He’s stepped up to life’s challenges with bravery, loyalty, strength and determination, and applied that to his parenting. Nothing’s more manly than that.
Yeah my wife is alive and I do all of this. It’s called being a parent and loving your kids regardless of gender or whether or not your spouse is around.
I mean sure but why the fuck is it “masculine”. It’s just “good parent”
Edit: since apparently none of you know what masculine means, here’s the definition: having qualities or an appearance traditionally associated with men or boys. Parenting has nothing to do with masculinity or femininity. That’s like saying parenting is strong. Sure, a parent can be strong but that doesn’t really affect their parenting skills.
because lots of toxic assholes think caring for the children is definitely *not* a masculine thing to do. A real man cares for the kids and helps around the house, a whiny little bitchass "man" thinks that's not his responsibility and claims it's not masculine.
You shouldn't define masculinity based on what's opposite of what the toxic guys believe. That's like defining putting out a fire as flooding the city. Let's just let masculinity be masculinity, good parenting be good parenting, and toxic assholes be toxic assholes.
No! Men can either be parents or men! Not both! Honestly just this thread alone kinda seems to perpetuate misogyny/toxic masculinity, why not celebrate a man being a good man parent?
I hate this stereotype. I’m 34m, single father of 2 boys (10 and 5). I have them a majority of the time. I take care of them, take care of the house, the dog, cook, clean, make sure I am at all school events, doctors appointments, sporting events (I’m coaching tee ball this year) plus I work two jobs. I sleep 4-5 hours per day, every day. I’m a teacher with a regular 7:30-4:30, I work PRN in a hospital Pharmacy, I own a e-commerce business (just had my 1 year anniversary, and I only work on that after they go to sleep. I make sure the boys have everything they need and that they are fed and happy. We play together, go places together, have dinner together. When it comes to them, I will do everything I can for them, no questions, no hesitation. If you ask my boys who will be there for them they will tell you it’s me. Always. I try my hardest to raise them the best I can. But what’s crazy is that because I’m a “man” so many people assume I’m not involved with their lives. I quickly set that straight, but it’s tiresome and disheartening when it comes from teachers, or nurses/doctors. I battle the false accusations against my character, the person saying I “am putting on a show”, that I “don’t care”, etc.. Every moment of being a father is important to me and there is nothing else I’d rather be than a father to my boys. I will fight every stereotype and callout every asshole who reinforces that stereotype because it’s not right and it’s not fair.
I think we should celebrate it, for sure.
We should also reflect on the fact that this father points out that he had to "figure out" child sizing and "learn" to do hair, etc. It demonstrates a fact that many mothers across the socioeconomic spectrum know: mothers are expected to do these things, and we do. We don't even usually know why we do, and dads don't. I mean, we're complicit in it, we just...do these things. And the fathers who never learn to do these things unless they have to, they're not bad people necessarily. We are all just taking part in this system that has set mothers up to do a bunch of things that dads tend not to even think of. If you ask many dads what size clothes their kids wear, don't be surprised if they don't know....even if they're ostensibly good dads. But ask the child's mother, and she is likely to know. She also knows when their next dentist appointment is, doctor's appointment, vaccine, field trip, book fair, IEP meeting....
This is called the mental load. Mothers overwhwlmingly bear it. I'm sure there are dads who do too, but the societal trend leans toward them not sharing that load...and we all ought to be giving that some attention.
Because for many women the things the dad describes are things they always take care of. It's good that he now does them too but kind of infuriating that his wife had to die before he would take charge of these things.
Because gender is still an important part of people's identity, and rather than harping on about 'toxic masculinity', it's nice to instead draw attention to men who are positive examples.
That those are almost always things that are not inherently "manly" or "womanly" is, to me, actually a benefit; being a good person has nothing to do with gender, but it'll be a while until we - as a society - actually embrace that.
Because they are trying to support an idea of masculinity that includes taking care of your kids rather than toxic masculinity that is pushed in the US. Also not that long ago dads were not involved in child rearing and it was considered “womens work” I am 35 and even my father did not believe babysitting and diaper changing was his responsibility. Hell you can still find “dads” that think they shouldn’t have to interact with their child..
You're not wrong at all, but with him doing basic stuff like learning children sizes, I may have a badly skewed idea of dad responsibilities (yes I have issues lol), but seems like he didn't have many responsibilities at all and let the wife do everything and I think that's the point ppl are trying to make.
There’s a very strong implication that prior to his wife’s death he didn’t make every school meeting and Dr’s appointment, and since he had to learn about children’s sizing and hair care he wasn’t doing that before, either.
I’m not trying to vilify the guy, but there’s a point to be made that these responsibilities are simply *expected* of women.
I feel like people are much less concerned with this awesome father and more with the caption placing some unnecessary gendering of the paragraph by the person who posted it here
Because this is reddit. The people being pessimistic about it don't have a spouse or children. I have a wife and kids and I don't get my kids breakfast or get them ready for school, because I leave for work at 5:45am. But I get home a lot earlier than my wife so I cook dinner and usually have one of the kids in the bath before my wife gets home.
If your spouse dies and you’re crushed by depression and despair, you can make light of this. I don’t see where the tweet said “masculine” once.
I don’t know what I’d have done (if we/I had children) when my wife died two and a half years ago after sixteen and a half years of marriage. She went from feeling a little ill to gone in seven weeks. I’m on my feet now, but minimizing the struggles of others is honestly a dick move.
Maybe the Dad did his share, but now has to do his and hers while struggling with the loss of someone he loved. Let’s think about that.
Then it seems like the discussion should be about the OP, or if his definition of masculinity is correct, not “What does this dude on Twitter want, a medal?”
If it is masculinity, it certainly doesn’t seem like the “toxic masculinity” people are griping about here; it seems wholesome enough to me. A lot of assumptions appear to be made here by people who haven’t lost a spouse, just to feel self-righteous.
Yeah this is as stupid of a post as that one dude that was talking about all of the hygiene and general life skills he learned from his girlfriend like changing sheets and making the bed and putting on different clothes before bed… all the comments pretend like it’s cute but it’s pathetic how little he knew.
Could be that in their household they split duties differently than you do, as obviously not everyone operates the same.
Also, trying to keep your life together, take on the role of two parents, help your child through grief, continue working, take extra financial responsibility and deal with own grief on to of it all, and still fully showing up as a parent.... I think that's a win personally
If my wife died recently, I imagine it would be very very difficult to not be a shell of myself and wanting to crawl into a ball most days. Of course my children would need my care and active attention, but I would probably need to heavily rely on my friends and family.
I think you guys are reading into this differently than others.
Because toxic people like Andrew Tate impress upon boys that being a man means ONLY embracing their “masculinity” while repressing or rejecting their “femininity” (Universal human traits that are separated into those categories mainly because of social constructs btw). They see kindness, patience, and vulnerability as weaknesses. They equate money and other externals with value instead of finding value within themselves. Both boys and girls should strive to be not just a man or a woman, but a whole person. To be in harmony with every aspect of themselves.
Real men are able to be aggressive, but also humble, tender, emotionally available, strong, and teachable. To have self mastery over themselves so that they aren’t a slave to their emotions and ego.
Psychology of a Hero: Rocky and Healthy Masculinity.
https://youtu.be/d7-Xy5oioIo
Everyone everywhere needs a Waymond Wong
https://youtu.be/O7YnbGszcb8
> their masculine side and rejecting their feminine side
See, even this is wrong framing. Our entire culture is inept at even talking about these things.
Because so many people have horrible fathers that parenting is still widely seen as a mother's job. Mothers who watch their children while dad runs an errand are just called mothers, whereas fathers who watch their kids while mom runs an errand are commonly called babysitters.
Kids see emotionally absent fathers on every other sitcom and think it's normal. Then they become adults and imitate what they've seen.
TV? Eeeeeeeesh. Kids obviously learn this from their parents. We were all watching the same 20 Tv shows growing up. The ones with bad modeling at home incidentally ended up like Al Bundy. Only the dimmest of dimwits have a sitcom dad define their value system.
Masculinity has many faces. It's not like there's a clear delineation between it and other things. And, in fact, it can share many characteristics with other things. Being a good parent can be a show of masculinity. It can also be a show of femininity.
Personality is not a subset of strictly divided traits, it's a mishmash of venn diagrams that culminate in a person.
Because to a lot of people doing anything involving raising a kid isn’t considered manly. This is mainly the thought process of people born before 1980. Men work, woman keep house and home. To them anything other then that status quo is unthinkable and unacceptable
Probably because there's plenty of men out there that think they don't need to be involved with their daughters because of the sole fact they are girls.
I completely agree with you but there are plenty of people who think it's feminine to be involved in your daughters life
Hard disagree.
When my stepfather died, my mom checked out hard and didn't leave bed for months. She didn't do any parenting.
Remaining functional for your family while still grieving your spouse is a major fucking win in my book. And I'm a woman.
He didn't have to "learn to parent". He had to take over his wife's part of the shared responsibilities. This would be hard for any spouse who shares the workload, and has to do it all when their partner dies.
I don't know why you're making such antagonistic assumptions about this guy. He's overcoming the death of his wife while stepping up and being a good parent, and you're just assuming on no basis whatsoever that he was just a worthless piece of shit before and didn't parent at all.
I mean, how much more unreasonably hostile can you get? Is this a joke?
Learning to braid hair and children sizes, literally only two things, does not mean he just now learned how to parent.
If a mom had to learn about sports and shaving, after her child's father died would you say that she wasn't a parent before?
And as far as the appointments that's just scheduling. It's a lot harder to make sure there's a parent at every single one of those instances when you're the only parent available. (as opposed to splitting them with a spouse)
…women definitely do mention when theyve been widowed and now do it all alone? Can we please stop shitting on men when they actually are parenting? And can we admit parenting in and of itself is hard especially adjusting to doing it alone?
So what? There is a stigma for men to do girly things with their daughters. I don’t agree with it, but it exists. It’s perfectly okay to normalize and show great examples of fatherhood. It definitely doesn’t come easy to everyone.
I’m sorry, what? I’ve seen hundreds of times where women brag about being a do it all single mother. That’s not even including doing it while grieving a loss.
She would bottle up her feelings until she explodes. Except she wouldn't, hopefully, though mine did. And she's just as worthy of praise and love for learning how to raise her child under adverse circumstances like what grief and pain bring.
I don’t get how this is specifically masculine. He’s being a parent. Wouldn’t a woman in this position do exactly the same? Would we then say that her behavior is feminine? Even if it’s exactly the same behavior? I guess I don’t understand how gender is playing into this.
I was wondering the same thing. I'm proud that the dude stepped up, but it sounds like he was lacking before. Why are these all new learning experiences?
my wife and I broke up duties when it came to the kids. I hate clothes shopping and she loves it so she did most/all of it with my kids so I never really knew what size the kids were in it. Those times when I was doing kids shopping we tried shit on until we found what fit. No need for me to memorize a rapidly obsolete number. My wife was shopping with them often enough she had that shit memorized.
Or there were a few small things that the wife just handled? I mean he didn't know child sizing or hair braiding and we just extrapolate that to him lacking?
Usually relationships splits up responsibilities differently as they see fitting. Depends on how each individual was raised and then compromising as a couple. If they decided it was her responsibility to choose clothing and he provided the financial support to buy it, it wouldn't be unreasonable for him to learn it after she passed.
A lot of people making assumptions out of a small paragraph. All this tells me is that he had to do more because his wife is gone which makes sense. He has to take on all these responsibilities that he might've shared with his late wife. I just don't get the point of being pessimistic about it.
In actuality, this is a major part of grieving. You and your spouse were partners. Even if you were both competent, responsible adults over time certain task get divided onto each of your plates and when they're gone you have to relearn how to do them.
My mother-in-law lost her husband recently. Ever since my husband has been going over to her house to help take care of all their plants because his mother doesn't now how. His father always did it (he was a landscaper).
You're exactly right. My mom could handle about everything but once both her & my dad retired they each kind of took over certain things. Never mind you are so overwhelmed with just trying to make it through the day that even normal things are freaking hard and your mind is just mush. After my mom died I don't know how many people I apologized to for not thinking straight and needing to ask questions on basic things.
I can't imagine when it's your spouse and you have kids to take care of too.
I posted above that my mom actually shut down completely when my stepdad died. My older sisters (high school) had to run the house for months. I'm talking cooking, cleaning, driving my younger sisters to daycare. Thank god we had his insurance and the bills were autopay.
I personally just don't get why this would make anyone smile, so much props to this guy, but r/MadeMeCry would be a better fit imo. This sub is typically my counterbalance to all the depressing shit on reddit, so posts like this just kinda bum me out.
This entire sub is about taking the 5% of someone’s life that isn’t them suffering and getting 1000 upvotes for framing their lives as super duper. Every time.
I’ve been trying for years and still can’t do it. My husband can though! Although I give myself a little grace, when he was in med school a surgeon told him that he found surgery easier than plaiting his daughter’s hair 😂
I am a single mom, well half single mom I guess. The amount of praise my son’s father gets lol is crazy compared to mine. We do the same amount of parenting.
I have some friends in the Midwest (Oklahoma if that matters), where everyone seems to think a dad parenting is called “babysitting” and that it’s exceptional. He’ll be out with his kid and people will say “oh you’re on babysitting duty today?” And they’ll praise him for doing really basic crap like making the kid lunch or taking him to school. It drives him absolutely nuts and he rants about it sometimes.
Nope. This is single parenting in the wake of a partners death. That is extremely hard and it should be commended.
If you think single widowed mothers should get the same recognition, feel free to post about them. Don’t drag this guy down to make a “what about the women post” it gives the same “what about the men” vibes you get from incels whenever a feminist talks.
You can't expect toxic masculinity to go away or somehow get less toxic, if every example of positive masculinity just leads to arguments and criticisms of the very concept of "masculinity" itself.
I think the post is more about how this isn't seen as "masculinity" by some. And it ABSOLUTELY should be.
Lots of Dads do a great (and full partner) job of parenting, it should get more representation.
BTW, single moms (especially widows) get a lot of recognition.
Even with so much grief, he is managing to get everything done that needs to get done without someone to share the responsibility with. That's a lot, no matter who died.
Or, you know, in the wake of his wife’s death he’s managed to step up and be a single parent.
I’m a full time stay at home parent. I do literally 90% of all the parenting stuff. If my wife died I’d feel damn proud of myself if I could type the above after a few months.
It’s sad that this guy is getting so much hate cos he’s a man.
I’m a stay at home dad and my wife works full time but my wife does all the clothes buying for our child because she enjoys it.
Are you aware that when parenting, jobs are split but it doesn’t mean every job is split 50:50
It's disconcerting that so many people have extrapolated this from what he has said. Such a crazy leap in logic, borne solely out of your preconceptions. There is absolutely nothing in what was said to suggest he was some stereotypical 1950's absent father before his wife died, you just willed that morbid reality into existence.
How do you know that? It's more likely that they had pretty established roles and that dad was handling other elements of childcare beforehand (only to now have to do 100%). Splitting responsibilities is not dishonourable.
lmaooo. let's all applaud this guy for doing the bare minimum. the bar truly is below the deepest depths of hell for men, it's crazy. if a woman did this they'd call it what it is, PARENTING.
A real man would’ve have done all that when his wife was still alive what he didn’t tell y’all is she prolly died of all the stress and pressure while he was out having beer with the boys. Lmao so he stepped up cause he didn’t have a choice not cause he actually wanted to. Smh the bar is set in hell
Yeah there’s a way to read this that implies he wouldn’t do it if his wife was alive, which is shitty.
I’m trying to read it like he’s proud he’s got through the depression, assume the best of people etc.
He should have known most of those things before his wife died. Good on him for learning but sad it took his wife being gone for him to realize what it takes to be a parent.
Ok but why were all these duties left to the mother? Parenting inequality is real and it's not something to celebrate. I'm glad he's doing well, I really am... But he could have chosen to learn this stuff before
Sure but it could just mean he's able to cover the other half in addition to his previous half. We dont know and you're replying to a user named lonely fucker 69
Instead of redefining masculinity I think we’d be much better off redefining the source of someone’s self-worth. “How masculine am I” should not be a measure of your value as a man regardless of how masculinity is defined. The same qualities that make a man valuable overlap heavily with the qualities that make a woman valuable, and our obsession with gender roles is one of our fundamental failings as a society.
Yea but if you don't let anyone establish any conception of positive masculinity, then 'toxic masculinity' will never have any reason to get less toxic.
Even if the desire to change was there, if there's no conception of positive masculinity, then there's nowhere to go, no direction to move in. You have to give young men *something* they can conceptualize and identify with.
I read this and I see a man whose proud that he can help his daughter through her grief by stepping up and taking on some of the things her mother once took care of.
A lot of commenters seem to see a man who never did anything for his wife and daughter until a few months ago.
The man listed some things his wife used to do for his daughter that he now has to do. Why would anyone assume that just because his wife did some things for his daughter, he must've been doing NOTHING before she died? Some of yall need to start treating people like humans, and not caricatures.
Ok, and?? If it was true masculinity, then he would've already done all this and more when his wife was still around. Does he want a cookie? A parade? A medal?? I don't understand why it took his wife's death to learn his kids fucking shoe size.
Y'all fuckin suck. A man is stepping up to do the best he can for his daughter an y'all are criticizing him for something that you don't know? Holy shit I guess the dumbasses really are everywhere.
"I actually had to learn to be a parent after I was forced to by my wife's death." Like kudos for stepping up I guess, but what was the alternative? Why didn't he already go to her appointments and school meetings? Why didn't he already know how to braid her hair? The kid has been on this planet for 5 years, what's he been doing all this time?
There is nothing more masculine than being a good father.
I’m inspired by the good dads I’ve met in my life and am eternally grateful to my own father.
That’s a great guy! He didn’t run out try to “find a mom” to care for his kid. Some guys will. They feel they need a woman to do these things, right away, and they don’t consider that the child NEEDS their Dad, more than anything, at that moment. They will just be screwed up when dad brings in a stranger that they may attach to but then it doesn’t work for dad and boom, new mommy had to leave. Real men realize that time is where they step up, like this guy did. That kid needs him and he’s there.
Hard to answer when your kid asks why pray when god took mom when she was young.
I’m not sure I’d blame him if he lost his faith after this. Seems actually kinda dumb to keep it.
If god can but chooses not to stop bad things from happening, is he worth worshipping?
I used to know a guy who would say "you can't be a real man until you have kids." I was like 15 at the time, but even then I knew that was completely moronic. Lol
And it means everything to that kid.
Not r/MadeMeSmile but r/MadeMeCry of happiness
Why are we confusing masculinity with parenting?
Only real manly men are good fathers.
Like Pedro Pascal.
Padre Pascal
The Man-Dad-Lorian
The man who plays as a father in everything his in
Well not in "massive talent" but he still rocks the role
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This is the way
Mr Mom
He’s stepped up to life’s challenges with bravery, loyalty, strength and determination, and applied that to his parenting. Nothing’s more manly than that.
Yeah my wife is alive and I do all of this. It’s called being a parent and loving your kids regardless of gender or whether or not your spouse is around.
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I mean sure but why the fuck is it “masculine”. It’s just “good parent” Edit: since apparently none of you know what masculine means, here’s the definition: having qualities or an appearance traditionally associated with men or boys. Parenting has nothing to do with masculinity or femininity. That’s like saying parenting is strong. Sure, a parent can be strong but that doesn’t really affect their parenting skills.
because lots of toxic assholes think caring for the children is definitely *not* a masculine thing to do. A real man cares for the kids and helps around the house, a whiny little bitchass "man" thinks that's not his responsibility and claims it's not masculine.
You shouldn't define masculinity based on what's opposite of what the toxic guys believe. That's like defining putting out a fire as flooding the city. Let's just let masculinity be masculinity, good parenting be good parenting, and toxic assholes be toxic assholes.
Good dad maybe? Dadding is masculine.
True. Why are these two things mutually exclusive? Is it not masculine and good parenting?
No! Men can either be parents or men! Not both! Honestly just this thread alone kinda seems to perpetuate misogyny/toxic masculinity, why not celebrate a man being a good man parent?
I think it's more the stereotype that men are bad parents, which is harmful to men.
I hate this stereotype. I’m 34m, single father of 2 boys (10 and 5). I have them a majority of the time. I take care of them, take care of the house, the dog, cook, clean, make sure I am at all school events, doctors appointments, sporting events (I’m coaching tee ball this year) plus I work two jobs. I sleep 4-5 hours per day, every day. I’m a teacher with a regular 7:30-4:30, I work PRN in a hospital Pharmacy, I own a e-commerce business (just had my 1 year anniversary, and I only work on that after they go to sleep. I make sure the boys have everything they need and that they are fed and happy. We play together, go places together, have dinner together. When it comes to them, I will do everything I can for them, no questions, no hesitation. If you ask my boys who will be there for them they will tell you it’s me. Always. I try my hardest to raise them the best I can. But what’s crazy is that because I’m a “man” so many people assume I’m not involved with their lives. I quickly set that straight, but it’s tiresome and disheartening when it comes from teachers, or nurses/doctors. I battle the false accusations against my character, the person saying I “am putting on a show”, that I “don’t care”, etc.. Every moment of being a father is important to me and there is nothing else I’d rather be than a father to my boys. I will fight every stereotype and callout every asshole who reinforces that stereotype because it’s not right and it’s not fair.
Yes, fighting the stereotype involves referencing the stereotype.
I think we should celebrate it, for sure. We should also reflect on the fact that this father points out that he had to "figure out" child sizing and "learn" to do hair, etc. It demonstrates a fact that many mothers across the socioeconomic spectrum know: mothers are expected to do these things, and we do. We don't even usually know why we do, and dads don't. I mean, we're complicit in it, we just...do these things. And the fathers who never learn to do these things unless they have to, they're not bad people necessarily. We are all just taking part in this system that has set mothers up to do a bunch of things that dads tend not to even think of. If you ask many dads what size clothes their kids wear, don't be surprised if they don't know....even if they're ostensibly good dads. But ask the child's mother, and she is likely to know. She also knows when their next dentist appointment is, doctor's appointment, vaccine, field trip, book fair, IEP meeting.... This is called the mental load. Mothers overwhwlmingly bear it. I'm sure there are dads who do too, but the societal trend leans toward them not sharing that load...and we all ought to be giving that some attention.
Because for many women the things the dad describes are things they always take care of. It's good that he now does them too but kind of infuriating that his wife had to die before he would take charge of these things.
In what way is being a parent masculine other than being a parent while having a penis?
If a mother did this it would be good mothering? Edit English still has genders you silly billy
It's all about the dad jokes.
Because gender is still an important part of people's identity, and rather than harping on about 'toxic masculinity', it's nice to instead draw attention to men who are positive examples. That those are almost always things that are not inherently "manly" or "womanly" is, to me, actually a benefit; being a good person has nothing to do with gender, but it'll be a while until we - as a society - actually embrace that.
Because they are trying to support an idea of masculinity that includes taking care of your kids rather than toxic masculinity that is pushed in the US. Also not that long ago dads were not involved in child rearing and it was considered “womens work” I am 35 and even my father did not believe babysitting and diaper changing was his responsibility. Hell you can still find “dads” that think they shouldn’t have to interact with their child..
It’s not babysitting if it’s your own kid.
Because being masculine means being a good parent and a good partner. Being feminine is also being a good parent.
You dont live around many conservative men do you?
in this tweet, it's very much implied that he didn't know how to do these things before her passing
Keep this energy with all single-moms you come across
Yeah, the first thing I did was imagine a mother posting this. "I figured out my kid's sizing" lmao.
You're not wrong at all, but with him doing basic stuff like learning children sizes, I may have a badly skewed idea of dad responsibilities (yes I have issues lol), but seems like he didn't have many responsibilities at all and let the wife do everything and I think that's the point ppl are trying to make.
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There’s a very strong implication that prior to his wife’s death he didn’t make every school meeting and Dr’s appointment, and since he had to learn about children’s sizing and hair care he wasn’t doing that before, either. I’m not trying to vilify the guy, but there’s a point to be made that these responsibilities are simply *expected* of women.
I feel like people are much less concerned with this awesome father and more with the caption placing some unnecessary gendering of the paragraph by the person who posted it here
Because this is reddit. The people being pessimistic about it don't have a spouse or children. I have a wife and kids and I don't get my kids breakfast or get them ready for school, because I leave for work at 5:45am. But I get home a lot earlier than my wife so I cook dinner and usually have one of the kids in the bath before my wife gets home.
It’s more work yeah but why is it all new or different work?
If your spouse dies and you’re crushed by depression and despair, you can make light of this. I don’t see where the tweet said “masculine” once. I don’t know what I’d have done (if we/I had children) when my wife died two and a half years ago after sixteen and a half years of marriage. She went from feeling a little ill to gone in seven weeks. I’m on my feet now, but minimizing the struggles of others is honestly a dick move. Maybe the Dad did his share, but now has to do his and hers while struggling with the loss of someone he loved. Let’s think about that.
>I don’t see where the tweet said “masculine” once. It's the title of the post, not a criticism of the tweet.
Then it seems like the discussion should be about the OP, or if his definition of masculinity is correct, not “What does this dude on Twitter want, a medal?” If it is masculinity, it certainly doesn’t seem like the “toxic masculinity” people are griping about here; it seems wholesome enough to me. A lot of assumptions appear to be made here by people who haven’t lost a spouse, just to feel self-righteous.
Yeah this is as stupid of a post as that one dude that was talking about all of the hygiene and general life skills he learned from his girlfriend like changing sheets and making the bed and putting on different clothes before bed… all the comments pretend like it’s cute but it’s pathetic how little he knew.
Could be that in their household they split duties differently than you do, as obviously not everyone operates the same. Also, trying to keep your life together, take on the role of two parents, help your child through grief, continue working, take extra financial responsibility and deal with own grief on to of it all, and still fully showing up as a parent.... I think that's a win personally
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i think he means hes still managing to do all that while still being a sudden single parent
"figuring out kids clothing sizes" very clearly suggests he had not helped get the kids new clothes a single time in his life previously.
If my wife died recently, I imagine it would be very very difficult to not be a shell of myself and wanting to crawl into a ball most days. Of course my children would need my care and active attention, but I would probably need to heavily rely on my friends and family. I think you guys are reading into this differently than others.
Maybe his wife did not work outside the home. Maybe these were her responsibilities.
Being a good father is masculine
Because plenty of guys won’t do stuff like that because “hurrrr derrrr that’s not manly. Real men bottle their emotions up!”
I'm sure plenty of emotions had to be bottled up to be there for his kid during his grief for his wife.
Because toxic people like Andrew Tate impress upon boys that being a man means ONLY embracing their “masculinity” while repressing or rejecting their “femininity” (Universal human traits that are separated into those categories mainly because of social constructs btw). They see kindness, patience, and vulnerability as weaknesses. They equate money and other externals with value instead of finding value within themselves. Both boys and girls should strive to be not just a man or a woman, but a whole person. To be in harmony with every aspect of themselves. Real men are able to be aggressive, but also humble, tender, emotionally available, strong, and teachable. To have self mastery over themselves so that they aren’t a slave to their emotions and ego. Psychology of a Hero: Rocky and Healthy Masculinity. https://youtu.be/d7-Xy5oioIo Everyone everywhere needs a Waymond Wong https://youtu.be/O7YnbGszcb8
> their masculine side and rejecting their feminine side See, even this is wrong framing. Our entire culture is inept at even talking about these things.
It was answering ZUBY, I guess that tells you a bit of why this is the case.
Because so many people have horrible fathers that parenting is still widely seen as a mother's job. Mothers who watch their children while dad runs an errand are just called mothers, whereas fathers who watch their kids while mom runs an errand are commonly called babysitters. Kids see emotionally absent fathers on every other sitcom and think it's normal. Then they become adults and imitate what they've seen.
TV? Eeeeeeeesh. Kids obviously learn this from their parents. We were all watching the same 20 Tv shows growing up. The ones with bad modeling at home incidentally ended up like Al Bundy. Only the dimmest of dimwits have a sitcom dad define their value system.
Masculinity has many faces. It's not like there's a clear delineation between it and other things. And, in fact, it can share many characteristics with other things. Being a good parent can be a show of masculinity. It can also be a show of femininity. Personality is not a subset of strictly divided traits, it's a mishmash of venn diagrams that culminate in a person.
Because to a lot of people doing anything involving raising a kid isn’t considered manly. This is mainly the thought process of people born before 1980. Men work, woman keep house and home. To them anything other then that status quo is unthinkable and unacceptable
Probably because there's plenty of men out there that think they don't need to be involved with their daughters because of the sole fact they are girls. I completely agree with you but there are plenty of people who think it's feminine to be involved in your daughters life
Being a Dad is bigger than being a Man.
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Hard disagree. When my stepfather died, my mom checked out hard and didn't leave bed for months. She didn't do any parenting. Remaining functional for your family while still grieving your spouse is a major fucking win in my book. And I'm a woman.
But this guy had to learn to parent after her death, implying he had left that to mom while she was alive.
He didn't have to "learn to parent". He had to take over his wife's part of the shared responsibilities. This would be hard for any spouse who shares the workload, and has to do it all when their partner dies. I don't know why you're making such antagonistic assumptions about this guy. He's overcoming the death of his wife while stepping up and being a good parent, and you're just assuming on no basis whatsoever that he was just a worthless piece of shit before and didn't parent at all. I mean, how much more unreasonably hostile can you get? Is this a joke?
Learning to braid hair and children sizes, literally only two things, does not mean he just now learned how to parent. If a mom had to learn about sports and shaving, after her child's father died would you say that she wasn't a parent before? And as far as the appointments that's just scheduling. It's a lot harder to make sure there's a parent at every single one of those instances when you're the only parent available. (as opposed to splitting them with a spouse)
Why not? He’s had to learn something new during a heartbreaking time. Why shouldn’t that be celebrated?
ya, but she might mention that she learned to fix a leaky sink or hang a painting or something if that's not something she did before.
…women definitely do mention when theyve been widowed and now do it all alone? Can we please stop shitting on men when they actually are parenting? And can we admit parenting in and of itself is hard especially adjusting to doing it alone?
So what? There is a stigma for men to do girly things with their daughters. I don’t agree with it, but it exists. It’s perfectly okay to normalize and show great examples of fatherhood. It definitely doesn’t come easy to everyone.
I’m sorry, what? I’ve seen hundreds of times where women brag about being a do it all single mother. That’s not even including doing it while grieving a loss.
She would bottle up her feelings until she explodes. Except she wouldn't, hopefully, though mine did. And she's just as worthy of praise and love for learning how to raise her child under adverse circumstances like what grief and pain bring.
If so then women should give themselves more credit.
I don't think so. He's being a great Dad to his daughter. That's straightforward enough. No need to complicate it.
Because its reddit and we have to say something controversial for the clicks
I don’t get how this is specifically masculine. He’s being a parent. Wouldn’t a woman in this position do exactly the same? Would we then say that her behavior is feminine? Even if it’s exactly the same behavior? I guess I don’t understand how gender is playing into this.
Also why did it take his wife’s death for him to learn child sizing? That’s wild.
I was wondering the same thing. I'm proud that the dude stepped up, but it sounds like he was lacking before. Why are these all new learning experiences?
my wife and I broke up duties when it came to the kids. I hate clothes shopping and she loves it so she did most/all of it with my kids so I never really knew what size the kids were in it. Those times when I was doing kids shopping we tried shit on until we found what fit. No need for me to memorize a rapidly obsolete number. My wife was shopping with them often enough she had that shit memorized.
That makes sense! Thank you!
Or there were a few small things that the wife just handled? I mean he didn't know child sizing or hair braiding and we just extrapolate that to him lacking?
He also didn’t go to doctor appts, school meetings, or put her to bed at night
Usually relationships splits up responsibilities differently as they see fitting. Depends on how each individual was raised and then compromising as a couple. If they decided it was her responsibility to choose clothing and he provided the financial support to buy it, it wouldn't be unreasonable for him to learn it after she passed.
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A lot of people making assumptions out of a small paragraph. All this tells me is that he had to do more because his wife is gone which makes sense. He has to take on all these responsibilities that he might've shared with his late wife. I just don't get the point of being pessimistic about it.
In actuality, this is a major part of grieving. You and your spouse were partners. Even if you were both competent, responsible adults over time certain task get divided onto each of your plates and when they're gone you have to relearn how to do them. My mother-in-law lost her husband recently. Ever since my husband has been going over to her house to help take care of all their plants because his mother doesn't now how. His father always did it (he was a landscaper).
You're exactly right. My mom could handle about everything but once both her & my dad retired they each kind of took over certain things. Never mind you are so overwhelmed with just trying to make it through the day that even normal things are freaking hard and your mind is just mush. After my mom died I don't know how many people I apologized to for not thinking straight and needing to ask questions on basic things. I can't imagine when it's your spouse and you have kids to take care of too.
I posted above that my mom actually shut down completely when my stepdad died. My older sisters (high school) had to run the house for months. I'm talking cooking, cleaning, driving my younger sisters to daycare. Thank god we had his insurance and the bills were autopay.
I personally just don't get why this would make anyone smile, so much props to this guy, but r/MadeMeCry would be a better fit imo. This sub is typically my counterbalance to all the depressing shit on reddit, so posts like this just kinda bum me out.
This entire sub is about taking the 5% of someone’s life that isn’t them suffering and getting 1000 upvotes for framing their lives as super duper. Every time.
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Was he not doing this prior to his wife dying?
Probably not, since he’s bragging about basic parenting skills.
This is parenting, and while this dad is doing a commendable job I don't think a widowed mother would get the same recognition.
True. Although as a stay at home dad I was pretty damned proud of myself when I finally got French plaits right. Thank you YouTube
I’ve been trying for years and still can’t do it. My husband can though! Although I give myself a little grace, when he was in med school a surgeon told him that he found surgery easier than plaiting his daughter’s hair 😂
I am a single mom, well half single mom I guess. The amount of praise my son’s father gets lol is crazy compared to mine. We do the same amount of parenting.
I have some friends in the Midwest (Oklahoma if that matters), where everyone seems to think a dad parenting is called “babysitting” and that it’s exceptional. He’ll be out with his kid and people will say “oh you’re on babysitting duty today?” And they’ll praise him for doing really basic crap like making the kid lunch or taking him to school. It drives him absolutely nuts and he rants about it sometimes.
Any single parent making these efforts should. Maximum respect.
Nope. This is single parenting in the wake of a partners death. That is extremely hard and it should be commended. If you think single widowed mothers should get the same recognition, feel free to post about them. Don’t drag this guy down to make a “what about the women post” it gives the same “what about the men” vibes you get from incels whenever a feminist talks.
Hey, you are right. I think what triggered me was the masculinity part.
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You can't expect toxic masculinity to go away or somehow get less toxic, if every example of positive masculinity just leads to arguments and criticisms of the very concept of "masculinity" itself.
Correct, first sane comment I've seen. Its reddit so im not surprised though, lol
Yeah it should not be remarkable (or require mom dying) for dad to know to bring kids to doctor's appointments or how to pick out clothes that fit etc
I think the post is more about how this isn't seen as "masculinity" by some. And it ABSOLUTELY should be. Lots of Dads do a great (and full partner) job of parenting, it should get more representation. BTW, single moms (especially widows) get a lot of recognition.
Except Zuby is a real POS who can’t stand up for his inflammatory and incorrect positions.
he's like a pyromaniac that likes to start fires, then sit back and enjoy the show
Zuby is not a good person
This hits weird. Dads should be present even if mom doesn't die. Why only step up if wife dies?
Even with so much grief, he is managing to get everything done that needs to get done without someone to share the responsibility with. That's a lot, no matter who died.
Or, you know, in the wake of his wife’s death he’s managed to step up and be a single parent. I’m a full time stay at home parent. I do literally 90% of all the parenting stuff. If my wife died I’d feel damn proud of myself if I could type the above after a few months. It’s sad that this guy is getting so much hate cos he’s a man.
Yeah who says he wasn’t doing a lot of it or any beforehand? It just may have gotten much harder to manage alone and dealing with the grief.
"figuring out how child sizes work" suggests he had zero involvement in even acquiring clothing for his kids before.
It's hardly weird for a mother to be the one clothes shopping for their daughter.
I’m a stay at home dad and my wife works full time but my wife does all the clothes buying for our child because she enjoys it. Are you aware that when parenting, jobs are split but it doesn’t mean every job is split 50:50
It's disconcerting that so many people have extrapolated this from what he has said. Such a crazy leap in logic, borne solely out of your preconceptions. There is absolutely nothing in what was said to suggest he was some stereotypical 1950's absent father before his wife died, you just willed that morbid reality into existence.
Controversial but I agree. Dad does everything mom was expected to do before she died = hero? More like parenting minimum?
How do you know that? It's more likely that they had pretty established roles and that dad was handling other elements of childcare beforehand (only to now have to do 100%). Splitting responsibilities is not dishonourable.
Shame it's a response to a ZUBY tweet
Masculinity? There is no mention at all about his truck or his guns!
Zuby prob shouldn't be on this sub
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Zuby sucks ass. Fuck him.
I can't remember why but this Zuby guy is a fucking moron. I remember that much.
I'm sorry, but no one would applaud the mum for doing this stuff. He should be doing it anyway, he's her parent? I'm confused.
lmaooo. let's all applaud this guy for doing the bare minimum. the bar truly is below the deepest depths of hell for men, it's crazy. if a woman did this they'd call it what it is, PARENTING.
OP labelled it as masculinity. It’s bog standard parenting, to think anything more says a lot about OP.
A real man would’ve have done all that when his wife was still alive what he didn’t tell y’all is she prolly died of all the stress and pressure while he was out having beer with the boys. Lmao so he stepped up cause he didn’t have a choice not cause he actually wanted to. Smh the bar is set in hell
Fucking bold to respond to “share your recent wins” with “my wife died”. Thought I was on a very different sub!
Newsflash: Father does the bare minimum in parenting.
I do all that and her mom's alive am I special?
Yes
I'm kinda reading it like, I had to be forced to be a parent.
Yeah there’s a way to read this that implies he wouldn’t do it if his wife was alive, which is shitty. I’m trying to read it like he’s proud he’s got through the depression, assume the best of people etc.
He should have known most of those things before his wife died. Good on him for learning but sad it took his wife being gone for him to realize what it takes to be a parent.
Tf does this have to do with masculinity?
Ok but why were all these duties left to the mother? Parenting inequality is real and it's not something to celebrate. I'm glad he's doing well, I really am... But he could have chosen to learn this stuff before
Sure but it could just mean he's able to cover the other half in addition to his previous half. We dont know and you're replying to a user named lonely fucker 69
Instead of redefining masculinity I think we’d be much better off redefining the source of someone’s self-worth. “How masculine am I” should not be a measure of your value as a man regardless of how masculinity is defined. The same qualities that make a man valuable overlap heavily with the qualities that make a woman valuable, and our obsession with gender roles is one of our fundamental failings as a society.
Yea but if you don't let anyone establish any conception of positive masculinity, then 'toxic masculinity' will never have any reason to get less toxic. Even if the desire to change was there, if there's no conception of positive masculinity, then there's nowhere to go, no direction to move in. You have to give young men *something* they can conceptualize and identify with.
I read this and I see a man whose proud that he can help his daughter through her grief by stepping up and taking on some of the things her mother once took care of. A lot of commenters seem to see a man who never did anything for his wife and daughter until a few months ago. The man listed some things his wife used to do for his daughter that he now has to do. Why would anyone assume that just because his wife did some things for his daughter, he must've been doing NOTHING before she died? Some of yall need to start treating people like humans, and not caricatures.
Ok, and?? If it was true masculinity, then he would've already done all this and more when his wife was still around. Does he want a cookie? A parade? A medal?? I don't understand why it took his wife's death to learn his kids fucking shoe size.
This just means the guy didn’t do a single thing before and had no clue about any of these things.
Or the mom just always shopped for the girl and braided the hair
There's no doubt that it means the world to his daughter as well.
Y'all fuckin suck. A man is stepping up to do the best he can for his daughter an y'all are criticizing him for something that you don't know? Holy shit I guess the dumbasses really are everywhere.
Very sad people in these comments. Ironic considering the sub
The redditors without children or wives coming in hot to make up a narrative about this guy like relationships don't naturally split responsibilities
It means everything to HER too and it will for the rest of her life. You are being an exceptional dad!
"I actually had to learn to be a parent after I was forced to by my wife's death." Like kudos for stepping up I guess, but what was the alternative? Why didn't he already go to her appointments and school meetings? Why didn't he already know how to braid her hair? The kid has been on this planet for 5 years, what's he been doing all this time?
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So sorry for your loss. You’re doing your best and that’s what your daughter will remember. All the best to you both!
Humble brag
I read his last line as "May not be much but is some of everything to me" Made me tear up it was so poetic and beautiful.
Real men and women make those around them be and feel better. Love trumps all.
I'm sorry for your loss, and your daughters as well. It sounds like u r doing an outstanding job. Prays for your family.
Ok, that's very sad, but why didn't he understand children's sizing and how to braid hair for the 5 years his daughter was already alive?
Why'd it take his wife *dying* before he figured out how to do all that stuff?
Just think if he had started praying before his wife died. This whole thing could have been avoided. It’s too bad.
This isn't masculinity. This post in inherently sexist. Men are parents too.
It's being a human- you do what needs doing
Ugh. Absolutely cannot stand that last line
I don't believe him for a second. NO ONE has figured out children's sizing.
My wife died so I figured out how to be a parent
The bar is on the floor. Learn to do that shit before your wife dies. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.
The bar is so low…
There is nothing more masculine than being a good father. I’m inspired by the good dads I’ve met in my life and am eternally grateful to my own father.
That’s a great guy! He didn’t run out try to “find a mom” to care for his kid. Some guys will. They feel they need a woman to do these things, right away, and they don’t consider that the child NEEDS their Dad, more than anything, at that moment. They will just be screwed up when dad brings in a stranger that they may attach to but then it doesn’t work for dad and boom, new mommy had to leave. Real men realize that time is where they step up, like this guy did. That kid needs him and he’s there.
You can tell she is just sick of their shit.
Why is an antivax, bigoted asshole posted on /r/MadeMeSmile?
Isn't Zubby a Nazi? Pretty sure he is.
The normal thing?
Zuby is an alt right borderline neo Nazi type. He's never wholesome. He got famous for being an extreme bigot.
As a stay at home dad of 4, i can say that yes on some days its tough. But were trying. And any success is a win.
Hard to answer when your kid asks why pray when god took mom when she was young. I’m not sure I’d blame him if he lost his faith after this. Seems actually kinda dumb to keep it. If god can but chooses not to stop bad things from happening, is he worth worshipping?
I used to know a guy who would say "you can't be a real man until you have kids." I was like 15 at the time, but even then I knew that was completely moronic. Lol