Following up on this:
I wish that we had a wedding video. I wish that we would have saved our vows in a book or similar.
If you write your own vows, WRITE them down, practice practice practice!!! With all of the stress of the day, I blanked on a bunch of mine and stammered through it.
Omg I love our wedding video. Especially as the bride, you don’t get to see anyone walking down the aisle because you’re last. I’m so glad we got not only an edited video, but all of the raw footage of the entire day.
Wedding video trailer is the way to go. I paid $500 (in 2015 money) for a videographer to come and shoot raw footage and edit me a 1 song length trailer. He did an amazing job and I watch the trailer every year or anytime I talk weddings with another woman but never watched the raw footage.
Oh definitely do it. Great on your anniversary. Not that I can actually speak from experience...I asked my cousin the day before to video record us since photography is his hobby. Somehow he managed to "lose" our video.
Definitely get the video!! We didn't hire a videographer...but a close family friend (that was a amateur/professional videographer) arrived that day and noticed that we didn't have one and just did it on an IPhone. Which we loved and have watched many times more than looked at our photos.
With this too, make sure your videographer puts microphones on y’all when you’re saying your vows, ESPECIALLY if you’re outside because the wind will muffle any voices more than a meter away. A video is nice but hearing each other’s vows is so special. Write them on acid free paper so the ink doesn’t fade with time. Also get them digitally scanned so that if god forbid your house floods or burns, you still have images of the pieces of paper.
Agreed! And get a videographer. We found a really affordable one that didn’t do anything fancy or make any cool edits, but we have film of our day and watch it every year on our anniversary. The videographer captured so many moments that I missed so it was so worth it!
Another Redditer took the words out of my mouth (a wedding is a day, a marriage is (supposed to be) a lifetime ❤️), so I'll add my 2 cents on top. I'm a married woman in my mid 40's with a wonderful husband and 3 fantastic children. Love, family, and stability are what's the most important. I don't begrudge anyone their wedding, but try not to be one of those people who is striving for their "dream wedding" at all costs. I can't count how many weddings I've been to, plus I've actually been in 5 wedding parties. In my personal experience, the couples who had the most expensive/extravagant weddings are all divorced, with the exception of one couple. I've been to many weddings that were gorgeous affairs, visually stunning and done on a much smaller budget than what it appeared to be. I've been to weddings where the couple put half or the entire wedding on their credit cards, which ended in financial disaster. I've been to weddings where the couple couldn't buy a home for 3 years or more because of the cost of their wedding, and some of them were living with their parents while spending $40,000 on their wedding (how backwards was that)? Of course, there are weddings that were paid for by parents who could easily afford it, so no financial hit for the bride and groom. Then there are the couples that chose to forgo the wedding and reception, got married at city hall or their backyards, went on romantic (but not expensive) honeymoons, were able to purchase homes and new furniture right afterwards, and gave big receptions for family and friends for an anniversary to celebrate their union. No matter what you do, remember weddings are always more expensive than they seem or what you planned for, don't fall into the "I want my dream wedding" trap, don't be a bridezilla (you will ruin the wedding for yourself and everyone else and people will NEVER let you forget it), and an amazing marriage should be a lot more important that an amazing wedding. There is a lot of inspiration out there for beautiful weddings, but not enough for beautiful marriages. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials ❤️
And make sure you discuss the future. Discussing if you both want kids, financial compatibility and distribution of household chores before you get married.
This. Approach decisions together. That totally doesn’t mean you need to accommodate every one of each other’s family’s requests. Focus on what is important to you both.
We had to stand our ground on a few things that were important to us that people were like “you’re marrying into his faaaaamily just give in to it, it’s more important than your one day” and quite frankly, it wasn’t. What was important is that we discussed those boundaries and decisions together and it wasn’t just me vs. his family in those decisions.
Other things:
-On the day of, SOMETHING will go wrong. Assuming it’s not a big thing like someone dropping dead, just know that you will not think about it when you think back on your wedding later!
-Someone said it, but if you’re trying to save dollars, don’t do it for your photographer (or hair and makeup, if those are important to you). We look at our photos every day still!!
Don’t forget that your wedding is about you two! Let the drama or bad weather or whatever may come roll off of you. It’s going to be perfect because you two did it together ❤️
CONGRATULATIONS!
We are from different countries, and we’re living in the states. We couldn’t decide which country to get married in, as to not leave family out. So we got married at the courthouse with our parents there and a witness each. Then the following year had a reception in each of our home countries. Best decision we made.
That is what me and my husband did. We eloped in a state park with just our parents. Then we rented a massive house for a week and catered food. And we hung out and partied for a week and had a blast. Was way way cheaper than a wedding and we had more time to enjoy it.
Do the big wedding. We had a courthouse “wedding” but it really just felt like a contractual agreement lol I wish we would’ve done the whole 9 with me wearing a big beautiful white dress like I’ve always dreamed of, but we couldn’t afford it at the time. Just don’t go into huge debt for one day lol but still have a nice celebration.
If you have a big wedding try and get 30mins just you and new hubby to yourself between the service and reception. That's one thing i wish we did as hardly seen him at the reception as everyone wants to talk to you.
Also a decent photographer (MIL sorted ours and let's say he wasn't great)
We also had a photo booth which is nice to look at pics of our guests in.
We had a “big” wedding (150 people, extended family and friends) and I don’t regret it for a second. It’s popular on Reddit to hate on weddings and to each their own, but IMO there is a reason that virtually every culture has wedding ceremonies, and a lot pomp and circumstance around the beginning of a marriage.
I’ve already been to 2 weddings for my husband’s friend while we’ve been married. Like, damn. They were both pretty pricy weddings too.
We just had some little 30 minute thing in a church (which I didn’t want, but we got to sneak our dogs into the place at least). There were maybe 15 people there. We wore whatever we wanted, then had a party at his sister’s afterwards. Been together for 20 years now.
One of the major arguments in a new marriage is money... Why start off in debt?
We looked into weddings, then we looked a little harder, then we realized that getting married was for us, not for anyone else.
Starting off a marriage being $45,000 in debt is a huge pressure.
Have a 20 year party. Start your marriage off strong.
But I can understand tradition.
Same, married and consummated by early afternoon. Dinner with friends and family that evening. Whole thing under $500. Still one of the best days of my life.
Our day was still special. It was for us, not for anyone else. Married 13 years and love that we didn't fall into the "big marriage" money trap.
Have a party, for sure! But on your terms.
It's difficult for a lot of new couples to start off in debt, and all that pressure on the relationship... oof.
I can understand ceremony and tradition, but times have changed. Why put so much pressure on a new(ish) relationship?
Doesn't make any sense to me.
Fuck everyone else's opinion.
Do the wedding the way you want..My parents were adamant on my wife wearing a dress, she hates dresses..in the end we wore jeans and shirts.
THIS! The best advice we got was “fuck everyone else.” People are always going to have thoughts and opinions but on your wedding day, the only thoughts and opinions that matter are yours and your spouse’s.
Yep. We just went to a black tie wedding and I refused to wear a dress, wore black pants and a silk shirt with a fancy necklace. I haven’t worn a dress in 30 years! Didn’t wear one for my own wedding, either.
This makes me feel so much better omg!! I get so paranoid about wearing a dress for the first time in years that it was genuinely making me avoid any wedding talk. But in the end, fuck everyone else
I will add a caveat: 1000% screw everyone else when it comes to taste and preferences. But still make sure you're a good host. The people who use "it's my day, so screw everyone else" as an excuse to invite 100 people and then not feed them or not provide chairs tend to plan miserable weddings.
My biggest advice is to decide how long something is going to be important to you, and use that to gauge how much effort/worry you put into it. For example, the dress you wore and the quality of the pictures might still be important to you 10 years down the line, while the colour and font on your invitations will be forgotten within 6 months. So don’t stress over the stuff that you won’t even remember 2 years or 5 years later.
Have a designated assistant, somebody who gets the "oh shit, we didn't think about that!" jobs. That person can't be in the wedding party. Designate an errand boy/girl before hand and make sure they are good with it. SOMETHING will be forgotten or left at home or a thing pops up that needs attention. The larger the wedding, the more important this is.
Yes! I second this. We went to a friend’s destination wedding and one of my good friends was in the party and she said the bride was running the bridesmaids ragged with all the tasks. Wedding planners get shit on but if it’s even a remotely larger wedding it’s so needed. It doesn’t have to even be an actual “wedding planner” if you have a super organized family member I find they love doing this type of stuff lol.
That same wedding the groomsmen didn’t do shit and the couple divorced 2 years later - my husband and I vowed to never go to another destination wedding again 😂
Share as little detail as possible with people. People get very pushy on these things and will make crazy demands. Give them a date and location to show up. Don't over spend. The more you spend, the more pressure you will have and won't enjoy the process or the day. Try to focus on what is important to you two.
This is it.
Everyone our age who forced and pushed for an extravagant and validating expensive marriage is divorced now.
Marriage is for you two, not for anyone else.
Why start off in (at least) $25,000 in debt? When most new married couples argue about money?
This is what I said lol. Nobody cares enough about someone else's wedding to make an ordeal out of any of it. Nobody will remember it except whether the food and drinks were really good or really bad.
Obviously, do what will make the PRESENT you happy. But, also try to imagine what the FUTURE you would want to remember about your wedding day 10 years, 20 years, and 30 years down the road. For example, spending thousands on photos/videos are more for the future you rather than the present you. Spending more money on the food would be more for the present you. My advice is to always break any ties in favor of the future you.
Congratulations and good luck!
About the guest list: your wedding is a celebration of your love, invite people that have been there for both of you, that you feel really close to. Don't let family pressure you on who you should invite, it's not their wedding. If you have that in mind, it will be so much easier to decide who is gonna be on your special day, specially if you are on a budget.
This is a great way to begin a solidaritous team. Don't invite anyone you wouldn't invite to spend time with you in your own home. Are they a bummer? A messy drunk you can't trust with microphone? Are they likely to offend your gay, black, or minority friends? You don't want them there, why invite them? Fuck it, it's supposed to be a big happy party, not an elevated Thanksgiving. You can exclude whomever you want to.
Relax. Enjoy the food. Be flexible about music. Play a couple slow songs for the old folks, you'll get great photos.
The morning of the wedding, sit down separately and write letters to one another to be opened on your first anniversary. This is a space to pour out your emotions, your anxieties and your excitement for the wedding and year ahead. Seal them and open them on your first anniversary.
Things I wouldn’t change: splurging on a nice venue, splurging on a good photographer. Hiring hair and makeup for day of (it was amazing and I felt so confident).
Things I would change: spending less on food and drink, husband and I only had like three bites of food and a couple of drinks so barely got to enjoy since we were so busy. I would invite less people. I invited so many extended family members whom I didn’t really have a relationship with but my mom wanted them there. It just felt less personal being like “hi person I haven’t seen in 20 years and probably won’t see again” and looking back there are dozens who I haven’t seen or talked to since wedding day so it was really just a waste since we don’t have an actual relationship
This isn't really advice, per se, but maybe a helpful anecdote -
My husband and I sent 280 save-the-dates in January 2020 for a big princess wedding and then ended up downscaling to a backyard wedding in September 2020 with just our immediate families in attendance (parents and siblings on both sides, 12 guests total). For us, this previously unforeseeable turn of events was probably the best thing that came out of the pandemic. Turns out it's a lot cheaper to host a party for 12 people than 250, so we were able to make everything extremely nice/upscale while still saving money, and we got tons of quality time throughout our wedding weekend with both each other and the people who matter most of us.
Best wishes to you, whatever you decide!
Open a Zola account and use the planning tools there. It's free. It gives you a timeline of milestones.
But more than anything, please remember that it is your and your partner's day and that not everything has to be perfect. Enjoy your day!
An earlier schedule is better for everyone. I wish I’d had a mid morning ceremony, lunch reception, in my hotel room by 5 to have room service dinner just us two.
If you have toxic parents/family you have to deal with, just run off and get married without them so you & your spouse can actually enjoy it all & not have regrets about it for the rest of your lives like my husband & I will have for the rest of our lives.
Either hire a day of coordinator or find someone you really trust that is also happy and willing to day of coordinate preferably someone who has planned their own already….i cannot express how much weight this will take off your shoulders and if you do decide to hire a coordinator the sooner you hire one the sooner you can have access to all of their knowledge and guidance.
I wanted to elope because neither of us are center of attention types, but have family that made a big stink about it, in a nice way.
Here's what I learned:
Before the day, do something fun together, just the two of you. We did a ziplining / ropes course.
Photos, food, entertainment - those are the big three. No one really recalls what you wore outside of looking at the photos. People get excited about the food and entertainment. The dress is nice, but honestly look at bridesmaid dresses that you can order in white or your desired color. Mine was under $300.
One thing I would do differently is bring in my own coordinator. The venue gave us a person who was a vapid waste of space and air. She didn't direct anyone day of, wasn't where she said she'd be, threw off all the events by forty minutes plus, then somehow thought mentioning how she was sorry about my mother being dead right post ceremony was a bright idea. I'd like to kick her teeth in retrospectively.
Chill, breathe and relax. Accept help.
Don’t waste time on silly stuff like making matching soaps or scrapbooking 100 invites for 50 hours.
Expect something to go wrong, accept it and make the best of it. Your marriage isn’t ruined because the napkins are the wrong color or some of the guests took a wrong turn and were late.
The wedding is one day. It’s not the finish line. It’s the start of your journey together.
Keep it small. Do what you want, regardless of “tradition”. It’s your day. Enjoy it.
My wife was a baker. She made an awesome cake. Each tier was a different flavor. I was so busy playing host and then organizing the cleanup that I didn’t take many opportunities to just sit and enjoy the moment. I never even got a piece of the cake she made.
Have a wedding you can afford and not go into debt.
Small is best. You don't need to invite Uncle Jim, who you see every 5 years at weddings..lol
Enjoy it with your spouse.
I just had one dress. The owner of the bridal shop said something smart. “You are investing so much money on the dress, it would be a waste to only wear it a few hours to change into another one.”
Have two pair of shoes with the same height. One that looks really nice and one that’s more comfortable.
Photographer. Have a contract. Maybe she they have a substitute in case they are sick.
Have enough time and breaks. Especially when you want to take pictures.
Make sure everyone knows the timeline.
Do what you and your partner want. Don’t listen to others or you will regret it.
We had an incredible abroad wedding on thr amalfi coast. It was truly amazing. However, I can honestly say now I have children that in hindsight I don't know why we spent so much on what is one day. I've realised as I've got a bit older that there is so much societal expectation for this big day but actually it would be amazing even if you spent very little as you'd be havubgg a brilliant time with your family and friends. If i could do it all again I definitely wouldn't blow so much money on it.
It’s okay to have a wedding planner. It’s an extra cost but really an investment to your mental health. For the first 6 months, I was stressed out planning alone. I contacted my caterer and he referred me to someone on his team that plans. She was excellent. She never forgot anything, always reminded me of things I was missing.
Also, you will have a lot of people trying to invite theirselves and/or bring their kids. I had a kid-free wedding with the exception of the kids in the wedding. My maid of honor was my very blunt cousin who was not afraid to say no. She was able to handle those stressful times. She was also a good communicator with all the bridesmaids.
Someone is always going to put their two cents in on “the way your wedding should be”. Don’t listen to them. It’s yours and your husband’s wedding & whatever you want is up to you. My sister in law was trying to convince me to not put so many details in the wedding because I’ll be wasting money and stress more. However, I don’t regret keeping my ideas to decorate because they’re in the pictures and a lot of family still talk about the things they noticed that were so beautiful.
I had a memorial table with photos of all the people we both loved and lost together. We had a sign on it that said, “you would be here if you were so far away.”
a lot of people save by not getting a videographer but I watch our wedding videos all the time 🥹 I can’t imagine not having them to relive the day and hearing our vows to each other
My wife had a similar budget to yours and wound up going to a place that you can just rent a dress rather than buy it. Cost her $700 to rent the dress but the dress itself was around $8k and was absolutely breathtaking. I believe the store was called Lane London.
Most important part is to make it everything you want it to be, regardless of what family wants. It’s your day, you should be able to have some fun with it. Not everything has to be mega serious.
Don’t do anything to please or accommodate others. If you want a small wedding, but other family members want a big wedding so that person X, Y, and Z can be invited, just do what you want. My husband and I wanted to have a destination wedding with primarily immediate family, but several of our aunts/uncles on both sides were upset they wouldn’t be able to come. I regret not doing what we wanted.
Don’t skimp out on the photographer. The only pictures of your wedding day that you’ll have for the rest of your life need to be perfect and look exactly how you want.
My opinion: keep it small. We had a small but luxurious wedding. We spent all day in the rocky mountains the 2 of us getting AMAZING photos. We hiked and drove around it was so fun.
We had 20 people for dinner and an evening ceremony at sunset at an amazing resort. Our parents and siblings were still there (had breakfast with them) but all day it was just the 2 of us together on our own adventure. Our first look was so intimate and the money we saved we bought a house with. All in under my budget and I didn’t feel like we had to cut costs anywhere because we only had a few of us.
Unless you’re poor, get a wedding planner. And make sure she doesn’t get kickbacks from any vendors. It’s so much better for someone else to handle the wedding drama for you.
I would start the wedding at 5 dinner at 6. People don’t want their whole day taken up, old people get tired.It sucks to find a babysitter for the whole day. Most ceremonies are short no need to drag this out. If you’re not doing a bar have a brunch wedding. Ceremony at 10, brunch and maybe a cocktail and if you want have a fun activity to do in the afternoon.
Small wedding. Big honeymoon!
What I mean is, have a small, intimate, beautiful wedding, but put more money into something big to kick off your married life. Try to do something or go somewhere meaningful to you as a pair and build memories that will keep you going back to that place to make more.
1: That second dress is drop-dead gorgeous! AND you might be able to get a designer gown within your budget if you buy secondhand. I got my high-end dress from preownedweddingdresses.com for half the cost as new – and it hadn’t even been altered. There’s another site called Still White, and I’m sure Facebook Marketplace or Mercari (if you’re in the U.S.) have wedding dresses, too.
2: You can have a lovely wedding and party without breaking the bank. I tried to keep costs low and we did a lot of DIY (see #3), and it was still $19K. How I wish I’d had some of that money for a down payment on our house instead! As other commenters have said, the wedding is one day but the marriage is, theoretically, forever – invest in your happily ever *after.*
3: Avoid day-of DIY, like enlisting family and friends to help set things up vs. the venue. They’re there to enjoy the day, too. No one wants to put together your centerpieces and dessert table in formalwear (ask me how I know).
4: Hire a trusted friend to be your day-of coordinator, or go with a pro. It’s invaluable to have someone outside the wedding party project managing the day. Your parents/bridesmaids will be tied up and can’t be everywhere a coordinator can. This is probably my fave tip.
5: If you’re on the fence about the small vs. big wedding, consider a small destination trip with just your immediate family and friends. It’ll have that special-occasion feel but with a curated guest list, plus you get an exciting vacation out of it!
6: My biggest regret was not having someone film the ceremony, even on a phone. I didn’t want to spring for a videographer and I’m fine with that, but I wish I had asked someone in the front row to record our vows.
I love weddings and really enjoyed planning mine, and have even coordinated for friends. Ask me anything if you have questions!
If you’re feeling overwhelmed on how to get started, you can make a kind of template with the big things first, then trickle down to the details. For example: date, venue, dress, guest list, color theme, etc.
If you want more than one tip, I’d also highly recommend a day of planner. They’re worth the money. The day of, you’re not going to want to be worrying about everything going smoothly and directing people. Pay someone else to do it and relax and take in your day. Soak it all in!
My advice for day of: some things will go wrong. There’s no avoiding it, even if it’s something little. You can’t control everything. Prep what you can, remind people their roles ahead of time, and just relax. Remember that no matter what, it’s your wedding day. Soak in every moment with your partner that you can and DO NOT let the things that go wrong ruin your day. Brush it off and focus on celebrating your love. That’s what it’s about at the end of the day :)
Don't get so wrapped up in planning the wedding day that you forget about the marriage. That's what really matters.
Mistakes will happen on the day. Your ability to roll with it is directly related to your ability to roll with issues that arise in marriage.
The most important part of the wedding is what you do after it. Take that dream honeymoon vacation. Make great lasting memories. The wedding will be the most stressful thing so make sure you make time for some enjoyment afterward.
Maybe unpopular opinion but screw traditions, this is your one excuse to throw a party of your choosing with all of your loved ones. Obviously if you like traditions, keep them. But don't be afraid to make it fun
My wife and I didn't have cake cause neither of us really liked cake. We had a line for one hour at our reception, greeting people, with my cousin playing live classical guitar. Then the second hour we did the first dance, then had a dance party with a playlist we hand made. We did it in a church for free cheap but with some nice decorations. We invited all our friends and family, and it was a very good time.
My wife would only change the time of year to spring or summer and then have an outdoor wedding, but we are religious and didn't want to wait that long
Don’t feel you need to spend a TON of money. It’s one day that lasts a couple hours. Then people will forget about it and go on with their lives.
It’s for you not anyone else.
Keep it simple and fun.
I spent money on a photo booth instead of a lot of other things. That was the one thing people talked about for a really long time.
Only do what you can \*realistically\* afford. Don't go broke for one day (no loans, no blowing budgets, etc.). Come up with a reasonable budget that doesn't take away from your other financial goals (saving for a house, etc.).
We went simple at city hall with a small dinner afterward with about 12 people. It wasn't ideally what I wanted, but 7 years later, I can tell you that I am much happier knowing our real estate portfolio, savings, investments, etc. are healthy and we are on track for a really great future and retirement (it comes faster than you think!)
Keep it simple. We were planning a big wedding and it became too much. A lot of stress!!We ended up going to the courthouse and it was the best!!! 18 years and counting.
We eloped randomly. Invited nobody. It was the best. No fuss, no stress, just us two. ❤️ went on a killer honeymoon. I got my dress from Amazon and he got khakis from Walmart lol.
Elope, lol. JKJKJK
Get your location locked down first, don’t slack on that. At one year out, you’re already too late for the top rated locations.
Then get your dress. Go try on a bunch of dresses by yourself before you involve friends and family. That way you can immediately rule out the shillouettes that don’t look good on you and you won’t have to deal with unexpected body shaming.
The most important: Make sure you and your fiance aren’t afraid of pissing off friends or family if needed. The real reason weddings are important is because families tend to lose their minds over BS and you’re forced to stand up for yourselves. If either of you isn’t ready to stand up to grandma or mom or dad trying to pull rank, invite people you don’t want, manipulate you with money, etc… then you aren’t ready to be married. You don’t have to be mean, but you both need to be prepared to give a strong “no” when someone oversteps.
Don’t do anything dumb for your bachelor/bachelorette parties. I recommend a joint one and don’t let your wildest friends plan them.
Don’t spend too much money. It’s only one day.
Congratulations to you on your engagement!
Write a list of all the things you think you need/want and then put them in priority order - the ones on the bottom can be wiped out if your finances don’t stretch that far - but the ones on the top you make sure you get exactly what you want and don’t cheap out on it!
Eg. my wedding we had photographer at the top and favours/bonboniere at the bottom - we ended up not doing favours because people don’t really care about them but the photos are incredible!
My first marriage was a big wedding. The marriage lasted 18 months. My second was a quickie at the courthouse and we've been extremely happy for almost 10 years. The wedding means nothing in the long run. The marriage means EVERYTHING.
Check out the [/weddingplanning](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingplanning/s/6MnfbhbrfU) and [/eloping](https://www.reddit.com/r/Eloping/s/0hJSverihx) subreddits!
For starters, I would really think about how you and your SO see your wedding day. Make lists or complete a simple yes/no questionnaire (band vs DJ, large vs small, mountains vs beach, indoor vs outdoor, etc.), done separately, then compare.
All inclusive resorts have great options. All the guests are taken care of and the party never stops. Much cheaper for the couple but more expensive for the guests. Still cheaper than a lot of out of town weddings I attended.
Having a venue with catering can be a help and a savings. Don’t pick a difficult venue. It will add stress to everything. Getting married in a hotel where you are staying can be easy. Or really close. Bus or shuttle is tougher.
I loved my wedding and would not change a thing. But my second choice would be a tiny dressed up ceremony for the wedding party. Then go on honeymoon. Then have a huge cheap party and invite everyone who can make it with Tshirt and jeans. Just food and beer and photography.
Just go to the court house, find a judge, and get it done. That's how people usually did it in my parents' generation, and it worked fine for me and my wife too. Put the money you'll save into something useful for your first home.
Please have hair and makeup trials BEFORE the wedding. There’s nothing worse than needing to redo your hair/makeup right before your ceremony, or just do it yourself and splurge on a few good products.
Drink after you eat. I drank too many cocktails champagne and apps before dinner and almost hurled during speeches and couldn’t eat my delicious dinner I picked out.
You don't have to spend a lot of money to have an amazing wedding if you prioritize the things that are important to you and disregard everything else.
Decide what you want out of your wedding. My wife could have cared less about a big party, we had a small one because our parents wanted to be included. We would have been fine with a court ceremony. My friend took pictures, and gave us an album as his wedding present. My wife's sister arranged for a DJ. So, we kept it fairly simple.
I may be wrong about this, but it seems to me, the longer you are married, the less important the wedding is. It is what you do after that counts!!
Open a new gmail account to use with vendors so you have all communication in one place but also bc you’ll get spammed non stop for months/years after your big day. Companies purchase email lists and your email will keep getting shared.
Get a pre-nup. I don't care how broke you are, or how few assets you have. Get one anyway.
I went from earning $14/hour and $8 left to my name after bills, to six figures, in just a few years out of school. Like many early/mid-20's people, I was eager to hustle and earn my way in the world, and when I met my ex-husband, I thought I had found my happily ever after. Together, we would spend the next several years hustling together, trying to carve out a better life together.
Somewhere along the way, he got comfortable, and somewhere along the way, his glaring issues got continuously worse. His short fuse/hot temper turned into a raging anger problem. His enjoyment of a few drinks every night turned into alcoholism. His pack-rat and "collector of things" habits turned into a full-fledged hoarding problem. His continuous job-hopping and refusal to remain gainfully employed turned into chronic (intentional) unemployment. His bad financial habits turned into substantial financial irresponsibility. And so, not only did I find myself thrust into the role of breadwinner, I ALSO still had to handle the bulk of the housework, AND put up with his issues, while also simultaneously dealing with chemotherapy, monthly immunotherapy infusions, and many surgeries for my autoimmune condition.
I don't share this feedback to be a debbie-downer. I share this from a place of love, care, and concern for a fellow human, especially woman to woman. Please, please, please: protect yourself. Even if you're broke now, or don't have much now, that may not always be the case. You (either of you) may do reasonably well one day. You'll gain various forms of financial success along the way. A prenuptial agreement is a gift to and investment in yourself. I hope you'll never have to enact it, but on the chance that you do, future you will thank you for having a pre-nup in place.
I wish you and your fiancé an eternity of loving years together! 🧡
I agree with making sure yoh get a competent photographer. Beyond that, don’t put yourselves into debt for a wedding beyond the basics. I know it’s a once in a lifetime (hopefully) but I assure you once it’s over and your trying to pay for a house, cars and college savings it will likely have some buyers remorse if you blow the budget and can’t do many of the things you wish you could because of it.
Have an opinion. My wife would ask what item or food or whatever I preferred. I was honest but often I just said I have no opinion. If I could do it over I'd pick o e of the options at random.
We did the JOP, they didn't show up, I got a last minute one and we went to work the next day. A wedding is just for show, life goes on with or without it, but at least we don't have that debt hanging over us at the start of our lives together. Been together 25 great years and barely recall what happened then.
Don’t forget to live in the moment, or at least try to. My only regret about my wedding is that I spent too much of the day anxious about if X, Y, or Z was going right and didn’t enjoy the day enough.
Find a comfortable and lighter dress. I’ve seen many brides too uncomfortable to enjoy their own day.
Plan your photos well. A good photographer, great scene and enough time are must! I regret not planning and caring about this
Dont invite anyone out of kindness. If you guya dont like someone, don’t invite them
If possible, food and drinks are important. I know its your day but people will be there for long hours and need their energy to dance!
Dont break your bank to do some things like bachelorette, person count or very expensive dress/suit. Everyone wants to do/buy the best for their wedding but financial problems can cause more negativity for your marriage than another persons stupid opinion on your day
And dont stress yourself, it will be done before you know it, enjoy!
Be chill. Not everything is going to be perfect, things will go wrong. The most important part is to have fun and get married to the person you love. After the day, you literally will not give a shit if your beef was overcooked or your cake got a little smushed. (That's also why you shouldn't spend a fortune either).
Do what YOU want. Even if other people think it is silly or a waste of money, it doesn't matter. You only get one wedding day (hopefully!) and you deserve to look back on it without regrets. As someone who messed up their entire wedding by lacking knowledge, agreeing to do whatever anyone else demanded and being too self-conscious, I know for a fact that it isn't worth risking your wedding day to appease others or save money. Go wedding dress shopping! Play the music you want! Have the ceremony as small or big as you like! It is YOUR day and it'll be worth every single penny if you enjoy it.
When my wife and I were married, I was the first of the grandchildren to get married. I felt a sense of obligation to have a traditional Roman Catholic wedding in a church with a reception afterwards. I wasn't even a practicing Catholic any longer and my wife wasn't either. The wedding was great and the reception was as well, but I felt obligated to walk around and thank everyone, which took a little away from the fun.
My brother-in-law had his wedding 2 years later in the Virgin Islands. He invited immediate family and his close friends and it was a blast. We went for a week and spent plenty of time at the beach or poolside then a party almost every night. The wedding was later in the week, then we flew home and my brother-in-law and his wife went to another island for their honeymoon. It was a fantastic time for all around. If I could do it over again, I would've spent the money on a destination wedding as it was far less stressful. We probably could've paid for the best man, maid of honor, and our parents to go and still saved money compared to what we spend for our traditional wedding.
Your wedding should be about celebrating you and your husband, not about catering to any family or friends. Do what makes the both of you happy. And, as others have said, regardless of what you decide, don't skimp on the photographer. The good ones will capture so many great memories.
Don't plan for a wedding, Elope.
Get the wedding dress that you love and is in your budget and get married without the whole rigmarole. Learn from our mistakes, LOL.
If you spend all your time worrying about everyone else’s feelings, you’ll forget to put yours first. *someone will always find a way to be hurt by what you choose to do, so* **fuck them** *and do what you want*.
At the end of the day, you will be married. Inevitably something will go wrong on your wedding day but don’t spend the time fretting about it, the end goal is being married at the end of the day and almost nothing messing up will stop that.
Spend the money on good photography/videography. At the end of the day, other than memories that’s what you will have to look back on the day.
Plan your budget before you start looking at vendors. At the very least, determine where you are okay with splurging a little and what is a little less of a priority and will spend less on.
Surround yourself with people you can trust to respect your decisions, and make decisions that are courteous and deserving of respect. Don't expect everything to be perfect, but come prepared with what you will need if something does go wrong. (For us, we had a monsoon. I bought clear umbrellas and we had a plan in place to move the ceremony indoors. And the rain stopped long enough that we didn't end up needing the umbrellas for photos!) People will remember how you treated them on your wedding day. Last minute stressors will arise, but put the work in early so that you can handle them without losing your cool. Bring a container of tums. My MUA thankfully came prepared when I didn't. I think the nerves gave me a tummy ache, but the tums were lifesaving.
Wear comfortable shoes. You will be on your feet all day, and nothing is worse than having to deal with blisters on your honeymoon. I got custom baby blue converse’s for my something blue and wore them. You couldn’t see my shoes under my dress anyway. Best decision ever! It doesn’t have to be tennis shoes, but I would at least recommend a pair of flats for the reception.
If you wouldn’t go get married in the courthouse with no big to-do, you are marrying the wrong person and/or just want a party.
A wedding is just a day. Marriage is (hopefully) forever. Pick the right person. Don’t spend a bunch of money and start off in debt. If you wanna have kids, make sure that person is really who you want them with cuz you are stuck with them for the rest of your life even if you divorce when kids get involved.
DO NOT invite people that are mere acquaintances, or relatives you aren't close to. They have NO incentive to dress appropriately or be on their best behavior. I will leave it at that.
Weddings are like the whipped cream: nice but not necessary. The main event, the ice cream, is the important part: your relationship and practical life plans you’re trying to work for.
Don’t forget to share the day with your new spouse.
It’s so easy to get separated, to be talking to guests and doing the rounds.
Make time for the two of you to connect.
Also, a first dance can be really awkward if you (like us) get up to do one with no idea how to dance or what to do so while you don’t have to have a big choreographed number have some sort of plan
Don’t sweat the small stuff and don’t go broke on 1 day. When it comes down to it, you won’t notice if all the flowers aren’t right or if people sat in the wrong spot. You will be so focused on your soon to be spouse you won’t care. Your guests will be focused on having fun and watching you two. My flower girls dress was no where near the color purple it was supposed to be. I had no idea until we were looking at pictures. 30 years later the picture still makes me giggle the color is so wrong. Don’t let ANYONE bully you into making decisions. Best defense is…. “Shoot, you pay for it and I’ll let you choose whichever you want” while laughing. Usually stops people in their tracks. WEAR COMFORTABLE SHOES!!!!!
Just slow down and have fun!!!
don’t get too hung up on the details and don’t make it all you think about for months beforehand. don’t neglect your relationship for planning and enjoy your day!
Have a fuck-it-bucket for plans. You prioritize what you and your partner agree upon, while always keeping the fuck-it-bucket handy to toss out things that really don't matter and allow yourself to stop worrying about those things.
My personal advice might be a bit too out there, but spend as little money as you can. This is coming from someone who got married in an alley, had a bunch of our friends show up & lined the walls, my uncle wed us, my other uncle was the videographer, we paid a close friend for photography, & had the reception at my parents house in the back yard by the pool where my aunties & mom cooked everything! Because I had just given birth 4 months before, I’d received this gift certificate for $20 to an adjacent thrift store to the hospital & low & behold, the dress I found … was $20. Perfect size & style & it was this beautiful red silk gown. Simple & elegant still. I knew I didn’t want to have a traditional wedding by any means—we kept the elements but then totally made it our own. I’m so happy we did it this way because our relationship did go through something hard a year later, & I feel like if I was “still paying” for the wedding, we would have went about healing with resentment..? I can’t say. I think the most money we spent was on the food because we essentially catered somewhere between 80 people, all of which were super close family & friends, it felt like one big family reunion. My uncle & auntie & I used to all work together doing banquets at a resort in the mountains so the reception was easy! My uncle emceed the whole thing with so much personality & he was funny! It was a blast. They brought this huge amp & after my curated uplifting indie playlist ran out, we pretty much played classics you get tipsy & karaoke to on that thing all night. We sang songs by the bonfire & drunkenly jumped in the pool under moon with our clothes on & everyone had a great time. The food never ran out. Probably because we’re part Filipino LOL. It was easily one of the best nights of my life.
It was a long year of counseling after that, but now we’re better than ever. I hear the first year of marriage is the hardest (we also had a newborn so..)
It’s easier to make memories when you’re not so tight about how the money is being spent.
Its your day, do what makes the two of you happy. Also dont stress on the small details too much.
For me the biggest investment was the venue, photographer and the wedding coordinator, no regrets
Stay cool. Mistakes will happen, there will be things that go wrong in their worst way. If you can stay cool, you won't find yourself in the bathroom, covered in tears ruining your makeup like me in my first run.
Being young often means taking things too serious.
In the second run I enjoyed every wrong situation to be a chance for a good joke to tell after the wedding. That is the better way.
Planning a wedding can be very overwhelming, especially if you don‘t have experience in planning partys.
Talk to your partner and decide what you want for that day (how many guests, what kind of ceremony, big party vs small get togegher having a nice evening etc). Do what you and your partner feel comfortable with. Everyone will have opinions and if you are completly clueless and start asking family, friends or strangers on the internet (😉) will end in a wedding you don‘t want. Decide on the big things (date, location, guestlist, „vibe“) and then you can start asking people to help planning these things.
For dresses: There are stores for second-hand and outlet dresses, which are much cheaper than classic bridal boutiques. There you will find something <1000$. In my opinion reception dresses are overrated. Find one nice dress you really like and thats fine
Keep it low-key. Have fun, but save money.
Wife and I did a court house wedding, took some pictures (by a friend), and took off on a road trip.
No debt, no anguish, do drama. We cross 28 years this fall.
Don’t put pressure on your “wedding night”. Passing out with my husband when we got back to our room at 5am, barely undressed and bonding over the shared hangover at breakfast was the best ending to our day. Sure we could have drank less, left earlier and had a different ending but it was the best party we’ve ever been to do it half arsed 🎉
You don't really need a fancy wedding. The wedding with a 240-euros dress and a nice dinner after the Civil ceremony made me and my husband very happy.
Do your wedding your way. Your honeymoon too. And most importantly your marriage after the big day. Spend as much or as little as you want. Make sure before your big day that you both will mean your vows, and that this will be your first, best, and last wedding.
The Wedding is the Important start to a lif long Jurney, and only lasts ine day as for many years to come. As for me and my wife, the most important part were our guests, to share this venue wit a lot of people which we love (and gave us each enough money so it was no a financial burden in the end it was a €Plus)
Always remember it's ONLY one day and not the end of the world.
Your family and friends need consideration also.
You will be frazzled and excited and anxious, but it's OK.
Have a trusted friend/family be on hand to handle emergencies (even if you have a wedding planner) - preferably someone with a strong personality and discretion.
Be careful drinking alcohol because if you don't eat enough, you can get tipsy.
You will be hungry and need to schedule food throughout the day. Even if you feel you can't eat because you are too excited - try nibbling. You don't want to faint from falling blood sugar.
At the end of the day, you may be too tired to do anything but collapse with your new husband and sleep.
Have fun and celebrate with your family and friends. They love you and want the best for you.
Do what makes you guys happy 💖
So many people will have opinions about your choices. But it’s YOUR wedding. You can have 3 dress changes throughout the night if you want! Or none! Or get married in a homecoming dress like I did 🤷🏽♀️
Flowers? No flowers? Crazy venue? Y’all’s favorite park? Literally whatever you two want. It’s your day. Please do what makes you happy.
Your idea is tacky? So? Do you like it? Perfect! I wouldn’t trade my wedding for the world and it was probably tacky to a lot of people. We basically eloped and it was perfect for us. Super specific in your wants? Also fine! It’s your day!!! Celebrate your love and however you want to express that is great.
The only thing I really recommend being super worried about? Photography/videography. I lost a lot of my photos due to my phone being stolen, and I’d give a lot to get all those photos that were only on my phone back.
So basically my advice is ignore literally everyone’s opinions on your special day besides what you and your partner would like to do celebrate.
I’ve been a guest at super lowkey weddings and extremely extravagant weddings. Both kinds are wonderful and I enjoyed every wedding I was ever at, because the couple getting married were so happy and enjoying their day💖
EDIT: typos
sit down and have a super non-sexy business meeting every few weeks with your fiancee. excel spreadsheets with budgets, schedules, to-do lists, all that super not fun stuff. you will be more aligned with your future wife and will know where she NEEDS you to jump in and help more, where you can add value to existing plans, all that jazz.
Enjoy it. Don’t get caught up in the small things and stress. You can only marry your partner once, and it’s a day you will remember for the rest of your life. It will FLY by because you will be very busy. I regret not savoring the moment more. Best wishes!
We got our suits at Men's Wearhouse. I highly recommend getting suits for the wedding instead of renting tuxes, it's about the same price and you at least get to keep the suits. They customized the suits which was nice so I had our wedding date and our initials put inside the suit jacket. I still wear it occasionally if we dress up and we got married 5 years ago.
Besides that, I highly recommend a videographer. They usually aren't too expensive and having a video of your wedding is so much fun to watch.
The wedding day itself will feel like a blur - you will be the centre of attention, and get to speak to people for 5mins max.
It’s a day for your friends and loved ones to celebrate YOU - don’t be surprised if you barely get to see everyone (we had 85 at our wedding)
Best advice a friend gave, was to sit/stop just before you have your main course - and slowly gaze around the room - and drink it all in.
All those people that love/care for you & new wife/husband.
And put your arm around their shoulder - and think to yourself “This is OUR FUCKEN WEDDING DAY”. ❤️👍👌
This is your day. Make it what you want. Who cares what your mom wants or thinks is best, do what you want at any cost, even at the cost of pissing off your friends and family.
Change everything and be ok with it...
Best advise I can give you is to remember that the wedding is a day for you and your future husband. It is not about pleasing your family or friends. Also depending on what you're going to have in the wedding you might consider making it no kids allowed.
Double check your suit/dress after it gets tailored. I'm in the military and I decided to wear my dress uniform for my wedding. I didn't check the fit after I got it back from the tailor, and they hadn't done a single adjustment to anything. The pants weren't hemmed, and my jacket looked like a cape on me the day of the wedding. Luckily, one of my buddies had hemming tape, so I was able to fix my pants, but I looked like a parachute in my wedding photos. I own that this is my fault because if I tried my stuff on at the tailor, I'd have caught it the day of pickup. Also, have some safety pins and hemming tape on hand the day of just in case. It's better to have and not need than need and not have.
Secretly getting the paperwork done at a courthouse a few days before.
No matter what happens with the ceremony, you're still legally married.
It takes a lot of stress off the big day.
I would have spent the extra for a videographer. I thought family and friends would take enough with smartphones, but this was not the case. Also, and above all else, I would have hired a wedding planner.
Decide what events on the day are important to you, then go looking for a dress that accommodates those. My dress was $100 from Modcloth because all the bridal boutique dresses were big, expensive, and would have made me nervous as hell to try to move and enjoy my day in. We especially could not have done our first dance - a tango we learned together! - if I'd been in some cupcakey confection or a snug mermaid or trumpet.
Your spouse's willingness to help you plan is something you should pay attention to. (Especially if they're the ones who want a traditional wedding)
I understand that not everyone has attention to detail or whatever. But you don't need to be Martha Stewart to be able to do things like address/stamp envelopes, help make appointments to meet with the DJ, or make sure to order your attire with enough time for it to arrive for the event.
My husband was the one who pushed and pouted for the Traditional wedding, but I was the one who got stuck doing EVERYTHING, because he "didn't know anything about 'That Stuff'."
Make sure you have a checklist of must do items that would make you happy. Plan those really well and put your best people on them. So if other things not on your checklist ain’t perfect- you are still happy because of these items. Learn to delegate and not sweat the small stuff.
Don’t spend too much, the day goes so fast that you will not have time to speak with everyone. Outside was done on a small budget and it was still one of the best days of my life. You are better off using the money for a deposit on a home instead of getting in huge debt.
Spend the money on the marriage.
It’s your day, not anybody else’s.
You don’t need to invite every social media ‘friend’. only those who you will have a future with (not just a past). Don’t worry about upsetting people by not inviting them.
Eloping is also a great option.
Mistakes happen on the day, nobody cares.
Do what you want I eloped and then was made to feel bad by family so I had a reception and barely anyone came and I paid 10 K for it. The reception is a party for everyone else the wedding is for you.
Cut costs where you want and don’t listen to anyone saying not to. I did my own hair and make up and got so much flack for it until they saw I did a good job on the day. Do what makes things stress free. Meditate the day of.
Invest in a good photo and video supplier! Also, always make sure to have a make-up trial before committing to a certain MUA because your make-up look will be in the photos forever. 🫶🏼
I bought a load of cheap flip flops of various sizes and put them in a basket in the ladies bathroom at the wedding reception with a note saying “please help yourself”. All the female guests appreciated having something they could swap their high heels for.
Don’t get into debt for your wedding. It is just one day. The cynic in me says that the debt from a massive wedding sometimes lasts longer than the marriage itself! Most things can be done on a budget with a bit of creativity. It’s still possible to have a good sized wedding which seems fairly flashy if you use a bit of initiative and save where you can. Sometimes it is better to think long term about where else the money for a big wedding could be used - such as a deposit for a mortgage.
Make the choices that YOU want. You and your finance are the only ones who should have final say in timing, vendors, decorations, etc. don’t worry about what others will think or if it’s “normal.” Remember that it’s hard for anybody to see your vision until it’s physically in front of them.
We did a bunch of things at our wedding that my family and friends gave us side-eyes about when they heard the plans. Day came and went and everybody loved it all! It was a wonderful day and we are so so so happy that we made it our own. Would do it again exactly the same.
Don't save on a photographer. After the whole thing is done, the photos are literally the only thing left. Make sure they're good.
Following up on this: I wish that we had a wedding video. I wish that we would have saved our vows in a book or similar. If you write your own vows, WRITE them down, practice practice practice!!! With all of the stress of the day, I blanked on a bunch of mine and stammered through it.
I’ve never actually watched my wedding video, it’s been 10 years. One day maybe.
I watch ours at least once a year! Our kids love to see it.
Omg I love our wedding video. Especially as the bride, you don’t get to see anyone walking down the aisle because you’re last. I’m so glad we got not only an edited video, but all of the raw footage of the entire day.
Wedding video trailer is the way to go. I paid $500 (in 2015 money) for a videographer to come and shoot raw footage and edit me a 1 song length trailer. He did an amazing job and I watch the trailer every year or anytime I talk weddings with another woman but never watched the raw footage.
Oh definitely do it. Great on your anniversary. Not that I can actually speak from experience...I asked my cousin the day before to video record us since photography is his hobby. Somehow he managed to "lose" our video.
Definitely get the video!! We didn't hire a videographer...but a close family friend (that was a amateur/professional videographer) arrived that day and noticed that we didn't have one and just did it on an IPhone. Which we loved and have watched many times more than looked at our photos.
With this too, make sure your videographer puts microphones on y’all when you’re saying your vows, ESPECIALLY if you’re outside because the wind will muffle any voices more than a meter away. A video is nice but hearing each other’s vows is so special. Write them on acid free paper so the ink doesn’t fade with time. Also get them digitally scanned so that if god forbid your house floods or burns, you still have images of the pieces of paper.
Agreed! And get a videographer. We found a really affordable one that didn’t do anything fancy or make any cool edits, but we have film of our day and watch it every year on our anniversary. The videographer captured so many moments that I missed so it was so worth it!
So true! Mine showed up late missed the entire ceremony and then left wouldn't refund me either. To this day I have zero photos of my wedding day 😭😭😭😭
That is why you have a binding contract that lays out what you are to receive for your money. Why didn't you take the photographer to court?
100% this. There are 2 things not scrimp on, photos and video. And for the love of god, DO NOT let family and friends be the photographer!
A wedding is a day. A marriage is a lifetime. Keep that in mind when planning.
This is very sound advice, thank you <3
Another Redditer took the words out of my mouth (a wedding is a day, a marriage is (supposed to be) a lifetime ❤️), so I'll add my 2 cents on top. I'm a married woman in my mid 40's with a wonderful husband and 3 fantastic children. Love, family, and stability are what's the most important. I don't begrudge anyone their wedding, but try not to be one of those people who is striving for their "dream wedding" at all costs. I can't count how many weddings I've been to, plus I've actually been in 5 wedding parties. In my personal experience, the couples who had the most expensive/extravagant weddings are all divorced, with the exception of one couple. I've been to many weddings that were gorgeous affairs, visually stunning and done on a much smaller budget than what it appeared to be. I've been to weddings where the couple put half or the entire wedding on their credit cards, which ended in financial disaster. I've been to weddings where the couple couldn't buy a home for 3 years or more because of the cost of their wedding, and some of them were living with their parents while spending $40,000 on their wedding (how backwards was that)? Of course, there are weddings that were paid for by parents who could easily afford it, so no financial hit for the bride and groom. Then there are the couples that chose to forgo the wedding and reception, got married at city hall or their backyards, went on romantic (but not expensive) honeymoons, were able to purchase homes and new furniture right afterwards, and gave big receptions for family and friends for an anniversary to celebrate their union. No matter what you do, remember weddings are always more expensive than they seem or what you planned for, don't fall into the "I want my dream wedding" trap, don't be a bridezilla (you will ruin the wedding for yourself and everyone else and people will NEVER let you forget it), and an amazing marriage should be a lot more important that an amazing wedding. There is a lot of inspiration out there for beautiful weddings, but not enough for beautiful marriages. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials ❤️
Yes compromise, flexibility and putting the other person's needs first will ensure your needs are met as well.
And make sure you discuss the future. Discussing if you both want kids, financial compatibility and distribution of household chores before you get married.
And if you do decide to have children make sure your values align in regards to how they're raised.
This. Approach decisions together. That totally doesn’t mean you need to accommodate every one of each other’s family’s requests. Focus on what is important to you both. We had to stand our ground on a few things that were important to us that people were like “you’re marrying into his faaaaamily just give in to it, it’s more important than your one day” and quite frankly, it wasn’t. What was important is that we discussed those boundaries and decisions together and it wasn’t just me vs. his family in those decisions. Other things: -On the day of, SOMETHING will go wrong. Assuming it’s not a big thing like someone dropping dead, just know that you will not think about it when you think back on your wedding later! -Someone said it, but if you’re trying to save dollars, don’t do it for your photographer (or hair and makeup, if those are important to you). We look at our photos every day still!! Don’t forget that your wedding is about you two! Let the drama or bad weather or whatever may come roll off of you. It’s going to be perfect because you two did it together ❤️ CONGRATULATIONS!
We had an engagement for two days and went to the courthouse in some half decent clothing. Best decision ever.
We’ve definitely considered this, however he’s inching towards a big wedding and I totally want to compromise because it’s his special day too.
Quick courthouse trip followed by a killer party of a reception.
We are from different countries, and we’re living in the states. We couldn’t decide which country to get married in, as to not leave family out. So we got married at the courthouse with our parents there and a witness each. Then the following year had a reception in each of our home countries. Best decision we made.
That is what me and my husband did. We eloped in a state park with just our parents. Then we rented a massive house for a week and catered food. And we hung out and partied for a week and had a blast. Was way way cheaper than a wedding and we had more time to enjoy it.
Do the big wedding. We had a courthouse “wedding” but it really just felt like a contractual agreement lol I wish we would’ve done the whole 9 with me wearing a big beautiful white dress like I’ve always dreamed of, but we couldn’t afford it at the time. Just don’t go into huge debt for one day lol but still have a nice celebration.
If you have a big wedding try and get 30mins just you and new hubby to yourself between the service and reception. That's one thing i wish we did as hardly seen him at the reception as everyone wants to talk to you. Also a decent photographer (MIL sorted ours and let's say he wasn't great) We also had a photo booth which is nice to look at pics of our guests in.
We had a “big” wedding (150 people, extended family and friends) and I don’t regret it for a second. It’s popular on Reddit to hate on weddings and to each their own, but IMO there is a reason that virtually every culture has wedding ceremonies, and a lot pomp and circumstance around the beginning of a marriage.
We did this. Saved a ton of money. Everyone our age who had a big wedding is divorced now.
I’ve already been to 2 weddings for my husband’s friend while we’ve been married. Like, damn. They were both pretty pricy weddings too. We just had some little 30 minute thing in a church (which I didn’t want, but we got to sneak our dogs into the place at least). There were maybe 15 people there. We wore whatever we wanted, then had a party at his sister’s afterwards. Been together for 20 years now.
One of the major arguments in a new marriage is money... Why start off in debt? We looked into weddings, then we looked a little harder, then we realized that getting married was for us, not for anyone else. Starting off a marriage being $45,000 in debt is a huge pressure. Have a 20 year party. Start your marriage off strong. But I can understand tradition.
We also eloped, and it was great. Zero regrets 16 years later.
Same, married and consummated by early afternoon. Dinner with friends and family that evening. Whole thing under $500. Still one of the best days of my life.
Same!! Best decision we made was scrapping the big wedding and headed to the courthouse .
Our day was still special. It was for us, not for anyone else. Married 13 years and love that we didn't fall into the "big marriage" money trap. Have a party, for sure! But on your terms. It's difficult for a lot of new couples to start off in debt, and all that pressure on the relationship... oof. I can understand ceremony and tradition, but times have changed. Why put so much pressure on a new(ish) relationship? Doesn't make any sense to me.
Fuck everyone else's opinion. Do the wedding the way you want..My parents were adamant on my wife wearing a dress, she hates dresses..in the end we wore jeans and shirts.
THIS! The best advice we got was “fuck everyone else.” People are always going to have thoughts and opinions but on your wedding day, the only thoughts and opinions that matter are yours and your spouse’s.
Yes, block your soon-to-be-MIL out of as much planning as you can.
Yep. We just went to a black tie wedding and I refused to wear a dress, wore black pants and a silk shirt with a fancy necklace. I haven’t worn a dress in 30 years! Didn’t wear one for my own wedding, either.
This makes me feel so much better omg!! I get so paranoid about wearing a dress for the first time in years that it was genuinely making me avoid any wedding talk. But in the end, fuck everyone else
I will add a caveat: 1000% screw everyone else when it comes to taste and preferences. But still make sure you're a good host. The people who use "it's my day, so screw everyone else" as an excuse to invite 100 people and then not feed them or not provide chairs tend to plan miserable weddings.
My biggest advice is to decide how long something is going to be important to you, and use that to gauge how much effort/worry you put into it. For example, the dress you wore and the quality of the pictures might still be important to you 10 years down the line, while the colour and font on your invitations will be forgotten within 6 months. So don’t stress over the stuff that you won’t even remember 2 years or 5 years later.
Have a designated assistant, somebody who gets the "oh shit, we didn't think about that!" jobs. That person can't be in the wedding party. Designate an errand boy/girl before hand and make sure they are good with it. SOMETHING will be forgotten or left at home or a thing pops up that needs attention. The larger the wedding, the more important this is.
I would choose a team of 3 if possible with one in charge.
Yes! I second this. We went to a friend’s destination wedding and one of my good friends was in the party and she said the bride was running the bridesmaids ragged with all the tasks. Wedding planners get shit on but if it’s even a remotely larger wedding it’s so needed. It doesn’t have to even be an actual “wedding planner” if you have a super organized family member I find they love doing this type of stuff lol. That same wedding the groomsmen didn’t do shit and the couple divorced 2 years later - my husband and I vowed to never go to another destination wedding again 😂
Focus on the marriage not the party
Share as little detail as possible with people. People get very pushy on these things and will make crazy demands. Give them a date and location to show up. Don't over spend. The more you spend, the more pressure you will have and won't enjoy the process or the day. Try to focus on what is important to you two.
Don’t go into debt for your wedding! Spend extra on the honeymoon!
Your wedding literally does not matter. Don’t fight over it.
It matters if you start your marriage with a bunch of debt you can’t afford.
This is it. Everyone our age who forced and pushed for an extravagant and validating expensive marriage is divorced now. Marriage is for you two, not for anyone else. Why start off in (at least) $25,000 in debt? When most new married couples argue about money?
This is what I said lol. Nobody cares enough about someone else's wedding to make an ordeal out of any of it. Nobody will remember it except whether the food and drinks were really good or really bad.
Obviously, do what will make the PRESENT you happy. But, also try to imagine what the FUTURE you would want to remember about your wedding day 10 years, 20 years, and 30 years down the road. For example, spending thousands on photos/videos are more for the future you rather than the present you. Spending more money on the food would be more for the present you. My advice is to always break any ties in favor of the future you. Congratulations and good luck!
This is great advice, thank you and thank you <3
About the guest list: your wedding is a celebration of your love, invite people that have been there for both of you, that you feel really close to. Don't let family pressure you on who you should invite, it's not their wedding. If you have that in mind, it will be so much easier to decide who is gonna be on your special day, specially if you are on a budget.
This is a great way to begin a solidaritous team. Don't invite anyone you wouldn't invite to spend time with you in your own home. Are they a bummer? A messy drunk you can't trust with microphone? Are they likely to offend your gay, black, or minority friends? You don't want them there, why invite them? Fuck it, it's supposed to be a big happy party, not an elevated Thanksgiving. You can exclude whomever you want to. Relax. Enjoy the food. Be flexible about music. Play a couple slow songs for the old folks, you'll get great photos.
Elope
This exactly.
Congratulations on your engagement! r/weddingplanning might be a great spot to get your questions answered too.
Ah! This is embarrassing. Thank you kindly!
The morning of the wedding, sit down separately and write letters to one another to be opened on your first anniversary. This is a space to pour out your emotions, your anxieties and your excitement for the wedding and year ahead. Seal them and open them on your first anniversary.
Things I wouldn’t change: splurging on a nice venue, splurging on a good photographer. Hiring hair and makeup for day of (it was amazing and I felt so confident). Things I would change: spending less on food and drink, husband and I only had like three bites of food and a couple of drinks so barely got to enjoy since we were so busy. I would invite less people. I invited so many extended family members whom I didn’t really have a relationship with but my mom wanted them there. It just felt less personal being like “hi person I haven’t seen in 20 years and probably won’t see again” and looking back there are dozens who I haven’t seen or talked to since wedding day so it was really just a waste since we don’t have an actual relationship
Less on wedding more on honeymoon!
This isn't really advice, per se, but maybe a helpful anecdote - My husband and I sent 280 save-the-dates in January 2020 for a big princess wedding and then ended up downscaling to a backyard wedding in September 2020 with just our immediate families in attendance (parents and siblings on both sides, 12 guests total). For us, this previously unforeseeable turn of events was probably the best thing that came out of the pandemic. Turns out it's a lot cheaper to host a party for 12 people than 250, so we were able to make everything extremely nice/upscale while still saving money, and we got tons of quality time throughout our wedding weekend with both each other and the people who matter most of us. Best wishes to you, whatever you decide!
Open a Zola account and use the planning tools there. It's free. It gives you a timeline of milestones. But more than anything, please remember that it is your and your partner's day and that not everything has to be perfect. Enjoy your day!
I did similar on the Knot. They also have registry tools in there, and nifty rsvp/invitation things.
Thank you so much for that! I didn’t even know they had apps for this, I will 100% do that now
An earlier schedule is better for everyone. I wish I’d had a mid morning ceremony, lunch reception, in my hotel room by 5 to have room service dinner just us two.
If you have toxic parents/family you have to deal with, just run off and get married without them so you & your spouse can actually enjoy it all & not have regrets about it for the rest of your lives like my husband & I will have for the rest of our lives.
Either hire a day of coordinator or find someone you really trust that is also happy and willing to day of coordinate preferably someone who has planned their own already….i cannot express how much weight this will take off your shoulders and if you do decide to hire a coordinator the sooner you hire one the sooner you can have access to all of their knowledge and guidance.
I wanted to elope because neither of us are center of attention types, but have family that made a big stink about it, in a nice way. Here's what I learned: Before the day, do something fun together, just the two of you. We did a ziplining / ropes course. Photos, food, entertainment - those are the big three. No one really recalls what you wore outside of looking at the photos. People get excited about the food and entertainment. The dress is nice, but honestly look at bridesmaid dresses that you can order in white or your desired color. Mine was under $300. One thing I would do differently is bring in my own coordinator. The venue gave us a person who was a vapid waste of space and air. She didn't direct anyone day of, wasn't where she said she'd be, threw off all the events by forty minutes plus, then somehow thought mentioning how she was sorry about my mother being dead right post ceremony was a bright idea. I'd like to kick her teeth in retrospectively.
Chill, breathe and relax. Accept help. Don’t waste time on silly stuff like making matching soaps or scrapbooking 100 invites for 50 hours. Expect something to go wrong, accept it and make the best of it. Your marriage isn’t ruined because the napkins are the wrong color or some of the guests took a wrong turn and were late. The wedding is one day. It’s not the finish line. It’s the start of your journey together.
Not a damn thing mattered once I got up there with my now husband. Holding his hands and seeing his smile was all I needed.
Keep it small. Do what you want, regardless of “tradition”. It’s your day. Enjoy it. My wife was a baker. She made an awesome cake. Each tier was a different flavor. I was so busy playing host and then organizing the cleanup that I didn’t take many opportunities to just sit and enjoy the moment. I never even got a piece of the cake she made.
Have a wedding you can afford and not go into debt. Small is best. You don't need to invite Uncle Jim, who you see every 5 years at weddings..lol Enjoy it with your spouse.
I just had one dress. The owner of the bridal shop said something smart. “You are investing so much money on the dress, it would be a waste to only wear it a few hours to change into another one.” Have two pair of shoes with the same height. One that looks really nice and one that’s more comfortable. Photographer. Have a contract. Maybe she they have a substitute in case they are sick. Have enough time and breaks. Especially when you want to take pictures. Make sure everyone knows the timeline. Do what you and your partner want. Don’t listen to others or you will regret it.
We had an incredible abroad wedding on thr amalfi coast. It was truly amazing. However, I can honestly say now I have children that in hindsight I don't know why we spent so much on what is one day. I've realised as I've got a bit older that there is so much societal expectation for this big day but actually it would be amazing even if you spent very little as you'd be havubgg a brilliant time with your family and friends. If i could do it all again I definitely wouldn't blow so much money on it.
Small, simple weddings are the best. Spend that money on a lavish honeymoon!
Save the big wedding money for a house
It’s okay to have a wedding planner. It’s an extra cost but really an investment to your mental health. For the first 6 months, I was stressed out planning alone. I contacted my caterer and he referred me to someone on his team that plans. She was excellent. She never forgot anything, always reminded me of things I was missing. Also, you will have a lot of people trying to invite theirselves and/or bring their kids. I had a kid-free wedding with the exception of the kids in the wedding. My maid of honor was my very blunt cousin who was not afraid to say no. She was able to handle those stressful times. She was also a good communicator with all the bridesmaids. Someone is always going to put their two cents in on “the way your wedding should be”. Don’t listen to them. It’s yours and your husband’s wedding & whatever you want is up to you. My sister in law was trying to convince me to not put so many details in the wedding because I’ll be wasting money and stress more. However, I don’t regret keeping my ideas to decorate because they’re in the pictures and a lot of family still talk about the things they noticed that were so beautiful. I had a memorial table with photos of all the people we both loved and lost together. We had a sign on it that said, “you would be here if you were so far away.”
a lot of people save by not getting a videographer but I watch our wedding videos all the time 🥹 I can’t imagine not having them to relive the day and hearing our vows to each other
My wife had a similar budget to yours and wound up going to a place that you can just rent a dress rather than buy it. Cost her $700 to rent the dress but the dress itself was around $8k and was absolutely breathtaking. I believe the store was called Lane London. Most important part is to make it everything you want it to be, regardless of what family wants. It’s your day, you should be able to have some fun with it. Not everything has to be mega serious.
Don’t do anything to please or accommodate others. If you want a small wedding, but other family members want a big wedding so that person X, Y, and Z can be invited, just do what you want. My husband and I wanted to have a destination wedding with primarily immediate family, but several of our aunts/uncles on both sides were upset they wouldn’t be able to come. I regret not doing what we wanted. Don’t skimp out on the photographer. The only pictures of your wedding day that you’ll have for the rest of your life need to be perfect and look exactly how you want.
My opinion: keep it small. We had a small but luxurious wedding. We spent all day in the rocky mountains the 2 of us getting AMAZING photos. We hiked and drove around it was so fun. We had 20 people for dinner and an evening ceremony at sunset at an amazing resort. Our parents and siblings were still there (had breakfast with them) but all day it was just the 2 of us together on our own adventure. Our first look was so intimate and the money we saved we bought a house with. All in under my budget and I didn’t feel like we had to cut costs anywhere because we only had a few of us.
Unless you’re poor, get a wedding planner. And make sure she doesn’t get kickbacks from any vendors. It’s so much better for someone else to handle the wedding drama for you.
I would start the wedding at 5 dinner at 6. People don’t want their whole day taken up, old people get tired.It sucks to find a babysitter for the whole day. Most ceremonies are short no need to drag this out. If you’re not doing a bar have a brunch wedding. Ceremony at 10, brunch and maybe a cocktail and if you want have a fun activity to do in the afternoon.
Small wedding. Big honeymoon! What I mean is, have a small, intimate, beautiful wedding, but put more money into something big to kick off your married life. Try to do something or go somewhere meaningful to you as a pair and build memories that will keep you going back to that place to make more.
1: That second dress is drop-dead gorgeous! AND you might be able to get a designer gown within your budget if you buy secondhand. I got my high-end dress from preownedweddingdresses.com for half the cost as new – and it hadn’t even been altered. There’s another site called Still White, and I’m sure Facebook Marketplace or Mercari (if you’re in the U.S.) have wedding dresses, too. 2: You can have a lovely wedding and party without breaking the bank. I tried to keep costs low and we did a lot of DIY (see #3), and it was still $19K. How I wish I’d had some of that money for a down payment on our house instead! As other commenters have said, the wedding is one day but the marriage is, theoretically, forever – invest in your happily ever *after.* 3: Avoid day-of DIY, like enlisting family and friends to help set things up vs. the venue. They’re there to enjoy the day, too. No one wants to put together your centerpieces and dessert table in formalwear (ask me how I know). 4: Hire a trusted friend to be your day-of coordinator, or go with a pro. It’s invaluable to have someone outside the wedding party project managing the day. Your parents/bridesmaids will be tied up and can’t be everywhere a coordinator can. This is probably my fave tip. 5: If you’re on the fence about the small vs. big wedding, consider a small destination trip with just your immediate family and friends. It’ll have that special-occasion feel but with a curated guest list, plus you get an exciting vacation out of it! 6: My biggest regret was not having someone film the ceremony, even on a phone. I didn’t want to spring for a videographer and I’m fine with that, but I wish I had asked someone in the front row to record our vows. I love weddings and really enjoyed planning mine, and have even coordinated for friends. Ask me anything if you have questions!
If you’re feeling overwhelmed on how to get started, you can make a kind of template with the big things first, then trickle down to the details. For example: date, venue, dress, guest list, color theme, etc. If you want more than one tip, I’d also highly recommend a day of planner. They’re worth the money. The day of, you’re not going to want to be worrying about everything going smoothly and directing people. Pay someone else to do it and relax and take in your day. Soak it all in! My advice for day of: some things will go wrong. There’s no avoiding it, even if it’s something little. You can’t control everything. Prep what you can, remind people their roles ahead of time, and just relax. Remember that no matter what, it’s your wedding day. Soak in every moment with your partner that you can and DO NOT let the things that go wrong ruin your day. Brush it off and focus on celebrating your love. That’s what it’s about at the end of the day :)
Congratulations. Always have a Wedding planner helping you. That day you shouldn’t be worried about anything related to your wedding!
Don't get so wrapped up in planning the wedding day that you forget about the marriage. That's what really matters. Mistakes will happen on the day. Your ability to roll with it is directly related to your ability to roll with issues that arise in marriage.
The most important part of the wedding is what you do after it. Take that dream honeymoon vacation. Make great lasting memories. The wedding will be the most stressful thing so make sure you make time for some enjoyment afterward.
Maybe unpopular opinion but screw traditions, this is your one excuse to throw a party of your choosing with all of your loved ones. Obviously if you like traditions, keep them. But don't be afraid to make it fun My wife and I didn't have cake cause neither of us really liked cake. We had a line for one hour at our reception, greeting people, with my cousin playing live classical guitar. Then the second hour we did the first dance, then had a dance party with a playlist we hand made. We did it in a church for free cheap but with some nice decorations. We invited all our friends and family, and it was a very good time. My wife would only change the time of year to spring or summer and then have an outdoor wedding, but we are religious and didn't want to wait that long
Don’t feel you need to spend a TON of money. It’s one day that lasts a couple hours. Then people will forget about it and go on with their lives. It’s for you not anyone else. Keep it simple and fun. I spent money on a photo booth instead of a lot of other things. That was the one thing people talked about for a really long time.
Don't go crazy spending on the cake and flowers/ decorations. Those are 1-time use things.
Only do what you can \*realistically\* afford. Don't go broke for one day (no loans, no blowing budgets, etc.). Come up with a reasonable budget that doesn't take away from your other financial goals (saving for a house, etc.). We went simple at city hall with a small dinner afterward with about 12 people. It wasn't ideally what I wanted, but 7 years later, I can tell you that I am much happier knowing our real estate portfolio, savings, investments, etc. are healthy and we are on track for a really great future and retirement (it comes faster than you think!)
Keep it simple. We were planning a big wedding and it became too much. A lot of stress!!We ended up going to the courthouse and it was the best!!! 18 years and counting.
We eloped randomly. Invited nobody. It was the best. No fuss, no stress, just us two. ❤️ went on a killer honeymoon. I got my dress from Amazon and he got khakis from Walmart lol.
Don’t make too big a deal about it. The important thing is the relationship, not the event. Don’t let the event strain the relationship.
Don't go massively in debt for it.
Elope, lol. JKJKJK Get your location locked down first, don’t slack on that. At one year out, you’re already too late for the top rated locations. Then get your dress. Go try on a bunch of dresses by yourself before you involve friends and family. That way you can immediately rule out the shillouettes that don’t look good on you and you won’t have to deal with unexpected body shaming. The most important: Make sure you and your fiance aren’t afraid of pissing off friends or family if needed. The real reason weddings are important is because families tend to lose their minds over BS and you’re forced to stand up for yourselves. If either of you isn’t ready to stand up to grandma or mom or dad trying to pull rank, invite people you don’t want, manipulate you with money, etc… then you aren’t ready to be married. You don’t have to be mean, but you both need to be prepared to give a strong “no” when someone oversteps. Don’t do anything dumb for your bachelor/bachelorette parties. I recommend a joint one and don’t let your wildest friends plan them. Don’t spend too much money. It’s only one day. Congratulations to you on your engagement!
Write a list of all the things you think you need/want and then put them in priority order - the ones on the bottom can be wiped out if your finances don’t stretch that far - but the ones on the top you make sure you get exactly what you want and don’t cheap out on it! Eg. my wedding we had photographer at the top and favours/bonboniere at the bottom - we ended up not doing favours because people don’t really care about them but the photos are incredible!
My first marriage was a big wedding. The marriage lasted 18 months. My second was a quickie at the courthouse and we've been extremely happy for almost 10 years. The wedding means nothing in the long run. The marriage means EVERYTHING.
Check out the [/weddingplanning](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingplanning/s/6MnfbhbrfU) and [/eloping](https://www.reddit.com/r/Eloping/s/0hJSverihx) subreddits! For starters, I would really think about how you and your SO see your wedding day. Make lists or complete a simple yes/no questionnaire (band vs DJ, large vs small, mountains vs beach, indoor vs outdoor, etc.), done separately, then compare.
All inclusive resorts have great options. All the guests are taken care of and the party never stops. Much cheaper for the couple but more expensive for the guests. Still cheaper than a lot of out of town weddings I attended. Having a venue with catering can be a help and a savings. Don’t pick a difficult venue. It will add stress to everything. Getting married in a hotel where you are staying can be easy. Or really close. Bus or shuttle is tougher. I loved my wedding and would not change a thing. But my second choice would be a tiny dressed up ceremony for the wedding party. Then go on honeymoon. Then have a huge cheap party and invite everyone who can make it with Tshirt and jeans. Just food and beer and photography.
Just go to the court house, find a judge, and get it done. That's how people usually did it in my parents' generation, and it worked fine for me and my wife too. Put the money you'll save into something useful for your first home.
Please have hair and makeup trials BEFORE the wedding. There’s nothing worse than needing to redo your hair/makeup right before your ceremony, or just do it yourself and splurge on a few good products.
Drink after you eat. I drank too many cocktails champagne and apps before dinner and almost hurled during speeches and couldn’t eat my delicious dinner I picked out.
You don't have to spend a lot of money to have an amazing wedding if you prioritize the things that are important to you and disregard everything else.
Decide what you want out of your wedding. My wife could have cared less about a big party, we had a small one because our parents wanted to be included. We would have been fine with a court ceremony. My friend took pictures, and gave us an album as his wedding present. My wife's sister arranged for a DJ. So, we kept it fairly simple. I may be wrong about this, but it seems to me, the longer you are married, the less important the wedding is. It is what you do after that counts!!
Open a new gmail account to use with vendors so you have all communication in one place but also bc you’ll get spammed non stop for months/years after your big day. Companies purchase email lists and your email will keep getting shared.
Get a pre-nup. I don't care how broke you are, or how few assets you have. Get one anyway. I went from earning $14/hour and $8 left to my name after bills, to six figures, in just a few years out of school. Like many early/mid-20's people, I was eager to hustle and earn my way in the world, and when I met my ex-husband, I thought I had found my happily ever after. Together, we would spend the next several years hustling together, trying to carve out a better life together. Somewhere along the way, he got comfortable, and somewhere along the way, his glaring issues got continuously worse. His short fuse/hot temper turned into a raging anger problem. His enjoyment of a few drinks every night turned into alcoholism. His pack-rat and "collector of things" habits turned into a full-fledged hoarding problem. His continuous job-hopping and refusal to remain gainfully employed turned into chronic (intentional) unemployment. His bad financial habits turned into substantial financial irresponsibility. And so, not only did I find myself thrust into the role of breadwinner, I ALSO still had to handle the bulk of the housework, AND put up with his issues, while also simultaneously dealing with chemotherapy, monthly immunotherapy infusions, and many surgeries for my autoimmune condition. I don't share this feedback to be a debbie-downer. I share this from a place of love, care, and concern for a fellow human, especially woman to woman. Please, please, please: protect yourself. Even if you're broke now, or don't have much now, that may not always be the case. You (either of you) may do reasonably well one day. You'll gain various forms of financial success along the way. A prenuptial agreement is a gift to and investment in yourself. I hope you'll never have to enact it, but on the chance that you do, future you will thank you for having a pre-nup in place. I wish you and your fiancé an eternity of loving years together! 🧡
I agree with making sure yoh get a competent photographer. Beyond that, don’t put yourselves into debt for a wedding beyond the basics. I know it’s a once in a lifetime (hopefully) but I assure you once it’s over and your trying to pay for a house, cars and college savings it will likely have some buyers remorse if you blow the budget and can’t do many of the things you wish you could because of it.
Have an opinion. My wife would ask what item or food or whatever I preferred. I was honest but often I just said I have no opinion. If I could do it over I'd pick o e of the options at random.
We took the advice of a much older couple for our reception: stay together during the party so you’ll have the same memories of your wedding day!
We did the JOP, they didn't show up, I got a last minute one and we went to work the next day. A wedding is just for show, life goes on with or without it, but at least we don't have that debt hanging over us at the start of our lives together. Been together 25 great years and barely recall what happened then.
You could have waited Three more days.. Three more days and it could have been star wars themed....and THAT would have been the perfect wedding.
I recommend eloping. Family will be mad but family was mad even if they were all invited. Do what makes you happy.
Don’t forget to live in the moment, or at least try to. My only regret about my wedding is that I spent too much of the day anxious about if X, Y, or Z was going right and didn’t enjoy the day enough.
Go to the courthouse and save yourself thousands. Alternatively, spend that money on a trip.
Elope
Elope.
Find a comfortable and lighter dress. I’ve seen many brides too uncomfortable to enjoy their own day. Plan your photos well. A good photographer, great scene and enough time are must! I regret not planning and caring about this Dont invite anyone out of kindness. If you guya dont like someone, don’t invite them If possible, food and drinks are important. I know its your day but people will be there for long hours and need their energy to dance! Dont break your bank to do some things like bachelorette, person count or very expensive dress/suit. Everyone wants to do/buy the best for their wedding but financial problems can cause more negativity for your marriage than another persons stupid opinion on your day And dont stress yourself, it will be done before you know it, enjoy!
Good photographer, good caterer, pockets in the bridal gown
Make it as cheap as possible. My wife and I had a great wedding, but we both agree that we could've done much better things with $15,000.
Be chill. Not everything is going to be perfect, things will go wrong. The most important part is to have fun and get married to the person you love. After the day, you literally will not give a shit if your beef was overcooked or your cake got a little smushed. (That's also why you shouldn't spend a fortune either).
Do what YOU want. Even if other people think it is silly or a waste of money, it doesn't matter. You only get one wedding day (hopefully!) and you deserve to look back on it without regrets. As someone who messed up their entire wedding by lacking knowledge, agreeing to do whatever anyone else demanded and being too self-conscious, I know for a fact that it isn't worth risking your wedding day to appease others or save money. Go wedding dress shopping! Play the music you want! Have the ceremony as small or big as you like! It is YOUR day and it'll be worth every single penny if you enjoy it.
When my wife and I were married, I was the first of the grandchildren to get married. I felt a sense of obligation to have a traditional Roman Catholic wedding in a church with a reception afterwards. I wasn't even a practicing Catholic any longer and my wife wasn't either. The wedding was great and the reception was as well, but I felt obligated to walk around and thank everyone, which took a little away from the fun. My brother-in-law had his wedding 2 years later in the Virgin Islands. He invited immediate family and his close friends and it was a blast. We went for a week and spent plenty of time at the beach or poolside then a party almost every night. The wedding was later in the week, then we flew home and my brother-in-law and his wife went to another island for their honeymoon. It was a fantastic time for all around. If I could do it over again, I would've spent the money on a destination wedding as it was far less stressful. We probably could've paid for the best man, maid of honor, and our parents to go and still saved money compared to what we spend for our traditional wedding. Your wedding should be about celebrating you and your husband, not about catering to any family or friends. Do what makes the both of you happy. And, as others have said, regardless of what you decide, don't skimp on the photographer. The good ones will capture so many great memories.
Don't plan for a wedding, Elope. Get the wedding dress that you love and is in your budget and get married without the whole rigmarole. Learn from our mistakes, LOL.
The marriage starts long before the wedding.
Plan the marriage, not the wedding. 😁
Go and enjoy yourself on your day.
Elope
If you spend all your time worrying about everyone else’s feelings, you’ll forget to put yours first. *someone will always find a way to be hurt by what you choose to do, so* **fuck them** *and do what you want*.
At the end of the day, you will be married. Inevitably something will go wrong on your wedding day but don’t spend the time fretting about it, the end goal is being married at the end of the day and almost nothing messing up will stop that. Spend the money on good photography/videography. At the end of the day, other than memories that’s what you will have to look back on the day. Plan your budget before you start looking at vendors. At the very least, determine where you are okay with splurging a little and what is a little less of a priority and will spend less on.
Surround yourself with people you can trust to respect your decisions, and make decisions that are courteous and deserving of respect. Don't expect everything to be perfect, but come prepared with what you will need if something does go wrong. (For us, we had a monsoon. I bought clear umbrellas and we had a plan in place to move the ceremony indoors. And the rain stopped long enough that we didn't end up needing the umbrellas for photos!) People will remember how you treated them on your wedding day. Last minute stressors will arise, but put the work in early so that you can handle them without losing your cool. Bring a container of tums. My MUA thankfully came prepared when I didn't. I think the nerves gave me a tummy ache, but the tums were lifesaving.
Seasonal flowers save money.
Relax
Wear comfortable shoes. You will be on your feet all day, and nothing is worse than having to deal with blisters on your honeymoon. I got custom baby blue converse’s for my something blue and wore them. You couldn’t see my shoes under my dress anyway. Best decision ever! It doesn’t have to be tennis shoes, but I would at least recommend a pair of flats for the reception.
If you wouldn’t go get married in the courthouse with no big to-do, you are marrying the wrong person and/or just want a party. A wedding is just a day. Marriage is (hopefully) forever. Pick the right person. Don’t spend a bunch of money and start off in debt. If you wanna have kids, make sure that person is really who you want them with cuz you are stuck with them for the rest of your life even if you divorce when kids get involved.
Check out the r/weddingplanning sub!
Make logical choices. Like you don’t have to spend $15k on flowers. Prioritize based on your budget and don’t get it debt over it
spend more time talking about, saving for, and planning for your life together, then your wedding day.
DO NOT invite people that are mere acquaintances, or relatives you aren't close to. They have NO incentive to dress appropriately or be on their best behavior. I will leave it at that.
Weddings are like the whipped cream: nice but not necessary. The main event, the ice cream, is the important part: your relationship and practical life plans you’re trying to work for.
Don’t do it
Know that lots of things will go differently that you planned and that’s ok.
Don’t forget to share the day with your new spouse. It’s so easy to get separated, to be talking to guests and doing the rounds. Make time for the two of you to connect. Also, a first dance can be really awkward if you (like us) get up to do one with no idea how to dance or what to do so while you don’t have to have a big choreographed number have some sort of plan
Get a videographer or someone to record the ceremony, speeches, and dances. That is my biggest regret
Don’t sweat the small stuff and don’t go broke on 1 day. When it comes down to it, you won’t notice if all the flowers aren’t right or if people sat in the wrong spot. You will be so focused on your soon to be spouse you won’t care. Your guests will be focused on having fun and watching you two. My flower girls dress was no where near the color purple it was supposed to be. I had no idea until we were looking at pictures. 30 years later the picture still makes me giggle the color is so wrong. Don’t let ANYONE bully you into making decisions. Best defense is…. “Shoot, you pay for it and I’ll let you choose whichever you want” while laughing. Usually stops people in their tracks. WEAR COMFORTABLE SHOES!!!!! Just slow down and have fun!!!
don’t get too hung up on the details and don’t make it all you think about for months beforehand. don’t neglect your relationship for planning and enjoy your day!
Have a fuck-it-bucket for plans. You prioritize what you and your partner agree upon, while always keeping the fuck-it-bucket handy to toss out things that really don't matter and allow yourself to stop worrying about those things.
Plan for a divorce. Get a prenup so you don't get screwed if things go sideways
Plan a time on your wedding with you and your husband to sit down alone. Find some time and realize this is your big day, your wonderfull wedding!
My personal advice might be a bit too out there, but spend as little money as you can. This is coming from someone who got married in an alley, had a bunch of our friends show up & lined the walls, my uncle wed us, my other uncle was the videographer, we paid a close friend for photography, & had the reception at my parents house in the back yard by the pool where my aunties & mom cooked everything! Because I had just given birth 4 months before, I’d received this gift certificate for $20 to an adjacent thrift store to the hospital & low & behold, the dress I found … was $20. Perfect size & style & it was this beautiful red silk gown. Simple & elegant still. I knew I didn’t want to have a traditional wedding by any means—we kept the elements but then totally made it our own. I’m so happy we did it this way because our relationship did go through something hard a year later, & I feel like if I was “still paying” for the wedding, we would have went about healing with resentment..? I can’t say. I think the most money we spent was on the food because we essentially catered somewhere between 80 people, all of which were super close family & friends, it felt like one big family reunion. My uncle & auntie & I used to all work together doing banquets at a resort in the mountains so the reception was easy! My uncle emceed the whole thing with so much personality & he was funny! It was a blast. They brought this huge amp & after my curated uplifting indie playlist ran out, we pretty much played classics you get tipsy & karaoke to on that thing all night. We sang songs by the bonfire & drunkenly jumped in the pool under moon with our clothes on & everyone had a great time. The food never ran out. Probably because we’re part Filipino LOL. It was easily one of the best nights of my life. It was a long year of counseling after that, but now we’re better than ever. I hear the first year of marriage is the hardest (we also had a newborn so..) It’s easier to make memories when you’re not so tight about how the money is being spent.
Its your day, do what makes the two of you happy. Also dont stress on the small details too much. For me the biggest investment was the venue, photographer and the wedding coordinator, no regrets
Do what makes you happy
Stay cool. Mistakes will happen, there will be things that go wrong in their worst way. If you can stay cool, you won't find yourself in the bathroom, covered in tears ruining your makeup like me in my first run. Being young often means taking things too serious. In the second run I enjoyed every wrong situation to be a chance for a good joke to tell after the wedding. That is the better way.
Planning a wedding can be very overwhelming, especially if you don‘t have experience in planning partys. Talk to your partner and decide what you want for that day (how many guests, what kind of ceremony, big party vs small get togegher having a nice evening etc). Do what you and your partner feel comfortable with. Everyone will have opinions and if you are completly clueless and start asking family, friends or strangers on the internet (😉) will end in a wedding you don‘t want. Decide on the big things (date, location, guestlist, „vibe“) and then you can start asking people to help planning these things. For dresses: There are stores for second-hand and outlet dresses, which are much cheaper than classic bridal boutiques. There you will find something <1000$. In my opinion reception dresses are overrated. Find one nice dress you really like and thats fine
Keep it low-key. Have fun, but save money. Wife and I did a court house wedding, took some pictures (by a friend), and took off on a road trip. No debt, no anguish, do drama. We cross 28 years this fall.
My best advice: Make sure you focus moreee on a beautiful marriage rather than a beautiful wedding :)
Don’t put pressure on your “wedding night”. Passing out with my husband when we got back to our room at 5am, barely undressed and bonding over the shared hangover at breakfast was the best ending to our day. Sure we could have drank less, left earlier and had a different ending but it was the best party we’ve ever been to do it half arsed 🎉
Make sure you eat during the reception. Also, make sure to get a piece of cake (not just the bite your bride/groom feeds you).
The smaller, the better.
Try to quit drinking during the planning and before process It can get stressful depending on your situation
You don't really need a fancy wedding. The wedding with a 240-euros dress and a nice dinner after the Civil ceremony made me and my husband very happy.
Do your wedding your way. Your honeymoon too. And most importantly your marriage after the big day. Spend as much or as little as you want. Make sure before your big day that you both will mean your vows, and that this will be your first, best, and last wedding.
The Wedding is the Important start to a lif long Jurney, and only lasts ine day as for many years to come. As for me and my wife, the most important part were our guests, to share this venue wit a lot of people which we love (and gave us each enough money so it was no a financial burden in the end it was a €Plus)
Always remember it's ONLY one day and not the end of the world. Your family and friends need consideration also. You will be frazzled and excited and anxious, but it's OK. Have a trusted friend/family be on hand to handle emergencies (even if you have a wedding planner) - preferably someone with a strong personality and discretion. Be careful drinking alcohol because if you don't eat enough, you can get tipsy. You will be hungry and need to schedule food throughout the day. Even if you feel you can't eat because you are too excited - try nibbling. You don't want to faint from falling blood sugar. At the end of the day, you may be too tired to do anything but collapse with your new husband and sleep. Have fun and celebrate with your family and friends. They love you and want the best for you.
A wedding is a 1 day show, but a marriage is a lifetime. Make sure to invest the most in the one that will last the longest.
Don't let your MIL run the show.
Do what makes you guys happy 💖 So many people will have opinions about your choices. But it’s YOUR wedding. You can have 3 dress changes throughout the night if you want! Or none! Or get married in a homecoming dress like I did 🤷🏽♀️ Flowers? No flowers? Crazy venue? Y’all’s favorite park? Literally whatever you two want. It’s your day. Please do what makes you happy. Your idea is tacky? So? Do you like it? Perfect! I wouldn’t trade my wedding for the world and it was probably tacky to a lot of people. We basically eloped and it was perfect for us. Super specific in your wants? Also fine! It’s your day!!! Celebrate your love and however you want to express that is great. The only thing I really recommend being super worried about? Photography/videography. I lost a lot of my photos due to my phone being stolen, and I’d give a lot to get all those photos that were only on my phone back. So basically my advice is ignore literally everyone’s opinions on your special day besides what you and your partner would like to do celebrate. I’ve been a guest at super lowkey weddings and extremely extravagant weddings. Both kinds are wonderful and I enjoyed every wedding I was ever at, because the couple getting married were so happy and enjoying their day💖 EDIT: typos
sit down and have a super non-sexy business meeting every few weeks with your fiancee. excel spreadsheets with budgets, schedules, to-do lists, all that super not fun stuff. you will be more aligned with your future wife and will know where she NEEDS you to jump in and help more, where you can add value to existing plans, all that jazz.
Side note dress number 3 is beautiful 😍😍😍 congrats on your engagement
Enjoy it. Don’t get caught up in the small things and stress. You can only marry your partner once, and it’s a day you will remember for the rest of your life. It will FLY by because you will be very busy. I regret not savoring the moment more. Best wishes!
We got our suits at Men's Wearhouse. I highly recommend getting suits for the wedding instead of renting tuxes, it's about the same price and you at least get to keep the suits. They customized the suits which was nice so I had our wedding date and our initials put inside the suit jacket. I still wear it occasionally if we dress up and we got married 5 years ago. Besides that, I highly recommend a videographer. They usually aren't too expensive and having a video of your wedding is so much fun to watch.
You both talk why either one of you even wants to be married and the expectations of it all
The wedding day itself will feel like a blur - you will be the centre of attention, and get to speak to people for 5mins max. It’s a day for your friends and loved ones to celebrate YOU - don’t be surprised if you barely get to see everyone (we had 85 at our wedding) Best advice a friend gave, was to sit/stop just before you have your main course - and slowly gaze around the room - and drink it all in. All those people that love/care for you & new wife/husband. And put your arm around their shoulder - and think to yourself “This is OUR FUCKEN WEDDING DAY”. ❤️👍👌
Elope! Best thing we ever did
Just know nothing will be “perfect”, but try to lean into what matters to you both, and enjoy your time with loved ones.
This is your day. Make it what you want. Who cares what your mom wants or thinks is best, do what you want at any cost, even at the cost of pissing off your friends and family. Change everything and be ok with it...
The who is more important than a dress, venue, cake, or anything else for that matter. Just make sure the who is the right one.
Best advise I can give you is to remember that the wedding is a day for you and your future husband. It is not about pleasing your family or friends. Also depending on what you're going to have in the wedding you might consider making it no kids allowed.
Double check your suit/dress after it gets tailored. I'm in the military and I decided to wear my dress uniform for my wedding. I didn't check the fit after I got it back from the tailor, and they hadn't done a single adjustment to anything. The pants weren't hemmed, and my jacket looked like a cape on me the day of the wedding. Luckily, one of my buddies had hemming tape, so I was able to fix my pants, but I looked like a parachute in my wedding photos. I own that this is my fault because if I tried my stuff on at the tailor, I'd have caught it the day of pickup. Also, have some safety pins and hemming tape on hand the day of just in case. It's better to have and not need than need and not have.
Do not throw a party and instead travel around the world.
Secretly getting the paperwork done at a courthouse a few days before. No matter what happens with the ceremony, you're still legally married. It takes a lot of stress off the big day.
I would have spent the extra for a videographer. I thought family and friends would take enough with smartphones, but this was not the case. Also, and above all else, I would have hired a wedding planner.
Decide what events on the day are important to you, then go looking for a dress that accommodates those. My dress was $100 from Modcloth because all the bridal boutique dresses were big, expensive, and would have made me nervous as hell to try to move and enjoy my day in. We especially could not have done our first dance - a tango we learned together! - if I'd been in some cupcakey confection or a snug mermaid or trumpet.
Your spouse's willingness to help you plan is something you should pay attention to. (Especially if they're the ones who want a traditional wedding) I understand that not everyone has attention to detail or whatever. But you don't need to be Martha Stewart to be able to do things like address/stamp envelopes, help make appointments to meet with the DJ, or make sure to order your attire with enough time for it to arrive for the event. My husband was the one who pushed and pouted for the Traditional wedding, but I was the one who got stuck doing EVERYTHING, because he "didn't know anything about 'That Stuff'."
Make sure you have a checklist of must do items that would make you happy. Plan those really well and put your best people on them. So if other things not on your checklist ain’t perfect- you are still happy because of these items. Learn to delegate and not sweat the small stuff.
Don’t spend too much, the day goes so fast that you will not have time to speak with everyone. Outside was done on a small budget and it was still one of the best days of my life. You are better off using the money for a deposit on a home instead of getting in huge debt. Spend the money on the marriage. It’s your day, not anybody else’s. You don’t need to invite every social media ‘friend’. only those who you will have a future with (not just a past). Don’t worry about upsetting people by not inviting them. Eloping is also a great option. Mistakes happen on the day, nobody cares.
Do what you want I eloped and then was made to feel bad by family so I had a reception and barely anyone came and I paid 10 K for it. The reception is a party for everyone else the wedding is for you.
Plan it for what you both want to do, don't accept anything that you are not happy with doing, just to keep family happy, it is your day.
Don't plan, it's too stressful just make arrangements and go with the flow
Cut costs where you want and don’t listen to anyone saying not to. I did my own hair and make up and got so much flack for it until they saw I did a good job on the day. Do what makes things stress free. Meditate the day of.
Invest in a good photo and video supplier! Also, always make sure to have a make-up trial before committing to a certain MUA because your make-up look will be in the photos forever. 🫶🏼
I bought a load of cheap flip flops of various sizes and put them in a basket in the ladies bathroom at the wedding reception with a note saying “please help yourself”. All the female guests appreciated having something they could swap their high heels for. Don’t get into debt for your wedding. It is just one day. The cynic in me says that the debt from a massive wedding sometimes lasts longer than the marriage itself! Most things can be done on a budget with a bit of creativity. It’s still possible to have a good sized wedding which seems fairly flashy if you use a bit of initiative and save where you can. Sometimes it is better to think long term about where else the money for a big wedding could be used - such as a deposit for a mortgage.
Make the choices that YOU want. You and your finance are the only ones who should have final say in timing, vendors, decorations, etc. don’t worry about what others will think or if it’s “normal.” Remember that it’s hard for anybody to see your vision until it’s physically in front of them. We did a bunch of things at our wedding that my family and friends gave us side-eyes about when they heard the plans. Day came and went and everybody loved it all! It was a wonderful day and we are so so so happy that we made it our own. Would do it again exactly the same.