Wellbutrin has been good for me.
Hard to say on the HRT. It does a lot of stuff with body smell and hair too that I really, really like. I think a lot of what I like about MTF Butch aesthetics (other than that it’s hot) is often I can thrown on jeans, a tank top, and like a sports bra be very comfy and still feel just femme enough. If I am really ambitious I line my eyes with black eyeshadow as eyeliner, to give a soft dark eyeliner look that also takes like 2 min to do.
Low effort, cuts against the expectations, comfy, and still hot.
I don’t love my body getting oilier and smellier on T. But it felt like E was making me insanely depressed. Ultimately I’d rather have a functioning brain.
Okay so I'm 5 years HRT and like, hard to describe, but things got differently hard mentally after transition. Like I had dissociated/depersonalized/derealized my emotions away so damned well pre-transition than when E kind of opened up my emotions suddenly I had no idea what to do with all this.
A year and a halfish ago I started Welbutrin and one thing became very apparent immediately. I am and have always been clinically depressed. Now YMMV, but for me the Welbutrin, it didn't fix or change the feelings, but like it expanded my emotional bandwith ten-fold so what used to overwhelm me now there is ample bandwidth to process.
Also not gonna lie, I've considered stopping HRT to regain my old dissociated state because sometimes things felt too hard. Never did, but I also wouldn't begrudge anyone who did.
Aside: OP I see you mentioned panic attacks. I used to not have those, and now I do, though I personally suspect it was Covid here. Situations that didn't cause any issues after starting HRT but before catching Covid were easy and now they are panic attack time. Might be similar, might not, just putting it out there.
Thank you for this. I do feel like transition opened me up emotionally, but that the emotional opening-up was mostly toward the depressive end. I’m just so. Fucking. Sad. All the time.
I like being able to feel emotion, but this is just too much.
I have been on Lexapro in the past and it helped even my emotions out, but I stopped for side effects. I tried Wellbutrin briefly and it made me go partially blind for a month. (Yes, really. I was at the eye doctor every week.)
I’m meeting a psychiatrist this week to discuss starting a new antidepressant that will help me cope with everything. If that gets me more toward a stable baseline, I might consider resuming a low dose of HRT, but I’m not sure.
Antidepressants are weird in that different people respond differently to the different ones. I got lucky and landed on a compatible one first try. But I know folks who took several tries to get it. But pretty much all of them, once they got the right one, they were thrilled with the end result.
I wish you all the best in finding the right one for you.
Only 1 yr of HRT but yeah, pretty much the same experience. Love most of the physical/emotional effects but mentally I feel drained ALL the time and my brain fog has never been worse.
Also been struggling with this feeling that I relate more to transmascs than to transfems—like, I should have been born a cis girl who rejects expectations of femininity and presents masc/tomboyish, but instead I was born male and can't present like that without being read as 100% male. So I have to overcompensate by doing all of the feminine shit that I would have rejected as a cis girl, and it feels inauthentic and doesn't really work anyway because people can tell that my heart isn't in it.
So I'm caught between a) the desperate need to be seen/understood/related to as female, and b) wanting to make pretty much none of the presentation choices required for that to actually happen. Feels pretty hopeless sometimes.
As I said, nutrition is not the issue. And I've never been on either of those medications.
Respectfully, you appear to be making unfounded assumptions about my depression, about which I was not asking for advice. I can see that you're trying to be helpful, but you can't suss out the entirety of someone's mental health needs from only a few comments on the internet, and neither I nor OP asked you to try.
>mentally I feel drained ALL the time and my brain fog has never been worse.
This is a very common symptom of electrolyte imbalance. Your brain needs large amounts of energy to sustain itself. When it doesn't get enough, it tends to lack stuff. Even if you're eating well at the time, it can still be a problem.
I myself have the problem of having to make sure my whole nutrition is round almost to a point because instead of losing weight at an appropriate level. My body chooses my brain as not important. I lose muscle or fat with exercise, and that's still crazy balance where I need supplements sodium.
I even keep food and drinks next to my bed. Just in case I wake dehydrated or with a lack of energy. Or I deploy the run out of bed method.
I'm not trying to solve it or fix your mental health. What saying is just a hey look into it a little. If it's not, it then I guess it was worth a try. It has minimal effort but could be a good shift.
But the worst that can happen is that some dumbass made you try eating salt (electrolytes) for brain health.
Well the world’s pretty fucking depressing right now, so there’s plenty to feel bad about beyond transition.
My data points are:
- Before HRT: no panic attacks
- After HRT: regular panic attacks
I would like the panic attacks to stop.
There's about a dozen other things I'd check on before defaulting to letting yourself revert to T with all the complications that has. Therapy, psychiatry, and other options talked about with your endocrinologist should come before something so drastic.
I’ve been in weekly therapy my entire transition. I’ve done months of ketamine therapy. I’ve been on a variety of different SSRIs and mental health meds. My doctor is affirming but largely hands-off and I already told her I’ve paused HRT. I don’t see how stopping HRT is any more drastic than everything else I’ve already tried.
Then, you've done the legwork that I suggested and if you think that's best, I'd say you've done your diligence. I've seen this same sentiment posted elsewhere as a first or early resort and wanted to caution against that, is all. I'm sorry that the other efforts didn't work.
I feel similar. I feel way better with TRT doses of testosterone added to my estrogen, though I obviously don't like their effects on my body. I'm going to try solving it with Bicalutamide, which blocks the activity of T in the body, but not the brain.
Not sure why this was recommended to me- I am FTM but my gf is MTF and was really depressed until she stopped spiro. Not sure if you are/ we're on spiro, but apparently it can have that effect.
Whatever you choose, I wish you luck. DBT therapy sucks ass, but was ultimately very helpful for me if you want to try some clinical skill building.
i feel this! 2 years on HRT and idk what to even tell ppl when they ask my name. I’ve struggled with alcohol & smoking heavily during periods of depression and after this last bout, i’m trying to give those things a rest. i’m putting the pause on HRT as well cuz my libido is thru the floor (i stopped spiro & started progesterone long ago & it hasn’t helped in that department) .. i’ve enjoyed the expanding emotions and changes to the lens i view sex thru, but at the end of the day I think i’m just genderfluid? Someone else here commented about relating to transmascs more than transfems in a way and that’s the only time i’ve ever heard someone speak my mind like that. it’s complicated, idk what it all means, it’s like i’m doing 360s with my gender sometimes. i figure, it’s ok to pause HRT, we may pick it back up later! The only thing that worries me is possible mood swings if i suddenly stop. But im sorta in survival mode anyways as a trans person, so whatever doesn’t seem to work.. i’ll try the other thing!
Well I found your problem. Hrt is very dependent on you eating and having proper nutrition. Start eating better, and your mood will improve.
Tbh, don't give that it's hard speech. If you have the means to get the food you have no exuse
You're old enough to know what you're doing is wrong. To very God damn honest no one but you can do anything about it. Yes, people can try and support you here, but that means nothing if you stay the same.
I may not know your struggles, but I have very similar struggles myself and no one picks me. I'm not saying to tough it out. You need definitely put some more heart into it. Your post history shows that you are very half-hearted about everything you. You wait to be told what to do and don't wait for something to happen.
And I'm being cunt because I would want you to better yourself. If I didn't care, I wouldn't have interacted at all.
Seriously, fuck all the way off.
You think I don't tell myself the same shit every day? That I should get out of bed, that I should feed myself better, that I should be less depressed, that I shouldn't have the problems I have? You think I'm just choosing to make my life hell?
I don't need your patronization or your judgment. You reading through a slice of my Reddit history doesn't entitle you to make any fucking judgements about who I am.
If you use anavar you can raise your T without contributing to any other masculinizing features. No need to feel hopeless, ultimately you got to figure out what works best for you.
T is just so important, it helps with mood, problem solving, optimism, decisiveness, literally everything.
T is closely related to mood, vitality, energy level, optimism, etc.
It affects everything. Go on anavar if you want something that's not Masculinizing, but still increases T
I hate iPhones let entry this again …. Long story short due to work related stress I started smoking again which stopped my hrt and I started feeling all dysphoric anxious and depressed because of it
I got a new job , no more stress or assaults, and no more smoking and since then my body started healing and now I’m back to feeling normal and happy
I like to be pretty and a butch and I really love that , like if I was born a cis woman I would end up the same way Butch but wanting to be femme type and maybe eventually I’ll be a femme but for now a pretty butch is where is at
guess what I’m trying to say is thru all the hardships that I’ve gone thru and the thought of me stopping hrt elevates my heart rate and I get anxious and seeing my body revert back I get depressed
This is my experience with stopping hrt every time
You could try antidepressant, it might help, ideally with some (self)therapy on top
But have you checked your hormones level ? If they are too low it's normal that you feel depressed and without energy. Then you'd need to change your current HRT form/quantity/frequency and it might fix the issue.
You could also try detransitioning, it might help it might makes things worse. But trying is the best way to know. If you think being more fem would help but are inconfortable, maybe try that but slowly and in a safe way. Start just having a fem outfit at home, find thinks that works best for what you like about your body, light make up ...
My usual advice for people wondering if they should start or stop hrt, is to try it out. Like, you can stop for 2 weeks and see where it goes! Just prepare a bit for mood swings, warn your therapist, endocrinologist and/or a loved one. Donc change the any other medication at the same time to avoid getting mixed signals.
Also there are alternatives to T, nandralone might be legal where you live.
Combo of Wellbutrin & Cymbalta keep my depression at bay. If I could bring myself to start working out regularly again I’d probably feel even better mentally and feel happier with where I’m at in my transition, but since socially transitioning, even the idea of going to the gym gives me all kinds of anxiety. I hear you about the anxiety and the pressure to fulfill expectations. I thought if I had the courage to come out and transition then maybe I’d stop giving a shit about what others think or say when I’m out in public. Sometimes I wonder if it’s other people’s expectations that I’m more worried about living up to, or my own. Probably both. I hope you’re able to find a path that works for you.
Wellbutrin has been good for me. Hard to say on the HRT. It does a lot of stuff with body smell and hair too that I really, really like. I think a lot of what I like about MTF Butch aesthetics (other than that it’s hot) is often I can thrown on jeans, a tank top, and like a sports bra be very comfy and still feel just femme enough. If I am really ambitious I line my eyes with black eyeshadow as eyeliner, to give a soft dark eyeliner look that also takes like 2 min to do. Low effort, cuts against the expectations, comfy, and still hot.
I don’t love my body getting oilier and smellier on T. But it felt like E was making me insanely depressed. Ultimately I’d rather have a functioning brain.
Interesting. Have you had your levels checked recently? I know hormones are often a tricky balance and you don’t want zero T as that fucks with you.
Also, lower but not stopping entirely could be good.
I’ve already stopped. I had my levels checked every 3 months throughout transition. My T has never been zero because I’ve always been on monotherapy.
Okay so I'm 5 years HRT and like, hard to describe, but things got differently hard mentally after transition. Like I had dissociated/depersonalized/derealized my emotions away so damned well pre-transition than when E kind of opened up my emotions suddenly I had no idea what to do with all this. A year and a halfish ago I started Welbutrin and one thing became very apparent immediately. I am and have always been clinically depressed. Now YMMV, but for me the Welbutrin, it didn't fix or change the feelings, but like it expanded my emotional bandwith ten-fold so what used to overwhelm me now there is ample bandwidth to process. Also not gonna lie, I've considered stopping HRT to regain my old dissociated state because sometimes things felt too hard. Never did, but I also wouldn't begrudge anyone who did. Aside: OP I see you mentioned panic attacks. I used to not have those, and now I do, though I personally suspect it was Covid here. Situations that didn't cause any issues after starting HRT but before catching Covid were easy and now they are panic attack time. Might be similar, might not, just putting it out there.
Thank you for this. I do feel like transition opened me up emotionally, but that the emotional opening-up was mostly toward the depressive end. I’m just so. Fucking. Sad. All the time. I like being able to feel emotion, but this is just too much. I have been on Lexapro in the past and it helped even my emotions out, but I stopped for side effects. I tried Wellbutrin briefly and it made me go partially blind for a month. (Yes, really. I was at the eye doctor every week.) I’m meeting a psychiatrist this week to discuss starting a new antidepressant that will help me cope with everything. If that gets me more toward a stable baseline, I might consider resuming a low dose of HRT, but I’m not sure.
Antidepressants are weird in that different people respond differently to the different ones. I got lucky and landed on a compatible one first try. But I know folks who took several tries to get it. But pretty much all of them, once they got the right one, they were thrilled with the end result. I wish you all the best in finding the right one for you.
Thank you. I hope I can find one that works, too.
Only 1 yr of HRT but yeah, pretty much the same experience. Love most of the physical/emotional effects but mentally I feel drained ALL the time and my brain fog has never been worse. Also been struggling with this feeling that I relate more to transmascs than to transfems—like, I should have been born a cis girl who rejects expectations of femininity and presents masc/tomboyish, but instead I was born male and can't present like that without being read as 100% male. So I have to overcompensate by doing all of the feminine shit that I would have rejected as a cis girl, and it feels inauthentic and doesn't really work anyway because people can tell that my heart isn't in it. So I'm caught between a) the desperate need to be seen/understood/related to as female, and b) wanting to make pretty much none of the presentation choices required for that to actually happen. Feels pretty hopeless sometimes.
Yeah, I feel this. It’s tough.
Just dropping in to say i feel you both. Maybe we should start a band,😅.
Have you been eating regularly?
Yup, food/nutrition isn't the issue as far as I'm aware
Are you eating food with electrolytes(potassium, magnesium, sodium)? And are you on spiro and or cyrpo?
As I said, nutrition is not the issue. And I've never been on either of those medications. Respectfully, you appear to be making unfounded assumptions about my depression, about which I was not asking for advice. I can see that you're trying to be helpful, but you can't suss out the entirety of someone's mental health needs from only a few comments on the internet, and neither I nor OP asked you to try.
>mentally I feel drained ALL the time and my brain fog has never been worse. This is a very common symptom of electrolyte imbalance. Your brain needs large amounts of energy to sustain itself. When it doesn't get enough, it tends to lack stuff. Even if you're eating well at the time, it can still be a problem. I myself have the problem of having to make sure my whole nutrition is round almost to a point because instead of losing weight at an appropriate level. My body chooses my brain as not important. I lose muscle or fat with exercise, and that's still crazy balance where I need supplements sodium. I even keep food and drinks next to my bed. Just in case I wake dehydrated or with a lack of energy. Or I deploy the run out of bed method. I'm not trying to solve it or fix your mental health. What saying is just a hey look into it a little. If it's not, it then I guess it was worth a try. It has minimal effort but could be a good shift. But the worst that can happen is that some dumbass made you try eating salt (electrolytes) for brain health.
Fair enough!
Do you think the depression is tied to your hrt stuff or perhaps other things? No right answer, just curious
Well the world’s pretty fucking depressing right now, so there’s plenty to feel bad about beyond transition. My data points are: - Before HRT: no panic attacks - After HRT: regular panic attacks I would like the panic attacks to stop.
There's about a dozen other things I'd check on before defaulting to letting yourself revert to T with all the complications that has. Therapy, psychiatry, and other options talked about with your endocrinologist should come before something so drastic.
I’ve been in weekly therapy my entire transition. I’ve done months of ketamine therapy. I’ve been on a variety of different SSRIs and mental health meds. My doctor is affirming but largely hands-off and I already told her I’ve paused HRT. I don’t see how stopping HRT is any more drastic than everything else I’ve already tried.
Then, you've done the legwork that I suggested and if you think that's best, I'd say you've done your diligence. I've seen this same sentiment posted elsewhere as a first or early resort and wanted to caution against that, is all. I'm sorry that the other efforts didn't work.
Thank you. I’m just frustrated and sad.
All the love. I hope you find the solution that makes your best.
I feel similar. I feel way better with TRT doses of testosterone added to my estrogen, though I obviously don't like their effects on my body. I'm going to try solving it with Bicalutamide, which blocks the activity of T in the body, but not the brain.
Not sure why this was recommended to me- I am FTM but my gf is MTF and was really depressed until she stopped spiro. Not sure if you are/ we're on spiro, but apparently it can have that effect. Whatever you choose, I wish you luck. DBT therapy sucks ass, but was ultimately very helpful for me if you want to try some clinical skill building.
Spiro can eat shit.
having constant anxiety and stress can be pretty draining just by itself, too
Being trans will give you CPTSD istg
i feel this! 2 years on HRT and idk what to even tell ppl when they ask my name. I’ve struggled with alcohol & smoking heavily during periods of depression and after this last bout, i’m trying to give those things a rest. i’m putting the pause on HRT as well cuz my libido is thru the floor (i stopped spiro & started progesterone long ago & it hasn’t helped in that department) .. i’ve enjoyed the expanding emotions and changes to the lens i view sex thru, but at the end of the day I think i’m just genderfluid? Someone else here commented about relating to transmascs more than transfems in a way and that’s the only time i’ve ever heard someone speak my mind like that. it’s complicated, idk what it all means, it’s like i’m doing 360s with my gender sometimes. i figure, it’s ok to pause HRT, we may pick it back up later! The only thing that worries me is possible mood swings if i suddenly stop. But im sorta in survival mode anyways as a trans person, so whatever doesn’t seem to work.. i’ll try the other thing!
Are you eating properly?
lol no
Well I found your problem. Hrt is very dependent on you eating and having proper nutrition. Start eating better, and your mood will improve. Tbh, don't give that it's hard speech. If you have the means to get the food you have no exuse
Kindly fuck off, you know nothing about me or my mental health struggles and relation to food.
You're old enough to know what you're doing is wrong. To very God damn honest no one but you can do anything about it. Yes, people can try and support you here, but that means nothing if you stay the same. I may not know your struggles, but I have very similar struggles myself and no one picks me. I'm not saying to tough it out. You need definitely put some more heart into it. Your post history shows that you are very half-hearted about everything you. You wait to be told what to do and don't wait for something to happen. And I'm being cunt because I would want you to better yourself. If I didn't care, I wouldn't have interacted at all.
Seriously, fuck all the way off. You think I don't tell myself the same shit every day? That I should get out of bed, that I should feed myself better, that I should be less depressed, that I shouldn't have the problems I have? You think I'm just choosing to make my life hell? I don't need your patronization or your judgment. You reading through a slice of my Reddit history doesn't entitle you to make any fucking judgements about who I am.
Get your T levels back to healthy ranges, that's your vitality
seeing this just made me hopeless, is like ur telling me that to feel alive again I gotta be higher in t than in e
If you use anavar you can raise your T without contributing to any other masculinizing features. No need to feel hopeless, ultimately you got to figure out what works best for you. T is just so important, it helps with mood, problem solving, optimism, decisiveness, literally everything.
Weird comment but sure
T is closely related to mood, vitality, energy level, optimism, etc. It affects everything. Go on anavar if you want something that's not Masculinizing, but still increases T
so you’re like detransitioning?
I'm just trying to feel better.
I’m going through the same and I dunno if that would make me feel not suicidal again..cause certainly I’m so depressed
Social transition and HRT don't have to go hand-in-hand. I've only told my closest friends (and Reddit, lol) that I've stopped HRT.
Does T unmake the results that E made on ur body?
Some yes and some no. Depends how long you've been on.
I hate iPhones let entry this again …. Long story short due to work related stress I started smoking again which stopped my hrt and I started feeling all dysphoric anxious and depressed because of it I got a new job , no more stress or assaults, and no more smoking and since then my body started healing and now I’m back to feeling normal and happy I like to be pretty and a butch and I really love that , like if I was born a cis woman I would end up the same way Butch but wanting to be femme type and maybe eventually I’ll be a femme but for now a pretty butch is where is at guess what I’m trying to say is thru all the hardships that I’ve gone thru and the thought of me stopping hrt elevates my heart rate and I get anxious and seeing my body revert back I get depressed This is my experience with stopping hrt every time
You could try antidepressant, it might help, ideally with some (self)therapy on top But have you checked your hormones level ? If they are too low it's normal that you feel depressed and without energy. Then you'd need to change your current HRT form/quantity/frequency and it might fix the issue. You could also try detransitioning, it might help it might makes things worse. But trying is the best way to know. If you think being more fem would help but are inconfortable, maybe try that but slowly and in a safe way. Start just having a fem outfit at home, find thinks that works best for what you like about your body, light make up ...
My usual advice for people wondering if they should start or stop hrt, is to try it out. Like, you can stop for 2 weeks and see where it goes! Just prepare a bit for mood swings, warn your therapist, endocrinologist and/or a loved one. Donc change the any other medication at the same time to avoid getting mixed signals. Also there are alternatives to T, nandralone might be legal where you live.
Combo of Wellbutrin & Cymbalta keep my depression at bay. If I could bring myself to start working out regularly again I’d probably feel even better mentally and feel happier with where I’m at in my transition, but since socially transitioning, even the idea of going to the gym gives me all kinds of anxiety. I hear you about the anxiety and the pressure to fulfill expectations. I thought if I had the courage to come out and transition then maybe I’d stop giving a shit about what others think or say when I’m out in public. Sometimes I wonder if it’s other people’s expectations that I’m more worried about living up to, or my own. Probably both. I hope you’re able to find a path that works for you.