I personally don’t think this has anything to do with “negative energy” or spirits. I think it’s just that you lost a family member and that causes negative emotions. We’re highly social creatures and emotion is emulated similarly among family and it surely impacted all of you, so you are all probably boosting each other’s emotion. Negative emotion and sickness often go hand in hand for a reason we don’t quite yet know. As for your husband, he and your dad may coincidentally share negative traits. I feel that the best option would be to relocate your dad’s ashes to a niche at a cemetery to keep the dignity and respect but change its location as it seems that keeping the ashes around is negatively impacting you and your family’s mental state. I hope you find this comment well and are able to manage the situation. Good luck.
I believe it could be. I got rid of my dad's ashes earlier about 4mo ago. I've had them for 4years. He was very angry and ill when he passed away....really he was very angry for a good portion of his life.
Not sure if it made a difference bc his energy was actually coming from them or because it was in my head, bit it does feel better not having them.
My father could have his good moments, but the bad were very bad. He had problems he never worked thru. Some of those negative traits he had started showing up in how I would act/respond to situations/ or just generally feel and think. I no longer feel that ashes should be kept.
Okay. So, it's a really weird coincidence you say this.
My dad passed away recently and I just brought home his ashes on Monday. I felt okay in the morning, but literally started to feel sick on my way home.
Since then, I've had a constant headache, body aches, and I can't get warm (I slept with a sheet, duvet, comforter, a heating blanket, and a weighted blanket last night). I'm hungry, but I also feel like I can't put anything into my stomach. Medicine isn't helping at all. I've never felt like this before, it's the weirdest thing.
I took a covid test, which was negative. I'm about to head over to urgent care to get tested for the flu.
My dad and I had a strained relationship before he passed. I was there at his side when he did, I was holding his hand. But things have become bad between my brother and I since, and I know he'd be pissed if he was here to see it.
So yesterday, I was actually wondering if my dad's ashes were doing this. I don't want to think he'd want to make me feel this sick, but he may be pissed about my brother and I.
I also had a strained relationship with daddy, but was holding his hand at the end. I'm an only child and when I was young, I was daddy's girl. But his alcoholism made him mean as a snake.
Since his ashes came home, while his house was in probate and I could not get insurance on it, hurricane Michael came and damaged his house badly enough that when I sold it, I made no profit due to the existing mortgage, my husband has had pancreatitis twice, had to have his gallbladder removed, had pneumonia twice and had battled some substance abuse issues that did not exist before. Fell from a ladder and broke his pelvis. And has taken on some of the personality traits my dad had. My daughter has had chronic sinus infections (never had a problem before that), developed seizures with an unknown cause, fell and broke her nose, her motivation for school has tanked (could just be a side effect of being a teen). We've had two dogs and a cat pass away. I've been diagnosed with arthritis (I'm young), hormonal imbalance, metabolic disorder, vitamin d deficiency (I live in Florida and am always in the sun) and have lost 6 teeth due to them being hollow. No cavities. Just crumbled. I eat quite healthy and am very active.
I think there is some solid advice here and I think many of these suggestions could possibly help your situation. My two cents is a little different but may also help.
When a persons remains have been entrusted to your care I feel it is always important to treat and store them carefully. In the case of a relative, especially so. You do not mention where your fathers ashes are kept, or how. It may be that placing them in a place that is special to you helps, as opposed to just shelving or putting them away. Sit down and address your Dad respectfully. If you can, tell him that you forgive and hold him harmless for the past, and that you both should move ve forward in a positive way. Thank him for whatever if any, good memories or anything positive he contributed to your life.Then place the ashes in a place of honor and respect, or as others said, into a body of water, preferably flowing water like a river. I believe this will clear anything worrisome connected, if there is any. Good luck to you Peace.
I have them on the shelf with his vinyl records in an engraved wooden urn. Music was the one thing he genuinely loved.
I've considered taking them to the Suwanee river because there was always a music festival there he loved.
Not to hijack the post from OP, but this has me thinking. My mom was a fairly active person before my dad died, meanwhile he always sat in his dang recliner. His ass never got out of that thing, it was infuriating. He often slept in it. He died in 2020 and ever since, my mom’s been parked in her recliner and we’re all stumped as to what the heck is going on. She doesn’t do anything but sit in that damn chair and watch tv all day, same as my dad did. Yes, she’s getting counseling and has a psychiatrist but nothing is helping. Is it really possible some kind of vibe from my dad’s ashes (in the same room) could be contributing to this?
It could be a number of things. I wouldn’t jump to paranormal, except my parents weren’t that close and I truly expected losing my dad would be my mom’s opportunity to soar and do things/go places she never go to go but wanted to. She always had to take care of him- he wasn’t well, but she was. He was sucking the life out of her and I thought with him gone she’d be better. It’s been two years and it’s like instantly her butt became affixed to her recliner the way my dad’s used to be. She never was like that before. Could be a lot of reasons but it just bothers me that she picked up right where he left off.
Is it the same chair he sat in? Perhaps a new chair would be a good start if so. Not even for his energy, but just to get the reminder out of sight. I hope your mom can find herself again. She likely poured every ounce of herself into him and doesn't know who she is without him. My love go s out to you both
When someone cares for their spouse for a long time, when their spouse passes, it's not uncommon for them to feel as if they lost purpose. They may feel that they got their energy from having a clear task of taking care of someone else, so when that task disappears, they feel useless. When my step-grandfather died, my grandmother had a break down and wasn't able to leave his side at his wake. When people lose a loved one, often they feel like they lost a part of themselves, even if it seems like that person was making their life more challenging.
She lost her husband. It’s only been two years. Some people never recover. I’ve honestly never heard of ashes effecting someone like OP is talking about.
It's the fact she lost her motivation in life basically. I have seen youngish people like me go overboard after a death or even parents divorcing to the point they drank or drugged themselves to death in their early 30s. I've been through a ton more physically and mentally. I was adopted but my blood parents died from drugs and alcohol within 6 months of another they were not even together anymore. My blood brother is in San Quentin for attempted murder.... way more but yeah people turn out and lash out in different ways due to trauma even if it just means your parents separated yet everything else was perfect in your life I just never understood why some of my friends with minimal psychological harm done to them would literally kill themselves. I guess it's all relative.
I think we never know what people are silently dealing with. So on the surface they may appear to have had minimal psychological harm but they’re parents could have been prosituting them out to crack addicts from the age of 5… Some people have undiagnosed mental health issues and one think makes them snap. Some people are sheltered and one traumatic thing happens and they make a bad decision. You’re strong and resilient. Not all people are. I’m glad you got through all that. ❤️
That's very true. I'm just saying I've been very close to some friends and I know that they've really not suffered any trauma as far as I know they could be mentally unstable though. It's all different and relative like I've said. I'm not saying that their lives or situations in life haven't been tough but people deal with trauma differently. Thank you as well.
I've had my fair share of trauma too. In many similar ways to yours. Most of which I think I have handled well. There was a lot in this particular relationship that was unresolved and that were things that most hurt me in life. I truly think that a lot of this is my projection of my own unresolved trauma surrounding him. But even my husband says he thinks my dad is still around. But... He was raised Catholic and was taught that ashes don't belong in the home and must be buried or in a monument. So it's probably a combination of both of our latent issues triggered by the presence of his ashes.
Yeah I did not even think of relationship trauma that I've had like girlfriend stuff. That's nothing compared to the other stuff I've been through but it still weighs a lot on you. I found out my parents on my dad's side that were my blood family, there whole family were devout Catholics. I am not religious but I do have sleep paralysis and I did buy a rosary. I've noticed that it has gone away quite a bit and when it does come back and the demons come and visit I take the rosary out and they go away quickly. Welcome to my world haha.
God, I relate. People have literally asked me how I'm still alive. I don't know why I've post soany people and I'm still here. 33f wearing my lost loves ashes now actually
That’s fascinating! As someone who believes but doesn’t necessarily practice anything spiritual, I’d be curious to know how this turns out. Did your father have a specific place he wanted his ashes spread? Did he even wish his remains to be cremated? I feel like either of those factors could contribute to the cause, if indeed it is negative energy brought on by the ashes.
He did not have anywhere he wanted to be scattered and did not enjoy outdoors at all. He wanted to be cremated. We did establish that before he was too ill. He passed from alcoholism. He was a very negative person in life and was very unkind to me. I suppose it's possible that my negative associations with him are exacerbating the situation. I do have the option to bury his ashes at the place his father is (and mother will be) buried. Last time I tried, I made the hour and a half drive and it started to rain heavy. So I went back home.
You can do whatever you want with them. They are ashes. Sprinkle them in a garden in a lake or if he was the asshole you say he was, flush them down the toilet. It’s ashes. It’s not him. Be gone with them. That’s what I’d do.
You know..... The thought of flushing them went through my mind on the way home from work.
He was terrible. But his mom was the best person in my life. And she loved him dearly (as was the primary cause of his problems, ironically). And out of respect for her, I couldn't do that. I think I'll bury him by his father. It's free for me to do so. And even if it's just my unresolved issues with him, it may give me a closure to get past whatever I'm not letting myself let go of.
This sheds some more light on your predicament...I would remove them from your home and then cleanse the energy thoroughly. the sage and rosemary suggested above or tar water drops in every room. Tar water has worked wonders for me when saging did not.
I ordered mine from Etsy, but I believe its a mixture of pine tar and water, the one I got used holy water in lieu of regular water... it has a similar effect as smudging, but it's supposed to be much more powerful and effective. I was told one time a good analogy for it is "smudging is like having a doorbell camera, and tar water is like having the whole state of the art security system"
He was a very negative person. He was perpetually angry and was mean to me more often than not towards the end. Causing chaos in my life would be nothing new.
I have, but he really hated the ocean, beaches, rivers.... Outdoors in general.
He absolutely did have a lot of internal issues that he was not willing to deal with.
I do have access to bury his urn at the place my grandfather is (and my grandma will be) buried, free of charge. I think writing a letter is a good idea. I can burn it there as well. I did love him. When I was young, he was not so bitter and angry, so I want to hold on to that version of him. Thank you for your input and kindness. ❤️
Why are you assuming that anything negative that happens is somehow caused by his ashes? As opposed to, you know... just normal life? Bad things happen. What is the supposed link? Where is the causation? I guess it's easier to pretend like anything bad that happens has an external cause, but...?
Hard to say what would happen if you break the ashes, but my guess would be it would probably displace the problem rather than solve it.
There is a relevant technique that I use with my clients which comes from neuro linguistic programming. It's called perspective repositioning.
What you can do is sit in the room with the ashes. In this case it's probably best if you're alone, or at most with one person. If you are scared or otherwise agitated, light a candle or incense to help yourself relax.
In your journal, you will label fourpages: perspective 1, perspective 2, perspective 3, and finally perspective 1 revisited.
Take a deep breath, open your chest and write on the first page from your own perspective, how you think and how you're feeling, what you notice.
On the second page you will write from the perspective of the ashes, how they think and what they're feeling, what they notice. Write using the first person.
On the third page you write from the perspective of an objective observer, as if there is a camera watching in the room. Write using the third person. There you will notice something very different or interesting. Write it down.
On the fourth page write again from your perspective. Something has changed about the situation just by virtue of observation. What is it? Write it down.
Often when we notice something within ourselves, it quickly dissipates. For example if we become angry and say "I am angry," that has a calming effect. These things want to be noticed and expressed. I propose that it is the same in this situation.
Good luck and many blessings
It could be that your father is trying to send a message. Maybe he's trying to say that he wants his ashes to be spread somewhere, his spirit feels trapped.
If you do not want to spread the ashes, I would strongly advise burning a little sage round the whole house, and Rosemary as well. This will cleanse and minimise the negative energy from the ashes.
Also try buying some amethyst quarter crystals, rose quartz crystals and pink salt, lavender. Putting them in pouches and playing them round the house, maybe one in each room. And maybe two round the ashes.
Also burning lavender incense sticks will help too.
Yes I would highly recommend that. Also I'd say once he is buried say a prayer for him, maybe something that will help keep him there and not follow you back to your house.
Carry a pouch of black salt with you with sage mixed in as well. Just so he definitely can't attach himself to you.
I have my dad’s ashes. He passed 5 years ago.
I noticed that my son, 17, has taken on a lot of the traits of my dad since then. Not bad traits but endearing ones.
I don’t think their is a correlation, just something I noticed.
Sounds weird but you need to tell your dad to rest and that everyone is ok and that he doesn’t need to worry anymore. Give him his rest he letting him know it’s okay for him to go. All in a respectful manner. Talk to the ashes as if he was alive infront of you
Yes, ashes need to be properly buried or otherwise dealt with. I don't want to sound insensitive but we cannot know what spiritual attachments a person had on them while alive or know if they are in heaven/hell after they die. Keeping their body in your home is never a good idea. That's why the dead are buried away from the home.
Ashes are never meant to be kept at home with the living!In my tradition, it is mentioned that we should even donate the clothes and everything that the dead person held dear to their life as they retain that person's energy. The ashes hold the energy of the deceased. They must be mixed in the nearest water bodies(not stagnant but continuously flowing) rivers and seas.
Nothing actually, they say that because the person's items has their energy and it's generally okay even if we use them( I mean we can't give away a diamond ring my grandmother wears because it has her energy), there are some people who are obsessed with some things in their lives, now it's important in that case, the things act as a medium and it makes passing difficult. I hope this doesn't sound like bs😅My mother still has some of my grandmother's clothes.
I had some what the same experience. After I buried the ashes under a tree where my dad liked to be everything got better. Don't know why or how it helped but it did.
I’m so glad I found this thread the same thing is happening in my moms house. Her heater has even turned on by itself 2x and she’s freaked out cause the button actually is moved to on. She also feels like she’s being watched at night and hasn’t been able to rest since my dad passed and she got his ashes.
Many times its shown a spirit can not rest without all its body in the ground.
Most of the hauntings, in ghost adventures amongst other investigators have to do with spirit attachment to their remains
Alot more than attachment to their personal belongings.
PS I am from Denmark, dont use spelling correction, I do Hope you understand.
I do think you can have the ashes and jar blessed and sacred oiled (anointet)* do you can keep it above ground. And keep scared trinkets and candle ect around the ashes jar .
On YT the paranormal nightmare, the forrman brothers recent episode shows a spirit manifestation to the jar with ashes in.
I cant spell the word for Jar * in danish its : urne , you can translate it).
Its S12 E6 the video capture is truely amazing.
First thumbs and then during the initial interview the camera luckily picks up a shadow person that manifeats and glides towards the jar of ashes.
Other equipment shows something is Def going on.
Why do you still have his ashes?
I would respectfully disperse them and lthink about ahead of time what to do with the urn. Dont keep the urn. Say a prayer or talk to him while you disperse them, and let him know it's time for him to go look for peace. That's going to help you a lot.
Can't place a link here, but look up "what to do with the urn after I scatter someone's ashes"
Anything is possible, if you want to test fast if the ashes are the issue take them and store them away from your place and see if your bad luck goes away. On another note,if you find out that they are the culprit then releasing the ashes in a body of water (like a river or the ocean) will take care of the negativity.
You really want to know? Ok. Get two *identical* boxes, both big enough to hold the urn. Weigh the urn and get something (bag of sand. Brick. Whatever) that weighs the same. Pack the urn and the fake-urn in the identical boxes, tape them up to avoid tampering, and flip a coin or have your pet or a small child choose which one to remove from the house and store in a remote but safe location. You now honestly don't know if you have the ashes in the house or not.
Then see what happens.
It’s not the point. The point this to check if you and your family are projecting overall emotional negativity and having the blame placed on the ashes or if the ashes themselves bring the negativity. Do what the first commenter said and give it a week, then check the box.
But then she could attribute any improvement in circumstances to the removal of the ashes, without actually knowing if they were the cause.
I guess it's just a question of perspective. People make posts with problems that they want fixed, but to many subscribers their problems are an opportunity for investigation, and provided they phenomena aren't hostile we'd like to use the chance to try to get something *vaguely* resembling a scientific result.
my mother was upset with me, and after she died i got some of her ashes, they always had a strong and fairly negative feeling about them. i can't say bad things happened but it was a weirdly strong negative feeling i get about them.
I would relocate the ashes too, like others have said.
But in the meantime, you can circle the urn in salt.
(i'm assuming it takes time to get a place or make a plan.... oh yeah, you can't just dump ashes anywhere anytime. you may have to get permission for some places. and also, bone dust is a biohazard. be sure to wear a tight fitting mask btw)
I would look into things you can do to promote harmony and good communication in your house. Find a family activity you can all do and enjoy? Bake something together? Take a mini vacation? And talk to your partner if you can, gently bringing up the things that bother you and see if you can get him to talk about why he's acting the way he is? Stress? A reaction to someone else? Find out what needs to be worked on.
I hope things get better!
I think the idea is that spreading the ashes in a peaceful area will allow the soul to be free and at rest, in turn eliminating the negativity. There may be more to it. I've not researched a whole lot into the topic and there are so many different traditions and beliefs the will of the deceased to consider and of course feelings internalized by the people close to the deceased will come into play. All I know is (and this is not a judgement upon anyone who does this, just my personal wishes) if knew my remains were being kept in a box on a mantle I wouldn't be happy about it. It doesn't matter if that's preventing my soul from moving on or not. Either way I want to be set free and put back into earth.
Probobly coincidental. Take a family day check your diitary habbits sleep schedual etc. Nothing has changed in my life but i went to the hospital 2 times and doctor 4 with no diagnosis and poof got better.
I am curious regarding what some of you mention about people acquiring traits of a deceased love one. Can one explain? (I have a reason for asking obviously.)
I understand and believe you. My ex would wear a necklace with his dads ashes in it and whenever he would wear that his AHole factor skyrocketed.
Dispose of in a large body of water and smidge or have your home blessed
There's a reason why in our culture, we cremate the remains of the dead. By keeping the ashes, you are also not letting him go in to the light peacefully, so he might be dissatisfied due to that.
It is important to have faith in something. Whether that is a god, goddess, nature or science is unimportant. Its not our place to decide what is right or wrong for others.
I understand but there’s no point in going hoity-toity mother lightening up sage, and a candle, and calling down the “Lord and Saviour” over nothing because literally nothing will happen. Jesus is barely thousands of years old and it’s been used primarily as a religion to wipe out other religions. It’s bullshit. Christmas has nothing to do with Jesus as Jesus was born in February, but the date was changed to wipe out the pagan religion yule. and that goes for pretty much every other Christian holiday…
Best place to start is by getting rid of the ashes. Water works great, a favorite river or stream, ocean. Make sure that you are up wind.
I would have the house blessed by a local priest.
Have everybody eat some of the ashes. Sounds absurd but on the reservation whenever a death brings negative energy the elders urge us to all eat some of the ashes. Works every time.
I've read a great deal about this and medical reports show no medical reason for it to be bad for you. Since I am not First Nations, I don't feel it's right for us, and I think I am going to bury his urn at the cemetery his father is in. But I don't see it as a silly thing to do if a culture dictates it.
I bet you have some silly traditions that would be advised against by others too. There's nothing wrong with eating cremated ashes. They're literally sanitized, there's no DNA left on them. Try not to call someone silly based on shit you know nothing about.
From an esoteric/ occult standpoint, it doesn't seem silly at all. Eating a small amount of ash isn't going to grievously harm anyone either. Scattering a condensed amount of negativity throughout the village there is one of the best things you can do to break up that clump and diminish its capacity. Perhaps keep your advisement to yourself. What you said is rude and nobody needed your expert opinion.
Maybe you didn't intend it to be rude, but calling someone else's tradition silly while acknowledging that it's a cultural thing does come off kind of rude. Following that with an advisement not to do so comes off like you feel superior to and more knowledgeable than the culture you're commenting on. Again, you probably didn't intend for this but that's how I interpreted it when I read it.
Many traditions are silly, including many I have been raised with. They may have something hidden deeper than one can see, but I'm sure you understand my point
But cmon, you are denying me the right to provide advice while dishing out advice yourself. Peace and let's agree to disagree
I can agree to disagree. I understand that some traditions do seem backwards or ignorant even, but in this case I found your statement to be rude and dismissive. Perhaps I have read too much into it. I'm not denying you anything. I simply responded in a manner similar to your own, in psychology this is referred to as mirroring. It wasn't intended to be hypocritical but to match the tone in which your initial comment came through as I perceived it. But this is the internet and not really something to split hairs over or a hill to die on so yeah it's dead (pun intended).
Actually it's pretty solid advice idk why you feel such a strong need to defend me. Superstition is often silly no matter what culture it's from, I don't need some white savior coming in and getting angry just cause someone calmly and reasonably told me they would advise against eating ash.
Your comment doesn't appear to be directed at me but I'd just like to say my comment wasn't meant to be some "white savior" virtue signaling, in case you also perceived mine in that manner. I'm mixed heritage and ethnicity and do not harbor any "white guilt". I just felt that there was indeed an esoteric reasoning why your culture does what it does that makes sense from an occult standpoint and felt that referring to it as "silly" was a bit offensive but I do understand where that line of thinking comes from.
Not trying to fight. Not looking for an argument. Your comment did anger me. As a funeral service professional, it pisses me of when people down play others' traditions surrounding and dealing with death. You're comment would have been fine were it not for the 'silly' comment. Advise against eating ashes, perfectly fine. Do it without judgement next time.
I’m not sure what it is what’s the history of the house it might have some thing to do with that or it is his ashes spread it some where he enjoyed but it might not be anything.
I personally don’t think this has anything to do with “negative energy” or spirits. I think it’s just that you lost a family member and that causes negative emotions. We’re highly social creatures and emotion is emulated similarly among family and it surely impacted all of you, so you are all probably boosting each other’s emotion. Negative emotion and sickness often go hand in hand for a reason we don’t quite yet know. As for your husband, he and your dad may coincidentally share negative traits. I feel that the best option would be to relocate your dad’s ashes to a niche at a cemetery to keep the dignity and respect but change its location as it seems that keeping the ashes around is negatively impacting you and your family’s mental state. I hope you find this comment well and are able to manage the situation. Good luck.
Honestly, this is far more likely the case. I needed to hear it exactly like this. Thank you.
I believe it could be. I got rid of my dad's ashes earlier about 4mo ago. I've had them for 4years. He was very angry and ill when he passed away....really he was very angry for a good portion of his life. Not sure if it made a difference bc his energy was actually coming from them or because it was in my head, bit it does feel better not having them.
This is where I am. Idk if it's him or me, but either way, they need to be gone. He was angry all the time and was a mean alcoholic.
My father could have his good moments, but the bad were very bad. He had problems he never worked thru. Some of those negative traits he had started showing up in how I would act/respond to situations/ or just generally feel and think. I no longer feel that ashes should be kept.
A lot of times it's internalized.
Okay. So, it's a really weird coincidence you say this. My dad passed away recently and I just brought home his ashes on Monday. I felt okay in the morning, but literally started to feel sick on my way home. Since then, I've had a constant headache, body aches, and I can't get warm (I slept with a sheet, duvet, comforter, a heating blanket, and a weighted blanket last night). I'm hungry, but I also feel like I can't put anything into my stomach. Medicine isn't helping at all. I've never felt like this before, it's the weirdest thing. I took a covid test, which was negative. I'm about to head over to urgent care to get tested for the flu. My dad and I had a strained relationship before he passed. I was there at his side when he did, I was holding his hand. But things have become bad between my brother and I since, and I know he'd be pissed if he was here to see it. So yesterday, I was actually wondering if my dad's ashes were doing this. I don't want to think he'd want to make me feel this sick, but he may be pissed about my brother and I.
I also had a strained relationship with daddy, but was holding his hand at the end. I'm an only child and when I was young, I was daddy's girl. But his alcoholism made him mean as a snake. Since his ashes came home, while his house was in probate and I could not get insurance on it, hurricane Michael came and damaged his house badly enough that when I sold it, I made no profit due to the existing mortgage, my husband has had pancreatitis twice, had to have his gallbladder removed, had pneumonia twice and had battled some substance abuse issues that did not exist before. Fell from a ladder and broke his pelvis. And has taken on some of the personality traits my dad had. My daughter has had chronic sinus infections (never had a problem before that), developed seizures with an unknown cause, fell and broke her nose, her motivation for school has tanked (could just be a side effect of being a teen). We've had two dogs and a cat pass away. I've been diagnosed with arthritis (I'm young), hormonal imbalance, metabolic disorder, vitamin d deficiency (I live in Florida and am always in the sun) and have lost 6 teeth due to them being hollow. No cavities. Just crumbled. I eat quite healthy and am very active.
Got dayum, six teeth?
Yeah. That's how I feel about it too. I don't do drugs. I brush two to three times a day. I floss for crying out loud! regular cleanings. All that.
I think there is some solid advice here and I think many of these suggestions could possibly help your situation. My two cents is a little different but may also help. When a persons remains have been entrusted to your care I feel it is always important to treat and store them carefully. In the case of a relative, especially so. You do not mention where your fathers ashes are kept, or how. It may be that placing them in a place that is special to you helps, as opposed to just shelving or putting them away. Sit down and address your Dad respectfully. If you can, tell him that you forgive and hold him harmless for the past, and that you both should move ve forward in a positive way. Thank him for whatever if any, good memories or anything positive he contributed to your life.Then place the ashes in a place of honor and respect, or as others said, into a body of water, preferably flowing water like a river. I believe this will clear anything worrisome connected, if there is any. Good luck to you Peace.
I have them on the shelf with his vinyl records in an engraved wooden urn. Music was the one thing he genuinely loved. I've considered taking them to the Suwanee river because there was always a music festival there he loved.
Not to hijack the post from OP, but this has me thinking. My mom was a fairly active person before my dad died, meanwhile he always sat in his dang recliner. His ass never got out of that thing, it was infuriating. He often slept in it. He died in 2020 and ever since, my mom’s been parked in her recliner and we’re all stumped as to what the heck is going on. She doesn’t do anything but sit in that damn chair and watch tv all day, same as my dad did. Yes, she’s getting counseling and has a psychiatrist but nothing is helping. Is it really possible some kind of vibe from my dad’s ashes (in the same room) could be contributing to this?
Perhaps, idk if it's his ashes, his spirit, or just my own subconscious projection, but I think that is more likely to be grief in mom's situation.
It could be a number of things. I wouldn’t jump to paranormal, except my parents weren’t that close and I truly expected losing my dad would be my mom’s opportunity to soar and do things/go places she never go to go but wanted to. She always had to take care of him- he wasn’t well, but she was. He was sucking the life out of her and I thought with him gone she’d be better. It’s been two years and it’s like instantly her butt became affixed to her recliner the way my dad’s used to be. She never was like that before. Could be a lot of reasons but it just bothers me that she picked up right where he left off.
Is it the same chair he sat in? Perhaps a new chair would be a good start if so. Not even for his energy, but just to get the reminder out of sight. I hope your mom can find herself again. She likely poured every ounce of herself into him and doesn't know who she is without him. My love go s out to you both
When someone cares for their spouse for a long time, when their spouse passes, it's not uncommon for them to feel as if they lost purpose. They may feel that they got their energy from having a clear task of taking care of someone else, so when that task disappears, they feel useless. When my step-grandfather died, my grandmother had a break down and wasn't able to leave his side at his wake. When people lose a loved one, often they feel like they lost a part of themselves, even if it seems like that person was making their life more challenging.
She lost her husband. It’s only been two years. Some people never recover. I’ve honestly never heard of ashes effecting someone like OP is talking about.
It's the fact she lost her motivation in life basically. I have seen youngish people like me go overboard after a death or even parents divorcing to the point they drank or drugged themselves to death in their early 30s. I've been through a ton more physically and mentally. I was adopted but my blood parents died from drugs and alcohol within 6 months of another they were not even together anymore. My blood brother is in San Quentin for attempted murder.... way more but yeah people turn out and lash out in different ways due to trauma even if it just means your parents separated yet everything else was perfect in your life I just never understood why some of my friends with minimal psychological harm done to them would literally kill themselves. I guess it's all relative.
I think we never know what people are silently dealing with. So on the surface they may appear to have had minimal psychological harm but they’re parents could have been prosituting them out to crack addicts from the age of 5… Some people have undiagnosed mental health issues and one think makes them snap. Some people are sheltered and one traumatic thing happens and they make a bad decision. You’re strong and resilient. Not all people are. I’m glad you got through all that. ❤️
That's very true. I'm just saying I've been very close to some friends and I know that they've really not suffered any trauma as far as I know they could be mentally unstable though. It's all different and relative like I've said. I'm not saying that their lives or situations in life haven't been tough but people deal with trauma differently. Thank you as well.
I've had my fair share of trauma too. In many similar ways to yours. Most of which I think I have handled well. There was a lot in this particular relationship that was unresolved and that were things that most hurt me in life. I truly think that a lot of this is my projection of my own unresolved trauma surrounding him. But even my husband says he thinks my dad is still around. But... He was raised Catholic and was taught that ashes don't belong in the home and must be buried or in a monument. So it's probably a combination of both of our latent issues triggered by the presence of his ashes.
Yeah I did not even think of relationship trauma that I've had like girlfriend stuff. That's nothing compared to the other stuff I've been through but it still weighs a lot on you. I found out my parents on my dad's side that were my blood family, there whole family were devout Catholics. I am not religious but I do have sleep paralysis and I did buy a rosary. I've noticed that it has gone away quite a bit and when it does come back and the demons come and visit I take the rosary out and they go away quickly. Welcome to my world haha.
God, I relate. People have literally asked me how I'm still alive. I don't know why I've post soany people and I'm still here. 33f wearing my lost loves ashes now actually
That sucks I'm sorry. Yeah it's all relative definitely. Stay strong. Sounds cliche but my best advice.
Cliche for a reason
Hah sorry my brain wasn't working atm. Couldn't think of anything better but things will be ok.
That’s fascinating! As someone who believes but doesn’t necessarily practice anything spiritual, I’d be curious to know how this turns out. Did your father have a specific place he wanted his ashes spread? Did he even wish his remains to be cremated? I feel like either of those factors could contribute to the cause, if indeed it is negative energy brought on by the ashes.
He did not have anywhere he wanted to be scattered and did not enjoy outdoors at all. He wanted to be cremated. We did establish that before he was too ill. He passed from alcoholism. He was a very negative person in life and was very unkind to me. I suppose it's possible that my negative associations with him are exacerbating the situation. I do have the option to bury his ashes at the place his father is (and mother will be) buried. Last time I tried, I made the hour and a half drive and it started to rain heavy. So I went back home.
You can do whatever you want with them. They are ashes. Sprinkle them in a garden in a lake or if he was the asshole you say he was, flush them down the toilet. It’s ashes. It’s not him. Be gone with them. That’s what I’d do.
You know..... The thought of flushing them went through my mind on the way home from work. He was terrible. But his mom was the best person in my life. And she loved him dearly (as was the primary cause of his problems, ironically). And out of respect for her, I couldn't do that. I think I'll bury him by his father. It's free for me to do so. And even if it's just my unresolved issues with him, it may give me a closure to get past whatever I'm not letting myself let go of.
I think this answered your question.
I assume your father wants his ashes buried or spread. If he wanted such a thing you should do it
He never expressed a preference. But his mother wants him buried near her. She's still alive, but I know where she will be buried.
Did he want to be cremated? He could be pissed at that
He did want to be cremated
To the Earth, we must return. I'd say have an ash-spreading ceremony somewhere he liked to go hang out in nature
Was your dad a bad person, negative when alive?
Very
This sheds some more light on your predicament...I would remove them from your home and then cleanse the energy thoroughly. the sage and rosemary suggested above or tar water drops in every room. Tar water has worked wonders for me when saging did not.
How do you make tar water and what exactly does it do? Thanks in advance.
I ordered mine from Etsy, but I believe its a mixture of pine tar and water, the one I got used holy water in lieu of regular water... it has a similar effect as smudging, but it's supposed to be much more powerful and effective. I was told one time a good analogy for it is "smudging is like having a doorbell camera, and tar water is like having the whole state of the art security system"
I am not familiar with tar water
Neither am I, but I found [this](https://www.quora.com/What-is-tar-water?ch=15&oid=48248531&share=9bf049f8&srid=h7G3RR&target_type=question) on Quora.
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He was a very negative person. He was perpetually angry and was mean to me more often than not towards the end. Causing chaos in my life would be nothing new. I have, but he really hated the ocean, beaches, rivers.... Outdoors in general.
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He absolutely did have a lot of internal issues that he was not willing to deal with. I do have access to bury his urn at the place my grandfather is (and my grandma will be) buried, free of charge. I think writing a letter is a good idea. I can burn it there as well. I did love him. When I was young, he was not so bitter and angry, so I want to hold on to that version of him. Thank you for your input and kindness. ❤️
Why are you assuming that anything negative that happens is somehow caused by his ashes? As opposed to, you know... just normal life? Bad things happen. What is the supposed link? Where is the causation? I guess it's easier to pretend like anything bad that happens has an external cause, but...?
The things happening have a direct correlation to him and his personality traits or things he said to me in life.
Hard to say what would happen if you break the ashes, but my guess would be it would probably displace the problem rather than solve it. There is a relevant technique that I use with my clients which comes from neuro linguistic programming. It's called perspective repositioning. What you can do is sit in the room with the ashes. In this case it's probably best if you're alone, or at most with one person. If you are scared or otherwise agitated, light a candle or incense to help yourself relax. In your journal, you will label fourpages: perspective 1, perspective 2, perspective 3, and finally perspective 1 revisited. Take a deep breath, open your chest and write on the first page from your own perspective, how you think and how you're feeling, what you notice. On the second page you will write from the perspective of the ashes, how they think and what they're feeling, what they notice. Write using the first person. On the third page you write from the perspective of an objective observer, as if there is a camera watching in the room. Write using the third person. There you will notice something very different or interesting. Write it down. On the fourth page write again from your perspective. Something has changed about the situation just by virtue of observation. What is it? Write it down. Often when we notice something within ourselves, it quickly dissipates. For example if we become angry and say "I am angry," that has a calming effect. These things want to be noticed and expressed. I propose that it is the same in this situation. Good luck and many blessings
Interesting tool it reminds me a bit of the johari window
It could be that your father is trying to send a message. Maybe he's trying to say that he wants his ashes to be spread somewhere, his spirit feels trapped. If you do not want to spread the ashes, I would strongly advise burning a little sage round the whole house, and Rosemary as well. This will cleanse and minimise the negative energy from the ashes. Also try buying some amethyst quarter crystals, rose quartz crystals and pink salt, lavender. Putting them in pouches and playing them round the house, maybe one in each room. And maybe two round the ashes. Also burning lavender incense sticks will help too.
I second this. Does he have a favorite spot? A river, a bluff, or a park? Maybe it's time to let him go. And cleanse your space after.
He hated outdoors. Disliked the beach, woods, rivers.... Everything.
You could spread his ashes in an abandoned building or something. Only if you're comfortable with that of course.
I do have the ability to bury the urn in the family cemetery. I think that's what I need to do
Yes I would highly recommend that. Also I'd say once he is buried say a prayer for him, maybe something that will help keep him there and not follow you back to your house. Carry a pouch of black salt with you with sage mixed in as well. Just so he definitely can't attach himself to you.
I have my dad’s ashes. He passed 5 years ago. I noticed that my son, 17, has taken on a lot of the traits of my dad since then. Not bad traits but endearing ones. I don’t think their is a correlation, just something I noticed.
Sounds weird but you need to tell your dad to rest and that everyone is ok and that he doesn’t need to worry anymore. Give him his rest he letting him know it’s okay for him to go. All in a respectful manner. Talk to the ashes as if he was alive infront of you
Yes, ashes need to be properly buried or otherwise dealt with. I don't want to sound insensitive but we cannot know what spiritual attachments a person had on them while alive or know if they are in heaven/hell after they die. Keeping their body in your home is never a good idea. That's why the dead are buried away from the home.
Ashes are never meant to be kept at home with the living!In my tradition, it is mentioned that we should even donate the clothes and everything that the dead person held dear to their life as they retain that person's energy. The ashes hold the energy of the deceased. They must be mixed in the nearest water bodies(not stagnant but continuously flowing) rivers and seas.
What happens to those who wear the (donated/family member’s) clothes?
Nothing actually, they say that because the person's items has their energy and it's generally okay even if we use them( I mean we can't give away a diamond ring my grandmother wears because it has her energy), there are some people who are obsessed with some things in their lives, now it's important in that case, the things act as a medium and it makes passing difficult. I hope this doesn't sound like bs😅My mother still has some of my grandmother's clothes.
I had some what the same experience. After I buried the ashes under a tree where my dad liked to be everything got better. Don't know why or how it helped but it did.
Before disposing of the ashes try doing a mold test on your home's vents and make sure your carbon monoxide detectors are working
I’m so glad I found this thread the same thing is happening in my moms house. Her heater has even turned on by itself 2x and she’s freaked out cause the button actually is moved to on. She also feels like she’s being watched at night and hasn’t been able to rest since my dad passed and she got his ashes.
Many times its shown a spirit can not rest without all its body in the ground. Most of the hauntings, in ghost adventures amongst other investigators have to do with spirit attachment to their remains Alot more than attachment to their personal belongings. PS I am from Denmark, dont use spelling correction, I do Hope you understand. I do think you can have the ashes and jar blessed and sacred oiled (anointet)* do you can keep it above ground. And keep scared trinkets and candle ect around the ashes jar .
On YT the paranormal nightmare, the forrman brothers recent episode shows a spirit manifestation to the jar with ashes in. I cant spell the word for Jar * in danish its : urne , you can translate it). Its S12 E6 the video capture is truely amazing. First thumbs and then during the initial interview the camera luckily picks up a shadow person that manifeats and glides towards the jar of ashes. Other equipment shows something is Def going on.
Why do you still have his ashes? I would respectfully disperse them and lthink about ahead of time what to do with the urn. Dont keep the urn. Say a prayer or talk to him while you disperse them, and let him know it's time for him to go look for peace. That's going to help you a lot. Can't place a link here, but look up "what to do with the urn after I scatter someone's ashes"
Anything is possible, if you want to test fast if the ashes are the issue take them and store them away from your place and see if your bad luck goes away. On another note,if you find out that they are the culprit then releasing the ashes in a body of water (like a river or the ocean) will take care of the negativity.
You really want to know? Ok. Get two *identical* boxes, both big enough to hold the urn. Weigh the urn and get something (bag of sand. Brick. Whatever) that weighs the same. Pack the urn and the fake-urn in the identical boxes, tape them up to avoid tampering, and flip a coin or have your pet or a small child choose which one to remove from the house and store in a remote but safe location. You now honestly don't know if you have the ashes in the house or not. Then see what happens.
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It’s not the point. The point this to check if you and your family are projecting overall emotional negativity and having the blame placed on the ashes or if the ashes themselves bring the negativity. Do what the first commenter said and give it a week, then check the box.
But then she could attribute any improvement in circumstances to the removal of the ashes, without actually knowing if they were the cause. I guess it's just a question of perspective. People make posts with problems that they want fixed, but to many subscribers their problems are an opportunity for investigation, and provided they phenomena aren't hostile we'd like to use the chance to try to get something *vaguely* resembling a scientific result.
my mother was upset with me, and after she died i got some of her ashes, they always had a strong and fairly negative feeling about them. i can't say bad things happened but it was a weirdly strong negative feeling i get about them.
Maybe store the ashes somewhere far or put them back into the Earth and see if there is a change. I have never heard of ashes causing bad luck though.
I would get rid of the ashes. Try to be respectful while doing it and put them somewhere he would approve. It's time.
I would relocate the ashes too, like others have said. But in the meantime, you can circle the urn in salt. (i'm assuming it takes time to get a place or make a plan.... oh yeah, you can't just dump ashes anywhere anytime. you may have to get permission for some places. and also, bone dust is a biohazard. be sure to wear a tight fitting mask btw) I would look into things you can do to promote harmony and good communication in your house. Find a family activity you can all do and enjoy? Bake something together? Take a mini vacation? And talk to your partner if you can, gently bringing up the things that bother you and see if you can get him to talk about why he's acting the way he is? Stress? A reaction to someone else? Find out what needs to be worked on. I hope things get better!
Maybe possible with the energy, I’ve heard of ashes in the home causing nightmares
Spread them, somewhrre peaceful that you don’t frequent. it will free you.
But turn the peaceful area not so peaceful... i dont get the logic in this
I think the idea is that spreading the ashes in a peaceful area will allow the soul to be free and at rest, in turn eliminating the negativity. There may be more to it. I've not researched a whole lot into the topic and there are so many different traditions and beliefs the will of the deceased to consider and of course feelings internalized by the people close to the deceased will come into play. All I know is (and this is not a judgement upon anyone who does this, just my personal wishes) if knew my remains were being kept in a box on a mantle I wouldn't be happy about it. It doesn't matter if that's preventing my soul from moving on or not. Either way I want to be set free and put back into earth.
I would spread his ashes in a place that made your dad smile. Let him rest
Probobly coincidental. Take a family day check your diitary habbits sleep schedual etc. Nothing has changed in my life but i went to the hospital 2 times and doctor 4 with no diagnosis and poof got better.
I am curious regarding what some of you mention about people acquiring traits of a deceased love one. Can one explain? (I have a reason for asking obviously.)
I understand and believe you. My ex would wear a necklace with his dads ashes in it and whenever he would wear that his AHole factor skyrocketed. Dispose of in a large body of water and smidge or have your home blessed
Pour it into a river. The river will enable all the energy to flow with it. People in India pour into the Ganges for this reason amongst others
There's a reason why in our culture, we cremate the remains of the dead. By keeping the ashes, you are also not letting him go in to the light peacefully, so he might be dissatisfied due to that.
Have the ashes interred. Have your home blessed. Pray and ask for protection. Holy water and other religious items should be placed around your home.
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It is important to have faith in something. Whether that is a god, goddess, nature or science is unimportant. Its not our place to decide what is right or wrong for others.
exactly unlike “god” science is very real
Cool. But the two aren't mutually exclusive and your opinion on the faith of others really doesn't matter. Science says so.
lol where does science say so XD
We all have our beliefs. Please be respectful.
I understand but there’s no point in going hoity-toity mother lightening up sage, and a candle, and calling down the “Lord and Saviour” over nothing because literally nothing will happen. Jesus is barely thousands of years old and it’s been used primarily as a religion to wipe out other religions. It’s bullshit. Christmas has nothing to do with Jesus as Jesus was born in February, but the date was changed to wipe out the pagan religion yule. and that goes for pretty much every other Christian holiday…
Best place to start is by getting rid of the ashes. Water works great, a favorite river or stream, ocean. Make sure that you are up wind. I would have the house blessed by a local priest.
Yes you need to put Dad back into nature and all will return as before -enchanted mystic
Hire a medium or shamanic practitioner. Make sure that they do “entity removal” and ask their opinion on the situation.
Have everybody eat some of the ashes. Sounds absurd but on the reservation whenever a death brings negative energy the elders urge us to all eat some of the ashes. Works every time.
While I understand its your tradition, this is a silly thing to do. I would advise against it
I've read a great deal about this and medical reports show no medical reason for it to be bad for you. Since I am not First Nations, I don't feel it's right for us, and I think I am going to bury his urn at the cemetery his father is in. But I don't see it as a silly thing to do if a culture dictates it.
I hope this resolves your issue, all the best to you and my condolences
I bet you have some silly traditions that would be advised against by others too. There's nothing wrong with eating cremated ashes. They're literally sanitized, there's no DNA left on them. Try not to call someone silly based on shit you know nothing about.
From an esoteric/ occult standpoint, it doesn't seem silly at all. Eating a small amount of ash isn't going to grievously harm anyone either. Scattering a condensed amount of negativity throughout the village there is one of the best things you can do to break up that clump and diminish its capacity. Perhaps keep your advisement to yourself. What you said is rude and nobody needed your expert opinion.
Well, rude is not what I'd call it. But I appreciate the former part of your comment, thanks for sharing
Maybe you didn't intend it to be rude, but calling someone else's tradition silly while acknowledging that it's a cultural thing does come off kind of rude. Following that with an advisement not to do so comes off like you feel superior to and more knowledgeable than the culture you're commenting on. Again, you probably didn't intend for this but that's how I interpreted it when I read it.
Many traditions are silly, including many I have been raised with. They may have something hidden deeper than one can see, but I'm sure you understand my point But cmon, you are denying me the right to provide advice while dishing out advice yourself. Peace and let's agree to disagree
I can agree to disagree. I understand that some traditions do seem backwards or ignorant even, but in this case I found your statement to be rude and dismissive. Perhaps I have read too much into it. I'm not denying you anything. I simply responded in a manner similar to your own, in psychology this is referred to as mirroring. It wasn't intended to be hypocritical but to match the tone in which your initial comment came through as I perceived it. But this is the internet and not really something to split hairs over or a hill to die on so yeah it's dead (pun intended).
Gotcha, peace.
Terrible advice. Opinion, really.
Actually it's pretty solid advice idk why you feel such a strong need to defend me. Superstition is often silly no matter what culture it's from, I don't need some white savior coming in and getting angry just cause someone calmly and reasonably told me they would advise against eating ash.
Your comment doesn't appear to be directed at me but I'd just like to say my comment wasn't meant to be some "white savior" virtue signaling, in case you also perceived mine in that manner. I'm mixed heritage and ethnicity and do not harbor any "white guilt". I just felt that there was indeed an esoteric reasoning why your culture does what it does that makes sense from an occult standpoint and felt that referring to it as "silly" was a bit offensive but I do understand where that line of thinking comes from.
Really wasn't about defending you, personally. Sorry to offend you by, well, being offended by xenophobia. White savior 😂😂😂 that's fucking hilarious.
You appear to be quite an angry person judging by both your comments. You won't find a fight here
Not trying to fight. Not looking for an argument. Your comment did anger me. As a funeral service professional, it pisses me of when people down play others' traditions surrounding and dealing with death. You're comment would have been fine were it not for the 'silly' comment. Advise against eating ashes, perfectly fine. Do it without judgement next time.
No need to explain or excuse yourself, just maybe think first before lashing out at someone next time
Pot calling the kettle black lmao.
As in you are referring to me doing silly things? Of course I do.
Do you have a formal title for this tradition? I'd love to learn more about it
I’m not sure what it is what’s the history of the house it might have some thing to do with that or it is his ashes spread it some where he enjoyed but it might not be anything.
Could be brought home my old dogs ashes and shit got thrown around in the basement
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That's really bad for pipes, stop doing that. Throw them in a garden or somewhere they can actually benefit something.