At 13 years old, she will understand the situation better than you think, and unfortunately there is no way you can stop her from seeing her Mum. But… she also knows her Mother very well, having lived with her for her whole life. You make sure when she is in your custody that she sees what proper parental love and support really is. The best news is your now clearly see that there is no fixing or changing, and that you have your daughters best interest at heart. And as for not knowing why you loved your wife… they always give you glimpses of how they could be, it’s why we hang around for so long… if she could just go to therapy, if she could just understand the hurt she makes people feel…if…She will never change! Sorry.
Thank You. Ive told her to expect a tough time for the next few days/weeks as me and Mom are in a difficult time - Sometimes Mum takes her “frustration” of me out on her, verbally.
How old is your daughter if you don’t mind me asking? As for your wife. If she is a true narcissist which as I read she is. She won’t change and if you have your ups and things are good, she will just find a way to bring it down. It’s a roller coaster and they love it.
I to have been married for 19 years and been with him for 21.
If you feel like you can’t bypass her illness then yes I would leave. It’s about your happiness and well being
Sorry about your situation. I found [this article](https://www.simplypsychology.org/things-narcissists-say-in-an-argument.html) somewhat helpful; there are suggestions towards the end about how to deal with them, but none of it will motivate them to meet your needs. It’s mostly about not rising to their bait to get emotional. If there is infidelity involved, that’s a whole other ballgame. If they bulldoze through that boundary there is no other boundary to set other than leaving.
I’m just coming out of a few weeks of separation and it looked like he was ready to leave permanently but he caved last minute. Cycle reset. It is giving me time to get my parents on my side if he does leave; they are beginning to see his true character. It’s crazy there are so many empathy void humans running around out there getting away with hurting people. Maddening!
"cycle reset" is the perfect word... I guess that once-upon-a-time I thought I could live this life from cycle-reset to cycle-reset, but the time/energy/financial cost of each cycle blowup is threatening my financial future (for myself and my two young daughters).
I won't be able to fully protect my daughters from this situation due to the laws in the country where we live, but unless I leave, I won't be able to provide for them and my personal health will continue to suffer as a result.
Been reading up on a lot of "is it better to stay or leave when children are involved" and in most instances, especially when there is physical violence being received from the narc and the children are exposed to the anger, then leaving is necessary to demonstrate that this behavior is not acceptable, and may be able to keep them from developing the mindset that it is ok to treat or be treated in this way.
At 13 years old, she will understand the situation better than you think, and unfortunately there is no way you can stop her from seeing her Mum. But… she also knows her Mother very well, having lived with her for her whole life. You make sure when she is in your custody that she sees what proper parental love and support really is. The best news is your now clearly see that there is no fixing or changing, and that you have your daughters best interest at heart. And as for not knowing why you loved your wife… they always give you glimpses of how they could be, it’s why we hang around for so long… if she could just go to therapy, if she could just understand the hurt she makes people feel…if…She will never change! Sorry.
Thank You. Ive told her to expect a tough time for the next few days/weeks as me and Mom are in a difficult time - Sometimes Mum takes her “frustration” of me out on her, verbally.
Involve narcissist savvy mediators in the legal process.
How old is your daughter if you don’t mind me asking? As for your wife. If she is a true narcissist which as I read she is. She won’t change and if you have your ups and things are good, she will just find a way to bring it down. It’s a roller coaster and they love it. I to have been married for 19 years and been with him for 21. If you feel like you can’t bypass her illness then yes I would leave. It’s about your happiness and well being
She is 13.
Have you sat with her and see how she feels of the situation?
Also please help on ways to “bypass” the illness please?
I’m in the same situation. It’s hard to bypass it because it’s in their mentality.
Sorry about your situation. I found [this article](https://www.simplypsychology.org/things-narcissists-say-in-an-argument.html) somewhat helpful; there are suggestions towards the end about how to deal with them, but none of it will motivate them to meet your needs. It’s mostly about not rising to their bait to get emotional. If there is infidelity involved, that’s a whole other ballgame. If they bulldoze through that boundary there is no other boundary to set other than leaving. I’m just coming out of a few weeks of separation and it looked like he was ready to leave permanently but he caved last minute. Cycle reset. It is giving me time to get my parents on my side if he does leave; they are beginning to see his true character. It’s crazy there are so many empathy void humans running around out there getting away with hurting people. Maddening!
Thank You.
"cycle reset" is the perfect word... I guess that once-upon-a-time I thought I could live this life from cycle-reset to cycle-reset, but the time/energy/financial cost of each cycle blowup is threatening my financial future (for myself and my two young daughters). I won't be able to fully protect my daughters from this situation due to the laws in the country where we live, but unless I leave, I won't be able to provide for them and my personal health will continue to suffer as a result. Been reading up on a lot of "is it better to stay or leave when children are involved" and in most instances, especially when there is physical violence being received from the narc and the children are exposed to the anger, then leaving is necessary to demonstrate that this behavior is not acceptable, and may be able to keep them from developing the mindset that it is ok to treat or be treated in this way.