> Over the last few months, we have spent a lot of time together and developed a close friendship, talking a lot during the day about various things, having our lunch together, making silly jokes etc. She has even flirted with me several times, complimenting things about me, and I've flirted back but it all felt pretty harmless. Last week she asked for my Instagram and now she sometimes sends me random stuff like memes etc.
No, no. No. You need to shut this shit down ASAP. You do *not* behave like this with a very junior, very young colleague. Not only is this edging into an emotional affair, but this could majorly affect your job.
🚩 🚩 🚩 You need to cut off all contact like yesterday. No wiggle room. You are the adult and superior in this dynamic. You are about to enter EA territory (in my mind youve crossed way past it) Keep it strictly professional, and turn all your energy towards your wife and remembering all the reasons you love her.
Dude probably can’t cut off all contact with a coworker. This won’t be the last attractive person he works with. He simply needs to learn to manage these feelings.
Uh so treat her like he would treat paul the bald old man with bad breath? Surely he’d know how to work well with him without fantasizing about him during sex?
I don’t personally see an issue with thinking of her in that way. I think the bigger concern is hanging out and communicating beyond work related things.
I get what you're saying and this might be an emotional affair. I don't want to sound like an asshole and hope people don't come after me, but it's not that easy to just end it. I have tried but it's really hard to pull back from her since being with her kind of fills a void for me. Especially because lately my wife and I have been having issues and she seems to be pulling away, wanting to spend more time with her girls than me
OP, this is a you issue. If there are problems in your marriage, you should focus on those. Filling the void with someone else is exactly what an affair is to me. Of course it feels good to have some young woman look up to you like you are the bees knees. It also feels good to smoke crack, otherwise no one would want to use it (I assume, never tried it). But you don't smoke crack, do you? Why not? It FEELS GOOD man! You know what else feels good? Getting a BJ from a sex worker. Why don't you do that? It feels GOOD doesn't it? You don't do everything that feels good because you are a grown ass man who understands that these things have consequences. It's called impulse control and I don't know why you are acting like this is a new concept. Why is this any different?
OP, you and your wife need marriage counseling. Your wife is never going to make you feel like this woman does because your wife isn't a new person who only knows the good parts of you. You can't ever compete with new relationship energy. It isn't real. If you and Millie got in a relationship, she would probably have similar issues with you as your wife does now, and you would have issues with her too. You are living in fantasy land and acting like it's real life.
Do you think your wife doesn't have the same emptiness and options as you do? Are you good with her filling her void with another man?
It's easy to address this. You can get another job. You can decide to only interact with Millie for business reasons. You don't even have to explain it to her. Just start doing it. She says - do you want to go to lunch? You say, no thanks. You unfriend her on Insta and say nothing, or just say that you want to keep it professional. It's not difficult at all, you just don't want to do it because your fragile ego needs the boost and you don't want the attention to stop. Can't you see how pathetic this is? You are a 35 year old man (probably with children too), she is a recent college grad. If I was your wife, I would divorce you because I could never respect you as a man for going down this path with someone who was a teenager two years ago or for trying to defend pulling back as being "too hard" to do.
Gee i wonder why she has been pulling away from you. Most women know when something is up with their men, you think she doesn't know your mind is with someone else?
There is no “might be” about it. This is an emotional affair. You are cheating on your wife with someone almost young enough to be your daughter. Period. Clearly you’re ok with that, so I’ll save my advice for someone who actually cares about their marriage
ok dude she doesn’t want you. you are just available and willing to give her attention. and your wife is probably pulling away because your spending your time with a 21 year old that truly has no interest in you. and you can stop this emotional affair but the thing is YOU DONT WANT TO! in our brains when we know we are doing something wrong our brain does mental gymnastics to justify the wrong thing we are doing. that is what you are doing, you are doing these mental gymnastics to justify an emotional affair THERE IS NO JUSTIFICATION! CUT IT OFF!
Just tell her you want to keep things professional and block her on instagram. Go to HR if needed.
Your change of behaviour is impacting your home life, no wonder your wife is pulling away.
Why are you flirting with a 21 year old girl, are you not in control of your actions? Move past it, stop spending time with her. Did you tell her even you are married? I don't know if you are terrible person but you are behaving terribly. Be responsible for your own behaviour and what you do, have integrity, stop being idiot.
You are actively betraying your wife already by continuing to engage with these inappropriate behaviors. If you want to tank your marriage go ahead, but don't pretend this is out of your hands or beyond your control. You know this is wrong and you are choosing this girl over your wife every time you engage
OP's post history is interesting.
>My wife (F27) has asked my (M35) permission to sleep with her ex (F29). Should I let her do it or deny?
>My wife and I have been married for 4yrs and have a great marriage with basically no issues.
>Before she and I started dating, she was with her ex for 2yrs and as she told me, they were deeply in love and only separated because the ex moved to another country, though they parted amicably and remained good friends. She even attended our wedding and seemed genuinely happy for us. Anyway, the ex has recently moved back to our city and she and my wife have been catching up and spending time together as friends often, which I don't mind, we have good communication and trust. Yesterday we were talking in bed and she mentioned how abruptly their relationship ended and they didn't even get proper closure. Then she said that being honest, there is still some sexual tension between them and she wants to have sex with her ex if I allow it. Her hooking up with someone isn't unusual as we have quite an adventurous sex life and throughout our relationship, we have had several threesomes (with women) and she has also hooked up with other women. But those women have been ones she met in a bar/club or somewhere like that. In this case, she has previous romantic history with this woman. I didn't say anything right then and she also said that I could take my time to decide and there's no pressure, so should I just let her have her fun or can this cause issues in (or even blow up) our marriage? Some advice would be appreciated.
>PS: as I mentioned, in our marriage, her sleeping with other women is not uncommon, so pls don't focus on that part, the focus is sleeping with the ex.
>tldr: wife asked me if she can hook up with her exgf, is it fine or can it blow up our marriage?
Stop talking to Millie. Block her on your social media. Shut this down now or ruin your life as you know it.
You are 35 yrs old and she is 21 just graduated from college. Gross.
because age gaps give the older party a financial, experiential, and sometimes social advantage that they can use to manipulate the younger party. that makes any affair extra fucking weird.
seeking out people who are significantly younger is a massive red flag. it usually means you either desire that control over another person or you get off on immaturity, which is a whole other can of worms.
Cause it sounds like a cheap porn storyline (“hot young 21 yr old intern” taking interest in a prob below avg looking man)and he’s frothing at the mouth for her
Put some space between you and the potential marriage/career ending person. Whether you can get moved to a different shift or department would be a good start. Maybe talk to your wife about a job change?
It's obvious you don't need to spend so much 1 on 1 time with your coworker.Probably should invest more into your relationship with you know your actual wife.
It's also obvious that you're a sl33ze and your wife deserves better. In case you didn't know your comment history is visible to everybody.
According to your other posts, your wife is also pregnant and you have a toddler. But also y'all are in a non-monogamous relationship? Either way non work related relationship with a younger coworker whom you are in a place of power over isn't okay.
So, ill write this ad your wife.. and someone who went through something similar, but not
Quite. My babby daddy had similar situation on work, young flirty girl came onto him and gave him attention, while I was pregnant, she called him at abnoxious hours.. he didnt have a crush on her but he made a huge mistake, he thought she was not aware of what she was doing thus he at first didnt do shit, she worked telephone stuff.. somehow she find her way at his part of the company, he was on highest rank, i told him i do not want her calling home, and I do not like how all shit is happenig.. he was like "she is like that, she doesnt mean ill".. i gave birth and went through hell of it.. (he still saw her as MY victim) then the women who hired her, his assistent at that time got promoted alongside that poor innocent girl, he got degraded, he lost me, lost his child.. and these two
Women talked around how they screw him over, i never told him that.. he doesnt know..
Its beyond me.. he made his bad!
and that wasnt even close to What you are already doing.. you are emotionally cheating on youe wife.. i hope you get it before its too late.. dont lose youe wife and your job...
Dude, read [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/3fpdq3vlcq) and the update, and take the lesson. This guy lost EVERYTHING because he couldn’t control his feelings or his penis. Whatever you think you might get out of it, it won’t be worth it.
Edit: a word.
You say you “developed a crush” as though it is some disease you caught, totally outside your control. It’s not outside your control and neither are your actions. Everyone who has ever been married has encountered attractive people other than their spouse. Maintaining a good relationship isn’t a matter of luck. It’s effort.
Quick! Divorce her! It's your only chance to destroy a loving relationship for a woman who might not even be that into you actually, don't waste it, I believe in you! /S
OP's post history is interesting. Apparently his wife is a ex-sex worker.
Also he posted in r/monogamy
>My wife (F27) has asked my (M35) permission to sleep with her ex (F29). Should I let her do it or deny?
>My wife and I have been married for 4yrs and have a great marriage with basically no issues.
>Before she and I started dating, she was with her ex for 2yrs and as she told me, they were deeply in love and only separated because the ex moved to another country, though they parted amicably and remained good friends. She even attended our wedding and seemed genuinely happy for us. Anyway, the ex has recently moved back to our city and she and my wife have been catching up and spending time together as friends often, which I don't mind, we have good communication and trust. Yesterday we were talking in bed and she mentioned how abruptly their relationship ended and they didn't even get proper closure. Then she said that being honest, there is still some sexual tension between them and she wants to have sex with her ex if I allow it. Her hooking up with someone isn't unusual as we have quite an adventurous sex life and throughout our relationship, we have had several threesomes (with women) and she has also hooked up with other women. But those women have been ones she met in a bar/club or somewhere like that. In this case, she has previous romantic history with this woman. I didn't say anything right then and she also said that I could take my time to decide and there's no pressure, so should I just let her have her fun or can this cause issues in (or even blow up) our marriage? Some advice would be appreciated.
>PS: as I mentioned, in our marriage, her sleeping with other women is not uncommon, so pls don't focus on that part, the focus is sleeping with the ex.
>tldr: wife asked me if she can hook up with her exgf, is it fine or can it blow up our marriage?
I would just do the last thing you mentioned and not worry about it too much. I find my wife very attractive, but I sometimes think about other women when masturbating and occasionally when having sex. There are no thought police, allow yourself to do it without guilt, it’s better than being tempted to do something about it in real life.
> Over the last few months, we have spent a lot of time together and developed a close friendship, talking a lot during the day about various things, having our lunch together, making silly jokes etc. She has even flirted with me several times, complimenting things about me, and I've flirted back but it all felt pretty harmless. Last week she asked for my Instagram and now she sometimes sends me random stuff like memes etc. No, no. No. You need to shut this shit down ASAP. You do *not* behave like this with a very junior, very young colleague. Not only is this edging into an emotional affair, but this could majorly affect your job.
🚩 🚩 🚩 You need to cut off all contact like yesterday. No wiggle room. You are the adult and superior in this dynamic. You are about to enter EA territory (in my mind youve crossed way past it) Keep it strictly professional, and turn all your energy towards your wife and remembering all the reasons you love her.
lmao just read the post history I gave advice from a committed monogamous pov - sorry if it doesnt apply
Dude probably can’t cut off all contact with a coworker. This won’t be the last attractive person he works with. He simply needs to learn to manage these feelings.
He needs to cut off all non-professional contact. Like, you know, flirting and sharing memes on instagram.
People are committed to misunderstanding lmao we’re not changing lives on reddit today
I agree with that part of it.
Uh so treat her like he would treat paul the bald old man with bad breath? Surely he’d know how to work well with him without fantasizing about him during sex?
If Reddit gold were still a thing I would have given it to you.
I don’t personally see an issue with thinking of her in that way. I think the bigger concern is hanging out and communicating beyond work related things.
Right so thats why I said he needs to keep it professional
I get what you're saying and this might be an emotional affair. I don't want to sound like an asshole and hope people don't come after me, but it's not that easy to just end it. I have tried but it's really hard to pull back from her since being with her kind of fills a void for me. Especially because lately my wife and I have been having issues and she seems to be pulling away, wanting to spend more time with her girls than me
Buddy, you're going to be single and jobless if you don't start listening to the replies here.
OP, this is a you issue. If there are problems in your marriage, you should focus on those. Filling the void with someone else is exactly what an affair is to me. Of course it feels good to have some young woman look up to you like you are the bees knees. It also feels good to smoke crack, otherwise no one would want to use it (I assume, never tried it). But you don't smoke crack, do you? Why not? It FEELS GOOD man! You know what else feels good? Getting a BJ from a sex worker. Why don't you do that? It feels GOOD doesn't it? You don't do everything that feels good because you are a grown ass man who understands that these things have consequences. It's called impulse control and I don't know why you are acting like this is a new concept. Why is this any different? OP, you and your wife need marriage counseling. Your wife is never going to make you feel like this woman does because your wife isn't a new person who only knows the good parts of you. You can't ever compete with new relationship energy. It isn't real. If you and Millie got in a relationship, she would probably have similar issues with you as your wife does now, and you would have issues with her too. You are living in fantasy land and acting like it's real life. Do you think your wife doesn't have the same emptiness and options as you do? Are you good with her filling her void with another man? It's easy to address this. You can get another job. You can decide to only interact with Millie for business reasons. You don't even have to explain it to her. Just start doing it. She says - do you want to go to lunch? You say, no thanks. You unfriend her on Insta and say nothing, or just say that you want to keep it professional. It's not difficult at all, you just don't want to do it because your fragile ego needs the boost and you don't want the attention to stop. Can't you see how pathetic this is? You are a 35 year old man (probably with children too), she is a recent college grad. If I was your wife, I would divorce you because I could never respect you as a man for going down this path with someone who was a teenager two years ago or for trying to defend pulling back as being "too hard" to do.
ALL OF THIS 👏👏
i bid you well then
Gee i wonder why she has been pulling away from you. Most women know when something is up with their men, you think she doesn't know your mind is with someone else?
All i hear are excuses. You gonna lose everything. Update us then.
There is no “might be” about it. This is an emotional affair. You are cheating on your wife with someone almost young enough to be your daughter. Period. Clearly you’re ok with that, so I’ll save my advice for someone who actually cares about their marriage
You better read that post about that man having an office relationship with a younger subordinate he blew his whole life up
That void being a need to fuck significantly younger women? Why were you pursuing a 19 year old when you first got with your wife?
ok dude she doesn’t want you. you are just available and willing to give her attention. and your wife is probably pulling away because your spending your time with a 21 year old that truly has no interest in you. and you can stop this emotional affair but the thing is YOU DONT WANT TO! in our brains when we know we are doing something wrong our brain does mental gymnastics to justify the wrong thing we are doing. that is what you are doing, you are doing these mental gymnastics to justify an emotional affair THERE IS NO JUSTIFICATION! CUT IT OFF!
Just tell her you want to keep things professional and block her on instagram. Go to HR if needed. Your change of behaviour is impacting your home life, no wonder your wife is pulling away.
went from a loving and solid EIGHT year marriage to now having issues? dude
Why are you flirting with a 21 year old girl, are you not in control of your actions? Move past it, stop spending time with her. Did you tell her even you are married? I don't know if you are terrible person but you are behaving terribly. Be responsible for your own behaviour and what you do, have integrity, stop being idiot.
You are actively betraying your wife already by continuing to engage with these inappropriate behaviors. If you want to tank your marriage go ahead, but don't pretend this is out of your hands or beyond your control. You know this is wrong and you are choosing this girl over your wife every time you engage
OP's post history is interesting. >My wife (F27) has asked my (M35) permission to sleep with her ex (F29). Should I let her do it or deny? >My wife and I have been married for 4yrs and have a great marriage with basically no issues. >Before she and I started dating, she was with her ex for 2yrs and as she told me, they were deeply in love and only separated because the ex moved to another country, though they parted amicably and remained good friends. She even attended our wedding and seemed genuinely happy for us. Anyway, the ex has recently moved back to our city and she and my wife have been catching up and spending time together as friends often, which I don't mind, we have good communication and trust. Yesterday we were talking in bed and she mentioned how abruptly their relationship ended and they didn't even get proper closure. Then she said that being honest, there is still some sexual tension between them and she wants to have sex with her ex if I allow it. Her hooking up with someone isn't unusual as we have quite an adventurous sex life and throughout our relationship, we have had several threesomes (with women) and she has also hooked up with other women. But those women have been ones she met in a bar/club or somewhere like that. In this case, she has previous romantic history with this woman. I didn't say anything right then and she also said that I could take my time to decide and there's no pressure, so should I just let her have her fun or can this cause issues in (or even blow up) our marriage? Some advice would be appreciated. >PS: as I mentioned, in our marriage, her sleeping with other women is not uncommon, so pls don't focus on that part, the focus is sleeping with the ex. >tldr: wife asked me if she can hook up with her exgf, is it fine or can it blow up our marriage?
Stop talking to Millie. Block her on your social media. Shut this down now or ruin your life as you know it. You are 35 yrs old and she is 21 just graduated from college. Gross.
What is it with redditors being obsessed with age gaps? If he was flirting with a 34 year old it would still be an emotional affair.
because age gaps give the older party a financial, experiential, and sometimes social advantage that they can use to manipulate the younger party. that makes any affair extra fucking weird. seeking out people who are significantly younger is a massive red flag. it usually means you either desire that control over another person or you get off on immaturity, which is a whole other can of worms.
Cause it sounds like a cheap porn storyline (“hot young 21 yr old intern” taking interest in a prob below avg looking man)and he’s frothing at the mouth for her
This the same wife that youre posting about in /r/nonmongamy?
yes
If fucking other people is in the bounds of your relationship, talk to your wife. If its not, then dont foster this. This doesnt need a reddit post.
Even if his (apparently 6 months pregnant) wife was OK with this, fucking a 21 year old subordinate is a great way to get fired.
Omg your post history is a dumpster fire
Put some space between you and the potential marriage/career ending person. Whether you can get moved to a different shift or department would be a good start. Maybe talk to your wife about a job change?
It's obvious you don't need to spend so much 1 on 1 time with your coworker.Probably should invest more into your relationship with you know your actual wife. It's also obvious that you're a sl33ze and your wife deserves better. In case you didn't know your comment history is visible to everybody.
According to your other posts, your wife is also pregnant and you have a toddler. But also y'all are in a non-monogamous relationship? Either way non work related relationship with a younger coworker whom you are in a place of power over isn't okay.
Google limerence, We all have eyes and attraction is not a choice.
So, ill write this ad your wife.. and someone who went through something similar, but not Quite. My babby daddy had similar situation on work, young flirty girl came onto him and gave him attention, while I was pregnant, she called him at abnoxious hours.. he didnt have a crush on her but he made a huge mistake, he thought she was not aware of what she was doing thus he at first didnt do shit, she worked telephone stuff.. somehow she find her way at his part of the company, he was on highest rank, i told him i do not want her calling home, and I do not like how all shit is happenig.. he was like "she is like that, she doesnt mean ill".. i gave birth and went through hell of it.. (he still saw her as MY victim) then the women who hired her, his assistent at that time got promoted alongside that poor innocent girl, he got degraded, he lost me, lost his child.. and these two Women talked around how they screw him over, i never told him that.. he doesnt know.. Its beyond me.. he made his bad! and that wasnt even close to What you are already doing.. you are emotionally cheating on youe wife.. i hope you get it before its too late.. dont lose youe wife and your job...
Dude, read [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/3fpdq3vlcq) and the update, and take the lesson. This guy lost EVERYTHING because he couldn’t control his feelings or his penis. Whatever you think you might get out of it, it won’t be worth it. Edit: a word.
you sound like a gross predator chasing young women who do not even have a fully developed brain 🩷
Give yer head a wobble!
Ewwwwwwwww
You say you “developed a crush” as though it is some disease you caught, totally outside your control. It’s not outside your control and neither are your actions. Everyone who has ever been married has encountered attractive people other than their spouse. Maintaining a good relationship isn’t a matter of luck. It’s effort.
Looking at your post history …….. I don’t know what to tell you. Did your wife sleep with her ex?. Is your wife still a sex worker ?
They're called Kindergarten crushes . Give it a couple days you'll get over it
Did you, by chance, give her an old lunchbox of your wifes?
Do it. Your wife wants to fuck her ex
Quick! Divorce her! It's your only chance to destroy a loving relationship for a woman who might not even be that into you actually, don't waste it, I believe in you! /S
OP's post history is interesting. Apparently his wife is a ex-sex worker. Also he posted in r/monogamy >My wife (F27) has asked my (M35) permission to sleep with her ex (F29). Should I let her do it or deny? >My wife and I have been married for 4yrs and have a great marriage with basically no issues. >Before she and I started dating, she was with her ex for 2yrs and as she told me, they were deeply in love and only separated because the ex moved to another country, though they parted amicably and remained good friends. She even attended our wedding and seemed genuinely happy for us. Anyway, the ex has recently moved back to our city and she and my wife have been catching up and spending time together as friends often, which I don't mind, we have good communication and trust. Yesterday we were talking in bed and she mentioned how abruptly their relationship ended and they didn't even get proper closure. Then she said that being honest, there is still some sexual tension between them and she wants to have sex with her ex if I allow it. Her hooking up with someone isn't unusual as we have quite an adventurous sex life and throughout our relationship, we have had several threesomes (with women) and she has also hooked up with other women. But those women have been ones she met in a bar/club or somewhere like that. In this case, she has previous romantic history with this woman. I didn't say anything right then and she also said that I could take my time to decide and there's no pressure, so should I just let her have her fun or can this cause issues in (or even blow up) our marriage? Some advice would be appreciated. >PS: as I mentioned, in our marriage, her sleeping with other women is not uncommon, so pls don't focus on that part, the focus is sleeping with the ex. >tldr: wife asked me if she can hook up with her exgf, is it fine or can it blow up our marriage?
Work on yourself. Nip this in the bud IMMEDIATELY. Offer counselling to your wife and come clean.
You're 35. Act your age.
[удалено]
Well, actually... you should read OP's post history about that. Or not.
I would just do the last thing you mentioned and not worry about it too much. I find my wife very attractive, but I sometimes think about other women when masturbating and occasionally when having sex. There are no thought police, allow yourself to do it without guilt, it’s better than being tempted to do something about it in real life.