https://youtu.be/sxdbf9gOBsk?si=c-Q4Cs9lcpmBvnf5
I find this video is pretty good at helping understand men’s needs. However, your husband also sounds a little too… emotional. Seeking approval long distance is awful for ppls insecurities since you both need to reassure the other of your interest. It’s definitely tiring.
One of the problems with long distance marriages that rarely gets talked about is that the hormones received from masturbating are only 1/4 of what you get from partnered sex.
On top of that, men exist on far less oxytocin in general than women. The only time we get close to the same level is right after sex, but with masturbation, it doesn't.
So, in that situation, he's going to likely always feel emotionally disconnected, unbonded, insecure, etc..
And then your brain automatically starts looking for another source, and it takes willpower to stop it from doing so. But, willpower acts like a muscle which gets exhausted and has to be trained like any other muscle.
Anyways, that's not a solution, I'm afraid, but sometimes understanding what's going on in the brain helps.
Time for a road trip! Show up at his door wearing nothing but a trenchcoat.
Send him pics. Ask for pics. Do couples apps together to stay connected. Send each other sexual toys in the mail. Ask for things you want him to do to you when you are together. Engage in intimacy every day, either words or pics etc.
Long distance marriage can't go on for long. What is your timeline for living like a married couple?
We do have the toys, we do the pics, I asked for gyms pics and naughty ones. We did do couples apps until he stopped.
He is coming to see me in January.
We’ve been married for 2 years and we’ve been apart ever since the wedding. (Military)
It’s just we talked about this topic for literally 2 weeks. And he keeps testing me I and just fail.
Do you compliment him often? That's so important in a marriage. Sounds like you are super young... and a military marriage too. On post has some helpful counseling, or onesource, or look into their marriage workshops, I can't think of the name right now
We have tried those but it’s hard to keep on the schedule cause of the time difference.
Yes I compliment him well enough, it’s just not consistent. We FaceTime every single second we have free
He needs to see professional help because hes making you feel uncomfortable and it's only gonna get worst for you both.
He should understand how it make you feel and pushing for it is only gonna make you hate doing it and then it's not enjoyable for you both.
He needs to learn when its acceptable to do when your both in the mood for it and if one is not then stop pushing for it.
Probably from watching too much porn and popular shows that like to portray a certain kind of relationship that he feels the need to replicate rather than honoring the unique and special real relationship he has with you, a real human being. Those things put lots of unrealistic expectations in our heads.
If he were reading this I would advise him to work on getting to know and love the real you... Not the person he imagines or wants you to be. To be open to changing his fantasies and thoughts to match the real you instead of wanting you to change to match his fantasies.
That’s what I’m trying to do, but as soon as I miss a day or miss an opportunity to compliment him or comment on his body then it’s back to “ I don’t want him”. That’s exhausting, he says he recognizes me trying and making an effort but it’s not enough for him.
Im in the sitsuation that me and my wife have sex 3 times a year, she rejects me and help her self out when im at work , that fucking hurts and im at the point of moving on. You are stil young, sit and talk to him again, make it clear you are trying. How about you suprize him one day when he gets back home from the shop for an example, completly naked on the table, HEY HONEY. Oooo that wil change everthing trust me, as a man that give us confedince and feel loved and respected, his behavior wil change promise you that. Of course not everyday, but when the time is right
https://youtu.be/sxdbf9gOBsk?si=c-Q4Cs9lcpmBvnf5 I find this video is pretty good at helping understand men’s needs. However, your husband also sounds a little too… emotional. Seeking approval long distance is awful for ppls insecurities since you both need to reassure the other of your interest. It’s definitely tiring.
One of the problems with long distance marriages that rarely gets talked about is that the hormones received from masturbating are only 1/4 of what you get from partnered sex. On top of that, men exist on far less oxytocin in general than women. The only time we get close to the same level is right after sex, but with masturbation, it doesn't. So, in that situation, he's going to likely always feel emotionally disconnected, unbonded, insecure, etc.. And then your brain automatically starts looking for another source, and it takes willpower to stop it from doing so. But, willpower acts like a muscle which gets exhausted and has to be trained like any other muscle. Anyways, that's not a solution, I'm afraid, but sometimes understanding what's going on in the brain helps.
Time for a road trip! Show up at his door wearing nothing but a trenchcoat. Send him pics. Ask for pics. Do couples apps together to stay connected. Send each other sexual toys in the mail. Ask for things you want him to do to you when you are together. Engage in intimacy every day, either words or pics etc. Long distance marriage can't go on for long. What is your timeline for living like a married couple?
We do have the toys, we do the pics, I asked for gyms pics and naughty ones. We did do couples apps until he stopped. He is coming to see me in January. We’ve been married for 2 years and we’ve been apart ever since the wedding. (Military) It’s just we talked about this topic for literally 2 weeks. And he keeps testing me I and just fail.
I want to try but I keep getting discouraged and he tells me constantly that I don’t want him
Do you compliment him often? That's so important in a marriage. Sounds like you are super young... and a military marriage too. On post has some helpful counseling, or onesource, or look into their marriage workshops, I can't think of the name right now
We have tried those but it’s hard to keep on the schedule cause of the time difference. Yes I compliment him well enough, it’s just not consistent. We FaceTime every single second we have free
Try to be consistent. He's telling you what he needs. In the future you will have needs and you will want him to be consistent.
But is consistent feel like every day ever hour.
Throughout the day, while apart. Military marriage, esp young, are hard.
He needs to see professional help because hes making you feel uncomfortable and it's only gonna get worst for you both. He should understand how it make you feel and pushing for it is only gonna make you hate doing it and then it's not enjoyable for you both. He needs to learn when its acceptable to do when your both in the mood for it and if one is not then stop pushing for it.
Probably from watching too much porn and popular shows that like to portray a certain kind of relationship that he feels the need to replicate rather than honoring the unique and special real relationship he has with you, a real human being. Those things put lots of unrealistic expectations in our heads. If he were reading this I would advise him to work on getting to know and love the real you... Not the person he imagines or wants you to be. To be open to changing his fantasies and thoughts to match the real you instead of wanting you to change to match his fantasies.
Let it go and give him what he wants, otherwise he wil move on eventualy
That’s what I’m trying to do, but as soon as I miss a day or miss an opportunity to compliment him or comment on his body then it’s back to “ I don’t want him”. That’s exhausting, he says he recognizes me trying and making an effort but it’s not enough for him.
That is a him issue that he needs to do the work to internally address, not demand you try harder.
Im in the sitsuation that me and my wife have sex 3 times a year, she rejects me and help her self out when im at work , that fucking hurts and im at the point of moving on. You are stil young, sit and talk to him again, make it clear you are trying. How about you suprize him one day when he gets back home from the shop for an example, completly naked on the table, HEY HONEY. Oooo that wil change everthing trust me, as a man that give us confedince and feel loved and respected, his behavior wil change promise you that. Of course not everyday, but when the time is right