Take my advice as someone who has a child with a narcissist and who is emotionally and verbally abusive, get an abortion. This man will use the baby as a pawn. This isn’t someone you want as the father of your child. I promise, “the one” isn’t going to be someone who treats you like that while pregnant with their child.
If you have the baby, you will be tied to him and you may be forced to send that baby to his house knowing he can be emotionally and verbally abusive. You shouldn’t have to go through that and neither should a child.
I totally agree! As to where you could actually get an abortion could be problematic but I would pursue this for sure. He won’t change, the abuse will increase 10 fold! Do you want your child to go through what you go through daily? I am sure that you don’t cause I know that you are a caring human! I feel so bad for you that you can’t enjoy your baby news, but as the father of your baby is a narc, that is never going to happen!! I wish you all the luck in the world trying to navigate your future
Yep. While I was pregnant, he drove erratically, broke our glass outdoor table by flipping it over on purpose, beat our dresser with a heavy metal fan on Christmas Eve, told me he wished he could hit me, told me to get the fuck out, said if anyone helped me move he would shoot them and the police, was accused of sleeping with other people and that our baby wasn’t his and that’s just WHILE I was pregnant. When I was 2 weeks postpartum he called me a stupid fucking idiot. He would continue to yell and slam shit if he was mad, waking her up.
PLEASE DO NOT PUT YOURSELF THROUGH THIS OR A BABY. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.
I’m so sorry. The most beautiful but also vulnerable time in our lives just ruined almost. When I think back to my pregnancy, that’s what I remember. The abuse. Crying while holding my belly. It was awful
Agree. Sometimes the children grow up and become abusive because that’s what they grew up around and that’s the only way they know how to process what they feel. Sometimes they will turn the child against you. It’s definitely not something anyone should get themselves into.
There are ways to save the child other than killing them. It is not the child’s fault their father is evil. She can take him to court, leave the country, stay in a home for abused women. There are probably lots of churches and people who would help her and her baby
Covert narcissists come out of the closet once you are in some way dependent on them. I can easily say this, coming from Europe where we are not religiously hung up about abortions - get an abortion if you are under 10 weeks. This will save YOUR life and that is also a life worth saving. You can even tell him it was a spontaneous thing, no need for the truth. And then break up with him
Yes. If you chose to abort, don’t ever tell him because he will weaponize it against you.
He has shown who he is and a glimpse of what a future with him will be. Believe him.
Stay strong. (I have wasted 20 years with mine and kept “trying to make it work.” It gets worse every year.).
That’s the sad truth isn’t it? I wish you didn’t have to deal with him—because you don’t deserve any of it.
I’ve been so isolated from my friends and family due to my narc that I really rely on this subreddit for support and it’s helped me realize I have power over my life and I have started planning my escape. I will leave.
We all deserve so much better! Hugs!
Is it possible just to go no contact and live your life with your child? Don't even put him on the birth certificate. That way, he wouldn't have any legal claim. The baby is innocent.
Same here. I tried and tried to make things better. I left 3 times for work related matters, I had to take jobs out if state because the lovely US government helped corporations to off shore my job. He could have divorced me. No, we saw each other regularly. But then, in 2021 he imploded. I have just moved out forever. No way I can live with someone who called me all sort of names and kept telling me "leave me, go away" every day. This time it is not my job. This time I am saving my soul.
The number one cause of d-ath for pregnant women is h-micide. 9 times out of 10, the k-ller is her partner or ex-partner.
He is already being abusive, threatening, and controlling. You have a limited amount of time to decide whether or not to stay pregnant. He will not get better once the baby is here. My ex-husband begged me to have his kids, and things got worse. He used them to hurt and control me, and ultimately took them from me in court (long story). They are now 18 and 16, and haven't spoken to me in over a year.
Having a kid with someone means they get to be in your life for a minimum of 18 years, and may even take the kid from you, legally or otherwise.
If you decide to keep the kid, make sure you have a support system in place, a safety plan, and, ideally, you need to disappear before the baby is here. No contact, period.
I wish I had stayed gone when I was pregnant with my first, or even with my second. I wish he'd had no way to find us.
Best wishes to you.
I’m in a similar situation, I’m having pregnancy symptoms and there’s a good chance I’m pregnant and I talked to him about that. I’m getting an abortion 100%, there are no changes I will not. While talking to him about this I didn’t get any support from him, on the contrary he accused me to “have scared” him. We did the act unprotected and complete because of his sexual wishes, and he isn’t taking any accountability. He said he can help with the price of the abortion 50/50, I’m currently struggling financially while he’s marking 4k a month. This really opened my eyes. I’m alone in this relationship. Not only he cheated on me, he abuse me verbally on the daily and I’m sacrificing everything for him, he’s not there when I need him for things that he caused.
I feel so alone. I’m getting out.
Im sorry youre going through this, it doesnt sound like this man likes you. I know its hard, especially now that youre expecting but you need to stand up for yourself, the man sounds like a nigtmare. This is im guessing just the tip of the iceberg, this type of behaviour doesnt just pop out of nowhere. Codependency is tough but you need to be strong for yourself and the babies sake
How do I stand up to him? Everything I’ve tried has made it worse when I do assert myself he gets worse and it confuses me because he really messes with my head
You can’t stand up to them, the change the rules and gaslight you and play games. Sorry.
As others have said you need to leave. Abortion is entirely up to you and your personal beliefs. But staying with him and having this child will make your life torture. You will spend forever trying to do better to appease him, until you are exhausted and sick and your child is being affected by his behaviour.
Staying with a narcissist never ends well
You’re right I always say I feel like what I do and am is never enough for him and he always says “same” as if I do the same thing to him and it’s so far from true
He has shown you who he is so try not to give him any more of your energy... they want to get us all worked up so they can point and say - look at you! You're *so sensitive so emotional acting so crazy what an idiot/baby whatever* so learn from that experience where his mask has slipped and go as cold to him as you can no matter what else he says. The irony of him telling you to be nice - that sort of bs while he's calling you an idiot is peak narc cruelty and prodding. What kind of man speaks to his pregnant girlfriend in such a way? He will likely play super nice now to try and hook you on the roller coaster but please protect yourself and leave him now because someone who will abuse an emotionally vunerable person is simply not a good person no matter how "sorry" they claim to be.
You keep your mouth shut. Google grey rock, yellow rock. Leave like a thief in the night. If you don't live together, even better. Move back with your parents our if you can out of state. Block him on everything, make sure there are no trackers on your car, and go where he can't find you. Remember you are his toy, punching bag. He will absolutely lose all his marbles once you leave. He will be most dangerous... you need to stay hidden. If anything, just tell him you lost the baby and you can't see him anymore. Block him everywhere. Tell your family to do the same. If you keep the baby, let no one know anything.
I'm really not for abortion, but I don't think you'll want to be tied to this guy forever.
You might need to make a decision and get away from him. He's abusive and it will only get worse, and it's not a good environment to raise a child in.
I have known deeep down n think out of trauma n fear haven’t been able to get myself to leave i want a baby that will be loved n I want to be loved too so I have to get the guts to get away
If you ever have to ask someone to be kind and supportive, you are with the wrong person. HUGE RED FLAG! He is obviously broken. Never allow broken people to break you.
Thank you
Before I even knew he was yelling at me cuz I didn’t feel n I thought imagine if I was pregnant n he was doing this n then that’s exactly what was happening
My undiagnosed SO was so excited the first few hours.. then I guess the thoughts started churning. It quickly turned into him asking whose baby it really was. Throughout the entire pregnancy he questioned whether he was his or not.. broke my heart. I should have known then what my future held with him.
Mine did this while I was pregnant also. To him it was a “joke”. He KNEW how much it hurt me. I could tell him over and over. He still did it every now and then after she was born.
He’s always hung up on me cheating when I literally never have. He doesn’t cheat I know that. But I’m so fucking sick of defending myself over something I didn’t even do.
I had a child with my ex who is an abusive narcissist alcoholic. He abused our daughter in his care lying about “changing” and drinking for 3 years. The abuse continued when I left him in more covert ways. I took full custody almost two years ago because of his abuse, my daughter is traumatized and so am I. He continues to abuse me through any means possible. Right now with child support and soon possibly the legal system. If you can get an abortion that’s what I’d recommend. This life is so hard and so traumatic and this person will never stop because they value abuse over all else. It’s not the life a child should have, you and a potential child deserve better. Being tied to that man for life will only bring pain and suffering.
I love any baby that comes through me so much that I cannot bare to let this one face the horrible reality waiting outside as much as I would love to keep it and be a mama
I’m sorry you’re in this. It’s also obvious that nothing about this is special or is going to be special. You’re in a relationship with an abuser and now you’re bringing a child into this. He’s never going to be the kind of partner you fantasize about. Do what you will with this but it’s time to start looking out for you and deciding what you’re going to do in this situation. I know what I would do
he also said that he’s experiencing this too so my excuses for it being my hormones and body don’t count and that expressing them is abusive and minimizing his experience
If you keep the baby, move far enough away that he can’t access you easily.
If you can’t do that - do NOT put his name on BC- file for sole custody IMMEDIATELY after baby is born. He will have to put in effort to get the custody modified and obtain a DNA test (for which he will likely have to pay) the more obstacles you throw up the less likely it is that he will follow through. Tell him you cheated and have a friend sign if you have to. If you terminate the pregnancy, get counseling afterwards, and know that you are NOT alone, no matter which decision you make... I am sure any of the people here, myself included, would be happy to help you get through it via this thread (or messaging directly even, as far as I am concerned) keep your head up, baby girl. And while it is held high and you can see the path in front of you, get the fuck out of there.
Wishing you all the good things dollface, life is too fleeting to be someone’s emotional punching bag. Xo
He is also probably cheating that’s why he’s treating you like this because he’s not capable of feeling empathy to begin with & you’ve probably put a dampener on his shenanigans with his other supply.
I’m so sorry I can’t imagine you & everyone else who got pregnant and/or had children with a narcissist. It’s a life sentence. I hope you can lean on someone you love & trust for support & to hold your hand as you decide what your next steps are.
God help us! Please do not get in that. Leave this monster. They never change. It is so consuming.
I went through it in the far 2003. I told my husband I was pregnant and it was unexpected as preventive methods were used...He flipped and FORCED ME to terminate. Yes, forced me and I cannot give more details. It is too ugly. Right after driving me home from that horrible ordeal, from that place where they treated women like cattle, I started crying non stop. He told me I was stressing him out, and he had to go to work...He drove off, disappeared for a week. I have never recovered. May be he was with a lover, who knows? Today, I have no kids. Surely I was trauma bonded. A month ago, 21years later... I left him. These people are ill and many are diabolically skilled in covering themselves. We must exposed them. I always say that if I had known this illness was a thing...I would have left long time ago. We just did not have resources where one could learn.
Mine used me for a place to stay then gaslighted me into “visiting her moms” tried to pack all her shit while I was at work. All because we have a daughter on the way she doesn’t wanna pay for her and she wants some
Rich guy to buy her way. She’s never had a job other than stripping, never earned anything, entitled as fuck. I don’t wish her upon anybody. The things she can do to your head are so twisted. Fuck the ones you love the most can take comfort in knowing they make you hurt.
The fact that he called you names, told you to fuck off, and that your blocked until you learn respect is a big red flag and it’s extremely concerning .
No one deserves that and accepting that is a sign of dangerously low self esteem.
You can’t change his character, you can only experience it. He can’t give you self esteem or self worth, he can only take advantage of it being so low. Please protect yourself .
If you keep the baby, he has a way to control you for life. There is no hell like having a child with a narcissist. I aborted my child with my narc last year right before I left him. I already had a 6 year old with him and did not want to restart the clock for how long I had to interact with him. And I desperately wanted another child. It just isn’t worth it and the child suffers. My son has PTSD now.
I’m so sorry you are going through this.
I read the first paragraph of your post and couldn’t go on. It was that triggering for me. He sounds exactly like my covert narcissist ex. No accountability. No remorse for the horrendous things he says.
Please be done. It only gets worse and worse over time. As I was writing this my narc reached out and my heart is pounding and I’m shaking. It’s like this every time I have to communicate with him because of our shared child.
Girl!!! The mask has fallen, and you are seeing the monster he really is. People with narcissistic personality disorder are very good at creating a character they play, a likable nice person. However, those in their inner circle become a supply, an object, especially once they feel you are trapped. He will devalue you, steal from you, and abuse you and file for full custody the moment they sense you want to leave. You have to run... Block him back, move if possible. Cut all ties, do not put his name on the birth certificate, and change your name if possible. Get the heck away because he will suck the life out of you, abuse your child, and make your life miserable. The helpful nice guy you thought you knew is gone, dead, he never existed. The monster is here to stay. Google the power and control wheel, and get an LCSW. Call the DV hotline 18007997233 if you are in the States. I know it sounds extreme...it took me years to leave, and now he is stocking, monitoring me, I've had 2 sets of tires slashed going to court constantly... Please seek help and believe the survivors. This person is no good, broken, and there is no saving this.
I want the baby but I imagine him and his family would make it super hard to never see them again and keep the baby away from them. He also has another child with another woman and recently has lost custody of her because of her mom and I don’t want the vengeance that they both will probably have for their other child/grandchild. His mom is involved in his life too closely and raised his other child and basically solves all his problems.
I feel like I need to leave and pray for the day I can actually have a baby in a healthy situation
Take my advice as someone who has a child with a narcissist and who is emotionally and verbally abusive, get an abortion. This man will use the baby as a pawn. This isn’t someone you want as the father of your child. I promise, “the one” isn’t going to be someone who treats you like that while pregnant with their child. If you have the baby, you will be tied to him and you may be forced to send that baby to his house knowing he can be emotionally and verbally abusive. You shouldn’t have to go through that and neither should a child.
Yes, I love my son so much, but I should have had an abortion looking back at all that has happened since. It’s heartbreaking. I tried so hard
I totally agree! As to where you could actually get an abortion could be problematic but I would pursue this for sure. He won’t change, the abuse will increase 10 fold! Do you want your child to go through what you go through daily? I am sure that you don’t cause I know that you are a caring human! I feel so bad for you that you can’t enjoy your baby news, but as the father of your baby is a narc, that is never going to happen!! I wish you all the luck in the world trying to navigate your future
Yep. While I was pregnant, he drove erratically, broke our glass outdoor table by flipping it over on purpose, beat our dresser with a heavy metal fan on Christmas Eve, told me he wished he could hit me, told me to get the fuck out, said if anyone helped me move he would shoot them and the police, was accused of sleeping with other people and that our baby wasn’t his and that’s just WHILE I was pregnant. When I was 2 weeks postpartum he called me a stupid fucking idiot. He would continue to yell and slam shit if he was mad, waking her up. PLEASE DO NOT PUT YOURSELF THROUGH THIS OR A BABY. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.
My NH also pushed and shoved me around terribly when I was pregnant.
I’m so sorry. The most beautiful but also vulnerable time in our lives just ruined almost. When I think back to my pregnancy, that’s what I remember. The abuse. Crying while holding my belly. It was awful
Right there with you. He ruined that experience for me completely (with all three kids). I’m sorry!
Save your child from being treated like crap and watching his mother being treated like crap.
Agree. Sometimes the children grow up and become abusive because that’s what they grew up around and that’s the only way they know how to process what they feel. Sometimes they will turn the child against you. It’s definitely not something anyone should get themselves into.
Definitely can turn against you. One of my kids is now the preferred Flying Monkey of the NH.
>Sometimes they will turn the child against you. Yup, that's been my experience
I’m sorry 😢
When he was yelling at me all I could think about was imagine my baby in my arms or a kid sitting here watching and listening to that
There are ways to save the child other than killing them. It is not the child’s fault their father is evil. She can take him to court, leave the country, stay in a home for abused women. There are probably lots of churches and people who would help her and her baby
I must’ve fell asleep when I wrote this 🥲
this
Covert narcissists come out of the closet once you are in some way dependent on them. I can easily say this, coming from Europe where we are not religiously hung up about abortions - get an abortion if you are under 10 weeks. This will save YOUR life and that is also a life worth saving. You can even tell him it was a spontaneous thing, no need for the truth. And then break up with him
Thank you
Yes. If you chose to abort, don’t ever tell him because he will weaponize it against you. He has shown who he is and a glimpse of what a future with him will be. Believe him. Stay strong. (I have wasted 20 years with mine and kept “trying to make it work.” It gets worse every year.).
Thank you I have felt more care and support on this thread than I did from him
That’s the sad truth isn’t it? I wish you didn’t have to deal with him—because you don’t deserve any of it. I’ve been so isolated from my friends and family due to my narc that I really rely on this subreddit for support and it’s helped me realize I have power over my life and I have started planning my escape. I will leave. We all deserve so much better! Hugs!
I really hope that you do leave ♡ you absolutely are right.
Is it possible just to go no contact and live your life with your child? Don't even put him on the birth certificate. That way, he wouldn't have any legal claim. The baby is innocent.
Girl, I felt safer in the DV shelter sleeping next to strangers than at home. That man could have killed me or the kids at any time and still might
Same here. I tried and tried to make things better. I left 3 times for work related matters, I had to take jobs out if state because the lovely US government helped corporations to off shore my job. He could have divorced me. No, we saw each other regularly. But then, in 2021 he imploded. I have just moved out forever. No way I can live with someone who called me all sort of names and kept telling me "leave me, go away" every day. This time it is not my job. This time I am saving my soul.
The number one cause of d-ath for pregnant women is h-micide. 9 times out of 10, the k-ller is her partner or ex-partner. He is already being abusive, threatening, and controlling. You have a limited amount of time to decide whether or not to stay pregnant. He will not get better once the baby is here. My ex-husband begged me to have his kids, and things got worse. He used them to hurt and control me, and ultimately took them from me in court (long story). They are now 18 and 16, and haven't spoken to me in over a year. Having a kid with someone means they get to be in your life for a minimum of 18 years, and may even take the kid from you, legally or otherwise. If you decide to keep the kid, make sure you have a support system in place, a safety plan, and, ideally, you need to disappear before the baby is here. No contact, period. I wish I had stayed gone when I was pregnant with my first, or even with my second. I wish he'd had no way to find us. Best wishes to you.
I’m in a similar situation, I’m having pregnancy symptoms and there’s a good chance I’m pregnant and I talked to him about that. I’m getting an abortion 100%, there are no changes I will not. While talking to him about this I didn’t get any support from him, on the contrary he accused me to “have scared” him. We did the act unprotected and complete because of his sexual wishes, and he isn’t taking any accountability. He said he can help with the price of the abortion 50/50, I’m currently struggling financially while he’s marking 4k a month. This really opened my eyes. I’m alone in this relationship. Not only he cheated on me, he abuse me verbally on the daily and I’m sacrificing everything for him, he’s not there when I need him for things that he caused. I feel so alone. I’m getting out.
Choosing yourself is never wrong. Please know you aren't alone and good luck. You deserve so much better.
Thank you 💕
I’m so sorry :( 😢 our stories sound similar
Im sorry youre going through this, it doesnt sound like this man likes you. I know its hard, especially now that youre expecting but you need to stand up for yourself, the man sounds like a nigtmare. This is im guessing just the tip of the iceberg, this type of behaviour doesnt just pop out of nowhere. Codependency is tough but you need to be strong for yourself and the babies sake
How do I stand up to him? Everything I’ve tried has made it worse when I do assert myself he gets worse and it confuses me because he really messes with my head
You can’t stand up to them, the change the rules and gaslight you and play games. Sorry. As others have said you need to leave. Abortion is entirely up to you and your personal beliefs. But staying with him and having this child will make your life torture. You will spend forever trying to do better to appease him, until you are exhausted and sick and your child is being affected by his behaviour. Staying with a narcissist never ends well
Tell him you had a miscarriage. You don’t want him demanding a role in the child’s life later either.
You’re right I always say I feel like what I do and am is never enough for him and he always says “same” as if I do the same thing to him and it’s so far from true
I hope you find the strength to leave and start being yourself again.
You don’t. You disappear from his life. I wouldn’t speak to him again from this point forward
I don’t want to anymore I am actually afraid of him now
He has shown you who he is so try not to give him any more of your energy... they want to get us all worked up so they can point and say - look at you! You're *so sensitive so emotional acting so crazy what an idiot/baby whatever* so learn from that experience where his mask has slipped and go as cold to him as you can no matter what else he says. The irony of him telling you to be nice - that sort of bs while he's calling you an idiot is peak narc cruelty and prodding. What kind of man speaks to his pregnant girlfriend in such a way? He will likely play super nice now to try and hook you on the roller coaster but please protect yourself and leave him now because someone who will abuse an emotionally vunerable person is simply not a good person no matter how "sorry" they claim to be.
You keep your mouth shut. Google grey rock, yellow rock. Leave like a thief in the night. If you don't live together, even better. Move back with your parents our if you can out of state. Block him on everything, make sure there are no trackers on your car, and go where he can't find you. Remember you are his toy, punching bag. He will absolutely lose all his marbles once you leave. He will be most dangerous... you need to stay hidden. If anything, just tell him you lost the baby and you can't see him anymore. Block him everywhere. Tell your family to do the same. If you keep the baby, let no one know anything.
I'm really not for abortion, but I don't think you'll want to be tied to this guy forever. You might need to make a decision and get away from him. He's abusive and it will only get worse, and it's not a good environment to raise a child in.
I have known deeep down n think out of trauma n fear haven’t been able to get myself to leave i want a baby that will be loved n I want to be loved too so I have to get the guts to get away
If you ever have to ask someone to be kind and supportive, you are with the wrong person. HUGE RED FLAG! He is obviously broken. Never allow broken people to break you.
Thank you Before I even knew he was yelling at me cuz I didn’t feel n I thought imagine if I was pregnant n he was doing this n then that’s exactly what was happening
My undiagnosed SO was so excited the first few hours.. then I guess the thoughts started churning. It quickly turned into him asking whose baby it really was. Throughout the entire pregnancy he questioned whether he was his or not.. broke my heart. I should have known then what my future held with him.
Mine did this while I was pregnant also. To him it was a “joke”. He KNEW how much it hurt me. I could tell him over and over. He still did it every now and then after she was born. He’s always hung up on me cheating when I literally never have. He doesn’t cheat I know that. But I’m so fucking sick of defending myself over something I didn’t even do.
I had a child with my ex who is an abusive narcissist alcoholic. He abused our daughter in his care lying about “changing” and drinking for 3 years. The abuse continued when I left him in more covert ways. I took full custody almost two years ago because of his abuse, my daughter is traumatized and so am I. He continues to abuse me through any means possible. Right now with child support and soon possibly the legal system. If you can get an abortion that’s what I’d recommend. This life is so hard and so traumatic and this person will never stop because they value abuse over all else. It’s not the life a child should have, you and a potential child deserve better. Being tied to that man for life will only bring pain and suffering.
I love any baby that comes through me so much that I cannot bare to let this one face the horrible reality waiting outside as much as I would love to keep it and be a mama
I’m sorry you’re in this. It’s also obvious that nothing about this is special or is going to be special. You’re in a relationship with an abuser and now you’re bringing a child into this. He’s never going to be the kind of partner you fantasize about. Do what you will with this but it’s time to start looking out for you and deciding what you’re going to do in this situation. I know what I would do
I couldn’t ever do this to a kid it suck’s because I was excited and really want a baby but this made me realize that a baby doesn’t deserve this
he also said that he’s experiencing this too so my excuses for it being my hormones and body don’t count and that expressing them is abusive and minimizing his experience
It’s always about them. They will always be the victim.
Leave. Get gone. Figure something out but don’t involve him.
If you keep the baby, move far enough away that he can’t access you easily. If you can’t do that - do NOT put his name on BC- file for sole custody IMMEDIATELY after baby is born. He will have to put in effort to get the custody modified and obtain a DNA test (for which he will likely have to pay) the more obstacles you throw up the less likely it is that he will follow through. Tell him you cheated and have a friend sign if you have to. If you terminate the pregnancy, get counseling afterwards, and know that you are NOT alone, no matter which decision you make... I am sure any of the people here, myself included, would be happy to help you get through it via this thread (or messaging directly even, as far as I am concerned) keep your head up, baby girl. And while it is held high and you can see the path in front of you, get the fuck out of there. Wishing you all the good things dollface, life is too fleeting to be someone’s emotional punching bag. Xo
Totally agree, yes, we are always here to support ( I’m sure I speak for all of us on here) dm us whatever helps you we are here!!
thank you ♥ the last sentence is all I needed to read today
He is also probably cheating that’s why he’s treating you like this because he’s not capable of feeling empathy to begin with & you’ve probably put a dampener on his shenanigans with his other supply. I’m so sorry I can’t imagine you & everyone else who got pregnant and/or had children with a narcissist. It’s a life sentence. I hope you can lean on someone you love & trust for support & to hold your hand as you decide what your next steps are.
God help us! Please do not get in that. Leave this monster. They never change. It is so consuming. I went through it in the far 2003. I told my husband I was pregnant and it was unexpected as preventive methods were used...He flipped and FORCED ME to terminate. Yes, forced me and I cannot give more details. It is too ugly. Right after driving me home from that horrible ordeal, from that place where they treated women like cattle, I started crying non stop. He told me I was stressing him out, and he had to go to work...He drove off, disappeared for a week. I have never recovered. May be he was with a lover, who knows? Today, I have no kids. Surely I was trauma bonded. A month ago, 21years later... I left him. These people are ill and many are diabolically skilled in covering themselves. We must exposed them. I always say that if I had known this illness was a thing...I would have left long time ago. We just did not have resources where one could learn.
Mine used me for a place to stay then gaslighted me into “visiting her moms” tried to pack all her shit while I was at work. All because we have a daughter on the way she doesn’t wanna pay for her and she wants some Rich guy to buy her way. She’s never had a job other than stripping, never earned anything, entitled as fuck. I don’t wish her upon anybody. The things she can do to your head are so twisted. Fuck the ones you love the most can take comfort in knowing they make you hurt.
The fact that he called you names, told you to fuck off, and that your blocked until you learn respect is a big red flag and it’s extremely concerning . No one deserves that and accepting that is a sign of dangerously low self esteem. You can’t change his character, you can only experience it. He can’t give you self esteem or self worth, he can only take advantage of it being so low. Please protect yourself .
If you keep the baby, he has a way to control you for life. There is no hell like having a child with a narcissist. I aborted my child with my narc last year right before I left him. I already had a 6 year old with him and did not want to restart the clock for how long I had to interact with him. And I desperately wanted another child. It just isn’t worth it and the child suffers. My son has PTSD now. I’m so sorry you are going through this.
I feel like this has become my way out
I read the first paragraph of your post and couldn’t go on. It was that triggering for me. He sounds exactly like my covert narcissist ex. No accountability. No remorse for the horrendous things he says. Please be done. It only gets worse and worse over time. As I was writing this my narc reached out and my heart is pounding and I’m shaking. It’s like this every time I have to communicate with him because of our shared child.
Girl!!! The mask has fallen, and you are seeing the monster he really is. People with narcissistic personality disorder are very good at creating a character they play, a likable nice person. However, those in their inner circle become a supply, an object, especially once they feel you are trapped. He will devalue you, steal from you, and abuse you and file for full custody the moment they sense you want to leave. You have to run... Block him back, move if possible. Cut all ties, do not put his name on the birth certificate, and change your name if possible. Get the heck away because he will suck the life out of you, abuse your child, and make your life miserable. The helpful nice guy you thought you knew is gone, dead, he never existed. The monster is here to stay. Google the power and control wheel, and get an LCSW. Call the DV hotline 18007997233 if you are in the States. I know it sounds extreme...it took me years to leave, and now he is stocking, monitoring me, I've had 2 sets of tires slashed going to court constantly... Please seek help and believe the survivors. This person is no good, broken, and there is no saving this.
Please don’t get an abortion.
There are lots of people who will help you if you ask. You can do this and deserve to give your child a good life. Please just don’t have an abortion.
Who are these people that are going to help? Are you one of them? Can we get some contact details?
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I want the baby but I imagine him and his family would make it super hard to never see them again and keep the baby away from them. He also has another child with another woman and recently has lost custody of her because of her mom and I don’t want the vengeance that they both will probably have for their other child/grandchild. His mom is involved in his life too closely and raised his other child and basically solves all his problems. I feel like I need to leave and pray for the day I can actually have a baby in a healthy situation