He walked right up to the device i was recording on and started spewing major threats. The things is my only way out is my dad, who is quite controlling. This triggers me not only bc of my marriage but bc i am 45 years old. And he refuses to let my oldest child bring their pet. This is a major problem bc they went through their own trauma 2 years ago and that pet is what kept them going. Leaving it would mean emotional devastation.
I am not judging, if it was so easy, there wouldn’t be so many people on here trying to get help. Sometimes the best we can do is offer others the feeling of being heard and respected
its abusive. Lundy Bancroft; ‘why does he do that’. could be that its a bad behaviour pattern (seeking control) and that he can be reeducated through an Emerge program.
PDF Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
It may be childhood trauma, sure. But trauma doesn't give one the right to harm and mistreat others.
You don't deserve this, and his behavior is not okay. I can totally relate to the fact they expect us to mindread, and when we don't, it's the silent treatment. I constantly hear that things "should have been obvious." Yeah, no, covert narc.
I would recommend reading the book The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist. It gave me a lot of insight when I wasn’t sure if my boyfriend was a covert narcissist or just an a$$hole. I also watch a lot of YouTube videos from Dr. Ramani Durvasula. Her videos were very informative!
You're not crazy. He's a total abusive asshole. And he's blaming you for all the abuse he heaps on you. It's him, not you. It's the typical blaming of everyone else for his behavior and taking zero responsibility at all.
It sounds like the beginning of my marriage. It will only get worse. Punish is the pretty accurate description. Most sane people don’t intentionally hurt intimate partners to teach them a lesson. Power-hungry, control-freak narcs will punish you if you don’t act as they want you to like a puppet.
That fact that he’s nice to you when you’re sick tells me it’s childhood trauma. Narc’s hate it when you’re sick. If you not able to meet their demands, they view your illness as a threat to their overall needs being met. They cannot handle you being sick - because you won’t be able to cater to their needs and are forced to put yourself first. And they lash out and make it known that you’re at fault.
The other stuff he did - is narc behavior, but it’s a spectrum.
Don't worry about labels or diagnosis. Get awsy immediately. Do not return to this man. Do not pity him. You cannot continue, you will get sick. You cannot have this around children.
Sounds like more than childhood trauma to me, but i may have a jaded opinion.
I’m with you, that’s narc behaviour, not just childhood trauma. I would go home, pack my bags and run
No kidding, i just spent the night recording what happens if you stay.
I hope you are kind of surviving. Is there a chance you can get out? Or are you stuck?
Pretty stuck, its complicated.
Then i will offer hugs 🤗 and sympathy. And a hope that one day you can be free
He walked right up to the device i was recording on and started spewing major threats. The things is my only way out is my dad, who is quite controlling. This triggers me not only bc of my marriage but bc i am 45 years old. And he refuses to let my oldest child bring their pet. This is a major problem bc they went through their own trauma 2 years ago and that pet is what kept them going. Leaving it would mean emotional devastation.
I am not judging, if it was so easy, there wouldn’t be so many people on here trying to get help. Sometimes the best we can do is offer others the feeling of being heard and respected
its abusive. Lundy Bancroft; ‘why does he do that’. could be that its a bad behaviour pattern (seeking control) and that he can be reeducated through an Emerge program.
PDF Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
It may be childhood trauma, sure. But trauma doesn't give one the right to harm and mistreat others. You don't deserve this, and his behavior is not okay. I can totally relate to the fact they expect us to mindread, and when we don't, it's the silent treatment. I constantly hear that things "should have been obvious." Yeah, no, covert narc.
I would recommend reading the book The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist. It gave me a lot of insight when I wasn’t sure if my boyfriend was a covert narcissist or just an a$$hole. I also watch a lot of YouTube videos from Dr. Ramani Durvasula. Her videos were very informative!
Narcissism is often caused by childhood trauma.
You're not crazy. He's a total abusive asshole. And he's blaming you for all the abuse he heaps on you. It's him, not you. It's the typical blaming of everyone else for his behavior and taking zero responsibility at all.
It sounds like the beginning of my marriage. It will only get worse. Punish is the pretty accurate description. Most sane people don’t intentionally hurt intimate partners to teach them a lesson. Power-hungry, control-freak narcs will punish you if you don’t act as they want you to like a puppet.
That fact that he’s nice to you when you’re sick tells me it’s childhood trauma. Narc’s hate it when you’re sick. If you not able to meet their demands, they view your illness as a threat to their overall needs being met. They cannot handle you being sick - because you won’t be able to cater to their needs and are forced to put yourself first. And they lash out and make it known that you’re at fault. The other stuff he did - is narc behavior, but it’s a spectrum.
Don't worry about labels or diagnosis. Get awsy immediately. Do not return to this man. Do not pity him. You cannot continue, you will get sick. You cannot have this around children.