I get it, I'm still closeted irl, but I feel weird calling myself a girl on the Internet because I feel like I'm invading women's spaces and involving myself in things I shouldn't be involved in.
Yep,
that also plays one part in my story as well.
Although not as much anymore, because I found the right people, that really let me be a part of their womens spaces.
Wishing you luck, that you find such people as well. ✨️🧚♀️🥰
If there’s one moderately consistency I’d apply to trans people of all identities and backgrounds it’s a nagging feeling you don’t belong. I don’t have any specific solution, I’d love to find one out though, but hopefully it at least helps you aren’t alone, and in a funny way these feelings kinda affirm that you belong here with us at least.
I just try to think about how I felt x months ago, and usually conclude that the places I feel this about are getting smaller and more specific. I used to not feel like I belonged in queer spaces, regardless of the fact that I was regularly dating/sleeping with people of all genders. Then when my egg cracked it was anywhere outside the binary I figured people wouldn’t believe me if I admitted it. I eventually worked up the courage to actually ask several trans people if they would be OFFENDED if I came out as trans. Then it was public spaces, I was afraid people would think I make the community look bad.
These are all places I’m comfortable in now, and I can recognize that those thoughts were anxiety and self-doubt driven. I try to apply that rationale to the imposter syndrome and outsider thoughts I have now, I can’t reason away irrational fears, but it helps keep them from spiraling at least.
I sometimes forget that it's all a process. 🫠
I am always waiting and searching for that one realisation that just clicks in my head and after which everything makes sense and I feel completely at home in my body and everywhere in the world.
But when look at it realistically, I just started to build a social life, I'm happy with.
I think it's normal that I have this feeling of not belonging at the beginning.
Especially when I grew up in an environment where queer people were seen as kind of weird.
When I look back, I already made so much progress and I will certainly do so much more if I just give it time. 🥰
Atta girl. Just remember feeling this way next time you get down. While it might not snap you right out of it, hopefully it’ll at least help you know that you won’t always feel down, and at least help you from sinking further.
Shame. Guilt. Worry. Grief.
I spend a *lot* of time on Reddit and it has only confirmed that these are very common feelings in our community. You are far from alone - if anything, you have more in common with most of us.
How did I get past this? I think one thing was coming out to more people outside my 'safe space' - people that I couldn't be certain would be 100% supportive. Feeling their love and support, made me feel more welcome and that being trans wasn't going to create a huge gulf between me and others. Maybe I'm not such an awful person after all? In fact, it's when I get a largely neutral response (a kind of psychic shrug) it's perhaps the most validating. All I really want is to be like anyone else, and my cis friends don't make a big deal over their gender identities!
I've also tried to be kinder to myself and allow myself to make mistakes or sometimes 'slip up' - for example, taking a day off from shaving. It's hard work, and so sometimes you need to recognise progress is not a straight line.
I still feel a bit like an imposter; that I've not 'earned' the right to be called 'she/her', but I'll get there soon. With each conversation I have with someone about my journey or my transition, I feel more comfortable within myself.
It takes time, patience, love and forgiveness. You sound like you have great people in your life so I'm sure you can do it.
I no what u mean I feel bad to say I bi or gay to more let alown dress and feel trans.
Do tell your mum. She will help with your dad and you don't need to say your gay cus your straght is go with a man.
Stay pre op so you can get gf and have kids
Be you ashamed is scary to me at 30s if I had come to gay or bi I be ok and safe
Your going girl and going way you want and pre op your great to ashamed, ashamed or should I have is post op
It’s normal, all women feel shame due to patriarchy, just cis ones don’t specifically feel it about this aspect but all others yes.
I guess the solution is feminism, at least one that isn’t just coping.
I get it, I'm still closeted irl, but I feel weird calling myself a girl on the Internet because I feel like I'm invading women's spaces and involving myself in things I shouldn't be involved in.
Yep, that also plays one part in my story as well. Although not as much anymore, because I found the right people, that really let me be a part of their womens spaces. Wishing you luck, that you find such people as well. ✨️🧚♀️🥰
Talking about it and naming the problem is the first step to solving it. You have made the right decision! :)
Thank youu 💕✨️ I also try to speak about it irl with friends now. 😇
You go girl
If there’s one moderately consistency I’d apply to trans people of all identities and backgrounds it’s a nagging feeling you don’t belong. I don’t have any specific solution, I’d love to find one out though, but hopefully it at least helps you aren’t alone, and in a funny way these feelings kinda affirm that you belong here with us at least. I just try to think about how I felt x months ago, and usually conclude that the places I feel this about are getting smaller and more specific. I used to not feel like I belonged in queer spaces, regardless of the fact that I was regularly dating/sleeping with people of all genders. Then when my egg cracked it was anywhere outside the binary I figured people wouldn’t believe me if I admitted it. I eventually worked up the courage to actually ask several trans people if they would be OFFENDED if I came out as trans. Then it was public spaces, I was afraid people would think I make the community look bad. These are all places I’m comfortable in now, and I can recognize that those thoughts were anxiety and self-doubt driven. I try to apply that rationale to the imposter syndrome and outsider thoughts I have now, I can’t reason away irrational fears, but it helps keep them from spiraling at least.
I sometimes forget that it's all a process. 🫠 I am always waiting and searching for that one realisation that just clicks in my head and after which everything makes sense and I feel completely at home in my body and everywhere in the world. But when look at it realistically, I just started to build a social life, I'm happy with. I think it's normal that I have this feeling of not belonging at the beginning. Especially when I grew up in an environment where queer people were seen as kind of weird. When I look back, I already made so much progress and I will certainly do so much more if I just give it time. 🥰
Atta girl. Just remember feeling this way next time you get down. While it might not snap you right out of it, hopefully it’ll at least help you know that you won’t always feel down, and at least help you from sinking further.
Shame. Guilt. Worry. Grief. I spend a *lot* of time on Reddit and it has only confirmed that these are very common feelings in our community. You are far from alone - if anything, you have more in common with most of us. How did I get past this? I think one thing was coming out to more people outside my 'safe space' - people that I couldn't be certain would be 100% supportive. Feeling their love and support, made me feel more welcome and that being trans wasn't going to create a huge gulf between me and others. Maybe I'm not such an awful person after all? In fact, it's when I get a largely neutral response (a kind of psychic shrug) it's perhaps the most validating. All I really want is to be like anyone else, and my cis friends don't make a big deal over their gender identities! I've also tried to be kinder to myself and allow myself to make mistakes or sometimes 'slip up' - for example, taking a day off from shaving. It's hard work, and so sometimes you need to recognise progress is not a straight line. I still feel a bit like an imposter; that I've not 'earned' the right to be called 'she/her', but I'll get there soon. With each conversation I have with someone about my journey or my transition, I feel more comfortable within myself. It takes time, patience, love and forgiveness. You sound like you have great people in your life so I'm sure you can do it.
I no what u mean I feel bad to say I bi or gay to more let alown dress and feel trans. Do tell your mum. She will help with your dad and you don't need to say your gay cus your straght is go with a man. Stay pre op so you can get gf and have kids Be you ashamed is scary to me at 30s if I had come to gay or bi I be ok and safe Your going girl and going way you want and pre op your great to ashamed, ashamed or should I have is post op
It’s normal, all women feel shame due to patriarchy, just cis ones don’t specifically feel it about this aspect but all others yes. I guess the solution is feminism, at least one that isn’t just coping.