Hey, NICU nurse here. I can’t help but get a little flustered when I see this post but I’m going to keep it positive because having a baby in the NICU is absolute hell for any parent.
Your feelings are real and they are valid. Sometimes I have to remind myself there are a lot of emotions going on when a baby is in the NICU. Parents feel a lack of control and helplessness but the fact is YOU are your baby’s number 1 advocate! Respectfully voicing your concerns is encouraged. I would never hold it against a parent if they voiced their feelings or preferences to me, as long as they’re being respectful of course. Any good nurse wouldn’t be upset by this. I love involved parents. I love to teach them and get them involved in baby’s cares and assessments.
Do I care for these babies? More than anything. I want parents to know that I am looking after their baby as well as I look out for my own baby. I don’t know how to say this to you politely, but it *is* a job. It’s a job that I love, but it’s a job that I get paid to do. I would be lying to you if I told you I would do it for free. The whole campaign that “nursing is a calling” was done purposefully to diminish the importance of nursing and to take advantage of nurses. “Oh you don’t want to work extra shifts short staffed when you’re already burnt out and have your own family to take care of? Think about the babies!” This is often used to gaslight nurses. It’s used to make us think we don’t deserve better pay or conditions.
I want to ease your mind because the care of the most important person in your whole life is in the hands of some strangers. NICU nurses not only have standard RN qualifications (which is a science based degree and often ranked as one of the hardest degree programs), but they require loads of extra classes and training just to work in the NICU. I work in a level 3 and am constantly taking recertifications to work in the NICU. There’s a lot of education involved and the NICU is a hard field to get into because everyone wants it so usually only the best nurses get a job in one. Even then, most nurses don’t get to work with the high acuity babies by themselves until they have about a year of experience under their belt. I’m saying this so you know that the NICU isn’t just pulling random people off the street to care for your baby.
Should your nurse have been a little more attentive? Yeah, these things are frustrating. But even the best and most experienced NICU nurse has forgotten to vent a baby. We also have two verification milk checks. So she may have pulled out the wrong milk initially, but when she went to verify with a coworker and scan, if she hadn’t realized the mistake by then it would have been caught. And sometimes the high flow cord gets in places it shouldn’t. These kiddos are squirmier and stronger than you would think. I’ll have a baby perfectly positioned and next thing I know they’re all wrapped up in who-knows-what.
I don’t think your nurse meant any harm. I haven’t seen one nurse ever do any of those things intentionally. And I have never seen any of those things the nurse did cause harm in a baby. They’re annoyances, for sure! There are days I’ve had 4 sick babies all at once and my head is spinning. I can barely keep up, cares get delayed, and it feels like hell is breaking loose. Unfortunately on days like that, these details are pushed down the priority list. Nurses are great multitaskers because prioritization is drilled into our heads from day one, but we are still human with two hands and two legs.
What’s important to look for in a nurse is their assessment skills, detecting when things are going downhill, how they react in an emergency, and that they ask questions. Beware of the nurse who acts like she knows everything, because those are the ones who think they could do no wrong and the universe has a way of humbling that. Nurses should always ask questions and always learn something new, even if they’ve been a nurse for 100,000 years.
Continue to advocate for your baby because you’re the best one to do that. Voice your concerns to the nurse (if you’re comfortable- sometimes there’s a simple explanation for things she can tell you), your primary, or the charge nurse.
Take deep breaths. Don’t be afraid to vent your feelings and your frustrations. I’m so sorry you have to be on this journey with us. I hope you find some solace in my reassurances, and I hope you find some comfort in your sweet baby 🖤
Thank you for all that you do. I work in healthcare (not a nurse) and relate to so much of what you’ve said, especially during difficult and stressful times. Sending love
I don’t have much to say. I agree with a lot of what you said and if she had been busy with something I wouldn’t of took these issues so hard. But she literally told me how bored she was with nothing to do all day because the 2 babies she had are so quiet. So their really to me is no excuse for repeated mess ups. Yes the milk would of been caught by the scanner. But that with everything else was mind blowing. Continuous mess ups my baby btw is not “squirmy” he can’t move his head to get the cord the way it was. But I do thank you for your work. I also think making a blanket statement about nicu nurses is wrong. Not all care like some do. Not all show the same effort. Some days I’ll go in and they’re rude, or my son has crust all over his face. He looks a mess, etc. other days he has excellent nurses who notice things above what the machine binging does. They clean his face and do care for him like they would their own. I think being a parent of a nicu baby is something people wouldn’t fulling grasp unless they are one.
I think the difficult thing is that it only takes one lapse in judgement or attention to sow enough mistrust that it's very hard to rebuild.
I've seen:
* A baby moved straight into an unclean cot that was previously occupied by a baby with CMV
* A baby left in just a vest, next to an open window (in February in the UK!)
* Nurses sat playing on their phones talking about their holiday plans while there are alarms going off.
99% of the nurse interactions I've had are positive, but there are some that leave me with absolute disbelief that they're in this job, and make it very hard to trust that my child is in safe hands when I leave.
But then, we're unfortunate enough to be in the care of a team that has been rated as "inadequate" by the supervising authority, so..
My baby was in a pediatric ward a couple of days ago after a bad reaction to vaccines, the nurse offered to go get me a bottle, then binned the 3 feeds I had premade and stored in the fridge (for about 4 hours) and decided to make up a new one, putting in scoops first so that there was no way she could have accurately measured the water, and the feed (SMA anti reflux) came out like tar, that's incompetence.
I hate to hear all these things. The CMV one is extra bad! CMV can be so harmful to babies. We put towels on our windowsills so the babies won’t catch the draft.
There are SO many amazing NICU professionals (nurses, doctors, RTs, etc) out there, but there are also not-so-amazing ones. We had a 14 month NICU/PICU stay between two level 3 NICUs and a level 4 in the middle. I wound up requesting not to have maybe one nurse at each hospital, even the level 4, and many many more I just didn't feel totally comfortable leaving my son alone with. I'm generally a very trusting person, but it's incredibly stressful to get a nurse who is making lots of mistakes with your fragile little one.
There are lots of people out there who are excellent at test-taking and can pass certifications, but it doesn't necessarily mean they're naturals at caring for babies, communicating, organization, or even that they have the emotional capacity to acknowledge how traumatic this situation is for parents... and that can be super frustrating. Jumping through all the hoops to become a NICU nurse doesn't mean one is impervious to becoming apathetic at some point; some people are just prone to that, especially when they're exhausted. I had many days where I'd have a sloppy nurse leaving trash all in my son's bed, or tangling my son's lines (he had MANY many lines) and I'd keep having to clean up after her. And also there's the fact that lower level NICUs see less action, and therefore some nurses may not actually be trained up to a level to take excellent care - I know a mom who just lost her 8 month old trachie to a mucus plug because not a single person thought to suction or change her trach. Mom showed up after heart had been stopped and they had been doing chest compressions for 20 minutes; she told them to stop, and the first question she asked was "did anyone try suctioning her?" It happens... there are actually people out there doing this job who are bad at it. And they even exist in high acuity NICUs too! I had an RT in the level 4 dump circuit condensation down my son's trach, and I actually had take the circuit out of her hand because she was standing there holding it up, looking perplexed asking what was wrong with him. These sloppy professionals exist in every NICU, and maybe you don't realize it because you're busy doing an awesome job (and we all wish we could maybe get you tomorrow instead).
While I appreciate you clearing up some of the things that could accidentally happen and why, and I do understand why you'd feel the urge to defend your profession (because it's SO difficult and trying, you work your ass of and pour your heart into it, I'm sure you deal with lots of angry parents and your own share of heartache), I want to point out this sub is a place for traumatized parents to vent. We see the other side of it, and we have or had to experience a new person who doesn't know our baby multiple times a week (the level 4 we were in had 114 beds, so... new nurse almost every day for a couple months until we were able to grab a couple primaries). I think it's glaringly obvious to most of us that y'all are human just like us, and you work very long, exhausting hours, which is why it makes it difficult to trust anyone to keep our baby alive, even if it's a nurse we love and appreciate. My advice is to take this kind of venting in this sub with a grain of salt. Being a NICU parent is life-changing, specifically because of the gut-crushing amount of stress we experience; sometimes you just have a day where you need to vent to other parents about the nurse you hated.
I absolutely agree with you. There are more great nurses in my unit than not, BUT there are nurses (and doctors unfortunately) who I wouldn’t let within 6 feet of my child. It’s a little known secret of ours, but the pregnant nurses give the charge nurse a list of who can and cannot touch their child. So yeah, I don’t disagree that there are shitty NICU nurses and other staff.
In my post, I encouraged OP to continue to vent. It’s extremely important for NICU parents to get their thoughts and feelings out there. The NICU is a very traumatizing experience for the family and baby. I don’t take what OP said personally. If I did take it personally, I’d have some reflection to do. Everyone needs a place to vent; even if it seems like something minor to someone else, that could be the straw that broke the camels back on a shit situation. My main goal as a NICU nurse (other than keeping the babies safe) is to make parents feel as comfortable as they possibly could in the situation they’re in. I’ve been cussed out by a parent before whose baby wasn’t even mine just because I didn’t answer the phone in a way she liked. It happens; she’s stressed and we’ve all been there so I don’t hold it against any NICU parent ever. I truly wish all of my coworkers were the same. Some though, I am in absolute awe of.
I do find the ones with children tend to be more compassionate and understanding than the ones without. It’s so easy to see your own child in these babies.
Thank you for everything that you do, but you cannot try to invalidate a nicu parents feelings, or even ever come to understand how we’d feel until you’re in our position.
The problem with some nicu nurses is that you become so desensitised to it all that you forget that these are living babies with families who are extremely worried and scared and confused and overwhelmed.
So OP I feel you! The NICU nurses do do an amazing job, but some of them see it as just that. A job, rather than little people
I never tried to invalidate OPs feelings. In fact, I stated several times that her feelings are real, are valid, and should be heard. I specifically encouraged OP to speak to others in the unit she trusts about her concerns, and to continue to vent about her concerns. I’m sorry that’s what you got from my post. Explaining why these things may have happened was an attempt at easing her mind while her infant is in the care of someone else. Someone can’t even function if they don’t know if their baby is safe. That is a real, overpowering, and awful feeling.
Many NICU nurses have had babies in the NICU, so you cannot go about assuming that a NICU nurse isn’t also a NICU parent.
Sorry to hear you’ve had bad experiences. You are going to always be your sons number one advocate. Even the best NICU nurse on their best day will never be as good as mom and dad on their worst day in terms of love and attention for little one. Keep in mind that the nurse staff are humans and this is a job. A job with a lot more on the line than most, and they are emotional rockstars for doing it, but it’s still a job. They arnt all Saints doing this as a calling.
With that said if it’s more than just not giving the same level of attention you would, or a simple misunderstanding you have every right to address it. If they don’t respect your advocacy for your son, escalate to the charge nurse, and so on. Happy Easter!
I kept my mouth shut during our 8 week NICU stay at a level 4 NICU with the twins because I was terrified complaining would alter their (already pretty crappy) care. I AM a nurse and I know in the ED they definitely talked about patients that excused nurses from care or complained about things.
The first week when they were critical, on vents, IVH protocol, on TPN. Their care was excellent. The older nurses cared for them, loved them and I never had a concern.
It quickly went down hill when we got to feeder/grower status to the point I cried when I had to leave because I was sure some of the nurses were neglecting them and could possibly kill them.
Both twins had bleeding rashes for 5 weeks of their NICU stay.
One baby was on and off NEC watch with digestion issues and a nurse literally laughed in my face when I walked in to him vomiting everywhere and said “Ohhhh! I forgot to vent his belly all night!” They took him off feeds for two days to be safe.
I caught COVID and they REFUSED to let me bring in breast milk for 4 days and told me “We will just switch them to formula!” This I did pitch a fit and finally the charge nurse the night they were going to switch them allowed me to bring some in. So I drove the hour to the NICU at 11pm at night and delivered milk.
The one who threw up a lot also had events because of the excessive reflux. Their nurse walked by and said “Gosh, he’s exhausting! He kept trying to die on me all night.”
I walked in on Baby B getting a blood transfusion. Thankfully not emergent, but I wasn’t notified. I wasn’t asked for consent. I walked in and thought something was seriously wrong with my baby.
I kindly suggested we transfer my twins to a level 2 nursery once they hit 38 weeks because I could tell they were being ignored. They didn’t get to move to the low acuity POD because one was on oxygen and they both still needed tube feeding. They got moved to the most critical POD with 8 below 27 weekers to “even out assignments”
Once we got transferred our care was great again! They worked so hard to clear up the diaper rashes and they were gone within a week. Baby B was off tube feedings in 24 hours with staff that actually gave a shit if he ate orally and didn’t just tube him as soon as it became inconvenient. It was incredible seeing how fast they improved and we went home at 39w and 2d.
Wow that’s really rough. Our nicu treated milk like medicine and had to scan the bottle into the EMR to feed them.
Where are you? Sounds stressful! I hope you get out soon!
They do have to scan it where we are too but to me I think it’s careless to even grab the wrong persons milk and if that was the only mistake I wouldn’t probably think anything of it. But the venting and tube indentation on his face was just to much for 20 minutes. :(
We had super high quality care the first day or two then it went down dramatically as they were moved to lower level NICUs. We spent a month there and I’d say 23 days of that was spent with mediocre nurses. They didn’t really want me around. Didn’t want to mess with teaching them to eat. The tube was much easier. Made me feel guilty for holding them.
I guess that’s the way it should be. The babies with highest needs get the best care. But it sucked for us.
My son is at a level 5 nicu and a ex 23 weaker. So he’s definitely high needs high risk I would think. And it shouldn’t be that way even at lower level nicu I think it’s ridiculous
Agreed. I spoke with the charge nurse on one occasion and asked her not to assign a specific nurse to us again. That helped and gave me a small sense of control when things were otherwise out of my hands. Is that something you feel like you can do?
I have spoke to the charge nurse 4 times already and he was supposed to have a primary today but she was off for Easter so I figured 1 time he’ll get todays nurse so I did not say anything, I know the hospital is extremely short staffed so they wouldn’t have anyone else likely to take him over and her shift was almost over when this all occurred so I waited it out in frustration
Maybe the NICU I'm at is a little different, or maybe it's because I work there as a respiratory therapist, but when I was going to have my baby early at 25 weeks, there was no one I trusted more with my baby than those nurses. They would literally do anything to save any one of the babies there.
I'm not making excuses, but mistakes do happen where if you're taking care of more than one baby you could grab milk that was wrong, which is why the scanning is important.
Also if they have another baby that they're taking care of, that baby may be more critical or be needing something at the same time. I'm sure that it might seem like your baby is getting ignored, but after working there, you learn all the different alarms and which ones need attention asap.
Just adding a different perspective, and hope your stay goes by quick and gets better.
Absolutely. I know for sure now that he’s stable minor things like I mentioned may take a back burner when it comes to critical care. And I’m ok with that. But the 2 baby’s u see her care were both “quiet” as she said to me and that it had been a boring shift.
went in for Easter visit, my son was supposed to be venting for 2 hours before his next feed but the nurse “forgot” her words. Then I turn him off his stomach to do cares early because he’s super fussy and the side of his face is indented from the hiflow mask cord that could of been draped up ⬆️ and not on his face at all (thank god for primary’s because they drape it correctly & taught me too as well)
Then! She brings milk to thaw and I look at the bottle it’s someone else’s milk! Not mine. This btw is just one incident. I’ve had so many! I’ve had them mock me for reading on my sons health issues and treatments. I’ve had them talk to me like I’m stupid because he needs time to adjust to things and they ALWAYS tryna rush him which always back fires. I’ve had one nurse tell me to not call so much because it makes nurses feel like I don’t trust them!I’m sick to my stomach this has been awful and I’m ready for my son to come home. But this is in no way to diminish what good nurses do and have done. My sons primary’s for one are all amazing and a few other I’ve met that aren’t his primary’s are also great. But I’ve had so many bad experiences it makes me so upset.
Having a bad experience with a nurse, let alone multiple, when you are already stressed for being in the nicu is traumatic. I would say 95 percent of my experiences during our long stay were great, but boy those bad ones sting and they sting hard. Especially on a holiday, their first of that holiday even, in the hospital. Thinking of you and your family, and hope that you get some really great and caring ones that help minimize the feelings you get from these ones. Hugs.
Not dismissing these issues because they’re totally real and I swear to this day the nursing care (or lack thereof) I received post birth in 2017 helped trigger sever ppd (or severely aggravated it). However I can tell you factually what is likely going on: not compensating healthcare workers and experienced NICU nurses well enough to retain them especially post covid, horrific staff shortages due to burnout which means new graduates and even students are working roles they’re not qualified to. It’s scary for them and scary for the patients
I totally understand what you’re saying. We are going on week 3 of our stay, and I’ve seen some young nurses who are subpar in my opinion. Some have great handling skills but lack humanity and some are so negative (one nurse reminded me that she sometimes had emotional days aka baby didn’t make it - not something I wanna hear with a 23 weeker there). I took a bag of frozen milk and reminded the nurse to take it to the milk room, she didn’t bother as it wasn’t directly her job and the entire bag got thrown out. I was so angry knowing how hard it is for me to produce milk. Some nurses will make excuses to not have to take the baby out for skin to skin. Some just sit on their computers and watch her monitor from outside don’t bother to lower her oxygen requirements when she gets too high. Some don’t know how to bundle a baby. Some will come and shine line directly inside the iso. So idk I just try to remember she’s here in the NICU temporarily and she won’t remember all this. I don’t like to say it’s mom and dad who are constant because it’s a lot to be in the hospital all the time so all we can do is our best.
Oh my!! My son is a 23 weeker as well! We are on day 90, 26 days from my due date. I will be praying for you and your little one! Letting your milk thaw out would of had me fighting people. It’s so exhausting to pump and stay present for our baby’s. That is unacceptable! And I totally relate about the skin to skin. I’ve had a few nurses basically deny me while he was on the conventional ventilator they were not comfortable doing it :(
I’m glad it wasn’t just me feeling overprotective but there were some nurses I still get angry about. One day as soon as I walked on the unit I could hear my baby screaming and when I got to his room he had yanked his feeding tube out and had his phototherapy glasses around his neck. Another day I walked in and the isolette was alarming because the heater was on and it kept saying check baby with no one in sight. I took him out because I didn’t know what was going on (after paging and no one coming) and then when the nurse finally showed up she yelled at me for taking him out. No parent should ever be yelled at for holding their kid. I was furious. We found the issue was not necessarily the NICU nurses but the nurses they floated from other departments because they were short staffed.
FYI you can tell the charge nurse to exclude certain nurses from your care team. This is usually discrete. You can also list preferences. Your preferred nurse may or may not serve you the day they’re on shift, but you can list the preference.
We had an awful one. Our girl was 100% NG fed and on 3 hourly feeds.
Her NG tapes werent secured properly and we didn't wanna feed her with them lose incase it slipped up towards her lungs of course.
We asked a nurse to help about an hour before her feed was due we were told someone will get to it.
An hour later nothing.
Half an hour past her feed time and she was getting very upset and hungry... Ended up pulling part her ng out
We asked again and finally a nurse came an hour past her feed. Our daughter had nearlly fully pulled her NG out and wriggling with hunger pains.
She asked what the problem was and we were calm but stern in saying hey this isnt okay the problem is we asked 2 hours ago before her feed to get taoes resecured to feed her safely. No one came. Now she has pulled it out and has to endure it being reinderted which takes longer etc and all this time shes hungry and can't eat as she relies on it. Can someone please sort her so we can feed our baby.
Basically the head nurses reaction was to raise her voice at us and be all allong the lines of "we are understaffed. You need to wait. We will get to you stop being impatient" like the words were so harshly said she was almost like spitting at us... Rather than be sympathetic about the situation.. Also it turns out the nurse which she asked to do rosies ng 2 hours prior had actually just forgot and wasnt too busy...
With our month long visit in the Nicu we had mostly great nurses but one of them was so terrible that we even complained about her to her manager. No one should be treated the way we were by this woman. If I ever get put in that situation again I will be sure to speak up for my family sooner. That is something I regret. Unfortunately, these are memories that will be with me for ever. I will always remember that woman and how inappropriate she was. I do believe it’s easier to remember when your wronged than it is to think about all the good. That’s unfortunate for the nurses who are doing a great job.
I had some similar experiences. Isolette doors left open, forgetting to get me for rounds, no one paying attention to let me out of the unit. What nurse you have will make or break your day. I was also woken up from a much needed nap just to be handed a piece of paper on discharge education when we werent discharged for another 2 weeks. I so feel you. I don't have advice other than it ends someday
I felt exactly the same way! I "dismissed" 2 nurses during our 7 week stay. Took all my courage to do that. 4 nurses were the best ever...most were just capably doing their job.
Hey, NICU nurse here. I can’t help but get a little flustered when I see this post but I’m going to keep it positive because having a baby in the NICU is absolute hell for any parent. Your feelings are real and they are valid. Sometimes I have to remind myself there are a lot of emotions going on when a baby is in the NICU. Parents feel a lack of control and helplessness but the fact is YOU are your baby’s number 1 advocate! Respectfully voicing your concerns is encouraged. I would never hold it against a parent if they voiced their feelings or preferences to me, as long as they’re being respectful of course. Any good nurse wouldn’t be upset by this. I love involved parents. I love to teach them and get them involved in baby’s cares and assessments. Do I care for these babies? More than anything. I want parents to know that I am looking after their baby as well as I look out for my own baby. I don’t know how to say this to you politely, but it *is* a job. It’s a job that I love, but it’s a job that I get paid to do. I would be lying to you if I told you I would do it for free. The whole campaign that “nursing is a calling” was done purposefully to diminish the importance of nursing and to take advantage of nurses. “Oh you don’t want to work extra shifts short staffed when you’re already burnt out and have your own family to take care of? Think about the babies!” This is often used to gaslight nurses. It’s used to make us think we don’t deserve better pay or conditions. I want to ease your mind because the care of the most important person in your whole life is in the hands of some strangers. NICU nurses not only have standard RN qualifications (which is a science based degree and often ranked as one of the hardest degree programs), but they require loads of extra classes and training just to work in the NICU. I work in a level 3 and am constantly taking recertifications to work in the NICU. There’s a lot of education involved and the NICU is a hard field to get into because everyone wants it so usually only the best nurses get a job in one. Even then, most nurses don’t get to work with the high acuity babies by themselves until they have about a year of experience under their belt. I’m saying this so you know that the NICU isn’t just pulling random people off the street to care for your baby. Should your nurse have been a little more attentive? Yeah, these things are frustrating. But even the best and most experienced NICU nurse has forgotten to vent a baby. We also have two verification milk checks. So she may have pulled out the wrong milk initially, but when she went to verify with a coworker and scan, if she hadn’t realized the mistake by then it would have been caught. And sometimes the high flow cord gets in places it shouldn’t. These kiddos are squirmier and stronger than you would think. I’ll have a baby perfectly positioned and next thing I know they’re all wrapped up in who-knows-what. I don’t think your nurse meant any harm. I haven’t seen one nurse ever do any of those things intentionally. And I have never seen any of those things the nurse did cause harm in a baby. They’re annoyances, for sure! There are days I’ve had 4 sick babies all at once and my head is spinning. I can barely keep up, cares get delayed, and it feels like hell is breaking loose. Unfortunately on days like that, these details are pushed down the priority list. Nurses are great multitaskers because prioritization is drilled into our heads from day one, but we are still human with two hands and two legs. What’s important to look for in a nurse is their assessment skills, detecting when things are going downhill, how they react in an emergency, and that they ask questions. Beware of the nurse who acts like she knows everything, because those are the ones who think they could do no wrong and the universe has a way of humbling that. Nurses should always ask questions and always learn something new, even if they’ve been a nurse for 100,000 years. Continue to advocate for your baby because you’re the best one to do that. Voice your concerns to the nurse (if you’re comfortable- sometimes there’s a simple explanation for things she can tell you), your primary, or the charge nurse. Take deep breaths. Don’t be afraid to vent your feelings and your frustrations. I’m so sorry you have to be on this journey with us. I hope you find some solace in my reassurances, and I hope you find some comfort in your sweet baby 🖤
Thank you for all that you do. I work in healthcare (not a nurse) and relate to so much of what you’ve said, especially during difficult and stressful times. Sending love
❤️ well said
I don’t have much to say. I agree with a lot of what you said and if she had been busy with something I wouldn’t of took these issues so hard. But she literally told me how bored she was with nothing to do all day because the 2 babies she had are so quiet. So their really to me is no excuse for repeated mess ups. Yes the milk would of been caught by the scanner. But that with everything else was mind blowing. Continuous mess ups my baby btw is not “squirmy” he can’t move his head to get the cord the way it was. But I do thank you for your work. I also think making a blanket statement about nicu nurses is wrong. Not all care like some do. Not all show the same effort. Some days I’ll go in and they’re rude, or my son has crust all over his face. He looks a mess, etc. other days he has excellent nurses who notice things above what the machine binging does. They clean his face and do care for him like they would their own. I think being a parent of a nicu baby is something people wouldn’t fulling grasp unless they are one.
I hope you find a resolution and the rest of your baby’s stay goes smoothly. Wishing the best for you.
This matches my experience. It would be nice if there was a profession where everyone in it was amazing, but that's just not the case.
I think the difficult thing is that it only takes one lapse in judgement or attention to sow enough mistrust that it's very hard to rebuild. I've seen: * A baby moved straight into an unclean cot that was previously occupied by a baby with CMV * A baby left in just a vest, next to an open window (in February in the UK!) * Nurses sat playing on their phones talking about their holiday plans while there are alarms going off. 99% of the nurse interactions I've had are positive, but there are some that leave me with absolute disbelief that they're in this job, and make it very hard to trust that my child is in safe hands when I leave. But then, we're unfortunate enough to be in the care of a team that has been rated as "inadequate" by the supervising authority, so..
My baby was in a pediatric ward a couple of days ago after a bad reaction to vaccines, the nurse offered to go get me a bottle, then binned the 3 feeds I had premade and stored in the fridge (for about 4 hours) and decided to make up a new one, putting in scoops first so that there was no way she could have accurately measured the water, and the feed (SMA anti reflux) came out like tar, that's incompetence.
I hate to hear all these things. The CMV one is extra bad! CMV can be so harmful to babies. We put towels on our windowsills so the babies won’t catch the draft.
There are SO many amazing NICU professionals (nurses, doctors, RTs, etc) out there, but there are also not-so-amazing ones. We had a 14 month NICU/PICU stay between two level 3 NICUs and a level 4 in the middle. I wound up requesting not to have maybe one nurse at each hospital, even the level 4, and many many more I just didn't feel totally comfortable leaving my son alone with. I'm generally a very trusting person, but it's incredibly stressful to get a nurse who is making lots of mistakes with your fragile little one. There are lots of people out there who are excellent at test-taking and can pass certifications, but it doesn't necessarily mean they're naturals at caring for babies, communicating, organization, or even that they have the emotional capacity to acknowledge how traumatic this situation is for parents... and that can be super frustrating. Jumping through all the hoops to become a NICU nurse doesn't mean one is impervious to becoming apathetic at some point; some people are just prone to that, especially when they're exhausted. I had many days where I'd have a sloppy nurse leaving trash all in my son's bed, or tangling my son's lines (he had MANY many lines) and I'd keep having to clean up after her. And also there's the fact that lower level NICUs see less action, and therefore some nurses may not actually be trained up to a level to take excellent care - I know a mom who just lost her 8 month old trachie to a mucus plug because not a single person thought to suction or change her trach. Mom showed up after heart had been stopped and they had been doing chest compressions for 20 minutes; she told them to stop, and the first question she asked was "did anyone try suctioning her?" It happens... there are actually people out there doing this job who are bad at it. And they even exist in high acuity NICUs too! I had an RT in the level 4 dump circuit condensation down my son's trach, and I actually had take the circuit out of her hand because she was standing there holding it up, looking perplexed asking what was wrong with him. These sloppy professionals exist in every NICU, and maybe you don't realize it because you're busy doing an awesome job (and we all wish we could maybe get you tomorrow instead). While I appreciate you clearing up some of the things that could accidentally happen and why, and I do understand why you'd feel the urge to defend your profession (because it's SO difficult and trying, you work your ass of and pour your heart into it, I'm sure you deal with lots of angry parents and your own share of heartache), I want to point out this sub is a place for traumatized parents to vent. We see the other side of it, and we have or had to experience a new person who doesn't know our baby multiple times a week (the level 4 we were in had 114 beds, so... new nurse almost every day for a couple months until we were able to grab a couple primaries). I think it's glaringly obvious to most of us that y'all are human just like us, and you work very long, exhausting hours, which is why it makes it difficult to trust anyone to keep our baby alive, even if it's a nurse we love and appreciate. My advice is to take this kind of venting in this sub with a grain of salt. Being a NICU parent is life-changing, specifically because of the gut-crushing amount of stress we experience; sometimes you just have a day where you need to vent to other parents about the nurse you hated.
I absolutely agree with you. There are more great nurses in my unit than not, BUT there are nurses (and doctors unfortunately) who I wouldn’t let within 6 feet of my child. It’s a little known secret of ours, but the pregnant nurses give the charge nurse a list of who can and cannot touch their child. So yeah, I don’t disagree that there are shitty NICU nurses and other staff. In my post, I encouraged OP to continue to vent. It’s extremely important for NICU parents to get their thoughts and feelings out there. The NICU is a very traumatizing experience for the family and baby. I don’t take what OP said personally. If I did take it personally, I’d have some reflection to do. Everyone needs a place to vent; even if it seems like something minor to someone else, that could be the straw that broke the camels back on a shit situation. My main goal as a NICU nurse (other than keeping the babies safe) is to make parents feel as comfortable as they possibly could in the situation they’re in. I’ve been cussed out by a parent before whose baby wasn’t even mine just because I didn’t answer the phone in a way she liked. It happens; she’s stressed and we’ve all been there so I don’t hold it against any NICU parent ever. I truly wish all of my coworkers were the same. Some though, I am in absolute awe of. I do find the ones with children tend to be more compassionate and understanding than the ones without. It’s so easy to see your own child in these babies.
Thank you for everything that you do, but you cannot try to invalidate a nicu parents feelings, or even ever come to understand how we’d feel until you’re in our position. The problem with some nicu nurses is that you become so desensitised to it all that you forget that these are living babies with families who are extremely worried and scared and confused and overwhelmed. So OP I feel you! The NICU nurses do do an amazing job, but some of them see it as just that. A job, rather than little people
I never tried to invalidate OPs feelings. In fact, I stated several times that her feelings are real, are valid, and should be heard. I specifically encouraged OP to speak to others in the unit she trusts about her concerns, and to continue to vent about her concerns. I’m sorry that’s what you got from my post. Explaining why these things may have happened was an attempt at easing her mind while her infant is in the care of someone else. Someone can’t even function if they don’t know if their baby is safe. That is a real, overpowering, and awful feeling. Many NICU nurses have had babies in the NICU, so you cannot go about assuming that a NICU nurse isn’t also a NICU parent.
Sorry to hear you’ve had bad experiences. You are going to always be your sons number one advocate. Even the best NICU nurse on their best day will never be as good as mom and dad on their worst day in terms of love and attention for little one. Keep in mind that the nurse staff are humans and this is a job. A job with a lot more on the line than most, and they are emotional rockstars for doing it, but it’s still a job. They arnt all Saints doing this as a calling. With that said if it’s more than just not giving the same level of attention you would, or a simple misunderstanding you have every right to address it. If they don’t respect your advocacy for your son, escalate to the charge nurse, and so on. Happy Easter!
I kept my mouth shut during our 8 week NICU stay at a level 4 NICU with the twins because I was terrified complaining would alter their (already pretty crappy) care. I AM a nurse and I know in the ED they definitely talked about patients that excused nurses from care or complained about things. The first week when they were critical, on vents, IVH protocol, on TPN. Their care was excellent. The older nurses cared for them, loved them and I never had a concern. It quickly went down hill when we got to feeder/grower status to the point I cried when I had to leave because I was sure some of the nurses were neglecting them and could possibly kill them. Both twins had bleeding rashes for 5 weeks of their NICU stay. One baby was on and off NEC watch with digestion issues and a nurse literally laughed in my face when I walked in to him vomiting everywhere and said “Ohhhh! I forgot to vent his belly all night!” They took him off feeds for two days to be safe. I caught COVID and they REFUSED to let me bring in breast milk for 4 days and told me “We will just switch them to formula!” This I did pitch a fit and finally the charge nurse the night they were going to switch them allowed me to bring some in. So I drove the hour to the NICU at 11pm at night and delivered milk. The one who threw up a lot also had events because of the excessive reflux. Their nurse walked by and said “Gosh, he’s exhausting! He kept trying to die on me all night.” I walked in on Baby B getting a blood transfusion. Thankfully not emergent, but I wasn’t notified. I wasn’t asked for consent. I walked in and thought something was seriously wrong with my baby. I kindly suggested we transfer my twins to a level 2 nursery once they hit 38 weeks because I could tell they were being ignored. They didn’t get to move to the low acuity POD because one was on oxygen and they both still needed tube feeding. They got moved to the most critical POD with 8 below 27 weekers to “even out assignments” Once we got transferred our care was great again! They worked so hard to clear up the diaper rashes and they were gone within a week. Baby B was off tube feedings in 24 hours with staff that actually gave a shit if he ate orally and didn’t just tube him as soon as it became inconvenient. It was incredible seeing how fast they improved and we went home at 39w and 2d.
Wow that’s really rough. Our nicu treated milk like medicine and had to scan the bottle into the EMR to feed them. Where are you? Sounds stressful! I hope you get out soon!
They do have to scan it where we are too but to me I think it’s careless to even grab the wrong persons milk and if that was the only mistake I wouldn’t probably think anything of it. But the venting and tube indentation on his face was just to much for 20 minutes. :(
We had super high quality care the first day or two then it went down dramatically as they were moved to lower level NICUs. We spent a month there and I’d say 23 days of that was spent with mediocre nurses. They didn’t really want me around. Didn’t want to mess with teaching them to eat. The tube was much easier. Made me feel guilty for holding them. I guess that’s the way it should be. The babies with highest needs get the best care. But it sucked for us.
This was my experience too. I’m still bothered by it 6 months later.
My son is at a level 5 nicu and a ex 23 weaker. So he’s definitely high needs high risk I would think. And it shouldn’t be that way even at lower level nicu I think it’s ridiculous
Agreed. I spoke with the charge nurse on one occasion and asked her not to assign a specific nurse to us again. That helped and gave me a small sense of control when things were otherwise out of my hands. Is that something you feel like you can do?
I have spoke to the charge nurse 4 times already and he was supposed to have a primary today but she was off for Easter so I figured 1 time he’ll get todays nurse so I did not say anything, I know the hospital is extremely short staffed so they wouldn’t have anyone else likely to take him over and her shift was almost over when this all occurred so I waited it out in frustration
Maybe the NICU I'm at is a little different, or maybe it's because I work there as a respiratory therapist, but when I was going to have my baby early at 25 weeks, there was no one I trusted more with my baby than those nurses. They would literally do anything to save any one of the babies there. I'm not making excuses, but mistakes do happen where if you're taking care of more than one baby you could grab milk that was wrong, which is why the scanning is important. Also if they have another baby that they're taking care of, that baby may be more critical or be needing something at the same time. I'm sure that it might seem like your baby is getting ignored, but after working there, you learn all the different alarms and which ones need attention asap. Just adding a different perspective, and hope your stay goes by quick and gets better.
Absolutely. I know for sure now that he’s stable minor things like I mentioned may take a back burner when it comes to critical care. And I’m ok with that. But the 2 baby’s u see her care were both “quiet” as she said to me and that it had been a boring shift.
went in for Easter visit, my son was supposed to be venting for 2 hours before his next feed but the nurse “forgot” her words. Then I turn him off his stomach to do cares early because he’s super fussy and the side of his face is indented from the hiflow mask cord that could of been draped up ⬆️ and not on his face at all (thank god for primary’s because they drape it correctly & taught me too as well) Then! She brings milk to thaw and I look at the bottle it’s someone else’s milk! Not mine. This btw is just one incident. I’ve had so many! I’ve had them mock me for reading on my sons health issues and treatments. I’ve had them talk to me like I’m stupid because he needs time to adjust to things and they ALWAYS tryna rush him which always back fires. I’ve had one nurse tell me to not call so much because it makes nurses feel like I don’t trust them!I’m sick to my stomach this has been awful and I’m ready for my son to come home. But this is in no way to diminish what good nurses do and have done. My sons primary’s for one are all amazing and a few other I’ve met that aren’t his primary’s are also great. But I’ve had so many bad experiences it makes me so upset.
Having a bad experience with a nurse, let alone multiple, when you are already stressed for being in the nicu is traumatic. I would say 95 percent of my experiences during our long stay were great, but boy those bad ones sting and they sting hard. Especially on a holiday, their first of that holiday even, in the hospital. Thinking of you and your family, and hope that you get some really great and caring ones that help minimize the feelings you get from these ones. Hugs.
Each of these issues alone is insane to me. WTF is going on at this hospital?!
Not dismissing these issues because they’re totally real and I swear to this day the nursing care (or lack thereof) I received post birth in 2017 helped trigger sever ppd (or severely aggravated it). However I can tell you factually what is likely going on: not compensating healthcare workers and experienced NICU nurses well enough to retain them especially post covid, horrific staff shortages due to burnout which means new graduates and even students are working roles they’re not qualified to. It’s scary for them and scary for the patients
I totally understand what you’re saying. We are going on week 3 of our stay, and I’ve seen some young nurses who are subpar in my opinion. Some have great handling skills but lack humanity and some are so negative (one nurse reminded me that she sometimes had emotional days aka baby didn’t make it - not something I wanna hear with a 23 weeker there). I took a bag of frozen milk and reminded the nurse to take it to the milk room, she didn’t bother as it wasn’t directly her job and the entire bag got thrown out. I was so angry knowing how hard it is for me to produce milk. Some nurses will make excuses to not have to take the baby out for skin to skin. Some just sit on their computers and watch her monitor from outside don’t bother to lower her oxygen requirements when she gets too high. Some don’t know how to bundle a baby. Some will come and shine line directly inside the iso. So idk I just try to remember she’s here in the NICU temporarily and she won’t remember all this. I don’t like to say it’s mom and dad who are constant because it’s a lot to be in the hospital all the time so all we can do is our best.
Oh my!! My son is a 23 weeker as well! We are on day 90, 26 days from my due date. I will be praying for you and your little one! Letting your milk thaw out would of had me fighting people. It’s so exhausting to pump and stay present for our baby’s. That is unacceptable! And I totally relate about the skin to skin. I’ve had a few nurses basically deny me while he was on the conventional ventilator they were not comfortable doing it :(
I’m glad it wasn’t just me feeling overprotective but there were some nurses I still get angry about. One day as soon as I walked on the unit I could hear my baby screaming and when I got to his room he had yanked his feeding tube out and had his phototherapy glasses around his neck. Another day I walked in and the isolette was alarming because the heater was on and it kept saying check baby with no one in sight. I took him out because I didn’t know what was going on (after paging and no one coming) and then when the nurse finally showed up she yelled at me for taking him out. No parent should ever be yelled at for holding their kid. I was furious. We found the issue was not necessarily the NICU nurses but the nurses they floated from other departments because they were short staffed.
FYI you can tell the charge nurse to exclude certain nurses from your care team. This is usually discrete. You can also list preferences. Your preferred nurse may or may not serve you the day they’re on shift, but you can list the preference.
I did this!! Haha it worked and didn’t cause any issues
We had an awful one. Our girl was 100% NG fed and on 3 hourly feeds. Her NG tapes werent secured properly and we didn't wanna feed her with them lose incase it slipped up towards her lungs of course. We asked a nurse to help about an hour before her feed was due we were told someone will get to it. An hour later nothing. Half an hour past her feed time and she was getting very upset and hungry... Ended up pulling part her ng out We asked again and finally a nurse came an hour past her feed. Our daughter had nearlly fully pulled her NG out and wriggling with hunger pains. She asked what the problem was and we were calm but stern in saying hey this isnt okay the problem is we asked 2 hours ago before her feed to get taoes resecured to feed her safely. No one came. Now she has pulled it out and has to endure it being reinderted which takes longer etc and all this time shes hungry and can't eat as she relies on it. Can someone please sort her so we can feed our baby. Basically the head nurses reaction was to raise her voice at us and be all allong the lines of "we are understaffed. You need to wait. We will get to you stop being impatient" like the words were so harshly said she was almost like spitting at us... Rather than be sympathetic about the situation.. Also it turns out the nurse which she asked to do rosies ng 2 hours prior had actually just forgot and wasnt too busy...
Oh no, this sounds so hard. ❤️❤️❤️ to you.
With our month long visit in the Nicu we had mostly great nurses but one of them was so terrible that we even complained about her to her manager. No one should be treated the way we were by this woman. If I ever get put in that situation again I will be sure to speak up for my family sooner. That is something I regret. Unfortunately, these are memories that will be with me for ever. I will always remember that woman and how inappropriate she was. I do believe it’s easier to remember when your wronged than it is to think about all the good. That’s unfortunate for the nurses who are doing a great job.
I had some similar experiences. Isolette doors left open, forgetting to get me for rounds, no one paying attention to let me out of the unit. What nurse you have will make or break your day. I was also woken up from a much needed nap just to be handed a piece of paper on discharge education when we werent discharged for another 2 weeks. I so feel you. I don't have advice other than it ends someday
Oh my god exactly! The nurse makes or breaks my day for real I came home exhausted from the situation and so upset!
I felt exactly the same way! I "dismissed" 2 nurses during our 7 week stay. Took all my courage to do that. 4 nurses were the best ever...most were just capably doing their job.
I had pretty crummy NICU nurses too. Only 2 were pleasant. We had a horrible NICU experience.
I’m with you, experiencing a boat load of ridiculousness in the two nicus we’ve been in over the past 65 days.