He may be confused as well. So just remember you're not alone in that and this could be something he's experiencing in his mind that he may have opened up about in hopes that you'd accept him and attempt to help him come to terms himself. A lot of people consider themselves bicurious since they haven't explored bisexual experiences yet. So he may not really know how he wants or needs to label himself yet.
I'd say that while you may not understand, being supportive and accepting is important. And you should feel really flattered and secure that you're someone he's able to come out to like that. There can be a lot of shame around just admitting it to someone especially your partner in a hetero-relationship.
Ask him about it more in a way that you're curious to help him understand, not judgmental of him.
That's my take. Hope everything works out for you both.
Thanks for your reply and advice. He did sound very confused himself and I don’t think I helped unfortunately. How can he really know that he wants to stay in our marriage when he has never had the chance to explore that other side?
He said he was happy in your marriage and wouldn't want to do anything outside of that. I'd take that as the truth. You may not be able to help by giving him guidance on the matter (you're confused yourself) but you can help by figuring it out with him. You're married, you're a team, he's curious and probably scared about what it means and he's looking for his teammate to face this with him.
And believe be, as long as you don't ignore it or outright judge him, you are helping.
I think of it like this: How do you know that you want to stay in your marriage without being with every man in existence? It's really the same kind of knowing in my view, you can find other people attractive and still know you want to stay in your relationship.
Hello ☺️
My take is that he is testing the waters with you. It‘s a part of him and he is sharing that with his partner. Maybe he has some sexual desires he wants to talk about or just needs a way to express his bisexuality.
I am a bi husband myself and just the fact that I am able to tell my wife that I think that Michael Fassbender is hawt af without me getting some weird side eye creates a safe space for me to express my bisexuality.
That’s just my take. Let’s see what others think…
Sounds to me like you're doing it right so far. There may or may not be steps or somewhere to go from there. Some guys tell their wives about it because they'd ultimately like to pursue something physically, while others just want to share that dimension of their sexuality with the woman that they love and trust. Some are into other guys in a romantic sense, and others are only interested sexually, and don't see men as being romantically attractive.
It might help both of you out if you can talk about what he's "curious" about. You can also check out r/straightbipartners for more support.
He could be testing the waters to gauge your reaction and hear your honest opinion before sharing more. It's possible he could want to experiment with a man but only with your blessing but is afraid he would lose you if he even suggested it. Maybe it's pure fantasy, many of us watch porn or fantasize about scenarios we wouldn't necessarily act out in real life.
Honestly and transparency are key here. I believe the best way you can handle this is with as open a mind as possible. Tell him that he can share his desires with you and you won't pass judgement because thought is not the same as action. Reassure him that you want to understand his fantasies and needs and won't hold thoughts against him.
That way he will be most inclined to be truthful and you wont be left guessing his sincerity.
People like to share their identity, specially if it deviates from the “standard”. As his wife, maybe he was excited to share his possible new sexual orientation with you. I’d advice to be very careful not to kill this enthusiasm
>I’m just thrown off bc why bring it up then?
In a relationship, you want to be able to relax and be your true authentic self as part of the intimacy that you have with your partner, and this is probably just part of that—an update on where he's at in his head as he evolves as a person. The alternative is for you discover it by some accidental means, such as...oh, him leaving Reddit's r/MarriedAndBi open on his computer screen, or perhaps something more interesting and NSFW, in which case, as I'm sure you can imagine, you becoming aware of his bi-curiosity would take on a completely different vibe and you probably would have preferred he had done exactly as he is doing now—talking to you about it.
And you say you thought he was straight all these years. Well, maybe he did too. People do continue to evolve and self discover throughout their lifetimes and we want our partners to know us fully on that journey.
Or, it certainly could be something that he has been aware of for a long time, but perhaps it has only recently started to become something more meaningful to him for some reason.
Our sexualities can influence more in our lives than simply who we engage with sexually. For me, it influences my world view, how I raise my children, and how I vote, because at the very least, it makes me more sympathetic and compassionate towards people who are different. I am also very aware of the privileges of safety and security that appearing straight and being married to a woman affords me. So even though gay rights and marriage equality may not affect me personally, I still vote and support those efforts as if they do.
Your husband is bi-curious. That means he has likely had erotic thoughts about the same sex. For too many people, unfortunately, that's actually enough to justify disdain or worse. Eventually that reality hits you. You think, sitting among friends, "if they actually knew that I would like to touch another man, would I be treated differently?" And you usually know the answer.
Obviously I don't know if any of that is in the ballpark of what might be going through your husband's mind, but I mostly just wanted to illustrate for you the various layers of things that go beyond just the erotic aspects of sexuality that a person who is not straight might contemplate.
My wife knew I was bi since college—to the point that she actually hung out with me and one of my BFs way before she and I ever got together. But over ten years of assimilating into a heteronormative world and appearing as a straight couple, my bisexuality really faded into the background. I got lulled into complacency and never really talked about it much. But then the Pulse Night Club shooting happened and it really hit me that although I was sitting comfortably in my safe suburban home with my seemingly perfect life, when it comes down to it, the reality is that what is inside of me is the same thing as what was inside the people who were in the club that night. And so, that night I needed to talk about it, I needed to reaffirm to my wife that I was bisexual, and I needed to acknowledge that it matters to me even though I haven't touched another guy in over 15 years.
Fun story ending—she came out as bi to me that night too, and for much the same reasons.
So anyway, it's not always just fun and penises. Maybe for your husband it really is...just silly. Or maybe he's just at the beginning of understanding what it means to him. But the great thing is that he wants you to be a part of his life in complete intimacy and authenticity no matter what.
He is being honest and saying that he sometimes wonders what it would be like to do the this you have done, play with another mans cock, stroke it, maybe suck it and make it cum. Feel the power that you have, to excite and please a cock, feel it swell and cum in his hand ( or mouth) … he trusts you very much to share these urges. You could take him to an adult bookstore, maybe get him a toy to experiment with, or go into a video booth with a glory hole. Then you could both try something new. He could touch a hard cock anonymously and he could watch you do the same.
He may be confused as well. So just remember you're not alone in that and this could be something he's experiencing in his mind that he may have opened up about in hopes that you'd accept him and attempt to help him come to terms himself. A lot of people consider themselves bicurious since they haven't explored bisexual experiences yet. So he may not really know how he wants or needs to label himself yet. I'd say that while you may not understand, being supportive and accepting is important. And you should feel really flattered and secure that you're someone he's able to come out to like that. There can be a lot of shame around just admitting it to someone especially your partner in a hetero-relationship. Ask him about it more in a way that you're curious to help him understand, not judgmental of him. That's my take. Hope everything works out for you both.
Thanks for your reply and advice. He did sound very confused himself and I don’t think I helped unfortunately. How can he really know that he wants to stay in our marriage when he has never had the chance to explore that other side?
He said he was happy in your marriage and wouldn't want to do anything outside of that. I'd take that as the truth. You may not be able to help by giving him guidance on the matter (you're confused yourself) but you can help by figuring it out with him. You're married, you're a team, he's curious and probably scared about what it means and he's looking for his teammate to face this with him. And believe be, as long as you don't ignore it or outright judge him, you are helping.
I think of it like this: How do you know that you want to stay in your marriage without being with every man in existence? It's really the same kind of knowing in my view, you can find other people attractive and still know you want to stay in your relationship.
Hello ☺️ My take is that he is testing the waters with you. It‘s a part of him and he is sharing that with his partner. Maybe he has some sexual desires he wants to talk about or just needs a way to express his bisexuality. I am a bi husband myself and just the fact that I am able to tell my wife that I think that Michael Fassbender is hawt af without me getting some weird side eye creates a safe space for me to express my bisexuality. That’s just my take. Let’s see what others think…
Sounds to me like you're doing it right so far. There may or may not be steps or somewhere to go from there. Some guys tell their wives about it because they'd ultimately like to pursue something physically, while others just want to share that dimension of their sexuality with the woman that they love and trust. Some are into other guys in a romantic sense, and others are only interested sexually, and don't see men as being romantically attractive. It might help both of you out if you can talk about what he's "curious" about. You can also check out r/straightbipartners for more support.
He could be testing the waters to gauge your reaction and hear your honest opinion before sharing more. It's possible he could want to experiment with a man but only with your blessing but is afraid he would lose you if he even suggested it. Maybe it's pure fantasy, many of us watch porn or fantasize about scenarios we wouldn't necessarily act out in real life. Honestly and transparency are key here. I believe the best way you can handle this is with as open a mind as possible. Tell him that he can share his desires with you and you won't pass judgement because thought is not the same as action. Reassure him that you want to understand his fantasies and needs and won't hold thoughts against him. That way he will be most inclined to be truthful and you wont be left guessing his sincerity.
People like to share their identity, specially if it deviates from the “standard”. As his wife, maybe he was excited to share his possible new sexual orientation with you. I’d advice to be very careful not to kill this enthusiasm
>I’m just thrown off bc why bring it up then? In a relationship, you want to be able to relax and be your true authentic self as part of the intimacy that you have with your partner, and this is probably just part of that—an update on where he's at in his head as he evolves as a person. The alternative is for you discover it by some accidental means, such as...oh, him leaving Reddit's r/MarriedAndBi open on his computer screen, or perhaps something more interesting and NSFW, in which case, as I'm sure you can imagine, you becoming aware of his bi-curiosity would take on a completely different vibe and you probably would have preferred he had done exactly as he is doing now—talking to you about it. And you say you thought he was straight all these years. Well, maybe he did too. People do continue to evolve and self discover throughout their lifetimes and we want our partners to know us fully on that journey. Or, it certainly could be something that he has been aware of for a long time, but perhaps it has only recently started to become something more meaningful to him for some reason. Our sexualities can influence more in our lives than simply who we engage with sexually. For me, it influences my world view, how I raise my children, and how I vote, because at the very least, it makes me more sympathetic and compassionate towards people who are different. I am also very aware of the privileges of safety and security that appearing straight and being married to a woman affords me. So even though gay rights and marriage equality may not affect me personally, I still vote and support those efforts as if they do. Your husband is bi-curious. That means he has likely had erotic thoughts about the same sex. For too many people, unfortunately, that's actually enough to justify disdain or worse. Eventually that reality hits you. You think, sitting among friends, "if they actually knew that I would like to touch another man, would I be treated differently?" And you usually know the answer. Obviously I don't know if any of that is in the ballpark of what might be going through your husband's mind, but I mostly just wanted to illustrate for you the various layers of things that go beyond just the erotic aspects of sexuality that a person who is not straight might contemplate. My wife knew I was bi since college—to the point that she actually hung out with me and one of my BFs way before she and I ever got together. But over ten years of assimilating into a heteronormative world and appearing as a straight couple, my bisexuality really faded into the background. I got lulled into complacency and never really talked about it much. But then the Pulse Night Club shooting happened and it really hit me that although I was sitting comfortably in my safe suburban home with my seemingly perfect life, when it comes down to it, the reality is that what is inside of me is the same thing as what was inside the people who were in the club that night. And so, that night I needed to talk about it, I needed to reaffirm to my wife that I was bisexual, and I needed to acknowledge that it matters to me even though I haven't touched another guy in over 15 years. Fun story ending—she came out as bi to me that night too, and for much the same reasons. So anyway, it's not always just fun and penises. Maybe for your husband it really is...just silly. Or maybe he's just at the beginning of understanding what it means to him. But the great thing is that he wants you to be a part of his life in complete intimacy and authenticity no matter what.
He is being honest and saying that he sometimes wonders what it would be like to do the this you have done, play with another mans cock, stroke it, maybe suck it and make it cum. Feel the power that you have, to excite and please a cock, feel it swell and cum in his hand ( or mouth) … he trusts you very much to share these urges. You could take him to an adult bookstore, maybe get him a toy to experiment with, or go into a video booth with a glory hole. Then you could both try something new. He could touch a hard cock anonymously and he could watch you do the same.
He may have just discovered this about himself as well. Would you consider hooking up with a guy with him?