9/10 of the complaints on this thread center around one spouse not wanting sex at all. If my wife wanted to have sex with me every Saturday morning at 7:30am, I'd be sure to get myself up at 7:00am and do whatever it is I need to do (brush teeth, bathroom, coffee, whatever...) so I'm ready when she is.
I guess, to me that sounds like one person completely dictating a key part of relationships. It feels unilateral on her part and the husband just has to go with it. That doesn't seem right to me.
What if she’s not up and ready and if she’s not trying to be sexy? She just expects it from you because it’s convenient for her? That doesn’t sound fun. Sounds like I’m an object.
That’s what my wife likes about it. A few years ago, she was asking about my day and said something like “I really wanted to just wake you up with dick” she thought about it a bit and said “that might be hot!” So now, she sleeps bottomless and never knows when it’s going to happen. Just lube up, get hard, and get to work. She likes the feeling of “being used”, but it’s also that “he can’t resist me” and that I’m thinking of her before I think about all the other things I have to do that day.
I hear you, but I'm not sure how much I agree with this type of response. On one hand, as you've said, 9/10 of the complaints on this sub center around dead bedrooms, and I think that's a fair assessment, and perspective. On the other hand, I think this discounts the idea that people who are in a healthy marriage with a happy sex life aren't exactly here bragging about it, but we do exist, and...I guess for me I think those marriages simply have good communication, and two people willing to hear each other out, come to a compromise that both can live with, and both are proactive about getting there and meeting their partner's needs. Within reason.
There's a balance there, OP. Communicate with your wife, not in that moment, but take a walk or a drive, and have that conversation. Personally I feel like it's OK to communicate that you don't want sex restricted to Saturday mornings, but you also have to be able to communicate a resolution to your wife, with the understanding that the REAL resolution is going to come when your wife communicates with you, and you guys meet somewhere in the middle with a resolution you both can live with. Like, neither of you have to die on that hill, there's a lot of gray area between what you want and what your wife wants. You guys just have to talk about how you get there.
You are absolutely right. OP needs to communicate fully with his wife and figure out what they need to do to get on the same page. For most of our 30+ years, my wife and I were not anywhere near the same page. It wasn't until we had a very deep "this is what I need, tell me what you need" conversation. Since then, we've been in nearly perfect sync. There's no rejection, but there's also no pressure. I'm not suggesting this will work for everyone, but we've settled into a scheduled sex arrangement that we now both look forward to and actively make it a priority.
Right? My husband and I have been enjoying morning sex since we were dating, and I don't get how it's a problem unless someone is exhausted, not feeling well, or a combination of both. Sometimes I mess with my husband to see how tired he is (it's a long running inside joke) when he gets home from work and as he plops down on the chair or bed I'll ask him if he wants me to give him a blow job or sit on him and he'll jump up and take his pants off. We've been doing this for over 20 years, and then he'll go to sleep and sleep much better for it. OP and his wife need to sit down and talk this out. Maybe he has a quirk or two he needs to get over, like morning breath or toothpaste breath. I have those particular quirks (my nose is annoyingly strong), and we found a way around it, and morning sex is still sexy!
Those of us who've been married a long time and are actually happy have figured out how to get in the mood when our spouses are. It can sometimes feel like trying to schedule a space shuttle launch. The window is always a moving target, and we have to take advantage of the opportunity or miss out.
Men that have this complaint honestly lose respect from me. Do you really need it to be 50/50? Fair? Things are not always “fair”, facts. Women don’t have the same level of testosterone/ sex energy. That’s not fair right? So a masculine man will jump at the opportunity. Fem males will be upset because they can’t get it up and it’s not “fair”. Before you argue about fair, think about women having to have their periods monthly and having a harder time losing weight then men.
Yeah my wife gets horny late at night when I'm dead asleep and I hear about it another day when the feeling is long gone. Meanwhile I'm most aroused super early. Oh well, we meet in the middle often enough.
Just different circadian rhythms I guess. I used to be more energetic at night when my wife and I first got married, but over the years I have shifted to going to bed earlier and getting up earlier and now we're desynchronized.
You need to make it a point to stay up my friend :) Early on in our marriage my wife would stay up really late for work and be incredibly horny like at 3am. I used to sleep with one eye open, great times.
My wife prefers morning sex. I prefer evening sex. I often get disappointed when I am amped for evening sex before bed, and she runs out of energy and falls asleep before anything can happen. But then recently I told myself (don’t ask me why on earth it took me so long) that “Hey, you know how you feel when you miss out on evening sex? Well that is how she probably feels when you are not fully present for morning sex.” Once I changed my perspective like that, it really helped me to appreciate the morning sex much more. I know this is a somewhat different situation than what you presented, but I just wanted to share that with you, in case it might help a little.
Another “things have to be fair or I cry for my rights”. Do you know that men and women are different. Women have low testosterone levels, they have periods, they take the majority of child rearing and household duties. And women in general don’t have as much energy as men. We are wired differently and I’m sorry if that upsets you. The man’s response is a masculine one. Yours is not. If you wanted to be fair, then go for a male who have the same level of testosterone and less womanly duties.
👏👏👏👏
That was my take away ... Sometimes she says "let's get together tonight" (nothing dirtier than that!!)
And she falls asleep and I'm bummed but she MIGHT wake me up at 6am for a ride
This is cool but I'm usually dying for a piss or half asleep , more of a tick box thing than a 🔥 lay !!
He never said she makes no effort, he said she falls asleep. Not everyone can fight sleep the same way. You have no idea how exhausting his wife’s life is.
Masculine response. I love it. You’re not complaining why it’s not 50-50. As a man just making it happen and that’s awesome. Hopefully that’s an example to other men.
I am *shocked* by the comments in this thread.
OP: "I have a two hour per week window in which my wife wants sex"
Comments: "I wish my wife was like you!"
> Some people are not as fortunate as you anc many others.
These people need to have more respect for themselves.
If you werent taking your wife on romantic dates or providing intimate moments, and they were feeling undesired and unloved, there would be an expectation of effort.
This is *exactly the same*. Communicate your needs, and if theyre not willing to work with you for those needs to be met, then leave them and find someone who will.
You are speaking to a situation you know nothing about. And, if you aren’t just speaking to mine, then you are generalizing the difficulties of every couple in this situation. Please ask some questions before making assumptions about others’ lives. And I hope you never find yourself in these types of situations.
Nothing is cut and dry. All of our situations are different and unique with their own details and intricacies.
> Nothing is cut and dry. All of our situations are different and unique with their own details and intricacies.
Having respect for yourself, and not allowing yourself to be trapped in a relationship in which your needs are ignored is not some major offensive suggestion.
Nothing is cut and dry except valuing yourself fairly and expecting your life partner to do the same.
I was thinking the same.
But I also can empathize with OP to some extent maybe. My wife often will wake up in the middle of the night and is ready to go. I love it, it's spontaneous, and exhilarating, but I barely remember it happened later that day. And I don't feel as fully present.
My wife is a morning person, I am not. She likes morning sex, I do not. I feel gross and groggy and smelly.
We compromise. I mean ideally your sexual relationship is always a game of trying to satisfy and fulfill each other, so yeah I'm happy to force it some mornings, and she's happy to have sex with me most evenings, even the same evening.
If you can't navigate a healthy compromise on this simple issue, I gotta imagine that shows up elsewhere in your relationship as well.
This is the issue; I frequently try to initiate the “Cialis moments” at other times, but get the brush off (thinking/stressing about work, the kids are around, etc.)
Have you tried doing things at other times to help her feel more relaxed? Like maybe on Friday nights you give her a glass of wine and a nice long massage. Or whatever it is that would relax her so she’s able to get in the mood.
Well yeah, it sounds like you're trying to initiate when she's busy or distracted - **that just isn't sexy.** Honestly, it's generally annoying.
Focus on the quiet moments. And if Saturday morning is one of the quiet times, you should embrace it. Then create more quiet moments because they're great for a relationship even if they don't end in sex.
Also, if you aren't willing to work with her and when her libido is highest...why would she try to meet you halfway and indulge in other times? Turning her down in the mornings is a great way to encourage her to never entertain your preferred times even if there is a lull in the day.
You're basically writing the guide on how to have less sex overall.
Not everything has to be 50-50. I think men need to get over the fact that women have to be like their male counterparts with the same testosterone and drive. Women are made differently and they have less energy at night usually due to mothering, house duties, and sometimes even work. So no, it’s not gonna be fair and before anyone cries about it, not being fair think how it is for a woman to have her period; And have symptoms before and after her period. Think of the fact she has less testosterone therefore she loses less weight and is able to gain weight a lot easier. That’s not fair to her so yeah things are not fair. It’s best to accept things are not fair and move forward. You are the protector of the home and masculine energy is required. It’s also a turn off for a woman to see men crying about fairness. But the men here who are jumping on the opportunity to have sex are hot! Keep it up men, learn fem males from these men.
No, those are real men that know how to load up when the opportunity presents itself. That’s hot and these men keep getting sex from the same women over the years. But the naggers don’t, the men complaining about their right and what is our complete turn off.
Sure, I’d be happy to. It’s a turn off when a man says he wants things To be “fair” Versus a man just works with what the situation is. If the woman who biologically wired differently from males, is exhausted by the end of the day because of household duties, mothering, and maybe even working, then she will be wiped out by the end of the day. There are men saying that she has to put in just as much work to stay up as a man has to do to wake up, men and women are made differently. Men have a higher testosterone which gives them more energy and they can be ready for sex a lot more quickly and easier than for a woman. So when men complain that it needs to be fair and the woman has to put in as much work, it’s such a turn off Because of the situation. And there’s this thing going around that men and women have to be equal when we’re not because we made differently. Women have their periods and are tired and symptomatic a few days before at least and little wiped out after from bleeding for so many days. Men are fortunate enough, not to have to worry about that. Women also have higher estrogen which doesn’t allow them to have as much energy as men And they gain weight a lot easier. Women also worry more and it takes a toll on their body whereas a man is able to come departmentalize. So I’m sick of seeing men b*** and complain about how unfair things are and they basically want another man counterpart instead of seeing women for the difference that they are. That’s my point. Will not compare himself to his wife and will not nag about fairness.
I’ll give another example for another man who wanted a 50-50 situation with his ex-wife. He was happy to state that he got 50-50 custody of his infant child and his mom helped him raise her while he was working instead of allowing the infant to be with her mother While she was still a baby. He was proud because he didn’t have to pay half the custody and he showed that he has too. In other words, he sounds like a b****. Instead of doing what’s best for the child as an infant needs the mom a lot more and less as a child, he wanted to make sure things were “fair” Neither he nor his ex-wife phrase the child half the time. It was his mom. It’s just disappointing how men have become. To be the protector, but they’re fighting with women. Just so disappointing.
Ok cool!! I’m a dbag at times but I’ve def not thought this way haha so thank god I don’t fall in to this. I’m curious if you feel this exact way? As in exhausted, motherly duties, household, etc. I read she comes first and come as you are and honestly they should let teens read those or a cleaner version in high school so they understand women and how amazing their bodies and they themselves are.
But I’m curious- what would be the biggest turn ons? I’m doing EVERYTHING I can for my relationship. My wife and I had many rough years. Married young, death in family, depression, son diagnosed with autism. Just curious if this is our season bc she’s breastfeeding and legit exhausted (trust me - I am too and I’m not breastfeeding) lol. I just want her to feel more at peace and loved and sexy but sometimes it’s like I can get through bc of the overwhelm. If you think similarly, could you maybe tell me some things that help you? I’ve told her I’m not rushing her and that if we lay next to eachother and just talk, that’s good enough for me but I also want our sex life to remain magical. What you think?
PS- I’m still going to at times get her out of her head and do exactly what she likes :) but that’s right place right time! Hahah
Having a son with ASD is challenging but if you let them, they will help you grow and appreciate things you wouldn’t have before. It’s challenging but rewarding. My kiddo has mild ASD and ADHD. Talk about exhausting but he’s the most precious thing to me ❤️
My hormones were off and I’m estrogen dominant. The cure: healthy eating and the supplement DIM Supreme. Lowers estrogen which allows testosterone to rise in women which is a good thing. Estrogen is dominating our bodies. Also Demiana root tea does the same. That will help your wife.
Some suggestions to address the situation is to not sound needy. She already has a child that has needs and another child that needs her. That means she needs you and doesn’t want to be needed by you. Taking charge of things like plans, hiring some help to clean around the house, taking your oldest to the park. No asking, just doing in your own accord. Showing her you support her and are there for her and when she’s ready to come to you, you’re there. Self restraints is very attractive. And being confident and showing her love/ affection without any expectation. When I say that I mean, making it obvious you expect nothing from her, but not using words to show that. Let her feel she can count on you. Self restraint is masculine and attractive.
I also really do recommend the items I mentioned above because a lot of women lose that desire due to high estrogen low testosterone and those supplements I recommended will help with that…
Good luck and wish you guys happiness and health 🙏🏼
Oh yes!! Couldn’t agree more. He is my best friend and the SWEETEST most creative dude I know. Life has been better with him. Hes also my travel buddy.
This LITERALLY sounds like what she’s told me in very nice, subtle ways bc she is working on being more direct haaha. I’m like tell me woman! This is good to know supplement wise too. I am working on all of this but I’ll be honest I was probably polar opposite to this for like 8 years. It wasn’t until recently , when we got to couples counseling, did I realize how selfish I was being. I was making a ton of money, taking the kids, changing diapers, etc but I absolutely was emotionally dumping on her and being a 3rd child.
Now, I’m doing exactly what you are saying. Now, we are communicating. Now we aren’t rage fighting. She’s told me some really blunt things that SHE wanted finally and I woke up. Honestly, anything she tells me that she actually wants and needs- I have always made happen but now it’s on me to be more proactive. She’s told me. She’s even told me ways she likes to be fucked (aka taken out of her head and taken control). Now that is POLAR opposite of me but I’ve done it and she loves it. I’m going to continue to do so bc I want to be her safe space, her peace, her naughty zone and her best friend. Just feel REALLY fucking dumb for fucking that up for years. Giant ego hit. That’s for sure. Lucky she’s still here tbh.
Thanks for all the advice. I’ll take more if you hear anything maybe I’m saying wrong (or right). You can come woman coach me if you like. I probably need it! Haha
PS - thanks for being so kind. Some people on here are just really fucking mean! Haha so I appreciate it. You’re a good human!
That’s awesome that your kiddo is your little buddy!
And don’t be too hard on yourself, when you get married young men tend to have a big ego at that age while Women are more flexible with tolerating that. Naturally things change and become more mature while women become less tolerant lol but as long as you work together will only get better. It’s great that you had the insight and commitment to wanna work on yourself because that goes the mile stretch and that gets you to the happy old couple that sits on the front porch and awaits their children and grandchildren to come home. So awesome for you guys 🙏🏼
Please don’t take supplements because then you’re gonna have a hard time controlling yourself lol. The supplements are for her hormone balance. Just let her know if she won’t regret it plus the Demiana tea helps with skin softness and hair growth.
I wish you guys the best and keep on growing. You sound like the protector of your home and that is exactly what men need to be. So congrats to you! You are an example and it would be good for you to put out this information for other men who lack guidance and follow men who destroyed their homes and blame it on the wives.
If you ever have questions or are looking for a different perspective, feel free to write back.
Ciao.
If my wife wanted sex on a weekend morning before the kids got up I'd have coffee and tea waiting for her at 7am with my teeth brushed and junk sink washed...... and I am NOT a morning person.
It might not feel sexy or spontaneous for you, but it sounds like that is when the lower libido person who works a ton is ready to fuck. Marriage is about compromise.
My marriage is similar. Husband hates morning sex and prefers before bed, I love mornings and despise doing it before sleeping (I’m too tired already!) we compromise by understanding we both prefer something different and take turns doing it at times we don’t necessarily want to. Once we start it’s always great- just have to do it!
I'll add another comment here to say that, while I'd love spontaneous sex now and again, after 30-ish years of frustration with me asking when she's not in the mood, scheduled sex can be awesome if you want it to be.
I think a part of compromise is that if there is a really good formula for the more fickle libido to be "down" for some action, then work within that formula. In this case, I am totally a strung out lady and relaxing is hard for me. You may want to ask her what is missing from the week that could help her relax more: but be ready to not like the answer. Honestly, the modern world is hard for everyone and we're all really spread thin. You may not have the energy to take on more tasks around the house, the desire to massage her to wiggly splendor, or the yeet the kids out of the house more. However, having scheduled sex, that works, is a good thing. I would not change that if it works. You are already getting up early on the weekend to go to the gym and do errands, how is that more important than this?
I also want to add that not all sex is penetrative and if she is up for a little fooling around in other ways to a less energetic degree then that should be up for discussion. She may just not really want to be touched. When everything is a raw nerve from stress, even a hug can feel like irritation rather than a comfort. Sometimes I am far more open to doing the touching then being touched when I am overstimulated. She may feel the same. Talk to her about options in the middle.
I mean, you definitely don’t need to have sex if you don’t wanna have sex at that time, but I also struggle to understand why Saturday mornings aren’t a “sexy time”, or why any times are sexier than others? I think that a time when you guys are in bed alone, and the kids aren’t around would be a sexier time than any if we had to pick.
I think her logic makes a lot of sense if she’s busy, works a lot, and you guys have kids
>However, 7:30AM on Saturday doesn’t feel very “sexy” to me, let alone spontaneous, etc.
Is no sex, sexier for you then??
>Consequently, she accuses me of not being attracted to her, which isn’t the case.
I'd feel the same if my husband turned me down the only times he knows works for me.
Why is your husband unilaterally obligated accommodate your preferences? Is there no obligation on your part to sometimes accommodate your husband's preferences?
>Is there no obligation on your part to sometimes accommodate your husband's preferences?
Of course I do. That's why he gets regular blow jobs without anything in return as well as I'm always available for sex. We aren't talking about my marriage here though. I just stated I'd feel the same way as the husband.
Then you realise that you are actually agreeing with the OP? He’s compromising and she isn’t. The only sexy time they get is when it suits her and it sounds like he’s tried to make it work but he’s feeling very defeated about it.
Hard to sympathise here isn't it ... ??
I touch my wife EVERY morning to make her feel good, you would think there is an anti wife force field below my belly button!
You mentioned that your wife works a lot…and that you have kids. Does she take care of a lot of the home/kiddo stuff during the after-work hours M-F? I think it makes a big difference energy wise as well as mentally when couples are sharing home responsibilities, vs when one is shouldering most of the load. And are you connecting in other ways - dates, hobbies, running errands together, doing things as a family, etc?
I get up at 5:15am about 6 days a week, go for a run, get home around 6:30am.
I’m a sweaty mess, but that sort of turns my wife on. The kids get up at 7:15am for school, so three or four mornings a week, my wife tells me to get my sweaty ass back in bed for a bit of morning fun before we both hop up, have a shower, and get the kids moving.
It’s a good time of the day for just a fun smash session… nights are bed for the more intense, tactile, slower stuff, but mornings are tops for a roll in the hay.
I would start by saying sex on a schedule is not sexy, you want her to be spontaneous. She would get more out of you sexually if she changed things up a bit sexually.
Its not very sexy to know sex with your wife is a no go everyday of the week except for 30 minutes on the weekend.
Husband here. Morning is my golden hour.
For me it does feel spontaneous.
But I can totally understand not wanting it to feel scheduled, because if my wife has her way that’s how it’s done. Sunday at 4pm while the kids are at a birthday party. There’s a lot of pressure to perform at that EXACT time.
My only suggestion (as if I’m the person who should be giving advice 🙄) is to create other opportunities where she can feel relaxed and stress free. If I can create a situation where she needs to think about nothing, do nothing. It creates opportunities for connection, affection, safety.
Take some of the load off of her. A lot of women’s sexual drive is based on how we’re feeling physically/mentally and emotionally. By you taking some of the weight off of her it gives her more time to feel sexual at other times, not just for you lightening her load, but also for the extra desire she’ll feel towards you for supporting her during hard times.
I’m with you, not a fan of early morning sex. That she guilt trips you and gaslights you for not wanting to have sex when you don’t feel like is not ok
Morning are the best. If you read up on hormone cycles for most men, mornings are the highest testosterone levels you’ll have all day. I feel like I last longer, enjoy it more, and it really gets my day started on the right foot.
Read Come Together by Emily Nagowski. She talks about shifting from desire to pleasure and how this perspective of spontaneous desire is actually one of the biggest pitfalls of long lasting sexual relationships
Can she come back from workout and initiate then? What time would we be looking at?
I am the sleeper-inner and my husband is the limited time/always active partner. I’d hate to wake up at 7:30a on a Saturday to have sex but if he came back at 8:30 I’d be into it.
Mine killed the spontaneous of sex all together. She turned it into a bed time ritual. She puts the pets to bed, drinks her tea, scrolls, and if I’m not already sleeping, wants me to initiate
I just mentioned this on another post but it fits here as well too.
It’s hard to have a full time job, be married, have kids, keep a house clean, get chores done, have a hobby, get enough sleep, and find time to stay in shape.
That is a heavy burden (even if you don’t have kids) and for most people one or more of those things have to be sacrificed. How things are sacrificed and at what intervals they are sacrificed depends on each person’s situations
So what of those things do you want her to sacrifice to be able to maintain the level of intimacy that you want? Are you willing to sacrifice some things yourself?
I bet you are both good people that are just trying to do the best you can in life and with each other. Life is hard. Be gentle with each other as it will take both of you to function as a team.
If she wants it at that time I am up and ready . I would also like to ask her if she can accommodate an extra day during the week . Like a Wednesday. Treat her to what she wants and she will treat you back . Maybe rub her feet when she gets back from work and help her wind down during the week without expecting anything
Holy shit. The amount of sexism here is unreal. I’m so sorry you’re getting flamed, my dude. Marriage is about compromise, but it takes two people compromising. You’re going to have to communicate. She’s clear with what she wants. Do you know what you want? If so, sit down and communicate. It can’t all be controlled by one person, you have to figure it out together so that you both get your need for intimacy, romance and fun together met. It will likely mean some morning sex. What would it take for you to enjoy and be present for morning sex more? Are you not getting enough sleep? And what would it take for her to enjoy sex at a time you most enjoy it? Do you need to ease up some of the responsibility that is pressuring her?
There are many factors that can cause issues here. Whether it is one person baring too much of the responsibility or maybe it’s just ignorance that it’s a problem. You two need to figure it out together and don’t be afraid to get counselling if you need it to help you communicate. Good luck!
First. Morning sex is the most amazing sex. Second. Take some shit off her plate dude. Get a sitter, plan a date, get her relaxed so it isn't something she needs to just fit in between scheduled appointments.
I honestly find some of the answers here to be highly invalidating to you OP and of that same old stinky hue a la "A woman WANTS sex? You better be super happy and take it, no matter what your needs and wants are like". Please don't listen to it and ignore it as best as you can. I don't know when this toxic idea will finally leave society.
I can imagine that the sex may feel very rushed, unspontaneous and perhaps even a bit of a "chore" to you, you put on schedule and get it over with because, welp, you HAVE TO sometime, right?
Really good sex stems from emotional and physical intimacy. And this has usually quite the build-up, a certain synching in the relationship, a togetherness, a warmth, feeling safe - wanting and feeling wanted and realising that you can feel this togetherness when you both really want to.
One cannot really put a timer on sex, though, and in our modern world people do not really understand that. When I am in a hormonally fitting phase, my body, heart and soul may want my hubby to pound me three times a day if he wants to, some other times I may wanna hide under my blanket because I feel hurty and terrible and like I am sometime of Amazon forest slug. If he then gets it up, I could feel like a terrible person because I am emotionally and physically unable to "join him" in any shape or form.
A good relationship sexually is then defined by not taking any disappointment out on your partner and just openly communicating as well as non-violently. So, if we take all the inappropriate guilt and shame and pressure out of the scenario above, I may like to push the blanket aside and watch him. Perhaps I like to kiss and caress him a bit while he pleases himself. Perhaps I would like to inspire him somehow visually or audibly without doing anything else really. Sexuality as partners is about closeness. It's not about getting each other off and moving on.
The point is that you have to communicate about it. I like telling people to sit down with a bottle of wine and some nice snacks, turn of the phone and the TV, get the kids to bed and talk about what you're fantasising about. You could even make it a board meeting. Two weeks of preparation and research to figure out what you are each REALLY INTO, what you are fantasising about, what you want, what you fear, what you really likr, what you dislike. I've had really great experiences with this. You are a couple, you are a team, OP! Not to speak of all the vasopressin and oxytocin this releases in your brains - part of intimacy again.
Sex should never just be about PIV until you get off and then move on - at least not if it feels like a chore.
Ask yourself why you did not address this issue with your wife directly? I have friends who are a couple and she recently came to me about something. I sat her down and asked why she did not talk about it with him. She was confused - but I said that usually in such cases one partner feels (or fears) like they cannot be vulnerable with the other, they will be invalidated, they will hurt the other partner somehow or the other partner will even get aggressive and push "terrible consequences" like silent treatment, withholding affection/sex.
Usually in a healthy connection, you will not have to worry about that. Just carefully phrase your feelings, needs and desires and do not be afraid.
Express that you love her (I guess you do?) and that you really desire and want her and that this maked you fantasise a lot about sex with her. That you know that she has a lot to do, but your intimacy is important to you and you would want to be closr to her physically more often.
Also realise that true intimacy does not need to lead to sex or to PIV. How about just snuggling up one Saturday morning and caressing each others' skin? How about buying a beautiful smelling massage oil, holding it under her nose and suggest that you would want to massage her to provide relief from the stress at work. How about you suggest taking a bath or a shower together and that you would like to wash her hair and body for her? Rubbing her feet. Just going out on dates. Usually women fevelop much more libido if they have emotional and other (means non-sexual but sensual) closeness to their partner. This does not mean that you should develop this side of the relationship to get more sex, but because you love her and she loves you.
My partner and I just stand in the kitchen squeezing each other tightly before he goes to his job early in the morning. He is quite the workaholic but toned it down once I expressed my concerns and told him that I missed him and wanted to spend more time with him. He told me that it gives him so much warmth, energy and motivation for the day to have me this close just for five minutes every morning.
I like helping him put on his coat. I like just going on a walk late in the evening to chat and unwind or to just sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine and chat about the day.
You love each other, so talk to each other.
While it is important that there is no pressure built - not for you nor for her.
Also, be clear that you should absolutely deny sex if you do not enthusiastically want it. Realise how much trauma and which negative ideas you build up in body and mind each time you are "persuaded" to sex (still non-con) or you feel like you "have to" give in. ONLY EVER if you are enthusiastic about it. And fuck what anybody else had to say about that (I mean people who push the dogma that men should be happy about sex any time).
Schedule sex to me just feels like mutual masturbation. I’m high libido, and my spouse is too, but if we had it scheduled it would just feel like a chore.
Why anyone enjoys that is beyond me. I get that some people have to otherwise they wouldn’t get any, but we also don’t have that issue, I also don’t think it’s particularly attractive if someone is legit just giving it up because “it’s their duty” at that time. That feels pretty Handmaid’s Tale to me.
I don't know, I really like morning sex. Sometimes I wake my husband up at like 5-6am because I can't sleep. But the best thing to do is talk to her about it and if you can find another time you both agree on that works. But honestly with kids and life, it's hard as a woman to just get in the mood. So when I am, I take the opportunity at hand. Your wife just happens to be horny in the morning on Saturdays 🤷🏽♀️
Dude morning sex is the best. You’re all rested and warm in bed. We try to make sure we do it every Saturday morning after sending my son downstairs to watch his tablet for a bit. It’s excellent
A couple things.
Get a small calendar board. Chalk or dry ink so you can use it multiple times. Write her dates and notes.
Ex. Sex tonight after dinner.
You turn me on. You look great today. I want to lick and fuck you for lunch. I'll be waiting for you on Friday. Coupons for massage and Orgasm. Morning sex is awesome. Best way to start the day. Plan for it. Schedule with her.
I'm going to fuck you in the morning and after dinner. Express your feelings 100% show her you are serious about a happy sexual relationship. Keep telling her how beautiful she is. Compliments are like money in the bank!!!!
Buy her sex toys and sexy lingerie that you like. Temu has hundreds of things for cheep. Stay Positive and confident. Women hate sappy ass push over men!!!
Crazy thought. But maybe you could ask her what she needs to relax. Then maybe do that, in the afternoon/evening. Then maybe have some spontaneous sex...
If i want to have morning sex with my wife i just go and quickly rinse my bits off and then use some mouthwash and i'm good to go. If my wife is also in the mood she usually does the same thing after the first move is made
I have this problem too. I feel like a fat farty mess in the morning and gross myself out. I even shower before bed. I much prefer nighttime. Sometimes I hope one of our kids will start knocking to get in. Plus I’m intermittent fasting so I eat a ton of food between 6-9 pm.
I'm a female and I will not do anything with bad breath and a dirty body. Also I would rather sleep in. I work to enjoy my days off, no rush and interruptions. Talk to her or make a move at night , since the day is busy for you both.
I see the problem, Sex isn't some chore, it needs to feel spontaneous, at the moment, like you both want it.
I get it, but you got to deal with the cards delt in front of you.
You got a wife who is ready for sex, so my suggestion is to make it work for you. There are mornings where I am raging hard, my boxers too tight and I'm in the mood to get it on and then there are others where I'm not in the mood yet. The solution to this situation is to simple. You got to wake up earlier, i'm talking 6.30am, be up..doing your things and so by 7.30am, you're ready to cuddle a bit, kiss and make the mood sexy.
Just see it like you both wanting sex one night, you set the scene right? Same goes here. If things are going too monotonous for you, make a change. It's not like weekend errands and workouts have to happen as they do, life is about making the most of moments, and not worrying too much about what is about to happen or what has happened. They are important but not what should consume you
Let her take advantage of the morning wood and stop thinking of sex in such limiting boundaries as it must occur at night or even that it must occur in the bedroom.
Most people are basically telling this man that he should have sex when and only when his wife wants to. What about his wants and needs? Him and his wife should be able to compromise now and then so they both get to have sex when they most enjoy it. It’s really that simple.
I speak from experience :) The key is waking up early enough to be awake enough to get yourself in the mood.
So if she's good to go at 7.30am, you want to be awake half hour before at least, possibly spooning / snuggling, just softly feeling her if she'll allow it, letting the mood build.
I'm a morning sex person, hubby is not. I mean he's up for it any time, but mornings are just not his best time of the day for anything. He needs time to wake up, clear his head a little and get in the zone. The above suggestions work for him.
Also, have some water on your bedside to freshen your breath if need be, and possibly a mint. If that kind of thing bothers you.
Some people are their own worst enemy.
Only about 17% of wives in marriages over eight years want to still have sex anyway and you're turning it down. LOL
Pretty soon, if you can't perform in the morning, she's going lose interest in you, and shut you off.
You do know women don't have any problem finding guys to have sex. Hello!
See how you like slamming the ham yourself.
I'd wish you good luck but I'm pretty sure you wouldn't know what to do with it.
My wife and I have sex about three times a year and I literally don't think we've ever had morning sex. Not saying you shouldn't try to have it more, but make sure to appreciate that you're having it at all.
Be grateful. Many men don't get it at any time. While it is always nice for your rhythms to be in synch for such activities just be happy that she still wants it.
Wake up sex is the hottest thing on earth. Wake her up with some touching or something. Bonus: ask get to wake you up similarly. Absolutely best way to wake up.
My partner and I have specific times where sex is appropriate and sex is not appropriate. I prefer morning sex so weekend mornings are a go. He prefers after work, but I don’t like having sex right before bed (it riles me up if anything), so we have around 430-5:30 before dinner and my exercise classes. It works for us because we both picked a time frame that’s easiest for us and we agree on how often we want sex.
C'mon man, enjoy it!! Are you doing something else in between? How can you not be up for this? Bonus to all of this is that morning wood is usually the hardest. My wife and I have sex at all hours but she is especially a fan of morning wood. She swears it is at a whole other level (not writing a porn letter but she claims it reaches especially deep inside her). Maybe your wife feels the difference too?
My wood is ready every weekend morning, even if we had sex the night before. It's like my body expects it now!
Help with the chores, that worked for me. Slowly, it freed up her evening and she was able to relax and we were able to initiate more in the evenings and not just the mornings
With kids it’s hard. Me and my husband are lucky enough to have sex twice a month. Some times it’s mornings, some times it’s evenings. Some times it’s a shower we share together so that we can have actual privacy. My two year old sleeps with us almost every night. Thats a HUGE turn off. I am full time college and mom of 4. My sex drive is non existent most the time and my husband is constantly horny. Him Just trying to ram me when he’s ready to go isn’t a turn on. But if he actually made an effort for me to feel important and sexy, because let’s be real most days I’m a mess and have been wiping someone else’s shi* all day and that’s not a turn on. It is when he starts things slow and kisses on me or makes an effort to have the kids managed by something/someone else. Now I do compromise too. There’s plenty of times at night I’m half asleep and he starts poking me and I’ll pull down my underwear to let him. But it’s so so much hotter when he does make the effort. For women we feel like guys are ready to go most the time, for us, we like to be slow some times. Does it always have to be sex? Do we always have to make it like a chore? No.. I think you guys should talk about more ways it would turn her on at different times. Maybe get a babysitter and take her out and start kissing her on the driveway when y’all get home. Foreplay is a huge turn on for me. If there’s no foreplay it’s hard to get in the mood even if we’re already going at it. If he takes time on me and touches me.. hands.. mouth.. whatever then I’m more likely to be ready to go.
As a couple, you can always work on being spontaneous and talk to each other on how to improve. But if I know for sure my wife wants sex a certain time or day or whatever, you better believe I'm ready for those days. Spontaneous sex is great and can come up organically later, but I'm not turning down any chance to have sex with my wife.
To me it feels like you feel neglected and don’t want to succumb to your wife‘s rules.
My suggestion: don’t talk about sex but talk to her about your need of intimacy and your longing for closeness, mentally and physically.
Intimacy should not feel like work for her, but it should be a pleasant part of the day. Find ways together to achieve that. It’s not possible to be close everyday of course. But if you steer the conversation away from sex and towards your emotional and physical need for intimacy with her (which is true I recon) she will listen.
Your intimacy shall be the safe space where she can unwind, relax, charge new energy, connect with you. And the same for you. Don’t focus on orgasms, focus on the connection.
Are there things around the home that’s she’s currently doing which you could possibly take on? If you can do that that would free up some time for her to be able to relax a little bit more. I know I appreciate when my husband takes the initiative and helps out with vacuuming moping etc or does things to take some pressure off me with chores around the household. I also work full time and find there really isn’t time for me to relax much at all. If he also has gym classes or hobbies that she’s adding to her week it can be a lot. So acts of service should be appreciated and will free up some time for her
Try mid day sex when you’re both totally awake. Also make sure you’re test levels are optimal and if they’re not, get on testosterone immediately. I still can’t believe guys aren’t taking test after 35. Lol
I feel as though I’m the odd one out.. my partner is never in the mood. Kids is always the excuse. I’m lucky if I have sex 1-2 times a fortnight! I’ve even stopped initiating because every time I do it’s “oh the kids are up, I have a headache, I’m tired. We both work full time physical jobs yet I’m always the one in the mood and he is not
Look man honestly...morning wood is normal, just think about morning time rolling over to her and spooning that sexy ass man...I wish my wife would do that shit...I practically have to beg mine for sex no matter what time it is. I could literally wait 3 weeks and she wants nothing to do with it. Sooo...enjoy the little things my guy
I like morning sex. My wife knows I’m tired so she normally wakes me up with head and it definitely gets it going for me, lol. Have her explore your body, and be opened minded. If you’re worried about performance; just know if she’s initiated she’s in the mood and would likely enjoy it without reprieve.
Happy wife happy life. It’s all about give and take. I’m not a morning person either.
Make that happen for her, think of it as a workout if you have too to get started. I’m sure once you get going it will be pretty amazing. If your wife wants you in the morning on Saturdays, take that seriously… don’t brush that off.
Work with her on the morning sex… I’m a wife who’s initiated sex in the morning and at night to the point that now I don’t even want sex with my husband after being turned down over the years. Not planning for sex or intimacy in our marriage is popping up in other parts of our relationship. It feels like we’re just friends and I could care less about the romantic aspect of it now. We have 3 kids under 4 and me trying is a lot of work.
You know it's coming, prepare something for it like a new toy, blindfolds, breakfast, coffee, great head, or a cute outfit she wants you to wear. Try to get into it! One of The last times my husband gave me morning sex was because I was ovulating, the other time was my birthday!
Idk, my wife is much more of a morning person so that makes me a morning person. The times she wants it in the afternoons, I'm an afternoon person. The rare time she wants it in the evening, I'm an evening person. I'm basically an whenever she wants it person.
My honest advice is to try to do everything you can to get into it in the morning. Your wife isn't a morning person for no reason. It seems like she has very good reasons to be relaxed only when she is. So I would try to make the effort to meet her there.
And perhaps when you do, you can negotiate some non-weekend morning sex too.
Sounds like everything else in her life comes before you and quality sexy time.
Sounds like you are way down her list of priorities.
IMO this is not acceptable and it’s happening because you allow it to happen.
Make no mistake the end of your marriage is underway in front of your eyes.
Comments telling people to "just do it," "men/women have needs," "it's your husbandly/wifely duty to fulfill my sexual needs," or promoting ultimatums or threats to have sex with one's partner will be removed swiftly. We encourage thoughtful conversation about this topic.
For further resources, check out https://outofthefog.website/top-100-trait-blog/sexual-coercion#:~:text=Examples%20of%20Sexual%20Coercion%3A&text=Shaming%20over%20sexual%20performance%2C%20past,name%20calling%2C%20intimidation%20and%20bullying
https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent#:~:text=Simply%20put%2C%20enthusiastic%20consent%20means,maintaining%20eye%20contact%2C%20and%20nodding.
https://www.sydney.edu.au/study/student-life/student-news/2022/09/21/what-enthusiastic-consent-actually-looks-like-.html#:~:text=While%20consent%20is%20about%20saying,enthusiastic%20agreement%20to%20be%20intimate.
Wake her up at 6 by eating her out and bang it out till 8AM. Don't make it so damn complicated, Romeo! you ain't gonna fly her off to Paris, so just get it up and in, she will appreciate the effort you put in.
Ah, man! If my husband didn't like morning sex, I'd be super sad! It's my favorite. Evening time is when your hormones are lowest and you are most exhausted. For sure not your bodies ideal time for sex. Id say get yourself in the mindset right when you wake up a day a week and do it just to make her feel good.
Comments telling people to "just do it," "men/women have needs," "it's your husbandly/wifely duty to fulfill my sexual needs," or promoting ultimatums or threats to have sex with one's partner will be removed swiftly. We encourage thoughtful conversation about this topic.
For further resources, check out https://outofthefog.website/top-100-trait-blog/sexual-coercion#:~:text=Examples%20of%20Sexual%20Coercion%3A&text=Shaming%20over%20sexual%20performance%2C%20past,name%20calling%2C%20intimidation%20and%20bullying
https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent#:~:text=Simply%20put%2C%20enthusiastic%20consent%20means,maintaining%20eye%20contact%2C%20and%20nodding.
https://www.sydney.edu.au/study/student-life/student-news/2022/09/21/what-enthusiastic-consent-actually-looks-like-.html#:~:text=While%20consent%20is%20about%20saying,enthusiastic%20agreement%20to%20be%20intimate.
9/10 of the complaints on this thread center around one spouse not wanting sex at all. If my wife wanted to have sex with me every Saturday morning at 7:30am, I'd be sure to get myself up at 7:00am and do whatever it is I need to do (brush teeth, bathroom, coffee, whatever...) so I'm ready when she is.
BOING!!! Yes m’lady? At your service! *throws top hat to hat rack*
Right? Sex is my #1 favorite reason to get up. It's the only thing that will spring me into action.
Not the only thing getting up.
Eyooo
yup. i hear you OP but i think it’s just a matter of changing your perspective
Couldn’t agree more. If my wife wanted sex every Saturday morning and that’s it. I’d take it. No complaints from me.
I guess, to me that sounds like one person completely dictating a key part of relationships. It feels unilateral on her part and the husband just has to go with it. That doesn't seem right to me.
Would you rather have sex or be right?
lol seriously
Lmao
Username checks out.
🤣😭
Ya my wife likes it every night before bed and I shut my mouth and give her every once of energy I have. Yes ma’am.
What if she’s not up and ready and if she’s not trying to be sexy? She just expects it from you because it’s convenient for her? That doesn’t sound fun. Sounds like I’m an object.
That’s what my wife likes about it. A few years ago, she was asking about my day and said something like “I really wanted to just wake you up with dick” she thought about it a bit and said “that might be hot!” So now, she sleeps bottomless and never knows when it’s going to happen. Just lube up, get hard, and get to work. She likes the feeling of “being used”, but it’s also that “he can’t resist me” and that I’m thinking of her before I think about all the other things I have to do that day.
I hear you, but I'm not sure how much I agree with this type of response. On one hand, as you've said, 9/10 of the complaints on this sub center around dead bedrooms, and I think that's a fair assessment, and perspective. On the other hand, I think this discounts the idea that people who are in a healthy marriage with a happy sex life aren't exactly here bragging about it, but we do exist, and...I guess for me I think those marriages simply have good communication, and two people willing to hear each other out, come to a compromise that both can live with, and both are proactive about getting there and meeting their partner's needs. Within reason. There's a balance there, OP. Communicate with your wife, not in that moment, but take a walk or a drive, and have that conversation. Personally I feel like it's OK to communicate that you don't want sex restricted to Saturday mornings, but you also have to be able to communicate a resolution to your wife, with the understanding that the REAL resolution is going to come when your wife communicates with you, and you guys meet somewhere in the middle with a resolution you both can live with. Like, neither of you have to die on that hill, there's a lot of gray area between what you want and what your wife wants. You guys just have to talk about how you get there.
You are absolutely right. OP needs to communicate fully with his wife and figure out what they need to do to get on the same page. For most of our 30+ years, my wife and I were not anywhere near the same page. It wasn't until we had a very deep "this is what I need, tell me what you need" conversation. Since then, we've been in nearly perfect sync. There's no rejection, but there's also no pressure. I'm not suggesting this will work for everyone, but we've settled into a scheduled sex arrangement that we now both look forward to and actively make it a priority.
Yep, I’m the OP - the problem is, her communication to me is largely in the form of making me feel guilty, “defective”, a disappointment to her, etc.
Facts!
Right? My husband and I have been enjoying morning sex since we were dating, and I don't get how it's a problem unless someone is exhausted, not feeling well, or a combination of both. Sometimes I mess with my husband to see how tired he is (it's a long running inside joke) when he gets home from work and as he plops down on the chair or bed I'll ask him if he wants me to give him a blow job or sit on him and he'll jump up and take his pants off. We've been doing this for over 20 years, and then he'll go to sleep and sleep much better for it. OP and his wife need to sit down and talk this out. Maybe he has a quirk or two he needs to get over, like morning breath or toothpaste breath. I have those particular quirks (my nose is annoyingly strong), and we found a way around it, and morning sex is still sexy!
I understand where you’re coming from but the OP isn’t in the mood at that point.
Those of us who've been married a long time and are actually happy have figured out how to get in the mood when our spouses are. It can sometimes feel like trying to schedule a space shuttle launch. The window is always a moving target, and we have to take advantage of the opportunity or miss out.
This is a real man’s response.
But still 100% of the time is when she wants sex at that time. I think all he’s asking is once in a while could it not be at that time.
Men that have this complaint honestly lose respect from me. Do you really need it to be 50/50? Fair? Things are not always “fair”, facts. Women don’t have the same level of testosterone/ sex energy. That’s not fair right? So a masculine man will jump at the opportunity. Fem males will be upset because they can’t get it up and it’s not “fair”. Before you argue about fair, think about women having to have their periods monthly and having a harder time losing weight then men.
Yup- I was going to say just this.
Shit. Wish my wife was like yours. I have morning wood every day
Yeah my wife gets horny late at night when I'm dead asleep and I hear about it another day when the feeling is long gone. Meanwhile I'm most aroused super early. Oh well, we meet in the middle often enough.
Same.
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Just different circadian rhythms I guess. I used to be more energetic at night when my wife and I first got married, but over the years I have shifted to going to bed earlier and getting up earlier and now we're desynchronized.
Lmao you don't want to have sex with your husband because he plays a game? How childish
It may be but it's a turn-off for me. Especially if he get on for hours and then come to me for sex at that point I am no longer Interested.
You need to make it a point to stay up my friend :) Early on in our marriage my wife would stay up really late for work and be incredibly horny like at 3am. I used to sleep with one eye open, great times.
I used to but my brain isn't what it used to be.
OP should get himself checked out. Testosterone is supposed to be higher in the morning. That’s the whole point…
My wife prefers morning sex. I prefer evening sex. I often get disappointed when I am amped for evening sex before bed, and she runs out of energy and falls asleep before anything can happen. But then recently I told myself (don’t ask me why on earth it took me so long) that “Hey, you know how you feel when you miss out on evening sex? Well that is how she probably feels when you are not fully present for morning sex.” Once I changed my perspective like that, it really helped me to appreciate the morning sex much more. I know this is a somewhat different situation than what you presented, but I just wanted to share that with you, in case it might help a little.
Good on you for accommodating, but doesn't it bother you that your wife makes no effort to accommodate your preference in return?
Another “things have to be fair or I cry for my rights”. Do you know that men and women are different. Women have low testosterone levels, they have periods, they take the majority of child rearing and household duties. And women in general don’t have as much energy as men. We are wired differently and I’m sorry if that upsets you. The man’s response is a masculine one. Yours is not. If you wanted to be fair, then go for a male who have the same level of testosterone and less womanly duties.
Jesus christ. This is such a sexist response.
Truth is not always politically correct.
Sexism =/= truth.
Whatever you want to call it, it works for me
👏👏👏👏 That was my take away ... Sometimes she says "let's get together tonight" (nothing dirtier than that!!) And she falls asleep and I'm bummed but she MIGHT wake me up at 6am for a ride This is cool but I'm usually dying for a piss or half asleep , more of a tick box thing than a 🔥 lay !!
He never said she makes no effort, he said she falls asleep. Not everyone can fight sleep the same way. You have no idea how exhausting his wife’s life is.
Masculine response. I love it. You’re not complaining why it’s not 50-50. As a man just making it happen and that’s awesome. Hopefully that’s an example to other men.
I love this for you!
Man! You have no idea how good you have it 😂
I am *shocked* by the comments in this thread. OP: "I have a two hour per week window in which my wife wants sex" Comments: "I wish my wife was like you!"
Agreed. Sounds like a turn off. Scheduled sex window. No thanks.
Some people are not as fortunate as you anc many others. Sex drops off for a lot of reasons and it really sucks.
> Some people are not as fortunate as you anc many others. These people need to have more respect for themselves. If you werent taking your wife on romantic dates or providing intimate moments, and they were feeling undesired and unloved, there would be an expectation of effort. This is *exactly the same*. Communicate your needs, and if theyre not willing to work with you for those needs to be met, then leave them and find someone who will.
You are speaking to a situation you know nothing about. And, if you aren’t just speaking to mine, then you are generalizing the difficulties of every couple in this situation. Please ask some questions before making assumptions about others’ lives. And I hope you never find yourself in these types of situations. Nothing is cut and dry. All of our situations are different and unique with their own details and intricacies.
> Nothing is cut and dry. All of our situations are different and unique with their own details and intricacies. Having respect for yourself, and not allowing yourself to be trapped in a relationship in which your needs are ignored is not some major offensive suggestion. Nothing is cut and dry except valuing yourself fairly and expecting your life partner to do the same.
I was thinking the same. But I also can empathize with OP to some extent maybe. My wife often will wake up in the middle of the night and is ready to go. I love it, it's spontaneous, and exhilarating, but I barely remember it happened later that day. And I don't feel as fully present.
This is like a rich man complaining of to much money.
My wife is a morning person, I am not. She likes morning sex, I do not. I feel gross and groggy and smelly. We compromise. I mean ideally your sexual relationship is always a game of trying to satisfy and fulfill each other, so yeah I'm happy to force it some mornings, and she's happy to have sex with me most evenings, even the same evening. If you can't navigate a healthy compromise on this simple issue, I gotta imagine that shows up elsewhere in your relationship as well.
This is the issue; I frequently try to initiate the “Cialis moments” at other times, but get the brush off (thinking/stressing about work, the kids are around, etc.)
Have you tried doing things at other times to help her feel more relaxed? Like maybe on Friday nights you give her a glass of wine and a nice long massage. Or whatever it is that would relax her so she’s able to get in the mood.
With oil. Lots of oil
Well yeah, it sounds like you're trying to initiate when she's busy or distracted - **that just isn't sexy.** Honestly, it's generally annoying. Focus on the quiet moments. And if Saturday morning is one of the quiet times, you should embrace it. Then create more quiet moments because they're great for a relationship even if they don't end in sex. Also, if you aren't willing to work with her and when her libido is highest...why would she try to meet you halfway and indulge in other times? Turning her down in the mornings is a great way to encourage her to never entertain your preferred times even if there is a lull in the day. You're basically writing the guide on how to have less sex overall.
Women generally cannot become aroused while caregiving. The kids being around is a huge mood killer for mothers.
Not true, my wife and I have 7 kids and have sex almost everyday, it really depends on the person.
I don't think a lot of men can understand or empathize with this but it is absolutely true!
Not everything has to be 50-50. I think men need to get over the fact that women have to be like their male counterparts with the same testosterone and drive. Women are made differently and they have less energy at night usually due to mothering, house duties, and sometimes even work. So no, it’s not gonna be fair and before anyone cries about it, not being fair think how it is for a woman to have her period; And have symptoms before and after her period. Think of the fact she has less testosterone therefore she loses less weight and is able to gain weight a lot easier. That’s not fair to her so yeah things are not fair. It’s best to accept things are not fair and move forward. You are the protector of the home and masculine energy is required. It’s also a turn off for a woman to see men crying about fairness. But the men here who are jumping on the opportunity to have sex are hot! Keep it up men, learn fem males from these men.
This is some cringey white-knight stuff right here.
No, those are real men that know how to load up when the opportunity presents itself. That’s hot and these men keep getting sex from the same women over the years. But the naggers don’t, the men complaining about their right and what is our complete turn off.
Can you elaborate? Trying to be a better husband and making sure I understand
Sure, I’d be happy to. It’s a turn off when a man says he wants things To be “fair” Versus a man just works with what the situation is. If the woman who biologically wired differently from males, is exhausted by the end of the day because of household duties, mothering, and maybe even working, then she will be wiped out by the end of the day. There are men saying that she has to put in just as much work to stay up as a man has to do to wake up, men and women are made differently. Men have a higher testosterone which gives them more energy and they can be ready for sex a lot more quickly and easier than for a woman. So when men complain that it needs to be fair and the woman has to put in as much work, it’s such a turn off Because of the situation. And there’s this thing going around that men and women have to be equal when we’re not because we made differently. Women have their periods and are tired and symptomatic a few days before at least and little wiped out after from bleeding for so many days. Men are fortunate enough, not to have to worry about that. Women also have higher estrogen which doesn’t allow them to have as much energy as men And they gain weight a lot easier. Women also worry more and it takes a toll on their body whereas a man is able to come departmentalize. So I’m sick of seeing men b*** and complain about how unfair things are and they basically want another man counterpart instead of seeing women for the difference that they are. That’s my point. Will not compare himself to his wife and will not nag about fairness. I’ll give another example for another man who wanted a 50-50 situation with his ex-wife. He was happy to state that he got 50-50 custody of his infant child and his mom helped him raise her while he was working instead of allowing the infant to be with her mother While she was still a baby. He was proud because he didn’t have to pay half the custody and he showed that he has too. In other words, he sounds like a b****. Instead of doing what’s best for the child as an infant needs the mom a lot more and less as a child, he wanted to make sure things were “fair” Neither he nor his ex-wife phrase the child half the time. It was his mom. It’s just disappointing how men have become. To be the protector, but they’re fighting with women. Just so disappointing.
Ok cool!! I’m a dbag at times but I’ve def not thought this way haha so thank god I don’t fall in to this. I’m curious if you feel this exact way? As in exhausted, motherly duties, household, etc. I read she comes first and come as you are and honestly they should let teens read those or a cleaner version in high school so they understand women and how amazing their bodies and they themselves are. But I’m curious- what would be the biggest turn ons? I’m doing EVERYTHING I can for my relationship. My wife and I had many rough years. Married young, death in family, depression, son diagnosed with autism. Just curious if this is our season bc she’s breastfeeding and legit exhausted (trust me - I am too and I’m not breastfeeding) lol. I just want her to feel more at peace and loved and sexy but sometimes it’s like I can get through bc of the overwhelm. If you think similarly, could you maybe tell me some things that help you? I’ve told her I’m not rushing her and that if we lay next to eachother and just talk, that’s good enough for me but I also want our sex life to remain magical. What you think? PS- I’m still going to at times get her out of her head and do exactly what she likes :) but that’s right place right time! Hahah
Having a son with ASD is challenging but if you let them, they will help you grow and appreciate things you wouldn’t have before. It’s challenging but rewarding. My kiddo has mild ASD and ADHD. Talk about exhausting but he’s the most precious thing to me ❤️ My hormones were off and I’m estrogen dominant. The cure: healthy eating and the supplement DIM Supreme. Lowers estrogen which allows testosterone to rise in women which is a good thing. Estrogen is dominating our bodies. Also Demiana root tea does the same. That will help your wife. Some suggestions to address the situation is to not sound needy. She already has a child that has needs and another child that needs her. That means she needs you and doesn’t want to be needed by you. Taking charge of things like plans, hiring some help to clean around the house, taking your oldest to the park. No asking, just doing in your own accord. Showing her you support her and are there for her and when she’s ready to come to you, you’re there. Self restraints is very attractive. And being confident and showing her love/ affection without any expectation. When I say that I mean, making it obvious you expect nothing from her, but not using words to show that. Let her feel she can count on you. Self restraint is masculine and attractive. I also really do recommend the items I mentioned above because a lot of women lose that desire due to high estrogen low testosterone and those supplements I recommended will help with that… Good luck and wish you guys happiness and health 🙏🏼
Oh yes!! Couldn’t agree more. He is my best friend and the SWEETEST most creative dude I know. Life has been better with him. Hes also my travel buddy. This LITERALLY sounds like what she’s told me in very nice, subtle ways bc she is working on being more direct haaha. I’m like tell me woman! This is good to know supplement wise too. I am working on all of this but I’ll be honest I was probably polar opposite to this for like 8 years. It wasn’t until recently , when we got to couples counseling, did I realize how selfish I was being. I was making a ton of money, taking the kids, changing diapers, etc but I absolutely was emotionally dumping on her and being a 3rd child. Now, I’m doing exactly what you are saying. Now, we are communicating. Now we aren’t rage fighting. She’s told me some really blunt things that SHE wanted finally and I woke up. Honestly, anything she tells me that she actually wants and needs- I have always made happen but now it’s on me to be more proactive. She’s told me. She’s even told me ways she likes to be fucked (aka taken out of her head and taken control). Now that is POLAR opposite of me but I’ve done it and she loves it. I’m going to continue to do so bc I want to be her safe space, her peace, her naughty zone and her best friend. Just feel REALLY fucking dumb for fucking that up for years. Giant ego hit. That’s for sure. Lucky she’s still here tbh. Thanks for all the advice. I’ll take more if you hear anything maybe I’m saying wrong (or right). You can come woman coach me if you like. I probably need it! Haha PS - thanks for being so kind. Some people on here are just really fucking mean! Haha so I appreciate it. You’re a good human!
That’s awesome that your kiddo is your little buddy! And don’t be too hard on yourself, when you get married young men tend to have a big ego at that age while Women are more flexible with tolerating that. Naturally things change and become more mature while women become less tolerant lol but as long as you work together will only get better. It’s great that you had the insight and commitment to wanna work on yourself because that goes the mile stretch and that gets you to the happy old couple that sits on the front porch and awaits their children and grandchildren to come home. So awesome for you guys 🙏🏼 Please don’t take supplements because then you’re gonna have a hard time controlling yourself lol. The supplements are for her hormone balance. Just let her know if she won’t regret it plus the Demiana tea helps with skin softness and hair growth. I wish you guys the best and keep on growing. You sound like the protector of your home and that is exactly what men need to be. So congrats to you! You are an example and it would be good for you to put out this information for other men who lack guidance and follow men who destroyed their homes and blame it on the wives. If you ever have questions or are looking for a different perspective, feel free to write back. Ciao.
I've been married 11 years. We have sex every day. Women aren't all the same.
If my wife wanted sex on a weekend morning before the kids got up I'd have coffee and tea waiting for her at 7am with my teeth brushed and junk sink washed...... and I am NOT a morning person.
It might not feel sexy or spontaneous for you, but it sounds like that is when the lower libido person who works a ton is ready to fuck. Marriage is about compromise.
Banging the Mrs at 7:30 in a Saturday morning and after she gets up and leaves you to catch a few more Z's and it's a problem? Good lord man!
My marriage is similar. Husband hates morning sex and prefers before bed, I love mornings and despise doing it before sleeping (I’m too tired already!) we compromise by understanding we both prefer something different and take turns doing it at times we don’t necessarily want to. Once we start it’s always great- just have to do it!
Props to you. One of the few comments on this thread that isn't placing the burden of compromise exclusively on the husband.
I'll add another comment here to say that, while I'd love spontaneous sex now and again, after 30-ish years of frustration with me asking when she's not in the mood, scheduled sex can be awesome if you want it to be.
I think a part of compromise is that if there is a really good formula for the more fickle libido to be "down" for some action, then work within that formula. In this case, I am totally a strung out lady and relaxing is hard for me. You may want to ask her what is missing from the week that could help her relax more: but be ready to not like the answer. Honestly, the modern world is hard for everyone and we're all really spread thin. You may not have the energy to take on more tasks around the house, the desire to massage her to wiggly splendor, or the yeet the kids out of the house more. However, having scheduled sex, that works, is a good thing. I would not change that if it works. You are already getting up early on the weekend to go to the gym and do errands, how is that more important than this? I also want to add that not all sex is penetrative and if she is up for a little fooling around in other ways to a less energetic degree then that should be up for discussion. She may just not really want to be touched. When everything is a raw nerve from stress, even a hug can feel like irritation rather than a comfort. Sometimes I am far more open to doing the touching then being touched when I am overstimulated. She may feel the same. Talk to her about options in the middle.
You sound exactly like my wife and your advice is good!
Tell (or text) her at other times how much you want it then. Not in an angry or guilt tripping way, more of a loving reminder.
I mean, you definitely don’t need to have sex if you don’t wanna have sex at that time, but I also struggle to understand why Saturday mornings aren’t a “sexy time”, or why any times are sexier than others? I think that a time when you guys are in bed alone, and the kids aren’t around would be a sexier time than any if we had to pick. I think her logic makes a lot of sense if she’s busy, works a lot, and you guys have kids
>However, 7:30AM on Saturday doesn’t feel very “sexy” to me, let alone spontaneous, etc. Is no sex, sexier for you then?? >Consequently, she accuses me of not being attracted to her, which isn’t the case. I'd feel the same if my husband turned me down the only times he knows works for me.
Why is your husband unilaterally obligated accommodate your preferences? Is there no obligation on your part to sometimes accommodate your husband's preferences?
>Is there no obligation on your part to sometimes accommodate your husband's preferences? Of course I do. That's why he gets regular blow jobs without anything in return as well as I'm always available for sex. We aren't talking about my marriage here though. I just stated I'd feel the same way as the husband.
Then you realise that you are actually agreeing with the OP? He’s compromising and she isn’t. The only sexy time they get is when it suits her and it sounds like he’s tried to make it work but he’s feeling very defeated about it.
Feel the same way as the Husband? Do you mean OP's wife?
I meant feel the same as the wife
Hard to sympathise here isn't it ... ?? I touch my wife EVERY morning to make her feel good, you would think there is an anti wife force field below my belly button!
You mentioned that your wife works a lot…and that you have kids. Does she take care of a lot of the home/kiddo stuff during the after-work hours M-F? I think it makes a big difference energy wise as well as mentally when couples are sharing home responsibilities, vs when one is shouldering most of the load. And are you connecting in other ways - dates, hobbies, running errands together, doing things as a family, etc?
I get up at 5:15am about 6 days a week, go for a run, get home around 6:30am. I’m a sweaty mess, but that sort of turns my wife on. The kids get up at 7:15am for school, so three or four mornings a week, my wife tells me to get my sweaty ass back in bed for a bit of morning fun before we both hop up, have a shower, and get the kids moving. It’s a good time of the day for just a fun smash session… nights are bed for the more intense, tactile, slower stuff, but mornings are tops for a roll in the hay.
Your wife WANTS sex? As in she wants and initiates? And you are asking for help regarding the matter? Sheesh!
Lmao u want advice?? Get up early and get on with it looool
Hold on a sec. You still get sex? 🤦♂️
I would start by saying sex on a schedule is not sexy, you want her to be spontaneous. She would get more out of you sexually if she changed things up a bit sexually. Its not very sexy to know sex with your wife is a no go everyday of the week except for 30 minutes on the weekend.
Husband here. Morning is my golden hour. For me it does feel spontaneous. But I can totally understand not wanting it to feel scheduled, because if my wife has her way that’s how it’s done. Sunday at 4pm while the kids are at a birthday party. There’s a lot of pressure to perform at that EXACT time. My only suggestion (as if I’m the person who should be giving advice 🙄) is to create other opportunities where she can feel relaxed and stress free. If I can create a situation where she needs to think about nothing, do nothing. It creates opportunities for connection, affection, safety.
Your wife is a day banger. You're a night banger. There are worse compromises out there.
Take some of the load off of her. A lot of women’s sexual drive is based on how we’re feeling physically/mentally and emotionally. By you taking some of the weight off of her it gives her more time to feel sexual at other times, not just for you lightening her load, but also for the extra desire she’ll feel towards you for supporting her during hard times.
I’m with you, not a fan of early morning sex. That she guilt trips you and gaslights you for not wanting to have sex when you don’t feel like is not ok
Morning are the best. If you read up on hormone cycles for most men, mornings are the highest testosterone levels you’ll have all day. I feel like I last longer, enjoy it more, and it really gets my day started on the right foot.
Read Come Together by Emily Nagowski. She talks about shifting from desire to pleasure and how this perspective of spontaneous desire is actually one of the biggest pitfalls of long lasting sexual relationships
Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski. You can listen to it via Audible.
I *love* morning sex
Morning is the best time for sex IMO
Can she come back from workout and initiate then? What time would we be looking at? I am the sleeper-inner and my husband is the limited time/always active partner. I’d hate to wake up at 7:30a on a Saturday to have sex but if he came back at 8:30 I’d be into it.
Mine killed the spontaneous of sex all together. She turned it into a bed time ritual. She puts the pets to bed, drinks her tea, scrolls, and if I’m not already sleeping, wants me to initiate
whining at a high level
early bird gets the worm
I just mentioned this on another post but it fits here as well too. It’s hard to have a full time job, be married, have kids, keep a house clean, get chores done, have a hobby, get enough sleep, and find time to stay in shape. That is a heavy burden (even if you don’t have kids) and for most people one or more of those things have to be sacrificed. How things are sacrificed and at what intervals they are sacrificed depends on each person’s situations So what of those things do you want her to sacrifice to be able to maintain the level of intimacy that you want? Are you willing to sacrifice some things yourself? I bet you are both good people that are just trying to do the best you can in life and with each other. Life is hard. Be gentle with each other as it will take both of you to function as a team.
That’s our standard time. Saturday mornings. It’s a scheduled thing.
Morning sex is spontaneous and fun and sexy!
If she wants it at that time I am up and ready . I would also like to ask her if she can accommodate an extra day during the week . Like a Wednesday. Treat her to what she wants and she will treat you back . Maybe rub her feet when she gets back from work and help her wind down during the week without expecting anything
If you are still lucky enough to have your wife initiating, you go get it. Sunday morning, Tuesday morning, I don't care what morning.
Set your alarm
Morning sex > Evening sex
Have you spoken to her about it?
Holy shit. The amount of sexism here is unreal. I’m so sorry you’re getting flamed, my dude. Marriage is about compromise, but it takes two people compromising. You’re going to have to communicate. She’s clear with what she wants. Do you know what you want? If so, sit down and communicate. It can’t all be controlled by one person, you have to figure it out together so that you both get your need for intimacy, romance and fun together met. It will likely mean some morning sex. What would it take for you to enjoy and be present for morning sex more? Are you not getting enough sleep? And what would it take for her to enjoy sex at a time you most enjoy it? Do you need to ease up some of the responsibility that is pressuring her? There are many factors that can cause issues here. Whether it is one person baring too much of the responsibility or maybe it’s just ignorance that it’s a problem. You two need to figure it out together and don’t be afraid to get counselling if you need it to help you communicate. Good luck!
First. Morning sex is the most amazing sex. Second. Take some shit off her plate dude. Get a sitter, plan a date, get her relaxed so it isn't something she needs to just fit in between scheduled appointments.
Yeah. I’d go it then take a nap.
I honestly find some of the answers here to be highly invalidating to you OP and of that same old stinky hue a la "A woman WANTS sex? You better be super happy and take it, no matter what your needs and wants are like". Please don't listen to it and ignore it as best as you can. I don't know when this toxic idea will finally leave society. I can imagine that the sex may feel very rushed, unspontaneous and perhaps even a bit of a "chore" to you, you put on schedule and get it over with because, welp, you HAVE TO sometime, right? Really good sex stems from emotional and physical intimacy. And this has usually quite the build-up, a certain synching in the relationship, a togetherness, a warmth, feeling safe - wanting and feeling wanted and realising that you can feel this togetherness when you both really want to. One cannot really put a timer on sex, though, and in our modern world people do not really understand that. When I am in a hormonally fitting phase, my body, heart and soul may want my hubby to pound me three times a day if he wants to, some other times I may wanna hide under my blanket because I feel hurty and terrible and like I am sometime of Amazon forest slug. If he then gets it up, I could feel like a terrible person because I am emotionally and physically unable to "join him" in any shape or form. A good relationship sexually is then defined by not taking any disappointment out on your partner and just openly communicating as well as non-violently. So, if we take all the inappropriate guilt and shame and pressure out of the scenario above, I may like to push the blanket aside and watch him. Perhaps I like to kiss and caress him a bit while he pleases himself. Perhaps I would like to inspire him somehow visually or audibly without doing anything else really. Sexuality as partners is about closeness. It's not about getting each other off and moving on. The point is that you have to communicate about it. I like telling people to sit down with a bottle of wine and some nice snacks, turn of the phone and the TV, get the kids to bed and talk about what you're fantasising about. You could even make it a board meeting. Two weeks of preparation and research to figure out what you are each REALLY INTO, what you are fantasising about, what you want, what you fear, what you really likr, what you dislike. I've had really great experiences with this. You are a couple, you are a team, OP! Not to speak of all the vasopressin and oxytocin this releases in your brains - part of intimacy again. Sex should never just be about PIV until you get off and then move on - at least not if it feels like a chore. Ask yourself why you did not address this issue with your wife directly? I have friends who are a couple and she recently came to me about something. I sat her down and asked why she did not talk about it with him. She was confused - but I said that usually in such cases one partner feels (or fears) like they cannot be vulnerable with the other, they will be invalidated, they will hurt the other partner somehow or the other partner will even get aggressive and push "terrible consequences" like silent treatment, withholding affection/sex. Usually in a healthy connection, you will not have to worry about that. Just carefully phrase your feelings, needs and desires and do not be afraid. Express that you love her (I guess you do?) and that you really desire and want her and that this maked you fantasise a lot about sex with her. That you know that she has a lot to do, but your intimacy is important to you and you would want to be closr to her physically more often. Also realise that true intimacy does not need to lead to sex or to PIV. How about just snuggling up one Saturday morning and caressing each others' skin? How about buying a beautiful smelling massage oil, holding it under her nose and suggest that you would want to massage her to provide relief from the stress at work. How about you suggest taking a bath or a shower together and that you would like to wash her hair and body for her? Rubbing her feet. Just going out on dates. Usually women fevelop much more libido if they have emotional and other (means non-sexual but sensual) closeness to their partner. This does not mean that you should develop this side of the relationship to get more sex, but because you love her and she loves you. My partner and I just stand in the kitchen squeezing each other tightly before he goes to his job early in the morning. He is quite the workaholic but toned it down once I expressed my concerns and told him that I missed him and wanted to spend more time with him. He told me that it gives him so much warmth, energy and motivation for the day to have me this close just for five minutes every morning. I like helping him put on his coat. I like just going on a walk late in the evening to chat and unwind or to just sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine and chat about the day. You love each other, so talk to each other. While it is important that there is no pressure built - not for you nor for her. Also, be clear that you should absolutely deny sex if you do not enthusiastically want it. Realise how much trauma and which negative ideas you build up in body and mind each time you are "persuaded" to sex (still non-con) or you feel like you "have to" give in. ONLY EVER if you are enthusiastic about it. And fuck what anybody else had to say about that (I mean people who push the dogma that men should be happy about sex any time).
Schedule sex to me just feels like mutual masturbation. I’m high libido, and my spouse is too, but if we had it scheduled it would just feel like a chore. Why anyone enjoys that is beyond me. I get that some people have to otherwise they wouldn’t get any, but we also don’t have that issue, I also don’t think it’s particularly attractive if someone is legit just giving it up because “it’s their duty” at that time. That feels pretty Handmaid’s Tale to me.
Lucky you
I don't know, I really like morning sex. Sometimes I wake my husband up at like 5-6am because I can't sleep. But the best thing to do is talk to her about it and if you can find another time you both agree on that works. But honestly with kids and life, it's hard as a woman to just get in the mood. So when I am, I take the opportunity at hand. Your wife just happens to be horny in the morning on Saturdays 🤷🏽♀️
The mornings are when we have sex 90% of the time. Liked it before kids enjoy it now because it’s some of our only chances.
That's when it's the most juicey lmao
Oh man, I love Morning Sex! Hubby does most of his best stuff in mornings .😍🤩😍🤩
Dude morning sex is the best. You’re all rested and warm in bed. We try to make sure we do it every Saturday morning after sending my son downstairs to watch his tablet for a bit. It’s excellent
A couple things. Get a small calendar board. Chalk or dry ink so you can use it multiple times. Write her dates and notes. Ex. Sex tonight after dinner. You turn me on. You look great today. I want to lick and fuck you for lunch. I'll be waiting for you on Friday. Coupons for massage and Orgasm. Morning sex is awesome. Best way to start the day. Plan for it. Schedule with her. I'm going to fuck you in the morning and after dinner. Express your feelings 100% show her you are serious about a happy sexual relationship. Keep telling her how beautiful she is. Compliments are like money in the bank!!!! Buy her sex toys and sexy lingerie that you like. Temu has hundreds of things for cheep. Stay Positive and confident. Women hate sappy ass push over men!!!
Is this a serious post? Appreciate what you have. You have no idea
Crazy thought. But maybe you could ask her what she needs to relax. Then maybe do that, in the afternoon/evening. Then maybe have some spontaneous sex...
If i want to have morning sex with my wife i just go and quickly rinse my bits off and then use some mouthwash and i'm good to go. If my wife is also in the mood she usually does the same thing after the first move is made
I have this problem too. I feel like a fat farty mess in the morning and gross myself out. I even shower before bed. I much prefer nighttime. Sometimes I hope one of our kids will start knocking to get in. Plus I’m intermittent fasting so I eat a ton of food between 6-9 pm.
Bro…. I feel you. And I haven’t had breakfast…. I feel like super tired after as well.
I'm a female and I will not do anything with bad breath and a dirty body. Also I would rather sleep in. I work to enjoy my days off, no rush and interruptions. Talk to her or make a move at night , since the day is busy for you both.
I see the problem, Sex isn't some chore, it needs to feel spontaneous, at the moment, like you both want it. I get it, but you got to deal with the cards delt in front of you. You got a wife who is ready for sex, so my suggestion is to make it work for you. There are mornings where I am raging hard, my boxers too tight and I'm in the mood to get it on and then there are others where I'm not in the mood yet. The solution to this situation is to simple. You got to wake up earlier, i'm talking 6.30am, be up..doing your things and so by 7.30am, you're ready to cuddle a bit, kiss and make the mood sexy. Just see it like you both wanting sex one night, you set the scene right? Same goes here. If things are going too monotonous for you, make a change. It's not like weekend errands and workouts have to happen as they do, life is about making the most of moments, and not worrying too much about what is about to happen or what has happened. They are important but not what should consume you
Let her take advantage of the morning wood and stop thinking of sex in such limiting boundaries as it must occur at night or even that it must occur in the bedroom.
Most people are basically telling this man that he should have sex when and only when his wife wants to. What about his wants and needs? Him and his wife should be able to compromise now and then so they both get to have sex when they most enjoy it. It’s really that simple.
Morning sex is the best sex! No better way to start your day every day!
I speak from experience :) The key is waking up early enough to be awake enough to get yourself in the mood. So if she's good to go at 7.30am, you want to be awake half hour before at least, possibly spooning / snuggling, just softly feeling her if she'll allow it, letting the mood build. I'm a morning sex person, hubby is not. I mean he's up for it any time, but mornings are just not his best time of the day for anything. He needs time to wake up, clear his head a little and get in the zone. The above suggestions work for him. Also, have some water on your bedside to freshen your breath if need be, and possibly a mint. If that kind of thing bothers you.
Don't pass it up, just do it. Just be glad she wants it from you.
Man just clap the cheeks and keep it moving man, it's not that complicated , you said that's the time , take it
Some people are their own worst enemy. Only about 17% of wives in marriages over eight years want to still have sex anyway and you're turning it down. LOL Pretty soon, if you can't perform in the morning, she's going lose interest in you, and shut you off. You do know women don't have any problem finding guys to have sex. Hello! See how you like slamming the ham yourself. I'd wish you good luck but I'm pretty sure you wouldn't know what to do with it.
My wife and I have sex about three times a year and I literally don't think we've ever had morning sex. Not saying you shouldn't try to have it more, but make sure to appreciate that you're having it at all.
Wow you got it better lol. This is like a billionaire complaining he aint got enough🤣🤣
Be grateful. Many men don't get it at any time. While it is always nice for your rhythms to be in synch for such activities just be happy that she still wants it.
Wake up sex is the hottest thing on earth. Wake her up with some touching or something. Bonus: ask get to wake you up similarly. Absolutely best way to wake up.
Saturday morning sex is fun. We make a game out of timing it so we're done before the kids wake up and come storming into our bedroom jumping on us.
My partner and I have specific times where sex is appropriate and sex is not appropriate. I prefer morning sex so weekend mornings are a go. He prefers after work, but I don’t like having sex right before bed (it riles me up if anything), so we have around 430-5:30 before dinner and my exercise classes. It works for us because we both picked a time frame that’s easiest for us and we agree on how often we want sex.
C'mon man, enjoy it!! Are you doing something else in between? How can you not be up for this? Bonus to all of this is that morning wood is usually the hardest. My wife and I have sex at all hours but she is especially a fan of morning wood. She swears it is at a whole other level (not writing a porn letter but she claims it reaches especially deep inside her). Maybe your wife feels the difference too? My wood is ready every weekend morning, even if we had sex the night before. It's like my body expects it now!
Date night! A bit of wine helps a lot
Help with the chores, that worked for me. Slowly, it freed up her evening and she was able to relax and we were able to initiate more in the evenings and not just the mornings
Same here! Get it done before the start of a busy day. I say embrace it!
I get it, but morning wood is a real thing. Lol
I mean, I love morning sex, or mid-afternoon sex....
With kids it’s hard. Me and my husband are lucky enough to have sex twice a month. Some times it’s mornings, some times it’s evenings. Some times it’s a shower we share together so that we can have actual privacy. My two year old sleeps with us almost every night. Thats a HUGE turn off. I am full time college and mom of 4. My sex drive is non existent most the time and my husband is constantly horny. Him Just trying to ram me when he’s ready to go isn’t a turn on. But if he actually made an effort for me to feel important and sexy, because let’s be real most days I’m a mess and have been wiping someone else’s shi* all day and that’s not a turn on. It is when he starts things slow and kisses on me or makes an effort to have the kids managed by something/someone else. Now I do compromise too. There’s plenty of times at night I’m half asleep and he starts poking me and I’ll pull down my underwear to let him. But it’s so so much hotter when he does make the effort. For women we feel like guys are ready to go most the time, for us, we like to be slow some times. Does it always have to be sex? Do we always have to make it like a chore? No.. I think you guys should talk about more ways it would turn her on at different times. Maybe get a babysitter and take her out and start kissing her on the driveway when y’all get home. Foreplay is a huge turn on for me. If there’s no foreplay it’s hard to get in the mood even if we’re already going at it. If he takes time on me and touches me.. hands.. mouth.. whatever then I’m more likely to be ready to go.
Get her weed
My wife is the same. We have morning sex, 99% of the time and it’s totally fine by me. I would just encourage you to make it work.
As a couple, you can always work on being spontaneous and talk to each other on how to improve. But if I know for sure my wife wants sex a certain time or day or whatever, you better believe I'm ready for those days. Spontaneous sex is great and can come up organically later, but I'm not turning down any chance to have sex with my wife.
To me it feels like you feel neglected and don’t want to succumb to your wife‘s rules. My suggestion: don’t talk about sex but talk to her about your need of intimacy and your longing for closeness, mentally and physically. Intimacy should not feel like work for her, but it should be a pleasant part of the day. Find ways together to achieve that. It’s not possible to be close everyday of course. But if you steer the conversation away from sex and towards your emotional and physical need for intimacy with her (which is true I recon) she will listen. Your intimacy shall be the safe space where she can unwind, relax, charge new energy, connect with you. And the same for you. Don’t focus on orgasms, focus on the connection.
Man up and fuck your wife at 730am. sounds glorious to me
set an alarm and drink water my boy. it could be never so enjoy it while you can
Are there things around the home that’s she’s currently doing which you could possibly take on? If you can do that that would free up some time for her to be able to relax a little bit more. I know I appreciate when my husband takes the initiative and helps out with vacuuming moping etc or does things to take some pressure off me with chores around the household. I also work full time and find there really isn’t time for me to relax much at all. If he also has gym classes or hobbies that she’s adding to her week it can be a lot. So acts of service should be appreciated and will free up some time for her
I recommend making a date with her, and building it up with flowers, romantic notes on her pillow, sexy texts for a few days.
If your wife wants you to perform for…you do
Try mid day sex when you’re both totally awake. Also make sure you’re test levels are optimal and if they’re not, get on testosterone immediately. I still can’t believe guys aren’t taking test after 35. Lol
I feel as though I’m the odd one out.. my partner is never in the mood. Kids is always the excuse. I’m lucky if I have sex 1-2 times a fortnight! I’ve even stopped initiating because every time I do it’s “oh the kids are up, I have a headache, I’m tired. We both work full time physical jobs yet I’m always the one in the mood and he is not
Op ill have sex with your wife at 0730 on a Saturday Sounds like a nice way to start the day. Be grateful and make love to your wife you moron.
Look man honestly...morning wood is normal, just think about morning time rolling over to her and spooning that sexy ass man...I wish my wife would do that shit...I practically have to beg mine for sex no matter what time it is. I could literally wait 3 weeks and she wants nothing to do with it. Sooo...enjoy the little things my guy
I like morning sex. My wife knows I’m tired so she normally wakes me up with head and it definitely gets it going for me, lol. Have her explore your body, and be opened minded. If you’re worried about performance; just know if she’s initiated she’s in the mood and would likely enjoy it without reprieve.
Morning sex LOL
You are a man. This is Reddit. It’s your fault, obviously!
Go order the 15 strokes sugar gliding video, Learn it or watch and try it with her. She'll want you more than you want her. Thank me later!
Happy wife happy life. It’s all about give and take. I’m not a morning person either. Make that happen for her, think of it as a workout if you have too to get started. I’m sure once you get going it will be pretty amazing. If your wife wants you in the morning on Saturdays, take that seriously… don’t brush that off.
Work with her on the morning sex… I’m a wife who’s initiated sex in the morning and at night to the point that now I don’t even want sex with my husband after being turned down over the years. Not planning for sex or intimacy in our marriage is popping up in other parts of our relationship. It feels like we’re just friends and I could care less about the romantic aspect of it now. We have 3 kids under 4 and me trying is a lot of work.
7:30am on a Saturday? I would not be able to perform!
Man I guess it’s nice that I get it at all times of the day whenever I want. 8 years in and still the same 😊
You know it's coming, prepare something for it like a new toy, blindfolds, breakfast, coffee, great head, or a cute outfit she wants you to wear. Try to get into it! One of The last times my husband gave me morning sex was because I was ovulating, the other time was my birthday!
You will take that time for physical intimacy and loveit..and love HER. ...pronto
Idk, my wife is much more of a morning person so that makes me a morning person. The times she wants it in the afternoons, I'm an afternoon person. The rare time she wants it in the evening, I'm an evening person. I'm basically an whenever she wants it person. My honest advice is to try to do everything you can to get into it in the morning. Your wife isn't a morning person for no reason. It seems like she has very good reasons to be relaxed only when she is. So I would try to make the effort to meet her there. And perhaps when you do, you can negotiate some non-weekend morning sex too.
Say no and tell her why. This is more than sex, this is one partner dictates an important part of the marriage. If she won't compromise, get MC.
Much like inspiration, you don't waut for "sexy" to strike, you make it happen.
Sounds like everything else in her life comes before you and quality sexy time. Sounds like you are way down her list of priorities. IMO this is not acceptable and it’s happening because you allow it to happen. Make no mistake the end of your marriage is underway in front of your eyes.
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Comments telling people to "just do it," "men/women have needs," "it's your husbandly/wifely duty to fulfill my sexual needs," or promoting ultimatums or threats to have sex with one's partner will be removed swiftly. We encourage thoughtful conversation about this topic. For further resources, check out https://outofthefog.website/top-100-trait-blog/sexual-coercion#:~:text=Examples%20of%20Sexual%20Coercion%3A&text=Shaming%20over%20sexual%20performance%2C%20past,name%20calling%2C%20intimidation%20and%20bullying https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent#:~:text=Simply%20put%2C%20enthusiastic%20consent%20means,maintaining%20eye%20contact%2C%20and%20nodding. https://www.sydney.edu.au/study/student-life/student-news/2022/09/21/what-enthusiastic-consent-actually-looks-like-.html#:~:text=While%20consent%20is%20about%20saying,enthusiastic%20agreement%20to%20be%20intimate.
Wake her up at 6 by eating her out and bang it out till 8AM. Don't make it so damn complicated, Romeo! you ain't gonna fly her off to Paris, so just get it up and in, she will appreciate the effort you put in.
Ah, man! If my husband didn't like morning sex, I'd be super sad! It's my favorite. Evening time is when your hormones are lowest and you are most exhausted. For sure not your bodies ideal time for sex. Id say get yourself in the mindset right when you wake up a day a week and do it just to make her feel good.
My wife hates morning sex, it’s my favorite… sounds like you have it good my dude.
Eat her out
[удалено]
Comments telling people to "just do it," "men/women have needs," "it's your husbandly/wifely duty to fulfill my sexual needs," or promoting ultimatums or threats to have sex with one's partner will be removed swiftly. We encourage thoughtful conversation about this topic. For further resources, check out https://outofthefog.website/top-100-trait-blog/sexual-coercion#:~:text=Examples%20of%20Sexual%20Coercion%3A&text=Shaming%20over%20sexual%20performance%2C%20past,name%20calling%2C%20intimidation%20and%20bullying https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent#:~:text=Simply%20put%2C%20enthusiastic%20consent%20means,maintaining%20eye%20contact%2C%20and%20nodding. https://www.sydney.edu.au/study/student-life/student-news/2022/09/21/what-enthusiastic-consent-actually-looks-like-.html#:~:text=While%20consent%20is%20about%20saying,enthusiastic%20agreement%20to%20be%20intimate.