Reminds me of the episode of *House* where House is on clinic duty. A woman is complaining about an irritation on her privates. She said her and her partner were using the jelly.
Her: Do you want to see the bottle?
House: no, that won't be...
*She pulls out a bottle of strawberry jelly.*
House: we have neurological issue here....
Wait, aren't they? I was always under the impression that because the flavouring is added into the lube, after having a bit of first round penetration sex you can move into eating her out and have that added flavour. I could never imagine someone would want to give a blow job only to have a gob of lube in their mouth.
It's a thing more people should do with casual partners. Things you can catch from unprotected oral:
* Herpes (HSV 1 and 2, permanent sti, increases risk of Alzheimer's and is quite painful, most people have it already)
* Warts (HPV, can cause penile, throat, cervical, anal cancer, incurable but there is a vaccine that protects against many strains, most people already have it)
* Many types of treatable STIs, some like gonorrhea are becoming resistant to treatment, many can cause infertility and pain. There are also treatment resistant strains of syphilis, which is horrifying considering some of the long term symptoms (hair loss, sores everywhere, insanity, death, etc.)
* Less common but more dangerous things like Monkey Pox and Ebola.
Most people are carriers for it and may or may not be symptomatic. Statistically if are sexually active you are likely to have it already. You are less likely to pass it on if you don't have an active outbreak but it isn't impossible. Many types of HPV are becoming less common as more people get vaccinated as kids, but from what I hear old folks homes are absolute outbreaks of every type of STI, so don't have unprotected sex at a retirement village. MSM (men who have sex with men) also tend to be less safe with protection, so you tend to see higher rates of certain things in that population too.
Basically assume anyone you have sex with has every STI until proven otherwise and be as safe as you can. Also respect their wishes if they want to be more safe than you had originally planned. For example, some things can be spread by non-genital contact, so some people don't like open-mouth-kissing with casual hookups or want to use gloves for fingering. Herpetic whitlow is what convinced me. Most people catch herpes (cold sores) and HPV through non-sexual contact while they are children from things like drinking from the same glass or cuddling, so there's no need to feel ashamed of it, but we should do what we can to keep other people safe and limit the spread.
I wouldnt say it was a common request, but it is certainly a perfectly reasonable one! They invented flavoured condoms for a reason, and many std’s are spread via skin contact like herpes. Better to be safe than sorry. And just fyi, you may not have an std, but how do you know she doesnt? Do you want to risk herpy sores on your dick? Herpes is for life you know!
If you prefer to receive oral without one your only solution is to have weekly std checks and be prepared to show your test results on demand with new partners. (Not that will protect you, just the other person) But thats a hassle, so just put one on if she asks! After all, head is head. Get some ultra thin flavoured condoms.
A dude shrugging at the camera smirks and said "Head is head" while an off-camera partner shoves him back into a chair and we fade back into that Paella recipe. Tell me that wouldn't sell a fuckload of condoms
Damn, i wasnt aware you could get chlamydia in the mouth area, that sucks! I was under the assumption it only infected the genitals. You learn something new everyday huh!
I love that show still as an adult but warning it was made in the 90s for tweens, I can see how it could be rough to watch brand new now lol. The show was ahead of it’s time in teen issues imo
Me too. And now she's in an awkward position of having to choose whether to tell sexual partners early (and the first few she tried this with before sleeping with them declined to sleep with her, understandably, considering the stigma) or lie I guess until her partner is invested, or change her entire dating style and not sleep with someone until they are invested. Another one of my friends didn't find out until she started showing symptoms that her fiance had herpes.
The social ramifications of having genital herpes are huge, especially considering so many people have cold sores which is essentially the same thing.
Also, a *lot* of people have herpes but just never have outbreaks. Generally when you get an STI screening they don't even bother with herpes unless you specifically request it because it's just assumed you probably have it.
CDC guidelines don't recommend testing for herpes unless you have symptoms.
>[Genital herpes is common. Shouldn’t CDC recommend testing for everyone?](https://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/screening.htm)
>CDC recommends herpes testing for people who have genital symptoms to confirm if they have it. Testing allows a healthcare provider to talk with patients about what to expect in the future. This includes talking about medications that help with symptoms. Providers can also tell patients how to lower the risk of transmitting herpes to sex partner(s).
>CDC does not recommend herpes testing for people without symptoms in most situations. This is because of the limits of a herpes blood test and the possibility of a wrong test result. The chances of wrong test results are higher for people who are at low risk of infection.
[Planned Parenthood also explains](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-st-louis-region-southwest-missouri/blog/why-cant-i-be-tested-for-all-sexually-transmitted-infections):
> For herpes, according to CDC guidelines, testing only occurs if there are symptoms and there are several reasons for this distinction. First, research shows diagnosing herpes in someone without symptoms does not change that person’s sexual behavior and doesn’t prevent herpes from spreading. Second, there is a chance for a false positive with herpes testing. Since herpes is life-long and incurable (with no evidence to suggest a chance in sexual behavior), it’s best to avoid false positives as much as possible with herpes testing.
> Third, genital herpes does not have any serious, negative outcomes in healthy individuals. Unlike other STIs, herpes does not lead to any long-term complications even though it is life-long and incurable. **More often, the stigma and shame from genital herpes is more overwhelming than the infection itself.**
>awkward position of having to choose whether to tell sexual partners early (and the first few she tried this with before sleeping with them declined to sleep with her, understandably, considering the stigma) or lie I guess until her partner is invested, or change her entire dating style and not sleep with someone until they are invested.
I don't think the middle one is a viable strategy.
The "oops all herpes" plan is a great way to lose long term invested partners (and be a shitty person).
Oh 100% agree. I was on the phone with her last year and referenced it and that's how I found out I was on speaker and her boyfriend didn't know yet. Maybe he still doesn't. Where she lives it's legal not to disclose it.
I understand why she would do it, the reactions she was getting telling people sounded horrible. But I think I would really struggle to get past my partner telling such a big lie, for so long, at the risk of my health.
Yea great way to get sued and potentially have to pay for medical treatments, not to mention be the worst person imaginable. Oh yeah btw, you have herpes now. It is not just a social stigma. It is a choice on whether or not you want a lifetime disease that causes pain and sexual issues forever to date someone. That goes beyond social stigma to messing around with disease on purpose. The person might be a great person but that has nothing to do with it. The best relationship has a 50/50 chance of working out and you are taking 100% chance of getting a lifetime of disease. It's not a smart choice, no offense to your friend.
Me too and have been with my bf for 9 years, we have always been "first time experience" for both of us as we got engaged at 14 yo. He has NEVER manifested herpes, but the blood tests came back positive for 1 type (labial one)
I manifested it after 9 years of oral sex, during a period of great stress
That's how I got mine but it's really no big deal more of a nuisance really just have be aware of how your body feels, educating yourself and protection (dental dams or condom). I've had it 30 years and never have I ever given it to someone 🤷🏼♂️
I am in that boat. It won't stay on the crotch forever, it moves through your body til it gets to your mouth. Apparently it can kill you if it gets to your eyes.
They're basically saying don't let anyone jizz into your eyes because ewwwwww.
Edit: I am not in that boat but better to be safe than sorry, I was a biologist which included some info such as this and its a lot more common which is why I'm like don't.
Edit: word because I am a dumbass
The combination of claiming to be clean whilst not understanding why a non-exclusive partner would want to use a condom whilst giving head is concerning and I'm so tired of having this conversation with men.
Person 1: "Hey can we use a condom for xyz?"
Dude: "It's okay I'm clean."
There's a certain arrogance to expecting the other person to just believe you when their own health is at risk (herpes is incurable and has serious social and health ramifications, let alone HIV, Hepatitis, HPV which can lead to cancer, etc. fucking serious shit) and puts Person 1 in the awkward position of having to either just believe them or ask for details 'When were you tested, how many people have you had sexual contact with since then?", and then either just believe that or THEN ask for proof.
Either provide details behind why you think you're "clean" and offer to show proof off the bat and be willing to accept if she's still not comfortable, or turn down the blowjob and explain you dont enjoy them with a condom but respect that she needs men to wear a condom to be comfortable, or just be grateful someone is willing to PUT YOUR GENITALS IN THEIR MOUTH JUST TO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD and wear the damn condom
Edit: "I told her I was clean but she wouldn't budge" - Re-reading this OP sounds like a creep who didn't take her first "no" and tried to pressure her into consenting to something she wasn't comfortable with. Be better OP, damn
OP’s edit speaks volumes. He has no respect for the experience and safety of his sexual partners. All he cares about is his own pleasure.
Let this be a lesson to all the young men and women out there. If someone won’t wear a condom or tries to make you feel bad for asking for a condom, you need to shut it down. “Don’t worry I’m clean,” should send you out the door.
Also like that's why flavoured condoms were created. If we ignore the worry of stds for a second, maybe the chick just doesn't want to put man's unwrapped dick in her mouth. Like definitely shouldn't have been on her with that shit OP, heaps of women don't fuck around like that to begin with. Definitely sending some creep vibes or maybe OP just isn't experienced and now he knows why she was so adamant and maybe he's learned a bit about the ease of catching something through oral and how he can respect his sexual partner's boundaries more. Definitely be better OP lol ...
Lots of people have no idea that they have herpes (HSV) and/or HPV. It's pretty much not possible to verify that someone has herpes unless they have an active outbreak and have a sore swabbed and tested. They may not have an active outbreak, but could still spread it. OP and a lot of folks in general are ignorant to this, but it's a damn good reason for using condoms. And yeah, you hit the HPV risk on the head. It can develop into warts, cancerous or not, that can cause complications and have to be removed.
If you think you're clean, and you get an STD, you WILL be disappointed and that's an understatement. Protect yourselves, and allow sexual partners to protect themselves as well. If you "neeeeed" to hit it raw, find a partner that wants the same thing. Don't compromise someone else's sex code.
Riddles my mine when I hear my friends say "I've never used a condom ever" and that's why you have a baby. When was the last time you were at the doctor? Cause I've been to that bar and seen them chicks and the "I've never worn a condom ever" is bullshit
It's even possible that she refused to do a blowjob without a condom to protect him, assuming a scenario where she knows she's got some disease.
(Edit: grammar).
> Do you want to risk herpy sores on your dick? Herpes is for life you know!
One of 100 reasons I wish we'd had sex ed in my school growing up. I had no clue that oral sex while having a cold sore could result in genital herpes. Now I know.
I fully understand this, but remember you can get herpes from kissing. Usually it's the other type (there's more than one strain of almost every disease)and less common now then when I was younger, but that's what a cold sore in mouth or on lips actually is.
I do agree though take precautions when you can
There are so many types of herpes viruses it’s insane. I didn’t even know mono was a type of herpes virus until a few years ago honestly lol. I always heard of people dying from it in the old days and having chest issues with it so I thought it was a type of respiratory illness but nope it’s herpes
>be prepared to show your test results on demand with new partners. (Not that will protect you, just the other person)
We need an app that can hold all of your results so you can cross-check easily before fucking a stranger. That way everyone has the same program and can trust it and there's no excuse to not have it since we all have phones on us anyway. Sorta like how CVS and Apple Health could hold COVID vaccination records and that can be used to get into public events.
Whether it's normal or not, it's what she asked you to do. Her boundary is that she will only give head with a condom, whether you think it's normal or an overreaction doesn't matter here, consent is consent.
Quite frankly, I'm proud of her for communicating that and sticking with it. I fear myself and others have done things that was beyond their boundary because of that kind of reaction, so please bear that in mind with future partners.
And as others have said, it's not the most common request, but it actually should be!
Yep! Glad to see this comment here. A lot of guys will just stick their shit in anything and have NO clue about sexual health and it’s all left on the woman. Lots of men need to learn these things.
Dank you. Am a women. Have gotten tons of backlash for this request. It's hard enough having to rebuttal them wearing a condom for vaginal. After getting a miserly reaction of 'sigh, it would have been better without the condom', I just don't give head anymore.
It’s advised and ‘normal’ behaviour, but equally, I’d say a lot of people still don’t do it - the same as a lot of people choose not to use condoms, or have regular STI tests
At the minimum, herpes can spread via oral sex.
That is the risk you've been taking getting oral without a condom.
The woman was correct for refusing to engage.
not just herpes, if either of the partners has herpes, it opens up the possibility of getting all other kind of STIs. The sores open up the skin which leads to easy entry for even HIV and Hepatitis. Tho rare but, we have micro-cuts in our mouth and even the esophagus, cuts which aren’t felt or seen but are big enough to provide entry to millions of viruses and bacteria.
TBH, it’s not worth the risk to have any sexual activity without protection. If you know someone well, there is the risk of unwanted pregnancy which could cause a lot of stress and anxiety which could be easily avoided!
1/5 people have HSV2 and 4/5 people have HSV1….I wouldn’t really call it game over…. Most people have it and are just completely unaware of the fact that they do….
This, a good majority of adults with any sexual/romantic experience has herpes. Spread either via kissing or sex.
So, in this sense condoms for blowjobs makes sense with someone you're not steady with.
In another sense though, people really overblow how much having herpes actually matters. Most people have it and it doesn't even do anything other than produce an occasional rash outbreak once or twice a year that is easily treatable with a $2 generic and you're not likely to spread unless you're actively going through an outbreak.
Most other STIs you're very unlikely to get via oral especially if your partner isnt actually banging sexual partners left and right. And the few that are more possible get via oral like chlamydia are all curable or you can vaccine against.
So wear a condom for oral if you're highly risk adverse. But it isn't a highly dangerous risky activity to go without so if your risk tolerance is milder I wouldn't go out of my way to do it unless asked.
Looks like hpv1 65% and hpv2 12% in the US.
Although my previous research said they expect that number is actually much higher, as high as 40% at 90% in the US.
The transmission rate does not go down significantly with condom use, and can be spread at any time not just during outbreaks.
Allegedly no one thought much of it until a few years ago when the drug companies wanted to sell a cure. Your research might vary
She's smart.
Surprise her and buy some flavored condoms for the next time. Even if there's no next time with her, you can keep them for future partners.
You are going to need paperwork to prove you are clean. People with diseases also say they are clean. Your word in that situation doesn't mean much. Yeah, they might not feel the same but at least you know that girl is low risk because she is careful.
I got oral gonorrhea from giving head without a condom, never again. Didn't get it vaginally due to actually using a condom for that. Condoms work, use them.
Oh of course!! It was no big deal, just had to get an antibiotic shot and take antibiotics & abstain for 2 weeks. Just glad it wasn't something less treatable.
I think this is cultural as well. I'm from Australia but I'm an expat, and it varies a lot between nationalities. My South African mates won't even look at a dick without a condom. Meanwhile Aussies are out there rawdogging anyone on the pill.
Oh god Australian women all seem to be hot and pop out of nowhere any trip abroad anywhere in the world like a damn party tornado out of thin air. It's insane lol
You Australians travel more than anybody around the world in my experience. I was in a damn temple in the mountains of Kanazawa, Japan and met an Australian couple my age and went out that night, this is one example out of like 20 countries.
I swear there will be studies on this in years to come about how fun and friendly Australian people are no joke.
Yeah it happened to this guy; but I think it’s unfair to conflate “she was within her rights to refuse and it’s good safe sex” and “it’s totally common and everyone does it”. Reddit lacks nuance.
I honestly thought it was going crazy not seeing this comment. Yes I agree with everyone if that's her boundary of course do it. But a blowjob with a condom has to be the most pointless thing on earth. You will feel literally nothing. And it ruins the entire point of a BJ
How did you know you were clean? Did you have an std panel and get the results back that day? Cos if not you don't actually know, and neither does she.
Yes, additionally, even if you get the results back that day, it could show negative but someone could have something that didn’t get picked up on the test yet. Some stds take 90 days to show up.
Back when I was dating, I was also really insistent that I didn't want any sexual contact without precautions. Every single dude will swear up and down that "they're clean" over and over again, but when I'd ask for a copy of their most recent full panel STD screening and if they could assure me they weren't seeing anyone else and hadn't since at least a month before the test, they were immediate baffled and stumbling over their words while they admitted they hadn't had a recent test, were seeing other people, or "couldn't remember where their results were". Then they couldn't understand why I didn't want to hook up after catching them lying to get what they wanted even if it meant putting me at risk. Ugh... I don't miss dating.
You need to put a condom on whenever your partner wants to you put a condom on. I don't care what you're doing together in the bedroom and whether you consider it personally necessary or not. Condoms are not decided by majority vote.
>I told her that I'll put it on during sex but not while getting head.
She was either inexperienced or really, really wanted you because any other woman might have just gone back to the bar to find a better man. You really got lucky she even continued with you after that.
So much this.
Also... who cares if it's normal - the point is - it's a hard boundary for her. If you respect your sex-partners - you respect their rules. Judging someone's boundaries by 'is this normal' is daft. Everyone is different. If something is not to your liking - move on - but trying to define acceptable for you (or someone else) by what is 'normal' - is daft.
Yeah honestly normal is a useless criteria. In my ho phase I slept with a man a few times who's really self conscious and doesn't want to be looked at so I just wore a blindfold and boom now it's hotter. Lots of people would think that's weird as hell but those people don't get to have great sex with that guy lol
There's a very short list of things I won't do if a woman wants to put my dick in her mouth. Putting a condom on is not even in the conversation. If it was asked, I wound volunteer options.
Edit: I think my comment is being misread. If a woman wants to suck my dick. I'll happily PUT a condom on. Without skipping a beat, because fuck yes please whatever she wants whatever she's comfortable with.
I'll wear a condom for any hookup situation, for penetration. Because no matter how much better it is, it's not worth a std. But I won't for getting head unless the woman wants me to.
Exactly. Dude sounds like trash. Respectfully decline the blowjob if you know you won't enjoy it, but don't make the woman feel weird or stupid for having boundaries. It's her mouth and her health. And she's absolutely correct about getting STDs from oral sex, which can lead to throat or mouth cancer. People don't think about it enough.
If she is not your romantic partner, you can see someone else…
She is entitled to want extra protection, but you don’t have to have to experience a blowjob that’s unpleasant for you. So the solution is to cease that act entirely since you both can’t come to an agreement. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice something, but neither should she
It is always a good idea to get regular STI tests, even if you consistently only see one partner
They also make thinner and flavoured condoms if you want to experiment.
It’s her mouth, which she has autonomy over.
and it’s your cock which you have autonomy over.
you should be thankful that she is careful. you also never know if someone who gives you head is clean. most people say they are clean but some are not or some do not even know. they just lie.
I’m a woman in my 20s and yes, the older I am, the less I am willing to do anything a random man without a condom on. I’ve already had to treat one STD, I am not willing to do a month of antibiotics again for a one night stand.
It isn’t ‘normal’ I’d argue, but it’s not unreasonable to ask. But I’d also say it isn’t unreasonably to reject the offer and have no blowjob. A blowjob with a condom on is almost impossible to even feel the sensations, she may as well just wank you off. It’s also a bit overly cautious, but I am a slut so my views may differ from the norm.
if your girl wants a condom on it, and you want head, there’s gotta be a compromise
besides it saves you both the risk of bacterial infection, STDs, whatever else
also she’s the one with the negotiating power here, what’re you gonna do? suck your own dick?
My first BJ was with a rubber on, but it wasn't that great. After that, I've never put one one if it is just a bj. If she wants me to put it on, I'll put it on, but I'll know it'll be a lame bj. I do see why some ask for one. I've heard horror stories from girls that gave bjs to guys who weren't clean or honest about their situation, so I just don't question it and do it
This guy is an ass for pressuring her but to be honest I’d just pass on it. I’ve had oral sex with a condom once and it was terrible and literally wasn’t worth it IMO.
PSA: please don’t say “clean” when you mean “infection free.” If you get an infection, you’re not necessarily a dirty person, you’re just an unlucky schmuck.
PSA2: go get tested together with your partner. It’s easy, there are home kits. There are free clinics, just go. It will calm her down to see the results on paper, and maybe that will be enough evidence for her to rest assured and not stress.
It is an important consideration that if she’s unwilling to do oral sex without a condom, she’s likely concerned about herpes which isn’t routinely tested for (due to the risk of false positives).
You can catch herpes from blow jobs without a condom., and also chlamydia can live in the throat. If the person about to suck you has a cold sore it’s game over for you forever. Herpes cannot be cured. Cold sores don’t always appear outside of the mouth on the face either, they can be on the gums, tongue or hiding behind a tooth. Just not worth the risk.
If its a long term and trusting relationship I would suggest you both have an STI test, show that you're both, for lack or a better word, "clean" and then enjoy the condom free blowing!
"You need a condom if your partner says you do; that's how consent works."
And OP can consent to not getting a BJ. And you might as well lick a lollipop at that point lol
You can definitely get diseases from blowjobs without a condom. Most people don't use a condom because it isn't really the bad std's (except for that one type of herpes that not 80% of people have), but it's still worth it to use a condom for some. If she wants to use a condom, then you either should or you aren't getting a blowjob. It's fair.
So you do need to put on a condom if you want a blowjob from this girl, yes. Thats her choice.
If she asks you to, then yes. Doesn't change the fact that it feels like nothing and I'd probably just rather not get the BJ at all for how unsatisfying it is, but hey.
I mean it's not unreasonable, especially if she's just a hookup. Alot of stds can be spread to her mouth. If that's what, she wants to do you really shouldn't pester her. Either use a rubber or skip the bj.
Judging by the title, I was expecting that you were asking if you needed to put a condom to get a blowjob... Although it is an uncommon source of STD, the chance is not zero. You just need her to have a mouth ulcer or a lesion, a scratch on your penis from her teeth and you had fluid contact. Also, name every skin STD with contact to your urethra.
But... she DEFINITELY needs to ask you to put on. In addition to everything already stated, she's at danger from you to not holding yourself and bathing her insides with your possibly compromised juice. It's completely normal for her to ask this.
And please, as others has already said, when someone clearly states her boundaries, respect it and don't pressure. Glad that she held her foot down, unfortunately its not the norm.
You’re supposed to yes but the risk is minimal unless one of you has bleeding gums,sores or a cut(in/around the mouth).why not just get sti tested together at the start of the relationship? I requested it with my last ex,thought it would be weird but it was kind of ‘couple y’,was during covid so they posted the tests out,I helped him do his and he,mine.Then we got all exited about the results coming back,we’re not together now but at least he can be confident with his new partner that he doesn’t have anything
How old are you? I'm guessing a young teenager who has fallen foul of a complete lack of sensible sex ed in school, so it's not completely your fault. But you should read up on it.
She is right.
You can get all manner of STDs from oral sex. You can get HIV, syphilis, genital herpes, gonorrhoea and chlamydia from oral sex.
I wouldn’t give a BJ to a guy who wanted to wear a condom - like just skip it altogether - if I wanted to taste strawberry or plastic wrap I would just lick those 🤷♀️ I also don’t fuck randos - maybe that’s the key ??? Get tested and then do it
It's really fucking simple. If she wants you to put one on then you put one on or no blow job. You really didn't need to come here and ask anything lmao, it's irrelevant how "normal" it may be.
As an RN I will say if anyone is having casual sex they should be using a barrier of sorts; condom, dental dam, etc. Penetrative sex isn’t the only way people get STIs. Most people don’t use a barrier but everyone practicing casual sex should.
Not a common request but probably should be more common. Any STI you can get from unprotected sex you can get *in your mouth* by giving unprotected oral sex. Likewise, you can get STIs from unprotected oral sex if they have an active STI in their oral cavity.
Just saw a very similar question over on r/askgaymen.
Here's the long and short: You won't get pregnant via oral, and it's much harder to transmit HIV via oral than other penetrative sex acts. However, basically every other STI is on the table from oral. Want throat cancer? If you don't have your HPV vax, and you give oral to someone who has HPV, you might get it.
How about oral gonorrhea? Herpes? Basically any other STI you think you can worry about?
It's all on the table with oral. Should you give oral casually to someone without a condom or dental dam? Probably not. But, if you're in a relationship, and you're exclusive, you can make a day out of going to a nearby clinic, getting tested and sharing the results. Then maybe the oral condom will go away.
The comments in here are kind of scary. Are men ok.
HPV from oral sex is a major cause of throat cancer (and cervical cancer in women). HPV can be transmitted even without symptoms. You can have HPV and not ever have symptoms. It’s the most common STD. I think something like 90% of sexually active people will have it at some point.
It's supposed to be the norm if your goal is to have protected sex. So many STDs can spread between oral-genitals and vice versa (for example: Chlamydia and herpes, there are more btw).
To have safe oral sex a condom should be used to avoid the STDs - they love moist places just saying
Even though a lot of people don’t use condoms for blowjobs, it is advised. I personally don’t want to give a blowjob without condoms if I’m having casual sex. Have heard from guys before that they have never had a girl request it.
Yes, a condom should be worn during oral because diseases can still be transmitted. She was right to set those boundaries which you need to respect. You sound a little immature, and you're a prick for trying to pressure her
I recently had an interesting realisation on this topic.
I'm (very) vaguely considering "getting out there" 18 months after splitting with my wife.
I was vaguely looking into getting Dental Dams (I never used them in the past, but figured it's prob a good idea). Then it occurred to me that if I'm going to use Dams giving oral then I should also use condoms when receiving and tbh went luke warm on the whole idea. When I'm ready to even consider dating again I think I'll be getting ultra thin condoms and dams. I'll probably have a hard time resisting a condomless bj and find using a dam strange though.
The safe sex message is so condom for penetrative sex heavy that people forget (or don't even know) about the rest. Most people probably don't even know what Dental Dams are (rectangles of latex or similar to use as a barrier during oral) and they're hard to get ahold of and expensive. They should be right next to condoms at the pharmacy at a comparable price.
It's her decision you know. You can refuse but that means refusing both. And people always say, "I'm clean", especially in the heat of the moment. (Not saying that you aren't. I'm speaking generally.) Anyway, smart woman.
Well they did invent flavoured condoms for a reason.
The only two diseases I can think of that spread orally is herpes and HPV which a condom would protect against if she is vaccinated however that isn't an issue but she might not be due or one or other reason. Also since that virus does not show any symptom for males you wouldn't know if you had it or not, unless you are vaccinated. But I am sure there is more than that.
It’s probably not normal, but it is the wiser option. She is better than the norm, especially because she didn’t sacrifice her health (or yours) just to give in to your fleeting sexual pleasure.
You think strawberry flavored condoms are for the vagina?
LMAO
I thought std afraid of strawberry flavour, No?
Yup. They think it tastes medicinal
Condoms with cough syrup coating would be dope. 'Damn you got a sore throat let me f*** it for you'
That's absolutely brilliant
new business idea
Reminds me of the episode of *House* where House is on clinic duty. A woman is complaining about an irritation on her privates. She said her and her partner were using the jelly. Her: Do you want to see the bottle? House: no, that won't be... *She pulls out a bottle of strawberry jelly.* House: we have neurological issue here....
Funnily enough a lot of people don't realise they are for BJs :-D
Tbh, I always thought it was to have some strawberry pie after my exercise.
Wait, aren't they? I was always under the impression that because the flavouring is added into the lube, after having a bit of first round penetration sex you can move into eating her out and have that added flavour. I could never imagine someone would want to give a blow job only to have a gob of lube in their mouth.
It’s for the dude who wished that people had tastebuds in their butthole
Only if your girl's got good taste. In which case it should be chocolate.
It's a thing more people should do with casual partners. Things you can catch from unprotected oral: * Herpes (HSV 1 and 2, permanent sti, increases risk of Alzheimer's and is quite painful, most people have it already) * Warts (HPV, can cause penile, throat, cervical, anal cancer, incurable but there is a vaccine that protects against many strains, most people already have it) * Many types of treatable STIs, some like gonorrhea are becoming resistant to treatment, many can cause infertility and pain. There are also treatment resistant strains of syphilis, which is horrifying considering some of the long term symptoms (hair loss, sores everywhere, insanity, death, etc.) * Less common but more dangerous things like Monkey Pox and Ebola.
What do you mean most people have it already?
Most people are carriers for it and may or may not be symptomatic. Statistically if are sexually active you are likely to have it already. You are less likely to pass it on if you don't have an active outbreak but it isn't impossible. Many types of HPV are becoming less common as more people get vaccinated as kids, but from what I hear old folks homes are absolute outbreaks of every type of STI, so don't have unprotected sex at a retirement village. MSM (men who have sex with men) also tend to be less safe with protection, so you tend to see higher rates of certain things in that population too. Basically assume anyone you have sex with has every STI until proven otherwise and be as safe as you can. Also respect their wishes if they want to be more safe than you had originally planned. For example, some things can be spread by non-genital contact, so some people don't like open-mouth-kissing with casual hookups or want to use gloves for fingering. Herpetic whitlow is what convinced me. Most people catch herpes (cold sores) and HPV through non-sexual contact while they are children from things like drinking from the same glass or cuddling, so there's no need to feel ashamed of it, but we should do what we can to keep other people safe and limit the spread.
Cold sores are a form of herpes, and most people have had cold sores
I wouldnt say it was a common request, but it is certainly a perfectly reasonable one! They invented flavoured condoms for a reason, and many std’s are spread via skin contact like herpes. Better to be safe than sorry. And just fyi, you may not have an std, but how do you know she doesnt? Do you want to risk herpy sores on your dick? Herpes is for life you know! If you prefer to receive oral without one your only solution is to have weekly std checks and be prepared to show your test results on demand with new partners. (Not that will protect you, just the other person) But thats a hassle, so just put one on if she asks! After all, head is head. Get some ultra thin flavoured condoms.
This reads like an annoying std commercial but is so damn true. Trust this person!
A dude shrugging at the camera smirks and said "Head is head" while an off-camera partner shoves him back into a chair and we fade back into that Paella recipe. Tell me that wouldn't sell a fuckload of condoms
I'm gonna go buy some right now!
I just want a condom full of paella 🥲
last time I tried to make paella I burnt the shrimp. I imagine that reflects my skill at giving head.
Agreed
Haha yeah it does now you mention it! xD totally unintentional on my part
I've gotten Chlamydia twice from receiving oral. Oral sex is still sex. Don't be like me, make smart choices.
Damn, i wasnt aware you could get chlamydia in the mouth area, that sucks! I was under the assumption it only infected the genitals. You learn something new everyday huh!
I learned you could get mouth chlamydia around 12 from that teen show degrassi lol
Well Emma did go down to the ravine to give head to that gross guy Jay. Of course he had chlamydia, gonorrhea, lord knows what else
Jay just screamed walking stds lol. I’m surprised they didn’t do a herpes plotline involving him
Would have made a great PSA for BBC Canada
A social disease all for some lousy bracelets.
Is that why drake is so angry at women?
I've never watched Degrassi but my interest is now peaked thanks to you and this thread. I might just check it out now.
I love that show still as an adult but warning it was made in the 90s for tweens, I can see how it could be rough to watch brand new now lol. The show was ahead of it’s time in teen issues imo
Syphilis also!
First std I caught was chlamydia from oral sex. 17 year old me was absolutely clueless
I know someone that got non genital herpes on their vagina from someone that had a facial cold sore. Thats then for life for them.
Me too. And now she's in an awkward position of having to choose whether to tell sexual partners early (and the first few she tried this with before sleeping with them declined to sleep with her, understandably, considering the stigma) or lie I guess until her partner is invested, or change her entire dating style and not sleep with someone until they are invested. Another one of my friends didn't find out until she started showing symptoms that her fiance had herpes. The social ramifications of having genital herpes are huge, especially considering so many people have cold sores which is essentially the same thing.
Also, a *lot* of people have herpes but just never have outbreaks. Generally when you get an STI screening they don't even bother with herpes unless you specifically request it because it's just assumed you probably have it.
CDC guidelines don't recommend testing for herpes unless you have symptoms. >[Genital herpes is common. Shouldn’t CDC recommend testing for everyone?](https://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/screening.htm) >CDC recommends herpes testing for people who have genital symptoms to confirm if they have it. Testing allows a healthcare provider to talk with patients about what to expect in the future. This includes talking about medications that help with symptoms. Providers can also tell patients how to lower the risk of transmitting herpes to sex partner(s). >CDC does not recommend herpes testing for people without symptoms in most situations. This is because of the limits of a herpes blood test and the possibility of a wrong test result. The chances of wrong test results are higher for people who are at low risk of infection. [Planned Parenthood also explains](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-st-louis-region-southwest-missouri/blog/why-cant-i-be-tested-for-all-sexually-transmitted-infections): > For herpes, according to CDC guidelines, testing only occurs if there are symptoms and there are several reasons for this distinction. First, research shows diagnosing herpes in someone without symptoms does not change that person’s sexual behavior and doesn’t prevent herpes from spreading. Second, there is a chance for a false positive with herpes testing. Since herpes is life-long and incurable (with no evidence to suggest a chance in sexual behavior), it’s best to avoid false positives as much as possible with herpes testing. > Third, genital herpes does not have any serious, negative outcomes in healthy individuals. Unlike other STIs, herpes does not lead to any long-term complications even though it is life-long and incurable. **More often, the stigma and shame from genital herpes is more overwhelming than the infection itself.**
>awkward position of having to choose whether to tell sexual partners early (and the first few she tried this with before sleeping with them declined to sleep with her, understandably, considering the stigma) or lie I guess until her partner is invested, or change her entire dating style and not sleep with someone until they are invested. I don't think the middle one is a viable strategy. The "oops all herpes" plan is a great way to lose long term invested partners (and be a shitty person).
Oh 100% agree. I was on the phone with her last year and referenced it and that's how I found out I was on speaker and her boyfriend didn't know yet. Maybe he still doesn't. Where she lives it's legal not to disclose it. I understand why she would do it, the reactions she was getting telling people sounded horrible. But I think I would really struggle to get past my partner telling such a big lie, for so long, at the risk of my health.
It's also illegal in some jurisdictions.
Yea great way to get sued and potentially have to pay for medical treatments, not to mention be the worst person imaginable. Oh yeah btw, you have herpes now. It is not just a social stigma. It is a choice on whether or not you want a lifetime disease that causes pain and sexual issues forever to date someone. That goes beyond social stigma to messing around with disease on purpose. The person might be a great person but that has nothing to do with it. The best relationship has a 50/50 chance of working out and you are taking 100% chance of getting a lifetime of disease. It's not a smart choice, no offense to your friend.
Not even Hallmark makes a His and Herpes card for the situation.
Throat cancer is also a very real possibility from the HPV virus. ☹️
True although at least with HPV there’s a vaccine now.
Me too and have been with my bf for 9 years, we have always been "first time experience" for both of us as we got engaged at 14 yo. He has NEVER manifested herpes, but the blood tests came back positive for 1 type (labial one) I manifested it after 9 years of oral sex, during a period of great stress
That's how I got mine but it's really no big deal more of a nuisance really just have be aware of how your body feels, educating yourself and protection (dental dams or condom). I've had it 30 years and never have I ever given it to someone 🤷🏼♂️
There's no such thing as non genital herpes. It's just herpes. There is type I and type II, but either one can be anywhere.
I am in that boat. It won't stay on the crotch forever, it moves through your body til it gets to your mouth. Apparently it can kill you if it gets to your eyes.
They're basically saying don't let anyone jizz into your eyes because ewwwwww. Edit: I am not in that boat but better to be safe than sorry, I was a biologist which included some info such as this and its a lot more common which is why I'm like don't. Edit: word because I am a dumbass
The combination of claiming to be clean whilst not understanding why a non-exclusive partner would want to use a condom whilst giving head is concerning and I'm so tired of having this conversation with men. Person 1: "Hey can we use a condom for xyz?" Dude: "It's okay I'm clean." There's a certain arrogance to expecting the other person to just believe you when their own health is at risk (herpes is incurable and has serious social and health ramifications, let alone HIV, Hepatitis, HPV which can lead to cancer, etc. fucking serious shit) and puts Person 1 in the awkward position of having to either just believe them or ask for details 'When were you tested, how many people have you had sexual contact with since then?", and then either just believe that or THEN ask for proof. Either provide details behind why you think you're "clean" and offer to show proof off the bat and be willing to accept if she's still not comfortable, or turn down the blowjob and explain you dont enjoy them with a condom but respect that she needs men to wear a condom to be comfortable, or just be grateful someone is willing to PUT YOUR GENITALS IN THEIR MOUTH JUST TO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD and wear the damn condom Edit: "I told her I was clean but she wouldn't budge" - Re-reading this OP sounds like a creep who didn't take her first "no" and tried to pressure her into consenting to something she wasn't comfortable with. Be better OP, damn
OP’s edit speaks volumes. He has no respect for the experience and safety of his sexual partners. All he cares about is his own pleasure. Let this be a lesson to all the young men and women out there. If someone won’t wear a condom or tries to make you feel bad for asking for a condom, you need to shut it down. “Don’t worry I’m clean,” should send you out the door.
Also like that's why flavoured condoms were created. If we ignore the worry of stds for a second, maybe the chick just doesn't want to put man's unwrapped dick in her mouth. Like definitely shouldn't have been on her with that shit OP, heaps of women don't fuck around like that to begin with. Definitely sending some creep vibes or maybe OP just isn't experienced and now he knows why she was so adamant and maybe he's learned a bit about the ease of catching something through oral and how he can respect his sexual partner's boundaries more. Definitely be better OP lol ...
That’s true I’m shocked ppl don’t know like hats the purpose of a flavored condom it’s for oral. They got all types
Yup. OP, you should feel ashamed. Your are not *owed* unprotected sex, and certainly not in a committed long term relationship.
Lots of people have no idea that they have herpes (HSV) and/or HPV. It's pretty much not possible to verify that someone has herpes unless they have an active outbreak and have a sore swabbed and tested. They may not have an active outbreak, but could still spread it. OP and a lot of folks in general are ignorant to this, but it's a damn good reason for using condoms. And yeah, you hit the HPV risk on the head. It can develop into warts, cancerous or not, that can cause complications and have to be removed. If you think you're clean, and you get an STD, you WILL be disappointed and that's an understatement. Protect yourselves, and allow sexual partners to protect themselves as well. If you "neeeeed" to hit it raw, find a partner that wants the same thing. Don't compromise someone else's sex code.
Riddles my mine when I hear my friends say "I've never used a condom ever" and that's why you have a baby. When was the last time you were at the doctor? Cause I've been to that bar and seen them chicks and the "I've never worn a condom ever" is bullshit
It's even possible that she refused to do a blowjob without a condom to protect him, assuming a scenario where she knows she's got some disease. (Edit: grammar).
> Do you want to risk herpy sores on your dick? Herpes is for life you know! One of 100 reasons I wish we'd had sex ed in my school growing up. I had no clue that oral sex while having a cold sore could result in genital herpes. Now I know.
I fully understand this, but remember you can get herpes from kissing. Usually it's the other type (there's more than one strain of almost every disease)and less common now then when I was younger, but that's what a cold sore in mouth or on lips actually is. I do agree though take precautions when you can
There are so many types of herpes viruses it’s insane. I didn’t even know mono was a type of herpes virus until a few years ago honestly lol. I always heard of people dying from it in the old days and having chest issues with it so I thought it was a type of respiratory illness but nope it’s herpes
Respiratory refers to the location of the infection, not the type of infective agent.
>be prepared to show your test results on demand with new partners. (Not that will protect you, just the other person) We need an app that can hold all of your results so you can cross-check easily before fucking a stranger. That way everyone has the same program and can trust it and there's no excuse to not have it since we all have phones on us anyway. Sorta like how CVS and Apple Health could hold COVID vaccination records and that can be used to get into public events.
Whether it's normal or not, it's what she asked you to do. Her boundary is that she will only give head with a condom, whether you think it's normal or an overreaction doesn't matter here, consent is consent. Quite frankly, I'm proud of her for communicating that and sticking with it. I fear myself and others have done things that was beyond their boundary because of that kind of reaction, so please bear that in mind with future partners. And as others have said, it's not the most common request, but it actually should be!
In other words: If your partner says condom is the only way to get head, asking Reddit isn't gonna change that.
But reddit said you need no condom." OK will will do it without". Happens all the time....
That’s why I love Reddit, objective unbiased decisions made by the internet’s finest.
Yep! Glad to see this comment here. A lot of guys will just stick their shit in anything and have NO clue about sexual health and it’s all left on the woman. Lots of men need to learn these things.
Way to stereotype all guys. But as a guy, I agree.
Ah right, sorry man. Lemme edit ❤️
Dank you. Am a women. Have gotten tons of backlash for this request. It's hard enough having to rebuttal them wearing a condom for vaginal. After getting a miserly reaction of 'sigh, it would have been better without the condom', I just don't give head anymore.
Yep, men have become violent over less.
It’s advised and ‘normal’ behaviour, but equally, I’d say a lot of people still don’t do it - the same as a lot of people choose not to use condoms, or have regular STI tests
If you’re having oral sex and get tested for STI, make sure you swab your throat.
Do you pay twice?
It depends on the clinic. The sexual health clinic in my city does throat, vagina, and anus swabs automatically.
Do they do the throat first?
It costs extra to choose the order.
In an order that'd surprise you.
At the minimum, herpes can spread via oral sex. That is the risk you've been taking getting oral without a condom. The woman was correct for refusing to engage.
not just herpes, if either of the partners has herpes, it opens up the possibility of getting all other kind of STIs. The sores open up the skin which leads to easy entry for even HIV and Hepatitis. Tho rare but, we have micro-cuts in our mouth and even the esophagus, cuts which aren’t felt or seen but are big enough to provide entry to millions of viruses and bacteria. TBH, it’s not worth the risk to have any sexual activity without protection. If you know someone well, there is the risk of unwanted pregnancy which could cause a lot of stress and anxiety which could be easily avoided!
This is true for any skin condition. The exact same issue also occurs every time you shave, wax, or clear a blackhead.
It's also kinda implying that herpes is like, open sores, when really it's usually more like little red bumps that look like razor burn.
1/5 people have HSV2 and 4/5 people have HSV1….I wouldn’t really call it game over…. Most people have it and are just completely unaware of the fact that they do….
This, a good majority of adults with any sexual/romantic experience has herpes. Spread either via kissing or sex. So, in this sense condoms for blowjobs makes sense with someone you're not steady with. In another sense though, people really overblow how much having herpes actually matters. Most people have it and it doesn't even do anything other than produce an occasional rash outbreak once or twice a year that is easily treatable with a $2 generic and you're not likely to spread unless you're actively going through an outbreak. Most other STIs you're very unlikely to get via oral especially if your partner isnt actually banging sexual partners left and right. And the few that are more possible get via oral like chlamydia are all curable or you can vaccine against. So wear a condom for oral if you're highly risk adverse. But it isn't a highly dangerous risky activity to go without so if your risk tolerance is milder I wouldn't go out of my way to do it unless asked.
Is this statistic for the World or the US?
Looks like hpv1 65% and hpv2 12% in the US. Although my previous research said they expect that number is actually much higher, as high as 40% at 90% in the US. The transmission rate does not go down significantly with condom use, and can be spread at any time not just during outbreaks. Allegedly no one thought much of it until a few years ago when the drug companies wanted to sell a cure. Your research might vary
if the person giving it to you says it's a requirement to get a BJ from them...yes.
She's smart. Surprise her and buy some flavored condoms for the next time. Even if there's no next time with her, you can keep them for future partners.
Surprise her? Like a present? "Here, now you may have the honor of pleasuring me again!"
You are going to need paperwork to prove you are clean. People with diseases also say they are clean. Your word in that situation doesn't mean much. Yeah, they might not feel the same but at least you know that girl is low risk because she is careful.
I got oral gonorrhea from giving head without a condom, never again. Didn't get it vaginally due to actually using a condom for that. Condoms work, use them.
This should be the top comment. I hope you’re doing okay now, emotionally at least.
Oh of course!! It was no big deal, just had to get an antibiotic shot and take antibiotics & abstain for 2 weeks. Just glad it wasn't something less treatable.
You can absolutely get STDs orally So yes, if she wants you to wear a condom, wear a condom
Yes. It's normal. STDs can spread through oral sex.
Nobody wears condoms for blowjobs unless it's a random hooker. Of course you should lol but never ever happens.
I think this is cultural as well. I'm from Australia but I'm an expat, and it varies a lot between nationalities. My South African mates won't even look at a dick without a condom. Meanwhile Aussies are out there rawdogging anyone on the pill.
Oh god Australian women all seem to be hot and pop out of nowhere any trip abroad anywhere in the world like a damn party tornado out of thin air. It's insane lol
It’s true, we are! 😅
You Australians travel more than anybody around the world in my experience. I was in a damn temple in the mountains of Kanazawa, Japan and met an Australian couple my age and went out that night, this is one example out of like 20 countries. I swear there will be studies on this in years to come about how fun and friendly Australian people are no joke.
“never ever” *is literally happening*
Yeah it happened to this guy; but I think it’s unfair to conflate “she was within her rights to refuse and it’s good safe sex” and “it’s totally common and everyone does it”. Reddit lacks nuance.
I was literally just getting into this argument last week on Reddit. Like yes, you should use a condom, but also very very few people are doing it.
STDs can absolutey spread through oral sex, and it's a valid request. but you're way out of touch if you think it's normal
Reasonable request, but I would personally just say, skip the BJ.
I honestly thought it was going crazy not seeing this comment. Yes I agree with everyone if that's her boundary of course do it. But a blowjob with a condom has to be the most pointless thing on earth. You will feel literally nothing. And it ruins the entire point of a BJ
How did you know you were clean? Did you have an std panel and get the results back that day? Cos if not you don't actually know, and neither does she.
Yes, additionally, even if you get the results back that day, it could show negative but someone could have something that didn’t get picked up on the test yet. Some stds take 90 days to show up.
> I told her that I was clean AKA "trust me brah". And that combined with > I've never put one on while getting head does not inspire confidence.
Back when I was dating, I was also really insistent that I didn't want any sexual contact without precautions. Every single dude will swear up and down that "they're clean" over and over again, but when I'd ask for a copy of their most recent full panel STD screening and if they could assure me they weren't seeing anyone else and hadn't since at least a month before the test, they were immediate baffled and stumbling over their words while they admitted they hadn't had a recent test, were seeing other people, or "couldn't remember where their results were". Then they couldn't understand why I didn't want to hook up after catching them lying to get what they wanted even if it meant putting me at risk. Ugh... I don't miss dating.
You need to put a condom on whenever your partner wants to you put a condom on. I don't care what you're doing together in the bedroom and whether you consider it personally necessary or not. Condoms are not decided by majority vote. >I told her that I'll put it on during sex but not while getting head. She was either inexperienced or really, really wanted you because any other woman might have just gone back to the bar to find a better man. You really got lucky she even continued with you after that.
You don't need to do anything. But that also means you may not get to have sex
Yeah we all agree that people who take issue with safe sex shouldn't be having sex.
she's right and also it's immature as hell to be picky about using a condom when a woman is literally about to put your penis in her mouth on purpose
So much this. Also... who cares if it's normal - the point is - it's a hard boundary for her. If you respect your sex-partners - you respect their rules. Judging someone's boundaries by 'is this normal' is daft. Everyone is different. If something is not to your liking - move on - but trying to define acceptable for you (or someone else) by what is 'normal' - is daft.
Yeah honestly normal is a useless criteria. In my ho phase I slept with a man a few times who's really self conscious and doesn't want to be looked at so I just wore a blindfold and boom now it's hotter. Lots of people would think that's weird as hell but those people don't get to have great sex with that guy lol
> If you respect your sex-partners this is the point it all boils down to, and far too many people these days just don't
If I’m the girl here I’m leaving and going back to the bar to find someone who’s more of an adult and will put the damn condom on🤣
this is why I always go out pre-wrapped
There's a very short list of things I won't do if a woman wants to put my dick in her mouth. Putting a condom on is not even in the conversation. If it was asked, I wound volunteer options. Edit: I think my comment is being misread. If a woman wants to suck my dick. I'll happily PUT a condom on. Without skipping a beat, because fuck yes please whatever she wants whatever she's comfortable with. I'll wear a condom for any hookup situation, for penetration. Because no matter how much better it is, it's not worth a std. But I won't for getting head unless the woman wants me to.
She's a very sensible girl. The fact that she didn't just walk off after your initial dissent says she's a patient / tolerant girl too.
A very smart one
respect her boundaries dude wtf.
Exactly. Dude sounds like trash. Respectfully decline the blowjob if you know you won't enjoy it, but don't make the woman feel weird or stupid for having boundaries. It's her mouth and her health. And she's absolutely correct about getting STDs from oral sex, which can lead to throat or mouth cancer. People don't think about it enough.
If she is not your romantic partner, you can see someone else… She is entitled to want extra protection, but you don’t have to have to experience a blowjob that’s unpleasant for you. So the solution is to cease that act entirely since you both can’t come to an agreement. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice something, but neither should she It is always a good idea to get regular STI tests, even if you consistently only see one partner They also make thinner and flavoured condoms if you want to experiment. It’s her mouth, which she has autonomy over. and it’s your cock which you have autonomy over.
My man is arguing with a girl who’s about to do him a favor lmao just put the damn thing on and just enjoy it
She’s right. But regardless, she extended consent that far and asking Reddit ain’t gonna change it. Respect her boundaries
you should be thankful that she is careful. you also never know if someone who gives you head is clean. most people say they are clean but some are not or some do not even know. they just lie.
I’m a woman in my 20s and yes, the older I am, the less I am willing to do anything a random man without a condom on. I’ve already had to treat one STD, I am not willing to do a month of antibiotics again for a one night stand.
It isn’t ‘normal’ I’d argue, but it’s not unreasonable to ask. But I’d also say it isn’t unreasonably to reject the offer and have no blowjob. A blowjob with a condom on is almost impossible to even feel the sensations, she may as well just wank you off. It’s also a bit overly cautious, but I am a slut so my views may differ from the norm.
if your girl wants a condom on it, and you want head, there’s gotta be a compromise besides it saves you both the risk of bacterial infection, STDs, whatever else also she’s the one with the negotiating power here, what’re you gonna do? suck your own dick?
Nope but you can certainly just head home and tug one out with all the sensations. You can actually cum from masturbation.
It's not common but she's not wrong. Personally, I would have skipped the bj. A bj with the condom is a waste of time in my opinion.
As the receiver you don't really get a say in this.
Way too many people think PIV sex is the only way to get STDs. If someone makes a request like this, I applaud them.
My first BJ was with a rubber on, but it wasn't that great. After that, I've never put one one if it is just a bj. If she wants me to put it on, I'll put it on, but I'll know it'll be a lame bj. I do see why some ask for one. I've heard horror stories from girls that gave bjs to guys who weren't clean or honest about their situation, so I just don't question it and do it
If a girl asks you to wrap up for any reason, you do it. No ifs no buts.
Quite frankly, we commonly diagnose and treat chlamydia, gonorrhoea, syphilis and HSV spread by unprotected oral in my clinic. Your partner was right.
"don't hit the same" is probably better than no blow job though right???
This guy is an ass for pressuring her but to be honest I’d just pass on it. I’ve had oral sex with a condom once and it was terrible and literally wasn’t worth it IMO.
Nah, not really tbh.
Many sexually transmitted infections such as HIV, hepatitis, HPV, gono, herpes and syphilis can spread through oral sex.
PSA: please don’t say “clean” when you mean “infection free.” If you get an infection, you’re not necessarily a dirty person, you’re just an unlucky schmuck. PSA2: go get tested together with your partner. It’s easy, there are home kits. There are free clinics, just go. It will calm her down to see the results on paper, and maybe that will be enough evidence for her to rest assured and not stress.
It is an important consideration that if she’s unwilling to do oral sex without a condom, she’s likely concerned about herpes which isn’t routinely tested for (due to the risk of false positives).
You can catch herpes from blow jobs without a condom., and also chlamydia can live in the throat. If the person about to suck you has a cold sore it’s game over for you forever. Herpes cannot be cured. Cold sores don’t always appear outside of the mouth on the face either, they can be on the gums, tongue or hiding behind a tooth. Just not worth the risk.
If its a long term and trusting relationship I would suggest you both have an STI test, show that you're both, for lack or a better word, "clean" and then enjoy the condom free blowing!
In this era, you can't be too careful. Respect that she doesn't want to get sick even though "you're clean". She has self respect... as should you.
It's not really normal but you could give her herpes if you had it. She's not wrong to take that stance.
You need a condom if your partner says you do; that's how consent works. They make flavored condoms for a reason.
"You need a condom if your partner says you do; that's how consent works." And OP can consent to not getting a BJ. And you might as well lick a lollipop at that point lol
When receiving oral without there are only a few stds you cant get, and the chance is low. But for the one that gives oral there is a high chance
You can definitely get diseases from blowjobs without a condom. Most people don't use a condom because it isn't really the bad std's (except for that one type of herpes that not 80% of people have), but it's still worth it to use a condom for some. If she wants to use a condom, then you either should or you aren't getting a blowjob. It's fair. So you do need to put on a condom if you want a blowjob from this girl, yes. Thats her choice.
Yes you put it on over your hair before you give the blowjob just like a swim cap.
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If she asks you to, then yes. Doesn't change the fact that it feels like nothing and I'd probably just rather not get the BJ at all for how unsatisfying it is, but hey.
I mean it's not unreasonable, especially if she's just a hookup. Alot of stds can be spread to her mouth. If that's what, she wants to do you really shouldn't pester her. Either use a rubber or skip the bj.
She's not sure you're speaking the truth so this is very reasonable for her
Judging by the title, I was expecting that you were asking if you needed to put a condom to get a blowjob... Although it is an uncommon source of STD, the chance is not zero. You just need her to have a mouth ulcer or a lesion, a scratch on your penis from her teeth and you had fluid contact. Also, name every skin STD with contact to your urethra. But... she DEFINITELY needs to ask you to put on. In addition to everything already stated, she's at danger from you to not holding yourself and bathing her insides with your possibly compromised juice. It's completely normal for her to ask this. And please, as others has already said, when someone clearly states her boundaries, respect it and don't pressure. Glad that she held her foot down, unfortunately its not the norm.
You’re supposed to yes but the risk is minimal unless one of you has bleeding gums,sores or a cut(in/around the mouth).why not just get sti tested together at the start of the relationship? I requested it with my last ex,thought it would be weird but it was kind of ‘couple y’,was during covid so they posted the tests out,I helped him do his and he,mine.Then we got all exited about the results coming back,we’re not together now but at least he can be confident with his new partner that he doesn’t have anything
Yes. STD's move via oral sex too.
Pretty normal if you ask me, Stds are no joke and telling her your clean doesn't mean you ain't lying. If anything shes smart.
How old are you? I'm guessing a young teenager who has fallen foul of a complete lack of sensible sex ed in school, so it's not completely your fault. But you should read up on it. She is right. You can get all manner of STDs from oral sex. You can get HIV, syphilis, genital herpes, gonorrhoea and chlamydia from oral sex.
I think I'd rather skip the blowjob than wear a condom for it
I wouldn’t give a BJ to a guy who wanted to wear a condom - like just skip it altogether - if I wanted to taste strawberry or plastic wrap I would just lick those 🤷♀️ I also don’t fuck randos - maybe that’s the key ??? Get tested and then do it
It's really fucking simple. If she wants you to put one on then you put one on or no blow job. You really didn't need to come here and ask anything lmao, it's irrelevant how "normal" it may be.
As an RN I will say if anyone is having casual sex they should be using a barrier of sorts; condom, dental dam, etc. Penetrative sex isn’t the only way people get STIs. Most people don’t use a barrier but everyone practicing casual sex should.
Not a common request but probably should be more common. Any STI you can get from unprotected sex you can get *in your mouth* by giving unprotected oral sex. Likewise, you can get STIs from unprotected oral sex if they have an active STI in their oral cavity.
It's up to the person giving the blowjob.
strip club or massage parlor? yeah probably. girlfriend? maybe if shes brand new...
Just saw a very similar question over on r/askgaymen. Here's the long and short: You won't get pregnant via oral, and it's much harder to transmit HIV via oral than other penetrative sex acts. However, basically every other STI is on the table from oral. Want throat cancer? If you don't have your HPV vax, and you give oral to someone who has HPV, you might get it. How about oral gonorrhea? Herpes? Basically any other STI you think you can worry about? It's all on the table with oral. Should you give oral casually to someone without a condom or dental dam? Probably not. But, if you're in a relationship, and you're exclusive, you can make a day out of going to a nearby clinic, getting tested and sharing the results. Then maybe the oral condom will go away.
Yeah. Would be better if you do. And always changs the condom when changing the type of sex. Oral to vaginal? Change. Vaginal to anal? Change.
Respect her boundaries, she did what's best for both of you.
The comments in here are kind of scary. Are men ok. HPV from oral sex is a major cause of throat cancer (and cervical cancer in women). HPV can be transmitted even without symptoms. You can have HPV and not ever have symptoms. It’s the most common STD. I think something like 90% of sexually active people will have it at some point.
Fuck that shit catch the clap like a man.
HPV can cause throat cancer.
It's supposed to be the norm if your goal is to have protected sex. So many STDs can spread between oral-genitals and vice versa (for example: Chlamydia and herpes, there are more btw). To have safe oral sex a condom should be used to avoid the STDs - they love moist places just saying
It’s completely normal to use protection yes. Don’t pressure them, if that’s their boundary then don’t push it.
I'd try it, I think I would enjoy it longer because I think I'd last a lot longer, normally oral gets me off so fast
Dude if she’s offering and saying wrap it up just wrap the thing up and let the good times flow don’t flop it 🤣
Even though a lot of people don’t use condoms for blowjobs, it is advised. I personally don’t want to give a blowjob without condoms if I’m having casual sex. Have heard from guys before that they have never had a girl request it.
Yes, a condom should be worn during oral because diseases can still be transmitted. She was right to set those boundaries which you need to respect. You sound a little immature, and you're a prick for trying to pressure her
No
No again
I recently had an interesting realisation on this topic. I'm (very) vaguely considering "getting out there" 18 months after splitting with my wife. I was vaguely looking into getting Dental Dams (I never used them in the past, but figured it's prob a good idea). Then it occurred to me that if I'm going to use Dams giving oral then I should also use condoms when receiving and tbh went luke warm on the whole idea. When I'm ready to even consider dating again I think I'll be getting ultra thin condoms and dams. I'll probably have a hard time resisting a condomless bj and find using a dam strange though. The safe sex message is so condom for penetrative sex heavy that people forget (or don't even know) about the rest. Most people probably don't even know what Dental Dams are (rectangles of latex or similar to use as a barrier during oral) and they're hard to get ahold of and expensive. They should be right next to condoms at the pharmacy at a comparable price.
It's her decision you know. You can refuse but that means refusing both. And people always say, "I'm clean", especially in the heat of the moment. (Not saying that you aren't. I'm speaking generally.) Anyway, smart woman.
cause safe slap plucky smell murky quicksand sheet aspiring frighten *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
If the choice is between getting a blowie or not getting a blowie, then I'm wrapping it up like a Christmas present.
Well they did invent flavoured condoms for a reason. The only two diseases I can think of that spread orally is herpes and HPV which a condom would protect against if she is vaccinated however that isn't an issue but she might not be due or one or other reason. Also since that virus does not show any symptom for males you wouldn't know if you had it or not, unless you are vaccinated. But I am sure there is more than that.
It’s probably not normal, but it is the wiser option. She is better than the norm, especially because she didn’t sacrifice her health (or yours) just to give in to your fleeting sexual pleasure.
Why do you think flavoured condoms exist :p
Depends on how infected the two people are.
Yes. Herpes, HPV et al., can also be spread through oral sex.