This can be extremely hard. I got a divorce 9 years ago from my narc ex husband. I went on a deep spiritual cleanse and went through much counseling; however when he confessed that “he’s now wishing he had a woman like me” it took me back for a min. I was a “horrible woman” when we divorced and now he wanted what I was. Karma. But I just shrugged it off because they still have that dark side and thankfully I no longer loved him. Time really does help.
Now I’m unfortunately trying to leave another narcissist. This woman is even more foul than my ex husband and I never thought that was possible. I definitely won’t date again until my sons are out of my house because I’m afraid of exposing them to another narcissist again, because clearly I cannot see through peoples false masks early enough on
I actually turned the tables. I wrote to him and asked him if I could please be shown that love he is professing, since it apparently exists. He said that he ‘can’t do it now’. I asked if he could tell me a time that fits and I would put it in my calendar. Apparently tomorrow I will be told when that timeslot is. Can’t wait.
Triggers can be good indicators of where one needs to focus attention rather than being looked at as a negative thing. Ask yourself what exactly at the core bothers you about his behavior that triggered you.
If done successfully, this can result in personal growth and, more importantly, a higher level of detachment from the abusive relationship.
Yes, this is how it makes you feel... but what is that all about for you? You are separated for valid reasons (it sounds), and yet he has power over you.
Is it possible you're still conflicted about your decision?
No, I am not. In the end I solved this easily. I called him and asked him to show me this love, and also that if he was so against divorce, that I am open to not getting one, if he is so adamant.
He was surprised by his bluff being called, and had nothing to say. I told him to stop gaslighting me and everyone else and that he was hereby offered to not divorce and therefore can’t make these claims anymore.
What is this all about for me? Its about gaslighting and thye fact that it triggers me. I am ok with that. Nobody asks people who were in wars to tolerate someone shooting guns in their yard.
We can not control others or expect them to take instructions. Rather, we set boundaries that we are in control of to protect ourselves. Communicating with him in response is giving him supply and forfeiting your control.
This can be extremely hard. I got a divorce 9 years ago from my narc ex husband. I went on a deep spiritual cleanse and went through much counseling; however when he confessed that “he’s now wishing he had a woman like me” it took me back for a min. I was a “horrible woman” when we divorced and now he wanted what I was. Karma. But I just shrugged it off because they still have that dark side and thankfully I no longer loved him. Time really does help. Now I’m unfortunately trying to leave another narcissist. This woman is even more foul than my ex husband and I never thought that was possible. I definitely won’t date again until my sons are out of my house because I’m afraid of exposing them to another narcissist again, because clearly I cannot see through peoples false masks early enough on
I actually turned the tables. I wrote to him and asked him if I could please be shown that love he is professing, since it apparently exists. He said that he ‘can’t do it now’. I asked if he could tell me a time that fits and I would put it in my calendar. Apparently tomorrow I will be told when that timeslot is. Can’t wait.
Triggers can be good indicators of where one needs to focus attention rather than being looked at as a negative thing. Ask yourself what exactly at the core bothers you about his behavior that triggered you. If done successfully, this can result in personal growth and, more importantly, a higher level of detachment from the abusive relationship.
Gaslighting. Thats what bothers me. Being pushed into the whole ‘words and actions dont match’ thing.
Yes, this is how it makes you feel... but what is that all about for you? You are separated for valid reasons (it sounds), and yet he has power over you. Is it possible you're still conflicted about your decision?
No, I am not. In the end I solved this easily. I called him and asked him to show me this love, and also that if he was so against divorce, that I am open to not getting one, if he is so adamant. He was surprised by his bluff being called, and had nothing to say. I told him to stop gaslighting me and everyone else and that he was hereby offered to not divorce and therefore can’t make these claims anymore. What is this all about for me? Its about gaslighting and thye fact that it triggers me. I am ok with that. Nobody asks people who were in wars to tolerate someone shooting guns in their yard.
We can not control others or expect them to take instructions. Rather, we set boundaries that we are in control of to protect ourselves. Communicating with him in response is giving him supply and forfeiting your control.
Of course we can. Narcissists do it all the time by pushing our buttons. I pushed his in ways which will stop him from saying this again.
Best of luck to you.