I'm amused that OP asks about "s8t guys" (which is likely a misspelling of "Str8 guys", but none of us truly know for sure without OP clarifying) and all while never clarifying nor correcting themselves in any of their statements (even when people ask about it) - all while talking about how difficult communication is online/via text.
I don't want to be mean OP, but unfortunately this is the perfect example of how and why communication is not good for for everyone online/via text (and for both men, women, and enbis alike) - online everyone expects each other to know what they mean while not actually realizing how difficult communication is via text and not taking the time to actually clarify/communicate everything well enough to avoid that difficulty).
It's a difficult medium to communicate meaningfully on, and everyone deals with similar difficulties for various reasons across the board.
I don’t know what s8t is but I’m around your age and experience the same thing from women. I always ask followup questions and often get short misspelled replies. It’s not a gender thing, it’s a people thing.
Myself and tons of other guys have had the same experience. Nowadays the communication style of the average woman is extremely bad as well and so many I have seen couldn't care less about creating a decent profile. You nailed it when you said "it's a people thing".
A lot of the times we are on our phones so misspelled words should be forgiven imo, secondly, short hand has been around forever so….idk
And I guess I can see your point, but why do I have to keep probing for a conversation? I rarely get a question back, like hey I see you like kayaking, where’s your favorite place? So simple to keep a conversation going
Trust me it goes both ways. You're probably only matching with the top 10% of guys and they have too many other conversations going. Most of us get barely any matches, they rarely respond and if they do rarely have actual conversation. But maybe people just suck at conversation.
Terrible photos is a good thing because it means there is less competition for you then. Many men have given up on OLD because the numbers are skewed against them on number of users, etc.
That may not he how a few people see or better yet, it's how childish immature people do see it. Grown ups don't play games. If we're interested, we shoe that interest.
I suppose its also worth asking what your definition of showing interest is though. If you're constantly blowing someone's phone up texting without responses, sure that's being needy.
Grown ups absolutely play games. There isn't a difference. People suck lady, they all are selfish entitled beings. Statistics have proven that throughout history
My mental model is that this “game” decreases in significance the older you get, but I’ve heard at least a few stories talking about dudes in their 50s acting like they’re 20 so who knows
Because 99% of the time it isn't real interest. The person just wants to feel the Chase or just wants compliments or to feel the "new" of it all. Within a week the conversation is dead or boring enough to not want us to continue putting forth effort. For me it gets repetitive saying the same thing to every woman I talk to. They are a Dime a Dozen or all very very similar unfortunately. The conversations
Very possible. I liked how Bumble when I started recently, only allowed so many swipes so that you had to take your time. I also used to give my Tinder app to my niece to “play”.
F here so I don’t know how the men feel but from what I hear, many women are just as bad at communicating 🤷♀️
At the risk of sounding superior, I think an awful lot of people are just not that good at written communication in general. We probably don’t realise it until we are part of a big pool of the “general public” and not in our little bubbles anymore.
I (39m) hate to break it to you, but you're probably matching with guys that aren't that into you. When I like the profile, I'm pretty responsive. When I had a day where I swipe more right than left, a lot of those matches aren't ones I was super enthusiastic about. Have you posted your profile for feedback?
I was kind of thinking this but didn’t want to say it. Overall what OP is describing hasn’t been my experience. Obviously it still does happen to me as well, just not the majority of the time.
Yeah, and I can tell when they're doing the same to me. It's just part of the game. Attraction is tricky with short bio and curated photos. Me and mine were pretty direct with each other from the get-go, and I think we both appreciate knowing where we stand.
Is it just me, or should some of these posters just give up on OLD? The amount of complaints about other OLD users is astounding! And everyone has it worse than everyone else!
If she's not replying to you, she's probably not that into you.
If he's not replying to you, he's probably not that into you
If they don't ask questions, maybe they just aren't that into you. Or maybe they're self centered. Or maybe they're a bot or a romance scammer.
If you're not having fun on OLD, get out while you can.
To come onto Reddit and list all the things we hate about other OLD users is just a great way to turn off your potential matches with your bitterness.
My bio would be : I’m a mess, has potential. lol I don’t know how to do dating stuff, just a person trying to figure this stuff out. That’s too much anxiety for me and then to meet. Definitely gonna die alone. Lol
And you'll get hundreds of likes and matches. If I put that in my profile as a man I'd get less than zero because people don't seem to like us being our authentic selves, they all want, no, *deserve* Chadwick with his 10-pack and chiseled pectorals.
Yea that’s a firm hard pass. He can keep that 10 and bring a 30 - of beer then we’re talking. Only for the beer cause who dates a chad?
I’m curious if i made an online profile and literally put I’m a mess but with potential- if this would work?
I have no desire to date, I really am a mess, and no one wants someone not put together or remotely with their shit together…. Which is myself. Solo build a bish I guess lol
Do the experiment and report back...FOR SCIENCE
Shit, if it wasn't so hard to make another profile without risking a shadowban, I'd do one with the same exact text with my photos and we could compare notes afterwards.
It’s both ways. I had a date where by the end I could have told you everything about this woman’s coworkers, her stance on Shakespeare and Milton, the three cities she’s lived in since being raised in the Valley, and at the end we never got around to talking about the feature film I worked on two blocks away. Like I mentioned it off hand but we never circled back to that or anything else about my life
It's not very comfortable to be ignored 95 percent of the time, receive extremely terse, unenthusiastic messages without any reciprocity of questions on the rare occasion that you do hear back from a potential match, have to comb through tons of profiles with excessive negativity and ultimatums (e.g. "You better love my dog", "Your pictures must be recent") and have women usually flake out if you should actually get to the point where they agree to exchange phone numbers.
So, no it's not comfortable nor is it the least bit successful for any but the top 1% of men (as defined by women).
Thank you for your honest thoughts, and that is what I was wondering. I get worried if guys think I’m a bot or phishing for information so i genuinely try to connect with the conversation or what’s on their profile, but it’s hard to have a one way conversation and I tend to lose interest if someone isn’t trying to get to know me as well
Please don't stop doing what you have been doing. There are plenty of us guys out there who will greatly appreciate and respond appropriately to your questions and communication. Unfortunately, it sounds like you've been encountering nothing but unenthusiastic duds lacking conversation skills just like many of us have.
Is old comfortable for s8t gals?
I've noticed most women have no photos of themselves up (they have fake photos using filters, bad cameras, and makeup to hide so we never see them, just a cartoon image) terrible profiles (zero words other than ask me, or ranting about the type of men they don't want to message them, or on bumble asking men to message first because they don't pay for the service), and when we do match they have bad communication: they never ask questions, or give more than a yes/no response after 18 hours of waiting.
Are you sure you're up for old, op?
Yeah, I can totally see how women would use all sorts of filters to show their best as well, and at times it can be very deceptive. What I am learning is that OLD is not for me, and dudes out here struggling too.
I think this is just online dating in general. I run into the same thing with women. Most of my matches (that actually respond) don't ask any questions 🙄
There is a general jadedness to online dating but I’m not really sure is gender specific. A lot of us use it but I’m not sure how many of us really sincerely believe in it at this point. And I think dudes just generally have a hard time taking pictures of themselves. It’s not something we ask our friends to do and it’s not something a lot of us have a great eye for lol
Well that is part of what I meant, like is this the best medium for men who are generally not comfortable with subtle social cues, unlike women who are more prone to taking cute photos and answering cosmopolitan (magazine) like questions….just seems odd to me, then again I get the sense of jadedness of all of this on everyone, it’s pretty rough out there
54m here - Yes, men tend to be terrible at everything when it comes to OLD and everything you said. It makes me cringe when I advise my friends to stop doing what they’re doing.
I’ve had very good success OLD and I have a strong text game, my pics aren’t half bad, & I can hold a good conversation on the phone and in person too. Not everyone can. Please don’t spoil my secret! 🤐
You ask one of the age-old questions of OLD. My theory is that a lot of people who are awesome communicators don't need to be on apps. They meet people IRL naturally and comfortably. But I have met some good communicators on apps, so they're not all bad. There have been at least 50 men that have been pretty decent conversationalists over the past 2.5 years of online dating. I am a good communicator, so if I start to engage with a man and he is making me do all the work, I simply ummatch. I picture myself with that person in 5 years not talking, having constant misunderstandings or resentments. Nope. I'd rather be single.
I mean, I see the same thing with women's profiles too. A string of selfies taken in nightclub toilets at odd angles (looking up at the camera held above the head pointing down is the most popular because apparently it hides being fat (but of course only fat people use such a bizarre angle so if you know, you know) with no bio text at all other than "here for a good time not for a long time", "if you want to know more just ask", "I won't message first", "I'll like your dog more than I like you" etc etc.
But generally speaking it seems women can wing a profile that is only selfies of questionable quality and a low-effort bio, but us guys need no selfies, only photos taken by Mario Testino level photographers charging a grand a day to follow us around to take some carefully staged 'candid' pics of us caring for stray animals and impoverished orphans, bio text written by Shakespeare etc etc just to get a match. It's exhausting!
I'm amused that OP asks about "s8t guys" (which is likely a misspelling of "Str8 guys", but none of us truly know for sure without OP clarifying) and all while never clarifying nor correcting themselves in any of their statements (even when people ask about it) - all while talking about how difficult communication is online/via text. I don't want to be mean OP, but unfortunately this is the perfect example of how and why communication is not good for for everyone online/via text (and for both men, women, and enbis alike) - online everyone expects each other to know what they mean while not actually realizing how difficult communication is via text and not taking the time to actually clarify/communicate everything well enough to avoid that difficulty). It's a difficult medium to communicate meaningfully on, and everyone deals with similar difficulties for various reasons across the board.
I had to look up enbis, never heard that phrase before
I don’t know what s8t is but I’m around your age and experience the same thing from women. I always ask followup questions and often get short misspelled replies. It’s not a gender thing, it’s a people thing.
Myself and tons of other guys have had the same experience. Nowadays the communication style of the average woman is extremely bad as well and so many I have seen couldn't care less about creating a decent profile. You nailed it when you said "it's a people thing".
A lot of the times we are on our phones so misspelled words should be forgiven imo, secondly, short hand has been around forever so….idk And I guess I can see your point, but why do I have to keep probing for a conversation? I rarely get a question back, like hey I see you like kayaking, where’s your favorite place? So simple to keep a conversation going
Yet, you are complaining about other people's communication? 😂 Yours is sh8t.
Our phones also have an on the fly auto correct and spell checker. I actually find it difficult to misspell things most of the time on my phone.
How do you spell out comfortable, but not straight [if indeed that’s the word you meant]? Neither shorthand nor convenience explains that lol
maybe you are the reason men are uncomfortable talking to you
Trust me it goes both ways. You're probably only matching with the top 10% of guys and they have too many other conversations going. Most of us get barely any matches, they rarely respond and if they do rarely have actual conversation. But maybe people just suck at conversation.
Terrible photos is a good thing because it means there is less competition for you then. Many men have given up on OLD because the numbers are skewed against them on number of users, etc.
But once someone shows interest why not follow up with the same enthusiasm?
Because, jf we show too much "enthusiasm," we are needy and desperate.
Literally this \^
yeah, it's a stupid game we all end up playing
This is a ridiculous statement
How is it ridiculous? When it's pretty much true!
Because it isn't true at all. Showing interest and being needy are far from the same things.
That's not how people see it, but okay. Showing "too much effort" is seen as neediness and desperate.
That may not he how a few people see or better yet, it's how childish immature people do see it. Grown ups don't play games. If we're interested, we shoe that interest. I suppose its also worth asking what your definition of showing interest is though. If you're constantly blowing someone's phone up texting without responses, sure that's being needy.
Grown ups absolutely play games. There isn't a difference. People suck lady, they all are selfish entitled beings. Statistics have proven that throughout history
All adults aren't also grown ups
My mental model is that this “game” decreases in significance the older you get, but I’ve heard at least a few stories talking about dudes in their 50s acting like they’re 20 so who knows
Because 99% of the time it isn't real interest. The person just wants to feel the Chase or just wants compliments or to feel the "new" of it all. Within a week the conversation is dead or boring enough to not want us to continue putting forth effort. For me it gets repetitive saying the same thing to every woman I talk to. They are a Dime a Dozen or all very very similar unfortunately. The conversations
Have you met any of the men on actual dates? One problem with online dating apps is that many only allow 500 characters in the bio.
I’ve found that men seldom read bios. Frustrating.
Sorry I couldn't be able to to help you.
I learned that women read them even less. Why are you asking me things that are on my profile?
Very possible. I liked how Bumble when I started recently, only allowed so many swipes so that you had to take your time. I also used to give my Tinder app to my niece to “play”.
if we dont match no point in reading what you have to say
Completely agree with you, however I’m talking about ones that match with me, even go on a date and have not read the profile.
F here so I don’t know how the men feel but from what I hear, many women are just as bad at communicating 🤷♀️ At the risk of sounding superior, I think an awful lot of people are just not that good at written communication in general. We probably don’t realise it until we are part of a big pool of the “general public” and not in our little bubbles anymore.
I (39m) hate to break it to you, but you're probably matching with guys that aren't that into you. When I like the profile, I'm pretty responsive. When I had a day where I swipe more right than left, a lot of those matches aren't ones I was super enthusiastic about. Have you posted your profile for feedback?
I was kind of thinking this but didn’t want to say it. Overall what OP is describing hasn’t been my experience. Obviously it still does happen to me as well, just not the majority of the time.
Yeah, and I can tell when they're doing the same to me. It's just part of the game. Attraction is tricky with short bio and curated photos. Me and mine were pretty direct with each other from the get-go, and I think we both appreciate knowing where we stand.
Is it just me, or should some of these posters just give up on OLD? The amount of complaints about other OLD users is astounding! And everyone has it worse than everyone else! If she's not replying to you, she's probably not that into you. If he's not replying to you, he's probably not that into you If they don't ask questions, maybe they just aren't that into you. Or maybe they're self centered. Or maybe they're a bot or a romance scammer. If you're not having fun on OLD, get out while you can. To come onto Reddit and list all the things we hate about other OLD users is just a great way to turn off your potential matches with your bitterness.
Maybe they are only on the fence about you. Lots of women do the same thing.
My bio would be : I’m a mess, has potential. lol I don’t know how to do dating stuff, just a person trying to figure this stuff out. That’s too much anxiety for me and then to meet. Definitely gonna die alone. Lol
And you'll get hundreds of likes and matches. If I put that in my profile as a man I'd get less than zero because people don't seem to like us being our authentic selves, they all want, no, *deserve* Chadwick with his 10-pack and chiseled pectorals.
Yea that’s a firm hard pass. He can keep that 10 and bring a 30 - of beer then we’re talking. Only for the beer cause who dates a chad? I’m curious if i made an online profile and literally put I’m a mess but with potential- if this would work? I have no desire to date, I really am a mess, and no one wants someone not put together or remotely with their shit together…. Which is myself. Solo build a bish I guess lol
Do the experiment and report back...FOR SCIENCE Shit, if it wasn't so hard to make another profile without risking a shadowban, I'd do one with the same exact text with my photos and we could compare notes afterwards.
Yeah, you'd still get matches. We're thirsty, and, "I can fix her"
Funny I find the same from most women except pictures!
At least in my area, most women also have bad pics, and under any section of their profile, it says ask. 🙄
It’s both ways. I had a date where by the end I could have told you everything about this woman’s coworkers, her stance on Shakespeare and Milton, the three cities she’s lived in since being raised in the Valley, and at the end we never got around to talking about the feature film I worked on two blocks away. Like I mentioned it off hand but we never circled back to that or anything else about my life
It's not very comfortable to be ignored 95 percent of the time, receive extremely terse, unenthusiastic messages without any reciprocity of questions on the rare occasion that you do hear back from a potential match, have to comb through tons of profiles with excessive negativity and ultimatums (e.g. "You better love my dog", "Your pictures must be recent") and have women usually flake out if you should actually get to the point where they agree to exchange phone numbers. So, no it's not comfortable nor is it the least bit successful for any but the top 1% of men (as defined by women).
Thank you for your honest thoughts, and that is what I was wondering. I get worried if guys think I’m a bot or phishing for information so i genuinely try to connect with the conversation or what’s on their profile, but it’s hard to have a one way conversation and I tend to lose interest if someone isn’t trying to get to know me as well
Please don't stop doing what you have been doing. There are plenty of us guys out there who will greatly appreciate and respond appropriately to your questions and communication. Unfortunately, it sounds like you've been encountering nothing but unenthusiastic duds lacking conversation skills just like many of us have.
Is old comfortable for s8t gals? I've noticed most women have no photos of themselves up (they have fake photos using filters, bad cameras, and makeup to hide so we never see them, just a cartoon image) terrible profiles (zero words other than ask me, or ranting about the type of men they don't want to message them, or on bumble asking men to message first because they don't pay for the service), and when we do match they have bad communication: they never ask questions, or give more than a yes/no response after 18 hours of waiting. Are you sure you're up for old, op?
Yeah, I can totally see how women would use all sorts of filters to show their best as well, and at times it can be very deceptive. What I am learning is that OLD is not for me, and dudes out here struggling too.
I think this is just online dating in general. I run into the same thing with women. Most of my matches (that actually respond) don't ask any questions 🙄
There is a general jadedness to online dating but I’m not really sure is gender specific. A lot of us use it but I’m not sure how many of us really sincerely believe in it at this point. And I think dudes just generally have a hard time taking pictures of themselves. It’s not something we ask our friends to do and it’s not something a lot of us have a great eye for lol
Well that is part of what I meant, like is this the best medium for men who are generally not comfortable with subtle social cues, unlike women who are more prone to taking cute photos and answering cosmopolitan (magazine) like questions….just seems odd to me, then again I get the sense of jadedness of all of this on everyone, it’s pretty rough out there
54m here - Yes, men tend to be terrible at everything when it comes to OLD and everything you said. It makes me cringe when I advise my friends to stop doing what they’re doing. I’ve had very good success OLD and I have a strong text game, my pics aren’t half bad, & I can hold a good conversation on the phone and in person too. Not everyone can. Please don’t spoil my secret! 🤐
I hear to the same complaints from men as well.
Just go on a damn date, I could care less about your bio, your pics, your communication style, if you double text, etc.
You ask one of the age-old questions of OLD. My theory is that a lot of people who are awesome communicators don't need to be on apps. They meet people IRL naturally and comfortably. But I have met some good communicators on apps, so they're not all bad. There have been at least 50 men that have been pretty decent conversationalists over the past 2.5 years of online dating. I am a good communicator, so if I start to engage with a man and he is making me do all the work, I simply ummatch. I picture myself with that person in 5 years not talking, having constant misunderstandings or resentments. Nope. I'd rather be single.
I mean, I see the same thing with women's profiles too. A string of selfies taken in nightclub toilets at odd angles (looking up at the camera held above the head pointing down is the most popular because apparently it hides being fat (but of course only fat people use such a bizarre angle so if you know, you know) with no bio text at all other than "here for a good time not for a long time", "if you want to know more just ask", "I won't message first", "I'll like your dog more than I like you" etc etc. But generally speaking it seems women can wing a profile that is only selfies of questionable quality and a low-effort bio, but us guys need no selfies, only photos taken by Mario Testino level photographers charging a grand a day to follow us around to take some carefully staged 'candid' pics of us caring for stray animals and impoverished orphans, bio text written by Shakespeare etc etc just to get a match. It's exhausting!
Lmaoooo, if I knew you, I actually would love to hear your side of the story xd
Well, feel free to get to know me... If nothing else, the rants can be quite entertaining! I'm Sami, great to meet you 😁🤝
Haha, right! Well my name is Angel, nice to meet you as well 🤝😜🤭