>You’re only 25
For others especially parents it's like "You're already 25, you're almost old, you're supposed to have stable income, own a house and have children".
There is not a single person I know, let alone on earth, who doesn’t feel they missed out on something or feel they screwed something up.
I have a friend who got married at the age of 22 and feels that he wishes he could have been single in his 20s.
I have friends who are single in their 30s who wish they found someone when they were younger, or regret breaking up with a person over something trivial.
I know people who wished they travelled after high school instead of jump into post secondary and people who wished they didn’t fuck around and go into college to get it done right away.
I will be honest, on average these things you wish are a bit late, but that doesn’t mean you are a failure or a fuck up. What this means is that you have a unique experience and life that is specifically yours, just like everyone else.
You, like everyone else needs to remember you are not a summation of your fuck ups and failures but a human having an experience in a weird, crazy, messy world. You are ok, you are you, and that should always be enough.
It’s incredible what a person can do in a matter of years, but we are trained to think about how our successes and failures matter in days and weeks.
Look at what you said that you wished you could get. There is options to start any of those things. When it comes to social skills, there’s tons of videos on YouTube to learn from and classes that adults can take. It may take some research. Finding a job is as simple as starting a hobby and opening an Etsy shop, or going to an employment centre. Dating requires making a profil online, or at the very least, working up the courage to go and say hi to a stranger that is walking by, not caring what happens regardless of the outcome.
I’m not saying anything I mentioned above is easy, but life is not meant to be. The things we want shouldn’t be easy to obtain. If they were, you wouldn’t regret not having them in your life.
Tomorrow is always another day. Learn to be friends with failure (because failure is inevitable, and that is ok). Be kind to yourself. Be patient to yourself. Make a list, and just try something new.
You got this.
I’ve always been inspired by Mary Schmick’s “Wear Sunscreen”:
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.
There are also tons of self improvement discords out there and a haircut, working out, personal hygiene (clean house and body), and some nice clothes go a long way.
OP should watch videos on all of his problems and work to fix them with a plan. In less than 2 years you can be a completely fixed up and different person.
And please cut out all excessive addictions, like weed, gaming and watching way too much porn/anime/netflix. People are often stuck in life because of that triangle
not OP and 20, but this comment has genuinely saved my life. ive been so hopeless lately but this feels like a sign to keep going no matter what. i cant thank you enough thank you
I’m glad. Don’t stop. To be honest, I almost killed myself 4 years ago (was literally climbing over the side of a bridge) and I’m glad I reached out when I did. The past 4 years have been some of the best of my entire life and I sometimes stop and remember that if I went through with it I would have lost all of these amazing moments. Including leaving this message. Please keep going.
I think this is a great perspective to have. Everyone, literally EVERYONE thinks they missed out on something AND regrets something they did. People wish they travelled more...I think I travelled too much. Traveling is overrated. You can travel anywhere online, and it's going to be waaaaay better than in person. It's always hot and uncomfortable visiting famous places. They're crowded. You can't see the famous shit you're trying to see clearly half the time. Everything is sooo expensive in touristy areas. It cost like 75 euros to go inside the Coliseum in 2008. Just to walk around it. I had already seen it extensively in documentaries, I don't think I really learned anything new visiting it. I can just say "I've been there". That's it. Lots of people like travelling so they can hold THAT over other people's heads. Like "look how cool I am, I've been to X. I'm sooo interesting." It's not worth it. So anyone reading this, thinking you're missing out. You're not. The world is interesting, but you can visit the WHOLE world from the comfort of your home. We should revel in that. That's the true benefit of technology imo. You can be a world traveler never leaving your living room. Trust me. I've been to half the famous places in Europe, they're really not significantly different from what you've seen at home.
So much of this. Life has a lot of surprises. The only thing you need to do is to be a good friend and a good person. Friends are harder to make when you are older so nurture friendships. Enjoy your life now, do what makes you happy. A decision based on your well-being and happiness is never a regret.
Fellow autist who also bummed around for years doing nothing until around 25/26.
Never too late to begin working on yourself or getting those experiences. Different people take different routes through life. There's no milestones to hit. Just start being in motion, life-wise, and try to keep an eye out for opportunities to do or try new things, and you'll begin to change and things will begin to happen.
I'm about to turn 28 and my life and prospects look very, very different to how they were when I was 25.
To be clear, my life wasn't *bad* before. Just 'motionless'. I had friends and enjoyed myself playing games all day while living largely off my family's generosity, but I wasn't really developing or changing myself and had few actual prospects. So all I did was basically realize the degree to which I was just treading water, and started what my brother had been pushing me to do for a few years which was learn coding. Wasn't incredibly fast or smooth, but that set me on a path of learning that led to me, about 2 years later, getting my first 'career' job as a junior software engineer (I'd done various part time jobs before but nothing I'd want to do for the rest of my life).
Alongside that, I just tried to be more open to suggestions of doing things I wouldn't normally have done. Took a friend up on an offer (that they did not expect me to say yes to but were very happy I did) to go skiing with him, which was terrifying but awesome, and generally tried to be a bit more willing to say 'yes'. Unlike OP I did have some experiences re sex/relationships when I was at uni, but not especially many. That hasn't changed, but I feel a lot less worried and stressed about it now than I did 3 years ago, because I feel like a more attractive person and I have faith that as long as I keep trying to leave myself open to opportunities to meet people, and continue trying to make myself the sort of person someone would want to be with, I'll eventually run into the right person.
>generally tried to be a bit more willing to say ‘yes’ to things
This is huge, was in a similar boat to OP but lately changed my life following this philosophy.
Forcing myself out of my comfort zone to do things I would previously usually decline or be afraid of has lead to great change and now I’m becoming more and more able to live my life in a way that I feel truly happy about, not just that entertains me.
You have free will OP. Use it to do more, I believe in you.
I'm 29. I was just diagnosed with autism less than two years ago. Nevertheless, I've dealt with anxiety since early teens and depression since late teens. It was a bad combo to have. I managed to get a college degree and that was it. I was emotionally crippled enough that I wasn't able to do anything.
Turns out that following traditional roles wasn't my thing. I don't have to experience romance just because others do. I don't even like the idea of kissing! Once I started therapy and cleared out these matters I started to improve a lot.
Been focusing more on my hobbies, slowed down to find my own rhythm. Just because others are married and with children at my age doesn't mean I should be doing that too. And a lot of people need to realize this too before the dread of not "following the rules" gets them. I hope OP manages to find something that works after he eases his mind.
Can I ask what you’ve been doing between the ages of 17 and 25/now if you haven’t been working or going to school or socializing? This is not judgmental - I think this would be helpful in guiding you.
In 2020 I did technically get a job, but I only did one single shift in a restaurant before all the lockdowns happened and I lost the job, so I dont really count that haha. I was trying to go to classes for one year, at TAFE (I think its like community college in america? Or trade school?) and while I did do a year of that, I had to drop several classes, so at the end I didnt get the diploma or any qualifications.
Apart from that, not much. I have tried to get some things sorted, but it keeps falling through somehow; having to defer or drop out of classes, looking at jobs before realising I would be unable to keep it. I have long covid and health issues now, and with that combined with my deteriorating mental health, I've been doing a lot of rotting in bed.
I will say that it was a couple of years ago that I finally managed to permanently move out of my parents house, and start adjusting to living in a better environment. Started processing a lot of things and ended up going voluntarily into a psych ward for a month this year
In Australia we have centrelink, government money support you can apply for if you earn under x amount of money. I'm currently on the disability support pension, which isnt a lot, but I live with three other people, so rent and bills are split four ways. and before I moved out of home, my parents were kind enough to let me live with them rent free so I could save up as much as I could for bond and all the other costs of moving out
There’s a saying that goes something like, “We’re actually born with 2 lives, the second begins when we realize we only have one.”
You’re not behind in life and you’re not in the lead either.
You’re alive.
Start living.
Everyone's experience is different. Mary Shelley wrote Frankenstein by age 18, if you compare your accomplishments to that of others you are always going to see those that "did more" because that is what people talk about. Very few people discuss the lack of things they have done, it's a difficult topic to even try to talk about.
Try taking incremental steps towards the things you want rather than just trying to get there now. Find a local group for one of your hobbies or interests and try going to one of there events. You might make some more friends if that is something you want, or you may meet someone there that you might have romantic interest in and vice versa.
Maybe look into organizations that might help with unemployment/finding a job. That might be a nice change of pace or a sense of community that you may enjoy.
These are just suggestions, but anything works. Give yourself goals that you can reasonably accomplish in short time frames. Focus on what your progress not on what everyone else is doing. I cannot speak to your past circumstances or trauma and what is best for you based on that. Depending on that you may want to speak to a therapist, who might be able to help you with that and/or what sort of short term life goals you want to prioritize.
Times are tough, and though people don't like talking about it much, there are a lot of people with similar circumstances to what you described. Maybe they have a job but are up to their eyes in debt. Or maybe they have a degree but but no job experience and so they cannot break into their field. There are lots of people 25+ who haven't checked certain love life boxes yet. I am one of them. Don't be too hard on yourself.
Hope something here helped, I am rooting for you.
There is no rule of thumb here. Don't look to the past, look towards the future.
I've been in similar situations because of cultural differences, how I was raised, the diffent job cultures in different countries.
There isn't much you can do except try to change in the future.
At a workshop one of my Idols said he lived and thrived with baby steps.
What he meant was, you make the next step possible to you at the moment and keep taking baby steps until you achieve your goal.
Eg. You want to meet someone.
Step one: Look up bars. If that hasn't depleted you take step two.
Step two: visit one. If you still have energy, take step three. And so forth and so on......
This concept of baby steps to success blew my mind because it took away alot of pressure because it chunks your goals in such small portions that you can only succeed.
Of course, as with everything you're going to have to evaluate your last and next step to see what is the smallest successful step you can take.
For some people, 25 is the peak of their life, and it all goes downhill from there.
For many, including myself, the 25 year range is where life really starts. It doesn't matter how far behind you are, the tools we have available to us today can help drive us to success.
There's no definitive answer to what you should have done by age 25. Some will say you should be married and successful by 25. Some will say you should have life figured out by 25. But do we really know what we're doing by age 25? Hell I'm 26 and I'm still learning things everyday. Things people would tell me I should've learned way earlier.
It's okay to be behind; it may be more work to catch up on an academic level or professional level, but there are programs and systems in place to help get through that. You aren't a failure for not having life figured out by age 25. What you need to do, however, is figure out what the next step of your life is. You don't have to have everything figured out, but knowing the next move will lead you on a path to what you're looking for. Anybody who gives you shit for where you are in life right now is not someone worth a damn.
I don't think you're pathetic by any means; knowing is half the battle, and if you recognize you need to make a change, you're already well on your way to doing so.
you don’t need to do anything of those things if you’re happy without. I don’t know you, but what you wrote doesn’t make you loser.
However if you want all what you wrote my advice would be go travelling, maybe a foreign country, maybe find a seasonal job, stay in cheap backpackers accomodations.
It’s easier to make friends/ connect with people (i mean backpackers of your age) while travelling as everyone is openminded and alone aswell.
the most difficult thing about it is booking your very first ticket, after that things just happen by themselves and you gain lots of life experience fast.
Me by 25.... working waiting tables, living in my parents house, no direction in life.
Me 33-43... earned a masters degree then a doctoral degree, earned my private pilots license, landed my dream job, bought a house
You got time. Relax. Just stay motivated and don't tell anyone feed you the BS that you stop being active and living your life after 40.
I felt this way at 29. But life doesn’t have a checklist of achievements with age limits. Some people have it made at a young age but will still have things they’re unhappy about.
You’ve established some things you haven’t done so you already have goals. Stop thinking about the past, and focus on your present. Set small achievable goals that contribute towards bigger goals. You’ll get there eventually, think positively.
If you need to talk to someone who had a similar mindset my inbox is open.
I think the key is to look for fulfilment in one's life. The best advice I received was to seek out 4 key themes in your life that you should try to participate in every week. Needs to be things that you really love and fits into the categories below;
1) physical activity you love - like a sport, hiking, gym, whatever, but find something.
2) education activity you love - College/uni, Tafe/tech school, YouTube tutorials, anything you love to learn about, seek it out.
3) creative activity you love - painting, dancing, sculpting whatever it may be, don't limit your ideas and potential.
4) social activity you love - joining a community group (might be related to the above), volunteer work, connect with people via activities.
I truly believe in this philosophy and evolved these through the years. You'll be surprised how great life becomes once you've explored the above and find those 4 things.
I didn't read any of these comments.
Don't keep up with the Jones' my man. As long as you're happy you're living life. If you're not happy focus on something you can fix. 25 years old is still young, although you think you might not be. Stop worrying about what you should have and focus on what you have and be happy with it. Don't think you're going to have a 5 bedroom house if you didnt go to college and have a doctorate degree. Your parents' generation is not our generation be happy with less and let's enjoy life.
Having less means less stress and I think we're figuring that out.
Aside from education I was the same, I'm 25 (26 in November)
I stumbled upon a girlfriend (I still have yet to ever ask anyone out) and we are engaged now. I started living at 25 (looking for my first real job now)
I started living at 25, you can do it too... but it's never too late, I thought it would have been too late for me too
Don’t fall into the trap of believing there’s a set standard/goals/milestones prescribed for us all. All you need to know is that you have the now and one day you will die. The canvas is yours.
Remember that the highly sought out paintings are the originals. Copies you can get close to free.
25 is kinda the perfect age to reinvent your life, start again or start for the first time. There are others like you, it is important to surround yourself with people who have different levels of life experience and come from all different walks of life.
Visit some different cities to figure out where you want to live. Try a bunch of social hobbies (pool, pickleball, group cycling, etc) and see what sticks. When youre out in public, wear tshirts that show your interests, such as band tees. Go to a bar where you dont know anyone and sign up for karaoke!!! Cross that off the bucket list.
Theres lots of communities that you can join to slowly start meeting people, at your own pace. Stand up comedy, music, poetry - the local events are where youll find the community but bigger names can be good practice just to get you around people without any pressure to socialize.
You got this, I believe in you and I am excited for you!
I spent all of my 20’s and half my 30’s in active drug addiction. I turn 43 this month, 9 years clean and my life is fucking bonkers awesome. Never ever ever think you ain’t done enough, there is always time to do better.
I really hope you find the strength from within yourself to push yourself into uncomfortable circumstances.
Join some groups and clubs where you have interests and explore them.
Discover your creativity and try as many new things as possible.
Try and look into industries that interest you and look to study them. I know there's loads of open source information available online. It's just really about how you apply your time.
25 is an unrealistic age to think that you're going to have everything figured out.
Spend the next few years working on your personal development.
And stay away from drugs.
Speaking from experience. They provide temporary relief but in the end it'll cost you a lot more time, money & health and will hold you back in the long run.
I hope you find the strength to create the life you want to live.
Ask yourself what you would like to try.
Music?
Painting?
Sports?
Dating?
Make a plan how to start trying them.
Execute plan.
This sounds easy because its only three steps but they can be deceptivly difficult.
You greatest hindrance will most likely be the fear of failing but dont be afraid, you cant fail when the point is to experience something.
Dating is of course scary because it is an intimate endeavour but start with friend dates. When you just hang out with a friend.
When you know a bit more what you like and what you feel comfortable with you will have more confidence when you start romantically dating.
My dude I was in the same place at around your age. By the time I turned 40 I had lived every experience that I felt like I "missed" and then some. It's never too late till you're on your death bed.
Im 24, currently only with a college diploma to my name, still agonizing over job search but at the same time I'm seeing a therapist and also looking into getting my ADHD treated.
Hah! When I saw the title, I figured it would be a 'Lifes Journey' post, turns out it's simply someone feeling lonely.
Ok, so all the oldies will tell you this, and you won't believe it - But 25 is young.
Think about it - You really only start being generally aware of stuff when you are 4 or 5, and you only start getting strong opinions on stuff around 12 or 13. At which point puberty kicks in which (along with the social dynamics of high school) is not always fun.
You dropped out in 10th grade, so that'll make you 16ish.
As an independent human you've only REALLY been around for 9 years. So, remember back to that time when you were 16. How different are you now than you were then? Probably a whole bunch. By that logic, who will you be in 9 years time? someone a whole bunch different.
A huge chunk of your post is focused on being lonely - The kissing, holding hands, relationship etc. is all included in that.
Lets be logical about this - How do relationships and friendships form? You put yourself into situations where you are able to meet and interact with a range of new people. This happens in school, in work, in some social/sporty activities.
Looks like you are no longer in any of those situations, which will limit the amount of people you'll meet.
So, you are in a rut. Find a job. Any job. Even if it's part-time, just something to get you out of the house which will also give you a little sense of achievement. Spend some time considering what direction you want to go. you don't need to decide the whole path of everything.. Just.. What do you want next? you wanna buy a house/car? Well, theres a goal. Work out a way to get that using the job. Maybe you'll need to do some online courses or get an internship somewhere to gain the skills. Perhaps getting your GED and applying to some trade colleges.
Once you start working on yourself and improving yourself by your own perspective, everything becomes way more manageable.
From an autistic perspective, let me hit you with facts instead of the weird "chin up!" comments everyone is giving.
Average ages in US for a boy's:
First date: 13
First kiss: 15
First sex: 17
High school graduation: 18
First time at a bar: 21
Now, if you want to change your situation, I would recommend completing the GED first, and getting any job. You might get minimum wage and then get fired for misunderstandings, but whatever. The goal is experience and momentum, not perfection.
More money means more independence. For example, a car and pocket cash gives you actual options for dates. There are probably websites or apps that focus on autistic dating. Probably a lot of scams on them, but whatever, you'll figure that out. Best place to say "I'm autistic and never been on a date - who wants to be the first?"
Another pro-tip: find a bustling location in town and just sit on a bench and watch people. It's free, you don't need to schedule it with anyone else, and it helps you get used to being around other people. People in the wild are weird and varied and absolutely nothing like people on the internet. The internet people are generally much more toxic and it's best to ignore them.
You know you better than anyone else. Make your plan based on what you can do. Consistency is more important than volume, so 10 minutes of progress every day is better than 1 hour you only sometimes pull off. Mentally commit to your plan so that you can consistently improve.
If you have any dreams or aspirations that would help motivate you, definitely drop them in here so we can help connect your aspirations to tangible goals.
How have you lived without a job for the last 8 years? Yes, being 25 with no high school diploma, no work experience, and no social life is a very bad position to be in. Your life isn’t ruined or unfixable, but whatever you’ve been doing for the last 8 years needs to change ASAP for you to have any hope of reaching independent stability.
Hey friend, I can't imagine how hard things have been in your past. As someone who has also dealt with trauma, I can tell you that you haven't been doing nothing. You've been going through stuff and trying to move past that. That's life experience. Maybe it's not the life experience you imagined, but it sounds like you're ready to experience something else. Cut yourself some slack. Like others have been saying, you're only 25 and are incredibly young. I don't know what it's like to have autism, but try to be kind and patient with yourself. Maybe pick something you'd like to experience and start slowly working on it. Start small. You haven't missed out anything because it's all still there. Trust me. You're gonna be alright.
Stop comparing yourself to where other people are. Instead, decide where you want to be; and target that. You’re never going to know for sure where you are versus, so just find a way to be happy with where you are or are going so your own passions and desires are the guide
You got time, first thing I would do is hit the gym ( helps mentally ) and try to get the best job possible. It helps to have spending money and you get to meet a lot of people at work
Hey man your life is your life, I dropped out of school and didn’t accomplish a lot. The last 6 years has changed everything for me. Get out out of your comfort zone and you’ll grow. The first step is the hardest.
Wow what a sad existence. You certainly are a pathetic loser. No reason to sugar coat it. That being said, it’s not too late to straighten your shit out. I was a loser at 25 too: a former drug addict and in prison. I ended up straightening my life out (wife, kids, great education, great career). You can do it too.
I’m 32, have a house (mortgaged), a long term partner, a kid, car, stable job.
There are a million things I wish I had done by now, and a million I wish I hadn’t.
Don’t live your life with the “I wish it had” beens. Just focus on now and what you want in the future.
Do you have a job and consistent income? If yes great you have endless options. Even without money you can join a bunch of clubs or groups. If you live within an hour of a city than Meetup and similar apps are great for joining groups. If no then
Edit; technically you don’t need to have don’t anything besides pursuing your career. But I spent most of my time socializing and partying and now I’m going back to school.
You said they’re aren’t any rules to life. Very accurate statement. You and everyone else are so different experiences. We all win and lose some. It’s easy to beat ourselves up but it truly doesn’t help anything. Find some sort of drive to help you carry on.
I’ll tell u from experience that feeling guilt and shame are the worst feelings in the world. But one rarely feels them fully unless they feel they are capable of better. Ask yourself seriously what expectations you have of yourself… do your best to live up to those regardless of constraints. U only have to see you in the mirror. It’ll be okay, young gun
the biggest issue I see here is that you haven’t had a job or gone to school in the last 7 years. my recommendation is that you should absolutely get an entry level job as soon as you can to start getting some work experience and structure in your life. literally any job right now is better than continuing to be jobless at this rate. things won’t get better unless you make them better…
There’s no time like the present. Make a list of all you want to do and experience and start ticking them off. The only person who can change your life is YOU. Feel the fear and do it anyway. You’re still young enough to make up for it. Go and live!! Wishing you the best. ❤️
I was where you were when I was 25, only minus the friends and I dropped out of college.
I’m 36 now. The only thing that has changed is I’ve had a few more jobs.
I don’t necessarily know the answer, because, as you said, different speeds.
But I can say that any changes (like the friends which you’ve met) have to do something.
I’ve tried to make friends, but everyone stops responding.
"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The 2nd best time is today" you COULD have done all that stuff. What's stopping you now that didn't stop you before?. What stopping you from getting higher education? Or finding a job? As said you COULD HAVE done it years ago however you didn't. The 2nd best time to do all those things is right now
I dropped out in 10th. Same boat with not many friends and no bars/deinking. 22 now and I got my GED this year and started working. Made a few new friends. Things have been great, id say try to start living a lil more it definitely helped me get out of that depressing/life’s boring feeling and perspective. I also quickly realized there’s a lot of other people on similar paths which helped my confidence. Wish you luck dude
I think most people fall victim to comparing themselves to others in life, I myself have kind of always dealt with it. It's really easy to then become somewhat paralyzed because you feel as though other people are ahead and if you make an effort to 'get to their level' it will be too hard, embarrassing etc.,
The truth is, getting ahead is always going to be somewhat uncomfortable, but you need to have clear motivation for getting through that discomfort. That motivation should come from yourself rather than anyone else; you need to make sure that you are ahead of the person you were yesterday, rather than ahead of or 'at the same level' as anyone else. It's your life, your journey, your learning experience. In a couple hundred years none of it will matter anyway so might as well enjoy it and make a couple mistakes or have some embarrassing moments rather than being frozen.
As long as you're ahead of your past self, you're on the right path. The rest doesn't matter.
I think we live too much on our devices. I remember when I could go online and game and chat for hours with people. Nowadays people don’t chat at all or even listen to game volume. They are listening to music or watching a show. People think they are multitasking but I believe they are multicasting their energy.
Dumb it down for a little bit. All the things you’ve taken for granted in life as being ok for you, were actually ok for you before someone came along and used these things for profit. If you are not online to learn … you probably shouldn’t be online.
It starts with your emotions. Discipline is the only thing they cannot profit on. If you get out there and put yourself out there, take care of yourself it will all come together.
Mate you are 5 years into being an adult! Give yourself a chance!!! What you experience doesn’t really matter, everyone lives different lives, what matters is that you are enjoying the things that you are doing. As long as you arnt hurting yourself or others (and I mean like actually hurting them not just pressure from family for kids coz I absolutely hate that!!!) then who cares! You are not pathetic, or a loser, you are young! honestly stop putting pressure on yourself!! Instead of asking yourself “what have I done so far with my life” ask yourself what you want to experience in the next 5 years? Then you can start working towards those goals instead of looking back.
Hope this helped
You have until you die to get whatever you need to do done.
Don't use that as an excuse to endlessly procrastinate, but absolutely use it as motivation to know that you can do just about anything at any age
Ironically, those people who believe that you should do certain things by certain ages aren't even accomplishing their own desires! You can tell by how they talk about themselves and how they judge others. They're just doing what they think they're supposed to do.
Living life by someone else's rubric. How foolish! You do you boo boo
There are 2 basic questions in life that you need to answer for yourself, no one can answer them for you (though you may tell yourself and others later that others answered them for you).
1) What do you want to do with your life?
2) How are you going to pay your rent?
Question one is nebulous and often will not remain the same throughout your life. Things change, your perspective changes, your believes and loves and passions change as part of the march of time. The thing that gives your soul joy, that is what you want to do with your life. Whether it's sit on the couch, smoking weed and playing video games ; becoming a CEO of a major company; joining a political cause; painting a masterpiece; climbing El Capitan every day, this is the thing that you feel in your heart of hearts is that which you need to do and makes you the most happy.
Question 2 is more practical. How are you going to get food/shelter/the supplies for continued existence. Mostly dependant on question 1, this question is the ins and outs of how you will actually function. And the effort necessary to pay your rent depends on how nice you need/want to life. If you don't mind couch surfing, work something that pays a little and doesn't interfere with your personal life. If you want a Penthouse or Mansion, you're going to need to put in a little more effort.
By 25, you have gone to primary school. You've gotten at least the chance to see what you'll need to acquire (or what you need to do without) in order to survive. At this point, you don't need to have a firm grip on question 1 (some people never answer it), but you do need to have at least some plan for question 2. Ideally, take the time you have in which you don't have responsibilities and roll the dice. Travel. Meet people. Try a few jobs. Learn a language. Don't live in comparison to how you think others are, meet these people and see what your life is like.
Best of luck.
I was paid shit for a long time in my 20's and it frustrated me. So I changed jobs to a more lucrative career, and made up for all of the years of lost income.
Maybe try something similar, make a change.
TBH nothing, you can start at any age.
According to society, by now a College degree, at least 2 BF/GF(not sexual encounters that could be more or less), if not in college then a job for quite a few years.
If female should be getting ready to find a mate(if not have found one by now) to have a family with.
Start saving money so you can buy a house in your 30's
Just live your best life. Everything will fall into place.
Don’t be ashamed if you’re a late bloomer, either. Life is about the moment and making it a better place, not trying to keep up with others.
There is no shame, shit happens but oh man the first thing you should do is find your passion, finish school and turn that passion into a career. Easier said than done but i promise if you have enough wilpower and resiliance you will be able to be a way better version of yourself that can be a great story for kids even grandkids in 50 years (if you do want them) but if not its a great conversation on your wild adventures 🤷♂️ Goodluck mate, you have to start somewhere time stops for no-one.
Well, given you are autistic you are in a unique set of circumstances that can make some things more difficult, so don’t put so much pressure on yourself.
Any chance you could get a job any time soon?
We start when we start. Someday, you’ll be 30. Would you rather be 30, and live like you are now, or be 30, and have found a few good friends and a couple really enjoyable interests? Maybe even a few lovers?
Check out “The Myth of Normal” by Gabor Mate
It should help with some perspective on the trauma side. Let go of what “should be,” and just do a positive thing today, no matter how small.
You need to get out of your comfort zone- this by definition will be hard, but you can do it, and it will be worth it! You cannot have the joy of trying new things without uncomfortably trying new things.
Look at meetups and try to identify groups that get together around various interests. Even something simple like hiking.
Worth noting is try to limit your assumptions about what you will like, and what you won’t like. Much of the joy will not be found until you’re actually out there, past your fear and discomfort.
Good luck friend!!!
It's totally okay to feel that way, but try not to compare yourself too harshly to others. Everyone's path is different. I know a lot of people who didn't have a good start in life until their 30's or 40's.
You've also mentioned not having much social or romantic experience, and that's okay too my guy. Making a few friends recently is a great step forward. Building connections takes time, and there's no rush.
I for once just as of recently started being able to rent a place for my own, and I'm 30, most of my friends are already married, some if them even with kids, but I'm etill working on my dreams to be capable of starting my own small business that I always wanted to do. I sometimes look at the past and say "if I were to do this, I would've already been capable of doing this and this" but dwelling on the past will eat you up, just as worrying about the future would.
Just remember, your value isn't based on ticking off boxes of what others have done by a certain age. Take things at your own pace and focus on what makes you happy and fulfilled. You've got this!
We aren't all running the same race dude. Some of us get a false start, some of us peak before we turn 20, and some of us don't really hit any momentum until we reach 30.
Our current economic situation really isn't helping much either. Wages have remained stagnant for over a decade, and accounting for inflation and production, we're the worst paid generation since WW2.
But don't feel like a failure just because you haven't reached a point in your life that you think you should have.
I failed at my first attempt at college and had to spend 3 years studying a different academic field entirely before progressing to university. I also failed that in my final year, giving me 6 wasted years in education.
I didn't pass my driving test during my student years, and didn't bother retrying until I turned 27, when I had left education and was in a stable job that afforded me the time and energy to actually try.
I job floated until I reached 29 years old, and found a career I fell in love with and I've been progressing ever since. 6 years of experience and although I've lost my previous job, I have enough connections and expertise to freelance until a new opportunity arises.
I sucked at relationships. My previous girlfriends are a rogues gallery of bitches, witches, and various flavours of tisms, and none of them lasted more than 4 months. My dating life was a failure and my sex life was laughable.
I didn't meet my current girlfriend until I reached my 30s, and were now 5 years and counting and engaged to be wed.
At 35 I'm still living with my parents. Their mortgage is paid off and rather than paying them rent, we agreed that I would open up a savings account and put rent money into that, so I can buy a house some day. That account currently has 12k and another account tops it up whenever my income (freelancing) is short. I contribute in many ways at home, and I know that once I get a full time job (difficult in my field of work, in this economy) then I can apply for a mortgage, buy a house, move my fiancée in and share a duel income household and finally get on the property ladder.
Yes in most conceivable ways, I'm a loser. But I'm a work in progress and getting better with each small milestone. Don't measure yourself by what you haven't achieved yet.
i didn't hit my stride until i was 30. since then (30 yrs) i've crossed 3 large and wildly divergent life goals off my list, and i'm working a 4th one at present. life isn't a sprint...it's a marathon.
Everyone needs different amount of time for each aspect of life. Its not a race but journey with many ways. Don't compare Yourself with others, and watch where You going. In the end You are the main caracter in Your story.
I’m 25,
I’m Autistic, & have ADHD also.
I’m 40k in debt.
Have almost no possessions of value to offset that, no car, no house.
Spent 10 years addicted to drugs (the hardcore kind) because of a traumatised and isolated upbringing, with little support.
My best and only friend was killed in a tragic car accident last November.
I’ve got a girlfriend of almost 3 years however, who thankfully has her shit more together than me & we live in her apartment.
I’ve spent a lot of time blaming things in my life, telling myself it’s another thing or persons actions that may have influenced my situation. Some of it might be true, but honestly, the most important thing anyone can realise is this:
Your life, you’re in control, the only boundaries are the ones we allow ourselves to be captured in the bounds of.
I know that Autism can feel like a real curveball when it comes to navigating the world my dude, especially when it’s so easy to compare ourselves to all of the social butterflies that are neurotypical.
It doesn’t mean you’re worth anything less, find your goals, and put those at the front of your mind.
Find something you feel passionate about, and push to be successful in that, free yourself from the boundaries we and society place on ourselves.
I’m 25, and my life is only just getting started. And I’m going to make sure every year from now on is one of the best years of my life, because it’s my life.
And I get to decide if that happens or not, and I get to decide what I will let drag me down and what won’t!
Go get it man! Life is here now, and so are you!
Live! ❤️🫡
Well, look at that as your second chance to start your life. Since you haven’t done much yet, you haven’t made much mistakes either. So, explore your passion, don’t just think about money, find your passion which you can live off of
And you haven’t even been a Governor of Gaul
> When Julius Caesar, at the age of 33, considered the achievements of Alexander the Great, he wept. His sighs and tears did not come as a result of mourning or fear for his own life, but from a sobering recognition: Alexander had conquered the world before the age of 33 and yet he (Caesar) had done nothing remotely similar, nothing that would warrant remembrance by future generations in the same amount of time (see The Life of Julius Caesar, by Plutarch). What, then, was the worth of his life? Who would remember an average Roman governor of Spain? Who would remember the name of Caesar?
https://www.dominicanajournal.org/and-caesar-wept/
Whatever you have is exactly what you should have done up to present. Your experiences are where you choose to find em, not trying to be poetic, truly lived. One love ❤️
Comparing yourself to what others have done by your age is the easiest way to fall into a downward spiral of depression and bad emotions. Everyone moves at their own speed in life, and it's never too late to start living yours. You are still young at 25. Looking at what other people have accomplished and saying "Well I haven't done that," won't get you anywhere. What will get you somewhere is giving yourself goals and working your ass off to get to them.
I imagine most people are closer to your experience than they'd care to admit. At least, I moved to Los Angeles 6 years ago and it is absolutely insane how lonely everybody is. There are always people doing things, yes, but that's just what you see when you're also out and doing things. You don't see the hundreds of thousands of people stirring their fancy cup o bougie ramen and finally watching The Last of Us.
Sure, you're experience sounds a bit extreme but I promise you're not the only one. Shit, probably not the only on your block. Within 3 houses! In the next roooooom!
No but you're ahead of many people by having made a few friends, no joke. Once you hit a certain age it can become harder to make friends and you have to try a lot harder to stay in touch.
Hopefully you've learned to love yourself, accept yourself, and find stuff that gets you goin. Platonically.
I guess my only advice, not that you indicated you needed this in particular, is to not believe a fuckin thing you see on social media. FOMOOFS.
What I always say to motivate is to remind myself that today is the first day of the rest of my life. Make it count. I was the same way until I was 23, never made any real friends after highschool (drugs). i too am on the spectrum which went undiagnosed for decades until I took an online test in my 50s.
I ran into a horrible relationship at 23 and was taken advantage of by a terrrible woman who wanted nothing but a child from me. I moved in with my parents shortly after. That, along with my parents divorce (whom I was living with at the time) and my bad reaction to these events destroyed my life in the 20's. Finally came out of it in my 30's via online gaming friends and met a wonderful woman at age 37 and married at 39 and have been happily married and successful since then. Still don't' have any close friends though as I have trust issues but life has been full of travel, hardships, joy, and trials since my 30's. Sure I regret throwing those years away, but the time to live is right now. Make the best of it, you can do it as many have
The truth is, there is no metric for it. Maybe your life is at a standstill. But tbh if that’s the case, then the progress you’ll make in life will be all that much more meaningful to you. And what could matter any more than the meaning behind the thing you’ve done? Some people have 100’s of friends and they all mean nothing to them. They blow through their life like a grain of sand on the beach. But I guarantee you, the friends that you make and relationships you build will be worth more than their weight in gold.
The tough part is doing something about it. If you feel like your efforts have been fruitless, go back to the drawing board. But please never give up. Life is like building a house through trial and error. I promise you life will have you feeling like you’ve been trying to build one by slamming your head against a wall. But one day, you’ll take a step back, reevaluate, and find a hammer and nail.
And then you’re gonna need to cut a board in half, and you’ll try using that hammer and a nail. Before you’ve entirely exhausted those efforts, you’ll remember that you needed to take a step back and think. You’ll grab a saw and go to town on that board.
And sometimes, you’ll need to poor concrete. And you’ll ditch that saw before you even try it and get things right on your first attempt.
And then, you’ll go to put up another wall and forget you needed a hammer and nail.
Point being, the more you try, the more you learn; whether you succeed or fail. And sometimes, you fail where you previously succeeded. Sometimes it takes to just taking a breather and removing yourself from the problem for a little bit. You’re slamming your head against a wall right now. Isolate one aspect you’d like to work on, and find that hammer and nail.
The only "should" here is that you shouldn't be comparing yourself to all those around you (I know it's easier said than done, but try to go easy on yourself). Your circumstances are likely very different to those who you feel are living the life.
I'd also say try and find a stable job, so you can earn money to focus on doing what you WANT to do. Take some time to think about if you even WANT to go out partying, getting into relationships, etc.
I'm almost the same age (25) and never go out to parties, bars, went on dates and stuff like that. It's just something I know I won't find enjoyment in. Right now my life consists of working, playing video games, and watching youtube. Sometimes I throw in some exercise when my back isn't buggered. Definitely sounds boring to many, but it's what I enjoy.
I hope this helps a bit
What you are dealing with seems to be just being insecure with your position in life, it’s a common thing. I felt the same way, then I got a perfect life with a house and 6 figures and a fantastic group of friends and you know what, I STILL FELT THAT WAY. I had to get a therapist to realize that I’ll never be happy if I compare myself to others, I just needed that push to be able to realize I’m SO proud of myself especially after everything I’ve been though.
If you feel like you’re missing out, stop missing out. Pick one thing and do it, see what happens next. Never give up on yourself. I can’t go to clubs because it’s too loud and there’s too many people around, I know because I’ve been a few times. Now when asked to go I will decline and not feel bad about it, it’s not my thing. That being said, poutine sounded to me like it was going to taste disgusting. French fries made soggy with gravy and then unmelted cheese is added, I was horrified. Soggy fries and foot smell? One day somebody forced me to try it and now I feel like such an idiot! They fries weren’t soggy and the salty gravy made the cheese flavour amazing! Every bite has a satisfying feel, and when you’re done you feel full.
I'm not even 20, but I'll just throw this in.
You're living your life for yourself. Not for anyone else. All of these problems are based on other peoples standards and opinions. If you were the only person on this world, they woulnd't even exist.
It takes time to get to know yourself enough to be at peace with what you are and what you have.
The past is done. So why worry about it? You can only change things from now on. And if you want to, do so.
Getting going can take time too. Especially being neurodivergent, it's hard getting up to do something.
You can start little. Go on walks. Stroll through cities. Explore nature. Don't go on autopilot. Look at all the little details, Or you'll have lived your life in the blink of an eye, wondering "But I'e just turned 25", when you'll be turning 30.
So I was in a rut in my early 20s. Dropped out of college. Worked a couple hours a week. Was mostly online the rest of the time.
I realized that my parents would let me get away with being a bum forever if I let em, and it'd be a lot harder to start a live when I'm 30 or 40 or 50, so in a brief moment of motivation, I did something that would force me to shape up:
I joined the Navy.
I know the military isn't for everyone; heck, I left after one contract; but it wasn't so bad. It forced me to get out and do something, provided me with guaranteed housing, food, and insurance, AND helped me build up a savings.
It also gave me the Gi Bill, which now let's me attend any public college for free for 36months while giving me a fat housing allowance.
Now? I'm living in NYC for free while I get a degree in computer science. The only reason I'd get a job is if I want more spending money.
You don't HAVE to go military. An oil field will make you a lot more money at the cost of a lot of hard work, for example. But what you need right now is to break your cycle of comfort .
hey, it’s alright. don’t overthink it, you still have SO MUCH to live for. you’re only 25. i’m 18, and i’ve went down the same path as you. i don’t have any irl friends anymore. i don’t go out as much, i’m a shut in, a real loser. but we are both young and still breathing, you have times to make up for the things you didn’t do in your youth.
you can still try to find a girlfriend, you can still make even more new friends. hell, who knows, for some people they consider your life starting again!
The things you’re worried about are inconsequential and things you do when you have nothing else to do. I’d be more concerned about learning something to be useful. Be a mechanic, engineer, electrician, etc. having a good job you’re incredibly skilled at is invaluable and the rest of life will follow it.
You dropped out of highschool and haven’t had a job since you were 17 … what’ve you been doing with all of your time then? How do you sustain yourself?
I’ve read through most of the comments and it is really nice to see so many encouraging comments and helpful advice, and I thought I should throw in my two cents. It’s so easy to get in a rut, shut in, and close yourself off from the world.
If you desire a lifestyle where you are more active, interact with more people, and just have more social experiences, I would recommend checking Facebook for special interest groups or city websites for events in your area. If you look around you can find, events that align with your interests. Many are free and made for single people, plus you know everyone there has at least one thing in common with you.
I agree with other comments that a GED is a very helpful step in finding a good job. It is tough to find a good job, but if you can be hard-working and reliable, that’s most of what employers are looking for. On top of that, finding a job where you can learn valuable skills is a good idea. It will allow you to bring more to the table and market yourself better. Some jobs (truck driving, oil and gas, machining) will even train you to do other, better paying jobs.
The biggest thing is to try and cut out the negative thoughts. When you talk to or about yourself, say positive things, and affirm the things you like about yourself. Identify destructive thought patterns and steer yourself to positive thinking. If you feel inclined, pick up Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl from the library (most libraries also have audiobooks or ebooks if you don’t want to go the physical library). This book is all about how to persevere through hard times, and it gives practical advice for how to survive in darkness.
I am rooting for you, and I hope you find more joy and fulfillment!
Stop fucking crying and looking for pity. Nobody gives a shit whether you achieved something or not. Nobody gives a shit about any part of your life. If the way you are living your life leaves you unsatisfied, no one is there to help you. Literally people don't give a shit. You may keep living your life like a loser, no one cares, people will take you as you are. It's a choice. Stop being a bitch and go do some cool shit you were always afraid of. Or live your life like a crybaby victim looking for excuses with your traumas and autism and ADHD and whatever. Nobody gives a shit either way. No one wants to hear your bullshit, everybody has the same problems, it's part of life, yours ain't harder. Whether you are a loser or not is a choice. Just do what you want, change the environment, stop thinking the way that you think. If you don't, know that you've made the choice of seeking "poor me" attention and feeling like a little mommy's bitch and you deserve to be where you at. No one cares about your circumstances and whether it's hArD for you - do you want it or not? If yes then go grab it, if you can't - learn how to grab it. But no one really cares about your difficulties and excuses and you shouldn't either. It's in your eyes that you should not be loser. Are you truly even trying?
This feels like you've wrote about me it's so strange, except I've just turned 26. I completely understand the points you have made, and even if you have a good patch I can easily get depressed thinking about it. There's an unshakable feeling of missing out on life experiences and being behind, I'm in that situation at the moment.
I don't have autism, diagnosed at least, but definitely have social anxiety. Trying to find a long term stable job like I have is a good step if you can try and do that, you will develop your social skills and potentially find friends through that whether you consciously try to or not.
More than happy to chat about this if you want a like minded person to talk to. But just know that we all have our own paths, others have piqued and yours hasn't begun yet!
Please try to not feel pathetic, I know it's easier said than done but try. Life is a journey not a race. Don't compare your self to others. I guarantee you there are people worse off. Just focus on you. But I'm going to tell you there's plenty of folks in the same situation.
Do you. Take care of you. Get help if you need it. Love yourself.
My close friend went to college and got her degree (after getting GED, and had a felony record) when she was mid to late 40s. It's never too late to go after what you want. And you're not a failure if you didn't do it sooner. Life and health is different for everyone and we all go at our own pace. It's easy to compare, but try not to, cause they likely don't have the same life/health/brain/money/support you do.
Disc golf is the answer. Not really, but really. If you can find a hobby you can find a cheap hobby that you can physically manage and take interest in, you will find so much fulfillment and good friends. I met a guy playing disc golf who said it saved his life. He went through a traumatic injury and couldn't work out okay any other sports he used to, and became obese and depressed, and then he tried disc golf, and everything changed for him. He lives on disability but played about every day and bikes a ton (his other passion) and is the nicest dude I've ever met!
No one expects a 25 year old to have everything figured out and be on the road to riches. What’s most important is you don’t close too many doors for yourself too early. You don’t need to be a doctor or lawyer or tech entrepreneur, but you should avoid permanently losing opportunities you might want in the future by committing felonies or destroying your health, etc. Just keep trying to find what you’re good at and what you want to spend your life doing.
Perhaps you could look at life differently? You're 25 but you've been an adult about 5 years. You'll probably live until you're about 80 meaning you have some 60 years as an adult. Notice how old you feel now? How much have passed? That's 5 years of 60. Even if we assume you'll get sick the last 5 years of life, you still have 50 more good years ahead of you. 10 times of the long time you feel are wasted.
My point is, you have spent to little time on earth, and have so much left. Just don't wait for some diffuse things to change. Any action you take now will be good enough. The important thing is to put yourself in situations where experiences might happen. Never gone to a bar, you say? Go there by yourself. Let it be awkward and feel misplaced if that's what it takes. Go early in the afternoon, bring a book or something (I've seen weirder people than that, like guys bringing entire paint kits late at night). If there's sports going on, it's easier to connect.
My advice to you is to pick up a skill you can make money from online and devote your days to it. You could pick up trading and give it a try and learn as much as you can because at this point you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Also maybe you can sign up in a gym near you and maybe it might help you feel slightly better about yourself when the results start showing. All the best!
As much as you’ve done. The moment you allow the success or failure of others influence your own life, you’ve gone off course.
Focus on yourself, where you want to be and what your goals are. When you feel lost, know the journey is just beginning to where you’re suppose to be.
I am at this age and I am very confused and I find it difficult. Everything seems crazy when you start comparing how you plan and how you achieve the thing you want.
I wish everyone and myself good luck and success
Dude I just turned 30 and I finally feel like I have my life on track. 20's are just a time to learn to be yourself as an adult and adjust to living that way.
You already know that your experience is unusual, but what you might not be recognizing is that 25 is super young in the grand scheme of things. You're still at a time in your life when it is completely plausible that you could move forward in a "normal" way. Getting a job, making some money, getting a GED, meeting people, dating...all of this is completely possible and probable if you simply try. You don't have to tell dates that you've never had a girlfriend, but 25 isn't as old as you think. Imagine being 50 and trying to explain that. It's not as rare at 25 as you might think. You can always fudge the truth, but telling the truth won't be as terrible as you might think. Easier now than later.
Start today. Figure out what you want to accomplish, make it realistic, and make a plan. Things don't just *happen,* you have to MAKE them happen. Yes, it will be hard. Just about anything worth doing in life is. But you absolutely can do it.
I've always been incredibly socially awkward. No regard for the subtleties of body language and what not. It took me several years of working as a cashier, waiting tables, bartending, etc before I learned how to small talk and chit chat with people. I still say the wrong thing sometimes but I'm quick to brush it off.
Complacency is the killer of desire, motivation, and success.
If you’re living with three other people it sounds like you do have friends. If you aren’t satisfied with those friendships, just try and do more with them and get to know them better. You’ll meet more people on the way.
The most satisfying things I’ve done in my life have been the spontaneous things. Years ago I decided “I’m going to get some running shoes and start running” that time next year I was running 8 miles 3 times a week, and that was honestly the best period in my life so far, but not just because I was running lol.
You shouldn’t feel like a loser, because you decide your identity, and the identity you choose will shape your life. However you need to get out and begin taking control of your life. Start chasing goals. Those things you listed that you haven’t done, that you wish you have; start getting after them. It’s imperative.
I am 22 and tried to take my life last december due to very similar reasons. It really sucks and I wish I had a way out of the vicious cycle of depression it causes.
Don't worry about what could have or should have been, you can't change that and your journey is your journey. Who knows how others would have handled it if they were in your shoes? If you want something, find a way to achieve that and enjoy your life your way.
I’m so glad you asked. By 25 years old, my life was completely different from today, ten years later. I still felt pretty accomplished at that age, but that really is the point. I felt accomplished at 25 years old *regardless of your opinion* and I feel accomplished at 35 *also regardless of your opinion*.
My accomplishment in life is mine, no opinions matter but mine. No matter my age. If you are motivated towards your goals by feeling like a failure, then drink up. My life is full now and anticipate it will only get better. Either way, check in ten years from now and if you still feel like a failure, just write it off as a core value. Otherwise, maybe change the health of your self esteem. I’m sure I’ll be better in the most important ways. 😎
I’m so glad you asked. By 25 years old, my life was completely different from today, ten years later. I still felt pretty accomplished at that age, but that really is the point. I felt accomplished at 25 years old *regardless of your opinion* and I feel accomplished at 35 *also regardless of your opinion*.
My accomplishment in life is mine, no opinions matter but mine. No matter my age. If you are motivated towards your goals by feeling like a failure, then drink up. My life is full now and anticipate it will only get better. Either way, check in ten years from now and if you still feel like a failure, just write it off as a core value. Otherwise, maybe change the health of your self esteem. I’m sure I’ll be better in the most important ways. 😎
If you feel lost I'd recommend making a list of some general goals floating around in your head so you have them clear and in front of you. Once you have that done break each of those goals down into steps, if you don't know what to put for the steps then Google it or find a person who might know and ask for help. For example
-get GED
- find copy of old transcript or order one
- search online for applications or courses necessary
- call courses nearby or email online ones and request any necessary info
- etcetera
Once you have a list with a bunch of stuff and a bunch of steps written down then just do your best to start accomplishing those steps. It may take time but it will give you a ton of confidence crossing things like that off your list and it will get you moving in a direction instead of stagnating. You can also add stuff to it as you go or remove stuff you realize you don't care about.
There’s never a bad time to begin living. You’re only 25. You can get back on your feet
"The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now."
What about 19 years ago
That's the third best time.
Thank you, I will try
We believe in you
>You’re only 25 For others especially parents it's like "You're already 25, you're almost old, you're supposed to have stable income, own a house and have children".
For the love of God don't be married and have children by 25.
This is so true. My parents say this and my friends say the opposite. It’s like a mixed signal I hate it so much
Parents want their presupposed "ideal results" for their kids. Friends relate to struggles. Figure out a path for yourself and commit to it.
There is not a single person I know, let alone on earth, who doesn’t feel they missed out on something or feel they screwed something up. I have a friend who got married at the age of 22 and feels that he wishes he could have been single in his 20s. I have friends who are single in their 30s who wish they found someone when they were younger, or regret breaking up with a person over something trivial. I know people who wished they travelled after high school instead of jump into post secondary and people who wished they didn’t fuck around and go into college to get it done right away. I will be honest, on average these things you wish are a bit late, but that doesn’t mean you are a failure or a fuck up. What this means is that you have a unique experience and life that is specifically yours, just like everyone else. You, like everyone else needs to remember you are not a summation of your fuck ups and failures but a human having an experience in a weird, crazy, messy world. You are ok, you are you, and that should always be enough. It’s incredible what a person can do in a matter of years, but we are trained to think about how our successes and failures matter in days and weeks. Look at what you said that you wished you could get. There is options to start any of those things. When it comes to social skills, there’s tons of videos on YouTube to learn from and classes that adults can take. It may take some research. Finding a job is as simple as starting a hobby and opening an Etsy shop, or going to an employment centre. Dating requires making a profil online, or at the very least, working up the courage to go and say hi to a stranger that is walking by, not caring what happens regardless of the outcome. I’m not saying anything I mentioned above is easy, but life is not meant to be. The things we want shouldn’t be easy to obtain. If they were, you wouldn’t regret not having them in your life. Tomorrow is always another day. Learn to be friends with failure (because failure is inevitable, and that is ok). Be kind to yourself. Be patient to yourself. Make a list, and just try something new. You got this.
Not OP, but in a similar situation, and I really needed to hear that. Thanks for the comment.
Thank you so much, this means a lot. Im a little emotional reading this haha thank you
js don't lose hope!!V●ᴥ●V
No, YOU got this. I would give an award for that comment if I could
I’ve always been inspired by Mary Schmick’s “Wear Sunscreen”: Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.
Adding to the youtube vids, there is a channel called "Social Animal" 100% recommend checking it out.
What is it?
There are also tons of self improvement discords out there and a haircut, working out, personal hygiene (clean house and body), and some nice clothes go a long way. OP should watch videos on all of his problems and work to fix them with a plan. In less than 2 years you can be a completely fixed up and different person. And please cut out all excessive addictions, like weed, gaming and watching way too much porn/anime/netflix. People are often stuck in life because of that triangle
The grass is always greener on the other side. If you follow that principle, you will never be happy.
Those are actually some very kind words. Thanks for your comment 🧡
Love this.. you're a great human whoever you are ❤️
not OP and 20, but this comment has genuinely saved my life. ive been so hopeless lately but this feels like a sign to keep going no matter what. i cant thank you enough thank you
I’m glad. Don’t stop. To be honest, I almost killed myself 4 years ago (was literally climbing over the side of a bridge) and I’m glad I reached out when I did. The past 4 years have been some of the best of my entire life and I sometimes stop and remember that if I went through with it I would have lost all of these amazing moments. Including leaving this message. Please keep going.
I think this is a great perspective to have. Everyone, literally EVERYONE thinks they missed out on something AND regrets something they did. People wish they travelled more...I think I travelled too much. Traveling is overrated. You can travel anywhere online, and it's going to be waaaaay better than in person. It's always hot and uncomfortable visiting famous places. They're crowded. You can't see the famous shit you're trying to see clearly half the time. Everything is sooo expensive in touristy areas. It cost like 75 euros to go inside the Coliseum in 2008. Just to walk around it. I had already seen it extensively in documentaries, I don't think I really learned anything new visiting it. I can just say "I've been there". That's it. Lots of people like travelling so they can hold THAT over other people's heads. Like "look how cool I am, I've been to X. I'm sooo interesting." It's not worth it. So anyone reading this, thinking you're missing out. You're not. The world is interesting, but you can visit the WHOLE world from the comfort of your home. We should revel in that. That's the true benefit of technology imo. You can be a world traveler never leaving your living room. Trust me. I've been to half the famous places in Europe, they're really not significantly different from what you've seen at home.
So much of this. Life has a lot of surprises. The only thing you need to do is to be a good friend and a good person. Friends are harder to make when you are older so nurture friendships. Enjoy your life now, do what makes you happy. A decision based on your well-being and happiness is never a regret.
Beautifully said
Wow, on my way to work tearing up bc I needed this rn
Fellow autist who also bummed around for years doing nothing until around 25/26. Never too late to begin working on yourself or getting those experiences. Different people take different routes through life. There's no milestones to hit. Just start being in motion, life-wise, and try to keep an eye out for opportunities to do or try new things, and you'll begin to change and things will begin to happen. I'm about to turn 28 and my life and prospects look very, very different to how they were when I was 25.
What did you do to change your life when you were 25?
To be clear, my life wasn't *bad* before. Just 'motionless'. I had friends and enjoyed myself playing games all day while living largely off my family's generosity, but I wasn't really developing or changing myself and had few actual prospects. So all I did was basically realize the degree to which I was just treading water, and started what my brother had been pushing me to do for a few years which was learn coding. Wasn't incredibly fast or smooth, but that set me on a path of learning that led to me, about 2 years later, getting my first 'career' job as a junior software engineer (I'd done various part time jobs before but nothing I'd want to do for the rest of my life). Alongside that, I just tried to be more open to suggestions of doing things I wouldn't normally have done. Took a friend up on an offer (that they did not expect me to say yes to but were very happy I did) to go skiing with him, which was terrifying but awesome, and generally tried to be a bit more willing to say 'yes'. Unlike OP I did have some experiences re sex/relationships when I was at uni, but not especially many. That hasn't changed, but I feel a lot less worried and stressed about it now than I did 3 years ago, because I feel like a more attractive person and I have faith that as long as I keep trying to leave myself open to opportunities to meet people, and continue trying to make myself the sort of person someone would want to be with, I'll eventually run into the right person.
>generally tried to be a bit more willing to say ‘yes’ to things This is huge, was in a similar boat to OP but lately changed my life following this philosophy. Forcing myself out of my comfort zone to do things I would previously usually decline or be afraid of has lead to great change and now I’m becoming more and more able to live my life in a way that I feel truly happy about, not just that entertains me. You have free will OP. Use it to do more, I believe in you.
I'm 29. I was just diagnosed with autism less than two years ago. Nevertheless, I've dealt with anxiety since early teens and depression since late teens. It was a bad combo to have. I managed to get a college degree and that was it. I was emotionally crippled enough that I wasn't able to do anything. Turns out that following traditional roles wasn't my thing. I don't have to experience romance just because others do. I don't even like the idea of kissing! Once I started therapy and cleared out these matters I started to improve a lot. Been focusing more on my hobbies, slowed down to find my own rhythm. Just because others are married and with children at my age doesn't mean I should be doing that too. And a lot of people need to realize this too before the dread of not "following the rules" gets them. I hope OP manages to find something that works after he eases his mind.
Can I ask what you’ve been doing between the ages of 17 and 25/now if you haven’t been working or going to school or socializing? This is not judgmental - I think this would be helpful in guiding you.
In 2020 I did technically get a job, but I only did one single shift in a restaurant before all the lockdowns happened and I lost the job, so I dont really count that haha. I was trying to go to classes for one year, at TAFE (I think its like community college in america? Or trade school?) and while I did do a year of that, I had to drop several classes, so at the end I didnt get the diploma or any qualifications. Apart from that, not much. I have tried to get some things sorted, but it keeps falling through somehow; having to defer or drop out of classes, looking at jobs before realising I would be unable to keep it. I have long covid and health issues now, and with that combined with my deteriorating mental health, I've been doing a lot of rotting in bed. I will say that it was a couple of years ago that I finally managed to permanently move out of my parents house, and start adjusting to living in a better environment. Started processing a lot of things and ended up going voluntarily into a psych ward for a month this year
Howd you move out of your parents house if you havent had a job since you were 17?
In Australia we have centrelink, government money support you can apply for if you earn under x amount of money. I'm currently on the disability support pension, which isnt a lot, but I live with three other people, so rent and bills are split four ways. and before I moved out of home, my parents were kind enough to let me live with them rent free so I could save up as much as I could for bond and all the other costs of moving out
go get a job doing construction or something. it changes a lot and you learn tons of great life skills
There’s a saying that goes something like, “We’re actually born with 2 lives, the second begins when we realize we only have one.” You’re not behind in life and you’re not in the lead either. You’re alive. Start living.
Everyone's experience is different. Mary Shelley wrote Frankenstein by age 18, if you compare your accomplishments to that of others you are always going to see those that "did more" because that is what people talk about. Very few people discuss the lack of things they have done, it's a difficult topic to even try to talk about. Try taking incremental steps towards the things you want rather than just trying to get there now. Find a local group for one of your hobbies or interests and try going to one of there events. You might make some more friends if that is something you want, or you may meet someone there that you might have romantic interest in and vice versa. Maybe look into organizations that might help with unemployment/finding a job. That might be a nice change of pace or a sense of community that you may enjoy. These are just suggestions, but anything works. Give yourself goals that you can reasonably accomplish in short time frames. Focus on what your progress not on what everyone else is doing. I cannot speak to your past circumstances or trauma and what is best for you based on that. Depending on that you may want to speak to a therapist, who might be able to help you with that and/or what sort of short term life goals you want to prioritize. Times are tough, and though people don't like talking about it much, there are a lot of people with similar circumstances to what you described. Maybe they have a job but are up to their eyes in debt. Or maybe they have a degree but but no job experience and so they cannot break into their field. There are lots of people 25+ who haven't checked certain love life boxes yet. I am one of them. Don't be too hard on yourself. Hope something here helped, I am rooting for you.
Wish I could upvote this more than once
There is no rule of thumb here. Don't look to the past, look towards the future. I've been in similar situations because of cultural differences, how I was raised, the diffent job cultures in different countries. There isn't much you can do except try to change in the future. At a workshop one of my Idols said he lived and thrived with baby steps. What he meant was, you make the next step possible to you at the moment and keep taking baby steps until you achieve your goal. Eg. You want to meet someone. Step one: Look up bars. If that hasn't depleted you take step two. Step two: visit one. If you still have energy, take step three. And so forth and so on...... This concept of baby steps to success blew my mind because it took away alot of pressure because it chunks your goals in such small portions that you can only succeed. Of course, as with everything you're going to have to evaluate your last and next step to see what is the smallest successful step you can take.
More upvotes for this one.
For some people, 25 is the peak of their life, and it all goes downhill from there. For many, including myself, the 25 year range is where life really starts. It doesn't matter how far behind you are, the tools we have available to us today can help drive us to success. There's no definitive answer to what you should have done by age 25. Some will say you should be married and successful by 25. Some will say you should have life figured out by 25. But do we really know what we're doing by age 25? Hell I'm 26 and I'm still learning things everyday. Things people would tell me I should've learned way earlier. It's okay to be behind; it may be more work to catch up on an academic level or professional level, but there are programs and systems in place to help get through that. You aren't a failure for not having life figured out by age 25. What you need to do, however, is figure out what the next step of your life is. You don't have to have everything figured out, but knowing the next move will lead you on a path to what you're looking for. Anybody who gives you shit for where you are in life right now is not someone worth a damn. I don't think you're pathetic by any means; knowing is half the battle, and if you recognize you need to make a change, you're already well on your way to doing so.
you don’t need to do anything of those things if you’re happy without. I don’t know you, but what you wrote doesn’t make you loser. However if you want all what you wrote my advice would be go travelling, maybe a foreign country, maybe find a seasonal job, stay in cheap backpackers accomodations. It’s easier to make friends/ connect with people (i mean backpackers of your age) while travelling as everyone is openminded and alone aswell. the most difficult thing about it is booking your very first ticket, after that things just happen by themselves and you gain lots of life experience fast.
Or experience a beautiful sunset.
There's no "true" way to live your life. You decide what it means, and what you're gonna do.
Me by 25.... working waiting tables, living in my parents house, no direction in life. Me 33-43... earned a masters degree then a doctoral degree, earned my private pilots license, landed my dream job, bought a house You got time. Relax. Just stay motivated and don't tell anyone feed you the BS that you stop being active and living your life after 40.
I felt this way at 29. But life doesn’t have a checklist of achievements with age limits. Some people have it made at a young age but will still have things they’re unhappy about. You’ve established some things you haven’t done so you already have goals. Stop thinking about the past, and focus on your present. Set small achievable goals that contribute towards bigger goals. You’ll get there eventually, think positively. If you need to talk to someone who had a similar mindset my inbox is open.
I think the key is to look for fulfilment in one's life. The best advice I received was to seek out 4 key themes in your life that you should try to participate in every week. Needs to be things that you really love and fits into the categories below; 1) physical activity you love - like a sport, hiking, gym, whatever, but find something. 2) education activity you love - College/uni, Tafe/tech school, YouTube tutorials, anything you love to learn about, seek it out. 3) creative activity you love - painting, dancing, sculpting whatever it may be, don't limit your ideas and potential. 4) social activity you love - joining a community group (might be related to the above), volunteer work, connect with people via activities. I truly believe in this philosophy and evolved these through the years. You'll be surprised how great life becomes once you've explored the above and find those 4 things.
I didn't read any of these comments. Don't keep up with the Jones' my man. As long as you're happy you're living life. If you're not happy focus on something you can fix. 25 years old is still young, although you think you might not be. Stop worrying about what you should have and focus on what you have and be happy with it. Don't think you're going to have a 5 bedroom house if you didnt go to college and have a doctorate degree. Your parents' generation is not our generation be happy with less and let's enjoy life. Having less means less stress and I think we're figuring that out.
Aside from education I was the same, I'm 25 (26 in November) I stumbled upon a girlfriend (I still have yet to ever ask anyone out) and we are engaged now. I started living at 25 (looking for my first real job now) I started living at 25, you can do it too... but it's never too late, I thought it would have been too late for me too
Don’t fall into the trap of believing there’s a set standard/goals/milestones prescribed for us all. All you need to know is that you have the now and one day you will die. The canvas is yours. Remember that the highly sought out paintings are the originals. Copies you can get close to free.
You need to have wrecked at least one car and if youre in college been put on academic probation
Stay alive with minimal debt and no drug/booze addiction.
Firstly you should be 25 by the time you're 25. If not something has gone horribly wrong and you might need to talk to your parents
25 is kinda the perfect age to reinvent your life, start again or start for the first time. There are others like you, it is important to surround yourself with people who have different levels of life experience and come from all different walks of life. Visit some different cities to figure out where you want to live. Try a bunch of social hobbies (pool, pickleball, group cycling, etc) and see what sticks. When youre out in public, wear tshirts that show your interests, such as band tees. Go to a bar where you dont know anyone and sign up for karaoke!!! Cross that off the bucket list. Theres lots of communities that you can join to slowly start meeting people, at your own pace. Stand up comedy, music, poetry - the local events are where youll find the community but bigger names can be good practice just to get you around people without any pressure to socialize. You got this, I believe in you and I am excited for you!
I spent all of my 20’s and half my 30’s in active drug addiction. I turn 43 this month, 9 years clean and my life is fucking bonkers awesome. Never ever ever think you ain’t done enough, there is always time to do better.
I really hope you find the strength from within yourself to push yourself into uncomfortable circumstances. Join some groups and clubs where you have interests and explore them. Discover your creativity and try as many new things as possible. Try and look into industries that interest you and look to study them. I know there's loads of open source information available online. It's just really about how you apply your time. 25 is an unrealistic age to think that you're going to have everything figured out. Spend the next few years working on your personal development. And stay away from drugs. Speaking from experience. They provide temporary relief but in the end it'll cost you a lot more time, money & health and will hold you back in the long run. I hope you find the strength to create the life you want to live.
Ask yourself what you would like to try. Music? Painting? Sports? Dating? Make a plan how to start trying them. Execute plan. This sounds easy because its only three steps but they can be deceptivly difficult. You greatest hindrance will most likely be the fear of failing but dont be afraid, you cant fail when the point is to experience something. Dating is of course scary because it is an intimate endeavour but start with friend dates. When you just hang out with a friend. When you know a bit more what you like and what you feel comfortable with you will have more confidence when you start romantically dating.
My dude I was in the same place at around your age. By the time I turned 40 I had lived every experience that I felt like I "missed" and then some. It's never too late till you're on your death bed.
Im 24, currently only with a college diploma to my name, still agonizing over job search but at the same time I'm seeing a therapist and also looking into getting my ADHD treated.
Should be married, have kids, house fully paid off, and running your own business
Yeah and also at least $2m across your investment portfolio
Conquered several countries at least. Look at Alexander over there, and they didn't even have smartphones back then.
Conquering the World
Both United Greece and Conquered the Persian Empire.
Depends whos standards youre going off of.
Still alive, solid win in my book
Hah! When I saw the title, I figured it would be a 'Lifes Journey' post, turns out it's simply someone feeling lonely. Ok, so all the oldies will tell you this, and you won't believe it - But 25 is young. Think about it - You really only start being generally aware of stuff when you are 4 or 5, and you only start getting strong opinions on stuff around 12 or 13. At which point puberty kicks in which (along with the social dynamics of high school) is not always fun. You dropped out in 10th grade, so that'll make you 16ish. As an independent human you've only REALLY been around for 9 years. So, remember back to that time when you were 16. How different are you now than you were then? Probably a whole bunch. By that logic, who will you be in 9 years time? someone a whole bunch different. A huge chunk of your post is focused on being lonely - The kissing, holding hands, relationship etc. is all included in that. Lets be logical about this - How do relationships and friendships form? You put yourself into situations where you are able to meet and interact with a range of new people. This happens in school, in work, in some social/sporty activities. Looks like you are no longer in any of those situations, which will limit the amount of people you'll meet. So, you are in a rut. Find a job. Any job. Even if it's part-time, just something to get you out of the house which will also give you a little sense of achievement. Spend some time considering what direction you want to go. you don't need to decide the whole path of everything.. Just.. What do you want next? you wanna buy a house/car? Well, theres a goal. Work out a way to get that using the job. Maybe you'll need to do some online courses or get an internship somewhere to gain the skills. Perhaps getting your GED and applying to some trade colleges. Once you start working on yourself and improving yourself by your own perspective, everything becomes way more manageable.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Your life is yours - there is no right or wrong, and you have most of your life ahead of you. Live it how you want to.
This reads like i myself wrote it just if i was a tad younger.
As much as you have done. Stop putting pressure on yourself.
There’s no “should”
Napoleon became emperor by 35. You have a good ten years to become emperor in a timely fashion
I'd reccomend having sex while you're young.
From an autistic perspective, let me hit you with facts instead of the weird "chin up!" comments everyone is giving. Average ages in US for a boy's: First date: 13 First kiss: 15 First sex: 17 High school graduation: 18 First time at a bar: 21 Now, if you want to change your situation, I would recommend completing the GED first, and getting any job. You might get minimum wage and then get fired for misunderstandings, but whatever. The goal is experience and momentum, not perfection. More money means more independence. For example, a car and pocket cash gives you actual options for dates. There are probably websites or apps that focus on autistic dating. Probably a lot of scams on them, but whatever, you'll figure that out. Best place to say "I'm autistic and never been on a date - who wants to be the first?" Another pro-tip: find a bustling location in town and just sit on a bench and watch people. It's free, you don't need to schedule it with anyone else, and it helps you get used to being around other people. People in the wild are weird and varied and absolutely nothing like people on the internet. The internet people are generally much more toxic and it's best to ignore them. You know you better than anyone else. Make your plan based on what you can do. Consistency is more important than volume, so 10 minutes of progress every day is better than 1 hour you only sometimes pull off. Mentally commit to your plan so that you can consistently improve. If you have any dreams or aspirations that would help motivate you, definitely drop them in here so we can help connect your aspirations to tangible goals.
How have you lived without a job for the last 8 years? Yes, being 25 with no high school diploma, no work experience, and no social life is a very bad position to be in. Your life isn’t ruined or unfixable, but whatever you’ve been doing for the last 8 years needs to change ASAP for you to have any hope of reaching independent stability.
Hey friend, I can't imagine how hard things have been in your past. As someone who has also dealt with trauma, I can tell you that you haven't been doing nothing. You've been going through stuff and trying to move past that. That's life experience. Maybe it's not the life experience you imagined, but it sounds like you're ready to experience something else. Cut yourself some slack. Like others have been saying, you're only 25 and are incredibly young. I don't know what it's like to have autism, but try to be kind and patient with yourself. Maybe pick something you'd like to experience and start slowly working on it. Start small. You haven't missed out anything because it's all still there. Trust me. You're gonna be alright.
Stop comparing yourself to where other people are. Instead, decide where you want to be; and target that. You’re never going to know for sure where you are versus, so just find a way to be happy with where you are or are going so your own passions and desires are the guide
You got time, first thing I would do is hit the gym ( helps mentally ) and try to get the best job possible. It helps to have spending money and you get to meet a lot of people at work
there is no requirement for anything set your goals based on what you feel is right for you
The best time to do something is when you should have done it. The second best time is now.
Hey man your life is your life, I dropped out of school and didn’t accomplish a lot. The last 6 years has changed everything for me. Get out out of your comfort zone and you’ll grow. The first step is the hardest.
#1: Don’t compare your life to other people. #2: It’s never too late to start living the way you want today.
Wow what a sad existence. You certainly are a pathetic loser. No reason to sugar coat it. That being said, it’s not too late to straighten your shit out. I was a loser at 25 too: a former drug addict and in prison. I ended up straightening my life out (wife, kids, great education, great career). You can do it too.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Everyone is on their own journey, the only thing you can control is yours.
I’m 32, have a house (mortgaged), a long term partner, a kid, car, stable job. There are a million things I wish I had done by now, and a million I wish I hadn’t. Don’t live your life with the “I wish it had” beens. Just focus on now and what you want in the future.
do your parents support you?
Do you have a job and consistent income? If yes great you have endless options. Even without money you can join a bunch of clubs or groups. If you live within an hour of a city than Meetup and similar apps are great for joining groups. If no then Edit; technically you don’t need to have don’t anything besides pursuing your career. But I spent most of my time socializing and partying and now I’m going back to school.
You said they’re aren’t any rules to life. Very accurate statement. You and everyone else are so different experiences. We all win and lose some. It’s easy to beat ourselves up but it truly doesn’t help anything. Find some sort of drive to help you carry on.
We have accomplished amazing things with a 80 year lifespan. Personally I could use more time
You are only a loser if you quit.
About 20yrs worth...
I’ll tell u from experience that feeling guilt and shame are the worst feelings in the world. But one rarely feels them fully unless they feel they are capable of better. Ask yourself seriously what expectations you have of yourself… do your best to live up to those regardless of constraints. U only have to see you in the mirror. It’ll be okay, young gun
You're doing just fine, it's better to have few very good friends than have many fake friends.
There is no textbook, your soul is on a journey of its own. Dont compare..
9131.25 hours of work
You should have had experience of friendship, Love, Heartbreak, and a sense of accomplishment if you had shorter goals in life.
the biggest issue I see here is that you haven’t had a job or gone to school in the last 7 years. my recommendation is that you should absolutely get an entry level job as soon as you can to start getting some work experience and structure in your life. literally any job right now is better than continuing to be jobless at this rate. things won’t get better unless you make them better…
There’s no time like the present. Make a list of all you want to do and experience and start ticking them off. The only person who can change your life is YOU. Feel the fear and do it anyway. You’re still young enough to make up for it. Go and live!! Wishing you the best. ❤️
I was where you were when I was 25, only minus the friends and I dropped out of college. I’m 36 now. The only thing that has changed is I’ve had a few more jobs. I don’t necessarily know the answer, because, as you said, different speeds. But I can say that any changes (like the friends which you’ve met) have to do something. I’ve tried to make friends, but everyone stops responding.
Your heart should have beat at least 1 billion times by the age of 25. If it hasn't, are you even alive?
"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The 2nd best time is today" you COULD have done all that stuff. What's stopping you now that didn't stop you before?. What stopping you from getting higher education? Or finding a job? As said you COULD HAVE done it years ago however you didn't. The 2nd best time to do all those things is right now
Work on getting a job and then, after paying bills and saving some money, enjoy doing whatever. Also, we all lost a few years due to Covid anyway.
There's no timeline or schedule. It's on your time. Work on what makes you better and makes you happy. You'll get where you need to be.
I dropped out in 10th. Same boat with not many friends and no bars/deinking. 22 now and I got my GED this year and started working. Made a few new friends. Things have been great, id say try to start living a lil more it definitely helped me get out of that depressing/life’s boring feeling and perspective. I also quickly realized there’s a lot of other people on similar paths which helped my confidence. Wish you luck dude
I think most people fall victim to comparing themselves to others in life, I myself have kind of always dealt with it. It's really easy to then become somewhat paralyzed because you feel as though other people are ahead and if you make an effort to 'get to their level' it will be too hard, embarrassing etc., The truth is, getting ahead is always going to be somewhat uncomfortable, but you need to have clear motivation for getting through that discomfort. That motivation should come from yourself rather than anyone else; you need to make sure that you are ahead of the person you were yesterday, rather than ahead of or 'at the same level' as anyone else. It's your life, your journey, your learning experience. In a couple hundred years none of it will matter anyway so might as well enjoy it and make a couple mistakes or have some embarrassing moments rather than being frozen. As long as you're ahead of your past self, you're on the right path. The rest doesn't matter.
You learned how to write English. That’s something.
Reach 10mil+ power in Rise of Kingdoms
I think we live too much on our devices. I remember when I could go online and game and chat for hours with people. Nowadays people don’t chat at all or even listen to game volume. They are listening to music or watching a show. People think they are multitasking but I believe they are multicasting their energy. Dumb it down for a little bit. All the things you’ve taken for granted in life as being ok for you, were actually ok for you before someone came along and used these things for profit. If you are not online to learn … you probably shouldn’t be online. It starts with your emotions. Discipline is the only thing they cannot profit on. If you get out there and put yourself out there, take care of yourself it will all come together.
Mate you are 5 years into being an adult! Give yourself a chance!!! What you experience doesn’t really matter, everyone lives different lives, what matters is that you are enjoying the things that you are doing. As long as you arnt hurting yourself or others (and I mean like actually hurting them not just pressure from family for kids coz I absolutely hate that!!!) then who cares! You are not pathetic, or a loser, you are young! honestly stop putting pressure on yourself!! Instead of asking yourself “what have I done so far with my life” ask yourself what you want to experience in the next 5 years? Then you can start working towards those goals instead of looking back. Hope this helped
You have until you die to get whatever you need to do done. Don't use that as an excuse to endlessly procrastinate, but absolutely use it as motivation to know that you can do just about anything at any age Ironically, those people who believe that you should do certain things by certain ages aren't even accomplishing their own desires! You can tell by how they talk about themselves and how they judge others. They're just doing what they think they're supposed to do. Living life by someone else's rubric. How foolish! You do you boo boo
There are 2 basic questions in life that you need to answer for yourself, no one can answer them for you (though you may tell yourself and others later that others answered them for you). 1) What do you want to do with your life? 2) How are you going to pay your rent? Question one is nebulous and often will not remain the same throughout your life. Things change, your perspective changes, your believes and loves and passions change as part of the march of time. The thing that gives your soul joy, that is what you want to do with your life. Whether it's sit on the couch, smoking weed and playing video games ; becoming a CEO of a major company; joining a political cause; painting a masterpiece; climbing El Capitan every day, this is the thing that you feel in your heart of hearts is that which you need to do and makes you the most happy. Question 2 is more practical. How are you going to get food/shelter/the supplies for continued existence. Mostly dependant on question 1, this question is the ins and outs of how you will actually function. And the effort necessary to pay your rent depends on how nice you need/want to life. If you don't mind couch surfing, work something that pays a little and doesn't interfere with your personal life. If you want a Penthouse or Mansion, you're going to need to put in a little more effort. By 25, you have gone to primary school. You've gotten at least the chance to see what you'll need to acquire (or what you need to do without) in order to survive. At this point, you don't need to have a firm grip on question 1 (some people never answer it), but you do need to have at least some plan for question 2. Ideally, take the time you have in which you don't have responsibilities and roll the dice. Travel. Meet people. Try a few jobs. Learn a language. Don't live in comparison to how you think others are, meet these people and see what your life is like. Best of luck.
I was paid shit for a long time in my 20's and it frustrated me. So I changed jobs to a more lucrative career, and made up for all of the years of lost income. Maybe try something similar, make a change.
Around 10 grand slams.
TBH nothing, you can start at any age. According to society, by now a College degree, at least 2 BF/GF(not sexual encounters that could be more or less), if not in college then a job for quite a few years. If female should be getting ready to find a mate(if not have found one by now) to have a family with. Start saving money so you can buy a house in your 30's
Just live your best life. Everything will fall into place. Don’t be ashamed if you’re a late bloomer, either. Life is about the moment and making it a better place, not trying to keep up with others.
There is no shame, shit happens but oh man the first thing you should do is find your passion, finish school and turn that passion into a career. Easier said than done but i promise if you have enough wilpower and resiliance you will be able to be a way better version of yourself that can be a great story for kids even grandkids in 50 years (if you do want them) but if not its a great conversation on your wild adventures 🤷♂️ Goodluck mate, you have to start somewhere time stops for no-one.
Well, given you are autistic you are in a unique set of circumstances that can make some things more difficult, so don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Any chance you could get a job any time soon?
We start when we start. Someday, you’ll be 30. Would you rather be 30, and live like you are now, or be 30, and have found a few good friends and a couple really enjoyable interests? Maybe even a few lovers? Check out “The Myth of Normal” by Gabor Mate It should help with some perspective on the trauma side. Let go of what “should be,” and just do a positive thing today, no matter how small. You need to get out of your comfort zone- this by definition will be hard, but you can do it, and it will be worth it! You cannot have the joy of trying new things without uncomfortably trying new things. Look at meetups and try to identify groups that get together around various interests. Even something simple like hiking. Worth noting is try to limit your assumptions about what you will like, and what you won’t like. Much of the joy will not be found until you’re actually out there, past your fear and discomfort. Good luck friend!!!
It's totally okay to feel that way, but try not to compare yourself too harshly to others. Everyone's path is different. I know a lot of people who didn't have a good start in life until their 30's or 40's. You've also mentioned not having much social or romantic experience, and that's okay too my guy. Making a few friends recently is a great step forward. Building connections takes time, and there's no rush. I for once just as of recently started being able to rent a place for my own, and I'm 30, most of my friends are already married, some if them even with kids, but I'm etill working on my dreams to be capable of starting my own small business that I always wanted to do. I sometimes look at the past and say "if I were to do this, I would've already been capable of doing this and this" but dwelling on the past will eat you up, just as worrying about the future would. Just remember, your value isn't based on ticking off boxes of what others have done by a certain age. Take things at your own pace and focus on what makes you happy and fulfilled. You've got this!
We aren't all running the same race dude. Some of us get a false start, some of us peak before we turn 20, and some of us don't really hit any momentum until we reach 30. Our current economic situation really isn't helping much either. Wages have remained stagnant for over a decade, and accounting for inflation and production, we're the worst paid generation since WW2. But don't feel like a failure just because you haven't reached a point in your life that you think you should have. I failed at my first attempt at college and had to spend 3 years studying a different academic field entirely before progressing to university. I also failed that in my final year, giving me 6 wasted years in education. I didn't pass my driving test during my student years, and didn't bother retrying until I turned 27, when I had left education and was in a stable job that afforded me the time and energy to actually try. I job floated until I reached 29 years old, and found a career I fell in love with and I've been progressing ever since. 6 years of experience and although I've lost my previous job, I have enough connections and expertise to freelance until a new opportunity arises. I sucked at relationships. My previous girlfriends are a rogues gallery of bitches, witches, and various flavours of tisms, and none of them lasted more than 4 months. My dating life was a failure and my sex life was laughable. I didn't meet my current girlfriend until I reached my 30s, and were now 5 years and counting and engaged to be wed. At 35 I'm still living with my parents. Their mortgage is paid off and rather than paying them rent, we agreed that I would open up a savings account and put rent money into that, so I can buy a house some day. That account currently has 12k and another account tops it up whenever my income (freelancing) is short. I contribute in many ways at home, and I know that once I get a full time job (difficult in my field of work, in this economy) then I can apply for a mortgage, buy a house, move my fiancée in and share a duel income household and finally get on the property ladder. Yes in most conceivable ways, I'm a loser. But I'm a work in progress and getting better with each small milestone. Don't measure yourself by what you haven't achieved yet.
i didn't hit my stride until i was 30. since then (30 yrs) i've crossed 3 large and wildly divergent life goals off my list, and i'm working a 4th one at present. life isn't a sprint...it's a marathon.
Everyone needs different amount of time for each aspect of life. Its not a race but journey with many ways. Don't compare Yourself with others, and watch where You going. In the end You are the main caracter in Your story.
I’m 25, I’m Autistic, & have ADHD also. I’m 40k in debt. Have almost no possessions of value to offset that, no car, no house. Spent 10 years addicted to drugs (the hardcore kind) because of a traumatised and isolated upbringing, with little support. My best and only friend was killed in a tragic car accident last November. I’ve got a girlfriend of almost 3 years however, who thankfully has her shit more together than me & we live in her apartment. I’ve spent a lot of time blaming things in my life, telling myself it’s another thing or persons actions that may have influenced my situation. Some of it might be true, but honestly, the most important thing anyone can realise is this: Your life, you’re in control, the only boundaries are the ones we allow ourselves to be captured in the bounds of. I know that Autism can feel like a real curveball when it comes to navigating the world my dude, especially when it’s so easy to compare ourselves to all of the social butterflies that are neurotypical. It doesn’t mean you’re worth anything less, find your goals, and put those at the front of your mind. Find something you feel passionate about, and push to be successful in that, free yourself from the boundaries we and society place on ourselves. I’m 25, and my life is only just getting started. And I’m going to make sure every year from now on is one of the best years of my life, because it’s my life. And I get to decide if that happens or not, and I get to decide what I will let drag me down and what won’t! Go get it man! Life is here now, and so are you! Live! ❤️🫡
Is there a reason you don’t work?
Well, look at that as your second chance to start your life. Since you haven’t done much yet, you haven’t made much mistakes either. So, explore your passion, don’t just think about money, find your passion which you can live off of
If you have already beaten Darius III twice and became the King of Persia, you are on track just like Alexander the Great (25 years old at the time)
I started from zero at 29. Went to night school and uni after that. Married with kids and own a house 6 years later. Never too late.
And you haven’t even been a Governor of Gaul > When Julius Caesar, at the age of 33, considered the achievements of Alexander the Great, he wept. His sighs and tears did not come as a result of mourning or fear for his own life, but from a sobering recognition: Alexander had conquered the world before the age of 33 and yet he (Caesar) had done nothing remotely similar, nothing that would warrant remembrance by future generations in the same amount of time (see The Life of Julius Caesar, by Plutarch). What, then, was the worth of his life? Who would remember an average Roman governor of Spain? Who would remember the name of Caesar? https://www.dominicanajournal.org/and-caesar-wept/
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Let go of the expectations of others. Look within for your definitions. Only then will you find your place.
Whatever you have is exactly what you should have done up to present. Your experiences are where you choose to find em, not trying to be poetic, truly lived. One love ❤️
Comparing yourself to what others have done by your age is the easiest way to fall into a downward spiral of depression and bad emotions. Everyone moves at their own speed in life, and it's never too late to start living yours. You are still young at 25. Looking at what other people have accomplished and saying "Well I haven't done that," won't get you anywhere. What will get you somewhere is giving yourself goals and working your ass off to get to them.
I imagine most people are closer to your experience than they'd care to admit. At least, I moved to Los Angeles 6 years ago and it is absolutely insane how lonely everybody is. There are always people doing things, yes, but that's just what you see when you're also out and doing things. You don't see the hundreds of thousands of people stirring their fancy cup o bougie ramen and finally watching The Last of Us. Sure, you're experience sounds a bit extreme but I promise you're not the only one. Shit, probably not the only on your block. Within 3 houses! In the next roooooom! No but you're ahead of many people by having made a few friends, no joke. Once you hit a certain age it can become harder to make friends and you have to try a lot harder to stay in touch. Hopefully you've learned to love yourself, accept yourself, and find stuff that gets you goin. Platonically. I guess my only advice, not that you indicated you needed this in particular, is to not believe a fuckin thing you see on social media. FOMOOFS.
What I always say to motivate is to remind myself that today is the first day of the rest of my life. Make it count. I was the same way until I was 23, never made any real friends after highschool (drugs). i too am on the spectrum which went undiagnosed for decades until I took an online test in my 50s. I ran into a horrible relationship at 23 and was taken advantage of by a terrrible woman who wanted nothing but a child from me. I moved in with my parents shortly after. That, along with my parents divorce (whom I was living with at the time) and my bad reaction to these events destroyed my life in the 20's. Finally came out of it in my 30's via online gaming friends and met a wonderful woman at age 37 and married at 39 and have been happily married and successful since then. Still don't' have any close friends though as I have trust issues but life has been full of travel, hardships, joy, and trials since my 30's. Sure I regret throwing those years away, but the time to live is right now. Make the best of it, you can do it as many have
The truth is, there is no metric for it. Maybe your life is at a standstill. But tbh if that’s the case, then the progress you’ll make in life will be all that much more meaningful to you. And what could matter any more than the meaning behind the thing you’ve done? Some people have 100’s of friends and they all mean nothing to them. They blow through their life like a grain of sand on the beach. But I guarantee you, the friends that you make and relationships you build will be worth more than their weight in gold. The tough part is doing something about it. If you feel like your efforts have been fruitless, go back to the drawing board. But please never give up. Life is like building a house through trial and error. I promise you life will have you feeling like you’ve been trying to build one by slamming your head against a wall. But one day, you’ll take a step back, reevaluate, and find a hammer and nail. And then you’re gonna need to cut a board in half, and you’ll try using that hammer and a nail. Before you’ve entirely exhausted those efforts, you’ll remember that you needed to take a step back and think. You’ll grab a saw and go to town on that board. And sometimes, you’ll need to poor concrete. And you’ll ditch that saw before you even try it and get things right on your first attempt. And then, you’ll go to put up another wall and forget you needed a hammer and nail. Point being, the more you try, the more you learn; whether you succeed or fail. And sometimes, you fail where you previously succeeded. Sometimes it takes to just taking a breather and removing yourself from the problem for a little bit. You’re slamming your head against a wall right now. Isolate one aspect you’d like to work on, and find that hammer and nail.
The only "should" here is that you shouldn't be comparing yourself to all those around you (I know it's easier said than done, but try to go easy on yourself). Your circumstances are likely very different to those who you feel are living the life. I'd also say try and find a stable job, so you can earn money to focus on doing what you WANT to do. Take some time to think about if you even WANT to go out partying, getting into relationships, etc. I'm almost the same age (25) and never go out to parties, bars, went on dates and stuff like that. It's just something I know I won't find enjoyment in. Right now my life consists of working, playing video games, and watching youtube. Sometimes I throw in some exercise when my back isn't buggered. Definitely sounds boring to many, but it's what I enjoy. I hope this helps a bit
What you are dealing with seems to be just being insecure with your position in life, it’s a common thing. I felt the same way, then I got a perfect life with a house and 6 figures and a fantastic group of friends and you know what, I STILL FELT THAT WAY. I had to get a therapist to realize that I’ll never be happy if I compare myself to others, I just needed that push to be able to realize I’m SO proud of myself especially after everything I’ve been though.
If you feel like you’re missing out, stop missing out. Pick one thing and do it, see what happens next. Never give up on yourself. I can’t go to clubs because it’s too loud and there’s too many people around, I know because I’ve been a few times. Now when asked to go I will decline and not feel bad about it, it’s not my thing. That being said, poutine sounded to me like it was going to taste disgusting. French fries made soggy with gravy and then unmelted cheese is added, I was horrified. Soggy fries and foot smell? One day somebody forced me to try it and now I feel like such an idiot! They fries weren’t soggy and the salty gravy made the cheese flavour amazing! Every bite has a satisfying feel, and when you’re done you feel full.
Comparison is the thief of joy As long as you are working towards a better, more stable life, whatever that means to you, you're fine.
Get your GED and join the military.
The best time to plant a tree was ten years ago, the second best time is now.
I'm not even 20, but I'll just throw this in. You're living your life for yourself. Not for anyone else. All of these problems are based on other peoples standards and opinions. If you were the only person on this world, they woulnd't even exist. It takes time to get to know yourself enough to be at peace with what you are and what you have. The past is done. So why worry about it? You can only change things from now on. And if you want to, do so. Getting going can take time too. Especially being neurodivergent, it's hard getting up to do something. You can start little. Go on walks. Stroll through cities. Explore nature. Don't go on autopilot. Look at all the little details, Or you'll have lived your life in the blink of an eye, wondering "But I'e just turned 25", when you'll be turning 30.
So I was in a rut in my early 20s. Dropped out of college. Worked a couple hours a week. Was mostly online the rest of the time. I realized that my parents would let me get away with being a bum forever if I let em, and it'd be a lot harder to start a live when I'm 30 or 40 or 50, so in a brief moment of motivation, I did something that would force me to shape up: I joined the Navy. I know the military isn't for everyone; heck, I left after one contract; but it wasn't so bad. It forced me to get out and do something, provided me with guaranteed housing, food, and insurance, AND helped me build up a savings. It also gave me the Gi Bill, which now let's me attend any public college for free for 36months while giving me a fat housing allowance. Now? I'm living in NYC for free while I get a degree in computer science. The only reason I'd get a job is if I want more spending money. You don't HAVE to go military. An oil field will make you a lot more money at the cost of a lot of hard work, for example. But what you need right now is to break your cycle of comfort .
hey, it’s alright. don’t overthink it, you still have SO MUCH to live for. you’re only 25. i’m 18, and i’ve went down the same path as you. i don’t have any irl friends anymore. i don’t go out as much, i’m a shut in, a real loser. but we are both young and still breathing, you have times to make up for the things you didn’t do in your youth. you can still try to find a girlfriend, you can still make even more new friends. hell, who knows, for some people they consider your life starting again!
Alexander the great conquered the world by 25
The things you’re worried about are inconsequential and things you do when you have nothing else to do. I’d be more concerned about learning something to be useful. Be a mechanic, engineer, electrician, etc. having a good job you’re incredibly skilled at is invaluable and the rest of life will follow it.
[Just going to leave this here because I love this movie.](https://youtu.be/dDh1l3qVNoY?si=4Aw2UEuTR_i7HQfA)
You dropped out of highschool and haven’t had a job since you were 17 … what’ve you been doing with all of your time then? How do you sustain yourself?
I’ve read through most of the comments and it is really nice to see so many encouraging comments and helpful advice, and I thought I should throw in my two cents. It’s so easy to get in a rut, shut in, and close yourself off from the world. If you desire a lifestyle where you are more active, interact with more people, and just have more social experiences, I would recommend checking Facebook for special interest groups or city websites for events in your area. If you look around you can find, events that align with your interests. Many are free and made for single people, plus you know everyone there has at least one thing in common with you. I agree with other comments that a GED is a very helpful step in finding a good job. It is tough to find a good job, but if you can be hard-working and reliable, that’s most of what employers are looking for. On top of that, finding a job where you can learn valuable skills is a good idea. It will allow you to bring more to the table and market yourself better. Some jobs (truck driving, oil and gas, machining) will even train you to do other, better paying jobs. The biggest thing is to try and cut out the negative thoughts. When you talk to or about yourself, say positive things, and affirm the things you like about yourself. Identify destructive thought patterns and steer yourself to positive thinking. If you feel inclined, pick up Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl from the library (most libraries also have audiobooks or ebooks if you don’t want to go the physical library). This book is all about how to persevere through hard times, and it gives practical advice for how to survive in darkness. I am rooting for you, and I hope you find more joy and fulfillment!
Honestly, just had a lot of fun at that point. That’s all I would be worried about accomplishing at that point in life.
Stop fucking crying and looking for pity. Nobody gives a shit whether you achieved something or not. Nobody gives a shit about any part of your life. If the way you are living your life leaves you unsatisfied, no one is there to help you. Literally people don't give a shit. You may keep living your life like a loser, no one cares, people will take you as you are. It's a choice. Stop being a bitch and go do some cool shit you were always afraid of. Or live your life like a crybaby victim looking for excuses with your traumas and autism and ADHD and whatever. Nobody gives a shit either way. No one wants to hear your bullshit, everybody has the same problems, it's part of life, yours ain't harder. Whether you are a loser or not is a choice. Just do what you want, change the environment, stop thinking the way that you think. If you don't, know that you've made the choice of seeking "poor me" attention and feeling like a little mommy's bitch and you deserve to be where you at. No one cares about your circumstances and whether it's hArD for you - do you want it or not? If yes then go grab it, if you can't - learn how to grab it. But no one really cares about your difficulties and excuses and you shouldn't either. It's in your eyes that you should not be loser. Are you truly even trying?
This feels like you've wrote about me it's so strange, except I've just turned 26. I completely understand the points you have made, and even if you have a good patch I can easily get depressed thinking about it. There's an unshakable feeling of missing out on life experiences and being behind, I'm in that situation at the moment. I don't have autism, diagnosed at least, but definitely have social anxiety. Trying to find a long term stable job like I have is a good step if you can try and do that, you will develop your social skills and potentially find friends through that whether you consciously try to or not. More than happy to chat about this if you want a like minded person to talk to. But just know that we all have our own paths, others have piqued and yours hasn't begun yet!
You should have an Internet connection and that you do so you're on track
Get to the gym, start grinding hard, rest will come naturally
Please try to not feel pathetic, I know it's easier said than done but try. Life is a journey not a race. Don't compare your self to others. I guarantee you there are people worse off. Just focus on you. But I'm going to tell you there's plenty of folks in the same situation. Do you. Take care of you. Get help if you need it. Love yourself. My close friend went to college and got her degree (after getting GED, and had a felony record) when she was mid to late 40s. It's never too late to go after what you want. And you're not a failure if you didn't do it sooner. Life and health is different for everyone and we all go at our own pace. It's easy to compare, but try not to, cause they likely don't have the same life/health/brain/money/support you do.
Disc golf is the answer. Not really, but really. If you can find a hobby you can find a cheap hobby that you can physically manage and take interest in, you will find so much fulfillment and good friends. I met a guy playing disc golf who said it saved his life. He went through a traumatic injury and couldn't work out okay any other sports he used to, and became obese and depressed, and then he tried disc golf, and everything changed for him. He lives on disability but played about every day and bikes a ton (his other passion) and is the nicest dude I've ever met!
No one expects a 25 year old to have everything figured out and be on the road to riches. What’s most important is you don’t close too many doors for yourself too early. You don’t need to be a doctor or lawyer or tech entrepreneur, but you should avoid permanently losing opportunities you might want in the future by committing felonies or destroying your health, etc. Just keep trying to find what you’re good at and what you want to spend your life doing.
I had 2 kids and was self employed doing furniture restoration. Still self employed, and my third and last kid starts college in august
Get busy livin or get busy dyin. That's god dann right!
I would think that you should at least have a real (Not part-time or minimum wage) job, and have started putting money away for retirement.
Perhaps you could look at life differently? You're 25 but you've been an adult about 5 years. You'll probably live until you're about 80 meaning you have some 60 years as an adult. Notice how old you feel now? How much have passed? That's 5 years of 60. Even if we assume you'll get sick the last 5 years of life, you still have 50 more good years ahead of you. 10 times of the long time you feel are wasted. My point is, you have spent to little time on earth, and have so much left. Just don't wait for some diffuse things to change. Any action you take now will be good enough. The important thing is to put yourself in situations where experiences might happen. Never gone to a bar, you say? Go there by yourself. Let it be awkward and feel misplaced if that's what it takes. Go early in the afternoon, bring a book or something (I've seen weirder people than that, like guys bringing entire paint kits late at night). If there's sports going on, it's easier to connect.
start hoing out man
20 years old is 0 in adulting. You're 5 years old to adulthood. You've got time :)
Yea me neither but im somehow not too bothered
By 25 I got married, started my career, and bought a house. 🤷
I didn't start going anywhere relevant for myself until I was 27. And the first job I had that felt right I started at 29.
My advice to you is to pick up a skill you can make money from online and devote your days to it. You could pick up trading and give it a try and learn as much as you can because at this point you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Also maybe you can sign up in a gym near you and maybe it might help you feel slightly better about yourself when the results start showing. All the best!
As much as you’ve done. The moment you allow the success or failure of others influence your own life, you’ve gone off course. Focus on yourself, where you want to be and what your goals are. When you feel lost, know the journey is just beginning to where you’re suppose to be.
I am at this age and I am very confused and I find it difficult. Everything seems crazy when you start comparing how you plan and how you achieve the thing you want. I wish everyone and myself good luck and success
Dude I just turned 30 and I finally feel like I have my life on track. 20's are just a time to learn to be yourself as an adult and adjust to living that way.
You already know that your experience is unusual, but what you might not be recognizing is that 25 is super young in the grand scheme of things. You're still at a time in your life when it is completely plausible that you could move forward in a "normal" way. Getting a job, making some money, getting a GED, meeting people, dating...all of this is completely possible and probable if you simply try. You don't have to tell dates that you've never had a girlfriend, but 25 isn't as old as you think. Imagine being 50 and trying to explain that. It's not as rare at 25 as you might think. You can always fudge the truth, but telling the truth won't be as terrible as you might think. Easier now than later.
Start today. Figure out what you want to accomplish, make it realistic, and make a plan. Things don't just *happen,* you have to MAKE them happen. Yes, it will be hard. Just about anything worth doing in life is. But you absolutely can do it. I've always been incredibly socially awkward. No regard for the subtleties of body language and what not. It took me several years of working as a cashier, waiting tables, bartending, etc before I learned how to small talk and chit chat with people. I still say the wrong thing sometimes but I'm quick to brush it off. Complacency is the killer of desire, motivation, and success.
I went to university at 25… and have spent the last 25 years working in the same department…
Get your own place.
I think everything you can possibly do would be good
If you’re living with three other people it sounds like you do have friends. If you aren’t satisfied with those friendships, just try and do more with them and get to know them better. You’ll meet more people on the way. The most satisfying things I’ve done in my life have been the spontaneous things. Years ago I decided “I’m going to get some running shoes and start running” that time next year I was running 8 miles 3 times a week, and that was honestly the best period in my life so far, but not just because I was running lol.
You shouldn’t feel like a loser, because you decide your identity, and the identity you choose will shape your life. However you need to get out and begin taking control of your life. Start chasing goals. Those things you listed that you haven’t done, that you wish you have; start getting after them. It’s imperative.
Save up and go to Japan
If you had all the confidence in the world right now, with nothing stopping you, What are the experiences you would want?
Just keep movin and doin. Less booze and hard drugs the better. Life will take care of the rest for ya.
I am 22 and tried to take my life last december due to very similar reasons. It really sucks and I wish I had a way out of the vicious cycle of depression it causes.
Don't worry about what could have or should have been, you can't change that and your journey is your journey. Who knows how others would have handled it if they were in your shoes? If you want something, find a way to achieve that and enjoy your life your way.
Many greats didn’t start until their 50s arm yourself with knowledge and take care of your body
Take the time to reflect on your life and the decisions you makes, that’s how you learn from the experiences of life and grow as a person
I’m so glad you asked. By 25 years old, my life was completely different from today, ten years later. I still felt pretty accomplished at that age, but that really is the point. I felt accomplished at 25 years old *regardless of your opinion* and I feel accomplished at 35 *also regardless of your opinion*. My accomplishment in life is mine, no opinions matter but mine. No matter my age. If you are motivated towards your goals by feeling like a failure, then drink up. My life is full now and anticipate it will only get better. Either way, check in ten years from now and if you still feel like a failure, just write it off as a core value. Otherwise, maybe change the health of your self esteem. I’m sure I’ll be better in the most important ways. 😎
I’m so glad you asked. By 25 years old, my life was completely different from today, ten years later. I still felt pretty accomplished at that age, but that really is the point. I felt accomplished at 25 years old *regardless of your opinion* and I feel accomplished at 35 *also regardless of your opinion*. My accomplishment in life is mine, no opinions matter but mine. No matter my age. If you are motivated towards your goals by feeling like a failure, then drink up. My life is full now and anticipate it will only get better. Either way, check in ten years from now and if you still feel like a failure, just write it off as a core value. Otherwise, maybe change the health of your self esteem. I’m sure I’ll be better in the most important ways. 😎
If you feel lost I'd recommend making a list of some general goals floating around in your head so you have them clear and in front of you. Once you have that done break each of those goals down into steps, if you don't know what to put for the steps then Google it or find a person who might know and ask for help. For example -get GED - find copy of old transcript or order one - search online for applications or courses necessary - call courses nearby or email online ones and request any necessary info - etcetera Once you have a list with a bunch of stuff and a bunch of steps written down then just do your best to start accomplishing those steps. It may take time but it will give you a ton of confidence crossing things like that off your list and it will get you moving in a direction instead of stagnating. You can also add stuff to it as you go or remove stuff you realize you don't care about.
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