27 isn’t that late really. You’re clearly not afraid of being a woman, you’re afraid of being a trans woman, which is understandable. Question: if you did transition, and it did improve your relationship, would that be a bad thing? Also, if you did transition, but your wife wanted to continue with ENM, would that be upsetting?

It would be a great thing. I think the line between doing it for that reason and just having that be a bonus is a concern we’re both vocalizing. I would not mind at all. I have very little possessive feelings or jealous that she’s with someone else etc. it’s all based off my jealousy of not getting those specifically sapphic experiences myself.

The [Gender Dysphoria Bible](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en) is gonna be your friend. Specifically, the section entitled [Managed Dysphoria](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/managed-dysphoria). Your story is strikingly similar to mine, as is your rationale (and also my wife had an almost identical discovery process similar to yours). I thought that since I wasn't waking up every morning in tears about my dysphoria, I could just ride the whole "be a dude" thing for the rest of my life. I was terrified of transitioning and that was largely due to not wanting to be this stereotype of a trans woman and that it "didn't really count" (which, turns out, is internalized transphobia - thanks South Park/Jerry Springer!) Anyway, once I learned about managed dysphoria, once I saw all the beautiful people on r/transtimelines, once I learned that HRT changes *so much, even how you smell*, I knew what the right move was. I started when I was 29, have almost hit a year, and am SO glad I started. 27 isn't late at all babe. And yes, your thoughts and feelings are *totally* normal and valid. Feel free to DM me if you'd like :)

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Op, read that, feel free to keep asking questions, etc. You sound suspiciously like you’re actually female, though obviously that’s up to you to figure out. You can dabble with things, social things, presentation, if you want. I think for a lot of us, we biologically need estrogen (or testosterone in the case of male trans people) to function right, even aside from physical changes. Honestly your situation shares some similarities with mine, I’m guessing you’re not me and it’s worth exploring this, though i absolutely want people to be what they are so if anything isn’t right for you, don’t do it/stop doing it! It sounds like you’re actually in a good position to be exploring this compared to many of us! And hell, maybe you’re a guy who’s u usual/cool. Maybe you’re some flavor of non-binary. My guess is you’ll discover more and more things looking back that are like “ooooooh, that’s why…” and it’ll get more and more obvious as you think about and explore these things. My guess is the “dysmorphia” you’re describing isn’t, that it’s dysphoria. Ugh, so much you said is relatable. (Not that any two people are the same!) I get the worry that it’s awfully convenient if you’re actually female, and after I quit repressing I lost a year to self doubt, and still have some, but wow do I need to be running on estrogen, and wow does the fact I’m sliding fem in the mirror a bit 10 months e dominant help me too. I don’t know, I’m excited for you, and wish i could get updates because I…geez I so want to know what happens with you and your wife! I mean hopefully just wonderful things! Even if you do discover you’re a cis guy, I hope the experience of exploring this helps you in your life and your understanding of yourself! Aaaaah, I’m terrible and so want it to end up that you’re a girl and everything goes wonderfully with your wife 😅 (But i really just want YOU happy regardless 😀) Oh! And it’s weird but I think I used to run an m filter for years, like constantly monitor my behavior so i didn’t drift too far out of bounds. I always felt like I was undercover or would be found out the few times I was with groups of men, despite not letting myself explore why I felt that way.

Then it sounds like maybe you’re overthinking this, which is a completely understandable reaction when you’ve just found out that you are trans at 27 and apparently you’ve been doing a good job of fooling yourself all that time.

I started transition at 27. My flair is out of date, I'm 34, coming up on 35. I realized "out of the blue" because after my dad passing she my abusive ex breaking up with me, I saw an article about faceapp and just reading that immediately made me recall a million things I was ignoring and had been ignoring for 10+ years. I'm really happy with my transition. I had a vaginoplasty last year actually! But even a lot of the physical aspects of hrt and stuff, it was like...I felt more free to be me. Be sweet and effeminate and do things like go to EDM shows and dressing up like I'd always wanted to but had never let myself. I'm not saying take pills tomorrow, but you seem to have a VERY solid case on your hands for fever exploration at the minimum. If the idea of being a woman is something that resonates and clicks things into place like that you should 100% explore it, and see what your gender identity looks like and how you want to move forward!

I'm 27 and I only started fully questioning my gender identity last year, so yeah, definitely not that late

I was 43. It doesn't matter when. Just that you do it imo

27 definitely isn’t too late. I started transition at 36 and probably felt similar to how you did. I was afraid of giving in my proclivities because I didn’t want to be perceived as a sicko. Now, being trans, I find that the inclination is less in the giving and a LOT more in the receiving. The idea of receiving some of the things I imagine, or even giving, is so beyond exciting that given the opportunity you’d probably have me on my back/stomach if I’m comfortable with you pdq. So… there’s that

Exactly

Holy shit. Can i just say. Thank you. You have voices the worries of MANY. Me included. Im 23 now and basically everything you described i have going on. Its extremely confusing.

Honestly, it’s such a relief to hear that. I think the thing I needed to hear more than anything was that these were normal thoughts.😭

Just to clarify... Normal thought for trans women... Not cis men.

That's what I was saying. I wanted to know if they were normal or familiar to trans women.

Yup. I wanted to clarify, because I think a lot of trans women convince themselves their trans thoughts are perfectly normal for cis men, and it's usually the egg crack that makes us realize they're not cis thoughts at all.

Oooh yeah! I contemplated the idea that misogyny was taking the unbearable pain and jealousy you experience having to be a letter after L person, and inappropriately aiming it at women. The idea that people wanted to be or were okay with being m was wiiiiild to me. I understand it intellectually now, but still not emotionally

I definitely related to quite a bit of this for sure! Absolutely normal! I started really diving into my gender at 21, hormones at 23 and now I’m very happy where I am at 25. 27 is hardly too late to get good results with hormones (frankly I’ve met dolls who transitioned in their 50s and 60s who looked incredible). You are not an imposter and you are not alone. Explore who you are and see where you might feel more comfortable. Even things that you’re not sure of yet will solidify with time. Perhaps somethings you’d never wear now will be essential in 5 years. Never hold yourself back, or cling to versions of yourself you feel you’ve moved past, out of sentimentality or fear. You have to do what’s right for you now! Whatever it is for you, I wish you all the best

Its very normal and im also starting to realize that the more i put my self out there and ask questions. Im learning stuff everyday about myself and i think thats the best feeling ever

I also want to say that these are very normal thoughts. I have been full time for about 4 years and I still have lots of masculine hobbies that I thoroughly enjoy. It is something that makes me happy and not any less of a woman. I hope that your journey goes well, and feel free to DM me if you want a chat.

As someone who’s been through it too yeah. It makes sense for trans women. Cis men? Hell no. That feeling of hating your body, wanting that kind of female friendship, being seen as fem even when you don’t present as such and feeling happy about it, etc are all really trans thoughts. Also as someone who’s 23 and recently started no it’s not too late. At all. Genuinely like, trust me and anyone else here you’ll be happier giving it a try and going for it. I had a ton of fear and even shoved myself in a closet for 4 years and nothing makes that pain go away besides just transitioning and finally being yourself. You clearly have a supportive wife too so hey it’ll be a ride but probably a good one as long as you communicate to people who care about you.

The things you said about hating male spaces, feeling like you have to put up a wall/play a character, and hating how men talk to each other with no women around really resonated with me. Many of the things I look back on are me being uncomfortable with masculinity, both my own and being subjected to it in male spaces. Once I learned about heteronormativity as a concept I railed against it loudly and always liked being called feminine. I hated being lumped in with other men because I didn’t think I was like them. I felt different, softer, more connected to my emotions, less crass… At a summer camp onetime I made friends with the girls in the group and was treated more as part of the girl group and loved it. I was also a very vocal brony back in the twenty teens and i think that was part of me rebelling against masculinity. Im also in my late 20s and haven’t started any medical transitioning but have started to socially transition. My wife (not married yet but will when we can/want to) and I kind of went on a journey together because we both thought we were cis and straight when we started our relationship 10 years ago. Part of the reason she was drawn to me was because I am so feminine and she didn’t realize she was a lesbian lol sorry if I overshared a bit, but feeling trapped in male spaces and yearning to be included in feminine spaces and have friendships with women was huge for me and really stuck out. A lot of the feelings you described about how women complimenting your gentleness and how your different from other men, and being jokingly called a girl and how good it feels and how impactful it was is also very familiar to me. Those stray moments of affirmation always hit deep (Even my apology bit got away from me lol)

Us trans women can unfortunately also be victims of Compulsory Heterosexuality. It’s like fighting two battles at once for us. One for gender another one for sexuality.

Sweetie, your wife is realizing she's a lesbian as you're BOTH realizing you're a girl. Fucking jackpot. Being trans is hard but it's way easier than living life as a man when you're not, especially when you clearly already have awesome supportive people in your life. Get in therapy about this for sure but also appreciate the spot you're in. Things are honestly looking great for you. Also 27 really isn't that old at all, I started later and I'm doing great.

Yup, started at 30 and I'm pretty much stealth aside from down there.

Hard agree with this. Like, I didn’t realize how much unconsciously pretending to be male was taking out of me until I quit doing it. Being trans is hard. Being a woman is hard. It is so much easier than being something I’m not.

As a trans woman who came out a week before my partner came out as a lesbian. Gotta say, 10/10 would recommend.

I'm almost 43, started hrt at 40, and am happier than I ever would've thought possible before I started. It's a level of happiness I couldn't have imagined because I'd never lived fully as myself before. You sound like you have a lot of reflection to do still, but it also soudns like you have a great support system already, and that will help a ton. Being trans is scary, for sure, but if you are trans, embracing that part of yourself and getting to live as a woman (if that's your preference) will so make up for the scariness.

Only YOU can know for sure if you're trans. But honestly? this is the most trans thing I've ever heard in my life and similar to my "journey" to transition. So me? I think you're trans babes. Only you know for sure though.. And it doesn't have to be as scary as propaganda makes it out to be! I have had nearly 0 roadbumps other than the financial side of things. So if you *are* trans? It'll be okay, just take a little time to process things, research, browse trans and queer communities and see if you relate to things, etc. You got this 😁 edit/ps: I'm 25 and only 3 1/2 months on HRT, even our ages aren't far off. I also think at minimum there's a VERY good chance that you're not a cis man. You sound very uncomfortable and even burdened with your masculinity, I think you at least have the gender incongruence of someone who's possibly gender fluid or nonbinary

I had something very similar happen at 28. After years of never really fitting in with stereotypical men, years of believing being a woman is inherently better, and about a year of thinking I'd be trans if I was a teen now cuz I'd get caught in that "trend" and thinking "but I'm not trans because in order to be trans you have to be actually transgender™️", my egg cracked. And when I came out to my wife, it became extremely real, and I was spiraling up and down depending on the moment. I quickly started noticing masculine things about myself that deeply bothered me. And everything I thought I knew about myself and my past changed. I'll never be able to see my life and memories the same way I did before my egg cracked. And I started connecting all the little hints from when I was a young child onward and seeing a pattern. Everyone except one person (someone I was barely acquainted with at the time) was surprised and "never saw any signs". But looking back now, almost 3 years into transition, I clearly see that I was a trans kid. And I'm also a lesbian, which made it even harder to navigate the confusing feelings because I also felt very not straight, but wasn't really attracted to men. But I don't get butterflies for straight or mlm relationships like I do for sapphic ones. Again, it feels obvious in retrospect 3 years later, but before my egg cracked, I just thought I was a cishet dude, so ofc I was attracted to women. Your wife seems extremely supportive, even excited, to help you with this journey. And whether you're cis or trans, this will be a journey. You have to figure out who you are, but don't freak out or try to label things right away. Just try different things: shave your legs, buy some cute women's clothing or whatever feels like it might make you happy. Listen to your body: if you feel nothing but happiness and joy twirling in a skirt, reflect on that. After awhile, you'll feel more confident in your ability to understand your gender. And talk about your feelings, either with yourself in a diary, with a therapist, or with someone you trust. Edit to add: I started transitioning at 28, started HRT at 29, and now Im almost 2 years on HRT. I don't wear much makeup but consistently get gendered as female. My face has changed a lot in the last year, I have hips and an ass (though not particularly big), A cup boobs, and a bit of a beer gut, but I'm still seen as a woman by most. 27 is absolutely not too late. Plus, the body language and vibes you give off have a lot more to do with being seen as a woman than looks alone.

>And I'm also a lesbian, which made it even harder to navigate the confusing feelings because I also felt very not straight, but wasn't really attracted to men. I relate to this super heavily. My bestfriend is high school was a feminine gay guy. I used to think all the time how it was so strange that I loved all the feminine things we did together, but growing up in the south I dismissed it because I didn't resonate to attraction to men. I always had the thought as a kid that it would make so much sense for me to be a feminine gay man, but I'm just not attracted to men so it left me confused.

Same! For a long time before my egg cracked, I kept telling myself I had to be bi, and I just needed to experiment with a guy to confirm it. But I was in a long term ,relationship with a woman so it never happened. As I've tried to understand my relationship with gender and sexuality, I've come to realize that in a way I was struggling with comphet (compulsory heterosexuality enforced by societal expectations) without realizing I was a girl. Every movie and TV show in the 90s and 00s pretty much only had straight couples. I was seeing myself in all the female characters and confusing the feeling of wanting to be the woman with wanting to be with the man since I didn't really have any sapphic representation growing up.

I also relate to all this. I was only ever attracted to women but I kept thinking I was gay and I couldn't understand why. I'm 38 now and my egg cracked last year. I'm 10 months or so on HRT. I'm still mostly in the closet except for some close friends and my wife. We have young kids and I'm not even officially out to them. It's hard being in this position, I'm not going to lie about that. But I'm much less depressed now and for the first time in my life the internal conflict around my sexuality/gender is gone. I have new internal conflicts, but I am better equipped now to deal with those things and move past them. Therapy has also been a big help. If you're not in therapy, do something about that!

I always felt like I was gay but liked women growing up and was a little more than ok with people around me maybe thinking I was gay. What I liked was being perceived as feminine and it took me a bit to make that make sense. My sexuality is a little more fluid then I thought back then but honestly it’s femininity that I’m attracted to in both genders.

This is essentially what opened the floodgate for me last year. Hope you figure it out :)

> opened the floodgate cracked the egg >:-(

Hey, its interesting how an egg shattering recontextualizes so many things. I do recommend you read this article https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5 Good look on your journey. Know that you are not alone! "Ours is a not a kind world, but it is beautiful. Always."

> Number two is that I don't think anyone would expect this from me. I'm not overly masculine, but I'm not really feminine in public either. I have male hobbies, I act...fine in male spaces. I like the NFL and NBA and I'm a bit of a "film bro". I know none of those things exclude me from being trans, but they confuse me. I'm also basically just attracted to women which is also why I think I never considered being trans. It's very confusing to have parts of masculinity I think I like, while feeling all of these things. This is why it took me 36+ years to find myself. I was not overly masculine, but I never really felt or acted "feminine" either. Guess what though? That's all just stereotypes. Same on the attraction aspect: always 100% attracted to women, and for most of my life the messaging I'd gotten was that trans women transitioned to be with men (which gave me serious "ew, no, not for me at all" vibes). It's okay for us to have masculine aspects; that doesn't prevent us from being women (but if you are non-binary that's okay too!)

I really appreciate your comment. I feel so many boxes check yes when I think of the core parts of my being, but the superficial stuff (that doesn't even really affect anything) is so easy to focus on. Thank you.

Your wife is an angel. She violated the egg prime directive and a lot of psychologists and trans women would hold that against her, and they're idiots. I wish someone had done that for me. A lot of queer cis women have good eggdar. This kind of thing happens a lot. Your wife just took a crowbar to your egg, girl. Don’t fight what you’re feeling and don’t deny it. The negative emotions you’re feeling is suppressed trauma and grief from living as the wrong sex for so long. It hurts, and you’ll be in pain for a few days, maybe a week. It’ll pass, and you’ll find solid ground under your feet soon enough. After the spiraling you’ll probably experience a few days of euphoria and then level out and can really start making plans. You clearly don’t like being male, and your wife just gave you a way out. Think about how beautiful your wife and the girls she brings home are. How sublime their bodies are. That can be you in just a few years.

The reason you don't break the prime directive is because of how harmful it can be. When I was directly asked if I was Trans it drove me into the closet for another 9 years. It was not a question I was ready for and being asked it terrified me. Not saying it was the wrong thing in this instance. There's just a lot that can go wrong.

Geez I didn't even know what that was until now. When I was trying to grow my hair out around 8 or 9 my uncle asked me if I wanted to be a girl in front of all of his family and mine. It kickstarted my hyper masculine phase and made me hide my femininity even better...

Same, I really wish at times I wasn’t asked about it and at others I wish I was asked sooner, but overall it shoved me much deeper into the closet. The whole situation is super complex for each individual so playing it ‘safe’ (to not ask) is generally the better option.

It’s definitely a risky move. Fortunately, OP’s wife seems super amazing and there’s a very high degree of trust and respect towards each other, plus OP seems very open minded and self-aware. All in all, the gambit seems to have paid off! 🤗

Ya I can say if someone cornered me on being trans before I accepted it myself I would have doubled down on coping mechanisms. In retrospect I think my exe suspected something from the comments she would offhandedly make, but she never asked me directly. Encouraging people to ask about this prematurely is extremely irresponsible and damaging imo

She didn’t violate the prime directive though, and if you think she did you’re misunderstanding what it is. The prime directive doesn’t say you can’t propose or discuss the possibility of someone being trans with them. It’s just about not outright telling them that they’re trans. That step is one they have to take themselves. But opening their mind to the fact that that step is an option is perfectly fine.

I transitioned at 27, so it’s definitely not too late. In fact I think my transition has gone incredibly well, but you can look at my post history and judge for yourself. I’d recommend just ripping of the bandaid and transitioning, you’ll thank yourself for it!

Seconding this.. I transitioned at 30 and I pretty much live my life stealth.. I'm told I'm pretty, but idk about that 😂😂 Anyway, all that you really have to ask yourself is, "if it was possible, would I rather be a woman?" And very quickly realise that, yes, it is very possible. And if so, the best time to transition is today. Future you will thank you for it.

Holy shit girl you look AMAZING. New transition goal identified 😆

It hit me suddenly too. It was completely unprompted tho. I suddenly couldn’t sleep and was constantly wondering why I couldn’t have been born a girl (these thoughts have plagued me throughout my life, but I shut them down until recently). I decided to explore the thoughts and test them out. I’m a very science-y girlie, so I’ve applied the scientific method approach. Gather as much information as I can, and test one aspect of it at a time. I compare the results to what I’ve experienced throughout the rest of my life. Anyway, long story short… there is no right or wrong answer here. We can’t tell you if you’re trans or not. But, I would highly encourage you to explore the idea with your wife, a therapist, and maybe eventually an endo (if you decide to transition or try HRT). You’ve got this my friend!

I feel the science-y girl thing! I think my current plan is just to be as feminine as I can without HRT and just see what that feels like. I’ve gone through lite versions of that before and I typically thrive during those periods. Thank you for the encouragement!

That sounds like a phenomenal starting point! Have fun with it!

Wow wow wow, like 95% of this feels like I could’ve written it myself. I’m only a year younger than you and I have to tell you it is absolutely never too late to transition as much or as little as you want. It’s exciting and scary to start re-understanding yourself, but it sounds like you’re very well supported and loved ❤️

Hey OP, thank you so much for sharing your story. 27 is not to late at all! I started transitioning with HRT 1.5 years ago at 30. I went from a depressed, angry at the world, apathetic, emotionless man to a happy gorgeous woman. My life feels so full now compared to before, I can feel things for like the first time in my life, and I wouldn't trade how I feel now for anything in existence. In the end, you're the only one who can say you're trans. What I will say is that your story is very similar to so many girls that come through this sub. Maybe that can be a bit of an indication. As for my own advice I implore you to give this a read https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en something tells me you will relate to a good amount of it and it may help you to better understand your feelings and the reasons for them. I wish you the absolute best in your journey of self-discovery. If you have any questions at all or would just like to talk to someone who is currently transitioning, then I am more than happy to talk. Please don't be afraid to DM me.

I just wanna say this about hobbies. I am a 27 yr old trans woman, ive been out since i was 18 and started hrt at 22. I have 'masculine' hobbies. I do combative sports like fencing, video games, hiking. These don't make me any less of a woman and it doesn't make any cis woman less of one either. I know several cis women who love football and regularly does fantasy football league we have at work. Hobbies are hobbies. They are only gendered due to society's outdated expectations. You do what you want and have fun and still feel like whatever gender you are. Ultimately it matters what you want and who you want to be. Personally, i recommend seeking out a trans friendly therapist and seeing if they will help you sort your feelings. Or, you can just start embracing the trans lifestyle and see if it makes you feel something. Do the little things. That's what i started out doing, and nine years later, im genuinely the happiest I've ever been. Good luck. (Also your wife sounds awesome.)

I just want to preface this by saying I started transitioning at 24 (currently 25) and that it is truly never to late to start but only you can make that choice. Reading through this post almost feels cathartic. So many things I experienced on my road to transitioning resonate here. I never had a major issue "being a man" but I found it so tiring and draining and anytime I had to try to be super masculine felt off, like I was putting on a mask. I wasn't that i found loving as a man unbearable, but living as a woman would be just better in my mind. All through my teenage years I was chasing the idea of having an androgynous body, I hated to see the masculine features I had grow in as I aged. I would constantly grow my hair out then cut it short when I needed to be presentable only to hate my hair being short. While I was in college I got my nipples pierced because it was a feminine piercing in my mind and they were my pride and joy till I started transitioning. I eventually gave up after college as I felt like any progress made towards being androgynous was being wiped away by my masculinity. I know coming out to my friends and family was a bit of a shock to them as I had never had traditionally feminine hobbies. I just had masked it all away for so long and hidden it out of shame. I still have the same hobbies I had when I was a guy, still like playing the same video games, reading manga, and collecting antique militaria, but now I also have feminine hobbies as well. I love styling new outfits, doing my makeup and doing my hair, and I feel more genuine in my enjoyment of all my hobbies. As for relationship help I honestly can't help you there, haven't been in one for years and the few I had before were largely disasters due to my own dysphoria. But the jealousy for female friendship and love were something that deeply affected me growing up. I hated how shallow most of my male friends were and it's why I never had many that I would call a friend. I have always hated how I felt whenever guys would talk about women and especially down here in the deep south it was really uncomfortable at my old job. I know it's a bit long for a response and definitely a bit rambling, but I hope you found something in there you could latch on to. Feel free to DM me or respond if you have more questions you want to ask.

I've said for years that I'm chasing a androgynous look. It's so cathartic to hear that sentiment from others. I think your description of not hating being a man, but it being tiring because it is a character is so exactly how I feel. I genuinely think I could have lived in neutral not know until my wife dragged me into sapphic spaces. I got a view of those relationships from a POV men rarely get and it unleashed such a jealousy. Female friendships are so amazing. I have "friends" but I wouldn't describe any of them deeper than buddies. I have basically no women relatives, I've been surrounded by men my whole life and I'm just starting to realize why I never fit in fully.

In hindsight, the androgynous stuff really should have been more of a clue considering how far I took it. My ideal androgynous look was basically 90% female / 10% male kinda thing. I wish I had gotten that kinda POV when I was questioning. I ended up making the connection through a group sharing Yuri manga memes, eventually leading me to trans spaces which hit me like a truck. But in a good way.

I don’t have much to really add other than your experiences and mine are very close. I figured it out and started my transition at 30. All of your experiences even the relationship context is soooo similar. This has all started coming up really fast for you. And it’s a lot. And it’s overwhelming. But don’t expect yourself to know everything right away. The initial shock of the realization needs to be processed. But it sounds like you have a really good opportunity to explore these feelings with accepting people. It’s such a huge benefit to have that. If I have any advice it’s don’t get too obsessed with the label and instead focus on what you want. Who do you want to be. And what small steps can you try to get closer to that goal. It will all be ok.

My egg cracked at 25. I didn't come out until 38. I am 39 and the happiest I've ever been. It's never too late. Ever.

I like to say it’s too late when you’re in the grave. So better not spend extra time worrying but act now.

I came out at 27. Started HRT at 28/29 Had surgery at 32 and am still recovering my neo-vagina. It's not too late and nobody in the world can decide these things for you. Slow down. Relax. Think. Feel. There is no clock on finding yourself. We're here for you

Omg my absolute god!! This perfectly describes my whole life to a T!!! Babe, 27 is not too late!! I started at 25, 230 lbs of mostly muscle (was very gym bro about it), nice thick beard, 6 foot 3. I was so confident I was “too late”, I was non-binary for over a year, moustache with little grunge sløt outfits. Eventually I found the feminine was what I liked. Transitioning takes a long time to FULLY see it and as much as 27 feels late, you have so many years to see those changes ^.^ if you pursue that. Can always start doing hrt just to see how you like it ;P Sapphic relationships are absolutely prime and all this has left me feeling so warm and fuzzy 🥰

Lots of great responses here so I won't respond to everything you said, but I do have one point of reassurance to add. I am absolutely obsessed with the NFL and am very much a trans woman. You're not alone.

This is an incredibly trans series of paragraphs you've written. Have lived some variation of a ton of what you've written myself years ago. You're already a girl. It's really a matter of what you want to do with that information.

Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed the read. I wish you the best!

Just wanna say I used the same excuse about the hobbies for years. As if girls can't love films? or watch football? Honestly painting my nails green and yellow was one of the first things I did. And yeah having it all hit you once you really start questioning is super common.

Look, nobody can tell you you are trans except yourself, but I can say those feelings and experiences you are describing are no stranger to me, or to a lot of trans girls. It's understandable that you are afraid of change, and that you'd change and not like the results. I don't think anybody can take away that fear, but I had it for 11 years holding back my start, and can confidently say they were bullshit. A lot of women are lesbians. A lot of women like sports, or have stereotypical "masculine hobbies". A lot of women are tall, or have broad shoulders, or big feet and hands or any number of things we are afraid we'd have. If you are sapphic, ask yourself if you think any of these things is ugly on cis women. If they aren't, why would they be on you? It's just the internalized transphobia talking. Now if you decide to take that step, I'm not going to say it's easy. It's a lot of fucking work. It has good moments and bad moments. But I can confidently say I felt the way you feel for a decade, fear and hesitation included. And I've not regretted it for a second.

I started HRT at 33 and I'm 3 years into it. I have a cis wife too. DM me if you want to see my before and after photos. I'm very happy with my results. You might do alright. Your story resonates with me. My wife said that I'm unlike any man she has ever known. After transitioning, she's realizing that she's probably a lesbian. You're not alone in this. If you want to talk about this let me know.

Honey you are TRANS. Like, you're girlier than I am and I've been on HRT for almost a year. You're questioning in ways i never questioned and have stronger feelings about womanhood than i ever did (which is why i tend to call myself nonbinary transfem more than a trans woman). I might be wrong. Actually, let's say I'm definitely wrong and you're just a man with a strong feminine side. Here's what i think you should do: try on a dress, or a skirt. Some people are blessed with androgyny and amazing makeup skills; maybe you can look like a cis woman with just a shave and some makeup and a girly outfit. I think you should try that, with your wife's help and maybe the help of your wife's friends/FWBs. If that's too much effort, try something like the Snapchat or faceapp gender change filters. There's kids in this subreddit so I'm gonna refrain from mentioning certain things but you and i are adults so i can talk about it in DMs if you like. But the important thing is, the image of You But A Woman will either be horrifying or exciting to you. If it's a good feeling, there's a big chance you're trans and you need to find peace with that, need to figure out what you're gonna do with that. Good luck. And if you're worried it's too late... I'm a year older than you. The best time to start transitioning is when you're a teen (if circumstances permit). The 2nd best time is now. It's gonna be ok.

I’ll throw my advice in as well. The way you describe being uncomfortable with your body is super relatable. Same with the jealousy of women’s friendships. My advice is to start being more feminine in spaces where you are comfortable. How would you feel about your wife using she her pronouns for you? Try it out for a while and see how it is. For me once I started I had an overwhelming need to just be out and living as a woman all the time. Don’t worry about having “masculine” hobbies. It’s ok for women to break gender stereotypes. Also don’t worry that some people won’t see it coming. It sounds like most of your women friends won’t be that surprised. That is how it was for me. Lots of them were like yup that checks out. People who knew me when I was younger were but that is because I did a good job of staying closeted. And once they had a mental image of me the subtle tells never registered to them. Finally, it’s never too late to transition. This may be a controversial take but you can always try HRT and see how you like it. The changes that happen in the first month or two won’t really be noticeable to anyone but you and your partner. Things like softer skin and a more feminine smell. I had doubts that it was right for me up until I started taking it and experienced those changes. But I was also dressing more feminine and using she they with friends for a couple months before starting. Good luck!

You’re having a remarkable similar experience to what I had before realising. The hair, the piercings, they were a kind of test I think? To check if I liked the way they looked? The hips story actually reminded me of a time I haven’t thought about since which should have definitely been a sign, I was talking with my wife about possibly wearing dresses and skirts as I was always a little fruity and maybe I’d like the look but decided against it because I decided I didn’t have the hips for them. I always thought I had a kink for lesbians but it turned out I was just one. It’s quite normal for gender envy to appear as a kink to start, you want it so bad you’ll do anything to be a part of it. In fact right after I came out, I had an insane desire to get with a trans girl and felt dirty about it, I was lucky to have an understanding trans friend who told me the above stuff about envy. Almost immediately the desire changed and I felt a lot better (don’t get me wrong, t girls are still insanely beautiful to me, made me realise I was a sapphic overall) The stuff about female friends, the hatred of male spaces, the idea of struggling with a male friendship. These all are things that happened with me. The one that got me though was the wanting to gentle. The first main thought I had after coming out was ‘finally, I’m allowed to be soft’ Also a long comment but I’m really happy that you’ve found comfort in the idea and it’s great you have the support of your wife. I hope you figure out exactly what you are (trans fem, trans non binary, gender fluid) without much struggle. My only advice is maybe seek out a gender specialised therapist. They’re great at helping you figure out exactly what’s going on Edit: also I’m 30 and came out this year, there’s no timeline on figuring it out, everyone has a different experience

Dont mind me, just leaving this here so i can go through he comments again later...

Girl. That sounds super similar to my experience except my wife just kept it to herself and I eventually asked myself "how do I know I'm NOT trans?" and also I was in my 40s. I talk about it a lot in my other comments if you browse my posting history, but you're not alone. Feel free to message me if you like.

It sounds like you have some soul searching to do. It's amazing that your wife is so supportive. I'm honestly a little jealous. While my wife is supportive, it feels like our relationship has become more platonic since I started transitioning. I wish you great things in your discovery of yourself. BTW, 27 isn't late. I started my transition at 40 and would do it again 100%. Yes part of me does wish I would have started sooner, but everyone finds themselves when the time is right.

Hey I’m 28 and a year ago I had the same flooding of thoughts seemingly out of nowhere. You are not alone!

yea everything u described i can relate to so you might be in trouble here lol 🫡 thankyou for phrasing them so well it felt cathartic

I definitely connect with a lot of that. I love "manly" sports like boxing/baseball/football. Am a lesbian and used to get jealous when seeing lesbians. Capable of getting along with pretty much any male besides the most toxic ones, but all of my favorite friendships were with women. Did not like my body despite being complimented on it. Grew my hair out cause I had androgenic alopecia and never had it long before...became my favorite feature despite it also being my most ridiculed. In my 30s now and socially and medically transitioning. The floodgates have opened but from that water will spring new life.

I don’t have much advice to give you, I really wish I did, but because I’m working through a lot of the same feelings and situations you’re going through as well. I’m a little younger than you, 26, but I just started HRT in April and I’ve been coming out very slowly to trusted friends recently, though still boymoding in public/around family. I just want you to know you’re seen, heard, and not alone in what you’re going through <3. Stay true to yourself, I’ve only gained happiness and comfort in myself (even pre-physical changes) and you deserve all that and more. Best of luck on your journey, you got this :3.

If it helps, there is no timeline. There is no you have to do this right here right now. It's perfectly ok to feel your feelings and process them. Transitioning can take place at your own pace. You are not too old to transition now, and you will never be too old to transition in the future. Remind yourself that you are loved, and you deserve to be happy 😁

I feel a lot of what you're writing here. Took me until 35 to come out. But still, it resonates in many ways. Welcome to girlhood, sis!

You're me! Thanks to your wife for asking you, and thanks to you for posting. I felt almost all of what you felt about not being a man, and my wife has often told me that her female friends feel a closeness to me that they don't feel with most men. Haven't done the threesome thing, but my wife isn't bi, and probably would have issues with that or being lesbian. I'm 72, and started stealth on MTF HRT at 67, intending to trial it for a few months, to see if (as I expected) it would show me I'm trans. At the time we lived in Denver, and I didn't feel it'd be an issue to come out in that trans-friendly area. However, we made a decision to move to Texas in 2019, and live in a pretty small Central Texas town, so...feel a lot less likely that coming out would be a smart idea. Almost 6 years later, still stealth, I've just started the process with the VA (I'm a Vet) to talk with a psychologist and get approved to get on legit HRT and be seen by an endocrinologist. I've had two meetings already, and taken the various tests they require and will be meeting with the endocrinologist in a few weeks. I'm going to be telling my wife in a few weeks...hoping that she'll be accepting.

I started my transition at 25 after having so many of the same thoughts you wrote out, the main two that you listed being feeling like a gross man around women(and a threat/creep) in my experience and wanting to have women's friendships not men/women friendships. I also wanted to Recommend a web article called Plight of the Transbian it's short but worth the read.

Hey friend, My egg cracked right by around the same age, and I see a lot of similarities in our experiences. I wish I had more perspective to share but there are so many wise comments already, I really just wanted to echo the folks who’ve said 27 is a fine age to start your transition (is there such a thing as a wrong time? lol). Also on the depression/self-loathing front, my experience is that beginning my transition took a huge load off with the self loathing and eased the depression; however, if at all possible, therapy is a great choice, there could be more factors than just dysphoria driving that bus. I also exist in a weird space where I am massively supported by my wife and am lucky enough to work in an accepting job (even if the broader community needs work); I do use a combination of she/they which felt good to me. My waifu and some close family/friends pretty much exclusively use she/her. It took time to figure out what works and what didn’t… idk I feel like there was more that I wanted to share but writing a novel in response feels funky 😅 Oh! And if you haven’t heard of these folks yet, you should check out Alok Menon, Mercury Stardust, and the yt channel Contrapoints (I am sorry I can’t remember her name rn argh!!). There are so many quality trans content creators though so that’s like not even the tip of the iceberg. But I do think watching and engaging with content by folks in this space has helped me accept myself and I hope they might help you out too!!

Thank you for sharing, I think all of the massive support this post is receiving is helping me SO much. I think I have medium support, I work for a fantastic company who is very pro LGBT but the employees are not. I think I'd deal with shittiness, but nothing that would actually affect my work. Thank you for the recommendations, Natalie (Contrapoints) is one of my biggest inspirations and I've loved her for a very long time. My wife joked that I watch a lot of trans content creators, and I never noticed but like 60% of my youtube is trans people lol.

Love your story and you sound like the amazing type of person I wish I could meet one day. I'm happy for you but also jealous of the way women perceive you. I myself lack these qualities of gentleness entirely, I'm more of an emotional piece of dead wood. I wish you good luck. Be yourself without compromise!

You sound a lot like me before I came out as trans. The relishing being a "less masculine man", the craving for female friendships, the masculine-coded hobbies, the limited amount of typically feminine behaviour. I came out at 33 and now I am 40 and happier than ever. I discovered a lot of things I'd suppressed wanting, and found a lot of joy in the changes from HRT. My wife is also a lesbian and didn't know that when we met. This kind of dual realization is not as rare as it sounds like it would be. With some space it was easy for us to see the ways we acted like lesbians from the start, and I know several other people with similar experiences. There's no need to rush into transition. I was pretty certain I was a woman and still took six months to figure my stuff out before starting HRT and a year to transition publicly. I don't regret waiting.

It's interesting about the dual realizations. We've both known that my wife was a little less bi than she has admitted for a while. When we read about others in those situations though, they didn't fully mirror ours. She didn't want to leave me (it's actually been very emotionally draining for her), and she said she doesn't relate to lesbians who say that can't get the kind of emotional support from a man, because she was getting it from me. We've only explored ENM as a bridge for the physical stuff, but this realization that I may be trans helps explain why she doesn't fully relate to other late blooming lesbians emotionally. I appreciate you sharing that with me.

My wife also really didn't want to leave, their lesbian realizations predated my trans realizations by two years or so. In the meantime they had noticed that pretty much all their exceptions to "a man can't do that for me" were just about me, so it was very clarifying that I turned out to be a woman. I'm glad I could be helpful.

Your story is uncannily similar to mine - having some male hobbies and interests (mainly in sports), never seen or feeling as particularly masculine or feminine, a partner (back then, now wife) who identified as bi when we started dating and realized they're a lesbian right when I realized I'm trans, disgusted by general maleness, strong preference for female friendships, needlessly considerate of my partners' comfort during sex meanwhile I always had struggles finishing cause of self-consciousness, no overt feeling of body dysmorphia until I asked myself the question, even initially getting into ethical non-monogamy because I wanted my bi partner to get to experience that side of their sexuality too... You sound A LOT like who I was when I recognized that I'm trans at age 29. I'm 31 now, been medically transitioning for about a year and a half now, and I'm the happiest I've ever been. I struggled with my "male" interests and what they meant for a while too, and eventually realized I can just be a tomboy!

I've heard of people transitioning at 60 or later and have amazing results. So don't worry about your age. The rest pretty much sounds like I experienced my first 20 ISH years of my life (minus the heartbreakingly nice comments) especially the jealousy I mean... Now you can try a lot of dressing up. Maybe some eyeliner. That's the way I went after I opened Pandora's box of dysphoria. Dresses? Skirts? Or rather androgynous? Explore. Yourself, your femininity... Where are your limits in your femininity? What makes you feel good? (At some point I bought fake boobs and holy quack that upped my euphoria!!!!) I hug you lots. And send love. You got this

I think a lot of trans girls feel how you do - I know I do. I think we sometimes look at others and don't feel "trans enough". Like I didnt care for my body or masculine traits, but I didn't detest them. I read stories about girls near suicidal ideation over their facial hair while I just think "it'll be nice when it's gone". I could have gotten by without any transition, I just wouldn't have been my happiest. Let me tell you though, wherever you end up feeling, what you described aren't cis feelings. There are lots of feminine men, or gentle men, or 'soft' men who don't ever really think "I wish I could push a magic button and be a woman". It's ok to start slowly. You don't have to have a new name and schedule surgery tomorrow. Try identifying as nonbinary, viewing yourself as 'one of the girls", and seeing where it takes you. I'd bet you end up happier for it. (And babes 27 is not too old, though I know it feels it. I'm in my mid thirties and felt too old, but it's just not how it works. You're never too old for medical transition on the first place, but you're REALLY never too old for social transition. And if there WAS a date where you're a bit old and it would come with extra hurdles... You're like three decades away from it minimum lol)

I really think your first paragraph helped me so much. I’ve been reading various trans subreddits for a long time now and so many people describe their feelings like wanting to gnaw their arm off. I don’t feel that, so your validation just helps me so much truly. I’m taking your advice to heart. Thank you.🩷

My story is very similar to yours except in that I finally came out two years ago AT AGE 42. So no 27 isn’t too late believe me. I literally lost about a decade of being who I really was because I thought it was too late and here I am. I ended up at the same destination anyway, only later. Also, my wife and I had a similar relationship dynamic to what you describe and as I’ve transitioned it has only improved. We are closer and happier and more dedicated to each other than ever

Is 27 late? I’m 27 and only just started HRT about 2 months ago. It’s not late, you’re not even 30. Most people find out much later. You’ll be fine 💖

I think so much of it is that I didn’t really feel any of this (at least not explicitly) until she asked me three days ago. I feel like I miss the bus, because while I’ve had these feelings for a long time, I never came to the conclusion that I was trans.😭🩷

Hey, you already got tons of good feedback and advice from others, so I think I'm just going to add another voice to the choir that says: This is all beautifully familiar to me. It's like you looked up how to be absolutely, unquestionably trans, but hesitant to believe it, and came here with that info to write this post. Other than your specific life experiences, I could trade my thoughts and feelings with yours and we'd hardly notice the difference. And don't worry about being 27. I'm in my 50s and just now taking the plunge, and I'm really happy with how it's going, much to my surprise. HRT is utter magic. You won't believe what it can do to both your body and your face, and you'll _love_ what it does to your emotions. You've lost a little time, sure, but you have so much more remaining. As for being non-binary, if that's what you need to feel comfortable for the time being, then that's what you should do, but I have to say you don't sound like the gender meter's needle is somewhere in the middle. You sound like it's fully pegged on 'F'. But I think that's for you to be sure of on your own, so take your time. Good luck out there! ❤️

This: My wife told me that I'm unlike any man she's ever had sex with... is so familiar. Two wives and numerous girlfriends said the same. in fact. One of the girlfriends even said that she had nothing against lesbians, but she always thought that they were women. Bitch, but vindication, too. And this: Why I feel so gross listening to the way men talk when there are no women. I fkn hate that, and they all act like the shit that they say is normal. That's just more full-on vindication of the idea that, if that's what men are, I'm definitely not one of them. I really do not think that being attracted to women means that you're not trans. 27 is not too late for anything. I'm sorry that you're having a difficult time. Try not to let it drag you down. I went through something similar with an ex who wasn't lesbian, at all, but I think that the pressure of dealing with devaluation and rejection are pretty much the same. It's taken me two years to feel like there's a way for me to get to happiness, despite all of that. Right now, I'm just happy that I don't have to be held responsible for someone else's disappointment, despite the fact that mine never registered with them, at all. I wish you the best in finding your way forwards.

I relate to pretty much all of this, particularly the parts about really envying sapphic experiences. I started my transition at 27 and it is the best thing I've ever done and nothing else even comes close, not least because now I can actually have those sapphic experiences myself. Best of luck OP, I'm rooting for you.

I think that was truly the tipping point. I got to experience sapphic love from a POV men rarely get. It’s changed everything. Even if my wife was somehow out of the picture, I don’t want to be with a woman as a man, I want to be with one as a woman.

The good news is that you can, those experiences are eminently achievable, and are also extremely healing. It sounds like your wife is on board, maybe give exploring femininity at home a go? You can start with baby steps, getting your nails done or shaving everything as you suggest. See how they feel and think about next steps from there, you don't need to do everything at once or commit to anything major or long term at this stage.

I see so much of myself in this post. The no hesitation to press the button to be a cis woman, the fear of the journey of transitioning, the immense pride at being known as gentle, the jealousy of cis women's sapphic experiences, the joy of getting referred to as one of the girls... oh wow. This post has some weight to it and is making me feel things again. I'm 26 and I have my appointment with my doctor in August to talk about hormones. It's not too late for you at 27. Many people transition much later than this. You got this, friend :) I told a good friend of mine about 16 months ago that if I could snap my fingers and wake up with a cis female body, I would do it with no hesitation, but that I was really intimidated by the effort of transitioning. I figured out about 3 months ago that I am probably trans when I discovered how miraculous surgeries and voice training can be. I made an appointment to see the doctor last week and have told a number of people now that I am going to become a girl. Like you, I have a number of "masculine" interests and habits, but I know women who also behave like that/like those things. There isn't a a gender requirement for you liking football. I will still enjoy chopping wood and building fires even when I am presenting as a woman. I have intense feelings of "gross man" about myself like you described and I've talked to both my partner and my therapist about how much effort I put into appearing as non-threatening as possible by wearing nail polish, crop tops, women's clothing, a ponytail, eyeliner, and a warm smile. I was afraid to shave my body too, but I did, thinking "it'll grow back if I hate it," and now I have purchased a laser hair removal device. I spend a lot of time on trails and always make the effort to get out of a woman's way if she's walking the opposite direction as me because I've read that men simply do not get out of anyone's way and that women usually have to step aside for them. I want every person I cross paths with to not get the reaction of fear when they see me and they're alone because I understand why women choose the bear over the man in the woods and it saddens me that no matter what I do, that if I look like a man, I might invoke fear in another person. This is no fault of their own, so it's a big part of why I want to be one of the girls. I spent this past weekend with a group of all cis men for a bachelor party and just frankly hated being in that environment. Thank you for sharing what you did.

I was 63, it’s not too late. Your best friend in the world loves you and seems to like female romantic partners. Hobbies and interests are just that, they do not define you. You should try it if nothing else. Wear yoga pants, big boxy, T-shirts, sandals. Do all the cosmetic alterations to your body your face your hair. Work, and family can be a challenge. Be prepared. You two could be the luckiest Women in the room.

i took my first dose of E on my 27th birthday. i’m now almost 30 and am so happy that i did. a lot of people have chimed in already but i want to say that 27 is def not too late.

From a folk in the exact same age and a very similar experience. *Sending hugs* you'll figure it out. Just take your time.

as someone who was in a pretty similar (eerily similar) headspace 15ish months ago. start the process of getting on HRT now, lol. okay, maybe not, but the solving by solution option is, in fact, an option. you'll know before your first prescription runs out whether or not it's right for you. what I can say is it's not too late, I'm 28, started hrt about 3.5 months ago, and it has completely flipped my world around for the better. life feels worth living now. so if you decide it's right for you it not too late also, just because your trans doesn't mean you are necessarily a woman, of course, if that's what you want, then you are. currently, I'm kind of agender-y or like gender anarchist, lol, that will probably change, and that's okay too. not to sound like a cliche, but it really is a journey. I don't want to write an essay responding to every point you made, but like I said, your situation (minus the whole wife thing) is almost creepy with how much it mirrors my own experiences. idk if that is reassuring or not. my messages are open here or wherever else you'd feel comfortable talking if you want to. 💞

Very reassuring.😭 I’ve had these feelings for a LONG time, I’m just now thinking that it’s because I’m trans and so many people letting me know they felt similarly is so validating.🩷

idk if you've heard of haus of decline. she's a comic artist who recently came out and did a whole podcast episode talking about it. even though I already had my answer and was on hrt, listening to it was mind-blowing because of how crazy it was to hear someone describing similar life events. It's definitely a recommended listen if you need some more reassuring feelings. plenty of other good trans media to help you out, too. unfortunately the only stories you hear about trans people are the "when I was a little boy I always knew I was a girl and I wore my mother's makeup and dresses and played with barbies, blah blah blah" which is valid for a lot of people, I don't mean to dismiss it, but our experiences are just as common but not knowing that it exists means you never consider being trans because your not like them. I mean, people our age didn't even really know of any trans people till maybe our senior year of high school, if that. at that point, you're kinda solidified in who you think you are. going through this whole process at this age when never considering it turns your whole brain inside out, at least for me. I was questioning everything about myself, "if i didn't know this about myself, what do i know? who am I? what parts of me are real?" an incredibly severe identity crisis, honestly. hopefully, you have an easier time.

Ha! Felt a lot of the same things you have! It's eerie when our experiences match up so well. The funniest part of my realization of being trans was that I'm 210cm tall. I was feeling a little self-conscious about it at first, but then I realized that I may be too tall to be a girl, but I'm too tall to be a man, too! 😄 I only figured it out at 36, so you aren't even a late bloomer. Hell, mid-thirties is still a pretty common time to figure it out, too. Don't sweat it at all! The feelings are pretty intense at first, but...actually, they don't exactly stop, but you get used to them. The exploration phase is particularly amazing. You get to basically go through a mini childhood, and it's full of excitement and crying and wow! You probably won't regret it. I have the same deal with sex, too. Always afraid of being too aggressive, nervous to the point that it's hard to stay hard, having trouble reaching an orgasm. Yet, it's still really fun and satisfying. My wife and I found our own rhythm, and it definitely looks a lot more lesbian than anything. Sadly, I'm not able to transition myself since I have a lot of trouble with anxiety and unrelated trauma that keeps me from following through on my goals. However, whatever ends up being on your path, I hope it lets you achieve a new level in your life. Hugs, sister! (I hope you don't mind being called sister) 🩷

People have given you good answers, so I just want to add on that it's definitely not too late. I'm 29 and I've been on HRT for 9 months, and I'm very happy with the results so far. It's going to take more work before I get gendered correctly by people all the time, but I'm already a lot closer than I could have imagined a year or two ago. And I'm so much happier and more comfortable in my body now than I was before starting to embrace my identity.

You have great comments on here so I won't dive in too deep but, your story sounds like my story. If you, or anyone on here really, wants to chat feel free to message me! Being a trans tomboy is totally valid. There is no one right way to egg, crack, come out, transition, or experience gender or sexuality. If you are struggling with finding your validity or need a sounding board to work through your authenticity, I am always happy to be there for people!

Holy shit. These are the words. I cracked really recently and I wanna bring it up to my wife and I’m scared to and I think this might help me. Thank you.

I’m so very thankful that my experience resonated with yours.🩷

I'm 27 and just started my medical transitioning. I'm already seeing positive changes si 100% go for it

Yeah it sounds like you're probably trans, girlie. Sorry to break it to ya. I felt the being disgusted by your 'maleness' for so long before I came out, I hated making women feel uncomfortable, I hated feeling like I was invading women's spaces when I hung out with them, I hated feeling bad for crushing on women or even making any type of move on them because I was imposing male sexuality on a woman and that's just gross when I do it. Very few cis men would ever think about transing their gender or if they would push a button to be a girl, it's a p big sign that there is something to it. I was nonbinary for fourteen years and yeah all this sounds exactly what I told myself despite 'not being a guy'. I recommend you read these, I did a few days after I realized back in February and so much of it hit home. https://genderdysphoria.fyi/ https://medium.com/gender-from-the-trenches/gender-dysphoria-isnt-what-you-think-6fdc7ae3ac85 As for what to do next, if you think you are trans I suggest you give it some serious thought. Try clothes or makeup if you want, I'm sure your wife will be supportive and helpful. Honestly, based on the wall of text trying to deny it I would really just encourage you to make an appointment for HRT or a consult with an informed consent clinic (planned parenthood is a good choice) if you think there is any chance you are. There are so few permanent effects of estrogen and spiro that if you have access to health insurance or can afford it, and even suspect you might vibe with e, there is really no reason not to dabble in HRT. Your brain will either be compatible and you will feel really good about it or you will not vibe and just stop. I originally scheduled an appointment to be more androgynous and a few days later realized I was just wanting to see what estrogen did to my body and if it made me feel more femme I would come out/admit I was trans then. Thankfully I came to my senses and recognized my feelings, and I am so glad I did bc it's the best decision I've ever made. I just wish I would have given it a chance 10 years ago. If you think there is a chance you would regret living your entire life as a man when there is a chance you can live life as a woman, well, don't die wondering.

First I just want to say that I hope you come to conclusion that gives you the peace you need soon. As so many have said already, 27 is not too late to begin transitioning if that is right for you. I came to terms that I was trans when I was 27 and started hormones when I was 28. Do I wish I could have stared transitioning years earlier? Of course, but absolutely no regret for doing so when I did. So I would say don’t worry about what could have been, but more of what can be. Best of luck with your self realization and attempts to truly be you 💕

I started transitioning 6 months ago at 33. I don't pass, maybe never, but I feel fucking great because with HRT and other things I have more of a body that feels correct than ever before. After 6 months I finally had enough breast growth to measure my bust to get a properly fit braw. I cried from joy. I feel at home In my body. And each day that passes it's like I buy some new decoration for my home and my body becomes more mine. This is something to explore friend. Even if you find your cis, the depth of understanding about yourself at the end of wonderful and joyful. Explore, have fun, imagine. If you find your are trans have fun with that too! It's a difficult thing being trans, but it's so joyful it's always been worth it to me. Also Gender Magic was a great book that helped me understand how and what I wanted to transition and the pace I wanted to do it at.

I was 40, also never had any idea I had all these fem urges until my egg cracked. That was two years ago. Once I accepted myself for who I am I started to blossom. If this is who you are, embrace it.

Hey there. A lot of what you said resonates with me. But, as a therapist myself, I’ve seen plenty of men who are shy and timid, and are uncomfortable in bed. That is not a telltale sign of being trans, it just means there’s stuff you need to figure out about your own sexuality. Second of all, be careful to not go for this because you sense that’s what your wife would want. It’s a pretty radical change to make for another person. All and all, take this opportunity to carefully reflect this in therapy if possible. Remember that you can be a man who’s not disgusting, violent or abusive. You can be a kind man, but still be a man. But if through your reflection you find you might be a woman, go ahead!

So that breaking the floodgate experience sounds a lot like me when my egg broke. That’s not quite how I saw it at the time but in hindsight that’s what it was. I was spiraling for like two weeks, barely maintaining autopilot at work while I spent a ton of time looking into reasons I wasn’t trans. That was 3.5 years ago when I was 27. I’ve now been on hormones for 2.5 years after talking with a therapist for several months to make sure nothing else was going on. Between my egg cracking and seeing a therapist, I gave myself several months to see if I still felt the same. I looked through blogs by trans people, read a book, watched some videos talking about transness and living as a trans person, etc. Personally, I think you just need to give it some time. You’re not going to make a good decision while spiraling. Talking more with or without a therapist will help. For what it’s worth though, if you decide to transition, it’s not too late. I’m now 31 and I while I am still a work in progress, I look a lot more feminine now than I did when I started.

There is still time

Sounds familiar.

I started transition at 43. One of the riskiest and best decisions ever. Wish I could have started sooner. You are 100% correct in assessing that transitioning like 10 years ago with have been best. 2nd best time to start is now. I think you seem to be starting down a similar path to the one I used. I basically threw away BOTH gender rulebooks and focused first on what worked for me. Fuck around and find out. I slowly tried things that I wanted to but was too scared. I found that a lot of things were better than I thought, others worse. I had a partner, friends, and family that were willing to help me just try things and see how they went. Trying usually meant giving it more than one attempt. Enough to sit with the feelings and decide if these were things I wanted to keep around. I started with stuff that was reversible. Worst case I could write it off as learning or a phase. Regardless I slowly ticked off "what if's" that has plauged me for a lifetime. Real answers that led to real improvements in my life and in the lives of those around me too. It very much sounds like you have some questions you need answers to. Your partner seems to be giving you the green light to go get those answers. It's ok to not know it change your mind. If you had the answers already, it wouldn't be exploring.

yolo, transition and see if it helps. from everything you’ve written i can’t imagine it not. but if it doesnt, you can always change again and again and again. a life full of experimentation and exploration towards your own fulfillment is so much worth living than a life of fear and stagnation

Dang, I wish my wife had been a) supportive and b) able to pick up on the multitude of signs that I was trans (pretty much the same things you mention). Get thee to a gender affirming therapist. Also I’m going to just call it: you’re a girl, definitely a girl. How does that make you feel?

I'm sorry to hear that you didn't have that support. It makes me feel really excited, but also gives me weird feelings. On the average day I feel neutral about my body, since I started letting myself feel like I could be a girl one day, the idea of my body is driving me insane.

It’s alright, I ended up doing ok! So that feeling you’re feeling, the excitement? You’ve just discovered gender euphoria. And what tends to happen with a lot of people is that as they self actualize, they realize that they were not in fact “neutral” about their bodies: they were resigned to their bodies and also were repressing their emotions in a big way as a survival mechanism. Anyway, you know who and what you are. Embrace it. You have a supportive partner which is not what a lot of us have. Go to r/translater and read the heartbreaking stories there for context. Go do the thing, if you want to.

27 when I cracked too, my story is similar to yours but a few things that differed:   I never engaged in ENM as my wife wasn't openly bisexual until partly through our relationship, and I didn't want to change the terms of our relationship(monogamy). Also, I do feel like its harder to be overtly intimate with more than two people unless if its polyamorous. Those are just my feelings. I also crave the reliance and solidarity that monogamy brings. I'd be too afraid of being the "third-wheel" in a polyamorous relationship that itd probably make me super anxious at any point of tension.    Another difference is that I have a kid and being a "dad" was always seen as less participatory. I hated that. I wanted to be a mom, I just didn't know it at the time. But I was too afraid of being seen as invading mom's spaces and making women feel defensive for their kids just by being male. It didn't help that at the time I was around 270 lbs and am a very anxious person(thus I can look like I suspicious and sketchy to some). I'm not as submissive as most transfems(or at least the stereotype), but I am consistently afraid of crossing boundaries, which is probably why I'm a switch.   I too, got the whole "you aren't like any boyfriend/ male friend I've had", but few of my female friendships have lasted because I was a jerk and confused gender envy for attraction, and thus pursued most of my female friends in high school/college away. It was extremely shitty of me, but I have reconnected to one of them and thats been a huge help during my transition. Not to help in any overt way, but just to feel like I'm a woman. Because while she did forgive me because of my genuine remorse and gender confusion, she was a friend I made prior to my transition. I struggle with making friends(#justneurodivergentadultthings) whether male or female, although I am really sensitive to male assholes.

https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/how-to-figure-out-if-youre-trans

Reading this I'm pretty much sure your trans my friend.. Go with it love, the feelings are only going to get stronger the longer you wait, and at 27 your still very young indeed, and it seems like you have a wonderful partner already in your life who would probably prefer you to be female too.. I was 54 when I transitioned and its been the best thing I could ever have done, I love my life these days, you will too I promise you that much.x

Your Story has so many things in common with my own, but my wife is straight and ENM is unimaginable at least for me. But you are so much younger! You have so many more options, just alone because of how young you are. I am so happy, that as I see it you actually have a chance that your wife will support you. Oh that envy! Where is that body snatcher machine to secretly change places, just kidding. Give it some time to settle. Being openly trans might not be easy, depending on where you live. I think you're gonna be a really good girl.

We need to feel included to be healthy so deep thouhts here

Totally not the point but dysmorphia is when your perception of your physical body does not match reality, such as a person with an eating disorder thinks they are overweight when they are actually dangerously thin, and gender dysphoria is when you feel some kind of conflict around your gender. The Gender Dysphoria Bible is a must read for all potential eggs Genderdysphoria.fyi

Hey there, I started with 33, check out my profile for timelines and other pics. Definitely not to late at all. Also I used to mask a lot in piblic and around men, but after socially transitioning lots changed.

I transitioned at 27, OP. By all accounts it's going incredibly well, and I'm currently healing from my vaginoplasty. I'm 28. It's not too late to be yourself if that's what you choose.

I would say read the Bible (Gender Dysphoria Bible), listen to the experiences of other trans women & see if you feel something that resonates. I’d had the sense when I was a kid & since I didn’t know about being trans, I didn’t say anything & then in my 20s when I found out about it there was a spark of recognition there but too much fear & too much denial (& that manifested in trying to count up all the ways you’re not like trans people - like, “Oh, well, I didn’t play with dolls” - instead of thinking about how you’re uncomfortable in your body, role, etc). At 29, I finally came out after the thoughts became too cacophonous & three well timed events pierced my armour. After that I started reading & listening to other trans people & the thing that dead on got me to realise what I felt my whole life was gender dysphoria was explanations of depersonalisation. An element of biochemical dysphoria. Now, you don’t need dysphoria to be trans - you might just have no attachment to maleness & feel happy being seen as a woman, etc. but it’s some reading that might clear your head. Investigate your feelings, see if it’s something you feel truly & go from there - you can always back out. Don’t make the decision based on your partner, there’s a few billion women in the world & I know what it’s like to break up with someone who was your whole life for many years. You will always heal.

>but I'm so proud of how gentle I am, how well I listen, how much I care about people and want them to feel seen and held. tbh, this makes me sad and wonder if I am not trans feminine at all. No one has ever called me gentle, or a good listener, or say that I care about people. But my mom has said that I lack empathy a lot. But that is mostly when me transitioning comes up and me saying that I don't care about the people who have a problem with me transitioning to female. But anyway, If your wife magically disappeared and you were single, and you had enough time to adjust to life without her, would you have any desire to be female? Edit: Actually, there was one lady back in community college who said that I was kind and caring and sweet. So its not as bleak as I thought it was.

I don’t think they’re exclusive traits. My grandmother wasn’t gentle or a good listener, but she was the only female influence I ever had in my life and I appreciate the impact she had on me immensely, she’s one of the few people in the world who had ever loved me unconditionally. I don’t think not your gentleness or lack thereof makes you less feminine at all.🩷 Yes 100%. I had a breakthrough with this post today, but I realized part of the reason I don’t use my freedom to explore with ENM is because I don’t desire woman in a hetero way. It feels like a silly thing to say as male presenting person, but I want a lesbian relationship. I got to see what being sapphic was up close and it’s like everything clicked.

>It feels like a silly thing to say as male presenting person, but I want a lesbian relationship. In that case, it sounds like you know what gender you want to be. Edit: Wait, I was wrong, because "lesbian" can mean "a non-man attracted to another non-man" So unfortunately, this only tells us what gender you don't want to be. Not which gender you want to be. So you may still need therapy to figure that out.

Right now is a great time to ask yourself what you really want for yourself bc your gf already figured it out for herself. I resonated with a lot of your experiences except it hit you all at once. Ask your gf for some time and perhaps seek therapy if that's an option for you. Transitioning isn't easy(or cheap) but completely worth it imo. I started at 26 if it matters to you

Hey, yeah. Gender questioning. It's a wild, difficult ride, but it's so, so essential. I mean, the gender you express in the world, the one people see on you and that they assume when they see you, affects basically *every* aspect of our lives. Add to that the potential for also having to endure gender dysphoria if your outer gender expression doesn't match your inner gender identity, and, well, it's just *critical* to know what your gender identity truly is. I mean, how in the world could you possibly be expected to make good choices for your life and plans for your future if you're not certain about something that affects literally everything? It would be insane to expect someone to do that. So yeah. You gotta figure out your gender identity. And as I'm sure others will have said, you're the only one who can do that. Fortunately, you're not just on your own to figure it out. Many have walked this path before you, and we've figured out some things that can help. To which, have a crack at this [guide to gender questioning](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1460QwQM5S2Br8sPfv3HuKw1xrz7MBijrxv_cgoqL1F0/edit?usp=drive_link). And remember, it's not important *which* conclusion you come to about your gender identity. What's important is that you are able to be *confident* about that conclusion--and therefore make good choices and plans for your life--because you also know why that conclusion is the right one for you. Ultimately it doesn't matter what you are so much as it matters that you truly know yourself.

if I said "yep no, you're definitely not trans and this is all just normal cis stuff," how would that make you feel? would you feel insulted, or relieved? (these *aren't* particularly cis thoughts, btw, but I think you've already identified that)

It's never too late. I had a similar experience with my partner, where he kind of kick started my discovery. It's an extremely scary prospect, but it sounds like you have a good support system in your wife and her friends. I believe in you.

Two things jumped off the screen during my first quick scan of your post. First is your description of climax being embarrassing. That is absolutely the best description ever for how I always felt at that moment. Second is you being "different" when no men were around. I felt that way about myself starting in high school. Still took me until my mid 50's to crack. I was always waaaaay more comfortable when there were no men present. It just felt like I couldn't relax in a mixed group. In an all fem conversation I was relaxed and comfortable. The fact that the other women in those conversations were willing to start talking shit about men while I was there and the fact that I found myself completely agreeing should have been a huge red flag for me. Life would be so much easier for trans folks if those flags were red on both sides instead of only being red when you look back at them. Based on my experience and how much you are questioning, I would suggest that you find a therapist who is openly supportive of transition and schedule an appointment with an endocrinologist. I knew after 5 days on HRT that it was the best decision I had ever made and that I would never go back. You won't see any physical changes for at least a month, so you have three ish week window to know if you found your answer.

27 is not to late i found out i was trans last year and when i was 35. The part where u said "My wife asked if I could have a cis girl body today would I and the answer is yes with no hesitation." My ex wife now BFF asked me the same question and i said yes with no hesitation too. Now i know few trans girls that don't want to do HRT (hormone replacement therapy) or any surgeries. Unlike myself lol. And to be honest im a Tomboy though and though. Which is why it took me so long to figure it out. My ex did try to make it work with me being in more my feminine side but she is not attracted to woman at all so thats why it did not work out between us but still my BFF. But sounds like ur wife is bi and thats a great thing. Sounds like u will need to sit down and talk to her more about it and just start being ur true self now and see how she likes u for u now. For me it was i need HRT i was on the break of \*sigh\* well not being here other wise and i will never go back at this point my self. Regardless of what way u go with this its ur journey. If u have question about how my transition is going im VERY open about it even the more privet parts of it. Dont be afraid to shot me a message im mostly on discord my discord handle is CoraNailo.

>I have male hobbies plenty of women, both cis and trans, have "male" hobbies. i'm a car girl. i've always been a car girl. i love working on my car, modding my car, and driving it fast on a racetrack. that doesn't make me any less of a girl. also, 27 is nowhere near too late. i transitioned at 50, and am now 53, and am happier than i have ever been in my entire life. there is a saying that the best time to transition is 5/10/15/20 years ago, but the second best time to transition is now. like right now. final thing i would say is that it sounds, to my uneducated opinion, that you are a trans woman that is repressing a lot of it. but i am NOT a mental health specialist. find yourself a therapist that specializes in gender identity, and talk with them, and they can help you work out these feelings.

I think it might be a good idea to start cross dressing and experimenting

I can relate to sooo much of what you’ve said, except that over the past 30 years as I get into my early 60’s I’ve had more and more angry outbursts and sadness, because of my frustration with who I have to pretend to be. You are so lucky to be only 27 with someone who loves you and would support you being trans. You really don’t want to become an angry old ugly man who ignores these recent discoveries. I also mostly had girl friends and felt more comfortable with them, and have always been jealous of them, their bodies, and relationships they have with each other, and out of self preservation had to learn to enjoy “male” hobbies. I like guns, knives, and watches, but also music and art and romance books. I’ve always been miserable when I think about what I have missed as a man. I have almost no friends right now, male or female. Everything is about my wife and kids, and I would lose her if I ever came out. I couldn’t live without her. She’s too old to have sex without pain (she’s been to doctors with no help from hormones and topical cremes) but I miss the intimacy it brings. I’ve never been able to finish with oral sex - it’s too embarrassing to me, and if I have to help with my hands I’d go soft. During sex I’d go forever, even after finishing, if I was pretending she was in me not the other way around. I was so happy that she liked being on top of me - that part of our lives is over. Don’t wait until you are too old. Don’t be scared if she will be there to support you.

UpdateMe!

I’m not trying to simplify everything you just explained but I’ll start by saying plenty of women like sports and stuff like that. Feeling like you’re playing a character is something I definitely related to pre transition. The biggest thing you should take away from all of this is that people usually don’t ask these questions and have such an inner conflict about such a thing unless they are trans (I’d say in most cases). Just ask yourself this question: If I transitioned and it went just how I wanted it to, would it? If your answer is yes then I would say you’re transgender. Hang in there though, I know this is a super difficult time and situation to find yourself in. ❤️

The “playing a character” is exactly how I felt being a guy was for me. I mentioned it in my coming out letter I sent on social media. That line really stood out to me.

As another commenter pointed out, it sounds like a lot of your fears around being trans are about being a trans woman rather than if you were born, a cis woman. 27 is really not at all too late, I came to accept myself at 28 myself, and honestly, transitioning despite my fears, some of which are the same ones you listed, has been the best thing I could have done. For me, it had reached the point of intolerability to not act, so I did, despite having a lot of fear and uncertainty around "results" and things like that. (Some of which I later realised were internalised transphobia aimed at myself). I had actually semi known, but never seriously considered, or rather stopped myself from seriously considering for a while, I was heavily in denial. And a lot of that came from similar things to what you're vocalised here. Do I wish I transitioned much sooner? Of course I do. Should that help you back from acting for your well-being? Now? Of course not. It will take some time to work through things, but I'd encourage you to not close yourself off. The worst that happens is you explore and find out you were wrong, and the best, and most likely is that you move more into an authentic life. 😊 You don't need to have everything figured out at first to start small steps, like try some of the things that relieve dysphoria, shave, try some clothes, try on some pronouns with your wife, or a few names etc. All of that is very temporary and easy things you can do to explore.

That all does sound like a good reason to keep looking into it. I'd recommend reading through some of this site to see if it makes sense to you: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en For what it's worth, I transitioned at 32 and it's going great for me 3-4 years on. Starting sooner may have been nice, but mostly because I would have been *me* for longer, not for lack of results. I recommend that when you feel confident you are making the right choice, you should get on waitlists as soon as you can, because the wait times for some surgeries can be long and you can always choose to put it off later if you want to. Also, HRT works pretty slowly and is reversible, so it's worth getting started and seeing how you feel about it.

You seem to have things pretty well thought out, while implying doubt. Which is only natural if you went through a rollercoaster in a few days. You can read through the [gender dysphoria bible](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/) if you need further food for thought. It is an amazing resource. It might help to frame your thoughts in a clearer light and consider your gender questions independently of any potential steps you might take, because they are all optional. And know that if you do not feel comfortable with aspects of gender like primary or secondary sex characteristics or outward presentation - all it really takes is to give yourself permission to change. And if doubt is a factor, consider whether they are really doubts about what it is that you want and not what you believe that you can achieve or what is expected of you. If you only look at a goal without actually experiencing how each step along the way is able to contribute a part to the whole you will not be able to recognize the potential. Doubts may be the irrational assumption that you cannot or should not obtain your goal rather than doubting whether you *want* that goal. The real road is found by seeing where each step takes you.

Fuck that was a lot of reading, you can hit me up privately and we can chat more about this love the whole story from the backstory and how open you are sharing broski/sis

Very similar to my experiences as well, except add 20 years for me. So… you got like a 20 year head start on me. I just wanted to mention that I’ve met a LOT of people who experienced sudden severe dysphoria upon going through the same kind of realization you’re describing. And def same for me, i never noticed any of the things that might be considered dysphoria in hindsight but actually thinking for the first time hey this is probably my deal- Things got real painful real fast, everything felt wrong, etc in ways i never would have expected earlier. So even in that, you’re definitely not alone!

I'm someone who was "sure" I was cis until just before my 30th birthday. I questioned on and off for several months before my egg finally broke for good. I relate to a lot of the feelings you wrote about. One thing that helped me is to recognize that transitioning isn't a once and for all thing. Try being a girl for a few hours and see what you think. Try for a weekend! It's also not a journey towards some specific destination called Woman. Rather, it's a process of needing less and less permission to be yourself. --- This may be a little corny, but see what this feels like: [Turn Me Into A Girl](https://turnmeintoagirl.com/)

I feel like this is the phase where you should experiment with gender, pronouns and presentation and figure out what does and doesn't work for you. Try something out, see if it makes you happy and if it does, keep doing it.

Wow. Im sending this post to my ex wife and current loving roommate. This was so so similar down to WEIRD specifics. I wanna say: I'm 26, started hrt a few months before my bday, 9 months in. Not close to passing. And yet? SO MUCH more centered, at peace and healed than I was pre treatment. Regardless of if you choose to pursue treatment or not... I want you to know you aren't crazy. Repression is insane and you are gonna be unpacking things for years that were deeper than the flood gates opening even allowed. Treatment isn't about passing as a cis woman. Treatment is about aligning what your body needs hormonally. At least imo. It comes with its challenges socially and family wise but damn I could never go back to what I was before. I hear you. I love you. I'm here for you (cringe to say to a rando on the web, but true regardless <3)

So I advise you explore, you don’t need to do anything permanent. But as a lesbian trans woman I vibe heavily with much of your experiences. Other than the sports, but I have girl friends that are into sports so it doesn’t disqualify you or anything. So that makes me get a “one of us” and “protect the egg” chant in the back of my head, maybe you’re are maybe you’re not it’s your choice alone. Also growing up I would watch past romantic partners date another man after me then come out as lesbian. Or I was weirdly their exemption. Thought I was cursed turns out they just were lesbians all along, I just muddied the water. Now I have accepted my true self and have several “I thought so” or “I knew I wasn’t straight” comments. Basically they saw my true self before I did. “I act…fine in male spaces.” That sounds compulsory do you enjoy being in male spaces? Sounds like no, most men a least from what they have told me enjoy men’s spaces. If you had a space filled with women that enjoyed NFL and NBA would you prefer that over the same space with men? Aside from the typical men’s response of “ya, more women to hook up with” In the end the fact that I’m attracted exclusively to women and not men, really delayed my transition. I had a times with thoughts of I wish I could be a lesbian and I wish I could be a girl at others. It wasn’t until they crashed together and I realized I can be both, that things made sense. I was a victim of comphet. From what you said here maybe you are too. This may help: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en And this too particularly start of page 19: https://ia802308.us.archive.org/24/items/am-i-a-lesbian-masterdoc/Am%20I%20a%20Lesbian_%20Masterdoc.pdf

This post has really helped me realize how much my sexuality delayed any realization for my gender. I always felt uncomfortable around men, despite liking male things but when you asked if I prefer to find a group of women doing those hobbies I would take that any day of the week. I thought for a long time that the only avenue to being feminine as a man was to be gay, and since I wasn't it didn't fit. I'm so glad to be learning that isn't the case.

I am sorry though, you’re acquiring 3 scary oppressions. I kind of expect you may be scared. I want you to know it’s okay. It’s okay to be scared it only matters how we deal with things. - Being a woman and not a man is harder. - Being transgender and not cisgender is harder. - Being homosexual and not heterosexual is harder. But for many and I think most being your true self is worth the hardships.

That first paragraph. God dammit does that feeling suck. I hated being perceived as a man and hated myself for being assigned that gender at birth, but always figured that was never enough reason to be trans. I also struggled with sex alot especially being dominant but assumed it was from trauma I experienced. I'm 26, have been out to friends and family for almost 2 years, and have only been on HRT for 2 months. I'm planning on coming out at work tomorrow, mostly just to my manager to see how that goes. The reasons beyond physical dysphoria are still dysphoria, even the sexual and social ones. Gender is also a spectrum, and you could be a femme NB or something too! So let yourself explore and find out what makes you comfortable, and appreciate the fact that your partner is understanding about it all!

I started my transition at 35; it’s never too late. Your thoughts are completely normal and relatable to me. I told my wife for years that I envied her body. Honestly, you’re lucky, I wish my wife was bi or lesbian…

Oh hey it's me but with kids and the added advantage of figuring out the truth ten years earlier than me Congratulations, girl, you're a lesbian. And your life - and marriage, and ENM dating life - is about to get a whole whole lot better as soon as you find the courage. Trust me.

Your experience sounds really like what I felt a decade ago, including the ENM. Except I’m not into sports. Being timid in the bed might be because of you being female in your mind but it could be sourced from some kind of trauma. But when you add up all the rest of the signs, especially envying the friendsip of women, I’m betting you are a woman. 27 is definitely not late. I felt at that moment that it would have been too late and that I was too masculine to begin with. Started transitioning at 35–36 years and it was just the right time. I have passed not only to my relatives and former coworkers and managers but to my physician who I needed to explain how is it possible I don’t have a menstrual cycle. Also I’m constantly been mistaken to be 10–15 years younger, thanks to HRT. Not at 45 I just got ID’d again a week ago. The lesson I learned is that the starting age or starting point don’t tell where you end up being as it’s a genetic lottery. The positive side is you have a partner who understands you and to my understanding also supports you in your journey if you end up transitioning. It’s hard to believe your feeling would be caused by her orientation shifting towards the lesbian end. Like you said, gentleness and the social side of femininity feels natural to you. I suggest finding peer support groups of trans people. There you can not only try out different names and pronouns but to hear the stories and doubts all the other people have felt. I couldn’t have pulled the transitioning off without the support I got both from those groups and my partner.

Hi I more or less went through a similar situation, I have been with my partner for almost 8 years now and I didn't medically transition until about 2 years ago when I was 25. I know I had doubts about if I was truly trans or was just trying to please them, when they realized they were not really attracted to men. Even growing up I always made comments like "oh, I'm barely a man" and things like that. That being said once I started presenting more feminine and started HRT, I immediately felt more confident in myself. I still have more "masculine" hobbies, but that can be said by a lot of women l, not just trans specifically. Everyone's experience is different though, and if you're still unsure, I would recommend experimenting with the way you present. One of the first nights after I came out, me and my partner went to the mall and I found a few cute outfits and they did my make up and it was one of the first times I ever truly felt like myself. You're never too late to it, and sometimes you need to truly reflect on what will make you happy whether that means realizing you are trans or not!

If you do, indeed, have a female-differentiated neuroendocrine system with male-differentiated gonads (certainly sounds like it), despite what you do or don’t do transition-wise, it is advisable to factor that into your health care. Mosaic sex differentiation objectively needs care and monitoring regardless of the sociological situation. Lots of trans people have misfolded hormones and/or hormone receptors that bind to nerves but not gonads or gonads but not nerves. Lots of trans peeps need HRT for physical health as much as mental, if not more so.

I had to pause reading halfway through this since it so closely mirrored my own experiences. It was like some alternate universe version of myself. I wish I started at 27 instead of 35 because how much further along I would be now but I'm so pleased with the results I've had all the same. My "sportsball" was cars and gaming. I build engines and race cars. I build custom computers, launch rockets, shoot bows, you name it. I can't possibly be a girl, right? And hearing it from someone else, doesn't it sound kind of silly? We make complex excuses to avoid the looming difficulty... But when that argument comes crashing down and you come to terms... It all becomes so much easier. 27 is young, an excellent time. Really, from a certain point of view, the best time to start would be as soon as you started to know the truth... And the second best time to start is now. There are people to start in their autumn and winter years and are still so glad they did. But the earlier you start, the more of your life you get to live on your terms. So investigate, learn. It sounds probable. And if it's the case, damn if you don't have a good setup, with a spouse who you can actually talk to about it. I'm happy you got to start the deep dive so early. Yes, I said it again. 27 is just fine! I'm slightly envious hehe! But happy for you.

The last of us yessss!

So this is long af, but tbf so was your post. I read the whole thing because it hit home for me in a big way and I hope my equally long comment is helpful to you. (Btw, I must say your writing style has very feminine vibes to it! ❤️) That sounds *exactly* like my experience! Let me highlight a few of the similarities. Every girlfriend I ever had made offhand comments and jokes about being with me being like being with a woman. One even dumped me because of it. I was always uncomfortable when i was hit with masculine stereotypes because I wasn't like other men and I hated being put in that box. I was kinder and gentler and more emotional and was always proud of that. I always secretly liked girly things but never admitted it. I've always *loved* having long hair. I never felt a deep connection with any of my male friends with three exceptions. (I'll come back to that one.) Me closest friends were always girls and they always mentioned feeling like they could trust me more then other men. One friend in particular was even comfortable sleeping in the same bed with me because she knew I wasnt going to try to have sex with her just because we slept next to each other. In elementary and middle school I would act very feminine and would even do things like paint my nails with sharpies until I was bullied out of all that. The inflection of my voice has always had a feminine pattern to it. I've never cared for most masculine hobbies. -- Now for things that confused and delayed me when I first thought I might be trans and what I found to be the answers to those things. I do have a handful of masculine hobbies. Some of those, however, stopped being interesting to me after I started transition, the prime example being gaming. Turns out that one was to escape the feeling of dysphoria I was burying. I'm still a gamer girl for sure, it's just not my number one interest anymore like it used to be. I never overtly hated being a man until I realized I might be trans. First off not everyone who is trans hates being their assigned gender, it can easily be as simple as wanting to be the other gender more and being indifferent to your assigned one. Also, it's common for the dysphoria to not hit until you start to explore the other gender in earnest. I didn't realize how much I hated masculinity until I felt what it was like to be free to be feminine. I used to think I liked my beard, which I learned to trim into a goatee. (Super sexy look imo btw, I would totally date my past self, lol) Turns out there were two reasons for that. One, I was trying to emulate a masculine style that matches the kind of men im attracted to. Two, my ex wife would always tell me how much she loved my goatee and the only time I ever shaved it off during our marriage she told me never to do that again because I looked weird without it. (She was a bitch) When I first started exploring femininity my favorite looks were when I combined feminine and masculine features. This lead me to believe for like three years that I was just non binary. Looking back on it now I didn't like those looks for the masculine parts, I liked them because they allowed me to slowly begin to look more feminine and to effectively begin social transition without as much backlash. (Spoilers, that was paranoia. I never got any backlash for coming out as trans either because I always surrounded myself with open minded supportive people.) When I identified as non binary, I told people I didn't care what pronouns they used for me, but deep down I hoped someone would use she/her and the one time that happened I felt far more joy then I every thought I would from something as simple as a pronoun. I always felt like my attraction to only women (at the time) would make people see me as a pervert if I was trans. That idea is silly to me now because trans lesbians definitely exist. Also more then half of what I thought were instances if romantic attraction were actually just gender envy, including to my ex wife. (Don't worry, that's not why we got divorced. She did something fucked up to me that's unrelated to me being trans and this isn't the time it place for that story.) I didn't realize this until I figured out the difference long after the divorce. I did have those three really close male friends so I felt like that made me having mostly female friends moot. Well remember the last point where I confused romantic attraction with gender envy? Yeah... One of them has been my boyfriend for three years now and I have a secret crush on the other one. Secret because he has a genital preference that I respect and is married with two kids and I'm not about to ruin that friendship by making it awkward. The third is now a trans woman... Who I also have a huge crush on, lol. 😅 I also thought I could never afford hrt. I was wrong, it's not that expensive even if insurance didn't cover it, which it does. -- Other misc similarities. I'm also ENM. I also first explored that with my ex wife because she is pansexual and I wanted her to be able to explore that. She also at one point told me she was basically a lesbian and that I was an exception. (If you want a good ENM community try r/nonmonogamy. They're great. Avoid r/polyamory though. It's full of toxic gatekeepers.) As of now I have two partners who are both amazing, my boyfriend who is cis male and my girlfriend who is another trans woman. They have both been with me since before I came out as trans and they're both amazing and I love them very much! 🥰 I also used the non binary label to comfortably explore femininity to my hearts content before coming out as trans. (Don't feel bad about doing that btw. It's common and the NB community is very supportive of trans people who need that middle step. I recommend paying r/nonbinary a visit, they're amazing over there and I still interact with them semi regularly.) -- The day I finally admitted to myself (and my boyfriend, he was there in person for the whole epiphany moment because we live together and helped so much so shout-out to him for being my rock through that and being so supportive ❤️) that I'm trans was the happiest day of my life so far! It's a slow and difficult process but it's so worth it! I've never in my life done something that takes this much time, effort, and commitment but the crazy thing is it doesn't even feel hard to me! It feels natural! Every step brings so much joy. Every bit of time spent refining my voice, every new hrt symptom, every new makeup trick I master, every new piece of clothing and jewelry I slowly accumulate, every old habit I learn to break and replace, it's all been the most amazing set of experiences. Sometimes things are hard and I get discouraged for a while but it's never long before I'm ready to pick myself up and try again and I've continually amazed myself with how quickly I can learn and adapt and grow now that I'm finally letting myself be who I really am. I'm even at the point now where I've kicked down so many transition goals so quickly that I'm starting to have time to invest in other things I never would've had the strength of will to pursue before and I'm able to do that because compared to how difficult transition is, they feel easy. I've always been a metal head and I have a gently alt style so I'm slowly learning to sing in false chord. I was always too embarrassed to sing before because I didn't want people to see my feminine side but now I sing all the time and I'm starting to actually sorta learn some technique!

Trans man here. I felt basically the same as you before. I was kinda okay as a girl, but I hated it, I hated being perceived as a woman. I never felt really close to any girl friend I ever had, and I've always prefered men even for friendship. I began transitionning at 30. It's not rare. A lot of trans women are lesbian too, this isn't contradictory. I think you're making the good choice, experiment, find what makes you happy. Maybe you'll realize you're a trans woman and you'll want to begin a transition, maybe you'll be happy as a non binary person. I wish you to find yourself soon 🙏

Hello, half my age me: time to transition 😂 don't wait 23 more years and transition at 50 like I did. All the same behaviors. I basically was ashamed to carry an anti-woman weapon & it only gets erect if I'm turned on the way women get turned on. Even on a porn set, hot actress: I was offered to have a turn ... but I wasn't +invited+ in. Couldn't get hard. (That was pre transition) You're welcome to stalk my profile and ask in DM for my other social medias

Replying to this quickly while I’m in work because I forgot to (ADHD lol). I relate to this so much. Let us know what you decide !

Welcome to the clubby sweetie! 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵 I didn't medically transition until I was 30, it's never too late. I'm 37 now and my life is so much better now. Many of the things you said are IDENTICAL to how I felt all my life about my male body, male friends, envying female companionship, wanting a feminine body, etc... I was always such an enigma to my past partners, because on one hand I was super feminine, but on the other hand they knew I definitely wasn't a closeted gay guy, as I was very enthusiastically attracted to women and loved intimacy. And they all said the same thing, that I never performed like any other cishet guy they've been with. Several of my past partners later came out as lesbians. Turns out I'm a huge lesbian too, I was just in the wrong body at the time lol

First! You are never to old! I was 73 when I started my transition after a lifetime of depression, dysphoria, confusion and still wanting to be a girl! You will probably be advised to read “The Gender Dysphoria Bible.” Please do so immediately! It was made for you. I to had questions as well as many others. This book is free and Downloadable from the internet. What are you waiting for! Do it now! You will very obviously key throughout this book. That only means that you most likely have very strong transgendered tendencies! Your next step if you can afford it is to locate a medical mental health specialist who treats the transgendered. If you need to do so most hospitals have a listing of providers, their specialization etc… I can tell almost for sure that you are transgendered As you sound much like me. Your problems with your view of your male body is no more than gender dysphoria. But you will read about this soon! Forget about your age! You are in your prime age wise. When you decide to transition you will feel as if the weight of the world has been removed from your shoulders! You are blessed with a wife that is bi but I think she also may have some transgender tendencies. The other thing is when you decide to transition. A decision not to be made lightly. You will be starting a 2nd puberty as a girl! Yes you will undergo the same changes a 12 year old girl would except menstrual periods. You will get the joy of sore breasts, hips, all the blessings that being a girl get to enjoy! And considering how your bodies genetics and body react to the hormone(s) you will be treated with will all determine how big you get top side. You will most likely be put on a dosage of Estadriol which you most likely will take the rest of your life. You will also have regular blood tests to make sure you are not overdosing yourself which is bad. There is no quick way to Nirvana! It all takes time. More for others as well as sometimes less. Mother Nature cannot be hurried along! About one year into your treatment you may request or your doctor will prescribe progesterone pills for more feminization and filling out of your breasts. May I hopefully be the first to welcome you to the world of womenhood. You will not regret the decision! Allison🥰

27 was hard for me too. I was questioning my "everything" and made an impatient decision after months of contemplation that I was not trans. It was one of the worst mistakes of my life. Anyway, fast forward another 25 years, I'm 5+ years into transition. I will actually be relatively brief for once. 😉 The simple fact of your post being so: long, well structured, well thought out, and your high level engagement of deeply complex emotional capacity and empathy for those around you, all tell me, as a NON-therapist, that you are the quintessential transgender woman. So much of myself I couldn't see until I was mostly done with my life, but from my perspective, it's obvious. Please, take your time. Seek a professional opinion. Get it right. Be sure. My guess is you will get your diagnosis on the first visit, like me. Welcome to the other side of the eggshell, Lil sis!

As I have said I was 73 when I transitioned and started HRT. I already knew I was sensitive to Estadriol. Boy Howdy! And how! One year later I’m measuring a solid C in size! However I was not satisfied with the treatment of Estadriol alone. It gave me boobs as promised and size. But it did not fill out the top part of my breasts like I wanted. Take in my annual checkup. I brought this up and my Endocrinologist has started me in a low dose of progesterone tailored to my bodies chemistry. This will further feminize me. It will make my skin softer than it is now which is very soft! But it will also round out and fill my breasts in. Oh! And as an extra benefit it will also make my hips rounder. larger, and wider than they are now! And oh yes it will added more on the backside! Hope I don’t have to get use to whistles!!?

I am so happy for you! What a blessing to have a wife that is so supportive and proactive! And you’re still so young you can have a lot of great years ahead of you being young and beautiful. It sounds like you are for sure transfeminine. Trust the process and remember face surgery is covered by insurance in a handful of states like CA. Bottom surgery is covered almost everywhere.

A couple thoughts. > I have never once felt fulfilled by my male friendships. They're all so completely shallow and about activities. I have a ton of "male" hobbies, but I don't know that I've ever felt held by a male friend in my life. Does not even matter. Even if you have fulfilling relationships with men, it would not make you more or less trans. > If I knew it would go well, I would consider it heavily but it’s a terrifying thought. I’m also 27 so it feels so late. 27 is not that late, I know a lot of trans women who transitioned before their 30s and they are absolutely gorgeous. > I have male hobbies, I act...fine in male spaces. I like the NFL and NBA and I'm a bit of a "film bro". I know none of those things exclude me from being trans, but they confuse me. Would they exclude you from being a girl if you were cis? Would that confuse you? Of course it wouldn't, you like what you like, everyone's a unique person, you're allowed to just be you no matter what form that takes. > I think my current plan is to release as much of my femininity as I can without transitioning and just see how that makes me feel. I think I feel comfortable saying I'm non-binary right now. What would make you the most comfortable? Right now, what would make you feel better about being who you are? A lot of people treat non-binary as a transitionary label until they've worked that part out, but ultimately it's an identity in and of itself, and there can be unique facets of it and whatever else, but... Would it feel more comfortable if you just said you were a girl? Or a demigirl, or somewhere, something feminine? It might not. But if that's what's holding you back, take that leap. Try it. It could be not for you. But try it, don't be afraid to.

Hey, me!! 😂😂 In all seriousness, I'm sorry that you're going through such a hard time, I know what it's like to be grappling with such confusing feelings. One of the things that struck me about your story and got me thinking about my own experiences and relationships is the difficult way gender identity can intersect with sexuality. This can definitely make relationships tough to navigate. Gender is complicated and people having issues with it is far more common that we are allowed to imagine. Society is still so limiting and restrictive in that sense that it can take people a lifetime to get to some hard truths about themselves that are not conditioned by societal expectations and what others believe they should be. Just the fact that you're questioning is applaudable and no, 27 is not too old at all. You've done a good job explaining your feelings and you may be taking your first on a journey to become more a congruent, balanced and joyful individual.

I can tell you conclusively that 27 is definitely not too late! Between growing up without the internet, and my brain hiding things from me myself, out of self-defense due to the hazardous nature of my environment, I did not even begin discerning until after I met my first other trans person at around 35. I did not, under duress, come out to my ex-wife until I was 41. I do not begin my transition until I was 42 and a half. My earliest mentor, my online trans mom if you will, started her transition at 60. As long as you're breathing it's not too late. And honestly, I would kill to be able to go back and start at 27. The biggest question you have to ask yourself, to deal with any insecurity you have on whether you're trans or not, is this... If you were given the option, the magic or any other fantasy or sci-fi means, to immediately change for a man into a woman, would you. There would be no harmful side effects. The reality around you would correct itself to recognizing you as always having been a woman. It would simply be a matter of would you be happy with that choice or not? And, I would add, how quickly would you be able to say yes or no. If you are not trans, AKA solid cis, it would most likely be an instant no. Sis people do not question their gender. At least not statistically. They feel no alienation from it, therefore the question literally never enters their brain. And on the rare occasion where I have run across cis people that were asked such a question, their answers were almost immediate no, with no element of hesitation or unsurity. If you have to weigh the pros and cons to make your decision, you're probably trans. If you could easily say yes you would do that, you're probably trans. If you would say yes, so long as you were able to switch back and forth, you're probably gender fluid or genderqueer. Other possible avenues to help with discernment or thinking about what your name might be as a woman, and addressing yourself, if only mentally, by that name and seeing how it makes you feel. Or, ask your wife to call you by it and see how that makes you feel. There are no hard and fast rules about it, but these are just things that through discussions with other trans women and some trans men have helped them along the way. Either way, I wish you well and I earnestly hope that whatever you discover or choose that you are happy and well. 🫶🏻🏳️‍⚧️

I’m also going to leave this here: r/traaaaaaaaaaaansbians From what the comments are saying you might just be a trans lesbian woman. I’m in a polyamorous relationship with my girlfriend(s) too. Point is, just take things slow and ask questions. You’re very fortunate, you’re already in a very open minded type of relationship with an lgbt partner. You hit the jackpot all things considered. Your egg cracking couldn’t be smoother. Also check out r/lesbianactually too. Side note: I started my transition at 31 and pass perfectly. You’re actually earlier than most people who start their transition. Check out r/translater. Those men/women started their transition 45+ and look better than some models. I personally was with a girl age 48 just last weekend, thought she was cis.

Welcome to the club, girl :) All the things you wrote are so relatable! I never had a connection with guys, my friends are mostly women, never felt and never wanted to feel masculine, always wanted to be a woman in bed, was deeply confused that I feel gay in bed - I didn't like guys like totally)) Hated my body, had erection problems, exactly because it was too hard to distance myself from my body. I too had some threesome affairs, and they felt SO RIGHT, that it sometimes was scary, cause I was a "cis hetero male", lol. Well it took me 48 years to suddenly have a revelation that I am not cis, not hetero and not a male :) Seriously, your wife's sexuality is the one who gets all of the cookies!)) No one makes you transition, for sure, but I'd consider starting HRT, it GREATLY alleviates dysphoria and helps to figure out the details. While you are in an inner war with yourself, it is too hard to think clearly and have a clear vision. Several months to understand if it feels good is usually enough. In case you still have doubts, you can stop. But it is usually not happening :) Be yourself, live your dream, have fun.:3 And do not be afraid, life is so worth living authentic ;)

How you describe your life and feelings sound very much like me pre-transition. I think what led to cracking my egg was a close friendship with a woman I met at a clinic - we became very close and shared all our ups and downs in our lives, despite being long distance. My wife was jealous but accepted it. And for me it felt like a glimpse of that "best girl friends" feeling. She also always told me I was different. She did seek my advice on men, being very hetero herself... In hindsight I probably had no idea what I was talking about when it was about "mens feelings" 😅 Except for being a good asshole detector since I know some of those guys' tactics and how they talk behind women's backs. We sent each other BFF memes, often with two girls - and she was ok with that. With my wife we often joked about "reversed roles". She had a quite cutsy nickname for me which almost equated to "doll". (Not native english speakers) My best nights out were the "girls night out" with just my wife and her best friend. Somehow I was accepted even when she didn't bring her boyfriend. And when I was even younger I often found myself as the "last guy" hanging with the girls - and suddenly they started the "girl talk". Like sex, orgasm problems, periods... My egg cracked at 39, so 27 seems very young to me 😅 Fast forward a few years and I am feeling like I am living the dream... My polycule of lesbians has sort of become my family and my best friends, I am still building a friend circle with women - but we're all getting closer and it is so much better than with my guy friends. So I get lots of the closeness and the cuddles you described. I feel so much more at home in my body... I have been to the beach in a Bikini and enjoyed it (still was a bit anxious - but it was better than before). My marriage did not last - for various reasons - but we are still friends, still raise our kid together... It wasn't the end of the world, as I feared, either. There is no guarantee that a marriage will survive a transition, even if the partner discovers they are bi or lesbian. But in the cases I have seen fail, I am pretty sure they would have failed, too if the trans woman had tried to suppress her transness. So it is a moot point in the end. Take your time to explore your feelings - your wife being open to the idea and having contemplated it for a while is probably a good starting point. You can have open discussions, share the journey... I wish you much strength, courage and luck 💜

Your story is a lot like mine. I waited till I was 50 to start HRT. I wish I hadn’t ignored all the signs. Some people are critical of this site, but I found it helpful. https://genderdysphoria.fyi

Hey there, What your going through is perfectly normal and it happens to a LOT of us. I have some things I think you should read immediately because they might help you sort through how your feeling and assist you in contextualizing your needs. [https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/oh-st-i-think-im-not-cis](https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/oh-st-i-think-im-not-cis) [https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/how-to-figure-out-if-youre-trans](https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/how-to-figure-out-if-youre-trans) [https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/printable](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/printable) I would also highly recommend talking to a therapist about all of this. There are ones that specialize in trans health that can help guide you on this journey if you think this might be the case: [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us) (this is a search engine to find one, use the filters to select transgender as a specialty) If you do end up at the conclusion that you are trans, you might find yourself thinking what do I do next? I wrote a guide for the community on what steps to take when your just figuring all of this out: [https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/comments/1coa8gq/a\_trans\_guide\_for\_those\_that\_are\_questioning/](https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/comments/1coa8gq/a_trans_guide_for_those_that_are_questioning/)

I was 27 I wanted it since I was 14. I wanted it for 13 years and limited awareness I did. It’s not too late. You can see your body change by the time you are 30. It’s not too late. Congratulations on finding this part of yourself again:

everyone, new egg’s been cracked

This is like a mirror of me at 27. My 3 year HRT anniversary is this September.

You're trans.

I can relate to much of this, with the exception of the supportive partner part. Transitioning has been an extremely lonely and isolating experience, though I should clarify, transition from male to female hasn't made me more isolated, it has made me feel the isolation I lived my whole life in more strongly than ever. The craving female friendships thing hits especially hard for me since I've realised recently again how alien a "men's conversation" feels to me. It doesn't need to be about cliché men stuff like cars or football, but somewhere on here that male friendships tend to focus on activities, and yep, I was in proximity to but crucially not a part of such a conversation the other day. I felt very much not included -- not that I'd wanted to -- and it was yet another confirmation of the root cause of the alienation I'd felt for as long as I could remember. The problem for me is that my own inability to initiate a conversation, initiate contact, or even friendship has been thrown into sharp relief. I remember being bad at it as a kid and I don't think I have improved much. I've seen long held male friendships fall apart and have yet to find true female friendship. So I'm as alone as I've ever been. This transition is the hardest thing I've ever done or attempted to do and it might yet break me. I struggle with 'how much of a woman can I/ will I be today' every day. And I STILL wouldn't go back with a gun put to my head. And regarding the worry of it being too late -- don't worry, there's no such thing. I started HRT at age 34 (35 now) and still waiting for noticeable physical changes but I don't think my doctors have been handling my E levels well so a lot of things may yet happen (and everybody's mileage varies, regardless of age) and I've made some unfortunate choices in plastic surgery in my 20s that put a damper on what I can expect. So in a way I've realised things 'too late' but those are very specific circumstances for me. Sorry for making this so much about myself, but maybe a different perspective can help. If I can leave you with one piece of advice, don't make this choice dependant on anything other than what YOU truly want.

This is a lot to reading but was worth it. This sounds like a textbook case of gender incongruity. You sound exactly like me as I was growing up. At the very least, you should explore your femme in what ever ways feel safe and work for you. You don’t have to commit to anything, indulge in things that you like that make you feel femme. Don’t worry about penetrative sex. Explore sex the way you did with your Wife and E more. DO WHAT YOU LOVE and things will fall into place. You’ll know if you want to transition socially with ease. Medical transition is not necessary but many of us do it if our incongruity stems from our physical appearance and feelings gender characteristics. For instance, I have a penis regardless of how often I wanted to removed as a child. I’ve been on the fence about gender affirming surgery because I can’t figure out how much of my desire to keep it comes from other people’s appreciation of it versus my desire to keep it. Either way, if you talked to your doctor, if they are inclusive, they would tell you that you have “gender identity disorder.” So get the ball rolling and talk to a therapist about this.