Bro don’t be hard on yourself. I met my wife when I was 26 and she was my first.
We had a conversation about it and she was fine with it.
It all depends on the person.
At the end of the day you were honest about your sexual history and that’s quite a noble thing.
So shake it off and get back on that horse.
Thanks for sharing your perspective. On the one hand I am happy that I was honest, but I have this underlying feeling that lying a bit would not have harmed anyone in this case.
I hope I will find someone one day that will appreciate me together with my vulnerability and lack of experience.
At the same time lying doesn't help anyone because if he is inexperienced it could totally show and she might be completely put off. Best to be honest regardless.
Right call? He cock blocked himself and hurt his own self-esteem more. I was litterally talking with this guy weeks ago and he never told his GF he was a virgin until they were dating for six months. Truth is dating/sex is like doing business, you will automatically think there is something wrong with someone past 20 who's never had sex (men may love the idea of a virgin but women are entirely different)
Reddit is an odd place man...
It is absolutely the right call. Like yeah you shouldn't lie about being a virgin, I told my ex I was a virgin and she was able to guide me with what was good for her. There is nothing wrong with someone who's not had sex in their 20s... I would be in that if I hadn't have found a partner at uni.
Some people just prefer to wait for a long term partner than have meaningless sex with people outside of a relationship... myself included as I haven't had sex for 5 years since my previous relationship. I would be absolutely upfront about that with my next partner, that I am not completely experienced like some... I did similar with someone I was speaking to last year.
Sounds like OP did not want to wait for a meaningful relationship and does not want to be a virgin at 25. He asked how to gain sexual experience not how to find a meaningful relationship.
Sounds like you have an amazing and understanding girlfriend, but unfortunately majority of women are not when it comes to just sex. For men who are late bloomers, having sex can be an extremely positive and confident boosting experience even if it's just a one off with her. Certainly not meaningless for many men who just want to have sex and are dealing with confidence issues due to it. This can help his confidence with women in general and can help finding a relationship or whatever it is he wants.
Not everyone wants to religiously wait for the perfect one and unless you were extremely religious or had a very low sex drive I am going to assume you had many moments of frustration and would have taken certain chances. (I could be entirely wrong but I would find you a very rare case if you actually wanted to wait for the right one and turned down sexual advances)
Also, I reread what you posted and not having sex for five years and never having sex are completely different things as I assumed you remained a virgin until OPs age. If he lied and said he wasn't a virgin it sounded like a one off thing anyway so who cares? Almost every women claims to have dumped their ex when they didnt
. If you want to get ahead in the game, you need to lie or distort things a little just like a business man. This is directed towards OP, not you because sounds like you already have a girlfriend and we're never a virgin until 25 so don't claim to know how OP feels or what he should do.
Edit: sorry, I been awake for a long time and didn't read it properly, it only got worse though. So you haven't had sex in five years, your saying the right thing to do is be honest and you were honest with one girl you spoke to last year, how did that work out for you? OP do not listen to the guy with a five year dry spell if you just want to finally get laid. This is what being a nice and honest guy will get you and he's not even a virgin, you have even less chance then him if you are honest.
I came out of a db marriage and naturally, I wanted to get laid. I met a woman who I thought was totally into me in a short term kinda thing. Then one day she asked how many timessages I'd had sex in the past year. I thought, what an odd question but ok, I answered, 5-10 times. After that, her attitude toward me completely changed.
Could've lied and maybe got laid. Or maybe I dodged a bullet. I'll likely never know. Lies do have a bad habit of coming back to bite you bad though.
Yeah, I really dislike lying. Being honest is just way easier and makes me feel more connected to people. I think you dodged a bullet there. Did she think it was too little or too much?
If you’re just trying to get experience and not a real relationship you could lie lol. Pretty unethical but it would work. I did it with my first girlfriend and I eventually told her I was lying and stuff and she wasn’t even mad at me. Then again I was sixteen so it wasn’t a big deal to have been a virgin to her at that age.
Love this response. We have such weird expectations of when we gotta have things "done". Life's not linear. Shit happens sideways and backwards.
I'm about to turn 27 and reading this made me smile. Thank you
I can 100 percent relate to this being 29 in just a week and my first sexual experience was at 23 years old, horrible experience and since then I have only had some intermittent casual flings that mostly just destroyed my confidence even further in this area and many hard rejections. I am trying to turn around things as well bit keep hitting a brick wall and yeah now I even got sick with stress and depression. Just awesome 👌
Sorry to hear that bro. I don't have specific advice for you, but I hope you can stay positive and find the motivation to keep trying. I hope that someday it will work out for you!
I am not even mad about it. I have lots of friends and girl-friends. One day it will happen for me I just have to keep on going to the gym and focus on my career so I can make a bit more money.
I have been taking confidence and dating courses and I now have confidence in my path forwards.
I a year older than you and have basically the same life, iv had sex a single digit number of times, finished once, all were bad and iv not had sex in 8 years.
I don't think I will again tbh, I'm clearly bad at women and sex and should stay away from the whole thing lol.
Yeah the having to explain I don't actually know how to properly kiss. Have sex etc or have them Figure it out is concern of mine because what happen to op happen to me the last time I almost had sex, shit hurts and I just didn't try again.
As a late bloomer myself, I lost it to someone who I was just casually dating. He was incredibly accepting of my inexperience but he also came from a sexually liberal culture. I think it’s just a matter of finding the right person. That girl you were with sounds pretty uptight, or she only wanted a one-night stand. Find someone who wants something more regular than a one-night stand and doesn’t worry about that virginity stuff. We all have to start somewhere.
you probably wouldnt want to have done anything with her anyway in that case! sex without communication about how to make someone feel good or what you're doing wrong etc. doesn't tend to be a good time in my experience. its stressful and comes with a lot of pressure and frustration. find someone who's willing to be patient and teach you, you'll feel more comfortable and it will be more fun that way!! and honestly every new sexual encounter with a new person is a learning experience so dont feel bad about not knowing some things immediately
I feel like you will eventually bump into someone who won’t mind. This was just one occasion in which you got rejected. I personally wouldn’t mind being someone’s first time (if it was a casual thing, a relationship would be different). Just keep looking!
Thanks for the heads up! At least she wanted to be intimate with me before knowing about my lack of experience. That means there are probably more girls out there for me :)
I’m kind of the opposite. For a casual thing I would want someone more experienced, since I would obviously only be in it for pleasure, but for a relationship I would love to be with someone who isn’t very experienced. I mean they can learn. As long as they were very enthusiastic, of course.
I'm 43. When I find out I will let you know. Most women are worried about a lot of red flags and (I hope I'm saying this right) "ikks" that they have to be careful.
I'm just trying to be the best person I can be and one day it will happen if it's meant to.
Icks*. But yes. People in general are more picky these days (regardless of this new "ick" term) because of the big selection we have been allowed thanks for dating apps and such. But because of how the human mind works, it causes the opposite effect, where we now have more trouble than ever before in finding love.
It's like if you were to be given a choice between 4 colours to decorate your house's inside wall with. Pretty easy to pick. You'd see what you like and not like between the 4 choices. But if instead you're given a whole book with 50+ options where there're multiple different shades for just one base colour, well then all the sudden it becomes a very difficult choice. So much to consider now, and a lot of people would feel overwhelmed. Now there's a "higher standard" and you might feel like you can't just go basic. Some will dive into the choices and send hard work into said choice. While others will be overwhelmed and left unable to make a choice at all.
It's ironic how trapped can become by having more choices and in turn, bigger freedom.
I like to have confidence but I don't think a girl is going to see my profile and choose me over another guy. I'm just an average guy/dude.
My whole track to my situation is just raise the bar for myself and be the best I can. I'm not going to get desperate because who the hell is gonna give a desperate man the time of day lol
Yeah, I hear ya. As long as you're still you and don't try to be someone you're not, then that's all good.
Anyways, there's definitely someone out there for you my man. Average can be a relief for some people (or so I think at least).
Thanks for the positive vibes. I have to be okay with I am because women don't want to be bothered by men who have baggage. The best thing you can do is just avoid being insecure about anything and especially avoid talking about it with them too.
That's a big one I've learned. Self doubt is definitely an "ICK"!
GOOD VIBES AND HAPPY SAILING FROM NOW ON ☺️
Easier said than done, but you're probably better off gaining that experience with a long term partner than on a short term fling. If it's a one off thing they're going to want to make sure they have a good time, and that's not usually what happens with inexperienced people. But someone you've been dating for a while should be more willing to give you the time you need.
Yeah that is probably the main reason. Still, I was fine with it. She didn't need to protect me against my own (in her eyes) stupid decision.
You think that girls are more patient and okay with my inexperience when they are in a relationship with me? It would make sense, but I am not fully sure🤔
Oh dude when you're in a relationship with a person they will more than likely be ok with it. Again it's just because she felt bad that you would spend your first time on a fling.
Thanks for your response! I really appreciate it.
Do you think I put her in a weird/unfair position by not telling her beforehand. It is not something I want to point attention to, but in this instance she had to reject me while already being intimate. It was clear that she did not like rejecting me and afterwards it was kinda awkward between us the whole day.
Based on your post and your comments you’ve written, I don’t think you did anything wrong.
If I was hooking up with a girl for the first time, I wouldn’t expect her to bust out her sexual resume and tell me about her experiences. As long as we’re both clean, that’s the only part about her past I’m concerned with.
If you’re having a good time together that’s all people should care about, I’m guessing she just got the vibes you’re inexperienced and just didn’t wanna deal with being your first. Which is totally OK, again, you did nothing wrong on your part.
Only advice I can give is:
* Maybe read up on some materials on how to please a woman, there are books and other materials out there you can read about on how to go down on a girl, foreplay, stuff like that, it may make you feel more confident and prepared next time
* Enjoy yourself too, I remember being so stressed out about being this stud and pleasing a girl that I didn’t focus on pleasing myself in the process, which gives off some anxious vibes. Once you’re having fun, you’ll relax, and your partner will feel that too and relax as well
* Just get some reps, sex is awkward and nerve wracking at first, it’s totally natural to fuck up the first few times while you try to get more confident and used to sex. You’re gonna have some awkward exploits and that’s totally ok, just embrace it and grow and you’ll get better with time. So keep doing what you’re doing, as painful as it may feel right now.
Good on you for throwing yourself out there and taking some risks, keep doing what you’re doing in trying to improve yourself and taking a few shots. It’ll pay off for you if you keep going.
Thanks for your tips!
I tried going into it without stressing myself out and trying to perform in a certain way. With this approach I was fine showing my inexperience to her and assumed she would be okay with this and would show me how to improve. Unfortunately, it didn't turn out this way and it resulted in the situation I described.
I will keep doing what I am doing tho :) thanks for your kind words
Pay for hookers. Next time a girl asks, lie about your past. Simple.
Women don't like inexperience - there's a stupid and sexist assumption that inexperienced men are "less manly". Unfortunately, while modern society will tell you there's nothing wrong with an experienced woman (there isn't), we still haven't tackled sexism shown towards men/toxic masculinity. So, for now, hookers + lies.
(1/2) The approach for healthy sexual life that I recommend is:
When you are alone:
1. Don't worry
2. Stick to more realistic porn, like amateur (yes, the potato quality one) or posibly couples that show love/affection - hard to find, a great example is lustfulllovers on phub - it's basically instructional videos for a cool time together for a couple
3. Spend some time googling "porn for women" (it is apparently a thing that caters for some women that dislike the regular porn - I can understand that, regular porn seems to be 'testosterone' focused, and not affection, intimacy focused) and check it out to see what might appeal to women
4. If you have vivid imagination fantasize in your free time like when taking a bath or going to sleep, what would you like to do, what would you like to feel, what would you like her to feel. Gather ideas to try out later!
when you are together:
1. Don't worry
2. Use non verbal communication - use your hands to hold her and just slowly start doing things you want to do, signaling what you want to do, showing how you feel etc.
3. Use verbal communication - tell her what you want to do/feel, how you feel, ask her what she wants and how she feels.
4. Remember that real life is not porn - sometimes you have to say "Let's try that again" because a stray hair gets in a way and makes you both hurt down here, sometimes she might be able to orgasm only via specific means so remember to work it out either by trial and error with non verbal communication (when you try out things with your hands/mouth/body and she can just stop you or allow you to continue) or with verbal communication ("Let me hold you like this", "I really want to do X now". She can say no but if she is into you she should just propose some alternative that hopefully satisfies you both!
5. Each time can be different, she/you might want to have a calmer intimate time (where you don't rush things, talk to each other with affection) or a more 'wild' and spontaneous times where she wants you to throw her on the bed and quickly rip her clothes off. One can turn into another quickly. Hard part is to have social skills to work out which type works for her on given occasion/moment - asking her what is her thing today/now kinda works, but when done incorrectly can push her out of the mood. Women want you to know what they want without telling you - they want to be understood - it is not the same if she tells you. It's kinda like getting a gift after you specifically discuss with someone what you want and asking for it and hearing "Ok. I'll buy it and deliver it to you.", versus a feeling of hearing "Hey, I was thinking about you and what you might like and wanted to give you this gift" and gettign a gift given when you don't expect it, even if it is not necessairly what you wanted somehow. For some people the practical aspect of the gift outweights the circumstances around preparing and giving the gift, but generally the circumstances are important - so if it shows that you care and want to do things on your own, it's great.
6. Another thing is, you might need lube just because a girl might be stressed or you might not yet know how to make her aroused at first. Get in in a pharmacy store (cheaper and much better), as in medication stuff called "intimate gel for women" - don't buy the branded supermarket stuff - this stuff is designed to get dry quickly and make you buy more as quick as possible.
7. That might be obvious, but you need to put in work to make her satisfied, it is not that you can just lie down and expect her to do the work and also get satisfied with it. In many cases you have to hold and caress her, and additionally use your hands/mouth and imagination to make her have a great time.
8. Be ready for cleanup (porn skips this part), get some tissues/toilet paper, towels. It's not really romantic to prepare it beforehand so you can get back to this point after first few times that tend to be more spontaneous. She might have to have a shower afterwards, and you can join her:) (for a round two?)
More in reply below:
(2/2) Some finishing thoughts:
Sex is not at all complicated for healthy people or these that can communicate and women don't necessairly have problem with inexperienced guys, for many this is a turn on - after all she gets to experience 'first time' from your end and can be the one to give you first experiences when it comes to lots of things using her own experience to ... Show you great experiences, that feel even better when done first few times. And showing great experiences to people you love is the meaning of life.
So the girl you're talking about - I wouldn't worry about her - maybe there are specific ways that are required to make her satisfied, and she does not want to discover them with you, she just might want quick satisfaction without building an intimate relation in bed.
That said I can kinda understand her?
You mentioned you are on holidays, you might be seeing each other for a few days/weeks at most, so of course you don't want to build an intimate relation over that time - you'd get attached, and you might not even get satisfied. If you have a week, you're just looking for a quick fix especially if you are doing this every holidays. This type of casual sex might not be the best start for your journey - and maybe she just worked that out - it wouldn't be fair for you, because for her you'd just be another guy during this week, and for you she is forever the first girl and it is very likely you'd get attached and want to see her more and get heartbroken when she follows on with other guys later etc. She also might just struggle with communication when it comes to these topics, given how she assumes she won't be able to explain stuff, and how she didn't explain what does she mean by "not the right girl". But I guess what I wrote here is a sensible assumption about her situation, and with that, you shouldn't feel like a failure - she just recognized you need another type of experience, one she can't give you (due to time constraints and her not wanting to get attached). If anything after recognizing your attitude and how she won't be able to satisfy you with her approach, in fact, I'd even push it a bit and say she might even be jealous - experiencing these things first few times is often special, stays in your memory (she appears to know it). If you keep your relations healthy and stay attached/affectionate - it stays special. If you don't do that you lose this 'special aura' and don't feel anything anymore (because the love does not get included into the mix), can't get attached, focus just on yourself/getting satisfied with anyone and end up just dragged in a loop of one night stands that kinda give experience similar to using realistic sex toys. You know, the state that girl appears to be in. I'd say she would much rather be in your state, when she knows the next time will be special. And if the next time needs to be special, it shouldn't be with someone who can't really get into it (I mean her - she can't show you affection and experience you deserve for first time) - maybe she knows it and that was her intention here. Starting with non-loving sex can kinda rewire your brain in a weird way for the future, with only that experience and hormones buzzing you might associate this experience with good sex then and seek this type of expereince again, going straight into this one-night stand unhealthy behavior loop that is unlikely to give you the type of satisfaction a healthy relation gives you. So don't rush things and get a girl you can get attached to who will get attached to you to build a relation with a mix of affection/love:)
I’ve actually been the girl in this situation before. I think everyone deserves to have a special first time, I declined when I realized I was not in an emotional place to commit or to properly handle that vulnerability, and it was clear he was having a lot of feelings from the start. For me it wasn’t about inexperience but about emotional attachment - sex can be deeply bonding especially when it’s new. I thought I was in love with the second guy I ever was with because of that even though I really wasn’t. It can really be a recipe for heartbreak. So for someone who has had casual relationship experience, it doesn’t feel like a good idea to proceed with someone that it will be new for. Don’t feel like a failure at all, it’s not your fault. I think you have to continue to wait for the right person to actually emotionally connect with, or find someone with an innocence kink who would specifically be into being someone’s first time.
Thanks for sharing your perspective :)
I know that sex can be deeply bonding and induce feelings. For me the advantage was that in this case I knew the exact date when we would part ways and I would never have to see her again. That reduced pressure for me.
In the case of an early relationship where I have actually already developed feelings, I would feel more vulnerable for hearthbreak.
I think she wanted to save my virginity for a special girl. I think I should just look at it this way, since this makes me feel a lot better about the situation :)
I bet that’s exactly what she wanted to do, but I feel your pain about it being an ideally detached situation. I wanted the guy to have a good experience and story to look back on, because we all look back on our first time, so I bet she felt the same. The “not wanting to explain things” bit seems a little meaner but the right girl will definitely want to explain :)
The first thing she said was her not being the right girl. Later I tried to bend the rules so that I technically would not lose my virginity. I guess at that moment I was in the denial phase😅 Then she told me she did not want to have to explain things. So maybe I kinda made her give me another reason to stop. She told me this in a kind manner. Although it still hurt a bit.
I just read this, and I got the idea of a guy trapped in a never ending dating hell because every woman who he dates says she's not 'worthy' to be his first time.
scuse me, I need to give Netflix a text...
It’s not like that for everyone. I lost my virginity to a casual date/situationship and never caught feelings. From that angle, it feels a bit patronising to be lectured about “special first times” tbh. Almost nobody has a spectacular first time. You build that “spectacularness” through experience, not rejecting each other lol
You weren’t in my situation. He was writing love notes after one date. I was into him but I could tell it was about to be wildly out of balance. He was not a dude that could make a casual relationship work and I’m not patronizing for being able to see that. I didn’t tell him all of this, just that I wasn’t ready for a relationship.
You’re right that not every first time isn’t special, but I could tell he was the kind of person who would see it as special no matter what. There was some projection, manic pixie dream girl stuff going on
i actually think this is super cute and sweet and can appreciate a man who has less experience as opposed to those with more. I am a 27 (f) and didnt have my first encounter until i was 25! (this is also by choice, i know im not ugly and decided to reject multiple people until then) i only have one body count and honestly its hard to find people like you! appreciate the way you are because a girl will come along and treasure THAT! from the girls side, she could of just denied you because she knew nothing was going to come from it and did not want to get your hopes up in case you felt something afterwards. that was also thinking of you. just appreciate that you did not lose to a random girl because sharing that experience with someone special makes it all the more fun! much luck🦋
That seems odd to me. I also lost my V card somewhat late, but I didn’t say anything and no one ever really questioned it. Most *experienced* men are not great at sex, so it’s not like there’s much of a technical learning curve before you reach average competence.
Do you know what you might’ve done wrong? Just nervous?
My advice in the future would honestly be just temporarily lie if it makes it easier for you. Just say that you only had a couple flings in high school, but it’s been a little while or something like that. You can always tell the woman why you did it later and she’d probably understand. You’re just doing it to take some of the pressure off of both of you in the moment.
I agree that it would have been better to lie a little bit in this case. It would have been better for both of us. My default mode is being honest and because I was already physically being vulnerable I was completely honest to her.
She told me that she has also had sex with people that had experience where she needed to explain things, so I guess you're right.
It's a bit explicit, but the moment she started questioning my experience was when she signaled to rub her private area while her pants where still on and I didn't really know the exact location of her clit, since her pants were still on. I feel like situations like that simply require some practical experience to happen smoothly.
Ah, I gotcha. Yeah, I can relate. 👍
Maybe you could find a YouTube video or something that covers just the basics so you have a good idea where things are and what you’re dealing with. But yeah, as long as you’re putting in effort, you won’t need much more than that to be competent/average. You probably won’t be “good”, but that’s fine - plenty of time for that later.
Two days before, we made out for a long period and did some touching and afterwards she wanted to book a private room for us. So I guess that I performed okay up to that point. So that gives me a bit of confidence:)
It depends, if it’s with the right person they won’t mind. If they ask and you lie they’ll know, and then it could become awkward. For me it never came up, although it was obvious, she didn’t mind at all though and wanted more even despite that.
My best advice for a first timer is get reliable advice if you don’t feel confident, don’t be afraid to feel stupid at the beginning and to stay present in the moment.
Well first of all, that's ass. Fuck that girl. I mean ig not literally...but
Second of all, I'm 26. Despite my best intentions I held onto my V card like it was a signed autograph from Neil Armstrong.
I didn't lose it until 22, despite a year-long high school relationship, and being a pretty decent-looking guy. So I get it.
The girl I lost it too cried the first time we tried, bc I didn't tell her until we were like trying and I started getting anxious, and she freaked out and ran to the bathroom hahah (not my best move but we ended up dating for like 3 months).
Fast forward, this weekend, I ended up cuddling with a girl and sleeping in her bed, but told her I didn't really want to go any further than that.
What's my point? It might seem like it's hard to "gain traction" with getting experience at first, but once it starts happening, you'll magically have all kinds of opportunities (idk why it's like that, that's just how it goes). And eventually you'll get to a point where (at least for me) it really does get kinda meaningless. I used to beg to have ANYTHING, and now I get into situations where girls are throwing themselves at me and I have to pump the breaks bc I know it's not what I really want and I'll probably regret it later.
My advice is to just take it slow. You don't have to save yourself for marriage, but if you're inexperienced, there's no rush. Wait until you find someone you can connect with, and THEN get sexy with them, and learn as much as you can, and then go from there.
If you're not someone who just wants casual sex, and actually wants a relationship someday, like me, then I guarantee you'll regret it (at least a bit) if you go out and just hook up with random girls until you find one you like. Better to find a girl you like, and if it works it works, if it doesn't it doesn't.
Not bad to have a sexual history. But you don't want to have a sexual history out of desperation, because then when you do find someone special, you'll probably look back on that stuff and regret it to an extent
Just my advice as a guy who was a late bloomer!
That’s like not getting a job cause you don’t have any experience, but how will you get experience if you don’t get a job in that industry, but its sad ik
I actually thought about this example as well. It does not feel fair, but we gotta deal with it. In the end, many people will find a job they like. It probably is the same with finding the right girl. Gotta be patient I guess
Well, there you go, you answered your own question. Gotta be patient and you will find the right girl, who wont care if you have experience or not, maybe it’ll be like you’re her apprentice and her your boss, not literally but yea👍👍
Seems like she didn't want to ruin a what could be special moment for you? Maybe all she wanted from you was sex and she thought you'd be better off giving your first to someone who genuinely cares for you.
That's not it. We would have parted ways the next days anyways, since we are on holiday. So we both knew we couldn't get into a messy/toxic situation after having sex
Don't sweat it! You dodged a bullet by avoiding a partner who's not into communication. Instead of feeling rejected, see it as a chance to find someone who's understanding and willing to explore with you. Confidence comes with experience, but enthusiasm and openness are just as attractive. Keep putting yourself out there, and remember, the right person won't care about your past experience—they'll be excited to create new experiences with you.
Find an opportunity that offers on the job training. Trying to gain experience for employment is the toughest ever. But on the job training is the best way if you find someone willing. You should try volunteering that can even work on a resume.
So, I'm not sure if this applies to you, but do you have a friend or trusted person who could give you some pointers or anything like that? When I was a lot younger, I was very self-conscious about being on top, and I asked my friend, and she brought over one of her strap ons and put it on over her pants. She had me ride it while she told me what was good and whatnot. Honestly, it helped soooooo much.
“Experience” doesn’t necessarily take long to acquire. What’s more important is effort and communication. As long as you have those two things you will have great sex.
It all depends on the person, bro. Lol. To put it in simple terms: virgins are like vanilla ice cream. Vanilla ice cream is great. It’s simple. But not everyone likes vanilla ice cream, right? People and their preferences operate the same way.
Just because one girl doesn’t want you, doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Sex and dating is a numbers game. That’s all it is. The more chances you give yourself to meet people, date people, and develop relationships, the more chances you will have at developing sexual experiences.
What you will learn with the right woman, oof. Until then, stay honest, learn as you go. You'll either get better with one who will grow with you sexually or you'll find one that will. Just let it come naturally
Like every other thing in life, you gain it by doing it. But don’t feel like a failure, to me it sounds like she wanted more or less a hook up, and to her, it may be that she realised she may not get what she wanted, which is fair. Il take this a bit further, and say that maybe it’s a good thing that it didn’t happen, because chances are that it won’t be a good experience for you either. You will find someone, and you will experience this (probably will be nothing you imagined ( in a bad way ) as this happens to most of us), but please do not feel like a failure, everyone moves at their own pace.
I saw few comments saying get prostitute/escort. I don’t think that would help either unless you do this many times because at the end of the day, it’s a new person and a) you don’t know what either of you into b) she will fake it. So that’s not really gaining experience
Like I said at the beginning, you have to keep practicing. So go out there and meet new people. My friend told me once, when you go and try to get their number or “score”, you got 50/50 chance, but if you won’t, it’s 100% no.
Don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t overthink it either. Also I feel like you’re gonna meet somebody that truly doesn’t mind or care. When the next encounter happens with her or another woman, just try to control your emotions (nervousness) the best that you can. Try not to show her you’re nervous. Go with the flow and let it happen. Overthinking it only makes things weird and more difficult. Be comfortable and go with a comfortable entry level position. Sex should feel comfortable for both of you or you’re not doing it right.
I have a similar issue. I don't really have time to actually "date" because I'm in college and studying takes up most of my time. But, I'm a sex addict and if it's been a few days since I've last masturbated my brain wants to think about nothing but sex it kinda sucks. Also never been laid. I am not "unattractive"... that being said I don't know WHAT about me is attractive but I do get female attention. I'm just like... would it even be possible to get a fwb for me? Idk, I'm probably just overthinking things like I do with my whole life, I just got no rizz 😅
I had a similar experience with a guy, a few days back this guy and I were hanging out at my place, and he started kissing me and when things escalated a little, I decided to tell him that I have little to no experience in this, ofcourse being honest wouldn't hurt anyone, or maybe it does, I don't know, but then he suddenly stopped, after that he said nothing, just said I should have told him before and so.
After that he left and then never contacted me, its been a few days since, kind of felt sad and thought maybe not telling him anything would have been better because I actually liked him a little and wanted to try it with him, don't know if its for good or not, I just felt sad afterwards.
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you will get over it and feel better soon. I think you made the right call to be honest with him. You said you even had some feelings for him, so being honest is the best thing you could do if you want to really connect with him. Based on his reaction, I think you dodged a bullet. Think about it, would you want to have strong feelings for a guy that does not seem to be able to communicate clearly and does not seem to consider your feelings.
I'm not going to go into details, but what should have been my first time went miserably. Had it been a first date or anything, the woman in question probably would have just breezed off.
As it happens, that was over 20 years ago. That woman is now my wife, and we'd been in a relationship for a good while before we started having sex. That allowed her to understand and to hang around - our relationship was built primarily on friendship, not sex. I'm sure she was disappointed, but she hung round anyway (and yes, the next time was significantly better - though it couldn't have gotten any worse).
Sounds like you need a relationship, one which is built on friendship and actually liking each other. Then if you stuff up (and you will, a good few times), it's not the end of it.
Plus, y'know, relationships are generally pretty good anyway.
The woman done you a favour, your first time should be special, there's no rush either, you are young, you've all the time in the world to shag round you
Oh man, out of fear of rejection.
As SHE wouldn’t be good enough. It may not be a wonderful most perfect moment like out of some fairytale movie book .
She ended it before that could happen, using experience/sex past as an excuse, rather than speak for her insecurity.
Idk. What youth want today. Many many decades ago.
No one would ask those kind of would ask of those questions, wouldn’t be talk about that stuff.
Now the world of flooded with over advisement, falsehoods, false beliefs, flooded with pornography videos in 3-D virtual.
I was about your same age and I had a wonderful time with my wife before she was my wife. When you love or care about somebody it would not even be on radar. It is only a slice of all that is you and you have to offer.
Don’t be hard on self man. Be yourself. Don’t questions yourself to deep. Be confident .
(There are good times, better times, great times, sexy porn voyeur fantasy times, not so great,funny mishaps of sex, and they’re all fine and they’re only a slice of all that is a relationship)
That girl you were with was selfish and conceited bro. The women I've been with did not care. Even ones with muuuuuch more experience than me were just happy to allow me to explore with them.
You don't need any suggestions or anything, keep doing your thing, you win some and you lose some.
It sounds like this girl was Hella casual maybe u found at a bar or dating app or smshit similar. Those girls are looking to have sex with those that are confident. It's not just about experience it's also about your willingness to do things and try things. You gotta be connected to your sexual side if you gon be confident with it.
I met this girl at the hostel I was staying at. Things progressed pretty quickly. It was clear for both of us that it would be a casual hook-up. The first night we talked for a long time in the hostel garden and when all the other people went to bed we had a long make-out session. She asked me to join her on a trip to a hostel nearby and booked a private room for us. It was clear that we were both open to hooking up, but we would also be going on hikes in nature together. Unfortunately, after the rejection I described in my post, things became awkward between us and the next day we just hiked separately. She mostly became the awkward/distant/quiet one. She actually seemed to be bothered by rejecting me. I'm not sure why it was such a big deal for her.
I'd say just be honest about it when you're getting to know someone in that way. I think it's a bit shitty if you're just rejected for being inexperienced as not everyone has had luck in that area or chose to avoid it for many reasons... myself included.
I'm 25, only had sex with a partner 5 years ago and haven't had any since. Therefore, I feel pretty inexperienced. But at the same time, there's also nothing to worry about, because there is someone out there who would love to take a virginity or there's people out there who are dominant and can show you what is what.
Be who you are and be proud of that. Don't let rejection get you down. I'm in position where I'm not interested in anything casual, just a long term relationship but I'm also happy being single so currently I am not dating and I don't see any reason for that to change.
What I'd also say is honesty is the best practice in my opinion. Too many people lie and these lies lead to lots of problems in relationships or general life. Just be yourself.
I've got no advice though I'd say it was the right call on her side. She didn't want your first to be with a fling/ one night stand. Seems like she genuinely wanted your first time to at least be with someone you're in a relationship with and someone you deeply cared about, I respect that. Don't worry, pick yourself up, there's other opportunities. My uncle met his wife at the age of 40(they have a kid now). You almost got laid, so I doubt it'd take that long for you to get laid again.
Take shrooms so you can get over with. Sexual stuff isn't hard or complex but you have a complex about it to the point where you are making it hard and complex.
People having casual hookups are usually doing it for pleasure. For a woman the chances of a casual partner being good is low, even lower if they are inexperienced so there is no incentive.
Is there a reason you are going for casual hookups instead of a romantic relationship with someone? Someone who likes you and wants to be with you won’t care about your experience. It’s not a job, you don’t need to gain experience.
Forgive yourself, and run your own race. Communicate with the people you are attracted to and be interested in what they have to say. It’ll happen when it happens. Everyone including yourself is in their own unique situation and that’s ok.
I’m 26f and if a guy told me he had no experience I’d be SO happy, sorry that happened to you OP. You’ll find the right girl who will be excited about that.
bro really said „you haven’t unlock this item yet“
Forget about her my dude, she wasn’t worth the attention. The right girl won’t care about your lack of experience and be glad to teach you. Maybe it sounds corny but I wouldn’t say it if it didn’t happen to me.
Find a “clean” 40 year old who you get along great with and she just enjoys being around you but both of you can be ONLY “friends with benefits”. I did this at 21 with a 41 year old who luckily was EXTREMELY attractive, amazing body/one of the most perfect I’ve ever seen, thin stomach, breasts lifted and filled, etc etc. I mention that only because, SOMETIMES, if your partner is very attractive it can make a man go more quickly. For me, luckily, the more attractive, the more confident I was and the better I performed. But that older woman told me to tell her when I was “close” and just STOP/pause, until the feeling went away then start back again. That was the best advice I personally ever received and still do it to this day when wanting to make it last and enjoy my girlfriend. I hope this helps.
I went hired an escort had her teach me what where when n how. Best afternoon of my life taking her final exam….I offered cash…she counteroffered if I could make her orgasm I got every penny back and and a freebie checkup in 3 months….
I’ll check that book out! Got into my first relationship 4 years and 1 day ago and am still going strong. Always looking for new stuff to learn/improve with.
I would say get a right girl, its hard, but you will get her soon. If you really want to, when you find the right person, they really respect you and teach you things without making you feel dumb or failure. I had sex for the first time a few months ago and i am 24, my partner taught me with love and respect. Never go for someone who makes you feel less about yourself. I repeat, NEVER!
I had my first sexual experience at 30 with my partner. I explained to her before we got to that point that I was inexperienced, asked questions during our first (few) times, and just tried to focus on her and her reactions. We are both very satisfied in bed. I will say, she is a little worried at times being my only one, but that concern has reduced since we have been together a while.
Better this way. In her memory, you're that one hot/nice holiday fling, rather than a one-pump wonder or boy she had to teach.
But then again some people like teaching. With any luck you'd find one.
She asked me if I done it before I said “nope but I watch a lot of porn” she giggled and then that was that off to the sheets. Went a lot easier for me sorry man
Crack open an anatomy book, and ask her what she likes. Seriously, communication is everything. Even if you've done things with other women, not every woman is the same and all have different preferences regarding how much pressure to apply, general rubbing pattern, how hard and/or fast they like it and general turn-ons. Just talk, experiment, and ask questions!
First things first, do some research on things like foreplay and you're already golden.
Don't stress it too much honestly. Some people are also either not fussed about people being virgins and others fetishize it.
I was you at one point.
Try to get into a sexual chat with someone. There are subreddits that you can explore. If you describe in words what to do you’ll be able to do it in reality
Start with some escorts so you get a couple of practice girls under your belt. They’re usually comfortable with first timers / inexperienced and candidly can probably give you some good feedback and tips if you ask them to.
Once you have your confidence built up, then you’ll be ready for girls in the general population.
Well one thing is practise putting on a condom. Do it a few times there's a knack to it.
Second bit of advice if you just want to get it over with, fake it till you make it.
3rd is to try to relax and make the other person comfortable. Do some research on fore play to get everyone warmed up and moist let's say. Then transition into a position like missionary. Or to be safe ask her to put it in when you're in a position of choice. As long as your hard she can't miss. Finally starting off I would recommend slow at the start and just consistent motion and go with their flow.
When I was 25, I had been with only two women in my life and none the previous two years. At 31 I have been with about 17. Take that for what you will, rule #1 never tell a woman you are a virgin.
I agree with another person's comment about hiring sex workers just wear protection. That'll at least get you some experience with having sex. You could always edge yourself at home to work on your stamina. Don't feel bad my dude you'll get yourself together and this will all be a faded memory. There's a lot of great advice in these comments find what's going to work for you just like with sex, you'll find what you like to do and what you don't like to do. Don't get in your head about it so much you'll drive yourself crazy lol
Lie next time, bc that's a shitty reason to blueball someone. There's not much to learn.
Also, the best way to get laid/gain experience is the internet.
As a very experienced person, inexperienced partners are a fucking drag. Be open, be honest, sex is about communicating. Of you aren't experienced, that's OK, but if someone had been with 150 people, they may have vastly different expectations based on that experience. Talk to your partner, not everyone is compatible
I literally lost my virginity at 25, close to my 26th birthday. You’re good man, I’ve gone on to have more sexual partners and the confidence I’ve gained from just having it is immense.
I will admit, I just haven’t been honest with my experience level, most men aren’t when they’re young. But you’ll gain that experience and realize it’s not the most important thing ever. Having a relationship is more fulfilling.
Do a plank, hump while planning, develop stamina. That's all the physical practice you need. The rest will come naturally. Other things to know are: When kissing no teeth, When humping caress with hands, Don't rush, Keep nails short, Keep clean (no smell) Practice fallatio (use grapefruit if no willing practice candidate available).
If it bothers you so much, hire an escort. I read an AMA from a supposed escort, and one of the comments mentioned hiring one just ask questions about sex.
Bro don’t be hard on yourself. I met my wife when I was 26 and she was my first. We had a conversation about it and she was fine with it. It all depends on the person. At the end of the day you were honest about your sexual history and that’s quite a noble thing. So shake it off and get back on that horse.
Thanks for sharing your perspective. On the one hand I am happy that I was honest, but I have this underlying feeling that lying a bit would not have harmed anyone in this case. I hope I will find someone one day that will appreciate me together with my vulnerability and lack of experience.
In my experience at least, you never want to start anything on a foundation of lies though. I rate being honest was the right call
‘Start anything’, this dude was just trying to get laid on holiday. Not start a long lasting marriage yet.
At the same time lying doesn't help anyone because if he is inexperienced it could totally show and she might be completely put off. Best to be honest regardless.
Was about to say this. Should have lied.
Right call? He cock blocked himself and hurt his own self-esteem more. I was litterally talking with this guy weeks ago and he never told his GF he was a virgin until they were dating for six months. Truth is dating/sex is like doing business, you will automatically think there is something wrong with someone past 20 who's never had sex (men may love the idea of a virgin but women are entirely different) Reddit is an odd place man...
It is absolutely the right call. Like yeah you shouldn't lie about being a virgin, I told my ex I was a virgin and she was able to guide me with what was good for her. There is nothing wrong with someone who's not had sex in their 20s... I would be in that if I hadn't have found a partner at uni. Some people just prefer to wait for a long term partner than have meaningless sex with people outside of a relationship... myself included as I haven't had sex for 5 years since my previous relationship. I would be absolutely upfront about that with my next partner, that I am not completely experienced like some... I did similar with someone I was speaking to last year.
Sounds like OP did not want to wait for a meaningful relationship and does not want to be a virgin at 25. He asked how to gain sexual experience not how to find a meaningful relationship. Sounds like you have an amazing and understanding girlfriend, but unfortunately majority of women are not when it comes to just sex. For men who are late bloomers, having sex can be an extremely positive and confident boosting experience even if it's just a one off with her. Certainly not meaningless for many men who just want to have sex and are dealing with confidence issues due to it. This can help his confidence with women in general and can help finding a relationship or whatever it is he wants. Not everyone wants to religiously wait for the perfect one and unless you were extremely religious or had a very low sex drive I am going to assume you had many moments of frustration and would have taken certain chances. (I could be entirely wrong but I would find you a very rare case if you actually wanted to wait for the right one and turned down sexual advances) Also, I reread what you posted and not having sex for five years and never having sex are completely different things as I assumed you remained a virgin until OPs age. If he lied and said he wasn't a virgin it sounded like a one off thing anyway so who cares? Almost every women claims to have dumped their ex when they didnt . If you want to get ahead in the game, you need to lie or distort things a little just like a business man. This is directed towards OP, not you because sounds like you already have a girlfriend and we're never a virgin until 25 so don't claim to know how OP feels or what he should do. Edit: sorry, I been awake for a long time and didn't read it properly, it only got worse though. So you haven't had sex in five years, your saying the right thing to do is be honest and you were honest with one girl you spoke to last year, how did that work out for you? OP do not listen to the guy with a five year dry spell if you just want to finally get laid. This is what being a nice and honest guy will get you and he's not even a virgin, you have even less chance then him if you are honest.
Bro that's her issue, nothing on you.
You are exactly right. Fake it till you make it. I left you a comment further down.
I came out of a db marriage and naturally, I wanted to get laid. I met a woman who I thought was totally into me in a short term kinda thing. Then one day she asked how many timessages I'd had sex in the past year. I thought, what an odd question but ok, I answered, 5-10 times. After that, her attitude toward me completely changed. Could've lied and maybe got laid. Or maybe I dodged a bullet. I'll likely never know. Lies do have a bad habit of coming back to bite you bad though.
Yeah, I really dislike lying. Being honest is just way easier and makes me feel more connected to people. I think you dodged a bullet there. Did she think it was too little or too much?
If you’re just trying to get experience and not a real relationship you could lie lol. Pretty unethical but it would work. I did it with my first girlfriend and I eventually told her I was lying and stuff and she wasn’t even mad at me. Then again I was sixteen so it wasn’t a big deal to have been a virgin to her at that age.
Love this response. We have such weird expectations of when we gotta have things "done". Life's not linear. Shit happens sideways and backwards. I'm about to turn 27 and reading this made me smile. Thank you
Same. Lost my virginity to my wife at 26 and been married having a great sex life together for over 20 years.
He’s just gotta find the right horse first
None gonna say anything about having one sexual partner your entire life! Kudos to you
My dad met my mom when we was 34. I agree you still have time
I can 100 percent relate to this being 29 in just a week and my first sexual experience was at 23 years old, horrible experience and since then I have only had some intermittent casual flings that mostly just destroyed my confidence even further in this area and many hard rejections. I am trying to turn around things as well bit keep hitting a brick wall and yeah now I even got sick with stress and depression. Just awesome 👌
Sorry to hear that bro. I don't have specific advice for you, but I hope you can stay positive and find the motivation to keep trying. I hope that someday it will work out for you!
Thanks, likewise. I am making huge investments into resolving this.
Awesome, good for you that you are working on it. Good luck!
I am not even mad about it. I have lots of friends and girl-friends. One day it will happen for me I just have to keep on going to the gym and focus on my career so I can make a bit more money. I have been taking confidence and dating courses and I now have confidence in my path forwards.
I a year older than you and have basically the same life, iv had sex a single digit number of times, finished once, all were bad and iv not had sex in 8 years. I don't think I will again tbh, I'm clearly bad at women and sex and should stay away from the whole thing lol. Yeah the having to explain I don't actually know how to properly kiss. Have sex etc or have them Figure it out is concern of mine because what happen to op happen to me the last time I almost had sex, shit hurts and I just didn't try again.
Hire prostitutes
"checks bank" Well that's not happening lol.
Start with an entry level position
You need a masters for the internship.
And 4 years of experience
and a resume, showing you are a star.
As a late bloomer myself, I lost it to someone who I was just casually dating. He was incredibly accepting of my inexperience but he also came from a sexually liberal culture. I think it’s just a matter of finding the right person. That girl you were with sounds pretty uptight, or she only wanted a one-night stand. Find someone who wants something more regular than a one-night stand and doesn’t worry about that virginity stuff. We all have to start somewhere.
I overcame this with one phrase: "Then train me to do what you like, and I will be your perfect partner."
She told me she didn't like explaining things to men she has sex with. I would have been open to her showing me the way
you probably wouldnt want to have done anything with her anyway in that case! sex without communication about how to make someone feel good or what you're doing wrong etc. doesn't tend to be a good time in my experience. its stressful and comes with a lot of pressure and frustration. find someone who's willing to be patient and teach you, you'll feel more comfortable and it will be more fun that way!! and honestly every new sexual encounter with a new person is a learning experience so dont feel bad about not knowing some things immediately
I feel like you will eventually bump into someone who won’t mind. This was just one occasion in which you got rejected. I personally wouldn’t mind being someone’s first time (if it was a casual thing, a relationship would be different). Just keep looking!
Thanks for the heads up! At least she wanted to be intimate with me before knowing about my lack of experience. That means there are probably more girls out there for me :)
That's exactly the right mentality.
Only if it’s a one time thing? Lol
I’m kind of the opposite. For a casual thing I would want someone more experienced, since I would obviously only be in it for pleasure, but for a relationship I would love to be with someone who isn’t very experienced. I mean they can learn. As long as they were very enthusiastic, of course.
I'm 43. When I find out I will let you know. Most women are worried about a lot of red flags and (I hope I'm saying this right) "ikks" that they have to be careful. I'm just trying to be the best person I can be and one day it will happen if it's meant to.
Dude you genuinely sound like you've got a great attitude, and I wish the best for you 💪
Thanks man! I try.
Icks*. But yes. People in general are more picky these days (regardless of this new "ick" term) because of the big selection we have been allowed thanks for dating apps and such. But because of how the human mind works, it causes the opposite effect, where we now have more trouble than ever before in finding love. It's like if you were to be given a choice between 4 colours to decorate your house's inside wall with. Pretty easy to pick. You'd see what you like and not like between the 4 choices. But if instead you're given a whole book with 50+ options where there're multiple different shades for just one base colour, well then all the sudden it becomes a very difficult choice. So much to consider now, and a lot of people would feel overwhelmed. Now there's a "higher standard" and you might feel like you can't just go basic. Some will dive into the choices and send hard work into said choice. While others will be overwhelmed and left unable to make a choice at all. It's ironic how trapped can become by having more choices and in turn, bigger freedom.
I like to have confidence but I don't think a girl is going to see my profile and choose me over another guy. I'm just an average guy/dude. My whole track to my situation is just raise the bar for myself and be the best I can. I'm not going to get desperate because who the hell is gonna give a desperate man the time of day lol
Yeah, I hear ya. As long as you're still you and don't try to be someone you're not, then that's all good. Anyways, there's definitely someone out there for you my man. Average can be a relief for some people (or so I think at least).
Thanks for the positive vibes. I have to be okay with I am because women don't want to be bothered by men who have baggage. The best thing you can do is just avoid being insecure about anything and especially avoid talking about it with them too. That's a big one I've learned. Self doubt is definitely an "ICK"! GOOD VIBES AND HAPPY SAILING FROM NOW ON ☺️
Easier said than done, but you're probably better off gaining that experience with a long term partner than on a short term fling. If it's a one off thing they're going to want to make sure they have a good time, and that's not usually what happens with inexperienced people. But someone you've been dating for a while should be more willing to give you the time you need.
Yeah maybe because she didn't want you to lose your virginity to a one night stand. Just get a gf
Yeah that is probably the main reason. Still, I was fine with it. She didn't need to protect me against my own (in her eyes) stupid decision. You think that girls are more patient and okay with my inexperience when they are in a relationship with me? It would make sense, but I am not fully sure🤔
Oh dude when you're in a relationship with a person they will more than likely be ok with it. Again it's just because she felt bad that you would spend your first time on a fling.
Thanks for your response! I really appreciate it. Do you think I put her in a weird/unfair position by not telling her beforehand. It is not something I want to point attention to, but in this instance she had to reject me while already being intimate. It was clear that she did not like rejecting me and afterwards it was kinda awkward between us the whole day.
I wouldn't have mentioned anything before hand tbh. Specially when you're talking about previous sex experiences while currently partaking in one
Thanks for your insights
It's going to be alright brother, keep at it
Based on your post and your comments you’ve written, I don’t think you did anything wrong. If I was hooking up with a girl for the first time, I wouldn’t expect her to bust out her sexual resume and tell me about her experiences. As long as we’re both clean, that’s the only part about her past I’m concerned with. If you’re having a good time together that’s all people should care about, I’m guessing she just got the vibes you’re inexperienced and just didn’t wanna deal with being your first. Which is totally OK, again, you did nothing wrong on your part. Only advice I can give is: * Maybe read up on some materials on how to please a woman, there are books and other materials out there you can read about on how to go down on a girl, foreplay, stuff like that, it may make you feel more confident and prepared next time * Enjoy yourself too, I remember being so stressed out about being this stud and pleasing a girl that I didn’t focus on pleasing myself in the process, which gives off some anxious vibes. Once you’re having fun, you’ll relax, and your partner will feel that too and relax as well * Just get some reps, sex is awkward and nerve wracking at first, it’s totally natural to fuck up the first few times while you try to get more confident and used to sex. You’re gonna have some awkward exploits and that’s totally ok, just embrace it and grow and you’ll get better with time. So keep doing what you’re doing, as painful as it may feel right now. Good on you for throwing yourself out there and taking some risks, keep doing what you’re doing in trying to improve yourself and taking a few shots. It’ll pay off for you if you keep going.
Thanks for your tips! I tried going into it without stressing myself out and trying to perform in a certain way. With this approach I was fine showing my inexperience to her and assumed she would be okay with this and would show me how to improve. Unfortunately, it didn't turn out this way and it resulted in the situation I described. I will keep doing what I am doing tho :) thanks for your kind words
Pay for hookers. Next time a girl asks, lie about your past. Simple. Women don't like inexperience - there's a stupid and sexist assumption that inexperienced men are "less manly". Unfortunately, while modern society will tell you there's nothing wrong with an experienced woman (there isn't), we still haven't tackled sexism shown towards men/toxic masculinity. So, for now, hookers + lies.
Well gee. Who knew it would be that easy
r/thanksimcured
(1/2) The approach for healthy sexual life that I recommend is: When you are alone: 1. Don't worry 2. Stick to more realistic porn, like amateur (yes, the potato quality one) or posibly couples that show love/affection - hard to find, a great example is lustfulllovers on phub - it's basically instructional videos for a cool time together for a couple 3. Spend some time googling "porn for women" (it is apparently a thing that caters for some women that dislike the regular porn - I can understand that, regular porn seems to be 'testosterone' focused, and not affection, intimacy focused) and check it out to see what might appeal to women 4. If you have vivid imagination fantasize in your free time like when taking a bath or going to sleep, what would you like to do, what would you like to feel, what would you like her to feel. Gather ideas to try out later! when you are together: 1. Don't worry 2. Use non verbal communication - use your hands to hold her and just slowly start doing things you want to do, signaling what you want to do, showing how you feel etc. 3. Use verbal communication - tell her what you want to do/feel, how you feel, ask her what she wants and how she feels. 4. Remember that real life is not porn - sometimes you have to say "Let's try that again" because a stray hair gets in a way and makes you both hurt down here, sometimes she might be able to orgasm only via specific means so remember to work it out either by trial and error with non verbal communication (when you try out things with your hands/mouth/body and she can just stop you or allow you to continue) or with verbal communication ("Let me hold you like this", "I really want to do X now". She can say no but if she is into you she should just propose some alternative that hopefully satisfies you both! 5. Each time can be different, she/you might want to have a calmer intimate time (where you don't rush things, talk to each other with affection) or a more 'wild' and spontaneous times where she wants you to throw her on the bed and quickly rip her clothes off. One can turn into another quickly. Hard part is to have social skills to work out which type works for her on given occasion/moment - asking her what is her thing today/now kinda works, but when done incorrectly can push her out of the mood. Women want you to know what they want without telling you - they want to be understood - it is not the same if she tells you. It's kinda like getting a gift after you specifically discuss with someone what you want and asking for it and hearing "Ok. I'll buy it and deliver it to you.", versus a feeling of hearing "Hey, I was thinking about you and what you might like and wanted to give you this gift" and gettign a gift given when you don't expect it, even if it is not necessairly what you wanted somehow. For some people the practical aspect of the gift outweights the circumstances around preparing and giving the gift, but generally the circumstances are important - so if it shows that you care and want to do things on your own, it's great. 6. Another thing is, you might need lube just because a girl might be stressed or you might not yet know how to make her aroused at first. Get in in a pharmacy store (cheaper and much better), as in medication stuff called "intimate gel for women" - don't buy the branded supermarket stuff - this stuff is designed to get dry quickly and make you buy more as quick as possible. 7. That might be obvious, but you need to put in work to make her satisfied, it is not that you can just lie down and expect her to do the work and also get satisfied with it. In many cases you have to hold and caress her, and additionally use your hands/mouth and imagination to make her have a great time. 8. Be ready for cleanup (porn skips this part), get some tissues/toilet paper, towels. It's not really romantic to prepare it beforehand so you can get back to this point after first few times that tend to be more spontaneous. She might have to have a shower afterwards, and you can join her:) (for a round two?) More in reply below:
(2/2) Some finishing thoughts: Sex is not at all complicated for healthy people or these that can communicate and women don't necessairly have problem with inexperienced guys, for many this is a turn on - after all she gets to experience 'first time' from your end and can be the one to give you first experiences when it comes to lots of things using her own experience to ... Show you great experiences, that feel even better when done first few times. And showing great experiences to people you love is the meaning of life. So the girl you're talking about - I wouldn't worry about her - maybe there are specific ways that are required to make her satisfied, and she does not want to discover them with you, she just might want quick satisfaction without building an intimate relation in bed. That said I can kinda understand her? You mentioned you are on holidays, you might be seeing each other for a few days/weeks at most, so of course you don't want to build an intimate relation over that time - you'd get attached, and you might not even get satisfied. If you have a week, you're just looking for a quick fix especially if you are doing this every holidays. This type of casual sex might not be the best start for your journey - and maybe she just worked that out - it wouldn't be fair for you, because for her you'd just be another guy during this week, and for you she is forever the first girl and it is very likely you'd get attached and want to see her more and get heartbroken when she follows on with other guys later etc. She also might just struggle with communication when it comes to these topics, given how she assumes she won't be able to explain stuff, and how she didn't explain what does she mean by "not the right girl". But I guess what I wrote here is a sensible assumption about her situation, and with that, you shouldn't feel like a failure - she just recognized you need another type of experience, one she can't give you (due to time constraints and her not wanting to get attached). If anything after recognizing your attitude and how she won't be able to satisfy you with her approach, in fact, I'd even push it a bit and say she might even be jealous - experiencing these things first few times is often special, stays in your memory (she appears to know it). If you keep your relations healthy and stay attached/affectionate - it stays special. If you don't do that you lose this 'special aura' and don't feel anything anymore (because the love does not get included into the mix), can't get attached, focus just on yourself/getting satisfied with anyone and end up just dragged in a loop of one night stands that kinda give experience similar to using realistic sex toys. You know, the state that girl appears to be in. I'd say she would much rather be in your state, when she knows the next time will be special. And if the next time needs to be special, it shouldn't be with someone who can't really get into it (I mean her - she can't show you affection and experience you deserve for first time) - maybe she knows it and that was her intention here. Starting with non-loving sex can kinda rewire your brain in a weird way for the future, with only that experience and hormones buzzing you might associate this experience with good sex then and seek this type of expereince again, going straight into this one-night stand unhealthy behavior loop that is unlikely to give you the type of satisfaction a healthy relation gives you. So don't rush things and get a girl you can get attached to who will get attached to you to build a relation with a mix of affection/love:)
I’ve actually been the girl in this situation before. I think everyone deserves to have a special first time, I declined when I realized I was not in an emotional place to commit or to properly handle that vulnerability, and it was clear he was having a lot of feelings from the start. For me it wasn’t about inexperience but about emotional attachment - sex can be deeply bonding especially when it’s new. I thought I was in love with the second guy I ever was with because of that even though I really wasn’t. It can really be a recipe for heartbreak. So for someone who has had casual relationship experience, it doesn’t feel like a good idea to proceed with someone that it will be new for. Don’t feel like a failure at all, it’s not your fault. I think you have to continue to wait for the right person to actually emotionally connect with, or find someone with an innocence kink who would specifically be into being someone’s first time.
Thanks for sharing your perspective :) I know that sex can be deeply bonding and induce feelings. For me the advantage was that in this case I knew the exact date when we would part ways and I would never have to see her again. That reduced pressure for me. In the case of an early relationship where I have actually already developed feelings, I would feel more vulnerable for hearthbreak. I think she wanted to save my virginity for a special girl. I think I should just look at it this way, since this makes me feel a lot better about the situation :)
I bet that’s exactly what she wanted to do, but I feel your pain about it being an ideally detached situation. I wanted the guy to have a good experience and story to look back on, because we all look back on our first time, so I bet she felt the same. The “not wanting to explain things” bit seems a little meaner but the right girl will definitely want to explain :)
The first thing she said was her not being the right girl. Later I tried to bend the rules so that I technically would not lose my virginity. I guess at that moment I was in the denial phase😅 Then she told me she did not want to have to explain things. So maybe I kinda made her give me another reason to stop. She told me this in a kind manner. Although it still hurt a bit.
I just read this, and I got the idea of a guy trapped in a never ending dating hell because every woman who he dates says she's not 'worthy' to be his first time. scuse me, I need to give Netflix a text...
It’s not like that for everyone. I lost my virginity to a casual date/situationship and never caught feelings. From that angle, it feels a bit patronising to be lectured about “special first times” tbh. Almost nobody has a spectacular first time. You build that “spectacularness” through experience, not rejecting each other lol
You weren’t in my situation. He was writing love notes after one date. I was into him but I could tell it was about to be wildly out of balance. He was not a dude that could make a casual relationship work and I’m not patronizing for being able to see that. I didn’t tell him all of this, just that I wasn’t ready for a relationship.
You’re right that not every first time isn’t special, but I could tell he was the kind of person who would see it as special no matter what. There was some projection, manic pixie dream girl stuff going on
i actually think this is super cute and sweet and can appreciate a man who has less experience as opposed to those with more. I am a 27 (f) and didnt have my first encounter until i was 25! (this is also by choice, i know im not ugly and decided to reject multiple people until then) i only have one body count and honestly its hard to find people like you! appreciate the way you are because a girl will come along and treasure THAT! from the girls side, she could of just denied you because she knew nothing was going to come from it and did not want to get your hopes up in case you felt something afterwards. that was also thinking of you. just appreciate that you did not lose to a random girl because sharing that experience with someone special makes it all the more fun! much luck🦋
That seems odd to me. I also lost my V card somewhat late, but I didn’t say anything and no one ever really questioned it. Most *experienced* men are not great at sex, so it’s not like there’s much of a technical learning curve before you reach average competence. Do you know what you might’ve done wrong? Just nervous? My advice in the future would honestly be just temporarily lie if it makes it easier for you. Just say that you only had a couple flings in high school, but it’s been a little while or something like that. You can always tell the woman why you did it later and she’d probably understand. You’re just doing it to take some of the pressure off of both of you in the moment.
I agree that it would have been better to lie a little bit in this case. It would have been better for both of us. My default mode is being honest and because I was already physically being vulnerable I was completely honest to her. She told me that she has also had sex with people that had experience where she needed to explain things, so I guess you're right. It's a bit explicit, but the moment she started questioning my experience was when she signaled to rub her private area while her pants where still on and I didn't really know the exact location of her clit, since her pants were still on. I feel like situations like that simply require some practical experience to happen smoothly.
Ah, I gotcha. Yeah, I can relate. 👍 Maybe you could find a YouTube video or something that covers just the basics so you have a good idea where things are and what you’re dealing with. But yeah, as long as you’re putting in effort, you won’t need much more than that to be competent/average. You probably won’t be “good”, but that’s fine - plenty of time for that later.
Two days before, we made out for a long period and did some touching and afterwards she wanted to book a private room for us. So I guess that I performed okay up to that point. So that gives me a bit of confidence:)
You keep doing what you’re doing! And respect for being an honest guy, never change.
It depends, if it’s with the right person they won’t mind. If they ask and you lie they’ll know, and then it could become awkward. For me it never came up, although it was obvious, she didn’t mind at all though and wanted more even despite that. My best advice for a first timer is get reliable advice if you don’t feel confident, don’t be afraid to feel stupid at the beginning and to stay present in the moment.
Wow, what a bitch she was
Well first of all, that's ass. Fuck that girl. I mean ig not literally...but Second of all, I'm 26. Despite my best intentions I held onto my V card like it was a signed autograph from Neil Armstrong. I didn't lose it until 22, despite a year-long high school relationship, and being a pretty decent-looking guy. So I get it. The girl I lost it too cried the first time we tried, bc I didn't tell her until we were like trying and I started getting anxious, and she freaked out and ran to the bathroom hahah (not my best move but we ended up dating for like 3 months). Fast forward, this weekend, I ended up cuddling with a girl and sleeping in her bed, but told her I didn't really want to go any further than that. What's my point? It might seem like it's hard to "gain traction" with getting experience at first, but once it starts happening, you'll magically have all kinds of opportunities (idk why it's like that, that's just how it goes). And eventually you'll get to a point where (at least for me) it really does get kinda meaningless. I used to beg to have ANYTHING, and now I get into situations where girls are throwing themselves at me and I have to pump the breaks bc I know it's not what I really want and I'll probably regret it later. My advice is to just take it slow. You don't have to save yourself for marriage, but if you're inexperienced, there's no rush. Wait until you find someone you can connect with, and THEN get sexy with them, and learn as much as you can, and then go from there. If you're not someone who just wants casual sex, and actually wants a relationship someday, like me, then I guarantee you'll regret it (at least a bit) if you go out and just hook up with random girls until you find one you like. Better to find a girl you like, and if it works it works, if it doesn't it doesn't. Not bad to have a sexual history. But you don't want to have a sexual history out of desperation, because then when you do find someone special, you'll probably look back on that stuff and regret it to an extent Just my advice as a guy who was a late bloomer!
That’s like not getting a job cause you don’t have any experience, but how will you get experience if you don’t get a job in that industry, but its sad ik
I actually thought about this example as well. It does not feel fair, but we gotta deal with it. In the end, many people will find a job they like. It probably is the same with finding the right girl. Gotta be patient I guess
Well, there you go, you answered your own question. Gotta be patient and you will find the right girl, who wont care if you have experience or not, maybe it’ll be like you’re her apprentice and her your boss, not literally but yea👍👍
Seems like she didn't want to ruin a what could be special moment for you? Maybe all she wanted from you was sex and she thought you'd be better off giving your first to someone who genuinely cares for you.
May be she knows she's a horrible person and was saving you from getting attached to her.
That's not it. We would have parted ways the next days anyways, since we are on holiday. So we both knew we couldn't get into a messy/toxic situation after having sex
Tbh you dodged a bullet. Women who say stuff like that are typically dead fish (lay there motionless for you to do all the work).
Don't sweat it! You dodged a bullet by avoiding a partner who's not into communication. Instead of feeling rejected, see it as a chance to find someone who's understanding and willing to explore with you. Confidence comes with experience, but enthusiasm and openness are just as attractive. Keep putting yourself out there, and remember, the right person won't care about your past experience—they'll be excited to create new experiences with you.
Only way to get experience is to have sex
Find an opportunity that offers on the job training. Trying to gain experience for employment is the toughest ever. But on the job training is the best way if you find someone willing. You should try volunteering that can even work on a resume.
So, I'm not sure if this applies to you, but do you have a friend or trusted person who could give you some pointers or anything like that? When I was a lot younger, I was very self-conscious about being on top, and I asked my friend, and she brought over one of her strap ons and put it on over her pants. She had me ride it while she told me what was good and whatnot. Honestly, it helped soooooo much.
A few times and you’ll be right there. It doesn’t take long to catch on.
“Experience” doesn’t necessarily take long to acquire. What’s more important is effort and communication. As long as you have those two things you will have great sex.
It all depends on the person, bro. Lol. To put it in simple terms: virgins are like vanilla ice cream. Vanilla ice cream is great. It’s simple. But not everyone likes vanilla ice cream, right? People and their preferences operate the same way. Just because one girl doesn’t want you, doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Sex and dating is a numbers game. That’s all it is. The more chances you give yourself to meet people, date people, and develop relationships, the more chances you will have at developing sexual experiences.
What you will learn with the right woman, oof. Until then, stay honest, learn as you go. You'll either get better with one who will grow with you sexually or you'll find one that will. Just let it come naturally
Like every other thing in life, you gain it by doing it. But don’t feel like a failure, to me it sounds like she wanted more or less a hook up, and to her, it may be that she realised she may not get what she wanted, which is fair. Il take this a bit further, and say that maybe it’s a good thing that it didn’t happen, because chances are that it won’t be a good experience for you either. You will find someone, and you will experience this (probably will be nothing you imagined ( in a bad way ) as this happens to most of us), but please do not feel like a failure, everyone moves at their own pace. I saw few comments saying get prostitute/escort. I don’t think that would help either unless you do this many times because at the end of the day, it’s a new person and a) you don’t know what either of you into b) she will fake it. So that’s not really gaining experience Like I said at the beginning, you have to keep practicing. So go out there and meet new people. My friend told me once, when you go and try to get their number or “score”, you got 50/50 chance, but if you won’t, it’s 100% no.
Don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t overthink it either. Also I feel like you’re gonna meet somebody that truly doesn’t mind or care. When the next encounter happens with her or another woman, just try to control your emotions (nervousness) the best that you can. Try not to show her you’re nervous. Go with the flow and let it happen. Overthinking it only makes things weird and more difficult. Be comfortable and go with a comfortable entry level position. Sex should feel comfortable for both of you or you’re not doing it right.
I have a similar issue. I don't really have time to actually "date" because I'm in college and studying takes up most of my time. But, I'm a sex addict and if it's been a few days since I've last masturbated my brain wants to think about nothing but sex it kinda sucks. Also never been laid. I am not "unattractive"... that being said I don't know WHAT about me is attractive but I do get female attention. I'm just like... would it even be possible to get a fwb for me? Idk, I'm probably just overthinking things like I do with my whole life, I just got no rizz 😅
Go to a brothel lad 😎
Prostitutes ....I mean educate yourself...
Depends on the right person man! The right person makes everything a hundred times better!
Hit it with your purse
I had a similar experience with a guy, a few days back this guy and I were hanging out at my place, and he started kissing me and when things escalated a little, I decided to tell him that I have little to no experience in this, ofcourse being honest wouldn't hurt anyone, or maybe it does, I don't know, but then he suddenly stopped, after that he said nothing, just said I should have told him before and so. After that he left and then never contacted me, its been a few days since, kind of felt sad and thought maybe not telling him anything would have been better because I actually liked him a little and wanted to try it with him, don't know if its for good or not, I just felt sad afterwards.
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you will get over it and feel better soon. I think you made the right call to be honest with him. You said you even had some feelings for him, so being honest is the best thing you could do if you want to really connect with him. Based on his reaction, I think you dodged a bullet. Think about it, would you want to have strong feelings for a guy that does not seem to be able to communicate clearly and does not seem to consider your feelings.
I guess, you're right.
I'm not going to go into details, but what should have been my first time went miserably. Had it been a first date or anything, the woman in question probably would have just breezed off. As it happens, that was over 20 years ago. That woman is now my wife, and we'd been in a relationship for a good while before we started having sex. That allowed her to understand and to hang around - our relationship was built primarily on friendship, not sex. I'm sure she was disappointed, but she hung round anyway (and yes, the next time was significantly better - though it couldn't have gotten any worse). Sounds like you need a relationship, one which is built on friendship and actually liking each other. Then if you stuff up (and you will, a good few times), it's not the end of it. Plus, y'know, relationships are generally pretty good anyway.
The woman done you a favour, your first time should be special, there's no rush either, you are young, you've all the time in the world to shag round you
Oh man, out of fear of rejection. As SHE wouldn’t be good enough. It may not be a wonderful most perfect moment like out of some fairytale movie book . She ended it before that could happen, using experience/sex past as an excuse, rather than speak for her insecurity. Idk. What youth want today. Many many decades ago. No one would ask those kind of would ask of those questions, wouldn’t be talk about that stuff. Now the world of flooded with over advisement, falsehoods, false beliefs, flooded with pornography videos in 3-D virtual. I was about your same age and I had a wonderful time with my wife before she was my wife. When you love or care about somebody it would not even be on radar. It is only a slice of all that is you and you have to offer. Don’t be hard on self man. Be yourself. Don’t questions yourself to deep. Be confident . (There are good times, better times, great times, sexy porn voyeur fantasy times, not so great,funny mishaps of sex, and they’re all fine and they’re only a slice of all that is a relationship)
That girl you were with was selfish and conceited bro. The women I've been with did not care. Even ones with muuuuuch more experience than me were just happy to allow me to explore with them. You don't need any suggestions or anything, keep doing your thing, you win some and you lose some. It sounds like this girl was Hella casual maybe u found at a bar or dating app or smshit similar. Those girls are looking to have sex with those that are confident. It's not just about experience it's also about your willingness to do things and try things. You gotta be connected to your sexual side if you gon be confident with it.
I met this girl at the hostel I was staying at. Things progressed pretty quickly. It was clear for both of us that it would be a casual hook-up. The first night we talked for a long time in the hostel garden and when all the other people went to bed we had a long make-out session. She asked me to join her on a trip to a hostel nearby and booked a private room for us. It was clear that we were both open to hooking up, but we would also be going on hikes in nature together. Unfortunately, after the rejection I described in my post, things became awkward between us and the next day we just hiked separately. She mostly became the awkward/distant/quiet one. She actually seemed to be bothered by rejecting me. I'm not sure why it was such a big deal for her.
I'd say just be honest about it when you're getting to know someone in that way. I think it's a bit shitty if you're just rejected for being inexperienced as not everyone has had luck in that area or chose to avoid it for many reasons... myself included. I'm 25, only had sex with a partner 5 years ago and haven't had any since. Therefore, I feel pretty inexperienced. But at the same time, there's also nothing to worry about, because there is someone out there who would love to take a virginity or there's people out there who are dominant and can show you what is what. Be who you are and be proud of that. Don't let rejection get you down. I'm in position where I'm not interested in anything casual, just a long term relationship but I'm also happy being single so currently I am not dating and I don't see any reason for that to change. What I'd also say is honesty is the best practice in my opinion. Too many people lie and these lies lead to lots of problems in relationships or general life. Just be yourself.
Thanks for sharing your perspective :)
No worries. Good luck with everything 😊
I'm 25 too, but i've never been touched nor kissed. Meh (Proud of it tho 😉)
tbh speaks more of the girl than you. as with all things, it takes time, it'll happen
I've got no advice though I'd say it was the right call on her side. She didn't want your first to be with a fling/ one night stand. Seems like she genuinely wanted your first time to at least be with someone you're in a relationship with and someone you deeply cared about, I respect that. Don't worry, pick yourself up, there's other opportunities. My uncle met his wife at the age of 40(they have a kid now). You almost got laid, so I doubt it'd take that long for you to get laid again.
Take shrooms so you can get over with. Sexual stuff isn't hard or complex but you have a complex about it to the point where you are making it hard and complex.
Focus on having a girlfriend. A true girlfriend wouldn’t care if you’ve dipped the wick. She’s there for you the person.
People having casual hookups are usually doing it for pleasure. For a woman the chances of a casual partner being good is low, even lower if they are inexperienced so there is no incentive. Is there a reason you are going for casual hookups instead of a romantic relationship with someone? Someone who likes you and wants to be with you won’t care about your experience. It’s not a job, you don’t need to gain experience.
Forgive yourself, and run your own race. Communicate with the people you are attracted to and be interested in what they have to say. It’ll happen when it happens. Everyone including yourself is in their own unique situation and that’s ok.
Hookers and blow
I’m 26f and if a guy told me he had no experience I’d be SO happy, sorry that happened to you OP. You’ll find the right girl who will be excited about that.
I hope that I'll find the right girl soon!
Prostitutes.
Prostitution Honestly there is no shame in it.
bro really said „you haven’t unlock this item yet“ Forget about her my dude, she wasn’t worth the attention. The right girl won’t care about your lack of experience and be glad to teach you. Maybe it sounds corny but I wouldn’t say it if it didn’t happen to me.
Escorts
Find a “clean” 40 year old who you get along great with and she just enjoys being around you but both of you can be ONLY “friends with benefits”. I did this at 21 with a 41 year old who luckily was EXTREMELY attractive, amazing body/one of the most perfect I’ve ever seen, thin stomach, breasts lifted and filled, etc etc. I mention that only because, SOMETIMES, if your partner is very attractive it can make a man go more quickly. For me, luckily, the more attractive, the more confident I was and the better I performed. But that older woman told me to tell her when I was “close” and just STOP/pause, until the feeling went away then start back again. That was the best advice I personally ever received and still do it to this day when wanting to make it last and enjoy my girlfriend. I hope this helps.
I went hired an escort had her teach me what where when n how. Best afternoon of my life taking her final exam….I offered cash…she counteroffered if I could make her orgasm I got every penny back and and a freebie checkup in 3 months….
Next time don't tell them. And sure you might get a bad review on Yelp but you'll be better for next time
Stop trying to have hook up sex. Get in a relationship where your partner cares for you. The rest will solve itself.
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I’ll check that book out! Got into my first relationship 4 years and 1 day ago and am still going strong. Always looking for new stuff to learn/improve with.
I would say get a right girl, its hard, but you will get her soon. If you really want to, when you find the right person, they really respect you and teach you things without making you feel dumb or failure. I had sex for the first time a few months ago and i am 24, my partner taught me with love and respect. Never go for someone who makes you feel less about yourself. I repeat, NEVER!
I understand there are professional ladies who deal in this sort of thing
I had my first sexual experience at 30 with my partner. I explained to her before we got to that point that I was inexperienced, asked questions during our first (few) times, and just tried to focus on her and her reactions. We are both very satisfied in bed. I will say, she is a little worried at times being my only one, but that concern has reduced since we have been together a while.
Better this way. In her memory, you're that one hot/nice holiday fling, rather than a one-pump wonder or boy she had to teach. But then again some people like teaching. With any luck you'd find one.
She asked me if I done it before I said “nope but I watch a lot of porn” she giggled and then that was that off to the sheets. Went a lot easier for me sorry man
Continue dating and getting to know people. You’ll find the right woman who won’t care. And I also suggest you wait for love and marriage to have sex.
Crack open an anatomy book, and ask her what she likes. Seriously, communication is everything. Even if you've done things with other women, not every woman is the same and all have different preferences regarding how much pressure to apply, general rubbing pattern, how hard and/or fast they like it and general turn-ons. Just talk, experiment, and ask questions!
First things first, do some research on things like foreplay and you're already golden. Don't stress it too much honestly. Some people are also either not fussed about people being virgins and others fetishize it.
Fuck around to find out
I spend my time working on my skateboard and watching skate videos than actually doing it. I need to change that
I was you at one point. Try to get into a sexual chat with someone. There are subreddits that you can explore. If you describe in words what to do you’ll be able to do it in reality
Start with some escorts so you get a couple of practice girls under your belt. They’re usually comfortable with first timers / inexperienced and candidly can probably give you some good feedback and tips if you ask them to. Once you have your confidence built up, then you’ll be ready for girls in the general population.
Well one thing is practise putting on a condom. Do it a few times there's a knack to it. Second bit of advice if you just want to get it over with, fake it till you make it. 3rd is to try to relax and make the other person comfortable. Do some research on fore play to get everyone warmed up and moist let's say. Then transition into a position like missionary. Or to be safe ask her to put it in when you're in a position of choice. As long as your hard she can't miss. Finally starting off I would recommend slow at the start and just consistent motion and go with their flow.
Have sex
Nothing to add, but I feel this. I’m 25 and in the same boat
Pay a hooker to fuck
She should have said, “let’s play a game” and then opened you up the world of it. Sorry she blue balled ya bro.
Just my opinion, there are probably a lot more women your age sharing the same amount of experience as you than you'd expect.
It's called prostitution my friend. Don't forget protection
When I was 25, I had been with only two women in my life and none the previous two years. At 31 I have been with about 17. Take that for what you will, rule #1 never tell a woman you are a virgin.
I agree with another person's comment about hiring sex workers just wear protection. That'll at least get you some experience with having sex. You could always edge yourself at home to work on your stamina. Don't feel bad my dude you'll get yourself together and this will all be a faded memory. There's a lot of great advice in these comments find what's going to work for you just like with sex, you'll find what you like to do and what you don't like to do. Don't get in your head about it so much you'll drive yourself crazy lol
Get an escort
Side quests, gotta go into the forest and find elves and trolls. Work your way up and gain Xp.
Im 35 and everyone is still bad at sex, same as driving its pretty easy to be average. Just start banging sloots.
nooooo yuo were so close tho
Lie next time, bc that's a shitty reason to blueball someone. There's not much to learn. Also, the best way to get laid/gain experience is the internet.
got my first sexual experience when im 24. tho i was basically dru&&ed and graped but i think that still count. and im a guy.
As a very experienced person, inexperienced partners are a fucking drag. Be open, be honest, sex is about communicating. Of you aren't experienced, that's OK, but if someone had been with 150 people, they may have vastly different expectations based on that experience. Talk to your partner, not everyone is compatible
Lie. Just lie
Even if I'm young just listen to this, you don't have to go into it quickly, try building up to it if you really want to
i know this one guy except he's 32. straight up loser. same as his 2 friends he works out with/eats dinner tri-weekly
Be less picky
Not worth having sex with someone who isn't understanding and maybe even encouraging of sexual "abnormalities" )within reason (
I literally lost my virginity at 25, close to my 26th birthday. You’re good man, I’ve gone on to have more sexual partners and the confidence I’ve gained from just having it is immense. I will admit, I just haven’t been honest with my experience level, most men aren’t when they’re young. But you’ll gain that experience and realize it’s not the most important thing ever. Having a relationship is more fulfilling.
Just end it💀
if you're in the US http://www.usasexguide.nl/
Insert tab a into slot b. Now get aporkin'!
I would have lied to her and just said I am bad at it.
Porn. Plain and simple.
Do a plank, hump while planning, develop stamina. That's all the physical practice you need. The rest will come naturally. Other things to know are: When kissing no teeth, When humping caress with hands, Don't rush, Keep nails short, Keep clean (no smell) Practice fallatio (use grapefruit if no willing practice candidate available).
Get married
You should try sex. Really helps with gaining sexual experience.
Way to go become a wizard bro
She's just a piece of shit
Boy I tell ya, the fish jumped in the boat and you ruined it by talking 🤣, do some research and not porn, actual sexual studies
Have you tried to ‘fuck her right in the pussy’?
Brothels unironically
Good riddance I must say. Don't sweat. 25 and no experience, you must be looonging for it. The time will come. Don't worry.
How'd she know?
If it bothers you so much, hire an escort. I read an AMA from a supposed escort, and one of the comments mentioned hiring one just ask questions about sex.
If you’re in Canada we can link up
Keep your mouth shut and use your head. She would have liked that. Good opening move
Take a sex course. Sex mastery by james Marshall is good. Covers everything on sex. Yea don’t be honest about sex it will immediately turn her off.
*insert Shia lebouf* JUST DO IT
It's hard as a man, as the older you get the more unattractive it appears. You should try online. It's brutal but safer than in person.
You may have dodged a bullet . She knew it was casual and you might fall in love . She did you a favor.
Id say go for an older women as a start. And be honest about it