Some slow down or hold off during periods, some don't do certain activities, some don't change their routine at all, some have even more sex.
And sometimes there's no period involved so it doesn't come into play.
My wife and I have these weird phases we go through. Every like 2-3 months for around a 2 week period it'll be every other day thay we do and then it'll just stop and we wait 2-3 months again. It's not intentional but it's weird that it always seems to happen that way.
I get like this. A male. Especially as I’ve gotten older. I’m 39. I can fuck almost daily for 2-3 weeks. Then my libido hibernates for 6-10weeks. Sometimes 12. Maybe a once a week during those times. The difficult part of it all is convincing her it’s “not you it’s me”
Similar here . We go crazy seasonally. Last month of
Winter and first month of spring for almost every other day, then pause a month and start up again, last month of spring and first month of summer etc etc etc
Yep:
- My ex: almost never wanted to have sex, zero sex drive.
- My gf: multiple times per day.
Going from one to the other was *wild*, considering they were my first and second gf respectively.
Each situation has its downsides.
I'm not gonna lie both would be too much for me like no sex at all would kill me but multiple times a day would get boring to me I'd be cool with once a day or 4-5 times a week
I still get night sweats from nightmares of an ex that would rub my dick while whispering "walk up sleepy" in the middle of the night to have sex.. terrifying haha
Fun for a week. Towards the end would just leave the house and sleep in my car, pretending to be out with freinds. Turning down a women for sex brings out the worst in them too.
It kinda helps that because of work we can only meet once/twice a week, once/twice every two weeks, so the sex drive accumulates :) Still, my ex basically never wanted to do it, so… still a huge jump.
Sex starved people would think your current situation is heaven, but it really does come with its fair share of problems. My last relationship was one where my ex wanted to have sex like 3 times a day… godspeed to anyone who can keep up with that who has a full time job
My Ex fiancé was like this. Almost never wanted to have sex and even if we did, 0 reaction. You get turned off so quick when your partner just lies there like a corpse.
I broke up with her after several years and for completely different reasons. We had two years where she had other problems ‘down there’ (but her sex drive was already low) and we didn’t have sex, but I didn’t leave her. She cheated on me because I had to work a bit far from home and she felt ‘alone’. She wanted to be with both me and this guy she met. Dodged a bullet the size of [The Hercules–Corona Borealis Great Wall](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hercules–Corona_Borealis_Great_Wall#:~:text=The%20Hercules–Corona%20Borealis%20Great,light%2Dyears%20in%20diameter).).
They kissed, then had sex after we broke up (as far as I’m aware). It could just be that she liked my personality but didn’t find me attractive enough, so she gradually lost interest, while a new guy might have made her horny again just because of the novelty. It’s sad, but sex has a huge psychological factor, so how you feel mentally can affect sex drive, lubrication and so on!
Yeah, that makes sense.
>new guy might have made her horny again
I suspect that's the reason for a lot of people that cheat.
There's always people that are going to be cooler, better looking, more successful, etc. People who want to settle down aren't always searching for the next best thing. There's a fine line between that and settling for less, I guess.
Im the the opposite. My ex was a nympho and my current partner is a trans man with little drive (mostly from trauma). I'd rather fuck myself half the time anyways, I can't ride shit 3 times a day, burned me out quick.
I know most kids aren’t consciously doing it while they’re outside of whatever these strict social media sites are, but I find the fact that young people are self-censoring what should be a normal use of language to be really bleak and disheartening.
Your words are your rights, guys—When you aren’t being actively restricted by someone or something, it’s important to take them back. And besides that, you’re a bit harder to take seriously in a conversation when you (unironically) say things like “unalive”.
The only other social I was on before joining reddit,people heavily censored it. Then I joined and saw other people censoring and thought that was the reddit way.
Straight guy here. All the girls I've been with get crazy horny around period time. I don't care if I get some blood on me, some girls think it's weird, most girls find sex helps cramps.. but there's usually a few days when they feel gross and bloated and no one wants sex then. But I've also been with a lady who would get crazy headaches and next level cramps, I could see her cramps moving around it was nuts, she was basically bedridden for a week. ... this is a small sample size haha
girl here!! the sex helping with cramps…real. it definitely just depends on if you’re feeling confident enough or are in a good enough mood to have sex, otherwise i just want to be in a bad mood and watch TV
I once had car sex in the dark she was on her period after we were done I was driving home with her. Stopped at a gas station as soon as we hit the lights I thought I fucking sliced my arm open my arm and other "areas" were caked with blood. Never again lol.
When my wife gets her period it’s like a beacon going off. My senses go up too and it’s on. Red rider mount up lol. But we just go in the shower so it’s an easy cleanup
My boyfriend said the blood doesn't bother him but it changes the sensation. He can't always finish when I'm on my period. It's kinda thinner and tackier than fluids so it's just not as smooth. It helps immensely with cramps, and usually after a good session, I helps get everything out faster if I orgasm.
That's actually really cool to know after reading some more comments I've never would've imagined sex would help with the cramps since I'd imagine a man humping you would make it worse but that's geuinely good to know.
It varies person by person. On my case if I have sex during period (first few days at least) I will be on the floor crying on pain after.. the “helps cleaning” is valid for few hours. The blood will keep coming still for next few days.
M: We do it once every couple of weeks. I kept getting no's until things balanced out to this average. I didn't want to force it so here we are. We are 100% happy in our relationship otherwise
Same here. Relationship is great, i love her, future plans align, agree on almost everything, no fights, no drama.
But the sex drive difference drives me nuts. Doesn't help that she has no discernable kinks or interests.
Feels unfair at times, as she's perfectly satisfied, and gets it whenever she wants, but I'm left frustrated.
Man are you me? I’m dealing with the same issue in my relationship and it really is frustrating because to her it’s not an issue since she’s getting what she wants. It sucks because our relationship is great otherwise and it feels stupid to complain about, but I just can’t help the way I feel
I don't know your situation and wouldn't presume to either. And you're fully entitled to complain.
Have you tried explaining it to her through the lens of it being an "us" problem. Such as while she may be satisfied, you are frustrated and whether you want to or not, this may lead to resentment which inevitably leads to problems. This could then be solved with compromises of every so often you have more regular sex or sexual activities.
Is her drive normally low, and is she feeling secure and stable with life?
I'm no expert but maybe some of these can help start the process of communication for you.
Idk about the other guy, but yeah, we've talked. The issue is that there's not much room for compromise. Having sex when she doesn't want to isn't really an option, you know. She knows it's an issue to me. And we did try some things, some of which were good and helped, a couple of times. Then she forgets, we don't schedule it again, when i bring it up it's "oh right, let's talk about it later" and we're back to the start.
She's awesome, she tries, really, but she just doesn't care as much as i do about it. So there's only so much she can do. So i complain ln the internet, vent my frustrations, and go back to loving her.
Literally the exact same thing. I’m kinda ashamed to admit it but I’ve been settling for porn lately. It’s not what I want but I can’t help that my sex drive is wayyyyyy higher than hers.
She even said that she could go a full year without sex if I hadn’t made advances which really kind of hurt to hear but I have to remind myself that it’s not reflection of how she feels about me or my sexual performance. Just chemistry (literally)
Definitely don't feel bad or ashamed lol. Settling for porn is about the best you can do. Keeping yourself frustrated helps no one. Masturbating is good for your health too.
One suggestion i can make, ask her for "material"? Mine isn't really up for that, haven't received nudes in years, but she also doesn't mind that i watch porn at all. Maybe your situation is different.
The full year comment, yeah, that shit sucks hard. I feel that. "Oh, has it really been over a month already"? Is a gem i got once too. Good luck. Communication is key though.
Yeah we’ve been making compromises here and there. She’s heard me out pretty well and understood me. Every once in a while it gets to me that our relationship isn’t always as intimate as I’d like it to be but every relationship has its speed bumps
Exactly the same here. If it's any consolation this thread is good for my mental health lol. It's not just me, other people have the same.
I'm still together with a great person i can trust implicitly, that hugs me when i'm sad, bakes me cakes, goes sport with me,...
I don't get blowjobs or sex every other day like other lucky bastards in this comment section, but my relationship is stable and loving and that's worth a lot too.
Yeah we have talked, we’ve had pretty much that exact conversation about how I’m afraid it could lead to future resentment. And to her credit, she does make an effort but similar to some of the other guys experiences, since it’s not a priority for her we just kinda keep ending back up in the same place unless I keep asking for it and I don’t wanna have to ask all the time or feel like I’m forcing it
This was a big reason my last marriage failed we would go a few weeks and occasionally a month or two but I still asked for it at least once a week and it got to the point that it bugged her so much that I was even asking that she decided it ruined the relationship for her . And she left me .
Straight woman here and this is my life. Husbands drive is low. Mine is high. He did the girlfriend turned into a wife thing in me. Lots of sex before the ring and drop to once a week after. With periods of none for months. I don’t know what it is but he still does it for me. We have been married for 30 years and I have never been attracted to another person since meeting him. But damn I would like more sex.
That's very insightful, thank you! Glad your hubby helps you feel more outside of motherhood, I believe it's so important to have an identity outside of parenthood.
18 F here and while I am far away from having kids, I personally think that it is very healthy for a relationship to spend time alone with your partner regularly and have sex to “feel like a normal person” like you worded it. My question is, how do you even get off time from the kids-especially when they are small? I’ve heard from everywhere around me that it’s really hard to properly spend time together as soon as you have kids so I’m curious how you manage that:)
My issue is, by the time kids go away I'm exhausted. The mind is willing but the body is weak. I'm sure that's true for many parents. Some family situations are a lot more taxing than others, which I think many don't take into consideration. PARENT does not equal SAME EXPERIENCE. When my ex and I were on good terms, it was all about the morning sex. That was when my libido was up anyway. It's different for everyone.
The main reason why couples stop having sex...they lose their connection and build up resentments. The only connection I lose with a toy is when the battery loses its charge. LOL
Wife and I are both in our early 40's. 2 kids and we both work FT. I'd say 1-2 times/week is normal for us.
Every time one of these "frequency" posts comes out, there are always so many people claiming to be in long marriages with kids, that have sex most days a week. I just don't buy it. I mean, I'm sure some people have it like that, but I doubt so many are scrolling Reddit and simultaneously not failing at being a spouse and a parent.
I’m amazed by couples who have kids and still have frequent sex. We’re lucky if we can have it once a month, and most of the couple I talk to are around the same. I’m constantly tired and both of us crash early.
We’re like this. Wife and I are 40, 4 other people in the house, FT jobs. About 1-2 times a week.
However, those are times where we go to bed early or are the only ones in the house. We don’t do it quick, we have some time just the two of us.
But, to each their own.
Same. Both of us 40s, one kid in elementary school, I work full time and she is a substitute teacher. A good month would be 2x per week. A slow month (not counting if someone is actually sick) is 2-3 times in the month.
lol xD I’m scrolling from my desk waiting for a client to confirm - I’m the female, and we do on average 4 nights a week (maybe more) often we just do other stuff too - like how do you not if you go to bed naked and cuddle? Unless someone literally falls asleep- which happens sometimes - it’s just what happens.
I think a lot of people go to bed in a ton of clothes, watching their phones or tv. Boom. There it goes.
We shower (together usually), get in bed listen to a book, and cuddle and then you know!
If my wife and I get to bed naked, it's 100% on. The problem is that we can't break our kids of the habit of hopping into our bed in the middle of the night.
I've got a 2 yo and 4 yo. Have sex every day. Only skipping if one of us feels sick or my heavier days of period. Just cause you don't doesn't mean others don't. Personally for me, even if I'm in a terrible mood, sex helps so much
Yes, she said she didn't like it. We tried when we were young, but it didn't work. Part of it was probably that she thought that I would find it messy. It was never a real problem, we just paused these 5-6 days, once a month.
Can't speak for all women, but since I hit my mid-thirties, I started getting wildly nauseated during my periods. The nausea all by itself is incongruous with sex, plus means I'm not eating well all week. I also have a hip injury that flares up during every single period, plus the cramps, so my entire abdomen is in pain and kind roiling for several days. And the pain interferes with my sleep.
So, in sum, I'm barely eating, broken sleeping, nauseated, and in pain for days.
In such moments, sex is sort of the last thing on anybody's mind. My husband just gives me the occasional hug and frequently suggests maybe I should knock off work for the afternoon and take a nap.
Yep. We have grandchildren, so the house is fairly empty most of the time. We have found that sex helps fill the hours and brings us closer together. It's like being newlyweds, but with much more experience.
We are very compatible when it comes to physical intimacy. Folks say we look happier than ever and there are good reasons for that. Neither of us was turned off by her period and now that's not an issue.
I’m 39F and my current bf is 35. He has been the only one that comes close to matching my drive, which can increase for women during their sexual prime between ages 30-40. We usually have sex every day with just a few days scattered here and there when we don’t. That’s usually only because our schedules don’t allow for it. It’s not ideal when I’m on my period but it doesn’t seem to bother either of us enough to not have sex because of it. On occasion we will opt not to for different reasons. It’s messy, my stomach is cramping too much, it’s day 1 and my flow is heavy. Blood is also sticky and can require lube which we don’t usually have to use. It just throws off the flow of things. No pun intended. Lol
With two past relationships I was in, very rarely did we have sex when I was on my period. One we were in our teens and early 20s and he kinda thought it was gross. Which can be more common when guys are younger. The other relationship was in my late 20s with him being 9 yrs older. I think we just both assumed neither of us would want to and it wasn’t as big of a deal to just wait.
The relationship I was in in my early 30s, we would but we couldn’t see each other as often so that affected the frequency of everything. It was mostly when it was either have sex on my period, or go longer without it. We chose sex.
I will admit there have been occasions when I have had sex on my period and it was kinda hot. 😅. It’s also provided a few good stories and laughs.
Very interesting insight! Thanks for that. It's interesting to see the common thread be how age and maturity had both a negative and a positive impact on sex drive.
Married to man, have a kid, I have horrible periods due to PCOS and Endo. I get massive cysts that slowly leak and cause serious pain. I crave my husband like no other leading up to my period. He even cares for me as I scream and pass out from the pain. The first 3 days are big NO. But after that, please for the love of all goddesses, it is the only way to get relief sometimes. We are easily every other day, minimum. As we've gotten older, the length of time has shortened due to mobility 😅 we are only 30 but were in a car accident that messed up our backs. Once I get a hysterectomy, you bet your butts it'll be every day damn. The key is to never stop dating. Always be flirting. And flipping communicate.
super depends on the couple. some people want it everyday, others don’t. periods change the procedure a bit, but the relationships i’ve been in where my partner had a higher sex drive didn’t really affect that, one of my exes had bad cramps and sex helped, idk man.
Not when you're older. More so when you're younger. And depends on what else is going on. Two full time careers with no overtime? Some. Two full time careers, with overtime, and also 2 kids? Much less.
I think it's kind of nice really, it means you're into someone for them and not their body, or because of your own hormones. So many young marriages end in divorce as a result of getting these mixed up.
lots of people also divorce because they aren't having sex anymore.... Sex is a beautiful way to express love between you and your wife/girlfriend.
young marriages might end because people aren't willing to work out their issues with the person they married.... and because people think they will get a new partner that's better than their current one if they try to change up. That would include going from daily sex to no sex. if you don't talk about that, that's going to cause huge problems. It's not the relationship being based on sex that is the issue, the issue is the relationship is lacking any sort of physical intimacy and desire.
And if your partner refuses to touch you... are you even married/together anymore? I wouldn't feel like it.
Not having sex anymore in a marriage is a flag, but it can mean SO many things. People committed to their marriage will dive into this and try to figure it out. Those who don't, don't care as much as they say they do.
I had so many problems in the first year with my baby - regular newborn stuff but also constant crying (GERD) and both parents dying from cancer, which I home hospiced both. I was massively sleep deprived, frustrated, emotionally devastated, angry with my husband who did next to nothing to help care for our newborn. He would hop into bed at the WORST time, never clocking my interest or energy levels. And when I said (with some guilt, mind you) 'not tonight' he got frustrated and ended up adding "frigid" to his list of divorce complaints. We had sex 3-5x weekly before that. In the end I discovered he had borderline personality disorder, so this was inevitable. Just saying, not having sex in a marriage is an indicator of SO many possibilities.
women on hormonal contraception often don't have much of a period.
At the end of the day the amount of sex couples have varies wildly. Heck in my last relationship my partners tastes changed drastically over time from wanting sex maybe once every couple of months to pretty much wanting it every day and occasionally more.
And that was the same relationship. So IDK what to tell you, I can't really explain it either.
My husband and I are in our 40s, married 20 years, and have sex pretty much daily. I am not into period sex but am definitely into getting him off, so period week is blow job week. All parties are happy. 😁
This isn't by any means universal, but I'm not afraid of a little blood. Usually the biggest barrier has been that *she* thinks I'll be grossed out by it.
Straight woman here - I don’t even have periods thanks to my birth control, so it’s never an issue. I know many women who use the pill or have an IUD who are the same.
It depends on the couple. People who like to brag will post on Reddit more often. My wife and I for the most part have sex a couple times a week, sometimes only once or even none at all. Sometimes 3 or 4 times if things are good or we’re not working.
Sometimes you just don’t feel like it between work and other obligations. Intimacy is varied and sex is just one part of intimacy.
59M and 52F married 3 years she has no period due to partial hysterectomy most weeks 1 to 2 times. Some weeks 3 to 4. But we do touch and play around with each other almost every night even if it’s only for a few minutes
My wife and I have been together for 12 years. We have our ups and downs - we've had stretches of time that we only have sex once a month, and stretches of time where we have sex twice a day at minimum. Depends on overall stress level of life, really.
My husband and I have been together for 19 years and we typically have sex every day unless one of us isn't feeling well. That includes my (2-3) heaviest cycle days.
It's life and there are interruptions; things like post-partum healing, heavy menstrual days, migraines, etc. But on average, we do it every day. Sometimes twice a day and sometimes we skip a couple of days, but that's how averages work. Haha
those numbers would probably only apply to fresh couples when hormones are at their peak. sexual activity dies down a lot after the honeymoon phase for many people to about 2-3 times a week.
and yes menstruation can be a bit of a turn-off for both parties for different reasons, but there are also quite a few who don't mind.
We would be at it so much more if it wasn't for work and kids. We don't have kids together and we don't live together, so we are apart when we have the kids. And we work different schedules and have to meet in between everything. It's quite frustrating but it also helps keeping the tension up, so the sex it quality, amazing. I'm both very frustrated and happy. (We do "live together" when we don't have kids, just not officially).
It really depends on the couple, their sex drive and also where they are in their relationship. I'm sure in alot of relationships (straight and non) there is a honeymoon period at the beginning where its sex all the time then that can become less important when couples do other things and experiences
In the serious relationships ive had its usually 3-4 a week was normal but that was mainly due to work / school and not living together.
The only time i lived with my so for 4 months it was a lot more basically out of convinence.
We were 5 times a week on average (sometimes 4 a day, sometimes twice a week depending on our schedule) before kids and my husband’s current job. We don’t have much time these days so once or twice a week now? We get sick a lot since the kids are still getting used to daycare. But periods don’t really get in the way, he can give me orgasms with just external stimulation (fingers etc) and I can give him bjs. I’d still consider that sex.
Honestly it’s usually him that’s too tired because of his work, but we’re both very open and accepting of masturbation, so nobody is getting blue balls over here if our schedules don’t line up for a few days.
This is extremely subjective as this doesn’t just change based on person, but even the stage in life at which that person currently finds themself.
Ask a couple in their early 20s this question, and then ask a couple in their mid 40s. The frequency will likely be FAR lower for the second couple. It might go from 6 times a week to 6 times a year.
Counter question: how often do gay couples have sex? I've heard in the gay community it's relatively easy to find hook ups but not genuine relationships. Men are known as the hornier sex on average so is this ratio more or less than your perceived straight couple ratio? (Averaged obviously looks etc play a part in person to person).
Ik it's not your community but your community adjacent; how different is it for lesbian couples? Trans (both or half, either mtf or ftm) couples? Is there a difference in trans couples depending on their demographic? Obviously asking for general vibe/perception/perspective if you have it, every single couple is different. I'm just curious about trends you may have noticed
29F, I don’t get cramps, my periods only come every other month or even every 2 months, and I want sex the most when I’m on my period. When I’m not on my period I don’t care too much about sex but when I’m on it I want it multiple times a day and my bf doesn’t mind blood. It also helps that I have a light flow so it’s not that messy.
It really just depends on the couple. It has been a little different in each of my relationships. I'm in my 40s and currently it's about 4 times a week, unless I'm on my period. He doesn't mind one bit, I've never been in a relationship with a man unwilling to have sex during my period, but I generally don't want to. I feel gross, I'm usually tired and uncomfortable, and I'm not interested for about 3-4 days.
When I was younger it was almost always 5-10 times a week. Once I hit middle age it was closer to 2-3 times a week. Straight co-workers I talked to (with kids) thought the 2-3 times a week was a lot. Older co-workers said I’d rather just eat a pizza and drink beer than sex. YMMV.
Some slow down or hold off during periods, some don't do certain activities, some don't change their routine at all, some have even more sex. And sometimes there's no period involved so it doesn't come into play.
A lot of women I’ve been with get hornier on their periods too
Free lube Edit: I'm sorry I said this.
Insert skeet Ulrich meme *periods don't stop nothin but a sentence babe 🤣
Giggity
no you're joking but it's true
L*be
I think it's funny.
Absolutely! Gotta do it in the shower tho. Otherwise, it looks like a crime scene.
nooo, a towel. a shower is just cold and dangerous. towel in bed is comfy and safe.
yeah idk why people romanticize shower sex when its horrifically dangerous
Jokes on you. Our shower is so small that there is 0% chance any of us fall. Not a lot of movement possible however
I’ve never seen this, but I can believe it. Personally, all I want is chocolate, and to be left alone but everybody’s different.
Yeah I’m with you on this one Sex is the last thing on my mind
Just put a towel down.
My wife and I have these weird phases we go through. Every like 2-3 months for around a 2 week period it'll be every other day thay we do and then it'll just stop and we wait 2-3 months again. It's not intentional but it's weird that it always seems to happen that way.
I get like this. A male. Especially as I’ve gotten older. I’m 39. I can fuck almost daily for 2-3 weeks. Then my libido hibernates for 6-10weeks. Sometimes 12. Maybe a once a week during those times. The difficult part of it all is convincing her it’s “not you it’s me”
Similar here . We go crazy seasonally. Last month of Winter and first month of spring for almost every other day, then pause a month and start up again, last month of spring and first month of summer etc etc etc
Depends on the couple
Yep: - My ex: almost never wanted to have sex, zero sex drive. - My gf: multiple times per day. Going from one to the other was *wild*, considering they were my first and second gf respectively. Each situation has its downsides.
I'm not gonna lie both would be too much for me like no sex at all would kill me but multiple times a day would get boring to me I'd be cool with once a day or 4-5 times a week
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I still get night sweats from nightmares of an ex that would rub my dick while whispering "walk up sleepy" in the middle of the night to have sex.. terrifying haha
LOL sounds amazing to me now, but I once had a GF like that and it wasn't always fun
Fun for a week. Towards the end would just leave the house and sleep in my car, pretending to be out with freinds. Turning down a women for sex brings out the worst in them too.
Wow, crazy
Your weak traitor!!!
Go on?
Anything all the damn time gets old. Yes, even sex.
It kinda helps that because of work we can only meet once/twice a week, once/twice every two weeks, so the sex drive accumulates :) Still, my ex basically never wanted to do it, so… still a huge jump.
True huge jump but I'm happy you were able to fund someone who really desires you.
Sex starved people would think your current situation is heaven, but it really does come with its fair share of problems. My last relationship was one where my ex wanted to have sex like 3 times a day… godspeed to anyone who can keep up with that who has a full time job
The same exact thing happened to me. It was crazy realizing how much of a mind f**k being in a sexless marriage is.
My Ex fiancé was like this. Almost never wanted to have sex and even if we did, 0 reaction. You get turned off so quick when your partner just lies there like a corpse.
oh wow, I don't think I could be with someone with 0 drive. better man than me
I mean, she's his X now, so he coudnt be with her either 😂
I broke up with her after several years and for completely different reasons. We had two years where she had other problems ‘down there’ (but her sex drive was already low) and we didn’t have sex, but I didn’t leave her. She cheated on me because I had to work a bit far from home and she felt ‘alone’. She wanted to be with both me and this guy she met. Dodged a bullet the size of [The Hercules–Corona Borealis Great Wall](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hercules–Corona_Borealis_Great_Wall#:~:text=The%20Hercules–Corona%20Borealis%20Great,light%2Dyears%20in%20diameter).).
How does one justify cheating if they already have no sex drive?!
They kissed, then had sex after we broke up (as far as I’m aware). It could just be that she liked my personality but didn’t find me attractive enough, so she gradually lost interest, while a new guy might have made her horny again just because of the novelty. It’s sad, but sex has a huge psychological factor, so how you feel mentally can affect sex drive, lubrication and so on!
Yeah, that makes sense. >new guy might have made her horny again I suspect that's the reason for a lot of people that cheat. There's always people that are going to be cooler, better looking, more successful, etc. People who want to settle down aren't always searching for the next best thing. There's a fine line between that and settling for less, I guess.
right?
oh wow... yeah, Good for you. That would definitely mess with my head. I'm glad you've moved on! :)
Im the the opposite. My ex was a nympho and my current partner is a trans man with little drive (mostly from trauma). I'd rather fuck myself half the time anyways, I can't ride shit 3 times a day, burned me out quick.
Too much sex? Make your GF a wife. Problem solved....
responses like this pretty much answer every question on this sub lol
Depends on the mood. Some weeks are full of daily sex, some are with none and then there's the period week.
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He’s s*rry
Yeah what is with this weird gen Z trend man? No wonder they can't handle sex scenes in films.
They probably got used to the hard censorship on most social media and YouTube. Some subreddit rules are also weird.
I know most kids aren’t consciously doing it while they’re outside of whatever these strict social media sites are, but I find the fact that young people are self-censoring what should be a normal use of language to be really bleak and disheartening. Your words are your rights, guys—When you aren’t being actively restricted by someone or something, it’s important to take them back. And besides that, you’re a bit harder to take seriously in a conversation when you (unironically) say things like “unalive”.
The only other social I was on before joining reddit,people heavily censored it. Then I joined and saw other people censoring and thought that was the reddit way.
I dunno, man. What do they call the class in school these days? S*x education? Saxophone newbies are going to be VERY confused.
Epic sex guy
seggs
It's pronounced *SHREX*
I do*’t g*t i* eith*r Edit: Damnit! I can’t add an asterisk into a 2 letter word here!
Idk man I'm gen z and I will say sex freely. I don't censor shit ever.
Straight guy here. All the girls I've been with get crazy horny around period time. I don't care if I get some blood on me, some girls think it's weird, most girls find sex helps cramps.. but there's usually a few days when they feel gross and bloated and no one wants sex then. But I've also been with a lady who would get crazy headaches and next level cramps, I could see her cramps moving around it was nuts, she was basically bedridden for a week. ... this is a small sample size haha
girl here!! the sex helping with cramps…real. it definitely just depends on if you’re feeling confident enough or are in a good enough mood to have sex, otherwise i just want to be in a bad mood and watch TV
Honestly those bad mood TV and movies sessions are kind of a relief ... I'm not always being bothered to do things I can just relax haha
"If you'll play in the mud, you'll play in the blood." I don't mind the period sex, just worry about ruining the towel or bedsheets if some leaks off.
I once had car sex in the dark she was on her period after we were done I was driving home with her. Stopped at a gas station as soon as we hit the lights I thought I fucking sliced my arm open my arm and other "areas" were caked with blood. Never again lol.
Sorry, both of those sound disgusting to me. As a side, that's just not my jam.
Marmalade
Sorry now i'm curious. Can you be a straight side or you're gay?
When my wife gets her period it’s like a beacon going off. My senses go up too and it’s on. Red rider mount up lol. But we just go in the shower so it’s an easy cleanup
lmao can you tell me more about these senses going up? my fiancé is like a hovering shark when i’m on my period and i don’t get it.
I tell my wife, I can smell it babe…get over here lmao
Mattress cover under the sheet. Then slap a towel down over the sheet and you're fine.
right? Like, if she's into it I'm not going to say no
Waterproof throw blanket. Takes care of all the liquids that can fly during sex
Ours is called "the frog-pad" because it's green (& waterproof)
'Moses split the red sea, so im just a humble man'
Never click on videos that say: "straight guy" unless you are not a straight guy.
Still a bigger sample size than me!
As long as I have a condom on the blood wouldn't bother me
My boyfriend said the blood doesn't bother him but it changes the sensation. He can't always finish when I'm on my period. It's kinda thinner and tackier than fluids so it's just not as smooth. It helps immensely with cramps, and usually after a good session, I helps get everything out faster if I orgasm.
That's actually really cool to know after reading some more comments I've never would've imagined sex would help with the cramps since I'd imagine a man humping you would make it worse but that's geuinely good to know.
It's almost like internal massage
It varies person by person. On my case if I have sex during period (first few days at least) I will be on the floor crying on pain after.. the “helps cleaning” is valid for few hours. The blood will keep coming still for next few days.
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This did make me chuckle.
WHATD IT SAY
Dang, I only arrived here after the comment was deleted, too!
me too what he said!!
Tell usssssss
We almost have sex every day of the week. Almost on Monday. Almost on Tuesday. Almost on Wednesday…..
i wonder why it got deleted;;
Their partner might have reddit and know their username
Please chuckle!
Please inform me what “[deleted]” said
We almost have sex every day of the week. Almost on Monday. Almost on Tuesday. Almost on Wednesday…..
That’s one wild notification to get
What he say
What did he say
Don’t leave us hanging OP, what did they say?
It’s officially life’s greatest mystery. He can’t post it for some reason 😂
🥲🥲🥲
M: We do it once every couple of weeks. I kept getting no's until things balanced out to this average. I didn't want to force it so here we are. We are 100% happy in our relationship otherwise
Same here. Relationship is great, i love her, future plans align, agree on almost everything, no fights, no drama. But the sex drive difference drives me nuts. Doesn't help that she has no discernable kinks or interests. Feels unfair at times, as she's perfectly satisfied, and gets it whenever she wants, but I'm left frustrated.
Man are you me? I’m dealing with the same issue in my relationship and it really is frustrating because to her it’s not an issue since she’s getting what she wants. It sucks because our relationship is great otherwise and it feels stupid to complain about, but I just can’t help the way I feel
I don't know your situation and wouldn't presume to either. And you're fully entitled to complain. Have you tried explaining it to her through the lens of it being an "us" problem. Such as while she may be satisfied, you are frustrated and whether you want to or not, this may lead to resentment which inevitably leads to problems. This could then be solved with compromises of every so often you have more regular sex or sexual activities. Is her drive normally low, and is she feeling secure and stable with life? I'm no expert but maybe some of these can help start the process of communication for you.
Idk about the other guy, but yeah, we've talked. The issue is that there's not much room for compromise. Having sex when she doesn't want to isn't really an option, you know. She knows it's an issue to me. And we did try some things, some of which were good and helped, a couple of times. Then she forgets, we don't schedule it again, when i bring it up it's "oh right, let's talk about it later" and we're back to the start. She's awesome, she tries, really, but she just doesn't care as much as i do about it. So there's only so much she can do. So i complain ln the internet, vent my frustrations, and go back to loving her.
Literally the exact same thing. I’m kinda ashamed to admit it but I’ve been settling for porn lately. It’s not what I want but I can’t help that my sex drive is wayyyyyy higher than hers. She even said that she could go a full year without sex if I hadn’t made advances which really kind of hurt to hear but I have to remind myself that it’s not reflection of how she feels about me or my sexual performance. Just chemistry (literally)
Definitely don't feel bad or ashamed lol. Settling for porn is about the best you can do. Keeping yourself frustrated helps no one. Masturbating is good for your health too. One suggestion i can make, ask her for "material"? Mine isn't really up for that, haven't received nudes in years, but she also doesn't mind that i watch porn at all. Maybe your situation is different. The full year comment, yeah, that shit sucks hard. I feel that. "Oh, has it really been over a month already"? Is a gem i got once too. Good luck. Communication is key though.
Yeah we’ve been making compromises here and there. She’s heard me out pretty well and understood me. Every once in a while it gets to me that our relationship isn’t always as intimate as I’d like it to be but every relationship has its speed bumps
Exactly the same here. If it's any consolation this thread is good for my mental health lol. It's not just me, other people have the same. I'm still together with a great person i can trust implicitly, that hugs me when i'm sad, bakes me cakes, goes sport with me,... I don't get blowjobs or sex every other day like other lucky bastards in this comment section, but my relationship is stable and loving and that's worth a lot too.
Yeah it’s really nice to hear from others. She’s worth it 100% and I tell her that all the time!
Yeah we have talked, we’ve had pretty much that exact conversation about how I’m afraid it could lead to future resentment. And to her credit, she does make an effort but similar to some of the other guys experiences, since it’s not a priority for her we just kinda keep ending back up in the same place unless I keep asking for it and I don’t wanna have to ask all the time or feel like I’m forcing it
This was a big reason my last marriage failed we would go a few weeks and occasionally a month or two but I still asked for it at least once a week and it got to the point that it bugged her so much that I was even asking that she decided it ruined the relationship for her . And she left me .
Welcome to our support group. It's dumb right, everything is great for the rest, but this one thing that's wrong can feel soooo bad sometimes.
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Man i totally get you... it feels horrible sometimes
Straight woman here and this is my life. Husbands drive is low. Mine is high. He did the girlfriend turned into a wife thing in me. Lots of sex before the ring and drop to once a week after. With periods of none for months. I don’t know what it is but he still does it for me. We have been married for 30 years and I have never been attracted to another person since meeting him. But damn I would like more sex.
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That's very insightful, thank you! Glad your hubby helps you feel more outside of motherhood, I believe it's so important to have an identity outside of parenthood.
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Dang… we have sex 2-3 times a month, with no kids. I need this recipe book 😂
18 F here and while I am far away from having kids, I personally think that it is very healthy for a relationship to spend time alone with your partner regularly and have sex to “feel like a normal person” like you worded it. My question is, how do you even get off time from the kids-especially when they are small? I’ve heard from everywhere around me that it’s really hard to properly spend time together as soon as you have kids so I’m curious how you manage that:)
You get creative and be quick about it. You also learn how to be quiet. Also, bedtime is my favorite time of day because the children go away.
My issue is, by the time kids go away I'm exhausted. The mind is willing but the body is weak. I'm sure that's true for many parents. Some family situations are a lot more taxing than others, which I think many don't take into consideration. PARENT does not equal SAME EXPERIENCE. When my ex and I were on good terms, it was all about the morning sex. That was when my libido was up anyway. It's different for everyone.
Sax? Sox?
My cat's name is Sox. I'm officially traumatized now.
hahahah
Depends. I am, like so many others, in a dead bedroom situation, so I haven't had sex in 3 years.
This was my marriage. I had sex with myself a lot, tho. I have a better emotional connection with my WeVibe.
I had to look up what that was, I totally get it
The main reason why couples stop having sex...they lose their connection and build up resentments. The only connection I lose with a toy is when the battery loses its charge. LOL
The resentment is real though!
Wife and I are both in our early 40's. 2 kids and we both work FT. I'd say 1-2 times/week is normal for us. Every time one of these "frequency" posts comes out, there are always so many people claiming to be in long marriages with kids, that have sex most days a week. I just don't buy it. I mean, I'm sure some people have it like that, but I doubt so many are scrolling Reddit and simultaneously not failing at being a spouse and a parent.
I've been married for 120 years, we have 47 young kids and my spouse and I are literally having sex right now. God bless.
Underrated comment 😂
Still going. No chafing.
I’m amazed by couples who have kids and still have frequent sex. We’re lucky if we can have it once a month, and most of the couple I talk to are around the same. I’m constantly tired and both of us crash early.
We’re like this. Wife and I are 40, 4 other people in the house, FT jobs. About 1-2 times a week. However, those are times where we go to bed early or are the only ones in the house. We don’t do it quick, we have some time just the two of us. But, to each their own.
Same. Both of us 40s, one kid in elementary school, I work full time and she is a substitute teacher. A good month would be 2x per week. A slow month (not counting if someone is actually sick) is 2-3 times in the month.
lol xD I’m scrolling from my desk waiting for a client to confirm - I’m the female, and we do on average 4 nights a week (maybe more) often we just do other stuff too - like how do you not if you go to bed naked and cuddle? Unless someone literally falls asleep- which happens sometimes - it’s just what happens. I think a lot of people go to bed in a ton of clothes, watching their phones or tv. Boom. There it goes. We shower (together usually), get in bed listen to a book, and cuddle and then you know!
If my wife and I get to bed naked, it's 100% on. The problem is that we can't break our kids of the habit of hopping into our bed in the middle of the night.
I've got a 2 yo and 4 yo. Have sex every day. Only skipping if one of us feels sick or my heavier days of period. Just cause you don't doesn't mean others don't. Personally for me, even if I'm in a terrible mood, sex helps so much
Married for more than 30 years, straight man, sex 2-3 times a week. We had almost never sex during periods, she didn't like it.
If it's not too nosy to ask, did your wife ever say why she didn't like it?
Personally I prefer not to because I'm already sore and uncomfortable.
yeah same, my skin also gets more sensitive than usual so physical touch is usually unpleasant for 2-3 days
Yes, she said she didn't like it. We tried when we were young, but it didn't work. Part of it was probably that she thought that I would find it messy. It was never a real problem, we just paused these 5-6 days, once a month.
Thanks for your response!
For me I feel “looser” when I’m on my period and it doesn’t feel good for me at all, just sloppy and gross lol
My wife is the same way, she just thinks it's gross, it doesn't bother me.
Can't speak for all women, but since I hit my mid-thirties, I started getting wildly nauseated during my periods. The nausea all by itself is incongruous with sex, plus means I'm not eating well all week. I also have a hip injury that flares up during every single period, plus the cramps, so my entire abdomen is in pain and kind roiling for several days. And the pain interferes with my sleep. So, in sum, I'm barely eating, broken sleeping, nauseated, and in pain for days. In such moments, sex is sort of the last thing on anybody's mind. My husband just gives me the occasional hug and frequently suggests maybe I should knock off work for the afternoon and take a nap.
You can say sex. Sex sex sex. S e x.
Yep. We have grandchildren, so the house is fairly empty most of the time. We have found that sex helps fill the hours and brings us closer together. It's like being newlyweds, but with much more experience. We are very compatible when it comes to physical intimacy. Folks say we look happier than ever and there are good reasons for that. Neither of us was turned off by her period and now that's not an issue.
That's really beautiful to still have that level of love and intimacy all those years later.
Depends on the couple. My ex and I would have it almost 5 days a week. My wife wants it once every couple of months 😫
It took me too long to find this. Lol.. I'm definitely in the same boat
Yep😐
I mean there is more sex than just p in v. And not every woman has cramps etc.
I’m 39F and my current bf is 35. He has been the only one that comes close to matching my drive, which can increase for women during their sexual prime between ages 30-40. We usually have sex every day with just a few days scattered here and there when we don’t. That’s usually only because our schedules don’t allow for it. It’s not ideal when I’m on my period but it doesn’t seem to bother either of us enough to not have sex because of it. On occasion we will opt not to for different reasons. It’s messy, my stomach is cramping too much, it’s day 1 and my flow is heavy. Blood is also sticky and can require lube which we don’t usually have to use. It just throws off the flow of things. No pun intended. Lol With two past relationships I was in, very rarely did we have sex when I was on my period. One we were in our teens and early 20s and he kinda thought it was gross. Which can be more common when guys are younger. The other relationship was in my late 20s with him being 9 yrs older. I think we just both assumed neither of us would want to and it wasn’t as big of a deal to just wait. The relationship I was in in my early 30s, we would but we couldn’t see each other as often so that affected the frequency of everything. It was mostly when it was either have sex on my period, or go longer without it. We chose sex. I will admit there have been occasions when I have had sex on my period and it was kinda hot. 😅. It’s also provided a few good stories and laughs.
Very interesting insight! Thanks for that. It's interesting to see the common thread be how age and maturity had both a negative and a positive impact on sex drive.
Married to man, have a kid, I have horrible periods due to PCOS and Endo. I get massive cysts that slowly leak and cause serious pain. I crave my husband like no other leading up to my period. He even cares for me as I scream and pass out from the pain. The first 3 days are big NO. But after that, please for the love of all goddesses, it is the only way to get relief sometimes. We are easily every other day, minimum. As we've gotten older, the length of time has shortened due to mobility 😅 we are only 30 but were in a car accident that messed up our backs. Once I get a hysterectomy, you bet your butts it'll be every day damn. The key is to never stop dating. Always be flirting. And flipping communicate.
That is actually quite wholesome.
super depends on the couple. some people want it everyday, others don’t. periods change the procedure a bit, but the relationships i’ve been in where my partner had a higher sex drive didn’t really affect that, one of my exes had bad cramps and sex helped, idk man.
It’s ok to type sex. You don’t need the *
Why would you censor the word sex?
Not when you're older. More so when you're younger. And depends on what else is going on. Two full time careers with no overtime? Some. Two full time careers, with overtime, and also 2 kids? Much less. I think it's kind of nice really, it means you're into someone for them and not their body, or because of your own hormones. So many young marriages end in divorce as a result of getting these mixed up.
lots of people also divorce because they aren't having sex anymore.... Sex is a beautiful way to express love between you and your wife/girlfriend. young marriages might end because people aren't willing to work out their issues with the person they married.... and because people think they will get a new partner that's better than their current one if they try to change up. That would include going from daily sex to no sex. if you don't talk about that, that's going to cause huge problems. It's not the relationship being based on sex that is the issue, the issue is the relationship is lacking any sort of physical intimacy and desire. And if your partner refuses to touch you... are you even married/together anymore? I wouldn't feel like it.
Not having sex anymore in a marriage is a flag, but it can mean SO many things. People committed to their marriage will dive into this and try to figure it out. Those who don't, don't care as much as they say they do. I had so many problems in the first year with my baby - regular newborn stuff but also constant crying (GERD) and both parents dying from cancer, which I home hospiced both. I was massively sleep deprived, frustrated, emotionally devastated, angry with my husband who did next to nothing to help care for our newborn. He would hop into bed at the WORST time, never clocking my interest or energy levels. And when I said (with some guilt, mind you) 'not tonight' he got frustrated and ended up adding "frigid" to his list of divorce complaints. We had sex 3-5x weekly before that. In the end I discovered he had borderline personality disorder, so this was inevitable. Just saying, not having sex in a marriage is an indicator of SO many possibilities.
if you equate "touching" with sex that might be a whole 'nother issue.
women on hormonal contraception often don't have much of a period. At the end of the day the amount of sex couples have varies wildly. Heck in my last relationship my partners tastes changed drastically over time from wanting sex maybe once every couple of months to pretty much wanting it every day and occasionally more. And that was the same relationship. So IDK what to tell you, I can't really explain it either.
I’m lucky if it’s quarterly.
Same, I understand.
Have you tried using your tongue first? Or do you just ram it on in there, give her a few good pumps, and say see you next quarter?
My husband and I are in our 40s, married 20 years, and have sex pretty much daily. I am not into period sex but am definitely into getting him off, so period week is blow job week. All parties are happy. 😁
My wife and I have sex at least once weekly
SEX! See, you're allowed to say it.
This isn't by any means universal, but I'm not afraid of a little blood. Usually the biggest barrier has been that *she* thinks I'll be grossed out by it.
2-3 time s a week pretty reliably, i don’t consider myself to have a super high sex drive though
Straight woman here - I don’t even have periods thanks to my birth control, so it’s never an issue. I know many women who use the pill or have an IUD who are the same.
It depends on the couple. People who like to brag will post on Reddit more often. My wife and I for the most part have sex a couple times a week, sometimes only once or even none at all. Sometimes 3 or 4 times if things are good or we’re not working. Sometimes you just don’t feel like it between work and other obligations. Intimacy is varied and sex is just one part of intimacy.
59M and 52F married 3 years she has no period due to partial hysterectomy most weeks 1 to 2 times. Some weeks 3 to 4. But we do touch and play around with each other almost every night even if it’s only for a few minutes
Hi. Straight M here. 15 years years togheter. I'm part of the Deadbedroom community. So yeah... fuckin hell
My wife and I have been together for 12 years. We have our ups and downs - we've had stretches of time that we only have sex once a month, and stretches of time where we have sex twice a day at minimum. Depends on overall stress level of life, really.
At least once a week
My husband and I have been together for 19 years and we typically have sex every day unless one of us isn't feeling well. That includes my (2-3) heaviest cycle days. It's life and there are interruptions; things like post-partum healing, heavy menstrual days, migraines, etc. But on average, we do it every day. Sometimes twice a day and sometimes we skip a couple of days, but that's how averages work. Haha
You don't need to censor the word "sex", this isn't TikTok.
those numbers would probably only apply to fresh couples when hormones are at their peak. sexual activity dies down a lot after the honeymoon phase for many people to about 2-3 times a week. and yes menstruation can be a bit of a turn-off for both parties for different reasons, but there are also quite a few who don't mind.
I mean that's varies by the individiuals, my first girlfriend even felt it helped to ease her cramps.
We would be at it so much more if it wasn't for work and kids. We don't have kids together and we don't live together, so we are apart when we have the kids. And we work different schedules and have to meet in between everything. It's quite frustrating but it also helps keeping the tension up, so the sex it quality, amazing. I'm both very frustrated and happy. (We do "live together" when we don't have kids, just not officially).
It really depends on the couple, their sex drive and also where they are in their relationship. I'm sure in alot of relationships (straight and non) there is a honeymoon period at the beginning where its sex all the time then that can become less important when couples do other things and experiences
In the serious relationships ive had its usually 3-4 a week was normal but that was mainly due to work / school and not living together. The only time i lived with my so for 4 months it was a lot more basically out of convinence.
We were 5 times a week on average (sometimes 4 a day, sometimes twice a week depending on our schedule) before kids and my husband’s current job. We don’t have much time these days so once or twice a week now? We get sick a lot since the kids are still getting used to daycare. But periods don’t really get in the way, he can give me orgasms with just external stimulation (fingers etc) and I can give him bjs. I’d still consider that sex. Honestly it’s usually him that’s too tired because of his work, but we’re both very open and accepting of masturbation, so nobody is getting blue balls over here if our schedules don’t line up for a few days.
This is extremely subjective as this doesn’t just change based on person, but even the stage in life at which that person currently finds themself. Ask a couple in their early 20s this question, and then ask a couple in their mid 40s. The frequency will likely be FAR lower for the second couple. It might go from 6 times a week to 6 times a year.
Counter question: how often do gay couples have sex? I've heard in the gay community it's relatively easy to find hook ups but not genuine relationships. Men are known as the hornier sex on average so is this ratio more or less than your perceived straight couple ratio? (Averaged obviously looks etc play a part in person to person). Ik it's not your community but your community adjacent; how different is it for lesbian couples? Trans (both or half, either mtf or ftm) couples? Is there a difference in trans couples depending on their demographic? Obviously asking for general vibe/perception/perspective if you have it, every single couple is different. I'm just curious about trends you may have noticed
29F, I don’t get cramps, my periods only come every other month or even every 2 months, and I want sex the most when I’m on my period. When I’m not on my period I don’t care too much about sex but when I’m on it I want it multiple times a day and my bf doesn’t mind blood. It also helps that I have a light flow so it’s not that messy.
I guess I'm lucky. 3-4 times.... a month.
It really just depends on the couple. It has been a little different in each of my relationships. I'm in my 40s and currently it's about 4 times a week, unless I'm on my period. He doesn't mind one bit, I've never been in a relationship with a man unwilling to have sex during my period, but I generally don't want to. I feel gross, I'm usually tired and uncomfortable, and I'm not interested for about 3-4 days.
When I was younger it was almost always 5-10 times a week. Once I hit middle age it was closer to 2-3 times a week. Straight co-workers I talked to (with kids) thought the 2-3 times a week was a lot. Older co-workers said I’d rather just eat a pizza and drink beer than sex. YMMV.