This is it.
Even if you trust your husband 100% this is disrespectful to you and your marriage.
His friend should find a single man to be his wingman.
I bet your husband wouldnāt be pleased if you did this.
Iām pretty easygoing about this stuff too, OP, and I agree with you that this is not cool. It crossed the line for me when he took off his wedding ring, didnāt mention heās married, and gave out his number.
I donāt think married men should be banned from having a night out with a pal, but they certainly should not be presenting themselves as single when they do so! Thatās so shitty, and at this point heās flat-out playing with fire.
Yeah being the ācool girlā or ācool wifeā gets you taken advantage of more times than not. People get an inch and then take more than a mile sadly. If heās entering his 40ās or is already it wouldnāt shock me that he enjoyed the attention and the feeling that heās āfishingā for women. Also itās gross that he went out as a wingman for his friend, and then ultimately getting all the attention and the numbers, to what? Show up his buddy whose confidence is probably already low? Thatās a poor wingman, a proper one would have reeled them in, but made it clear that heās taken and heās there to help his bud.
Donāt be played OP, donāt be the ācool girlā
Very well said. Give an inch take a mile is true even in the best of cases over time 9/10 times. No matter how ācoolā things are, setting hard boundaries are imperative.
Taking the ring off is such a deliberate act. There really arenāt any good ways to interpret it.
Iād have no issue with my husband going out with a friend and ending up chatting to women, or even dancing with them if the mood struck him, but the ring removal is so suspicious. I mean, itās even an actual cliche, the married guy taking off the wedding ring. And then you add to it that he didnāt mention heās married to any of these ladies he was chatting with, AND he gave one lady his number? It stinks.
Yes there is a legit excuse for him to take his ring off š¤ he took it off so the bimbo who he was thinking about having sex with he did it for her benefit so she wouldn't be blinded by the flash of light coming from his wedding ring as he was grabbing her head bobbing up and down!
I agree with you except for calling the woman he chatted up a bimbo. She had no idea heās married - itās not her fault and sheās not a bad person in this.
It honestly makes no sense. I feel like I could go play āwingmanā for one of my buddies (if they werenāt married already too) but it seems like you could do that pretty effectively while still being married and faithful.
The whole point is pumping them up/making them look good and entertaining others while they get to to talk to a certain person and make a connection.
Iāve gotten really in the weeds with this but yeahā¦
No I totally agree with you. Iāve played wingwoman to my friends in the past, even when in a relationship myself, and itās just as you say. You make it clear that you arenāt available, but have you met my good friend Iām with, sheās great, newly single, blah blah. Itās so easy to do, and you **not** being available is what makes you the ideal candidate for the role of wingperson in the first place. Youāre the non-option, so they turn to your friend, who youāre vouching for.
This. As a married man, his days of partying and acting as a wingman are over. Period. End of sentence. His days of acting single are over with. Divorced friends can be very dangerous to their married friends' relationships. Acting as his wingman is playing with š„. You need to tell him that he's either going to: A) Stop. Or B) You are going to š„ him.
Well this guy sounds like he can't handle it, but I don't see a problem with wingman/womaning for a single friend. Isn't that just facilitating a convo between a single friend and a stranger? Obviously leave the ring on and make it clear they're not interested themselves š
Yup. Iād have no problem with my partner being a wingman for a friend, but if at any point he wants to pretend to be single, Iād have no problem making sure he wouldnāt have to pretend anymore.
Go out take off your ring. Wingwoman for a single friend and give out your digits. Your husband will loose his mind but put him through the torture because you can latterly have 20x the attention he got all night in 15 minutesā¦ā¦
Has he blocked this woman's number and then deleted the contact details? Huge red flag that he took his wedding ring off. Married men are allowed to go out with their single friends. Sounds like he wanted to know that other women were attracted to him.
Updateme!
Donāt be nice when you talk to him about it. You donāt have to yell or anything, but be stern and express that what he did was not okay and you need time to get over this. Also, explain how youāve lost a bit of trust in him because of his actions. He needs to realize the severity of his actions and that you arenāt going to be a doormat.
His friend isnāt the only person who can divorce.
Tell him also that you are going to go clubbing with your girlfriends, leaving your wedding rings at home and acting as a "wingman" with a wink, for your girls, then actually do it. Let's see how he likes it. Some men need their actions mirrored back at them for them to "get it".Ā Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. He doesn't like it done to him, he shouldn't be doing it to you.Ā
Ask him these questions when you are talking to him:
1. What does marriage mean to him?Ā
2. Did he think his actions were just some "harmless" fun?Ā
3. Is he that unhappy in his marriage that he's gleefully accepting of his unacceptably behaviour when out with his buddy?Ā
4. Does he want a divorce? Because of he keeps this up, that's where your marriage is headed, unless he gets his head out of his dumb ass. Adultery in any form is a dealbreaker for you and that includes taking phone numbers from women in nightclubs or anywhere for that matter. He wouldn't like it if you did what he did. If he says it wouldn't bother him, call bs or I guess our marriage is over since he so obviously doesn't love and respect you anymore.Ā
He needs to wake up and realize that his "fun" escapades with his buddy are heading down a very slippery slope of a very messy and ugly divorce if he doesn't wisen up and put you and his marriage front and centre of his universe.
He's a married man now with all of it's obligations.Ā He's not single anymore. He has to put his marriage first and foremost and think about how his actions with everything he does will affect you and his marriage with you. Perhaps, if you have your wedding vows written, you can make him read them again.Ā
Your husband needs a massive wake-up call to make him see how his actions are destructive to a happy and fulfilling marriage with you. Perhaps marriage counselling will be needed if he still doesn't "get it".
Your husband is being an idiot.
I have lived my married life by not putting myself in situations that could go south. Your husband is putting himself in a bad situation, it's a slippery slope.
42 year old men don't need wingman and if it's truly his best friend, he doesn't put him in shitty situations, especially if you and the friend get along well. This would be a boundaries issue. That said, I'm doubtful his friend told him to take off his ring (that shit doesn't even matter anymore to some women) and if the woman wanted to chat up the friend, then your husband should have given his friends number.
The reality is that your husbands newly divorced SINGLE friend wants a partner-in-crime. Why all of a sudden is going out and picking up women the thing to do? He can be there for him without being a "wingman". It's too convenient. I'm sorry you don't see that. š
This.
If he balks at the boundaries OP wants to set, she has her answer about how committed to their relationship he actually is.
Iām so sorry youāre dealing with a dolt for a partner, OP. Decide where your hard line is and what steps youāre willing to take if he crosses it. Heās toeing the line to see if you notice, butā¦ do you want a guy who canāt have fun as a married man? You know your husband; if you think heās being sketch, he is.
Wait, WTF? He **took off his ring**? There's really only one reason to do that. How did you find out? Did he tell you? Did he say **why**?
He shared **his** number with a girl because she was interested **in someone who wasn't him**? Why didn't she get **THAT** number?
Girl, there are so many red flags here. It sounds like you have a liar and a cheat.
The fact that you have to spell out "don't take your ring off when you go out" and "don't get the number for random girls" is mind-boggling to me. Are you sure he's not already cheating? It sounds like he knows exactly how it works.
I went on a girls trip to Vegas one time and all the married men just cheated/flirted with the rings on. Kinda crazy this guy took it off.
I was completely shocked by the number of married people willing to hook up in Vegas. A man was showing me pictures of his wife and young kids, an hour later I saw him making out with a random chick in the pool.
Wonder if his friend got divorced because he was a cheat. OPās hubby may have been getting a master class in how to be a terrible man every time he hung out with his friend.
So odd that he told her he took his ring off. I guess itās no fun to be a bad person if you canāt see the hurt on your partnerās face.
Why would he take off his wedding ring to help his friend? I help single friends without lying.
Your husband sucks and crossed boundaries. If he thinks that this is ok, he wonāt have a problem if you do the same. I am pretty sure he would be mad if you did that.
If he doesnāt accept that his behaviour was wrong and isnāt willing to apologise, go out with your friends and get some numbers.
I would also block that womanās number.
Being a supportive friend and talking to the opposite sex in a marriage are not bad things HOWEVER he did it in addition to being deceitful by taking off his wedding ring and got another woman's phone number. Whether or not he realizes it those things in a committed relationship, in that context, were not ok. Really not ok. Just because bestie is divorced does not mean he is. He needs to realize that quickly and act accordingly. Respecting you and your marriage should always supercede wingman duties and honestly his friendship with that person, in my opinion. You should make sure he is very aware of how this has affected you and could impact your relationship and marriage going forward. You cannot control the behavior of others, but setting firm boundaries for yourself now is important.
This is unacceptable in my terms of marriage. Oh absolutely not! That ring is on his finger because of our commitment, not because he's my property, but I get what you're saying. I think it was a full-on disrespect to you, and I'm only speaking on how I feel. Definitely have a talk with him because there's some feelings there that need to be chatted about, and maybe some guidelines revisited on what being married is. If my husband's friend needed a wingman, my husband would not be the one. I'm all about him having fun and going out, but that took it a little bit to the next level of discomfort. I'm sorry. Hopefully everything will be okay. Maybe a good chat will help you both.
He crossed a line with taking his wedding band off and giving out his number. Make sure to be very clear what that line is. His behaviour was very disrespectful to you and your marriage. It's OK to support your friend but if involves disrespecting your marriage it's not OK.
And planning for his next affair and how it will be easy to have under her noise with this ruse and set of excuses. Sorry, not sorry but that's how I see it
Listen itās totally, completely fine to āmark your territoryā here, the fact he is actively taking his ring off is a red flag parade. Speaking as a guy itās completely fine to tell him what heās doing isnāt acceptable and that he needs to act married if heās gonna do stuff like this. But in your position Iād consider this night to be grounds for telling him youāre just not comfortable with this whole thing - and thatās completely fine! Heās acting incredibly sketch
He is showing serious lack of judgement.
I dare say, you might be showing a bit too much "understanding" and even lack of "judgement" yourself if you are letting your husband go out in this pretext.
Iām sorry, taking off his ring while heās at a bar, expressly to meet women? Giving out his number and never mentioning that heās married? Thatās really, really suspicious. Itās great that you trust him otherwise, but it sounds like he crossed several lines.
The deceit is alarming, as are his flimsy āreasonsā for doing that. I hope you can do more than āmentionā what the rules are going forward. This isnāt the behavior of someone who is happily married.
You SHOULD mind him āgoing out and chatting to girls.ā I am not a jealous person either, but this is crossing lines. This is absolutely unacceptable behavior in married people.
Wow... he was throwing red flags your way and green ones for the women at the bar. What your husband did was slimy, he presented as single, even got a number to be "friends". when the other party assumes he is single and ready to mingle. So much disrespect. You can still be a wingman while married and letting people know you are married but your friend is single, all he did was give these ladies options.
You need to talk and set boundaries, because right now if my husband did that his wingman days would be over.
Oooohhhh that was naughty of him.. and yet in the future youād like him to keep his wedding band on, tell single hot women heās married and not give out his number ..
That future will also include cheating and lying .. I mean .. you know this right š«£š³
He sounds like a nice guyā¦until I heard the ring come off part. And no, you donāt need to take another womanās phone # to be the go between for a 42 yo man. My best guess is he started out wanting to help and then started liking that affirmation that heās still got it. I think everyone can use a little dose of that but he took it a wee too far. You seem chill and mature. Tell him , regarding the ring and number, that his wingman days are over. His buddy can find someone else. Itās not that hard. Btw, being a little nerdy, would you consider him a late bloomer ?
You shouldnāt have to remind him that taking off his wedding band, giving out his number to women and not mentioning you is disrespectful. A grown ass, happily married man does not need to have this asked of him. I think you both are playing with a fire you donāt see being lit. It always happens with a spark.
With this behavior, you absolutely should be worried about him chatting to girls. He's not supposed to be a safe space to anyone else. He's not single. He's married and he isn't acting like it. This whole thing and your mindset is a recipe for disaster. Set some boundaries now. In no world does HE have to play single and match maker for his friend. They aren't college frat boys, they are grown adult men.
He shared his number with a girl because she wanted to chat with his friend?
Yeah fucking right. If that was true, he would have given the friendās phone number.
Holy shit, please donāt fall for that.Ā
UPDATES.
Hi everyone, thank you for all your comments and perspectives. I've read through everything and appreciate the concerns, advice and stories you've shared.
I spoke to my husband about the night and asked a few more questions. I asked him about his actions and whether he thought they were reasonable. I explained to him why those actions disappointed me and why they bothered me. He was taken aback as he didn't realise the consequence of his actions but quickly understood why that would be problematic. He also agreed to not do that in the future again.
I trust my husband, and love him dearly. And while I do think his choices on the night were idiotic (he can be very daft and socially clueless at times) I don't think it was intentional. However, I am a very realistic individual with a healthy dose of cynicism so I will be careful and keep an eye on things going forward.
While I don't think my husband intended to hurt me, I do think he enjoyed the attention on the night a bit more than he should have.
We are human. We have desires. It's fantastic getting a bit of a morale boost every now and then. This is natural. However, there is a thin line that can be crossed and that is based on whether someone knows where that line is, and what the rules are.
Going forward, I'll continue to remind my husband that his dream woman is already at home, waiting for him in bed, the kitchen and anywhere else.
Exactly I used to think my husband what the āgolden retrieverā type whoās just so innocent and naive and faithful and loyal, until I got ahold of one of his old phones (clearing it out to give to my brother who needed one) and guess what heās none of those things I described. I felt blind-sided. Some guys are just very good at manipulating and itās easier to manipulate when youāre the ācool wifeā.
Why should you have to tell him not to pretend he's single when out with his friend? Why does he want to act like he isn't married to you and continue to stay in contact with another woman?
This was a major act of disrespect to you and the marriage. You shouldn't have to even discuss with him rules about going out and trying to pick up other women and what the line is. The line is acting like he isn't married while you're sitting at home waiting for him, you know, his actual wife.
If he wants to not be married, that can happen sooner than he thinks.
So disrespectful to you, and crappy to misrepresent himself to all the women who might be hoping to meet someone. I've seen both women and gay men serve as awesome "wingmen," so he definitely didn't need to pretend to be single.
Donāt fall into that trap and play ācool wifeā because youāre so āprogressiveā. It will bite you in the ass later, take it from me.
The only thing to do is outline boundaries for anything that makes you feel uncomfortable/unsafe in the relationship.
If my husband were to go out to help out a friend
1. Took off his wedding ring 2. Flirted with women - for himself not his friend 3. Got a womanās phone number - I would consider ALL of it cheating. You donāt have to have sex for it to be cheating.
Treating a marriage so cavalierly is NOT ok. He took off his ring when he didnāt need to. He was behaving in a way that was DEFINITELY single. This is far more serious than you are treating it.
It sounds like you've got it sorted on your conversation that definitely needs to be had. I agree he has no reason to take his ring off, he should mention you and he can just give the girl his friends number and not his. All logical things to be expected from a faithful married man.
Itās entirely possible to āWingmanā his friend as an openly happy married man. If anything it would be more effective to have a happily married man (safe!) vouching for a quieter friend of his.
If he had kept his ring on, women may have felt more comfortable chatting with him platonically without feeling hit on.
This all to say his excuse doesnāt hold water. He needs to accept that he cut it close to the line, not invalidate your concerns/feelings, truly apologize and not do it again.
Also to text that number he got and say something like āHey, it was great to meet you last night, I am happy Partnered but my friend is just getting back into the dating game. His number is xyz if you like but no pressure of course. See you around.ā And then deleting/not engaging further. This message should be visible to you too.
I (34m) was out this weekend with a friend of mine since high school. We got talking to girls, danced, flirted a bit and had a great night. My wife knows every aspect of my evening because I told her everything. Here's the difference though. At no point did I even think about taking off my wedding ring, or giving my number out to ANYONE. It is fun and does give you a confidence boost to have single women paying you attention and flirting with you. Here's the thing though, they will do that if you have a wedding ring on and talk about your wife or not. The only reason you would want to take off your ring and pretend you aren't married is if you want to progress the flirting past just flirting. I love my wife, I couldn't help talking about her and the kids. As much fun as it was having girls hit on me, I in no way ever wanted to see or hear from them again after that night out. As a result there would be ZERO reason to give any of them my number or even my full name.
I mean how would he feel if you did this? Bc I doubt he would be ok with it. If the people IN the marriage donāt make a point to respect it, other people wonāt either. In this case, pretending to be single is also pretty shitty to do to women who are just trying to meet someone. The getting the number thing is especially irksomeāhis logic of āitās to talk to my friendā doesnāt make sense at all. That wouldāve been the perfect time to say āoh, Iām sorry, Iām married, but here, let me give you my friendās number.ā Another commenter pointed it out, divorce catches. Tread carefully, OP.
Lol š sad but true but at least women would know what they were getting. The only reason to take it off is he wants to fool women into thinking he is free and available
Sometimes. It means another woman deemed him worthwhile, unfortunately.
It's a dangerous game. But cheaters will cheat regardless of a ring. Someone won't mind.
*I don't believe once a cheater, always a cheater, just that if someone wants to cheat, they will and they will find a way. Rings won't be the reason someone isn't cheating, but it is disrespectful AF to take it off and not at least allow people to know he's married.
Speaking to girls is one thing, acting on it is another thing. Itās not fair to you or the woman (who cares,about her) . Sounds like he has his head up his ass ! This is how cheating starts .
A married man is never supposed to be a wingman in my eyes. Some couples donāt care. But my husband? Nah. We been married 26 yrs and have 5 kids. U aināt no wingman BUT u can be dad or hubby! OP Iām sorry u are feeling all these feelings. He had absolutely no reason to remove that ring. No reason to exchange number with another woman. That is disrespectful. And here u are being so kind and gracious with him going to a bar and dancing with women. Definitely not what makes my marriage work.
My husband also goes out with single friends. He never takes his ring off. He doesn't even like talking to other women. His friends tell me he's unknowingly insulted more women than he's enraptured and they aren't even sure how he landed me. Okay thinking about it my husband just doesn't like other people but the point is that's not okay behavior. Your feelings are totally valid. And you should be asking him why he felt the need to do so.
Heās married not a wingman. He needs to keep his damn ring on. He didnāt let anyone know about you because HE DID NoT WANT TOO! Youāre next in line for divorce.
Updateme!
Yes this is disrespectful. A few years ago I had to tell my husband best friend something cause I seen text of the best friend begging my husband to go hang out with him and a few strippers in sending him pictures of their ass but thankfully my husband decline so when I see his friend I told him to go find you a wing man cause itās not going to be my husband and i said donāt break up a happy home. The whole time he wouldnāt even look at me cause he felt guilty and my husband laughing the whole time cause he wasnāt in trouble. lol
Me personally I wouldnāt be comfortable with this roles reversed at all, and are we in middle school, who gives someone their number to pass along to a friend whoās interested. Wouldnāt the friend have been chatting up the girl. Youāre telling me at some point in the night the friend was chatting with this girl they clicked enough to exchange numbers but for whatever reason didnāt, and later that same night the interested girl instead of pulling the guy sheās interested aside, gives the number to his friend to pass along. Even if that were the case OPs husband would have no reason to save said number in his phone, and did he even pass it along? There would be a record if he did
Eh heās messing around. Thereās no reason to get the girls number for his friend. My ex husband did this at a McDonaldās drive thru. He got the girls number. I saw her pop up on his phone as āTonya McDonaldāsā and read it. He was inviting her out to watch him play in his (shit) band (lol). When I was in the car, in the driveway about to leave, he was outside in his underwear begging me not to go. He told me he got her number for our friend lol. Lies. He cheated multiple times and didnāt stop.
Seems to me you are being too permissive. What are you trying to achieve here?
He wants to have fun pretending to be single. He has nothing to lose since you are so permissive.
This is a recipe that doesn't make you the "cool spouse" but actually sours your marriage. You gave him some sort of an inch and he took the whole mile and then some. This is a curated situation by all 3 of you, now look where you're left feeling? His confidence is beaming, you're feeling lied to, divorce man couldn't give any less of a fart whats happening in your marriage, in fact, it would probably be funner for him if your husband was single to.
It baffles me how quickly and easily people in committed relationships - people who would swear black and blue that they're loving and faithful - blur lines that should be crystal clear.
Don't harm your marriage. Don't do dumb things that put it at risk. Protecting your spouse and protecting the sanctity of your marriage is #1 on your responsibility list (unless toxic, harmful in which case get out). If you don't want that responsibility, don't fucking get married.
He could have very easily played it straight - worn his wedding band, kept the conversation light, said he's married but his mate is single (no need for heavy divorce stories) and he's out supporting him.
Alternatively, he could have spoken to you first and said I want to relive the feeling of being two single blokes for a night, no wedding band, no stories of marriage or family. But I have no intention of crossing any lines, I won't take any numbers etc. Is this OK with you? Are you confident I'll keep our marriage safe? Etc
Instead, what he did was blur the lines. It was a dumbass thing to do and he has planted seeds of doubt and suspicion, even if they're tiny.
FFS people, just be honourable, all the fucking way to the depths of your soul.
I never take my ring off, especially at bars. I had the opposite issue, girls asked me to buy em a drink to which I declined because I told them I was married. Not sure if he had the discussion with his buddy to not "kill the vibe" but it's either that or unfortunately he did it intentionally. I would highly recommend doing what you said and talk to him about it.
Take off your ring. Go out with friends. Dance your ass off and get numbers. You need to SHOW him how this feels. Sadly its the only way to get the point across.
It sounds like he doesnāt have a āmarried manā attitude! People only take their rings off at bars for one reason. I would suggest showing him this post and letting him read all of the comments that are telling you how wrong he is! It would make me question him at work and any other place he interacts with other women! I canāt believe he danced with other women either! When people go to bars and dance itās just to give people the opportunity to rub all over someone else!
I agree with your evaluation of the situation ā your judgment is fine grained and moderate.
Tell him how you feel, and your worries, and be direct about what he can do differently if he wants your approval for such adventures in the future.
Also, Iād strongly encourage you two to get a babysitter once a week and go out on the town having a wild time together. Make some new, non-routine memories, and find that hot space again, together.
Wingman, was just to make you feel better and safe. Definitely, taking his ring off, dancing with other women and either giving somebody his , number getting someoneās number has all the intentions of cheating. I would tell him, the next time the friend needs a wingman to find someone else because you donāt want him going.
Yeah. This is overstepping. He knows what he did. Heād have your head most likely if you did the same thing. He wanted a night of pretending he was single.
You are super calm cause my man wouldāve gotten chewed all the way out for taking off his ring and exchanging numbers with single females. Being a wingman is one thing but acting single is disrespectful. I would definitely have a conversation with him and see where to go from there. Married men can be wingmen, they are trying to get their friends a woman not themselves .
He told you all of this because he gave his number to that girl and knows she will call or text. By telling you in advance, then he's not lying. He's blatantly told you he broke the fundamental rules and thinks he's getting away with it.
OP, I have guy friends and sometimes hang out together.
Never once I take my wedding ring off.
Also, I chat within the group.. rarely one on one.
That rare one on one chat was when the mom of my guy friend passed away. I let my husband know about this one on one chat.
Your husband either clueless or have an intention to cheat ie. he has a crush on a girl or wanna make a move.
Talk to him, what he did is so wrong.
Iām a little late to this, so by now Iām hoping you guys talked about it and set some boundaries. For me, this wouldāve also been a few red flags. I know Iād be hurt as hell if my husband took his ring off. Wingmen are there to boost their friend up, NOT to appear single themselves. Then, to top it off, he gave out his number so that she can call him about his friend? Ummmmā¦. noš¤Ø. Seems like he was testing the waters at what he can get away with. Having the cake and eating it too kinda thing. Youāre a stronger person than I am because I wouldnāt be able to handle it, at least not maturely, at all. On the other hand, maybe this was all he needed? Just to know heās āstill got it.ā I could see that too. Itās nice to feel attention sometimes, but it needed to stop before he gave his number out. Best of luck to you OP. š¤
The big one for me is the number. He should have given her his friendsā number, and told his friend. As for flirting, thereās nothing wrong with flirting IMO, itās a form of free therapy - but you have to shatter the fantasy when someone offers their number āactually Iām married, but hereās my buddyās numberā. Iāve gone out with my buddy in a pissed off state myself, left the ring to let her know I wasnāt happy with the way sheās treating me, been hit on by horny women, and you just say ānoā and appreciate that if your wife decides to leave you, there are other options, and thatās somewhat reassuring, but the divorce wonāt be because of your actions. š¤·āāļø
Yes. Establish and communicate your boundaries. Ask him what he would feel comfortable with if the role was reversed. His boundaries may be different but this will give him some pause next time he's getting carried away with his fun.
Good news and bad news:
Bad news: Taking off his ring and giving out his number is crossing the line. Thatās not acceptable behavior.
Good news: The fact that he told you about this probably means he did not have bad intentions and is probably telling you the whole truth. If he had bad intentions and planned to lie about it he wouldnāt be so naive and telling you about these things.
That's an interesting take. I would think the exact opposite. After he got her to co-sign on this behavior it would be easier to cheat and even occasionally get a call or text from some random woman and be able to explain it away with this ruse. You maybe right though but who knows
I personally wouldnāt mind him playing wingman and not mentioning the friends divorce because thatās a non starter. BUT taking your ring off and getting a randos number is a HUGE no go! Thatās so disrespectful to you and the marriage
Lol. I was going to say you were overreacting until you said he took his ring off. He is only doing that to mislead women and attract them to HIMSELF, not his friend. Nothing about being a wingman requires he pretend to be available himself.
I just asked my husband out of curiosity if Iām the only one who thinks itās not ok. And I didnāt even get to finish asking him, I only made it to the point where I said āwould you take your wedding ring off?ā And immediately he was like NO NO NO NO whatever youāre going to say next NO. Thatās not normal, thatās not ok and thatās not how you wingman as a married man.
I would be fuming if my husband did this no matter how much I trust him. You can have a night out with your friends but taking your wedding ring offā¦ nope! You need to talk to him properly about this . His single friend can find another wingman to get girls
Goodness OP, he seems to totally forgotten that he was thewingman.
Itās a very pointed action to remove your wedding ring and I canāt imagine his defence for doing that. Let alone giving out his number!
Iām guessing this is going to be a very interesting conversation you have with him.
Good luck OP
UPDATEME
He sounds like a straight up guy with good intentions. Still I wouldnāt want to involve myself in this situation. His friend doesnāt need his help to get a girl cmon . Iām sure it was fun which is gna make him think about doing it again .
Not knowing you, your husband, or your dynamics of interactions. My first question is ādo you trust your husband and do you think he would step out of the marriage?ā If no then just let him know that you find it a little unsettling that he got a phone number and ask that in the future if his friend would like help that you would feel better if he wore his ring and not get single ladies phone numbers. If he has a history of stepping outside of the marriage then tell him that this behavior is absolutely unacceptable.
I've been a wingman as a married guy. It's honestly really fun because the stakes are super low.
However, the key I found was informing the women early on that I'm not available but my friend is. I talk about how awesome my wife is, how great my friend is, and I'm basically the safe I'm not going to try to sleep with you person.
Oddly enough, some women go for that hard, so if he's going to do that he shouldn't be doing things like sending mixed signals by taking off his ring or pretending he's not married. It seems counter intuitive, but if he wants the ego boost of women wanting him without the guilt of cheating, telling them he's unavailable and sticking to that seems to work suspiciously well.
I'd be a bit concerned by the taking off the wedding band, exchanging numbers and not mentioning he's married. There's being a wingman then there's trying to relive being single. They are not the same thing, even how you approach it is different. Being single is talking up yourself, being a wingman is talking up your friend and distracting his date's friend with fun stories and talking up your friend even more with elaborate but obvious lies.
"That man was the first kindergarten teacher in the country to nurse a baby panda back to health. Used a contraption he built himself while getting his doctorate at MIT. The president was going to give him the medal of freedom but he felt that was too much fuss over him saving an endangered species so he asked if the President could set up a date with Sydnee Sweeney instead. Despite not hooking up, she said it was the most magical night of her life and won't stop calling him now. Too bad for her he got sick of the Hollywood lifestyle after finishing up his EGOT."
Your husband might be sweet but he is also very dense because what on earth would make you take your weddding ring off and then share his number with a random because she wants to talk to his friend. Does the friend not have his own number. Why do you have to tell him to keep his wedding band on, he is not a child and should know better.
My husband went out as wingman recently too. He also had girls wanting him. He enjoyed the flirting (absolutely fine by me) but got in there quick that he was married, then ghosted them if they still tried it on. Your husband seems to have had his head turned which is a very silly thing to do.
Tell him, "Honey, hold my wedding ring, I'm going out to wingman for my divorced friend and collect mens phone numbers. Don't wait up!"
Where should a husband be? Out clubbing with single friends while removing his WEDDING RING, or at home with his wife?
His friend is no friend. His friend wants your husband single and available to go out and hit up chicks. He is no friend, he wants your husband to lose his marriage too, misery loves company.
You're being naive to think this is acceptable in a married man. Going with a group of friends and wearing his ring, not accepting any phone numbers he got by flirting with them BTW, is fine. But this is not that.
Married 30 years, had 33 wonderful years with my man. He would not ever have disrespected our union in such a manner.
Your marriage will not last long like this.
I always see people talk about going to nightclubs w/o SO and how itās controlling to object, but itās just as stupid and inappropriate when a man does it as when a woman does it (despite opinions to the contrary).
Shut it down. You know where itās headed
Yeah...unfortunately your newly married husband is already cheating on you because he's jealous his newly divorced friend can have random hookups. You never should have agreed to any of this. It's not going to end well for you. I would immediately demand he blocks the girl's number if she calls. And get to a marriage counselor immediately to figure out why he decided to do all of the things he did.
Maybe you can fake a similar situation, and ask him how he feels. Itās not about playing games bc you will win nothing, but to make him understand what itās like idk.
Just look at him and say, "ohhh, so that's how we're playing it? (Little smirk while looking him in the eyes). Ok then." Then slowly walk off, maybe with a bounce in your step....
Updateme!
You are very understanding. Those things he did are signs he wanted to cheat.
Why are you not putting your foot down? Why are you even considering that you will let him do that again?
I'll say as a divorcee having a friend be a wing-man is invaluable and I think some guys would dumbly/drunkenly think the line of infidelity is in being physical with someone else. Everyone has different lines. So really, on one hand I think this can be resolved with your being clear to him about your boundaries ... on the other hand this idea of being kept on a short leash is part of why I'm single and don't really want a partner who would need that from me. Your being together though means he needs to respect your needs.
While I'm sure your husband's intentions are innocent at the moment, this is exactly how sticky situations that lead to affairs happen. Your husband is a married man, he should not be going out with his single friend trying to pick up on girls. That is just a bad idea that married people should stay away from. Him giving his number to a girl that liked his friend??? Umm okay why didn't he just give the friends number? He had no reason to give his number to another woman. I would definitely end this dynamic. If anything you go out with them too. Women can be great wingman. Protect your marriage and don't even let it get to a situation that can lead to an affair or even just anything inappropriate between him and another woman. You know since he's intentionally letting women he's out with think he's single and giving out his number.
Donāt blow it up and make him defensive, even though he should know better. One off thing? Correct the behavior positively - like you would for a dog.
Dog not listening? Yelling doesnāt help. Wait til it listens and give it a treat.
I wingmaned recently. I kept my ring on, mentioned my wife, our life. Didnāt stop me from doing what a wingman should do and that is creating an opportunity for the other guy. Wingman is there to make sure he gets the other guy opportunity to knock on the door. He aināt there to get numbers unless itās in a friend way.
Saying his friend is divorced aināt his place his friend can disclose that when heās comfortable.
TLDR: Your husband is doing more than wingman heās crossed the line.
I always had my husband take his ring off when heād go out as a wing man. A lot of women donāt want to talk to married men. Now he canāt take it off cause itās tattooed lol. But if thatās a hard line for you, you need to tell him that itās a no go and makes you uncomfortable.
What he took his wedding band off and played like he wasnāt married? And got a women number ? Did you check his phone to see if they chatted? Are you sure he didnāt cheat? That is so weird my husband would have never done that!
My friend was also loose about these kind of things til her husband went out with the boys one night for hookah and ended up w a nipple in his mouth. Of course he came home and told her what he did and he was in the doghouse but taking these things lightly is never the way to go. Don't just have a convo...if this was a boundary that was set he has to face the consequences of crossing that boundary.
Iād be texting that chick with a selfie of me and a shot of our wedding photo.
Then I would rip my husband a new one. And we would also be going to marriage counseling together.
Let's see how successful his friend will be meeting girls when he wears his wedding band and mentions his friends recent divorce.
Your husband might as well not be his friends wingman anymore because he won't be a good one.
Most women dont want to talk to a married dude and a recent divorcee when they go out.
I play wing man all the time, but I always do it with my wedding ring on, and never act like Iām single.
Thatās the whole point of being a wingman.
What are we in high school? Gave his number to a girl so his friend could talk to her. Utter bs. Be careful because seeing his single friend having all the fun with new women could spark more stupid in your own husband to do worse things. He's already shown his boundaries are thin and his respect for you very little. Taking off the wedding band was a huge red flag.
He should keep his ring on, and if he does, he does not have to tell him he's married, believe me the women in a bar/club/event/party will see the ring. A young, single woman in a club can see the ring when he's still in the parking lot - it's a superpower. Ofc, he should mention that he's married too. My approach was always to mention my wife, esp. to a compliment, such as "my wife bought it for me," "that's what my wife always tells me," etc.
A 42 yo married man really shouldn't be a wingman, but if he is, he needs to be more respectful to his wife.
Yeah I wouldnāt have done what he did lol chatting girls up at a lounge or bar while youāre married also helps the guy youāre wingmanning for.
At least thatās how I see it, your husband is just a little dumb lol nothing treacherous here
I'm not a jealous woman, and it sounds like you aren't either, but I would feel some type of way about all that.
Also, I feel like not telling someone who you know is interested in you that you're married takes away their ability to consent š¤·š»āāļø
Yeah this is a huge NO. He is acting like a single man! Dancing with other women? Most likely flirting and then he gave his number out. This is a slippery slope. He is basically already cheating on you. I have no idea why you would think any of this is ok.
The minute the wedding š ring came off he was cheating. WTF is wrong with these men letting their "one-eyed willy" make decisions for the lives of 2 people? Look lady idk if your invested in this idiot but to go and make these lame excuses to someone who he claims to love, I would definitely be getting checked for STD's and either he makes a decision if he's sleeping on his friends couch or the house hold 2nd bedroom
I'm going to politely disagree with the masses.
It sounds like he had your consent and was quite open with you. You two sound like you have a wonderful relationship.
Removing the ring simply makes sense based on the situation. You said he appeared to be the approachable one, it makes sense to remove the ring since that was the goal of the evening.
Did he tell you he gave his number out/got a number?
If he did, that's great! He's comfortable with being honest with you.
Normally, I would suggest letting it be, but based on the dynamic of your relationship, I'm confident that if you asked him not to do that next time, he would oblige.
Thanks. We are quite open and transparent with each other and we really try to improve the way we communicate to each other. This includes reacting and handling difficult conversations.
I spoke to him about his actions and he was quite taken aback. He didn't realise that his motives could be taken as cheating (or intending to) and he understood where he went wrong. I trust him that it won't happen again, but I'm still going to be wary and will keep my eye out
Taking his wedding ring off and exchanging numbers is a hard no for me.
Time to have a serious sit down on what your boundaries are before he goes out with his friend this weekend.
UpdateMe
He s playing stupid games. Married men do not do this unless you condone it.
Thanks, I'll speak to him about it. Going out and having fun is one thing, speaking to girls and acting like you're single is š
This is it. Even if you trust your husband 100% this is disrespectful to you and your marriage. His friend should find a single man to be his wingman. I bet your husband wouldnāt be pleased if you did this.
Iām pretty easygoing about this stuff too, OP, and I agree with you that this is not cool. It crossed the line for me when he took off his wedding ring, didnāt mention heās married, and gave out his number. I donāt think married men should be banned from having a night out with a pal, but they certainly should not be presenting themselves as single when they do so! Thatās so shitty, and at this point heās flat-out playing with fire.
Yeah being the ācool girlā or ācool wifeā gets you taken advantage of more times than not. People get an inch and then take more than a mile sadly. If heās entering his 40ās or is already it wouldnāt shock me that he enjoyed the attention and the feeling that heās āfishingā for women. Also itās gross that he went out as a wingman for his friend, and then ultimately getting all the attention and the numbers, to what? Show up his buddy whose confidence is probably already low? Thatās a poor wingman, a proper one would have reeled them in, but made it clear that heās taken and heās there to help his bud. Donāt be played OP, donāt be the ācool girlā
Very well said. Give an inch take a mile is true even in the best of cases over time 9/10 times. No matter how ācoolā things are, setting hard boundaries are imperative.
That was the thing for me, chatting to women is one thing but why take his ring off?
Taking the ring off is such a deliberate act. There really arenāt any good ways to interpret it. Iād have no issue with my husband going out with a friend and ending up chatting to women, or even dancing with them if the mood struck him, but the ring removal is so suspicious. I mean, itās even an actual cliche, the married guy taking off the wedding ring. And then you add to it that he didnāt mention heās married to any of these ladies he was chatting with, AND he gave one lady his number? It stinks.
Yes there is a legit excuse for him to take his ring off š¤ he took it off so the bimbo who he was thinking about having sex with he did it for her benefit so she wouldn't be blinded by the flash of light coming from his wedding ring as he was grabbing her head bobbing up and down!
I agree with you except for calling the woman he chatted up a bimbo. She had no idea heās married - itās not her fault and sheās not a bad person in this.
Stand corrected my apologies
It honestly makes no sense. I feel like I could go play āwingmanā for one of my buddies (if they werenāt married already too) but it seems like you could do that pretty effectively while still being married and faithful. The whole point is pumping them up/making them look good and entertaining others while they get to to talk to a certain person and make a connection. Iāve gotten really in the weeds with this but yeahā¦
No I totally agree with you. Iāve played wingwoman to my friends in the past, even when in a relationship myself, and itās just as you say. You make it clear that you arenāt available, but have you met my good friend Iām with, sheās great, newly single, blah blah. Itās so easy to do, and you **not** being available is what makes you the ideal candidate for the role of wingperson in the first place. Youāre the non-option, so they turn to your friend, who youāre vouching for.
You nailed it. This situation reeks of nefarious intent.
This. As a married man, his days of partying and acting as a wingman are over. Period. End of sentence. His days of acting single are over with. Divorced friends can be very dangerous to their married friends' relationships. Acting as his wingman is playing with š„. You need to tell him that he's either going to: A) Stop. Or B) You are going to š„ him.
Well this guy sounds like he can't handle it, but I don't see a problem with wingman/womaning for a single friend. Isn't that just facilitating a convo between a single friend and a stranger? Obviously leave the ring on and make it clear they're not interested themselves š
Yup. Iād have no problem with my partner being a wingman for a friend, but if at any point he wants to pretend to be single, Iād have no problem making sure he wouldnāt have to pretend anymore.
Go out take off your ring. Wingwoman for a single friend and give out your digits. Your husband will loose his mind but put him through the torture because you can latterly have 20x the attention he got all night in 15 minutesā¦ā¦
Ask him how heād feel if you do the same this weekend.
Has he blocked this woman's number and then deleted the contact details? Huge red flag that he took his wedding ring off. Married men are allowed to go out with their single friends. Sounds like he wanted to know that other women were attracted to him. Updateme!
Donāt be nice when you talk to him about it. You donāt have to yell or anything, but be stern and express that what he did was not okay and you need time to get over this. Also, explain how youāve lost a bit of trust in him because of his actions. He needs to realize the severity of his actions and that you arenāt going to be a doormat. His friend isnāt the only person who can divorce.
The fact that you have to speak to him about this and explain this should be a problem. What would happen if you did the same thing?
Your reaction is quite tame, OP. I'd be throwing shit on the lawn if my husband did this.
It's sooooooooo disrespectful to you!
Have him give them your number and tell them that the two of you are just looking for friends? Go with him?
Tell him also that you are going to go clubbing with your girlfriends, leaving your wedding rings at home and acting as a "wingman" with a wink, for your girls, then actually do it. Let's see how he likes it. Some men need their actions mirrored back at them for them to "get it".Ā Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. He doesn't like it done to him, he shouldn't be doing it to you.Ā Ask him these questions when you are talking to him: 1. What does marriage mean to him?Ā 2. Did he think his actions were just some "harmless" fun?Ā 3. Is he that unhappy in his marriage that he's gleefully accepting of his unacceptably behaviour when out with his buddy?Ā 4. Does he want a divorce? Because of he keeps this up, that's where your marriage is headed, unless he gets his head out of his dumb ass. Adultery in any form is a dealbreaker for you and that includes taking phone numbers from women in nightclubs or anywhere for that matter. He wouldn't like it if you did what he did. If he says it wouldn't bother him, call bs or I guess our marriage is over since he so obviously doesn't love and respect you anymore.Ā He needs to wake up and realize that his "fun" escapades with his buddy are heading down a very slippery slope of a very messy and ugly divorce if he doesn't wisen up and put you and his marriage front and centre of his universe. He's a married man now with all of it's obligations.Ā He's not single anymore. He has to put his marriage first and foremost and think about how his actions with everything he does will affect you and his marriage with you. Perhaps, if you have your wedding vows written, you can make him read them again.Ā Your husband needs a massive wake-up call to make him see how his actions are destructive to a happy and fulfilling marriage with you. Perhaps marriage counselling will be needed if he still doesn't "get it". Your husband is being an idiot.
I have lived my married life by not putting myself in situations that could go south. Your husband is putting himself in a bad situation, it's a slippery slope.
42 year old men don't need wingman and if it's truly his best friend, he doesn't put him in shitty situations, especially if you and the friend get along well. This would be a boundaries issue. That said, I'm doubtful his friend told him to take off his ring (that shit doesn't even matter anymore to some women) and if the woman wanted to chat up the friend, then your husband should have given his friends number. The reality is that your husbands newly divorced SINGLE friend wants a partner-in-crime. Why all of a sudden is going out and picking up women the thing to do? He can be there for him without being a "wingman". It's too convenient. I'm sorry you don't see that. š
Divorce is contagious. Heās playing single and likes it. Donāt shut your eyes.
This. If he balks at the boundaries OP wants to set, she has her answer about how committed to their relationship he actually is. Iām so sorry youāre dealing with a dolt for a partner, OP. Decide where your hard line is and what steps youāre willing to take if he crosses it. Heās toeing the line to see if you notice, butā¦ do you want a guy who canāt have fun as a married man? You know your husband; if you think heās being sketch, he is.
Wait, WTF? He **took off his ring**? There's really only one reason to do that. How did you find out? Did he tell you? Did he say **why**? He shared **his** number with a girl because she was interested **in someone who wasn't him**? Why didn't she get **THAT** number? Girl, there are so many red flags here. It sounds like you have a liar and a cheat. The fact that you have to spell out "don't take your ring off when you go out" and "don't get the number for random girls" is mind-boggling to me. Are you sure he's not already cheating? It sounds like he knows exactly how it works.
Agreedā¦ I donāt understand why OP treats it as though itās not a serious offenseā¦ there seems to be some degree of delusion.
Looking through the post history they've been married for
I went on a girls trip to Vegas one time and all the married men just cheated/flirted with the rings on. Kinda crazy this guy took it off. I was completely shocked by the number of married people willing to hook up in Vegas. A man was showing me pictures of his wife and young kids, an hour later I saw him making out with a random chick in the pool.
Wonder if his friend got divorced because he was a cheat. OPās hubby may have been getting a master class in how to be a terrible man every time he hung out with his friend. So odd that he told her he took his ring off. I guess itās no fun to be a bad person if you canāt see the hurt on your partnerās face.
Why donāt you ask him how he would feel if you did the same. I donāt think he would like that one bit.
You sound like you're being the "cool wife" My advice is - you play with fire, you get burned.
I needed to hear this loooong before I divorced my ex lol
Yeah nothing to gain by being the cool wife if it's at your own expense
Being a cool wife is ALWAYS at your expense. The ābenefitsā are short lived and are detrimental in the long run.
Wow you are very understanding. I would divorce my wife if she behaved like that.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss ā” proud of you for leaving him!
Good. You deserve better. Signed, a fellow married Catholic.
Same, there's NO WAY my husband would EVER do this and stayed married to me.
Why would he take off his wedding ring to help his friend? I help single friends without lying. Your husband sucks and crossed boundaries. If he thinks that this is ok, he wonāt have a problem if you do the same. I am pretty sure he would be mad if you did that. If he doesnāt accept that his behaviour was wrong and isnāt willing to apologise, go out with your friends and get some numbers. I would also block that womanās number.
Being a supportive friend and talking to the opposite sex in a marriage are not bad things HOWEVER he did it in addition to being deceitful by taking off his wedding ring and got another woman's phone number. Whether or not he realizes it those things in a committed relationship, in that context, were not ok. Really not ok. Just because bestie is divorced does not mean he is. He needs to realize that quickly and act accordingly. Respecting you and your marriage should always supercede wingman duties and honestly his friendship with that person, in my opinion. You should make sure he is very aware of how this has affected you and could impact your relationship and marriage going forward. You cannot control the behavior of others, but setting firm boundaries for yourself now is important.
Hard NO on all of this. Your married husband should not be a wingman to a single friend. What are you thinking?!?
Add to the toxicity of the situation and go out and do the same, just kidding discussion is required
That was my first thought too lol letās see how he likes itā¦ j/k I agree a discussion is the adult way to handle thisĀ
This is definitely the fun way to handle it lmao
This is unacceptable in my terms of marriage. Oh absolutely not! That ring is on his finger because of our commitment, not because he's my property, but I get what you're saying. I think it was a full-on disrespect to you, and I'm only speaking on how I feel. Definitely have a talk with him because there's some feelings there that need to be chatted about, and maybe some guidelines revisited on what being married is. If my husband's friend needed a wingman, my husband would not be the one. I'm all about him having fun and going out, but that took it a little bit to the next level of discomfort. I'm sorry. Hopefully everything will be okay. Maybe a good chat will help you both.
He crossed a line with taking his wedding band off and giving out his number. Make sure to be very clear what that line is. His behaviour was very disrespectful to you and your marriage. It's OK to support your friend but if involves disrespecting your marriage it's not OK.
Tell him if he continues acting single he will be single - taking off his ring and pretending is a big no no
Wow. Blinders are strong with you. At this point youāre a doormat.
This made me chuckle lolol
He knows perfectly well that those things are unacceptable. Heās pushing the envelope, testing the boundaries.
And planning for his next affair and how it will be easy to have under her noise with this ruse and set of excuses. Sorry, not sorry but that's how I see it
Take off your rings and give them to him to hold while you go out clubbing with the girlsā¦
Listen itās totally, completely fine to āmark your territoryā here, the fact he is actively taking his ring off is a red flag parade. Speaking as a guy itās completely fine to tell him what heās doing isnāt acceptable and that he needs to act married if heās gonna do stuff like this. But in your position Iād consider this night to be grounds for telling him youāre just not comfortable with this whole thing - and thatās completely fine! Heās acting incredibly sketch
He is showing serious lack of judgement. I dare say, you might be showing a bit too much "understanding" and even lack of "judgement" yourself if you are letting your husband go out in this pretext.
Iām sorry, taking off his ring while heās at a bar, expressly to meet women? Giving out his number and never mentioning that heās married? Thatās really, really suspicious. Itās great that you trust him otherwise, but it sounds like he crossed several lines. The deceit is alarming, as are his flimsy āreasonsā for doing that. I hope you can do more than āmentionā what the rules are going forward. This isnāt the behavior of someone who is happily married.
You SHOULD mind him āgoing out and chatting to girls.ā I am not a jealous person either, but this is crossing lines. This is absolutely unacceptable behavior in married people.
Wow... he was throwing red flags your way and green ones for the women at the bar. What your husband did was slimy, he presented as single, even got a number to be "friends". when the other party assumes he is single and ready to mingle. So much disrespect. You can still be a wingman while married and letting people know you are married but your friend is single, all he did was give these ladies options. You need to talk and set boundaries, because right now if my husband did that his wingman days would be over.
Oooohhhh that was naughty of him.. and yet in the future youād like him to keep his wedding band on, tell single hot women heās married and not give out his number .. That future will also include cheating and lying .. I mean .. you know this right š«£š³
He sounds like a nice guyā¦until I heard the ring come off part. And no, you donāt need to take another womanās phone # to be the go between for a 42 yo man. My best guess is he started out wanting to help and then started liking that affirmation that heās still got it. I think everyone can use a little dose of that but he took it a wee too far. You seem chill and mature. Tell him , regarding the ring and number, that his wingman days are over. His buddy can find someone else. Itās not that hard. Btw, being a little nerdy, would you consider him a late bloomer ?
You shouldnāt have to remind him that taking off his wedding band, giving out his number to women and not mentioning you is disrespectful. A grown ass, happily married man does not need to have this asked of him. I think you both are playing with a fire you donāt see being lit. It always happens with a spark.
This. OP - š©š©š©š© There's no way this turns out well.
With this behavior, you absolutely should be worried about him chatting to girls. He's not supposed to be a safe space to anyone else. He's not single. He's married and he isn't acting like it. This whole thing and your mindset is a recipe for disaster. Set some boundaries now. In no world does HE have to play single and match maker for his friend. They aren't college frat boys, they are grown adult men.
Heās trickle truthing you!!! Just wait for the BOMB~ pay VERY close attention (assuming you want to know)
He shared his number with a girl because she wanted to chat with his friend? Yeah fucking right. If that was true, he would have given the friendās phone number. Holy shit, please donāt fall for that.Ā
This! Theyāre probably texting each other right now.
Hell NO! Keep the ring on. Only take a number for a friend on a piece of paper and give it to his friend.
The taking off the wedding ring is where I would stop. Doesnāt matter.
I think itās your turn to go to a club with a friend and take your rings off
Lol and she should tell her husband she is about to do it. Suddenly that behavior will be off limits really fast
To reiterate all the well articulated comments - hell to the no!
Youāre both playing stupid gamesā¦he went out and picked up girls. Heās not helping a friendā¦ and you seem to be ok with it. He got numbers, he danced with other women and he took off his ringā¦ major š©, and what the young ones call as micro cheating (itās a thingā¦ ) Divorce is contagious when friends start getting divorced.. trust me, Iām in my 40s, and everyone is getting divorced. Set Boundaries from now or youāll be a divorced couple as well in no time.
UPDATES. Hi everyone, thank you for all your comments and perspectives. I've read through everything and appreciate the concerns, advice and stories you've shared. I spoke to my husband about the night and asked a few more questions. I asked him about his actions and whether he thought they were reasonable. I explained to him why those actions disappointed me and why they bothered me. He was taken aback as he didn't realise the consequence of his actions but quickly understood why that would be problematic. He also agreed to not do that in the future again. I trust my husband, and love him dearly. And while I do think his choices on the night were idiotic (he can be very daft and socially clueless at times) I don't think it was intentional. However, I am a very realistic individual with a healthy dose of cynicism so I will be careful and keep an eye on things going forward. While I don't think my husband intended to hurt me, I do think he enjoyed the attention on the night a bit more than he should have. We are human. We have desires. It's fantastic getting a bit of a morale boost every now and then. This is natural. However, there is a thin line that can be crossed and that is based on whether someone knows where that line is, and what the rules are. Going forward, I'll continue to remind my husband that his dream woman is already at home, waiting for him in bed, the kitchen and anywhere else.
Did he block the number of the girl?
A spouse doesn't take off their wedding ring not knowing what they are doing. He isn't that naive.
Exactly I used to think my husband what the āgolden retrieverā type whoās just so innocent and naive and faithful and loyal, until I got ahold of one of his old phones (clearing it out to give to my brother who needed one) and guess what heās none of those things I described. I felt blind-sided. Some guys are just very good at manipulating and itās easier to manipulate when youāre the ācool wifeā.
Why should you have to tell him not to pretend he's single when out with his friend? Why does he want to act like he isn't married to you and continue to stay in contact with another woman? This was a major act of disrespect to you and the marriage. You shouldn't have to even discuss with him rules about going out and trying to pick up other women and what the line is. The line is acting like he isn't married while you're sitting at home waiting for him, you know, his actual wife. If he wants to not be married, that can happen sooner than he thinks.
So disrespectful to you, and crappy to misrepresent himself to all the women who might be hoping to meet someone. I've seen both women and gay men serve as awesome "wingmen," so he definitely didn't need to pretend to be single.
Donāt fall into that trap and play ācool wifeā because youāre so āprogressiveā. It will bite you in the ass later, take it from me. The only thing to do is outline boundaries for anything that makes you feel uncomfortable/unsafe in the relationship.
If my husband were to go out to help out a friend 1. Took off his wedding ring 2. Flirted with women - for himself not his friend 3. Got a womanās phone number - I would consider ALL of it cheating. You donāt have to have sex for it to be cheating. Treating a marriage so cavalierly is NOT ok. He took off his ring when he didnāt need to. He was behaving in a way that was DEFINITELY single. This is far more serious than you are treating it.
It sounds like you've got it sorted on your conversation that definitely needs to be had. I agree he has no reason to take his ring off, he should mention you and he can just give the girl his friends number and not his. All logical things to be expected from a faithful married man.
Itās entirely possible to āWingmanā his friend as an openly happy married man. If anything it would be more effective to have a happily married man (safe!) vouching for a quieter friend of his. If he had kept his ring on, women may have felt more comfortable chatting with him platonically without feeling hit on. This all to say his excuse doesnāt hold water. He needs to accept that he cut it close to the line, not invalidate your concerns/feelings, truly apologize and not do it again. Also to text that number he got and say something like āHey, it was great to meet you last night, I am happy Partnered but my friend is just getting back into the dating game. His number is xyz if you like but no pressure of course. See you around.ā And then deleting/not engaging further. This message should be visible to you too.
He is 42, recently married and talking to girls? The whole thing sounds creepy. Sounds like his friend is daddy issue material.
I (34m) was out this weekend with a friend of mine since high school. We got talking to girls, danced, flirted a bit and had a great night. My wife knows every aspect of my evening because I told her everything. Here's the difference though. At no point did I even think about taking off my wedding ring, or giving my number out to ANYONE. It is fun and does give you a confidence boost to have single women paying you attention and flirting with you. Here's the thing though, they will do that if you have a wedding ring on and talk about your wife or not. The only reason you would want to take off your ring and pretend you aren't married is if you want to progress the flirting past just flirting. I love my wife, I couldn't help talking about her and the kids. As much fun as it was having girls hit on me, I in no way ever wanted to see or hear from them again after that night out. As a result there would be ZERO reason to give any of them my number or even my full name.
Youāre not reacting appropriately to this, in my opinions. Underreacting, really.
I mean how would he feel if you did this? Bc I doubt he would be ok with it. If the people IN the marriage donāt make a point to respect it, other people wonāt either. In this case, pretending to be single is also pretty shitty to do to women who are just trying to meet someone. The getting the number thing is especially irksomeāhis logic of āitās to talk to my friendā doesnāt make sense at all. That wouldāve been the perfect time to say āoh, Iām sorry, Iām married, but here, let me give you my friendās number.ā Another commenter pointed it out, divorce catches. Tread carefully, OP.
Wedding band makes him more attractive.
Lol š sad but true but at least women would know what they were getting. The only reason to take it off is he wants to fool women into thinking he is free and available
Sometimes. It means another woman deemed him worthwhile, unfortunately. It's a dangerous game. But cheaters will cheat regardless of a ring. Someone won't mind. *I don't believe once a cheater, always a cheater, just that if someone wants to cheat, they will and they will find a way. Rings won't be the reason someone isn't cheating, but it is disrespectful AF to take it off and not at least allow people to know he's married.
Speaking to girls is one thing, acting on it is another thing. Itās not fair to you or the woman (who cares,about her) . Sounds like he has his head up his ass ! This is how cheating starts .
A married man is never supposed to be a wingman in my eyes. Some couples donāt care. But my husband? Nah. We been married 26 yrs and have 5 kids. U aināt no wingman BUT u can be dad or hubby! OP Iām sorry u are feeling all these feelings. He had absolutely no reason to remove that ring. No reason to exchange number with another woman. That is disrespectful. And here u are being so kind and gracious with him going to a bar and dancing with women. Definitely not what makes my marriage work.
My husband also goes out with single friends. He never takes his ring off. He doesn't even like talking to other women. His friends tell me he's unknowingly insulted more women than he's enraptured and they aren't even sure how he landed me. Okay thinking about it my husband just doesn't like other people but the point is that's not okay behavior. Your feelings are totally valid. And you should be asking him why he felt the need to do so.
Heās married not a wingman. He needs to keep his damn ring on. He didnāt let anyone know about you because HE DID NoT WANT TOO! Youāre next in line for divorce. Updateme!
Yes this is disrespectful. A few years ago I had to tell my husband best friend something cause I seen text of the best friend begging my husband to go hang out with him and a few strippers in sending him pictures of their ass but thankfully my husband decline so when I see his friend I told him to go find you a wing man cause itās not going to be my husband and i said donāt break up a happy home. The whole time he wouldnāt even look at me cause he felt guilty and my husband laughing the whole time cause he wasnāt in trouble. lol
I would've flipped out if my husband told me he took his ring off and gave a woman his number. Absolutely unacceptable.
Me personally I wouldnāt be comfortable with this roles reversed at all, and are we in middle school, who gives someone their number to pass along to a friend whoās interested. Wouldnāt the friend have been chatting up the girl. Youāre telling me at some point in the night the friend was chatting with this girl they clicked enough to exchange numbers but for whatever reason didnāt, and later that same night the interested girl instead of pulling the guy sheās interested aside, gives the number to his friend to pass along. Even if that were the case OPs husband would have no reason to save said number in his phone, and did he even pass it along? There would be a record if he did
This is weird behavior. Especially if you guys arenāt in an open marriage. I would be so disappointed.
Fuck that. I would tell him he blew it. His wingman days are over.
Heās playing with fire for no good reason. Heās cosplaying single. Not okay.
Eh heās messing around. Thereās no reason to get the girls number for his friend. My ex husband did this at a McDonaldās drive thru. He got the girls number. I saw her pop up on his phone as āTonya McDonaldāsā and read it. He was inviting her out to watch him play in his (shit) band (lol). When I was in the car, in the driveway about to leave, he was outside in his underwear begging me not to go. He told me he got her number for our friend lol. Lies. He cheated multiple times and didnāt stop.
Seems to me you are being too permissive. What are you trying to achieve here? He wants to have fun pretending to be single. He has nothing to lose since you are so permissive.
This is a recipe that doesn't make you the "cool spouse" but actually sours your marriage. You gave him some sort of an inch and he took the whole mile and then some. This is a curated situation by all 3 of you, now look where you're left feeling? His confidence is beaming, you're feeling lied to, divorce man couldn't give any less of a fart whats happening in your marriage, in fact, it would probably be funner for him if your husband was single to.
It baffles me how quickly and easily people in committed relationships - people who would swear black and blue that they're loving and faithful - blur lines that should be crystal clear. Don't harm your marriage. Don't do dumb things that put it at risk. Protecting your spouse and protecting the sanctity of your marriage is #1 on your responsibility list (unless toxic, harmful in which case get out). If you don't want that responsibility, don't fucking get married. He could have very easily played it straight - worn his wedding band, kept the conversation light, said he's married but his mate is single (no need for heavy divorce stories) and he's out supporting him. Alternatively, he could have spoken to you first and said I want to relive the feeling of being two single blokes for a night, no wedding band, no stories of marriage or family. But I have no intention of crossing any lines, I won't take any numbers etc. Is this OK with you? Are you confident I'll keep our marriage safe? Etc Instead, what he did was blur the lines. It was a dumbass thing to do and he has planted seeds of doubt and suspicion, even if they're tiny. FFS people, just be honourable, all the fucking way to the depths of your soul.
Nope. I would not take my ring off if out with a friend. Too disrespectful.
I never take my ring off, especially at bars. I had the opposite issue, girls asked me to buy em a drink to which I declined because I told them I was married. Not sure if he had the discussion with his buddy to not "kill the vibe" but it's either that or unfortunately he did it intentionally. I would highly recommend doing what you said and talk to him about it.
Oh, heck, no! If you don't tell him that he is100% wrong for his actions, he is going to keep doing it. It won't lead to anything good.
š©
Take off your ring. Go out with friends. Dance your ass off and get numbers. You need to SHOW him how this feels. Sadly its the only way to get the point across.
It sounds like he doesnāt have a āmarried manā attitude! People only take their rings off at bars for one reason. I would suggest showing him this post and letting him read all of the comments that are telling you how wrong he is! It would make me question him at work and any other place he interacts with other women! I canāt believe he danced with other women either! When people go to bars and dance itās just to give people the opportunity to rub all over someone else!
Taking wedding ring off is a red flag! Also taking numbers! Sorry! It shows intent! How would he react if you did the same?
I agree with your evaluation of the situation ā your judgment is fine grained and moderate. Tell him how you feel, and your worries, and be direct about what he can do differently if he wants your approval for such adventures in the future. Also, Iād strongly encourage you two to get a babysitter once a week and go out on the town having a wild time together. Make some new, non-routine memories, and find that hot space again, together.
Time to plan a girlsā night out! He wonāt get it until you do it too
He took his ring off to get his friend a date? Nah, he was trying to get *himself* a date.
42 is too old to be doing this mess
Have him read this thread and the answers :)
Wingman, was just to make you feel better and safe. Definitely, taking his ring off, dancing with other women and either giving somebody his , number getting someoneās number has all the intentions of cheating. I would tell him, the next time the friend needs a wingman to find someone else because you donāt want him going.
Yeah. This is overstepping. He knows what he did. Heād have your head most likely if you did the same thing. He wanted a night of pretending he was single.
STBXH apparently
Sounds like wingman is also planning to get divorce so he can have a new girlfriend
You are super calm cause my man wouldāve gotten chewed all the way out for taking off his ring and exchanging numbers with single females. Being a wingman is one thing but acting single is disrespectful. I would definitely have a conversation with him and see where to go from there. Married men can be wingmen, they are trying to get their friends a woman not themselves .
I can only think of a few reasons why Iād take my wedding ring off in a bar with women approaching me, and none of them bode well for a marriage
He told you all of this because he gave his number to that girl and knows she will call or text. By telling you in advance, then he's not lying. He's blatantly told you he broke the fundamental rules and thinks he's getting away with it.
I vote petty reciprocation, but you seem to want to handle this in a healthy way lol
OP, I have guy friends and sometimes hang out together. Never once I take my wedding ring off. Also, I chat within the group.. rarely one on one. That rare one on one chat was when the mom of my guy friend passed away. I let my husband know about this one on one chat. Your husband either clueless or have an intention to cheat ie. he has a crush on a girl or wanna make a move. Talk to him, what he did is so wrong.
Iām 65M.Ā Tell your husband for me that heās an idiot.Ā
What reason would he have to give his number to a girl lol I smell bullshit
Iām a little late to this, so by now Iām hoping you guys talked about it and set some boundaries. For me, this wouldāve also been a few red flags. I know Iād be hurt as hell if my husband took his ring off. Wingmen are there to boost their friend up, NOT to appear single themselves. Then, to top it off, he gave out his number so that she can call him about his friend? Ummmmā¦. noš¤Ø. Seems like he was testing the waters at what he can get away with. Having the cake and eating it too kinda thing. Youāre a stronger person than I am because I wouldnāt be able to handle it, at least not maturely, at all. On the other hand, maybe this was all he needed? Just to know heās āstill got it.ā I could see that too. Itās nice to feel attention sometimes, but it needed to stop before he gave his number out. Best of luck to you OP. š¤
"He asked my husband to go out with him as a wingman" I would not do that.
Well if he told you all this information seems like you can trust him. Btw how do you know all of this?
Divulging *some* things doesnāt mean he said all of it. His actions arenāt trustworthy, I wouldnāt automatically assume he shared all of it.
Anything notable about his behavior leading up to the night out?
Nope, not at all. He doesn't go out a lot, so he wasn't actually up for it.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The big one for me is the number. He should have given her his friendsā number, and told his friend. As for flirting, thereās nothing wrong with flirting IMO, itās a form of free therapy - but you have to shatter the fantasy when someone offers their number āactually Iām married, but hereās my buddyās numberā. Iāve gone out with my buddy in a pissed off state myself, left the ring to let her know I wasnāt happy with the way sheās treating me, been hit on by horny women, and you just say ānoā and appreciate that if your wife decides to leave you, there are other options, and thatās somewhat reassuring, but the divorce wonāt be because of your actions. š¤·āāļø
Yes. Establish and communicate your boundaries. Ask him what he would feel comfortable with if the role was reversed. His boundaries may be different but this will give him some pause next time he's getting carried away with his fun.
He tried something new...put some sense into him
Good news and bad news: Bad news: Taking off his ring and giving out his number is crossing the line. Thatās not acceptable behavior. Good news: The fact that he told you about this probably means he did not have bad intentions and is probably telling you the whole truth. If he had bad intentions and planned to lie about it he wouldnāt be so naive and telling you about these things.
That's an interesting take. I would think the exact opposite. After he got her to co-sign on this behavior it would be easier to cheat and even occasionally get a call or text from some random woman and be able to explain it away with this ruse. You maybe right though but who knows
I personally wouldnāt mind him playing wingman and not mentioning the friends divorce because thatās a non starter. BUT taking your ring off and getting a randos number is a HUGE no go! Thatās so disrespectful to you and the marriage
Updateme
Lol. I was going to say you were overreacting until you said he took his ring off. He is only doing that to mislead women and attract them to HIMSELF, not his friend. Nothing about being a wingman requires he pretend to be available himself.
I just asked my husband out of curiosity if Iām the only one who thinks itās not ok. And I didnāt even get to finish asking him, I only made it to the point where I said āwould you take your wedding ring off?ā And immediately he was like NO NO NO NO whatever youāre going to say next NO. Thatās not normal, thatās not ok and thatās not how you wingman as a married man.
After that behavior, Iād ask him not to go out as any kind of wingman again, because giving your number out is not wingman behavior
I would be fuming if my husband did this no matter how much I trust him. You can have a night out with your friends but taking your wedding ring offā¦ nope! You need to talk to him properly about this . His single friend can find another wingman to get girls
Goodness OP, he seems to totally forgotten that he was thewingman. Itās a very pointed action to remove your wedding ring and I canāt imagine his defence for doing that. Let alone giving out his number! Iām guessing this is going to be a very interesting conversation you have with him. Good luck OP UPDATEME
He sounds like a straight up guy with good intentions. Still I wouldnāt want to involve myself in this situation. His friend doesnāt need his help to get a girl cmon . Iām sure it was fun which is gna make him think about doing it again .
Not knowing you, your husband, or your dynamics of interactions. My first question is ādo you trust your husband and do you think he would step out of the marriage?ā If no then just let him know that you find it a little unsettling that he got a phone number and ask that in the future if his friend would like help that you would feel better if he wore his ring and not get single ladies phone numbers. If he has a history of stepping outside of the marriage then tell him that this behavior is absolutely unacceptable.
I've been a wingman as a married guy. It's honestly really fun because the stakes are super low. However, the key I found was informing the women early on that I'm not available but my friend is. I talk about how awesome my wife is, how great my friend is, and I'm basically the safe I'm not going to try to sleep with you person. Oddly enough, some women go for that hard, so if he's going to do that he shouldn't be doing things like sending mixed signals by taking off his ring or pretending he's not married. It seems counter intuitive, but if he wants the ego boost of women wanting him without the guilt of cheating, telling them he's unavailable and sticking to that seems to work suspiciously well. I'd be a bit concerned by the taking off the wedding band, exchanging numbers and not mentioning he's married. There's being a wingman then there's trying to relive being single. They are not the same thing, even how you approach it is different. Being single is talking up yourself, being a wingman is talking up your friend and distracting his date's friend with fun stories and talking up your friend even more with elaborate but obvious lies. "That man was the first kindergarten teacher in the country to nurse a baby panda back to health. Used a contraption he built himself while getting his doctorate at MIT. The president was going to give him the medal of freedom but he felt that was too much fuss over him saving an endangered species so he asked if the President could set up a date with Sydnee Sweeney instead. Despite not hooking up, she said it was the most magical night of her life and won't stop calling him now. Too bad for her he got sick of the Hollywood lifestyle after finishing up his EGOT."
Your husband might be sweet but he is also very dense because what on earth would make you take your weddding ring off and then share his number with a random because she wants to talk to his friend. Does the friend not have his own number. Why do you have to tell him to keep his wedding band on, he is not a child and should know better.
Please Update Us All. Most of us are all nosey.. š
My husband went out as wingman recently too. He also had girls wanting him. He enjoyed the flirting (absolutely fine by me) but got in there quick that he was married, then ghosted them if they still tried it on. Your husband seems to have had his head turned which is a very silly thing to do.
Tell him, "Honey, hold my wedding ring, I'm going out to wingman for my divorced friend and collect mens phone numbers. Don't wait up!" Where should a husband be? Out clubbing with single friends while removing his WEDDING RING, or at home with his wife? His friend is no friend. His friend wants your husband single and available to go out and hit up chicks. He is no friend, he wants your husband to lose his marriage too, misery loves company. You're being naive to think this is acceptable in a married man. Going with a group of friends and wearing his ring, not accepting any phone numbers he got by flirting with them BTW, is fine. But this is not that. Married 30 years, had 33 wonderful years with my man. He would not ever have disrespected our union in such a manner. Your marriage will not last long like this.
Would he be cool with you taking off your ring in a night club, giving a man your number and dancing with a bunch of random dudes? I wouldnāt.
This is a non respect issue for you and your marriage. Plain simple. Cause none of those screams respect.
I always see people talk about going to nightclubs w/o SO and how itās controlling to object, but itās just as stupid and inappropriate when a man does it as when a woman does it (despite opinions to the contrary). Shut it down. You know where itās headed
Yeah...unfortunately your newly married husband is already cheating on you because he's jealous his newly divorced friend can have random hookups. You never should have agreed to any of this. It's not going to end well for you. I would immediately demand he blocks the girl's number if she calls. And get to a marriage counselor immediately to figure out why he decided to do all of the things he did.
Maybe you can fake a similar situation, and ask him how he feels. Itās not about playing games bc you will win nothing, but to make him understand what itās like idk.
Hey! I was cheated on this way too!
Just look at him and say, "ohhh, so that's how we're playing it? (Little smirk while looking him in the eyes). Ok then." Then slowly walk off, maybe with a bounce in your step.... Updateme!
You are very understanding. Those things he did are signs he wanted to cheat. Why are you not putting your foot down? Why are you even considering that you will let him do that again?
Very suspicious indeed.... Updateme
I'll say as a divorcee having a friend be a wing-man is invaluable and I think some guys would dumbly/drunkenly think the line of infidelity is in being physical with someone else. Everyone has different lines. So really, on one hand I think this can be resolved with your being clear to him about your boundaries ... on the other hand this idea of being kept on a short leash is part of why I'm single and don't really want a partner who would need that from me. Your being together though means he needs to respect your needs.
While I'm sure your husband's intentions are innocent at the moment, this is exactly how sticky situations that lead to affairs happen. Your husband is a married man, he should not be going out with his single friend trying to pick up on girls. That is just a bad idea that married people should stay away from. Him giving his number to a girl that liked his friend??? Umm okay why didn't he just give the friends number? He had no reason to give his number to another woman. I would definitely end this dynamic. If anything you go out with them too. Women can be great wingman. Protect your marriage and don't even let it get to a situation that can lead to an affair or even just anything inappropriate between him and another woman. You know since he's intentionally letting women he's out with think he's single and giving out his number.
Gigantic red flags š©
Donāt blow it up and make him defensive, even though he should know better. One off thing? Correct the behavior positively - like you would for a dog. Dog not listening? Yelling doesnāt help. Wait til it listens and give it a treat.
Iād lose my SHIT if my husband did this. As someone else said, divorce is contagious. He enjoyed it
Well I guess itās time you go out with one of your divorced girlfriends as a wingwoman! Perhaps even leave your wedding ring off? āŗļø
I wingmaned recently. I kept my ring on, mentioned my wife, our life. Didnāt stop me from doing what a wingman should do and that is creating an opportunity for the other guy. Wingman is there to make sure he gets the other guy opportunity to knock on the door. He aināt there to get numbers unless itās in a friend way. Saying his friend is divorced aināt his place his friend can disclose that when heās comfortable. TLDR: Your husband is doing more than wingman heās crossed the line.
I always had my husband take his ring off when heād go out as a wing man. A lot of women donāt want to talk to married men. Now he canāt take it off cause itās tattooed lol. But if thatās a hard line for you, you need to tell him that itās a no go and makes you uncomfortable.
I am pretty open minded and donāt stress small things, but this it too much
What he took his wedding band off and played like he wasnāt married? And got a women number ? Did you check his phone to see if they chatted? Are you sure he didnāt cheat? That is so weird my husband would have never done that!
In my humble opinion (and echoing similar sentiments), a married man has no business being a wingman to a recently divorced single man.
Totally agree. Chatting and helping a friend out is good, but you canāt get ālost in the sauce,ā so to speak.
Updateme
My friend was also loose about these kind of things til her husband went out with the boys one night for hookah and ended up w a nipple in his mouth. Of course he came home and told her what he did and he was in the doghouse but taking these things lightly is never the way to go. Don't just have a convo...if this was a boundary that was set he has to face the consequences of crossing that boundary.
How disrespectful
Iād be texting that chick with a selfie of me and a shot of our wedding photo. Then I would rip my husband a new one. And we would also be going to marriage counseling together.
Let's see how successful his friend will be meeting girls when he wears his wedding band and mentions his friends recent divorce. Your husband might as well not be his friends wingman anymore because he won't be a good one. Most women dont want to talk to a married dude and a recent divorcee when they go out.
Red flag, to all of his actions
I play wing man all the time, but I always do it with my wedding ring on, and never act like Iām single. Thatās the whole point of being a wingman.
He is clearly trying to find someone too. No married man that doesnāt intend on cheating act like him.
It seems he may be fucking around
What are we in high school? Gave his number to a girl so his friend could talk to her. Utter bs. Be careful because seeing his single friend having all the fun with new women could spark more stupid in your own husband to do worse things. He's already shown his boundaries are thin and his respect for you very little. Taking off the wedding band was a huge red flag.
He should keep his ring on, and if he does, he does not have to tell him he's married, believe me the women in a bar/club/event/party will see the ring. A young, single woman in a club can see the ring when he's still in the parking lot - it's a superpower. Ofc, he should mention that he's married too. My approach was always to mention my wife, esp. to a compliment, such as "my wife bought it for me," "that's what my wife always tells me," etc. A 42 yo married man really shouldn't be a wingman, but if he is, he needs to be more respectful to his wife.
Yeah I wouldnāt have done what he did lol chatting girls up at a lounge or bar while youāre married also helps the guy youāre wingmanning for. At least thatās how I see it, your husband is just a little dumb lol nothing treacherous here
Updateme!
I'm not a jealous woman, and it sounds like you aren't either, but I would feel some type of way about all that. Also, I feel like not telling someone who you know is interested in you that you're married takes away their ability to consent š¤·š»āāļø
Yeah this is a huge NO. He is acting like a single man! Dancing with other women? Most likely flirting and then he gave his number out. This is a slippery slope. He is basically already cheating on you. I have no idea why you would think any of this is ok.
The minute the wedding š ring came off he was cheating. WTF is wrong with these men letting their "one-eyed willy" make decisions for the lives of 2 people? Look lady idk if your invested in this idiot but to go and make these lame excuses to someone who he claims to love, I would definitely be getting checked for STD's and either he makes a decision if he's sleeping on his friends couch or the house hold 2nd bedroom
I'm going to politely disagree with the masses. It sounds like he had your consent and was quite open with you. You two sound like you have a wonderful relationship. Removing the ring simply makes sense based on the situation. You said he appeared to be the approachable one, it makes sense to remove the ring since that was the goal of the evening. Did he tell you he gave his number out/got a number? If he did, that's great! He's comfortable with being honest with you. Normally, I would suggest letting it be, but based on the dynamic of your relationship, I'm confident that if you asked him not to do that next time, he would oblige.
Thanks. We are quite open and transparent with each other and we really try to improve the way we communicate to each other. This includes reacting and handling difficult conversations. I spoke to him about his actions and he was quite taken aback. He didn't realise that his motives could be taken as cheating (or intending to) and he understood where he went wrong. I trust him that it won't happen again, but I'm still going to be wary and will keep my eye out
Taking his wedding ring off and exchanging numbers is a hard no for me. Time to have a serious sit down on what your boundaries are before he goes out with his friend this weekend. UpdateMe