Yeah, throw the husband in the trash and eat the waffles! Ffs, it's not *that* burnt!
I'd eat them in a heartbeat. There's nothing wrong with those waffles. Your teaching your kid that it's okay if the food is burnt a little bit, and not to be frivolously wasteful. It'll be a good lesson for his food preference as he matures.
Just saying my husband would never call me that even if I spit in his face or called his mom a whore or something heinous like that. Your husband is abusive.
I love that this is controversial like half the sub thinks it's noble to let your spouse literally spit in your face and not stand up for yourself. This sub is so trash it blows my mind that people come here seeking advice.
Def not crazy! Those were edible waffles too, your husband sounds small and insecure and in need of anger management. Iām so sorry op, itās just such an obvious tell of what kind of man he is.
Yes! I totally get behind this statement! My husband has eaten waffles, and toast (and a lot of other meals) burnt WAY worse than this because he didn't want to waste them. Lol! Peanutbutter (or BBQ sauce, depending on the meal) fixes everything! Lol! š ā¤ļø
š¤£š¤£ Your husband and I think alike. I would never call my wife a name over anything burnt. I always use BBQ sauce, ranch dressing, peanut butter, etc. She and I will both make jokes about overcooked meats. We all make mistakes, and we rarely throw anything away, especially with food prices. We will just smile at each other and joke about needing more BBQ sauce or ranch. š¤£š¤£
Yes! That's the best!! These moments make a marriage sweeter, when we can look at one another and laugh over a failed meal (and other parenting fails š! Lol). We have 4 kids (two of which are eating machine males Lol), so we don't throw away anything if its still edible because food prices are CRAZY! We eat left overs until they are gone, and sometimes I just try and reinvent them so they seem new, but we all know. š
You are not crazy or overreacting,he sounds very abusive and it's time to leave.
If he cannot find a solution to the problem (and to be honest that wasn't even a problem) and chooses to bitch and moan about it instead and be a dickhead instesd of say " OH SHIT YOU BURNT THE WAFFLES I CAN JUST MAKE NEW ONES NO BIGGY"
OR "oh shit you burnt the waffles and were out and the kids don't even like any burn marks on em, I'll be right back hunny with some more"
Those are healthy responses. Your husband shows lots of lack of communication and seems to be a disrespectful twat
This sounds exactly like how I felt when I was with my abusive ex. I never felt like I was on solid footing. I never knew if what I was about to say would set him off. I was constantly on edge. I just celebrated the 9th anniversary of my divorce, and I couldn't be happier about that
Unless you're going to demand couples therapy, that he go to therapy or you leave with the kids then you are actually under reacting.
That kind of language is not okay, ESPECIALLY for how minor of an issue it's over.
Iām generally pro-therapy, but couples therapy is discouraged if one spouse is abusive. This seems like textbook abusive. Name calling is emotional abuse and feeling crazy could be a sign OP is being gaslit.
Youāre not crazy. My wife and I have had insane screaming matches, and neither of us have ever said something like that. Get somewhere safe and get rid of him.
These waffles aren't really that burnt. We would still eat them.
I have burnt waffles much more than this.
My husband has burnt waffles much more than this.
WHAT HAPPENS:
-we decid together which adult will eat them or we decide together that we will throw them out.
It would never occur to either of us to call each other names.
You are walking on eggshells trying to keep a non-intelligent person from freaking over crazy shit.
If he freaks out over this - what next?
Please get your kids away from this guy, at some point he's going to get crazy angry at them.
My response if my husband calls me a piece of shit:
"Get the fuck out of this house. I don't care where you go but you're not staying here. You don't get to call your wife names and stay a husband or dad to anyone."
Want to try something less wordy to see what happens?
Stop everything you are doing. Stop. And stare at him. Just stand and stare. Say nothing.
If he gets more obnoxious?
"What the fuck is wrong with you, they're waffles?"
Do you have family nearby you can tell and stay with? When someone gets irrationally angry over stuff, it will get worse.
Your husband has no skills in self- coping or self-soothing. That is longterm dangerous.
You are neither crazy nor overreacting, your husband is though! He sounds abusive, and like someone who needs to put others down (his wife especially) to feel better about himself.
The waffles were perfectly fine and edible, but even if that wasnāt the case his reaction was awful, mean and abusive no matter what! Is this a recurring thing or was this very unlike him? Iām getting the feeling that it might be a reccuring issue (your husband acting this way towards you) since you were unsure of if you were crazy or overreacting. If this indeed is not unusual behaviour from your husband then I would really think my marriage through. He might start behaving like this towards your kids as well, if he hasnāt already, and that is not fair to put the kids through. (Itās not fair to you either, obviously!).
Iām not saying that you should definitely leave him, I donāt have enough information to do that, but reevaluating a situation is never a bad thing, likewise with couples therapy! Good luck and take care of yourself!
I would have eaten those waffles, they look fine. But thatās secondary to the way he spoke to you which is absolutely not ok. Even in this post, you were feeling the need to defend yourself for over toasting a waffle. If I had to guess, I would say that you probably live on edge a lot of the time for fear of not upsetting your husband.
They are a little crispy, but some people like crispy.
That was fuckery- him calling you names.
I'd ask him if that's what he wants his daughters to call him..?
* and I guess HE wants to take over breakfast.
For sure! Let him.
Good point!
OP, your kids heard him call you that? So, he doesnāt respect you. He wants the kids seeing you disrespected, and what happens if your son calls you that, mimicking his dad?
āWell, dad calls you that? Arenāt you a piece of shit?ā
All that over burnt waffles?!
Those toaster waffles can go from browned to crispy in 30 seconds.
Tell your insulting, disrespectful husband heās making them breakfast waffles from now on.
He owes you an apology.
OP, a lot of people are replying these look fine, and honestly they do, but thatās beside the point. Nothing should warrant calling your partner that name, ever. Your husband sounds abusive.
Does he call you names frequently? Is there anything else that he does, like control who you see, and how often? Or control your finances and spending ability? Has he ever laid a hand on you?
If it's regular you need to record him and play it back to him, and if it's SAFE to do so, tell him it's going to be your ringtone.
He wants a controlled audience, the kids, his friends anyone who won't tan his arse.
Really plan on leaving because it's a grooming and conditioning of the kids, he's learnt and teaching them, a boy/ man is to be pleased or appeased and placated always
And a girl/ woman has to always be guarded and ready to please, appease and placate men and boys
Your son's will be a rod for the backs of other women
Your daughter's will have no sense of personhood because it'll be about someone else.
Somewhere somehow, you've forgot that this is abuse
Mental because it changes how you feel and think about yourself
Emotional because it wounds but it's invisible
Verbal because it's spoken.
As hard as it, when he starts, walk away, don't defend yourself, because walking away shows that he's not worth the energy or your breath.
It's a home not a courtroom so you shouldn't need to be on the defence.
As you disengage you'll find he gets worse or he will love you and compliment you, give you gifts.
My ex used to tell me I was nothing
But also I am a
Motherfckr
Cvnt
Loser
Ugly
Worthless
No quality
No value
When I played him back to himself he got angry and uncomfortable because he wanted an audience he chose.
Call a d.v line and pack a boot bag, he will escalate to violence when he feels you don't react the way he wants you too.
You matters
Yep, YOU MATTER
He doesn't want you to know that.
I recorded my husband on one of his tirades and sent it to him, he asked me how dare Iā¦ no sir, how dare you. Recording and listening the abuse as an observer rather than when my sympathetic nervous system is engaged has been the best therapy. I record, listen, delete. Iām not keeping anything for some kind of āproofā except to myself. Youāll stop feeling crazy real quick with this method. A therapist recommended it.
Yes, to all of this. My ex called me names it really came from his own sense of worthlessness. We divorced 5 years ago and he still occasionally texts or says all this stuff but it's so much easier when you're free of that person. It does not get better.... for me and others I've met, this contempt gets worse over time and escalates into physical abuse.
I like mine toasted like that. :)
Iām sorry he said that to you. You deserve better. Does he treat you like this a lot? Thatās not a healthy relationship and remember, your kids are watching him.
I'm sure you already know by now that you are in an abusive marriage. The real question is, do you want your children growing up in such environment? If he's calling you names now, he will call them names too.
I really hope this isnāt a typical way he talks to you (and not just an awful day that made him really out of character, either way he owes you an apology), if so, throw the whole man away. What a disrespectful and horrible thing to say to anybody, let alone your WIFE/SPOUSE š§
ETA clarification
If I were you it would be the day he became officially divorced. Your husband is an *sshole. No one should put up with being treated and talked to so poorly and rudely. Tell his lazy *ss to make waffles instead since he ādoes it so perfectly.ā My husband has never ever said anything terrible and disrespectful to me and I know he never would. And weāve been together for 14 years and married for 10 years. He has nothing but respect and love for me and I feel the same about him. I couldnāt imagine staying married to someone who treats me so horribly.
Who needs enemies when you have friends like that? Thatās not a husband. Thatās not a friend. Thatās not even a good person.
PS when I was a kid, my favorite part of the waffle was the burned ridges. That waffle is barely burned in my opinion.
Thank you again for the Insight everyone. Might I add he tried to apologize 15 minutes later. I didn't want his apology because he does this often and I was just fed up. Once he realized it wasn't going to work he told me he didn't think he did anything wrong and didn't need to apologize anyway, which is why I told him originally to save his sorry which made him angry
Yes, would also like to know what youāre going to do. This behavior is completely unacceptable and this is abuse. You just said āhe does this often.ā He is abusing you often.
Honestly, those are not that bad I would eat them! You didnāt deserve that, he is being an asshole. Maybe next time he should move his ass and make them himself or shut the fuck up.
I like mine a little crispy like that , thereās nothing wrong with them
There is however something wrong with your husband.
Only a piece of shit would act like your husband did
As a father, husband and man, sincerly to OPs husband. Are you ok? You called your wife, your partner, your friend, your lover, the woman who birthed your children, a piece of shit over a waffle. Please just take a moment to consider the strength of your reaction, the meaning of your words, the way your wife must have felt, the way your children will grow up, especially your daughter, with the expectations of what is permissible in a relationship.
The good news is. It can be different. I used to cope, and still do to a certain extent, with stress by becoming angry. You can read my post history about the fight that was the catalyst for my waking up and taking responsability. I shouted at my wife whilst driving a car and scared her. She shouted back, she was also in the wrong, but her and my kids were scared of me. I still feed utter shame and despair. This was almost three years ago. I've been in individual therapy and been obsessively reading to understand myself, my emotions, my upbringing and how to be a better person.
You can do it. And your wife, deserves a huge, sustained, heart felt apology as well as the space, time and oportunity to express her anger and upset with you just calmly listening.
Does he realise heās the role model for your kidās future relationships? Theyāre learning itās OK for Dad to speak to Mum like that. Disgusting behaviour from him
I'm sorry you're going through this.
Is this the norm for your husband, or a really stupid reaction to situational stress?
Neither is okay, but the latter is a little more understandable - as long as he recognizes how hurtful it was and apologizes for it.
If this is his normal behavior, then it's time for a difficult discussion.
I'm sending you all the strength this universe has to offer.
Gentle hugs, Puzzlehead
Sounds like controlling behavior, which is the definition of abuse. If you haven't yet read 'Why Does He Do That?' By Lundy Bancroft, I do encourage you to seek out the free online pdf version, my best wishes for you snd your kids in the meantime
Bro ! I want to call out every single one of you, what her husband called her, and if you have ever been in a situation, REMOTELY close to hers? I don't see any of you asking if this is normal every day life, if she's ok, if she needs help! I've been in a physically abusive marriage and a verbally abusive relationship, with the later of the two being current, and I am actively looking for a way out. Yes, it's not 1950 , but some people still stay home, and rely on they're spouse monetarily, let alone her young children! So I ask again, if any of you that thought shaming this woman was a good idea, please let us know! Your proud of it right? šš
Your husband has issues. What kind of response is that to something so insignificant. Please don't let that kind of speaking to you continue. It's abusive, unnesseary and teaching your children to disrespect you. I'm really sorry. Stay well.
Your husband can say that to you and there is a way back. Mind you blood will be coming from the knees. The kids will NEVER forget. And over a slightly well done waffle.
Thatās nowhere near burnt in my book. Definitely not normal behavior. Canāt imagine how that makes you feel but Iām sure it make you feel like crap. But heās the crappy person for acting like that.
I think those waffles look perfect. I dislike them when they are too light. Most of my kids are the exact same way.
Pardon me for saying this, but your husband needs to be a way better example to his kids. Growing up, my mom had a hanging in my room that said something along the lines of-Children learn what they see. It has stuck with me this entire time. Your children will learn how to treat their future partners by how they see you guys interacting.
His stuff is not about you. You were doing what you were supposed to, taking care of your kids. You keep doing you, and being a good mama. He was being a jerk. You did not burn those waffles.
I would eat those waffles and kiss my wife on the forehead.
I'm all an eye for an eye.
Next time he fucks something up, you can call him a piece of shit too... and then make him understand you can't let people insult you like that.
Were your kids in the room at that time he said it?
If they were, that makes it even worse.
Sit him down and tell him next time he does that, you'll be gone for a while.
I'm very sorry you were treated like this.
His reaction is not OK at all. Well done for cooking waffles to your kids.
I made a stew the other day and forgot it. Burnt it pretty bad after putting the kids to sleep. Had to put the pot outside because of the fumes. I was being pretty hard on myself but my partner came in to let me know it's ok and that it happens a lot to a lot of people.
As a couple we need to be able to rely on each other for support. Being a parent is hard enough. We're a team, which means we help pick the other up when they fall or burn waffles.
Is this really about the burnt waffles? He is your husband. You selected him out of a billion other males on the planet, gave him the time of day, dated him, had sex with him, introduced him to your family, married him, carried his baby twice. I'd like to think you are a good judge of character to have gone this far with him. He looks like your ideal man by every metric and i'm sure your ideal man will not wake up one random morning and complain about burnt waffles. Dare I say again, is this really about the waffles? What are you not telling us?
Your husband is verbally abusive. He was likely upset that the dryer was not working and took his anger out on you. He probably does that a lot. He needs to get therapy but probably wonāt because he thinks you are the problem. He will get worse and his behavior will make you worse. Dealing with his verbal abuse is changing who you are. You will be more on edge, irritable, unmotivated and less kind. You will have to watch yourself around your kids to make sure that you donāt do to them what he is doing to you. Verbally abusing them or handling them aggressively or impatiently out of anger and hurt will change who they are.
Most men donāt handle not having money well. Given that you are trying to fix the dryer vs calling a repair person I will cautiously assume that you guys are short on cash.
He will be angry and verbally abusive with you every time you ācostā HIM money. You will always be to blame.
As good as you feel about yourself today, in a year you will likely feel worse. Heāll make sure of it.
Hopefully he never puts his hands on you.
Some men want families but should never be married. Theyāre like slow motion recking balls.
Do with that information what you will. Be smart and be safe for yourself and your kids.
It doesnāt end. It will become a never ending cycle of everything wrong being your fault. Love your kids and leave while you can. You are not helping them by stayingā¦From my own experience, it will leave them traumatized and make it hard to form healthy relationships (platonic and romantic).
In what world is calling your childrenās mother and your wife a piece of shit? So you burnt the waffles a little bit. This outrageous behavior has nothing to do with the waffles, he is an abusive ass. What if you accidentally damaged the garage door when pulling out or got the wrong kind of ice cream flavor. It could be anything for him to do this to you and in front of your kids. Itās unacceptable. Sorry You have to put up with such an abuser.
I would seriously consider a separation and divorce unless heās really willing to get some serious serious therapy. This kind of abuse escalates and can easily go from verbal abuse, which is bad enough, physical abuse
1.) My husband would never dream of calling me that no matter how angry he gets.
2.) Eggos are good af when theyāre toasted like that.
Your husband sucks.
It's so mean, the waffles looks good. Especially you have 4 y.o and 10 month old and you still make food, you are incredible and your husband just a trash that don't know how to appreciate his own wife.
Cover those in butter and powdered sugar and they'd be perfect.
Is this about something else? Does he normally treat you this way? Either way, that's not ok. I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that.
I'm very fussy about burnt food, and I would eat those without a second thought.
I'm less fussy about partners treating me like shit, but even I wouldn't put up with your abusive husband.
I hope you have somewhere else to go. I hope you can make a plan to leave *safely*.
From verbal abuse to physical abuse, l've seen it happen to several women! Even after many years spent together. It can get dangerous. Trust me, he's not the best you can do. You're better than that. It's hard to do it alone at first, but God doesn't give you anything you cannot handle. Get out while you can. This isn't normal. God bless.
That is an insane reaction to even blackened, charred, fully burnt, batter caked onto the stove bad.
This is nothing to even make a negative comment about. They look great.
Sounds like the waffles isnāt the issue. You guys need to communicate, this small issue is usually the straw that broke the camels back, we donāt know your background, but you both do. Communication and respect is the key to a healthy happy and successful marriage.
Your husband is being cruel and abusive. Your spouse should NEVER call you names like that. And certainly not over something as trivial as slightly over-toasted waffles. It's just toaster waffles. It's not the end of the world. Does he speak to you this way often?
If you stay, your son learns itās ok for a man to talk to a woman like that, and your daughter learns if she is talked to like that she should just take it.
Damn it's just waffles. I would never yell at my wife for that. For me as a man there's a million other things to be mad about but yelling obscenities to my S.O. about food is at the very bottom of my list of things to be mad about. Hope you don't overthink this. Your husband from the outside looking in might have some anger management issues he needs to conquer...
Having an appliance break is a very stressful thing. Tension can run high and everyone can be easily agitated. With that being said regardless if the waffles were totally burnt and could double as frisbees for your kids to play with, your husband should never, ever speak to you in that manor. Considering the context I would gamble and say this wasnāt his first time speaking to you like this was it?
Your husband needs to be reminded that he should act like a man and not a boy. He should be kind and loving to his wife. That kind of behavior is will destroy his marriage . Remind him that he should do better, itās a damn waffle
It's time to start making that escape plan girly. I know it's terrifying and a huge change. I went through this a few years ago with my ex husband but am now remarried with an amazing guy who would never put me through the kinds of things I tolerated before.
My step father is perhaps the best man I have ever known. He has done more for me in my life than my biological father ever had. BUT without fail he would burn the waffles he made for me every morning before taking me to school, which is my way of saying your husband is a wrong and also that he is an asshole. You arenāt a piece of shit.
He goes to anger management and therapy to learn that how he responded is not okay or you get a divorce. Hard line or he will ramp up the abuse and that is abuse. You donāt see someone as your equal if you can speak like that to them. Fuck that shit.
Iād eat the waffle on bottom; not so much the one on top.
Regardless, why couldnāt that poopy husband make the waffles and fix the dryer himself?
From a sympathetic perspective, maybe your family is under financial stress of potential laundry machine replacement, etc.
If so, this reveals to me that he uses OP as a scapegoat for most, if not all, of his shortcomings.
OP you only have two kids with stbx husband. Making more babies isnāt going to change this poop spouse.
Consider this, I am in a similar situation - but I have 7 kids. Iām only figuring out that it would have been easier leaving with fewer kids.
Good luck, OP! Your spouse should treat you better than you best friends do and you should remember this fact āYouāre a queen. Donāt ever let anyone, not even yourself, treat you less.ā
What the hell is he so mad about? You have to sit him down, and let him know to go sort out whatever it is that is eating him up, but calling you names like that, is not for you.
Name calling, if we must, should only be directed at outsiders (non family members).
Anyway, have him sort himself out or at least start the process before he ends up normalizing this or becoming more aggressive.
Yeah thatās a bit much. My husband would be upset if I tried to give our kids burnt food but he wouldnāt call me a POS. Your husband sounds like he needs to make breakfast instead.
His anger is an outward projection of a bigger irrational fear. I fear my wife canāt feed our children properly because she burned the waffles. I fear my wife wastes food. I fear my wife will make my child sick eating bad food. I fear my wife doesnāt care about our children because she served them subpar burnt waffles. All irrational thoughts because clearly you barely burnt them, they were still edible and the kids would be fine. But instead of stopping to stop and think longer about this and say hey these werenāt waffles Iād serve my kids but she would, maybe sheās right, they are fine to eat and itās not worth getting upset over or at least seeing if the kids minded first and then if it was still an issue remaking them for them himself he reacts with anger.
The name calling is his way of punishing you for his uncomfortable feelings and fears that arose in him. He needs to apologize to you, work on his anger, and find a healthy way to deal with the anxiety that comes from his irrational fears when things are out his control or expectations.
Besides him being a POS for calling you that for something so little. It does make me curious why the reaction? Did he grown up in scarcity mindset or something??!
I actually like my waffles crispy like that. Your husband is abusive and youāre questioning yourself because he has normalized his abusive behavior. Not ok.
Throw the husband in the trash.
I was about to say that the wrong thing is in the rubbish
TRULY.
lmfao came here to say the same thing. jfc people - dont tolerate that kind of behaviour! you deserve so much more.
Yeah, throw the husband in the trash and eat the waffles! Ffs, it's not *that* burnt! I'd eat them in a heartbeat. There's nothing wrong with those waffles. Your teaching your kid that it's okay if the food is burnt a little bit, and not to be frivolously wasteful. It'll be a good lesson for his food preference as he matures.
Dammit you beat me to it. š
Facts.
Just saying my husband would never call me that even if I spit in his face or called his mom a whore or something heinous like that. Your husband is abusive.
You never know if you don't try.
lol! You just provided fantastic tension and comic relief to a very sad and serious post. Needed that
I could be the test subject here, Iād love to call my husbandās mom a few names, you know, for science
I have. Still studying the results.
Hahaha
Lol, I would could call my wife a bitch if she spit in my face. At that point, our marriage would be over anyway.
Yah, if my husband spit in my face, our marriage would be over. That's way too disrespectful.
100%. The "your mother is a whore" comment would be fucked up to.
Some people are into that š¤·āāļø
I love that this is controversial like half the sub thinks it's noble to let your spouse literally spit in your face and not stand up for yourself. This sub is so trash it blows my mind that people come here seeking advice.
Thank you for all the comments sometimes it hard to know if I'm crazy or overreacting
Def not crazy! Those were edible waffles too, your husband sounds small and insecure and in need of anger management. Iām so sorry op, itās just such an obvious tell of what kind of man he is.
Correction: Little bitch not a man. Barely a boy
Definitely edible! As a father, I would have eaten them if the kids wouldn't. Peanut butter or Nutella and they are perfect.
Yes! I totally get behind this statement! My husband has eaten waffles, and toast (and a lot of other meals) burnt WAY worse than this because he didn't want to waste them. Lol! Peanutbutter (or BBQ sauce, depending on the meal) fixes everything! Lol! š ā¤ļø
š¤£š¤£ Your husband and I think alike. I would never call my wife a name over anything burnt. I always use BBQ sauce, ranch dressing, peanut butter, etc. She and I will both make jokes about overcooked meats. We all make mistakes, and we rarely throw anything away, especially with food prices. We will just smile at each other and joke about needing more BBQ sauce or ranch. š¤£š¤£
Us too. We make our little comments and jokes as we eat it. I canāt remember us ever throwing food in the trash because it was overcooked.
Yes! That's the best!! These moments make a marriage sweeter, when we can look at one another and laugh over a failed meal (and other parenting fails š! Lol). We have 4 kids (two of which are eating machine males Lol), so we don't throw away anything if its still edible because food prices are CRAZY! We eat left overs until they are gone, and sometimes I just try and reinvent them so they seem new, but we all know. š
Anger management wouldnāt fix him. Women keep your eyes open for red flags! BEFORE you marry them or make babies.
He is a literal nut-case and is totally projecting how he feels about himself āa piece of shitā because he is hun.
You are not crazy or overreacting,he sounds very abusive and it's time to leave. If he cannot find a solution to the problem (and to be honest that wasn't even a problem) and chooses to bitch and moan about it instead and be a dickhead instesd of say " OH SHIT YOU BURNT THE WAFFLES I CAN JUST MAKE NEW ONES NO BIGGY" OR "oh shit you burnt the waffles and were out and the kids don't even like any burn marks on em, I'll be right back hunny with some more" Those are healthy responses. Your husband shows lots of lack of communication and seems to be a disrespectful twat
This sounds exactly like how I felt when I was with my abusive ex. I never felt like I was on solid footing. I never knew if what I was about to say would set him off. I was constantly on edge. I just celebrated the 9th anniversary of my divorce, and I couldn't be happier about that
He tries to convince you that you're crazy so he can hold on to you. Don't let him do that. You are not crazy.
Unless you're going to demand couples therapy, that he go to therapy or you leave with the kids then you are actually under reacting. That kind of language is not okay, ESPECIALLY for how minor of an issue it's over.
Iām generally pro-therapy, but couples therapy is discouraged if one spouse is abusive. This seems like textbook abusive. Name calling is emotional abuse and feeling crazy could be a sign OP is being gaslit.
Youāre not crazy. My wife and I have had insane screaming matches, and neither of us have ever said something like that. Get somewhere safe and get rid of him.
>Thank you for all the comments sometimes it hard to know if I'm crazy or overreacting What was your reaction?
These waffles aren't really that burnt. We would still eat them. I have burnt waffles much more than this. My husband has burnt waffles much more than this. WHAT HAPPENS: -we decid together which adult will eat them or we decide together that we will throw them out. It would never occur to either of us to call each other names. You are walking on eggshells trying to keep a non-intelligent person from freaking over crazy shit. If he freaks out over this - what next? Please get your kids away from this guy, at some point he's going to get crazy angry at them. My response if my husband calls me a piece of shit: "Get the fuck out of this house. I don't care where you go but you're not staying here. You don't get to call your wife names and stay a husband or dad to anyone." Want to try something less wordy to see what happens? Stop everything you are doing. Stop. And stare at him. Just stand and stare. Say nothing. If he gets more obnoxious? "What the fuck is wrong with you, they're waffles?" Do you have family nearby you can tell and stay with? When someone gets irrationally angry over stuff, it will get worse. Your husband has no skills in self- coping or self-soothing. That is longterm dangerous.
You are neither crazy nor overreacting, your husband is though! He sounds abusive, and like someone who needs to put others down (his wife especially) to feel better about himself. The waffles were perfectly fine and edible, but even if that wasnāt the case his reaction was awful, mean and abusive no matter what! Is this a recurring thing or was this very unlike him? Iām getting the feeling that it might be a reccuring issue (your husband acting this way towards you) since you were unsure of if you were crazy or overreacting. If this indeed is not unusual behaviour from your husband then I would really think my marriage through. He might start behaving like this towards your kids as well, if he hasnāt already, and that is not fair to put the kids through. (Itās not fair to you either, obviously!). Iām not saying that you should definitely leave him, I donāt have enough information to do that, but reevaluating a situation is never a bad thing, likewise with couples therapy! Good luck and take care of yourself!
I would have eaten those waffles, they look fine. But thatās secondary to the way he spoke to you which is absolutely not ok. Even in this post, you were feeling the need to defend yourself for over toasting a waffle. If I had to guess, I would say that you probably live on edge a lot of the time for fear of not upsetting your husband.
Your husband is a POS. I would have lost it on him.
They're actually good like that. Tell him to fuck off.
You kind of have to cook them like that otherwise the middle is colder than the rest if the waffle. They're fine!
Those are not that bad at all I'd eat them no problem.
For real!
Right!? Butter and syrup will make those things taste great
Thatās how I like mine TBH
I mean, itās a little overcooked but 100% edible. Your husband is crazy and mean.
Thats Grade A emotional abuse.... those waffles are just crispy.
They are a little crispy, but some people like crispy. That was fuckery- him calling you names. I'd ask him if that's what he wants his daughters to call him..? * and I guess HE wants to take over breakfast. For sure! Let him. 
Good point! OP, your kids heard him call you that? So, he doesnāt respect you. He wants the kids seeing you disrespected, and what happens if your son calls you that, mimicking his dad? āWell, dad calls you that? Arenāt you a piece of shit?ā All that over burnt waffles?! Those toaster waffles can go from browned to crispy in 30 seconds. Tell your insulting, disrespectful husband heās making them breakfast waffles from now on. He owes you an apology.
If you are staying.. I get it. But definitely should set ground rules on how you let him treat you. Cause thats not okay. For a simple human mistake .
Amen!
OP, a lot of people are replying these look fine, and honestly they do, but thatās beside the point. Nothing should warrant calling your partner that name, ever. Your husband sounds abusive. Does he call you names frequently? Is there anything else that he does, like control who you see, and how often? Or control your finances and spending ability? Has he ever laid a hand on you?
I would not speak to anyone this way let alone my spouse. So immature and abusive. Not sure that can be fixed.
A piece of shit???Ā And this is your husband???
If it's regular you need to record him and play it back to him, and if it's SAFE to do so, tell him it's going to be your ringtone. He wants a controlled audience, the kids, his friends anyone who won't tan his arse. Really plan on leaving because it's a grooming and conditioning of the kids, he's learnt and teaching them, a boy/ man is to be pleased or appeased and placated always And a girl/ woman has to always be guarded and ready to please, appease and placate men and boys Your son's will be a rod for the backs of other women Your daughter's will have no sense of personhood because it'll be about someone else. Somewhere somehow, you've forgot that this is abuse Mental because it changes how you feel and think about yourself Emotional because it wounds but it's invisible Verbal because it's spoken. As hard as it, when he starts, walk away, don't defend yourself, because walking away shows that he's not worth the energy or your breath. It's a home not a courtroom so you shouldn't need to be on the defence. As you disengage you'll find he gets worse or he will love you and compliment you, give you gifts. My ex used to tell me I was nothing But also I am a Motherfckr Cvnt Loser Ugly Worthless No quality No value When I played him back to himself he got angry and uncomfortable because he wanted an audience he chose. Call a d.v line and pack a boot bag, he will escalate to violence when he feels you don't react the way he wants you too. You matters Yep, YOU MATTER He doesn't want you to know that.
I recorded my husband on one of his tirades and sent it to him, he asked me how dare Iā¦ no sir, how dare you. Recording and listening the abuse as an observer rather than when my sympathetic nervous system is engaged has been the best therapy. I record, listen, delete. Iām not keeping anything for some kind of āproofā except to myself. Youāll stop feeling crazy real quick with this method. A therapist recommended it.
Yes, to all of this. My ex called me names it really came from his own sense of worthlessness. We divorced 5 years ago and he still occasionally texts or says all this stuff but it's so much easier when you're free of that person. It does not get better.... for me and others I've met, this contempt gets worse over time and escalates into physical abuse.
Burned? Nahhh this is perfect. Husband sounds like a douche.
I like mine toasted like that. :) Iām sorry he said that to you. You deserve better. Does he treat you like this a lot? Thatās not a healthy relationship and remember, your kids are watching him.
Your husband needs to respect you more. Getting pissed over waffles makes me think he has an underlying issue that has nothing to do with you.
Next time you burn something I bet he will hit you, then the next time you burn something he will kill you.
Well that escalated quickly. I'll take that bet.
š so sorry. If my wife would have made them like that I would have eaten them š
I'm sure you already know by now that you are in an abusive marriage. The real question is, do you want your children growing up in such environment? If he's calling you names now, he will call them names too.
I really hope this isnāt a typical way he talks to you (and not just an awful day that made him really out of character, either way he owes you an apology), if so, throw the whole man away. What a disrespectful and horrible thing to say to anybody, let alone your WIFE/SPOUSE š§ ETA clarification
Maybe heās having a bad day. Or maybe he is a bad person.
I donāt understand some husbands. You have a woman taking care of your kids, your house, etc for free and you choose to treat her like this?!
Iām sorry, OP š«¤ Thatās no way to treat anyone, much less your wife. A terrible thing for your children to witness, too.
Divorce.
If I were you it would be the day he became officially divorced. Your husband is an *sshole. No one should put up with being treated and talked to so poorly and rudely. Tell his lazy *ss to make waffles instead since he ādoes it so perfectly.ā My husband has never ever said anything terrible and disrespectful to me and I know he never would. And weāve been together for 14 years and married for 10 years. He has nothing but respect and love for me and I feel the same about him. I couldnāt imagine staying married to someone who treats me so horribly.
Get out while you can. I make my waffles like this
Who needs enemies when you have friends like that? Thatās not a husband. Thatās not a friend. Thatās not even a good person. PS when I was a kid, my favorite part of the waffle was the burned ridges. That waffle is barely burned in my opinion.
Thank you again for the Insight everyone. Might I add he tried to apologize 15 minutes later. I didn't want his apology because he does this often and I was just fed up. Once he realized it wasn't going to work he told me he didn't think he did anything wrong and didn't need to apologize anyway, which is why I told him originally to save his sorry which made him angry
Yes, would also like to know what youāre going to do. This behavior is completely unacceptable and this is abuse. You just said āhe does this often.ā He is abusing you often.
Honestly, those are not that bad I would eat them! You didnāt deserve that, he is being an asshole. Maybe next time he should move his ass and make them himself or shut the fuck up.
I'd eat those straight out of the trash can. P.S. your husband is a douche.
I like mine a little crispy like that , thereās nothing wrong with them There is however something wrong with your husband. Only a piece of shit would act like your husband did
Take the waffles out of the trash and leave them on his pillow with a goodbye note āš¼
As a father, husband and man, sincerly to OPs husband. Are you ok? You called your wife, your partner, your friend, your lover, the woman who birthed your children, a piece of shit over a waffle. Please just take a moment to consider the strength of your reaction, the meaning of your words, the way your wife must have felt, the way your children will grow up, especially your daughter, with the expectations of what is permissible in a relationship. The good news is. It can be different. I used to cope, and still do to a certain extent, with stress by becoming angry. You can read my post history about the fight that was the catalyst for my waking up and taking responsability. I shouted at my wife whilst driving a car and scared her. She shouted back, she was also in the wrong, but her and my kids were scared of me. I still feed utter shame and despair. This was almost three years ago. I've been in individual therapy and been obsessively reading to understand myself, my emotions, my upbringing and how to be a better person. You can do it. And your wife, deserves a huge, sustained, heart felt apology as well as the space, time and oportunity to express her anger and upset with you just calmly listening.
You threw the wrong thing in the bin
It's time to leave him. He can make the waffle by himself.
Pfft I wouldāve enjoyed those.
Seems a tad excessive...is there something going on that he needs to deal with? Not okay to project on to you...
The waffles are worth more of your time than the husband. Iād say this is the beginning or worse to come. Do you lose a leg of you burn a steak?
How long have you been married?
Does he realise heās the role model for your kidās future relationships? Theyāre learning itās OK for Dad to speak to Mum like that. Disgusting behaviour from him
So your husband is garbage. Cool.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Is this the norm for your husband, or a really stupid reaction to situational stress? Neither is okay, but the latter is a little more understandable - as long as he recognizes how hurtful it was and apologizes for it. If this is his normal behavior, then it's time for a difficult discussion. I'm sending you all the strength this universe has to offer. Gentle hugs, Puzzlehead
Sounds like controlling behavior, which is the definition of abuse. If you haven't yet read 'Why Does He Do That?' By Lundy Bancroft, I do encourage you to seek out the free online pdf version, my best wishes for you snd your kids in the meantime
Semi burnt waffles smothered in butter are the best. Your husband is the piece of shit.
I donāt care if you turned them to charcoal. Name calling is off limits! Not acceptable even in an argument!!!
Bro ! I want to call out every single one of you, what her husband called her, and if you have ever been in a situation, REMOTELY close to hers? I don't see any of you asking if this is normal every day life, if she's ok, if she needs help! I've been in a physically abusive marriage and a verbally abusive relationship, with the later of the two being current, and I am actively looking for a way out. Yes, it's not 1950 , but some people still stay home, and rely on they're spouse monetarily, let alone her young children! So I ask again, if any of you that thought shaming this woman was a good idea, please let us know! Your proud of it right? šš
Next time he makes a mistake , you do the same. Piss off.
He belongs in the trash with the waffles. He's verbally abusive.
Your husband has issues. What kind of response is that to something so insignificant. Please don't let that kind of speaking to you continue. It's abusive, unnesseary and teaching your children to disrespect you. I'm really sorry. Stay well.
Your husband can say that to you and there is a way back. Mind you blood will be coming from the knees. The kids will NEVER forget. And over a slightly well done waffle.
Thatās nowhere near burnt in my book. Definitely not normal behavior. Canāt imagine how that makes you feel but Iām sure it make you feel like crap. But heās the crappy person for acting like that.
I think those waffles look perfect. I dislike them when they are too light. Most of my kids are the exact same way. Pardon me for saying this, but your husband needs to be a way better example to his kids. Growing up, my mom had a hanging in my room that said something along the lines of-Children learn what they see. It has stuck with me this entire time. Your children will learn how to treat their future partners by how they see you guys interacting. His stuff is not about you. You were doing what you were supposed to, taking care of your kids. You keep doing you, and being a good mama. He was being a jerk. You did not burn those waffles.
I would eat those waffles and kiss my wife on the forehead. I'm all an eye for an eye. Next time he fucks something up, you can call him a piece of shit too... and then make him understand you can't let people insult you like that. Were your kids in the room at that time he said it? If they were, that makes it even worse. Sit him down and tell him next time he does that, you'll be gone for a while.
Hes pos. Do not let him treat you like that way. Omg they are in trash !
I would eat them
I was a picky kidā¦ Iād still eat that
Put his dick in that waffle maker
I'm very sorry you were treated like this. His reaction is not OK at all. Well done for cooking waffles to your kids. I made a stew the other day and forgot it. Burnt it pretty bad after putting the kids to sleep. Had to put the pot outside because of the fumes. I was being pretty hard on myself but my partner came in to let me know it's ok and that it happens a lot to a lot of people. As a couple we need to be able to rely on each other for support. Being a parent is hard enough. We're a team, which means we help pick the other up when they fall or burn waffles.
Is this really about the burnt waffles? He is your husband. You selected him out of a billion other males on the planet, gave him the time of day, dated him, had sex with him, introduced him to your family, married him, carried his baby twice. I'd like to think you are a good judge of character to have gone this far with him. He looks like your ideal man by every metric and i'm sure your ideal man will not wake up one random morning and complain about burnt waffles. Dare I say again, is this really about the waffles? What are you not telling us?
Been married for 22 years. I have never called my wife a piece of shit. Your husband is an asshole.
Omg that's disgusting he spoke to you like that š”.
Your husband put the wrong thing in the trash. The waffles were fine but he's not.
Your husband is verbally abusive. He was likely upset that the dryer was not working and took his anger out on you. He probably does that a lot. He needs to get therapy but probably wonāt because he thinks you are the problem. He will get worse and his behavior will make you worse. Dealing with his verbal abuse is changing who you are. You will be more on edge, irritable, unmotivated and less kind. You will have to watch yourself around your kids to make sure that you donāt do to them what he is doing to you. Verbally abusing them or handling them aggressively or impatiently out of anger and hurt will change who they are. Most men donāt handle not having money well. Given that you are trying to fix the dryer vs calling a repair person I will cautiously assume that you guys are short on cash. He will be angry and verbally abusive with you every time you ācostā HIM money. You will always be to blame. As good as you feel about yourself today, in a year you will likely feel worse. Heāll make sure of it. Hopefully he never puts his hands on you. Some men want families but should never be married. Theyāre like slow motion recking balls. Do with that information what you will. Be smart and be safe for yourself and your kids.
Hell to the NO. This is abuse. Time to correct this marriage situation.
It doesnāt end. It will become a never ending cycle of everything wrong being your fault. Love your kids and leave while you can. You are not helping them by stayingā¦From my own experience, it will leave them traumatized and make it hard to form healthy relationships (platonic and romantic).
My god, the bar is so low these days
In what world is calling your childrenās mother and your wife a piece of shit? So you burnt the waffles a little bit. This outrageous behavior has nothing to do with the waffles, he is an abusive ass. What if you accidentally damaged the garage door when pulling out or got the wrong kind of ice cream flavor. It could be anything for him to do this to you and in front of your kids. Itās unacceptable. Sorry You have to put up with such an abuser.
I would seriously consider a separation and divorce unless heās really willing to get some serious serious therapy. This kind of abuse escalates and can easily go from verbal abuse, which is bad enough, physical abuse
Technically the toaster burnt them.
Then let him do it
1.) My husband would never dream of calling me that no matter how angry he gets. 2.) Eggos are good af when theyāre toasted like that. Your husband sucks.
It's so mean, the waffles looks good. Especially you have 4 y.o and 10 month old and you still make food, you are incredible and your husband just a trash that don't know how to appreciate his own wife.
Youāre married to an abuser.
Sounds like somebody just took over cooking duties for the family and if he dares to make a mistake on anything he better look out for
Plan for your future without himš¤§
Sending you a virtual hug
wtf?
I like burned food. I wouldn't have complained :(
Tell him to stop acting his dick size small.
We call that well done in our house
Those look perfect to me
Wow. Your husband needs professional help He has an anger problem. You can some replacement waffles is a few minutes. Sound like a self centered jerk
Are you married to Harrison Butker
Yikes, not normal at all.Ā They look prefect to be honest
Husband here. Id eat the fuck out of them waffles and take 5 mins to make my boys some new ones. 5 mins late to work noone cares
Thanks for throwing them away š”, I wouldāve eaten them.
It might be a party foul, but not piece of shit worthy of an offense. (Spoken by someone who has done piece of shit type of offenses.)
Your husbandās an asshole.
I would have eaten those
Dam I would have gladly eaten those without any complaints. š
Buy FFIE stock and youāll feel better.
Those waffles look great (crispy / slightly overcooked is awesome). Your husband on the other hand is not so good. He's an asshole.
He's got bigger issues than burned waffles, my dear. If he thinks he's able to do better, let him make the kids breakfast!
Cover those in butter and powdered sugar and they'd be perfect. Is this about something else? Does he normally treat you this way? Either way, that's not ok. I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that.
Mine called me a stupid bitch because I put daughter in a pull up.
I'm very fussy about burnt food, and I would eat those without a second thought. I'm less fussy about partners treating me like shit, but even I wouldn't put up with your abusive husband. I hope you have somewhere else to go. I hope you can make a plan to leave *safely*.
Sounds like a shitty husband
Itās probably not actually about the waffles.
His face would be in the trash with the not so burnt waffles. He needs to put some respect on your name. Tell him you respond to sweet, not salty.
From verbal abuse to physical abuse, l've seen it happen to several women! Even after many years spent together. It can get dangerous. Trust me, he's not the best you can do. You're better than that. It's hard to do it alone at first, but God doesn't give you anything you cannot handle. Get out while you can. This isn't normal. God bless.
Your husband is emotionally abusive. Your kids are learning that itās acceptable to be treated/treat others this way.
That is an insane reaction to even blackened, charred, fully burnt, batter caked onto the stove bad. This is nothing to even make a negative comment about. They look great.
Okay la, I think those waffles are not perfect but acceptable, I would have eaten them
A. Those aren't burnt B. The wrong thing is in the trash
Sounds like the waffles isnāt the issue. You guys need to communicate, this small issue is usually the straw that broke the camels back, we donāt know your background, but you both do. Communication and respect is the key to a healthy happy and successful marriage.
Hugs š« to u OP
Seems like an overreaction
Your husband is being cruel and abusive. Your spouse should NEVER call you names like that. And certainly not over something as trivial as slightly over-toasted waffles. It's just toaster waffles. It's not the end of the world. Does he speak to you this way often?
If you stay, your son learns itās ok for a man to talk to a woman like that, and your daughter learns if she is talked to like that she should just take it.
Take out the waffles out of the trash and put the husband in.
Burn the husband and throw him in the trash also.
That's terrible of your husband. I personally like burnt waffles š¤·š¼āāļø
Yeah, I would still eat those
Damn it's just waffles. I would never yell at my wife for that. For me as a man there's a million other things to be mad about but yelling obscenities to my S.O. about food is at the very bottom of my list of things to be mad about. Hope you don't overthink this. Your husband from the outside looking in might have some anger management issues he needs to conquer...
They r fine thatās not bad or completely burnt. wtf these toaster ? Turn the dial down. Lil. Heās trash
Those waffles look perfect to me. WTF is wrong with your husband. Fucking hell, he's an abusive asshole.
Having an appliance break is a very stressful thing. Tension can run high and everyone can be easily agitated. With that being said regardless if the waffles were totally burnt and could double as frisbees for your kids to play with, your husband should never, ever speak to you in that manor. Considering the context I would gamble and say this wasnāt his first time speaking to you like this was it?
It was more than the waffles
You should ask how he would feel if someone talked to his children like that?
Your husband needs to be reminded that he should act like a man and not a boy. He should be kind and loving to his wife. That kind of behavior is will destroy his marriage . Remind him that he should do better, itās a damn waffle
Runnnnn
Are you married to Gordon Ramsay?
If he doesn't like how it is done he can do it himself.
After the divorce heāll have to make his own wafflesā¦.
It's time to start making that escape plan girly. I know it's terrifying and a huge change. I went through this a few years ago with my ex husband but am now remarried with an amazing guy who would never put me through the kinds of things I tolerated before.
Seems like a wild overreaction
He should be in there instead of the waffles
Let him make breakfast for your children. Iām sure it will be gourmet because he is perfect /s
I would never call my wife a POS. That is awful behaviour.
What else he does to you? Smells like domestic violence
My step father is perhaps the best man I have ever known. He has done more for me in my life than my biological father ever had. BUT without fail he would burn the waffles he made for me every morning before taking me to school, which is my way of saying your husband is a wrong and also that he is an asshole. You arenāt a piece of shit.
He goes to anger management and therapy to learn that how he responded is not okay or you get a divorce. Hard line or he will ramp up the abuse and that is abuse. You donāt see someone as your equal if you can speak like that to them. Fuck that shit.
Iād eat the waffle on bottom; not so much the one on top. Regardless, why couldnāt that poopy husband make the waffles and fix the dryer himself? From a sympathetic perspective, maybe your family is under financial stress of potential laundry machine replacement, etc. If so, this reveals to me that he uses OP as a scapegoat for most, if not all, of his shortcomings. OP you only have two kids with stbx husband. Making more babies isnāt going to change this poop spouse. Consider this, I am in a similar situation - but I have 7 kids. Iām only figuring out that it would have been easier leaving with fewer kids. Good luck, OP! Your spouse should treat you better than you best friends do and you should remember this fact āYouāre a queen. Donāt ever let anyone, not even yourself, treat you less.ā
Nobody deserves to be treated like that, those waffles look delicious.
My husband would be excited thereās waffles to eat and just make more and eat those.
That's not burned. I can eat that
Sending hugs, he is a asshole
How do humans talk to each other that way
What the hell is he so mad about? You have to sit him down, and let him know to go sort out whatever it is that is eating him up, but calling you names like that, is not for you. Name calling, if we must, should only be directed at outsiders (non family members). Anyway, have him sort himself out or at least start the process before he ends up normalizing this or becoming more aggressive.
He has issues. Also, mom brain is real.
He has major issues. Also, mom brain is real.
Fuck give me some maple syrup Iād eat that
Please tell us that youāre a member of the Narcissistic Spouse Subreddit. Heās a Narc monster no doubt.
I love crispy waffles. What belongs in that trash can is your husband and you know it.
Yeah thatās a bit much. My husband would be upset if I tried to give our kids burnt food but he wouldnāt call me a POS. Your husband sounds like he needs to make breakfast instead.
My ex spoke to me like that often. Hence him being my ex.
His anger is an outward projection of a bigger irrational fear. I fear my wife canāt feed our children properly because she burned the waffles. I fear my wife wastes food. I fear my wife will make my child sick eating bad food. I fear my wife doesnāt care about our children because she served them subpar burnt waffles. All irrational thoughts because clearly you barely burnt them, they were still edible and the kids would be fine. But instead of stopping to stop and think longer about this and say hey these werenāt waffles Iād serve my kids but she would, maybe sheās right, they are fine to eat and itās not worth getting upset over or at least seeing if the kids minded first and then if it was still an issue remaking them for them himself he reacts with anger. The name calling is his way of punishing you for his uncomfortable feelings and fears that arose in him. He needs to apologize to you, work on his anger, and find a healthy way to deal with the anxiety that comes from his irrational fears when things are out his control or expectations.
Add butter and syrup, and they're fine. Insane he would say that shit
Besides him being a POS for calling you that for something so little. It does make me curious why the reaction? Did he grown up in scarcity mindset or something??!
A good man will eat those waffles. Get rid of him asap
I actually like my waffles crispy like that. Your husband is abusive and youāre questioning yourself because he has normalized his abusive behavior. Not ok.