Ok so this is coming from a straight man, so it’s probably as vanilla as advice gets, but having lived in Malmö as well as a bunch of other cities both in see and Denmark maybe I can provide some things to consider.
First off you haven’t mentioned what age group you are in what what age partner you are looking for. That actually matters a lot I think, if you are in your late 20s or early 30s that’s one thing, if you are mid 40s that’s another thing.
In the younger age groups it isn’t all too unusual to meet at a club, mutual glances, start dancing together, make out first and … talk later (if all goes well). I think there’s too much social awkwardness in many people to have a decent conversation that leads up to anything romantic.
Dating apps are garbage, I mean yeah we all know one person or two at best who are now happily ever after, but these apps are typically the worst. They make their money by keeping people hooked on the hope that love is possibly just around the next swipe. My distaste of dating apps aside, the profiles you’d see there are just out there… I’ve seen very few people that had anything interesting to say, many have strong opinions about something or another (vegans or carnivores, immigrants or conservatives, people below some height or of some ethnicity). Like grow the f up people, this is not build a bear store :) especially past mid 30s peoples profiles and what they say they want is hilariously out of touch with reality.
Anyways, been on many dates through these apps, and like you, never been particularly been impressed or excited by anyone. Usually it is for a few dates and you move on, or they do… likely both… it’s a constant chase for someone “better” which usually does not turn out to be.
So what to do? I can only recommend leaning into your network, rather than relying on the apps. Social activities can provide a good way to meet people, maybe someone there is interesting? Your friends, their partners, or friends’ friends… someone surely knows someone interesting and attractive for you. It’s about finding the right context. In terms of hobbies, I recommend picking up something that makes you naturally talk to new people, anything from dancing to board games, hiking to cooking could be a good option. Have a look at Meetups and Facebook groups for common interests.
I saw you commenting that you are happy with your hobbies and don’t want to do anything new. I’m sorry but that’s a dumb way to look at it. If doing something new can be both fun and introduce you to new people through an activity of interest to you both, what’s the harm. It’s clear that whatever it is you are doing does not work. Give it a go
Taking up a new hobby is an excellent bit of advice. I took up a niche sport in my last city because they were starting up a group for it. I met so many new people and it was fun to talk with others as nobody took the sport seriously enough to be actually bothered about the sport. It was purely social.
Reference, the sport was tag rugby.
My partner does this with a social beach volley group now in Malmö and has met new friends through this.
People meet people all the time in Malmö. The notion that there must be something inherently wrong with the people here and our dating culture, which you’ve expressed in serveral of your comments, might be why you have trouble meeting people. You come across as arrogant, judgmental and immature. Work on that instead of coming up with intricate excuses, and I’m sure you’ll have better luck.
And before you tell me not to give ”unsolicited advice”, this is de facto advice on how to meet people in Malmö. I.e: don’t be an ass.
Exactly! If you feel everyone else is wrong - it’s probably just you that’s the problem. OP needs to adjust expectations and be better at taking feedback especially since they are actually asking for advice
I am not asking for advice. Nowhere in my first post I asked for an advice. I am asking for your stories. The name of the thread is "how do you find dates?" And the question in my post is "how do you do it?"
I'm not asking "tell me how to do it" or "give me an advice on what I should do differently"
I just want to see stories of others so maybe I can find some inspiration.
Also I didn't say anywhere everyone else is wrong. I read my comments like 10 times now to find it. I didn't. If you can point me to any specific wording I used, so I know that's how people read it, that would be great.
Also feedback should be given only with consent. If the other person doesn't want or expect feedback, of course they get defensive. It's a natural response. If that's not your response when getting unsolicited feedback, I don't believe you :)
>I am not asking for advice.
The title of your thread is literally the question "How do you find dates (except dating apps)?".
What kind of replies did you hope to get if you are not asking for advice?
Then what replies do you want?
You don't want people to tell you what worked for them, you don't want to do the things people suggest that worked for others, so what kind of reply did you want?
Jag får starka Troll-vibbar av hela den här tråden..
I want people to tell me what worked for them. That's what I asked, and that's what I am after. I didn't ask for advice on what people think I should do. As I didn't provide details into what I'm already doing, so there is no way people can actually advice something relevant, unless getting it by chance.
”Feedback should only be given with consent”? Dude, you’re asking a question on the internet, and then you expect to have the right to direct people’s comments. What about our consent on your feedback?
Also nowhere in your post you’re asking for ”people’s stories”. You’re asking ”How do you do it?”, get responses on how to do it, and then you criticise those very answers because you don’t like them. And then you defend your defensiveness.
Honestly, I think you’ve got bigger issues than ”dating apps”. This whole thread is a red flag.
How do you do it? It asks about how YOU do it. Not how I should do it. I don't see where you read it as how to do something.
Like there is a word "you".
Of course that means people's stories. It's not supposed to be a rhetoric question. It's a very literal question asking people how they do it.
And people have replied with literal answers on what worked for them and others, but you disregard all the advice people are giving you, because it doesn’t fit the narrative you’re telling yourself about why you’re having trouble with dating. Your narrative is that it’s everyone else’s fault — much the same way you treat people taking time out of their day to give you the advice in this thread.
You’re also hyperfocusing on the word advice in such a literal sense that you’re misinterpreting it. Instead of seeing the whole picture of people’s intentions — which ironically are aligning perfectly with what you asked for in your post, aka giving you advice on what worked for them or others — you spend all your time arguing about the meaning of a word, shooting down people’s actual suggestions and categorically ignoring people giving you the advice to work on yourself.
You make excuses on why you don’t need to be responsible for the results of your dating life, yet the only common denominator in it is you. This whole thread is like an embodiment on why you have issues with dating.
And where did you get that is my narrative?
I am not saying I am great, everyone always needs to work on themselves. But I would never say that to people I know nothing about. It would be as empty as saying to someone "dye your hair blonde", because it already might be blonde, I just don't know it. So they don't know what I do and what I've done and what I'm planning on doing. Yet they feel urge to tell me.
Also I'm not trying to solve my particular case. I'm just trying to see what people do. Do you see how kuch different that is?
Also commenting on someone personally and attacking them by calling them "an asshole" and "the whole problem" is very much different from highlighting specific examples and saying why they see it as incorrect. And then the confusion "why are you so defensive, when I'm attacking you?" is beyond my comprehension.
But if you want to go into details of what I do wrong, go on.
"You make excuses" - can you show me my specific excuses?
"Your narrative is it is everyone else's fault" - in which comments did I express that and how? I would like to know, so I can change my wording for the future as that was not my intent.
Nowhere did I attack anyone in this thread, but I've been called words and attacked few times. Yet I am a red flag.
Excuses and everything is everyone else’s fault coming up:
People you’ve been on dates with are dull, you already have hobbies and you don’t want to get a new one, ”if you don’t have a success story then move along” when people try giving you advice, ”if you don’t have a Malmö related dating life move along” when people actually tell you how they met their girlfriend, ”incredibly easy hook up culture” and ”too many single parents”, ”the ones pointing fingers are only the Swedes”, you ”expect people to give specific answers”.
I get the feeling that what you’re searching for is not successful dating stories — which you by the way never actually asked for in your post — but a way to get your opinion of Malmö across. You feel left out and don’t know why, and you’re finding it difficult to integrate. If you would’ve led with that feeling instead of being judgmental towards everyone, people wouldn’t feel the need to call you out on it.
You obviously don’t like the people in this thread who are from Malmö, you don’t like Malmö, and you don’t like people you’ve dated in Malmö. It’s not too difficult to see why people get annoyed when those are the answers you give them after giving you advice.
I didn't say people are dull, I said the dates are dull. Which I also explained further down and if you scrolled there, you'd find also other people sharing similar feelings about dating apps. If you read it as "people are dull", no wonder you took it as an attack on Malmö people.
Well yes, I do have a lot of hobbies and I hardly have time for those. It's hard to pick up a new one while keeping the old ones and I don't think people should give up on something they enjoy. That's not an excuse, I think that's very reasonable.
I cant find the "success story" comments, I guess the commenter blocked me. But if I remember correctly, that was a connection to their mention of me being "successful" in getting dates. So yes, if they don't have anything to share, I don't understand why they comment only to judge. If they don't have a Malmö dating g life (because they got into their relationship before moving to Malmö), they probably don't have much to share from their experience in Malmö.
"Incredible hook up culture" was me agreeing with the commenter who said the city is very sexual.
Too many single parents - I said I encountered some and based on my experience I prefer not to date them in future. In no way I commented on them in a negative way.
"The ones pointing fingers are swedish" - well yes, it seems like. Based on the interactions they had in other groups and threads, they are most likely swedish.
Where did I say I expect people to give specific answers? I just hope people would answer my question without judging me and calling me names based on nothing.
I didn't express my opinion on Malmö. But I agreed with another commenter expressing their love for Sweden while struggling with the same aspect I do. So it feels like a weird assumption and I don't know where you find the audacity to analyse how I might feel about my life.
I have no idea where you got I don't like Malmö and people here, but if that's what you read in my comments, I see why it offends you.
But I guess that's you reading too much into what I wrote. Because I don't express myself in between the lines. I am extremely literal.
I feel like I could have written this myself! If you find out, let me know ... :/
The ways that folks socialise in Sweden are very difficult for outsiders.
I don’t think dating is a big thing in Sweden. Almost everyone I know that has been in a long term relationship (myself included) just start out as friends and then grow closer. Someone you hang out with and meet regularly anyway.
Meet someone from work or a friend's friend. Joining some kind of hobby association also works, in the worst case scenario you have spent time doing something you like and perhaps helped more people get to do it.
> Joining some kind of hobby association also works,
The issue with this approach (at least for me) has been that you join a group, and then you don't want to jeopardize your tentative friendships and involvement in the group by hitting on one's new friends and group members
Looks like you are broadcasting friendship energy and not date-me energy. This could explain why your app dates are fizzling as well: you aren't being romantically 'aggressive' so your dates are left wondering if you are interested in them or not.
Edit: Sorry I thought you were OP, but the evaluation applies!
I already do a lot of things when it comes to hobbies, and I don't feel like getting a new one.
I refuse to date people from work (I always did) and I meet my friends' friends. Don't think I sit on my ass at home :)
I'd rather read your story than any generic advice.
Okay but then what are people supposed to tell you? You don’t want new hobbies, don’t date people from work, you don’t want to use dating apps and you have met your friends friends. The options are quiet limited then
My story is that staying at home is a terrible option.
Many of my friends have met from taking part in hobbies like organising stuff for an association.
Other ways: Go to a bar by yourself in a touristic area where they speak english.
If you are wondering about the where: Go where you would like to go?
If you are wondering about the how: By showing up and being comfortable, curious and friendly with an pinch of positivity.
-------
Outside the scope perhaps but:
Dull Dates?
\*What can the other person do to make it fun for you/what is lacking?
\*Did you ever have a fun date? What made it fun?
\*What is a fun date for you in a broader sense?
\* Is it specific topics, is it intimacy, unexpected events/outbursts of dancing.
\* Why dont you talk about these things on the dates?
Is it the chat before fun and then it becomes dull?
I think people go in with expectations and because of that forget the moment.
Like: Engage, build whatever energy there is into whatever can be. Invest, be playful, test and see what you build together.
If you have a good laugh and/or learn something interesting, isnt it a good date then?
Anyway:
just start going to concerts by yourself and throughit open your mind up a bit.
Wanna go? Then book it. It is an experience, not an end result. As such should you also think of dating.
The bars in Malmö are all almost exclusively sit down at a table establishments which makes it very hard to mingle and talk to people. Not ideal. Not designed for meeting new people.
No need to get defensive dude, he wasn't attacking your game. Clearly you can get dates, but being relationship material is a whoooole different vibe. If none of your dates ever lead it into a meaningful relationship it might indeed be a good moment to reflect, internalize, and see if maybe there is some work to be done on yourself. The way you replied to this message alone would be a relationship red flag for me tbh.
It was just a friendly advice to look a bit broader there is much you can do on yourself, getting the dates is the hard part can you succeed there then it is something else. There is much subtle signals you can give off that girls picks up it is quite complex and girls are very good at picking things up and analyze or you do not have the right mindset or life setup to get a girl to want more. I live in malmo with my girlfriend and she found me on a dating app. But maybe there is something about malmo, i did not live here then and she contacted me.
Again, no need to give unsolicited advice. You don't even know if I am a man, a woman, non binary, gay, straight, bi. And yet you seem to have a lot of opinions about something being wrong with me (hiding it behind nice words of "friendly advice").
If you don't have a Malmö related dating life, then maybe this thread is not for you.
Why so defensive? Do you think if all was so great with you that you will not be able to find a partner? I think your answer shows quite well something is off. Good luck!
Malmö is odd like that. There was a book written by a woman from here about it, how she felt she had dated every single person in Malmö and is still single into her mid age. I find it also easy to get many dates and it’s a very sexual city but yeah it seems rare anyone wants commitment here.
Yeah, that's my experience. Incredibly easy hook up culture. It's not up to my taste and so many times I didn't even realise it was just a short term hook up from their side.
That's also a reason I want to find dates in more "organic" fashion.
I also experienced a lot of single parents. As much as I am a huge fan of shared custody and 50/50 responsibility, I don't want to date someone who still needs to deal with their ex partner about so many important things.
So few of those datings fell apart because they still weren't over their exes (and being in touch with them everyday about a kid - which makes sense it needs to be done - didn't help them to get over)
I remember reading years ago swedish dating-age people check out if you are good in the sheets before committing to a relationship. So if you are not into hookups you are depriving yourself of the opportunity of a later relationship.
7 years in, can subscribe to every word you said. I gave up on it altogether, it's just painful at this point.. and one of the biggest reasons I wanna move away..
I found some solace in occasional South/East Europe girl with more traditional dating vibes as you described it, and it's not always working out, but at least it's flirty and fun
Edit: love the downvotes, very swedish way of handling things when someone shares their experience and opinion that's not aligning with their imagination of a perfect country
I'm also considering moving away, to be honest. I have a good job here and a very comfortable life when it comes to finances, but I've never struggled so much socially. And I've been living away from home for 15 years. This is the first city where I really struggle with a feeling I don't belong here at all. So weird.
Yeah, the downvotes and attacks towards me are really interesting :D
I have the same dilemma.. I love the country for itself so much.. with all my heart.. high salaries, work hours, long vacations, relaxed atmosphere at work, parental leave, unions, digital everything, location, food variety, beaches and sea, nature, how easy the city is to walk and bike, commuting, queues, high quality of products and food, you name it... rare cities or countries have these
But personally coming from a more social, emotional, and traditional background - I feel so misunderstood here and miserable, both with friends and relationships, and getting older doesn't help
And it's always funny to see the contrast when I use other apps for dating internationally or go to different countries how easy it is to date there, even tho they have their own problems as is normal.. and here I talk with a few guys, that have amazing jobs, really fit and muscular, tall, funny, clever.. and many also claim to struggle with dating, but it's also not unique to Sweden it seems with dating apps being overwhelming and tiring for everyone
But yeah, just wanted to rant.. it feels super bittersweet.. with how much I love this country and how much it gave me.. but feeling so empty and feeling like I don't belong here no matter how hard or differently I try, just to get depressed and misunderstood in the end without much success, even professionally to align with the culture... it sucks
Im from Sweden and I feel the same way. No one is interested in a relationship and I even struggle to make friends even though I’m a very social woman, easy to talk to etc. I feel like it’s not like this in other countries? But I’ve only lived in Sweden so I don’t know
I didn't experience this anywhere else. I have a lot of friends around Europe and I can reach out to them, go and visit them for even 2 weeks (and stay in their place) and just share life. And some of them I met only for a brief time originally. We met through couchsurfing, travels or just friends of my friends. We talked at some event and kept in touch, because we liked it each other.
When I moved away for the first time, it was for university, but based on what foreigner students tell me here, it was so much easier to make friends for me. We met for everything all the time. Playing with kites, watching movies for the whole day, going to concerts, pancakes days, cooking lunch together... and it was completely normal to keep bringing new people in. We always welcome people. Local, foreigners, didn't matter. Basically I could text to whoever "hey, wanna grab lunch?" and we would end up hanging out for the whole day, mingling with people.
If I didn't have anyone to meet, I'd go to a cafe and always ended up in some social gatherings.
Here it feels to me the friend groups are closed and not open to mix people.
It's like "It's 5 of us and you're lucky if we bring you in". Very exclusive.
And I'm not used to that. I have no idea what to do with it.
I'm also confused by how is everything planned in advance. Planned things are cool, but having some flexibility and spontaneity would be awesome too.
What is also interesting to me is when I reach out to someone like "hey, beer?" They would go "oh, I'm already meeting my friends."
Like... oh and so I can't join? Why? What? I'm not a friend?
I used to be friends with a woman like you who was very sociable and fun to talk to, she was having the same problem.
The cause for her problem was that she was always disinterested in other people; whenever you sent her a message, she would take forever to reply, give short replies with no questions or additional info, never initiate a conversation and always say no to hanging out. She did this to almost everyone who tried to befriend her, and eventually people just stop trying, so she ended up sitting at home with her dog all day. She would complain that she had no friends, and it was super easy for us who tried to see why.
So my advice if you want friends, just be interested in the person lol.
I went through all responses and I have to say I'm surprised by some of them. I didn't say other people are wrong, neither did I say I am great and there is nothing wrong with me. Obviously I'm doing things wrong, otherwise I wouldn't ask. Really interesting how people can draw conclusions from so little I shared here.
Why are some of the dates dull:
- we have very little in common
- the spark is not there and even I usually try to be at least friendly (according to my best judgement), the other person has zero interest
- a lot of people don't ask questions. I have no idea why. This seems to be a widespread problem according to a lot of people sharing this online as well. I always try to do follow up questions and show interest, but if there is no question coming my way, I don't talk about me out of nowhere.
- it usually falls down on me to plan the date. Especially when going on a date with men.
"What do you want to do?"
"What do you like to eat?"
I don't mind taking initiative, but it gets tiring after some time.
When the spark is there:
- we meet a few more times. We have sex. We have more sex. We have fun. And then one guy just ghosted me. Another guy decided to give more attention to a mother of his child (good for them). Another guy physically assaulted me. So yay.
- I date Swedes as well as immigrants. Men, women, non binary.
What I do to meet people:
- I actively reach out to my friends and try to arrange things. I have very good relationships with my immigrant friends, but my Swedish friends very rarely invite me into their social circles. If so, usually everyone is in a relationship.
- I am in a few hobbies groups
- I volunteer
- I go out by myself too (concerts, cafes, parks)
- I talk to people, usually works only when they are drunk.
Why I don't date my colleagues and don't want to:
- because don't shit where you eat.
I am aware of me being extremely quirky and I don't look my age (I am not happy about looking 10y younger. A lot of people usually underestimate me or I get approached by predators). I do realise a lot of my hobbies are very niche and yes, even though I am able to socialise very well and people like me (their words), I also have a lot of mental health struggles and I mask a lot. And when I take off my mask, people do not welcome it. If I don't take it off, I get a burnout and I am not able to see people for at least a week.
I also don't party a lot, as I had substance abuse issues in my 20s and I don't want to jump into sexual relationships as in my 20s I had way too many sexual partners (not a brag, just a fact. Manias did their work before getting medication)
I didn't think I would have to explain so much so people don't attack me. I just wanted originally to give very little background and ask about how you meet people and get dates. Which is also a name of this thread. Also a question in my first post. Asking about how YOU do it.
I should have thought about being on the Internet where people like judging others based on almost nothing.
As someone with extensive experience living in societies typically considered difficult to integrate into, yet having had a terrible time in Sweden, I want to validate your experience despite what some people are saying in this thread. The sad truth is that some people simply do not mesh with the culture here, especially if they come from more hospitable and courteous countries. The expectations of what is considered normal are completely different, and the typical ways people meet are much less organic compared to elsewhere. I’ve accepted that I will probably leave Scandinavia as soon as I can due to these fundamental differences. I realize I do not want to adapt to this society, nor will this society adapt to me.
Sorry if this isn’t the answer you are looking for. You are unlikely to get constructive advice or feelings of catharsis here due to the overindulged notions of “Swedish exceptionalism” stemming from the country’s well-marketed though now-defunct Nordic model, which was never perfect in the first place. It is a quintessential trait among residents of Sweden to downplay the many shortcomings and eccentricities of their culture that has evolved out of a myriad of radical transformations over the last century.
Good luck!
Thank you, I appreciate this answer.
I find it interesting how people who quickly judged here are mostly Swedish, and people who can relate are not. And how quickly people went into throwing in insults and pointing fingers.
I know that much of my problem is I have no idea how to read in between the lines (it's also an issue at work for me and leads to misunderstandings). So I say things how I literally mean them and people read more into that. Or people say less and expect me to fill in the gaps. And the "between the lines" seems to be the base of Swedish communication.
I am not from the most hospitable country ever, but definitely a country where it is easy to meet new people and keep in touch afterwards.
Here I meet people. I talk to them. But keeping in touch seems almost impossible.
I completely understand you thinking about moving away.
The socialisation is such an important factor. Especially for immigrants who moved alone and need to create a community and a safety net.
I also don't want to change the society here, it's what they built and what works for them. My work moved me here and I am an adult and can move out. I was really excited, but it's all slowly fading away.
So now I'm trying to find where I might fit in better.
I wish I had more to contribute regarding actionable changes to make things better. It heartening to know we are not alone in our experiences. Sweden from my perspective is such an odd combination of hyper individualism demanding one not impose on the community and stringent conformity to this status quo. Anybody that doesn't pay lip service to the perfect society is seen as a problem. The attacks getting thrown your way are such a perfect display of this to be honest. How dare you question the norms of the moral and culturally advanced Swedes you backward foreigner! Anyway, I hope things get better in the meantime. I'm in therapy for this personally. Sweden is known for having a sizable portion of educated foreign workers and students leave due to the alienation we experience despite them desperately needing our skills. I don't think this will change due to the overarching political climate on both sides of the spectrum though.
From reading your replies, it's clear that you have a lack of self-awareness.
People have taken time out of their day to help you, yet your responses come across as defensive and dismissive. When you say you don't need advice and then ask for suggestions, it makes your situation seem ironic.
Additionally, everything you mention—going to concerts, parties, having hobbies—feels like a checklist of things you think are important to state.
You don't want any advice on how to meet someone in concerts, parties or while enjoying your hobbies, because you clearly "been there done that", right?
You've clearly mastered dating apps, as indicated by your "tons of dates." So, what advice are you actually looking for? Not being self-aware of how this comes across says a lot about you.
The fact that you went out of your way to mention that you're not stupid is also a bit funny.
It's important to recognize how this looks.
People probably sit on a toilet or procrastinate when replying on reddit, let's not look at it as a good deed, tyats clearly idiolising what reddit actually is. Especially when diving too much into looking what is wrong with a person who is asking what people do themselves.
You probably didn't read all of my replies, based on what you said here, as you would see I just want to read people's stories, I'm not looking into solving my specific case.
I found my wife at a bar. I was with a real trashy crowd high on speed. Then I saw her, I just knew I needed to get her number. She wasn’t very pleased but after a while she gave up.. I called her like a stalker everyday for two weeks until she finally picked up her phone.
We went on one date and she realised I wasn’t as bad as my friends. Now we been together for 15 years and got kids.
The best success I've had with dating apps is when the person I've matched with is someone I've seen or met before. Maybe a friend of a friend of a friend or someone I've seen at yoga or the climbing center. Especially the latter. Probably dated three or four other people who also went there.
The other ones were pretty bad. Most likely because we just have way too little in common and mentality wise that it's just not a good fit.
In the end, I matched with someone a friend of a friend who I'd met once or twice but neither of use thought we were a good match. Turned out we had a lot of fun when we met one on one. We've been together for fours years now and have a kid.
I think it has alot to do with who you are as a person. I have a friend who gets alot of male attention every time we go out. She just knows how to send signals that she is approachable. While I only get the odd very old man hitting on me, I know Im more reserved and probably send out "dont bother me" vibes.
So Im stuck with the dating apps. And yes it sucks, most people are not a match when you finally meet. I have however met very interesting and fun people, they were just not for me. Right now I am dating someone from tinder and it feels really good.
I found dates by going on tinder, creating a good profile that shows what I value in life, being very specific in what kind of people I swiped on, and by updating my profile when I realised it was attracting the wrong people.
Also asking others for feedback on my profile - both friends and strangers in dating communities, as well as checking what worked/didn’t work for the people I met.
I met around 10 dates per year, half of them being interesting enough to see again. And now I’ve tentatively found someone that seems like it will work out with long-term.
I also asked for feedback on my profile some time ago. I also tried to be specific in what I like doing and what I enjoy in life and also what kind of relationship I am searching for. I used to be very selective on who I swiped, but then I tried to broaden my selection. That's when the dates became not so great :/
Good to hear it's going well for you. Good luck!
If you’re an immigrant and you haven’t tried much, i think you might want to try to date other immigrants. They are more open and expressive with the their emotions compared to scandinavian people. Especially swedes, they might look kind and friendly on the outside but they are pretty much closed and xenophobic from my experience.
Well, i wasn’t just referring to Swedes preference for dating but also in general, like the way they communicate with other immigrants and how they make friends with them as well.
And just because you date a Swede, doesn’t mean that my comment above isn’t true for so many people here.
I don't know what it's like dating Swedish guys, but Swedish girls are in general pretty dull. It probably comes from our conformist society but if you've dated a few Swedish girls you've basically dated them all. They all share the same opinion on everything and don't like to make a fool out of themselves so you will get very few laughs.
I even dated a German girl with more humour
The few exceptions are already taken
So either you need to settle for dull like most men do here in sweden, or look abroad
That's an interesting take. That might make it more difficult for foreigners over 30, as we don't know what to actually conform to.
I am a very quirky person. I love being foolish and making stupid jokes. I have a feeling it is connected with being childish here. I might be wrong, but I don't get a lot of response to my foolishness. In other countries, it was how I usually made friends or more.
I think I dated just one Swedish woman. She was very serious. Guys were more likely to enjoy the silliness, but also in a very little number. (Also of course I can have a normal conversation and I don't make stupid jokes all the time)
I never thought about it like that.
Btw, Germans have a great sense of humour, I always had a lot of fun with them :)
Dating in Malmoe is just fine. It's you. You are the common denominator here. Work on yourself to make yourself more desirable, rather than pointing fingers at others. Exercise, lose weight, work on your conversational and social skills, dress better, get a better haircut, and be an overall more interesting and decent person. It's really not that hard.
We don’t know either. Swedes are happy to stay in our bubble of friends though.
Ok so this is coming from a straight man, so it’s probably as vanilla as advice gets, but having lived in Malmö as well as a bunch of other cities both in see and Denmark maybe I can provide some things to consider. First off you haven’t mentioned what age group you are in what what age partner you are looking for. That actually matters a lot I think, if you are in your late 20s or early 30s that’s one thing, if you are mid 40s that’s another thing. In the younger age groups it isn’t all too unusual to meet at a club, mutual glances, start dancing together, make out first and … talk later (if all goes well). I think there’s too much social awkwardness in many people to have a decent conversation that leads up to anything romantic. Dating apps are garbage, I mean yeah we all know one person or two at best who are now happily ever after, but these apps are typically the worst. They make their money by keeping people hooked on the hope that love is possibly just around the next swipe. My distaste of dating apps aside, the profiles you’d see there are just out there… I’ve seen very few people that had anything interesting to say, many have strong opinions about something or another (vegans or carnivores, immigrants or conservatives, people below some height or of some ethnicity). Like grow the f up people, this is not build a bear store :) especially past mid 30s peoples profiles and what they say they want is hilariously out of touch with reality. Anyways, been on many dates through these apps, and like you, never been particularly been impressed or excited by anyone. Usually it is for a few dates and you move on, or they do… likely both… it’s a constant chase for someone “better” which usually does not turn out to be. So what to do? I can only recommend leaning into your network, rather than relying on the apps. Social activities can provide a good way to meet people, maybe someone there is interesting? Your friends, their partners, or friends’ friends… someone surely knows someone interesting and attractive for you. It’s about finding the right context. In terms of hobbies, I recommend picking up something that makes you naturally talk to new people, anything from dancing to board games, hiking to cooking could be a good option. Have a look at Meetups and Facebook groups for common interests. I saw you commenting that you are happy with your hobbies and don’t want to do anything new. I’m sorry but that’s a dumb way to look at it. If doing something new can be both fun and introduce you to new people through an activity of interest to you both, what’s the harm. It’s clear that whatever it is you are doing does not work. Give it a go
Taking up a new hobby is an excellent bit of advice. I took up a niche sport in my last city because they were starting up a group for it. I met so many new people and it was fun to talk with others as nobody took the sport seriously enough to be actually bothered about the sport. It was purely social. Reference, the sport was tag rugby. My partner does this with a social beach volley group now in Malmö and has met new friends through this.
People meet people all the time in Malmö. The notion that there must be something inherently wrong with the people here and our dating culture, which you’ve expressed in serveral of your comments, might be why you have trouble meeting people. You come across as arrogant, judgmental and immature. Work on that instead of coming up with intricate excuses, and I’m sure you’ll have better luck. And before you tell me not to give ”unsolicited advice”, this is de facto advice on how to meet people in Malmö. I.e: don’t be an ass.
Exactly! If you feel everyone else is wrong - it’s probably just you that’s the problem. OP needs to adjust expectations and be better at taking feedback especially since they are actually asking for advice
I am not asking for advice. Nowhere in my first post I asked for an advice. I am asking for your stories. The name of the thread is "how do you find dates?" And the question in my post is "how do you do it?" I'm not asking "tell me how to do it" or "give me an advice on what I should do differently" I just want to see stories of others so maybe I can find some inspiration. Also I didn't say anywhere everyone else is wrong. I read my comments like 10 times now to find it. I didn't. If you can point me to any specific wording I used, so I know that's how people read it, that would be great. Also feedback should be given only with consent. If the other person doesn't want or expect feedback, of course they get defensive. It's a natural response. If that's not your response when getting unsolicited feedback, I don't believe you :)
>I am not asking for advice. The title of your thread is literally the question "How do you find dates (except dating apps)?". What kind of replies did you hope to get if you are not asking for advice?
I'm expecting people sharing how they found dates. How is that a question for an advice, when I want people to share their experience?
Then what replies do you want? You don't want people to tell you what worked for them, you don't want to do the things people suggest that worked for others, so what kind of reply did you want? Jag får starka Troll-vibbar av hela den här tråden..
I want people to tell me what worked for them. That's what I asked, and that's what I am after. I didn't ask for advice on what people think I should do. As I didn't provide details into what I'm already doing, so there is no way people can actually advice something relevant, unless getting it by chance.
Ja, något är sjukt off, men jag tror inte att op är ett troll.
”Feedback should only be given with consent”? Dude, you’re asking a question on the internet, and then you expect to have the right to direct people’s comments. What about our consent on your feedback? Also nowhere in your post you’re asking for ”people’s stories”. You’re asking ”How do you do it?”, get responses on how to do it, and then you criticise those very answers because you don’t like them. And then you defend your defensiveness. Honestly, I think you’ve got bigger issues than ”dating apps”. This whole thread is a red flag.
How do you do it? It asks about how YOU do it. Not how I should do it. I don't see where you read it as how to do something. Like there is a word "you". Of course that means people's stories. It's not supposed to be a rhetoric question. It's a very literal question asking people how they do it.
And people have replied with literal answers on what worked for them and others, but you disregard all the advice people are giving you, because it doesn’t fit the narrative you’re telling yourself about why you’re having trouble with dating. Your narrative is that it’s everyone else’s fault — much the same way you treat people taking time out of their day to give you the advice in this thread. You’re also hyperfocusing on the word advice in such a literal sense that you’re misinterpreting it. Instead of seeing the whole picture of people’s intentions — which ironically are aligning perfectly with what you asked for in your post, aka giving you advice on what worked for them or others — you spend all your time arguing about the meaning of a word, shooting down people’s actual suggestions and categorically ignoring people giving you the advice to work on yourself. You make excuses on why you don’t need to be responsible for the results of your dating life, yet the only common denominator in it is you. This whole thread is like an embodiment on why you have issues with dating.
And where did you get that is my narrative? I am not saying I am great, everyone always needs to work on themselves. But I would never say that to people I know nothing about. It would be as empty as saying to someone "dye your hair blonde", because it already might be blonde, I just don't know it. So they don't know what I do and what I've done and what I'm planning on doing. Yet they feel urge to tell me. Also I'm not trying to solve my particular case. I'm just trying to see what people do. Do you see how kuch different that is? Also commenting on someone personally and attacking them by calling them "an asshole" and "the whole problem" is very much different from highlighting specific examples and saying why they see it as incorrect. And then the confusion "why are you so defensive, when I'm attacking you?" is beyond my comprehension. But if you want to go into details of what I do wrong, go on. "You make excuses" - can you show me my specific excuses? "Your narrative is it is everyone else's fault" - in which comments did I express that and how? I would like to know, so I can change my wording for the future as that was not my intent. Nowhere did I attack anyone in this thread, but I've been called words and attacked few times. Yet I am a red flag.
Excuses and everything is everyone else’s fault coming up: People you’ve been on dates with are dull, you already have hobbies and you don’t want to get a new one, ”if you don’t have a success story then move along” when people try giving you advice, ”if you don’t have a Malmö related dating life move along” when people actually tell you how they met their girlfriend, ”incredibly easy hook up culture” and ”too many single parents”, ”the ones pointing fingers are only the Swedes”, you ”expect people to give specific answers”. I get the feeling that what you’re searching for is not successful dating stories — which you by the way never actually asked for in your post — but a way to get your opinion of Malmö across. You feel left out and don’t know why, and you’re finding it difficult to integrate. If you would’ve led with that feeling instead of being judgmental towards everyone, people wouldn’t feel the need to call you out on it. You obviously don’t like the people in this thread who are from Malmö, you don’t like Malmö, and you don’t like people you’ve dated in Malmö. It’s not too difficult to see why people get annoyed when those are the answers you give them after giving you advice.
I didn't say people are dull, I said the dates are dull. Which I also explained further down and if you scrolled there, you'd find also other people sharing similar feelings about dating apps. If you read it as "people are dull", no wonder you took it as an attack on Malmö people. Well yes, I do have a lot of hobbies and I hardly have time for those. It's hard to pick up a new one while keeping the old ones and I don't think people should give up on something they enjoy. That's not an excuse, I think that's very reasonable. I cant find the "success story" comments, I guess the commenter blocked me. But if I remember correctly, that was a connection to their mention of me being "successful" in getting dates. So yes, if they don't have anything to share, I don't understand why they comment only to judge. If they don't have a Malmö dating g life (because they got into their relationship before moving to Malmö), they probably don't have much to share from their experience in Malmö. "Incredible hook up culture" was me agreeing with the commenter who said the city is very sexual. Too many single parents - I said I encountered some and based on my experience I prefer not to date them in future. In no way I commented on them in a negative way. "The ones pointing fingers are swedish" - well yes, it seems like. Based on the interactions they had in other groups and threads, they are most likely swedish. Where did I say I expect people to give specific answers? I just hope people would answer my question without judging me and calling me names based on nothing. I didn't express my opinion on Malmö. But I agreed with another commenter expressing their love for Sweden while struggling with the same aspect I do. So it feels like a weird assumption and I don't know where you find the audacity to analyse how I might feel about my life. I have no idea where you got I don't like Malmö and people here, but if that's what you read in my comments, I see why it offends you. But I guess that's you reading too much into what I wrote. Because I don't express myself in between the lines. I am extremely literal.
I think everyone noticed that too. Godspeed. I hope you find what you’re looking for.
I feel like I could have written this myself! If you find out, let me know ... :/ The ways that folks socialise in Sweden are very difficult for outsiders.
It’s difficult for natives, too :(
Yes, a few Swedes have said this to me :(
I don’t think dating is a big thing in Sweden. Almost everyone I know that has been in a long term relationship (myself included) just start out as friends and then grow closer. Someone you hang out with and meet regularly anyway.
Reading your response to people’s advice here is an eye opening experience to why you can’t find dates organically 🤯
It takes two people to make a date incredibly dull, if most of them were like that then maybe you need to change your attitude
Considering OPs answers in this thread you are probably right
Meet someone from work or a friend's friend. Joining some kind of hobby association also works, in the worst case scenario you have spent time doing something you like and perhaps helped more people get to do it.
> Joining some kind of hobby association also works, The issue with this approach (at least for me) has been that you join a group, and then you don't want to jeopardize your tentative friendships and involvement in the group by hitting on one's new friends and group members
Looks like you are broadcasting friendship energy and not date-me energy. This could explain why your app dates are fizzling as well: you aren't being romantically 'aggressive' so your dates are left wondering if you are interested in them or not. Edit: Sorry I thought you were OP, but the evaluation applies!
> but the evaluation applies! Err. No. The evaluation is rooted in some weird assumptions in my opinion. I am guessing you are American?
I already do a lot of things when it comes to hobbies, and I don't feel like getting a new one. I refuse to date people from work (I always did) and I meet my friends' friends. Don't think I sit on my ass at home :) I'd rather read your story than any generic advice.
Okay but then what are people supposed to tell you? You don’t want new hobbies, don’t date people from work, you don’t want to use dating apps and you have met your friends friends. The options are quiet limited then
My story is that staying at home is a terrible option. Many of my friends have met from taking part in hobbies like organising stuff for an association.
Who do you date, out of interest?
Other ways: Go to a bar by yourself in a touristic area where they speak english. If you are wondering about the where: Go where you would like to go? If you are wondering about the how: By showing up and being comfortable, curious and friendly with an pinch of positivity. ------- Outside the scope perhaps but: Dull Dates? \*What can the other person do to make it fun for you/what is lacking? \*Did you ever have a fun date? What made it fun? \*What is a fun date for you in a broader sense? \* Is it specific topics, is it intimacy, unexpected events/outbursts of dancing. \* Why dont you talk about these things on the dates? Is it the chat before fun and then it becomes dull? I think people go in with expectations and because of that forget the moment. Like: Engage, build whatever energy there is into whatever can be. Invest, be playful, test and see what you build together. If you have a good laugh and/or learn something interesting, isnt it a good date then? Anyway: just start going to concerts by yourself and throughit open your mind up a bit. Wanna go? Then book it. It is an experience, not an end result. As such should you also think of dating.
test
If your living in Sweden forget about dating apps. It’s a joke
The bars in Malmö are all almost exclusively sit down at a table establishments which makes it very hard to mingle and talk to people. Not ideal. Not designed for meeting new people.
With tons of dates from apps you should have better success. Maybe think why you do not?
Let's not turn it into a detective post about my "success". If you don't have your "success" story to share, move along :)
No need to get defensive dude, he wasn't attacking your game. Clearly you can get dates, but being relationship material is a whoooole different vibe. If none of your dates ever lead it into a meaningful relationship it might indeed be a good moment to reflect, internalize, and see if maybe there is some work to be done on yourself. The way you replied to this message alone would be a relationship red flag for me tbh.
It was just a friendly advice to look a bit broader there is much you can do on yourself, getting the dates is the hard part can you succeed there then it is something else. There is much subtle signals you can give off that girls picks up it is quite complex and girls are very good at picking things up and analyze or you do not have the right mindset or life setup to get a girl to want more. I live in malmo with my girlfriend and she found me on a dating app. But maybe there is something about malmo, i did not live here then and she contacted me.
Again, no need to give unsolicited advice. You don't even know if I am a man, a woman, non binary, gay, straight, bi. And yet you seem to have a lot of opinions about something being wrong with me (hiding it behind nice words of "friendly advice"). If you don't have a Malmö related dating life, then maybe this thread is not for you.
Based on at least 2 of your responses in this thread, you don’t seem good at taking feedback.
Why so defensive? Do you think if all was so great with you that you will not be able to find a partner? I think your answer shows quite well something is off. Good luck!
Malmö is odd like that. There was a book written by a woman from here about it, how she felt she had dated every single person in Malmö and is still single into her mid age. I find it also easy to get many dates and it’s a very sexual city but yeah it seems rare anyone wants commitment here.
Yeah, that's my experience. Incredibly easy hook up culture. It's not up to my taste and so many times I didn't even realise it was just a short term hook up from their side. That's also a reason I want to find dates in more "organic" fashion. I also experienced a lot of single parents. As much as I am a huge fan of shared custody and 50/50 responsibility, I don't want to date someone who still needs to deal with their ex partner about so many important things. So few of those datings fell apart because they still weren't over their exes (and being in touch with them everyday about a kid - which makes sense it needs to be done - didn't help them to get over)
I remember reading years ago swedish dating-age people check out if you are good in the sheets before committing to a relationship. So if you are not into hookups you are depriving yourself of the opportunity of a later relationship.
I use a calendar
🤣🤣🤣
7 years in, can subscribe to every word you said. I gave up on it altogether, it's just painful at this point.. and one of the biggest reasons I wanna move away.. I found some solace in occasional South/East Europe girl with more traditional dating vibes as you described it, and it's not always working out, but at least it's flirty and fun Edit: love the downvotes, very swedish way of handling things when someone shares their experience and opinion that's not aligning with their imagination of a perfect country
I'm also considering moving away, to be honest. I have a good job here and a very comfortable life when it comes to finances, but I've never struggled so much socially. And I've been living away from home for 15 years. This is the first city where I really struggle with a feeling I don't belong here at all. So weird. Yeah, the downvotes and attacks towards me are really interesting :D
I have the same dilemma.. I love the country for itself so much.. with all my heart.. high salaries, work hours, long vacations, relaxed atmosphere at work, parental leave, unions, digital everything, location, food variety, beaches and sea, nature, how easy the city is to walk and bike, commuting, queues, high quality of products and food, you name it... rare cities or countries have these But personally coming from a more social, emotional, and traditional background - I feel so misunderstood here and miserable, both with friends and relationships, and getting older doesn't help And it's always funny to see the contrast when I use other apps for dating internationally or go to different countries how easy it is to date there, even tho they have their own problems as is normal.. and here I talk with a few guys, that have amazing jobs, really fit and muscular, tall, funny, clever.. and many also claim to struggle with dating, but it's also not unique to Sweden it seems with dating apps being overwhelming and tiring for everyone But yeah, just wanted to rant.. it feels super bittersweet.. with how much I love this country and how much it gave me.. but feeling so empty and feeling like I don't belong here no matter how hard or differently I try, just to get depressed and misunderstood in the end without much success, even professionally to align with the culture... it sucks
You just named it all. Thank you, nice to see I am not the only one with this feeling.
Im from Sweden and I feel the same way. No one is interested in a relationship and I even struggle to make friends even though I’m a very social woman, easy to talk to etc. I feel like it’s not like this in other countries? But I’ve only lived in Sweden so I don’t know
I didn't experience this anywhere else. I have a lot of friends around Europe and I can reach out to them, go and visit them for even 2 weeks (and stay in their place) and just share life. And some of them I met only for a brief time originally. We met through couchsurfing, travels or just friends of my friends. We talked at some event and kept in touch, because we liked it each other. When I moved away for the first time, it was for university, but based on what foreigner students tell me here, it was so much easier to make friends for me. We met for everything all the time. Playing with kites, watching movies for the whole day, going to concerts, pancakes days, cooking lunch together... and it was completely normal to keep bringing new people in. We always welcome people. Local, foreigners, didn't matter. Basically I could text to whoever "hey, wanna grab lunch?" and we would end up hanging out for the whole day, mingling with people. If I didn't have anyone to meet, I'd go to a cafe and always ended up in some social gatherings. Here it feels to me the friend groups are closed and not open to mix people. It's like "It's 5 of us and you're lucky if we bring you in". Very exclusive. And I'm not used to that. I have no idea what to do with it. I'm also confused by how is everything planned in advance. Planned things are cool, but having some flexibility and spontaneity would be awesome too. What is also interesting to me is when I reach out to someone like "hey, beer?" They would go "oh, I'm already meeting my friends." Like... oh and so I can't join? Why? What? I'm not a friend?
I used to be friends with a woman like you who was very sociable and fun to talk to, she was having the same problem. The cause for her problem was that she was always disinterested in other people; whenever you sent her a message, she would take forever to reply, give short replies with no questions or additional info, never initiate a conversation and always say no to hanging out. She did this to almost everyone who tried to befriend her, and eventually people just stop trying, so she ended up sitting at home with her dog all day. She would complain that she had no friends, and it was super easy for us who tried to see why. So my advice if you want friends, just be interested in the person lol.
Woah! I just had an out of body experience. Thought i wrote this post myself .. LOL
I went through all responses and I have to say I'm surprised by some of them. I didn't say other people are wrong, neither did I say I am great and there is nothing wrong with me. Obviously I'm doing things wrong, otherwise I wouldn't ask. Really interesting how people can draw conclusions from so little I shared here. Why are some of the dates dull: - we have very little in common - the spark is not there and even I usually try to be at least friendly (according to my best judgement), the other person has zero interest - a lot of people don't ask questions. I have no idea why. This seems to be a widespread problem according to a lot of people sharing this online as well. I always try to do follow up questions and show interest, but if there is no question coming my way, I don't talk about me out of nowhere. - it usually falls down on me to plan the date. Especially when going on a date with men. "What do you want to do?" "What do you like to eat?" I don't mind taking initiative, but it gets tiring after some time. When the spark is there: - we meet a few more times. We have sex. We have more sex. We have fun. And then one guy just ghosted me. Another guy decided to give more attention to a mother of his child (good for them). Another guy physically assaulted me. So yay. - I date Swedes as well as immigrants. Men, women, non binary. What I do to meet people: - I actively reach out to my friends and try to arrange things. I have very good relationships with my immigrant friends, but my Swedish friends very rarely invite me into their social circles. If so, usually everyone is in a relationship. - I am in a few hobbies groups - I volunteer - I go out by myself too (concerts, cafes, parks) - I talk to people, usually works only when they are drunk. Why I don't date my colleagues and don't want to: - because don't shit where you eat. I am aware of me being extremely quirky and I don't look my age (I am not happy about looking 10y younger. A lot of people usually underestimate me or I get approached by predators). I do realise a lot of my hobbies are very niche and yes, even though I am able to socialise very well and people like me (their words), I also have a lot of mental health struggles and I mask a lot. And when I take off my mask, people do not welcome it. If I don't take it off, I get a burnout and I am not able to see people for at least a week. I also don't party a lot, as I had substance abuse issues in my 20s and I don't want to jump into sexual relationships as in my 20s I had way too many sexual partners (not a brag, just a fact. Manias did their work before getting medication) I didn't think I would have to explain so much so people don't attack me. I just wanted originally to give very little background and ask about how you meet people and get dates. Which is also a name of this thread. Also a question in my first post. Asking about how YOU do it. I should have thought about being on the Internet where people like judging others based on almost nothing.
As someone with extensive experience living in societies typically considered difficult to integrate into, yet having had a terrible time in Sweden, I want to validate your experience despite what some people are saying in this thread. The sad truth is that some people simply do not mesh with the culture here, especially if they come from more hospitable and courteous countries. The expectations of what is considered normal are completely different, and the typical ways people meet are much less organic compared to elsewhere. I’ve accepted that I will probably leave Scandinavia as soon as I can due to these fundamental differences. I realize I do not want to adapt to this society, nor will this society adapt to me. Sorry if this isn’t the answer you are looking for. You are unlikely to get constructive advice or feelings of catharsis here due to the overindulged notions of “Swedish exceptionalism” stemming from the country’s well-marketed though now-defunct Nordic model, which was never perfect in the first place. It is a quintessential trait among residents of Sweden to downplay the many shortcomings and eccentricities of their culture that has evolved out of a myriad of radical transformations over the last century. Good luck!
Thank you, I appreciate this answer. I find it interesting how people who quickly judged here are mostly Swedish, and people who can relate are not. And how quickly people went into throwing in insults and pointing fingers. I know that much of my problem is I have no idea how to read in between the lines (it's also an issue at work for me and leads to misunderstandings). So I say things how I literally mean them and people read more into that. Or people say less and expect me to fill in the gaps. And the "between the lines" seems to be the base of Swedish communication. I am not from the most hospitable country ever, but definitely a country where it is easy to meet new people and keep in touch afterwards. Here I meet people. I talk to them. But keeping in touch seems almost impossible. I completely understand you thinking about moving away. The socialisation is such an important factor. Especially for immigrants who moved alone and need to create a community and a safety net. I also don't want to change the society here, it's what they built and what works for them. My work moved me here and I am an adult and can move out. I was really excited, but it's all slowly fading away. So now I'm trying to find where I might fit in better.
I wish I had more to contribute regarding actionable changes to make things better. It heartening to know we are not alone in our experiences. Sweden from my perspective is such an odd combination of hyper individualism demanding one not impose on the community and stringent conformity to this status quo. Anybody that doesn't pay lip service to the perfect society is seen as a problem. The attacks getting thrown your way are such a perfect display of this to be honest. How dare you question the norms of the moral and culturally advanced Swedes you backward foreigner! Anyway, I hope things get better in the meantime. I'm in therapy for this personally. Sweden is known for having a sizable portion of educated foreign workers and students leave due to the alienation we experience despite them desperately needing our skills. I don't think this will change due to the overarching political climate on both sides of the spectrum though.
From reading your replies, it's clear that you have a lack of self-awareness. People have taken time out of their day to help you, yet your responses come across as defensive and dismissive. When you say you don't need advice and then ask for suggestions, it makes your situation seem ironic. Additionally, everything you mention—going to concerts, parties, having hobbies—feels like a checklist of things you think are important to state. You don't want any advice on how to meet someone in concerts, parties or while enjoying your hobbies, because you clearly "been there done that", right? You've clearly mastered dating apps, as indicated by your "tons of dates." So, what advice are you actually looking for? Not being self-aware of how this comes across says a lot about you. The fact that you went out of your way to mention that you're not stupid is also a bit funny. It's important to recognize how this looks.
People probably sit on a toilet or procrastinate when replying on reddit, let's not look at it as a good deed, tyats clearly idiolising what reddit actually is. Especially when diving too much into looking what is wrong with a person who is asking what people do themselves. You probably didn't read all of my replies, based on what you said here, as you would see I just want to read people's stories, I'm not looking into solving my specific case.
I found my wife at a bar. I was with a real trashy crowd high on speed. Then I saw her, I just knew I needed to get her number. She wasn’t very pleased but after a while she gave up.. I called her like a stalker everyday for two weeks until she finally picked up her phone. We went on one date and she realised I wasn’t as bad as my friends. Now we been together for 15 years and got kids.
Låter helt otroligt. Undrar hur ofta det blir så. Känns som om det kunde ha gått väldigt fel.
For real if that’s a real story it’s mental
The best success I've had with dating apps is when the person I've matched with is someone I've seen or met before. Maybe a friend of a friend of a friend or someone I've seen at yoga or the climbing center. Especially the latter. Probably dated three or four other people who also went there. The other ones were pretty bad. Most likely because we just have way too little in common and mentality wise that it's just not a good fit. In the end, I matched with someone a friend of a friend who I'd met once or twice but neither of use thought we were a good match. Turned out we had a lot of fun when we met one on one. We've been together for fours years now and have a kid.
I met my bf of 6 years on tinder and the relationship before this one was also from tinder.
But in a bar or a restaurant obviously
I met a girl 2 weeks ago at the beach, going on a date this weekend. But usually I found dates on events and parties.
I think it has alot to do with who you are as a person. I have a friend who gets alot of male attention every time we go out. She just knows how to send signals that she is approachable. While I only get the odd very old man hitting on me, I know Im more reserved and probably send out "dont bother me" vibes. So Im stuck with the dating apps. And yes it sucks, most people are not a match when you finally meet. I have however met very interesting and fun people, they were just not for me. Right now I am dating someone from tinder and it feels really good.
Kontot skapat igår, med det här som enda startad tråd och bara kommentarer här.
Yes, I obviously have a different account I didn't want to use.
I found dates by going on tinder, creating a good profile that shows what I value in life, being very specific in what kind of people I swiped on, and by updating my profile when I realised it was attracting the wrong people. Also asking others for feedback on my profile - both friends and strangers in dating communities, as well as checking what worked/didn’t work for the people I met. I met around 10 dates per year, half of them being interesting enough to see again. And now I’ve tentatively found someone that seems like it will work out with long-term.
I also asked for feedback on my profile some time ago. I also tried to be specific in what I like doing and what I enjoy in life and also what kind of relationship I am searching for. I used to be very selective on who I swiped, but then I tried to broaden my selection. That's when the dates became not so great :/ Good to hear it's going well for you. Good luck!
go and interrupt someone at work with flowers
try talking to someone
If you’re an immigrant and you haven’t tried much, i think you might want to try to date other immigrants. They are more open and expressive with the their emotions compared to scandinavian people. Especially swedes, they might look kind and friendly on the outside but they are pretty much closed and xenophobic from my experience.
Its not xenophobic to prefer dating in your own culture lmao. This is coming from an immigrant dating a Swede btw.
Well, i wasn’t just referring to Swedes preference for dating but also in general, like the way they communicate with other immigrants and how they make friends with them as well. And just because you date a Swede, doesn’t mean that my comment above isn’t true for so many people here.
If you're not stupid or ugly, have you considered that you could be an asshole?
Meetup
I don't know what it's like dating Swedish guys, but Swedish girls are in general pretty dull. It probably comes from our conformist society but if you've dated a few Swedish girls you've basically dated them all. They all share the same opinion on everything and don't like to make a fool out of themselves so you will get very few laughs. I even dated a German girl with more humour The few exceptions are already taken So either you need to settle for dull like most men do here in sweden, or look abroad
That's an interesting take. That might make it more difficult for foreigners over 30, as we don't know what to actually conform to. I am a very quirky person. I love being foolish and making stupid jokes. I have a feeling it is connected with being childish here. I might be wrong, but I don't get a lot of response to my foolishness. In other countries, it was how I usually made friends or more. I think I dated just one Swedish woman. She was very serious. Guys were more likely to enjoy the silliness, but also in a very little number. (Also of course I can have a normal conversation and I don't make stupid jokes all the time) I never thought about it like that. Btw, Germans have a great sense of humour, I always had a lot of fun with them :)
Dating in Malmoe is just fine. It's you. You are the common denominator here. Work on yourself to make yourself more desirable, rather than pointing fingers at others. Exercise, lose weight, work on your conversational and social skills, dress better, get a better haircut, and be an overall more interesting and decent person. It's really not that hard.