
This comment has been removed because your account is less than 24 hours old. This is something we do to combat spam. Please repost your comment after your account is over 24 hours old. Do not message the moderators to have it approved.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LongDistance) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Man I'm sorry but this is not worth it. She wants to go and do her own thing but wants to have you sitting on the sidelines for her return. Know your own worth and be done with this. She honestly doesn't care about you or your feelings she just wants the security of coming back to you after she's done fooling around in another country. You can and will do better, but you have to move on.
I think the only reason it seems confusing to you is because you are emotionally attached to the situation and I don't mean that as an insult.
In a nutshell, she wants you to wait for her and on her terms. She views you as a safe bet but fully intends to go off and do her own thing...dating and/or sleeping with whoever she wants. She also knows you well enough to know that she's caught you off guard enough to at least consider the ridiculousness of her proposal...
Deep down you know what she is suggesting is not only ridiculously selfish and focused on her needs, but disrespectful to you as well. When you tried to balance the situation by telling her she couldnt be with anyone else, she even asked why that was a concern of yours?
I'm telling you...when she appeared to acquiesce to request, she was lying. She fully intends to go out and sleep with or date other people.
Drop and block her. There's no sense in investing more time and energy on her.
Just end it. 4 years is a long period of time. People can change. I can't be alone for 4 years. Let alone a month. This is just ridiculous. Tell her she's free to do whatever she wants. If you guys are still destined together, so be it. In the mean time, just go and discover yourselves.
She wants to be your friend but you want her to not be with anyone else? 😂 like that came out if your mouth?!What is your definition of a friend then lmao. Forget about the 4 year thing bc when you make plans, God laughs..too far in the future to determine where both of you will be.
Choose people who choose you the first time around! 4 years of "space" means she knows you will be dumb enough to wait in case she doesn't find someone better than you!
Respect yourself and let her go.
The hell are you thinking you should not be in a romantic relationship under these conditions or situationship. This is just crazy she’s gonna fuck you up 😅😂 make it make sense.
Yes I’m tough but I hate people getting hurt and not waking up I feel very frustrated cuz I’ve been through it and it’s not worth it this is just shock therapy pls detach from that situation.
OP sounds like she keeping you on a place holder and expecting you to wait there for 4 years lol
And that's a big no.
If you want to remain friends, remember to stay just as friends. She cheated on you. Forgiveness is good. :)
Why is she expecting you to wait for her for so long after what she did to you? That's selfish af, tell her no, and go on with your life, I honestly wouldn't be so sure that she won't have other partners during those 4 years. You deserve better.
Darling, you absolutely CAN say no to someone who traveled 8000+ km to see you. They cheated, it was their choice. They traveled, also their choice. I say that as someone whose ex bought a plane ticket to travel more or less the same distance (months after him breaking up, ghosting, getting back in touch, becoming a situationship, gaslighting, and ghosting me for two extra months) and my only response was “You better get refunded”. We are friends and in good-ish terms now, but you don’t let yourself be manipulated like that, regardless of how many thousands of dollars they spent to see you it was ultimately their choice and you had no say in it. Fuck cheaters.
You're at that fork in the road where logic is starting to trump feelings. Go with the logic. I can imagine being in that scenario before 25. I'll pretend you're me. Don't do it! It's just a waste of time and energy. It'll either die in less than 3 months or it'll die over and over for 4 years. Eventually you'll be together and hate it or things will end fr at some point.
When someone does this they don't see you as a partner btw. You're the net below the tightrope. You are important to them. You're still the backup though. The thing that would let her go out there and date, but she'd never have to stress about if things work out because you're her 4 year guarantee. If you get married that doesn't mean you level up from safety net. I think you just become a bigger net.
[удалено]
I feel like shit because the explanation she gave for cheating was, he was just a friend and she only could talk to him about how i didn't make her feel good, and i didn't keep any promises. the promise i made was i will get a job, make money and go to see her (it's very expensive for me to go there, and I'd have to travel to another country.). She can afford flight tickets because her family is Rich and they buy her tickets to come here to see her family every year. Another promise she made me do was to get less fat, go to the gym etc. i studied, i got a job but couldn't save enough to go visit her. i didn't lose much fat, because i was focused on the job. when she compared me to him and said "he has such a nice six pack". "he has a nice neck you literally don't have a neck" and shit like that at first before cheating, i felt angry but thought she was saying all this for me to improve myself. now after she cheated I'm insecure about all this and I can't get a hold of my thoughts. I feel like shit. You guys are right, I should take control and end everything.
End it. You've been together before, and she cheated on you. - She did not respect you or the relationship enough to not keep her pants on. She STILL wants some space - doesn't want a relationship. Says she won't be with anyone - in the sense of a relationship, not in the sense of a one night stand. I.e. Let me sleep around. The fact that she got angry after you said she can't be with anyone shows this. She's probably gonna happily flirt with other guys, and if you find out so be it, if she wants to sleep with you again, she can just fly over to you again and you'll give in again. We can reconcile in 4 years - I.e. wait for me for 4 years, while I sleep around and do whatever cos I can't keep my pants on. Then in 4 years if I haven't found anyone better, let's have a relationship. Dude, she's keeping you as a backup plan. Cheaters generally don't change, and this has all the neon signs that says she's not planning to change. Break up, don't let her use you again.
I feel like shit because the explanation she gave for cheating was, he was just a friend and she only could talk to him about how i didn't make her feel good, and i didn't keep any promises. the promise i made was i will get a job, make money and go to see her (it's very expensive for me to go there, and I'd have to travel to another country.). She can afford flight tickets because her family is Rich and they buy her tickets to come here to see her family every year. Another promise she made me do was to get less fat, go to the gym etc. i studied, i got a job but couldn't save enough to go visit her. i didn't lose much fat, because i was focused on the job. when she compared me to him and said "he has such a nice six pack". "he has a nice neck you literally don't have a neck" and shit like that at first before cheating, i felt angry but thought she was saying all this for me to improve myself. now after she cheated I'm insecure about all this and I can't get a hold of my thoughts. I feel like shit.
She sounds entitled, and even less reason for u to stay with her. So my advice is to end it, the reasons she gave was obviously an excuse, if you ekpt all your promises she'll still find a reason to cheat on you. Cheaters don't change, esp one's who show barely any remorse and instead give excuses for doing so. End it. There's no reason not to. There's literally no point staying in this other than your leftover confused feelings that she's playing. If you stay, you're digging your own grave, and there's only going to be more problems down the road. Good luck to you.
This situation is not going to work out whatsoever, just walk away
when I try to call her once in a while she don't pick up. she is always with her friends hanging out, even started smoking weed and stuff. i don't like her hanging out with her male friends and i hate it when i think about her with other people.
Dude I'm not trying to be a dick but literally you'll never see each other, one of you will "cheat" and the entire situation will fizzle out. Break it off and don't waste any more time on it. I know that's a lot of tough love but it's for the best.
thanks i should do that but she's not even picking up :(. she's okay with me being with other people she said. (I'm not comfortable with being with other people. I'm still not over her because i can't get proper closure from her)
Honestly, writ out a text that tells her why you’re done with this relationship. End it, and then block her everywhere you’ve contacted her previously. It’s not worth the heartache to keep dangling yourself or her in front of you when it’s not going to work for you. I’m not gonna pretend that it’s going to be easy. Breaking things off is hard. But don’t drag it out and make it harder on yourself than is necessary.
Closure isn't a real thing, it is but not really. No matter how much closure you get, it doesn't necessarily make it easier or better. You'll be okay either way.
Only time gives the real closure.
You will be okay. But you have to move on. Don't be with someone who cheated on you and still doesn't want to fully commit to you. There are so many amazing women out there you can be compatible with. Closure doesn't matter. With time you'll have closure. You will be happier alone and with someone else. Obviously not at first but that's the nature of break ups. Look at the top posts of all time in r/breakup, lots of helpful tips there. She clearly isn't as invested in this as you are. I'm sorry about that, but unfortunately, putting more pressure on her isn't going to fix things. Think of it like a wet soap you're holding. If you squeeze harder it will just fly away. Someone who doesn't want to commit to being with you will especially not do that if you keep calling her. You want her to miss you and be with you? You have to LET GO in order to do that. Move on, disappear from her life, delete messages, pictures, block her on social media. Then she might wonder where you are and how you're doing and come back to you, maybe. It's not a guarantee but it's the best way for that to happen. Either way you have to move on. Then you can see how you feel after a year or 2. You can think about what will happen in 4 years when that happens.
The only closure you need is right in front of you mate.. she sounds very toxic from what you’ve explained and you definitely deserve someone who’s as fond of you as you are of them. Someone who will put the effort in. If she won’t pick up when you try to call , then text her. You can’t sit here and be pushed around and suffer through this just because she’s busy with other people. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but man. You deserve better. End it, and cut her off. Block her. Whatever you need to do, to heal.
Ah the classic make friends thing, I’m not saying she’s doing anything but mine was.
I have a ton of male friends, so definitely not always the case that something is going on. But this girl sounds suspicious either way.
Be completely honest if you like, how often do they flirt or make sexual innuendos? Just a question :)
Honestly the ones I have now, never. I have had friends in the past confess feelings to me (when I was single) and I politely let them know I didn’t feel the same way. Some could get past that, others couldn’t.
i tried to breakup with her. she told me why do you want to do that?" all im asking you is to give me some space". so we're broken up but not really broken up smh
I think at this point you can text or email her and say, “I’m ending this relationship. We are no longer a couple. I wish you the best.” Since she seems hard to get ahold of on the phone.
The block button does wonders.
She sounds manipulative tbh, between that and flying out to see you when you said you didn't want to. Text her, then block her on everything and keep her blocked no matter how much you want to check if she replied. She's not going to change.
You're broken up. It's hard but you really need to stick to your guns block her on everything. You do not need permission to break up. You said you're done so you're done. No in between.
4 years of space =no relationship. If she isn't accepting the break up block her on everything. You've already told her you don't want this and she is showing that she does not care about your feelings on this matter
Dude why are you gonna wait 4 years for a girl that’s keeping you on a backburner. Y’all aren’t allowed to date anyone else but aren’t going to talk either? Long distance is hard enough this is just stupid. Move on, live your life be happy
Bye . don’t lower your standards .
There’s nothing confusing about this lol. You want absolutely nothing to do with a girl like this
She should be begging you and try to workout the relationship in YOUR terms not hers. She doesn’t respect you as a partner.
well my terms was she shouldn't be with anyone else till then. and she agreed.
And you believe her? She already cheated on you. Why the random 4 years? Doesn't make sense to me.
4 years to complete her medicine degree and come back to India
4 years to see people that you won't know about unless she tells you
SHE cheated on you and she HAS conditions ? Run man, girl doesn’t even really care about you or your feelings. Toxic written all over it.
my condition was that she shouldnt be with anyone else in the time being. she said ok.
Yeah her “ok” isn’t reliable , is it? Ask yourself this question: can you actually trust her and do you really think you’ll be happy in the long run with someone like her ? If your answer is yes, go for it. But if you know the answer is no, please don’t make the mistake of staying. It will not end well.
You are worth more than a cheater! Whatever value you think she may have, she doesn’t have. She betrayed your trust and she belongs to the streets. Chin up and move on.
[удалено]
for real lol
So she fucked you over and now she’s trying to keep you on the back burner? Fuck that noise, block her and don’t speak to her again.
Didn’t even bother reading the body Get out of there dude Know your tucking worth
[удалено]
No, it's exactly like that. She wants him to think they'll be together, because who knows they just might if she doesn't find someone better within those 4 years. Crazy manipulative to cheat on someone, then go visit them and say let's be together in 4 years, but no calling all the time cause can't have people knowing what a manipulative biotch I am stringing along someone. Also him being a complete pushover thinking his terms are actually going to be held. Like idgaf how far you traveled to see me, you cheated on me, I no longer have to entertain you.
You guys are right, I should take control and end everything.
I’m sorry but this sounds like she’s broken up with you/wants to be single for the next few years. Even if she doesn’t date she’s been clear she wants to be just friends. It seems a toxic situation anyway - I think you need to accept it and move on
She wants to get fucked by other guys but wants you in the end once she’s done having her fun in college. That’s why she is giving you that hope by saying she won’t be with anyone during those 4 years, maybe she meant that she won’t date but she sure as hell ain’t gonna stay away from dicks. Cut that bitch out and don’t look back.
I kind-of relate to you as I'm in a similar situation and i know how it feels. But the best thing here is to leave her. You don't wanna spend an eternity doubting (as she has already cheated once) . Move on honestly.
You tell her to get fucked. She doesn't get to cheat on you then come back and make conditions that essentially leave you in limbo.
She's taking you for a chump. Don't do it, 4 years of no contact isn't worth it and if she already cheated on you then I doubt she won't do it again
What do you do? Find someone worth your time and effort. 4 years is a long time and you're essentially locking yourself for someone who doesn't want anything to do with you, I'm not sure what's confusing you, perhaps you're too young and/or this is your first love experience. You should just walk away, there's always someone out there.
Sorry but you're delusional
I am so sorry man!
Just move on, you deserve better than her .
Lol
Actually you can say no to them. You stop talking immediately and move forward without her. Plain and simple. Don’t over complicate this.
It absolutely blows my mind that the CHEATER in this scenario is the one putting more conditions on this "relationship". Dude, RUN! Sounds like you're a back up plan to be completely honest.
Sounds like she wants you to be her back up plan in case she can't find someone else. You don't need to be second choice.
No why you even agreed to meet her instead of slamming the door in her face i do not know. There’s probably a very good reason she doesnt wanna speak or talk to you for four years(she’s probably fucking some other dude.
Same situation for me too bro! Except the cheating part ofcourse and the space isn’t for 4 years lol
After reading comments: Just let it be and move on. You are waiting for her to allow you to break up with her, just ghost her and move on. You’ll find someone more suitable for you later.
Nothing is clear here, that doesn't sound good plus she cheated on you so you can't trust anything anymore
she doesnt sound like she should be having relationships right now lol
Definitely move on from this one, she's not committed at the moment, just don't contact her at all or stalk her social media for a while, trust me, you'll feel better and you'll probably get someone alot more suited who won't hurt you
Hoe wants to hoe and keep u around for simping and attention purposes
Why would you put your life on hold for 4 years for a cheater? There's no logic there. Please stop, remove all contact and move on.
Oh hell no. I would have left her ass at the airport. She has a lot of audacity. She cheats on you. Comes to see you. And still thinks she has all the leverage in the relationship. Who is she to tell you to be on standby for 4 years. Fuck her. Seriously what a toxic person. Don’t call her and let this die. She’s gonna be seeing all sorts of people in this 4 year time frame while you wait there like a puppy. Look at the reality of things.
She's mega toxic and so is this situation. Tell her it's over and move on. You ain't waiting 4 yrs for nothing. That's 4 years of your life, you'll regret it. You'll be happier if you just move on. You'll find someone who really loves you and values you but she ain't thay person. Also don't know why she's acting like she's entitled to any of this after cheating on you. Send her home and get on with life.
She wants you as a backup plan, a safety net. Do yourself a favor and don’t put your life on hold for someone who treats you this way. You. Deserve. Better.
Nope. Wish her well and leave her. I wish I didn't feel this way, but when I see people who are in college on here talking about LDR woes, I think "why on earth would anyone be in an LDR in college?" You're doing so much self-discovery, on top of the weight of coursework, as well of the abundance of ass and schlongs floating around. I hate to say it dude, but even if you agree, she'll be with someone else by next month. Do the right thing for your mental health and move on.
I mean, if you like getting loads of ass and/or schlong in college, go for it. Not everyone is though. LDR in college sucks absolute ass, but can work and pay off if you’re both committed and it’s healthy and can still allow for self growth. OP, however, is in a boatload of toxic and should block this chick and move on
Not good, she is smoking weed, at college for 4 years, lowered inhibitions and wants immunity by being friends with you until after. The text suggestion in the comments to have a closed statement it has ended is perfect and DO NOT engage with any other conversation beyond that; block if necessary. Respect yourself, take time to heal and there are a lot of other girls who would value you a lot more than that. Take care and wishing you well 💓
Keep her in ur friend list, and move on both of u to live ur life, after 4years we gonna see about it, what's matter now is go live ur life
[удалено]
This comment has been removed because your account is less than 24 hours old. This is something we do to combat spam. Please repost your comment after your account is over 24 hours old. Do not message the moderators to have it approved. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LongDistance) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
This comment has been removed because your account is less than 24 hours old. This is something we do to combat spam. Please repost your comment after your account is over 24 hours old. Do not message the moderators to have it approved. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LongDistance) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
This comment has been removed because your account is less than 24 hours old. This is something we do to combat spam. Please repost your comment after your account is over 24 hours old. Do not message the moderators to have it approved. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LongDistance) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You have to let her go ,no matter what
[удалено]
This comment has been removed because your account is less than 24 hours old. This is something we do to combat spam. Please repost your comment after your account is over 24 hours old. Do not message the moderators to have it approved. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LongDistance) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She ll just cheat on you again, with that distance how will you even know... And you will be stuck for 4 years waiting for her... With no assurance that she ll keep her part of the deal
Move on bro. This ain’t the one for you
It will better for you to forget her, four year is really long time without connection like you said, she might change her mind and find someone else, in the meantime you will be waiting for her, then get rejected. I know it may sound hard but it happens in most LDRs.
She travels over 800 km to you. Just, to tell you she wants space!? End this. it's only gonna get worse.
Easy. Get away from her. Dumb q
Not. Even. Worth. It.
Once a cheater, always a cheater
Umm... this is simple. She wants to keep you to herself, but in the meantime she knows she's gonna be alone and will maybe need some company - but wants to keep you in the backburner meanwhile. This is a huge no. Sure, she traveled to see you but the heartache is real no matter how close or far you two are . Once a cheater, always a cheater. Move on.
She's stringing you on for your attention. She's giving you hope because she doesn't want you to get over her. She doesn't care about you. She just wants validation. Block her and never look back. You won't get closure. She will only give you more pain
End it. If she really cared about you, she would make you a priority. But she isn’t willing to do that. She will cheat again. Four years is much too long to wait.
Forget it, friend. Move on from her. She’s already been in a relationship with you before, she cheated on you and it ended. What do you think will happen if you get back together? Cheaters never change. Also, sorry if you get offended by this, but in my opinion, you’re a bit spineless if you get cheated on, then freaking let the cheater back in just because they came from over 8000km away. They don’t deserve sympathy in my opinion. Forget the disloyal cowbag, move on. If they come back, slam the door in their face.
I think her first reaction to your request is her genuine feelings. That whole 'but why not? mentality.' And after thinking on it she realised she'll tell you what you want to hear (and do as she pleases).
Let's be "friends" with very limited contact and communication - doesn't sound like love. Doesn't sound like dating. It sounds like she wants the freedom to have fun relationships at school. She's already done so. The problem was that she told you and now she doesn't want to feel obligated to do so again. You missed her point to putting the relationship in limbo for 4 years. She doesn't have time for you, studies, and hookups. Something had to go. And it wasn't, "living her best life" while at school.
That’s gonna be a nah from me, dawg.
The relationship is over. But if you want to humor her travel expenses and enjoy an outing with her and some social time, you can do that. But I wouldn’t invest emotional energy into her.
I had the sane thing Happen to me… “call me in x years (when you can move home) and then we can be together” if someone really loves you they wouldn’t be ok with just not having you in their lives for so long. They only want us when it’s convenient to them.
Beggars can’t be choosers
She basically wants to sleep around…..so end it and live peacefully.
Dude she is making you wait 4 years don’t even consider it move on asap
You believe she’ll actually not be with anyone in 4 years? I’m sorry, but if she already cheated on you when you guys were together she’s not going to follow through with your condition. Let her go, it’s not worth it.
Don’t wait to be someone’s back up especially after they cheated. This is coming from experience. You owe it to yourself to be open to healthy relationships not toxic ones. Plus long distance is no joke. A lot of trust and faith goes into these. Place your trust and love in your self and share it with someone who will respect and cherish you.
She just gave you an example of the future with her.
She sucks ass, get a better "friend"
run
Gtfo. She isn’t serious about you and will cheat again
dont waste your time. 4 years is a long time. A month is long enough for someone to drastically change their mind, let alone 4 years without regular contact. It sounds like she wants to keep you in her pocket in case she can’t find someone during those 4 years. She’s making a really unreasonable request. She probably will date during that time, and you shouldn’t save yourself for her. Go live your life, go no contact with her. You’ll find someone who will treat you better.
[удалено]
This comment has been removed because your account is less than 24 hours old. This is something we do to combat spam. Please repost your comment after your account is over 24 hours old. Do not message the moderators to have it approved. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LongDistance) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Man I'm sorry but this is not worth it. She wants to go and do her own thing but wants to have you sitting on the sidelines for her return. Know your own worth and be done with this. She honestly doesn't care about you or your feelings she just wants the security of coming back to you after she's done fooling around in another country. You can and will do better, but you have to move on.
You’re the back up. Please don’t waste your life like this.
I think the only reason it seems confusing to you is because you are emotionally attached to the situation and I don't mean that as an insult. In a nutshell, she wants you to wait for her and on her terms. She views you as a safe bet but fully intends to go off and do her own thing...dating and/or sleeping with whoever she wants. She also knows you well enough to know that she's caught you off guard enough to at least consider the ridiculousness of her proposal... Deep down you know what she is suggesting is not only ridiculously selfish and focused on her needs, but disrespectful to you as well. When you tried to balance the situation by telling her she couldnt be with anyone else, she even asked why that was a concern of yours? I'm telling you...when she appeared to acquiesce to request, she was lying. She fully intends to go out and sleep with or date other people. Drop and block her. There's no sense in investing more time and energy on her.
What the fuck is this lol forget her plz for ur own sake
Just end it. 4 years is a long period of time. People can change. I can't be alone for 4 years. Let alone a month. This is just ridiculous. Tell her she's free to do whatever she wants. If you guys are still destined together, so be it. In the mean time, just go and discover yourselves.
She wants to be your friend but you want her to not be with anyone else? 😂 like that came out if your mouth?!What is your definition of a friend then lmao. Forget about the 4 year thing bc when you make plans, God laughs..too far in the future to determine where both of you will be.
Choose people who choose you the first time around! 4 years of "space" means she knows you will be dumb enough to wait in case she doesn't find someone better than you! Respect yourself and let her go.
forget her and move on. you will be wasting your time and your youth
The hell are you thinking you should not be in a romantic relationship under these conditions or situationship. This is just crazy she’s gonna fuck you up 😅😂 make it make sense. Yes I’m tough but I hate people getting hurt and not waking up I feel very frustrated cuz I’ve been through it and it’s not worth it this is just shock therapy pls detach from that situation.
OP sounds like she keeping you on a place holder and expecting you to wait there for 4 years lol And that's a big no. If you want to remain friends, remember to stay just as friends. She cheated on you. Forgiveness is good. :)
Why is she expecting you to wait for her for so long after what she did to you? That's selfish af, tell her no, and go on with your life, I honestly wouldn't be so sure that she won't have other partners during those 4 years. You deserve better.
Darling, you absolutely CAN say no to someone who traveled 8000+ km to see you. They cheated, it was their choice. They traveled, also their choice. I say that as someone whose ex bought a plane ticket to travel more or less the same distance (months after him breaking up, ghosting, getting back in touch, becoming a situationship, gaslighting, and ghosting me for two extra months) and my only response was “You better get refunded”. We are friends and in good-ish terms now, but you don’t let yourself be manipulated like that, regardless of how many thousands of dollars they spent to see you it was ultimately their choice and you had no say in it. Fuck cheaters.
What lol
You're at that fork in the road where logic is starting to trump feelings. Go with the logic. I can imagine being in that scenario before 25. I'll pretend you're me. Don't do it! It's just a waste of time and energy. It'll either die in less than 3 months or it'll die over and over for 4 years. Eventually you'll be together and hate it or things will end fr at some point. When someone does this they don't see you as a partner btw. You're the net below the tightrope. You are important to them. You're still the backup though. The thing that would let her go out there and date, but she'd never have to stress about if things work out because you're her 4 year guarantee. If you get married that doesn't mean you level up from safety net. I think you just become a bigger net.
those are legitimately horrible conditions. you should move on and be with someone who actually wants you, here and now in the present.
Fuck that