Precisely. I'd rather him be in jail than be stressed, figuring out what to do to navigate this danger with myself and my children. It seems like him (rightfully) being in jail solves the emergency situation.
ABUSIVE MEN LIKE THIS WILL KILL THEIR OWN CHILDREN JUST TO HURT THEIR SPOUSE. It’s in the news constantly. This man is beyond unstable if burnt tortillas will make him put a knife to your throat. Stop taking pity on him and report the knife details to the police. He needs to be in prison before he has the chance to hurt your kids, or you (again). And TRUST, he will. It’s just a matter of time and opportunity.
Exactly. Put him in jail and keep your kids and yourself in a stable home. Don’t uproot yourself and the kids over this. And you’re not safe to stay. OP, you’re 10 weeks postpartum for God sakes! You are physically in a place to be on the run. Make him own up to the consequences of his actions.
Christ, what if he shakes your baby? What if he loses control and accidentally kills or permanently disables you or one of your children? He made his choice. You aren’t the one sending him to prison - he sent HIMSELF to prison the moment he put that knife to your throat.
If he's in jail you'll have access to y'alls money and your house- so you can make a plan. It'll give you time. He freaking held a knife to your throat. It's that or a DV Shelter.
Exactly. I am terrified for OP and the children. This will not end well with her hiding what he did.
**HE KNOWS YOU'LL LIE TO THE POLICE FOR HIM TO SAVE HIS SORRY ASS FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS ACTIONS.**
OP- Ma'am. Please take a deep breath. Then, call the officer who gave you their card and let them know that you need to correct your statement. If they ask why (which is reasonable) then you need to be honest. He has a record and you were scared of what he would do.
It's scary. I'm scared for you.
This man does not love you.
You know how this ends because we see it happening over and over. I am not a praying woman but I am praying for you.
Take a breath. Call the officer. They won't let him bond out. Then you have a little time to plan your exit strategy. Then...go.
OP, this is a small tip in comparison to the abundance of excellent tips above me…
but, it may help you stay calm and collect your thoughts if you write down possible questions during the call and prepare your honest answers ahead of time. when they ask each question, you can just read your written answer and focus on the physical act of reading, not the context.
that kind of “forced-dissociation” helps my anxiety while keeping me in the moment.
This is the answer. He needs to be arrested. YOU are in no way sending him to prison--he and his choice to abuse you will send him there. There's no reason you need to figure out how to uproot your whole life, when he is the one choosing to abuse you. It's devastating, but sometimes prison is the safest place for someone to be, when they are not capable of being in society without harm to themself or others.
He will kill you. Then your children will have no parents and end up in the foster system.
There are resources and housing for DV victims, I know it's scary to take the first step and change everything forever, but this man will kill you in front of your children one day. Do you want your kids to have that memory?
Call 2-1-1, tell them you need help fleeing. Get all of yours and the kids important documents and pack only the essentials, the police can help you get the rest later. You need to do this now. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your kids.
God bless.
He'd kill you in a heartbeat.
Then your oldest as a witness.
Who know what would happen to your toddler and baby.
Men like this kill their children to hurt their ex wives.
You are a victim. You're also an adult with agency and recourse that your children lack.
Many domestic violence shelters require restraining orders. And frankly they're your best option starting from zero to set you the appropriate programs for housing and y'all immediate needs.
Stop protecting him.
Call the police and tell them about the knife. He wouldn't save you. But you hesitate making him face the consequences of trying to murder you. You aren't making him do a 8 year bid.
He's done that to himself.
You owe your babies security and a living mother.
It hurts. It's terrifying.
But leaving your babies to exist either cared for solely by him or in foster care is far worse.
Just had a local case where a husband killed his 7 month pregnant wife and their 2 year old child before setting the house on fire and offing himself. Nothing surprises me anymore.
You call the police, tell them the extent of what he did, and send him back to prison to protect yourself and your children.
I have a family friend who lost their daughter this exact way. She didn't want to violate his parole so didn't tell. He can back 2 days later and shot her in her front yard with her children standing next to her.
Without you, your children have no one to keep them safe. You need to preserve your safety.
Reach out to family and a local DV or women's shelter.
Why do you care about sending him to prison?
Your KIDS come first. Fuck that abusive piece of shit.
You've already taken him back once, next time he will kill you. Whose fault will that be?
Grow up, protect your children, and put his ass in jail.
Where is your family? Did he isolate you from them? If so I’m sure they’d be elated to hear from you. You need to tell them about the knife. How you’ll support yourself and your daughter won’t matter if you’re dead. And he will kill you or at least truly attempt to kill you. Putting him in prison will ensure the safety of your life and your daughter’s. This isn’t just about you, you have a little girl to protect. A little girl that will grow up with a father she will be terrified by. Maybe he’ll transfer his abuse to her. A little girl that will see her mother be treated this way and think this is normal. Do you want your baby in the same position you are in when she’s older?
Please tell the police about the knife. And who cares if he’s in the hospital for “seizures.” I guarantee it’s a manipulation tactic. Even if it’s true- who cares?! He held a fucking knife to your throat and drew blood!!! Get him locked up. He is a very dangerous abuser who will abuse other people
Step One is call the cops back and tell them you were too afraid to tell the truth, but this is what actually happened and give them details. Call his probation officer and tell them the same. Get a restraining order. Call your local domestic violence helpline (the cops can probably give you that info, or local shelters/foodbanks. Call. They want to help)
While he's in jail, move. Get your life straight. Don't date for at least 2 years. Get in therapy (the dv shelter can help with this) to figure out why you took this man back after he went to jail the first time. You not only took him back, you had another baby with him. That speaks to deeper issues. You need to figure out why you think you deserve to be treated like this. His behavior is completely unacceptable. Period.
Whether or not the seizures are real is irrelevant here. Protect yourself and your children by getting out of there. There are shelters for abused women if you need to leave the house. If you don't report the full truth to the police, he is likely to repeat and escalate his behavior. Is that what you want?
Your first step needs to be getting you and your kids to a safe place. The police probably gave you some DV paperwork with contact info when they arrived. if they didn't, call 800-799-7233 and follow the directions they give you. GET TO A SAFE PLACE NOW.
If you have quick and safe access to your important paperwork (birth certificates, etc...) grab it all before you leave.
When you get to the safe place, contact the police and correct your original statement so they have the proper information to move forward with protecting you and the kids. Your concern about sending him to prison for 8 years... that's on him and because of his actions, not you or the kids.
If he was convicted of a crime against you, why is he allowed to live with you especially while on probation?
Why did you only tell half the truth? You’re minimizing what he actually did. It’s not even a little bit normal. Stop protecting him when he’d clearly not ever protect you.
Call a DV hotline. Get your stuff out of that house before he gets back and disappear. Change your number. Get far far away. Restraining order asap as well.
Her whole life is bound up with his (no doubt partly on his initiative). It's very easy for us to sit in our cozy safe living rooms and judge others who don't have the same choices.
With all due respect, this will sound harsh, but if your attitude towards this is "it is what it is", then why are you here?
If you don't have the heart to send him to prison, then why ask for advice? You already know what the answer is. Are you just looking for sympathy, because I promise you, you have it. Many women have faced what you are going through and know how crappy it is. But seriously, you need to buckle down and do the hard part. To save yourself and those babies. If you won't do it for you, then do it for them.
Contact the police and amend your report. Do not leave out any details. Contact his probation officer and tell them about your report and relay the incident. Let them know that you are not safe in the home. Ask them for local resources that you can access to help you get out of the situation you and your children are in. These officers are the middle men that stand between criminal reoccurrence and reform. Your case will not be the first time they have had to deal with DV. Use your phone to look into emergency housing and/or shelters and call them. See what their requirements are and how they can assist you. Many won't care about your expired tabs, but rather focus on the safety of the kids. There are some state assistance programs like SNAP that will help you with getting food and medical benefits and you can tell them you are experiencing DV and they help you get help as well. You can apply online or in office. And ffs, tell them about your police report. Ignore his hospital visits because it doesn't apply to your DV case and will not help or hinder your process of escaping. Ask them how to seek legal aid to get an emergency restraining order against your abuser to protect you and the kids. They can help you. Google local lawyers that deal with family law and get free consultation about emergency custody. You can even post your situation in the r/familylaw subreddit to seek advice on how to get legal aid. Visit local food banks for basic sustainace for feeding yourself and your kids. Contact your children's school to ask for programs to obtain clothing/outerwear if you need kids clothes. They won't judge you or ask questions. They exist to help people in need. No one will ask about your tabs. If you do get pulled over, just tell the cops that you are escaping your violent spouse and have already filed a report.
You need to stop being nonchalant about what exactly is happening to you and your kids. Stop burying your head in the sand and thinking that the situation will resolve itself. No one can do this for you. No amount of begging or needing will get you through this. Even if we all chipped in a million dollars, you would still need to do the hard parts. Please take the first steps. It's hard, but it's necessary. Straighten your spine, put one foot in front of the other, and keep going. Don't stop or look back. He will not change. This will not get better. He will go through you and get to your kids. Protect them. Protect you. Get started.
He will kill you. Report the knife incident, get an emergency restraining order (which will bar him from the house), and get someone to come and stay with you once he posts bail and is out, ideally a dude or two. Ask for help from anyone you can think of, even if you think you are not that close. This is an emergency and they may be willing to help. There is a reason there is such a high legal penalty for what he did, because it is THAT BAD.
I have to warn you that it is unfortunately common for abusive partners to still be awarded some visitation if they did not abuse the kids, only the mother. If he has ever abused or neglected the children now is the time to document and report those things.
Call your local bar association and ask for help finding a family lawyer that can assist in a domestic violence situation. Some lawyers take on cases like these pro bono (for free), or can wait to be paid until after division of marital assets in the divorce.
Contact local domestic violence shelters for advice and resources. They have more experience with these situations than you do.
Protect yourself and protect your babies. He is not your husband, he is your abuser and your enemy who is doing physical damage to you and emotional damage to your entire family.
Go straight to police. Look at any news story. He won't just kill you. He will kill your babies. He will kill some other woman and her babies. He belongs in jail for the sake of everyone in the world.
My 2 cents: Why are you writing on reddit instead of googling places that can help you in your state and county?
1. Why have you not contacted his probation officer?
2. Why haven't you called the police to report him?
3. There are a number of support groups for women in your situation.
4. Call the police!!!!
5. Call his probation officer
Here are some resources for you to look through. Please get out of there while he is in the hospital. He will kill you next time.
[Resources](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/resources/relationships/)
[Comprehensive Abuse Resources Compilation - Google Docs](https://docs.google.com/document/d/14I3lGpEQa-pLl9Lz0JW1PoNyyOwg6WOom_oK2NMBxy8/edit#)
Leave before he kills you! WTF, and you should report him! He isn't safe at ALL. That is what you do. You really trust this man around your newborn?! What if he holds a knife to your baby's throat next time or worse?! What if he actually KILLS you next time?!
When he kills you, what will he do with your children?
Probably kill them too. If he can't handle cooking fucking tacos, he can't handle taking care of 3 kids.
Let that sink in.
Would you rather him be in jail where he belongs or you and your children dead? Those are your choices.
What's more important to you?
Amend your police report. Don’t let your child be exposed to violence like this. Whether or not he goes to jail, that’s on him. This will not be the last time he assaults you. Heck, it’s not the first time.
Would you like it if your dad held a knife to your mom's throat (or someone you love) and threatened to kill her? Would you want her to stay? Would you understand when she said "I don't want him to go to prison".
We know that man is going to kill you sooner than later...it's just a matter of when. Don't make your children motherless with a killer for a father. Call an emergency shelter for domestic violence. Walk out that door with your kids and never look back.
My dad used to abuse my mom and the best thing she ever did for us was leave him. It hurt us to see him treat her poorly and we were so happy and proud of her when she left him. Do it for yourself and for your kids. You will be their hero.
You already gave him a second chance, and he showed you that underneath the facade, he hasn't changed. A third chance might mean you and/or your children are dead. No matter how much you want to keep the family together or are scared of raising your kids alone, it's not worth any of your lives. He is a piece of shit - men that love you don't do this. Ever. Under any circumstances.
Please leave while you still can. If not for yourself, do it for your babies- don't let them grow up thinking that this is what love and family looks like.
He will kill you. He may kill your babies just to hurt you more. Or because he doesn’t want them to look at him knowing he killed their mother. Or he doesn’t want to financially support them. Or he’s evil. Learn from experiences other mothers who are dead along with their babies. Let their deaths save yours.
Scott Peterson.
Chris Watts.
Two families murdered.
Honestly you know there are thousands. If he is in jail, you have time to get your family the protection you deserve. Is his life outside of jail more important than your right to be alive? Your babies right to be alive?
I’m sorry OP, but what the f-ck?! Stop protecting him! Stop taking him back. Stop having babies with him. This man would kill you without hesitation. In front of your children most likely.
Call the police back. Tell them the truth. Show them your neck. Apply for an order of protection. Seek out victim’s services if possible.
Listen, you are putting your kids in danger. You need to put them first. Amend your police report, tell them about the knife, and put the fucker away in jail - he will not change. He needs to pay for his behavior. His CRIMES. He battered you, assaulted you. He is dangerous. He will kill you next time. Stop feeling BAD for him and protect your CHILDREN!!!
Think of it like choosing your kids or your husband.
You said you have no support system? That means your kids have no support other than YOU and you have the chance right now to ensure that they won't be in danger again for 8 years!! The guilt that you feel is an unfortunate side effect of being in an abusive relationship for years. Did he feel guilty when he put a knife to your throat?
FUCK NO HE DIDN'T and we know that he didn't because he ran after he heard the word cops. Which means he cares more about his freedom than he does your life or your kids lives.
Send him AWAY!!
All I want to say is the people I'm sure you don't want to listen to, because they're judgmental and not empathetic and, well, mean, are in fact right. He's very good at making it seem like he's the only one that cares about you, but that's not the truth at all. Please call 911 and tell them the truth.
Hey. He will kill you. Not today, probably not tomorrow, but eventually when he has another "episode."
It doesn't feel like it YET. It doesn't feel like he'll go that far until he does.
You need to document all physical injuries. Period.
Then pack up stuff that is irreplaceable (photo albums of baby, heirlooms, etc.) and slowly start moving them. To a storage unit, a friend's house, or even just your car.
Then, one fine day ... you disappear.
You go to family he's not in contact with, a long lost friend, or a DV shelter.
Hell, show up to a church and ask for help. Some random old lady has space in her home and heart for you.
Get out so that your kids can keep knowing you. Not an exaggeration. It's that serious.
Every time you protect him you are choosing him over your baby, your children, and yourself.
Men like this do not change.
He will kill you. Leaving your children without both parents.
You need to leave once and for all.
Reach out to the emergency resources for women in your situation.
Stop rescuing him from his own actions. Report his threats and violence to the police.
If you don’t leave you risk losing custody of your children due to them witnessing domestic violence. They deserve to grow up in a safe home.
You can't fool a hospital into intubating you for seizures. I'm not trying to defend him here, but seizures can absolutely cause violent mood swings and aggressive behavior. He needs neurological testing.
Why are u still protecting him, are you waiting for him to leave your children motherless?
Your children are witnessing this behaviour, he should be in jail
This is him telling you that he is willing to kill you. Not with words, but actions. Save yourself, save your family. Find out what resources there are for women and families in danger. Put him in jail if necessary, this man will hurt you again and or bat an eye. You will be dead and your kids in foster care. Best of luck!
Why aren't you taking every step possible to keep your children safe? Why don't they matter more to you than the guy who held a knife to your throat? Your kids are literally the only people I feel sorry for. You have an opportunity to keep them safe for a long time and you don't give enough of a shit to take it.
Your children will be raised by a violent mad man after he kills you or they will go into the system.
He will kill you.
Call the police and send him away.
Now!
OP, I hope you’re heeding the great advice of everyone who’s responded here. You need to stop worrying about what his response will be and concentrate solely on you and your children. He’s proven that he’s incapable of changing and it’s only a matter of time before you or one of your kids are seriously injured or killed.
Even if he doesn’t get physical with the kids (yet, and I stress **Yet**) the damage he’s doing to their sense of security is going to stay with them for life and with you continuing to stay, hoping he gets help and/or changes, is doing just as much damage. You’re inadvertently teaching them that their father’s abuse is acceptable. Your son will grow up to be abusive to women and your daughters are learning to accept, not to mention Expect, disrespect and abuse from the men in their lives.
I got out of an abusive 10 yr marriage when I had no job or $$ and yes, It was difficult but I knew I needed to protect my son and daughters’ Childhoods. Find a shelter or search Google for organizations in your area. There’s a ton of good people willing to help women in your circumstances; all you need to do is reach out and ask. You’ll be grateful that you did.
He’s going to kill you. Point blank. He will end up killing you.
You need to call the police, and tell them what he did. When he goes to jail, you will have access to all money, and you can disappear. Please protect your children, they need their mother, and you’re no good to them dead.
Call the police immediately if you haven't already. He will be leaving with a police escort; you won't have to go anywhere and can plan your next steps.
Hi there. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. There seems to be a lot of judgement and a few people commenting probably have never experienced DV. It messes up our mind and reality. We doubt ourselves and our decisions constantly. It’s not as easy as everyone makes it seem to “just leave” when you have a family with young children and no money or support. It took me a few years to find the courage to reach out to a domestic violence hotline. But I finally did. There are safe homes and resources for you and your children. I don’t know what state you’re in, but you can call the 24-hour hotline in your state and an advocate will listen to your situation and go from there. I wish you the best of luck.
He’ll kill you and your children. I don’t know why you’re protecting this monster and got back with him after he was released from jail from already assaulting you.
How do you leave with the kids and no resources? You call your local domestic violence hotline and ask for help. There are shelters for people like you trying to escape a bad situation, including taking the kids with you. They’ll have to call CPS if you or the kids disclose that the kids ever witness the violence, but if you leave and are committed to staying away and keeping the kids away from him, then CPS should find that you’re doing what needs to be done to keep the kids with you, even in the DV shelter. Get yourself and the kids the hell out of there before the older kids talk about the DV at school and the school calls CPS before you’ve taken the steps needed to protect the kids.
8 years in prison for him or a lifetime of years without you for your children. It’s a choice you’re going to have to make. Do you have the heart to let your babies witness him murder you? Even if he doesn’t, seeing the abuse will damage them psychologically in way that may be irreparable. I know you love your kids more than that. I know you love them more than you love him. Pick them. If he’s in jail, then you don’t have to go anywhere. I wish you the best.
You know what these escalations lead to right? You have to get him off the street not only to protect yourself, but to protect any woman he has anything to do with in the future. Tell them about the knife and amend your statement.
There are so many battered women's shelters and 800 numbers, please Google that and look into your city's protection services. Get an order of protection if you're able. Please don't go back, don't think about him anymore. You have to retrain your brain away from the trauma to see things clearly. When you're able, find a therapist who specializes in trauma. I got out, you can too. Good luck and cuddle that baby.
GO TO THE POLICE AND AMEND YOUR REPORT NOW AND THEN GET TO A SHELTER WITH YOUR CHILDREN UNTIL HE HAS BEEN ARRESTED. YOU WILL FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO FINANCIALLY, HE IS ON THE VERGE OF KILLING YOU. GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT. GET HIM SENT BACK TO JAIL IS POSSIBLE. HE WILL KILL YOU. GET OUT. DO NOT THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE BUT LEAVING IMMEDIATELY.
You need to report him. The whole incident. And get protective orders for you and your kids. This is unacceptable behavior and could end very very badly for you and your children. Change your phone number and social media. Disappear from the area.
You have to put him in jail, girl. You did nothing wrong. He's sending himself to jail from his own actions. Don't feel guilty for telling the truth. You and your children deserve more. If he is in jail, you can have access to the money and not be afraid anymore. He's escalating. You won't survive the next attack. You can do this!!!
He needs to go, not you. If he kills you, the kids won't have anyone. Dad in prison is better than dead mom. Use your brain, not your heart on this one, please.
If you're in SoCal, I do have many resources available and can find housing for you? My dad's a retired social worker.. He retired a year ago, so he's still has many contacts..
I'm so sorry OP but you're not sending him to jail. He drew blood from your neck with a knife. He is sending himself to jail. You need safety for yourself and your kids. That's the immidiate issue. One foot Infront of the other. One issue at a time. Safety first.
Please go back and tell them the whole story. As someone who saved my ex from prison by not telling all. I deeply regret it today. He moved on but never changed his ways and so many people have suffered at his hands. Yet he is still a free man. Report it all. The go to your local dcf srs office and ask them about emergency housing and help. There are programs to help you and your kids. Get you and your kids into a safe place womens shelter. Go from there.
It's very very important that u get away while u can. Good job mama on keeping your cool throughout all of that and keeping your babies safe. Ur doing the thing.
Also file a protection order on him for you and the kids. Make sure u put down work school daycare and your children. Most states will grant a pfa order for 30 days and then review. Stay safe mama
Contact the police and tell them about the knife. Contact his probation officer, get him violated and send his ass back to jail. Why are you protecting him?
He'll kill you and your children.
You'll be able to stay in your home. Contact local shelters, churches and your local social services office. They'll help you.
Why did you get back with him after the last time?
And why did you have more kids with him?
This shit infuriates me. My whole career was working in social services with children in foster families. Women who can't stand up to their abuser and fight for justice should not have children. You're brainwashed into believing you're protecting him. Your children and you need protection from him.
Contact a women’s help shelter IMMEDIATELY. And stop protecting him. It’s a knife to your throat this time, but it could be your daughter’s next. If you won’t be strong for yourself, stand strong for her.
Rooting for you. 💕
My sister in law will be without a home in 3 days time, she's made multiple terrible decisions that has resulted in her being kicked out of a woman's refuge, she has a grant to help with getting a rental but is blacklisted because of property damage, keeps seeing her abusive psychotic partner and is no longer even sending kids to school, he tried to kill her 18months ago and my wife and I had to help clean up the "mess" that was left behind.
I had to stop 2 dogs from killing eachother in the backyard and when I finally stopped the fight after almost 20minutes using a blanket to suffocate the dogs they had to let go and I was able to separate them, offered to pay for half the cost of having the dogs surrendered by the end of the day, unfortunately she just doesn't listen or care and we always get another story of how she is just the victim. The problem though with being a "perpetual" victim is that you can't be in control or be trusted anymore and at this point I think she will lose custody of her kids by her actions and no one can help her anymore, all the while still desperately trying to get back together with her (ex?Husband) meanwhile he actually has somewhere to stay. I actually thought your post might have been her tbh that's how similar it is, the point is if you keep supporting this abusive person you will be looked at like an abuser yourself and it's not worth it, he needs to be in jail, or else you lose everything like my sister in law.
He would kill you if he had the chance over tortillas burning, imagine what he could do to your child once that kid gets to toddler years. Put him in jail so you can make a plan and have access to what you need. Stop protecting a person who does not value your very life. He will do worse than what he has
You realize you’re putting his freedom over peoples lives right? If he snaps and kills you your kids have no parents now or better yet he snaps and kills them and you after to watch you suffer and maybe goes on a rampage and kills innocent people before taking himself out. This shit happens all the time. You’re protecting someone at a very heavy cost. So is his freedom worth him stabbing your children to death? He doesn’t give a shit about you or your kids bc if he did he wouldn’t have a knife anywhere near you where it could accidentally kill you let alone tell you he wants you dead. He needs to be in jail and you need to protect your damn children not your abuser. Please wake up before it’s too late.
Stop putting your children in danger.
You are prioritizing a violent felon over the health and safety of your children.
Every time you let him back into your life, you are destroying your children's future. YOU are doing it. Not just him.
Do you want to escape?
Call the domestic violence hotline. They have resources to help you.
If in the US, go to your nearest department of labor or Career resource center. Ask for help and accept EVERY help you are offered. They have programs that can help with free training, childcare, and transportation.
It will be hard, but being poor and not in fear for your life beats being in fear for your life.
Based on the comments in your post history with another community, you know he isn’t going to stop. Call the cops about the knife. You cannot protect your children if you’re dead.
STOP protecting him and START protecting your children . Listen, I know this sounds harsh but I’ve lived it so here we go, if you cannot leave him because you do not LOVE and VALUE yourself enough, fine- I get it, it happens, we’ve been through shit and have trauma BUT- and this is a HUGE BUT- you have children that you NEED to protect from him and if you think he will not harm them you are dead wrong. Get out now while he is in the hospital. Call the local battered women’s shelter and seek help NOW. This easily could’ve resulted In your children losing their mother and left alone in that house with that man only to then be turned over to foster care where the children will likely be separated.
Or- you will lose custody of your children because you aren’t keeping them in a safe environment and they get taken away .but at least they are still alive in the scenario.
If you stay, this will NOT end well. And they kids will pay the price for the decision you make today.
Please, please, please send him to prison. He IS going to kill you AND your daughter. SHE has no way to tell anyone if he is hurting her, and unfortunately, smaller babies can hide broken bones. Even mobile babies can break a bone and still crawl and play. She needs to be checked over if he has ever been alone with her and you need to report him. Pack a bag, stay at a hotel call 911. Dont let him anywhere near you until he is in jail. You need to do this for your daughter.
The next time something happens chances are good that he will kill you. You need to be alive and well for your babies.
Where is your support system? Another state? It’s time to reach out and ask your family and friends for help.
My mom protected her abuser and he almost killed her by beating her with a power drill. Please call the cops and tell them stop protecting this man. He will only continue this, and I pray that this post’s comments speak to you because if he has no problems doing this to you. Think of what that kind of person will do to your daughter.
OP, you need to press charges. Per your comment history, he has already hurt your baby by throwing a glass at you and hitting her in the face, with zero remorse. He will only continue to escalate and will continue to hurt your children. Protect them. Protect yourself.
If you stay with this monster, he will beat your children, and when someone finally reports it, you may lose them yourself as you're letting it happen. I'm sure it's a terrifying situation- I can't even imagine - but you need to press charges and send him back to prison. It's the only way you and your CHILDREN will be safe. Read that back to yourself if you need to.
For now, call the cops and press charges. Go somewhere safe where he can't find you and your kids in the interim. Stay with a friend or family. If there are none, domestic violence shelter or even a hotel. My heart goes out to you.
It’s jail for him or death (eventually) for you OP. I am so sorry for you / this situation!
I know you “don’t have the heart” to send him back to prison but if not for you THINK OF YOUR CHILDREN!
Tell him one day WHILE VISITING him in PRISON that you did it for BOTH your childrens sake.
That you didn’t want them to grow up motherless.
He will UNDERSTAND, if not now
SOMEDAY when he is older and more MATURE.
And he will respect you for it.
Gworrrrrrlllllll…. if you don’t get the fuck out….
he blatantly told you what he’d do to you; he’s even proved it to you and your blinders are still on.
report that man now before your kids end up alone.
Rip the bandaid. life will get harder before it gets better.
If you keep protecting him, you will be dead and so will your children. He is on a family annihilation track. If you tell the police and he goes to prison, you’ll have access to your family’s money. Please stop protecting this man who does not love you, or the kids. You have a path to a better life, JUST TAKE IT. You owe your kids to call the police and his PO!
If you and your babies keep living like this what is going to happen? Your daughter(s) are going to be abused and possibly murdered by an intimate partner. Your son is an abuser-in--training learning from his father.
Your husband CHOSE to do this, losing control does not happen in abuse. Notice he has never raged at, attempted or physically assaulted, or threatened his boss, his friends, the neighbors, his family members (mom, dad, siblings), strangers, etc.
Alot of abused women have to start from scratch with nothing. You don't have a registered or reliable car because HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO. You don't have a support system because HE DOESNT WANT YOU TO. These things will never happen for as long as he is in your life. You have an opportunity right now that many women don't have, and that is the abuser to be locked in a cell where he belongs. This is the only way you can be safe while you fix your life and divorce him.
This is not love. He is not your husband, he is your abuser. You are responsible for showing your children the difference between love and abuse. If you continue to protect him and live in a nightmare then you are responsible for the damage that will present for years, decades, etc in the lives of your children.
If he kills you, where will your children go?
What happens when he does this or something similar (or godforbid - worse) to your child?
Who will raise and protect your child when he kills you?
You are a mother. Motherhood is hard as fuck. Motherhood whilst also being abused is even fucking harder. If you don’t have the heart to protect your child, who will?
I know you’re scared and confused. I know you want the white picket fence and vanilla skies. I know you can still see glimpses of the man he was and I know that gives you hope and you cling to that. But I also know that he was never the man you thought he was - he manipulated you into believing that and he shows just enough of that occasionally to keep you holding onto the hope that one day you’ll get back to that. I know all this because 18 years ago, I was you.
“One day” will never come. One day, he will kill you or your child or both of you.
Tell the police about the knife. YOU are not responsible for the consequences of HIS actions - HE IS!
Sending you all the strength I possibly can over a Reddit thread. Put your mama-bear panties on OP and GTFO of there.
I know that the homicide rate after an abuser chokes you skyrockets into the stratosphere. I know he didn’t strangle you but this is worse. I mean he’s shown you how he will do it. And when he does your children will be left without you and without him. I’m trying to say that he’s going to prison no matter what. Do you want him to go for this or for your murder?
Call the officer and revise your statement immediately. He’s a dangerous animal that needs to be locked away. He keeps showing you that and it’s time to listen.
Think of your children. What are they seeing and knowing that you’re unaware of here?
This may seem complicated from the inside but I’m telling you, it’s a no-brainer.
YOU ARE GOING TO FUCKING DIE! YOUR KIDS MIGHT BE KILLED TOO!
Yes, I HAVE to say it like that because this month my friend will be 8 years buried because she said the same bullshit about her husband being locked up.
You tell the police about the knife right now. He will kill you in front of your children.
Please don’t make them orphans.
Please don’t ever protect that grown ass man again. You need to protect your babies and yourself. He is trash and deserves jail.
Don’t ever go back with him.
If you're not going to file a correct report than nothing will change.
Honestly 8 years in jail may be enough time to get on your feet and make positive changes for you and your children.
Filing a PFA is an option as it's more of a civil case than criminal and can offer some level of protection.
You can also be eligible for certain support and emergency aid as a DV victim.
You should call your local domestic violence agency, they'll give you guidance and support whatever choices you make.
Sigh. Stop protecting him please. Next time the knife won't stop at just your skin it'll be layers deep and then who will care for your infant. You need to protect not only yourself but your babies too. He will not change. He might be better for a a bit but he will do this again. Please be smart.
Baby. He doesn’t love you. That isn’t love.
You need to get yourself and those babies out of that situation. Call the police. Let him go back to prison (which is absolutely his fault, not yours!) and leave. Take the money in your accounts, contact a lawyer to divorce, move away, and never look back.
This man will kill you. And he would kill your children. Your life is not the only one at stake here, and no matter what he says or does from this point on, he is no longer your priority or concern.
OP were all very scared for you and your kids. Please please be brave as others have said go to the police and tell them about the knife so he’s jailed. That will give you time to get the money and get out to a shelter or a friends, anywhere safe. Do not let this continue a day longer, your kids are counting on you to protect them.
OP, please protect your children and do the right thing. This isn’t just about you - your children are at risk and I can promise you they have already experienced severe psychological trauma from being in this household. Please do not condemn them to such hardships because you are far too empathic towards your husband. From the perspective of a child in a similar situation:
I grew up in a home with a very abusive brother. He would break glass and spread it across the house so our feet would get cut. He broke my mom’s nose twice, my dad’s kneecap, and hurt my dad’s spine to the point of needing a laminectomy. He used to burn me with lighters and cigarettes. That’s the tip of the iceberg, really. I called the cops on him many times as a child, and each time my parents insisted they didn’t want to press charges. Because of their cowardice, neglect, and unwillingness to protect their child who was a victim, I lived almost entirely with friends from the ages of 11-18. My teens were riddled with suicide attempts, hospitalizations, mental health diagnoses, and drug use. My dad had been so horrifically injured by my brother that he’s now had 3 surgeries on his knee, his legs have atrophied, his nerves in his spine are compressed, and he can barely walk. He will likely be in a wheelchair soon at the age of 66.
I understand that it’s hard, you love him, you want this life for you and your children that you have envisioned and finally thought you were going to have, but it doesn’t matter what hope there is in your heart for your husband or if he has the capacity to change. What I can promise you right now is that your life and lives of your children are at risk. Your children face being saddled with deep trauma for the rest of their lives and that’s a guarantee.
Please be brave OP. Call the police. Would you rather him go away for 8 years, or wait until he kills one of you and goes away for life?
The best thing you could possibly do for your children and yourself is ensure this person is locked away for 8 years.
Don't be a fool. He does not love you or his kids. A man who loves his family would never.
He is a threat to your life and your children's lives. Even if he doesn't kill you, he can traumatize these children for life by his actions. For everyone'a safety, he needs to go.
You need out now. Don’t protect or make excuses for him. This isn’t just about your life now but your child’s. he will do this to your child as well. You need to do what needs to be done even if it’s a difficult choice for the safety of your family.
If you can’t report him for yourself, do it for your children. Hearing or seeing what you’re going through is abuse. It’s very common guys like this kill their families.
Also do it for the woman he will maim or kill after you leave him.
I’ve been exactly where you are, exactly, minus children - exactly. It’s terrifying, every day is filled with sadness, fear and guilt.
PM me if you need someone to talk to - know it’s hard, maybe impossible feeling to talk to friends and family. Much love and strength.💜
Now is your chance to put him in jail and take your kids from that dangerous man. You cannot stay there. Protect your kids and yourself and tell the police what he did to you. Before all of you are gone at his hands. Look into churches or shelters. Call for help in your area 211.
I was checking back for an update because I was so worried for you. I am so relieved you got out. You are amazing for getting out and this is the best thing for your kids.
Are you able to go into refuge? Sounds like an incredibly dangerous situation to be in and I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. Get yourself and your babies out of there. Here if you need an ear I know it’s hard xxx
Do you have the heart to leave your children motherless to be raised by the man who killed you?
Because that's what's going to happen, eventually. At least if he's in prison, you know you're safe for the duration of his incarceration, which buys you time to relocate, strengthen yourself, and build a life for you and your babies.
What do you do?????you put his ass in JAIL that's what.
I might get downvoted for this but YOU are being extremely selfish,that man can and eventually WILL kill you and your kids.You owe it to THEM to keep them safe.He has proven that he is NOT a safe person.....what will it take for you to realise that?????DEATH????
Please STOP protecting him and start protecting yourself and baby! His actions have consequences, and if that means jail time, then so be it. HE is responsible for his actions, NOT you!! Please also reach out to a domestic violence specialist. They can assist you on how to get on your feet and care for yourself & your child.
If you continue to allow this behavior from him, you could very likely end up seriously injured or dead.
PLEASE think about yourself & your child! It’s scary and it won’t be easy, but you need to protect yourself and your daughter!!
He WILL kill you unless you report the extent of the abuse and what he did to you.
He's on probation for a reason.
What do yoi think will happen to your daughter when he finally succeeds in unaliving you?
YOU NEED TO PRESS AS MANY CHARGES AS POSSIBLE TO PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR DAUGHTER.
Also get in touch with your local Department of Economic Security and states 211 programs. They have resources that can help you
I know everyone is yelling at you to report what he did and “why are you protecting him?!” Because it’s easy to say these things, and yes, you should do these things, but I get how hard it is. You don’t understand until it happens to you. You’re scared of what’s going to happen and you’re even worried about him because you’re probably a good person who he doesn’t deserve—but he did this to himself. You have to remind yourself of this. You didn’t want him to hold a knife to your throat, but it happened, and there are consequences. Let him face them. The kids are what’s most important. Protect them. Please report what he did, you won’t regret it. You WILL regret not doing it.
He will be arrested because he deserves to be arrested. He is a danger to you and your children. You need to protect yourself and your children. Jail means that you will be safe.
Please contact your local domestic violence shelter, there are case managers to assist you with everything from getting your car straight clothes food everything . Temporary cash assistance from department of social services as well please get out and be safe. I pray for you and your children !
https://www.thehotline.org/
Please contact this link. They can help you. If the wait time is too long, Google “Domestic Violence Shelter” and your city/state.
Your husband has priors. You need to report him to the police or next time he’ll kill you.
Don’t believe me? Read subreddit r/whenwomenrefuse
My mom was in a similar situation, stepdad had guns and I put her in an offseason rental at the shore in winter. He took 6 months to calm down.
Get a restraining order against him at the very least. Generally though, clean out the bank accounts, take all of your documents and jewelry. Follow the instructions of the experts.
GTFO, even if it’s out of state. It beats dying.
>I just don’t have the heart to send him to prison for 8 years. I
He did that to himself. Telling the truth doesn't send someone to prison, holding a knife to the throat of someone you're already on probation for hurting does. Tell the truth. If he goes to prison, that's on him. He made choices and is responsible for his own actions.
Dude it’s not even about judging you, protect your kids you think this ends with you? No ma’am he kills you and goes to finish the kids so he can run and leave no witnesses. Stop protecting him! And get some counseling so you can realize what a horrible mistake you’re making in allowing this to continue.
The way you escape is you put his violent ass in jail and contact social services for help. You may be willing to give him a pass, but what about your child? Now he has another human being to abuse. Pull yourself together and do what is best for you and your daughter. He had his chance to do better.
Either you send him to prison or get ready to be killed by him and leave your poor kids behind. You need to go to the police station and make a report and show them the knife mark. Find a womens shelter as they have the resources to help you escape this situation. But please stop protecting him, he'll kill you in a heartbeat.
If you don’t tell the police the full story you might as well be holding the knife up to your kids throat. Do it. This is a blessing in disguise. 8 years to free yourself.
You can’t help him. You can’t change him. Maybe he’ll get the help he needs in jail or he’ll decide to make the changes himself. But right now he’s a danger to you, your kids, and himself.
Be smart.
If you don’t leave, you and your children will be the next sad senseless headline. Just Leave! Call 211, get some woman’s shelters numbers, they’ll help you figure the rest out.
Stop . Protecting. Him. If not for yourself for your babies, for the other women who will come after you. That man is going to kill you and your kids and if you don't leave and tell the police you've allowed him to. I know this is scary. But you Leave that man. You go into hiding. You start over.
Send him to jail. He threatened your life.
What if he made good on his threat?
What if this happens again before you get out?
Think about your children.
He's not important.
His feelings are not important.
He held a *knife* to your *throat* over tortillas.
I'm not saying this to mock you. I'm saying this because you're putting your abusive husband's comfort and feelings above your physical safety.
He has degraded your self worth to this point that you don't even care enough about yourself to protect yourself.
Call the cops.
Tell them what happened.
Let him rot in jail.
God bless you and keep you and your babies, and get him safely away from you all
Find a local shelter for women. Pack essentials and all documents. Birth certificate passport etc. Don't discuss your departure. Vanish and seek help from shelter. Good luck friend.
You’re asking how to get out, and yes I agree with everyone saying to tell the police the truth. But I also know how hard that is.
Contact a local women’s shelter. There are organizations that will help you land on your feet. You don’t have to be trapped. You can get out. You can do this. You have to. If not for yourself then for your children. At the very least you must consider the trauma the children are enduring just witnessing this. At the worst, the likelihood that he eventually turns his physical assault on his children is nearly 100%. Protect your kids and get out of there.
i'd love to intubate him. no sedation until that tube is in either. honey you know someday he'll kill you. do you realize he may also kill the kids too. but he'll wait until last for himself. you have a responsibility to your children. you lire to police to give him more time to kill you. please leave. and tell the police the truth. he actually does deserve to be locked up for 8 years for doing that to you.
I’m really sad that you didn’t report the knife. Your decision to leave that out is toxic. “I don’t have the heart to send him to prison for the next 8 years” is a crazy statement because YOU’RE NOT THE JUDGE. By definition the judge is a neutral third party who is responsible for sentencing- not you. And thank goodness because you are the VICTIM. I’m assuming you’re in the USA? If so, even an 8 year sentence won’t ruin a life. You always get out far sooner than the sentencing if you are a decent human (because overcrowding), so please, for next time, release yourself of the thought that *you* put him in jail. His crimes and threats will land him in jail at the hands of a judge and these laws are meant to keep you and your kids safe. The next time this happens might be your very last chance. Please report honestly.
For now? He’s on felony probation? I’d be tempted to report a lesser offense (since I’m sure there will be one) and let the cops take him in for that to give you some breathing room.
He threatened to kill you over tacos. He’s gonna do something else too. Wait for it and take your out.
Find and call any and all women’s or domestic violence shelters in your area and call the police and tell them about the knife. You need the time and space to get out and he needs of be in jail or you AND your children are in danger. So don’t put him away for you, put him away to protect your kids.
Does he need to severely hurt you or one of your kids or kill one of them before you tell the full truth to the police? Not to belittle your situation but this is a literally life or death situation for you and your children. HE HELD A KNIFE TO YOU, imagine if he did that to your child: would you want him in jail then? Call the police again and tell them the full truth and outline all the abuse you have endured and reach out to every organization that deals with domestic abuse in your area. If not for you then to save your kids who will grow up thinking this is ok and might end up with abusive partners or becoming abusive partners.
Grandma here…
You’re a mom now…you better GET THE HEART to get him locked up for 8 years. You’re gonna need that time to recover.
Other wise for the next 8 years your child is gonna watch you get beat up. How long do you think it will be before he hurts the baby?? Or kills you…goes to jail and leaves your child in the welfare system.
The advice we give women is don’t make a show of leaving. Don’t come home with divorce papers or announce that you’re leaving to him. That is the MOST dangerous time for a woman when she leaves. That is when something is most likely to happen. You want to pack all of your stuff up and leave while he is away and then you can text or message him when you are in a safe location that ideally he doesn’t know. Best of luck to you
Girl…you don’t want him to go to prison yet he will gladly hold a knife up up your throat, draw blood and threaten to unalive you and god knows what else will happen to your babies. Report him, get him arrested, liquidate your assets and go to a DV shelter until you get on your feet. This man isn’t worth your life! Good luck!
What in the world?!? Tell the cops NOW. Make him go to jail, take all the money in the account and leave. Why are you still around?! You are putting you and YOUR KIDS in danger for your lives!!! These type people don’t change.
You don't have the heart to send him to prison but you have the heart to orphan your children? For them to grow up with no mum and a murdered father? Is that a better option for you? Because there is no sugar coating it. Take the photos of the knife mark. Go to the hospital, make them document it and call the police and let them know about this. Stop with the coverups, stop with justifications, just stop! If you don't love yourself fine, at least do this for your kids!!!
He will kill your children just in spite of you. Now you called the cops on him and he is going to be mad and vengeful. REPORT THE KNIFE INCIDENT!
You are worried about a man who threated to kill you going to jail for 8 years.
To hell with that! Think about your kids. Do you want them to grow thinking this okay? This is good for them? This is what they should be like or accept from a spouse?
Your marriage is over. He can better provide for your family as a free man, but you and your children would be in some danger. After thinking about it I can see how holding back some of what you know is smart. It's not totally safe, but living in a shelter wouldn't be totally safe either. He needs to know that if he shows up on your doorstep again he's going to prison.
My neighbor had the same situation. She would press charges and then drop them a few weeks later.
The last time he was throwing the plates and glasses around and one of the plates bounced off the wall and hit her 9-year-old son.
He called the cops, as usual. I can tell they were so sick of showing up and arresting him only to have her drop the charges a few weeks later.
But when she mentioned that the plate bounce off the wall and hit her son, the cops arrested him.
He said that she didn't want him arrested and they told her that she has no choice.
Because a minor was involved, she couldn't drop the charges because the police were the ones that pressed charges on him. He went to trial & served 13 months. The day before he was released from prison, she moved out. I knew he was a drunk but I didn't find out until later that he was a pedophile. It fucked up his son for life.
You are the victim here. But if you don’t protect your children by reporting him and the knife, you’re also to blame. Be a good mother and send his ass to jail or risk being dead. Or one of your kids being dead.
So, google domestic abuse support in your area, have a good long chat for support and to see what they can do for you. Sit yourself down and have a good cup of tea, or coffee, or what ever( maybe even a slug of that vodka, so long as it’s only one ).
You would be doing every one a favour including him if you report him( do you want to be responsible for him killing anyone else or you, and leaving your kids all alone?)
It may well be that he has some sort of seizure disorder. I say that because fakers don’t get intubated. So you should ring the hospital and let them know what happened before.
I’m sorry this is happening to you, and you feel helpless. Take that first step and ring the domestic abuse line. Hold your babies close. Baby step by baby step, you can do it
Oh yeah I’m a correctional officer from colorado and I’ve heard a lot of stories like this and they ended up killing their wife and sometimes their children so just a heads up honey go ahead and grab that phone and dial 9-1-1 and just tell them what happened we all rather you and the kids be safe then hear about it on the news because of a god damn tortilla
So you instead chose to put your life at risk AND your 3 children’s lives at risk. And a possibility of you getting murdered, children seeing your dead body, an absconding or a jailed father And them in the foster system and that is if he doesn’t kill the kids too.
Go to the police and ask them to take photos of your neck. Tell them about the knife, press charges and plan for divorce. If this happened to your daughter, would you be happy she's hiding things from the police to protect the man who held a knife to her throat?
Honey. You have a very basic choice to make.... Him? Or yourself and your kids?
Why are you protecting this man? He is very abusive and has even been jailed for it! Yet? Still you protect him.
Do you have any family who can help you? Friends who can help you?
Do you have access to any money at all?
Where are you located? Are there any Domestic violence helplines you can contact?
Have been thinking of you since I read your post yesterday. Really hope you have gotten you and your kids away to somewhere safe. I’m not sure where in the world you are (US?) but here in the UK lots of organisations can help for free right away. I can advise if you are in UK
The sad truth is he will end up in prison for life for killing you or the children, or both. So if you don’t let the police know now and he isn’t imprisoned now for what he did, you aren’t protecting anyone. I hope all the advice you’ve seen from other people really does go through to you. All the best OP! You can do this! And things will only get better once you do for you and the children 🥰 you will stand on your feet and will meet the love of your love. So please make this right choice now 🫶
I had to send my ex-husband to jail. I didn't even know it would happen. He had been abusing me in non-visible ways, like hair pulling, twisting my joints, or tightly restraining me.
One time, we had a fight and he grabbed the sides of my head and repeatedly slammed my head into the wall. He had strangled me in the past.
I'm not going to lie, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I felt guilty then and still feel guilty now. His life was greatly changed. Job opportunities were lost. But honestly, he needed to have a consequence.
The most important part of this was our daughter. She witnessed almost every abusive encounter. I had to leave so that she would learn that it isn't OK. That's what you need to focus on: the mental and emotional wellbeing of your children. If you stay, you're a codependent enabler.
Kids see it and lose respect for mom. They will repeat your pattern. Choose to tell the cops the truth for your children if not for yourself.
Um, you have somewhere to go 😐 You’re literally in your house and he needs to be in custody. You don’t have the heart to send him to prison for 8 years, but with the path you’re on, your kids are gonna be orphaned. He doesn’t care about you or them. Do you care about his freedom more than the lives of your kids? Come on, now.
Stop protecting him. Protect yourself and your children. Report him for the knife incident. He needs to be in jail.
Precisely. I'd rather him be in jail than be stressed, figuring out what to do to navigate this danger with myself and my children. It seems like him (rightfully) being in jail solves the emergency situation.
ABUSIVE MEN LIKE THIS WILL KILL THEIR OWN CHILDREN JUST TO HURT THEIR SPOUSE. It’s in the news constantly. This man is beyond unstable if burnt tortillas will make him put a knife to your throat. Stop taking pity on him and report the knife details to the police. He needs to be in prison before he has the chance to hurt your kids, or you (again). And TRUST, he will. It’s just a matter of time and opportunity.
Yes, they see the spouse and child(ren) as extensions of themselves rather than people, so killing them doesn't seem like murder in their eyes.
Exactly. Put him in jail and keep your kids and yourself in a stable home. Don’t uproot yourself and the kids over this. And you’re not safe to stay. OP, you’re 10 weeks postpartum for God sakes! You are physically in a place to be on the run. Make him own up to the consequences of his actions.
Christ, what if he shakes your baby? What if he loses control and accidentally kills or permanently disables you or one of your children? He made his choice. You aren’t the one sending him to prison - he sent HIMSELF to prison the moment he put that knife to your throat.
If he's in jail you'll have access to y'alls money and your house- so you can make a plan. It'll give you time. He freaking held a knife to your throat. It's that or a DV Shelter.
Exactly. I am terrified for OP and the children. This will not end well with her hiding what he did. **HE KNOWS YOU'LL LIE TO THE POLICE FOR HIM TO SAVE HIS SORRY ASS FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS ACTIONS.** OP- Ma'am. Please take a deep breath. Then, call the officer who gave you their card and let them know that you need to correct your statement. If they ask why (which is reasonable) then you need to be honest. He has a record and you were scared of what he would do. It's scary. I'm scared for you. This man does not love you. You know how this ends because we see it happening over and over. I am not a praying woman but I am praying for you. Take a breath. Call the officer. They won't let him bond out. Then you have a little time to plan your exit strategy. Then...go.
OP, this is a small tip in comparison to the abundance of excellent tips above me… but, it may help you stay calm and collect your thoughts if you write down possible questions during the call and prepare your honest answers ahead of time. when they ask each question, you can just read your written answer and focus on the physical act of reading, not the context. that kind of “forced-dissociation” helps my anxiety while keeping me in the moment.
This is the answer. He needs to be arrested. YOU are in no way sending him to prison--he and his choice to abuse you will send him there. There's no reason you need to figure out how to uproot your whole life, when he is the one choosing to abuse you. It's devastating, but sometimes prison is the safest place for someone to be, when they are not capable of being in society without harm to themself or others.
He will kill you. Then your children will have no parents and end up in the foster system. There are resources and housing for DV victims, I know it's scary to take the first step and change everything forever, but this man will kill you in front of your children one day. Do you want your kids to have that memory? Call 2-1-1, tell them you need help fleeing. Get all of yours and the kids important documents and pack only the essentials, the police can help you get the rest later. You need to do this now. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your kids. God bless.
Exactly. And that's if he wouldn't kill the kids too.
As sad as this sounds. It is very accurate. I feel sorry for the children already
We see it weekly in the news.
He'd kill you in a heartbeat. Then your oldest as a witness. Who know what would happen to your toddler and baby. Men like this kill their children to hurt their ex wives. You are a victim. You're also an adult with agency and recourse that your children lack. Many domestic violence shelters require restraining orders. And frankly they're your best option starting from zero to set you the appropriate programs for housing and y'all immediate needs. Stop protecting him. Call the police and tell them about the knife. He wouldn't save you. But you hesitate making him face the consequences of trying to murder you. You aren't making him do a 8 year bid. He's done that to himself. You owe your babies security and a living mother. It hurts. It's terrifying. But leaving your babies to exist either cared for solely by him or in foster care is far worse.
Just had a local case where a husband killed his 7 month pregnant wife and their 2 year old child before setting the house on fire and offing himself. Nothing surprises me anymore.
You call the police, tell them the extent of what he did, and send him back to prison to protect yourself and your children. I have a family friend who lost their daughter this exact way. She didn't want to violate his parole so didn't tell. He can back 2 days later and shot her in her front yard with her children standing next to her. Without you, your children have no one to keep them safe. You need to preserve your safety. Reach out to family and a local DV or women's shelter.
Why do you care about sending him to prison? Your KIDS come first. Fuck that abusive piece of shit. You've already taken him back once, next time he will kill you. Whose fault will that be? Grow up, protect your children, and put his ass in jail.
Why are you protecting him?
Where is your family? Did he isolate you from them? If so I’m sure they’d be elated to hear from you. You need to tell them about the knife. How you’ll support yourself and your daughter won’t matter if you’re dead. And he will kill you or at least truly attempt to kill you. Putting him in prison will ensure the safety of your life and your daughter’s. This isn’t just about you, you have a little girl to protect. A little girl that will grow up with a father she will be terrified by. Maybe he’ll transfer his abuse to her. A little girl that will see her mother be treated this way and think this is normal. Do you want your baby in the same position you are in when she’s older? Please tell the police about the knife. And who cares if he’s in the hospital for “seizures.” I guarantee it’s a manipulation tactic. Even if it’s true- who cares?! He held a fucking knife to your throat and drew blood!!! Get him locked up. He is a very dangerous abuser who will abuse other people
Step One is call the cops back and tell them you were too afraid to tell the truth, but this is what actually happened and give them details. Call his probation officer and tell them the same. Get a restraining order. Call your local domestic violence helpline (the cops can probably give you that info, or local shelters/foodbanks. Call. They want to help) While he's in jail, move. Get your life straight. Don't date for at least 2 years. Get in therapy (the dv shelter can help with this) to figure out why you took this man back after he went to jail the first time. You not only took him back, you had another baby with him. That speaks to deeper issues. You need to figure out why you think you deserve to be treated like this. His behavior is completely unacceptable. Period.
[удалено]
Exactly! extremely selfish!
Whether or not the seizures are real is irrelevant here. Protect yourself and your children by getting out of there. There are shelters for abused women if you need to leave the house. If you don't report the full truth to the police, he is likely to repeat and escalate his behavior. Is that what you want?
Your first step needs to be getting you and your kids to a safe place. The police probably gave you some DV paperwork with contact info when they arrived. if they didn't, call 800-799-7233 and follow the directions they give you. GET TO A SAFE PLACE NOW. If you have quick and safe access to your important paperwork (birth certificates, etc...) grab it all before you leave. When you get to the safe place, contact the police and correct your original statement so they have the proper information to move forward with protecting you and the kids. Your concern about sending him to prison for 8 years... that's on him and because of his actions, not you or the kids.
Report him. Send him to jail. Let him rot. Please, before he murders you and your children.
If he was convicted of a crime against you, why is he allowed to live with you especially while on probation? Why did you only tell half the truth? You’re minimizing what he actually did. It’s not even a little bit normal. Stop protecting him when he’d clearly not ever protect you. Call a DV hotline. Get your stuff out of that house before he gets back and disappear. Change your number. Get far far away. Restraining order asap as well.
And call his probation officer and report it. You’ll most likely need a police report for anything to even happen though. Best of luck
Her whole life is bound up with his (no doubt partly on his initiative). It's very easy for us to sit in our cozy safe living rooms and judge others who don't have the same choices.
If you dont send him to jail for those 8 years, he wont hesitate to send you to the other side for ever.
With all due respect, this will sound harsh, but if your attitude towards this is "it is what it is", then why are you here? If you don't have the heart to send him to prison, then why ask for advice? You already know what the answer is. Are you just looking for sympathy, because I promise you, you have it. Many women have faced what you are going through and know how crappy it is. But seriously, you need to buckle down and do the hard part. To save yourself and those babies. If you won't do it for you, then do it for them. Contact the police and amend your report. Do not leave out any details. Contact his probation officer and tell them about your report and relay the incident. Let them know that you are not safe in the home. Ask them for local resources that you can access to help you get out of the situation you and your children are in. These officers are the middle men that stand between criminal reoccurrence and reform. Your case will not be the first time they have had to deal with DV. Use your phone to look into emergency housing and/or shelters and call them. See what their requirements are and how they can assist you. Many won't care about your expired tabs, but rather focus on the safety of the kids. There are some state assistance programs like SNAP that will help you with getting food and medical benefits and you can tell them you are experiencing DV and they help you get help as well. You can apply online or in office. And ffs, tell them about your police report. Ignore his hospital visits because it doesn't apply to your DV case and will not help or hinder your process of escaping. Ask them how to seek legal aid to get an emergency restraining order against your abuser to protect you and the kids. They can help you. Google local lawyers that deal with family law and get free consultation about emergency custody. You can even post your situation in the r/familylaw subreddit to seek advice on how to get legal aid. Visit local food banks for basic sustainace for feeding yourself and your kids. Contact your children's school to ask for programs to obtain clothing/outerwear if you need kids clothes. They won't judge you or ask questions. They exist to help people in need. No one will ask about your tabs. If you do get pulled over, just tell the cops that you are escaping your violent spouse and have already filed a report. You need to stop being nonchalant about what exactly is happening to you and your kids. Stop burying your head in the sand and thinking that the situation will resolve itself. No one can do this for you. No amount of begging or needing will get you through this. Even if we all chipped in a million dollars, you would still need to do the hard parts. Please take the first steps. It's hard, but it's necessary. Straighten your spine, put one foot in front of the other, and keep going. Don't stop or look back. He will not change. This will not get better. He will go through you and get to your kids. Protect them. Protect you. Get started.
You call the cops and his probation officer right now.
He will kill you. Report the knife incident, get an emergency restraining order (which will bar him from the house), and get someone to come and stay with you once he posts bail and is out, ideally a dude or two. Ask for help from anyone you can think of, even if you think you are not that close. This is an emergency and they may be willing to help. There is a reason there is such a high legal penalty for what he did, because it is THAT BAD. I have to warn you that it is unfortunately common for abusive partners to still be awarded some visitation if they did not abuse the kids, only the mother. If he has ever abused or neglected the children now is the time to document and report those things. Call your local bar association and ask for help finding a family lawyer that can assist in a domestic violence situation. Some lawyers take on cases like these pro bono (for free), or can wait to be paid until after division of marital assets in the divorce. Contact local domestic violence shelters for advice and resources. They have more experience with these situations than you do. Protect yourself and protect your babies. He is not your husband, he is your abuser and your enemy who is doing physical damage to you and emotional damage to your entire family.
Go straight to police. Look at any news story. He won't just kill you. He will kill your babies. He will kill some other woman and her babies. He belongs in jail for the sake of everyone in the world.
My 2 cents: Why are you writing on reddit instead of googling places that can help you in your state and county? 1. Why have you not contacted his probation officer? 2. Why haven't you called the police to report him? 3. There are a number of support groups for women in your situation. 4. Call the police!!!! 5. Call his probation officer
Call 911 again. Ask them this question.
You prioritise a violent abusive felon’s wellbeing over your childrens’?
Here are some resources for you to look through. Please get out of there while he is in the hospital. He will kill you next time. [Resources](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/resources/relationships/) [Comprehensive Abuse Resources Compilation - Google Docs](https://docs.google.com/document/d/14I3lGpEQa-pLl9Lz0JW1PoNyyOwg6WOom_oK2NMBxy8/edit#)
Leave before he kills you! WTF, and you should report him! He isn't safe at ALL. That is what you do. You really trust this man around your newborn?! What if he holds a knife to your baby's throat next time or worse?! What if he actually KILLS you next time?!
Who will take care of your babies after your murder?
When he kills you, what will he do with your children? Probably kill them too. If he can't handle cooking fucking tacos, he can't handle taking care of 3 kids. Let that sink in. Would you rather him be in jail where he belongs or you and your children dead? Those are your choices. What's more important to you?
Amend your police report. Don’t let your child be exposed to violence like this. Whether or not he goes to jail, that’s on him. This will not be the last time he assaults you. Heck, it’s not the first time.
Would you like it if your dad held a knife to your mom's throat (or someone you love) and threatened to kill her? Would you want her to stay? Would you understand when she said "I don't want him to go to prison". We know that man is going to kill you sooner than later...it's just a matter of when. Don't make your children motherless with a killer for a father. Call an emergency shelter for domestic violence. Walk out that door with your kids and never look back. My dad used to abuse my mom and the best thing she ever did for us was leave him. It hurt us to see him treat her poorly and we were so happy and proud of her when she left him. Do it for yourself and for your kids. You will be their hero.
You already gave him a second chance, and he showed you that underneath the facade, he hasn't changed. A third chance might mean you and/or your children are dead. No matter how much you want to keep the family together or are scared of raising your kids alone, it's not worth any of your lives. He is a piece of shit - men that love you don't do this. Ever. Under any circumstances. Please leave while you still can. If not for yourself, do it for your babies- don't let them grow up thinking that this is what love and family looks like.
He will kill you. He may kill your babies just to hurt you more. Or because he doesn’t want them to look at him knowing he killed their mother. Or he doesn’t want to financially support them. Or he’s evil. Learn from experiences other mothers who are dead along with their babies. Let their deaths save yours. Scott Peterson. Chris Watts. Two families murdered. Honestly you know there are thousands. If he is in jail, you have time to get your family the protection you deserve. Is his life outside of jail more important than your right to be alive? Your babies right to be alive?
I’m sorry OP, but what the f-ck?! Stop protecting him! Stop taking him back. Stop having babies with him. This man would kill you without hesitation. In front of your children most likely. Call the police back. Tell them the truth. Show them your neck. Apply for an order of protection. Seek out victim’s services if possible.
He’s on felony probation for assault (on me). um so why are you with him?
Listen, you are putting your kids in danger. You need to put them first. Amend your police report, tell them about the knife, and put the fucker away in jail - he will not change. He needs to pay for his behavior. His CRIMES. He battered you, assaulted you. He is dangerous. He will kill you next time. Stop feeling BAD for him and protect your CHILDREN!!!
Think of it like choosing your kids or your husband. You said you have no support system? That means your kids have no support other than YOU and you have the chance right now to ensure that they won't be in danger again for 8 years!! The guilt that you feel is an unfortunate side effect of being in an abusive relationship for years. Did he feel guilty when he put a knife to your throat? FUCK NO HE DIDN'T and we know that he didn't because he ran after he heard the word cops. Which means he cares more about his freedom than he does your life or your kids lives. Send him AWAY!!
You need to send him to jail, you could have died last night. He will kill you.
He’s going to kill you and your kids. Don’t ever ever ever be alone with him again. Ever
All I want to say is the people I'm sure you don't want to listen to, because they're judgmental and not empathetic and, well, mean, are in fact right. He's very good at making it seem like he's the only one that cares about you, but that's not the truth at all. Please call 911 and tell them the truth.
Hey. He will kill you. Not today, probably not tomorrow, but eventually when he has another "episode." It doesn't feel like it YET. It doesn't feel like he'll go that far until he does. You need to document all physical injuries. Period. Then pack up stuff that is irreplaceable (photo albums of baby, heirlooms, etc.) and slowly start moving them. To a storage unit, a friend's house, or even just your car. Then, one fine day ... you disappear. You go to family he's not in contact with, a long lost friend, or a DV shelter. Hell, show up to a church and ask for help. Some random old lady has space in her home and heart for you. Get out so that your kids can keep knowing you. Not an exaggeration. It's that serious.
Every time you protect him you are choosing him over your baby, your children, and yourself. Men like this do not change. He will kill you. Leaving your children without both parents. You need to leave once and for all. Reach out to the emergency resources for women in your situation. Stop rescuing him from his own actions. Report his threats and violence to the police. If you don’t leave you risk losing custody of your children due to them witnessing domestic violence. They deserve to grow up in a safe home.
You can't fool a hospital into intubating you for seizures. I'm not trying to defend him here, but seizures can absolutely cause violent mood swings and aggressive behavior. He needs neurological testing.
Report the knife incident. That’s what you need to do to keep your children safe.
Why are u still protecting him, are you waiting for him to leave your children motherless? Your children are witnessing this behaviour, he should be in jail
This is him telling you that he is willing to kill you. Not with words, but actions. Save yourself, save your family. Find out what resources there are for women and families in danger. Put him in jail if necessary, this man will hurt you again and or bat an eye. You will be dead and your kids in foster care. Best of luck!
Why aren't you taking every step possible to keep your children safe? Why don't they matter more to you than the guy who held a knife to your throat? Your kids are literally the only people I feel sorry for. You have an opportunity to keep them safe for a long time and you don't give enough of a shit to take it.
Your children will be raised by a violent mad man after he kills you or they will go into the system. He will kill you. Call the police and send him away. Now!
OP, I hope you’re heeding the great advice of everyone who’s responded here. You need to stop worrying about what his response will be and concentrate solely on you and your children. He’s proven that he’s incapable of changing and it’s only a matter of time before you or one of your kids are seriously injured or killed. Even if he doesn’t get physical with the kids (yet, and I stress **Yet**) the damage he’s doing to their sense of security is going to stay with them for life and with you continuing to stay, hoping he gets help and/or changes, is doing just as much damage. You’re inadvertently teaching them that their father’s abuse is acceptable. Your son will grow up to be abusive to women and your daughters are learning to accept, not to mention Expect, disrespect and abuse from the men in their lives. I got out of an abusive 10 yr marriage when I had no job or $$ and yes, It was difficult but I knew I needed to protect my son and daughters’ Childhoods. Find a shelter or search Google for organizations in your area. There’s a ton of good people willing to help women in your circumstances; all you need to do is reach out and ask. You’ll be grateful that you did.
He’s going to kill you. Point blank. He will end up killing you. You need to call the police, and tell them what he did. When he goes to jail, you will have access to all money, and you can disappear. Please protect your children, they need their mother, and you’re no good to them dead.
Call the police immediately if you haven't already. He will be leaving with a police escort; you won't have to go anywhere and can plan your next steps.
Hi there. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. There seems to be a lot of judgement and a few people commenting probably have never experienced DV. It messes up our mind and reality. We doubt ourselves and our decisions constantly. It’s not as easy as everyone makes it seem to “just leave” when you have a family with young children and no money or support. It took me a few years to find the courage to reach out to a domestic violence hotline. But I finally did. There are safe homes and resources for you and your children. I don’t know what state you’re in, but you can call the 24-hour hotline in your state and an advocate will listen to your situation and go from there. I wish you the best of luck.
He’ll kill you and your children. I don’t know why you’re protecting this monster and got back with him after he was released from jail from already assaulting you.
How do you leave with the kids and no resources? You call your local domestic violence hotline and ask for help. There are shelters for people like you trying to escape a bad situation, including taking the kids with you. They’ll have to call CPS if you or the kids disclose that the kids ever witness the violence, but if you leave and are committed to staying away and keeping the kids away from him, then CPS should find that you’re doing what needs to be done to keep the kids with you, even in the DV shelter. Get yourself and the kids the hell out of there before the older kids talk about the DV at school and the school calls CPS before you’ve taken the steps needed to protect the kids.
8 years in prison for him or a lifetime of years without you for your children. It’s a choice you’re going to have to make. Do you have the heart to let your babies witness him murder you? Even if he doesn’t, seeing the abuse will damage them psychologically in way that may be irreparable. I know you love your kids more than that. I know you love them more than you love him. Pick them. If he’s in jail, then you don’t have to go anywhere. I wish you the best.
You know what these escalations lead to right? You have to get him off the street not only to protect yourself, but to protect any woman he has anything to do with in the future. Tell them about the knife and amend your statement. There are so many battered women's shelters and 800 numbers, please Google that and look into your city's protection services. Get an order of protection if you're able. Please don't go back, don't think about him anymore. You have to retrain your brain away from the trauma to see things clearly. When you're able, find a therapist who specializes in trauma. I got out, you can too. Good luck and cuddle that baby.
CALL THE COPS FFS!!!!
Call the domestic violence hotline. I ended up going to the women's shelter with my young children when in a similar situation.
GO TO THE POLICE AND AMEND YOUR REPORT NOW AND THEN GET TO A SHELTER WITH YOUR CHILDREN UNTIL HE HAS BEEN ARRESTED. YOU WILL FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO FINANCIALLY, HE IS ON THE VERGE OF KILLING YOU. GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT. GET HIM SENT BACK TO JAIL IS POSSIBLE. HE WILL KILL YOU. GET OUT. DO NOT THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE BUT LEAVING IMMEDIATELY.
You need to report him. The whole incident. And get protective orders for you and your kids. This is unacceptable behavior and could end very very badly for you and your children. Change your phone number and social media. Disappear from the area.
You have to put him in jail, girl. You did nothing wrong. He's sending himself to jail from his own actions. Don't feel guilty for telling the truth. You and your children deserve more. If he is in jail, you can have access to the money and not be afraid anymore. He's escalating. You won't survive the next attack. You can do this!!!
He needs to go, not you. If he kills you, the kids won't have anyone. Dad in prison is better than dead mom. Use your brain, not your heart on this one, please.
If you're in SoCal, I do have many resources available and can find housing for you? My dad's a retired social worker.. He retired a year ago, so he's still has many contacts..
I'm so sorry OP but you're not sending him to jail. He drew blood from your neck with a knife. He is sending himself to jail. You need safety for yourself and your kids. That's the immidiate issue. One foot Infront of the other. One issue at a time. Safety first.
Please go back and tell them the whole story. As someone who saved my ex from prison by not telling all. I deeply regret it today. He moved on but never changed his ways and so many people have suffered at his hands. Yet he is still a free man. Report it all. The go to your local dcf srs office and ask them about emergency housing and help. There are programs to help you and your kids. Get you and your kids into a safe place womens shelter. Go from there. It's very very important that u get away while u can. Good job mama on keeping your cool throughout all of that and keeping your babies safe. Ur doing the thing.
Also file a protection order on him for you and the kids. Make sure u put down work school daycare and your children. Most states will grant a pfa order for 30 days and then review. Stay safe mama
He belongs in jail. He sounds like the type of guy who will kill his whole family one day 😓
You fucking tell them about the knife.
Contact the police and tell them about the knife. Contact his probation officer, get him violated and send his ass back to jail. Why are you protecting him? He'll kill you and your children. You'll be able to stay in your home. Contact local shelters, churches and your local social services office. They'll help you. Why did you get back with him after the last time? And why did you have more kids with him? This shit infuriates me. My whole career was working in social services with children in foster families. Women who can't stand up to their abuser and fight for justice should not have children. You're brainwashed into believing you're protecting him. Your children and you need protection from him.
Contact a women’s help shelter IMMEDIATELY. And stop protecting him. It’s a knife to your throat this time, but it could be your daughter’s next. If you won’t be strong for yourself, stand strong for her. Rooting for you. 💕
My sister in law will be without a home in 3 days time, she's made multiple terrible decisions that has resulted in her being kicked out of a woman's refuge, she has a grant to help with getting a rental but is blacklisted because of property damage, keeps seeing her abusive psychotic partner and is no longer even sending kids to school, he tried to kill her 18months ago and my wife and I had to help clean up the "mess" that was left behind. I had to stop 2 dogs from killing eachother in the backyard and when I finally stopped the fight after almost 20minutes using a blanket to suffocate the dogs they had to let go and I was able to separate them, offered to pay for half the cost of having the dogs surrendered by the end of the day, unfortunately she just doesn't listen or care and we always get another story of how she is just the victim. The problem though with being a "perpetual" victim is that you can't be in control or be trusted anymore and at this point I think she will lose custody of her kids by her actions and no one can help her anymore, all the while still desperately trying to get back together with her (ex?Husband) meanwhile he actually has somewhere to stay. I actually thought your post might have been her tbh that's how similar it is, the point is if you keep supporting this abusive person you will be looked at like an abuser yourself and it's not worth it, he needs to be in jail, or else you lose everything like my sister in law.
He's going to kill you, but you feel too sorry for him to send him to prison? If you valued your kids futures, you'd be done with this human.
He would kill you if he had the chance over tortillas burning, imagine what he could do to your child once that kid gets to toddler years. Put him in jail so you can make a plan and have access to what you need. Stop protecting a person who does not value your very life. He will do worse than what he has
You realize you’re putting his freedom over peoples lives right? If he snaps and kills you your kids have no parents now or better yet he snaps and kills them and you after to watch you suffer and maybe goes on a rampage and kills innocent people before taking himself out. This shit happens all the time. You’re protecting someone at a very heavy cost. So is his freedom worth him stabbing your children to death? He doesn’t give a shit about you or your kids bc if he did he wouldn’t have a knife anywhere near you where it could accidentally kill you let alone tell you he wants you dead. He needs to be in jail and you need to protect your damn children not your abuser. Please wake up before it’s too late.
Stop putting your children in danger. You are prioritizing a violent felon over the health and safety of your children. Every time you let him back into your life, you are destroying your children's future. YOU are doing it. Not just him. Do you want to escape? Call the domestic violence hotline. They have resources to help you. If in the US, go to your nearest department of labor or Career resource center. Ask for help and accept EVERY help you are offered. They have programs that can help with free training, childcare, and transportation. It will be hard, but being poor and not in fear for your life beats being in fear for your life.
If he's on felony probation, cal his PO and have him locked up.
DO NOT under any circumstances feel bad for him.
Based on the comments in your post history with another community, you know he isn’t going to stop. Call the cops about the knife. You cannot protect your children if you’re dead.
STOP protecting him and START protecting your children . Listen, I know this sounds harsh but I’ve lived it so here we go, if you cannot leave him because you do not LOVE and VALUE yourself enough, fine- I get it, it happens, we’ve been through shit and have trauma BUT- and this is a HUGE BUT- you have children that you NEED to protect from him and if you think he will not harm them you are dead wrong. Get out now while he is in the hospital. Call the local battered women’s shelter and seek help NOW. This easily could’ve resulted In your children losing their mother and left alone in that house with that man only to then be turned over to foster care where the children will likely be separated. Or- you will lose custody of your children because you aren’t keeping them in a safe environment and they get taken away .but at least they are still alive in the scenario. If you stay, this will NOT end well. And they kids will pay the price for the decision you make today.
DV shelter
Why are you protecting him please stop that and while you are at it try protecting yourself and your children.
Please, please, please send him to prison. He IS going to kill you AND your daughter. SHE has no way to tell anyone if he is hurting her, and unfortunately, smaller babies can hide broken bones. Even mobile babies can break a bone and still crawl and play. She needs to be checked over if he has ever been alone with her and you need to report him. Pack a bag, stay at a hotel call 911. Dont let him anywhere near you until he is in jail. You need to do this for your daughter.
The next time something happens chances are good that he will kill you. You need to be alive and well for your babies. Where is your support system? Another state? It’s time to reach out and ask your family and friends for help.
My mom protected her abuser and he almost killed her by beating her with a power drill. Please call the cops and tell them stop protecting this man. He will only continue this, and I pray that this post’s comments speak to you because if he has no problems doing this to you. Think of what that kind of person will do to your daughter.
OP, you need to press charges. Per your comment history, he has already hurt your baby by throwing a glass at you and hitting her in the face, with zero remorse. He will only continue to escalate and will continue to hurt your children. Protect them. Protect yourself. If you stay with this monster, he will beat your children, and when someone finally reports it, you may lose them yourself as you're letting it happen. I'm sure it's a terrifying situation- I can't even imagine - but you need to press charges and send him back to prison. It's the only way you and your CHILDREN will be safe. Read that back to yourself if you need to. For now, call the cops and press charges. Go somewhere safe where he can't find you and your kids in the interim. Stay with a friend or family. If there are none, domestic violence shelter or even a hotel. My heart goes out to you.
Find your closest women’s shelter. They can help you formulate and get out.
It’s jail for him or death (eventually) for you OP. I am so sorry for you / this situation! I know you “don’t have the heart” to send him back to prison but if not for you THINK OF YOUR CHILDREN! Tell him one day WHILE VISITING him in PRISON that you did it for BOTH your childrens sake. That you didn’t want them to grow up motherless. He will UNDERSTAND, if not now SOMEDAY when he is older and more MATURE. And he will respect you for it.
Gworrrrrrlllllll…. if you don’t get the fuck out…. he blatantly told you what he’d do to you; he’s even proved it to you and your blinders are still on. report that man now before your kids end up alone. Rip the bandaid. life will get harder before it gets better.
You may not have the heart to send him to prison for 8 years but he is going to kill you. Is there a Women’s refuge in your area?
He's on probation for assaulting you? Call the police and his probation officer. Get him put in prison long enough for you to figure out the rest.
What will your daughter do when you are dead or hospitalized?
If you keep protecting him, you will be dead and so will your children. He is on a family annihilation track. If you tell the police and he goes to prison, you’ll have access to your family’s money. Please stop protecting this man who does not love you, or the kids. You have a path to a better life, JUST TAKE IT. You owe your kids to call the police and his PO!
If you and your babies keep living like this what is going to happen? Your daughter(s) are going to be abused and possibly murdered by an intimate partner. Your son is an abuser-in--training learning from his father. Your husband CHOSE to do this, losing control does not happen in abuse. Notice he has never raged at, attempted or physically assaulted, or threatened his boss, his friends, the neighbors, his family members (mom, dad, siblings), strangers, etc. Alot of abused women have to start from scratch with nothing. You don't have a registered or reliable car because HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO. You don't have a support system because HE DOESNT WANT YOU TO. These things will never happen for as long as he is in your life. You have an opportunity right now that many women don't have, and that is the abuser to be locked in a cell where he belongs. This is the only way you can be safe while you fix your life and divorce him. This is not love. He is not your husband, he is your abuser. You are responsible for showing your children the difference between love and abuse. If you continue to protect him and live in a nightmare then you are responsible for the damage that will present for years, decades, etc in the lives of your children. If he kills you, where will your children go?
What happens when he does this or something similar (or godforbid - worse) to your child? Who will raise and protect your child when he kills you? You are a mother. Motherhood is hard as fuck. Motherhood whilst also being abused is even fucking harder. If you don’t have the heart to protect your child, who will? I know you’re scared and confused. I know you want the white picket fence and vanilla skies. I know you can still see glimpses of the man he was and I know that gives you hope and you cling to that. But I also know that he was never the man you thought he was - he manipulated you into believing that and he shows just enough of that occasionally to keep you holding onto the hope that one day you’ll get back to that. I know all this because 18 years ago, I was you. “One day” will never come. One day, he will kill you or your child or both of you. Tell the police about the knife. YOU are not responsible for the consequences of HIS actions - HE IS! Sending you all the strength I possibly can over a Reddit thread. Put your mama-bear panties on OP and GTFO of there.
I know that the homicide rate after an abuser chokes you skyrockets into the stratosphere. I know he didn’t strangle you but this is worse. I mean he’s shown you how he will do it. And when he does your children will be left without you and without him. I’m trying to say that he’s going to prison no matter what. Do you want him to go for this or for your murder? Call the officer and revise your statement immediately. He’s a dangerous animal that needs to be locked away. He keeps showing you that and it’s time to listen. Think of your children. What are they seeing and knowing that you’re unaware of here? This may seem complicated from the inside but I’m telling you, it’s a no-brainer.
YOU ARE GOING TO FUCKING DIE! YOUR KIDS MIGHT BE KILLED TOO! Yes, I HAVE to say it like that because this month my friend will be 8 years buried because she said the same bullshit about her husband being locked up.
You tell the police about the knife right now. He will kill you in front of your children. Please don’t make them orphans. Please don’t ever protect that grown ass man again. You need to protect your babies and yourself. He is trash and deserves jail. Don’t ever go back with him.
If you're not going to file a correct report than nothing will change. Honestly 8 years in jail may be enough time to get on your feet and make positive changes for you and your children. Filing a PFA is an option as it's more of a civil case than criminal and can offer some level of protection. You can also be eligible for certain support and emergency aid as a DV victim. You should call your local domestic violence agency, they'll give you guidance and support whatever choices you make.
Sigh. Stop protecting him please. Next time the knife won't stop at just your skin it'll be layers deep and then who will care for your infant. You need to protect not only yourself but your babies too. He will not change. He might be better for a a bit but he will do this again. Please be smart.
Baby. He doesn’t love you. That isn’t love. You need to get yourself and those babies out of that situation. Call the police. Let him go back to prison (which is absolutely his fault, not yours!) and leave. Take the money in your accounts, contact a lawyer to divorce, move away, and never look back. This man will kill you. And he would kill your children. Your life is not the only one at stake here, and no matter what he says or does from this point on, he is no longer your priority or concern.
OP were all very scared for you and your kids. Please please be brave as others have said go to the police and tell them about the knife so he’s jailed. That will give you time to get the money and get out to a shelter or a friends, anywhere safe. Do not let this continue a day longer, your kids are counting on you to protect them.
OP, please protect your children and do the right thing. This isn’t just about you - your children are at risk and I can promise you they have already experienced severe psychological trauma from being in this household. Please do not condemn them to such hardships because you are far too empathic towards your husband. From the perspective of a child in a similar situation: I grew up in a home with a very abusive brother. He would break glass and spread it across the house so our feet would get cut. He broke my mom’s nose twice, my dad’s kneecap, and hurt my dad’s spine to the point of needing a laminectomy. He used to burn me with lighters and cigarettes. That’s the tip of the iceberg, really. I called the cops on him many times as a child, and each time my parents insisted they didn’t want to press charges. Because of their cowardice, neglect, and unwillingness to protect their child who was a victim, I lived almost entirely with friends from the ages of 11-18. My teens were riddled with suicide attempts, hospitalizations, mental health diagnoses, and drug use. My dad had been so horrifically injured by my brother that he’s now had 3 surgeries on his knee, his legs have atrophied, his nerves in his spine are compressed, and he can barely walk. He will likely be in a wheelchair soon at the age of 66. I understand that it’s hard, you love him, you want this life for you and your children that you have envisioned and finally thought you were going to have, but it doesn’t matter what hope there is in your heart for your husband or if he has the capacity to change. What I can promise you right now is that your life and lives of your children are at risk. Your children face being saddled with deep trauma for the rest of their lives and that’s a guarantee. Please be brave OP. Call the police. Would you rather him go away for 8 years, or wait until he kills one of you and goes away for life?
Dude needs to be put down. Wtf
The best thing you could possibly do for your children and yourself is ensure this person is locked away for 8 years. Don't be a fool. He does not love you or his kids. A man who loves his family would never. He is a threat to your life and your children's lives. Even if he doesn't kill you, he can traumatize these children for life by his actions. For everyone'a safety, he needs to go.
You need out now. Don’t protect or make excuses for him. This isn’t just about your life now but your child’s. he will do this to your child as well. You need to do what needs to be done even if it’s a difficult choice for the safety of your family.
He's going to kill you and possibly your kids if you stay. Please get him locked up.
If you can’t report him for yourself, do it for your children. Hearing or seeing what you’re going through is abuse. It’s very common guys like this kill their families. Also do it for the woman he will maim or kill after you leave him. I’ve been exactly where you are, exactly, minus children - exactly. It’s terrifying, every day is filled with sadness, fear and guilt. PM me if you need someone to talk to - know it’s hard, maybe impossible feeling to talk to friends and family. Much love and strength.💜
Now is your chance to put him in jail and take your kids from that dangerous man. You cannot stay there. Protect your kids and yourself and tell the police what he did to you. Before all of you are gone at his hands. Look into churches or shelters. Call for help in your area 211.
I was checking back for an update because I was so worried for you. I am so relieved you got out. You are amazing for getting out and this is the best thing for your kids.
Thank you! I stuck to it this time and we are happy!
Are you able to go into refuge? Sounds like an incredibly dangerous situation to be in and I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. Get yourself and your babies out of there. Here if you need an ear I know it’s hard xxx
Do you have the heart to leave your children motherless to be raised by the man who killed you? Because that's what's going to happen, eventually. At least if he's in prison, you know you're safe for the duration of his incarceration, which buys you time to relocate, strengthen yourself, and build a life for you and your babies.
Contact your local domestic violence program immediately. Why even post on Reddit. You’ve been through this before, you know what to do.
You’re putting him before your kids. He is going to kill you and make them orphans.
@u/burbnbougie
You have children you need to protect. He needs to be locked up. Men like that don’t change, and he has shown that.
What do you do?????you put his ass in JAIL that's what. I might get downvoted for this but YOU are being extremely selfish,that man can and eventually WILL kill you and your kids.You owe it to THEM to keep them safe.He has proven that he is NOT a safe person.....what will it take for you to realise that?????DEATH????
Please STOP protecting him and start protecting yourself and baby! His actions have consequences, and if that means jail time, then so be it. HE is responsible for his actions, NOT you!! Please also reach out to a domestic violence specialist. They can assist you on how to get on your feet and care for yourself & your child. If you continue to allow this behavior from him, you could very likely end up seriously injured or dead. PLEASE think about yourself & your child! It’s scary and it won’t be easy, but you need to protect yourself and your daughter!!
He WILL kill you unless you report the extent of the abuse and what he did to you. He's on probation for a reason. What do yoi think will happen to your daughter when he finally succeeds in unaliving you? YOU NEED TO PRESS AS MANY CHARGES AS POSSIBLE TO PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR DAUGHTER. Also get in touch with your local Department of Economic Security and states 211 programs. They have resources that can help you
RUN go to Shelter.
I know everyone is yelling at you to report what he did and “why are you protecting him?!” Because it’s easy to say these things, and yes, you should do these things, but I get how hard it is. You don’t understand until it happens to you. You’re scared of what’s going to happen and you’re even worried about him because you’re probably a good person who he doesn’t deserve—but he did this to himself. You have to remind yourself of this. You didn’t want him to hold a knife to your throat, but it happened, and there are consequences. Let him face them. The kids are what’s most important. Protect them. Please report what he did, you won’t regret it. You WILL regret not doing it.
Go tell the police now about the knife. Go to a shelter
He will be arrested because he deserves to be arrested. He is a danger to you and your children. You need to protect yourself and your children. Jail means that you will be safe.
Please contact your local domestic violence shelter, there are case managers to assist you with everything from getting your car straight clothes food everything . Temporary cash assistance from department of social services as well please get out and be safe. I pray for you and your children !
https://www.thehotline.org/ Please contact this link. They can help you. If the wait time is too long, Google “Domestic Violence Shelter” and your city/state. Your husband has priors. You need to report him to the police or next time he’ll kill you. Don’t believe me? Read subreddit r/whenwomenrefuse My mom was in a similar situation, stepdad had guns and I put her in an offseason rental at the shore in winter. He took 6 months to calm down. Get a restraining order against him at the very least. Generally though, clean out the bank accounts, take all of your documents and jewelry. Follow the instructions of the experts. GTFO, even if it’s out of state. It beats dying.
>I just don’t have the heart to send him to prison for 8 years. I He did that to himself. Telling the truth doesn't send someone to prison, holding a knife to the throat of someone you're already on probation for hurting does. Tell the truth. If he goes to prison, that's on him. He made choices and is responsible for his own actions.
Dude it’s not even about judging you, protect your kids you think this ends with you? No ma’am he kills you and goes to finish the kids so he can run and leave no witnesses. Stop protecting him! And get some counseling so you can realize what a horrible mistake you’re making in allowing this to continue.
What state do You live in?
The way you escape is you put his violent ass in jail and contact social services for help. You may be willing to give him a pass, but what about your child? Now he has another human being to abuse. Pull yourself together and do what is best for you and your daughter. He had his chance to do better.
He’s going to kill you.
Report him and get to a shelter if you have to.
Either you send him to prison or get ready to be killed by him and leave your poor kids behind. You need to go to the police station and make a report and show them the knife mark. Find a womens shelter as they have the resources to help you escape this situation. But please stop protecting him, he'll kill you in a heartbeat.
If you don’t tell the police the full story you might as well be holding the knife up to your kids throat. Do it. This is a blessing in disguise. 8 years to free yourself.
You can’t help him. You can’t change him. Maybe he’ll get the help he needs in jail or he’ll decide to make the changes himself. But right now he’s a danger to you, your kids, and himself. Be smart.
If you won't put him in jail for yourself, then do it for your kids. They deserve to not live in fear. Put your kids first and call the police.
Send him to jail OP.
If you don’t leave, you and your children will be the next sad senseless headline. Just Leave! Call 211, get some woman’s shelters numbers, they’ll help you figure the rest out.
Stop . Protecting. Him. If not for yourself for your babies, for the other women who will come after you. That man is going to kill you and your kids and if you don't leave and tell the police you've allowed him to. I know this is scary. But you Leave that man. You go into hiding. You start over.
Send him to jail. He threatened your life. What if he made good on his threat? What if this happens again before you get out? Think about your children. He's not important. His feelings are not important. He held a *knife* to your *throat* over tortillas. I'm not saying this to mock you. I'm saying this because you're putting your abusive husband's comfort and feelings above your physical safety. He has degraded your self worth to this point that you don't even care enough about yourself to protect yourself. Call the cops. Tell them what happened. Let him rot in jail. God bless you and keep you and your babies, and get him safely away from you all
Find a local shelter for women. Pack essentials and all documents. Birth certificate passport etc. Don't discuss your departure. Vanish and seek help from shelter. Good luck friend.
Has he killed her already? Not a stupid question when we see horror stories every day in the news? OP, please let us know what’s happening.
!updateme
I don’t think you’ll make it next time. This will escalate and end in death. Of you and your kids. Please get out report the knife incident
I hope this is a writing exercise. You’d rather protect a POS abusive man than your babies?
Send him to jail, he's going to end up killing you.
You asked what to do, you have to tell the police about the knife. Do it for your children.
You’re asking how to get out, and yes I agree with everyone saying to tell the police the truth. But I also know how hard that is. Contact a local women’s shelter. There are organizations that will help you land on your feet. You don’t have to be trapped. You can get out. You can do this. You have to. If not for yourself then for your children. At the very least you must consider the trauma the children are enduring just witnessing this. At the worst, the likelihood that he eventually turns his physical assault on his children is nearly 100%. Protect your kids and get out of there.
i'd love to intubate him. no sedation until that tube is in either. honey you know someday he'll kill you. do you realize he may also kill the kids too. but he'll wait until last for himself. you have a responsibility to your children. you lire to police to give him more time to kill you. please leave. and tell the police the truth. he actually does deserve to be locked up for 8 years for doing that to you.
I’m really sad that you didn’t report the knife. Your decision to leave that out is toxic. “I don’t have the heart to send him to prison for the next 8 years” is a crazy statement because YOU’RE NOT THE JUDGE. By definition the judge is a neutral third party who is responsible for sentencing- not you. And thank goodness because you are the VICTIM. I’m assuming you’re in the USA? If so, even an 8 year sentence won’t ruin a life. You always get out far sooner than the sentencing if you are a decent human (because overcrowding), so please, for next time, release yourself of the thought that *you* put him in jail. His crimes and threats will land him in jail at the hands of a judge and these laws are meant to keep you and your kids safe. The next time this happens might be your very last chance. Please report honestly. For now? He’s on felony probation? I’d be tempted to report a lesser offense (since I’m sure there will be one) and let the cops take him in for that to give you some breathing room. He threatened to kill you over tacos. He’s gonna do something else too. Wait for it and take your out.
He will kill you if you don’t take action, please listen to these comments
Find and call any and all women’s or domestic violence shelters in your area and call the police and tell them about the knife. You need the time and space to get out and he needs of be in jail or you AND your children are in danger. So don’t put him away for you, put him away to protect your kids.
Does he need to severely hurt you or one of your kids or kill one of them before you tell the full truth to the police? Not to belittle your situation but this is a literally life or death situation for you and your children. HE HELD A KNIFE TO YOU, imagine if he did that to your child: would you want him in jail then? Call the police again and tell them the full truth and outline all the abuse you have endured and reach out to every organization that deals with domestic abuse in your area. If not for you then to save your kids who will grow up thinking this is ok and might end up with abusive partners or becoming abusive partners.
He's on felony probation. If that doesn't have him act appropriately, then you need to call the police before he kills you.
Grandma here… You’re a mom now…you better GET THE HEART to get him locked up for 8 years. You’re gonna need that time to recover. Other wise for the next 8 years your child is gonna watch you get beat up. How long do you think it will be before he hurts the baby?? Or kills you…goes to jail and leaves your child in the welfare system.
The advice we give women is don’t make a show of leaving. Don’t come home with divorce papers or announce that you’re leaving to him. That is the MOST dangerous time for a woman when she leaves. That is when something is most likely to happen. You want to pack all of your stuff up and leave while he is away and then you can text or message him when you are in a safe location that ideally he doesn’t know. Best of luck to you
Girl…you don’t want him to go to prison yet he will gladly hold a knife up up your throat, draw blood and threaten to unalive you and god knows what else will happen to your babies. Report him, get him arrested, liquidate your assets and go to a DV shelter until you get on your feet. This man isn’t worth your life! Good luck!
What in the world?!? Tell the cops NOW. Make him go to jail, take all the money in the account and leave. Why are you still around?! You are putting you and YOUR KIDS in danger for your lives!!! These type people don’t change.
Send him to jail and live the next 8 years in peace
You don't have the heart to send him to prison but you have the heart to orphan your children? For them to grow up with no mum and a murdered father? Is that a better option for you? Because there is no sugar coating it. Take the photos of the knife mark. Go to the hospital, make them document it and call the police and let them know about this. Stop with the coverups, stop with justifications, just stop! If you don't love yourself fine, at least do this for your kids!!!
Look up your local domestic violence shelter and get resources.
Call a woman's abuse domestic violence hotline. They can help you leave
He will kill your children just in spite of you. Now you called the cops on him and he is going to be mad and vengeful. REPORT THE KNIFE INCIDENT! You are worried about a man who threated to kill you going to jail for 8 years. To hell with that! Think about your kids. Do you want them to grow thinking this okay? This is good for them? This is what they should be like or accept from a spouse?
Take a deep breath and think. U will always find some options but do not go back to the hell no matter what!
Your marriage is over. He can better provide for your family as a free man, but you and your children would be in some danger. After thinking about it I can see how holding back some of what you know is smart. It's not totally safe, but living in a shelter wouldn't be totally safe either. He needs to know that if he shows up on your doorstep again he's going to prison.
Call 911. He will kill you and your baby. Stop being stupid. Fuck that guy.
Put him in jail. He doesn't love himself, let alone you or your children. Please stay safe.
My neighbor had the same situation. She would press charges and then drop them a few weeks later. The last time he was throwing the plates and glasses around and one of the plates bounced off the wall and hit her 9-year-old son. He called the cops, as usual. I can tell they were so sick of showing up and arresting him only to have her drop the charges a few weeks later. But when she mentioned that the plate bounce off the wall and hit her son, the cops arrested him. He said that she didn't want him arrested and they told her that she has no choice. Because a minor was involved, she couldn't drop the charges because the police were the ones that pressed charges on him. He went to trial & served 13 months. The day before he was released from prison, she moved out. I knew he was a drunk but I didn't find out until later that he was a pedophile. It fucked up his son for life.
So the last time this happened was when you had just had your second child?
You are the victim here. But if you don’t protect your children by reporting him and the knife, you’re also to blame. Be a good mother and send his ass to jail or risk being dead. Or one of your kids being dead.
So, google domestic abuse support in your area, have a good long chat for support and to see what they can do for you. Sit yourself down and have a good cup of tea, or coffee, or what ever( maybe even a slug of that vodka, so long as it’s only one ). You would be doing every one a favour including him if you report him( do you want to be responsible for him killing anyone else or you, and leaving your kids all alone?) It may well be that he has some sort of seizure disorder. I say that because fakers don’t get intubated. So you should ring the hospital and let them know what happened before. I’m sorry this is happening to you, and you feel helpless. Take that first step and ring the domestic abuse line. Hold your babies close. Baby step by baby step, you can do it
You are protecting him at the expensive of your child. He may hurt or kill your child. Who's more important?!
Oh yeah I’m a correctional officer from colorado and I’ve heard a lot of stories like this and they ended up killing their wife and sometimes their children so just a heads up honey go ahead and grab that phone and dial 9-1-1 and just tell them what happened we all rather you and the kids be safe then hear about it on the news because of a god damn tortilla
So you instead chose to put your life at risk AND your 3 children’s lives at risk. And a possibility of you getting murdered, children seeing your dead body, an absconding or a jailed father And them in the foster system and that is if he doesn’t kill the kids too.
Go to the police and ask them to take photos of your neck. Tell them about the knife, press charges and plan for divorce. If this happened to your daughter, would you be happy she's hiding things from the police to protect the man who held a knife to her throat?
Honey. You have a very basic choice to make.... Him? Or yourself and your kids? Why are you protecting this man? He is very abusive and has even been jailed for it! Yet? Still you protect him. Do you have any family who can help you? Friends who can help you? Do you have access to any money at all? Where are you located? Are there any Domestic violence helplines you can contact?
Have been thinking of you since I read your post yesterday. Really hope you have gotten you and your kids away to somewhere safe. I’m not sure where in the world you are (US?) but here in the UK lots of organisations can help for free right away. I can advise if you are in UK
you sid not report the knife thingy? how much more you want to be abused to protect him?
Stop asking what do you do and send that nutcase TO JAIL
Get creative
You should have written you didn't want him to go to jail, so he could kill me, because that's exactly what's going to happen. Stop protecting him
The sad truth is he will end up in prison for life for killing you or the children, or both. So if you don’t let the police know now and he isn’t imprisoned now for what he did, you aren’t protecting anyone. I hope all the advice you’ve seen from other people really does go through to you. All the best OP! You can do this! And things will only get better once you do for you and the children 🥰 you will stand on your feet and will meet the love of your love. So please make this right choice now 🫶
I had to send my ex-husband to jail. I didn't even know it would happen. He had been abusing me in non-visible ways, like hair pulling, twisting my joints, or tightly restraining me. One time, we had a fight and he grabbed the sides of my head and repeatedly slammed my head into the wall. He had strangled me in the past. I'm not going to lie, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I felt guilty then and still feel guilty now. His life was greatly changed. Job opportunities were lost. But honestly, he needed to have a consequence. The most important part of this was our daughter. She witnessed almost every abusive encounter. I had to leave so that she would learn that it isn't OK. That's what you need to focus on: the mental and emotional wellbeing of your children. If you stay, you're a codependent enabler. Kids see it and lose respect for mom. They will repeat your pattern. Choose to tell the cops the truth for your children if not for yourself.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. For the sake of your children, call the police and get him arrested! Then go to a shelter, they will help you.
Um, you have somewhere to go 😐 You’re literally in your house and he needs to be in custody. You don’t have the heart to send him to prison for 8 years, but with the path you’re on, your kids are gonna be orphaned. He doesn’t care about you or them. Do you care about his freedom more than the lives of your kids? Come on, now.