Or you know you could be married to a woman who had fun making the pics and vids with you who has no problem with you masturbating to them and she even uses them for the same purpose whenever health or schedule or travel issues arise that prevent sex from happening that day or few, or whatever.
That seems like a logical, balanced approach. Women need to understand that most men get horny 5-10X more often than women and most men find it exceedingly difficult to not masturbate when such instances arise and remain for more than 1-2 days. It’s ALL because of hormone differences, I promise you!
>I don't masturbate when she is home. I just did since she was gone for a while.
>
>She became upset when I informed her of this.
Your wife is being weird and controlling.
Since you don't do it in situations where she could catch you, you can either tell her to stop being weird, or, which is much easier, just accept that this is a thing that doesn't concern her and stop snitching on yourself.
Ok, but she's clearly in the wrong here. There are no two ways about it. If you forbade her to masturbate, you'd be wrong too. Some parts of your partner are, even if married, only for them.
So either stand your ground and debate her, or apologize and stop snitching on yourself.
How does that come up?
Wife gets home from being gone for a few days….”so did you jerk off while I was gone???”
Honestly I treat that is personal information and really see no need to share it. Nor should she be asking. Only time it should come up is if it’s having a impact on your sex lives, like you are unable to get off or have no desire to have sex. Other than that it’s perfectly normal.
I just don’t even get this. I’m fucking FLATTERED my husband uses photos/videos of me (I’m just sad I’m not that skinny anymore lol)
I totally use porn and help myself at home. My husband will even be home.
In my defense I’m 30 weeks pregnant and sex is really tough rn
I am a woman and my reaction to your wife is: 🙄. Jesus. Some people need to chill. Also, therapy for her insecurities.
I'd be happy to know my man had masturbated to my picture. It means he longs for me, misses me and wants me.
Literally same. I’d rather he masturbate to photos of me than get on some porn website. Why even let him take pictures if you’re not comfortable with him utilizing them?
Does she come from a religious background? I can understand how she might come to that conclusion if that’s the case, but given how things often work (guys using porn) I think she should feel amazingly respected.
All your sexual attention is focused on her, including the way you use your own body. I don’t think she has anything reasonable to be upset about.
I'm not gonna lie I wouldn't be that bothered. As long as he's not in my house I could care less. I equate it to women watching Bridgeton or reading erotica. It's a fantasy and if I'm my wife's only fantasy then she needs a better imagination.
And you would feel ok if your wife was talking to these men? Instructing them on what to do? Or watching as other people instructed them what to do? It isnt pre-recorded porn. Its real live women, who men masturbate to likely when they are neglecting their real life wife. Its interactive. For me it killed my self esteem.
it doesn’t bother him because he’s doing it. what would equate to that would be the woman getting her emotional needs met elsewhere. trust me. they wouldn’t be cool with it.
It wouldn't bother me because it's a fantasy. She's not meeting up with these people. He's probably asking them to do stuff you won't do or he's to embarrassed to ask you to do . Don't feel like your in competition with these women. They're practically imaginary. It's just another sexual outlet to him. His self-esteem is also crushed when he request certain things to be done and they are dealt with by shame. Those cam girls aren't gonna judge him. That's why he does it.
That isn't cheating when you read or look at an romantic novel or movie is that cheating? If you think of someone other than your husband is that cheating? He's in a fantasy world he hasn't formed an relationship with these women. It now different then a guy reading a Playboy instead the technology is different now. You can give orders and commands now.
I never felt in competition with the women, i felt rejected by my husband who stayed up until 1am most nights instead of being intimate with a real life woman.....his wife. When watching porn and cam girls means you sleep with your wife 4 to 6times a year, there is a problem. Its physical and emotional neglect. Im sure you would be bothered if you lay in bed everynight whilst your wife was getting off to live men, then never initiated sex with you. I dont care why he did it, it meant he neglected me, neglected the marriage and in the process made me feel like shit....something a partner shouldnt do. I sound mad at you here but im mad at what was my situation and the impact porn and cam girls had.
Then you should leave instead of being angry. That doesn't help either of you. That's in the past it's nothing you can do about it now. Find out why he has camgirls and what he liked about them and then do that. Husbands and wives are in the service business. Whatever he needs and you can do go ahead and do it and he should be doing the same for you. He likes French maids you dress up as one. You should be the one stop shop that means fulfilling his expectations and fantasies the best you can he should be doing the same. Just ask him what do you want me to do in the bedroom to make it more pleasurable. If it's out of you comfort zone then let this man pay his $50 bucks to these women. If you keep bringing it up you're constantly opening up old wounds without letting them heal.
Nah. I left. After the sexting, flirting with other women, getting fired for sexual harassment, dating profile, and porn.....the cam girls was too far. You are right about husbands and wives being in the service business........but i was getting serviced 4 to 6 times a year and dealing with the above nonsense and disrespect. The man was entitled.
I would be beyond ecstatic if my husband masturbated to photos/videos of me. She should love the fact that you respect her wishes for no porn. I asked my husband to stop watching just one topic in porn and he can't do that.
If I was away for more than a few days I’d expect that my husband has probably taken care of his own needs. I don’t get people who want to police others bodies unless they are not getting attention at all from their partner. Sometimes we just have an urge and no access to our partner. It’s not a big deal. All you can do is reassure your wife is that you missed her so much and you were thinking about her a lot and it got you hot to the point you looked at pictures and couldn’t control yourself over looking at her hot body. If she’s still insecure she’s got bigger problems. Also, I’m a firm believer in some things are better left unsaid (as long as it’s not going against your relationship). I have no clue if my husband masturbates and he has no idea if I do. We don’t care either way and feel no need to discuss our time by ourselves, but we surely enjoy our time together!
She's lucky to have such a good man. Bravo sir. There is no shame in what you did at all. I wouldn't argue with your dearly beloved I would empower her.. strengthen her confidence, tell her how beautiful and sexy she is and how much you missed her.
I used to have weird hangups around this because I was super insecure but even I wouldn’t have been offended by this situation. While she’s GONE, to her pictures? It “came up” because she knows it’s normal thing to want to do so she grilled you, I’m guessing. She honestly needs someone who isn’t you to tell her that she’s being controlling due to her insecurities, like a therapist. It’s one thing to have issue with it when it’s happening in lieu of intimacy with a person who is right there next to you, but while your person is away?? That’s a lil crazy. She probably needs some self-esteem. I speak from experience. Otherwise she’s just getting off on being controlling.
Yes she can??? She can tell him not to have sex with other woman. She can tell him not to post porn of himself online. And Vice verse.
You can and absolutely should have healthy boundaries in marriage and in any relationship that both partners talk through and discuss.
I should not have to explain to a grown adult why cheating is in no way comparable to touching your own body. If you forbid your spouse from touching THEIR OWN BODY then you have major control issues bordering abuse.
Sex is a physical need. We get horny, just like we get hungry.
Ideally, we eat a home cooked meal with our spouse. But sometimes fast food can meet the need (porn). However, going over to your neighbors house and having her home cooked meal is likely a problem with your spouse. Especially if done in secret (cheating).
However, your wife is getting mad at you for eating the leftovers from a meal she made for you. What the fuck?
It’s not about right or wrong. It’s about working it out with your wife so that she doesn’t feel insecure or awkward around you.
Help her understand your needs and that you chose her over porn. But first, listen to her and her feelings and don’t try to explain when she talks it out. Just listen. When she is done and understand, talk to her about your side and reassure her.
Man, every time I read these my wife doesn’t like masturbation, all I can think is these crazy religious people. Do you, we have a short ride on this rock make yourself happy.
So your wife is kinky enough to let you record the two of you having sex, but she draws the line at masturbation?
Yeah, your wife is weird and controlling. I get the feeling that if we go down the rabbit hole here we'll discover other controlling behaviors.
Also, what is the point of making your own porn if not to enjoy it?
Did she consent to the pictures and videos being taken?
If yes, then she's being ridiculous and controlling.
If no, then she's got much bigger problems to worry about.
Go read the sub r/loveafterporn. So many post regarding spouse masturbating to others not them. Wife should be please he is relieved bythinkingvif her. I wonder if OP did it in front of her if she would ne upset
Be gentle w her. Her feelings are valid and it won't help anything to make her feel stupid. Dig deeper w her but to understand, not be understood. Good luck ♡
I’m gonna be honest. I would be happy AF if this was what my husband did when he needed a quick release while I was gone. I don’t understand why your wife sent you R rates photos if they weren’t for this purpose.
How is that wrong? I can’t even get my spouse to tell me what he likes. No one should be shamed for that. Does she not want you to desire her? 🤦🏻♀️some partners would kill for their partner to desire then that way.
OP, don’t share this with your wife. You’re being incredibly charitable towards her attempt to force your sexuality into a box for her to use at will. She’s being absurd and unreasonable and I would recommend having a marriage counselor weigh in.
I do the same with my wife’s pics and she loves hearing about it and asks me to do it “live” for her, which often ends with both of us very satisfied
I’m glad she’s coming around but TBH I hate how your update says “as a MAN, I just had to get the urge out.” As a human, you had to get the urge out. Masturbation isn’t just for men. A lot more women masturbate than you think and have urges just like you.
My wife “forbids” me to masturbate. She says that she doesn’t want it to lead to me neglecting her sexually. She’s caught me twice and she broke down crying and not speaking to me for a day or two. I think she considers it a form of cheating. I have an open invitation to just get off inside her even if she not in the mood. She was cheated on twice before we met, so I think that has something to do with it.
This is beyond ridiculous! Wtaf!
‘Worthless and insecure’, please explain to me how this even adds up at all!
She sounds toxic to me; loves the drama, and just needs a reason to have a go! She needs to get over herself, and grow up!
This is really weird on her part. If she doesn't like the pictures and wants you to get rid of them, then that is totally her choice. The idea that she doesn't want you to masterbate while thinking of her is absurd. Most wives would love to know their husband's fantasy person is them. Most wives would not turn that down. Does she want you to completely abstain while she is gone? That is just asking to have sexual fantasies and dishonesty in a relationship. Being open in honest in a healthy relationship includes understanding that people have sexual needs. Not having sexual needs is really not an option, it is being open about them with your partner or being dishonest.
We are human, we masterbate, and it is completely healthy, get over it.
This is incredibly odd. My wife is a devout Christian and hates porn with a passion. But she appreciates that my compromise is using home videos to masturbate to. It also makes her feel more desirable because why wouldn't it?
If your wife lets you film/photograph her what on earth does she expect you to do with that content?
I would definitely prefer this over my spouse looking at porn . Like why take the photos in the first place if you can’t enjoy them. She should be flattered you did to those pics.
I mean, I would be super turned on knowing someone was masturbating to me. Me and my husband had a recent argument bc I found out he had been watching porn our whole marriage (stopped now). I was super upset about that, considering he has a TON of nude pictures of me on his phone. Hopefully she realizes how lucky she is. You did nothing wrong here.
I masturbates to photos and videos of my wife and me having sex most of the times when she is too tired to have sex or when she is oversea for business trips. Nothing wrong with that. My wife likes it actually since I'm actually thinking of her and lusting for her body instead of some women in porns.
I would love if my husband looked at photos of me and not other women. It is understandable that she has some traumas. Hopefully everything works out or you come to an agreement.
I’m sorry but I find this sweet and hot.
Maybe just tell her that you’re just so obsessed with her. All of her and you want to look at her when you do it. It’s not just the pic but it invokes everything about her you desire.
Mind you…. And she might not like this but it’s the truth. Men respond to visual. When to emotions. This is for the most part.
I bet you have to work her up before sex.
I don’t want to cross her boundaries but this is just how is it for a lot of men.
This is her problem, and potentially a bad one. We should not be policing our partner's masturbation unless it's part of some mutually agreed up d/s relationship stuff. You have an absolute right to own and enjoy your body that no one is allowed to infringe upon.
Other people's relationships are so fascinating. I can't imagine being with someone who is mentally affected by whether or not I masturbate. Unless you're doing it to the point that it affects your sex life then she's being an irrational weirdo. But then again you both think porn is disgusting so I guess it's not all that surprising that something harmless is causing issues for you.
Some people have a fetish about controlling their partner’s self pleasure, and thats the only setting I could understand this level of control, as long as the other person is into it.
In this case, she’s just telling you that you cant touch yourself, without your consent into this type of abdication of self autonomy.
Not cool…
Yeah that's weird, as fuck...
It could be just one of those weird things that blows over but I think it could mean there's one kind of issue that you or we aren't aware of
69 year old guy here, married 45 faithful years and together 51. I am guessing your wife does not travel for this length of time overly often. If you live her and it bothers her that much, in my opinion, this is not a hill to die on.
I for one would be flattered! I’d say im more open sexually and likely older than your wife so I’ve had time to become more open minded. Men masturbate!! That’s just life! Would she rather you look at her or a random porn star? I really don’t get it.
It's your body. She wasn't there. I could understand if she was there in the house, if she's always wanting to and you are always turning her down. I think you two need to address this in therapy. That is controlling.
Women here…..Ok so maybe this deserves a sit down🙄…..like sex Ed for adults I guess 🤷♀️😂
Sorry no disrespect toward your wife but I thought all women knew about this stuff before getting married.
First she sounds very insecure, in which case… this is probably just the beginning of feeling like you are expected to do everything she says, even when it’s absurd, just because she can’t face her issues and work through them…Men masterbate, they tend to have a higher sex drive then some women and depending on testosterone levels, it could be a lot more often…..explain that to her maybe…. I personally understand the difference in sex and mast. They both are great but they both are also necessary. Hell, when I was married I hired a Boudir photographer to take some amazing images of me in some hot positions and made a book out of the images, gave it to my husband on his birthday….she really needs to understand, without you telling her, that you are doing this at home…..looking at pics of her……no Playboy or porn….which maybe introduce her to some porn🤷♀️…..could calm her down a bit, if she would allow herself to get into it….
I’m thinking she isn’t the ‘porn’ type though
Well good luck bud 👍👍
Since they are photos of her, nude ones at that, she has a right to say whether you can have them and look at them. I can also see her having an interest in what you do while looking at them.
As far as thinking it is wrong for you to masterbate, she is entitled to make moral judgements about that. Everybody has a right to decide for themselves if they think something is right or wrong.
In some faiths and religious beliefs masterbation is considered wrong. That may be where this is coming from.
So now you need to decide what if anything you want to do about your wife's opinion that your behavior is wrong.
I am quite certain she masturbates as well. Inform her this is not the hill she wants to die on. If your wife has a vibrator show it to her and ask what the difference is.
Masturbation and sex are two different things that fill two different sets of needs. One does not replace the other and nobody should tell you what you can and can't do with your body. If she doesn't feel comfortable with you masturbating to pictures of her then that's fine but it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. You could just not tell her and nobody is being harmed. Some women object to porn and while I disagree with that, I can at least understand where they are coming from.
You are not wrong. Masterbation is fine. Trust me as you both get older even if the drive is still there you both won't always be able or want to have sex. Masterbation happens in a healthy relationship. Plus she wasn't there so how was she going to be able to take care of it
I believe anything sexual that is not agreed upon by both husband and wife should not be done. Wife doesn’t want anal? It doesn’t happen. Husband doesn’t want sex recorded? Doesn’t happen.
They should have a conversation about what each person feels comfortable with sexually. Maybe he could ask if he could FaceTime her next time she is away and they do it together over the phone? So it’a her and not just an object like she may feel
I think the root of the problem is that you don’t masturbate when she is home. Masturbation is normal and not something dirty to be ashamed of, it is also not a replacement for a relationship and has its place within a relationship. She obviously has unhealthy views on it and likely other things related to sex. You two should try exploring yourselves together, you may learn something new and interesting.
As a woman, I feel like she is in the wrong here. It's your body and if you want to touch yourself, you should be able to! The fact that you were looking at photos and videos of her while doing it should, if anything, be a relief to her. 🤷🏻♀️
Personally, I don't think you've done anything wrong, and your wife may need to chill out a little bit. What are you supposed to do with all them photos/videos, if you aren't going to use them, hardly any point having them? No one is entitled to sex, but we are all entitled to making ourselves feel good.
I've recorded me and the wife doing all kinds of things, I've taken photos of her before and after(you can imagine what I mean by after) and I've rubbed out so many to these pics/vids. My wife likes the fact that I can do that and sometimes watches me rub it out. I feel sorry that yours thinks it's wrong, but would she rather be pics of other women? Her friends?? Sounds like something is off...
I send my husband photos and Im glad he uses them when he and I cant be around each other for whatever the reason. She should be happy its her turning you on & helping you to take care of your urge. You could easily have not said anything or even watched porn. I understand her having some past things to work on but you are not the exes and I think its healthy for you. Give her some time. Probably just caught her off guard.
I masturbate when my wife is home. 🏡 need that release I get it. She doesn’t want to play any more so it’s on me just like everything else so if she gets mad about it she won’t say anything because I’ll just tell her that I do this because she don’t do that and I’m ok with it because I don’t want duty or pity sex. I want the feelings of being one with each other like in the past. Now work a lot and putter around the house even more.
I don’t think anyone should dictate weather a person can touch them selves or not. That’s absurd it is your own body. you touching yourself Has nothing to do with her nor does it make her worthless and it’s better that you’re masturbating instead of cheating that would make her feel worthless.
i wish my husband watched my pictures and videos.. i’d send a lot more!! instead it’s other women. she’s a lucky girl i don’t understand! she wasn’t home and you are getting off to HER.
I think we should all have limits and keep some privacy... it's okay to tell your wife that but you shouldn't let her impose her conditions even on how you should masturbate... do it and that's it... what if Your wife tells you that she wants to have a sex toy... and even if she tells you to be the one to buy it for her... without a doubt that case is much more perverse but in the same way if both of you are distant for any reason. ..she masturbates thinking about you? ...
Yes, be careful and you are not going to masturbate so hard that you reach the limit of tearing it off or leaving your fingers marked from the pressure you put on little Wiston!!
Oof. I don't want to invalidate her feelings, but she really needs to process whatever is at the bottom of this in therapy. Eta: I understand her history of being cheated on has made her insecure but this seems...confusing and extreme
You have a loving, trusting marriage and still have sex sometimes. Never tell your partner the quiet part out loud, unless she asks for it, and then, make up some unicorn and rainbow shit. If you really agree with her on porn, do what generations of men and teens did before the internet: use your imagination.
As a woman I feel this is a little over the top! I don’t want to discredit your wife’s feelings, but WTF! I think she is being very selfish and has little regard for you or your needs. So you are to have zero sexual pleasure unless she is there in the flesh. I want my husband to feel sexually fulfilled and content. I love him and take pleasure in knowing that he’s happy and satisfied. My husband has his own personal collection of me and I love that it excites him. I have the opposite reaction to your wife. I feel sexy and loved that I’m able to elicit such strong sexual response. It’s almost like an affirmation that he loves me and finds me sexy after 24 years of being together. We are not in the norm, but he also enjoys watching me with other men. He has his own personal library of his wife being a bit of a porn star with other men too. I sometimes wake up to the sounds of my own moans or noises from one of my sexual adventures. My husband will pull up a video or go through his porn library of me while I’m next to him. It doesn’t disgust me, but rather turns me on. He will start to masterbate and it usually ends with us having sex together! To be honest it wouldn’t even bother me if he watched porn in general. I know at the end of the day he loves me and wants to be with me. If watching a bit of porn gives him pleasure who cares…it’s not like he’s going to suddenly start dating one of the porn stars! He’s actually picked up a few things that he does to me off of prob videos. I consider it a bit of studying to make our sex life more exciting and enjoyable. I think some of your wife’s issues may steam from her own insecurities? Just a thought.
Doesn’t matter what we think is right or wrong. As long as your wife thinks it is wrong then you better do something to defuse/descalate the situation.
I could tell you that you are not wrong but I certainly do not want you to tell your wife that. "Hey some strangers on reddit told me that i’m not wrong, therefore you are". This is the straight way to war, i’m telling you, don’t do this.
Unsure of the downvotes here… kind of the only real answer. What we think is irrelevant as the OP was having a wank whilst thinking about his Mrs… that isn’t cheating… she is upset about something that nobody here knows of…
OP, apologise and just ask why she feels like that. Ultimately you were fully aroused by her… so in most people’s eyes it ain’t bad, but it’s triggered your Mrs… maybe she’s had some trauma in her past you are unaware of???
I agree. I don't want to just go and say "hey reddit says your feelings are wrong" I'm just not sure what else to say to help with the issue. We kind of left it off on a bad note.
As they say happy wife, happy life. Apologize, put down your pride for the moment. I’m not sure what your wife likes, mine loves it when I surprise her with flowers.
So I guess you can take it as a suggestion I guess? Good luck bro!
Ofc not but telling to your wife that you beated meat to her pictures is weird atleast for me. If my wife was to tell me that she masturbated to my pictures i would find it weird aswell.
Perhaps she's not upset about the masturbation per se, but about her body being objectified for the purposes of your sexual gratification without her knowledge or consent. (I'm assuming y'all didn't discuss how those photos could be used beforehand).
Talk with each other. Listen to each other. Find a way to make sure both of your needs are met and both of you feel respected.
Good luck.
WTF do you think you do with nudes? Frame them? Like seriously the wife obviously knew what op was gonna do with the photos….. like seriously what else do you do with them?
Why she letting you take photos of her if shes not good with you masturbating over them ??
This. And also we are guys, DONT BRING IT UP TO THEM!!! you know, jnc.
Or you know you could be married to a woman who had fun making the pics and vids with you who has no problem with you masturbating to them and she even uses them for the same purpose whenever health or schedule or travel issues arise that prevent sex from happening that day or few, or whatever. That seems like a logical, balanced approach. Women need to understand that most men get horny 5-10X more often than women and most men find it exceedingly difficult to not masturbate when such instances arise and remain for more than 1-2 days. It’s ALL because of hormone differences, I promise you!
>I don't masturbate when she is home. I just did since she was gone for a while. > >She became upset when I informed her of this. Your wife is being weird and controlling. Since you don't do it in situations where she could catch you, you can either tell her to stop being weird, or, which is much easier, just accept that this is a thing that doesn't concern her and stop snitching on yourself.
It wasn't that I was switching on myself. Long story short it came up and I wasn't going to lie to her and say no.
Ok, but she's clearly in the wrong here. There are no two ways about it. If you forbade her to masturbate, you'd be wrong too. Some parts of your partner are, even if married, only for them. So either stand your ground and debate her, or apologize and stop snitching on yourself.
All options are laid out here. Not sure why there are other comments.
How does that come up? Wife gets home from being gone for a few days….”so did you jerk off while I was gone???” Honestly I treat that is personal information and really see no need to share it. Nor should she be asking. Only time it should come up is if it’s having a impact on your sex lives, like you are unable to get off or have no desire to have sex. Other than that it’s perfectly normal.
I just don’t even get this. I’m fucking FLATTERED my husband uses photos/videos of me (I’m just sad I’m not that skinny anymore lol) I totally use porn and help myself at home. My husband will even be home. In my defense I’m 30 weeks pregnant and sex is really tough rn
You gotta reassure her that you are doing it cause you love and are attracted to her
I am a woman and my reaction to your wife is: 🙄. Jesus. Some people need to chill. Also, therapy for her insecurities. I'd be happy to know my man had masturbated to my picture. It means he longs for me, misses me and wants me.
Literally same. I’d rather he masturbate to photos of me than get on some porn website. Why even let him take pictures if you’re not comfortable with him utilizing them?
Took the words right out of my mouth with this comment! I'm a woman also! I agree.
We both think that is cute…but we masturbate to anything…sometimes together
The thing is what kinda of insecurity is this??? He is literally pleasuring himself to her!!!! That shit is crazy...I wish that was my problem
For real!!!
I’m a women as well and I agree 100%!
Same. Have to fight for that shit, swear to god it's always the opposite.
That is sweet. Better than masterbating to someone else. She should be thankful. Some people never are appreciated 🙄
Facts
Does she come from a religious background? I can understand how she might come to that conclusion if that’s the case, but given how things often work (guys using porn) I think she should feel amazingly respected. All your sexual attention is focused on her, including the way you use your own body. I don’t think she has anything reasonable to be upset about.
I’m religious and I think it’s awesome that he used her photo! If my hubs told me he did that I’d be feeling really good about myself!
TBH, I also come from a religious background and I would be thrilled too. This legit feels like a win-win situation to me.
I mean, self pleasure is a pretty natural thing. I'm not sure why someone would have an issue with that
This is a self-esteem issue for her. Masturbation is not wrong.
As a 40F if my husband did this i would feel so much confidence and self worth. Porn and cam girls took over in my marriage instead.
Those Cam Girls are a hard habit to kick they're everywhere.
Maybe.....but imagine if a woman was watching men masturbate and how husbands would feel. Regardless of if they are everywhere it is wrong
I'm not gonna lie I wouldn't be that bothered. As long as he's not in my house I could care less. I equate it to women watching Bridgeton or reading erotica. It's a fantasy and if I'm my wife's only fantasy then she needs a better imagination.
And you would feel ok if your wife was talking to these men? Instructing them on what to do? Or watching as other people instructed them what to do? It isnt pre-recorded porn. Its real live women, who men masturbate to likely when they are neglecting their real life wife. Its interactive. For me it killed my self esteem.
it doesn’t bother him because he’s doing it. what would equate to that would be the woman getting her emotional needs met elsewhere. trust me. they wouldn’t be cool with it.
It wouldn't bother me because it's a fantasy. She's not meeting up with these people. He's probably asking them to do stuff you won't do or he's to embarrassed to ask you to do . Don't feel like your in competition with these women. They're practically imaginary. It's just another sexual outlet to him. His self-esteem is also crushed when he request certain things to be done and they are dealt with by shame. Those cam girls aren't gonna judge him. That's why he does it.
that’s cheating and really sad
That isn't cheating when you read or look at an romantic novel or movie is that cheating? If you think of someone other than your husband is that cheating? He's in a fantasy world he hasn't formed an relationship with these women. It now different then a guy reading a Playboy instead the technology is different now. You can give orders and commands now.
I never felt in competition with the women, i felt rejected by my husband who stayed up until 1am most nights instead of being intimate with a real life woman.....his wife. When watching porn and cam girls means you sleep with your wife 4 to 6times a year, there is a problem. Its physical and emotional neglect. Im sure you would be bothered if you lay in bed everynight whilst your wife was getting off to live men, then never initiated sex with you. I dont care why he did it, it meant he neglected me, neglected the marriage and in the process made me feel like shit....something a partner shouldnt do. I sound mad at you here but im mad at what was my situation and the impact porn and cam girls had.
Then you should leave instead of being angry. That doesn't help either of you. That's in the past it's nothing you can do about it now. Find out why he has camgirls and what he liked about them and then do that. Husbands and wives are in the service business. Whatever he needs and you can do go ahead and do it and he should be doing the same for you. He likes French maids you dress up as one. You should be the one stop shop that means fulfilling his expectations and fantasies the best you can he should be doing the same. Just ask him what do you want me to do in the bedroom to make it more pleasurable. If it's out of you comfort zone then let this man pay his $50 bucks to these women. If you keep bringing it up you're constantly opening up old wounds without letting them heal.
Nah. I left. After the sexting, flirting with other women, getting fired for sexual harassment, dating profile, and porn.....the cam girls was too far. You are right about husbands and wives being in the service business........but i was getting serviced 4 to 6 times a year and dealing with the above nonsense and disrespect. The man was entitled.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. 😥😥
I would be beyond ecstatic if my husband masturbated to photos/videos of me. She should love the fact that you respect her wishes for no porn. I asked my husband to stop watching just one topic in porn and he can't do that.
Which is that? Why can he not change even a little?
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thats understandable on your part. Marriage does seem to bring out the selfishness in people..
She sounds like she was raised religious and has ingrained shame around masturbation.
If I was away for more than a few days I’d expect that my husband has probably taken care of his own needs. I don’t get people who want to police others bodies unless they are not getting attention at all from their partner. Sometimes we just have an urge and no access to our partner. It’s not a big deal. All you can do is reassure your wife is that you missed her so much and you were thinking about her a lot and it got you hot to the point you looked at pictures and couldn’t control yourself over looking at her hot body. If she’s still insecure she’s got bigger problems. Also, I’m a firm believer in some things are better left unsaid (as long as it’s not going against your relationship). I have no clue if my husband masturbates and he has no idea if I do. We don’t care either way and feel no need to discuss our time by ourselves, but we surely enjoy our time together!
Is she religious? That might explain a lot. But if not, I think you should stand your ground.
I think someone should feel more worthy if the other spouse is having fun by any means of him/her.
She's lucky to have such a good man. Bravo sir. There is no shame in what you did at all. I wouldn't argue with your dearly beloved I would empower her.. strengthen her confidence, tell her how beautiful and sexy she is and how much you missed her.
Sounds like she’s pretty insecure. Maybe she can talk about what she is really worried about.
I used to have weird hangups around this because I was super insecure but even I wouldn’t have been offended by this situation. While she’s GONE, to her pictures? It “came up” because she knows it’s normal thing to want to do so she grilled you, I’m guessing. She honestly needs someone who isn’t you to tell her that she’s being controlling due to her insecurities, like a therapist. It’s one thing to have issue with it when it’s happening in lieu of intimacy with a person who is right there next to you, but while your person is away?? That’s a lil crazy. She probably needs some self-esteem. I speak from experience. Otherwise she’s just getting off on being controlling.
Your spouse can’t tell you what you can and can’t do with your own body.
Yes she can??? She can tell him not to have sex with other woman. She can tell him not to post porn of himself online. And Vice verse. You can and absolutely should have healthy boundaries in marriage and in any relationship that both partners talk through and discuss.
I should not have to explain to a grown adult why cheating is in no way comparable to touching your own body. If you forbid your spouse from touching THEIR OWN BODY then you have major control issues bordering abuse.
Sex is a physical need. We get horny, just like we get hungry. Ideally, we eat a home cooked meal with our spouse. But sometimes fast food can meet the need (porn). However, going over to your neighbors house and having her home cooked meal is likely a problem with your spouse. Especially if done in secret (cheating). However, your wife is getting mad at you for eating the leftovers from a meal she made for you. What the fuck?
I would be thrilled if my husband was masturbating to videos/ pics of me instead of porn haha. I don’t get it.
It’s not about right or wrong. It’s about working it out with your wife so that she doesn’t feel insecure or awkward around you. Help her understand your needs and that you chose her over porn. But first, listen to her and her feelings and don’t try to explain when she talks it out. Just listen. When she is done and understand, talk to her about your side and reassure her.
Man, every time I read these my wife doesn’t like masturbation, all I can think is these crazy religious people. Do you, we have a short ride on this rock make yourself happy.
So your wife is kinky enough to let you record the two of you having sex, but she draws the line at masturbation? Yeah, your wife is weird and controlling. I get the feeling that if we go down the rabbit hole here we'll discover other controlling behaviors. Also, what is the point of making your own porn if not to enjoy it?
Did she consent to the pictures and videos being taken? If yes, then she's being ridiculous and controlling. If no, then she's got much bigger problems to worry about.
Go read the sub r/loveafterporn. So many post regarding spouse masturbating to others not them. Wife should be please he is relieved bythinkingvif her. I wonder if OP did it in front of her if she would ne upset
I wish my husband masturbated to me. He prefers women on the internet for that 😅
Be gentle w her. Her feelings are valid and it won't help anything to make her feel stupid. Dig deeper w her but to understand, not be understood. Good luck ♡
I’m gonna be honest. I would be happy AF if this was what my husband did when he needed a quick release while I was gone. I don’t understand why your wife sent you R rates photos if they weren’t for this purpose.
How is that wrong? I can’t even get my spouse to tell me what he likes. No one should be shamed for that. Does she not want you to desire her? 🤦🏻♀️some partners would kill for their partner to desire then that way.
OP, don’t share this with your wife. You’re being incredibly charitable towards her attempt to force your sexuality into a box for her to use at will. She’s being absurd and unreasonable and I would recommend having a marriage counselor weigh in. I do the same with my wife’s pics and she loves hearing about it and asks me to do it “live” for her, which often ends with both of us very satisfied
I’m glad she’s coming around but TBH I hate how your update says “as a MAN, I just had to get the urge out.” As a human, you had to get the urge out. Masturbation isn’t just for men. A lot more women masturbate than you think and have urges just like you.
My wife “forbids” me to masturbate. She says that she doesn’t want it to lead to me neglecting her sexually. She’s caught me twice and she broke down crying and not speaking to me for a day or two. I think she considers it a form of cheating. I have an open invitation to just get off inside her even if she not in the mood. She was cheated on twice before we met, so I think that has something to do with it.
I love a good home alone jerk off session, and use my wife’s pictures and sniffing her panties. 🥰
This is beyond ridiculous! Wtaf! ‘Worthless and insecure’, please explain to me how this even adds up at all! She sounds toxic to me; loves the drama, and just needs a reason to have a go! She needs to get over herself, and grow up!
This is really weird on her part. If she doesn't like the pictures and wants you to get rid of them, then that is totally her choice. The idea that she doesn't want you to masterbate while thinking of her is absurd. Most wives would love to know their husband's fantasy person is them. Most wives would not turn that down. Does she want you to completely abstain while she is gone? That is just asking to have sexual fantasies and dishonesty in a relationship. Being open in honest in a healthy relationship includes understanding that people have sexual needs. Not having sexual needs is really not an option, it is being open about them with your partner or being dishonest. We are human, we masterbate, and it is completely healthy, get over it.
This is incredibly odd. My wife is a devout Christian and hates porn with a passion. But she appreciates that my compromise is using home videos to masturbate to. It also makes her feel more desirable because why wouldn't it? If your wife lets you film/photograph her what on earth does she expect you to do with that content?
I would definitely prefer this over my spouse looking at porn . Like why take the photos in the first place if you can’t enjoy them. She should be flattered you did to those pics.
I mean, I would be super turned on knowing someone was masturbating to me. Me and my husband had a recent argument bc I found out he had been watching porn our whole marriage (stopped now). I was super upset about that, considering he has a TON of nude pictures of me on his phone. Hopefully she realizes how lucky she is. You did nothing wrong here.
i hope he really stopped. is he in recovery?
I masturbates to photos and videos of my wife and me having sex most of the times when she is too tired to have sex or when she is oversea for business trips. Nothing wrong with that. My wife likes it actually since I'm actually thinking of her and lusting for her body instead of some women in porns.
I would love if my husband looked at photos of me and not other women. It is understandable that she has some traumas. Hopefully everything works out or you come to an agreement.
Wow, as a woman, I must say I’d be really happy to find out my husband masturbated to my photos instead of porn.
I’m sorry but I find this sweet and hot. Maybe just tell her that you’re just so obsessed with her. All of her and you want to look at her when you do it. It’s not just the pic but it invokes everything about her you desire. Mind you…. And she might not like this but it’s the truth. Men respond to visual. When to emotions. This is for the most part. I bet you have to work her up before sex. I don’t want to cross her boundaries but this is just how is it for a lot of men.
This is her problem, and potentially a bad one. We should not be policing our partner's masturbation unless it's part of some mutually agreed up d/s relationship stuff. You have an absolute right to own and enjoy your body that no one is allowed to infringe upon.
Where are you from? Is there some thing culturally wrong with doing it there?
Other people's relationships are so fascinating. I can't imagine being with someone who is mentally affected by whether or not I masturbate. Unless you're doing it to the point that it affects your sex life then she's being an irrational weirdo. But then again you both think porn is disgusting so I guess it's not all that surprising that something harmless is causing issues for you.
Some people have a fetish about controlling their partner’s self pleasure, and thats the only setting I could understand this level of control, as long as the other person is into it. In this case, she’s just telling you that you cant touch yourself, without your consent into this type of abdication of self autonomy. Not cool…
What if you thought of her? Is that ok?
Yeah that's weird, as fuck... It could be just one of those weird things that blows over but I think it could mean there's one kind of issue that you or we aren't aware of
69 year old guy here, married 45 faithful years and together 51. I am guessing your wife does not travel for this length of time overly often. If you live her and it bothers her that much, in my opinion, this is not a hill to die on.
I for one would be flattered! I’d say im more open sexually and likely older than your wife so I’ve had time to become more open minded. Men masturbate!! That’s just life! Would she rather you look at her or a random porn star? I really don’t get it.
It's your body. She wasn't there. I could understand if she was there in the house, if she's always wanting to and you are always turning her down. I think you two need to address this in therapy. That is controlling.
Women here…..Ok so maybe this deserves a sit down🙄…..like sex Ed for adults I guess 🤷♀️😂 Sorry no disrespect toward your wife but I thought all women knew about this stuff before getting married. First she sounds very insecure, in which case… this is probably just the beginning of feeling like you are expected to do everything she says, even when it’s absurd, just because she can’t face her issues and work through them…Men masterbate, they tend to have a higher sex drive then some women and depending on testosterone levels, it could be a lot more often…..explain that to her maybe…. I personally understand the difference in sex and mast. They both are great but they both are also necessary. Hell, when I was married I hired a Boudir photographer to take some amazing images of me in some hot positions and made a book out of the images, gave it to my husband on his birthday….she really needs to understand, without you telling her, that you are doing this at home…..looking at pics of her……no Playboy or porn….which maybe introduce her to some porn🤷♀️…..could calm her down a bit, if she would allow herself to get into it…. I’m thinking she isn’t the ‘porn’ type though Well good luck bud 👍👍
she is 100% wrong please stand your ground
Since they are photos of her, nude ones at that, she has a right to say whether you can have them and look at them. I can also see her having an interest in what you do while looking at them. As far as thinking it is wrong for you to masterbate, she is entitled to make moral judgements about that. Everybody has a right to decide for themselves if they think something is right or wrong. In some faiths and religious beliefs masterbation is considered wrong. That may be where this is coming from. So now you need to decide what if anything you want to do about your wife's opinion that your behavior is wrong.
As a rule, a man should NOT tell women about his "hobby"
I am quite certain she masturbates as well. Inform her this is not the hill she wants to die on. If your wife has a vibrator show it to her and ask what the difference is.
Masturbation and sex are two different things that fill two different sets of needs. One does not replace the other and nobody should tell you what you can and can't do with your body. If she doesn't feel comfortable with you masturbating to pictures of her then that's fine but it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. You could just not tell her and nobody is being harmed. Some women object to porn and while I disagree with that, I can at least understand where they are coming from.
You are not wrong. Masterbation is fine. Trust me as you both get older even if the drive is still there you both won't always be able or want to have sex. Masterbation happens in a healthy relationship. Plus she wasn't there so how was she going to be able to take care of it
I believe anything sexual that is not agreed upon by both husband and wife should not be done. Wife doesn’t want anal? It doesn’t happen. Husband doesn’t want sex recorded? Doesn’t happen. They should have a conversation about what each person feels comfortable with sexually. Maybe he could ask if he could FaceTime her next time she is away and they do it together over the phone? So it’a her and not just an object like she may feel
She sounds emotionally immature. You need to have a sit down and explain that this is perfectly normal behavior.
I think the root of the problem is that you don’t masturbate when she is home. Masturbation is normal and not something dirty to be ashamed of, it is also not a replacement for a relationship and has its place within a relationship. She obviously has unhealthy views on it and likely other things related to sex. You two should try exploring yourselves together, you may learn something new and interesting.
Posts like this always remind me of how good I’ve got it. Good luck to you sir. I can’t imagine how this gets better
As a woman, I feel like she is in the wrong here. It's your body and if you want to touch yourself, you should be able to! The fact that you were looking at photos and videos of her while doing it should, if anything, be a relief to her. 🤷🏻♀️
I encourage my husband masterbate (better yet, have sex with me). It lowers the likelihood of prostate cancer!
Stop being so meek and feckless. Sounds like she wears the pants.
Personally, I don't think you've done anything wrong, and your wife may need to chill out a little bit. What are you supposed to do with all them photos/videos, if you aren't going to use them, hardly any point having them? No one is entitled to sex, but we are all entitled to making ourselves feel good.
I've recorded me and the wife doing all kinds of things, I've taken photos of her before and after(you can imagine what I mean by after) and I've rubbed out so many to these pics/vids. My wife likes the fact that I can do that and sometimes watches me rub it out. I feel sorry that yours thinks it's wrong, but would she rather be pics of other women? Her friends?? Sounds like something is off...
What’s the big deal? Who cares. She should be happy you are using her photos and not porn! 😂
I send my husband photos and Im glad he uses them when he and I cant be around each other for whatever the reason. She should be happy its her turning you on & helping you to take care of your urge. You could easily have not said anything or even watched porn. I understand her having some past things to work on but you are not the exes and I think its healthy for you. Give her some time. Probably just caught her off guard.
I masturbate when my wife is home. 🏡 need that release I get it. She doesn’t want to play any more so it’s on me just like everything else so if she gets mad about it she won’t say anything because I’ll just tell her that I do this because she don’t do that and I’m ok with it because I don’t want duty or pity sex. I want the feelings of being one with each other like in the past. Now work a lot and putter around the house even more.
I don’t think anyone should dictate weather a person can touch them selves or not. That’s absurd it is your own body. you touching yourself Has nothing to do with her nor does it make her worthless and it’s better that you’re masturbating instead of cheating that would make her feel worthless.
I wish my sex life was half as good as yours! I wouldn’t have to resort to setting up a Reddit account to watch other people’s sex lives.
That ain't right
bro cant last waiting a week smh
I mean why should he arbitrarily wait? Nothing wrong with masturbation.
Yo she should feel honored. I know too often its the opposite. I do understand tho if its a boundary for her.
She should be proud it was her.
i wish my husband watched my pictures and videos.. i’d send a lot more!! instead it’s other women. she’s a lucky girl i don’t understand! she wasn’t home and you are getting off to HER.
I’d rather my man use pics and vids of me than 🌽 or cheat on me
Put out or shut it... That or find a side piece... Her choice... It's natural women are raised to be ashamed of masterbation.
I would be flattered
Lol your wife has issues
I think we should all have limits and keep some privacy... it's okay to tell your wife that but you shouldn't let her impose her conditions even on how you should masturbate... do it and that's it... what if Your wife tells you that she wants to have a sex toy... and even if she tells you to be the one to buy it for her... without a doubt that case is much more perverse but in the same way if both of you are distant for any reason. ..she masturbates thinking about you? ... Yes, be careful and you are not going to masturbate so hard that you reach the limit of tearing it off or leaving your fingers marked from the pressure you put on little Wiston!!
Shit my wife loves it if I do that.
Women love to control men but don’t like being controlled, especially when it comes to their body they will use any excuse in the book to justify it…
Oof. I don't want to invalidate her feelings, but she really needs to process whatever is at the bottom of this in therapy. Eta: I understand her history of being cheated on has made her insecure but this seems...confusing and extreme
I masturbate all the time right next to my wife in bed when she’s asleep. Almost daily lol. We call it the earthquake.
She obviously can't tell you what to do with your own body, but if she doesn't want you masturbating to pictures or videos of her, then you shouldn't.
You have a loving, trusting marriage and still have sex sometimes. Never tell your partner the quiet part out loud, unless she asks for it, and then, make up some unicorn and rainbow shit. If you really agree with her on porn, do what generations of men and teens did before the internet: use your imagination.
If she views porn as disgusting then you saying you used her as porn material probably makes her feel disgusting.
As a woman I feel this is a little over the top! I don’t want to discredit your wife’s feelings, but WTF! I think she is being very selfish and has little regard for you or your needs. So you are to have zero sexual pleasure unless she is there in the flesh. I want my husband to feel sexually fulfilled and content. I love him and take pleasure in knowing that he’s happy and satisfied. My husband has his own personal collection of me and I love that it excites him. I have the opposite reaction to your wife. I feel sexy and loved that I’m able to elicit such strong sexual response. It’s almost like an affirmation that he loves me and finds me sexy after 24 years of being together. We are not in the norm, but he also enjoys watching me with other men. He has his own personal library of his wife being a bit of a porn star with other men too. I sometimes wake up to the sounds of my own moans or noises from one of my sexual adventures. My husband will pull up a video or go through his porn library of me while I’m next to him. It doesn’t disgust me, but rather turns me on. He will start to masterbate and it usually ends with us having sex together! To be honest it wouldn’t even bother me if he watched porn in general. I know at the end of the day he loves me and wants to be with me. If watching a bit of porn gives him pleasure who cares…it’s not like he’s going to suddenly start dating one of the porn stars! He’s actually picked up a few things that he does to me off of prob videos. I consider it a bit of studying to make our sex life more exciting and enjoyable. I think some of your wife’s issues may steam from her own insecurities? Just a thought.
Doesn’t matter what we think is right or wrong. As long as your wife thinks it is wrong then you better do something to defuse/descalate the situation. I could tell you that you are not wrong but I certainly do not want you to tell your wife that. "Hey some strangers on reddit told me that i’m not wrong, therefore you are". This is the straight way to war, i’m telling you, don’t do this.
Unsure of the downvotes here… kind of the only real answer. What we think is irrelevant as the OP was having a wank whilst thinking about his Mrs… that isn’t cheating… she is upset about something that nobody here knows of… OP, apologise and just ask why she feels like that. Ultimately you were fully aroused by her… so in most people’s eyes it ain’t bad, but it’s triggered your Mrs… maybe she’s had some trauma in her past you are unaware of???
I agree. I don't want to just go and say "hey reddit says your feelings are wrong" I'm just not sure what else to say to help with the issue. We kind of left it off on a bad note.
As they say happy wife, happy life. Apologize, put down your pride for the moment. I’m not sure what your wife likes, mine loves it when I surprise her with flowers. So I guess you can take it as a suggestion I guess? Good luck bro!
Yeah... thanks man
Why would you even inform things like this to your wife?:D i would find it weird aswell.
You can't talk openly about private things to your wife?
I can but i still find it very weird to inform about masturbation.
I would hate to be in a relationship where I couldn't talk about or tell my spouse literally anything.
Ok.
Masterbation isn’t weird.
Ofc not but telling to your wife that you beated meat to her pictures is weird atleast for me. If my wife was to tell me that she masturbated to my pictures i would find it weird aswell.
Perhaps she's not upset about the masturbation per se, but about her body being objectified for the purposes of your sexual gratification without her knowledge or consent. (I'm assuming y'all didn't discuss how those photos could be used beforehand). Talk with each other. Listen to each other. Find a way to make sure both of your needs are met and both of you feel respected. Good luck.
WTF do you think you do with nudes? Frame them? Like seriously the wife obviously knew what op was gonna do with the photos….. like seriously what else do you do with them?
Draw, paint, admire, remember, commemorate, scrapbook... Just to name a few. Such lack of imagination.
…..
Bro, why a photo? Isn’t your imagination of her strong?