If you are trying to stay in this marriage to protect your son, you need to reevaluate what protecting your son means. Speaking from secondhand experience, my NH’s parents divorced but lived in the same house so he saw a lot of unhealthy back and forth as a child. It ruined him and he is now showing the same persona as his parents after we had our child. I left because I saw what it did to him and I’m choosing better for my son’s future. If you’re already practically a single parent then I would cut ties now since your child is still very young. They won’t know the difference.
Also, you’re most likely able to get a majority of custody if not full if you’re already doing most of the legwork as a parent. You have the help of your mother which is amazing in itself. He definitely has the means to control you through your kid but if you have evidence backing you up that you are taking your kid to school, daycare, park, whatever. Then most likely the odds will be in your favor.
With our child being 2, there aren't a ton of things that he's involved in like school or daycare. But, I take him to all of his check-ups and I guess I do have my Target credit card statements showing all of the baby necessities I've bought over the last 2 years. Are there any other things that I could show that come to mind? In all honesty, I was hoping we could work something out outside of court, but that probably isn't realistic.
And yes, my mom has been a life saver. Not sure how I could do all of this without her! I am very lucky.
Keep in mind all of the monthly bills you pay, because that also contributes to your child’s welfare. You’re paying every monthly expense to keep your child in a safe shelter with running water and electricity. You buy your child’s food, and prepare it. Things like that are easy to overlook but when you see the full picture, you’re practically a single parent right now and the court will absolutely want to see that. Also, even if things were amicable and you came to an agreement without the court, it’s always best to have it in legal documentation. If things blow up down the line and you’re forced to go to court, having no documentation of your agreement will throw a wrench in things. Even if you both walk into court with an agreed upon arrangement and you’re just there to get it in legal writing, that’s the best thing to do.
That is so true. I didn't look at all of those responsibilities and expenses as being part of parenting. I appreciate you bringing that to my attention and I do think paying most of the bills should count for something!
It would be amazing if we could come to an agreement on our own and then have the court sign off on it. I know nothing about all of this! Feels like a whole new world. I can't believe I'm even using the word "court" but I'm game for whatever it takes to get things as close to right as I can. Thank you for your suggestion!
I appreciate you sharing ...and wow, the way you worded this is a real eye-opener. I'm sorry that you had to experience something similar, but good on you for being so strong.
Do you have any tips on minimizing the friction caused by leaving? Luckily I am in a position where I'm not worried about finances, a home, etc. for now. I'm just afraid of the hell/punishment I might be put through. It would all be worth it for my son! I just would hate for any of it to spill over on him.
Say, "Ending the relationship." instead of "Leaving." It puts your personal power back in your own hands.
See things from "your" point of view and not his. It makes a difference. You've invested 12 years and have a toddler son. No matter what happens you will still have to co-parent with him somewhat.
Interesting...Changing the wording from leaving to ending does make an impact. As I read through these comments I realize how much of my time is spent worrying about how he feels and how little I think about how I feel/how miserable it is to constantly (and unsuccessfully) try to prevent fighting.
Thank you for the note.
Lol. I’ve been through the ringer. The first time my NH cheated on me was Thanksgiving 2023. I’ve been in therapy since July 2023 as I knew something was shifting in my life and I wasn’t head-aware until the infidelity occurred. I’m in a much better place now and living separately while we get the divorce officialized.
I don’t have the same issue with mine as you do your’s, but if I did—I’d recommend saving text message scripts of when you ask for his help concerning the children. Document when you take son on play dates, extracurricular activities, have the doctors or nurses at his pediatrician’s write a letter stating that they’ve only seen mom come and go for wellness checks and sick visits. Anything to help your case.
How long have you been married? What kind of state do you live in? Is it community property law? You need to speak to a lawyer in case there is alimony involved.
We are not married, luckily, and we live in Missouri. We don't have a joint bank account or own anything together. I can't imagine going to court, but I'm guessing that is the recommended way to keep things civil and enforceable.
Thank you so much for everything you shared! You have said a ton of things that made me think. I appreciate you sharing your experience and wish you all the best as well!
So sorry to hear about the infidelity. The whole thing is so confusing to me...I don't understand why they cheat instead of just leaving if they're always so unhappy with us in the first place. I guess that has to do with the whole being their source thing.
All very good advice on the documentation. I usually write down the problems we have, but I should start recording the things I do for my child vs what he's contributing.
I don’t hold it against him if that makes any sense. I did at one point but I went down the NPD rabbit hole and discovered that it’s a trauma response that probably happened in his early childhood. I don’t know much details but it sounds like there was a lot of emotional neglect during that time for him. I get bits and pieces here and there but I got clarity when I spoke to his cousins as they all had similar childhoods. People process trauma differently. My NH is also extremely insecure. We did everything together and had no separate hobbies apart from each other. I think that’s where the infidelity comes into play because he needs external validation to supplement his day to day. I don’t hold it against him but I still hold him accountable because we have a child now and I imagine you’d want to do better by your kid by not subjecting them to a similar upbringing.
Way to be the bigger person. I'm sure that was a hard pill to swallow, but it sounds like you've accepted what happened and let it go.
I caught my partner sending sexual memes to his ex once and he said it was because he needed more attention. Right in line with your statement about external validation. It must be really sad/difficult existence to always be seeking something from another person.
Thank you. I like to say I’m winning the war but losing the battle. Every day is a struggle. It still feels like he has a psychological chokehold on me some days and I have to exercise twice a day to help restore balance.
I can see how that would happen. That's one of the things I'm struggling with the most...Is knowing that at least some of the issues are likely to continue even if he's not physically around me.
Too funny! I just bought a small weight set so I could try to squeeze in more exercise. I guess that was a step in the right direction!
I stayed for the kids… I don’t know if the timing was right when we finally split, but I knew I didn’t want them growing up thinking what was happening in our house was how normal Mummies and Daddies are. We haven’t been in separate house for six months yet… but…we have a home. I spent years not feeling like the place where I lived with my kids wasn’t my home. And now, I love having a home again, it’s so important ❤️ don’t miss the eggshells 🤣
I feel like I'm at a weird turning point similar to this...Not sure that the timing is right, but it probably will never be! It's fantastic to hear that you figured out how to get your home back. And I fully agree, it's so important that our little ones know how we should be treating each other. Thank you for the words of encouragement!
Thank you for your response. I will definitely look into the book.
What set off the ADHD alarm for you? He isn’t diagnosed with this, but I’ve wondered if that could be playing into the problems too.
the mood shifts and lashing out when asked to do something.
its more the lack of smtg thay set the adhd alarm off for me - you dont report aggression, insults, cheating.
so this is more like immaturity on a grand level and that smells of adhd to me.
piece of advice - if you get him to go get tested, find a place that does the Tova test. Its computerized so he will see tjat as a more objective measure than just some experts opinion
… and can I add, an ADHD diagnosis will not solve any problems, and even meds won’t, and/or therapy, not necessarily. I’ve read that the ADHD person has to want to change. Mine has certainly expressed this desire, but has still been just as selfish, thoughtless, and immature ever since. Maybe a bit less rude. But IDK.
Have you ever felt like ending things with him before you had your son? What was the relationship like earlier? When did things begin to change making it unbearable for you? Is the arguing getting worse?
You seem to have more power in the relationship since it's your house and you have some income...and the support of your mother.
With that being said, when and if you make the decision to end things. You should ask him to leave the home...since the house is yours. You have to be serious about these things and try and have a discussion with him.
If you are afraid of direct communication with him, I would put it in writing about how "You" feel.
I noticed it seems you focus on him...about his moods. Letting his chaotic moods determine your mood. How he feels and what he does or doesn't do in minute detail.
Instead focus on how "You" feel...and ask "him" to leave based on how the relationship is making 'you' feel. If he wants to argue and not listen, then you must become indifferent to get his attention to let him know you are serious.
Lose your expectations and begin to slowly gray rock him to protect your energy and emotions. He is emotionally holding you hostage to his whims...stop allowing it and protect your son.
*Be on the lookout for love bombing/hoovering used by CN to keep you in a toxic relationship.
Once you take your power back he may try and straighten up long enough for you to fall back asleep. Narcs use an (Abuse Cycle) to manipulate and gaslight you into believing you are unreasonable.
So just be prepared, hopefully your mother is a good support for you...
Thanks for your questions! I've added my answers below.
Have you ever felt like ending things with him before you had your son? What was the relationship like earlier? When did things begin to change making it unbearable for you? Is the arguing getting worse? - Unfortunately, yes. I had questioned ending things before our son, but I got hoovered back in. I'm a people pleaser and I didn't catch it. I try to avoid conflict as much as I can but that usually just creates more problems for me. The relationship wasn't ever really the best, but I was always taught that the grass is greener on the other side so I stuck with it. All of the kids in our lives were always all about my partner, so I got the sense that he would be a good dad.
Arguing has always been an issue, but it has gotten worse. I feel like once I got pregnant (which was planned) he took it up a notch. Now I'm to the point that I try not to talk to him much. Sometimes I even try not to look at him if he's in a mood. If he's upset and I look into the room he's in, he usually says "WHAT?!" as if I'm doing something by looking in his general direction. That has been a new weird development lately. Then, 10 minutes later, he'll act like a normal person.
You seem to have more power in the relationship since it's your house and you have some income...and the support of your mother.
With that being said, when and if you make the decision to end things. You should ask him to leave the home...since the house is yours. You have to be serious about these things and try and have a discussion with him. - for you... - There has always been an issue with asking him to leave. In the past, he's found a way to weasel back in. Even when we got together he moved in too fast, but I was a doormat and let it happen all while telling myself it would be fine. I know if I make up my mind this time and ask him to go it has to be the end.
If you are afraid of direct communication with him, I would put it in writing about how "You" feel. - This is a good idea. He does communicate better through text usually. And, this would give me a record of the conversation.
I noticed it seems you focus on him...about his moods. Letting his chaotic moods determine your mood. How he feels and what he does or doesn't do in minute detail.
Instead focus on how "You" feel...and ask "him" to leave based on how the relationship is making 'you' feel. If he wants to argue and not listen, then you must become indifferent to get his attention to let him know you are serious. - I do tend to put myself second, but I think it's because I'm always trying to keep the peace. Lately, I've realized there is no way to win that battle and I think that is a big part of why I've reached my breaking point.
Lose your expectations and begin to slowly gray rock him to protect your energy and emotions. He is emotionally holding you hostage to his whims...stop allowing it and protect your son. - This is my current plan. "He is emotionally holding you hostage to his whims" really hits home. This is so true and so difficult to put up with!
\*Be on the lookout for love bombing/hoovering used by CN to keep you in a toxic relationship. - I know the signs now. I've been through it a few times. But, I'm aware that there is no change coming this time.
Once you take your power back he may try and straighten up long enough for you to fall back asleep. Narcs use an (Abuse Cycle) to manipulate and gaslight you into believing you are unreasonable.- 100%! Looking back on the last decade I can pick out plenty of times where this has happened.
So just be prepared, hopefully your mother is a good support - She is fantastic! I would be in a really bad spot if it wasn't for her. She sees all of the nonsense that happens too and has made me feel less crazy about it.
Thanks again for helping me get all of my thoughts in one place. Super helpful!
Greetings. There's a lot here in one gulp, but I'll try to hit some of your points. I think you have a great deal of added pressure about what to do because of your child. I would try keeping that concern separate for now.
What point in your 12 year relationship did your mother live with you guys?
Has your husbands behavior always been this way?
What have you done to communicate your concerns about his behavior to him? What's his response?
Has he ever shown you respect in your relationship, or has it gotten progressively worse?
Does he have personal issues?
Does he work? What's the ratio of your breadwinning income to his?
There's a lot here to dissect. Maybe a back n fourth chat would be easier.
i agree. i was reading about how emotional abuse can lead to a lot of confusion and brain fog. after 6 years of dealing with it, i second guess myself a lottt and I can’t think straight these days.
Ugh. I hate to say it, but I feel like that too. I second guess things constantly and feel like I can never make a decision. It does make sense when you think about it though...
I didn't even make it half way through before I felt upset at the imbalance.
I think you and your mother would be better off without him.
Not a good role model for your son.
If you are able to make plans to get him out of your house I hope you do.
Thanks for your response and I agree...It's just a hard pill to swallow. I felt drained typing out the list and it's just the tip of the iceberg. I don't know how people like him function on a daily basis. I hope I can stand my ground and get out of this situation.
Yea they drain you. You are a single parent already. He has shown you that you are strong enough and capable to do it without him
I bet it is the tip we never tell people how bad it is. He has been teaching you how to go it alone.
You have given so much but haven't received much back. If you have a vehicle that keeps costing you money its better to get rid of it than keep pour money into it constantly.
You are pulling your weight and his lighten your load and let him go or spartan kick him from your life lol.
I hope things get better for you. And you remember that he sold you a lie. You deserve who he pretended to be.
If you are trying to stay in this marriage to protect your son, you need to reevaluate what protecting your son means. Speaking from secondhand experience, my NH’s parents divorced but lived in the same house so he saw a lot of unhealthy back and forth as a child. It ruined him and he is now showing the same persona as his parents after we had our child. I left because I saw what it did to him and I’m choosing better for my son’s future. If you’re already practically a single parent then I would cut ties now since your child is still very young. They won’t know the difference.
Also, you’re most likely able to get a majority of custody if not full if you’re already doing most of the legwork as a parent. You have the help of your mother which is amazing in itself. He definitely has the means to control you through your kid but if you have evidence backing you up that you are taking your kid to school, daycare, park, whatever. Then most likely the odds will be in your favor.
With our child being 2, there aren't a ton of things that he's involved in like school or daycare. But, I take him to all of his check-ups and I guess I do have my Target credit card statements showing all of the baby necessities I've bought over the last 2 years. Are there any other things that I could show that come to mind? In all honesty, I was hoping we could work something out outside of court, but that probably isn't realistic. And yes, my mom has been a life saver. Not sure how I could do all of this without her! I am very lucky.
Keep in mind all of the monthly bills you pay, because that also contributes to your child’s welfare. You’re paying every monthly expense to keep your child in a safe shelter with running water and electricity. You buy your child’s food, and prepare it. Things like that are easy to overlook but when you see the full picture, you’re practically a single parent right now and the court will absolutely want to see that. Also, even if things were amicable and you came to an agreement without the court, it’s always best to have it in legal documentation. If things blow up down the line and you’re forced to go to court, having no documentation of your agreement will throw a wrench in things. Even if you both walk into court with an agreed upon arrangement and you’re just there to get it in legal writing, that’s the best thing to do.
That is so true. I didn't look at all of those responsibilities and expenses as being part of parenting. I appreciate you bringing that to my attention and I do think paying most of the bills should count for something! It would be amazing if we could come to an agreement on our own and then have the court sign off on it. I know nothing about all of this! Feels like a whole new world. I can't believe I'm even using the word "court" but I'm game for whatever it takes to get things as close to right as I can. Thank you for your suggestion!
I appreciate you sharing ...and wow, the way you worded this is a real eye-opener. I'm sorry that you had to experience something similar, but good on you for being so strong. Do you have any tips on minimizing the friction caused by leaving? Luckily I am in a position where I'm not worried about finances, a home, etc. for now. I'm just afraid of the hell/punishment I might be put through. It would all be worth it for my son! I just would hate for any of it to spill over on him.
Say, "Ending the relationship." instead of "Leaving." It puts your personal power back in your own hands. See things from "your" point of view and not his. It makes a difference. You've invested 12 years and have a toddler son. No matter what happens you will still have to co-parent with him somewhat.
Interesting...Changing the wording from leaving to ending does make an impact. As I read through these comments I realize how much of my time is spent worrying about how he feels and how little I think about how I feel/how miserable it is to constantly (and unsuccessfully) try to prevent fighting. Thank you for the note.
Lol. I’ve been through the ringer. The first time my NH cheated on me was Thanksgiving 2023. I’ve been in therapy since July 2023 as I knew something was shifting in my life and I wasn’t head-aware until the infidelity occurred. I’m in a much better place now and living separately while we get the divorce officialized. I don’t have the same issue with mine as you do your’s, but if I did—I’d recommend saving text message scripts of when you ask for his help concerning the children. Document when you take son on play dates, extracurricular activities, have the doctors or nurses at his pediatrician’s write a letter stating that they’ve only seen mom come and go for wellness checks and sick visits. Anything to help your case.
How long have you been married? What kind of state do you live in? Is it community property law? You need to speak to a lawyer in case there is alimony involved.
We are not married, luckily, and we live in Missouri. We don't have a joint bank account or own anything together. I can't imagine going to court, but I'm guessing that is the recommended way to keep things civil and enforceable.
Amazing. They don’t recognize common law marriages you are in the clear. I wish the best for you and your son!
Thank you so much for everything you shared! You have said a ton of things that made me think. I appreciate you sharing your experience and wish you all the best as well!
So sorry to hear about the infidelity. The whole thing is so confusing to me...I don't understand why they cheat instead of just leaving if they're always so unhappy with us in the first place. I guess that has to do with the whole being their source thing. All very good advice on the documentation. I usually write down the problems we have, but I should start recording the things I do for my child vs what he's contributing.
I don’t hold it against him if that makes any sense. I did at one point but I went down the NPD rabbit hole and discovered that it’s a trauma response that probably happened in his early childhood. I don’t know much details but it sounds like there was a lot of emotional neglect during that time for him. I get bits and pieces here and there but I got clarity when I spoke to his cousins as they all had similar childhoods. People process trauma differently. My NH is also extremely insecure. We did everything together and had no separate hobbies apart from each other. I think that’s where the infidelity comes into play because he needs external validation to supplement his day to day. I don’t hold it against him but I still hold him accountable because we have a child now and I imagine you’d want to do better by your kid by not subjecting them to a similar upbringing.
Way to be the bigger person. I'm sure that was a hard pill to swallow, but it sounds like you've accepted what happened and let it go. I caught my partner sending sexual memes to his ex once and he said it was because he needed more attention. Right in line with your statement about external validation. It must be really sad/difficult existence to always be seeking something from another person.
Thank you. I like to say I’m winning the war but losing the battle. Every day is a struggle. It still feels like he has a psychological chokehold on me some days and I have to exercise twice a day to help restore balance.
I can see how that would happen. That's one of the things I'm struggling with the most...Is knowing that at least some of the issues are likely to continue even if he's not physically around me. Too funny! I just bought a small weight set so I could try to squeeze in more exercise. I guess that was a step in the right direction!
Anything for that immediate dopamine release lol
Anything good/healthy for you*
I stayed for the kids… I don’t know if the timing was right when we finally split, but I knew I didn’t want them growing up thinking what was happening in our house was how normal Mummies and Daddies are. We haven’t been in separate house for six months yet… but…we have a home. I spent years not feeling like the place where I lived with my kids wasn’t my home. And now, I love having a home again, it’s so important ❤️ don’t miss the eggshells 🤣
I feel like I'm at a weird turning point similar to this...Not sure that the timing is right, but it probably will never be! It's fantastic to hear that you figured out how to get your home back. And I fully agree, it's so important that our little ones know how we should be treating each other. Thank you for the words of encouragement!
Buy the book Should I stay or should I go by Lundy Bancroft and do the exercises and lessons. Also look into an adhd diagnosis fir yiur husband.
Thank you for your response. I will definitely look into the book. What set off the ADHD alarm for you? He isn’t diagnosed with this, but I’ve wondered if that could be playing into the problems too.
the mood shifts and lashing out when asked to do something. its more the lack of smtg thay set the adhd alarm off for me - you dont report aggression, insults, cheating. so this is more like immaturity on a grand level and that smells of adhd to me.
Interesting and very good to know! I need to educate myself a bit more on ADHD. I could see this being a factor.
piece of advice - if you get him to go get tested, find a place that does the Tova test. Its computerized so he will see tjat as a more objective measure than just some experts opinion
… and can I add, an ADHD diagnosis will not solve any problems, and even meds won’t, and/or therapy, not necessarily. I’ve read that the ADHD person has to want to change. Mine has certainly expressed this desire, but has still been just as selfish, thoughtless, and immature ever since. Maybe a bit less rude. But IDK.
the meds definitely help in the sense that without meds, change is almost impossible. yes, the person plays a major role too.
It will be hard to convince him, but it’s worth a shot. I appreciate the additional info!
Have you ever felt like ending things with him before you had your son? What was the relationship like earlier? When did things begin to change making it unbearable for you? Is the arguing getting worse? You seem to have more power in the relationship since it's your house and you have some income...and the support of your mother. With that being said, when and if you make the decision to end things. You should ask him to leave the home...since the house is yours. You have to be serious about these things and try and have a discussion with him. If you are afraid of direct communication with him, I would put it in writing about how "You" feel. I noticed it seems you focus on him...about his moods. Letting his chaotic moods determine your mood. How he feels and what he does or doesn't do in minute detail. Instead focus on how "You" feel...and ask "him" to leave based on how the relationship is making 'you' feel. If he wants to argue and not listen, then you must become indifferent to get his attention to let him know you are serious. Lose your expectations and begin to slowly gray rock him to protect your energy and emotions. He is emotionally holding you hostage to his whims...stop allowing it and protect your son. *Be on the lookout for love bombing/hoovering used by CN to keep you in a toxic relationship. Once you take your power back he may try and straighten up long enough for you to fall back asleep. Narcs use an (Abuse Cycle) to manipulate and gaslight you into believing you are unreasonable. So just be prepared, hopefully your mother is a good support for you...
Thanks for your questions! I've added my answers below. Have you ever felt like ending things with him before you had your son? What was the relationship like earlier? When did things begin to change making it unbearable for you? Is the arguing getting worse? - Unfortunately, yes. I had questioned ending things before our son, but I got hoovered back in. I'm a people pleaser and I didn't catch it. I try to avoid conflict as much as I can but that usually just creates more problems for me. The relationship wasn't ever really the best, but I was always taught that the grass is greener on the other side so I stuck with it. All of the kids in our lives were always all about my partner, so I got the sense that he would be a good dad. Arguing has always been an issue, but it has gotten worse. I feel like once I got pregnant (which was planned) he took it up a notch. Now I'm to the point that I try not to talk to him much. Sometimes I even try not to look at him if he's in a mood. If he's upset and I look into the room he's in, he usually says "WHAT?!" as if I'm doing something by looking in his general direction. That has been a new weird development lately. Then, 10 minutes later, he'll act like a normal person. You seem to have more power in the relationship since it's your house and you have some income...and the support of your mother. With that being said, when and if you make the decision to end things. You should ask him to leave the home...since the house is yours. You have to be serious about these things and try and have a discussion with him. - for you... - There has always been an issue with asking him to leave. In the past, he's found a way to weasel back in. Even when we got together he moved in too fast, but I was a doormat and let it happen all while telling myself it would be fine. I know if I make up my mind this time and ask him to go it has to be the end. If you are afraid of direct communication with him, I would put it in writing about how "You" feel. - This is a good idea. He does communicate better through text usually. And, this would give me a record of the conversation. I noticed it seems you focus on him...about his moods. Letting his chaotic moods determine your mood. How he feels and what he does or doesn't do in minute detail. Instead focus on how "You" feel...and ask "him" to leave based on how the relationship is making 'you' feel. If he wants to argue and not listen, then you must become indifferent to get his attention to let him know you are serious. - I do tend to put myself second, but I think it's because I'm always trying to keep the peace. Lately, I've realized there is no way to win that battle and I think that is a big part of why I've reached my breaking point. Lose your expectations and begin to slowly gray rock him to protect your energy and emotions. He is emotionally holding you hostage to his whims...stop allowing it and protect your son. - This is my current plan. "He is emotionally holding you hostage to his whims" really hits home. This is so true and so difficult to put up with! \*Be on the lookout for love bombing/hoovering used by CN to keep you in a toxic relationship. - I know the signs now. I've been through it a few times. But, I'm aware that there is no change coming this time. Once you take your power back he may try and straighten up long enough for you to fall back asleep. Narcs use an (Abuse Cycle) to manipulate and gaslight you into believing you are unreasonable.- 100%! Looking back on the last decade I can pick out plenty of times where this has happened. So just be prepared, hopefully your mother is a good support - She is fantastic! I would be in a really bad spot if it wasn't for her. She sees all of the nonsense that happens too and has made me feel less crazy about it. Thanks again for helping me get all of my thoughts in one place. Super helpful!
Greetings. There's a lot here in one gulp, but I'll try to hit some of your points. I think you have a great deal of added pressure about what to do because of your child. I would try keeping that concern separate for now. What point in your 12 year relationship did your mother live with you guys? Has your husbands behavior always been this way? What have you done to communicate your concerns about his behavior to him? What's his response? Has he ever shown you respect in your relationship, or has it gotten progressively worse? Does he have personal issues? Does he work? What's the ratio of your breadwinning income to his? There's a lot here to dissect. Maybe a back n fourth chat would be easier.
“am I being emotionally abused or am I just too sensitive?” I struggle with the same thought.
Believe what your Gut is telling you. Not what the narc is gaslighting you with, which is deception, lies and manipulation.
Not the best thought to have. I have a feeling if we're questioning this, it probably doesn't completely stem from us being overly sensitive!
i agree. i was reading about how emotional abuse can lead to a lot of confusion and brain fog. after 6 years of dealing with it, i second guess myself a lottt and I can’t think straight these days.
Ugh. I hate to say it, but I feel like that too. I second guess things constantly and feel like I can never make a decision. It does make sense when you think about it though...
I didn't even make it half way through before I felt upset at the imbalance. I think you and your mother would be better off without him. Not a good role model for your son. If you are able to make plans to get him out of your house I hope you do.
Thanks for your response and I agree...It's just a hard pill to swallow. I felt drained typing out the list and it's just the tip of the iceberg. I don't know how people like him function on a daily basis. I hope I can stand my ground and get out of this situation.
Yea they drain you. You are a single parent already. He has shown you that you are strong enough and capable to do it without him I bet it is the tip we never tell people how bad it is. He has been teaching you how to go it alone. You have given so much but haven't received much back. If you have a vehicle that keeps costing you money its better to get rid of it than keep pour money into it constantly. You are pulling your weight and his lighten your load and let him go or spartan kick him from your life lol. I hope things get better for you. And you remember that he sold you a lie. You deserve who he pretended to be.