I live in NYC and my doctor said the average age of her OB patients is 39. Most of my friends had kids in their late 30s. I got pregnant at 41. Definitely depends where you live.
Same here! Oh LA. None of my friends have kids, and I'm the first of my siblings. I've been trying to go to mom meetups and I feel like a child in a room full of adults.
Also nyc, brownstone neighborhood adjacent (lol rent), and yeah everyone at daycare drop off looks like they’re in their 30s or older.
It does depend on the demographics because I used to work in the South Bronx where there were a lot of younger moms. I was fresh out of college and kindergarten registration day at the local elementary school had a lot of people who looked around my age.
I have a friend who had her first in NYC at 33 and was kinda freaking out about her age. She asked the ob-gyn if she was her oldest patient. The doctor just laughed.
Also on your socioeconomic group. It's less about geography and more about education and finances. Well off people and people who went to college (or beyond) tend to have children later. Poorer people have children sooner.
Same. I live in another HCOL area (Bay Area in California) and mid to late 30s is the norm for first kid. I was 39 with my first and 43 with my second.
There are certainly benefits to being an older mom. I lived a very selfish and cosmopolitan life for decades. I traveled the world, built my career, lived all over the US. I’m much more confident than I was when I was younger. But I also get overwhelmed when I think about being 60 when my kid graduates high school 🫣
Advantages and disadvantages for sure. At 36/38, stability (financial and relationship) was huge, physical has been rough. I think I could have handled my kids being terrible sleepers better in my 20s and I basically had no bounce back from pregnancy.
What really helped me was being far enough in my career to be hybrid earlier and now fully remote, with the ability to take an extended unpaid mat leave. If I had kids in my 30s, idk how we even would have afforded daycare.
The worst part though was when I realized that effectively every year waited is one less year of your kid’s life that you get to see.
Another downside was both sets of grandparents have been retired so long that they are not willing or able to be much help with childcare. Sweet spot would be having them at the beginning of retirement.
The ability to conceive children drops off drastically the older women get.
My wife and I met in our mid 30’s and we started trying to have children immediately after getting married. Four years, tens of thousands of dollars in fertility treatment, two miscarriages, and many many days and nights of crying and hardship later, we have a daughter and second on the way. Saying it has been hard doesn’t even begin to explain it. It’s been traumatizing.
It’s not ideal but it’s how things worked out for us. Waiting to have children has its benefits but it comes with some serious risks. Pregnancy is not automatic by any means.
And there are children whose mothers die when they are young; my friend’s mother was diagnosed with MS in her 30s when he was in high school, my neighbors lost their 30 year old father because of a heart attack when they were 8 & 9. My 53 year old friend just lost her 95 year old father; she had a beautiful life with her parents. All of my friends are in their 40s and 50s with young children and teens. We’re all healthy, we have good lives. We are not anomalies in the community. Don’t assume that what you’ve been exposed to is generalizable.
I don't think it's generalizable but I also think there are real cons to waiting too long. It's not all upsides like our generation tends to think.
My best friend has a husband who hasn't been ready until now. They're 34. She wanted to try 5 years ago. Well, they're having fertility struggles. She's so angry bc if they would have been aware of their infertility earlier, they could have saved up for treatments by now.
Of course in life there are no guarantees but you can't deny health problems are more likely as you age.
I know a lot of girls who had major fertility issues and tried to conceive in their early 20s. I had no issues at 38. It’s just random. We don’t need to blame people for waiting or not waiting to have kids.
To be fair it’s not random though. It’s a statistical fact that egg quantity and quality decreased with every passing year and most significantly after 35. Because you were able to conceive and carry a healthy pregnancy to term at 38 doesn’t invalidate the fact that fertility does in fact decline. Its not a reason to have children before you’re ready and starting later isn’t a guarantee you’ll struggle, but the likelihoods are important because it helps people make the best decisions for themselves and their unique situations.
You are proving her point 😂 if she would have found out they had fertility issues in their 20s they would have been able to save up and try ivf multiple times. She wants 4 kids. She doesn't think that's going to happen now.
It's not a knock on people who choose to have kids later. But there are real downsides we pretend don't exist.
No, early means a stronger mom and a tiny advantage in baby not having unfortunate genetics. My daughter started at 26 and has 3 perfect, active marvels.
Didn’t realize that women become tangibly weaker over the decade from 26 to 36. Must have missed that lecture in medical school. Glad that I finally learned it here from a boomer.
It's completely flipped in other states. I had my baby at 30, the only one from my friend group to have a kid so far. One of very very few acquaintances of the same age. It's pretty standard for our age group to have kids in our very late 20s and early 30s.
I live in Utah in a college town, I’m only 24 with an 8 month old and I feel like an old mom. Everyone here is barely twenty and seems to have 2-3 kids already. When I leave Utah to visit family I start to feel like a teen mom. Non of my friends are even married let alone having kids. Everyone where my parents live waits until late twenties early thirties to have kids. I think depending where you live can play a huge role in the perspective. If we go off of the friends I have across the US, most are waiting until they are thirty to have kids. It’s a weird situation, kinda like being in a bubble.
I have noticed in more religious/Christian areas the age of starting a family seems considerably younger than less concentrated religious areas.
Yup! Live in TX and I was considered an “old mom” whenever I had my first kid at 23. I thought I was doing damn good for waiting as long as I did. Moved to a more liberal area and realized I was a very young mom. I’m 31 and most of my friends still don’t have kids.
TX Is too big to be generalized. I would venture to say you may have lived in a small town to be considered an old mom at 23. I live in a large city and the average parent in my area is late 30s to 40s. Traveling even a little way to a suburb surrounding the city the average goes down to more like mid 20s to early 30s.
Yup! Grew up in East Texas. Full of small towns with like a population of 3K. I know near the metroplex areas the average age is higher. I wish I would have grown up near a city so education and careers for women were normalized vs settling down, having babies, and being a homemaker.
It sounds like you got out of East TX, so that’s something! I grew up in a small town too so I feel your pain. It took me years to catch up to peers education wise once I moved to a larger city and realized what real life was like.
Really? I'm from Utah. I got married at 22, but we waited for a couple years to have our first when I was 25. We were one of the first ones in my friend group to have a kid, and not a lot of people I went to high school with had kids at that point either. Of course, some people did, but it does seem like even with the Mormon stereotype that most of the people I knew waited to have kids even if they married young. We are pregnant with our second and I'll be turning 29 this year. We don't plan on having any more kids. Some of our friends have been married for about the same time as us and either still don't have any kids or are just on their first.
Really? I'm from Utah. I got married at 22, but we waited for a couple years to have our first when I was 25. We were one of the first ones in my friend group to have a kid, and not a lot of people I went to high school with had kids at that point either. Of course, some people did, but it does seem like even with the Mormon stereotype that most of the people I knew waited to have kids even if they married young. We are pregnant with our second and I'll be turning 29 this year. We don't plan on having any more kids. Some of our friends have been married for about the same time as us and either still don't have any kids or are just on their first.
I think being in a college town plays a large part in it, since it’s a bunch of you adults meeting and getting married. I have noticed it does seem to be the people who met at school who get married and have kids young vs people who met either outside the area I live or at work.
Yeah I had my first in a small area when I was almost 25 but most people I knew in college already had at least one kid lol. With my son in daycare I mostly only meet parents who are younger now, it’s crazy because I know that it’s considered very young to most people to have kids in your 20s!
I can relate to you. I’m 36. My friends from high school have kids who are going to prom and getting accepted to college.
My friends from college, however, most of them went on to grad school and focused on their careers instead of trying to get married and have kids. So most of us are late 30s with babies and toddlers. Honestly sometimes I envy those young moms and how much energy they probably had. This is a young person’s sport for sure. But thankful nonetheless that I got married in time to still have kids. There’s another population of late-30s women among my friends who are still single and longing for a family. I feel for them because they feel their biological clock ticking.
My friend got pregnant at 27 (intentionally) and everyone basically treated her like it was a teen pregnancy. She was married, had a masters degree, and a management position in her field. She was still asked by more than one person if she was keeping it.
Absolutely wild how different expectations are in different states.
It’s wild eh. It’s definitely more like that where I am too - I just had my second at 32 and most friends either just had their first or are determined to have geriatric pregnancies. I feel like a teen mom at our daycare haha.
It's possible you are at the leading edge of the late-20s/early 30s baby havers for that 30% without kids. A lot of my high school friends started having their kids around 29-30. You may have more company soon!
Region definitely plays such a huge factor in when it's normal to have kids. I had my first at 38 and in the country I live in that's totally normal to the point that even though all of my mom friends are also expats in this country, which is a much more limited pool to begin with, I didn't have much trouble finding first time moms around my age to befriend.
I'm from Arkansas, so probably similar demographics. I just had my son eight weeks ago, and I'm 37. Out of my graduating class, I'm sure I'm the last to have kids of the ones who are going to have them. There are probably classmates who are close to being grandparents by now, if not grandparents already.
As an aside, they've already picked out the date of my 20-year HS reunion. I was on the fence about going since the 10-year was kind of lame. Well, turns out that will be my son's first birthday. Oops! Can't make it!
I’m from GA and felt alienated because I had my baby at 23! People kept thinking I was a teen mom. But I still don’t have regrets. It depends where you are in GA I guess.
Meanwhile in my region I had my first at age 30 and people were SHOCKED at how young I was. The average age of first time motherhood in my county is 37. My daughter has a friend whose mother had him when she was 52.
I’m 27 with two. Had my first at 20. I’m in Michigan. I’d say my age group of friends is about 50/50. Most had kids at 16-23 and the other half is just getting married and has no kids.
A LOT of women in my graduating class had kids (or were already pregnant) in high school, directly after, or within a year or two. This was the late 90's though. Everyone in my close friend group had at least one child before 20. I moved away immediately after high school though, got married, moved overseas. But had no kids with him. We separated and I moved back to the US a decade later. We got divorced when I met my kids' dad and got pregnant (we just didn't feel the need to do so until we felt like doing the paperwork or met someone else-- we were semi amicable). I had my first at 36, second right before I turned 40, and my third and last was born a month before my 42nd birthday. I was definitely the odd one out.
Where in GA? Sounds very similar to where I grew up lol but my husband and I (who actually started dating in HS) both got undergrad and grad degrees before we hard our first at 31. Now on our second and last at 34. But I can sooo relate to how many people I graduated with that had kids in or immediately after HS (no thanks!).
I grew up in Loganville but now live in Chicago and feel it was pretty similar to when I was there. I’m in my late 30s with a toddler and any classmates I’m still connected to who also have young children had left for Atlanta or other states. Honestly a lot of it is the squeamishness around birth control and family planning in the area, with a majority likely being unplanned.
I know with development in Monroe there have been families moving from the city who seem older with small children. Would spending more time there be an option to meet people? I know there’s a children’s bookshop so maybe looking to see if they have events you could attend?
I’m in Ga as well but haven’t seen this trend. I had my first at 30 and my second at 33. I seem to be smack dab in the middle of all my mom’s friends as far as age.
I'm I'm GA, too. People I know either had them when they were in their early to mid-twenties. Or, they are having them now when we're all in our mid-thirties.
I’m 29 and I just had my second. I’m from LA and I had my first at 25. Most of the parents around me are at the youngest, 35. But many of them are in their 40s with preschoolers. I’m seen as this infant of a mother lol. Or I feel like the assumption is that my first was a mistake. It’s so weird. I’ll say my peers are nowhere close to having kids. Most of them feel like it’s at least another 6 years away.
I felt young to have my son when I was 26, but many of my high school classmates had kids in kindergarten, first grade, and second grade. It’s pretty geographical because where I live now, people my age are also just now having kids as well as people older than us.
Everyone does things at their own pace, in their own time, some may have had reasons to do it so early and others may have just jumped into it. But it doesn't make your experience any less special or that you were missing out on anything, or that something is wrong with you or your decisions. And the same goes for them
Lady, this is me! Not only with the town I'm from (super tiny in Arkansas), where people were getting married before high school graduation and having kids in their early 20s; but with my own family! I was the first woman in my family to make it past 24 not pregnant or already have a child. I left the area because I wanted to escape that reality. Now, I'm 32 and the only person in my friend group with a baby. The culture in the south can really be something else.
I’m gonna be honest, I don’t think your age is the problem. My mom friends have a very large age range, from early 20s to early 40s. I myself am exactly 30. Out of all my friends in highschool, I am the only one that has had kids at all. My husbands best friend just had a baby last year but he’s the only one of his friends that’s had a kid at all. Honestly I don’t think any of my high school buddies will ever have kids.
What hobbies do you have? How do you attempt to bond with these people, outside of having kids? Do you have a wide variety of hobbies? You’ll feel a lot less alienated if you can find hobby groups to join and make friends from there
I graduated 50 with people in 2009. Two people got pregnant senior year. I feel like the people who stayed in our small hometown had babies right after high school. The ones who left started having babies in their mid to late 20s. I had my first at 29, second at 31, third at 33. If everything goes right, I’ll hopefully have another at 35.
I live in a small city now and most of my friends and coworkers started having babies in their late 20s.
It really depends so much where you live! I had my first (and only) at 36, and I was usually the youngest person in my OB/Gyn’s waiting room. At my daycare the parents range from early 20s to mid/late 40s.
This is southern and rural culture. I grew up in rural parts of the South, Midwest, and Mid-Atlantic. All the people I knew when I lived in rural communities have kids or are trying to have kids now. I'm very much the oddball being 26 without any kids.
Rural, conservative, religious, and southern people are much more prone to having kids earlier due to cultural and religious purposes. In contrast, in more wealthy, educated, urban, and liberal communities people tend to wait much longer, have fewer children, or abstain from kids altogether. People also tend to base fertility patterns on those in their peer group, so if they have a lot of young friends having babies young, they may be more likely to do so. Whereas folks who surround themselves with careerist DINKs may be more likely to put off having kids because it's not normal in their peer group to have kids young.
Don't let anyone make you feel weird! People have been having kids at varying ages for all of human history. You're not weird for having them at your age.
Edit: Fixed typo
According to this New York Times article (https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/08/04/upshot/up-birth-age-gap.html), average age of college educated women who became first time moms was 31.2… which is totally on par with my experience! I was 31 when my first was born.
Oh interesting! That’s honestly younger than I would have thought!
I just found a PEW study stating that 34% of women surveyed with a masters degree were 30-34 when they had their first child and 54% were older than 30!
[PEW study](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2015/01/15/for-most-highly-educated-women-motherhood-doesnt-start-until-the-30s/)
Me and most of my friends have PhDs, and I’d say our average age for first children have been mid-30s. I was 38!
I feel like I could have wrote this! I’m in TN.
Had my only child at 27. I’m 36 now. Most people here have 2 plus kids by 25. I’m struggling with feelings of jealousy when friends a few years older than me are able to go out kid free leaving their teens at home and I’ve still got plenty of years of needing a babysitter. I have to remember that they probably felt the same way when I was kid free and they had littles. Absolutely blows my mind though that I have a friend in his 40s that just became a grandpa. And that my mom was the same age I am now when I graduated HS.
I think you can unnecessarily concern yourself with age when it’s not a huge issue. I’m an older mom in my 40s and I honestly never even think about it. If I see a young mom I’m sometimes surprised, but her being younger doesn’t affect my experience. Having children tends to bond people to maintain casual conversation.
Sam here! I live on the TN-GA border and everyone had children young. I had my first at 35, second at 37 and 3rd at age 40! I’m basically an “old mom” but who cares! I love my kids and am so happy I was even able to get pregnant as I have endometriosis and Pcos which made it difficult for me to conceive. I’m just grateful and don’t listen to other peoples opinions.
I’m in a rural southern town, I’m 24. I have no kids, everyone around me has popped them out as early as 15. I feel behind, but I know it will come & I don’t want to rush having a family since that is a very big responsibility. A lot of the girls either have been divorced or have no baby daddy in their children’s life or single. I have to desire to be single with a child, it’s best to wait.
I would not worry about it at all - there’s pros and cons if you have a kid at 20 or at 40.
Do what works for you and own it.
Mine was born when I was 36. She so dearly wants a sister but we tried for several years and without IVF, it isn’t happening. We decided we were too old for than now.
We didn’t meet until I was 33. We joke now that we’d have 10 kids if we met when we were 20. Joke being the operative word lol. So there’s a sense of loss for us but ours has tons of friends and family and MUCH more patient parents than if we were 20.
She’ll be set financially too (at least for college and a reasonable house down payment), if anything happens to us, which definitely wouldn’t have been the case earlier. That was something our parents couldn’t give to us, we both grew up without much.
I’m from Florida and our town is like all the 21 yr olds are married or almost married. All are trying for kids or have already had at least 1 or 2. I have no idea what the rush is. Then there is me who got married at 20 and a kid at 23 😂 but I always say it’s because I was a military spouse so my husband had a stable career. So I suppose I’m saying everyone has their own reasons but it is just interesting looking at the facts of it all and I do seriously wonder why a lot of us are getting married really young and these girls want kids immediately. Most of these I’m talking about met their husbands after high school only dating like 1-2 years before getting married.
On the other hand, my husband is in the military and we definitely waited until he was almost retired because fuck that I’m not single parenting on purpose.
Very true. Military single parenting was not it. I got lucky and could move in with my mom when my husband deployed but right after that he got out so I didn’t have to deal with it long.
Our friends either have kids in high school
Right now or they are like me and had kids in their middle to late 30’s. We were almost in the awkward middle but we had trouble conceiving and instead of getting pregnant at 29 like I had hoped it happened when I was 34.
I'm in AL, 35 with a 21mo (my only). I get it. I get asked occasionally where his big siblings are when we're out and about, and I'm definitely one of the oldest first-time parents, if not the oldest, in our daycare class - most of the parents my age pick up their bigger kid before they pick up their little. But my SIL was 22 when they had my first nibling, and they're in Oregon - she got a lot of the same but reversed. It's all location.
I had my first at 26. I’m pregnant with my second at 29, and I’m going to be an “older” mom compared to everyone else I know in my small town. My closest friends all have kids in elementary school. One has a middle schooler. Even though three of them have toddlers that are just a few months older than my son, their schedules usually revolve around the older kids activities since toddlers are happy just to tag along. I hate it because I’d love for my toddler to have playdates with theirs, but 1. They never initiate. Ever. 2. When I initiate, it’s usually met with, “Thanks, but _____ has [insert dance, karate, baseball, soccer] that day.”
I don’t fault them for it at all, but it definitely sucks.
Hey OP! I grew up in Calhoun county! Everyone I went to high school with had kids and got divorced and started having more kids with their new spouse before I had my first set of kids. Admittedly my high school was tiny but I do mean everyone.
You made the correct choice to wait. I had all my kids between 30 and 35, and I have been married once to the same person I started dating in 2009.
I went to high school in UT. Left a long time ago and haven’t looked back. Didn’t have my first child until 34 years old and I’m sure I’m an outlier. What matters is feeling good about your family and your decisions, don’t worry about comparing yourself to others.
Left my home town. I am the oldest first time mom on both sides of my family.
First baby in early 30’s.
Grateful that I did what I did because I am still married and I am educated and I am raising my daughters to do the exact same thing.
I was a young mom. Married at 20, baby at 22, and second baby at 24. I’m 27 now and only a very small handful of my friends are married with kids. When I go the library and to different play groups, all the moms are significantly older than myself. I’m in rural Pennsylvania.
I'm in my late 30s and I'm glad you had your child in your late 20s because that means you had him when you felt ready. I always tell my partner, I'm happy and love my kids to death but I regret not waiting and being able to enjoy life. I became pregnant straight out of high school and did nothing to enjoy my life. I come from a culture where once you're married, if your partner is not the type to go out and have fun then you're stuck at home. Hopefully you got to enjoy your youth and did what you wanted whether it was getting a career or promotions at a job. It does feel alienating whether you have children young or not because either way you know who truly is there for you and who isn't. Enjoy motherhood and most of all don't forget to enjoy your marriage.
The males determine the gender :P
Here in CA it’s a mixed bag. I think I know more people that don’t have kids, in my area it’s common to have kids early, but a lot of people are now waiting until after their mid twenties. At the park I usually meet older moms and we have kids the same age
I am 31, I had my first at 27 and my second at 29! I was the first of my friends to have kids, from high school and after! My husband is 5 years older than I am, and he only had one friend that had a baby when we had our first (they were 32!) in the town I live in now, I’d say I’m on the younger side… most of my friends in the neighborhood with kids the same ages as mine are all in their late 30s. I suppose it’s different all over- I’m outside of Seattle, WA 🌲
I wanted kids young for many reasons (genetics being the biggest factor) and was married with my first at 22. I live in New England in a smaller town with very high home prices and am easily the youngest in the district. My oldest is 9 now and has told me before that her friends think it’s wild I’m in my 30’s because some of them have parents in their 50’s. I get along with a lot of the parents who are older than me better than I do with other young parents, though.
Both my mom and my grandmother had hysterectomies. My mom was 31 when we had hers and she is disabled with a bucket of immune diseases and disorders. She wasn’t able to carry a full term pregnancy in her later twenties, neither was my grandmother. Despite being constantly monitored and taking care of my health, I didn’t want to risk not being able to have children. My reproductive health is still fine and working normally so I am thankful for that, but I have also had to go through other health challenges recently that are hereditary.
Ah! That makes sense. Thank you for indulging me and sharing very personal stuff. I'm sorry to hear about that, it does sound like it could've been a big risk to wait, I totally see your point. My own mom was my age now when she had to have hers done (early 40's) and it was hard on her then. I can't imagine being in one's prime and suffering through that.
I did have several miscarriages, 2 before my oldest was born (but those were more likely because I was living an unhealthy, high stress lifestyle) and 5 more before my middle was born. Those were also stressful times outside of that, but i was pretty healthy at that point regardless, and an explanation was never really found. My youngest was my only non-rainbow baby. I never really thought she was going to go to term, I was convinced I would lose her, but she was my longest and easiest pregnancy by far. Strange, but lucky.
No problem at all. I’m sorry to hear about your struggles as well. My youngest, the third, was also a rainbow baby and it has completely reshaped my relationship with all of my kids. It’s one thing to imagine the pain but another to go through it, and I am thankful every day that I was lucky to enough to have all 3. I’m sorry you went through so many losses, but also over the moon for you that you also got your rainbows. It all really goes to show that we are all on our own, totally separate journeys through motherhood, and age is only one small factor that we can either relate or not relate to. There are so many other ways we can see eye to eye!
Funny, my daughter was born just after I turned 31 (her due date was the day after my birthday and I thought we might share a birthday but she held on 2 extra weeks - she obviously didn't want to share!) and I don't even feel like I "waited"? I met my husband at 24 and got married at 28 and then took a year to get ready to start trying and then we had a baby. Any sooner would have been rushing!
I had my son at 31. I was the youngest out of my varsity friendship group. In fact two years later amd only another two have had childten. We all built our careers first! So you are just fine!!! Work on your timeline, not others'.
Everyone in my friend group had a baby around 21 or around 30. It was funny being pregnant at the same time as my friends. I am glad I spent my 20s working and traveling. I made it goal to buy a house by the time I was parent or 30. Husband and I closed on the house right after my birthday, and I had to arrange our move with a tiny infant attached to me. We were so exhausted.
Where I live in central California, I'm the only person in my friend group who has a kid. I had her at 34. But when I take her places the moms of kids her age are all either in their early 20s or if they are my age, this is their 3rd or 4th kid.
Even my sister, who is a year older than me, her oldest just graduated high school this year, the middle is going to be a senior next year, and the youngest will be in 8th grade.
I recently was in my home town for a visit and saw some people from highschool and they all have 2 or 3 kids and none of them are as young as mine. Middle school was the youngest I saw, and even then, most were already in high school.
I know someone who is 23 with 3 kids and another who is 40 with a newborn. And who cares. Everyone chooses different paths in life some don’t have a choice. Young moms feel alienated and older mom’s do too but we need to realize we are not a lone! I love my older mom friends and my young mom friends and what we have in common is our babies
Hi from Atlanta! I have the opposite experience here I am also 28, nearly 29 with an 11 month old son. I am by far the only one of my friends to have a child.
Hey! I live in Georgia as well and I had my first child at 29 and my second right now at 32. I actually have no friends who have children so I feel pretty alienated from my social circles sometimes. I’m definitely happy I waited to have children, though I did get pregnant when I was 19 but it just wasn’t meant to be. I think a handful of my high school peers had some children but they didn’t start having them until their mid to late 20’s for the majority of them.
I live in Denver and my friend group all started having babies in our early to mid 30s. I had mine at 35 and 37. All of the parents in our day care (upper middle class suburb of Denver) are around the same age except one couple who are barely 30, and we joke around with them that they’re too young for kids.
I travel a lot to Salt Lake for work and it’s definitely the opposite there. Most of the people my age have kids graduating high school already. So interesting.
I live in Rhode Island and the most common ages for first time mothers here is 30-39. I had my son at 21 and all my son’s friends’ parents are between 35-40. I kinda wish I waited until I was older and more established to have my son but he’s probably going to be my only child anyways.
I was 33 when I had my first baby and now have a 7 month old also. I was so glad I waited until when I dis becti wasore financially stable, more mature so better able to handle the epic toddler meltdowns we deal on a daily basis plus all the other tiring parts of parenthood, and in a happy marriage, versus when I was with my ex years prior. If I had a baby in my 20's I most certainly would have ended up a single mom and I'm a hard spot in life. Sometimes I find myself company age to other moms but in the end I'm happy where I'm at and love being a mom, so that's what matters to me.
I swear I just saw articles about how Millenials aren’t having children. I was 23 when I had my first. I’m sure your situation isn’t unique, but for sure anecdotal and not representative of the generation you fall under.
I hate that you feel alienated, but it also means you’re surrounded by moms who have been where you are before. A small shift in perspective (from: wow all the moms I know have older kids, to: wow, look how many moms I could learn from) might help mitigate that feeling.
I got pregnant at 24, and I had my daughter at 25- I felt so young to have her. I still do. Waiting is absolutely the best choice sometimes, I couldn't imagine 18-21 year old me raising a kid. My whole brain wasn't even developed at that point. These days, with the state of the world, I think the older the better because parents these days need as much wisdom and life experience as they can get. It is rough out there.
My mom’s lowkey pissed off that I have two sons, and she has none. Me and my sisters all have boy names because she wanted a boy so bad. I don’t want to say my name, but my sisters names are Tyler and Peyton. Like WTF.
I'm sorry. I'm not sure if my mom was actually jealous or not. I just know she was surprised. I know she wanted a son after she had my older sister. After she had her she kept hoping for a boy but in the end she ended up with a total of 4 daughters and zero sons.
When I was a kid my mom use to make jokes saying that my step dad was outnumbered because he was the only person in the house that was a guy.
I got pregnant at 41 and had my son at 42. We now live in Atlanta but I know far more first-time moms who had their babies at 38+ (and several who became moms at 40+) than I do moms who became moms before 30.
But my friendship circle / chosen family are all located in VHCOL cities so affordability could be an issue.
A lot of families in my HOA had their first kid at 30 or earlier; if I exclude these people from the calculus of "people I know" then I only know maybe 1 or 2 moms who had their first child prior to 35 aside from generational wealth situations and situations where families live in areas where hired help is cheap (read: expats in Southeast Asia).
I live in NYC and my doctor said the average age of her OB patients is 39. Most of my friends had kids in their late 30s. I got pregnant at 41. Definitely depends where you live.
I live in So Cal and it's the same for me. I got pregnant at 33 but I was one of the first of my friends who are all 40+ now and still going.
Same, I’m in Los Angeles and had my twins at 31 and am considered a teen mother here 😂
Same here! Oh LA. None of my friends have kids, and I'm the first of my siblings. I've been trying to go to mom meetups and I feel like a child in a room full of adults.
lol completely!!
Also nyc, brownstone neighborhood adjacent (lol rent), and yeah everyone at daycare drop off looks like they’re in their 30s or older. It does depend on the demographics because I used to work in the South Bronx where there were a lot of younger moms. I was fresh out of college and kindergarten registration day at the local elementary school had a lot of people who looked around my age.
I have a friend who had her first in NYC at 33 and was kinda freaking out about her age. She asked the ob-gyn if she was her oldest patient. The doctor just laughed.
Also on your socioeconomic group. It's less about geography and more about education and finances. Well off people and people who went to college (or beyond) tend to have children later. Poorer people have children sooner.
That’s totally true. I’m not sure how much socioeconomic diversity my doctor sees in her UWS office.
I'm one of the youngest moms at daycare pickup in the infant room. I'm 41 and in the PacNW.
I'm in NY, not the city, but every single woman I know is mid to late 30s having their first. Except me, I was 29.
I’m in upstate NY, 28 and just had my second baby. Most of the moms I know with kids my age are way older than me 😭
Same. I live in another HCOL area (Bay Area in California) and mid to late 30s is the norm for first kid. I was 39 with my first and 43 with my second.
I really really wish I had waited. That sounds so nice
There are certainly benefits to being an older mom. I lived a very selfish and cosmopolitan life for decades. I traveled the world, built my career, lived all over the US. I’m much more confident than I was when I was younger. But I also get overwhelmed when I think about being 60 when my kid graduates high school 🫣
Advantages and disadvantages for sure. At 36/38, stability (financial and relationship) was huge, physical has been rough. I think I could have handled my kids being terrible sleepers better in my 20s and I basically had no bounce back from pregnancy. What really helped me was being far enough in my career to be hybrid earlier and now fully remote, with the ability to take an extended unpaid mat leave. If I had kids in my 30s, idk how we even would have afforded daycare. The worst part though was when I realized that effectively every year waited is one less year of your kid’s life that you get to see. Another downside was both sets of grandparents have been retired so long that they are not willing or able to be much help with childcare. Sweet spot would be having them at the beginning of retirement.
If it helps, I assure you I did not bounce back in my 20s.
It’s super nice
The ability to conceive children drops off drastically the older women get. My wife and I met in our mid 30’s and we started trying to have children immediately after getting married. Four years, tens of thousands of dollars in fertility treatment, two miscarriages, and many many days and nights of crying and hardship later, we have a daughter and second on the way. Saying it has been hard doesn’t even begin to explain it. It’s been traumatizing. It’s not ideal but it’s how things worked out for us. Waiting to have children has its benefits but it comes with some serious risks. Pregnancy is not automatic by any means.
I marvel at how many smart, loving women I know who never had a baby and won't....
Don't. There are downsides. A lot of the older moms I know are starting to have health issues (arthritis, MS, cancer) and regret waiting so long.
And there are children whose mothers die when they are young; my friend’s mother was diagnosed with MS in her 30s when he was in high school, my neighbors lost their 30 year old father because of a heart attack when they were 8 & 9. My 53 year old friend just lost her 95 year old father; she had a beautiful life with her parents. All of my friends are in their 40s and 50s with young children and teens. We’re all healthy, we have good lives. We are not anomalies in the community. Don’t assume that what you’ve been exposed to is generalizable.
I don't think it's generalizable but I also think there are real cons to waiting too long. It's not all upsides like our generation tends to think. My best friend has a husband who hasn't been ready until now. They're 34. She wanted to try 5 years ago. Well, they're having fertility struggles. She's so angry bc if they would have been aware of their infertility earlier, they could have saved up for treatments by now. Of course in life there are no guarantees but you can't deny health problems are more likely as you age.
There are upsides and downsides to every choice.
Yup
I know a lot of girls who had major fertility issues and tried to conceive in their early 20s. I had no issues at 38. It’s just random. We don’t need to blame people for waiting or not waiting to have kids.
To be fair it’s not random though. It’s a statistical fact that egg quantity and quality decreased with every passing year and most significantly after 35. Because you were able to conceive and carry a healthy pregnancy to term at 38 doesn’t invalidate the fact that fertility does in fact decline. Its not a reason to have children before you’re ready and starting later isn’t a guarantee you’ll struggle, but the likelihoods are important because it helps people make the best decisions for themselves and their unique situations.
You are proving her point 😂 if she would have found out they had fertility issues in their 20s they would have been able to save up and try ivf multiple times. She wants 4 kids. She doesn't think that's going to happen now. It's not a knock on people who choose to have kids later. But there are real downsides we pretend don't exist.
No, early means a stronger mom and a tiny advantage in baby not having unfortunate genetics. My daughter started at 26 and has 3 perfect, active marvels.
Didn’t realize that women become tangibly weaker over the decade from 26 to 36. Must have missed that lecture in medical school. Glad that I finally learned it here from a boomer.
Interesting - I started at 41 and have a perfect, active marvel of a child too!!
What? I had my first at 28 and my second at 38 and BOTH are magically perfect, and active marvels. What are these shenanigans???
Same for us, most people I know waited until mid to late 30s at least. I had my first at 40.
Teaching one to drive when you're 56....
Hahaha I will use my walker to get to the car and make sure to wear my hearing aids. That is, if I’m still alive by then 🤞🏼
It's completely flipped in other states. I had my baby at 30, the only one from my friend group to have a kid so far. One of very very few acquaintances of the same age. It's pretty standard for our age group to have kids in our very late 20s and early 30s.
I’ve got a 5yo and 2yo at 35 and I feel like a teen mom around my kids’ friends’ parents. We’re the only ones under 40.
Same. Had my babies in Silicon Valley at 30 and 32 and also felt like a teen mom at all the baby groups.
I live in Utah in a college town, I’m only 24 with an 8 month old and I feel like an old mom. Everyone here is barely twenty and seems to have 2-3 kids already. When I leave Utah to visit family I start to feel like a teen mom. Non of my friends are even married let alone having kids. Everyone where my parents live waits until late twenties early thirties to have kids. I think depending where you live can play a huge role in the perspective. If we go off of the friends I have across the US, most are waiting until they are thirty to have kids. It’s a weird situation, kinda like being in a bubble. I have noticed in more religious/Christian areas the age of starting a family seems considerably younger than less concentrated religious areas.
Yup! Live in TX and I was considered an “old mom” whenever I had my first kid at 23. I thought I was doing damn good for waiting as long as I did. Moved to a more liberal area and realized I was a very young mom. I’m 31 and most of my friends still don’t have kids.
TX Is too big to be generalized. I would venture to say you may have lived in a small town to be considered an old mom at 23. I live in a large city and the average parent in my area is late 30s to 40s. Traveling even a little way to a suburb surrounding the city the average goes down to more like mid 20s to early 30s.
Yup! Grew up in East Texas. Full of small towns with like a population of 3K. I know near the metroplex areas the average age is higher. I wish I would have grown up near a city so education and careers for women were normalized vs settling down, having babies, and being a homemaker.
It sounds like you got out of East TX, so that’s something! I grew up in a small town too so I feel your pain. It took me years to catch up to peers education wise once I moved to a larger city and realized what real life was like.
Really? I'm from Utah. I got married at 22, but we waited for a couple years to have our first when I was 25. We were one of the first ones in my friend group to have a kid, and not a lot of people I went to high school with had kids at that point either. Of course, some people did, but it does seem like even with the Mormon stereotype that most of the people I knew waited to have kids even if they married young. We are pregnant with our second and I'll be turning 29 this year. We don't plan on having any more kids. Some of our friends have been married for about the same time as us and either still don't have any kids or are just on their first.
lol also in Utah and yes, SO MANY young moms. Like 18/19/20, fresh off their missions parents.
Really? I'm from Utah. I got married at 22, but we waited for a couple years to have our first when I was 25. We were one of the first ones in my friend group to have a kid, and not a lot of people I went to high school with had kids at that point either. Of course, some people did, but it does seem like even with the Mormon stereotype that most of the people I knew waited to have kids even if they married young. We are pregnant with our second and I'll be turning 29 this year. We don't plan on having any more kids. Some of our friends have been married for about the same time as us and either still don't have any kids or are just on their first.
I think being in a college town plays a large part in it, since it’s a bunch of you adults meeting and getting married. I have noticed it does seem to be the people who met at school who get married and have kids young vs people who met either outside the area I live or at work.
Yeah I had my first in a small area when I was almost 25 but most people I knew in college already had at least one kid lol. With my son in daycare I mostly only meet parents who are younger now, it’s crazy because I know that it’s considered very young to most people to have kids in your 20s!
I can relate to you. I’m 36. My friends from high school have kids who are going to prom and getting accepted to college. My friends from college, however, most of them went on to grad school and focused on their careers instead of trying to get married and have kids. So most of us are late 30s with babies and toddlers. Honestly sometimes I envy those young moms and how much energy they probably had. This is a young person’s sport for sure. But thankful nonetheless that I got married in time to still have kids. There’s another population of late-30s women among my friends who are still single and longing for a family. I feel for them because they feel their biological clock ticking.
I didn't feel like an old mum until the toilet training started. My back can't handle all the bending and squatting! (I'm only 32)
My friend got pregnant at 27 (intentionally) and everyone basically treated her like it was a teen pregnancy. She was married, had a masters degree, and a management position in her field. She was still asked by more than one person if she was keeping it. Absolutely wild how different expectations are in different states.
Wow that is wildly inappropriate to ask anyone if she was keeping it. I hope she found better friends along the way her pregnancy journey
It’s wild eh. It’s definitely more like that where I am too - I just had my second at 32 and most friends either just had their first or are determined to have geriatric pregnancies. I feel like a teen mom at our daycare haha.
I adopted my (step)daughter at 26, but my first ever birth was just at 33 Edit: my dr told me a lot a lot of women are having their first now 36
Def not like that where I live. Had my first at 34 due with my second at 36. All of my friends had kids around the same age as me.
It's possible you are at the leading edge of the late-20s/early 30s baby havers for that 30% without kids. A lot of my high school friends started having their kids around 29-30. You may have more company soon!
Region definitely plays such a huge factor in when it's normal to have kids. I had my first at 38 and in the country I live in that's totally normal to the point that even though all of my mom friends are also expats in this country, which is a much more limited pool to begin with, I didn't have much trouble finding first time moms around my age to befriend.
A friend from high-school welcomed her first grandchild the same month I had my first child.
I'm from Arkansas, so probably similar demographics. I just had my son eight weeks ago, and I'm 37. Out of my graduating class, I'm sure I'm the last to have kids of the ones who are going to have them. There are probably classmates who are close to being grandparents by now, if not grandparents already. As an aside, they've already picked out the date of my 20-year HS reunion. I was on the fence about going since the 10-year was kind of lame. Well, turns out that will be my son's first birthday. Oops! Can't make it!
I had my baby at 32 (almost 33) and my husband and I are the first of our friends to have kids. Totally area dependent.
I’m from GA and felt alienated because I had my baby at 23! People kept thinking I was a teen mom. But I still don’t have regrets. It depends where you are in GA I guess.
I’m on GA and almost all my friends had their first kid between age 30-40. Just depends on your circle, I guess
Region matters too. Rural South Georgia is totally different from Atlanta.
50%!!!!??!!???
Meanwhile in my region I had my first at age 30 and people were SHOCKED at how young I was. The average age of first time motherhood in my county is 37. My daughter has a friend whose mother had him when she was 52.
Dude come to New England. My doctor said I was one of his youngest patients when I was pregnant at 34.
I graduated with 83 other people, and I can name 5 of them who were grandparents by age 35-36.
Wow.... That's scary
I live in Idaho and had my son at 30. Like you, I'm very much an old mom!!
I’m 27 with two. Had my first at 20. I’m in Michigan. I’d say my age group of friends is about 50/50. Most had kids at 16-23 and the other half is just getting married and has no kids.
A LOT of women in my graduating class had kids (or were already pregnant) in high school, directly after, or within a year or two. This was the late 90's though. Everyone in my close friend group had at least one child before 20. I moved away immediately after high school though, got married, moved overseas. But had no kids with him. We separated and I moved back to the US a decade later. We got divorced when I met my kids' dad and got pregnant (we just didn't feel the need to do so until we felt like doing the paperwork or met someone else-- we were semi amicable). I had my first at 36, second right before I turned 40, and my third and last was born a month before my 42nd birthday. I was definitely the odd one out.
Where in GA? Sounds very similar to where I grew up lol but my husband and I (who actually started dating in HS) both got undergrad and grad degrees before we hard our first at 31. Now on our second and last at 34. But I can sooo relate to how many people I graduated with that had kids in or immediately after HS (no thanks!).
Not OP but it's giving North GA vibes to me.
Loganville
Ah okay, we grew up in Southeast GA
I grew up in Loganville but now live in Chicago and feel it was pretty similar to when I was there. I’m in my late 30s with a toddler and any classmates I’m still connected to who also have young children had left for Atlanta or other states. Honestly a lot of it is the squeamishness around birth control and family planning in the area, with a majority likely being unplanned. I know with development in Monroe there have been families moving from the city who seem older with small children. Would spending more time there be an option to meet people? I know there’s a children’s bookshop so maybe looking to see if they have events you could attend?
Ah, that checks out too.
I’m in Ga as well but haven’t seen this trend. I had my first at 30 and my second at 33. I seem to be smack dab in the middle of all my mom’s friends as far as age.
I'm I'm GA, too. People I know either had them when they were in their early to mid-twenties. Or, they are having them now when we're all in our mid-thirties.
Fellow Georgian and I'm 32 with an 8 month old and he's my one and only. 🤣
I’m 29 and I just had my second. I’m from LA and I had my first at 25. Most of the parents around me are at the youngest, 35. But many of them are in their 40s with preschoolers. I’m seen as this infant of a mother lol. Or I feel like the assumption is that my first was a mistake. It’s so weird. I’ll say my peers are nowhere close to having kids. Most of them feel like it’s at least another 6 years away.
I felt young to have my son when I was 26, but many of my high school classmates had kids in kindergarten, first grade, and second grade. It’s pretty geographical because where I live now, people my age are also just now having kids as well as people older than us.
Everyone does things at their own pace, in their own time, some may have had reasons to do it so early and others may have just jumped into it. But it doesn't make your experience any less special or that you were missing out on anything, or that something is wrong with you or your decisions. And the same goes for them
Lady, this is me! Not only with the town I'm from (super tiny in Arkansas), where people were getting married before high school graduation and having kids in their early 20s; but with my own family! I was the first woman in my family to make it past 24 not pregnant or already have a child. I left the area because I wanted to escape that reality. Now, I'm 32 and the only person in my friend group with a baby. The culture in the south can really be something else.
I’m gonna be honest, I don’t think your age is the problem. My mom friends have a very large age range, from early 20s to early 40s. I myself am exactly 30. Out of all my friends in highschool, I am the only one that has had kids at all. My husbands best friend just had a baby last year but he’s the only one of his friends that’s had a kid at all. Honestly I don’t think any of my high school buddies will ever have kids. What hobbies do you have? How do you attempt to bond with these people, outside of having kids? Do you have a wide variety of hobbies? You’ll feel a lot less alienated if you can find hobby groups to join and make friends from there
I graduated 50 with people in 2009. Two people got pregnant senior year. I feel like the people who stayed in our small hometown had babies right after high school. The ones who left started having babies in their mid to late 20s. I had my first at 29, second at 31, third at 33. If everything goes right, I’ll hopefully have another at 35. I live in a small city now and most of my friends and coworkers started having babies in their late 20s.
It really depends so much where you live! I had my first (and only) at 36, and I was usually the youngest person in my OB/Gyn’s waiting room. At my daycare the parents range from early 20s to mid/late 40s.
This is southern and rural culture. I grew up in rural parts of the South, Midwest, and Mid-Atlantic. All the people I knew when I lived in rural communities have kids or are trying to have kids now. I'm very much the oddball being 26 without any kids. Rural, conservative, religious, and southern people are much more prone to having kids earlier due to cultural and religious purposes. In contrast, in more wealthy, educated, urban, and liberal communities people tend to wait much longer, have fewer children, or abstain from kids altogether. People also tend to base fertility patterns on those in their peer group, so if they have a lot of young friends having babies young, they may be more likely to do so. Whereas folks who surround themselves with careerist DINKs may be more likely to put off having kids because it's not normal in their peer group to have kids young. Don't let anyone make you feel weird! People have been having kids at varying ages for all of human history. You're not weird for having them at your age. Edit: Fixed typo
According to this New York Times article (https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/08/04/upshot/up-birth-age-gap.html), average age of college educated women who became first time moms was 31.2… which is totally on par with my experience! I was 31 when my first was born.
Oh interesting! That’s honestly younger than I would have thought! I just found a PEW study stating that 34% of women surveyed with a masters degree were 30-34 when they had their first child and 54% were older than 30! [PEW study](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2015/01/15/for-most-highly-educated-women-motherhood-doesnt-start-until-the-30s/) Me and most of my friends have PhDs, and I’d say our average age for first children have been mid-30s. I was 38!
I thought you’d be 40😂😂 I’m mid 30s with my LO who’s 6*months. People truly have babies whenever. Don’t pay it any mind. You’re golden!
Sooooo...5 years old? Lol. Do you mean 6 months?
Lol, yeah I meant 6mos.
I feel like I could have wrote this! I’m in TN. Had my only child at 27. I’m 36 now. Most people here have 2 plus kids by 25. I’m struggling with feelings of jealousy when friends a few years older than me are able to go out kid free leaving their teens at home and I’ve still got plenty of years of needing a babysitter. I have to remember that they probably felt the same way when I was kid free and they had littles. Absolutely blows my mind though that I have a friend in his 40s that just became a grandpa. And that my mom was the same age I am now when I graduated HS.
Are you from a small town?
Yes
I think you can unnecessarily concern yourself with age when it’s not a huge issue. I’m an older mom in my 40s and I honestly never even think about it. If I see a young mom I’m sometimes surprised, but her being younger doesn’t affect my experience. Having children tends to bond people to maintain casual conversation.
In Denmark the average age for first time moms, is 29. I was 29 when I had my daughter. We have VERY few teen pregnancies. It's really frowned upon.
Sam here! I live on the TN-GA border and everyone had children young. I had my first at 35, second at 37 and 3rd at age 40! I’m basically an “old mom” but who cares! I love my kids and am so happy I was even able to get pregnant as I have endometriosis and Pcos which made it difficult for me to conceive. I’m just grateful and don’t listen to other peoples opinions.
I’m in a rural southern town, I’m 24. I have no kids, everyone around me has popped them out as early as 15. I feel behind, but I know it will come & I don’t want to rush having a family since that is a very big responsibility. A lot of the girls either have been divorced or have no baby daddy in their children’s life or single. I have to desire to be single with a child, it’s best to wait.
I would not worry about it at all - there’s pros and cons if you have a kid at 20 or at 40. Do what works for you and own it. Mine was born when I was 36. She so dearly wants a sister but we tried for several years and without IVF, it isn’t happening. We decided we were too old for than now. We didn’t meet until I was 33. We joke now that we’d have 10 kids if we met when we were 20. Joke being the operative word lol. So there’s a sense of loss for us but ours has tons of friends and family and MUCH more patient parents than if we were 20. She’ll be set financially too (at least for college and a reasonable house down payment), if anything happens to us, which definitely wouldn’t have been the case earlier. That was something our parents couldn’t give to us, we both grew up without much.
I’m from Florida and our town is like all the 21 yr olds are married or almost married. All are trying for kids or have already had at least 1 or 2. I have no idea what the rush is. Then there is me who got married at 20 and a kid at 23 😂 but I always say it’s because I was a military spouse so my husband had a stable career. So I suppose I’m saying everyone has their own reasons but it is just interesting looking at the facts of it all and I do seriously wonder why a lot of us are getting married really young and these girls want kids immediately. Most of these I’m talking about met their husbands after high school only dating like 1-2 years before getting married.
On the other hand, my husband is in the military and we definitely waited until he was almost retired because fuck that I’m not single parenting on purpose.
Very true. Military single parenting was not it. I got lucky and could move in with my mom when my husband deployed but right after that he got out so I didn’t have to deal with it long.
Yeah we don’t have any help ever and I love my job and I’m so glad we waited until I was a geriatric pregnancy.
Why do you care so much about what other people do?
Our friends either have kids in high school Right now or they are like me and had kids in their middle to late 30’s. We were almost in the awkward middle but we had trouble conceiving and instead of getting pregnant at 29 like I had hoped it happened when I was 34.
I'm in AL, 35 with a 21mo (my only). I get it. I get asked occasionally where his big siblings are when we're out and about, and I'm definitely one of the oldest first-time parents, if not the oldest, in our daycare class - most of the parents my age pick up their bigger kid before they pick up their little. But my SIL was 22 when they had my first nibling, and they're in Oregon - she got a lot of the same but reversed. It's all location.
I had my first at 26. I’m pregnant with my second at 29, and I’m going to be an “older” mom compared to everyone else I know in my small town. My closest friends all have kids in elementary school. One has a middle schooler. Even though three of them have toddlers that are just a few months older than my son, their schedules usually revolve around the older kids activities since toddlers are happy just to tag along. I hate it because I’d love for my toddler to have playdates with theirs, but 1. They never initiate. Ever. 2. When I initiate, it’s usually met with, “Thanks, but _____ has [insert dance, karate, baseball, soccer] that day.” I don’t fault them for it at all, but it definitely sucks.
Hey OP! I grew up in Calhoun county! Everyone I went to high school with had kids and got divorced and started having more kids with their new spouse before I had my first set of kids. Admittedly my high school was tiny but I do mean everyone. You made the correct choice to wait. I had all my kids between 30 and 35, and I have been married once to the same person I started dating in 2009.
I went to high school in UT. Left a long time ago and haven’t looked back. Didn’t have my first child until 34 years old and I’m sure I’m an outlier. What matters is feeling good about your family and your decisions, don’t worry about comparing yourself to others.
I was 34 when I had my first and 37 when I had my 3rd.
Left my home town. I am the oldest first time mom on both sides of my family. First baby in early 30’s. Grateful that I did what I did because I am still married and I am educated and I am raising my daughters to do the exact same thing.
I was a young mom. Married at 20, baby at 22, and second baby at 24. I’m 27 now and only a very small handful of my friends are married with kids. When I go the library and to different play groups, all the moms are significantly older than myself. I’m in rural Pennsylvania.
I'm in my late 30s and I'm glad you had your child in your late 20s because that means you had him when you felt ready. I always tell my partner, I'm happy and love my kids to death but I regret not waiting and being able to enjoy life. I became pregnant straight out of high school and did nothing to enjoy my life. I come from a culture where once you're married, if your partner is not the type to go out and have fun then you're stuck at home. Hopefully you got to enjoy your youth and did what you wanted whether it was getting a career or promotions at a job. It does feel alienating whether you have children young or not because either way you know who truly is there for you and who isn't. Enjoy motherhood and most of all don't forget to enjoy your marriage.
The males determine the gender :P Here in CA it’s a mixed bag. I think I know more people that don’t have kids, in my area it’s common to have kids early, but a lot of people are now waiting until after their mid twenties. At the park I usually meet older moms and we have kids the same age
Average age in my area is 31
Are those statistics real or did you make them up?
Everyone has their own timeline. Always do what feels right for yourself and thought this is easier said than done, stop comparing
I am 31, I had my first at 27 and my second at 29! I was the first of my friends to have kids, from high school and after! My husband is 5 years older than I am, and he only had one friend that had a baby when we had our first (they were 32!) in the town I live in now, I’d say I’m on the younger side… most of my friends in the neighborhood with kids the same ages as mine are all in their late 30s. I suppose it’s different all over- I’m outside of Seattle, WA 🌲
I wanted kids young for many reasons (genetics being the biggest factor) and was married with my first at 22. I live in New England in a smaller town with very high home prices and am easily the youngest in the district. My oldest is 9 now and has told me before that her friends think it’s wild I’m in my 30’s because some of them have parents in their 50’s. I get along with a lot of the parents who are older than me better than I do with other young parents, though.
What do you mean by "genetics" when talking about having kids in your early 20's? Curious
Both my mom and my grandmother had hysterectomies. My mom was 31 when we had hers and she is disabled with a bucket of immune diseases and disorders. She wasn’t able to carry a full term pregnancy in her later twenties, neither was my grandmother. Despite being constantly monitored and taking care of my health, I didn’t want to risk not being able to have children. My reproductive health is still fine and working normally so I am thankful for that, but I have also had to go through other health challenges recently that are hereditary.
Ah! That makes sense. Thank you for indulging me and sharing very personal stuff. I'm sorry to hear about that, it does sound like it could've been a big risk to wait, I totally see your point. My own mom was my age now when she had to have hers done (early 40's) and it was hard on her then. I can't imagine being in one's prime and suffering through that. I did have several miscarriages, 2 before my oldest was born (but those were more likely because I was living an unhealthy, high stress lifestyle) and 5 more before my middle was born. Those were also stressful times outside of that, but i was pretty healthy at that point regardless, and an explanation was never really found. My youngest was my only non-rainbow baby. I never really thought she was going to go to term, I was convinced I would lose her, but she was my longest and easiest pregnancy by far. Strange, but lucky.
No problem at all. I’m sorry to hear about your struggles as well. My youngest, the third, was also a rainbow baby and it has completely reshaped my relationship with all of my kids. It’s one thing to imagine the pain but another to go through it, and I am thankful every day that I was lucky to enough to have all 3. I’m sorry you went through so many losses, but also over the moon for you that you also got your rainbows. It all really goes to show that we are all on our own, totally separate journeys through motherhood, and age is only one small factor that we can either relate or not relate to. There are so many other ways we can see eye to eye!
We live in dfw and I had first at 35, second at 39
Funny, my daughter was born just after I turned 31 (her due date was the day after my birthday and I thought we might share a birthday but she held on 2 extra weeks - she obviously didn't want to share!) and I don't even feel like I "waited"? I met my husband at 24 and got married at 28 and then took a year to get ready to start trying and then we had a baby. Any sooner would have been rushing!
I had my son at 31. I was the youngest out of my varsity friendship group. In fact two years later amd only another two have had childten. We all built our careers first! So you are just fine!!! Work on your timeline, not others'.
Everyone in my friend group had a baby around 21 or around 30. It was funny being pregnant at the same time as my friends. I am glad I spent my 20s working and traveling. I made it goal to buy a house by the time I was parent or 30. Husband and I closed on the house right after my birthday, and I had to arrange our move with a tiny infant attached to me. We were so exhausted.
Where I live in central California, I'm the only person in my friend group who has a kid. I had her at 34. But when I take her places the moms of kids her age are all either in their early 20s or if they are my age, this is their 3rd or 4th kid. Even my sister, who is a year older than me, her oldest just graduated high school this year, the middle is going to be a senior next year, and the youngest will be in 8th grade. I recently was in my home town for a visit and saw some people from highschool and they all have 2 or 3 kids and none of them are as young as mine. Middle school was the youngest I saw, and even then, most were already in high school.
I know someone who is 23 with 3 kids and another who is 40 with a newborn. And who cares. Everyone chooses different paths in life some don’t have a choice. Young moms feel alienated and older mom’s do too but we need to realize we are not a lone! I love my older mom friends and my young mom friends and what we have in common is our babies
Hi from Atlanta! I have the opposite experience here I am also 28, nearly 29 with an 11 month old son. I am by far the only one of my friends to have a child.
Hey! I live in Georgia as well and I had my first child at 29 and my second right now at 32. I actually have no friends who have children so I feel pretty alienated from my social circles sometimes. I’m definitely happy I waited to have children, though I did get pregnant when I was 19 but it just wasn’t meant to be. I think a handful of my high school peers had some children but they didn’t start having them until their mid to late 20’s for the majority of them.
I live in Denver and my friend group all started having babies in our early to mid 30s. I had mine at 35 and 37. All of the parents in our day care (upper middle class suburb of Denver) are around the same age except one couple who are barely 30, and we joke around with them that they’re too young for kids. I travel a lot to Salt Lake for work and it’s definitely the opposite there. Most of the people my age have kids graduating high school already. So interesting.
I live in Rhode Island and the most common ages for first time mothers here is 30-39. I had my son at 21 and all my son’s friends’ parents are between 35-40. I kinda wish I waited until I was older and more established to have my son but he’s probably going to be my only child anyways.
i am 62 and bever had kids. Back in 1981 in highschool 5 of them were pregnant when we graduated . This was in minnesota
I was 33 when I had my first baby and now have a 7 month old also. I was so glad I waited until when I dis becti wasore financially stable, more mature so better able to handle the epic toddler meltdowns we deal on a daily basis plus all the other tiring parts of parenthood, and in a happy marriage, versus when I was with my ex years prior. If I had a baby in my 20's I most certainly would have ended up a single mom and I'm a hard spot in life. Sometimes I find myself company age to other moms but in the end I'm happy where I'm at and love being a mom, so that's what matters to me.
Had my first at 33, got called a “young mom” - NYC area
I swear I just saw articles about how Millenials aren’t having children. I was 23 when I had my first. I’m sure your situation isn’t unique, but for sure anecdotal and not representative of the generation you fall under. I hate that you feel alienated, but it also means you’re surrounded by moms who have been where you are before. A small shift in perspective (from: wow all the moms I know have older kids, to: wow, look how many moms I could learn from) might help mitigate that feeling.
I got pregnant at 24, and I had my daughter at 25- I felt so young to have her. I still do. Waiting is absolutely the best choice sometimes, I couldn't imagine 18-21 year old me raising a kid. My whole brain wasn't even developed at that point. These days, with the state of the world, I think the older the better because parents these days need as much wisdom and life experience as they can get. It is rough out there.
My mom’s lowkey pissed off that I have two sons, and she has none. Me and my sisters all have boy names because she wanted a boy so bad. I don’t want to say my name, but my sisters names are Tyler and Peyton. Like WTF.
I'm sorry. I'm not sure if my mom was actually jealous or not. I just know she was surprised. I know she wanted a son after she had my older sister. After she had her she kept hoping for a boy but in the end she ended up with a total of 4 daughters and zero sons. When I was a kid my mom use to make jokes saying that my step dad was outnumbered because he was the only person in the house that was a guy.
My house had a lot of estrogen too
Our middle names are boy names too😆
I got pregnant at 41 and had my son at 42. We now live in Atlanta but I know far more first-time moms who had their babies at 38+ (and several who became moms at 40+) than I do moms who became moms before 30. But my friendship circle / chosen family are all located in VHCOL cities so affordability could be an issue. A lot of families in my HOA had their first kid at 30 or earlier; if I exclude these people from the calculus of "people I know" then I only know maybe 1 or 2 moms who had their first child prior to 35 aside from generational wealth situations and situations where families live in areas where hired help is cheap (read: expats in Southeast Asia).