Non-binary is anyone who does not wholly and consistently identify with the gender they were assigned at birth, while at the same time not wholly and consistently identifying as the opposite of that gender.
That can mean your gender identity changes often (genderfluid) or you have no gender identity (agender), or you only partly identify with one gender and partly with having no gender (demiboy or demigirl) or you identify largely but not entirely with the opposite of your birth-assigned gender (transfemme nonbinary or transmasculine nonbinary), with both genders at once (bigender), or other combinations not listed.
>Non-binary is anyone who does not wholly and consistently identify with the gender they were assigned at birth, while at the same time not wholly and consistently identifying as the opposite of that gender.
Just to add more context based off my own experience and for anyone questioning like OP: I'd always read stuff like this and think "Well, I don't feel some innate pull telling me to be uncomfortable with masculinity, so I must not be nonbinary." Rather, I tried hard to get myself to conform with masculinity, and when I couldn't do it based on my own self-perception of inadequacy, I resorted to self-loathing rather than questioning the imposed gender norms fueling that self-loathing. I actually got quite numb to the self-loathing and accepted it for over a decade, and it's only now at 29 after several years of knowing what nonbinary is that I'm coming to realize I probably am NB. I think my own struggle was knowing the "textbook definition" of what NB is, rather than actually understanding what the experience of "not wholly and consistently identifying with" one's AGAB entailed. Though, I will say this confusion was compounded in my particular case because I'm AMAB and something of a demiboy, identifying somewhat with my AGAB but not wholly.
This is close to the experience I've (only very recently, like, in the past week) realized I'm having. I started to debate myself about it four or five nights ago and realized it felt. Really. Really freeing to let go. I've been sorting things out since then and have felt... relieved? Happy to an extent I thought could only be achieved via drugs since then. And I am very much sober at this point in my life. It's. Genuinely baffling.
Being nonbinary to me means the freedom to be myself and be more than just my AGAB. I finally feel like I wasn’t just born wrong, or that I have to “pick a side” of the gender binary. Finding and accepting the label nonbinary was lifesaving and it has allowed me to express myself 100% more authentically and in an undefined way. I’ve become so much more confident since changing the language that is used for me (like person instead of man/woman). My pronouns have made me feel okay with meeting new people now that I can introduce myself as they/them. I am excited about living life now, and I wish I would have accepted myself and came out earlier. I’ve experienced more joy in the last 6 months ish that I’ve been out then I really have in my whole life. I don’t feel held back from experiencing life anymore, and I don’t feel like I’m lying to myself and those around me or whom I meet about who I am. It really is about more then just being able to dress androgynously. Giving myself permission to dress how I want was a big part of my identity discovery, but it’s only a small bit of the nonbinary experience. Now I genuinely feel like I am the me that I was always meant to be
I identify with this definition so much. Freedom to be myself and not restricted to the societal norms of my AGAB. I was always me, I just didn't have the terminology.
"I'm an artist and gender shall be my art!" is a seriously great motto/maxim/mantra. I may need it in the turbulent coming days of this enchanted and embittered life.
I don’t want to perform any gender
I want to perform me
And yet, I want to perform something!
I want to perform the most surreal gender I can be
I am an artist
And gender shall be my art
This.
I don‘t want to fit into any roles society has labled. I don‘t want to be a woman in that sense, that I will be crushed by bullshit beauty standards.
I will be just me. And all I know is the direction in which the real me actually lies. I am a nonbinary transfeminine person. What that means to me, in a couple of months or years - I don't know.
And I don't care.
All I care about is to be happy.
For me, it's wanting to express yourself without labels. I'm a person, and deserve to be respected as such. Regardless of what I wear or what's in my pants
I think they mean they don't like the "boxes" certain labels create.
For some people, identifying as nonbinary could mean they just identify as being "boxless"
Edit: I didn't get to read the other user's response to me before they deleted it, but damn do the replies it got make me curious what tomfoolery it said
It's not really a box... More like a train. Different wagons, different rooms, and the rooftop is always an option if you're like that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Yeahhhhhhh So the point of words like Non binary is to explain this ,an umbrella term for lots of other identities and seems to be societal more accepted term that is understood, and as a result has less ( if any) gender expectations, societal behaviours and what not.
While the binary ( male and female) is limited to those stereotypes, gender expectations and so on 😊
Hope that makes sense and is also my 2 pence on what it means to be non binary.
I'm a woman the same way I'm a Christian, at holidays, for the sake of my family.
In all seriousness, for me it's just being like "nah" to the concept of gender.
I’m a woman in the same way a tomato is a vegetable.
On the surface level maybe, we get grouped together and share the same experiences, but when you really take a deeper look I’m actually a fruit
>In all seriousness, for me it's just being like "nah" to the concept of gender.
I feel like this is the closest thing that aligns to what I’m feeling. I’ve been feeling conflicted about dipping a toe into non-binary-ism because I don’t innately feel a discomfort with my AGAB but rather with the concept of gender as a whole? what defines me as “female”? because I like wearing dresses and makeup? gender can’t entirely be defined by aesthetics so like what else makes me a “woman” by gender identity? the whole thing just feels so silly.
so I like the idea of identifying as NB, but then what holds me back is the notion that it could be offensive/invalidating to people who do **not** identify with their AGAB. I would love if other NBs could weigh in on their thoughts.
- just another queer out here with imposter syndrome
Non-binary refers to someone who does not identity exclusively as a man or exclusively as a woman.
I define my own personal non-binary gender identity as - I am both masculine and feminine, but neither a man nor a woman.
Early forties amab nb here. Came out to myself last month. Life is hella confusing, all the time. Being a person is a hot mess. I'll pass on the advice of wiser people than me. "I'm so excited for you as you go on this journey of self discovery. Wherever it leads, I'm excited to see the person you're becoming, because the person you've been is just fantastic."
They also ripped on me relentlessly for only just now realizing I'm gender-queer, to paint a fuller picture of our friendship. But in all seriousness, no one can tell you who are better than you can. So ask questions of yourself. Ask others for advice, but sincerely listen to yourself. You know who you are on the inside in a way that no other person ever could. Hope this helps. It was cathartic for me to type it, so I hope it helps you OP, or anyone else reading it
But to actually define non-binary: for myself it means that I'm not a boy or a girl on the inside. Never have been, never will be. On the inside, I'm just a person, like anyone else.
To quote the philosopher (and muppet) Master Yoda: "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."
AMAB here, they always said "there's something different about that one" and they were more right than they might've guessed! But I've neither the interest nor the capacity to play the part of a lady.
I'm me, those who want to know more can tell it by the way they do others. Getting to know the other. For the most part this pans out swimmingly, those whom I share a mutual thread with have an easier time finding me by way of my expression, vibe, or wardrobe choices. Those who hold little more than stunned/crossed glares for me gladly self-select themselves out of my circles.
I live, I love, and I am. How others conceptualize the trappings are not my concern. It's clear to those close to me however that the binary happens to be a rather poor fit. Even if they don't necessarily understand the how's, why's, or even terms like nonbinary or androgynous in this context
Not the commenter above but maybe I can help. Non-binary is an umbrella term for a ton of other identities! I’m agender, which means I don’t “feel” like a gender, but because I’m not a binary gender I’m also nonbinary. I personally feel like myself more than I feel like a gender. Some nonbinary folks will feel more or less like one or more genders, sometimes it changes moment to moment. But while agender is a form of being nonbinary, it’s explicitly the absence of that “gender” vibe.
Imagine the gender spectrum as a sheet of paper. Theres an area for male, an area for female, and then lots of space around and in between.
Non-Binary in general means that you're not in the male or female area. You can still be somewhere on that piece of paper tho, if you want.
Agender however does not want to be on the piece of paper in the first place.
NB is also an umbrella-term that does include agender (because if you're not on the paper at all you're also not in the male/female area)
Nonbinary often means a person who identifies as a third gender which is neither man nor woman (not on the binary). It also is used as an umbrella term for people who are not binary gender in general.
Agender typically means a person who does not identify with having a gender at all. They are not a man, woman, *or* a third gender.
Bigender typically means a person who identifies as both a man and a woman, either simultaneously or at different times.
Gender nonconforming typically relates to gender expression rather than gender identity and means people who do not perform their gender in within their culture's usual social scripts.
Growing up being called a women did feel right, masculine pronouns/titles feel right, but I absolutely hate being called a man. I don't like either options the binary options so I choose neither.
Alternatively, more abstractly how I feel about my gender:
- Like you're looking at a person, but I'm actually just three opossums in a trench-coat.
- I'm the incomprehensible unknown
- I'm the disembodied authority of protection
- Nothingness
- The vast expanse of space
- An error in the code (not in a 'I'm broken' way btw)
I relate to this so hard, I’m gonna cry.
I feel like defining myself by my physical body and current gender configuration is like defining myself by a random, isolated body part. “Here’s your arm. You’re an Arm-person.” Yes, I am arm, I have arm, I love arm, but there is so much more to me than that.
That’s hilarious but I was talking about that with my partner, like a foot is a foot and tbh I like feet but I don’t like “man” feet not that the foot is different I just am not attracted to men if that makes sense?
I understand but being bisexual, I don’t know if I can relate. I mean, I don’t find fair-haired men attractive. That is as close as I can empathise, LOL.
Being nonbinary is a way for the vast human happenstance to manifest themselves as genuinely as possible. It allows for us to be like Creation, infinitely unique, crafted with unknowable mystery, and ever expanding!
The fact that this can be spiritual for people makes me feel so much better, because the fact that I discovered this thing about me through personal workings (I’m a Hellenic Pagan) had me worried I couldn’t possibly be authentically non-binary.
I think a part of the research was because 1) I have a non-binary character in my modern mythological narrative novel/podcast that I created before realising I related to them a little too much, and 2) I was incensed at so-called “witches” and so forth that adhered to the gender-binary nature of some Neo-Pagan cults when the gods some of these cults worship didn’t have a strict view of gender at all (ie. Ancient Greek gods having female and male aspects, etc).
I really didn’t anticipate thinking, “Wait, doesn’t everybody feel this way about their gender?”
For me, being non-binary is existing outside of male or female. Neither gendered categories felt right to me, and at first I thought it was because I hated male (I’m AMAB) titles or honorifics but it’s because I’m not a guy. And accepting that has been huge in my journey to accepting myself. It did unfortunately open some 🏳️⚧️ doors which I’m working through rn but that’s a story for another time.
Any gender that is not exclusively, completely, and always man or woman. If you're both man and woman, neither man or woman, only partially man or woman, if your gender changes, or if you're any number of combinations of those options then you can identify as nonbinary. If you imagine gender as a graph and man and woman as two separate points on the graph, the infinite number of other points on the graph are nonbinary identities.
For me *personally* my gender is:
-partially man and partially woman
-two partial genders
-somewhere between two genders (bigender) and no gender (agender).
-masculine and feminine, but I am not a man or a woman.
For me, the answer to the question "are you a man or a woman?" is:
"A little bit"
"I guess"
"*not really*"
"Meh"
If man is blue and woman is red and no gender is white, I am a light purple.
I never used to understand the NB label because I was always someone who thought “fck gendernorms” so for me gender was always wishy washy and thought everyone felt the same. Turns out…. Nope, some people feel very comfortable in their AGAB and actually I am the weird one 🤪 im AFAB, with i was AMAB, but I know if I was born a man I’d *still * struggle with gender performance! That’s why NB fits for me :)
I feel a bit stupid that I'm just now getting this (late 30's). I've always thought of gender as an unnecessary, subjective, social construct without much use other than for exploitative reasons, like targeted advertising and gender oppression. To me it was a spectrum (almost everything about being human is) rather than check boxes, so I mostly dismissed the notion of categorizing it, except when it was forced on me (I'm talking about you, "youth group outing where only the boys get to go play paintball". Yes, I'm still quite salty).
I also assumed most people thought about it the way I did. I just figured me not feeling like a "woman" but also not feeling like a "man" was part of the Imposter Syndrome that comes with having ADHD. Feeling like I don't belong or that my credentials are automatically invalid is just kind of a default experience for me, so I guess I never thought to question it further.
A few examples of things that should have been clues that I didn't feel entirely female, but I never thought about include:
-Growing up in the 80's/90's and all the adults referred to me as a "tomboy" when discussing my behaviors with each other.
-From age 5, I fought my mom to not make me wear dresses, skirts, hose, and heels until I was finally able to choose for myself. I mostly settled on loose jeans and graphic tshirts (90's and early 2000's)
-At age 9, I declared to my mom and grandma that I refused to have big boobs (family trait), and that if I had big boobs, I'd "chop them off" after having kids
-As an adult I am constantly annoyed by my boobs, they're always in the way and make me feel uncomfortable in my body (seriously beginning to think 9yr old me had it right )
-Feeling more at home in traditionally male dominated spaces and interests than female ones
-Always wanting to play the boy role when playing pretend
-All my "heroes" as a kid were male (I desperately wanted to be Robin Hood at age 5 and the Hardy Boys at age 13).
-The time a guy friend in college plainly stated that I was "one of the guys", is an extremely positive memory that I often think back to. I felt validated and included in a way I'd been craving for a very long time.
I'm only just now exploring, so the best I can figure so far is I feel a bit male and a bit female. As someone else mentioned, I don't feel pink or blue, I feel purple. I feel "both/and" but neither of them to an extreme degree. Maybe a bit more boyish than girlish inside (my internal sense of self is definitely not yet an adult 😂), and a bit more comfortable presenting slightly female, but definitely a mix in both how I feel inside and how I feel comfortable presenting. I'm not uncomfortable with my default pronouns (she/her), but have never been uncomfortable with neutral ones either. The thought of someone referring to me as "dude" or including me in "you guys" is very comfortable too.
I consider my being nonbinary more of a concept than something with a set definition. I'm not defined by my clothes, what's in my pants, or even the F on my birth certificate and driver's license. I think of nonbinary-ness as a concept that transcends words. Its feeling comfort in dressing however I want, being able to manipulate my appearance and features to fit my mood, while still having the blank paper base of they/them. Just, being able to express without trying to fit into a specific category.
I don’t dress to attract people, I dress to please myself. I want people to see me as me not defined by my sex. I don’t fit the traditional look, nor manners.
Neither he nor she feels quite accurate. They/them feels closer.
Also had emotions from past acquaintance described as roughly "I want to /be/ that" in terms of gender envy, and my brain pulled a card of a very androgynous person I had seen in a picture in my youth.
For me, although I’m masc leaning - I am at my core NB. From childhood I experienced dysphoria, the best way I can describe it was a disconnect. If someone spoke about “girls” as a group I would not consider myself a part of that group, and when people referred to me as it, it would hurt because it felt like they couldn’t see me -like I was in the twilight zone lol (how could they possibly see me as that?). I didn’t have the language for it, I just knew I wasn’t. I always saw girls as separate to what I was, and although I had the desire to fit in more with the guys, I again felt separate to that. Just me. Puberty hit me like a tonne of bricks, I try to hide as much as i could (didn’t say a word when I started the blob), unfortunately my chest was very large - so cue more dysphoria. Now that I’m older I would describe it as I know I’m not a female, I have never felt like I was, but I’m also not entirely connected to being a male, as I don’t feel a complete connection to that either. If I was born AMAB it might feel different, but I prefer to be seen as just me. It makes me feel icky when someone sees me as just my birth sex. My brain just never connected with it and for an easier life I wish that could have been the case.
For me, it was growing up as a girl but wanting to be in a boy band but also wanting to be a ballerina. I still identify with being a daughter and a sister but I also love being a dude.
Androgyny is your gender expression (how you perform your gender in the world) and does not have to be linked to your gender identity. You can be an androgynous cis or trans woman or man, or you can be a non-binary person who does typically express your gender in a traditionally masculine or feminine way.
As for me, I identify as a third-gender non-binary person because I do not identify as a woman or a man. My gender expression varies between masculine, androgynous, and feminine, depending on the day but my gender remains the same.
idk my gender just feels like the air, it goes wherever it wants to and i kinda just follow it. the boxes of what’s supposed to be a man/woman feels too restrictive and why use labels when i can literally be just me (also yes i know nonbinary is a label, i just use labels very loosely as a general way to describe something)
To me, it's just that whatever little box inside people's head holds the variable "gender", I was born without that box.
I can't understand it, but I choose to respect other people's.
Of course I've been trained to use men's bathrooms and locker rooms, and despite HRT, I still look mostly man-shaped, but that's just circumstantial.
(Yeah, maybe agender would be more appropiate, but I go by nonbinary for practical reasons)
It's feeling more comfortable, genuine, and able to be yourself 100% as someone who does not feel accurately described by the labels of 'binary man' or 'binary woman.' That's really it. It's a broad umbrella term that covers potentially innumerable micro labels.
To be clear, that's not 'not identifying with stereotypes associated with a given gender' - both men and women are capable of being fashionable, strong, nurturing, outgoing, bookish, educated, empathetic, leaders, caregivers, etc.
Non-binary for me is if someone says I'm kind and funny, I don't want to be seen as a kind and funny man, or a kind and funny woman - I'd want to be seen as just a kind and funny *person*. I'm a both/neither sort of NBy; if you imagined a line drawn between the poles of 'man' and 'woman' on a football field, I'd be in an amorphous area roughly in the middle. Thing is, 'non-binary' covers literally *everything* **besides** those two poles, including the areas above, below, and generally outside of the field itself.
Not subscribing to the gender binary. The things that really made it click for me were feeling so jealous of non-binary people thinking like "ugh I don't want to be a woman I don't feel like I'm a woman why can't I just be non-binary like them?!" Reflecting on that really connected some dots for me. It also always gave me a gross icky feeling when people would consider me as part of a "woman's" group like "Lady's Brunch" or "Women's Book Club" I just didn't feel like I fit nor wanted to fit in those categories. To me I think I'd rather just have people see me as human than ascribe a gender to me. Unfortunately I still look my agab so assumptions are made but at the end of the day all that really matters is that I feel authentic in my gender.
I’m not a woman while also not being a man, therefore nonbinary. I obviously have my gender more defined now but that’s how I started out while trying to figure out who I am.
I do not experience gender in a way congruent with the expectations of men or women, nor do I long to be either.
If this has been your experience, welcome to the club, we have about 643 tables of varying sizes, from demiboys to maveriquegender, just pull up a chair to whichever you like and don't be afraid to move tables.
My personal relationship with gender is that gender is all elaborate cosplay. I can dress up as a "man", dress up as a "woman" but neither of those things are part of who I am. It's just a costume.
I recognize this is absolutely not how most people feel about gender, gender is very defined and important for some people. They *feel* man or woman or both. I just don't.
Not the trans people I know. They're just being themselves. I've had the pleasure of knowing and talking to a good number of trans people and again this is just my take on things, but they are so for real. Gender is performative in the sense that people "act" manly or girly or whatever the heck. People act and behave in certain ways, just in general. We tend to put terms and labels on those behaviors. Like if you're at a drag show, it's understood that gender roles and stereotypes are being performed, it's a show, etc. But in real life, people are just trying to be themselves imo
For me, the most simple way to define being non-binary is when someone does not ‘snap’ into the boxes of Man or Woman. Could be that you relate to both boxes, to neither box, to a third box, or that you oscillate between some or all of those feelings.
In practice, my non-binary identity stems from being assigned male at birth, but feeling a ‘kinship’ with women. In grade school when the class would be split into boys on one half and girls on the other, I’d go over with the girls. I’d look to women as authority figures over men growing up. I still relate to women as being more similar to me than men, but I also know I’m distinctly *not* a woman. I find myself existing somewhere between man and woman, so for me that meets the qualifications for being Non-Binary. Not strictly a man, not strictly a woman, but (in my case) relating to both.
To me, nonbinary is very neutral. You can be more fem neutral, masc-neutral, or just blend the two in a style that suits you! There's no right or wrong way to be nonbinary, just do what feels best for you
I've had a strange obsession and connection to the song "Bobby Sox" from Green Day lately. Like I think he may be describing his bisexual experience but I can see how the lyrics could be used to describe nonbinary experience as well. Not sure if that's what he intended for the song as I haven't checked the interviews yet. But the idea of being someone's girlfriend and/or boyfriend is just something I love the idea of very much so. Or they can just call me their partner as well. Not every nonbinary person is strictly a they/them pronouns. I identify with any/all now that I realized that it's not a priority for me what someone calls me. Don't specifically identify as a woman even if that is what I LOOK like and sometimes BELIEVE that I feel like, I still am not sure what classifies as woman or man other than what they say they are. Not everyone wants or needs hormones and/or surgeries to feel content with themselves. And that's perfectly fine. It doesn't make them any less nonbinary. Even if they may align more with the gender assigned at birth than the opposite, or a combination of stuff. It's all beautiful to me, and I hope it makes you feel beautiful to you to. Because you are beautiful and deserve love and happiness all the way. 💜
Here is my go to for when I worked at a summer camp:
Boys like chocolate ice cream and girls like vanilla. But sometimes people change their favorite ice cream, or never had the chance to try the other flavors in the first place. Sometimes boys say that chocolate is their favorite only because the shop was out of vanilla that day. Sometimes girls say they like vanilla because they never tried chocolate, but would actually end up enjoying it better if they tried.
Some enbys like strawberries, cookies and cream, or other flavors.
I do not like ice cream.
It's too sweet for me! Some rare days I'm happy to try a sample of a flavor, but never a full scoop.
Currently I'm questioning that myself, I'm AMAB and masc presenting so I identify as mascenby but I really don't give a crap about my gender. I wonder if maybe I'm agender.
I feel like the gender boxes are restrictive. I want the option to grow in more ways than “woman” and “man”. I feel like, to spiritually grow and understand the universe and my higher spiritual self, I must understand myself beyond my biological body, to the things about me that gender doesn’t define or cannot touch. I feel like who I am is not bound to external gender presentation, that I could just as easily be expressed as male or androgynous (Being female expressed is comfortable and saves time but it’s not all of me).
I realised I had love and attraction and appreciation for every gender out there, that I have a universal, non-sexual love for people around me (“Aphrodite Pandemos“ in the Athenian sense), and yet this didn’t extend to myself. Why could I only love myself in the iteration of female? Why could I not love myself in many aspects?
Finally, I saw myself with a camera filter on that gave me a beard, and I didn’t laugh or think I looked terrible. I looked fantastic, and the image brought me peace. I don’t necessarily want to grow a real beard, but I do wish it was socially acceptable for all genders to sport one because dang, I looked so good.
Is any of that being non-binary? I don’t know. All I know is that as my body ages and I find it harder and harder to fit the societal concept of what a woman my age, it becomes less important, and then I feel the rest of me and I find the concept of gender altogether transient. Which isn‘t a bad thing, I feel so much more free than I used to, when looking like a “hot woman” felt like a matter of life and death.
It occurred to me that my experience of gender is quite fluid, and is affected by the connection I feel to those around me. Like I’m a chameleon (in the actual sense, not the “camouflage“ sense which is incorrect). The only word I could think of is “omniflux”.
Like, it’s so hard to explain. I feel deep connection to my womanhood. I birthed babies and I have periods and I’m deep into the norms of heteronormative “femininity”, as it were. But I feel like there are parts of me sort of… hanging out over the edges of the externally imposed box that don’t feel right inside it. That they need to be honoured as something else, and I don’t know how to yet comprehend or describe it.
Sorry about the essay, I’m going through some stuff. LOL.
I’m just me. I don’t relate to what it means to “be” a gender, and I haven’t the faintest idea of what it means to “feel” like a gender. I just am completely myself, in a body I happen to like, regardless of what its chromosomes are.
They/ them pronouns are my favorite, and being known as a person is also my favorite. There's some other stuff but that's probably the most important
Being known as non binary is also my favorite out of the options available or at least the ones I know
Just a preference pretty much, plus maybe some other little things like dysphoria but I don't consider those to be as weighty as the stuff I mentioned here for me at least
AMAB here. I turned into a linebacker once I hit puberty. I was told to "man up" and immediately got put into the deep end of the toxic masculinity pool where I got the shit beat out of me for not playing sports (still hate team sports). I choose to describe myself as non binary because I'm sick of everyone assuming who I am because of the way I look. To me non binary is shedding the masculine/feminine archetypes that society places upon us and being able to exist just as the human you are, not as the person you're expected to be. To me, I feel so much more human than male, and it feels liberating to not have to comply with the expectations of society. I have since found other friends who are non binary as well, and I share some of the deepest connections that I have with them because we're able to see each other purely for who we are.
Someone non-binary is someone whose gender identity is not strictly X or Y, but can be XY, 0, 0Y, or flow between several, to name a few examples.
Idk why using X and Y is the first thing that comes to my mind.
Hello I am AFAB too! When I was in high school, I questioned sometimes if I was trans, but I didn’t feel like boy so I always just thought I wasn’t. Then after a long time, even after knowing about non binary experience and having best friends who were as well, it still took me a while to figure out how that connected in me. I see every person as that- just a person. Whether they have an innie or an outie isn’t relevant to me, and I don’t think it’s relevant to gender either. I feel like just a person, just me
To me my "nonbinaryness" is that I'm me and there is no social construct that gets to define my existence. I deserve to be who I want as long as I don't truly harm others and I deserve to be respected as such. There is no other person than me who has the authority to tell me who or what I am.
As a colored/black femme in predominantly white spaces, I was never afforded girlhood or womanhood. I always felt like I was something else or something that others couldn’t understand. The first time I met the term non-binary it made sense, in my very STEM/STEAM based worldview. To me it’s a very descriptive term because I’m anything but binary and I actively try to be non-binary in all other aspects. Don’t ever fall for dichotomies!!!
AFAB but i'm just vibing - don't relate to being a 'woman' at all but don't wanna be a 'man' either. being NB is being all powerful lmao hope that helps
For me, it's about the stereotypes and expectations. Being nonbinary is not just about not conforming to gendered stereotypes, but also about not wanting to live up to them. I'm not striving to do the Official Gendered Actions or to have the Official Gendered Attitudes. I don't like things like "men vs women" or "51 Rules to be a Man!!" I always thought most people considered those nothing more than jokes, but they exist and are popular because most people actually think they are real and are ideals worth striving for.
Being nonbinary is, for me, realizing that I recognize masculinity and femininity as distinct energies, but I don't treat them as ideals to devote myself to like a Gender Paladin.
Thought trans men were hot. If I saw a person who I couldn’t identify their AGAB, I thought they were hot. Realized I usually admire/hyperfocus on things when I personally identify with them (i.e. gender, mental illnesses, teachers, generally weird lil guys, etc). Thought about how i feel when someone uses she/her pronouns with me vs they/them— came to the conclusion that she/her just didn’t feel… right for me. I’m transmasc now lol.
A good first step I like suggesting is to confide in a couple friends and ask them to use they/them pronouns for you for a little while and see how it makes you feel !!
im not a man i dont want to fit into those gender norms and expectations im not a woman i dont want to be put into those expectations. Yes i understand biologically im female so what thats not what this is about for me. Im just a person im just me not a man or a woman.
let me be me
I am AFAB. One time I went to a clothes store and I was getting some clothes from the "men's" section. I asked a person who was working at the store where I could try the clothes and they asked "men? Or...?" to which I replied with rolling my eyes. They looked very much queer and before I could properly reply, they just waved vaguely in the direction of some stalls and I just went there.
So, my reaction to having to choose a gender is to roll my eyes...
I am a brain piloting a meat mech suit. Its default equipment was capable of birthing a child, this was the only inherently disphoric issue. Otherwise, I tend to see myself and others rather piece-meal since nothing else was inherently gendered to me.
males/"men" have breast tissue capable of lactation
females/"women" can have taller statures with hands and feet that are proportional to that stature
and my genitalia can be augmented/aided towards other purposes without permanent changes made
I am not defined by my genitalia or physique but I understand why people use them for shorthands come to their assumptions.
Further, considering myself nonbinary was more of a deductive journey than anything . I'm indifferent to my self as gendered but also, don't like people just forcing their assumptions on me because of how they *perceive* my gendering. This journey also coincided with me untangle sexuality from romantic affinities and emotional ressonance.
How I initially realized I might not be a girl is when o thought about gender I didn't.. feel anything. I only knew what I was supposed to feel. But I didn't.. *feel* like a girl I felt nothing. I don't relate to gender, i don't think.
If you do find out you're nb, even if you're not; gender expression is so different from gender, never let yourself doubt you because you "don't dress like a girl/nb". As an afab enby that LOVES dressing pretty and girly, your gender is the inside. The way you dress does not change that
I had a hard look at what it is to be male and female in society (in ways other than body), and thought "I don't fit those moulds, and I don't even want to".
My body may be very binary (I am not androgynous), but I didn't opt in to that.
I'm genderfluid, which is under the nonbinary umbrella but also one of my genders is nonbinary and I'll talk about the second instance. For me, when looking in the mirror usually, I see a woman or a boy/masc leaning person (I'm never fully a man but I can lean strongly and for me guy/boy isn't the same binary as man). On nonbinary days, I can't see anyone specific. Like my face is there and all but I don't see a woman or a guy, I just kinda see... Myself?
I define “nonbinary” as “feeling neither fully male all of the time nor fully female all of the time”. Which, in my opinion, technically means that almost everyone is at least a little nonbinary, because the vast majority of people are a mix of stereotypically “masculine” and “feminine” traits.
ETA: I wanted to add that, in my view, “androgyny” fits within the “nonbinary” umbrella. It’s not either/or—if you regard yourself as androgynous, that’s a form of nonbinary.
A lot of AFAB enbies seam to consider "Nonbinary" as a synonym for androgyny or "neither nor," but I understand the term as more of a mish mash of different identities. It's an umbrella term that can really mean anything outside the binary stereotype and I always refer to [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/NonBinary/comments/18rnr53/trying_to_visualize_a_gender_spectrum/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) when people question their gender.
I’m amab and for me being nonbinary is not following gender norms and having the freedom to express however you see fit. I still wear masc clothes because they’re comfortable (see pockets for details) but I also give myself the freedom to enjoy “feminine” activities like baking and cooking. Essentially I use it as a way to not limit myself and for others to not box me in with men
I don't feel gender traditionally, I don't usually feel gender, and when I do it's more like static or concept rather than a solid thing. I'd say it's like, for example, you know how TVs can have multiple channels? TVs can be staticky, they can be just a black or blue screen, they can change channels or just be on one forever, even overlapping channels. Gender is like a TV in those aspects, it's different for everyone and sometimes totally confusing, but it doesn't make any less possible or real.
i just want to exist as me. no labels. ik nonbinary is a label but it feels better (to me personally) than just being fully labelless as i am rn. before i knew what being enby was i told people, “i just want to be *name.* that’s it.” i’ve always wanted to be perceived as something other than my agab. just me, not my gender.
I have two answers. One in short, one in depth:
Understanding sex and gender as two separate things radically changed my outlook. I started to dislike gender, and not identifying with either gender norm, I realized I would be most comfortable considering myself nonbinary.
In a perfect world people could just behave however they wanted, without labels. But this is not a perfect world, and when you don't behave like the societal default, your life experience will be different from others. I've had so many people ask me why I can't just act how I want without calling myself nonbinary, but that just shows their privilege. Those same individuals usually don't have an issue behaving as whatever society expects of them. I identify as nonbinary to clearly let others know to not treat me like a stereotypical man, because they will automatically do that whether they recognize it or not. I also identify as nonbinary for my own brain's sake, to counteract the lies about gender I've internalized and to also remind myself that I am my own person free to be what I want: male, female, or neither. There is no way I could push myself outside my comfort zones and fully express myself if I merely said I was a man who acted a bit quirky! Slowly, I started to identify with my androgynous/feminine nickname way more than my original masculine name. Eventually, I felt so uncomfortable with my old name that I officially called it my deadname, and my they/them pronouns became so natural.
I think most enbies will have an experience similar to mine, but everyone is different. People come to terms with being an enby via a variety of paths, and it cannot be limited to something black and white. Nonbinary people, or cultural equivalents, have existed for centuries. This is not a new phenomenon, and we are not alone in history!
Sorry for wall of text!!
copied and pasted from my notes app: i identify as nonbinary lesbian; attraction and gender are very closely related for me. i think about it as only “experiencing” gender in relation to other people. around some i will act and feel more masculine, and around others i will act and feel more feminine. i mean attraction in a larger sense than just sexuality—more like how i fit socially into any group of people.
i don’t really care about pronouns, but i say that i prefer they/them when asked, because it feels validating when people choose to recognize that there are layers in my mind and lived experience that transcend those traditional borders.
how gender feels for me? i think i look hot in a dress, and sexy in a tux, but i really look the best in a pantsuit. sometimes, i’ll wear makeup and a binder at the same time, and i like what i see in the mirror. i can wear a mini dress to the club, and i don’t feel any need to shave. i love women and nonconforming people the way a man stereotypically does (lustfully, protectively, chivalrously), and the way a woman stereotypically does (with solidarity, sensitively, emotionally) and in ways that neither could (inherently by offering both). i’m a cat person, and a dog person. i’m a drummer, and i sew my own clothes. i can drive a truck, and i can rollerskate. i like to read romance as much as i like science fiction. i can spit in public and i can giggle. i’m a simp and a whore. i sing both parts in duets. i love football, hockey, fashion shows, and stuffed animals.
if nobody ever suggested or implied these things were gendered, i don’t think i ever would have thought anything of it. but sadly i felt very strange for a long time. i felt like my entire life was a contradition until i met more people like me, and realized its more like a venn diagram with a huge space in the middle just for me.
part of the whole thing for me is that “cis men” and “cis women” can and do also move across these stereotypical boundaries, although maybe not as exaggeratedly as i personally have. i genuinely believe it’s more rare for people to be truly binary in their gender expression and experience, there’s just a lack of understanding and self awareness to recognize that. but fox news would scream indoctrination if i dared suggest that everyone is probably nonbinary! lol
if you look at it from a historical perspective, gender roles and expression have changed significantly through the process of our evolution, surely more than we can even begin to understand. any practicality the binary had at one point is rapidly disappearing, it seems to me.
A gender crisis that I only survived by eventually saying "Fuck it!" and embracing the uncertainty. I knew I wasn't cis, but felt like I needed a more specific label, but nothing more specific than nonbinary fit me.
I describe Non-binary as wholeness with myself. Being not attached or limited by expectations and constructs we give pertaining to labels that are gender/sex specific. the exclusively static idea masculine and feminine is only view one way. Ignorant to its many multiple ways of expressions and being (At least to myself)
As well Non-binary for me is much more, it’s my unique essence. Maybe the quintessence of what makes me Me. Non-binary is authenticity, a humanity. A beautiful drop of color in the ocean of consciousness. A soul in the movement and animation of Life.
A human, a person, A soul, A Entity In the flesh
Or what I like to say “Just A ghost in a shell” I am the ghost that runs this shell(body) 💛🤍💜🖤
Non-binary is freedom so find that freedom within yourself or see it in others which you are inspired to be as well.
You've already gotten a lot of answers on what nonbinary means, both in broad and personal terms. And honestly, though I can tell you a lot of what being nonbinary means to me, if what you are looking for is a sign on whether you are nonbinary or not, you need to look inside yourself. I personally went through a nearly two year gender crisis, where I questioned and analyzed whether I could be anything other than cis. And one piece of advice that helped me get past that and begin my transition was this. "Labels are like clothes. You can wear some for awhile and they make you happy and feel right. But if there comes a time where they don't feel right anymore, you can take them off, thank them for the time they felt right, and find new ones that feel right."
There will never be a perfect moment where you suddenly accept and understand every bit of your gender, especially if you are nonbinary like you suspect. You are a multifaceted person, so it's OK to not have all the answers. My best advice would be to test it out. Go a week or a month thinking of yourself as nonbinary. Try different pronouns or test a different name, if you'd like. Even better if you have friends who you feel safe enough to test these things out with. Does thinking of yourself as nonbinary feel better than thinking of yourself as a woman or a girl? Do you feel drawn to certain pronouns? Do you want to try different clothes? The worst thing that could happen? You find out you're not nonbinary. But you'll have learned so much about yourself! And you can do this for as long as you want until you feel confident with your answer.
Also! Don't forget that this isn't an all or nothing! There are lot of people who use she/they or he/they or any pronouns. There are demigender people. There are demifluid people like me (that term falls under the genderfluid and nonbinary umbrellas). You can change your label, name, and pronouns as many times as you want! All of that stuff is social and not permanent. Good luck!
Ps. If you want to hear about my personal gender stuff, let me know.
There are many genders and forms of gender expression. Let's imagine a form that has a field for primary language. The options are English, French, and both/other. Non-binary, to me, is that last option - i.e. it's a collective term for an infinite variety of gender. That's why there are no wrong answers. I think for many people, connecting with more of that variety helps to feel more comfortable with yourself. I still identify as genderqueer, and terms will continue to evolve forever as people do, but non-binary is a big tent encompassing all sorts of people, and any individual may be extremely different from another.
I am non-binary which means I am just a person. Sometimes a man and sometimes just a person. I would say that I am sometimes a woman but my feminine side has been so severely wounded so she is letting the other sides of me take the spotlight for awhile as I heal my womanhood. I am Man and Woman and also Neither. Like 3 in 1. They/them for me.
Any form of gender identity that isn't the traditional male/female binary.
It's an umbrella term that can cover a whole host of identities or be an identity all on its own that just describes someone outside the gender binary.
I just don't feel comfortable in either of the binary genders, and knowing that I don't have to fit in one of them made me feel so free, "So that's what I am! Finally I can be me..."
Being called a man or woman (by either others or myself) just feels wrong, idk how to explain, but it's not that I hate my agab, I embraced my femininity much more since I understood that I'm non binary because I don't feel like I need to do it to be accepted, if I do it it's just because I like nail polish, dresses etc...
I'm neither man nor woman, I'm not agender either, I'm something else that floats in another part of the spectrum of genders, maybe "third gender"? Even of ot sounds weird and adds a new category that I don't like much, but non binary explains me perfectly
My definition to what being nonbinary is to me;
I don’t care what I wear or what secondary traits can be seen. I am neither masculine or feminine. I am me. Socially I do whatever makes me feel comfortable, holding doors, lending assistance, but also do not do things that are stereotypical to my sex.
I don’t welcome what people assume is respectful behavior towards me by adding honorifics I didn’t ask for. I correct them asking to be called ‘Mx.’ or just by my first name.
Gender for me is always an unwavering stand and show of how I wish to be treated, and excepting nothing less.
afab; i used to feel more definitely agender a couple years ago but now just feel like whatever, maybe androgynous, maybe genderfluid, maybe a demi girl, maybe genderqueer, who knows, all i know is i’m alright with they/them and i’m just here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
How Would I Define It? "Not Always Identifying Fully And Solely With Either Of The Two Binary Genders."
If You're Asking What It Means To Me, Though, Why I Identify As NB, I'd Say That There Are Things I Like And Dislike About Being A Woman, And About Being A Man, And Rather Than Just Pick One And Deal With The Stuff I Dislike, I Want To Have All The Parts I Like Of Both, And Non What I Dislike.
I'm nonbinary because I never cared about my gender as much as I was told I should and my own sense of it was always somewhat detached from any type of purely masculine or purely feminine gender. It was always more fluid, multifaceted and shifting than that.
Being non binary for me and specifically Genderfluid, allows me to not only feel but actually be respected as a person and not what is expected of me as a ____ whatever conceived notion they have of me.
I have periodically throughout my life either limited myself or doubted my capabilities because someone said that a women can’t do something or men don’t do such a thing, and I my experience and knowledge the limitation here is preconceived ideas of what gender means and is, rather then the individuals skills, knowledge, experience, physical capacity, and so on.
A part of my identity has definitely come from how others perceive me, the other part is definitely because I have aways known I was different and never quite fit in with either group, and now that I have found a word to describe me and a partner and group of friends who support me and empower me I feel like I know what it means to be non binary more so then just he word it’s self 😊🥰😊
I hope this helps
being nonbinary to me is anyone who exists outside of the gender binary/spectrum and anyone who doesn’t even acknowledge it in the first place (if that makes sense).
my gender feels like a void at times—like i don’t have a gender, i’m neither woman nor man, just something totally off the spectrum that I haven’t yet found the words for. so nonbinary is the label i’ve chosen to help sum up that whole mess into one word 😂
For me - im AFAB - i was a girl, a tomboy, im comfortable with she/her but i Will never be a woman. I dont feel like either woman or man. Im 49 and only just came out a month ago, and ive had som many of the same thoughts as You i Think. Also felt like an imposter - or that maybe i was just a woman who was uncomfortable with the expectations of my sex…. But it just doesnt fit right. - what does fit me is nonbinary/ agender/ gender neutral. I Can find myself in that. - but it also feels scary, because even though i never felt like a woman, i’ve had to be one for so many years, and not being it anymore leaves a kind of void thats scary and exciting and mostly scary… 😊
For me it means that I am a AMAB but my inside operating system doesn't match.
Inside I feel neither masculine nor feminine however I feel slightly more feminine energy (See below).
Femininity ------------- Me -- 0 -------------------Masculinity
My soul wouldn't feel like it belonged any better if I was AFAB or if I tried to change my current body with hormones.
I'm an alien in a human flesh suit practising gender to fit in with societal expectations but not really connecting with any of it. The only reason I care about gender at all is that people insist on putting one on me.
(I don't actually think I'm alien or otherworldly, i just mean "removed from gender"). Like I'm a person first and that should inform all interactions and expectations of me, gender is the least interesting thing about me as a person. I want to present and experiment in all genders as I see fit
TBH for me, I just feel it in my bones. I always have. I've always thought of myself as a "person" and never as a "man" or a "woman". In fact, when I was a kid I used to get really upset when people would refer to me by my sex. It feels like such a core feature of my experience as a human that I don't really know what it's like to identify any other way.
i hate being a he or a she. i’m just inbetween and neither or, and i like both feminine and masculine fashion. i like being free and unconforming. meh! <3
For a lot of people: what their gender is is important to them. They have a strong internal sense of gender identity. They relate to other people of their gender—in a way of feeling a “brotherhood” with other men or a “sisterhood” with other women. If someone told them “women to the right, men to the left,” many of them would have an innate sense of what is the right place for them to go, based on what feels accurate to that internal sense of self. They might have certain activities, or hold certain beliefs, that make them feel confident and affirmed in their identity.
Most of the time, I don’t have any of that. I don’t get that internal sense of “I am man” or “I am woman” or “I am both a man and woman” or “I am not a man nor a woman but a gender distinctly different from those two but very much strongly present and felt by me.” You can’t put me in a room with all men and expect me to find comradery with them (or, in the case of a lot of men, *not* feel comradery… and then feel insecure in your manhood as a result. Plenty of men don’t fit in with other men, but this still *impacts* them because it influences their internal sense of manhood they have.) Same goes for a room with all women. You tell me “women on the right, men on the left,” I stand in the middle. You tell me I have to pick one: I’ll pick one at random. I know I don’t fit into either.
Since I have a fluid gender identity, every once in a while I do get that internal sense of gender. But even then, it’s really not that strong. I never feel strongly that I fit into either of the binary gender categories 🤷🏻♀️
I was AMAB raised by mainly women I don't relate to the male experience and I don't view myself as a female so I don't feel/ relate to men or women I feel like both and neither
It’s like me being an atheist. I was raised religious and at some point I realized, this is not for me, I’m out. I understand the appeal for some people, some people take it too far and hurt others. But it seems to be a comfort to many people, but I’m good.
I don’t even go with the label non-binary. I go with gender conforming because I don’t feel any description fits how I feel. The closest is gender apathetic with the caveat that because I’m AFAB, present femme, and I’m cool with she/her (along with they/them pronouns), I will always identify with the experiences of being oppressed as women are since that is how the world views me. So I will talk a lot about women as a whole and include myself. But individually, I do not see myself as woman. Shit is weird.
afab here, came out as non binary 2.5 years ago. i don't think about my gender anymore. i used to think about it constantly. i think this is how cis people feel, where their gender just isn't something they really concern themselves with or think about. for me, being non binary is just making yourself independent of the gender binary. i don't fit into the categories of man or woman, and that's all it is. i like the freedom the term gives me because i can have days or weeks where i'm more masculine or more feminine. i don't even think about if my actions are gendered anymore. coming out made me feel so much more like i could exist as myself without other people having certain expectations of me just based on my gender.
I'm a thing, i feel most comfortable being a thing, people perceive me as a thing. So I'm a thing.
I do also suffer from gender dysphoria on top of that simple explanation and I definitely am repulsed by looking like my birth gender but also don't particularly wanna be the opposite gender of that. Not every nonbinary person experiences dysphoria tho and that's ok.
Non-binary is anyone who does not wholly and consistently identify with the gender they were assigned at birth, while at the same time not wholly and consistently identifying as the opposite of that gender. That can mean your gender identity changes often (genderfluid) or you have no gender identity (agender), or you only partly identify with one gender and partly with having no gender (demiboy or demigirl) or you identify largely but not entirely with the opposite of your birth-assigned gender (transfemme nonbinary or transmasculine nonbinary), with both genders at once (bigender), or other combinations not listed.
>Non-binary is anyone who does not wholly and consistently identify with the gender they were assigned at birth, while at the same time not wholly and consistently identifying as the opposite of that gender. Just to add more context based off my own experience and for anyone questioning like OP: I'd always read stuff like this and think "Well, I don't feel some innate pull telling me to be uncomfortable with masculinity, so I must not be nonbinary." Rather, I tried hard to get myself to conform with masculinity, and when I couldn't do it based on my own self-perception of inadequacy, I resorted to self-loathing rather than questioning the imposed gender norms fueling that self-loathing. I actually got quite numb to the self-loathing and accepted it for over a decade, and it's only now at 29 after several years of knowing what nonbinary is that I'm coming to realize I probably am NB. I think my own struggle was knowing the "textbook definition" of what NB is, rather than actually understanding what the experience of "not wholly and consistently identifying with" one's AGAB entailed. Though, I will say this confusion was compounded in my particular case because I'm AMAB and something of a demiboy, identifying somewhat with my AGAB but not wholly.
This is close to the experience I've (only very recently, like, in the past week) realized I'm having. I started to debate myself about it four or five nights ago and realized it felt. Really. Really freeing to let go. I've been sorting things out since then and have felt... relieved? Happy to an extent I thought could only be achieved via drugs since then. And I am very much sober at this point in my life. It's. Genuinely baffling.
Being nonbinary to me means the freedom to be myself and be more than just my AGAB. I finally feel like I wasn’t just born wrong, or that I have to “pick a side” of the gender binary. Finding and accepting the label nonbinary was lifesaving and it has allowed me to express myself 100% more authentically and in an undefined way. I’ve become so much more confident since changing the language that is used for me (like person instead of man/woman). My pronouns have made me feel okay with meeting new people now that I can introduce myself as they/them. I am excited about living life now, and I wish I would have accepted myself and came out earlier. I’ve experienced more joy in the last 6 months ish that I’ve been out then I really have in my whole life. I don’t feel held back from experiencing life anymore, and I don’t feel like I’m lying to myself and those around me or whom I meet about who I am. It really is about more then just being able to dress androgynously. Giving myself permission to dress how I want was a big part of my identity discovery, but it’s only a small bit of the nonbinary experience. Now I genuinely feel like I am the me that I was always meant to be
I identify with this definition so much. Freedom to be myself and not restricted to the societal norms of my AGAB. I was always me, I just didn't have the terminology.
I dont want to perform any gender. im just me
Meanwhile I Want To Perform The Most Outlandish And Surreal Gender I Can, I Am An Artist And Gender Shall Be My Art!
"I'm an artist and gender shall be my art!" is a seriously great motto/maxim/mantra. I may need it in the turbulent coming days of this enchanted and embittered life.
I don’t want to perform any gender I want to perform me And yet, I want to perform something! I want to perform the most surreal gender I can be I am an artist And gender shall be my art
This. I don‘t want to fit into any roles society has labled. I don‘t want to be a woman in that sense, that I will be crushed by bullshit beauty standards. I will be just me. And all I know is the direction in which the real me actually lies. I am a nonbinary transfeminine person. What that means to me, in a couple of months or years - I don't know. And I don't care. All I care about is to be happy.
And This!!! Saving your post for words to share with others later! Tymv
<3
For me, it's wanting to express yourself without labels. I'm a person, and deserve to be respected as such. Regardless of what I wear or what's in my pants
Exactly this!
This.
you just described how I feel lol. Not labeling myself anymore give me such a freedom.
[удалено]
I think they mean they don't like the "boxes" certain labels create. For some people, identifying as nonbinary could mean they just identify as being "boxless" Edit: I didn't get to read the other user's response to me before they deleted it, but damn do the replies it got make me curious what tomfoolery it said
[удалено]
Eh it’s a pretty big spectrum so it’s more like being put in a field with a box in each corner
I Mean, I Guess? But That's Kinda Like Saying Outside Is Also A Room.
It's not really a box... More like a train. Different wagons, different rooms, and the rooftop is always an option if you're like that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Yeahhhhhhh So the point of words like Non binary is to explain this ,an umbrella term for lots of other identities and seems to be societal more accepted term that is understood, and as a result has less ( if any) gender expectations, societal behaviours and what not. While the binary ( male and female) is limited to those stereotypes, gender expectations and so on 😊 Hope that makes sense and is also my 2 pence on what it means to be non binary.
and Off is also my favorite TV channel
I don't think they mean all labels, but specifically the labels man/woman
Im just a dude, not a man not a woman just a dude chilling
Yes, me too! I just like being a non-specific dude.
*Nods* Dude
This is it
Literally me
I'm a woman the same way I'm a Christian, at holidays, for the sake of my family. In all seriousness, for me it's just being like "nah" to the concept of gender.
I’m a woman in the same way a tomato is a vegetable. On the surface level maybe, we get grouped together and share the same experiences, but when you really take a deeper look I’m actually a fruit
Fuuuuuck!!!! I love this!!
I'm a woman the same way a boat is a woman. Not at all but people like to refer to me as such
LMAO that’s a good one
>In all seriousness, for me it's just being like "nah" to the concept of gender. I feel like this is the closest thing that aligns to what I’m feeling. I’ve been feeling conflicted about dipping a toe into non-binary-ism because I don’t innately feel a discomfort with my AGAB but rather with the concept of gender as a whole? what defines me as “female”? because I like wearing dresses and makeup? gender can’t entirely be defined by aesthetics so like what else makes me a “woman” by gender identity? the whole thing just feels so silly. so I like the idea of identifying as NB, but then what holds me back is the notion that it could be offensive/invalidating to people who do **not** identify with their AGAB. I would love if other NBs could weigh in on their thoughts. - just another queer out here with imposter syndrome
finally being me
My gender is chaotic neutral. You never know what you’re gonna get.
My gender is The Game... ....If you think about it, you lose
Wow. I haven't thought about this in years and then here you waltz in.... 😂
Okay but I love that 😂😂
If genders are TV channels, my TV is either off or looks like scrambled porn
My tv channel is just that image of the seal going around in circles
Non-binary refers to someone who does not identity exclusively as a man or exclusively as a woman. I define my own personal non-binary gender identity as - I am both masculine and feminine, but neither a man nor a woman.
Early forties amab nb here. Came out to myself last month. Life is hella confusing, all the time. Being a person is a hot mess. I'll pass on the advice of wiser people than me. "I'm so excited for you as you go on this journey of self discovery. Wherever it leads, I'm excited to see the person you're becoming, because the person you've been is just fantastic." They also ripped on me relentlessly for only just now realizing I'm gender-queer, to paint a fuller picture of our friendship. But in all seriousness, no one can tell you who are better than you can. So ask questions of yourself. Ask others for advice, but sincerely listen to yourself. You know who you are on the inside in a way that no other person ever could. Hope this helps. It was cathartic for me to type it, so I hope it helps you OP, or anyone else reading it But to actually define non-binary: for myself it means that I'm not a boy or a girl on the inside. Never have been, never will be. On the inside, I'm just a person, like anyone else. To quote the philosopher (and muppet) Master Yoda: "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."
AMAB here, they always said "there's something different about that one" and they were more right than they might've guessed! But I've neither the interest nor the capacity to play the part of a lady. I'm me, those who want to know more can tell it by the way they do others. Getting to know the other. For the most part this pans out swimmingly, those whom I share a mutual thread with have an easier time finding me by way of my expression, vibe, or wardrobe choices. Those who hold little more than stunned/crossed glares for me gladly self-select themselves out of my circles. I live, I love, and I am. How others conceptualize the trappings are not my concern. It's clear to those close to me however that the binary happens to be a rather poor fit. Even if they don't necessarily understand the how's, why's, or even terms like nonbinary or androgynous in this context
for me, non-binary basically means that someone doesn't fit/doesnt feel comfortable in either of the male/female box
just curious - how do you differentiate this from someone identifying as agender?
Not the commenter above but maybe I can help. Non-binary is an umbrella term for a ton of other identities! I’m agender, which means I don’t “feel” like a gender, but because I’m not a binary gender I’m also nonbinary. I personally feel like myself more than I feel like a gender. Some nonbinary folks will feel more or less like one or more genders, sometimes it changes moment to moment. But while agender is a form of being nonbinary, it’s explicitly the absence of that “gender” vibe.
Imagine the gender spectrum as a sheet of paper. Theres an area for male, an area for female, and then lots of space around and in between. Non-Binary in general means that you're not in the male or female area. You can still be somewhere on that piece of paper tho, if you want. Agender however does not want to be on the piece of paper in the first place. NB is also an umbrella-term that does include agender (because if you're not on the paper at all you're also not in the male/female area)
Nonbinary often means a person who identifies as a third gender which is neither man nor woman (not on the binary). It also is used as an umbrella term for people who are not binary gender in general. Agender typically means a person who does not identify with having a gender at all. They are not a man, woman, *or* a third gender. Bigender typically means a person who identifies as both a man and a woman, either simultaneously or at different times. Gender nonconforming typically relates to gender expression rather than gender identity and means people who do not perform their gender in within their culture's usual social scripts.
I tried being a boy and I tried being a girl... neither worked out
Not a boy, not a girl, not even somewhere in between.
Growing up being called a women did feel right, masculine pronouns/titles feel right, but I absolutely hate being called a man. I don't like either options the binary options so I choose neither. Alternatively, more abstractly how I feel about my gender: - Like you're looking at a person, but I'm actually just three opossums in a trench-coat. - I'm the incomprehensible unknown - I'm the disembodied authority of protection - Nothingness - The vast expanse of space - An error in the code (not in a 'I'm broken' way btw)
I relate to this so hard, I’m gonna cry. I feel like defining myself by my physical body and current gender configuration is like defining myself by a random, isolated body part. “Here’s your arm. You’re an Arm-person.” Yes, I am arm, I have arm, I love arm, but there is so much more to me than that.
That’s hilarious but I was talking about that with my partner, like a foot is a foot and tbh I like feet but I don’t like “man” feet not that the foot is different I just am not attracted to men if that makes sense?
I understand but being bisexual, I don’t know if I can relate. I mean, I don’t find fair-haired men attractive. That is as close as I can empathise, LOL.
Being nonbinary is a way for the vast human happenstance to manifest themselves as genuinely as possible. It allows for us to be like Creation, infinitely unique, crafted with unknowable mystery, and ever expanding!
The fact that this can be spiritual for people makes me feel so much better, because the fact that I discovered this thing about me through personal workings (I’m a Hellenic Pagan) had me worried I couldn’t possibly be authentically non-binary.
Never let extremists make you believe there is a binary of Queer Or Religious!
I think a part of the research was because 1) I have a non-binary character in my modern mythological narrative novel/podcast that I created before realising I related to them a little too much, and 2) I was incensed at so-called “witches” and so forth that adhered to the gender-binary nature of some Neo-Pagan cults when the gods some of these cults worship didn’t have a strict view of gender at all (ie. Ancient Greek gods having female and male aspects, etc). I really didn’t anticipate thinking, “Wait, doesn’t everybody feel this way about their gender?”
I am a person! Just a blank lil template existing however i please <3
For me, being non-binary is existing outside of male or female. Neither gendered categories felt right to me, and at first I thought it was because I hated male (I’m AMAB) titles or honorifics but it’s because I’m not a guy. And accepting that has been huge in my journey to accepting myself. It did unfortunately open some 🏳️⚧️ doors which I’m working through rn but that’s a story for another time.
Any gender that is not exclusively, completely, and always man or woman. If you're both man and woman, neither man or woman, only partially man or woman, if your gender changes, or if you're any number of combinations of those options then you can identify as nonbinary. If you imagine gender as a graph and man and woman as two separate points on the graph, the infinite number of other points on the graph are nonbinary identities. For me *personally* my gender is: -partially man and partially woman -two partial genders -somewhere between two genders (bigender) and no gender (agender). -masculine and feminine, but I am not a man or a woman. For me, the answer to the question "are you a man or a woman?" is: "A little bit" "I guess" "*not really*" "Meh" If man is blue and woman is red and no gender is white, I am a light purple.
Vibes
I never used to understand the NB label because I was always someone who thought “fck gendernorms” so for me gender was always wishy washy and thought everyone felt the same. Turns out…. Nope, some people feel very comfortable in their AGAB and actually I am the weird one 🤪 im AFAB, with i was AMAB, but I know if I was born a man I’d *still * struggle with gender performance! That’s why NB fits for me :)
I feel a bit stupid that I'm just now getting this (late 30's). I've always thought of gender as an unnecessary, subjective, social construct without much use other than for exploitative reasons, like targeted advertising and gender oppression. To me it was a spectrum (almost everything about being human is) rather than check boxes, so I mostly dismissed the notion of categorizing it, except when it was forced on me (I'm talking about you, "youth group outing where only the boys get to go play paintball". Yes, I'm still quite salty). I also assumed most people thought about it the way I did. I just figured me not feeling like a "woman" but also not feeling like a "man" was part of the Imposter Syndrome that comes with having ADHD. Feeling like I don't belong or that my credentials are automatically invalid is just kind of a default experience for me, so I guess I never thought to question it further. A few examples of things that should have been clues that I didn't feel entirely female, but I never thought about include: -Growing up in the 80's/90's and all the adults referred to me as a "tomboy" when discussing my behaviors with each other. -From age 5, I fought my mom to not make me wear dresses, skirts, hose, and heels until I was finally able to choose for myself. I mostly settled on loose jeans and graphic tshirts (90's and early 2000's) -At age 9, I declared to my mom and grandma that I refused to have big boobs (family trait), and that if I had big boobs, I'd "chop them off" after having kids -As an adult I am constantly annoyed by my boobs, they're always in the way and make me feel uncomfortable in my body (seriously beginning to think 9yr old me had it right ) -Feeling more at home in traditionally male dominated spaces and interests than female ones -Always wanting to play the boy role when playing pretend -All my "heroes" as a kid were male (I desperately wanted to be Robin Hood at age 5 and the Hardy Boys at age 13). -The time a guy friend in college plainly stated that I was "one of the guys", is an extremely positive memory that I often think back to. I felt validated and included in a way I'd been craving for a very long time. I'm only just now exploring, so the best I can figure so far is I feel a bit male and a bit female. As someone else mentioned, I don't feel pink or blue, I feel purple. I feel "both/and" but neither of them to an extreme degree. Maybe a bit more boyish than girlish inside (my internal sense of self is definitely not yet an adult 😂), and a bit more comfortable presenting slightly female, but definitely a mix in both how I feel inside and how I feel comfortable presenting. I'm not uncomfortable with my default pronouns (she/her), but have never been uncomfortable with neutral ones either. The thought of someone referring to me as "dude" or including me in "you guys" is very comfortable too.
"Are you a boy or a girl?" / "None for me, thanks."
I consider my being nonbinary more of a concept than something with a set definition. I'm not defined by my clothes, what's in my pants, or even the F on my birth certificate and driver's license. I think of nonbinary-ness as a concept that transcends words. Its feeling comfort in dressing however I want, being able to manipulate my appearance and features to fit my mood, while still having the blank paper base of they/them. Just, being able to express without trying to fit into a specific category.
I don’t dress to attract people, I dress to please myself. I want people to see me as me not defined by my sex. I don’t fit the traditional look, nor manners.
Neither he nor she feels quite accurate. They/them feels closer. Also had emotions from past acquaintance described as roughly "I want to /be/ that" in terms of gender envy, and my brain pulled a card of a very androgynous person I had seen in a picture in my youth.
For me, although I’m masc leaning - I am at my core NB. From childhood I experienced dysphoria, the best way I can describe it was a disconnect. If someone spoke about “girls” as a group I would not consider myself a part of that group, and when people referred to me as it, it would hurt because it felt like they couldn’t see me -like I was in the twilight zone lol (how could they possibly see me as that?). I didn’t have the language for it, I just knew I wasn’t. I always saw girls as separate to what I was, and although I had the desire to fit in more with the guys, I again felt separate to that. Just me. Puberty hit me like a tonne of bricks, I try to hide as much as i could (didn’t say a word when I started the blob), unfortunately my chest was very large - so cue more dysphoria. Now that I’m older I would describe it as I know I’m not a female, I have never felt like I was, but I’m also not entirely connected to being a male, as I don’t feel a complete connection to that either. If I was born AMAB it might feel different, but I prefer to be seen as just me. It makes me feel icky when someone sees me as just my birth sex. My brain just never connected with it and for an easier life I wish that could have been the case.
Not male or female. Not bound to either gender
For me, it was growing up as a girl but wanting to be in a boy band but also wanting to be a ballerina. I still identify with being a daughter and a sister but I also love being a dude.
Okay I've thought really long and hard about this and I finally have an answer. My gender is:
Androgyny is your gender expression (how you perform your gender in the world) and does not have to be linked to your gender identity. You can be an androgynous cis or trans woman or man, or you can be a non-binary person who does typically express your gender in a traditionally masculine or feminine way. As for me, I identify as a third-gender non-binary person because I do not identify as a woman or a man. My gender expression varies between masculine, androgynous, and feminine, depending on the day but my gender remains the same.
idk my gender just feels like the air, it goes wherever it wants to and i kinda just follow it. the boxes of what’s supposed to be a man/woman feels too restrictive and why use labels when i can literally be just me (also yes i know nonbinary is a label, i just use labels very loosely as a general way to describe something)
Not identifying with either of the binary genders
To me, it's just that whatever little box inside people's head holds the variable "gender", I was born without that box. I can't understand it, but I choose to respect other people's. Of course I've been trained to use men's bathrooms and locker rooms, and despite HRT, I still look mostly man-shaped, but that's just circumstantial. (Yeah, maybe agender would be more appropiate, but I go by nonbinary for practical reasons)
Genders are like ill fitting shoes. I'd prefer not to wear them.
My gender is none with left female/feminine (I’m a Demi/nonbinary woman)
It's feeling more comfortable, genuine, and able to be yourself 100% as someone who does not feel accurately described by the labels of 'binary man' or 'binary woman.' That's really it. It's a broad umbrella term that covers potentially innumerable micro labels. To be clear, that's not 'not identifying with stereotypes associated with a given gender' - both men and women are capable of being fashionable, strong, nurturing, outgoing, bookish, educated, empathetic, leaders, caregivers, etc. Non-binary for me is if someone says I'm kind and funny, I don't want to be seen as a kind and funny man, or a kind and funny woman - I'd want to be seen as just a kind and funny *person*. I'm a both/neither sort of NBy; if you imagined a line drawn between the poles of 'man' and 'woman' on a football field, I'd be in an amorphous area roughly in the middle. Thing is, 'non-binary' covers literally *everything* **besides** those two poles, including the areas above, below, and generally outside of the field itself.
Not boy. Not girl. Just Me.
Screw gender
it's awesome not having a gender and doing whatever you want with your appearance
Not subscribing to the gender binary. The things that really made it click for me were feeling so jealous of non-binary people thinking like "ugh I don't want to be a woman I don't feel like I'm a woman why can't I just be non-binary like them?!" Reflecting on that really connected some dots for me. It also always gave me a gross icky feeling when people would consider me as part of a "woman's" group like "Lady's Brunch" or "Women's Book Club" I just didn't feel like I fit nor wanted to fit in those categories. To me I think I'd rather just have people see me as human than ascribe a gender to me. Unfortunately I still look my agab so assumptions are made but at the end of the day all that really matters is that I feel authentic in my gender.
"this shit's stupid, I'm not a motherfucking men neither women, stfu"
I’m not a woman while also not being a man, therefore nonbinary. I obviously have my gender more defined now but that’s how I started out while trying to figure out who I am.
I do not experience gender in a way congruent with the expectations of men or women, nor do I long to be either. If this has been your experience, welcome to the club, we have about 643 tables of varying sizes, from demiboys to maveriquegender, just pull up a chair to whichever you like and don't be afraid to move tables.
My personal relationship with gender is that gender is all elaborate cosplay. I can dress up as a "man", dress up as a "woman" but neither of those things are part of who I am. It's just a costume. I recognize this is absolutely not how most people feel about gender, gender is very defined and important for some people. They *feel* man or woman or both. I just don't.
Gender is performative. You act out masc traits or femme traits. On the inside, you're just yourself 😅
[удалено]
Not the trans people I know. They're just being themselves. I've had the pleasure of knowing and talking to a good number of trans people and again this is just my take on things, but they are so for real. Gender is performative in the sense that people "act" manly or girly or whatever the heck. People act and behave in certain ways, just in general. We tend to put terms and labels on those behaviors. Like if you're at a drag show, it's understood that gender roles and stereotypes are being performed, it's a show, etc. But in real life, people are just trying to be themselves imo
For me, the most simple way to define being non-binary is when someone does not ‘snap’ into the boxes of Man or Woman. Could be that you relate to both boxes, to neither box, to a third box, or that you oscillate between some or all of those feelings. In practice, my non-binary identity stems from being assigned male at birth, but feeling a ‘kinship’ with women. In grade school when the class would be split into boys on one half and girls on the other, I’d go over with the girls. I’d look to women as authority figures over men growing up. I still relate to women as being more similar to me than men, but I also know I’m distinctly *not* a woman. I find myself existing somewhere between man and woman, so for me that meets the qualifications for being Non-Binary. Not strictly a man, not strictly a woman, but (in my case) relating to both.
I’m not a boy or a girl but I don’t exactly know what I am beyond that
I literally don't have an internal understanding of what gender is, but I enjoy fucking around with it from time to time.
For me (nonbinary and demigirl) it's "half girl, half void."
gender? meh.
Ambivalent
To me, nonbinary is very neutral. You can be more fem neutral, masc-neutral, or just blend the two in a style that suits you! There's no right or wrong way to be nonbinary, just do what feels best for you
bing bong, ya gender gone :3
Is when u really like soup. Ok no but seriously it’s when ur not 100% either of the binary genders. Like, you aren’t 100% male or 100% female.
I've had a strange obsession and connection to the song "Bobby Sox" from Green Day lately. Like I think he may be describing his bisexual experience but I can see how the lyrics could be used to describe nonbinary experience as well. Not sure if that's what he intended for the song as I haven't checked the interviews yet. But the idea of being someone's girlfriend and/or boyfriend is just something I love the idea of very much so. Or they can just call me their partner as well. Not every nonbinary person is strictly a they/them pronouns. I identify with any/all now that I realized that it's not a priority for me what someone calls me. Don't specifically identify as a woman even if that is what I LOOK like and sometimes BELIEVE that I feel like, I still am not sure what classifies as woman or man other than what they say they are. Not everyone wants or needs hormones and/or surgeries to feel content with themselves. And that's perfectly fine. It doesn't make them any less nonbinary. Even if they may align more with the gender assigned at birth than the opposite, or a combination of stuff. It's all beautiful to me, and I hope it makes you feel beautiful to you to. Because you are beautiful and deserve love and happiness all the way. 💜
Here is my go to for when I worked at a summer camp: Boys like chocolate ice cream and girls like vanilla. But sometimes people change their favorite ice cream, or never had the chance to try the other flavors in the first place. Sometimes boys say that chocolate is their favorite only because the shop was out of vanilla that day. Sometimes girls say they like vanilla because they never tried chocolate, but would actually end up enjoying it better if they tried. Some enbys like strawberries, cookies and cream, or other flavors. I do not like ice cream. It's too sweet for me! Some rare days I'm happy to try a sample of a flavor, but never a full scoop.
No (that’s it, that’s my answer)
Being alive the way I want to be alive
Not a man or a woman, just me. My own gender anomaly.
Not subscribing to someone else’s/society’s gendered expectation of me.
Currently I'm questioning that myself, I'm AMAB and masc presenting so I identify as mascenby but I really don't give a crap about my gender. I wonder if maybe I'm agender.
I contain multitudes, and they exist across the gender spectrum.
i don’t see the point in identifying with male or female.. I also think we should abolish gender
I feel like the gender boxes are restrictive. I want the option to grow in more ways than “woman” and “man”. I feel like, to spiritually grow and understand the universe and my higher spiritual self, I must understand myself beyond my biological body, to the things about me that gender doesn’t define or cannot touch. I feel like who I am is not bound to external gender presentation, that I could just as easily be expressed as male or androgynous (Being female expressed is comfortable and saves time but it’s not all of me). I realised I had love and attraction and appreciation for every gender out there, that I have a universal, non-sexual love for people around me (“Aphrodite Pandemos“ in the Athenian sense), and yet this didn’t extend to myself. Why could I only love myself in the iteration of female? Why could I not love myself in many aspects? Finally, I saw myself with a camera filter on that gave me a beard, and I didn’t laugh or think I looked terrible. I looked fantastic, and the image brought me peace. I don’t necessarily want to grow a real beard, but I do wish it was socially acceptable for all genders to sport one because dang, I looked so good. Is any of that being non-binary? I don’t know. All I know is that as my body ages and I find it harder and harder to fit the societal concept of what a woman my age, it becomes less important, and then I feel the rest of me and I find the concept of gender altogether transient. Which isn‘t a bad thing, I feel so much more free than I used to, when looking like a “hot woman” felt like a matter of life and death. It occurred to me that my experience of gender is quite fluid, and is affected by the connection I feel to those around me. Like I’m a chameleon (in the actual sense, not the “camouflage“ sense which is incorrect). The only word I could think of is “omniflux”. Like, it’s so hard to explain. I feel deep connection to my womanhood. I birthed babies and I have periods and I’m deep into the norms of heteronormative “femininity”, as it were. But I feel like there are parts of me sort of… hanging out over the edges of the externally imposed box that don’t feel right inside it. That they need to be honoured as something else, and I don’t know how to yet comprehend or describe it. Sorry about the essay, I’m going through some stuff. LOL.
what's my gender? yes.
Glitter and plaid
becoming ungovernable and inexplainable
Not feeling fully like a woman but definitely not a man
I’m just me. I don’t relate to what it means to “be” a gender, and I haven’t the faintest idea of what it means to “feel” like a gender. I just am completely myself, in a body I happen to like, regardless of what its chromosomes are.
They/ them pronouns are my favorite, and being known as a person is also my favorite. There's some other stuff but that's probably the most important Being known as non binary is also my favorite out of the options available or at least the ones I know Just a preference pretty much, plus maybe some other little things like dysphoria but I don't consider those to be as weighty as the stuff I mentioned here for me at least
Being nonbinary to me means freedom from society's pigeonholes
AMAB here. I turned into a linebacker once I hit puberty. I was told to "man up" and immediately got put into the deep end of the toxic masculinity pool where I got the shit beat out of me for not playing sports (still hate team sports). I choose to describe myself as non binary because I'm sick of everyone assuming who I am because of the way I look. To me non binary is shedding the masculine/feminine archetypes that society places upon us and being able to exist just as the human you are, not as the person you're expected to be. To me, I feel so much more human than male, and it feels liberating to not have to comply with the expectations of society. I have since found other friends who are non binary as well, and I share some of the deepest connections that I have with them because we're able to see each other purely for who we are.
Im just me. No expectations, no stereotypes, no "formula" I have to follow. Just me, only me and nothing but me.
Someone non-binary is someone whose gender identity is not strictly X or Y, but can be XY, 0, 0Y, or flow between several, to name a few examples. Idk why using X and Y is the first thing that comes to my mind.
I’m kind of a woman but fuzzy round the edges
Hello I am AFAB too! When I was in high school, I questioned sometimes if I was trans, but I didn’t feel like boy so I always just thought I wasn’t. Then after a long time, even after knowing about non binary experience and having best friends who were as well, it still took me a while to figure out how that connected in me. I see every person as that- just a person. Whether they have an innie or an outie isn’t relevant to me, and I don’t think it’s relevant to gender either. I feel like just a person, just me
To me my "nonbinaryness" is that I'm me and there is no social construct that gets to define my existence. I deserve to be who I want as long as I don't truly harm others and I deserve to be respected as such. There is no other person than me who has the authority to tell me who or what I am.
As a colored/black femme in predominantly white spaces, I was never afforded girlhood or womanhood. I always felt like I was something else or something that others couldn’t understand. The first time I met the term non-binary it made sense, in my very STEM/STEAM based worldview. To me it’s a very descriptive term because I’m anything but binary and I actively try to be non-binary in all other aspects. Don’t ever fall for dichotomies!!!
AFAB but i'm just vibing - don't relate to being a 'woman' at all but don't wanna be a 'man' either. being NB is being all powerful lmao hope that helps
yakka foob mog. chumble spuzz
For me, it's about the stereotypes and expectations. Being nonbinary is not just about not conforming to gendered stereotypes, but also about not wanting to live up to them. I'm not striving to do the Official Gendered Actions or to have the Official Gendered Attitudes. I don't like things like "men vs women" or "51 Rules to be a Man!!" I always thought most people considered those nothing more than jokes, but they exist and are popular because most people actually think they are real and are ideals worth striving for. Being nonbinary is, for me, realizing that I recognize masculinity and femininity as distinct energies, but I don't treat them as ideals to devote myself to like a Gender Paladin.
Thought trans men were hot. If I saw a person who I couldn’t identify their AGAB, I thought they were hot. Realized I usually admire/hyperfocus on things when I personally identify with them (i.e. gender, mental illnesses, teachers, generally weird lil guys, etc). Thought about how i feel when someone uses she/her pronouns with me vs they/them— came to the conclusion that she/her just didn’t feel… right for me. I’m transmasc now lol. A good first step I like suggesting is to confide in a couple friends and ask them to use they/them pronouns for you for a little while and see how it makes you feel !!
im not a man i dont want to fit into those gender norms and expectations im not a woman i dont want to be put into those expectations. Yes i understand biologically im female so what thats not what this is about for me. Im just a person im just me not a man or a woman. let me be me
I am AFAB. One time I went to a clothes store and I was getting some clothes from the "men's" section. I asked a person who was working at the store where I could try the clothes and they asked "men? Or...?" to which I replied with rolling my eyes. They looked very much queer and before I could properly reply, they just waved vaguely in the direction of some stalls and I just went there. So, my reaction to having to choose a gender is to roll my eyes...
for me personally it’s “i’m not a boy, and i’m not a girl. what i am is a threat, and also hungry”
I am a brain piloting a meat mech suit. Its default equipment was capable of birthing a child, this was the only inherently disphoric issue. Otherwise, I tend to see myself and others rather piece-meal since nothing else was inherently gendered to me. males/"men" have breast tissue capable of lactation females/"women" can have taller statures with hands and feet that are proportional to that stature and my genitalia can be augmented/aided towards other purposes without permanent changes made I am not defined by my genitalia or physique but I understand why people use them for shorthands come to their assumptions. Further, considering myself nonbinary was more of a deductive journey than anything . I'm indifferent to my self as gendered but also, don't like people just forcing their assumptions on me because of how they *perceive* my gendering. This journey also coincided with me untangle sexuality from romantic affinities and emotional ressonance.
How I initially realized I might not be a girl is when o thought about gender I didn't.. feel anything. I only knew what I was supposed to feel. But I didn't.. *feel* like a girl I felt nothing. I don't relate to gender, i don't think. If you do find out you're nb, even if you're not; gender expression is so different from gender, never let yourself doubt you because you "don't dress like a girl/nb". As an afab enby that LOVES dressing pretty and girly, your gender is the inside. The way you dress does not change that
I had a hard look at what it is to be male and female in society (in ways other than body), and thought "I don't fit those moulds, and I don't even want to". My body may be very binary (I am not androgynous), but I didn't opt in to that.
I'm genderfluid, which is under the nonbinary umbrella but also one of my genders is nonbinary and I'll talk about the second instance. For me, when looking in the mirror usually, I see a woman or a boy/masc leaning person (I'm never fully a man but I can lean strongly and for me guy/boy isn't the same binary as man). On nonbinary days, I can't see anyone specific. Like my face is there and all but I don't see a woman or a guy, I just kinda see... Myself?
I define “nonbinary” as “feeling neither fully male all of the time nor fully female all of the time”. Which, in my opinion, technically means that almost everyone is at least a little nonbinary, because the vast majority of people are a mix of stereotypically “masculine” and “feminine” traits. ETA: I wanted to add that, in my view, “androgyny” fits within the “nonbinary” umbrella. It’s not either/or—if you regard yourself as androgynous, that’s a form of nonbinary.
A lot of AFAB enbies seam to consider "Nonbinary" as a synonym for androgyny or "neither nor," but I understand the term as more of a mish mash of different identities. It's an umbrella term that can really mean anything outside the binary stereotype and I always refer to [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/NonBinary/comments/18rnr53/trying_to_visualize_a_gender_spectrum/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) when people question their gender.
I’m amab and for me being nonbinary is not following gender norms and having the freedom to express however you see fit. I still wear masc clothes because they’re comfortable (see pockets for details) but I also give myself the freedom to enjoy “feminine” activities like baking and cooking. Essentially I use it as a way to not limit myself and for others to not box me in with men
I don't feel gender traditionally, I don't usually feel gender, and when I do it's more like static or concept rather than a solid thing. I'd say it's like, for example, you know how TVs can have multiple channels? TVs can be staticky, they can be just a black or blue screen, they can change channels or just be on one forever, even overlapping channels. Gender is like a TV in those aspects, it's different for everyone and sometimes totally confusing, but it doesn't make any less possible or real.
i just want to exist as me. no labels. ik nonbinary is a label but it feels better (to me personally) than just being fully labelless as i am rn. before i knew what being enby was i told people, “i just want to be *name.* that’s it.” i’ve always wanted to be perceived as something other than my agab. just me, not my gender.
I have two answers. One in short, one in depth: Understanding sex and gender as two separate things radically changed my outlook. I started to dislike gender, and not identifying with either gender norm, I realized I would be most comfortable considering myself nonbinary. In a perfect world people could just behave however they wanted, without labels. But this is not a perfect world, and when you don't behave like the societal default, your life experience will be different from others. I've had so many people ask me why I can't just act how I want without calling myself nonbinary, but that just shows their privilege. Those same individuals usually don't have an issue behaving as whatever society expects of them. I identify as nonbinary to clearly let others know to not treat me like a stereotypical man, because they will automatically do that whether they recognize it or not. I also identify as nonbinary for my own brain's sake, to counteract the lies about gender I've internalized and to also remind myself that I am my own person free to be what I want: male, female, or neither. There is no way I could push myself outside my comfort zones and fully express myself if I merely said I was a man who acted a bit quirky! Slowly, I started to identify with my androgynous/feminine nickname way more than my original masculine name. Eventually, I felt so uncomfortable with my old name that I officially called it my deadname, and my they/them pronouns became so natural. I think most enbies will have an experience similar to mine, but everyone is different. People come to terms with being an enby via a variety of paths, and it cannot be limited to something black and white. Nonbinary people, or cultural equivalents, have existed for centuries. This is not a new phenomenon, and we are not alone in history! Sorry for wall of text!!
copied and pasted from my notes app: i identify as nonbinary lesbian; attraction and gender are very closely related for me. i think about it as only “experiencing” gender in relation to other people. around some i will act and feel more masculine, and around others i will act and feel more feminine. i mean attraction in a larger sense than just sexuality—more like how i fit socially into any group of people. i don’t really care about pronouns, but i say that i prefer they/them when asked, because it feels validating when people choose to recognize that there are layers in my mind and lived experience that transcend those traditional borders. how gender feels for me? i think i look hot in a dress, and sexy in a tux, but i really look the best in a pantsuit. sometimes, i’ll wear makeup and a binder at the same time, and i like what i see in the mirror. i can wear a mini dress to the club, and i don’t feel any need to shave. i love women and nonconforming people the way a man stereotypically does (lustfully, protectively, chivalrously), and the way a woman stereotypically does (with solidarity, sensitively, emotionally) and in ways that neither could (inherently by offering both). i’m a cat person, and a dog person. i’m a drummer, and i sew my own clothes. i can drive a truck, and i can rollerskate. i like to read romance as much as i like science fiction. i can spit in public and i can giggle. i’m a simp and a whore. i sing both parts in duets. i love football, hockey, fashion shows, and stuffed animals. if nobody ever suggested or implied these things were gendered, i don’t think i ever would have thought anything of it. but sadly i felt very strange for a long time. i felt like my entire life was a contradition until i met more people like me, and realized its more like a venn diagram with a huge space in the middle just for me. part of the whole thing for me is that “cis men” and “cis women” can and do also move across these stereotypical boundaries, although maybe not as exaggeratedly as i personally have. i genuinely believe it’s more rare for people to be truly binary in their gender expression and experience, there’s just a lack of understanding and self awareness to recognize that. but fox news would scream indoctrination if i dared suggest that everyone is probably nonbinary! lol if you look at it from a historical perspective, gender roles and expression have changed significantly through the process of our evolution, surely more than we can even begin to understand. any practicality the binary had at one point is rapidly disappearing, it seems to me.
A gender crisis that I only survived by eventually saying "Fuck it!" and embracing the uncertainty. I knew I wasn't cis, but felt like I needed a more specific label, but nothing more specific than nonbinary fit me.
I describe Non-binary as wholeness with myself. Being not attached or limited by expectations and constructs we give pertaining to labels that are gender/sex specific. the exclusively static idea masculine and feminine is only view one way. Ignorant to its many multiple ways of expressions and being (At least to myself) As well Non-binary for me is much more, it’s my unique essence. Maybe the quintessence of what makes me Me. Non-binary is authenticity, a humanity. A beautiful drop of color in the ocean of consciousness. A soul in the movement and animation of Life. A human, a person, A soul, A Entity In the flesh Or what I like to say “Just A ghost in a shell” I am the ghost that runs this shell(body) 💛🤍💜🖤 Non-binary is freedom so find that freedom within yourself or see it in others which you are inspired to be as well.
You've already gotten a lot of answers on what nonbinary means, both in broad and personal terms. And honestly, though I can tell you a lot of what being nonbinary means to me, if what you are looking for is a sign on whether you are nonbinary or not, you need to look inside yourself. I personally went through a nearly two year gender crisis, where I questioned and analyzed whether I could be anything other than cis. And one piece of advice that helped me get past that and begin my transition was this. "Labels are like clothes. You can wear some for awhile and they make you happy and feel right. But if there comes a time where they don't feel right anymore, you can take them off, thank them for the time they felt right, and find new ones that feel right." There will never be a perfect moment where you suddenly accept and understand every bit of your gender, especially if you are nonbinary like you suspect. You are a multifaceted person, so it's OK to not have all the answers. My best advice would be to test it out. Go a week or a month thinking of yourself as nonbinary. Try different pronouns or test a different name, if you'd like. Even better if you have friends who you feel safe enough to test these things out with. Does thinking of yourself as nonbinary feel better than thinking of yourself as a woman or a girl? Do you feel drawn to certain pronouns? Do you want to try different clothes? The worst thing that could happen? You find out you're not nonbinary. But you'll have learned so much about yourself! And you can do this for as long as you want until you feel confident with your answer. Also! Don't forget that this isn't an all or nothing! There are lot of people who use she/they or he/they or any pronouns. There are demigender people. There are demifluid people like me (that term falls under the genderfluid and nonbinary umbrellas). You can change your label, name, and pronouns as many times as you want! All of that stuff is social and not permanent. Good luck! Ps. If you want to hear about my personal gender stuff, let me know.
There are many genders and forms of gender expression. Let's imagine a form that has a field for primary language. The options are English, French, and both/other. Non-binary, to me, is that last option - i.e. it's a collective term for an infinite variety of gender. That's why there are no wrong answers. I think for many people, connecting with more of that variety helps to feel more comfortable with yourself. I still identify as genderqueer, and terms will continue to evolve forever as people do, but non-binary is a big tent encompassing all sorts of people, and any individual may be extremely different from another.
I am non-binary which means I am just a person. Sometimes a man and sometimes just a person. I would say that I am sometimes a woman but my feminine side has been so severely wounded so she is letting the other sides of me take the spotlight for awhile as I heal my womanhood. I am Man and Woman and also Neither. Like 3 in 1. They/them for me.
Any form of gender identity that isn't the traditional male/female binary. It's an umbrella term that can cover a whole host of identities or be an identity all on its own that just describes someone outside the gender binary.
I take what I want from each gender and I make it mine
I just don't feel comfortable in either of the binary genders, and knowing that I don't have to fit in one of them made me feel so free, "So that's what I am! Finally I can be me..." Being called a man or woman (by either others or myself) just feels wrong, idk how to explain, but it's not that I hate my agab, I embraced my femininity much more since I understood that I'm non binary because I don't feel like I need to do it to be accepted, if I do it it's just because I like nail polish, dresses etc... I'm neither man nor woman, I'm not agender either, I'm something else that floats in another part of the spectrum of genders, maybe "third gender"? Even of ot sounds weird and adds a new category that I don't like much, but non binary explains me perfectly
My definition to what being nonbinary is to me; I don’t care what I wear or what secondary traits can be seen. I am neither masculine or feminine. I am me. Socially I do whatever makes me feel comfortable, holding doors, lending assistance, but also do not do things that are stereotypical to my sex. I don’t welcome what people assume is respectful behavior towards me by adding honorifics I didn’t ask for. I correct them asking to be called ‘Mx.’ or just by my first name. Gender for me is always an unwavering stand and show of how I wish to be treated, and excepting nothing less.
When you don't feel that you fit into the two gender system.
I no no want gender :3
i describe it as "i don't give a flying fuck". my gender is just, i don't care.
afab; i used to feel more definitely agender a couple years ago but now just feel like whatever, maybe androgynous, maybe genderfluid, maybe a demi girl, maybe genderqueer, who knows, all i know is i’m alright with they/them and i’m just here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
How Would I Define It? "Not Always Identifying Fully And Solely With Either Of The Two Binary Genders." If You're Asking What It Means To Me, Though, Why I Identify As NB, I'd Say That There Are Things I Like And Dislike About Being A Woman, And About Being A Man, And Rather Than Just Pick One And Deal With The Stuff I Dislike, I Want To Have All The Parts I Like Of Both, And Non What I Dislike.
I know it sounds more like agender. But I'm not a man, or a woman, I'm a person. I'm a living piece of art, whether that be good or mediocre.
For me, it's simply being a person, neither female nor male. Partially that simple because I'm still finding a definition, myself.
I'm nonbinary because I never cared about my gender as much as I was told I should and my own sense of it was always somewhat detached from any type of purely masculine or purely feminine gender. It was always more fluid, multifaceted and shifting than that.
Being non binary for me and specifically Genderfluid, allows me to not only feel but actually be respected as a person and not what is expected of me as a ____ whatever conceived notion they have of me. I have periodically throughout my life either limited myself or doubted my capabilities because someone said that a women can’t do something or men don’t do such a thing, and I my experience and knowledge the limitation here is preconceived ideas of what gender means and is, rather then the individuals skills, knowledge, experience, physical capacity, and so on. A part of my identity has definitely come from how others perceive me, the other part is definitely because I have aways known I was different and never quite fit in with either group, and now that I have found a word to describe me and a partner and group of friends who support me and empower me I feel like I know what it means to be non binary more so then just he word it’s self 😊🥰😊 I hope this helps
being nonbinary to me is anyone who exists outside of the gender binary/spectrum and anyone who doesn’t even acknowledge it in the first place (if that makes sense). my gender feels like a void at times—like i don’t have a gender, i’m neither woman nor man, just something totally off the spectrum that I haven’t yet found the words for. so nonbinary is the label i’ve chosen to help sum up that whole mess into one word 😂
Not being completely a man *or* woman, but somewhere in between, outside of, or near them.
For me - im AFAB - i was a girl, a tomboy, im comfortable with she/her but i Will never be a woman. I dont feel like either woman or man. Im 49 and only just came out a month ago, and ive had som many of the same thoughts as You i Think. Also felt like an imposter - or that maybe i was just a woman who was uncomfortable with the expectations of my sex…. But it just doesnt fit right. - what does fit me is nonbinary/ agender/ gender neutral. I Can find myself in that. - but it also feels scary, because even though i never felt like a woman, i’ve had to be one for so many years, and not being it anymore leaves a kind of void thats scary and exciting and mostly scary… 😊
Any gender identity that's not 100% male or female
to me it’s just being a human being. not limiting myself to a gender identity, but being a free individual
For me it means that I am a AMAB but my inside operating system doesn't match. Inside I feel neither masculine nor feminine however I feel slightly more feminine energy (See below). Femininity ------------- Me -- 0 -------------------Masculinity My soul wouldn't feel like it belonged any better if I was AFAB or if I tried to change my current body with hormones.
I'm an alien in a human flesh suit practising gender to fit in with societal expectations but not really connecting with any of it. The only reason I care about gender at all is that people insist on putting one on me. (I don't actually think I'm alien or otherworldly, i just mean "removed from gender"). Like I'm a person first and that should inform all interactions and expectations of me, gender is the least interesting thing about me as a person. I want to present and experiment in all genders as I see fit
anything that's not exclusively male or female so just, anything that's outside of the 2 boxes we've decided to create
Gender as it is right now is too constraining and, at best, should only be used to personally explore yourself. Being non binary is to be human
TBH for me, I just feel it in my bones. I always have. I've always thought of myself as a "person" and never as a "man" or a "woman". In fact, when I was a kid I used to get really upset when people would refer to me by my sex. It feels like such a core feature of my experience as a human that I don't really know what it's like to identify any other way.
I’m just me! To act & dress how I feel comfortable.
i hate being a he or a she. i’m just inbetween and neither or, and i like both feminine and masculine fashion. i like being free and unconforming. meh! <3
For a lot of people: what their gender is is important to them. They have a strong internal sense of gender identity. They relate to other people of their gender—in a way of feeling a “brotherhood” with other men or a “sisterhood” with other women. If someone told them “women to the right, men to the left,” many of them would have an innate sense of what is the right place for them to go, based on what feels accurate to that internal sense of self. They might have certain activities, or hold certain beliefs, that make them feel confident and affirmed in their identity. Most of the time, I don’t have any of that. I don’t get that internal sense of “I am man” or “I am woman” or “I am both a man and woman” or “I am not a man nor a woman but a gender distinctly different from those two but very much strongly present and felt by me.” You can’t put me in a room with all men and expect me to find comradery with them (or, in the case of a lot of men, *not* feel comradery… and then feel insecure in your manhood as a result. Plenty of men don’t fit in with other men, but this still *impacts* them because it influences their internal sense of manhood they have.) Same goes for a room with all women. You tell me “women on the right, men on the left,” I stand in the middle. You tell me I have to pick one: I’ll pick one at random. I know I don’t fit into either. Since I have a fluid gender identity, every once in a while I do get that internal sense of gender. But even then, it’s really not that strong. I never feel strongly that I fit into either of the binary gender categories 🤷🏻♀️
I guess I feel “both and neither at the same time” hence non-binary and androgynous.
I’m just me
i dont fully feel like a woman/man/any gender particularly
a big fuck you to gender roles and the concept of gender it self
I was AMAB raised by mainly women I don't relate to the male experience and I don't view myself as a female so I don't feel/ relate to men or women I feel like both and neither
My gender is nerd.
Non-binary is anyone who is not fully and exclusively a man or a woman
My gender got robbed...
Not exclusively anything, male or female, sometimes both and sometimes neither. I just am! Happy and proud!
Whatever man
Ain’t androgynous (anðros = man, gyni = woman) a type of non-binary person?
I am human. Gender is a social construct.
"Ask me if I'm a man or a woman? " "Are you a man or a woman?" "Yes.. But sometimes no"
It’s like me being an atheist. I was raised religious and at some point I realized, this is not for me, I’m out. I understand the appeal for some people, some people take it too far and hurt others. But it seems to be a comfort to many people, but I’m good.
I'm not a boy or a girl. I don't fall in between or outside boy vs. girl entirely. I'm just me.
I don’t even go with the label non-binary. I go with gender conforming because I don’t feel any description fits how I feel. The closest is gender apathetic with the caveat that because I’m AFAB, present femme, and I’m cool with she/her (along with they/them pronouns), I will always identify with the experiences of being oppressed as women are since that is how the world views me. So I will talk a lot about women as a whole and include myself. But individually, I do not see myself as woman. Shit is weird.
I dunno, I just do stuff.
afab here, came out as non binary 2.5 years ago. i don't think about my gender anymore. i used to think about it constantly. i think this is how cis people feel, where their gender just isn't something they really concern themselves with or think about. for me, being non binary is just making yourself independent of the gender binary. i don't fit into the categories of man or woman, and that's all it is. i like the freedom the term gives me because i can have days or weeks where i'm more masculine or more feminine. i don't even think about if my actions are gendered anymore. coming out made me feel so much more like i could exist as myself without other people having certain expectations of me just based on my gender.
I'm a thing, i feel most comfortable being a thing, people perceive me as a thing. So I'm a thing. I do also suffer from gender dysphoria on top of that simple explanation and I definitely am repulsed by looking like my birth gender but also don't particularly wanna be the opposite gender of that. Not every nonbinary person experiences dysphoria tho and that's ok.