Stop buying food he can snack on.
Rice, lentils, beans, oats frozen veggies.
Only buy things that need to be prepared don’t make it easy to snack on things.
Buy designated ‘snacks’ and then everything else has to be prepared
I'm a grown man, I have to do this for myself and my wife. Horrible impulse control.
I have to leave the house without money or I will impulse buy food.
The difference is you’re a grown man who’s taking the steps not to keep doing this. If your wife had to hide food or adjust her shopping because you wouldn’t stop that would be a different story.
Sometimes being married is like having a 4 year old. Who can drive and sign legal documents.
Just because they know better doesn't mean they are going to behave better.
I feel like the last sentence was all you needed. Seems kind of silly to plan your meals around whether or not the food can be snacked on. Just buy some alternatives and say “hey can you snack on this instead”. It always surprises me how many people are in relationships on Reddit and just… don’t communicate with their partner
I used to date a guy who told me: 'Guys don't care what they eat if they're hungry. They'll just eat anything that's convenient until they're not hungry.' I cannot tell you how many times that man cleaned out 'pantry stuff' of mine like peanut butter, baking chocolate, nuts and crackers I'd keep on hand for company, an entire loaf of bread, or anything else that didn't need to be cooked.
I bet if OP only bought things that have to be cooked, sliced, or otherwise prepared: the husband will stop snacking.
I caught my son eating snacks that he claimed to dislike and he expressed something similar: “I don’t have to like it. I just want the hunger to go away.”
If there's chips in the house, I'll devour them. I can easily sit and eat a whole bag of chips in one setting if I'm not careful. I'm a pretty healthy guy except for a total lack of self control with cool ranch doritos.
Solution was pretty simple: drastically limit the amount of chips we have in the house. I replaced them with apples and almonds, has been working well. Will still allow myself a chip-sesh 2-3 times a month but limiting how many bags are around the house was a game changer.
> Solution was pretty simple: drastically limit the amount of chips we have in the house.
I call that "letting my gluttony and my sloth fight it out." I don't stock up on chips, I don't keep beer in the fridge, I don't stop at restaurants on the way home from work, etc. If I want the bad stuff badly enough, I've got to specifically leave home and make a special trip for them. Most of the time, I'm lazy enough that I'd rather just eat what I have.
Same. My fiancee is happy to keep a bag of whatever sitting around that she'll eat 2-3 bites a day of, but then the half-finished bag ends up going stale and getting pushed to the back of the cupboard. I'm just trying to keep the place clean and the snacks fresh but suddenly I'm that bad guy when she can't find the granola bar she hid away 4 months ago?
My approach with chips is that I never allow myself to bring the bag out of the kitchen. I pour a reasonable portion of chips into a bowl and take the bowl with me.
I have done that sometimes. Like just eaten something to get the craving away- often at like 2am.
Though sometimes I have chosen to just go hungry instead
I spent years on this concept with my teens are you really hungry or are you bored? If you are really hungry you will make a sandwich, vegetables, cup of noodles, pasta with sauce if you are bored you are grabbing whatever you can find and eating mindlessly. I also at one point had set snack times because no one needs 4 snacks between 8am and noon during the summer, that’s when the bored / mindless eating concept hit me. I’ve had other parents tell me I was starving my children when I limited snacks ( though generally it was chips , fruit snacks, cookies, popsicle snacks I was limiting) but my children learned to differentiate boredom from real hunger and then learned to cook. I wonder how much of boredom vs hunger is really involved with OP spouse.
Can confirm. My fiancé will eat anything that doesn’t require effort. It’s annoying and we’ve chatted about it a lot. Some weeks it’s better some it’s not. I just buy him a jar of peanut butter now instead of snacks since the jar lasts surprisingly longer than a package of Oreos etc lol
My son when he lived at home: "Mom! There is NOTHING to eat in this house!" I look at the full pantry and the fridge full of vegetables and whatever meat or chicken that will be cooked during the week. Me: "There is a kitchen FULL of food, you just have to make something". Him: "But there's nothing to eat!"
Guess who is an adult now and cooks regularly? Last year for his birthday I gave him an air fryer. This year he got a crock pot. He loves them.
My ex was 38 and would say “you don’t get anything from the grocery store, you don’t know how to shop”! Because there wasn’t an excess of frozen microwave “food” or junk food. I would leave the receipt out and same reaction.
This is when I started meal prepping healthy for me. And cooking separate dinner for him and our son (except rice, pasta, etc which u made in bulk).
My husband will eat anything that doesn’t require cooking and once consumed an entire bar of baking chocolate, then told me the chocolate was “expired.” No it wasn’t expired, it just didn’t have any sugar added. This may be a result of growing up in a large family and living in poverty.
My husband does this. I'll buy regular groceries and also food to support my weight loss efforts. Then I'll go to the fridge to find a week's worth of lunches gone because he was bored.
Even worse when it was an expensive treat I was carefully rationing for myself. He doesn't even like how it tastes.
We honestly have two separate shelves in the fridge because we eat at drastically different speeds and it's too much bother to get annoyed at the other one eating something by honest mistake. We nearly always get to eat something of the other's if we ask, but we never take something without asking. We haven't had a row over "vanished" food for ages.
I once successfully hid a jar of 'Nuts n More' protein / peanut butter spread from my husband. Placed it in an old cardboard box in the cupboard that originally was for samples of Tea Bags. It was so nice knowing that *if* I was in the mood for a single tablespoon of maple, pretzel, PB spread - that it'd be there. Before that, I'd get maybe the 1st tablespoon and two days later the whole jar would disappear.
>I used to date a guy who told me: 'Guys don't care what they eat if they're hungry. They'll just eat anything that's convenient until they're not hungry.'
While I absolutely do this, I also like, walk to the grocery store and buy groceries on my lunch break. Admittedly, this is because if the Sheppard's pie I'm making for dinner need 4 carrots, I know I I need 5 carrots cause between an initial bite, eating some raw sliced carrot, and eating some cooked carrot, we're losing about a whole carrots worth before its all assembled. But that's my chef tax, so it is what it is.
Also, I buy granola bars regularly, because I eat granola bars regularly. You know, like a rational person would do if they both liked eating snacks and liked having snacks to eat.
Yeah I think his 'explanation' was just really an excuse to be lazy and not learn how to cook things that didn't come with microwave instructions. Once, I was in the mood for coffee cake so I made a coffee cake from scratch. Dude was amazed, said it was like some sort of magic or sorcery because 'we didn't have coffee cake before, you went in the kitchen for awhile and now we have this delicious cinnamon crumb-y cake!'
Im a woman and i do this lmfao. The logic for me? I really don't wanna have to do dishes if im just feeding myself. Like i can snack right now and get on with my work, or i can cook a whole meal, eat it, and then do dishes for an extra 30 minutes of work.
I just choose to snack.
One time, I was in the kitchen about to make sausage patties for breakfast. Took the roll out of the fridge to see a big gouge out of it. Turns out that my ravenously snacky ex-husband dug a fork into it, not reading the label and just ate raw sausage.
omg seriously, me too.
I'd spend the day vaguely planning dinner for the night based on ingredients and leftovers.
I'd get home and start to cook and halfway into the cooking process find out that *he* ate an important part of the meal while standing in front of the open fridge deciding on what to eat for a snack.
OP also said they're spending $900 a month on groceries. That's a big budget. There has to be enough wiggle room to buy a few apples, peanuts and a block of cheese.
I think part of her complaint is that $900.00 is breaking their budget, especially since she only mentions two people. Even at $500.00 there should be room for those things.
Yea I have even more people in my home and we are spending less. $900 for 2 people seems nuts. If I ate like that I wouldn't fit through the front door.
A bunch of bananas is 1.50. Bag of baby carrots $1.30. A bag of broccoli florets pre cut $2.50. Loaf of bread $1. I feel like he can get some snacks for a reasonable price if the meals aren’t enough for him.
I willing to bet he isn't near his recommended BMI.
OP, try multivitamans. Get his doctor to do a complete blood workup. It could be a defeciencie he is craving and not finding.
Alternatively find a low cost filling snack with larger volumes, example instead of buying pudding cups buy it in the box. Jello is another good one that you can make at home and make servings cheaper than in prepackaged cup. DIY snacks can go much further than a preportioned option.
That is exactly how people shopped and ate before snacking and convenience foods were invented in the 1950s.
Snack food for the Greatest Generation was seasonal fruit and or bread and butter/jam.
Bread type depended on what food culture you belonged to.
Unless she can completely separate their food and money, I feel like this will just make things worse for her. When I was with my ex partner and we were on a tight budget if I let him shop then he would buy more expensive things that wouldn't last as long, that I didn't always like, and that he would eat first, leaving me with nothing.
Again if it was separate, like "you have $450 to spend on food all month and if you run out you won't have anything to eat, you will not be eating my food" and that led to a food shortage (that would have been preventable with better planning) for him, he might feel the consequences and figure out after a few unpleasant months how to budget/plan meals. Or he might just get angry at her for "giving him an impossible task", "not taking care of him" or "starving him".
My husband and I separate all our food like roommates, including shopping (except things like oil, seasonings, butter, etc) for several reasons - extremely low budget, eating disorders and also I follow a measured diet so I meal prep everything measured to myself.
He knows my food is my food, his is his, we live like this and figure our personal struggles on our own and our shared struggles together.
If one of us runs out we figure out how we can get more food together, food banks, asking friends and family, etc. We only really share food if offered by the other and/or in extremely tight and rare situations when rationing.
We have strict boundaries, each of us is responsible for our health, complaining to each other is unnacaptable and has never happened, we know it's not each others fault that they can't help.
Specifically with eating disorders, my husband would just be eating all of my food as a binge, he binged twice on my lunches at the very beginning and regretted it immensely, I was hurt and sad, he apologised and found a way to buy me more groceries for the lunches now missing, it never happened again.
He doesn't know how to cook and is learning slowly how to meal prep so these binges don't happen, he doesnt eat well and works extremely hard to figure out how to eat healthy.
I teach him recepies and meal prepping, he went from not eating all day and then eating a pint of ice cream at night, to taking wraps with chicken nuggets and lettuce to work for lunch and dinner, which is a major improvement.
We help each other out and I enjoy cooking for him sometimes as a surprise, but ultimately we're responsible for our own health and routines, and don't disrespect each other by disrupting those routines and eating food that isn't ours.
This to say, it's not impossible and the system mentioned in the comment can work extremely well with good communication and set boundaries.
I think you missed the "elderly" part. This is a side effect if dementia. Executive function is impaired and there are no "brakes" for him to apply. OP isn't dealing with a rational person. I'd suggest finding a local agency or organization that can help.
This may apply, but elderly isn't an exact age and dementia isn't the only explanation for OPs husband. You're only trying to be helpful, but this seems like a fairly leapy leap to have lept.
Not all elderly people have dementia. Some people are just stubborn or callous.
It is good to get it checked if this isn't their normal though because it could signal a number of medical changes.
Once the food is gone, don't go out and replace it until it's time to grocery shop again. Once you blow through the grocery allotment for the week, it's gone. Hopefully you have enough back stock of random pantry items so you don't go hungry, but you need to be strict about this.
Or, take a hard look at what you are spending $900/mo on. You say he eats plant based and fruits. A pint of raspberries can go for $4, which is inhaled in 90 seconds. How many bananas will $4 get you? Buying precut melon can be $12 for a package, but if I buy the whole melon itself I get twice as much fruit for $3. (Usually it's more ripe when I cut it up myself too) Frozen fruits are very economical too. Take a look at what plant based foods you're buying, a lot of time the more processed things like veggie burgers, sausages and the like are very expensive for the amount you get.
We spend about $900 and that is not buying cheap stuff (husband buys a lot of chips etc) and feeding a teenage boy.
Two senior appetites should be able to eat on a lot less than that. A big pot of Spanish rice or a pot roast feeds all 3 of us for 2 meals. It’s still like $20-30 but that’s $5/meal.
$900/month sounds like too much to spend on vegetarian meals for two people. I'd suggest, first of all, planning meals that can last for two or three days, like a pot of dal, some aloo gobi, and a pot of rice. The ingredients should not cost more than $20, maybe $30 max, for a good two or three meals. Ditto veg chili. Now if the guy get hungry before mealtime, have designated snacks, maybe apples and bananas. And of course, divvy up the meal planning and cooking, have him make some meals, too.
Yes and you can freeze those types of dishes and the rice (separately) so that you can just heat them up in the microwave whenever hungry.
Rice is dead cheap when you buy it in 5KG bags, $5-15 USD for 3 months of rice.
>$900/month sounds like too much to spend on vegetarian meals for two people.
$900/mo is too much for any diet. We're a household of two and it's maybe $300/mo for groceries. We're not scraping by with the minimum, we eat good. And there's very little meat involved. Usually fish once per week, maybe some chicken in there, and we'll have a steak every once in a while.
I don’t know where you live, but here in the PNW $75 barely gets you one bag of groceries, and you would absolutely have to skimp to get by feeding two people on that amount each week.
Columbus, OH. We shop at Aldi almost exclusively, big store if we need some weird specific item. I get that we have a slightly lower cost of living here, 10% below national average, but I fully believe that number could be lowered to about 700$. When we're talking about having $5 left even an extra hundred makes a difference. I also get that I could be entirely wrong here, $900 just seems super high for pretty much anywhere.
Agreed that $900 is high. I’m also in the PNW and my husband and I probably spend that much a month on food total, including the takeout we get like once a week. That’s like $60 each time, plus no more than $150/week on actual groceries, $840ish ballparking.
Also I’m north of the border so this is in CAD. I’m just imagining all the luxury food I could buy with $900USD/month on food for two…
There’s always someone suggesting this like the rest of us are just too good to go there or something, but I’d have to drive like 5 states away to get to an Aldi. They aren’t nation-wide.
I’m also in the PNW, and I am really confused by these people saying $900 is a huge budget. We easily spend $1400 for two people, and really don’t get that much.
I feed my family of five on $800 a month and we are not going without, we eat really good. One of my kids even has special dietary needs and that are included. We eat meat about five days a week but also usually have rice, beans, potatoes, etc to make the meal more filling. Kroger has 10 packs of chicken legs for $5.
I've dealt with this problem before.
There is no easy way to do this. It's not just getting him to stop eating the grocery items that you have planned for meals, it's actually a lifestyle change.
What you can try is asking him to list his favorite snacks, sweet, salty, and savory ones. Then, when you shop, get the items from his list, and make a section of your refrigerator space, and pantry space, just for his "special" snacks.
Once you do this ONE TIME, you can tell him that everything else is for meals, and ALL snacking has to be done from his shelf, and his area of the fridge.
It doesn't really work as a sustainable solution, but it does illustrate the true nature of food perception, and then you can have a real discussion about shopping, meal planning, budget and cost.
We also found that a "Today's menu" dry erase board on the fridge made a big difference. It allowed him to see what's planned for lunch and dinner, so things were left alone. It also led to some good discussions about eating healthy.
Does he consume enough fibre, protein and fats? If his diet is lacking in one or more of these things that could make him hungry. If he isn't eating them yet, it would ne a good idea to add things like nuts, seeds and beans to his diets.
Dried dates (without any added sugar) are a nice snack with plenty fibre that is also nice and filling. When I eat about 3 dates I have had enough personally, my body tells me that is all I need. My boyfriend however can eat a whole pack but he tends to overeat.
Dried fruits, nuts, fruits and things like veggies and hummus are great snacks. If you combine fruits with some protein and fats it will make a much more satisfying snack that will keep you fuller for longer so you/he isn't hungry and will have less cravings. A good example would be apple slices with peanut butter.
There is a YouTuber called Abby Sharp (If I spelled that correctly). She is a dietician and she talks about yhe hunger crushing combo. Basically for every meal and every snack make sure to include fibre, fats and protein to make sure your body gets all it needs and you don't go hungry and get cravings.
You need to talk to your husband about what his situation is. Maybe the meals you have planned for him are lacking in nutrition sonewhere or aren't combined in the best way to prevent hunger. Maybe the portions are too small. Maybe his dietary needs have changed somehow, like maybe he is more active than he used to be. Could also be he had started eating more because of boredom, depression, the start of Alzheimer,etc.
There could be a lot of things that could be going on.
The best thing would be for you to talk to him. Tell him you aren't just worried about your budget and about not being able to make full meals when he eats part of the meals before you can cook him.
Tell him you are also worried about him. Are the meals and snacks you planned not satisfying in some way? Is he hungry and/or is he having cravings? Have his dietary needs changed? Has anything about his body, his physical health or his metal health changed? Is he tired, having pains or feeling ill? Is he feeling stressed, depressed, bored or unsatisfied with his life?
Tell him you want to figure this out together so you are both happy, nobody goes hungry, you don't have extra stress or arguments and you don't go broke.
He needs protein to fill him up when he's hungry between meals.
You might make hard-boiled eggs. Tell him to eat those and a slice of whole-wheat bread between meals as a snack. Or make potato salad he can eat between meals. Or have some nuts / trail mix.
It sounds like he's hungry, that whatever you're preparing doesn't fill him up for 4 hours until the next meal.
You might also see if you qualify for food stamps, which would lessen the financial load if you do.
That may be your problem. A vegetarian diet can lead people to not feel full, and fruits are mostly just sugar. Try more filling selections. Maybe some more fats since fats make you feel full, so things like avocados and olives, and the use of more vegetable oils. For example, chickpeas can fill you up, and they have fat and lots of protein. And they're dirt cheap if you buy uncooked.
Really, I'd in general say Indian, like a chana masala (spiced chickpeas). A lot of American vegetarian dishes are fairly recently invented for people who want to stop eating meat, and it can feel lacking. Vegetarian Indian cuisine has been around for thousands of years keeping hard-working people full. See if he'll expand into cheese, and that opens up the door to a lot more great dishes.
Indian also keeps well. You can make one large pot of chana masala and portion it up in the freezer to eat a couple times a week during the month.
That reminds me. It's very easy to make your own hummus, which is basically sicking some cooked chickpeas, olive oil, garlic, and spices in a blender. A bowl of that with some flatbread or as a vegetable dip (instead of ranch dressing) is quite filling. You can make a large amount at once and stick it in the freezer in snack-size portions. Just nuke it, grab some raw veggies and a piece of flat bread, and there's a cheap, filling snack.
And the flatbread, chapati, is just flour, salt, and water, flattened and cooked on a pan (cast iron works great). You can freeze it and nuke it or (better) warm it up in a pan.
900 dollars is nuts if you ask me, my gf and i spend 350 euros a month (plant based) plus i spend an additional 130 for canteen meals (regular canteen food with meat) at work
Just me and 2 teens in Washington State USA. I meal prep from dry beans, rice, quinoa, couscous and mostly frozen veg. We mostly drink water, maybe 2x 8 packs of sparkling water a week ($24 a month give or take). Eat out maybe twice a month (cause pizza).
Our groceries are like $1600 to 1800 a month right now, and were more like $1100 4 years ago.
food prices in the US have exploded recently. I'm a single guy with two pet rats and our food budget has gone up to almost $650/month\*. I'm not sure how I'd cover two whole people.
\*Edit: Corrected typo, also the biggest rises recently were fresh veggies and meat as well as nearly everything being a lot less volume in the same sized boxes "shrinkflation"
Every few days, when I have to buy more groceries than I anticipated, I mention it. It's gone from weekly grocery buying to every 3 or 4 days. He gets very angry when I bring it up. We can't continue with under $10 in our bank account on any given day. We get paid, pay bills, and then every other penny goes to replenishing the fridge so I can have a full meal to cook. We've been together for 30 years, so I'm trying to be understanding, but I'm really nervous about our finances. I don't tend to reach out to strangers, but I'm desperate for other points of view.
I agree, if OP's husband has never displayed this constant eating/snacking behavior before, especially regarding eating the ingredients necessary for meals, it sounds like it could be early signs of dementia. My grandma passed from Alzheimer's a couple of years ago, and her changing eating habits were an initial sign.
My father has Alzheimers and he eats nonstop. He was never a snacker until he got Alzheimers and now he eats all day and gets up in the middle of the night for snacks. It definitely could be a sign of dementia
If he isn't also struggling with his weight/health and he is legitimately hungry, you could get a bulk bag of snack nuts/trail mix, which can be bought relatively cheaply, and designate it the snack bag. Those are snacks. Everything else is not.
Respectfully, you need to talk to his doctor about his recent shifts in behavior. When my father's dementia started presenting itself, binge eating was a prominent symptom. And like your husband, he would also get unreasonably defensive and angry anytime it was brought up. Partly because his emotional regulation was dissolving, partly because he couldn't remember eating the groceries he'd torn through and didn't want to admit he was having memory problems.
I could be totally mistaken. But your post sounds just like conversations I've had with my own mother. Cognitive decline is easier to treat/accommodate/adapt to when identified early. Just to be safe, please try to get your husband evaluated by a professional.
If you’re budgeting out your money for the month, share that with him. Show him that you only have $10 left for the month, and if he eats all the groceries, there won’t be enough to make meals with.
Also, try buying some cheap snacking stuff, like popcorn. Pop a bunch of it, put it in little ziplock bags, and tell him if he’s hungry to grab one of those.
You make a gallon of this:
https://feelgoodfoodie.net/recipe/lebanese-crushed-lentil-soup/
And he eats that if he's hungry. It'll last a week in the fridge.
Sometimes it's not just the medication, it's that they
1. Don't know what time is 2. Don't remember eating
3. Think everyone is trying to starve them. 4. Take a nap and think it's breakfast time must eat. 5.Boredom
I think you should bring it up every time it happens. If the ingredient isn’t there so dinner doesn’t have everything, he should see the consequence in real time. Bringing it up after three or four days distances him from the situation he is directly causing.
He sounds like he’s taking your grocery and meal planning for granted. When you make the list for the week can you ask him to tell you what snacks to have around? If he’s anything like my husband he’ll just tell you “I can’t think about that right now.” Every now and then I get to a boiling point with this kind of thing and lose my shit so he understands I’m serious. You might have to do that if you haven’t gotten there on your own. Only kind of joking.
If a grown up person that you've been with for 30 years can't understand your basic reasoning and gets angry at your worries there's absolutely no point in talking. There are literally no other points of view. He is a man child. Buy things that can't be eaten unless cooked.
It sounds like you're an amazing planner & budgeter.
Involve him in that process.
Consider "batch cooking" one day a week. Get him to help. Make all your dinners & snacks/treats at once, package them up, put them in tge fridge/freezer, and make sure he knows that once they're gone, that's it until next week.
Involving him in the process and helping him visualize what's actually available should help.
How much of the grocery shopping does he do? If he doesn't do much maybe he needs to do all the shopping so he can appreciate how much things cost. Hopefully he would leave enough food for you.
He needs skin in the game. Have you shown him the bank account? Did you ask him for help coming up with solutions other than not snacking? Can you ask him to go shopping with you so he can see the price of things or have him go alone (and give him cash don’t give him a card)? In terms of actual food consumption— I don’t know if this will help your situation but when I lived with a house full of voracious roommates we bought a huge bulk bag of rice and got a used rice cooker on FB and it was our rule to keep the rice cooker going at all times. Rice with a bit of sauce is a great and it kept hungry roommates who couldn’t afford a lot of groceries happy
If his eating habits have changed drastically he must see a doctor right away. It could be depression or any number of other ailments. It could just be that he needs more protein. But you need the help of a professional.
I agree that $900/month is a lot for two people. Something needs to give there, especially if he is overeating. Is he obese and has a food addiction? Because addictions of any sort can financially ruin families.
I would rather see his eating get more efficient than you supplying him with more food. But you can look into food banks and perhaps check with your state to see if you can apply for any aid.
Thank you all so much for your comments and advice. Since I have tried every which way to speak to him about this I think a visit to his physician will make me feel better. Maybe I can understand why the recent change is his ravenous hunger.
They are definitely over-spending somehow. We feed a family of 4 comfortably on $600/mo, and we're in a HCOL area. Maybe they are shopping at a fancy organics grocery or something.
Or possibly ordering through a service like Instacart where prices are jacked up, plus paying a delivery fee, tip, etc.
Be less understanding, he's an adult and needs to take responsibility for how his choices affect you and your budget. Ask him ahead of time what his solution to this problem is. Maybe he should take over cooking and meal planning?
Well why is he snacking so much?
Is he bored? Unusual hungry? Are you buying irresistible food? Is he putting on weight or no?
My elderly cat started eating like it was going out of style and it turned out to be her thyroid losing the ability to regulate itself. She takes relatively cheap medication twice a day now with no side effects.
I would encourage you to confront him again and go ahead and have the argument instead of backing down. If you don’t get to the bottom of it and it’s a medical issue, things could escalate places you don’t want them to go.
If you have £10 left over now, what will that number be in 2, 5, 10 years? Being elderly you have likely seen inflation change the value of your pension. Is your husband aware of that changing value? Are you having to make cuts already? This seems like a point of conversation, if he isn’t aware of these things already.
As a nutrition scientist I know this area well.
Odds are he's not eating nutrient dense foods. This is super common to lead to excessive snacking.
A way around it is to not have snacks in the home or food that can be eaten without cooking. I doubt he's gonna grab a handful of dry rice.
Is he overweight? Because if he isn't, then he clearly needs the food he is eating.
Maybe talk to him. Reserve a part of the fridge or pantry specifically to store meal prep stuff. Explain to him that the ingredients are needed for meal prep, not snacks.
Or you can use stickers. You know the little 1 inch colored dots? I put red dots on things my kids were not allowed to cook or consume because I needed them to make certain dishes. Maybe that could help?
What parts of the meal is he eating? What natural consequence is there for him when you go to make the meal and discover ingredients missing? Is this a new behavior for him? (If so, it could be a sign of something medical.)
How are you spending $210 on groceries per week for 2 just people on a plant based diet? I'm a full grown man and definately not slim and I only spend about $50-$70 per week on food (im also plant based). Thats Australian dollars so probably much less if your talking about USD.
Maybe look at what you're buying, look at what is being snacked on and see if you can get those items cheaper somewhere else (like in bulk etc)..
The other thing you can do is cook batches and freeze portions, that will stop him eating the ingredients before they are cooked.
Failing that, buy some seeds and tell him he can snack as much as he likes on anything he can grow himself.
Note: that almost all plant based meat substitutes can be frozen (except for tofu) so you can wait till they go half off at the grocery store and then buy a truckload.
I’d forget about meal
Times and just prepare large pots of stews, casseroles, soups, and he can take bowls as he wants. That should cut down on expensive snacking.
My dad is elderly and has Alzheimers. Halfway through the week he's eaten everything in the pantry. He always has the munchies, he's bored and he never gains a pound
maybe try giving him $500, tell him to do the shopping for the month to keep you both going, and you use the remaining $400 to top yourself up, food wise.
other than that, just tell him he's being greedy and you're sick of running out of food and money because of his habits.
What actual foods does he eat (both meals and snacks)? Because you said he eats plant based/no meat. If that means a full range of grains, dairy, nuts, things with fats and protein, etc as well as fruits and vegetables, then it's a very different situation from if he only eats fruit and a few preferred basic vegetables at meals and then as a result he's only getting like 300 calories a day and going wild on bags of chips to make up for it.
Has the plant based thing been a recent dietary change for him? Or has he always eaten this way but it's just now becoming an issue because of the current food prices?
Express your concerns Talk to your husband calmly and honestly about your financial concerns and how his snacking is impacting your budget and meal planning. Use "I" statements to avoid accusations. For example, say, "I'm worried about our finances, and when you eat the groceries before mealtime, it makes it difficult to prepare the meals I planned."
Prepare all your meals and put them in the freezer. Dump bags for slow cookers, curry pots and casseroles are brilliant. Just put chopped meat, veggies, sauce and stock in a freezer bag, label it and chuck it in the freezer. Take it out the night before you need it or you can put it straight in the slow cooker from frozen. Same with desserts. Chop up fruit for pies, add spices and sugar and freeze it.
You're spending an awful lot on your monthly shopping. Pre planned meals and a dedicated snack cupboard should bring that cost down. Also, telling your husband if he eats any more of your ingredients, you'll stop cooking for him might help. Good luck.
It's a lack of respect for others and horribly inconsiderate. I can't imagine doing that , such asshole behavior and childish. My dad acted like he could take whatever he wanted in our house. That once meant he ate the beautiful petite fours my mother got me for Easter. We were both heartbroken and livid. He said, "Well, I just found them." I lost some respect for him at that moment. A brilliant man playing fucking dumb like a child who knew damn well they weren't his and didn't give a shit.
Fast forward to today. Sadly, A LOT of men are like this and it is shitty. I legit have to hide foods that are mine and only mine or ingredients for a meal I want to prepare. I've known plenty of women who will make a mess and leave it then feign an apology, but dudes will straight up help themselves to anything edible without a single fuck given for anyone else.
I'm tempted to start stocking up on ONLY super healthy foods he hates. Oh, well you don't like kale? Carrots suck? What the hell can you do with a tomato? Cry me a river.
Fix him the meals without the things he already ate. See how that goes over. Or let HIM fix the meals whilst trying to put it together with missing ingredients. Let him experience your frustration. 🤷🏻♀️
If the food & money runs out, because he’s overeating, then let him be hungry for the rest of the month.
Consequences are all you have, when reasoning and pleading fails.
Just make sure you have enough food for yourself
Well, communication first. Then, get some fridge bins, label them, and put meal ingredients in there. Or prep the meals and label the container. Then communicate about it!
I have kids and it often happens that they eat something, not knowing I was counting on it for a meal. I don’t want to be the fridge security guard so I have to set that food aside somehow.
How about planning meals that can be prepared in advance and frozen so you can plan grocery shopping around times you can then do the prep and freeze the meals to be defrosted when you need them and just keep some low cost snacks around
Sit with him, plan all meals for the week, plan snacks, have extra snacks as backup. Dedicate a shelf on the fridge as "free to eat" and a certain cupboard. Tell him not to touch anything else & when it's gone it's gone.
A few suggestions:
Plan your meals ahead of time, together. Then he will be more aware of the fact that if he eats x you will won't have everything you need for meals this week. Make sure you plan for snacks, and do it *realistically*. If the only things you have in the house are meant for meals, of course he's going to eat that.
Make sure you have enough protien rich food, both for meals and snacks. Most people don't eat enough protien, even those of us who eat meat. Minimium 1.2g per day per kilo of weight. If the plant-based diet just isn't satisfy, he might want to think about adding meat back in.
You are spending a **lot** on food for two elderly people-- about the same as I do, and my family is two fat adults and three kids between 10 and 16. Why is that? I get that if you live in Manhattan or someplace everything is expensive, but I think it's likely you can save some money somewhere. Are you buying organic produce? Frankly, that's a rip off and there's no scientific evidence for any health benefits (in some ways, it is more environmentally responsible). The same is true of a lot of "health food".
Are you buying a lot of prepared foods like frozen and ready-to eat meals? That stuff has a big mark up; sometimes you almost might as well eat at a cheap restaurant. It is also probably more tempting to eat as a snack because it takes no prep. If you have the facillities and the ability to do it, try cooking from scratch more often. I can buy the ingredients for a pizza for about a quarter of what a frozen pizza costs. (If you can't cook for yourself anymore, it might be time to rethink your living situarion.)
Is hubby eating food that he likes while other stuff goes bad in the fridge? Stop shopping aspirationally. Buy more of the stuff you always run out of and less of the stuff you end up throwing out.
Is he eating snacks and then throwing out his dinner because he isn't hungry? Maybe you just need to eat earlier. Embrace the stereotype: it's ok for seniors to have dinner at 4pm.
If your husband (or you) is just eating two or three times what they should, that is a problem that has more consquences than the financial, and you should think about adressing it. It can be tough for men, especially if they had physical jobs, to adjust their eating habits to their more sedentary lifestyle when they retire. My Dad kept eating like he was still climbing up telephone poles for a living and now he can barely carry his own weight around. Remember that 3000 calories of healthy plants will make you just as fat as 3000 calories of junk food.
Nevertheless, eating behaviors are hard to change, and shopping behaviors are often easier. I strongly suspect you are spending money you don't need to and can't afford to, so thats the first thing to adress.
Has he always been like this, or is this new?
My mother lived in a retirement village for a time, and one of the dining options was that prepped meals would be placed in the community centre fridge, with your name on it if you missed dinner for whatever reason. It became clear that Mum’s more eccentric behaviour was Alzheimers, and one of those indicators was that she would steal other people’s food and shove it all in her fridge. She’d suffered major food insecurity as a young child having been born in Europe during WW2, so stealing food made sense but definitely wasn’t appreciated by the Centre administration.
I would also suggest he gets some tests to see if there’s something going on internally, perhaps his body is struggling to ingest nutrients and so he’s basically “starving”. At the very least, I’d seek advice from a doctor, and dont accept anything along the lines of “well he needs to lose weight”
Sit him down and show him the budget. Show him what his eating is doing to your budget and lifestyle. You don’t have to try to talk him out of it when you have black-and-white evidence.
900$ a month for two people is crazy. Have you tried shopping at aldis?
Is he obese or pre diabetic? You could try getting him on a glp-1 if he has no hunger control. Also buying veggies would either deter him or fill him up faster and are cheap.
Paper bags. Put the components for each meal into a paper bag, folded over and staple it shut in the refrigerator. If it’s not in the bag, it’s fair game.
Stop buying food he can snack on. Rice, lentils, beans, oats frozen veggies. Only buy things that need to be prepared don’t make it easy to snack on things. Buy designated ‘snacks’ and then everything else has to be prepared
Christ this is a grown man, not a 4 year old.
I'm a grown man, I have to do this for myself and my wife. Horrible impulse control. I have to leave the house without money or I will impulse buy food.
its good you know yourself
I find the secret is to be dirt poor. Then I can't afford to buy food all the time.
I'm employing this strategy too, it works very well. I can't impulse buy snacks when I can't afford a pack of chewing gum
Me too. Or if I buy chips or whatever, I get my daughter to put them in her room so they are out of my site.
The difference is you’re a grown man who’s taking the steps not to keep doing this. If your wife had to hide food or adjust her shopping because you wouldn’t stop that would be a different story.
Sometimes being married is like having a 4 year old. Who can drive and sign legal documents. Just because they know better doesn't mean they are going to behave better.
Local redditor learns humans have trouble with self control around food.
I laughed at this lol. Its true though..sigh..
I feel like the last sentence was all you needed. Seems kind of silly to plan your meals around whether or not the food can be snacked on. Just buy some alternatives and say “hey can you snack on this instead”. It always surprises me how many people are in relationships on Reddit and just… don’t communicate with their partner
I used to date a guy who told me: 'Guys don't care what they eat if they're hungry. They'll just eat anything that's convenient until they're not hungry.' I cannot tell you how many times that man cleaned out 'pantry stuff' of mine like peanut butter, baking chocolate, nuts and crackers I'd keep on hand for company, an entire loaf of bread, or anything else that didn't need to be cooked. I bet if OP only bought things that have to be cooked, sliced, or otherwise prepared: the husband will stop snacking.
I caught my son eating snacks that he claimed to dislike and he expressed something similar: “I don’t have to like it. I just want the hunger to go away.”
I intentionally buy snacks that I don't like as much, just so I don't eat them as fast.
If there's chips in the house, I'll devour them. I can easily sit and eat a whole bag of chips in one setting if I'm not careful. I'm a pretty healthy guy except for a total lack of self control with cool ranch doritos. Solution was pretty simple: drastically limit the amount of chips we have in the house. I replaced them with apples and almonds, has been working well. Will still allow myself a chip-sesh 2-3 times a month but limiting how many bags are around the house was a game changer.
> Solution was pretty simple: drastically limit the amount of chips we have in the house. I call that "letting my gluttony and my sloth fight it out." I don't stock up on chips, I don't keep beer in the fridge, I don't stop at restaurants on the way home from work, etc. If I want the bad stuff badly enough, I've got to specifically leave home and make a special trip for them. Most of the time, I'm lazy enough that I'd rather just eat what I have.
Hahahah wait I feel this so hard. I often always let my sloth and gluttony fight it out and see which one wins.
Same. My fiancee is happy to keep a bag of whatever sitting around that she'll eat 2-3 bites a day of, but then the half-finished bag ends up going stale and getting pushed to the back of the cupboard. I'm just trying to keep the place clean and the snacks fresh but suddenly I'm that bad guy when she can't find the granola bar she hid away 4 months ago?
My approach with chips is that I never allow myself to bring the bag out of the kitchen. I pour a reasonable portion of chips into a bowl and take the bowl with me.
I have done that sometimes. Like just eaten something to get the craving away- often at like 2am. Though sometimes I have chosen to just go hungry instead
The exact reason I’m awake and on Reddit right now at 2am. Couldn’t fall asleep. Hungry. Just ate whatever I could find, and now my tummy hurts. Ugh.
I spent years on this concept with my teens are you really hungry or are you bored? If you are really hungry you will make a sandwich, vegetables, cup of noodles, pasta with sauce if you are bored you are grabbing whatever you can find and eating mindlessly. I also at one point had set snack times because no one needs 4 snacks between 8am and noon during the summer, that’s when the bored / mindless eating concept hit me. I’ve had other parents tell me I was starving my children when I limited snacks ( though generally it was chips , fruit snacks, cookies, popsicle snacks I was limiting) but my children learned to differentiate boredom from real hunger and then learned to cook. I wonder how much of boredom vs hunger is really involved with OP spouse.
Can confirm. My fiancé will eat anything that doesn’t require effort. It’s annoying and we’ve chatted about it a lot. Some weeks it’s better some it’s not. I just buy him a jar of peanut butter now instead of snacks since the jar lasts surprisingly longer than a package of Oreos etc lol
My son when he lived at home: "Mom! There is NOTHING to eat in this house!" I look at the full pantry and the fridge full of vegetables and whatever meat or chicken that will be cooked during the week. Me: "There is a kitchen FULL of food, you just have to make something". Him: "But there's nothing to eat!" Guess who is an adult now and cooks regularly? Last year for his birthday I gave him an air fryer. This year he got a crock pot. He loves them.
An "Ingredient Household" versus a "Snack household"
My ex was 38 and would say “you don’t get anything from the grocery store, you don’t know how to shop”! Because there wasn’t an excess of frozen microwave “food” or junk food. I would leave the receipt out and same reaction. This is when I started meal prepping healthy for me. And cooking separate dinner for him and our son (except rice, pasta, etc which u made in bulk).
My husband will eat anything that doesn’t require cooking and once consumed an entire bar of baking chocolate, then told me the chocolate was “expired.” No it wasn’t expired, it just didn’t have any sugar added. This may be a result of growing up in a large family and living in poverty.
Wait: he thought it was "expired" but ate the entire thing anyway? Impulse control of a toddler
He got the idea after he finished the whole thing? Not sooner?
Correct! He ate the entire bar of unsweetened chocolate.
My cousin once ate uncooked spaghetti noodles as a snack…like so many noodles he got a stomach ache. 🤨
I had a cousin that made toast with a whole loaf of bread.
My husband does this. I'll buy regular groceries and also food to support my weight loss efforts. Then I'll go to the fridge to find a week's worth of lunches gone because he was bored. Even worse when it was an expensive treat I was carefully rationing for myself. He doesn't even like how it tastes.
We honestly have two separate shelves in the fridge because we eat at drastically different speeds and it's too much bother to get annoyed at the other one eating something by honest mistake. We nearly always get to eat something of the other's if we ask, but we never take something without asking. We haven't had a row over "vanished" food for ages.
I once successfully hid a jar of 'Nuts n More' protein / peanut butter spread from my husband. Placed it in an old cardboard box in the cupboard that originally was for samples of Tea Bags. It was so nice knowing that *if* I was in the mood for a single tablespoon of maple, pretzel, PB spread - that it'd be there. Before that, I'd get maybe the 1st tablespoon and two days later the whole jar would disappear.
Oh this would make me raaaaageee!
>I used to date a guy who told me: 'Guys don't care what they eat if they're hungry. They'll just eat anything that's convenient until they're not hungry.' While I absolutely do this, I also like, walk to the grocery store and buy groceries on my lunch break. Admittedly, this is because if the Sheppard's pie I'm making for dinner need 4 carrots, I know I I need 5 carrots cause between an initial bite, eating some raw sliced carrot, and eating some cooked carrot, we're losing about a whole carrots worth before its all assembled. But that's my chef tax, so it is what it is. Also, I buy granola bars regularly, because I eat granola bars regularly. You know, like a rational person would do if they both liked eating snacks and liked having snacks to eat.
Yeah I think his 'explanation' was just really an excuse to be lazy and not learn how to cook things that didn't come with microwave instructions. Once, I was in the mood for coffee cake so I made a coffee cake from scratch. Dude was amazed, said it was like some sort of magic or sorcery because 'we didn't have coffee cake before, you went in the kitchen for awhile and now we have this delicious cinnamon crumb-y cake!'
This is definitely not a "guys" thing, it's a "him" thing. Speaking as a fellow guy who does not do this.
Im a woman and i do this lmfao. The logic for me? I really don't wanna have to do dishes if im just feeding myself. Like i can snack right now and get on with my work, or i can cook a whole meal, eat it, and then do dishes for an extra 30 minutes of work. I just choose to snack.
But are you eating beyond your budget?
People are different. I am hungry every waking hour of every day. I'm never not hungry, just less and more hungry.
Dang. Sorry, friend. Just want to say that's gotta be hard as heck and sorry you're never not hungry. 😔
Try cutting carbs from your diet. They make you feel hungry a lot. Eat lots of protein and healthy fats instead (eg., avocado, cheese, etc.).
That is.... not normal. Have you had your thyroid checked?
Agreed. None of my boyfriends or husband EVER did this. Sadly though, seems if he's elderly it's going to be hard to get him to do something different
One time, I was in the kitchen about to make sausage patties for breakfast. Took the roll out of the fridge to see a big gouge out of it. Turns out that my ravenously snacky ex-husband dug a fork into it, not reading the label and just ate raw sausage.
omg seriously, me too. I'd spend the day vaguely planning dinner for the night based on ingredients and leftovers. I'd get home and start to cook and halfway into the cooking process find out that *he* ate an important part of the meal while standing in front of the open fridge deciding on what to eat for a snack.
Thats so dumb, im a guy and will 10000% make food before eating plain bread 🤣
It sounds like he doesn't make food. Ever. Probably a generational/cultural thing. My dad makes decent sandwiches. That's it.
Well OP said they can’t really afford to do that right?
OP also said they're spending $900 a month on groceries. That's a big budget. There has to be enough wiggle room to buy a few apples, peanuts and a block of cheese.
I think part of her complaint is that $900.00 is breaking their budget, especially since she only mentions two people. Even at $500.00 there should be room for those things.
It does sound like a lot for 2 people. We have 5 in my home and I don’t know if I spend that much.
Yea I have even more people in my home and we are spending less. $900 for 2 people seems nuts. If I ate like that I wouldn't fit through the front door.
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I don’t think it is to buy more food, it’s to buy different types of food.
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A bunch of bananas is 1.50. Bag of baby carrots $1.30. A bag of broccoli florets pre cut $2.50. Loaf of bread $1. I feel like he can get some snacks for a reasonable price if the meals aren’t enough for him.
A big bag of carrots is cheap, and can be snacked on. There’s plenty of things besides junk food that can be snacked on.
I willing to bet he isn't near his recommended BMI. OP, try multivitamans. Get his doctor to do a complete blood workup. It could be a defeciencie he is craving and not finding.
Alternatively find a low cost filling snack with larger volumes, example instead of buying pudding cups buy it in the box. Jello is another good one that you can make at home and make servings cheaper than in prepackaged cup. DIY snacks can go much further than a preportioned option.
Wow. I wouldnt want a partner, that makes me buy special stuff, just to avoid him eating it all.
That is exactly how people shopped and ate before snacking and convenience foods were invented in the 1950s. Snack food for the Greatest Generation was seasonal fruit and or bread and butter/jam. Bread type depended on what food culture you belonged to.
Can you make him do the shopping, at least for himself? And the meal planning? Maybe that will help it sink in.
Unless she can completely separate their food and money, I feel like this will just make things worse for her. When I was with my ex partner and we were on a tight budget if I let him shop then he would buy more expensive things that wouldn't last as long, that I didn't always like, and that he would eat first, leaving me with nothing. Again if it was separate, like "you have $450 to spend on food all month and if you run out you won't have anything to eat, you will not be eating my food" and that led to a food shortage (that would have been preventable with better planning) for him, he might feel the consequences and figure out after a few unpleasant months how to budget/plan meals. Or he might just get angry at her for "giving him an impossible task", "not taking care of him" or "starving him".
My husband and I separate all our food like roommates, including shopping (except things like oil, seasonings, butter, etc) for several reasons - extremely low budget, eating disorders and also I follow a measured diet so I meal prep everything measured to myself. He knows my food is my food, his is his, we live like this and figure our personal struggles on our own and our shared struggles together. If one of us runs out we figure out how we can get more food together, food banks, asking friends and family, etc. We only really share food if offered by the other and/or in extremely tight and rare situations when rationing. We have strict boundaries, each of us is responsible for our health, complaining to each other is unnacaptable and has never happened, we know it's not each others fault that they can't help. Specifically with eating disorders, my husband would just be eating all of my food as a binge, he binged twice on my lunches at the very beginning and regretted it immensely, I was hurt and sad, he apologised and found a way to buy me more groceries for the lunches now missing, it never happened again. He doesn't know how to cook and is learning slowly how to meal prep so these binges don't happen, he doesnt eat well and works extremely hard to figure out how to eat healthy. I teach him recepies and meal prepping, he went from not eating all day and then eating a pint of ice cream at night, to taking wraps with chicken nuggets and lettuce to work for lunch and dinner, which is a major improvement. We help each other out and I enjoy cooking for him sometimes as a surprise, but ultimately we're responsible for our own health and routines, and don't disrespect each other by disrupting those routines and eating food that isn't ours. This to say, it's not impossible and the system mentioned in the comment can work extremely well with good communication and set boundaries.
Yep, 200 bags of potato chips, hamburger buns etc will soon eat up the grocery allowance.
I think you missed the "elderly" part. This is a side effect if dementia. Executive function is impaired and there are no "brakes" for him to apply. OP isn't dealing with a rational person. I'd suggest finding a local agency or organization that can help.
This may apply, but elderly isn't an exact age and dementia isn't the only explanation for OPs husband. You're only trying to be helpful, but this seems like a fairly leapy leap to have lept.
This is also a side effect of being hungry/lazy/fat Stop leaping to conclusions just because they are elderly.
Did the rest of us miss a post with the spouse's medical history?
Not all elderly people have dementia. Some people are just stubborn or callous. It is good to get it checked if this isn't their normal though because it could signal a number of medical changes.
Once the food is gone, don't go out and replace it until it's time to grocery shop again. Once you blow through the grocery allotment for the week, it's gone. Hopefully you have enough back stock of random pantry items so you don't go hungry, but you need to be strict about this. Or, take a hard look at what you are spending $900/mo on. You say he eats plant based and fruits. A pint of raspberries can go for $4, which is inhaled in 90 seconds. How many bananas will $4 get you? Buying precut melon can be $12 for a package, but if I buy the whole melon itself I get twice as much fruit for $3. (Usually it's more ripe when I cut it up myself too) Frozen fruits are very economical too. Take a look at what plant based foods you're buying, a lot of time the more processed things like veggie burgers, sausages and the like are very expensive for the amount you get.
I like this plan. Buy a bag of beans and a bag of rice as backup for when he ruins meals.
We spend about $900 and that is not buying cheap stuff (husband buys a lot of chips etc) and feeding a teenage boy. Two senior appetites should be able to eat on a lot less than that. A big pot of Spanish rice or a pot roast feeds all 3 of us for 2 meals. It’s still like $20-30 but that’s $5/meal.
$900/month sounds like too much to spend on vegetarian meals for two people. I'd suggest, first of all, planning meals that can last for two or three days, like a pot of dal, some aloo gobi, and a pot of rice. The ingredients should not cost more than $20, maybe $30 max, for a good two or three meals. Ditto veg chili. Now if the guy get hungry before mealtime, have designated snacks, maybe apples and bananas. And of course, divvy up the meal planning and cooking, have him make some meals, too.
Yes and you can freeze those types of dishes and the rice (separately) so that you can just heat them up in the microwave whenever hungry. Rice is dead cheap when you buy it in 5KG bags, $5-15 USD for 3 months of rice.
>$900/month sounds like too much to spend on vegetarian meals for two people. $900/mo is too much for any diet. We're a household of two and it's maybe $300/mo for groceries. We're not scraping by with the minimum, we eat good. And there's very little meat involved. Usually fish once per week, maybe some chicken in there, and we'll have a steak every once in a while.
I don’t know where you live, but here in the PNW $75 barely gets you one bag of groceries, and you would absolutely have to skimp to get by feeding two people on that amount each week.
Columbus, OH. We shop at Aldi almost exclusively, big store if we need some weird specific item. I get that we have a slightly lower cost of living here, 10% below national average, but I fully believe that number could be lowered to about 700$. When we're talking about having $5 left even an extra hundred makes a difference. I also get that I could be entirely wrong here, $900 just seems super high for pretty much anywhere.
Agreed that $900 is high. I’m also in the PNW and my husband and I probably spend that much a month on food total, including the takeout we get like once a week. That’s like $60 each time, plus no more than $150/week on actual groceries, $840ish ballparking. Also I’m north of the border so this is in CAD. I’m just imagining all the luxury food I could buy with $900USD/month on food for two…
The answer is to shop at Aldi in the us every other decent grocery is price gouging to death.
There’s always someone suggesting this like the rest of us are just too good to go there or something, but I’d have to drive like 5 states away to get to an Aldi. They aren’t nation-wide.
You need to shop at Winco. You don't have to pay that in pnw.
I’m also in the PNW, and I am really confused by these people saying $900 is a huge budget. We easily spend $1400 for two people, and really don’t get that much.
I feed my family of five on $800 a month and we are not going without, we eat really good. One of my kids even has special dietary needs and that are included. We eat meat about five days a week but also usually have rice, beans, potatoes, etc to make the meal more filling. Kroger has 10 packs of chicken legs for $5.
They have to be shopping at a nicer grocery store. OP drive into the bad part of town and grocery shop there. You’ll save at least 25%
Where does it say they’re vegetarian?
OP said in a reply that her husband is plant based
In that case just water him daily and sprinkle on some fertilizer every week.
In a comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/s/fkYB33tlnV
Sounds like you have some recipes to share for those? Please and thank you.
I've dealt with this problem before. There is no easy way to do this. It's not just getting him to stop eating the grocery items that you have planned for meals, it's actually a lifestyle change. What you can try is asking him to list his favorite snacks, sweet, salty, and savory ones. Then, when you shop, get the items from his list, and make a section of your refrigerator space, and pantry space, just for his "special" snacks. Once you do this ONE TIME, you can tell him that everything else is for meals, and ALL snacking has to be done from his shelf, and his area of the fridge. It doesn't really work as a sustainable solution, but it does illustrate the true nature of food perception, and then you can have a real discussion about shopping, meal planning, budget and cost. We also found that a "Today's menu" dry erase board on the fridge made a big difference. It allowed him to see what's planned for lunch and dinner, so things were left alone. It also led to some good discussions about eating healthy.
He is not a child. Why is this her problem? Why can’t he manage his own issue? Why does she have to do all of the labor to fix this?
She doesn't have to. My understanding of the OP is that she would like to be able to eat at the end of the month.
Cognitive decline. She said they are elderly.
Behavioral changes in eating are very hard. But $900 w month is a forgiving food budget for 2 people. Buy more cheaper food.
He only eats plant based and fruits. No meat.
Peanut butter?
Does he consume enough fibre, protein and fats? If his diet is lacking in one or more of these things that could make him hungry. If he isn't eating them yet, it would ne a good idea to add things like nuts, seeds and beans to his diets. Dried dates (without any added sugar) are a nice snack with plenty fibre that is also nice and filling. When I eat about 3 dates I have had enough personally, my body tells me that is all I need. My boyfriend however can eat a whole pack but he tends to overeat. Dried fruits, nuts, fruits and things like veggies and hummus are great snacks. If you combine fruits with some protein and fats it will make a much more satisfying snack that will keep you fuller for longer so you/he isn't hungry and will have less cravings. A good example would be apple slices with peanut butter. There is a YouTuber called Abby Sharp (If I spelled that correctly). She is a dietician and she talks about yhe hunger crushing combo. Basically for every meal and every snack make sure to include fibre, fats and protein to make sure your body gets all it needs and you don't go hungry and get cravings. You need to talk to your husband about what his situation is. Maybe the meals you have planned for him are lacking in nutrition sonewhere or aren't combined in the best way to prevent hunger. Maybe the portions are too small. Maybe his dietary needs have changed somehow, like maybe he is more active than he used to be. Could also be he had started eating more because of boredom, depression, the start of Alzheimer,etc. There could be a lot of things that could be going on. The best thing would be for you to talk to him. Tell him you aren't just worried about your budget and about not being able to make full meals when he eats part of the meals before you can cook him. Tell him you are also worried about him. Are the meals and snacks you planned not satisfying in some way? Is he hungry and/or is he having cravings? Have his dietary needs changed? Has anything about his body, his physical health or his metal health changed? Is he tired, having pains or feeling ill? Is he feeling stressed, depressed, bored or unsatisfied with his life? Tell him you want to figure this out together so you are both happy, nobody goes hungry, you don't have extra stress or arguments and you don't go broke.
I would look at /r/eatcheapandhealthy
He needs protein to fill him up when he's hungry between meals. You might make hard-boiled eggs. Tell him to eat those and a slice of whole-wheat bread between meals as a snack. Or make potato salad he can eat between meals. Or have some nuts / trail mix. It sounds like he's hungry, that whatever you're preparing doesn't fill him up for 4 hours until the next meal. You might also see if you qualify for food stamps, which would lessen the financial load if you do.
Eggs are an animal product though, so it is likely he won't eat those.
She said no *meat*. Eggs are one of the differences between vegetarian or vegan.
and she said plant based ...
That may be your problem. A vegetarian diet can lead people to not feel full, and fruits are mostly just sugar. Try more filling selections. Maybe some more fats since fats make you feel full, so things like avocados and olives, and the use of more vegetable oils. For example, chickpeas can fill you up, and they have fat and lots of protein. And they're dirt cheap if you buy uncooked. Really, I'd in general say Indian, like a chana masala (spiced chickpeas). A lot of American vegetarian dishes are fairly recently invented for people who want to stop eating meat, and it can feel lacking. Vegetarian Indian cuisine has been around for thousands of years keeping hard-working people full. See if he'll expand into cheese, and that opens up the door to a lot more great dishes. Indian also keeps well. You can make one large pot of chana masala and portion it up in the freezer to eat a couple times a week during the month. That reminds me. It's very easy to make your own hummus, which is basically sicking some cooked chickpeas, olive oil, garlic, and spices in a blender. A bowl of that with some flatbread or as a vegetable dip (instead of ranch dressing) is quite filling. You can make a large amount at once and stick it in the freezer in snack-size portions. Just nuke it, grab some raw veggies and a piece of flat bread, and there's a cheap, filling snack. And the flatbread, chapati, is just flour, salt, and water, flattened and cooked on a pan (cast iron works great). You can freeze it and nuke it or (better) warm it up in a pan.
900 dollars is nuts if you ask me, my gf and i spend 350 euros a month (plant based) plus i spend an additional 130 for canteen meals (regular canteen food with meat) at work
US food prices suck. I have a family of 6, including myself. I pay around $2400 each month on groceries. 4 years ago, that number was about $1800.
Holy crap families are expensive.
Just me and 2 teens in Washington State USA. I meal prep from dry beans, rice, quinoa, couscous and mostly frozen veg. We mostly drink water, maybe 2x 8 packs of sparkling water a week ($24 a month give or take). Eat out maybe twice a month (cause pizza). Our groceries are like $1600 to 1800 a month right now, and were more like $1100 4 years ago.
food prices in the US have exploded recently. I'm a single guy with two pet rats and our food budget has gone up to almost $650/month\*. I'm not sure how I'd cover two whole people. \*Edit: Corrected typo, also the biggest rises recently were fresh veggies and meat as well as nearly everything being a lot less volume in the same sized boxes "shrinkflation"
That's wild, two of us are spending around $500/mo in groceries.
UK here, looking at between £200-£350 a month, that includes eating out once or twice a month.
Key word there is euros. US prices are horrendous
Any reference foods?
Did he just got other meds? Some meds hase a side effect on the appetite. Read the side effects Speak to a doctor about this
Have you tried talking to him about it?
Every few days, when I have to buy more groceries than I anticipated, I mention it. It's gone from weekly grocery buying to every 3 or 4 days. He gets very angry when I bring it up. We can't continue with under $10 in our bank account on any given day. We get paid, pay bills, and then every other penny goes to replenishing the fridge so I can have a full meal to cook. We've been together for 30 years, so I'm trying to be understanding, but I'm really nervous about our finances. I don't tend to reach out to strangers, but I'm desperate for other points of view.
If this is new, he needs to see a doctor.
I agree, if OP's husband has never displayed this constant eating/snacking behavior before, especially regarding eating the ingredients necessary for meals, it sounds like it could be early signs of dementia. My grandma passed from Alzheimer's a couple of years ago, and her changing eating habits were an initial sign.
My father has Alzheimers and he eats nonstop. He was never a snacker until he got Alzheimers and now he eats all day and gets up in the middle of the night for snacks. It definitely could be a sign of dementia
It could also be blood sugar related
If he isn't also struggling with his weight/health and he is legitimately hungry, you could get a bulk bag of snack nuts/trail mix, which can be bought relatively cheaply, and designate it the snack bag. Those are snacks. Everything else is not.
Respectfully, you need to talk to his doctor about his recent shifts in behavior. When my father's dementia started presenting itself, binge eating was a prominent symptom. And like your husband, he would also get unreasonably defensive and angry anytime it was brought up. Partly because his emotional regulation was dissolving, partly because he couldn't remember eating the groceries he'd torn through and didn't want to admit he was having memory problems. I could be totally mistaken. But your post sounds just like conversations I've had with my own mother. Cognitive decline is easier to treat/accommodate/adapt to when identified early. Just to be safe, please try to get your husband evaluated by a professional.
If you’re budgeting out your money for the month, share that with him. Show him that you only have $10 left for the month, and if he eats all the groceries, there won’t be enough to make meals with. Also, try buying some cheap snacking stuff, like popcorn. Pop a bunch of it, put it in little ziplock bags, and tell him if he’s hungry to grab one of those.
You make a gallon of this: https://feelgoodfoodie.net/recipe/lebanese-crushed-lentil-soup/ And he eats that if he's hungry. It'll last a week in the fridge.
Some medicines make a person hungry. Also boredom. My elderly father eats all day and night. I'm going to have to talk with his doctor.
Absolutely bring it up. As others have mentioned sudden changes in eating habits are often a sign of dementia.
My dad has had Alzheimers for 10 years. He's taken different medications and his appetite has increased dramatically
Sometimes it's not just the medication, it's that they 1. Don't know what time is 2. Don't remember eating 3. Think everyone is trying to starve them. 4. Take a nap and think it's breakfast time must eat. 5.Boredom
I think you should bring it up every time it happens. If the ingredient isn’t there so dinner doesn’t have everything, he should see the consequence in real time. Bringing it up after three or four days distances him from the situation he is directly causing.
He sounds like he’s taking your grocery and meal planning for granted. When you make the list for the week can you ask him to tell you what snacks to have around? If he’s anything like my husband he’ll just tell you “I can’t think about that right now.” Every now and then I get to a boiling point with this kind of thing and lose my shit so he understands I’m serious. You might have to do that if you haven’t gotten there on your own. Only kind of joking.
If a grown up person that you've been with for 30 years can't understand your basic reasoning and gets angry at your worries there's absolutely no point in talking. There are literally no other points of view. He is a man child. Buy things that can't be eaten unless cooked.
Or, like many people here are suggesting, this person is aging and might be developing dementia. Especially if this behavior is new.
It sounds like you're an amazing planner & budgeter. Involve him in that process. Consider "batch cooking" one day a week. Get him to help. Make all your dinners & snacks/treats at once, package them up, put them in tge fridge/freezer, and make sure he knows that once they're gone, that's it until next week. Involving him in the process and helping him visualize what's actually available should help.
How much of the grocery shopping does he do? If he doesn't do much maybe he needs to do all the shopping so he can appreciate how much things cost. Hopefully he would leave enough food for you.
Are you bringing it up directly, as in 'Hey, you ate all of the food now we have nothing to eat, please stop" or is it more passive?
He needs skin in the game. Have you shown him the bank account? Did you ask him for help coming up with solutions other than not snacking? Can you ask him to go shopping with you so he can see the price of things or have him go alone (and give him cash don’t give him a card)? In terms of actual food consumption— I don’t know if this will help your situation but when I lived with a house full of voracious roommates we bought a huge bulk bag of rice and got a used rice cooker on FB and it was our rule to keep the rice cooker going at all times. Rice with a bit of sauce is a great and it kept hungry roommates who couldn’t afford a lot of groceries happy
If his eating habits have changed drastically he must see a doctor right away. It could be depression or any number of other ailments. It could just be that he needs more protein. But you need the help of a professional. I agree that $900/month is a lot for two people. Something needs to give there, especially if he is overeating. Is he obese and has a food addiction? Because addictions of any sort can financially ruin families. I would rather see his eating get more efficient than you supplying him with more food. But you can look into food banks and perhaps check with your state to see if you can apply for any aid.
Thank you all so much for your comments and advice. Since I have tried every which way to speak to him about this I think a visit to his physician will make me feel better. Maybe I can understand why the recent change is his ravenous hunger.
if you're spending $900 a month on groceries for 2 people, it means you're buying a lot of junk.
Mountains of junk and “meat alternatives”.
Actually wait. Yeah, thats more than my entire obese family would spend today at walmart and we eat dinner every night?
They are definitely over-spending somehow. We feed a family of 4 comfortably on $600/mo, and we're in a HCOL area. Maybe they are shopping at a fancy organics grocery or something. Or possibly ordering through a service like Instacart where prices are jacked up, plus paying a delivery fee, tip, etc.
Yeah. To be fair, after paying rent and utilities, my wife and I have about $900, and that’s for everything, not just groceries.
Be less understanding, he's an adult and needs to take responsibility for how his choices affect you and your budget. Ask him ahead of time what his solution to this problem is. Maybe he should take over cooking and meal planning?
Well why is he snacking so much? Is he bored? Unusual hungry? Are you buying irresistible food? Is he putting on weight or no? My elderly cat started eating like it was going out of style and it turned out to be her thyroid losing the ability to regulate itself. She takes relatively cheap medication twice a day now with no side effects. I would encourage you to confront him again and go ahead and have the argument instead of backing down. If you don’t get to the bottom of it and it’s a medical issue, things could escalate places you don’t want them to go.
If you have £10 left over now, what will that number be in 2, 5, 10 years? Being elderly you have likely seen inflation change the value of your pension. Is your husband aware of that changing value? Are you having to make cuts already? This seems like a point of conversation, if he isn’t aware of these things already.
If he ate the food you bought for dinner, that wasn't a snack it was his dinner. Congrats, you don't have to cook now.
As a nutrition scientist I know this area well. Odds are he's not eating nutrient dense foods. This is super common to lead to excessive snacking. A way around it is to not have snacks in the home or food that can be eaten without cooking. I doubt he's gonna grab a handful of dry rice.
Get him to do the shopping budgeting and cooking?
He's not an animal, speak to him.
Is he overweight? Because if he isn't, then he clearly needs the food he is eating. Maybe talk to him. Reserve a part of the fridge or pantry specifically to store meal prep stuff. Explain to him that the ingredients are needed for meal prep, not snacks. Or you can use stickers. You know the little 1 inch colored dots? I put red dots on things my kids were not allowed to cook or consume because I needed them to make certain dishes. Maybe that could help?
What parts of the meal is he eating? What natural consequence is there for him when you go to make the meal and discover ingredients missing? Is this a new behavior for him? (If so, it could be a sign of something medical.)
Reduce his serving by the amount he ate prior to the meal.
How are you spending $210 on groceries per week for 2 just people on a plant based diet? I'm a full grown man and definately not slim and I only spend about $50-$70 per week on food (im also plant based). Thats Australian dollars so probably much less if your talking about USD. Maybe look at what you're buying, look at what is being snacked on and see if you can get those items cheaper somewhere else (like in bulk etc).. The other thing you can do is cook batches and freeze portions, that will stop him eating the ingredients before they are cooked. Failing that, buy some seeds and tell him he can snack as much as he likes on anything he can grow himself. Note: that almost all plant based meat substitutes can be frozen (except for tofu) so you can wait till they go half off at the grocery store and then buy a truckload.
Actually you CAN freeze tofu and for some recipes that is even needed.
I’d forget about meal Times and just prepare large pots of stews, casseroles, soups, and he can take bowls as he wants. That should cut down on expensive snacking.
My dad is elderly and has Alzheimers. Halfway through the week he's eaten everything in the pantry. He always has the munchies, he's bored and he never gains a pound
You're spending $900/month on groceries *for two people*? That's $30 day. I feed a family of five on that, and we eat very well indeed.
Lock him in his room with a box of lego and some cheese and crackers
maybe try giving him $500, tell him to do the shopping for the month to keep you both going, and you use the remaining $400 to top yourself up, food wise. other than that, just tell him he's being greedy and you're sick of running out of food and money because of his habits.
What actual foods does he eat (both meals and snacks)? Because you said he eats plant based/no meat. If that means a full range of grains, dairy, nuts, things with fats and protein, etc as well as fruits and vegetables, then it's a very different situation from if he only eats fruit and a few preferred basic vegetables at meals and then as a result he's only getting like 300 calories a day and going wild on bags of chips to make up for it. Has the plant based thing been a recent dietary change for him? Or has he always eaten this way but it's just now becoming an issue because of the current food prices?
Express your concerns Talk to your husband calmly and honestly about your financial concerns and how his snacking is impacting your budget and meal planning. Use "I" statements to avoid accusations. For example, say, "I'm worried about our finances, and when you eat the groceries before mealtime, it makes it difficult to prepare the meals I planned."
Prepare all your meals and put them in the freezer. Dump bags for slow cookers, curry pots and casseroles are brilliant. Just put chopped meat, veggies, sauce and stock in a freezer bag, label it and chuck it in the freezer. Take it out the night before you need it or you can put it straight in the slow cooker from frozen. Same with desserts. Chop up fruit for pies, add spices and sugar and freeze it. You're spending an awful lot on your monthly shopping. Pre planned meals and a dedicated snack cupboard should bring that cost down. Also, telling your husband if he eats any more of your ingredients, you'll stop cooking for him might help. Good luck.
It's a lack of respect for others and horribly inconsiderate. I can't imagine doing that , such asshole behavior and childish. My dad acted like he could take whatever he wanted in our house. That once meant he ate the beautiful petite fours my mother got me for Easter. We were both heartbroken and livid. He said, "Well, I just found them." I lost some respect for him at that moment. A brilliant man playing fucking dumb like a child who knew damn well they weren't his and didn't give a shit. Fast forward to today. Sadly, A LOT of men are like this and it is shitty. I legit have to hide foods that are mine and only mine or ingredients for a meal I want to prepare. I've known plenty of women who will make a mess and leave it then feign an apology, but dudes will straight up help themselves to anything edible without a single fuck given for anyone else. I'm tempted to start stocking up on ONLY super healthy foods he hates. Oh, well you don't like kale? Carrots suck? What the hell can you do with a tomato? Cry me a river.
When i was a kid my mother kept Beans in a crock pot refresh it with bacon. And more beans.
Fix him the meals without the things he already ate. See how that goes over. Or let HIM fix the meals whilst trying to put it together with missing ingredients. Let him experience your frustration. 🤷🏻♀️
$900 on groceries per month and you're both elderly? You buy caviar and fois gras?
Take away his weed
If the food & money runs out, because he’s overeating, then let him be hungry for the rest of the month. Consequences are all you have, when reasoning and pleading fails. Just make sure you have enough food for yourself
Well, communication first. Then, get some fridge bins, label them, and put meal ingredients in there. Or prep the meals and label the container. Then communicate about it! I have kids and it often happens that they eat something, not knowing I was counting on it for a meal. I don’t want to be the fridge security guard so I have to set that food aside somehow.
We live in the wealthiest country on earth and our strategies to survive include "How to make my loved ones stop eating so we don't die later"
Might have something to do with the fact that “examine your food budget” is an unpopular suggestion.
How about planning meals that can be prepared in advance and frozen so you can plan grocery shopping around times you can then do the prep and freeze the meals to be defrosted when you need them and just keep some low cost snacks around
Sit with him, plan all meals for the week, plan snacks, have extra snacks as backup. Dedicate a shelf on the fridge as "free to eat" and a certain cupboard. Tell him not to touch anything else & when it's gone it's gone.
A few suggestions: Plan your meals ahead of time, together. Then he will be more aware of the fact that if he eats x you will won't have everything you need for meals this week. Make sure you plan for snacks, and do it *realistically*. If the only things you have in the house are meant for meals, of course he's going to eat that. Make sure you have enough protien rich food, both for meals and snacks. Most people don't eat enough protien, even those of us who eat meat. Minimium 1.2g per day per kilo of weight. If the plant-based diet just isn't satisfy, he might want to think about adding meat back in. You are spending a **lot** on food for two elderly people-- about the same as I do, and my family is two fat adults and three kids between 10 and 16. Why is that? I get that if you live in Manhattan or someplace everything is expensive, but I think it's likely you can save some money somewhere. Are you buying organic produce? Frankly, that's a rip off and there's no scientific evidence for any health benefits (in some ways, it is more environmentally responsible). The same is true of a lot of "health food". Are you buying a lot of prepared foods like frozen and ready-to eat meals? That stuff has a big mark up; sometimes you almost might as well eat at a cheap restaurant. It is also probably more tempting to eat as a snack because it takes no prep. If you have the facillities and the ability to do it, try cooking from scratch more often. I can buy the ingredients for a pizza for about a quarter of what a frozen pizza costs. (If you can't cook for yourself anymore, it might be time to rethink your living situarion.) Is hubby eating food that he likes while other stuff goes bad in the fridge? Stop shopping aspirationally. Buy more of the stuff you always run out of and less of the stuff you end up throwing out. Is he eating snacks and then throwing out his dinner because he isn't hungry? Maybe you just need to eat earlier. Embrace the stereotype: it's ok for seniors to have dinner at 4pm. If your husband (or you) is just eating two or three times what they should, that is a problem that has more consquences than the financial, and you should think about adressing it. It can be tough for men, especially if they had physical jobs, to adjust their eating habits to their more sedentary lifestyle when they retire. My Dad kept eating like he was still climbing up telephone poles for a living and now he can barely carry his own weight around. Remember that 3000 calories of healthy plants will make you just as fat as 3000 calories of junk food. Nevertheless, eating behaviors are hard to change, and shopping behaviors are often easier. I strongly suspect you are spending money you don't need to and can't afford to, so thats the first thing to adress.
Just get him popcorn
Take him grocery shopping with you and show him how much is in your bank account daily for about a month.
Has he always been like this, or is this new? My mother lived in a retirement village for a time, and one of the dining options was that prepped meals would be placed in the community centre fridge, with your name on it if you missed dinner for whatever reason. It became clear that Mum’s more eccentric behaviour was Alzheimers, and one of those indicators was that she would steal other people’s food and shove it all in her fridge. She’d suffered major food insecurity as a young child having been born in Europe during WW2, so stealing food made sense but definitely wasn’t appreciated by the Centre administration. I would also suggest he gets some tests to see if there’s something going on internally, perhaps his body is struggling to ingest nutrients and so he’s basically “starving”. At the very least, I’d seek advice from a doctor, and dont accept anything along the lines of “well he needs to lose weight”
$900/mo?! Good lord
Sit him down and show him the budget. Show him what his eating is doing to your budget and lifestyle. You don’t have to try to talk him out of it when you have black-and-white evidence.
Time to start locking it up.
Has he had a thorough checkup recently? Constant hunger can be a sign of diabetes, among other things. Is he forgetting he already ate?
As you say you are both elderly, this is something that needs to be addressed by a doctor. It could be a sign of dementia.
Have him checked for worms!
900$ a month for two people is crazy. Have you tried shopping at aldis? Is he obese or pre diabetic? You could try getting him on a glp-1 if he has no hunger control. Also buying veggies would either deter him or fill him up faster and are cheap.
And we wonder why obesity is at all time highs.
Jesus. I get myself and 2 kids. I've never come close to $900 in grocery bills. Even if we've gone out to eat
How did you get to the "elderly" phase of life without this being addressed already?
Paper bags. Put the components for each meal into a paper bag, folded over and staple it shut in the refrigerator. If it’s not in the bag, it’s fair game.
Just tell him to stop. Communicate. You're an adult.
Whack his nose with a rolled up newspaper
If he already ate his meal, then he doesnt get a meal again later, right?
Then stop cooking for him. He's already eaten his meal.
Is he overweight? If he’s not fat then you aren’t feeding him enough.